#can’t talk about global warming without it getting weird tho

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

I will be like “he’s just like me fr” about the most fucked up little guy and when asked how I’m like “idk actually. Maybe I should talk to my therapist about this”

[merriemelodie]

1, 16, 17, 28 and 50. :33

End of Year Meme

THANK YOU MY LOVE ALWAYS COMIN IN CLUTCH

[EDIT: This one gets REALLY LONG AND ANGRILY ANECDOTAL, so I put it under a Read More. I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE]

Let’s hit it!!!

1.) First things first, did you have a good year?

…Right now, it feels like a pretty resounding “NO,” but that’s just my most recent history clouding the first half of the year or so. The first half was actually pretty great, personally speaking, and it’s laid the foundation for all of the good things that were (and are) to come. So, I guess, if I’m being completely fair, it was a solid “meh,” with both good and bad parts to it.

16.) What food did you try for the first time?

Wow, what a good question! I’m not always the most adventurous when it comes to food, so I’ll have to think about this one. Hm…

Well, I finally tried sweet potato casserole (which my aunt makes, without fail, for every major winter holiday), and HI I THINK I LOVE HER. So, uh, yeah! We’ll go with that!

17.) Did you make any big permanent changes this year?

Well, the first thing that comes to my mind is “I worsened my vocal damage, and done so to the degree that I may not be able to sing well ever again,” SO THERE’S THAT. I’d really like to find something positive, though. I guess it’s hard, because very little (in my perspective, anyway) truly proves itself to be permanent. I made some changes here and there (good and bad), but I don’t know how long they’ll last. I guess this might be a question I’ll be able to fully answer later on down the road.

28.) Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOH BOY. YES.  YES. VERY RECENTLY, ACTUALLY. BUCKLE IN, KIDS.

So, my family and I decided to spend Christmas at Walt Disney World this year; and, because we can’t let anything pass by without making it just a little bit weird, we decided to invite my mom’s ex-husband to come along, too. (He went with us on our last WDW trip, as well. I had #MixedFeelings about it then, and I had #MixedFeelings about it this time, too.) Here’s the dealy-deal with this guy: he was a MASSIVE DICK when he was married to my mom (to the point where she still has unresolved issues with him, but decides to invite him on a Disney vacation??? LOL SURE OKAY). Like, refused to communicate, conducted a quasi-affair, flat-out told her he didn’t love her, LOTS OF FUN STUFF. So, they divorced a few years back, and that was that. How we came back into each other’s lives a while later is another story, but living on his own for the past few years and whatnot truly did seem to bring about a change of heart in him—one that I welcomed, if only to stop the constant barrage of vitriol that I had to hear about him at home. 

The last WDW trip we took with him didn’t turn out that bad, if only a little uncomfortable for me (because he’s that guy that laughs at people for expressing genuine excitement over something, as opposed to doing so ~ironically~ or just flat-out snarking through everything. I can do both, but I don’t want to if I don’t have to. It just put me in a really weird spot, TBH. THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT THO). So, they went ahead and invited him on this trip, and I was like, “Well, it worked out last trip, and nobody wanted to kill each other, so I guess I can roll with this one.”

Well, as 2017 was wont to do, NOPE.

Here’s the other dealy-deal with this guy. He is a Republican™. Not a republican, a Republican™. We’re talking about a baby-boomer, boot-strap-puller-upper, global-warming-conspiracy-theorist, “PUT-GOD-BACK-IN-OUR-SCHOOLS”-er, wouldn’t-watch-Finding-Dory-because-there-was-a-lesbian-couple-in-it Republican™. The guy likely jerks off to Fox News, and spends the afterglow scrolling through Breitbart. I knew it (because the dude used to drive me places while BLARING Rush Limbaugh and loudly agreeing with everything, and even a14-year-old me with no interest in politics knew BS when I heard it). I had just hoped that, after some time spent apart (and with a heart that had, apparently, been softened in that time), he might choose to apply some of that new-found openmindedness towards other things.

N O P E

So, we’re going to Walt Disney World, right? There’s a show there at the Magic Kingdom called Hall of Presidents, right smack-dab in the middle of Liberty Square. Now, I don’t know if you know this, since there was absolutely no coverage about it at all (😒), but the show had been under refurbishment for a year or so to install A Certain Orange Person, now that That Certain Orange Person, thanks in part to the unaccredited Electoral College, gets to sit in the Oval Office—but now, it’s finally (and very recently) reopened.

