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your-cry-baby · 2 years ago

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I'm here to talk about things I can talk about aloud. I'm from 1999. I feel traumatized by parts of my childhood, I have thought when little about hurting people, I wished people dead and thought about throwing a cinder block at my sister's head who used to bother me a lot and my parents intervention was lost, I hated my father so much for his verbal abuse and tantrums, I saw him negligent and abusive. I saw how my mother played like there was nothing going on when I witnessed everything in my cradle and when I was crying and no one knew why, at times I felt suffocated and as if my tongue was cut from my mouth, I felt like I didn't know how to speak or verbalize all the thoughts inside me. The only calm I had was brief visits at my grandma's house and my vacations in it, my grandma is the only person I connect with and accept her affect towards me. I grew up as a quiet girl, no interest in being intimate, not much desire to go out to have fun or socialize, at times I wondered why I was that way, -it's funny to remember my cousin not so long ago showed me a Morrissey video where he talked about how he was almost the same way-.

Because of the way I felt and the way I thought, I even wondered if I had psychopathic traits, if I was a narcissist, if I had BPD or if I was just highly depressed. My first love was a girl and after that I liked some boys, counted with just one hand, what I felt for them didn't trespass nothing more than that, a like. I started feeling more depressed and thinking about dying, I saw myself many times dead with my imagination, that much is how I thought about it. I felt suffocated as a teenage girl, by the hypervigilance of my parents but much more from my mother, it started to get harder to get good notes, and the screams at my house made me feel tired and stressed, rigid and angry, I fight back my father agressions in mind of the times he intimidated me and the time he hit me as a child, I fight back at him in the same way he did, with agression, to stop him and put me above him, that's how I turned to be the boy we see stepping for his mother when there's screams and broken glasses. I still hated him so much I felt so much rage about it. I turned into an adult and cut that anger. I chose a career that didn't suit me just because it seemed safe, and then I fell in love, with a man that made me discover more about myself, I realized I'm not rigid, not frigid or cold inside, I realized I really liked the way he made me feel so alive, it was like injecting myself with some type of heroin, and I felt an ardent desire for the first time in my life for a men I could talk to, trust and be open, be myself fully.

Loving him felt like holding a baseball bat inside a 'rage room', talking about sex was like squeezing something inside my hands until it exploded, like a bite clinging tight to my skin, like breathing, breathing and keeping breathing.

I felt so different but so normal. The way I felt made me special apart from the rest.

I spent 7 years on a bond with him. 4 of those 7 years I stopped to see him and everything was via text message, I still felt the same way but my feeling for him matured too. I doubt many people believe you can have or keep something like that, via online, but remember, how in the past people used to write letters to lovers they didn't know when they could see each other again. I loved his big dark brown eyes, his long burnett hair and playful personality, that boy was like a fire that kept me warm, God, I can't explain how alive and free he made me feel, I felt kinda liberated. A true magnetism. With time, I realized too, what people meant when they say "I have been waiting for you for so long" it's not just something corny, it's not just words talked on air, it means I have something in me I know you have too, I can take my veil off me and show you how I truly am, I can feel all my senses alive with you and explore life itself, and that feeling I know for sure people who aren't THAT normal are the only ones who have it.

I realized too I have some type of compulsion, I realized feeling like I'm getting out of breath as if I'm going to die excites me, the agitation itself, more than anything... the adrenaline. It excites me to feel my own mortality or feel closer to what could be the end of life. I wonder if I kinda like violence. I suppose it's some type of substitute to drain what i don't know happens inside me, like those stress balls you hold and squeeze.

I ask myself if all women feel like that? Like that blue dressed woman in the movie 'Thirst', when I heard that dialogue I said to myself -No-.

I do feel like I'm crazy, like I'm a crazy woman, I don't know why sex or sexuality makes me feel that way or why I feel off. I feel like that familiar image of a crazy woman. I identify with that woman in "The piano teacher" movie in some ways, Anna Karenina and Madame Bovary.

It's so sad to be a limited woman. I can't understand how most of them don't commit s******.

He, the man I loved did it, a year ago, in May, the mother's month. I told him two months earlier I was worried for his well-being, he seemed to be going through something again, I told him I was worried cause he told me he wanted to do that to himself one or two years ago, so I insisted until he responded.

I wonder if it's something I made, if they told him anything or if he felt something out of his control. It just seems so fast decided, like if a bunch of thoughts rushed his mind like a blinking. Was he intoxicated?, was he angry?, worst, alone?.

________

I feel so lost and I fell so hard on everything, I don't know how to deal with that and I ask myself so many things. People have looked down on my connection with him as nothing too much for various reasons; because I didn't see him in person anymore, because he was in a relationship, because I was a constant in his life and we were just lovers. I don't have any connections with his friends or family, I assisted the chapel to see him in a coffin dressed all in black like he always used. No one had any idea who I was, I just cried there in some way alone, with two friends and in the arms of my cousin who did not know him. I was aware of something going on inside him and I tried at times to invite him to open up more but he didn't want to. I can't believe no one who was supposed to be much closer had any idea about it, even his various girlfriends. I remember how he told me why I didn't hate him when we went through hard times. I wonder when he decided it or what happened, it hurts me to think about his pain, I can't think about his mother, if I loved him so much, why wouldn't she?, I always wanted to know her and to send her roses, cakes, any gifts on mother's day. I regret not having taken him at his word when he told me that we should get together once and for all, to live together. We had talked about seeing us having a baby, and it was the most expected and normal thought after all. I'm very angry at what happened, and it hurts me to live like this, I get pulsations about hurting myself, I feel a tickling of violence to throw towards me or anyone I feel guilty of his unexpected unwell after everything was fine when I was in contact. I only hope to die quickly after it. I can't see myself growing older but I'm not sure about leaving all cause I'm not s******al by myself as I was as a 12 year old.

I empathize with women who are judged.

I don't know why he died if it would make more sense if who died was me.

I shared fears with him and thoughts that I had, although the one who said most of them out loud was never me. I was afraid of misstepping the subject or contaminating with a thought by speaking. Fear of a cloudy dark thought out in the world I shared with him.

My thoughts are diverse, I hate, I cry, I'm numb and simultaneously. I already stopped eating until I looked kinda anorexic. Sometimes I wish his mother's guilt would last her life but I think I wish it on me too. I wish it on a girl and everyone who could mistreat him in some way at some point. I get so mad seeing pictures of him laying on bed or on a couch cause I see his unwell. I hate. I cry thinking about his mom and all of his family and friends. I never wanted this to happen to his son. It torments me but I think I deserve it cause I saw myself as selfish sometimes when it was hard to understand my feelings. Did it have to do with meeting me? Did I squeeze too much? How could it have been different? My ignorance and lack of knowledge to act and respond quickly to my intuition, I can't believe this happened to him when i agreed to visualize him away or with someone else until old, I can't believe he died when I got over that sense of possession. Sometimes it feels like I choose death for him. As I speak it I'm not asking anyone to tell me it's not my fault.

I remember how I felt on those days, as if something big covered me above me. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking that I was going to die, I was losing weight for no reason. I remember wanting to share that strange feeling with him, let him know something felt wrong but I didn't.

I wish I could have expressed much more about my love and feelings. My passion was never empty, it was me longing for him, always close, as close he could get to me, closer as if it was the ending of our body's. I suppress what happened but I recall it and I find love and I tell myself that yes, there was love. It was love even when I couldn't find words to express it, It was love and the urge to give it to him.

I'm angry cause I feel like he left me here. But he abandoned everything.

I don't hate him I hate what happened to him. I hate that he didn't speak about it more, I hate that he was misunderstood and underrated.

Sometimes I think I envy him, he can't feel, see or hear anything anymore, he no longer needs to worry about money or the future, he no longer needs to carry himself around as I do with myself.

I don't believe in heaven or god, I don't believe in seeing our deceased ones, I don't believe in reunite. And thinking about how he no longer feels pain is the most stupid comfort I could hear.

I remember October, when I watched "The Lover" and "Hiroshima mon amour" and thought about watching those movies with him, to make a point across, to share what I saw in them with him. To tell him it's US but I don't want to be that type of tragic story so let's talk, let's be together, let's live, let's do something about it and not waste more time.

I wonder if he ever felt my love, if he died knowing how much I loved him.

Cause my love was intense just as he and I.

_________

I indeed have some problems with my future. But I have been dragging it as myself for some time, around the back of my head it have always been a fear of not having stability, answers, reaching my goals and feeling inadequate, cause it has been difficult almost all the time and I can't hit were others do, for me, it's difficult multiplied. When I was a teen I used to think about reincarnation and life as some type of game, so I could end this level and start again, cause maybe, maybe I wasn't made for this chapter because it wasn't going to end well. But I really liked who I was, and the brief visits to my grandma made me change my mind. When I face my own adversity I think about how I'm supposed to be dead since a long time.

I think I feel disconnected from everything, from my parents and my environment, from the world itself. Material things do not give me pleasure, there are no things that give me pleasant satisfaction and I somehow feel that the kind of life in my industrial city threatens my identity. Sometimes I feel like I lose parts of myself with each hard hit I receive, before I used to draw, I no longer do it, I used to love languages, now I don't see any case for it, I feel I lose my interest along with my skin or my will to live, along with my efforts to carry a rhythm, to fit and function in society as an adult. I feel exhausted and have a problem with stress. I feel like the Hikomori.

I don't know what to expect from life but I feel broken and it's so stupid that life or anything let me know or touch something like what I had with him and then take it away from me. How do you live after that? How is going to make you feel something that has never made you feel anything before? My hometown looked different with him in it. At times I feel sick and twisted thinking about him, and lusting for him when he no longer waits outside my globe. Am I going to get crazier than I already feel?

I want to go out just to rot in the sun, in the arid climate of my awful city.

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charliedawn · 4 years ago

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Imagine being in a hate love relationship with Peter Hale

Warning : attempt of rape

You were on Peter duty..Again. Since Peter Hale was the man that everybody feared, it had been decided that you would be the one keeping an eye on the overly fool-of-himself werewolf with the power of your mighty patience. Scott and Stiles stop in front of Derek's loft and he jogs out to meet you.

" Thanks Y/N. I owe you one !"

He says with a grateful smile and you smile back.

" Big time. But come on, you three go hunt whatever creature you have to hunt and I'll stay to take care of Mr Smarty-pants up there !"

You say enthusiastically and they all smile apologetically at you, knowing how the two of you were not exactly on friendly terms.

" Be careful, okay ? And tell him that if he touches you, I'll kick his ass !"

Stiles says confidently, which makes you laugh.

" Don't worry, Stiles. If there is any problem, I'll call you guys immediately and plus, I have a way to take care of moody children.."

You tell him with a mysterious smile and Stiles nods understandingly.

" I know..Just, stay safe."

And with that last warning, they are all out of here. As soon as they are out of your sight, your smile leaves your face and you sigh loudly before turning towards the building and whisper to yourself.

" Welp..Here we go.."

As soon as you enter, you smell something burning and see the stove on fire. You run towards it and take a glass from the cupboard to fill it with water in order to stop the fire. When you're done, you are panting because of the effort and look murderously at Peter that is sitting calmly on the couch, as if nothing had happened.

You glare at him while he doesn't even raise his eyes from his book.

" Let me guess..You couldn't smell the smoke ?"

You ask annoyed and only then does he look up at you with a small mischievous smile.

" Aren't you supposed to be the one keeping me out of harm's way ? You are here to keep me from doing anything stupid, not the other way around..I create chaos and you're here to stop me. Do your job and stop whining."

You grit your teeths in anger before sitting on the couch, as far away from Peter as possible. You can't believe the nerve of this man that was ready to burn the entire flat only to prove a point !

" I don't know why you're so eager to unnerve me. Does it entertain you ? Would it kill you to be nice and helpful from time to time ?"

You ask while taking a nearby book and starting reading yourself, not really interested in his answer that you knew would not be anything but upsetting.

