#can't have you imagine that wouldn't have made my s tier

[o-uncle-newt]

TEN: it's just really good, y'all

This is a short one because it's Day 1 and I already posted something today, but I mean, Cabin Pressure is fantastic, unbelievable hit rate.

I made this tier chart of the episodes and as you can see, it's a bit sad in terms of how poor a job it does in terms of actually ranking them because I love so many of them so much:

It's not even definitive, I spent so much time fiddling with it! Basically, for me S tier is any episode that I have kind of emotionally imprinted on, A+ is basically just Rotterdam because I do think it's hilarious but it never captured me in quite that way, then there are a few that I think have fun but are a bit more outright flawed, and then the five episodes that I actually actively dislike. But, like, seventeen of twenty seven episodes are SO GOOD that I couldn't get any of them out of my S tier, no matter how much I tried! (And I really, really did!)

It's just crazy to me, because there are very, very few shows that I can think of that have this high of a hit rate for me- and for most shows I like, what I consider D tier here would be considered a mid-range episode of them. The overall level of quality is just remarkable.

But it's crazier because the episodes in my S tier... many of them I have listened to literally dozens of times, if not over a hundred for some of them. I wish I could see stats because as unlikely as it sounds, it wouldn't surprise me at all if I've broken 100 listens on Limerick at least. On one level, I'm a rewatcher/relistener in general and rarely get bored, but to me Cabin Pressure takes it to another level in terms of relistenability. I can listen to pretty much any of my faves at pretty much any time, I never get sick of them, and yet they always feel worn and comfortable like a good pair of slippers. It's so soothing, but I also laugh the same as if the joke had been fresh.

This is just so key to the show's being as much of a comfort listen as it is- it manages to be consistently hilarious despite being familiar. Knowing the expected beats of a joke can sometimes take the zing out of it in future listens, but I can't remember that ever happening for me. Maybe it's the brilliant plotting and characters that keep that from ever happening- but the comedy itself just consistently works for this. It's amazing.

[tea-cat-arts]

Ranking mxtx couples by whether or not I think they'd be good parents

(I'm 90% sure I'm forgetting someone)

Yep, next question (S)-

Wangxian: tried and tested good dads. I wish them luck with the whole “trying to get wwx pregnant” thing 

They have some shit to work through, but after that I think they'd be fine (A)-

Ling Wen/ Bai Jin: if we're just going off the original publication, I would put them in a much lower tier, but since the revised edition added that thing about them raising orphans together and said orphans turning out alright before unfortunate circumstances, I'm putting them up here. I think they'll be alright once they work through the miscommunication

Xiao Xingchen/ Song Lan: They obviously have a lot of trauma they're working through, but I'd like to think they and A-Qing will be a loving family in the long run 

One of them would be a good parent, the other wouldn't be a bad parent (B)-

Jiang Yanli/ Jin Zixuan: there's no canon reason for me putting them this low. Jin Zixuan just gives off a mediocre parent vibe to me (and we all know Jiang Yanli is the best)

Yushipei: Yushi Huang has good mom energy, and Pei Ming has been shown to be a not terrible mentor. I'd want the misogyny fully beaten out of him with a mace before I'd think he should have kids of his own though 

Lang Qianqiu/ Little Guy: at the very least, they're making sure Guzi is fed, clothed, washed, vaccinated, and has access to education. Neither of them know what they're doing, but I think Little Guy is good at faking it. I wish them luck in their upcoming custody battle  

You know what, surprise me/ I'll hear you out (C)-

Bingqiu: My first instinct is “no, do not bring kids into this,” but then I remembered tharnShen Qingqiu has a surprisingly decent track record? Like, Ning Yingying and Ming Fan both turned out a lot more health than they did in the original novel, and though I wouldn't call him in a good place, Binghe is doing a lot better than Bingge. The wild card for me here is Luo Binghe because I have no idea how he'd be with kids

Quanyin: Yin Yu had a decent track record until he was pushed into snapping. I think rn, he needs a couple centuries of being a babygirl before he's ready to parent again. No idea how Quan Yizhen would do though 

Born to “dual income, no kids, rich uncles/aunts” (D)-

Fengqing: Feng Xin is canonically a bad dad. I know he's working on it, but it is what it is. Mu Qing has been shown to be decent with kids, but I think he’d have a melt down if he had to deal with the mess constantly. 

Hualian: I mean, Xie Lian has raised three kids at this point and one of them became a god, another became state preceptor and then sorta complicit in a genocide, and one became god AND committed genocide + he babysat a ghost king for months and didn't even realize that's what he was because it was a miracle if he remembered to feed him… so, a mixed bag. Hua Cheng may be schrodinger’s child hater, but I'm intrigued by the idea of him raising kids just because I want to know how his own childhood would influence his parenting abilities. They should probably just stick to babysitting for now though 

Mingling: Liu Mingyan is too busy writing gay porn to be dealing with kids, and I just can't imagine Sha Hualing as a mom

Please don't bring a kid into this mess (F)-

Beefleaf: Do I need to explain this one?

Mobeishang: Shang Qinghua should not be put in any position where he has to teach someone about consent (Binghe’s early attempts at flirting being a prime example of why that's a bad idea). I also think Mobei Jun is still working on the whole “why hitting people is not cool” thing. 

QiJiu: I think the original timeline is a prime example of how they're just not in a place to be raising kids 

Jun Wu/ Mei Nianqing: Xie Lian would like a refund on his adopted father figures. They had one kid and he only made it to age 20 because he was cursed to not die

[pruneunfair]

Rating all of Rashtas sins *very long*

I saw the Matty bites livestream of this with a tier list and I wanted to do my own spin on it. I'll be rating like this

(Really?) 1-10 (whats wrong with you!?) Also fair warning, I might be missing a few sins too.