Clearly, I don’t have to tell you what my feelings are about the whole thing (because, if you have a pulse, you can read, and you’ve been on my blog for more than 5 minutes, then you likely already know). You know without a doubt whose name was filled in on my ballot last November—or, at the very least, whose wasn’t.

I’m sure you also probably already know, then, exactly whose name was on the ballot of my mom’s ex-husband.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(I’m suffering.)

Well, fast forward to CHRISTMAS ACTUAL DAY, and the trip’s almost over. Everyone’s getting on each other’s nerves a little bit more, and the pettiest parts of me are DELIGHTED by that (because that likely means I won’t need to continue to put my own discomfort about the guy on the back burner on any future vacations because HE AIN’T GON BE THERE). We’re sitting through CHRISTMAS ACTUAL DINNER; and, after delicately discussing how terrible the Certain Orange Person’s audio-animatronic seemed to look (something we all agreed upon, his “liberal Imagineer sabotage” conspiracy theory aside), I changed the subject and started joking about how I was going to stay in Orlando and submit my application for employment with the Walt Disney Company (which is also not that much a gag, tbh). Jokes about job interviews came up, and I said I’d find a nice pantsuit, and The Ex, inevitably, turns it into a Hillary Clinton joke, comparing me to her. I look him dead in the face, and say, “Welp, I’m choosing to take that as a compliment, since she has such a long, impressive resume.” 

(Like, there are things about Hillary that I very decidedly Do Not Like, but you can’t deny that she was more than qualified to hold the Office of the Presidency, given all the experience she’s had. That is a compliment to me.) 

The Ex looks at me, and goes, “Well, it wasn’t one.”

NICE AND FRIGID. WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND, EVEN.

But I let it go, because this is my vacation, too, dammit, and as much as I’d LOVE to scream about politics (clearly. PLEASE VISIT MY BLOG SOMETIME), I wasn’t gonna crap on what was left of our time there—AND ON CHRISTMAS DAY, NO LESS. We finished the meal, he visited the restroom, I vented to the rest of my family about his political herd mentality and potential moral bankruptcy until he came back, and I promptly shut up once he was in earshot. That, I thought, would be that.

ALAS.

We’re in Liberty Square, we don’t have any place to be, and it’s one of the last times we’re going to be in the Magic Kingdom before we leave. What do we do that we hadn’t yet done?

What else? GO TO THE HALL OF PRESIDENTS.

GOD.

Okay, so, real quick, I’m gonna take this opportunity to give kudos to the Imagineers who worked on that refurb, because they upgraded the projectors/footage to 4K, AND IT WAS STUNNING. My ACTUAL BREATH was TAKEN AWAY. If they were pouring all their work into that, it’s understandable why they didn’t have that much manpower going towards not making 45 look like a dirty sweat sock. (But, again, the Petty Petty Salt Queen in me was also cackling at that, because BEAUTY IS AS BEAUTY DOES BINCH, so I let it ride.)

So, we’re in there, and we get through the really abridged (and surprisingly not too sanitized) montage on American history, which was moving and stuff. After that, we get to some iconic speech excerpts from Presidents past, one of which is Obama’s speech at the Edmund Pettus Bridge to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the Selma to Montgomery marches. This is a speech whose significance cannot be denied, and whose relevance has never been greater. It is inspirational, moving, and certainly one that deserves its place in the history books.

I’ve gotten more liberal with my profanity over the last year or so (and you can probably guess why), but I still very much hesitate to drop the F-bomb. Let that tell you everything, then, about this next phrase—and about my mom’s ex-husband:

During this impassioned, poignant, important speech about race relations, and equity, and perseverance, and the indomitable spirit of humanity, and how justice will prevail, this motherfucker starts booing.

Excuse me?

Look, I get that it’s been a rough fuckin’ year, and that there’s more of a divide between people and their differences than there has been in a while—but most good people have enough decorum and basic human decency to NOT BOO DURING A SPEECH ABOUT THE PROMISE OF THE FUTURE, AND THE DREAMS OF A WORLD THAT PROMISES PEACE AND EQUALITY FOR ALL PEOPLE.