" I'm the spark that lits your fire, sweetheart..Try to let go sometimes, you would actually enjoy it. Why don't you try to be less of a killjoy ?"

You raise an eyebrow at that before returning to your book and replying nonchalantly.

" Have you ever considered, even for only a moment, that I simply don't like you ?"

He fakes being offended by putting his hand above his heart and widening his eyes dramatically at you.

" Oh darling ! Me who thought that you were about to ask my hand in marriage ?! How disappointing ?!"

You snort.

" Hard pass."

He sighs in false disappointment before taking his coat and walking towards the exit.

" And where do you think you're going ?"

You ask with an eyebrow arked in curiosity.

" Out."

He answers simply before opening the door. You sigh before taking your coat and running after him.

" Didn't Derek warn you that I am allowed to use silver bullets if you disobey me ?"

He scoffs before shrugging, not bothering waiting for you.

" I'm going to get a beer, not kill a bunch of innocent virgins.."

He winks at you cheekily before stepping inside the bar that was the nearest to the apartment. You role your eyes at his comment before entering the bar after him.

You look around and are amazed to see that the place wasn't as bad as you had previously thought. It had good background music and not a lot of customers, besides a couple of drunk friends who were talking in whispers at their table. However, Peter isn't visible and you sigh again before walking towards the counter to ask the bartender if he had any idea of where your irresponsible dog had run off to. You sit down and attract the attention of the bartender by raising your hand. He walks towards you and leans in to listen to your order.

" A soda, please."

He arks an eyebrow at you, nearly amused, before turning around and getting out what you asked.

" Are you sure you don't want anything else ? Anything stronger ?"

He says while eyeing your bottle of soda warily, as if it was an insult to his establishment for you to order such a drink. You smile, tempted beyond reason, but then remember that you had a werewolf to find.

" Sorry. Can't. I'm on the job. By the way, have you seen a man ? Sarcastic. Arrogant. Energic. Tall. Very annoying. Awfully blond. Seen him anywhere ?"

He looks suspiciously at you before asking in a slightly worried and even threatening voice.

" You're a cop ?"

You can't help but laugh bitterly at the question before replying.

" You could say that. But I am only responsible of one criminal, and the only crime he committed is to not have messed up my night, yet.."

He smirks when he understands the irony in your tone and was about to answer when someone puts his hand on your shoulder. You turn around to see a very smug Peter with a huge grin.

" Oh ! Look at that ! The overly confident puppy is finally back ! What ? Got lost on the way ?"

You ask sarcastically and he only humphs in response before sitting next to you, the grin not leaving his face.

" Why ? Missed me ?"

You scoff before taking a sip of your drink.

" As much as a needle in my heel..But, if Derek was to find out that I've let you out of your cage, he would have my head.."

He wraps his arm around your shoulders and makes you spill your drink a little over yourself.

" Aww..You do care ! My cold heart warms at the thought of the packs brat worrying about me !"

You groan in annoyance before biting his hand off. He hisses in pain before retrieving his hand and massaging it while glaring at you from the corner of his eyes. Just at that moment, the bartender comes back to get Peter's order and eyes Peter suspiciously before looking back at you with an inquisitive glance, asking discreetly if you needed an escape. You could have laughed if it wasn't so sad. Peter was such a nuisance that people were now wondering if he was the one bothering you, when in fact it was the opposite. However Peter, that had not missed the silent conversation, growls when the bartender gives him a warning side glance. But, not intimidated the nearest, Peter smirks a toothy grin at the bartender before showing his bitten hand.

" Careful. The brat bites. I've seen what it is capable of, first hand..literally. Don't worry, if you should be worried about anyone around here, it's everyone else besides her."

He cautioned and the bartenders eyes widen at the mark that would certainly have left a scar if he was a normal human being while you snicker in your corner. The bartender quickly runs towards his other customers at the far end of the bar, leaving you two in your sudden awkward solitude.

" Well..Isn't he a gentleman ? Thinking you need saving from me. Not even considering that I could be the abused one in this relationship ? How rude !"

You try to stifle a laugh. Unfortunately, he hears you and smirks proudly at his small victory.

" I'm not the psychopath that tried to murder a bunch of teenagers just because I wanted to become the big bad alpha.."

You taunt while giving him an amused side glance. He groans in annoyance as you make him remember his past and he gulps down his whiskey, an attempt to make him forget faster.

" Aren't you a delight ?! Playing unfair by spreading out the touchy subjects like that..No wonder Stiles rejected you. You would have chomped his lips off !"

You glare at him as he talks about Stiles before replying harshly.

" Says the man whose only date was Scott's mom, and that was to trap him ! You're so terrible that nobody could stand being with you more than 5 minutes without hating you ! I would tell you to go to hell, but it would be unfair on Satan !"

He chuckles at that last part and you take your drink in order to take a sip and calm your nerves, but grimace at the awful taste. You had asked for a soda, but it tasted more like salt with water..He cackles at your expression before whispering mockingly in your ear with false concern.

" Oh ! What ? Ain't sweet enough for you, sweetheart ?"

You only raise a very distinctive finger at him, warning him that one more word from him would result in extreme pain and look around the room to distract yourself from his presence..and from the fact that you were his entitled babysitter. Your eyes wander and finally settle on the nice bartender that winks at you when you meet his gaze. You blush slightly before smiling back at him. He wasn't bad-looking and everything would be better than bantering with the overly sarcastic and confident werewolf that couldn't seem to leave you be. You were about to stand up and walk towards the cute bartender when suddenly, a hand raises to lay on your shoulder and pin you down to your seat. You were about to complain and even yell at Peter when you hear him growl from deep withing him while he shoots a dirty glare at the poor young man. You frown in incomprehension and grit your teeths in annoyance, thinking it was one of his attention seeking gesture. You then take his hand and force him to let go of you to walk towards the exit. Here you go again, you couldn't even enjoy your night without having to take care of the sulky werewolf. You soon hear his footsteps behind you and when he is about to grab your arm, you turn around abruptly and glare at him with such seriousness that it freezes him on the spot.

" How about you and your insanity stay the heck away from me ?! I'm so tired of your bullshit, Peter ! Why can't you just leave me alone ?!"

At your harsh words, Peter's gaze hardens and he retracts his hand to only smirk at you and tilt his head a little bit to the side, as if he didn't understand the question.

" Oh darling..I would love to ! But, you see, it seems that me and my insanity are often required to solve your friend's little problems !"

Suddenly, unnerved beyond belief and having had more than enough of him, you feel tears threatening to spill from your eyes and yell at him, so loud that it surprises the werewolf himself.

" Leave me alone ! Why am I the only one who always has to handle you?! Why do you always ask Derek for me to keep you, even though you don't even like me ?! If I'm such a bother, why not just get rid of me ?!"

He doesn't seem to be able to find an answer and you don't even let him reply. You start running until you reach a small and dark alley. When you're sure you are far enough for the werewolf not to hear you cry, you crouch down and start sobbing. When you've spilt all of your frustration and sadness out, you wipe your face with your sleeve and stand up to get back home. However, when you are about to leave the alley-way, you see someone else blocking the exit. You first think that it's Peter, but the more you approach the individual, the more you have to admit that it doesn't look like Peter. You try to walk past him, but he brusquely grabs your arm and throws you to the ground. You want to get your phone out of your purse, but the man stomps on your hand and you scream in pain. The man takes you by the jaw and forces you to look up at him. His disgusting breath hitting your face, smelling of alcool and his evil smirk making you want to puke even more.

" Aren't ya a sweat ass ? Tell me, what does a young lady like yourself doing here by herself in the middle of the night, hmm ?"

You want to scream for help again, but another individual behind you puts his hand against your mouth to muffle your screams and you feel the familiar shape of a knife against your throat. When you know that there is nothing else you can do, you close your eyes and try to stop the new tears from leaving your eyes..You didn't want to cry for those men, they didn't deserve your tears..

" Now..You're going to be a good girl and let us take care of you, okay ?"

The one posted behind you whispers in your ear and you clench your jaw, your last thought going to Peter. You had been awful to him, even though you knew he wasn't a bad person..You had let out your frustration on him and you were now regretting it bitterly. You should have sticked to your job and stay with him. If you had, maybe you wouldn't be in your current situation. Reality hits you hard when you feel one of the men starting to open your blouse. When you thought that that was it, that you were going to be raped in that dirty alley-way and probably killed, you hear the hurried footsteps of someone running towards your location. You want to scream again, but the knife is raised once again against your throat.

" One peep and nobody will even find your body.."

You whimper and nod in understanding. The footsteps stop and you hold your breath.

" Sweetheart ? Are you there ?"

You hear the familiar voice of Peter and feel relieved to know that he is near. However, the man whispers instructions in your ear and you can't help but nod in agreement, knowing that he wouldn't hesitate to slice your throat if you were to disobey.

" You're going to tell him to go away, that you don't want him to come any closer..I know what he is and the knife is made of silver and has been dipped in wolfsbane for a while..Don't play smart or you'll lose more than your life.."

He uncovers your mouth and you respond in a shaky voice.

" G..Go away, Peter..I don't want you near me ! I hate you !"

You bit to your inner cheek, wondering if he would insist or know that something is wrong. You know that even if he was to guess that something is wrong, you couldn't afford to lose him as well..However, you hear him take a step towards you and sniff the air. He suddenly growls animalistically and his eyes light up in the dark.

" I can smell the stench of two putrid little humans that shouldn't be touching what isn't theirs.."

You start panicking, knowing that he could die if he was to step any closer and yell in a last attempt to protect him.

" Don't, Peter ! They've got wolfsbane ! Run !"

One of the men muzzles you again, but Peter doesn't step back. He gets his claws out and snarls.

" Alright boys. Let's rumble."

The two men stand up and face Peter that doesn't seem scared. He doesn't keep his eyes off them while they circle him. The man with the knife tries to attack him first, but Peter grabs his arm and tears it off from the rest of his body. The man screams in agony, but Peter slashes his throat before turning towards the other man that is shaking with terror.

" What ?! You are brave enough to attack a defenseless woman, but not enough to fight a werewolf ?!"

He roars and the man suddenly gets out a gun that he points at Peter. Before he could react, the man shoots and the bullet goes through his abdomen. Peter falls on his knees and the man runs away, leaving you and him behind. You force yourself to get up and crouch down in front him to see that the wound is not closing itself.

" Wolfsbane bullet.."

He affirms what you already suspected and you have to take deep breathes in order not to panic. You know what to do, you had seen Derek do it a thousand time already. You need to cauterize the wound. You close your eyes and try to calm yourself before trying to carry him back home. When you finally enter the building after a few grunts and moans of pain from the both of you, you lay Peter down on the couch and look around for something hot enough to burn the poison. Suddenly, your eyes fall on a blowtorch and when Peter understands what you were thinking about, he looks pitifully up at you.

" I have a very bad tolerance to pain."

He warns you, a warning that sounds more like a desperate plea for you to reconsider your plan..But you know that you don't have much time and address him a silent apology with your eyes before taking the handle of your purse and make him bite down on it.

" This is gonna hurt. Bad. But, I'm going to try to be as fast as I can, okay ?"

His nostrils flare in fear for the pain to come, but he nods in agreement and you take a big shaky breath before using the blowtorch. As soon as the fire gets in contact with his skin, Peter visibly whitens, his eyes flash blue and you can see his claws digging in the soft material of the couch. You don't know what to do to attenuate the pain, so you do the first thing that comes to mind to distract him..You kiss him. His eyes widen perceptibly at your action, but he doesn't hesitate before burying his hands in your hair and reciprocating the kiss, even though the handle of your purse forms some kind of barrier between you and him. When you take a step back, he seems more relax and you glance down at his wound before switching off the blowtorch. You are relieved when you see the wound closing and smile widely at him. But, before you could truly process what was happening, Peter had gotten rid of your purse and had bounced on top of you to pin you to the floor and kiss you passionately again.

