#can't believe I let this man gaslight me that's so embarrassing

[nectardaddy]

update: I thought I was dreaming but no. it is in fact real. I shit you not the words "what the skibidi" left his mouth

got so high and went down a rabbit hole... learned that my toxic ex now streams on twitch and does brainrot fortnite content now

[dilf-docs]

It Always Leads To You

joel miller x younger fem!reader

summary: it's been a year; now you're back. how can joel be so sure of those old summer feelings in your eyes when there's a new hand holding yours?

warnings: 18+ (minors dni), age gap, toxic relationship, cheating and infidelity themes, mutual pinning, kinda dark!joel, smut, p. in v., pussy pronouns, oral (f. receiving), fingering, manhandling, lowkey forced creampie, ANGST, the taylor swift evermore (2020) references go wild, happy ending cause y'all weak asses voted for it and i love to keep my citizens happy!

word count: 5,199 words

side note: my joel miller era is alive and breathing after this tlou re-watch i'm doing my brother swears it's for him but it's mostly me and my fic/womanly reasons, yes we love gaslight girlkeep girlbossing in here gotta say, finding inspiration for this amidst my wattpad duties and christmas movie marathon was harder than i thought lol. was it worth the wait? please like, comment and reblog to let me know! it's based on this request (they're still open btw!)

part: I / II

Holidays linger like bad perfume.

Your eyes wander through the streets: the roads you've got to call home, the ones where you grew up. They're familiar, but so foreign, it's hard to believe they're the same ones where you scrapped your knees at ten and kissed Joel just last winter. It's as if both timelines, your life, feels more like two separate lives, miles apart.

"Hey, you okay?" tender, from the driver's seat; you're still getting used to the soft.

There's a reassuring smile your way, his hand finding yours to give it a squeeze. You notice his palm is the same size as yours. It fits perfectly, but there's a ghost of what it feels like to have it all wrapped up, looming over your itchy palm like all the yearning's a joke.

You nod. "Just tired. That's all"

He sighs. "If I wanted you to lie to me, I would've just asked"

"I'm not lying" you defend yourself as his pickup truck parks on the sidewalk.

He makes a funny face, and you laugh.

"I'm serious, Nick" your lips purse, a thing you do when you lie, yet he still hadn't noticed, like Joel. "Don't worry"

He doesn't look that convinced, so you take off your seat belt and grab his hand.

"C'mon. Mom and dad must be waiting for us"

"Hey" Nick calls you out.

"Yeah?"

"Who lives there?" and he's pointing behind you.

It's his. Joel's house.

"A friend of my dad's" you answer, dryly.

It was last december when you stood there in his porch, begging. It feels like time has stopped ever since, and you're still right where he left you.

"So will he be here?" Nick asks. "You know, since he knows your dad"

"Don't think so" you shrug, "he's got better things to do anyway. Bitter old man" comes out, with more venom than intended.

"Oh! Alright, sorry for asking"

You come back to your senses, realizing you've shared more than you should.

"No, I'm sorry. It's not that important; let's just go inside"

Your mom and dad greet you as soon as you cross the door. Last year, you'd basically fled away before New Year's, with a poor excuse and a broken heart. They both greet you as if nothing happened, although you're sure they remember your tear streamed face coming back from Joel's house, where it all ended.

As your mom corners Nick with kisses and embarrassing questions, your dad whispers to you:

"Joel asked what happened" you quirk and eyebrow, "wanted to know why you left"

"Eh, it's not important" you try to dismiss. "Definitely not as important for a guy like Joel to know"

"What is that supposed to mean?" your dad inquires. You often wonder if they knew.

"Nothing" you laugh nervously. "Listen, why don't you go and meet Nick, yeah? Did you know he likes fishing too?"

The distraction works with your dad; the same can't be said about you.

There's conversation flowing, but through the snow covered window, your eyes keep glancing back to his own. The view is dark, and you ponder if he's fled as well, the town plagued with memories too painful to reminisce.

You can still feel his hands roaming your body, the lust filled gaze that hid warmth. Every time he touches you, you have to remind you he isn't there: that the lips that kiss you, don't taste like his, that the hands that hold you, aren't big as his, and that the face that looks at you like they'll never choose another, is one you haven't learned to love yet.

Joel's memory cuts like thorns: they sink their teeth into your heart, that bleeds with that blood-colored sadness you're all too familiar with. He's poisoned you. But-- isn't it his love also the antidote for this disease he's gave you?

You abruptly stand up, plate half eaten.

"I-I need some air"

It's cold outside, but you don't care. All you want to do is sit on the porch, and drop some tears, something you can do inside too, but the fear of your muffled cries being able to be heard stops you.

You walk towards the stairs, to sit there like you do on summer days, yet there's now a difference: the snow. So you end up slipping, falling with your butt on the floor.

You yelp, embarrased although no one can see you.

"Need help?"

That you're wrong, apparently.

You don't even need to raise your view to know who that voice belongs to: you know it like a record, spinning in circles on your head.

He offers his strong hand your way, and although the cold wind hits your face, you're back to spring on the cabin: wet feet, bright sun and beating heart.

"I can get up myself" you reject his help, pushing the hand out. You keep avoiding his gaze, so you don't see how he's reacted, yet you hope he feels bad about it.

You walk up to the front door, and it takes you a while to realize he hasn't left yet. On top of that, it seems like he's following you. Just what you needed.

"What are you doing here?" you question, but your tone sounds like you're offended.

"Your folks invited me over" Joel answers, "Says they got a special guest"

"Yeah" this time, you do look back, finding him to be much closer than you thought he'd be. Yet you stand tall, defiant even. "It's my boyfriend"

You savour the way his expression falters, before the stoic façade takes over again.

"Boyfriend?" Joel scoffs, as if you just told the funniest joke ever.

"Is that supposed to be funny?" you bite back. "What? Think a pretty girl can't get a new man?"

"Never said I'd doubt'it" he clicks his tongue. "Y'a could get any man you'd want, sugar"

Ironically, the only man you want stands before you.

"Right" you chuckle dryly, "I think it's kind of funny of you to say that"

Joel's eyes bore into yours, a clash of emotions circling in his chocolate orbs.

"Y/n-"

"Don't" you stop him. Then sigh, defeated. "Let's just go inside"

As soon as you both arrive on the dinning room, your parents both greet Joel. Then, they introduce him to their guest, just as promised.

"Joel, this is Nick, y/n's boyfriend" your father speaks. "Nick, this is Joel, a dear old friend of mine"

Nick, as the gentleman he is, offers his hand. Joel accepts, but you can see the barely desguised displease behind his eyes.

"Wow, strong grip" Nick comments before joking, "you can let go now, I'm not going anywhere"

The hidden meaning of his words, whether intentional or not, hit Joel in the face. It's obvious by the way he backtracks, letting go of Nick's hand.

As you sit again, Nick leans to your side and whispers.

"Is this the guy who lives in the house across the street?" you nod. "Thought you'd said he had better plans. But, see? I told you: no plan's more important than coming to your house"

He's always making jokes, trying to make you smile, but it's done the opposite now. The food has gone cold long ago, yet you cut through the meat with a violence so palpable, even your mom tells you to slow down.

The nerve of Joel, showing up to your house like it's nothing, talking to you like he's unaware of his spell on you, acting like Nick is some sort of competition when he pulled out of the race himself a winter ago.

"So, Nick. How did you two meet?" your mom adresses him, eager to know details.

"It was at a party, actually, through mutual friends. Not a very spectacular story, that I know. What's funny is, she asked me what hour it was. And what did I say?"

"He didn't answer my question. Instead, he said: For you, I'm available any hour" you answer.

Your parents laugh, but Joel remains quiet. You wonder what he's thinking.

"You know" looking at Nick while cutting the steamed vegetables a little too agressive, "y/n actually hates parties"

"Joel" you warn through gritted teeth.

"Really? I didn't know that!" Nick seems so genuine, Joel can't help but hate him. He looks at you, concerned "You didn't tell me"

You can't believe he would rat you out like that. The appropiate word isn't hate, and you don't know how to describe it, but parties aren't really your environment; if you can, you'd choose to be anywhere else.

He'll pay for that.

"Joel" you seethe, an ugly smile painted in your features, "did you know Nick knows how to fish?"

It's a direct jab at him. He feels stupid for letting you get to him. The inferiority complex towards some random guy he just met, years younger, is actually laughable.

"I like-" Nick wants to add on that.

"Well" Joel interrupts, looking at you. "You never taught me like ya' were s'pposed to"

"You never cared to learn" you reply, acidic.

He sips his drink, trying to hide the smirk that's formed on his lips. You can't shut up, and he loves you've stayed the same.

"That means I've got some classes to take" Joel leans back on his chair, relaxed like he's won this round. "Just tell me when"

The tension cuts like the storm that's just formed outside.

"You should stay over, Joel" your dad offers when he takes a peak at the climate, "it's too dangerous outside"

Joel seems indestructible, like not even a snow blizzard could pierce through the rough old man. But he agrees, much to your dismay.

It's probably midnight already, and all you've done is toss around the bed. Nick peacefully snores next to you, and you envy how easily he falls asleep. You've always find it hard to sleep, the nighttime plagued with too many loud thoughts that fill the silence.