Like, holy fucking shit, guys. I had to sit next to him and watch him boo peace and harmony, just because it came from the mouth of a guy he didn’t like.

The messenger doesn’t change the message. That this asshole let it—and just did something like that without a second thought—horrifies and frightens me to a massive degree. I guess it’s also worse, because I know the guy, and I know he rarely, if ever, has strong opinions of his own. You ask him what he thought about something without having been exposed to a conversation about it first, and he him-haws and stutters so much, you wonder if synapses stopped firing in his brain. He takes his cues (and his beliefs) from others—like Fox News, and the people he surrounds himself with. He pulled that shit in the Hall of Presidents likely because he saw it pulled elsewhere, and went along with it because “that’s what I have to do, because that’s what a true republican does.” (This behavior was A Whole Thing in his marriage to my mother, trust.) 

All I kept thinking at the time was, if this is what he’s willing to do—and all without anybody standing in front of him and giving him actual directives—what else would he do without hesitation, just because he sees others doing it?

That’s a terrifying reality, and one that’s more common than I think we realize sometimes.

If he didn’t like Obama (or if he felt like he shouldn’t like Obama, rather) then he could’ve just stayed silent. It took more energy for him to cup his hands around his rude-ass mouth and FUCKING BOO WORDS ABOUT UNITY AND FREEDOM than to just keep his feelings to himself. It was all the proof I needed that he hadn’t changed at all; or, if he had, it was wholly for the worse. It was the human embodiment of what got Trump in office: racism, hatred, bigotry, incompetence, close-mindedness, and a toxic, xenophobic hive-mind mentality.

I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the trip. (I’m still shaking while writing this.)

50.) What do you wish for yourself?

To find happiness, and give myself permission to keep it.

Thank you, my darling! I hope your 2018 is everything you wished your 2017 could have been. You deserve nothing less than that.

[whambamthankyoubram]

ALL OF THEM IM A NOSEY BITCH

YOU ALWAYS DO THIS

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? MORE CEREAL THAN MILK OBVIOUSLY I’M NOT SATAN

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? No bc my cheeks are cold as hell and I need warmth

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? I fold the corners or put little mailings/postcards in them, whatever I have laying around!

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Tea, nothing; coffee, milk only!

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Yes :( There’s a gap in my teeth and I hate it. I wish my teeth were perfect.

6: do you keep plants? Nope.

7: do you name your plants? Can’t name the plants you don’t keep, my dude

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Uhhhh...no?

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? YES all the time.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Side!

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? 

12: what's your favorite planet? Pluto bc it is still a planet okay

13: what's something that made you smile today? My boyfriend’s Snapchats

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Messy af

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! “In space, the skin on your feet peels off.” EW SPACE WTF

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? MMMMMM any pasta tbh I’m Italian I will eat anything

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? I love my hair color the way it is now!

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. My ex never let me forget the time I was passed out on his couch, and I woke up intermittently before falling back asleep. He was watching Rush Hour. I asked him, (HALF ASLEEP MIND YOU), Oh, is this the movie with Chris Rock and Bruce Lee? (I’m awful).

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I write my thoughts and crazy paranoia in there boyyyyyeeeee

20: what's your favorite eye color? BROWN

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. Uhhhhh it’s a longchamp bc I’m a white girl

22: are you a morning person? Not really

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? SLEEP!

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Not sure

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? I’ve never broken into anything omg

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? My Uggs, because I’m a white girl

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? Mint

28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? My BFF giggles sometimes when she talks and idk it’s cute

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Fuck yes, have you ever seen a spider? In your shower? Without your glasses on? 

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I LOVE SOCKS! When I get socks for Christmas I get so excited. I can fall asleep with socks on, but at some point in the night, they’re coming off my feet lol.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. I ate pizza while I was drunk #wowimsocool

33: what's your fave pastry? Cinnamon buns, does that count?

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? Winnie the Motherfuckin Pooh. No :( He fell in the mud and I had to throw him out bc the washer couldn’t fix him

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Fuck yeah I do!

