#can’t wait for the 24th of may (final exams end on the 23rd which means I’ll be free)

[wedefyauguryy]

hi

are you alright? need someone to talk to?

I’m fine, just very stressed

[warrumabi]

After 1827th day

I started to having crush on this certain person roughly 5 years ago i don’t remember the exact day, but i remember it was Oct 2012 it was at least 1827 days ago i even broke up with my high school lover and never been in relationship ever since 

i was dealing with anxieties, depressions, suicidal tendencies and ton of tears i was and still in circumstances where i can’t say what i feel to them may be i’m just afraid of rejection, not only from them, but from people

every years i said to my self “this is the last time, this is the last year” but here i am still standing in the same spot after five fucking years

these past years, i managed to get closer to them, and i think now may be i am one of their best friends being best friends with a person i like for five years makes me realize how precious they are and how i am not deserved for this from this day i’ll mark everyday about me and this certain person this is supposed to be a story of how i moved on and how i survived

                                           OCTOBER 2017 Oct 29th, 2017 1827th day - you finally reply to my chat from 4 days ago, saying “sorry”, “what’s wrong” and “is everything’s ok?”, i replied “just saying hi”...we end up chat a bit and you said i should come to your place because the beaches were superb. i said “no thanks, i don’t like beach anyway” which is a lie that i hope you notice. Suddenly you mention a movie that i’d probably like, i watched it asap and yes, that movie was superb because i always like plot twist. i send back some recommended movies to you, hope you watch those, especially the first one.

Oct 30th, 2017 1828th day - we chat a bit, continuing what we talked about yesterday. You recommended me some others movies and said i should watch those. i did add those to my “to watch list”. that’s all. Oct 31st, 2017 1829th day - nothing happened today.