You get up carefully, heading downstairs for some water. You sip with tranquility when a noise jolts you from your sit.

The wooden floor creaks, making you aware you're not alone anymore.

"Can't sleep?"

You don't answer, seeing his sturdy figure emerge from the shadows until the dim moonlight shines over his aging features. Silence settles in. Outside, the wind howls, bumping against the windows with violence, like your heart does now against your chest.

"Not much of a talker, are you?"

"There's nothing to talk" cuts your response through the thick tension, the air suddenly suffocating.

You take another sip, but the tremble of your hand doesn't go unnoticed by Miller.

"Right" Joel sits next to you, on the kitchen island. "Won't even look at me, sugar? You've got eyes" his voice drops, "use 'em"

"What are you doing, Joel?" you ask looking at him, tears threatening to spill, making your bright eyes shimmer with pain.

He gets up abruptly, like he's woken up from a trance. He's seen his own pain on your eyes, and he hates it.

"Joel?" you ask again, demanding but softly.

He can't answer. Instead, he leaves.

"Goodnight, y/n" voice raw, many emotions boiling, hidden on the inside. It hurts.

If you hadn't changed, Joel too stayed the same.

A goddamn coward.

Two days have passed since, and now it's Christmas Eve.

You kneel, putting the presents under the tree. Normally, your parents would have much more people around for the holidays, but thanks to the storm, it's just them, Nick, Joel and you.

"I'm gonna miss Mrs. Stone's cookies" you pout, "I wish she could be here"

"It's a big loss for tonight" your dad sighs. "Next time, yeah? Christmas will come again faster than you think"

You nod, still absent as he walks away.

"Hey" Joel pops up behind, seemingly from nowhere.

"Hey" you reply, voice laced with tiredness just at the sight of him. How will you manage to survive until New Year's? You have no idea, the task harder if he's staying in the same house as you are.

"Put this in there, will ya'?"

He hands you a box, neatly wrapped up. What stands out the most is the silver bow on top. Your stomach drops: it's your favorite color.

"Y-yeah" you stammer. When the present falls in your hands, you notice it looks like Joel did it himself.

"Didn't know you were capable of nice things" you whisper. There's no anger in your voice, only loss.

"I'm trying" is what he says, before leaving you alone. Until then, you realize he had been touching you, the skin where his hand was on your shoulder burning.

Dinner goes by swiftly, conversation flowing easily courtesy of Nick and your father, who both have in common the love for talking. It may be your brain messing with you, but his eyes never leave you, fixated on your every move, savoring when your lips open and take a bite; when you lick them afterwards, salt in your mouth he'd love to take off in a movement of his tongue. The ghost of your lips haunts him, cruelly playing with his yearning now that he's got you across the table. It's a few centimeters, really, but it feels like you're miles away: and it's his fault. You're no longer his, and he's reminded of it every time your boyfriend kisses what he once had.

Now it's time to open the presents, and you excitedly raise your hand to go first.

"Alright, sweetheart. You know I can't deny you anything" your father beams, "go ahead. Choose any present you'd like to open first"

Joel's eyes are on you, and you know he's desperately waiting for you to open his first. Maybe partly in courage, maybe partly in fear, but you choose Nick's first: something safe to start with.

"That's mine!" he chirps, and Joel mockingly imitates his kid-like joy under his breath.

You unwrap the present, finding a small box inside.

"Please, don't be another box" you joke, and he laughs.

"You think that low of me? Please"

You keep unwrapping and find a bag. The bag has a small tag that reads: Gotcha.

"Nick! God, you're so corny" you tease as you open the bag. Inside, there's a velvet box, and by the looks of it, you can tell it's jewelry. You gasp, pulling out a silver charm tied to a silver thin chain: it's a marlin fish. "Nick..."

"I know. Marlin isn't your favorite fish, but that's all I could find" you get up, wrapping him on a tight hug. Aware you've got an audience, he leans and whispers "I knew fishing was special to you, because of your dad and childhood. Maybe now" he takes it from your hands, carefully putting it around your neck, "it can also be our special thing"

Joel sees the scene unfold in front of him, his grip tight on the cloth of his jeans until it's white. His jaw clenches at the affection display; all he sees is red.

"What about that one?" your mom points out Joel's present. A pit of nerves forms in your stomach. "I don't remember seeing it there"

Before you can grab it, your dad moves faster, examining the box on his hands.

"It's Joel's" he makes a pause, "for y/n"

You pretend to be shocked, and you can tell Nick tenses at your side.

"You didn't tell me you were close"

"Used to" you correct quickly, despite the knot on your throat. "Not anymore"

"He still got you a present, though"

You don't get to answer because your dad leaves the box on your lap.

"Open it" it's soft but feels threathing for some reason, "I'm curious"

Joel's resting hands tremble as much as yours while you open the present. You reveal the simple white box under the wrap, opening it up.

Your voice comes out shaky as you call his name. And he can see it: the muffled laughters on the shed, the warmth of the cabin's fire, the fogged up windows of his car, the bruises on your tits and that voice, so vulnerable, he can see you on his porch, saying those three words that terrified him so much, his solution was breaking your heart.

"What is it?" your dad asks.

"It's a scarf" the fabric tickles your fingers that wander through the loose strands.

You remember it all too well.

"Oh, it's vintage!" your mom comments when she sees the worn-out aspect.

But just as your affair with Joel, you keep the secret of it's real owner.

"It's perfect" you mutter, remembering better times: ones where he'd wrap the scarf colored as the leaves on the ground around your neck, covering bruises he'd just made while you joked you'd steal it, and Joel would say he'd just let you, that it looked better on you anyway.

You've forgotten the good, so used to thinking of Joel at your worst, like a punishment to endure and sink your shipwreck even deeper. You felt lost, replaying memories that seemed stuck on a loop. Since last december, all you've known is pain; creeping up through the cracks in your fleeting happiness, one you've tried to find to no avail. One day, past the curses and cries, maybe there'll be happiness. But as for now, that day seems terribly far.

As he sees your teary gaze, Joel often wonders were it went wrong. When did hurt was all you had for him in that gaze of yours he can't bare to look that long, not before he's reliving all those seasons by your side, replaying his footsteps on the snow, grass, water and fallen leaves, trying to find the one where it all went wrong. The torture he now wears like a second skin, his agony painted words addressed to the fire of a house that feels so empty and alone.

"We should continue" your dad speaks over the silence, "there are still many presents left"

The night moves slowly, and the scarf you've chosen to wear is now suffocating around your neck. But you can't take it off. This is the closest you've been to Joel on a year; it still smells like him. As the presents run out, you excuse yourself early to bed, only to wake up again in the middle of the night. You want to pee, so you exit your room and walk to the bathroom, your bare feet against the cold wood sending shivers down your spine that only seem to augment when you walk past his door, next to the bathroom. After being done, you splash some water on your face, as if that would make some sense get to you.

"What are you doing?" you ask yourself in the mirror. Your tired reflection stares back at you, in silence.

You open the door, ready to go back to bed when a hand covers your mouth and shoves you inside.

"Don't scream" your cries go muffled against his hand, the calloused digits pressing against your soft skin, "wanna wake 'em up?"

You shake your head, so he lets your mouth free.

"Joel" you call out, but he's facing the door, his back all you see. No sound can be heard, aside from his uneven breaths.

"I'm sorry" he says, and then you hear the small click of the door's lock.

"What the hell?"

This time, he faces you, but his movements are so quick you don't register his lips on yours until it's too late. He kisses you like a starved man who hasn't had a meal in years, eating you out while your body acts up on it's own, the urgency embarrasing even.

"No" you pull back. Your mind screams in guilt at how much you want this, and that's all you can hear aside from his ragged breaths.

"No?"

"It isn't fair"

"To lover boy out there?" he teases, "I know he ain't treating you right, or ya' wouldn't look me the way ya' do"

"Don't, Joel" your tone is icy, "Nick treats me better than you ever could"

He laughs, darkly. "You know I ain't meant that" he corners you against the sink, the material cold against your bare legs; you don't sleep with nothing but an oversized t-shirt, despite the weather.

"Riddle me this, sugar: if he treats you so well, why are you so fucking wet?"

Your heart beats so fast you fear you'll die. He gets closer, his hot breathe prickling against your ear.

"It takes a man to please a woman" he tucks a loose strand behind your ear, "and I ain't leaving my baby displeased"

His fingers pull down the panties until your clit is exposed.

"Look at 'er" he traces a teasing finger over the puffy skin, coated on your slick "missed me, didn't she? Gonna treat 'er so good, she won't ever feel lonely again"

He softly kisses your neck, the trepidation and regret tying your stomach in knots.

Joel teases your needy core with his finger.

"Tell you somethin', sugar" Joel finds it hard to hide his adoration, "I missed 'er too"

He stares into your eyes while pushing two rough fingers inside your cunt. You bite your lip, holding back your moans.

"Need summ help?" he kisses you roughly, smirking when he feels your shaky breath against his lips. He pushes them in and out faster, making your walls squeeze tightly around his fingers.