" Stiles doesn't deserve you..Nobody does..Nobody needs you like I do..Nobody can handle me the way you do..I don't want them to take you away from me..Stay with me..If you leave, I'll lose my fucking mind.."

He mutters between each breath he takes while kissing you and you blush vividly at his words. He looks up at you with his bright blue eyes and you can't help but smile up at him before kissing him back yourself and petting the top of his head appreciatively.

" You damn nut job, if you wanted me that bad, why didn't you tell me ? Instead of making me lose my mind.."

He grins before nuzzling your neck and wrapping his arms around your waist.

" Because I like when you get mad.."

You chuckle before returning his embrace.

" Bad pup.."

" Stiles lover"

You ark an eyebrow at the odd insult before replying teasing.

" Does that mean I won't be able to go back to his place and sleep on his couch ? Do I have to remind you that I live with him ?"

He tightens his hold on you and grumbles tiredly against your ribcage.

" Over my dead body. The only thing you will be allowed to sleep on from now on is me, got it ?"

You seem dumbfounded for a second and Peter picks on your uneasiness before laughing and looking up at you with a sly smile.

" Not what I meant, you pervert."

You blush a deep red and hit him on the back of the head playfully.

" Hey ! You're the one always insinuating things !"

He genuinely smiles at you before lowering his chin on your belly and tilting his head to look at you with fake innocence.

" I'm not the one who kissed me.."

You sigh, it was becoming a competition, like many things with him. You sit back up and make him fall at the same time.

" Yeah ?! Well, you were badly injured..and you reciprocated !"

You don't know why you wanted to defend yourself, you just know that you can't allow yourself to succomb for the man that had nearly killed all of your friends. Plus, you had just been attacked and were too weak to make any decisions. He seems to notice your worry and takes a step back immediately to get up and extend his hand towards you.

" I'm sorry. You helped me and I was being an idiot. You need to get some rest. Come on."

You look at his hand for a few seconds before slipping your hand in his. He yanks you upwards and proceeds to carry you back to your room where he lays you down on your bed. He leaves the room promptly afterwards, mumbling a small goodnight before walking out. When you're sure he is truly gone, you curl up into a ball and try to muffle your sobs. You couldn't sleep, every time you would close your eyes, their hands were there, touching you and making you feel as if you were weak..So weak..You whimper and cry as silently as you can until someone opens the door suddenly and blinding light surrounds the room. You turn around to see Peter standing there, his eyes glowing with such an intense color that it shocks you, you then notice the slight rise of his shoulders at each of his heavy breathing and finally, his lips curled and teeths grinding in rage.

" I should have killed them both..I should have never left you.."

You open your eyes wide at the realization, he had probably heard you and was reacting to your emotions. He approaches slowly and tenderly strokes your cheek, placing his forehead against yours.

" I'm so sorry, darling.."

You feel as if he's been crying too and step back. He seems to be hurt by your sudden distance, but you quickly indicate the spot next to you.

" Come on, I need a bed warmer."

His eyes light up like a happy puppy and he crawls next to you in order to cuddle you, making sure that you are comfortable every step of the way. You sigh in contempt before feeling sleep slowly taking over your tired body. Just before you fall asleep however, you mumble sleepily at Peter.

" You were right..I won't be able to sleep when you're not there anymore..You're too good of a bed warmer.."

You feel him chuckle behind you and smile as you realize that being best bud with Peter wouldn't be so bad..and maybe with time, a bit more.

The next day :

Derek finds the both of you on the sofa: you reading a book out loud, and Peter with his arms wrapped around you, listening attentively.

" So, I guess the babysitting went better than our stake out last night ?"

He asks, amused by your sudden friendliness towards each other. You look up at him with a small smile while Peter chuckles against your ear, the sound alone making you feel things you shouldn't be.

" Best of friends, aren't we, sweetheart ?"

Instead of answering his question, you try to change the subject.

" What happened to the stake out then ? I thought you were supposed to catch a couple of bounty hunters ?"

Derek shakes his head before shrugging his shoulders.

" I know, but when we got there, there was only one of them, and he was screaming that his friend had been murdered by another werewolf in town..I wonder if there are any others like us that we've not yet been in contact with ?"

At his explanation, you feel a lump forming in your throat, but when you were about to tell him what happened last night, Peter beats you to it.

" Funny, your description of the scene exactly matches what happened to me last night.."

Derek frowns before looking up at Peter with his jaw clenched.

" I thought I was pretty clear when I said stay put ?"

He glares at Peter, but then his eyes shift to you.

" And you, where were y..?"

But before he could finish his sentence, Peter cuts him again.

" Asleep. I waited for her to fall asleep before going out. Poor humans, can't manage a night without craving sleep.."

You look up at him with your mouth wide open, ready to deny everything he just said when you see him wink at you..He wasn't trying to make you look bad at your job, he was trying to save you the embarrassment. You close your mouth as fast as you had opened it and turn around towards Derek that was looking at you with an eyebrow raised, waiting for your confirmation. You nod and he sighs.

" Maybe it was a bad idea to leave you alone with him, you're still young and he's had plenty of experience when it comes to get what he wants..I'll ask Scott or Stiles next time."

You feel the lump in your throat slowly making its way to your stomach and your expression twists into one of pain and regret.

" No !"

To the surprise of everyone in the room, including yourself, you're the one who just shouted your disagreement. Derek frowns again before crossing his arms and waiting impatiently for an explanation while Peter only tightens his grip around you, a silent warning as to what you are about to say. You take a big breath before glancing up at Derek and saying in a calm and unfaltering voice.

" This is my job. I'm part of the pack. It's bad enough that I'm completely useless when it comes to working on the field, I can't let my only participation in all this go to someone else. I made a mistake, it won't happen again."

Derek seems to believe you, even though he shakes his head in hesitation.

" I don't know, Y/N..I was allowing this to continue since it seemed to work..But, Peter succeeded in complicating things, again."

He emphasizes on the last word while staring at Peter accusatively. Peter flashes an innocent grin at him before agreeing with you.

" I promise to behave from now on. Please, dad ? Can I please keep my plaything ? It gets lonely around here when you're all running around, chasing your own tails over and over.."

You elbow him as a warning, but Derek is already shooting daggers in his direction, on the verge of growling in annoyance. Fortunately, Derek succeeds in keeping his cool and only sighs in defeat before walking away.

" Fine. But, I warn you, one more mistake and I'll personally kick you out.."

" Can't do that, chief. It's my house !"

Peter answers with a big shit-eating grin, but Derek frowns at him before looking straight at you.

" I was talking to you, Y/N..I can't allow you to become a weakness, we've got already too many and Peter is the master of manipulation, dont fall for his tricks. It's a warning, let it be not a premonition."

And with those last words, he is gone. You both stay still for a moment until you decide to stand up and make yourself a cup of coffee. The words of Derek are swirling around in your mind and you glance at Peter when you think he's not looking..Were you really just another pawn in his mastermind plan to bring down the pack ? He seems to feel your stare and points it out.

" If I didn't know you the way I do, I'd say that you actually believe this idiot.."

" Why did you protect me ?"

You ask him abruptly, still not sure about what to make of last night's rescue. He seems to thinks about it for a while before answering you with such honesty that it surprises you.

" Because there was no reason for me to talk about it..Unlike what you all think of me, I'm not such a monster. I feel no satisfaction in a young girl's life being ruined by such macabre events. I care about you more than any of the other dumb teenagers of your group, even my own cousin. You're nice, kind, smart and you don't judge. You never told me that what I did was despicable or that I didn't deserve to live. You did what you had to do and tried the best you could to help. I agree that we have had our disagreements, but it was always playful and never really serious. Why would I ever want anything bad like this to happen to you when you're the only person who ever believed that I could become an ally ? Tell me, how many people do you think ever read to me or felt safe in my arms ? Not even my own family ever believed I could change..So, yes. I protected you, because you would have done the same thing for me. Your strength remains in your humanity, Y/N. Stiles may be the voice of reason, but you're the voice of mercy.."

You are awestruck by the words that seem to be tumbling out of his lips and surround you like the warmest of blankets. You would be happy to listen to him all day. You genuinely smile at him and, before you could stop yourself, you kiss him. He relaxes under your touch and wraps his arms around you to close the gap between the both of you. He finally breaks the kiss and laughs softly before adding.

" You also have very nice lips.."

You playfully punch his torso before laying down on top of him, finding the rhythm of his heartbeat oddly soothing.

" You're a jerk..But you're still a good person.."

You whisper while closing your eyes and you can hear him snicker above you.

" Congratulations, you just qualified me with two opposites. Jerk and good normally don't go together."

You don't answer, already snoring softly on his torso. He smiles sweetly at the sight before kissing the top of your head.

" Sweet dreams, darling.."

#peter hale #teen wolf imagine #teen wolf #derek hale #peter hale x reader

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shieldofrohan · 3 years ago

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The fact that she can't even bring herself to exact vengeance on a guy like Lancel who laughed at her while she was stripped and beaten, tells you how much of a dark character Sansa is. Not only her actions , even her internalised monologue seems to have no hints of emo darkness vibes. The worst thing that anyone could critique Sansa is that she is not as sympathetic as her siblings in AGOT because Grrm said so ( I vehemently disagree with him on this ) and even then he never classifies her as an antagonist or a dark character or a villain in any of his interviews. It's hilarious how people try to come up with GRRM's quote about " Sansa being the most unsympathetic amongst her siblings " in order to argue for dark Sansa or her character needing a redemption arc , when Grrm has attributed far more unsavory remarks on Tyrion, Jaime , Sandor ( villains) and Arya ( psychopath ).

Hello Anon,

The previous ask about this: -Sansa is perfect-

You are right. You simply can't find anything that might be hinting the dark side of Sansa in her PoVs.

She has a vengeful side because of the horrors and torments she had to endure but they are really childish things.

Like wishing for a hero to kill Slynt. Her wishful curses towards Joffrey and maybe Harry. She also shows her bitter side when she tells Baelish to give haunted Harenhall to Lord Frey.

But unlike villains (Tywin, Baelish, Tyrion, Cersei etc) she doesn't waste time with revenge plans and she doesn't let it consume her. She doesn't swear revenge. She just expresses her feelings about the injustice she faces.

Well I believe that Martin was just admitting that he wrote Sansa in a bad light to make average readers hate her. He admits that he played with readers. He knows that he was being harsh when he was writing Sansa.

You can see the difference in writing between Sansa and Ary* in their POVs. Ary* is always with the good guys who adore her and she plays the victim as the ugly younger sister. Meanwhile Sansa is always with bad guys. Cersei, Joffrey etc. She is beautiful. She wishes WHAT SHE DOESN'T HAVE AT HOME. Meanwhile Ary* is content with her home.

Girls wanting MORE always make people mad. And Martin doesn't explore the reasons for her wanting more enough... BUT he still gives enough for us to see it. You just need to try to understand her deeper.

I still think Martin owes Sansa a lot because of the sh*t he put her through (again and again) and how sometimes he used her as a plot device when he wanted to cut things short.

And this was the worst thing that Martin said about Sansa and it wasn't even about her character. It was about how readers viewed her. But Martin is very loud about the real dark ones so they should focus on them. LOL.

Thanks for the ask, have a nice day.

#mine #ask #replied #reply #anon #asoiaf #sansa stark #sansa stark defence squad #grrm critical

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skipps-writes-for-gojo-satoru · 4 years ago

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I'm so glad the ENTP personality type for Gojo was brought up. It's so misleading for people to say Gojo has a God complex/narcissism/high functioning antisocial personality disorder/psychopath/no feelings, etc.

People think just because Gojo has a few symptoms like being arrogant, talking excessively, impulsive, reckless, and lacking empathy, etc means he has some sort of complex/disorder.