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? Noooo clue tbh

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? Clean, but it’s always a mess

38: tell us about your pet peeves! I hate when the President sniffs into the microphone while he’s delivering some sort of address, blow ur nose next time or stop doing coke

39: what color do you wear the most? Black lol

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? Nose ring, no special meaning I just really like it

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? An Abundance of Katherines bc I fucking love the shit out of John Green

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! Not really tbh

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Probably my bf

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? The other night, at the beach! So pretty :)

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Yes

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. I couldn’t think of any, next question

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Aerosol cheese

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Bugs, yes, ew

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? Don’t remember!! I bought the first Glee soundtrack when it came out LOL

50: what's an odd thing you collect? Socks?

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I associate “All Night” by Chance the Rapper w my bf

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? Salt bae for sure

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? Beetlejuice was the only one, I watched a little of Pulp Fiction - they were both ok

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? My friend :( she’s ok now but I saw her the other night and she was upset

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? Not sure 

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Laughter and the way people get excited over things

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? It made me feel like I’ve been having too much sugar tonight tbh

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? I’M THE WINE MOM!!!! I am the wine QUEEN ok that’s all I ever drink. My bff is the vodka aunt, but she lives miles apart from me so we rarely drink together nowadays 

59: what's your favorite myth? Dude? I don’t have one

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, T.S. Eliot. 

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? I got a really ugly hat once, and I gave a really ugly hat once, at the same Christmas exchange party 

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Nope

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? Hell no I’m a living mess

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Black

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? Yes, my bff 

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Mad lilies! They’re my fav flower

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Depressed and tired tbh

68: what's winter like where you live? Cold but not too cold bc you know global warming

69: what are your favorite board games? Scrabble!!

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Yes lol

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? ANY KIND! Right now I’m really feeling ginger turmeric from Trader Joe’s, though, soooo good

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? YES.

73: what are some of your worst habits? Uhhh not going to bed early enough lol

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. This person is a HUGE JARLEY FAN and super adorbs!!! Hates Mon-El and LOVES TO RANT ABOUT IT AND I LOVE THIS PERSON REGARDLESS 

75: tell us about your pets! So I have a dog, he’s almost 12 years old which is really depressing bc he’s probably going to pass on soon :( I’m obsessed with him and love him so much!!

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? Yeah, taking my bra off why am I still wearing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade? PINK, always

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? Hate club, get them the fuck away from me

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? One of my old boyfriends learned how to knit for me which I thought was very sweet

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Aqua! Because I like it?

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. “Comets.”

82: are/were you good in school? Not really

83: what's some of your favorite album art? Ohhhh I know this, I love Californication’s album art so much

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? I have seven!!

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? No

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? Wat

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? The Lion King, BITCH

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Not really

89: are you close to your parents? Yes

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. NEW YORRRRRK. Concrete jungle where dreams are destroyed you’ll never get anywhere go back to long island

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Somewhere over the summer, not sure where yet tho

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? In the middle

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? Top knots bc I’m lazy

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? The Weeknd LOL

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Date night, then I’m not sure!

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? Ohhh I procrastinate so much

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? Not sure about the Myer-Briggs type, but I’m a scorpio + Ravenclaw

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? Yes! I think in November. It was chilly, but a lot of fun

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

One Headlight - The Wallflowers (listening now)

Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes

Love Drought - Beyonce

Under the Bridge - RHCP

Strip My Mind - RHCP

Literally anything by RHCP

Do You Realize?? - The Flaming Lips (I cry literally every time I listen to it)

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Neither, because I am choosing to live in the MOMENT :) 

[mmjjbbaannkkss]

2020 March 8-14 Dod yn ôl at fy nghoed.

While the covid-19 is odd, it doesn’t scare me, there’s even a possibility that training until your immune system is low, for four years, and being around many viroids, that just taking a rest week, and eating the oranges nobody is buying, will be enough. Long post. I’m going to go to the gym to see if it’s open in a few days from now, but generally speaking, it’s time for a break. 