"Did he ever have you comin' this fast? I'ont think so" he whispers against your neck. You whisper his name through labored breaths, making a smug smile adorn his features. "Good girl"

He proceeds to kneel down, despite the creak of his bones. You see him leave a trail of kisses down your thighs, your legs opening wider in response. His tongue gives rapid flickers against your sensitive bud, aware of the lack of time. He slurps the pulsing cunt, his head moving back and forth while he sucks, coating his moustache on your juices. Joel goes back to the quick movements, tongue knowing your spots and twisting fingers as aid, causing your back to arch.

"Fuck" you curse as you come, gripping the sink a bit too tight.

Joel then pulls away and places his fingers coated in your arousal in his mouth and licks them. He sees the obscene display in the fogged mirror, satisfied.

"Goodnight, sugar" Joel bids goodbye like it's nothing, kissing your lips that taste like you. "Still as sweet as ever"

It's New Year's Eve.

"You're leaving?" you sound so sad, Joel can't help but scoff. In the end, he'd stayed long after the storm had passed, your father arguing holidays weren't meant to be spent alone. So he stayed.

And now, Nick is leaving.

"I'm sorry" he apologizes for the millionth time, "but granny is sick. I don't know if she'll make it another year, so say the doctors. I would love to stay, really, but I have to be with her"

You understand, having lost your grandad years ago. But that doesn't mean you're okay with it: Nick leaving means a clear path for Joel, who didn't stop with him sleeping next room, and certainly won't now, despite not having interacted with you since he ate you out on the bathroom.

He pulls you into a long hug and a kiss that doesn't feel the same anymore. "Will you be okay?"

"Yeah" you nod, "I'll miss you though"

"Well, I'll be all yours when you get back"

You smile but it doesn't reach your eyes.

"See you, y/n. I love you"

Your lips purse after you utter those three words back.

Later at night, the house is filled with guests. The lively environment is restored, and you feel less confined to Joel's claws, so many faces to speak and distract yourself with, compared to Christmas and the past couple of days. You clutch the marlin charm tightly, mind busy wandering to places it shouldn't. Joel stares at you from across the room, eyes trained on you as he sips his drink calmly, like he's won; you don't know why he's keeping score if he already knows it. You wander off to the kitchen, and Joel follows you.

"You have to stop" you speak as soon as he enters, aware he would follow you.

"I ain't do shit"

You turn around, facing him. "Bullshit, Joel"

"Tell me, what'd I do?" he comes closer, and despite your erratic heart and fear, you stay still; challenging.

"You did this, Joel" his expression falters for a second, the weight of last december's crimes dawning on him. "Don't try to make me feel guilty"

"I ain't. That wasn't your fault" he sighs, breath dragging long like a cigarrette. "But this" he motions with his hands the reduced distance, "this it is"

Your breath hitches.

"We can't keep doing this, Joel. Nick doesn't deserve it"

He pins you against the counter with force, gripping the skin of your wrists until you're sure you'll get a bruise. Joel's eyes darken at the thought of your frail and soft body under his rough figure and belly, his strength and your weakness making the job of putting you under his will, so much easier.

"Don't say his name" he whispers, his breath laced with alcohol, "he ain't here anymore. Ain't nothing to stop me now, right, sugar?" Joel purrs as he steps towards you, taking your face in his hands before starting a heated kiss, making you stumble.

This was so wrong, but it felt so right, the missing pieces falling like dominoes.

He was your pain divine: you needed his hurt to bleed and feel alive again. Maybe the red of the blood and the blue of your sadness could paint your darkest grey skies with a happiness you've craved since you lost him.

"Tell me to stop" Joel whispers, tempting like a devil as he kisses down your neck, littering it with hickeys.

"Don't"

Next thing you know, you're excusing yourself upstairs and then Joel goes missing too, both inside of your bedroom.

Your dress was the first thing to go.

"Wear it for me?" you're about to answer, lips pursing, but he cuts you off, "and don't lie, sugar. Don't get too used to the bad girl schtick"

"I only wore this dress so you could take it off"

He kisses you desperately, legs wrapped around his waist while he carries you to bed, and the memories of your first flood you as he drops you down to your back, watching the way you bounce. He has you just like he wanted: moaning his name while he leaves tender kisses on the soft bare flesh.

"Joel-" you gasp. Despite the chatter downstairs and music, you try to remain low as he wraps his lips around your nipples. He then moves to your breasts, covering them with his kisses and hickeys. He hadn't touched a woman ever since you left, the feeling of the rosy innocent skin on his rough teeth making him loose all common sense, the real thing even better than what he would try to conjure when he fucked himself in the bathroom at the memory of you.

He groans when he feels your hands roaming over his back, nails digging on the scarred skin.

"Someone's eager" he teases, seeing your damp underwear. "Is this 'cause of me?" you don't answer, too busy removing the cloth, only for his strong fingers to grab you and stop you. "Don't be shy, answer baby. We got a whole new year, yeah?"

"I need you Joel" you whine, not laughing at the joke "cut the crap"

He pushes you gently back down to the bed. "So needy sugar, want me to help ya'?"

You eagerly nod, making him laugh. But there's no mock, only love behind the sound.

"Will you let this old man take care of ya', pretty baby? Just use your words, and I'll be all y'rs"

"Do it, Joel. Just do it"

You gasp as your folds begin to be prodded open by the fat head of Joel's cock. You curse, feeling him push in just the tip, the sweet burn of your walls welcoming his size making you grab his arms that stand at the sides of your body, caging you in.

His tummy pushes against your stomach as he adjusts himself, his weight sinking your body on the creaking matress.

"'S just the tip, ready for the whole thing?"

You needed him, all of him.

"Yes, Joel. I want you" You say and he pushes in slowly, feeling his cock fill up every empty space that craved for him.

You squeeze your eyes shut as his hips roll back pulling out about halfway before rocking back in. His sloppy thrusts pick up a familiar pace that makes you moan and beg for more, head falling against the sheets as his pace speds up until he's fucking you senseless.

Joel's brain goes blank at the sight of you creaming on his dick and the obscene sounds leaving your pretty mouth. Did he really give this up? He'd definitely go back in time and slap the fuck out of his past self, because there is simply nothing better than having you under him, screaming his name like that's all you can ever say.

"Does he fuck you like this, huh?" Joel angles his hips, resuming his brutal pace. Your body jolts with each snap. "Is he enough for you?"

"Yes" his stomach drops, dark eyes now hesitant, "but he isn't you"

He pushes himself back in, your eyes fluttering shut almost immediately.

"Tell me you'll leave him, y/n. Look me in the eyes and tell me who ya' really belong to"

Your eyes snap open at the possesiveness clashed with jealousy that drips from his sweat-soaked lips.

The confession falls easily, as meant to be. "Yours, Joel. Always was and will be"

He could cum just at the sight of your loving doe eyes.

Downstairs, the countdown begins, but in your room, all you can hear are his soft groans and your pathetic whimpers, and if the people would stop shouting, you could probably hear the squelch of your dripping cunt sucking in his girth with each thrust.

After a few more erratic thrusts, you feel his warm cum fill you up. Joel was always obsessed with how his cum seeped out of you and around his cock. Without thinking, his rough fingers push deep in you, making you yelp as he makes sure he isn't wasting a drop behind.

The countdown ends, and fireworks erupt outside as your head rests on the crook of his sweat covered neck.

"I love ya', sugar" those words you thought you imagined that one time, now real, so goddamn real his voice quivers and eyes get tearful with grief, "'S okay if ya' don't say it. I just wanted you to hear 'em. 'M just tired of wastin' my time"

He wraps your lips with his with tenderness you had only dreamed of. There is still a lot to talk and heal, but this time, his arms hold you like a promise. And you let yourself believe it.

Y/n's New Years' purposes: 1. Break up with Nick 2. Try to explain this seasonal mess to mom and dad 3. At last, try to be happy

[allfearstofallto]

I hear your pleas for ideas loud and clear so I raise you yandere Kaeya gaslighting tf out of you. So talented you are, but you always fumble when it comes to presenting your skills to the world. Oh so many wonderful ideas in that mind of yours - too bad they die on your lips.

And that's why you need him. To save you from embarrassing yourself as you clutch your latest creation that would undoubtedly revolutionize some industry against your chest as your eyes burn with unshed tears. It always baffled him that you thought that you were worthy of that honor. I mean, you can't even order a meal without shaking like a leaf.

You aren't built for this lifestyle, now are you? Geniuses could easily bounce back from failure, yet here you are, soaking his shirt with your never-ending tears. Were you ever a genius?

(basically Kaeya gaslight gatekeep girlbossing talented inventor darling into oblivion bc I just know this man would be jealous if you were famous. I'm so sorry for writing so much but this idea has been eating me up inside so now I send it to you. May I be 🐇 Anon?)

🐇 anon, first of all, it is a pleasure to meet you! Secondly, my dear bun, you've saved my ass!! This was such a good prompt and it felt incredible to write!

Maybe I'm just in the mood to write gaslighting bitches cause this felt natural!!

Voiceless

Yandere! Kaeya x reader

TW: gaslight, and quite harsh words, but Kaeya is saying them so it's kinda sexy

If people could see what was going on inside your head, they'd think you were a genius. And you are, or at least, you believe that you are. But all those faces, all those eyes on you, those people looking at you makes your body go stiff and your words lodge in your throat. And in the end, you look like a bumbling idiot.