Smirking at Naviers divorce trial: 0.5/10 okay? I guess that's something but she's not doing anything but revealing to the audience she's not an angel.

Becoming Sovieshus mistress in the first place: 0/10, when you are a slave with no other hope for a good life, you take that golden ticket dammit, and don't even try to say you wouldn't do the same thing. ITS THE EMPEROR!

Calling out to Navier: 0/10, again how is that a bad thing other then being a tad weird? 😭 "she needs to learn her place! How dare she call our queen by her name!" Hope yall know Navier would likely just smile at you and move on with her life, you aren't gonna get picked by the imperial family just for cussing out someone the empress dislikes

tearing Naviers dress: 1/10, it was an accident on Rashtas part and to say that she tore it on purpose cause she knew it would get Laura in trouble later is just reaching, who do yall think she is? Hannibal? Cause that's not someone who fought in the punic wars, that's an uneducated girl with age regression. Either Rashta is stronger then we think or Navier really needs to get a better tailor if that dress tore with a single tug.

Smirking when Laura got imprisoned: 1/10 still weird sure but Laura was being a bitch, and Rashta was just happy for once someone couldn't treat her like dirt. If you still can't see how that's not so bad, try to imagine watching your sibling get in trouble for hitting you or your bully getting sent to the principals office, yes they're not comparable to a woman being imprisoned but it was around that same feeling.

Saying that Navier takes expensive gifts for granted: 0/10, Rashta was just speaking facts and I'll stand by that. You could say she's just saying that to put Navier down but either way, she's right! Of course a former slave who had nothing is gonna think that way about the nobility.

Calling Navier her sister: 3/10, yeah that's pretty damn weird, I have no clue where Rashta heard that from so I'm gonna guess that Sovieshu mislead her or something, It's very understandable as to why Navier would be uncomfortable but again, Rashta didn't do that on purpose, she's just misunderstood since it was common for nobles to have mistresses.

Sitting in Naviers chair and later crying to Sovieshu about it: 0/10, first of all, Rashta was mislead into thinking it was fine because a maid or noblelady told her "nah it's cool, the empress doesn't come here at this time of the day." Only for Navier to show up and deliver a sick ass burn to Rashta. 2nd of all we don't see much of what Rashta told Sovieshu (it was probably exaggerated ngl) but that doesn't make it her fault when he yells at Navier and brings Rashta her own chair. Like.. I doubt she demanded he go scream at Navier.

Wanting to join Navier and Heinrey: 1/10, a little intrusive sure but I'm sure she just wanted the chance to get to know more people, not terrible just Rashtas desire to be the biggest extrovert known to man.

Taking Sovieshus attention at the new years ball: 0/10 once again, how is that her fault when its Sovieshu who made the decision to abandon Navier!? 🤦‍♀️ he's the Emperor and a grown ass man. If he wants to ruin his marriage that's on him, not Rashta. Yes, she does cry to him when Heinrey rejected her but at the same time, who else would want to talk to the concubine who's the bane of existence for almost everyone?

wearing blue silks that were rejected and "stealing" viscountless Verdi: 0/10, I'm pretty sure Sovieshu just gave Rashta those silks and ngl, she looks amazing.

and abour the whole Viscountess Verdi thing, apparently she was Naviers lady in waiting who quit and flocked to Rashta, again, it's not Rashtas fault Verdi decided to switch teams! She even tells Verdi she can go back to Navier if she wants.

Copying Naviers mannerisms- 3.5/10, alright finally something that's more than a 3, this is pretty weird but not what I would call evil, just uncomfortable and even annoying. But in Rashtas defense, everyone tells her that Navier is the epitome of perfection that all women strive to be more like. She goes about it wrong but it is for the intention of improving herself for the royal court.

Sending her friend to pretend to be Heinreys pen pal and later doing it herself: 7/10, yeah that's pretty bad and straight up mean girl behavior but like.. why? What does Rashta get from this? She has Sovieshu so money and protection is not a worry, it was literally here to move the plot along and make the idea of a slave as the villain less uncomfortable.

begging and crying to be allowed to join the special banquet and then lying that she never wanted to go at all: 4/10, that's overstepping a little bit, it'd also be a big danger for Rashta since she'd be surrounded by nobles who would mostly likely despise her for her lack of etiquette and the fact that she's a mere concubine, although it is kind of trashy to change the story, that's a move any of us would pull to save us the embarrassment.

Fainting at the banquet after seeing Lotteshu, causing Sovieshu to take it out on Navier: 0/10, another case of "blame Rashta for Sovieshu being a shitty husband!"

Working with Lotteshu: 2/10 as dumb of a decision as it becomes. Rashta is being blackmailed by her former slave owner and he's keeping her son who she thought was dead, I'm pretty sure her mind was not in the right place at that time since she was just out of a panic attack and dealing with nasty rumors.

Wanting to go to the villa with Sovieshu for Naviers birthday: 4.5/10, that's a weird thing to want to do for the woman who by now dislikes you a lot but she doesn't even go so whatever, although calling Sovieshu "her man" was out of pocket.

"All his majesty will be thinking about while he's ill is me..": 2/10, damn Rashta, that's a pretty underhanded remark but again, it's just an underhanded remark with no one but Duke Ergi around anyway. And from what she's seen, Sovieshu doesn't care about Navier at all so it makes a little sense she'd think that.

Asking Navier for her allowance early: 0.5/10, that money is going to be used for Lotteshu so she can keep him mouth shut so the desperate need for that cash now is reasonable, (how tf is this even considered a sin in the commenter's eyes?)