Yesterday, two days ago, I somehow jammed my outer wrist, and it’s an injury that can cause serious af problems later on; the ball of my left foot keeps getting cramps, after getting new shoes the ankle and perhaps posture improved, but it’s another worry; and my back, obliques, traps, all in knots, so the next phase of training is just walking and stretching and reading books outside. In the fresh air, in the park, laying down in the forest and inheriting what it has to offer. Playing outdoors builds immunity, the microbes and extremophiles we share with the planet will steer our evolution, this might just be an upgrade to the next immunity level on the way to Mars, and you can get the vaccine at PHARMACY when it’s ready. If you’re not already healthy. 

It was sad to see people with masks that don’t work buying things they don’t want, which is why I park across the pond at the supermarket Christmas eve and laff at them, today went to buy eggs, and panic buying had cans and tp empty, even tho like i keep telling the lefties, capitalism doesn’t stop just because the demand goes up, and they keep panicking anyway, site to store, distribution centers to home, wait in line, etc. All you’re doing is driving the price up.on yourself. I literally have libertarian prepper amounts of food, so this is rather Sodom and Gomorrah territory, and why I study the logics, the stoics, and the zenists. I do have to worry about mom’s cats, but again, capitalism isn’t stopping, i’d bet manufacturers are popping corks before the next quarter starts. 

Isometrics, outdoor cardio if you’re urban, calisthenics, are perfect options if you’re still aversive. I’m going to finally do my taijiquan, walk in the mornings, stretch outside, read books, actually enjoy my tea, and meditate. Food reduction is mandatory when not exercising, your calorie intake/expenditure, caloric deficit measures. I’m going into a cut, and so you don’t have to, meditate for hours on end. Eat small, meditate on my emotions and senses, controlling my metabolism with my mind, confronting how perceptions and emotions control me and resolving my fears of social anxiety, especially now. I’ll be sure to post my cutting diets and my carb-less fever dreams of the chocolate cake from Portal 2.

My ancestors lived on muddy rivers in homes dug right into the earth, this virus isn’t exactly neighboring raiders or attackers after our knee-high mud paradise. Wuhan closed it’s last makeshift hospitals. Be logical, don’t get emotional, or get emotional in a preworkout-fuled rampage IG story and fight locals for the crown of TP mountain. 

No I don’t want you to transmit, yes I want you, to look up the symptoms, and compare them to other viroid symptoms, yes you should look at the physicality of those getting it, and those who aren’t. Some of you may need perspective before causing fear. It’s been suggested to practice “social distancing” and my inner child is ROFL at the idea that I’m not already. I’ve been doing the Vulcan salute for 20 years, and now everybody tryna jack my steeze. I’m taking a week off, or more idk what the gym plans to do, and it only took a global crisis to trigger it. It’ll also allow time to see if I present any symptoms while not spreading disease. Practice hygiene and some civility will follow. LLAP

Celebrations Held at Wuhan’s Makeshift Hospitals After City Closes Them Down https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJLC1WInVzQ 

PS I’m going to post regular updates proving i’m not sick, not disproving that I’m not freaking out right before the zombie apocalypse, but just to post and inform to entertain your time, if i can figure out how to talk to the camera again, it always feels rehearsed so be kind.

>workouts/notes

Week 6 (mixed: heavy neg & fst pos)

#31 Heavy Push  

Treadmill 5 > Shldr Press *6/1030507090 > Lat Raise *6/10*4,15? > Hoist *6/35*3,50*3 > Chest press *6/507090110130150170- > Dips *8/6/666/66 > Pec Deck *8/100*3,115130145160175- > Smith Bench *6/100*3,150-1 > Tricep Machine *8/b mñn v e/prolly, 304560 > Pullover Press *8/50506060 > Twist *8/506070 > Treadmill 12, stairs 25-, 5

Shldrs wanted 20 more nice place tho, lat raise cld better but not sure if by cable or db; hoist idk if improved but feels better, where started doing double sets bc pwo, chest press finish low glycemic, dips above avg doubled ended bricked up biceps, smith bench should've pumped bricked hundo instead of 150, was a challenging final rep; pec deck finally in range reps worth repeating, quizás the pwo, a little warm; triceps would've been better at cables, pullover PR if I did them right; still weak left obliques, maybe I'll take up rock golf at the lake; 

Singularity's entire new album >>>>> https://youtu.be/eyirbcaGbC8 

A few days without legumes feels fine; we are the masses that can't park straight until mid May; 

