#can't be happy. its not wven about the money i just feel so fucking worthless
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The total number of visits Tumblr.com received during January 2021 is 327 million.
Text
:)
#vent tw#i am so fucked up i cant even handle it. i don't even know who i am. im so fucking stupid and every day its being proven time and time again#im the stupidest kid in all of my fucking classes and everyone must think im so dumb. i used to be at the top and ive fallen so hard. last#year i had the top average in my grade and this year i can't even get a fucking 90 in english#im so fucking stupid. i have the lowest mark ive had in math for all of highschool. my english mark is in the eighties and i can only#manage a 94 in french. now the one scholarship i actually had a chance at went to my best friend who's marks are over 2.6% below mine and i#can't be happy. its not wven about the money i just feel so fucking worthless#everyone is going to look at him and think he's better than ke and i can't handle that. i just want to be seen as smart again#its literally all i have and i feel like it fallong away from me so fast. im nothing without it. i have to be the best and im not. i dont#know what to do when im not. i can't change anything this is all so final and important im falling apart.#i can't stop crying i just feel so stupid and worthless i cant do it anymore. i don't want friends if theyre better than me#and thats so so bad but its true. i canthandle it. i just need to be the best. im such a terrible fucking person that i couldn't even show#my best friend that i was happy for him because i wasnt. hearing that fucking crushed me and if i talked about it i would've cried and thats#so fucking mean. i value being better than everyone more than i value mt actual knowledge and i fucking know this#it hasnt actually been about learning or being smart for years#i have nothing else going for me and looking smart by a bunch of stupid numbers and achievements is the only thing that allows me to live#with myself. without being better than everyone im nothing. im so fucking disgusting but its all i have and its crumbling and im spinning#and all i wanted was for him to go to the same university as me but i wish he wouldn't have so i could have won and i would never have to#see him again. i have to live with this for four years#each year his stupid fucking scholarship will renew and ill have nothing#he's going to be better than me and achieve more. he actually has passion and determination. im just a gifted kid riding on her abilities to#feel superior - and now rhat i actually have to put in work and im not the best i literally don't know what to do. i can't live with myself
5 notes
·
View notes