Implying that Nian has multiple lovers: 4/10, I mean... does she not? But in all seriousness, this was likely an accidental micro aggression since Rashta was just told that it's normal for nobles to have multiple partners.

Following Navier around: 5/10, that's just encroaching on stalker territory now so I can't really blame Navier for telling her to cut it out along with the very truthful "he doesn't like me, so why would he like you if you acted like me?" I can kind of get why Rashta decided to follow her since she knows Navier wouldn't want to teach her, which is considerate I guess in her weird little way.

Copying Naviers dress and claiming it was the former who copied: 8/10. Straight up classic mean girl right there. This scene still confuses me to some level but whatever, it's still a nasty move on Rashtas part.

Resurfacing rumors about Nians infidelity: 7.5/10, while she does have her reason by wanting to divert the rumors from herself that's still fucked up to intentionally fan the flames of an already messy marriage like that, HOWEVER! It is still the Dukes fault he divorced Nian without rechecking the facts. Rashta was at fault for resurfacing rumors yes but the Duke is old enough to be able to conduct actual research instead of listening to a stranger he met at a party. Plus, Nian is basically this worlds Leonardo DiCaprio (she gets with a man young enough to be her son and she's in her 40s+ she welcomes another man into her haram afterwords) not using this as justification for Rashta but the possibility of Nian cheating is not low.

Getting Landre put on deathrow: 0/10, (another "sin" that was the fault of someone else) so after she spread the rumors, one of Nians little lap dogs stabs her with a knife, putting her and her unborn child at risk, and while Landre didn't know yet that Rashta was pregnant, he still stabbed a woman for another woman!! Sorry Landre but you don't get be shocked when the Emperor is pissed that you would try to murder his concubine to avenge your celebrity crushes honor.

not making an effort to see Ian: 3/10, dear God this one is really complicated.. alright, Rashta had Ian with Alan when she was a slave. She was then told the baby died after childbirth and handed her a dead baby so the child wouldn't have to be raised by a slave.. so when she's told that he's alive, she rejects the idea of visiting him. There are a lot of factors to this and why I think it was probably the best decision to make. First of all, she had no chance to bond with her son already making it uncomfortable for her, second of all, if she were too visit him it would the both of them in danger (which could easily be solved if Sovieshu just communicated and told Rashta he knew about Ian) third of all, she does feel really guilty for making such a decision because she starts crying while apologizing and later takes some of his hair from Alan when the coast is clear. To say she never loved her son is wrong and it's clear she still has love for Ian.

Asking Navier to bless her unborn child: 3.5/10, really weird but Navier did get Rashta a sword for the babyshower (a sword that was a backhanded compliment by the way but Rashta didn't know) so I guess Rashta assumed Navier was on good terms now. When Navier refuses, it's Sovieshu who makes her bless the child so once again.. not Rashtas doing, it was Sovieshu.

Crying when she realizes her baby will be illegitimate: 6/10, Rashta honey I love you but come on now. I'm sure by now you have to know how monarchies like this typically work.

Confronting Navier about the sword gift: 1/10, can't blame Rashta for being upset that Navier humiliated her at her own babyshower, she had a right to confront her, what she does next though...

Insulting Navier and then pretending that Kosair pushes her after he yelled at her for it, 9/10, that whole jab at Naviers infertility was a low blow and by pretending to fall over, it put the baby at risk. Not cool Rashta, not cool.

Kosair gets banished as a result: 5/10 yeah I'll admit, Rashta played a hand in that and it's a time I won't entirely blame Sovieshu for that since he believed Kosair tried to injure his pregnant lover but he still got the final say regardless.

Telling Alan to fuck off: 0/10 that was girlboss of Rashta to tell Alan how it is. They can try to portray Alan as a soft boy who made a mistake all they want, Rashta had every right to snub her abuser and walk out like the bad bitch she is.

Slapping Lebetti: 0/10 more girlboss moments of Rashta there. Lebetti was basically talking shit and spewing crap like "You never got anywhere as my brothers plaything, I'm better than you cause Navier is willing to speak to me." Nah Rashta you don't let her talk like that you pop her in the mouth! Commenter's got real mad when their self insert got a taste of her own medicine.

Getting fake parents: 4.5/10 eh, it's not as if there's no reason, she does need evidence of a noble background so she doesn't get put out as the center of rumors and the parents in question weren't tricked, they were fully aware Rashta wasn't their bio daughter.

Giving Lebetti the same dress as her so she could make it seem like Lebetti copied her: 3/10. What? You expect me to feel bad for Lebetti just because she's a sweet baby when she's around Navier? Fuck that, that was just a dose of revenge.

Getting drugged with Abortion drugs...:0/10, how the FUCK was that Rashtas fault!? "She lied about Kosair the first time though!" And Kosair is also a grown ass man! He only made the situation for himself worse when he tried to make Rashta miscarry, and it's the one time I wouldn't blame Rashta for suspecting Navier had something to do with it since you know, he's her brother and Navier has disliked her since the beginning.

Ripping the feathers out of a bird and framing Navier for it: 10/10, yep, that's fucked up on all levels. Yeah she felt remorse for it but animal abuse is still animal abuse, all to pin the blame on Navier.

Wearing a flashy dress to the divorce ceremony: 2/10, she was going wear something more toned down and even questioned if wearing a pink dress with diamonds was a good call, and Ergi, a Duke who from Rashtas perspective would know the ins and out of regal life, told her "nah it's fine to wear this, show them what a boss bitch you are now."