HOWEVER, the reason 🤔 anon brought up ENTP is because some people are NATURALLY like that, and they don't necessarily have any of those issues! There's a reason ENTPs are so misunderstood!

It's like trying to pick a healthy herb from a poisonous one. There are herbs that look almost EXACTLY the same, but one of them will kill you and the other is safe to eat. You have to notice certain key differences between those herbs to make sure you don't die.

That's why 🤔 anon said Gojo is just an ENTP. Those "symptoms" from those disorders are common personality traits for ENTPs. It doesn't make them bad people. In fact, if you notice, even tho people assume Gojo is always messing around, he's always working in the background to make sure everyone is safe, especially Yuji (which has been discussed before so I won't repeat). Even Nanami knows that behind Gojo's act is someone who works tirelessly and is giving so much of himself to Society that he can't catch a break to even stroll through town without working. Notice how Gojo always boasts that he's the strongest (something OTHER PEOPLE have dubbed him. He personally always said "WE are the Strongest until... Ya know). Gojo never boasts or even tells anyone how he goes on business trips just to find someone to care for Yuji, or how he goes out of his way to fight the higher ups to save one life. Plus, if he was boasting to gain praise, why does he say that to Nanami and Utahime and his students? They always insult him. If he wanted praise, he'd go to strangers and make them tell him how handsome he is.

The truth is, he only brags to annoy people. Because why would he go to people who obviously dislike being with him to get self assurance? Because he doesn't need it. He just likes poking fun at his friends.

People want someone with a God Complex? Someone who thinks he's better than everyone else, and only cares for himself? Someone with a complex/disorder? A huge narcissist with an ego? Who only seeks power even if everyone around him gets hurt?

You got Naoya Zenin.

You got most Zenins.

Not Gojo Satoru.

And we all know how much people hate the Zenins.

You can't tell me Gojo and Naoya are the same 🙄

They may look the same on the SURFACE, but like with the poisonous herb and the healthy one, though they are similar, one of them will kill you and one of them is safe to eat.

I honestly have a hunch people are romanticizing people with disorders too much and willing to have a toxic relationship because they purposefully make Gojo pretty much OOC just so he can abuse them. I'm not kinkshaming or anything, but it's annoying when people try to make your kink canon and people actually believe Gojo would go out of his way to hurt someone by cheating on them and playing with their feelings. People who've been cheated on know how much effort and sneaking around cheating actually takes, and Gojo has better things to do 🙄

Also I love your blog, and I'm glad I can text all my feelings out here to share with everyone. Thank you 💘💖💗💕💝💓💞

Ohhh mann I really enjoyed reading your thoughts and I COULDN'T AGREE MORE! 🔥you explained really well that I don't need to add on anything else. Gojo is truly a misunderstood character and it's sad to see that some people actually believe hes just some egotistical dude. Theres so much behind his actions if only people took the time to look into him more. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON NAOYA my gawd now that dude I swear 😤 hes good looking but look at his personality people look past that just because he looks hot smh

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts my blog is always welcome for discussions or thoughts 💖

#gojo discussions #gojou satoru #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen gojo #jjk gojo #omg yasss #skipps chat

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thyhappynotions · 2 years ago

Text

I just woke up to tell my dream. It was wonderful and I don't want to forget it. So I was pretending to be dumb in a store, I asked the cashier if is this is for something, obviously sarcasm and this guy near me hated me according to how I act. I hate to say I don't quite remember this scene but he gave me a purple milkshake. Later on the next day after school, yeah can't believe I'm dreaming in my school but few places are changed. I found him sitting at the bench alone, his name was Alex. I talked to him and I don't know it felt good.

Next day after school again, my old friend greeted me and my old classmate behind me asked, "you know ga?" I said "No, I don't even know him", actually I do but I didn't recognize. Then, I asked someone if they've seen Alex. Alex is a known guy I suppose but he's lonely. They said he's over there, I came near and the guy I asked to said don't go, don't come near him. I ignored until I saw few seniors near him but they're facing back. Alex looks so lonely but I had an instinct I may cause trouble if these seniors I don't know knows I talk to him.

After school again, My dad and mom came to pick me up in car which is odd because I commute to home. I came in the car and asked again to step out, I came to Alex and lend him five hundred, "what is this for?", He asked "because you gave me a milkshake" and then I walked away.

Next after school scene AGAIN, I can't help but to talk to him, I saw these seniors again around him talking. As I came near like nothing, they're be littling and bullying him. I wanna defend him but I can't, that's the worst feeling. All I remember is there's a blonde girl, brunette girl, Asian guy idrk..Again and again I saw him with these people but this time it's different, a girl is flirting with him. It's disgusting because she is way more older than Alex.

I invited him in my house to feel safe and he was comfortable, I'm happy. I don't know but I have this urge to protect him. But he already have to go, next time he invited me in his house and I saw a large swimming pool from a high place. It was terrifying and someone said don't go there only Alex can swim there. I was like, umm ok I would never go there and I lied that I can't swim. Alex walked beside me and he jumped in the pool in from that high place. I can say that he's wealthy. Next day he came to me in a garden with his dog and my other friend I don't even know but she has brown hair and younger than me. We we're playing and I don't mind if his bullies will come because I think they're outnumbered. We we're having fun and we came in an open area, suddenly the bullies walked around us in different positions, cornering us " why are you with him?? " I was scared I said " It wasn't me who came first, he did!! " and I ran away. I know it's a bad decision but I saw him the next day and I'm doing boring stuffs like sneaking.

To the weird part, us three were sitting in an open grass area, talking. Then this psychopath woman shouted to us up there, she's holding a sniper and the bullies were also up there. I don't remember what they said and there's this girl again with two buns, with bangs an dyed hair colored yellowish green seem to have something with Alex. Umm, yes the woman shot me and my friend. Alex is between us and he's nearly shot. I was there lying and suddenly my perspective moved with my history teacher, knowing what happened. They were frightened and suddenly crying even though my teacher hasn't said anything yet. She's talking to them sarcastically " why are you looking behind me, is there something? " well behind her is where I was laying, being shot. Soon they were called. I don't know is I was really shot or pretended I was but Alex was crying.

Next scene in classroom, we were having a quiz this last period and I couldn't write properly, I took a lot of paper to rewrite my answers and it's not cooperating. I remember when i was trying to write the word "tanghalan" I wrote "science" instead and I told my teacher that something is wrong to me, i know what to write but my hand is writing on its own. I told her to come and I will show but then I can't find the paper, it was just like there and it disappeared. She came back to his place and my classmate showed her something in his phone, she called names of two smart guys in class. Knowing they're in a cheating group, it's a real issue in my school. So they went in the principals office and we were left in class. Alex was suddenly my classmate. My friend came near me and talked to me, It was awkward because Im ignoring him in real life for some reason, I am ignoring them because I don't use social media's anymore and the last time I was with them I feel.. hatred? Or avoidance... He patted my head and I moved, I came near Alex and saw him sitting on the floor too, it's normal since it's free time. We took pictures in his gadget and his dad messaged him, he was happy, I saw his chat with his family and they were getting along, they're even playing something to have fun together. I asked him if can I try to play too? He gave me and I couldn't play properly because my perspective is far and suddenly blurred. That's the last thing I remembered..

I can say that Alex is gr00m3d and bullied, so he's lonely. People dont come near him because they thought he's bad. I even thought he was in the first place but hey, he gave me a drink. It's weird to say I like people in my dreams and i hope i can meet them in real life.

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sarnie-for-varney · 4 years ago

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who's your favourite character from each episode? ^ ^

This will take me a while but... thank you @lapis-lazuliie!

There will be SPOILERS!

Series 1:

Sardines - Stuart. He is literally just... innuendos galore and we love that. He is so ridiculous but so sweet at the same time. Anything that comes out of his mouth in that episode is funny

A Quiet Night In - This one is tricky because it's hard to become attached to people when they just use actions. But I would say Ray just because he gets so annoyed at Eddie and literally everything, and he is the most intelligent out if the two (even though he's still pretty stupid)

Tom and Gerri - This is one is going to be weird because its actually neither Reece or Steve's characters. I love Tom and he deserves better but like... it was actually Stevie, Conleth Hill's character. He was just SO hilarious and sassy, we love it

Last Gasp - In all honesty, it was Tamsin. The little girl. The rest of the characters were dicks and annoyed me, honestly. She was the only one making sense and who made the most logical decisions.

The Understudy - My favourite character was probably Jim. As you mentioned, he never actually does anything wrong and he just wants to be a good actor. He doesn't want to be an understudy, that's all. The fame later does get to his head a little but... who can blame him?

The Harrowing - Hectoooor, my boooyyy! He was SUCH a character. Reece plays such a great creepy 'Addams Family' character who is definitely not a vampire.

Series 2:

La Couchette - Ahh this one is a hard pick, and its between Maxwell and Shona. Maxwell was so moody and gave me successful Lisgoe vibes. THE HAIR 🥰! But Shona was so respectful and a lovely human being. I can't really choose for that one 😳

Christine - Of course it's got to be Christine. My beloved Sheridan, come on. But just the way she realises more and more as it goes on, the emotion I can't

Gadge - Mr Warren. Now hear me out... I know we are supposed to hate him but just the way he is so determined to accuse Elizabeth, it really reflects how real witchfinders were then. And like... the hair, that too maybe

Cold Comfort - I am going to be hated for this but... George. I can explain. I like George because he just seems so creepy and... kind of crazy. He goes through the trouble of sending his colleagues completely bonkers by pretending to be a teenage girl, its epic psychopathic behaviour.

Nana's Party - Pat 👏🏻 deserves 👏🏻 more 👏🏻. I will always believe that. He takes so much shit, honestly. He has to deal with his bitch of a wife, he knows she's having an affair with his best friend, and he gets electrocuted. He just wants to watch porn videos, play pranks and eat food! Leave him alone 😭

Séance Time - I'll admit that I don't really enjoy this episode so I don't really have a favourite character. But Steve's character, Pete, just cracked me up. He didn't even want to be there and he just basically messed everything up 😂

Series 3:

The Devil of Christmas - the one's a hard one to choose for because I didn't really become very attached to any of the characters. However, Kathy really shines as the main role and the way she literally kills Julian at the end is brilliant. However, it is chilling quickly the actress for Kathy (as in her actress on the set of the episode, not in real life lol) became suddenly distressed as she realised what was going on at the end.

The Bill. This is an episode that I've only really watched a couple of times, and in all honesty, I dislike all of the characters. Not because I dislike the episode, just because I feel like the characters are supposed to be disliked. I probably sympathise with Archie the most but he's still kind of a dick 😂

Sphinx. Squires!! Okay... this is going to be a tricky one to explain. It's not just because of the get up, you know the gown 😳. That is one reason- ahem... but technically he only poisoned Nina in self defence. I understand the um... underslip buy yeAH

Empty Orchestra. Probably Janet. She deserved better and she literally got shat on just because she's deaf. Also... she got Greg and Connie found out AND she got the guy she wanted in the end so like... YES. Also can I just say... the way the heartbeat was done at the end between then, the lads outdid themselves.

Diddle Diddle Dumpling. This is another episode I don't actually watch too often but of course, David is my boi. He's a depressed boy and he's going through the worst thing ever, he gets attached to a shoe. Come on... I feel bad for him, man

Private View. My favourite character here is definitely Jean. She was actually kind of wholesome at first before you realise she was the one killing everybody. She just loves her son and wants revenge, jeez

Series 4:

Zanzibar. Sorry... Henry. Look... the accent, the costume, just... hIM. The knife, bloody hell. Honky on main 😳✋🏻

Bernie. This one is tricky because like... Tommy and Len but I think I'll have to go with Tommy. He goes through so much grief and its him that makes the episode so emotional. The way he's so serious throughout the whole episode and then just breaks down, so saddening. And then finding out that he's imagining the whole thing. Ughhh chills!