But you were his bumbling idiot. That's what he'd tell you at least. Hurtful words yes, but he meant them in an endearing way. His phrases were sweet and loving, even if to the average person they sounded a bit harsh. You explained to people that he didn't truly mean it that way, he was just trying to make you feel better.

“And how was it today?” He’d asked you. He always looked like a work of art when he came home from his long shifts. Every strap and piece of clothing would be pulled from his body as he spoke, he was so careless about showing himself off in front of you, but you were still flustered and shy around him.

With a sheepish smile, you held up the mora that he'd given you to use for a drink, completely untouched. You couldn't even bring yourself to leave the house. A dramatic sigh fell from his lips, but he still kneeled on the couch and wrapped his arms around your shoulders.

“Oh, you sweet, poor thing,” he whispered in your ear. He took your cheeks into his hands and squeezed them lightly, like he was coddling a child, “Still so shy aren't you? It's okay, I speak for you.”

It's like you breathed a sigh of relief when he spoke. All the weight of the world was lifted off your shoulder. You were a genius, yes, but you were a genius who could barely speak a full sentence to anyone. Except for Kaeya.

His charming smile and flashy personality made you weary at first. Why would someone like him be interested in something so quiet and timid? You felt like a coal in comparison to his flashy, diamond-like nature. Your mind was like a maze, endless corners and rooms filled with ideas, but you got lost in them as well, and just ended up choking on your own words.

Kaeya released you from his warm embrace and sat down next to you. He looked at the coffee table in front of you, covered in ideas and doodles that you'd have for your latest inventions. Your mouth never moved, but your brain was a constant machine, most days you couldn't get it to shut up. It all had to be let out, in notes or drawings.

He picked up one of the random pages, an idea for a water filter, and a chuckle fell from his lips, “And how would you pitch this one?” He asked. The way those words fell from his lips felt condescending, he already knew that you couldn't do it, but you knew better than to think that. It was just his love, it was how he showed it, he wanted you to succeed.

You felt yourself flush even thinking about it, but you still stood with the paper in your hands. Walking to the other side of the coffee table, you looked down at the notes you'd written. It was all there. Everything about your idea was right there, everything you needed to say was right in front of you. But when you looked up from the page, you felt dizzy, the letters on the paper began to merge and swirl together.

It was like your world had tilted on its axis and suddenly everything was lopsided. You felt yourself spinning, but you knew you were standing perfectly still. The only person looking at you was Kaeya. His beautiful self, like a statue crafted by the gods, was sitting there, focused on you.

An average person would love and adore the amount of attention someone like Kaeya gave. A smolder on his lips and all a sparkle in his eye. But you weren't the average person and you already felt as if you were sinking into yourself, like the world was about to swallow you whole, and before you knew it, tears had started to fall from your eyes.

“Can't even talk in front of me anymore, can you?” He asked and you gave him a slow, solemn nod. You tried to hold back sobs as you realized how truly useless you were. Unable to speak in front of even your own boyfriend, a true genius would never suffer from this.

“I'm- I'm sorry,” you'd somehow managed to stutter through your apology, but that much was to be expected of you. Tears fell onto the page and smeared the ink of your notes, but it didn't matter, it's not like you were going to read it anyways.

“That's the problem, my love,” he cooed to you in his usual tone, he stood from the couch and began scooping up all the pages that lay on the coffee table. All your ideas, all your work was crumbled up into a ball. It stung a bit, seeing everything you had worked so hard to make be treated like trash and thrown away, but nothing hurt more than your failures, “You're not built for this kind of thing. You know that, right?” He spoke close to your face, your lips brushing against your, soft like flower petals on your skin.

“I know,”

“But that's okay. Do you know why?” He asked, placing a gentle hand on your face and squeezing the fat of your cheeks.

“Because I'm yours. And I don't need to be smart to be yours,”

He held you close to his chest, peppering your forehead with kisses. All your work was thrown in the trash. “It's only making you unhappy,” he said. And he was right. You weren't ready for this. This type of thing wasn't for you. You only needed him.

So you lay in his arms and tried to stop the sniffling. He was the only person you'd need to talk to, he'd be your voice if needed be. You were only hurting yourself trying to do these things that you weren't made for.

[alicepooryorick]

Excerpt from my Shiva Barbara child support fic's upcoming, way to long chapter about Shiva deciding to respond to meeting Bruce and Dick talking to Barbara with opting to gaslight them into thinking the two of them are dating.

A couple months had passed now since the last time Barbara had requested aid, Shiva had figured there was nothing to do rather thab she was free, and it seemed she had been correct. She'd been called again, this time as a very precise time. Barbara normally gave her a day's window to appear, but now, Barbara had it down to the minute in her message, and so here Shiva was, curious, as she knocked on the door.

The last few times, it was simple in-out quests for Barbara. Shiva had been more or less fetching things for Barbara that the Batgirls were to busy for. This time, it felt different.

Shiva was let inside, following the same route as usual, finding Barbara in the living room on her wheelchair. The woman's traditional wifebeater and cargo pants were replaced this time with more formal attire.

"An occasion?"

"Hello again, Shiva."

"Hello Barbara. What is the meaning of this summoning?"

For once, the woman before her had no quick answer. She seemed... Embarrassed.

"Batman and Nightwing are coming over to have what I'm sure is to be a very... Mature conversation."

"I can kill them"

"That's a horrible idea."

"It's on the table."

"We aren't killing Bruce or Dick"

"Fine but I'll make it clear I could. It's not like Gotham doesn't have our daughter."

"We do not want Cassandra becoming Bruce. I'm trying to give her a life beyond the bat, remember?"

"Like Steph?"

"Like her dance, Shiva."

This time, Shiva was quieted. Cassandra had taken to dancing? It made sense, fighting and dance were one and the same. But, to not know, Shiva wasn't sure what the feeling was. Like training weights on her shoulders that she could not remove.

"I... I didn't know."

"I know."

Shiva stood, silent, not letting this get to her, or at least not so much so as to reach her exterior. Of course Barbara would know more of Cass's life than she did. But all the same, there was something about not knowing. She'd never wanted this child, but she wanted to know more about her.

"Does Bruce know?"

"He funds her training."

The weights increased. Bruce knew, that damn man.

"What are you going to do, Shiva. Cassandra loves him. She stays here most of the time, but she's his too, emotionally at least."

"He adopted her too."

"Who do you take me for, Shiva. The world is digital. There's no proof I wasn't the one to adopt her."

"This is why you're her mother."

"Damn right."

It was at that point a knock sounded at the door. Barbara started, but Shiva stopped her, rathering to make the terms of conflict known.

"By the way, where's Charlie?" Shiva asked, walking to the door. The kid amused her, looking back at it. The kid was good but sloppy. If the kid wanted to be a superhero, perhaps Shiva should offer some training. She did enjoy that act.

Shiva got to the door and opened it, staring an unmarked Batman and Nightwing in the face, "Hello Bruce. Hello Dick."

Bruce tried to hide his suprise. Shiva was sure that it was a very impressive attempt to any other, but Bruce might as well have narrated his actions. 'The Batman was suprised' Shiva could all but hear him say.

Dick, for his part, got angry. "What are you doing here, Shiva? This is a private conversation."

"Don't talk to me like that, Dick. It's not befitting of either of us."

"What are you doing here, Shiva. Where's Barbara?"

"She's waiting in the living room. I thought I'd get the door."

"For Barbara?"

"Believe it or not I can be nice to some people."

"You haven't answered the question."

"She asked me to be."

"This is private."

"You can take that up with her. You know even both of you can't make me leave. Dick, I saw that muscle twitch I'll happily prove my point."

The boys glared at her, and Shiva smiled. This was more interesting so far than those fetch quests Barbara had sent her on the last few times. Maybe she'd even get a good fight out of this. Bruce nor Dick were particularly at any threat to Shiva alone, but two versus one would almost make it somewhat challenging, given their team work and unspoken communication.

"You still haven't answered the question Shiva. Why are you here?"

"I told you. Barbara asked me to be, so I came."

"What, so you just listen to Barbara now?"

"No but yes."

"Why?" Dick said, staring at her, the rage somewhat contained. Shiva figured he was angry before this, did Barbara really have to put up with this all the time?

Shiva sighed, she missed Charlie, at least she was a child when being this annoying. Frankly, Shiva was tiring of this. She wondered how much work it would be to simply have the Gotham chapter of her Order replace these two in patrolling. Let Barbara handle the information... Maybe that would be something to mention to Barbara. For now though, they were asking stupid questions.

"You try saying no to her." She responded, wondering if they'd missinterprate that as she wished. "Besides, it's always nice to come over and see her." If that didn't drop the hint hard enough, she didn't know what would. Here was your stupid answer, Bruce: Barbara and Shiva were a thing.

Shiva heard a slap behind her; skin on skin, hand against face it sounded like. Oh well.

[msfbgraves]

Outside of Daniel and Terry who were great as always, this was a truly terrible season, THE worst lol.