Being excited to the empress: 0/10, apparently this is considered bad since Navier was the original empress, girl stfu and don't act like you wouldn't jump for joy if you were told you'd get to me the empress consort.

Getting peeved that her fake mom would cry about her lost daughters: 8.5/10 this isn't even just a messed up thought thats straight up inconsistent behavior. Rashta lost her own child, she of all people should know the pain of losing a baby! She didn't say it out loud but dear God the inconsistencies are killing me slowly.

Wanting a glamorous wedding dress: 1.5/10, simpler designs do suit Rashta best but at the same time it's her damn wedding and she barely has any autonomy as it is. Can't blame her for being upset when she's told she has to wear a simpler gown.

Lying to a journalist: 5/10, to be fair, Rashta had no plan for this and relied on Ergi, who told her to say she wanted the best for commoners so it would lower her reputation with the nobles.

Being irresponsible with the money Navier left for her: 8/10. On one hand it's not unreasonable that Rashta would assume that Navier was doing this to mock her (after all the money wasn't even to help Rashta, it was for the empire) but still, Rashta fucked up by donating it all in her name, that's on her, not Navier.

Being worried about Sovieshus love for her and getting upset when Delice defends him: 6/10. I wouldn't call this true evil, just Rashta taking it out on the wrong person, she was right on some level that Delice doesn't know it all since she does have a crush on him but the way she handled it could've been better.

Wearing an extravagant gown on her wedding day: 0/10, this ones just hilarious 😂, your telling me, that a royal bride from an era that's most likely in the late 1700s to 1800s, would be made fun of BY NOBLES mind you, for wearing an expensive dress. Yeah, uh, that's not a sin, that's just what most royal brides would do including ones like Queen Victoria and Catherine the great. In the words of Matty Bites she may be a broke bitch but she wants to be the prettiest bitch at the party.

faking another illness/fainting spell on her reception to claim Navier is out for her: 7/10, just more stupid shit that doesn't have long lasting consequences. It's bad for sure but Sovieshu doesn't even buy it anyway now that he's obsessed with Navier.

Being upset that Sovieshu is pining after his ex: 1/10. It's gotta sting for sure if the man who upended everything including his marriage to his first wife to be with you ends up ignoring you while crying and bitching about the ex he left for you.

Trying to appeal to nobles by throwing a party and dressing and acting like Navier: 5/10, again, that's weird as hell but not straight up evil, it does go against her whole thing about being for the commoners but she kind of hates both sides anyway.

The Delice incident: 10/10, framing a loyal maid for placing feathers in your pillow to deface you and later having her tongue torn out? Yeah sorry Rashta that wasn't very bad bitch of you this time.

smirking at Naviers wedding when she thinks something went wrong: 1/10 just saying she could've done so much worse, like wearing full white.

Once again calling Navier her sister now that they are both empresses: 6/10, it's not like the first time since now Rashta is just doing it to one-up Navier but I can't see it is as anything threatening since Navier just roasts her like usual, causing Rashta is retreat.

Being interested in Kaufman: 4/10, she didn't really do anything to him since he was already under the love potions effects and Rashta happened to be the person he first saw, she misunderstood the whole situation, and it's not like Sovieshu is really known for being loyal so if she did want to cheat, I wouldn't blame her.

being suspicious and upset when she thinks Evalie is here to be Sovieshus new mistress: 6.5/10, it's pretty hypocritical but still reasonable to be worried since she's gotta assert her position as empress so she won't get divorced and separated from her child. And Evalie rubbing salt in the wound wasn't helping (and frankly stupid considering she only did that because she was displeased that Navier was gone)

once again lying to the journalist about where Delice went, 9/10 "Oh your sister who was my maid went missing? That's horrible! she's totally not in my dungeon with one her senses permentally removed!".. what the hell.

Hiring maids and pitting them against eachother to see which are most loyal to her: 8.5/10, now she's just playing God at this point, the maids who are loyal to her get special treatment and their parents are prisoners and their lives are basically put at stake and those who mess up even a little... yeah uh, going on to out next sin.

Executing a maids dad after said maid accidently spread a minor rumor: 10/10, that poor man probably had no clue why he was sent to the gallows after being such a model prisoner. The maid (I think her name was Barta) snaps and hits Rashta with a chair, giving her a permanent scar, after Barta is likely imprisoned for attacking the empress she frees the mother of the maid who snitched. Can't defend Rashta on this one.

Having Phix killed to leave behind no evidence she hired an assasin: 10/10 okay yeah that is definitely awful and it's straight up murder but now it's just pulling characters out of the stories ass to fulfill a role to assert the message that Rashta is evil.

Giving a port to Duke Ergi: 7/10, this is when Rashta is really starting to lose it. She's desperate for her only friend to stay by her side and accept her feelings, Ergi then asks for a port to which Rashta accepts with a smile that can only read "dear God, someone just end my misery",

Relishing in Evalies parents slapping Evalie: 5/10, yeah, considering those people are slapping their daughter without knowing it, it's pretty harsh but Rashta didn't order them to do that, the parents did so that's on them. Rashtas only crime was her lack of remorse

Entrusting Nikki to steal Evalies necklace: 7/10, pretty damn mean but compared to the metal shit she did already it's baby stuff. Very creepy though.

Putting out a hit on Naviers parents: 10/10, this is just getting ridiculous now since what the hell was the purpose other then more obligatory "Rashta bad" moments, but it's still awful and messed up to try and kill someone's parents so a 10/10 it shall receive

Selling Lebetti into slavery: 9/10, okay while I don't really care about Lebetti being a slave now since she's been nothing but a brown nosing bitch everytime she's on screen, but selling someone into a marginalized group you were in is still messed up.