½ L, 4 eggs, c rice; ½ L, sammich; veggie straws, gym, pwo ½ L, ½ L lite, ½ L water, done; veggie straws; 

#32 Lite Pull  

Treadmill 15 > Palms-In pulldown *7/7085100*3120*2 > DB 1-Arm Row *7/15202530355065 > Wide Lat pulldown *7/30*2,50*5 > Pulldown/over *7/30*3; > Shrug *7/60*3,100*3,150? > Row *7/100*7 > Delt Deck *7/15202530354250 > Preacher Curl *7/5050656580809595105105- > Straight Bar Curl *7/20303030404040- > 1-arm cable curl *7/15*3,20*3,25- > Treadmill 5

Chaz Cardigan, Not Okay

Defrosting windows. ½ L 30g whey; 4 eggs, 2 potato toast, ½ L+; 4 eggs, 2 potato toast; gym, 1 L pwo, veggie straws; c rice, 4 eggs; ½ c cottage cheese, mandarin, 2 bread, spinach artichoke dip, cheese, ½ L 30g whey;

#33 Heavy Legs 

Treadmill   15 > Mule *6/5050707090110130 > Horizon Press *6/1030507090110130150170190210- > Deadlift supine curl *6/60*5- > Hack Squat *6/x > Leg Ext *6/1030507090-1 > Leg Curl *8/305070 > Heel Raise *8/30507090110 > Side Bends *8/(2)152535506580100? > Chair Crunch *8/7590105120135 > Press crunch *8/ > Stairs 25, treadmill 5/2;

Bad session, mule stress, horizon press possible PR, deadlift/curl better, skipped hacks b/c possibly last week didn’t mend before retrain window //drove to officeplace for errand across shopping centers 5 min// leg ext better form maybe better reps, leg curl better depth, heel raise worse/cold, side bends PR get some, chair crunch improve better form, would like to do slower crunches, muscle confusion, almost press crunch, but was there way too long, circa packed start, weird wrist…

My right wrist or forearm has become stiff, inflexible at first, might have slept right palm left face and hyperextended it, idk so much, 

Everyone washing their hands, wiping down equipment, not jumping in front of me, brodin wut 

Svartport, Orbit Culture; After gym, grocery store, home, had crockpot chicken mediteraneano, ½ cup rice, ¼ L 15g whey, fell asleep; woke, ate a piece of cheese and another ¼ L, watched a show, back to sleep; however, none-not-theless, i’d only had breakfast and ½ L liquids before gymming, by the time i got home i was past hangry and into cold; 

C rice, ¼ lb gr beef, ½ L 30g whey; ¼ L 20g whey, $1 cashews, gym, 1 L +pwo, 1L electrolytes; chicken mediterraneo, rice; muffin and milk, slice of cheese; 

#34 Lite Push  c/lb/x >> FST 

Treadmill warmup > Shoulder Press *7/10303005507070 > Bb Raise *7/20*7 > Plate Lat Raise *7/10*7 > Incl BB Bench *7/60*7 > Chest press *7/50*3,70*3,90*3,110*3 > Crossover *7/20*7,25*7 > Pec Deck *7/100*7 > Pullover *7/x > Tri-bar tricep *7/15153030454560607575 > Twist *7/507090/x > Stairmill 25, treadmill 5/2

C rice, 4 eggs, ½ L 30g whey; 2 mandarins, ¼ L creatine/aminos, 1L pwo lite, 2 mandarins, ¼ L creatine, done; 1 country biscuit, ½ cup cottage cheese; ¾ med chicken bacon ranch pizza; piece of cheese

#35 Slow Pull   > Treadmill warm-up 15 > Lat Pulldown *6/305070 > Low Row *6/100*5 > High Row *6/35506580100- > Chin Up Palms In *6/666- > Facepull *6/202530355065 > Shrug *8/100*3,150*2- > EZ Curl *8/203030505050 > Cbl Curl 1-Arm *8/15152020 > Preacher 1-Arm *8/15153030454560-60-1 > Twist *8/ > Stairs 25, treadmill 5/2

Cup of rice, 4 eggs, 1/2L 30g whey; fries and 2 cups coffee; Angus burger; pause, 

#36 FST Legs > /halt

[poppoppopprophet-blog]