                                            NOVEMBER 2017

Nov 1st, 2017 1830th day - nothing happened today either. haven’t watch the rest of your movie list, i was so busy and tired. i saw your friend’s post about video calling you. ah also, recently i thought about marriage, idk why tho. Nov 2nd, 2017 1831st day - no contact today either. got a news that you’ll be back this saturday and i got a mixed feelings. i registered us to this event on 7th for free dinner and stuff. Nov 3rd, 2017 1832nd day - this morning you chat me asking for help to pay your bill again cause you were still out town. you asked about the event on 7th but i replied shortly. then you also asked whether i had watch the movies you recommended, i hadn’t and planned to watch them this weekend and asking you back about my movies recommendation that i gave you, you said you did watch some...little did i knew maybe those movies doesn’t suit your taste. you asked about the weather, and complain that it’s rain a lot there. I replied on the noon cause work, and i attached your bill that i paid. you read later and never replied. i couldn’t think straight the whole day, knowing that you’ll come back tomorrow (you still hadn’t tell me that you’ll be back this saturday tho) . i’m calling your name before sleep tonight, kinda longer than usual. Nov 4th, 2017 1833rd day - you still hadn’t reply. c’mon at least say thanks. you didn’t tell me that you back today. i waited for your or your friend post update, but it’s zero. i end up watching one of your recommended movies...it was good, i wonder how you reacted in those kiss scenes tho. Nov 5th, 2017 1834th day - finally you replied this morning, damn dude what’s taking you so fucking long?! this is why i hate chatting with you. still, now we are in the same city, breathing the same air again. i’m calling you again this morning. we probably meet tomorrow (i really hope so). Nov 6th, 2017 1835th day - still no news from you. somehow i heard people mention your name a lot today. i wonder where they got news from... Nov 7th, 2017 1836th day - today is the event day. i was really looking forward for today. i arrived at college on 7 flat in the morning. eat breakfast alone near it. day past, and it’s start raining hard at noon. i had to pick my lil sis first before went to that event. arrived at home soaking wet, checked my phone just to find that YOU SAID YOU COULDN’T COME because you still at out of town, the worst about it was you said it FUCKING AN HOUR BEFORE IT START. i was furious. i was really into coming to this event. even my sis knew i really wanna went. and you know i couldn’t go alone. WHY YOU ONLY READ MY CHAT A FUCKING HOUR BEFORE THE EVENT?. i was crying hard until half an hour because i was furious but i can’t say a word. somehow i fell asleep and woke up at 10 pm. i was too tired and too sad today. way to go bud, you never fail to disappoint me. Nov 8th, 2017 1837th day - i ended up staying awake the rest of the night. having a nice day huh? swinging by a sea shore while you just ruining my day yesterday? ...jeez, this is it. i'm being hateful again, i overreact again. *sigh* . didn’t you ever feel guilty at all? didn’t you ever considering my feeling? Nov 9th, 2017 1838th day - today supposed to be the day you start went to college again. but i didn’t see you at all. my sleep cycle was a mess since two days ago. i was so tired again. i thought i was happier without you, i wish we didn’t have to be in a same town. being in a same town with you making me anxious and sad again. Nov 10th, 2017 1839th day - my sleep cycle was still a mess, the whole day thinking ”what if i met you today? i’m not ready yet” but somehow part of me want to see you. decide to sleep early tonight, you suddenly popped out in my chat just before i closed my eyes. you said something about college, and said you probably were still out of town on Monday. i took a long sigh realized that you were not here, not in this town. hmm...you probably went back to your hometown. i decided to not read and reply right away. Nov 11th, 2017 1840th day - i replied your chat shortly at 10 morning, nothing much happened. ah, i decided to continue the movie list you gave me. Nov 12th, 2017 1841st day - nothing happened. nothing is good. Nov 13th, 2017 1842nd day - so far so good, i started to feel that i didn’t think about you the way i used too. Nov 14th, 2017 1843rd day - today, people nonchalantly ask where you at to me. i simply said i didn’t know. jeez, it’s not like i’m your manager. Nov 15th, 2017 1844th day - today i was surprised seeing you peeking thru class window, that’s mean you already in town, i also accidentally saw you in crowd but acted like i didn’t. luckily our eyes did’t meet. i was too tired of routines, felt like i could collapse anytime. maybe i should take day off tomorrow. suddenly you chat me on afternoon asking college stuff, i answered late and short. somehow we chat until night, the only question i asked was where you had been. but i fell asleep before saw you replied. Nov 16th, 2017 1845th day - checked the text, you said you had exam this morning, i simply said good luck with smiley. Nov 17th, 2017 1846th day - i took another day off, my period cramp felt worse the whole day. you commented on my post. Nov 18th, 2017 1847th day - I saw an announcement about a tournament in two weeks. you probably join this year too...luckily, i will be off town by the end of this month to my intern schedule. Nov 19th, 2017 1848th day - saw your post about practicing, guess it’s true. i went with my sisters this morning and update a lot. you happened to see my posts and said you want to join. slightly happy, until you said you can’t later...well whatever dude. Nov 20th, 2017 1849th day - i acted as if i didn’t aware about you, i tried not to be in the same space. and i thought you did too (?), because i was sure you saw me, but you didn’t say a thing. but gosh you were laughing annoyingly loud, making me aware that you were here. Nov 21st, 2017 1850th day - i didn’t go to campus today, somehow i miss you the whole day and also anxious about you didn’t greet me (like i did to you). tonight you text me asking for help tomorrow, as usual i replied shortly. Nov 22nd, 2017 1851st day - i helped you today, we speak as nothing’s happened. but yeah IT IS nothing that happened. we acted like before, we didn’t really avoid each other actually. Nov 23rd, 2017 1852nd day - went to your place today to collect my money, you seem not recognizing me because i use new helmet (?). didn’t get off from my ride. can’t looked at you properly. luckily my new helmet glass is dark enough so you can’t see through. ah, actually i planned to ask you to join me for a ride but it’s seems that you were busy. rest day sighing and imagining that today would be waaay better if you joined me. am i back to square one??. also, i saw the tournament IG, your team lost on the previous match, new jersey huh? new back number? wish your team didn’t get to the final so i don’t have to watch you as i did in the previous years. Nov 24th, 2017 1853rd day - i didn’t go to uni today. stalked that tournament IG, but no news about your team. you uploaded a video that i took of you playing. that’s already the second video. you barely upload yourself, and now you upload about you? playing??and two videos??in a row?? dude, were you showing off? to whom?.

Nov 25th, 2017 1854th day - today you upload THE THIRD video, but this one wasn’t the one that i took. sorry, hadn’t like any of your videos. i search the possibility of whom you tried to showing off to. remember the one that got you in trouble last 3 months? i couldn’t find them in your followers list. did you block each other?what happened?

Nov 26th, 2017 1855th day - your team lost again yesterday. ah, i saw a picture of you, somehow i noticed your torn shoes. may be you should buy a new one. ah i remember you said you want to buy it several months ago. should i buy it for you? what?! why the fuck i want spent money on pricey shoes??? moreover it isn’t for me?? but, you’ll look good in new shoes, hm... maybe orange or yellow will suit you...wait? what??? why the fuck, i’m not spending singgle penny for ya.

Nov 27th, 2017 1856th day - this damn IG hasn’t update anything about the game. so finally i ask you. you said you didn’t make it to final. somehow i feel a bit sorry and guilty too. and the torn shoes? turned out it’s not torn at all, it’s more like a gum stuck there. ah also, YOU UPLOADED THE FOURTH VIDEO, damn...

Nov 28th, 2017 1857th day - we planned to have a meeting today in afternoon. you asked me to eat ramen with you before the meeting and of course i said yes. i ordered the black broth as usual and you ordered the white one. we played stacko 2 times and end up draw.and then we went to the meeting place. i asked you and our friend to have a trip this weekend, you said you gonna slee in my place the night before the trips. wohooo~!