Keeping Evalies origins hidden from her parents: 8/10, now this makes all the times the parents looked down on Evalie even worse.

Being disappointed when her babies a girl: 1/10, this was extremely common in eras like that because daughters weren't seen as important and if a woman couldn't give birth to a son and the husband was getting impatient, he could divorce her and keep the daughters as property. So I can't blame Rashta too much when she realizes this, plus she does come to realize she could never blame Glorym for being a girl.

throwing her baby: 5/10. This one is also really complicated. Rashta already loved Glorym with all her heart and wanted the second chance to be a mom. But the traumas of her past combined with the guilt in the back her head for her past transgressions causes a PTSD attack causing her to toss what she believes is a dead baby in her arms. Rashta does later feel extremely guilty for this in the novel, since it wasn't her intention but it also put Gloryms life in danger, I gave it a half rating

Trying to kill her dad: 1/10, fuck that guy honestly he sold his own child into slavery, if anyone deserves to be the target of Rashtas Wrath it's that fucker. Unfortunately Sovieshu shut down what could've been great revenge

Wanting to use someone else's baby to practice so she can hold Glorym: 6/10, I fully understand that Rashta is desperate to be a mother and just wants to be trusted but I think she should stick to stuffed animals for the time being.

Telling Alan to get lost when he shows up with Ian, demanding she raise him like a prince: 2/10, even Rashta isn't that stupid, Ian is not the Emperors son, so he can't become a prince and it's just being greedy since that kid will still live a good life as a future Viscount. Alan, you already fucked up one time too many, you made your bed when you let Rashta think her child was dead (and it's implied he still assaulted her after that) now lay in it.

Bringing the sword to Naviers babyshower: 4/10, eh, can't blame her for the petty revenge there. Navier did humiliate her first.

Implying that the only reason Navier has Heinrey is because she rejected him: 6/10, basic mean girl comment that backfires, why am I even shocked anymore (honestly though the "are you interested in my husband's or are you interested in me?" Line goes hard.)

Killing a maid after she helped her escape and dooming herself just before her trial: 10/10 *sigh* why do we even bother anymore.

I think that's everything, let me know if I missed something.

Anyway, what did we conclude from this? Well Rashta was a compelling antagonist and when people weren't shitting on her enough. She became the ultimate evil with plots and schemes that made no damn sense and she became known as the most evil empress in history, everyone hated her from beginning to end, she was used and made into a tool as revenge for being mean to Navier, and she dies in a cell feeling guilty for everything she's ever done. You know what? At least she has that, she still had remorse and paid the price which is more than I could say for almost everyone else in this series who got nothing but consequences free rewards. Slavery is still a thing, Lebetti gets to raise Ian, Sovieshu stays in power, Ergi runs away with his mom and apparently marries Evalie (ew) and Heinrey gets away with murdering innocent people just because they worked for a guy who's son attempted a hit on her...

You know what? I'm starting to think Rashta wasn't punished for being evil and she was just punished for being evil without her supporting Navier license.

[valiantstarlights]

Personal Trainer Dream being Horny on Main is my life's one true joy

He may even take progress pictures of Hob during the course of his "training"

Week 1 of Relationship

Hob suddenly gets a picture of him taking two of Dream's pianist fingers (and Hob suddenly has to find a way not to be horny on main)

Week 52 of Relationship

Hob gets a short video clip of Dream gently coaxing him into pushing out the toy Hob has been wearing the whole day and Dream pushing in to keep Hob full

I think this ask made my fever worse and took me out for an additional one (1) business day. 😂

But yeah, same 😊 Dream being horny on main for Hob will always be S-tier to me. 🥰

And progress pictures??? 🔥 Yes.

I imagine Week 1 Hob would be super flustered upon receiving that notification. What does Mr. Endless (Dream 🖤) mean by this? Is he praising him for the progress he's making? Or maybe he's asking him to provide an update on his 'homework'?

Meanwhile, Dream sent that picture to Hob simply because he wants Hob to know that he's looking forward to 'training' him again 😏 Like, it's a sext. (kinda) No hidden meanings whatsoever about it. And yeah, okay, maybe he would like for Hob to reply with something sweet like, "I can't stop thinking about you, too 🥰" or a flustered, "Dream! 🥺 I'm at work 🥺🥺" but it's fine if he doesn't. Dream just wants Hob to know how crazy he is about him and how much he occupies his thoughts.

So imagine Dream's face when, half an hour after he sends that picture, he receives Hob's reply. And it's a picture as well?

He makes the mistake of checking the notification.

It's Hob inside a university bathroom stall, trousers down and simple cotton briefs pushed to the side, showing off the (small) buttplug he went to work wearing. He's red in the face, but also smiling sweetly. And the caption is, "Doing my homework! 🥰"

(Dream runs to the staff locker room so quickly to masturbate while looking at Hob's ass and hairy thighs and cute smile. Oh, but what he'd do to be in that stall with him to personally check on his progress!)

As the weeks go by with Dream and Hob exchanging 'training' pictures for updates (it's not sexting! how dare you lmao), maybe Dream thinks that Week 52 needs something special, and so he sends a video instead.

(At this point, his phone's very hidden [and password protected] spank bank is just filled with pictures and videos of Hob 'training.')

Hob still gets shy and squirmy whenever he gets Dream's training pictures of him, but it's a video this time, and ???? Oh gosh, does he really sound like that? He sounds so slutty and well-used, and Dream hasn't even fucked him proper yet.

But it's Dream's voice that makes him whine out loud. His gentle coaxing, and his soft "Good boy," followed by the sound of him finally entering Hob like they've both been wanting to, and the sounds the two of them make as Dream tongue fucks his mouth while his cock starts thrusting inside him.