Johnny was truly horrible with his "suPpoRt DeVoN aND mIGgy dUriNG thIS DiFficULt time" but never did ANYTHNG to support HIS OWN SON. Like, he did NOTHING FOR ROBBY. Robby is struggling so badly and has no one to turn to and his OWN DAD is like "lOl roBbY wHooO???" Johnny is a terrible character and has been gaslighting himself and everyone else from SEASON 1! FUCK Johnny!

They ruined Chozen in every way by making him into this drunk, boorish loser who randomly hooks up with the enemy (another flat, annoying character and another poorly written female character). Chozen was so OOC I felt like I was watching badly written fanfic come to life. What the FUCK! I am so sorry, Chozen. You deserved so much better.

Kreese was just plain embarrassing, my god. Every time he was on screen I cringed. He should have died in S5 and I stand by that. Everything he did was mortifying and humiliating. He is way too old to be acting the fool. He needs to be in a retirement home having angry dreams.

Robby...LOL. The writers said fuck you! we don't care about you AT ALL lol! and then he got supremely fucked by the narrative in every single way. God. And of course NO SCENES with him and Daniel because flawed as Daniel was, he did so much for Robby--way more than Johnny ever did for him. Daniel and Robby had wonderful chemistry and the writers are so scared of that.

The Sekai Taikai is boring and overlong and just ridiculous in every way. All the new characters are dull, flat, and have incredibly forced and tropy "chemistry" with the OG characters. They are the definition of Shonen Manga Stock Bullies. They're like parodies of character tropes at this point. If someone told me CK6 was satire, I would have believed them.

S6: Let's make Daniel have an emotional breakdown again because why not hahahaha! BTW, Johnny is cool and perfect and a REAL MAN! BE LIKE HIM!!111!1 Johnny is absolutely not wrong ever, but Daniel is evil and flawed and ALWAYS wrong OF COURSE1!111!!

Annoying little brat Devon gets a pep talk from Johnny (another huge LMAO!!!) and gets away scot free with all she's done?? While Kenny still has to deal with the bullying he'll surely face back home?? What the fuck?

Carmen...DEAR GOD. This is the woman who raised a sweet kid by herself in a new country. She learned a new language, escaped from a terrible man, built a career and took really good care of both her mom and her boy. And then she, responsible, smart, kind Carmen--gets knocked up by a deadbeat, drunk loser who has held a grudge over a high school karate tournament for 30+ YEARS, blames everyone (especially poor Daniel who is his personal punching bag) but himself for how shitty his own life is, doesn't have a proper career or a steady job AT 50+ YEARS OLD, is in and out of trouble constantly, behaves like every negative stereotype of Ugly American even while IN the States, gets (Carmen's) son in trouble, does shit all for his own son, and...THIS IS THE MAN CARMEN GETS KNOCKED UP BY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Carmen, who WORKS IN HEALTHCARE and has ACCESS TO BIRTH CONTROL!!!!! You cannot make this shit up!!!!!!!

This show is truly garbage. It was excellent in S1 and S2, I thoroughly enjoyed S3, S4 and S5 were Karate Star Wars and got stupid (but still entertaining) and S5 it should have ended, peaking with the relationship between Terry and Daniel and the death of Kreese. S6 is embarrassing and cringe.

The best parts were TERRY FUCKING SILVER who is played with such devastating charm and skill by Thomas that you can't help but love him. And he's hot as fuck so there's that too!

Daniel is of course hated by the writers, but that doesn't take away from the fact that HE'S BEEN RIGHT FROM THE START OF THIS FUCKING SHOW and he's a good, kind, sweet, hardworking man who happens to have a quick temper, can be prone to hot-headedness, and be (gasp) less than perfect. Of course, for these oh-so-terrible sins, he must be punished and also constantly fucked by the narrative. Jokes on them, because Daniel can be proven to be right and correct 95% of the time, and remains a decent, good man who can admit when he's wrong (UNLIKE CERTAIN BLOND FUCKS).

I'm just here for Terry and Daniel!

Cobra Kai S6 is a fever dream of how a middle aged man with the emotional range of a young teenage boy would WANT the world to work, not how any human being would reasonably behave. Many men have written stories like this over the centuries and have been called geniuses; many women have written their versions - like Twilight - and have been called airheads, but anyway, it's all pure id at this point. I keep saying that TIG meanwhile writes his own part before signing on, because somehow I keep finding nuances in his character, like a compulsion to repeat his trauma with cages and a deep aversion to killing (which is interesting because I really do wonder what he meant to do to Kreese if not kill him).

You do have to give it to them that there are moments of awe inspiring insanity sprinkled throughout.

[myneurospicyass]

I just had this horrible realization of why i'm so petrified with the mere idea of seeing a therapist and have refused to do so for years now: my family gaslight me so gaddamn much is insane to me, incomprehensible honeslty; so systematically, that, well, i'm just fucking terrified to death to opening my heart to a professional or anyone for that matter and simply being not believed as well. and being told again, in a different: "actually, guess what! Nothing indeed ever happen. it undoubtedly unquestionably was & it is really all in your hea, it sucks that you're crazy! Good news is you can stop being crazy just by quitting being dramatic, it's just up to you; your choice entirely! But whatever you choose to imagine or how sensitive you choose to be, you can't let it get in the wat of your studies. Oh you can't go to class? Jesus, have you ever considered it is important to you? Yeah yeah WE GET IT you're traumatized, sorry about it, enough already though, it's getting old, it's getting too annoying, why aren't you over it yet? What you really need is to grow up, you were raised too soft, your generation is too soft, God, it didn't even happened! You just traumatized yourself by being so dramatic and sensitive, time to cut it off, you're behind everyone else can't you see? I love you btw I'm here for you love you" – and in a condescending way even

What if!

Oh man worst part is i really do need desperately to talk to someone. At this point I've isolated myself so deeply i don't have any friendships left. I'm terribly lonely. But still it would be so profoundly triggering to be gaslit by a therapist that just a very abstract and obviously absurd hypothesis sent me into a full screaming/crying panic attack at goddamn 7:30 in the morning and now I'm just supposed to go to work! (on itself very anxiety inducing – small, crowded, i'm claustrophobic man wth it'salmost comical). On 0,5mg of xanax and zero sleep, no less. At least I'm home alone, so my mom didn't get to scream at me for being embarrassing to the neighbors.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

Lenny lurking round the Gaslight, Tea Rooms & The Voice pretending not to look for Midge

Dinah narrows her eyes as she looks over at the counter at the Gaslight. She's supposed to be paying attention to the acts on stage, but instead, she's spotted something else.

Susie follows her gaze and groans. "Fuck's sake."

"Is that-?"

"Yeah."

"Is he-?"

"Yep."

"That is a desperate man," Dinah shakes her head.

"No shit," Susie grumbles. "What's the opposite sex version of dickmatized?"

Dinah shrugs. "Pussy whipped, I guess."

"Yeah. That." Susie shakes her head. "He's the one who wanted to stay friends and not anything more, why is he lookin' around for her like a little lost puppy?"

Dinah gets to her feet. "I'll go talk to him."

"Yeah? Good luck," Susie mutters into her coffee. "Like having a conversation with a brick fucking wall."

Dinah puts on a smile and wanders over to the counter, ordering herself a coffee before turning to Lenny Bruce. "She's not here."

He looks at her, his eyebrows lifting.

"She was supposed to be, but one of the kids got sick, so she had to cancel," Dinah continues. "Better luck next time."

She collects her coffee and walks off.

*****

The offices of the Village Voice are small, and busy, and Lenny slips in unnoticed, spotting Abe right away.

"Lenny!" Abe greets him pleasantly. "What are you doing here?"

"I uh...we haven't talked in a while, I thought we could get some lunch," he says. "You could yell about free speech some more."

The older man chuckles and steps past him, patting his shoulder on his way to his typewriter. "That's very kind, but I'm a little busy."

"Right. News waits for no man."

"Exactly. She's doing well, by the way. Working steadily again. She's even up for some television spot."

Lenny frowns. "Who?"

Abe shakes his head. "You're not fooling anyone, Lenny."

"I should go. Catch you later, Abe."

"Sure."

*****

Rose lifts an eyebrow as she spots him wandering around, trying to look inconspicuous at her tea room, and watches for a long moment, sipping her tea, eating her rugelach.

When she catches his eye, she quirks an eyebrow at him, and he winds up wandering her way.

"Rose."

"Leonard. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I just...had some time to kill before a meeting with my lawyer," he says awkwardly.

"And tea sounded nice?" Rose asks, still amused but skeptical.

"I've been told eleven am is too early for whiskey," he volleys back.

"Sit," she says firmly.

He does as he's told, fidgeting with his fingers once he does, looking at the linen table cloth.

"You've been trying to catch up with Miriam," Rose says. "Even though you told her you wanted to remain friends."

"Friends can't look each other up?" Lenny asks, glancing at her.

"Friends use phones, or call at the house," Rose tells him. "It's only the lovelorn who wander around, trying to spend time with family members and mutual friends of the object of their affection in order to get close. Believe me, I'm a matchmaker. I've seen it plenty."

To her surprise, Lenny turns just slightly pink with embarrassment.

"You're in love with my daughter," she says.

Lenny turns a darker shade at that.