19th december 2016

Okay Okay Okay Uhm First things first, (I'm the realest) I'm fucking nervous for this new therapy thingie I'm go Freedom, I don't feel that. Imagination, I do have that. And I can imagine what Freedom feels like. Like.. Uhm Like stepping out the door and it's really cold out and you're still comfortable from the warmth inside and you're wearing warm clothes and you don't know where you're going and the light outside is bright and you bite for that first heap of air. That first breath. That's what I imagine Freedom feels like. That's what I know Freedom feels like. Problem is tho. It's not a constant. Far from it. For almost constantly I feel pressed. Stressed. Afraid even. I mean, fucking laugh all you want, but I'm genuinely scared for a third World War to break out. And I ain't fighting for a country that I don't feel a part of. I'm not fighting for borders I don't believe in. I'm not fighting for a system that's not built for me. I'm not fighting to protect the generations above me that are fucking me over. I'm not gonna protect a people or a country or a system that has never picked up responsibility. Fuck that. And fuck you. I would fight tho. Not for you. For me. For my generation. I'm afraid I'm able to pick up arms to fight the ones that never claimed responsibility. I'm able to terrorize. My generation is capable of terrorism. HOW IN THE NAME OF FUCK DO YOU SPREAD IDEOLOGY WITHOUT IT LEADING TO VIOLENCE?! There's Extremist Buddhists right now! Are you reading this?! Extremist, violent, killing, terrorizing, FUCKING BUDDHISTS?! what the fuck (I luv buddhism 😭) (I luv marxism 😭) (If I was born two hundres years ago I would have luved kapitalism) Okay Okay Okay Gaaaaaaawd Let's talk, shut up Ghiel. Let me write about this upcoming third year exhibit. I figured I was done for that. Or well, that I had my concept ready, and that's like half the work. But! Talking with Juf yesterday and talking with my new psychologist fucked this up. See, my idea was to present my readymades; Britney (2007), Kim K (2016), Nicolas Bourriad on fb and Marina and Ulay on Tumblr. Now, I had the intention of showing this in an art context to see what would happen, how people would respond, what they would think and learn. Basically it being an extension of the research that I'm already doing while finding these readymades. And so, I wanted to talk to all of the viewers and visitors and hear them out. But I cant be everywhere! So insert: Doubles! Dopplegangers, lookalikes. I've been wanting to work with doubles for quite some time now. Ever since I was starting to work with fashion. Seemed like a lot of fun! Hahah and it clearly makes a statement on fame and the artist myth and the artist's created persone. Lyfe as a form of art! Persona as a work of art! And then I envisioned my Doubles to have my readymades on their laptop/iPhone/iPad. And then what? Will they approach every visitor? Will they walk around the exhibit? Will they have to stay in the exhibit? Do they have to stay in one place? Should they wait for visitors to address them? I DONT KNOWWWW OKAY so juf warned me that all these layers could get in the way of eachother. And then my psychologist today was talking about communication and how multiple layers of communication get in the way of eachother and are confusinf. I don't want this to happen. I think. The thing also is that I'm not working with one statement here. I'm uhm.. it's research. And that's what's fucking me up right now. I cannot implement clear communication into this exhibit if I don't have anything to communicate. What the fuck should I do? The commision wants the application in two days and I don't have a clear ideea to start working with. Fuuuuuuuuyyyyyycj Maybe doing research isn't a bad thing. It could be super interesting. I was also thinking that I don't have to be in this exhibition. If I think about 'the greater whole' I would much rather be in your phone, in your pocket forever than in your face for about a minute. Fuuuuuyyyck im soooo lossssst This fucking pressure. Goddamn I could also Have the readymades hung up on the walls. Neat. Nice. Empowering. Monumental. And now, it's a one night exhibit. So everybody wants to talk to the artist, right? Insert doubles. Fuck! No! The doubles lose all their function. Do they? It's still a statement on the artist's created persona. God, I'm so lost. I hate everything coming out of my brain right now. I just wanna make music, fam. First things first. Jezus Zo de weg kwijt Okay Okay Okay Let's