The video is less than a minute long, but it got him so hot and bothered that he has to cancel his last two classes to rush home (to Dream's house). But then...Dream is home, too? And he's been waiting?

Hob scolds him half-heartedly because doesn't Dream know that he still has a couple of classes left to teach? But he melts when Dream pulls him closer to kiss him. It's just one day in a year, Dream reasons. And anyway, it's a long weekend, and his students would be glad to have more free time.

And...wouldn't Hob want to spend the next few days reviewing everything he learned that year? He's made such a huge progress and Dream is very proud of everything he has accomplished.

(Hob comes to work the following week still dazed but happier than ever. Dream had stretched and fucked him so well, but he also made sure to give him lots of aftercare so he doesn't feel as sore as he should have. His hole still intermittently twitches whenever he remembers their long weekend, but he's wearing a brand new custom made plug keeping Dream's cum inside him from just that morning, so it's fine.)

(Little does he know that the plug vibrates and oscillates to target his prostate. Dream kept that one a surprise, only turning it on when they're both back home. He doesn't want anyone else to see Hob's pleasure-filled face or hear his seductive moans, no matter how many toys he uses to train his cute little hole with.)

[halfetirosie]

😂❤️🏝️ Pure Dumb Fun and Romcom Nonsense 🏝️❤️😂

(Exercise 07 - 09 React-os!)

1) I truly adore the running joke about Eiden's infamous naming skills 😂

Like, the second they hear an unnecessarily long, cringey name, they just know who is to blame.

2) PFFFFT! 🤣🤣🤣

Eiden over here being so horny that he forgot that Quincy built like a goddam brick wall---

3) THE EMOTION MUSIC OVER THIS PART IS SENDING MEEEEE 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

"Trouble-averse ass...."

Eiden, babes. This might be an intense sports competition, but it really isn't that serious...

4) QUINCY USING THE POWER OF HUGS!!!

I'm so fuckin jealous!!!

As long as you're not barreling towards him top-speed, I bet Quincy Hugs™ are top tier. I've said it many times, and I'll say it again---I WANT TO GIVE QUINCY A HUG, I JUST KNOW HE GIVE THE BEST HUGS EVER---so Eiden better be fully appreciative!

Lucky bastard!!! 😤😤😤

5) I'm convinced the Devs are trying to kill us all with these visual gags---

(Side note---On a scale of one to ten, how likely is it that they only made Quincy's SSR holding a bottle in order to include this particular visual gag during the story event? :D)

6) S....STINKY FIEND....

GET DUNKED ON, DANTE!!!! 😂😈

I love it when Eiden responds to Dante's Tsundere Bullshit™ with an Uno Reverse card and they just end up arguing in the dumbest way possible! ♡♡♡

And my boi Dante is always getting stuck with the absolute worst nicknames---ala Lord Jackass---and it's just so beautiful!!! 🤣🤣🤣

It's like everyone silent agree that this guy, this lil' fucker right here, shall forever be the #1 target for teasing!!!

7) PFFFFFT!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

♡♡♡ CRINGEFAIL DORITOMAN, MY BELOVED!!! ♡♡♡

Leave it to Dante to grab Eiden's ass completely by accident!

The sudden realization tho..... It's a work of art.....

This is the most Aggressively Anime-Tropey thing I have ever seen....

(It's like that part where I guy trips and ends up grabbing a girl's boobs... Except, you know, gayer.)

8) Morvay, sweetie, you're not helping the situation....

Okay but, it's safe to assume that there's some children in the audience of this event, right? Is it okay for him to be calling attention to this "licentious" situation??? (I know that kids probably wouldn't even know what that word means, but some of the older ones could figure it out by context clues....)

9) Danteeeee, my Touch-Starved King!!!!!

He's basically an overgrown kid experiencing his first crush, not sure how to even function, and it's SO FUCKIN CUTE!!!

LOOK AT HIM!!!!

Babes is so flustered that he's pulling An Edmond and blaming his feelings on Eiden.... IT'S SO ENDEARING I, I CAN'T HANDLE IT...

10) This is not important at all, but somehow I can vividly picture Eiden absolutely dominating at high school dodgeball 😎

He's just got that scrappy energy to him---I picture him as a well-liked social butterfly that everyone knew, and had insane skills at the most random things like dodgeball....Is that too specific? Just me? Bah, whatever. It's just fun to imagine.

( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ )

11) I suspect that if we made a drinking game after every time some pulled A Father during this event (suddenly attempting to block someone's nudity/compromising pose), we'd all get severe alcohol poisoning..... 😅

Nah but, didn't Eiden create this swimsuits/outfits? Why the fuck did he choose a material that gets see-through when wet??? When they would be competing in front of a huge crowd?????

Seems like a severe oversight...

12) OHHHHH, okay, that makes more sense!

I'm sorry for doubting your honor, Eiden!

I guess they loaded the water balloons with a special potion that causes the transparency.

Still unsure if that was a good idea, but okay bubs.... 🤷‍♀️

13) Eiden's heroic sacrifice! 😂😂😂

Bless Garu's little heart, he's such an angel!!!! 😂😂😂 Whole-heartedly reassured Eiden over something so dumb and sillyyyy!!!!

14) Yeah.... I was rooting for my boi Dante, but I could see this coming 😅

I mean, our dude basically flashed his butt to everyone, so I suppose he deserves a win for all of that trouble 😅😅😅

15) EIDEN, YOU'RE SUCH A CHAMP!!! AN ABSOLUTE TROOPER!!!! ���🤣🤣🤣🤣

If I had a nickel for every time Eiden exposed himself to a group of people in order to spare a clan member's dignity, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

(First during Fanciful Capriccio--sparing Dante in the story of The Emperor's New Clothes--and then now. Expect, During Fanciful Caprissio they were stuck in an illusion, so technically the crowd wasn't real, but I think it still counts.)