Rose smiles. "Why did you tell Miriam you wanted to just be friends?"

"Because I'm a mess," Lenny says quietly. "And I didn't want my mess to become her problem."

Rose sips her tea quietly for a moment before responding. "When you love someone, their problems become yours. That's the way it's supposed to work, Leonard."

"My problems are more complicated than most," he mutters.

Rose rolls her eyes and flags down her server. "Hello, dear, will you please get this gentleman some coffee and a slice of lemon cake?"

The server nods courteously and steps away, leaving Rose to look at Lenny again.

"Let's talk about you and Miriam," she says, grinning.

[zocrzay]

I am coming clean and admitting I've had an unhealthy obsession these past few weeks analyzing the break up of Katie & Greg, my favorite ship from the entire Bachelor/ette franchise. I went down hard with this ship as it crashed and burned. From the beginning, I loved their chemistry and even if some say they were just trauma bonding over the passing of their fathers, I felt they had so much more going for them. I just figured out why I can't shake this pair out of my head.

Here it is: Katie & Greg remind me of Lizzie & Darcy from Pride & Prejudice, one of the greatest love stories ever told. The idea that a couple similar to a favorite fictional pairing could exist in real life had awakened the hopeless romantic in me.

Greg is totally Mr. Darcy. He is a family man, adorably awkward, reserved, internally tormented, but also deeply passionate. He's willing to dance to encourage affection.

Katie is like Lizzie. She is strong-willed, proud (maybe too proud), and has a sharp tongue. She gives no one permission to insult her. She loves her family even though they're embarrassing. Katie does not quite fit in with other women, but that is why she is so interesting.

The opposite personalities of Lizzie & Darcy made their playful banter and relationship dynamic so enjoyable. They challenged each others' ideas. They expanded each others' consciousness as they learned more about each other. This was synergy at its finest.

Katie is from hipster Seattle while Greg is from fuss-free Jersey - two very different worlds at opposite ends of America. They brought these worlds together in beautiful balance. When they split, the Bachelor Nation fandom was divided like a broken family. At least Greg owned up the error of his ways, but Katie seems dead set on hating him. Eventually, the false narratives she tells herself to keep her walls up will unravel . I hope she faces the facts and owns up to her part in the communication breakdown. When Greg was most vulnerable, Katie could not show a hint of honest affection. She accused him of giving up on the relationship moments after he confessed his love for her. Katie only spoke of herself as a prize to be won, but to Greg, she meant so much more than just that. I hope she realizes the profound truth in what Greg was trying to tell her the day he left her. True love is more than just keeping up appearances for a show and more than just physical attraction. It is more than just saying the words "I love you" or handing out roses. Katie and Greg were more than just two hot people who were mutually attracted to each other. They had divine harmony when they were together... until they were burned by the heat of their own fire.

It is nice to know Greg just wants Katie to be happy, but I do not believe Katie & Blake have the secret sauce. Good for them for having a lot of sex, but from what I know, that kind of connection is not long term sustainable. If banging each other is the main reason they're together, they'll eventually get bored. Blake fell in love so easily with two previous Bachelorettes and that cheapens his affection for Katie. I'm sure he can bounce back quickly if Katie left him. Sorry man. Blake seems like a great person, but his intellect does not seem to match hers ("You don't have to be great. You just have to be you." dafuq?). I thought she was smarter, but maybe her flippant use of the term 'gaslighting' proves otherwise. It is shamefully elitist to point that out, but honestly, their conversation was drab when they weren't talking about sex. There are a lot of hot horny ladies out there that Blake might have more chemistry with than her. He was not even sure he wanted to propose and it was mean to tease her in the proposal speech with "I don't think I can give you what you came here for". The Say Anything references were also cringeworthy. We did not see their love get tested. She was like a damsel in distress and Blake just swooped in to save her season of the show just because he happened to be there. It was quite dull. The 'conclusion' of their journey was really unsatisfying. Katie describing their love story as "perfect" just shows the lack of depth in their relationship.

Lizzie & Darcy were such beloved characters because they were both flawed. They both made mistakes, but because of their love, they were willing to overcome their pride and their prejudice. They corrected course and became the best versions of themselves at the end of the story before choosing to be together. "I was wrong" are three words that make the words "I love you" so much more meaningful. True love is transformational. Feelings of attachment are not true love unless there is consciousness. The best love stories are not about lovers conquering outside forces, but conquering their own inner demons. People truly in love consciously choose to grow together in spirit, not in spite of their imperfections, but because of them.

Greg was impatient and had unrealistic expectations. He should have given Katie more chances to figure out what he was saying. Maybe she found his desperation unattractive. Maybe if he helped her off the floor and said goodbye properly, she might have flown out to Jersey to go after him. Katie was shallow when she could only say "I just love looking at you" and spoke to Greg as if he were just a contestant on a game show. It seemed as if his pain was just an inconvenience to her. She seemed untrustworthy. If she had stronger feelings for Blake or was still undecided, openly expressing that to Greg would have been more respectable than stringing him along to dump him later. If Greg was the one she wanted the most, she looked incredibly fickle switching her affection to whoever was still available. Most people have not been in her situation, so it is tough to judge.

Lizzie Bennet said a lot of mean things, but she was a strong female character because she was able to learn from her mistakes and grow as a person without compromising her core values. She was in love with Darcy for his character and integrity. He was courageous, generous, and compassionate - his appearance, his wealth and his status were least important to her. He proved his love for Lizzie by his selfless acts of kindness to her family even after she accused him of being a pompous ass.

Greg staying out of the way to honor Katie's decision and let her be happy with Blake is an act of love. Him working on himself in therapy is another way to prove the love he had for her was real. Only Katie knows the inner conflict she's been facing. If she truly loved Blake, resolving her conflict with Greg will help her and Blake in the long run - otherwise their relationship will be haunted by the past. If life with Greg was always her true heart's desire, love will find a way even in the most impossible circumstances.

It really is not fair to compare real human beings to fictional characters - especially the exceptionally (maybe unrealistically) strong characters written by Jane Austen. I am just sharing my thoughts before I watch the 2005 Pride and Prejudice movie for the hundredth time. I just want the satisfying ending I could not get from watching reality TV before I move on to my next obsession.

[tomb-bloom-noctem]

Hollywood Should Make a Horror Movie and Call it "Nice Guys"

This is a discussion idea of a fictional horror movie and what it should be like if it became a real thing.

Triggering content ahead!

(And before anyone jumps down my throat YES I AM FULLY AWARE. NOT ALL MEN BEHAVE LIKE THIS. THE PROBLEM IS TOO MANY DO AND NOTHING IS CHANGING. THIS IS A FICTIONAL HORROR FILM IDEA THAT COULD PERHAPS SHED SOME LIGHT ON THE SUBJECT IN A MAINSTREAM WAY. IF YOU FEEL OFFENDED AND DEFENSIVE BY THIS POST CONSIDER AN HONEST SELF REFLECTION THANK YOU.)

So consider the following-

A cast of perhaps 3 to 4 men, young college aged guys.

These 3 to 4 guys are single but early into the film they all meet a girl on campus and each begins having a relationship with the girl they met.

Also this cannot be an all white cast as this is an issue that goes over all ethnicities so representation is a must.

Initially the film and the advertising give the audience the sense that this is about the men and that they will be the heroes of the story.

Slowly though the film goes darker as each man exhibits more and more dangerous behaviors. What started out as nothing really harmless maybe some white lies, a few unkept promises eh what's the problem? It's nothing life threatening right? Eventually evolves into more dangerous and toxic actions. We see gaslighting, physical and emotional abuse, harrasment, sexual assault, stalking and "checking in on you" every decond of the day, possesiveness and controlling behaviors, major lies, constant pressure to push the girlfriend beyond her boundaries-sexual or otherwise, threats to her and her loved ones, messing with and interfering with medications, stealing from her, holding her possessions hostage. Take your pick. 3 to 4 guys in the film easily could portray multiple of these.

The point is it would slow burn up to these greater escalations of extreme. Be it violence or another extreme pick.

These women all know each other by this point in the film as the dudes are friends so they've met and at least get along if not are friends. They confide their fears with each other. Most logical thing is they go to the police but are met with no sympathy, little to no help.

However the men find out and evwn though nothing becomes of the police reports, they go into a rage.

Somehow the film goes into a violent climax where the women must defend themselves from their boyfriends.

The ending could find the men in any state. They could all be dead, imprisoned, or otherwise incompacitated or mix and match that.

The women are rescued and the story is told to the world about how these women survived the attack brought on by the men they were seeing.

However into the final minutes of the film we see the pouring in of hate. We see the stories posted on chat rooms "Nice Guys Really Do Finish Last", we see the angry rant videos made by men online "Victims or just Lying Bitches?" We see the thousands of comments insulting and threatening, undermining and doubting what the women went through.

Maybe evwn there's an element of getting arrested or having to prove to the police that what happened to the men was self defense but the police act all "hmm are you so sure? You sure you're not just crying wolf here cause you're embarrassed about the truth? You know (men's name) is my friend's boy and I can assure you he wouldn't do such a thing." Etc. Etc.

