#can't get to the blu-ray player easily. even if I could I don't enjoy audiovisual fiction anymore. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cesium-sheep · 10 months ago

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I am literally too tired to enjoy anything and it fucking sucks. like literally every type of Little Treat people give themselves I can't fucking use right now because all I can do is lay on the couch and look pitiful. it is not that high on the list of Fucking Problems but it is definitely not helping because I'm literally unable to take steps to cheer myself up. (other people are also straight incapable of cheering me up. there is nothing that can be done. I just have to fucking Be Sad until I'm physically recovered enough to be less fucking sad.)

#clothes? makeup? bath bombs? video games? plants? literally anything??? nope. can't use it.#I have bought all the qol things I can think of that will actually have any effect right now.#(spoiler alert: qol Still Fucking Dire.)#idfk. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I'm so tired.#even like. blankets. stuffed animals. pajamas.#I don't really see a point to getting more even though they'd normally make me happy.#I can't tolerate new textures or hauling even more things back and forth each day.#like I can't make my body more mine right now.#I can't paint my nails or whatever or even ask one of my partners to do it.#and like I would love to make my environment more mine but I spend all my time in the shared space #and we're in an apartment so there's very little I can do to start with.#so I don't even know what I could do #like even a fucking dvd of a tv show or something!#can't get to the blu-ray player easily. even if I could I don't enjoy audiovisual fiction anymore.#and I rarely enjoyed high production audiovisual nonfiction in the first place.#like I haven't spent a cent of the lush gift card mom gave me #1 because I physically can't tolerate the mall but 2 because I couldn't use their stuff even if I had it #because bathing once a week is now optimistic and using a bath bomb feels like such a fucking waste when it's all just static

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