🏝️ End of report! 🏝️

[starfieldcanvas]

how do you recommend coming up with a tumblr url?

First off, I strongly advise against fandom-based names unless the creator is dead and their work is something you've felt strongly attached to for the last twenty years, because fandoms change, creators turn out to be asshats, and it's a pain to have to change your URL because your hyperfixation passed or because associating with a fandom makes everyone think you're Schrodinger's bigot. (Shoutout to poor @luny0 💜) And of course it's also very confusing for your followers when you change names!

Second, be aware people will likely nickname you based on your URL — even if your internet name is in your bio like mine — and you can't predict exactly how they'll do it. @pilferingapples has an excellent username but didn't anticipate that it would be universally shortened to "Pilf." It took me forever to realize that @shitpostingfromthebarricade was called Barri, not as in a fem version of 'Barry' like Bari Weiss, but as in "Barricade." My friend @fleetingeternities (rest in peace🕊️) had a lovely name but also went by Flee, for short. So... think about that the same way you'd think about what your baby's initials would spell.

Third, I suggest thinking about how clear the starts and ends of each word in your username are. If a word later n the username starts with a vowel, will it get erroneously linked to the previous letter, or vice versa? It took me years to realize that @nurselofwyr 's username was Nurse Lofwyr and not Nursel of Wyr. Did I know what Nursel meant? No, but people have some pretty bizarre fandom and fantasy names on this hellsite. Users will go on trying to string letters together unless there's a hard stop, so if you want a username where the words might run together unhelpfully, consider hyphenating.

Just a little snippet of an idea, enough to give a vibe or a mental image, is great. Something whimsical, evocative, or downright silly. These things are easiest to achieve by pairing two words that can be imagined together but wouldn't normally go together or wouldn't go together in that grammatical format, e.g. starfishwhisper/ambient-color/marchbloom/goose-destroyer, genderflexing/hamsterwheeling/meme-foraging, frequentlykneecapped/rarelymarried/veryverily, etc. Or stack a few together, e.g. bigbadbandwidth, stabby-old-tabby, godawfulgayghost. Bonus if you get some alliteration or slant rhyme going.

Snapping a few out-of-context words from a quote is solid too: live-in-infamy, delenda-est, among-mad-people, rarely-make-history. They're not word for word quotes, so it's easier for them to morph into a collection of sounds that represent a person. I do know a lot of people have usernames that are full lines of poetry or song lyrics, but my personal opinion is that these tend to flow best as usernames when they're cut off before they get to full sentences. It's always a bit odd to address someone by a name with a pronoun inside it; that's how you get "ME SAW WHO!"

Unless you are on Tumblr for professional reasons, do not use your legal or professional name!

Obviously you always have the option to go with a fake proper noun, fantasy-name style — "larkacyn" or "devossa," or I dunno, "altseven" or "priov" if you're feeling more scifi — but I feel like if you had one of those you wanted to use, you wouldn't have sent this ask.

And of course...all the truly top tier usernames are puns. If you're really committed to getting a fandom name, bury it in a pun, like @owlmylove or like my ao3 username.

(All examples made up of the top of my head unless they're tagged users. You are welcome to any of my nonsense)

[mmilkbreadd]

Chapter twenty five: “The End”

Masterpost - Prev.

Warning(s): a bit of swearing ; post-timeskip manga spoilers!!

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Or aka, ‘The Sakusa Kiyoomi Theory’

Act One: “Who is Sakusa Kiyoomi?”

Saturday, 6:23 am, “y/n's home”

“You're late,” said y/n with crossed arms, she was already waiting for him at the door of her house. “I hope this doesn't become routine.”

It was already morning in the streets of Paris. Tendou Satori and her neighbor (and best friend), y/n l/n, were walking towards their famous bakery and chocolate shop, ‘Sweet Strawberries.’ It was a small place with a few tables to sit for tea and delicious things to eat. Also, although it was small, it was quite crowded.

“Woah, how angry you are today, little baker... More than usual, actually” y/n shook her head at her friend's comment. “But obviously I already know why, and it seems that you know why too.”

Y/n decided to ignore what Satori had said, and keep walking quite ahead of him. It was still an hour before the store opened, but they already had several orders that were due to deliver around nine in the morning. A three-tier wedding cake, forty heart-shaped chocolates for the anniversary of a married couple, and of course, the strawberry cake for someone named Sakusa Kiyoomi.

Around a quarter to seven, they arrived at the bakery, and they got down to work to get all the orders completed on time. 

Tendou was more dedicated to the chocolate part, of course, and to serve customers. Despite y/n had advanced a lot in terms of her social skills, she still needed to learn a little about how to communicate normally with a person.

“That 'Sakusa Kiyoomi' has a Japanese name, do you think he is too?” y/n asked, wiping flour from her hands.

“I don't know, they could be. But doesn't that name sound too familiar to you?”  Satori replied.

“That's exactly what I was thinking!”

“Weird.”

“Yeah... Anyway, the customer asked not to make the chocolate so bitter so add more milk to that please.”

“Yes, boss!” Satori made a military signal and continued his work.

Act Two: “Pretending to be Sakusa Kiyoomi.”

8:39 am, “Paris” (?)

Bokuto Koutarou, along with Miya Atsumu and Hinata Shoyo were lost in Paris. They had circled the Eiffel Tower at least five times. But it seemed they hadn't realized it yet.