Once Removed. MUUURDER MITTENNNSSS! Viktor is just so great and I'm lOOKING respectfully. Sorry but the "listen to me, bitch" line 😳✋🏻

To Have and To Hold. Look... I've said it before and I'll say it again: Harriet did absolutely nothing wrong. Adrian is a dick and I hated him from the start but once you find out what he did... nO. I'm glad he plummeted down those stairs. So yeah... Harriet is my favourite

Wow, sorry! I completely forgot And The Winner Is.... I will go with Jackie for this one because she is just so adorable. Okay, she's an actor in disguise but like... she's really sweet and they all pick on her.

Tempting Fate. Maz is hilarious but I have to go with Nick here. Pleasseee, I know that he did a shitty thing at the end. But he's a mystical boi with his degree in a mythology and folklore. And like... the bird tattoo! Lisgoe vibes 😳

Deadline. Technically there aren't characters in this but like... Reece 😳

Series 5:

The Referee's a W*nker. OH this is a hard one because I literally watched this for the first time the other day. I avoided it up until now because I hate football. But I think I have to go with Oggy. I don't know, he's just so funny and he makes the jokes that I actually understood so... that's good.

Death Be Not Proud. MAUREEN, my girl. Mrs Sowerbutts, you have my heart ✋🏻. She's amazing. Yeeees she's a murderer and has a weird obsession with her son but mAuReEn

Love's Great Adventure. Trevor! I know I said I wasn't very attached to him, but I am more to him than the others in this episode. I do love Julia but like... Trevor just goes through so much, even from his own son, so I do feel for him alot.

Misdirection. Come on, it's got to be Neville. The hANDS and just his... enigmatic vibe. Love him. Him killing that guy was a dick move but like... he cute so ☺

Thinking Out Loud. I know there was TECHNICALLY only two characters in this, since the rest were Nadia's personalities. However, I think it's a pick between Aiden and Angel. I think it's Angel though, she's so positive and lovely. And genuinely funny. Really loved the old 'YouTube storytime' feel.

The Stakeout. Varney lol. Like... wOw was not expecting that. Like he can succ my necc any day tbh... sOrry being honky on main. No, honestly it was so surprising that he turned out as a vampire. Then again, maybe I'm just uncultured.

Series 6:

Wuthering Heist. Obviously, I go for my boy Scaramouche! He was so tiny and funny, the cutest little goblin. For some reason, Reece looked alot smaller in this episode but I think its because he was stood next to Mario alot. He was an icon.

Simon Says. This is tricky, because I love both Simon and Spencer. However, Spencer is the way to go. He was just so angry and sassy, but he honestly had every right to act that way. This random dude basically took over his career, I'd probably react that way too.

Lip Service. Felix because he was just so sweet, and he didn't deserve that. Like he got loads of shit from Muller and then he got shot like tf Iris-

Hurry Up and Wait. I seriously love Bev, and I can't even tell you why. She's just sweet and she likes toys 🥰. We know the ending but like... I still love her.

How Do You Plead?. Is this even a question? It's Urban, of course. He is just so adorable and he's a little angel. Seriously has been a nurse his whole life because he killed a kid in school. If that's not atoning for your sins, I don't know what is

Proms. I'm so sorry but it's Brian 😂. And its not just because he's d*ddy. He's smol and bitter, but he's such a complex character. He's fruity, he's angry, and he's definitely not sober. Yes King!

#inside no.9 #in9 #ask #ask response #lapis-lazuliie

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kissandkilll · 6 years ago

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Today (after watching Heathers yet again in nearly a three year gap), I decided to write on their relationship. One thing I've always said is that although they look good aesthetically, they are so very very bad for each other. I've always admired their characters separately and even in my fan edits, I'd stress how I don't ship or idolize them because quite frankly, they're really really messy.

So upon watching this yet again today, I've decided to outline the terrible manipulative ways of their relationship.

Okay. Here we go.

He slowly isolated her from her friends to the point her herself did not realise the negative implications of their relationship. Yes, Veronica's friends were crappy as they come, but J.D used that as a stepping stone to further convince her to "take a vacation" as he states in the film. Truthfully, they could have been the perfect group of friends, and if Veronica so much as mentioned one crappy thing they did, he'd point her in the exact same direction.

This is an obvious one but he basically broke into her room through her window that same night she went to the party. Yes he's gorgeous, but very very creepy. Again, the naivety in Veronica made her brush that off also.

Heather's death was the start of hell. It was a test. Nothing more. He wanted to see how far he could push Veronica. After all, Heather's death was no accident, he did realise Veronica picked the wrong cup. Point is, he saw how easily she was pushed around by the Heathers despite always saying she hated being around them. He knew her flaw was saying one thing and doing the complete opposite out of being a coward to stand up for herself. To him, she was nothing but an easy target who just so happens to be his type.

The lies. The bullet lie. Admittedly, the average seventeen year old would laugh at you if you state that "the bullet I'm about to use won't actually kill you, but instead would just graze your skin and you'd become unconscious, only to wake up". Obviously this is an exaggerated and painfully obvious lie, but it speaks to us in our real life experiences. That time when we got screwed over terribly by our narcissistic ex, and believed things we rightfully shouldn't have if we indeed had a brain encased in our skull.

The gas lighting. Three years ago, I had no idea this was a thing. J.D would tell Veronica "deep down you knew you wanted to kill them, you were just pretending" blah blah blah, when in reality, all Veronica wanted to part take in was some harmless revenge. He would try to convince her that she wanted to kill people and that he was somehow doing her a favor by helping her execute the plan.

Lastly, the forced kisses. It was seen throughout the film, how many times he'd force himself on Veronica and even hold her down to kiss him. It's a control thing. He gets off on that I guess. You do what I say, or I get mad. Even when he tried to kill her, yet again, it goes back to control. He wanted no one else to have her. He isolated her and when she started making sense of his psychopathic behavior, he wanted to end her life, like he wanted to end his.

There are some other things he did eg; when he lit his cigarette in Veronica's hand. Admittedly, the first time watching the film, I thought that scene was hot. Yikes. But what else do we expect from a teenage boy with a suicidal mom (whom he had to witness commit the act) and a deranged dad who had a warped interest in seeing things being destroyed. Nothing good can come of that.

So why do we love Jason Dean so much? Because admist all the bullshit and the psychopathic actions, we see a person. A guy who was neglected by his family, not shown love and as a result, couldn't give love in a healthy way... And his appearance and charm is what glued us all in. Pair empathy and chiseled features together and you would begin to rationalize any heinous act. It's a fact. Psychopaths are so unappealing in real life, but when it's played out like it usually is in the movies, we can't help but fall in love.

#heathers #jd heathers #jason dean #veronica sawyer #jason and veronica #jd and veronica #character analysis