Nov 29th, 2017 1858th day - nothing much today, i didn’t went to anywhere.

Nov 30th, 2017 1859th day - i didn’t met you either today, gotta help my friend with her task.

                                          DECEMBER 2017

Dec 1st, 2017 1860th day - i went to you place this afternoon so we can buy things for our trip tomorrow. you gotta do college stuff and laundry first. that took some time and i accidentally took a nap in your place.  five past half finally we can leave your place. i wait outside cause i’m ready, suddenly when you went out i almost dropped my jaw cause you wear a fucking cute pink lipstick which is subtle but so damn cute it suit you so much. i was having a goose bump all the way to the mall. also you wear a new BACKPACK!! it was cute too. so fun grocery-shopping with you, especially when you threw those snacks and i gotta catch them with the basket, spent most off my money lol. we also got matching rubber bracelet. yay!. we went to my home past nine. searching to places for our trip until midnight cause we had no idea where to go. this is the first normal and anxious-free night when i sleep with you.

Dec 2nd, 2017 1861st day - woke up at 4 am, but too lazy to move and decided to have a quick sleep again, turns out i dream quite long dream about you (which is i forgot). woke up again at 5 am, it’s nice cooking in the morning with you, seems like too good too be true. then we took a bath, dressed and got ready for the trip. it was a nice trip, i’m glad this trip worked. if only i sat beside you. we went back to town on evening and you gotta do some college stuff, so we accompanied you. it was until 9.30 pm and i finally can went back home AND GUESS WHAT? you tag along and that mean TWO NIGHTS SLEEP OVER!! YOWOHOOHOOOO. i was so glad. you gave your rubber to my sis :(. i took it and gave mine instead, so i kept yours. again we stay up until midnight, you fell asleep in opposing the actual position. i tucked you in and decide to sleep according to your position.

Dec 3rd, 2017 1862nd day - you slept again in the morning, guess you were too tired from yesterday, me too actually. but i decided to watch movie, idk why. you slept in weird position again, bending your neck, that gonna hurt bad when you woke up. i pulled the pillow a bit to adjust your neck, but you woke up. i decided to sleep too and woke up in the middle of the day. we ordered ramens and chocolate drinks in the noon. i kept guessing when will you went back to your home, it wasn’t rain much tho.in the end you decided to sleep in my place again. fuck.i.was.too.happy. THIS WAS THREE DAY STREAKS!!!!! and ofc it was better than just two days sleep over. thanks God!!. i spent mostly time in front of my laptop cause i got work to do. you talk to my sis and mom and had fun with them. when it’s late, i laid in bed and suddenly fell asleep. this is the first night i slept first.

Dec 4th, 2017 1863rd day - woke up late. we rode you to your place and went to uni after. we left in hurry and you forgot your bottle in my place. about 10 pm you asked me to accompany you do college stuff in library, i guess we got a bit closer than before?? cause it’s rare for you to ask college-related stuff with me. it was fun tho.

Dec 5th, 2017 1864th day - i brought your bottle. and end up helping you again in lobby. was fun too, i hope we could do regular things like this together more often. :) Dec 6th, 2017  1865th day - i went to campus today, but didn’t get to see you. i saw your bike, you probably still doing stuff in library. Dec 7th, 2017 1866th day - printed something for your presentation, but its ends up canceled. we were ready tho, you asked me to play basketball with you this afternoon. i said, i can’t afford to ashamed myself in front of your team. you said it was ok, no body practice anw. turns out, boys played too. i just sat in corner watching you played with them. i didn’t get to play anything in the end. Dec 8th, 2017 1867th day - you asked me to help you with stuff again, but i got schedule on that time. i saw you got problem with your tools. i hope everything worked well. by the end of the day, i texted you about college. it was niiiiceeeeee, i want to have daily chat with you.

Dec 9th, 2017 1868th day - day off, i actually wanted to ask yo to hanging out today, but i got tons work to do.

Dec 9th, 2017 - Dec 15th, 2017 1868th - 1874th day - i was so busy and occupied the last week. i skipped one week updates. i couldn’t recall what happened each day. we did meet most days, but nothing’s special. all i could see in these days were we did more regular things together :)

Dec 16th, 2017 1875th day - you asked me to have a ride a bit after our schedule. i got plans, but ofc i also wanted to spend time with you. so i decided to do both. you accompanied me doing my plans, i accompanied you hanging out this afternoon. we spent time until like 9pm. you asked me again to accompany you swim tomorrow. at the end of the day you decided to spend the night in my place. yay!. Dec 17th, 2017 1876th day - woke up 6 am, you still sleeping.. why am i the one that excited for the swimming?? you didn’t wake up until 8, didn’t you the one that said we should go early? .