see Chapters? Ja sure let's do this Chapterssss... Uhm.. Omggg Daily Wisdom? Philosophy? UTOPIA icons, iconoclasm? The way every human being comes to fruition? Is there a word for that? My god, I feel like these chapters are gonna change every single day. Whats the point of this? WHATS THE POINT TO LYFE? Ah, existentialism is another one I think. Do I have too many already? Looooooost (boys) I feel like these chapters are intertwining. Wait, that's allright, right? Like Fuck Idk Cos Me now starting with music is mostly Daily Philosophy, but also a part Iconoclasm and icons Yes those two go together! What the fuck! 2k16's so weird! I have to prevent WW3 I don't feel like I will ever be an essayist like they're supposed to be. Jesus I'm all over the place Fuck conservatists Fuck patriarchy Fuck sexism Fuck you I'm so energetic and soooo tired at the same time I got this hyperfocus going on but it's going eeeeeverywhere How to spread ideology (without violence) is a chapter i think Let's see What do I have so far? Everyday Philosophy Utopia Iconoclasm Human being to Fruition Existentialism (Idiot, that's equal to the first one) Spreading Ideology (on your bread!) Okay Let's put them in order of what's chronologically kinda possible slash logical hahahaa fuck me Everyday (i dont like that word) Philosophy Ordinary? Daily? Common? Idk? Iconoclasm Daily Philosophy Human being to Fruition Spreading Ideology UTOPIA I feel like there is so many joints and bridges that these topics turn into a fucking paste in my head. And I feel like anyone can see that and that makes me feel dumb. Are these all the chapters? Who knows? You don't even know, Ghiel. I want a blog. For all my diaries and thoughts and sources. And i wanna start on my youtube channel. I tried changing my age on facebook. I couldnt? Huuuah? Daily Philosophy is the means, no the medium to handle EXISTENTIALISM thats the chapter. Lets see Where the fuck am I in these chapters? EQUALITY: iconoclasm EXISTENTIALISM: daily philosophy EQUALITY AGAIN?: Human being to fruition UTOPIA: Spreading ideology Utopia Equality+existentialism=utopia? Again EQUALITY EXISTENTIALISM UTOPIA Betekenisvolle naïviteit That's what I have to grasp. Meaningful naivity. Giving meaning to your lyfe in order to survyve. Okay God I'm so tired now. EXISTENTIALISM is the chapter I'm in right now. My works; Destruction Is Followed By Growth, Kijker=Kunst and (You're) Welcome, Not Welcome all dealt with ICONOCLASM. ICONOCLASM to me is fucking up authority, power, expectations and elitism. In my personal lyfe I resist against authority. I don't feel like anyone deserves it. In the bigger picture it's resisting against, well, in the forenamed cases: the zeitgeist, the pedestal and, yes, the police hahaha. Kijker=Kunst dealt with EXISTENTIALISM as well (and even utopia) and well, see, uhm.. Once you (I) dealt with Iconoclasm, you're on your own. You are by yourself. You are selfreliant. (Jesus fuck, terrorist attack in Berlin? Fuuuuck) I am on my own. What will I do today? Tomorrow? For the rest of my life? My friend Joost said the legendary words: 'Giving meaning to your lyfe is a way of survyval.' For without it, you will kill yourself. (Omg did he just say that?) Ja, the case is I neeeed existentialism, I neeeeeed a reason, I neeeeed a meaning. Therefor you, yes YOU need this too. See, this, our time is post-theosomething.. There's no religion. There's noone giving you meaning and without it you are in danger. Jesus, this sounds dramatic. I can't focus anymore. Imma pee. Basically, I wanna save the world hahahah save every fucking human Or well, I care for people. I really do. And I consider the globally ignoring and not knowinf of wishes and initiatives is one of the greatest problems facing us. And I see an outcome or a solution in existentialist philosophy. Problem with this is that philosophy is packed in thick books that barely anyone ever gets to reading and truly understanding. So I feel I should take this knowledge I've taken and developed and pour it in a shape that's accesible. And above all: fun. Yes, it has to be fun. If it doesn't have entertainment value it will only be interesting to a certain few and like I said: I care for all people. So I will do my best to reach as many as possible. Without compromising. So right now I will build, create, shape an album. A music album. To reach people with abstract knowledge packed in words in a form that is entertaining and accesible and is from all media that I know most likely to be repeated the most.