They were more lost than Bokuto studying math. But a simple city would not defeat them so easily... would it?

“Maybe we should have brought Sakusa,” Hinata said after round number six.

“And hear him complain about how dirty everything is? No thanks,” Atsumu Miya replied, shaking his head. “We don't need Omi-Omi. I, Miya Atsumu, am enough to know where we are.”

Atsumu put a hand on his chest, pretending to be offended. Bokuto and Hinata looked around, ignoring the enormous tower behind them, wondering where they were.

“And where are we then?”

“Paris, of course” he replied. “I can’t believe you’re seriously asking that, Shoyo.”

Hinata and Bokuto looked at each other, unable to believe what their teammate was saying.

“Sure…” Bokuto said, getting his phone out of his pocket. It was time to be the serious person of the trio. “Akaashi, we got lost” and that time was now over. Koutarou was crying as he spoke to his friend, who was on another continent. “No, I can't stop crying, Akaashi. I swear I was following the steps you wrote on the map so we wouldn't get lost, but Atsumu wanted to take the lead, so he broke the instructions, and we don’t know where we are. It's all his fault...! No, Sakusa has not come either.”

“Hey! It wasn't my fault,” the dyed blonde complained, crossing his arms. “And we never needed Omi-Omi!”

“Okay, Akaashi, I'll do it. Bye, love you… As a bro of course” Bokuto finished saying and hung up. “He told me I have to call Tendou. Is the only way.”

Hinata started shaking his head from side to side, while Atsumu slapped his forehead with his hand. Then a message came from Keiji; It was the number of Tendou Satori himself. Bokuto started dialing the numbers that appeared on the screen of his phone, on Hinata's.

“Wait wait, shouldn't I speak? He might recognize your voice” Hinata said, awkwardly taking the phone from Bokuto's hands. 

“He would also recognize yours, Shoyo. I'll do it.” Atsumu snatched the device from him and pressed the call button. “Hello, sir, what’s up? I'm Sakusa Kiyoomi, could you help me get to your store? I'm a bit lost... How did I get your number you ask? Eh– It's on your website dude! You should delete it, some people pretend to be someone else and you should not fall for that...”

Act Three: “If Sakusa Kiyoomi was real, we should have brought him.”

10:04 am, “Sweet Strawberries Bakery and Chocolate Shop”

“I can't believe it took us almost two hours to get here! It wasn't even that far from the hotel” Hinata said looking towards the building that was a few meters in front of them.

“Six blocks. Can’t believe it either.” Atsumu wiped the sweat from his brow. “And now that? Are we going in or not?”

Bokuto went pale. He was going to see you, after so many years without communicating or having exchanged glances. He never imagined that he would see you again after that cold day in Miyagi. He had made a thousand scenarios in his head of how you two meet again: in some distant future you visit your hometown and he visits Hinata, and thus you meet in the park or on the street. You would have your own family, and he would have his. But that would happen in many years, not now. Not at this moment, when neither of you had grown enough... When he hadn't managed to forget you yet. But these weren't Koutarou's inventions, this was reality.

The incredible and stupid reality.

“I don't want to go in,” Bokuto said suddenly and stopped walking. “I’m not ready.”

Atsumu, who was already one step away from the door, turned to see him. Hinata collided with Miya's chest because he was walking right behind him.

“What are you talking about? Let's go in now” Atsumu said walking towards the ex-owl. “We didn't change the whole tour just so you don't go see your little girlfriend… We change it so you do! Don't be scared, do it now or you'll regret it for life. I remember how you talked about her during practice, and I even want to meet her after that! Come on dude, use the little braveness you have left.”

It seemed that Atsumu's words, or Hinata's smile next to him, made Bokuto take courage and head towards the entrance of the shop. 

A bell rang before three pairs of feet echoed through the small place. There was a great smell of chocolate that invaded every inch of the establishment. Hinata paced around the place until the sound of a door opening made the three teammates turn their heads to where the sound was coming from.

“Welcome, what can I offer-- So all of you are Sakusa Kiyoomi, huh?” Satori Tendou said, coming out of the back-room. “You see guys, I never believed this would happen. It makes me think a lot too… So, is Sakusa Kiyoomi even real?”

Atsumu, Hinata, and Bokuto were paralyzed in place for several seconds. The former Shiratorizawa monster stood with his hands on his hips, staring at them.

“Is it Sakusa Kiyoomi? Tell him I'm coming in a minute!” y/n yelled from the back room.

“Oh no, y/n, it’s someone much better!” Tendou replied, holding back his laughter. “You won't believe it even if you see this!”

Then, silence took over the place until a few quick steps interrupted it. A figure appeared through the door, with several boxes in their hands. A pile of boxes so big it covered their face.

“Help me, Satori, I'm going to fall” y/n complained, and after Tendou took out the boxes that covered her view, she saw her friend smiling widely. “What?”

Satori, who couldn't contain his laughter anymore, gestured with his head towards the three statues in the middle of the place. And finally, seeing her friend's face, he started to laugh out loud.

“Kou?”

“A-and Hinata!” shouted Bokuto nervously. Shoyo looked at him and then pointed at Atsumu.

“And also Atsumu!”

“And Saku– shit, we should have brought Omi-Omi after all…”

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Note: I am very very very very sorry for not posting this sooner, but I had thousand of things going on in my life. Now I’m better and ready to finish this beautiful, and crazy, love-story.

I hope you loved it as much as I did. I truly enjoyed it writing, and I’m happy to finish it too.

I’ll appreciate it a lot if you comment down below what you thought about the series. I’ll read you later -Tina.

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Tags in reblog!

Thanks for reading🥰