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

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Rio & Buster

Rio: [when it's night for her so it's like evening for him k] Rio: you up Buster: You forget about the time difference or just everything else? Rio: idk how many hours it is Buster: Enough that it's a stupid question Rio: You Buster: What do you want, Rio? Rio: the time, obviously Buster: [tells her] Rio: doing your homework then Buster: I've done it Buster: Now I'm doing the girl who came over to study with me, so like I said, what do you want? Rio: wow Rio: you're so cool Buster: Not the word for what I am Buster: Try again Rio: You're alright Rio: know the accent ain't your preferred but not my job Buster: Goodnight then Buster: It's been a pleasure, like Rio: Prick Rio: there's one Buster: Still not good enough Rio: Selfish Rio: liar Rio: got loads, actually Rio: easy once you get going Buster: Yeah, most things are Buster: You just have to really commit to it Buster: Not that I need to tell you about that, obviously Rio: Lots of failed attempts don't make you an expert Rio: from one to another Buster: Saying I've got loads of failures doesn't make it true, babe Buster: You should know by now you can't just talk something into happening Rio: That boring you wanna relive 'em? Okay Rio: be fair and skip the kiss and go more current Buster: You're the one messaging me to try & relive something Rio: You're the one replying hoping something better's coming Buster: That if I'm honest enough you'll fuck off, yeah, that would be better Rio: 😂 Rio: first time for everything Rio: hit me w some real home truths like you've got any concept Buster: I've never lied to you Buster: Say whatever the fuck else you like Rio: You lie about everything Buster: You wish Rio: nah Rio: makes me sad for you Buster: Fuck off Rio: it does Buster: 'Cause you get turned on by sad boys & fuck ups Buster: Leave me out of it Rio: oh honey Rio: that ship has sailed Buster: Call up your ex, I'm sure he'd have you back Buster: Any of them actually Rio: I'll just wait for the hourly call bombing Rio: obvs Buster: Drew not sorted that for you? He's proper slacking Rio: say what you like Rio: he ain't a quitter Buster: Hilarious Buster: Tell that to your mum & your sister Buster: Indie too if she's not in his earshot Rio: It's boring how much you love him Rio: could've taken that airtime to call me a dropout, something vaguely cutting Buster: It's fucked up how much you do Rio: was talking about ryan anyway, genius Rio: but hurts finding out you ain't special, I guess Rio: I wouldn't know Buster: If he's your definition of special, I don't want it Rio: If only that were true Buster: I know he ain't special, babe, you don't have to backtrack that fast Rio: Who, Drew? Rio: obviously got something ain't he Buster: Go find out Buster: You're obviously desperate to catch whatever it is Rio: ain't been waiting on permission, like Buster: Clearly, you've as good as been sucking his cock this entire convo so Rio: what is it then Rio: not latent homosexuality, i don't reckon Rio: is it some strange chivalry thing or what Rio: used to think you was jealous but obvs not Buster: I'll get a therapist, find out & hit you up Buster: Until then, it's been fun, like Rio: nah Buster: Oh shit, I forgot you wanted me fucked up Buster: Forget that then Rio: like you ever cared what i wanted Rio: or needed Buster: 'Course I didn't Buster: Why would I? Rio: comes to something when he really did do a better job Rio: and that's only 'cos he wanted to fuck me Rio: square that with your chivalry Rio: only when it suits to be high n mighty Buster: Everything can only be when it suits you, how could I almost forget that too? Rio: you're only pretending you don't remember Rio: keep up Buster: Nah, I'm really just having that much difficulty concentrating Buster: Blame this girl Rio: Yeah right Rio: other way 'round Buster: I definitely don't remember you being this funny Buster: Guess you need a sense of humor the way things are, yeah? Rio: no one's joking but you Rio: it's a really bad tell Rio: don't play poker, mr serious Buster: I don't need the money, you should have a go though Rio: not allowed Buster: That's never stopped you before Rio: now that it suits you that was all me, yeah Rio: remember that when you wanna claim it as your idea later Buster: I didn't mean us Rio: 'Course not Buster: Nice to know I'm the first thing that comes to mind though, babe Rio: well we all know how you feel about coming last Buster: You do now, yeah Rio: hm? Buster: Lesson learned Buster: 'Cause I feel the same way about repeating myself Rio: ha Rio: christ that's fucked Rio: sound just like him Rio: had to check the window Buster: Don't Rio: not my fault you did Rio: could've been there Buster: I mean it, shut up Rio: yeah, keep going Rio: dunno how we'll finish the reenactment like this Buster: Jesus Christ Rio: nah, not your line Rio: commit, for fuck's sake, McKenna Buster: Get out of my fucking face right now Buster: I'm not doing this Rio: Awh, now you're stealing my lines? Rio: Not surprised Rio: you didn't do anything, did you Buster: What the fuck is wrong with you? Rio: have to turn a few more tricks to afford the fee to find out Rio: or am I rich like you and just pretending Rio: what's it to be tonight Rio: ooh, better yet Rio: ask ryan and swap theories, he's got loads too Buster: Stop Rio: thought as much Buster: I don't give a shit what you think if that's where your head's at Buster: How dare you Rio: Yeah, how dare I Rio: have a real life problem and drag you down Rio: when you said more than once that you'd help Rio: and you fucking didn't Buster: How dare you compare me to him when I fucking Buster: I can't help you if you won't let me Buster: You've got your hero & that leaves me as the villain just like you want Rio: Yeah, this is exactly what I want, you're so right Rio: I asked for it, like Buster: You asked for me at arms length, yeah Buster: Priorities, babe Rio: No, fuck that Rio: you left Rio: and I don't mean to there, for you misunderstand for your benefit Buster: Yeah, I've really benefitted Buster: If I left it's 'cause you told me I don't matter enough Buster: That it's not worth it Buster: And anyway, that's what families do Rio: You've told me exactly how little I matter Rio: then showed me too Rio: you couldn't even just Buster: You showed me first Rio: Bollocks Rio: I fucking did that for you and then you couldn't even put aside how much you hate Drew to care that I was alright Buster: You did it for you & your new career Buster: Months I've been waiting for you to do it for me Rio: Yeah 'cos being covered in bruises was well fucking helpful Rio: love that Rio: probably Buster: What? Rio: and I told you I'd tried before Buster: I asked you if he hurt you & you said no Rio: It wasn't that bad Rio: I said, he was trying to scare me Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: That's not Buster: You should've told me Rio: Then you'd be nice, would you Buster: Rio Buster: Come on Rio: and I like fucked up messes Rio: fuck you Rio: it shouldn't be conditional Buster: It's not Buster: I thought he was intense not a fucking psychopath Buster: You can't give me half the story & expect it to end exactly how you want Rio: You act like it's all so easy Rio: any of it Rio: maybe I don't want to talk about that Buster: Well, I didn't know it was that fucking hard Buster: You lied to me Rio: I didn't lie Buster: Bullshit Buster: You didn't tell me the truth about any of it Rio: Oh go on Rio: how would you go about that Rio: yeah, you were so right Buster and not only is he a dick, get this, he's lowkey abusive Buster: Fuck your pride, some things are more important Rio: Only when it's mine Rio: you couldn't even hack it when he was brought up Buster: When it's you in an unsafe situation Buster: I can't believe I even have to say that Rio: I sorted it, didn't I Buster: No, Drew did Buster: 'Cause you wouldn't let me Rio: So the fact you felt emasculated by Drew is more important than the fact I had no one else to go to Rio: and I told you as much Rio: like that's the state I want my life to be in Buster: You think I wouldn't have gotten on a plane in a second if I knew what he was really like? Rio: you think I could let you do that Buster: Yeah 'cause that's what you do for people that matter to you Buster: You let them in Rio: Not when your life's a mess and theirs ain't Buster: You're just like my fucking sister Buster: Don't tell me anything but blame me for not doing anything Rio: It's not the same Buster: & Yet I'm in the same position, losing everything & thinking it's my fault Rio: You didn't think it was your fault Buster: What do you know? Rio: because you made it clear it was my fault Rio: and your opinion hasn't changed, has it Buster: You made it clear I wasn't good enough Buster: Just like they all do Rio: Fuck that Rio: no I didn't Buster: Think what you want Buster: It's done Rio: Nah Rio: you don't get to say that Rio: I didn't do anything remotely like that Buster: I can say or do whatever I want Rio: It isn't true Buster: It felt true to me Rio: I'm sorry Buster: Don't Buster: I don't want it Rio: then what Buster: Nothing Buster: Like I said, it's done, it can't be undone Buster: Not by two fucking words, however much you mean 'em Rio: What happened to I can do anything Buster: Those are just words too Buster: Actions speak louder Rio: At least you're admitting it now Buster: Yeah well Buster: I'm obviously not good enough, that's been proven Rio: I can do anything Rio: me, not you Rio: you said I could Rio: you say I lied but did you mean any of it Buster: I meant all of it Rio: just not that bit then Rio: 'cos it was all just words so what does it matter Rio: never happened, basically, yeah? Buster: Especially that bit, but if we can't both do it then there's no point Buster: You can't do everything all on your own Rio: No one's said you can't Rio: you can Buster: I let you down Rio: not in the ways you reckon Rio: I didn't want you to come back and what, kick the shit out of him Rio: it all just got out of hand and miscommunicated Rio: that's not all on you, I didn't tell you Buster: In any way is unacceptable Buster: & You not telling me 'cause you reckon I can't handle it, just highlights what a fucking state this is Buster: Or I am Buster: Or we are together Buster: Whichever Rio: That isn't why Rio: I didn't want to talk about it period Rio: with anyone Rio: 'cos then it happened Rio: and that's not true Buster: You said yourself I couldn't hack him being mentioned Buster: & I couldn't Rio: You would have let me Rio: it's just Rio: fucking embarrassing Buster: It's not your fault. Whatever he did or said Buster: You know that, yeah? Buster: You don't have to feel like that. He should Rio: I didn't ever like him Rio: it's ridiculous that he could ever talk to me like that or do the stuff he did Rio: it wouldn't have happened to anyone else, like, let's be honest Buster: You liked me, do you know how responsible I feel knowing if we could just be together none of this could've happened? Buster: It was never about Drew Buster: But this shit he pulled can & does happen to loads of other people, not to say you ain't special, babe Rio: that doesn't make it your fault Rio: if you're gonna blame yourself for that, like...you can't Rio: just typical me to like the one person I can't have Rio: but thanks, that was vaguely comforting Buster: You can't blame yourself. Don't Buster: Especially not for wanting me, obviously Buster: Who doesn't? Rio: 🙄 Right Buster: But seriously, don't Buster: It was the best thing that ever happened to me Buster: You were Rio: Don't Rio: don't past tense it Buster: It is past tense Buster: I can't just take back everything I said Buster: & Everything I haven't when we weren't talking Rio: You could Buster: How? Buster: I don't know how to try any harder than we already did Buster: To make this work Rio: Maybe we just Rio: don't Rio: pause it Rio: we don't have to burn it to the ground every time Rio: we can clean slate it Rio: yeah Buster: If you tell me everything & I do the same Buster: Cut the bullshit right out Rio: Okay Buster: Okay then Rio: Are we kicking it confessional or from now on, like Buster: I was gonna say from now on, but then you made it hot, like Rio: 😂 Rio: Granddad be fuming, making light of how unsexy his catholic upbringing was Buster: He can pick his battles Buster: We've both done worse Rio: True Rio: lowkey fucked up many a birthday for him with weird tension Rio: soz Buster: & I ruined Christmas, don't forget Rio: Not likely to forget Rio: Just give them all IOUs for nice family holidays this year I reckon Buster: At least I didn't forget my brother's birthday, I guess Buster: Did you even have time to get Gus anything? Rio: Yeah thanks 🖕 Rio: he doesn't really like things, anyway Rio: let him run about outside all day and he's happy Buster: 😂 Rio: at least Indie is easier to distract Buster: True Buster: But I'm the easiest Rio: Obviously Rio: but your birthday is ages away Buster: By the time I'm back it won't be Rio: Bear it in mind Rio: the socks did go down well though Buster: Yeah Rio: 🤞 I won't ruin this one Buster: It's your turn Rio: If that's what you want Rio: can pencil it in, like Buster: You know it's not Rio: Yeah Buster: What do you want? Rio: For my birthday? Buster: If you wanna start there Rio: You to be there Rio: this time Buster: Try & stop me Buster: But don't Rio: I won't Rio: consider that your official invite, like Buster: Alright Rio: Probably not gonna splurge on actual for a 17th Rio: crazy talk Buster: Gotta spend your fortune somehow, babe Rio: You think I don't have better ideas? Rio: Please Buster: I don't doubt you do Buster: Whatever I've said previous, I'm not the only one capable Rio: I'll take that Buster: Good Rio: Alright so no bullshit, yeah but what about the S word Rio: just once Buster: It depends which one you mean Buster: You can talk about how special you are as much as you want Buster: For instance Buster: But not how stupid you are Rio: Shh, not a word, more of a sound but Rio: no Rio: not sympathy but similar and you like it about as much Buster: What for? Rio: All of the bits that were my fault Rio: not a cop-out 'cos still mean it but saves time going over it Buster: Stop Buster: There's another one Buster: It's okay Rio: Okay Rio: long as you know Buster: As long as you know you mean too much to me for me to do anything but forgive you Buster: Even if you don't wanna or can't give me that Rio: I don't know how to stop myself, sometimes Rio: hurting you 'cos you hurt me Rio: it's not alright just 'cos you say it doesn't 'cos you know Rio: I know Buster: Well, I'm a cunt & I don't know how to not be Buster: But I'm trying Buster: I'll keep at it, like Rio: You ain't Rio: you just try to be sometimes Buster: Nah, I just am, most of the time Buster: I don't wanna be though Buster: & I don't wanna fuck these ridiculous American girls anymore Rio: I get it Rio: I wanna be different too Rio: do you have to Buster: Let's be different then Buster: Why can't we? Anything, yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: easy Buster: You'll still like me if I change, right? Rio: Depends who you're gonna be Buster: Better Buster: What else? Rio: 😏 Rio: then yes, I'll still like you Rio: just don't be someone else Buster: Then to answer your question, no I don't have to Buster: & Of course, that's what I'm trying not to do Buster: None of this bullshit is actually me Rio: I know Rio: It's distraction, yeah Buster: Yeah Buster: But not the way you are Rio: It's like Rio: they feel like distraction from what I want Rio: but you could be part of that Rio: you know Buster: You're all I want Buster: They're just validation that I've managed to convince everyone, me included, that I don't Rio: If you could, no bullshit, not want me Rio: would you Buster: No Buster: 'Cause you're the only person who makes me feel less alone, they just make me feel even more lonely Buster: It's not real & I'm not when I'm around them Rio: You're not alone, okay Buster: If I've got you then I'm not Buster: Don't you feel it, like somehow no fucker knows us? Buster: Whatever the reason is Rio: I do, I feel it too Rio: no one even noticed anything was up, all this shit Buster: I'm so sorry Buster: I'll never leave you again, okay? Buster: I swear on my fucking life Buster: I'm gonna do better Rio: We will Rio: it's gonna be okay Rio: then better than Buster: Whatever I have to do Buster: You're never gonna feel like shit again Buster: Not 'cause of me or anyone else Rio: Babe Buster: I mean it Rio: I know Rio: and that counts for everything, alright Rio: I wanna help you be happy too Buster: If there's ever any more comparisons between me & him, you have to tell me Rio: I shouldn't have even Rio: it was just Rio: I don't know, I wanted you to know, I think Rio: but I was angry and upset and everything too Rio: you aren't like him Buster: I understand Buster: I get so angry all the time, I don't remember not being, even when we were little Buster: But from now on, there's nothing you can't tell me if you want me to know Rio: There is a lot to be angry about Rio: especially in this family Rio: Backatcha Rio: everything is better, easier Rio: when we're talking Buster: Maybe, maybe not but it's not a real excuse & there isn't one for not being in better control of it now that I'm not a kid Buster: I just Buster: Obviously, I need you, nothing else works Rio: Not to be a patronizing bitch about it, and not suggesting you have to go meditate but Rio: I don't think anyone's taught you how to control it, really Buster: That's what boxing & football was meant to do but Buster: It's no surprise, nobody in this family has enough control over what they are meant to Rio: but you still need to win Rio: so it just adds more pressure, yeah? Buster: That's life Rio: You need something that takes it away Rio: just one thing Buster: Like I said, I've got you Rio: I'm going to stop being such a headfuck Rio: I'll really try Buster: You're not, it's everything else Buster: Everyone Buster: We're fine when it's just us Rio: Yeah Rio: It'll get to be just us more this summer Rio: I don't care how, I'll make it happen Buster: Me too Buster: We can go away Rio: Where do you want to go Buster: I don't care as long as it's far enough away we can leave the bullshit behind us Rio: Me either Rio: let's do it Buster: I'm gonna do so many things with you Rio: Really hoping that one is double-entendre, ngl Buster: I'll show you all the ways I mean it Buster: Every way I possibly can Rio: Now you've made it hot Buster: It will be Buster: I've missed you so much Rio: I really fucking missed you Rio: we're not doing that again okay Buster: I won't Buster: You know I watched all your streams though, yeah? I wanted you to know it was me Buster: Even if you hated me Rio: Why did you watch them? Buster: You know why Rio: Yeah Rio: at first I thought you might be checking up on me, see if I was doing more than I said but Buster: I told myself I was checking up on you too but I'm not gonna lie to you so Rio: I'm glad it wasn't that Rio: or worse, like Buster: I've just never been able to stop looking at you or wanting you, have I? Rio: You know it's mutual Buster: Very unfair of me not to have a stream, like Buster: Sorry Rio: I know Rio: but I'm nothing if not a hypocrite and I'd be really jealous so Rio: not that sorry Buster: I was Buster: I can't help it either Buster: You'd get to see how much more tanned I am though Rio: I've seen your socials Rio: but Buster: But you want more, yeah? Rio: How'd you guess? 