Eventually though the women try to return to their daily lives but nothing is right. Classmates and professors are more distant and cold. Work suddenly feels so isolated or maybe even they were let go from work. Going home to visit the family and suddenly dad seems angry but doesn't say anything. Mom pulls her daughter into the kitchen and asks "honey are you sure that's what really happened? You can be honest with me" The sisters and/or best friends are saying "you know (one of the men) is my friend and I can't believe you accused him of this when it didn't even happen."

Everywhere these women go they are jeered at and accused, insulted and hated upon.

No matter what state the men are in doesn't matter. They win.

And the real horror of this story is that this probably would never get made because no one wants to shed a light on this issue. No one wants to truly challenge it.

Worse still though is that most of the men in the audience would likely still walk away thinking the female characters are wrong and see the men as martyrs and heroes of men everywhere. They would call out the film for being "unrealistic" and that it's inappropriate of it to "generalize men" and call this film "SJW propaganda made by all the ugly femnazis." Meanwhile the women would see their worst nightmares played out on the big screen. Their worst memories and events happening again and the aftermath of those events happening again. Things that happened to them or at least to someone they know. And they have to watch men they know defend these "nice guys" and justify all this evil. And if they didn't know this about the men they love before, they have to now sit with that knowledge. Know deep down in their hearts that this is someone who they are not safe around, they cannot be trusted.

The worst part of this nonexistent film is knowing full well the real horror is that this isn't some nightmarish fantasy.

This horror is reality.

Too many people have been hurt by and live or lived in fear of the so called nice guys but unfortunately they were not so nice after all. History is filled with the graves of women who were killed by a man "who would never." It would be a supremely good idea to challenge this notion and force people to see the ugly reality and horror of how "nice guys" actually are and how they affect their victims. Genuine good actual nice men are out there yes but every woman has at least one story about that one guy...

But I believe if people could be successfully taught to see the reality of their not-so-niceness (because yes I will take this moment to acknowledge some shitty "nice girls" exist too but aren't nearly discussed enough.) Then maybe we can have people who are kinder and more cautious of how their words and actions will affect others. Will anyone ever end up perfect? No. Will there be those who just don't care? Of course. But we should always strive to become better people. And that's why I think this film is a good concept. It's not to shove it in anyone's face and be all "w0meN ARe AnGeLS aNd MeN arE Eeeeevi1iiillll" but just a lesson in recognizing the bad things we do even if we can't see the wrong until we see it from someone else's eyes.

Anuway thank you, hope I didn't offend anyone too greatly. But also hope this was a teachable moment.

[maeve-of-winter]

I'm curious as to why you can't seem to have a larger conversation about Riverdale and race w/o mentioning Cheryl? Like even your comment about Josie had to be in the context of Cheryl stalking her in season 2. What about the fact that Josie is ignored for the whole series? Toni was introduced in season 2 as a prop for Bughead. Just bc she wasn't a series regular, doesn't mean they couldn't have told us about her parents lol. I get why you don't like Cheryl, but is she really the only issue?

Lol, anon. And I’m curious about why you think Cheryl should be left out of all discussion of racism in Season 2? I guess since you were unable to come up with a rebuttal to my points about Cheryl stalking Josie and framing Chuck, we’re right back at “HDU, you’re interrogating racism from the wrong perspective!” 

 Honestly, why should I have to leave Cheryl out of my discussion on racism, other than that Cheryl fans and Choni fans don’t want to admit that there are odd racial implications surrounding her character? Why should I have to talk about other racial aspects of the show and not mention Cheryl? I mean, it’s not like the storyline of her stalking Josie is suddenly going to vanish from existence if I stop bringing it up. In fact, it’s that storyline, as well as the show’s refusal to treat it as significant, that made me dislike Cheryl. 

 This isn’t a case of me disliking Cheryl and then latching onto racism as justification. This is me genuinely disliking how her emotions and trauma are treated as so much more worthwhile and special while WOC’s emotions and trauma are consistently swept under the rug. That’s why I continually harp on it—I don’t think I’ve ever seen a modern example that’s so blatant in prioritizing a white woman’s pain over a black woman’s pain, and it’s something deeply bothers me, so I want to talk about it. I also want to talk about since no one else is, and because Choni is constantly praised as a deeply progressive relationship, when from a racial perspective, it absolutely isn’t. 

 Also, I’ve noticed that when I talk about this issue of Cheryl and Choni, I tend to get a bunch of protests like yours above to stop it, and it’s important to me to pull back the curtain on the racism in Riverdale fandom, too, and get rid of this notion that it’s evidently wrong to talk about racism when it involves someone’s fave. 

More to your point, it’s nearly impossible to have a discussion about racism in Season 2 without discussing Cheryl, since she’s heavily involved in the main plots of all five of the Black recurring characters. Four of them have her involved in deeply unpleasant ways, and the last one is still irritating and iffy. 

Let’s just go over how Cheryl is involved in the plots for the recurring black teens in Season 2: 

 Josie: In one of her only plots for the season (or ever), Cheryl stalks and terrorizes her while gaslighting her into believing it’s the Black Hood, Chuck, and then the Black Hope again. She destroys the Pussycats and leaves Josie isolated from them. She destroys her relationship with Chuck. The show completely forgets about this plot in favor of concentrating on Cheryl’s pain and fear and issues with her mom, and it’s not until nearly ten episodes that it’s briefly brought up again, but it’s brought up in the context of something hurt Cheryl, not Josie, and got her sent to conversion therapy. Then in the following episode, we get a very brief apology from Cheryl where the narrative excuses her behavior, and then it’s forgotten.

We NEVER get to see the Pussycats reunite. Cheryl NEVER has to face consequences for what she did that aren’t framed as a reason to feel sorry for her—the show actually turns around and paints Cheryl as a victim of her decision to stalk and harass Josie, rather than examining Josie as a victim of Cheryl. We NEVER get a get focus on how Josie feels about finding out that Cheryl was stalking her. We get maybe two minutes combined, if that? What we get is an extreme example of a white woman tormenting a black woman and getting entirely away with it. And any discussion of racism within Season 2 would be remiss if they didn’t mention it. 

The worst part is, Cheryl’s obsession with Josie came from Josie rescuing her from Nick. So Josie is essentially repaid by Cheryl (and the writers) for her heroism by having her life destroyed.

Melody and Valerie: After spending most of Season 1 in the background and getting just a few moments in the spotlight, they spend Season 2 almost entirely in the background before vanishing from the show entirely. Their only plot where they get any focus is when Cheryl, a white character, permanently destroys the friendship between them and Josie, three black characters. The Pussycats then break up for good, never to reunite. 

Chuck: In one of his only plots of the season (or ever), he is framed by Cheryl for stalking Josie, of which, of course, Cheryl is actually guilty and he is innocent. But as I mentioned before, there are unavoidable racial implications tied into white women knowingly falsely accusing black men of being predators. Historically, numerous black men have been lynched because of it. Cheryl essentially preys upon society’s fear of black men by accusing Chuck, even if that’s not her primary motivation—she’s still using racism to her advantage. And again, any discussion of racism in Season 2 would need to talk about this scene because of the ugly history surrounding it and the writers’ ready willingness to indulge in it. 

 What’s more is that again, we NEVER get to see how Chuck was affected by being falsely accused. We NEVER see Cheryl apologize to him. Similar to how Josie being stalked by Cheryl was treated as negligible and barely worthy of closure, Chuck’s circumstances as falsely accused black man is treated as wholly negligible and unworthy of closure or further attention. He is just yet another black character whose life Cheryl destroyed because she felt like it.

Toni: The one black teen cast member who wasn’t involved in the Cheryl stalks Josie. Instead, her character is treated as negligible in other ways. 

First of all, let’s address what you said about Toni being a prop for Bughead. She absolutely wasn’t. She demonstrably wasn’t. And while I’ve tried to avoid being rude, the assertion that she was is such a transparent display of, “What about this other thing, huh? Isn’t that problematic, too? Huh? HUH?” that it gives secondhand embarrassment. You obviously saw me and others discussing how Toni was a prop for Cheryl and instantly went, “Well, Bughead did it first!” It’s very predictable. 

To put it plainly, Toni wasn’t a prop for Bughead. She wasn’t introduced solely for encouraging the ship or just to help that out. She was introduced to an obstacle for them and a potential love interest for Jughead. The difference is that the latter allows her agency and independence. The former does not. She is essentially a secondary character for Jughead, but she is not his prop.But even if she was, if we go along with your logic of her being a prop for Bughead and then being a prop for Cheryl (which you don’t even deny), is having a black character go from being a prop from one white couple to another white character really progress? 

What I’m saying is that it wouldn’t be an improvement if Toni went from being Bughead’s prop to Cheryl’s. It doesn’t make it less problematic for her relationship with Cheryl, it just means that both relationships have issues with racism. Neither one is better than the other. So for all your trying, Cheryl still isn’t in the clear. 

 But I don’t agree that Toni *was* a prop for Jughead or Bughead. She was his secondary character and mainly to introduce him to the world of the Southside, but not a prop like she was and still is for Cheryl. 

Let’s look at how Toni is written in regards for each character. 