😏 Buster: Lucky one Buster: [sends vid of undressing that tan bod, look away if there's any evidence of any other girls on him cos we know what's been up] Rio: Did I mention how much I really really missed you though Rio: Jesus Buster: Tell me now Rio: It's been so hard Rio: I wanted to talk to you and be with you every day since Buster: Okay, I'll own failing at just one thing & that's resisting the urge to say I've been so hard Rio: 😂 Rio: proud of you Rio: about to #growth it but a little on the nose Buster: I'd allow it Rio: I mean, wouldn't tell you to shut up if you DID wanna talk about how hard you've been Buster: Babe, it's like you said, every day since Rio: 🤤 Buster: I feel like I haven't slept properly for months Rio: 😞 Rio: You should let me call you Buster: I'm just up all night so distracted Rio: Can't have that Rio: How are you meant to have a productive day at school the next Buster: I did break my personal record a few times over, if you consider that productive but exactly Rio: I know I do but probably not why you were sent out there Rio: I'll help get you so rested and ready for whatever the day throws at you Rio: trust me Buster: I trust you Rio: Oh Rio: that was hot Buster: I know I'm in good hands Buster: Safe ain't the word Rio: You're gonna know Rio: I'm gonna work on that whole body Rio: you'll have never felt so good Buster: Is that a promise? Rio: Yes Rio: all I wanna do is make you feel good Rio: and no one can object anyway, doing classes so I can be qualified at massages Rio: nothing suggestive about it at all Buster: 'Course not Buster: It's purely professional Buster: You have to learn by doing & you've got a lot you wanna learn, that's all Rio: and you're just a good test subject Rio: can see all your muscles, everything I need to work on Buster: Exactly, I'm just a willing body for you Buster: To do whatever you need to Rio: Oh, fuck Rio: I'm so turned on, help Buster: Use me babe, I'm right here Buster: Ready to be helpful Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: I like you Buster: I like you more Buster: More than anyone Rio: I do too, you're gonna know it from now on Rio: you're important to me, alright, I want you around so I'm gonna keep you around this time Rio: hook or by crook Buster: You're so important, full stop Buster: Not just to me Buster: When I think about what could have happened, what he could've done to you Buster: I don't even hate Drew anymore Rio: It's all it ever was, he doesn't listen to me, he listens to other lads Rio: s'why when he realized Drew is basically my uncle or whatever I had to start seeing other lads so he'd stay backed off Buster: I know the type Rio: but I don't care about him, he'll get over it Buster: He'll have to when I kill him Rio: Could be cliche and tell you he ain't worth it, 'cos he ain't but not gonna try and deter you in any way, like Buster: He isn't worth anything but it won't be any effort for me to beat the shit out of him either Buster: I can spare the few minutes, like Rio: Just wear a mask or something, he holds grudges Buster: He won't be able to hold anything for a long time, don't worry Rio: Hi, you're hot, fuck me? Buster: You're perfect Rio: for you Buster: In general but especially for me Rio: I'm for you Rio: you're for me Rio: just how it is Buster: You're mine Buster: I can't forget & I don't want to Rio: Good Rio: things get fucked when you try Buster: I'm gonna try for different things Rio: I think it's about time we did Rio: honestly Buster: There's been so much wasted time Buster: Enough now Buster: No more Rio: Enough Rio: we deserve this, you know Rio: one thing, just for us Buster: You deserve everything Buster: The world to be fucking yours Rio: Only if you are too Buster: I am Rio: we can have it together Buster: We can & we will Rio: I'm happy Rio: I was really fucking sad earlier Buster: Good, that's all I want Rio: how do you do that Buster: What? Rio: make me feel better like that Buster: I always get what I want Buster: & That's it Rio: you're so pure Rio: but seriously 😈 with it Rio: it's a real talent Buster: You just described yourself Buster: Normally I hate sharing but I like you more so Rio: That's awkward Rio: is it more or less shaming if we fancy each other 'cos we're alike? Rio: I wonder Buster: I'd fuck myself, if people say they wouldn't they're liars or very self-loathing, like Rio: I do, constantly so Rio: agreed Rio: even if we're well into psychopath territory by now Buster: There's a test for that, we should take it Rio: have to apply the no bullshit rule to it though Rio: those tests are so leading with what's clearly the sane and insane answers Buster: Am I meant to want to ace it or fail it 'cause the latter goes against everything I'm about Rio: An interesting conudrum Rio: probably the fact we wanna work out which is the pass and which is the fail gives us our answer Buster: Yeah, fair point Rio: 😂 Rio: I always forget you're funny, no offense Buster: Whenever you add no offense it makes me wanna get offended, you know that, yeah? Rio: Noted Rio: it's just a very non-funny time when we're not friends Rio: definitely one of your underrated qualities Buster: I'll take it Buster: As I will any compliment, obviously Rio: I can make a list Rio: if you really are offended Rio: weekday shifts are boring Buster: Please do, I'm not really offended I'm just really a slut for praise Rio: 😏 Rio: you should call yourself a slut more Buster: Noted Rio: You're so not like other boys Rio: but actually Rio: yes, you did try to tell me Buster: Calm down, don't like #notallmen me Buster: But of course I'm not, I'm better Rio: The best Rio: you might say Buster: I do say Buster: Often Rio: I'll say it less so it's more special Rio: but still Buster: Say it whenever you want Buster: Please Rio: Okay Rio: because you remembered your manners and it was Buster: & Anything else you might want to say Buster: I love talking to you Rio: Good 'cos I don't know if you've noticed but I don't go away, even when you ask, when I wanna talk to you so Buster: I notice everything you do Buster: I always have Rio: I noticed you noticing Buster: Good 'cause we wouldn't be here otherwise Rio: It was always gonna happen Buster: Always Rio: It's so surreal Buster: Nah, it's real, babe Buster: Not a dream & you don't need to wake up Rio: Yeah, I'm gonna help you sleep, I remember Buster: So you said Rio: Don't you believe me Buster: I'm just very awake right now, that's all I'm saying Rio: has your friend gone Buster: Come on, you know I kicked her out ages ago Rio: Just saying, I'm not putting her to sleep as well Buster: I didn't either Rio: Okay Rio: sorry not really Buster: She's the only one who is Buster: I'd rather she's mad at me than you are Rio: can count it as my turn at ruining something, if you like Buster: That's building it up too much Buster: It can't be ruined if I don't care enough in the first place Rio: Still my turn then Rio: cool Rio: I'll save it for something better Buster: Or don't Rio: Hmm that's an idea Buster: I keep telling you, all the good ones come from me Rio: Keep 'em coming, babe Buster: I can book a flight for you then? Rio: Well, give me 2 more weeks and I'll actually have built up some holiday at work Rio: so yeah Rio: do it Buster: Okay Rio: I've checked, no birthdays Rio: if Indie burns the house down, Drew can deal Buster: Don't jinx us, someone'll fucking actually die if we talk about it too much Rio: 🤐 Rio: Touch wood, all that stuff Rio: I'll ask Bills what I've gotta do for some 🍀 Buster: I'd rather touch you but if that makes it happen, sure Rio: I feel like it's happened loads more than just the once Rio: amount I think about it Buster: I know what you mean, I dream about you day & night, like, it's hard to believe none of it has happened yet Rio: Right? Rio: I won't disappoint Rio: it's still going to be better than you've imagined Buster: At this point, you couldn't if you tried Buster: It's been so long you could get me there with a look Rio: Fun as eye contact across a crowded room has been Rio: not the plan now Buster: I ain't mad about it, I can't lie Rio: If you take me out we can do it for old time's sake Rio: but no one knows who I am here so Buster: We can do whatever we want Rio: How long can I stay Buster: How much holiday do you have? Rio: I think I've got 10 days Buster: You can stay for 10 days then Rio: Help me think of somewhere I could be going? Buster: 'Course Buster: Logistically you're gonna have to admit to being among the Yanks too 'cause of the time difference & shit but it's a big place Rio: They better not try and say shit Rio: I won't say anywhere too exciting or they'll be expecting pics Buster: You can take pics, I trust you to know your angles by now, like Buster: Keep my secrets Rio: 'Course Rio: no amateur Rio: also unlikely we'll be taking the same kind of socials, like Buster: You better not be calling me an amateur or taking the piss out of my feed, babe Buster: That's a lie & you ain't allowed Rio: 😂 Rio: I mean, if I start posting pictures with random bitches and me playing football, then that's beyond suss Buster: Alright, calm down Buster: Unless you wanna post as many topless pics as me, that's more than fine Rio: Maybe with you but not Insta Rio: 💔 Buster: I'll just have to keep them for myself then Buster: Shame Rio: You're so gutted Rio: I can tell Buster: Yeah, that's definitely the word, well done Rio: You can help me with my vocab Rio: defintely a real enough excuse for being together Buster: It would be if everyone knew how good I am at oral but you always tell me not to brag Rio: Less time bragging more time proving it to me Buster: What have you done to me that I wanna prove it to you & I don't ever have shit to prove to anyone Rio: It's a fun thing to prove Rio: come on now Buster: Nothing's fun to prove if it means you have to Buster: But this can be an exception, why not, you already are Rio: say that last bit again Buster: You know you are Buster: I don't do repeats but I wanna do everything with you over & over again Rio: 'Course Rio: I'm the best, why would you wanna lose me Rio: you're not stupid Buster: You are & I don't Buster: I've already been so stupid Rio: both have Rio: but it's not over Rio: won't let it Buster: Me either Buster: I mean, whatever it takes Rio: easy, long as we're both in it Rio: can't fail, literally Buster: & Won't Buster: It's never an option for me, but especially when it comes to you Rio: but it doesn't have to be hard Rio: another fight Rio: 'cos I want you, need you around Buster: Then I'll be there. Simple as that Buster: Or as complicated Rio: It'll always be difficult around the rest Rio: but not impossible Buster: There's no such word in my vocabulary Buster: I will have to teach you Rio: Never stop, you Buster: No, I don't Buster: Won't either Rio: This can't come soon enough, fuck Buster: You can't Buster: Be here now Rio: Okay Rio: don't disagree so Buster: Rio Rio: Buster Buster: Two weeks from now, yeah? Rio: Yeah, baby Buster: Promise Rio: I promise Rio: Trying not to think on all the shit that has got in our way in the past 'cos seriously don't want to jinx it Rio: but aside from the plane crashing or some equally unavoidable tragedy, I'm not letting anything or anyone get in my way Rio: deal with any fallout when I'm back, I don't care now Buster: At least you'd go down with the wreckage of first class Buster: I'm not offering you any less Rio: Babe Rio: Are we gonna have to argue about this? Buster: Not if you just accept it Rio: but Rio: you don't have to Buster: It's not a short flight so you're not gonna change my mind Rio: alright but I can get the hotel then Buster: You don't have to Buster: I'll book it at the same time Rio: Are you gonna let me do anything Buster: Not before you get here Rio: 😏 so it's like that, okay Rio: you're sure, 'cos I'm not gonna keep insisting like Buster: Shhh Rio: Okay 🤐 Rio: for now Rio: you better be more creative at shutting me up when I get there Buster: I don't want to shut you up when you get here Buster: We can be as loud as we need to Rio: Providing no one complains anyway Buster: If they do, we'll get a new hotel Rio: that's the mood Buster: Yeah Buster: All eyes on us, no eyes on us or every guest at the hotel wishing they were us vs nobody knowing us, it's however you want it Rio: Umm Rio: I wanna be there now Rio: you're so Buster: I can put you on a plane now Buster: You don't even have to say please Rio: It's illegal to be so hot and so far away Buster: I'm here too Buster: I told you, use me, babe Rio: You're killing me Buster: [sends pics cos that bitch] Buster: Better? Rio: You're way too cute to be alone Rio: what are you doing now Buster: I'm not alone, I'm with you Rio: Yeah Rio: stay with me Rio: it's really late here Buster: Do you need to sleep? I'll still stay Rio: I don't wanna, I just wanna be with you Buster: I'm yours even if you fall asleep on me Rio: It's different sleeping here Rio: didn't have neighbours at home lowkey Rio: can hear nextdoor breathing, I swear Buster: That could be hot but I'm guessing she's not young & beautiful, yeah? Rio: Unless she's been smoking 80 a day from birth Rio: I would assume not Buster: 😂 Buster: I'll call you then, you can listen to me instead Rio: That'll be nicer Rio: I can't talk though, remember Rio: unless she's already asleep, she could sleep through anything Buster: I'll do all the talking, it's okay Rio: I need to tackle the balcony Rio: then I could go out there in the summer Buster: Or any time if you keep your coat on Rio: Not very sexy Buster: Depends on the coat Rio: 😂 Rio: not got a flasher mac but I'll add it to my wishlist, like Buster: You know what I mean Buster: Shut up Rio: You're cute Rio: are there good shops near you there Buster: I know where they are, yeah Rio: I'll save suitcase room then Buster: We can get them sent to you, don't worry Rio: You're so boujee Buster: I'm being practical Buster: Also selfish, 'cause the more clothes you bring, the more I get to take off Rio: You like a challenge Rio: got it Rio: don't know if I own a turtleneck but I can make that fantasy happen for you babe Buster: You'd overheat, babe. Have you forgotten my tan already? Buster: [sends more pics in case, tan lines am I RIGHT lads] Rio: I had not forgot but when I see a picture of you I can't think of anything else so fair assumption Buster: 😏 Rio: So distracting Buster: You're describing yourself again Buster: Also, you can't blame me for wanting you to have good dreams Rio: You're the best Rio: but you can't see me, I'm a state Buster: You're flawless Rio: As far as you'll ever know, yes Rio: be cancelling my flights rn Buster: Fuck off Buster: Nothing's getting in our way, remember? Buster: Definitely not your smudged mascara or whatever Rio: my face is all puffy Rio: i was drunk and sad, remember Rio: luckily I've got a PM shift tomorrow so I can sleep it off Buster: Baby Rio: but now I'm not Rio: 'cos you're back Rio: but I still look gross Buster: You could never Buster: & You know I'm never wrong Rio: You're biased Rio: but very nice Buster: Shhh Rio: 😇 Rio: won't tell anyone Buster: You're so hot Rio: ain't seen nothing yet Buster: You won't let me see you so Rio: I want you to like me Buster: You know I do Buster: I really like you Buster: & You've seen me in more of a state, as well as my puke, numerous times Buster: Don't you still like me? Rio: Of course I do Rio: even if you can't handle your drink Buster: You can't handle brandy either Buster: Fuck off Rio: 😂 Rio: Sure, babe Buster: Don't underestimate me, babe Buster: Or challenge me Rio: but you love a challenge Buster: But I don't want you to be a sore loser, like Rio: Shame Rio: Kinda like the sore part Buster: Oh Buster: Okay Rio: Just okay? Buster: No Rio: Come on Rio: hot or cold, babe Buster: You're still asking questions you know the answer to then, yeah? Rio: Only when I wanna hear the answers, yeah Buster: You wanna hear how turned on I am by that idea Buster: All of yours Buster: How smart you are Buster: Answer my call Rio: [Does] Buster: [When they both fall asleep so she did keep her promise]

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jesusonacid-blog · 6 years ago

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A Book Of F.B. Ranting. Random Facebook postings Jesus DeAcido Hate is cathartic! Being mere near powerless individuals, hatin' on Trump (for good reason) and expressing same (usually with humor, but with a little venom it's betta) provides psychological relief through the open expression of such strong emotion. But if screaming at everyone about how superior you are for not hating anyone gets ya off, go for it! Be your own personal Jesus! Then we can crucify you, or sumthin'. ;) -----Jesus DeAcido Actually it should be %90, like what it was when America WAS Great. ;) I'm serious. For no one actually paid %90. 'Cause they kept their money in their businesses or invested in one (thus not taxed at that rate) instead of liquidating assets. Then they'd expand operations and that created JOBS! Which was GOOD! We had the highest standard of living in the World, and the rich still got rich! Actually RICHER! More productivity, more consumers with more disposable income equals HUGE profits! Average people could buy homes and cars and only one person need work outside the home, as well. People that rail against higher taxes for the "Elites" are simply under-educated and/or brainwashed.-------Jesus DeAcido There have ALWAYS been those that will suck the King's Cock for Favor. And, of course, out of guilt, those same Cum Stained Chin Muther-Fuckers insist we ALL guzzle the mouth wash of disdain of which they gleefully partake! Yet I boldly say..."No thank you, Sir!". "Rim Me, Young Masters and Mistress, I say!" "Eat'est mine ass, Dainty Tits!"................Jesus DeAcido If anyone deserves hate, it's Trump. And it's not blind hate, it's real and based upon reality. He's attempting to destroy the United States! He's a rapist, as well. (at minimum his wife AND a 13 year old sex slave) Perhaps the word should be despise? Now, if YOU want to be a "Hey, Hitler was nice to his dogs" type, go for it! But don't expect others to be so blindly accommodating. BTW, "Hate Group" should be a designation for ignoble and illogical (i.e. racist, etc) organizations. And seems you are doing the Trumpian "there are good people of both sides" argument with it's use. "If your religion or politics require you to bend over while others suffer, you need a new religion or politics." ................ Jesus DeAcido As a kid I was a little head banger (MC5 to Black Sabbath, etc) but this one time I won two tickets to a Temptations/Supremes concert (musta been '72 0r '73) the ONLY reason I went was this song! I love this song! Anyways, The Supremes were NOT good on my ears, but I loved the entire Temptations set! I was hooked! A school friend and I were the ONLY Whites in the place, BTW (that I could see, at least) and EVERY Brutha and Sista was so nice to us. I guess they figured we were "good ones". (we were, of course) ;) One funny situation was when two Bros in full Pimp Regalia were "arguing" about who was prettier (better dressed). One was in all white, with white fringe trim, white bowler hat. Even a white cane. The other guy was in different shades of purple with a purple cowboy hat and purple feathers on top. My friend and I needed to get by them to get to our seating entrance so I politely said "Excuse me!". The guy in white said "Of course, my little brother!" so I thank him. And then, while passing, I turned and exclaimed to the crowd assembled "The guy in white is prettier!". They all bust out laughing, and the guy in white gave me a fist bump. Fun time! In more ways than one. ------------------ Jesus DeAcido I'd say that it's kinda dumb either way. Unless there is some actual redeeming value to doing it, which would be a rather hard hurdle. BUT it could happen. As for "(it's) not meant to make either look lesser than", I'd have to point to the fact that such depictions usually include actions or affects that was parodies of the race they are depicting. For instance, the Black actors made up as White Girls did exaggerated depictions of both Women AND Whites. Which was pretty bad. The sin, IMO, is that it wasn't funny. Robert Downey Jr. playing the White guy pretending to be Black was doing much negative Black stereotypes as well. That movie was funny though. ;) And there was some modicum of a point to it. L.O. doing Othello held no innately racist stereotypes or exaggerations. And the Black Face is but topical. The character is a Moor. I think it's, as always, the INTENT mixed with actions. I'm sure that you are bringing this up due to Gov. Northam being called upon to resign (I apologize if that isn't the case). Well, I believe that that IS an overreaction. The year AFTER Northam did that the movie Soul Man came out! (illustrating the mindset of the time) And anyone remember Gene Wilder in Silver Streak? Now THAT was pretty bad, but it wasn't back then! (well, maybe SOMEONE complained, but I never saw it) Anyways, and again, I believe it's all about intent AND actions. And the intent may be right, but the actions may not be. We should just stop it. We have evolved. For if doing it hurts anyone...that's reason enough to not do it. And it's not necessary. (even when playing Othello, for we all know he was Black) Sorry for going on so long, BTW. -------------------------------- Jesus DeAcido Dewey Rai Lineberry I agree. I'm a professional Comedy Writer, BTW. And I'm not Politically Correct. I'm just Correct! (jez kidding) ;) I CAN hold two or more opposing ideas in my head at the same time though, so I can see where most people are coming from (on both sides) and the reasons they feel certain ways. I can relent on certain comedic takes IF I get a reasonable account of why I should tread lightly. If only because I'm a nice person, and I don't intend on hurting anyone (well, except for people that deserve it) Again, as for Northam, THAT is P.C. Gone Wild! (although his waffling about the issue is pretty fucked up) I believe people should be able to do whatever they fuckin' want, in the case of Free Speech, even if it's disgusting and/or stupid. BUT if ya Speak Freely, albeit abhorrently, expect others to return fire, VERBALLY. For that's the way it should work. Oh, and Political Correctness is NOT an exclusively Liberal attribute, of course. Conservatives have their own versions. Try burning your OWN American Flag, or say something pro-Socialism, or take a knee, or protest Police abuse. They get as warped as any tree-hugger...and they'll often kill ya for it! Or you'll lose your job, like Kaepernick did. ............................ Jesus DeAcido Time for some True Love! Like yo' Dad gave! Like yo' Mom gave! Some "No! You can't do that!" about the Head and Shoulders! TRUE LOVE! -------- Thinking upon Grunge, haven't you all noticed that "Grunge" ain't/wasn't a sound? SEEMS it started as a Uniform. The Pendletons and Levis, and a graphic Tee Shirt. Just NOT the Glam! It was anti-Glam. Actually, it was what my friends and I wore forever! The MUSIC was everything! Every sound! Akin to the 60's, IMO. The only REAL "Grunge" was Mother Love Bone/Pearl Jam. That's about it, past that: Soundgarden...Metal! (at least at first) Alive In Chains...started as Glam! Nirvana...PUNK! (think about it!) Blind Melon...Hippy? Melvins...Noise Rock STP...Rock Toad The Wet Sprocket...Mellow. Mazzy Starr...? Here's more on this. ------- Jesus DeAcido shared a link. 11 hrs Now, I'm sure that this will start arguments of if Rap/Hip Hop is Rock & Roll or not, but lets assume the positive, but we can argue the point if ya like (I just offer this so as to affirm that I'm not trolling). Personally I believe it is. Anyways, to the point... Anyone here like/appreciate Rap/Hip Hop? And who/what type is your fave? Myself, I find the new stuff unlistenable. (It's not very heavy OR lyrical, IMO) I like Old School and especially Gangsta Rap. ;) (And I liked a lot of the "Nu-Metal" back in the day) I have to qualify that I like all genres of music. IF it's any good. BTW, to the haters...you do realize that Frank Zappa was a Rapper, right? ;) "BOOM! Blowin' da minds of the people that be illin'. But I be here psychopath chillin'!" ------ Jesus DeAcido Seriously though, people have a right to shave their heads if the hair is getting weird lookin'. And it feels GREAT! No need to insult or infer motives beyond personal preference. Do I scream and yell about you always shaving your less than ample bag sack until it bleeds? NO! Of course not! ----------------

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