Jughead: Toni has her own interests in school newspaper and photography. She warns him that if he doesn’t join the Serpents, he’ll be targeted by the Ghoulies and is proven right. Tells Jughead numerous times when she thinks he being a dumbass. Tries to help decode the Black Hood’s cipher with Betty and Jughead and snarks on Betty’s ponytail. She has a one night stand with Jughead and dumps him the morning after because she realizes he isn’t what she needs. Discusses how her uncle has kicked her out of the house for her sexuality and is reduced to couch-surfing or else just living on the street. Has an identity as a Native American, encourages Jughead to meet with her grandfather and learn about her people’s heritage, gets angry when he appropriates her people’s suffering, advises Jughead on what he can do to make amends and helps him lead the protest at Pickens Park. Pushes back against Cheryl’s bullying when Cheryl, apropos of nothing, begins insulting Toni and all of the Southside students. 

Cheryl: For no adequately explained reason, suddenly starts reaching out to Cheryl, who has never apologized for the way she treated or anyone else and has never done anything nice for her in the slightest. Stops pushing back against Cheryl’s bullying and just accepts it so she continue to reach to help Cheryl, who responds to Toni’s kindness with homophobia, which she also never apologizes for. They get together in a scene all about Cheryl and Cheryl’s pain and suffering, with Toni making a speech about how awesome Cheryl is. Toni joins the River Vixens for no reason we get to hear other than that Cheryl wants her on the squad and then basically exists the next few episodes to comfort Cheryl. 

Is Cheryl still bullying other Southside students and just not Toni? Is Toni still being bullied by the students Cheryl was initially leading against the Southside students? We don’t know. The show doesn’t want to remember Cheryl being a bully or Toni being a victim. It’s all about Cheryl being a victim of everyone now. 

Case in point: the conversion therapy plot. Here Toni exists to rescue Cheryl from the Sisters, in a plot that’s not about Toni being badass or how much Cheryl means to her when she has so few other people, but to give a decidedly prurient examination of Cheryl’s pain and suffering and of how much of a victim she is. And when Toni shows up to rescue Cheryl, Toni gives another speech about how awesome Cheryl is. This plot exists not to “humiliate Cheryl,” as some have accused it of, but to paint Cheryl as the woobiest woobie to ever woob at the hands of her mother, uncle, religion, and society in general, and to also demonstrate that the show writers aren’t afraid to go to extreme and distasteful lengths to do that. The next episode has Toni joining the show musical mostly so she can be there to comfort woobie Cheryl about her monstrous mother and make yet another speech about how awesome Cheryl is. And the next and last time we get a plot that really focuses on Toni, it’s when Penny is holding her captive. 

And if you think that we’re going to get a focus on how traumatic this is for Toni and how hard she’s fought and how angry and scared she is about her situation, then you’ve forgotten that Riverdale doesn’t give a damn about black characters, because the scene exists to be 25% about Jughead outwitting Penny and 75% about Cheryl being a Badass Archer Warrior Goddess. 

 When Cheryl is captive and Toni is her rescuer, the show is about what a woobie Cheryl is. When Toni is captive and Cheryl is her rescuer, it’s about what a badass Cheryl is. But the focus is never, ever on Toni. And that’s why I’d say she’s a prop for Cheryl. 

Previously, I’d discussed Toni’s parents not being so much as named despite her main character status while Cheryl got detailed focus on her immediate family throughout multiple seasons, including an emphasis on all of the ways her mother had hurt her. In the second season, it didn’t bother me as much, since Toni was a secondary character. You’re right in that we could have been told her name, anon, either when she was Jughead’s supporting character or when she Cheryl’s character, but since she was still a supporting character, it didn’t honestly bother me that much. After all, we only learned Kevin’s dad’s name in the second season, and he’s an actual character on the show with a central role in the first season. 

However, it is glaring how few times Toni’s family receives even a mention when she’s supposed to be a main character during the third season, especially when she’s compared to Cheryl, who continually has plots involving her family.It really does look like the show is more interested in focusing on a screwed up wealthy white family in their big Gothic manor than a mixed black-Native who struggles with poverty and lives in a trailer. I’m just saying. 

 And consider this: we never learned her parents’ names, but when Toni was Jughead’s supporting character, we got to hear about her family. We got to hear about her personal struggles with her uncle and the problems he caused for her. We got to meet her grandfather, we got to learn about Toni’s culture, and we got to see how angry Toni was about Jughead appropriating her family’s history. Toni was allowed to have struggles as a bisexual teenager and a descendant of the Native Americans, and both were treated as entirely separate issues. 

 Contrast that to when Toni becomes Cheryl’s supporting character in Season 2 and continues to essentially be her supporting character in Season 3. I don’t think Toni’s uncle or grandfather ever get so much as a single other mention. And the only other time Toni’s identity as a WOC came into play was when it was relevant to college admissions. Even though Toni being kicked out of her house by her uncle would be a strong basis for Toni to relate to Cheryl’s issues with her mom, we never see it. And why? Because the Choni relationship is not written to be about Toni and Cheryl bonding together. It started as and almost always has been about Toni being unfailingly supportive of Cheryl. 

 And that’s why I say Toni wasn’t a prop for Jughead or Bughead but is one for Cheryl. She was a person with her own problems outside of Jughead when she was his supporting character. She wasn’t allowed the same agency when it came to Cheryl. 

TL;DR: Cheryl plays a major role in the plots of all the recurring black teen characters’ storylines in Season 2, with ugly racial implications for each one.

[tswiftifancyyou]

“Okay, so I think that some people are forgetting a pretty fucked up part of the story… I am not too sure why some people have forgotten 2016 like it was 47 million years ago not 3… but yeah umm let me refresh it for you… while death threats are never EVER okay, the same people who are now crying and screaming for a truce are the same people who quickly turned the internet into a “Taylor Swift is over party”… it was celebrated and laughed at for months and months on end, and still has repercussions to this day...

After they went behind Taylor’s back to record a phone call and then edit it up to twist a story to make sure they came out on top… this was done without Taylor, or her team knowing and was then falsely portrayed to the whole world.

This then went on and on…

Taylor was then called a snake & that resulted in one of the worst online trolling cases we have ever seen, this forced Instagram to change their settings with Taylor being one of the first people in the world to have the 'restrict' tool after the threats were too intense.

In a result of this, Taylor was stalked, harassed, had an unthinkable amount of death threats to herself, her team and her family, she was told to do the unthinkable to herself… all while dealing with a sickness in the family, a sexual assault case of her own… that she WON!!!

Her case then sparked the conversation for so many others to come forward, share their stories and find their strengths... this will happened with Taylor dealing with all this, still working on her art and trying to balance out being a regular 26-year-old.

Unlike them with the fact that they started the harassment on the internet through an edited video on snap chat, Taylor is trying to end it with a graceful and put together letter because she had no other choice...Taylor has never once asked for help in her whole career until now.

The same man supported the lyrics that suggested that because someone believes they have more power and are more successful than you… you should owe them sex.

He also supported the idea of putting a wax model of Taylor’s naked body on show for the whole world to see without her permission for the same song and got away with it because they called it ���art”, that same art paraded the bare bodies of other celebrities and people of power.

this "art" included those who were abused laying naked next to their abusers….the video also included people who had been accused of sexually assaulting others… just months before Taylor went to court for her own sexual assault case.

The artist behind the video was accused of misogyny and a whole lot more… but no… the industry and his team celebrated it and defended it as "art"... because yeah that's how it works.

They clearly weren't ready when Taylor got the last laugh and turned the whole “snake” image into something that benefited her and turned it into a positive, which is something he clearly doesn’t have the capacity to do...

He was embarrassed for himself that Taylor handled it with grace and with actual ART, he needed to gain back control again...so here we are.

The same person has also sold fake stories to outlets to print false news about Taylor to make her receive negative press & even more hate.

If that isn’t enough… there have also been countless times that they have bullied Taylor online on Instagram trough other artists, she was made to look bad by the same person when Taylor couldn’t perform at Ariana Grande’s Manchester benefit show…

The same person celebrated the fact that he “owns Taylor Swift now”… the same person who tried to end her career with a trending party on the internet is now the owner of the first half of her career.

The same person has also pushed their own artists beyond limits and has forced them into doing things that haven’t wanted to do… but that is a whole other story.

While they believe it is the “narrative” that Taylor portrays… like honey, the facts and receipts are there...

This is how gaslighters work, they literally can't handle anyone else having the upper hand, they abuse you & emotionally destroy you until they get where they need to be. They know exactly what they are doing...

They are so narcissistic that somehow deep down believe that it’s okay to do what they do because of who they are. They so strongly believe they are so much better than anyone else and therefore that makes them in the right no matter what the situation is.

Taylor isn’t playing any fucking narrative, she’s standing up for herself, and so many others, she’s making things right and getting what she deserves.

She wants to have the ability to own and play the music she created HERSELF freely.

The “poor me” narrative that these two men are holding onto so tightly because that’s all they have to stand with, is getting sooooo fucking weak and old. It is all they have.

The whole world can see through it, the truth is everywhere. If you have to backtrack on your own statement, that's pretty clear to everyone that umm yeah you lied.

So yeah, bloody forgive her for not wanting to jump on the phone for a little chit chat with some scones and tea.”