#can’t post it yet because [redacted reason] but it will be worth the wait ;3

[metalbvcky]

Chapter 20 is DONE which means I only have 5 (plus the epilogue) left to go!!! AAAAAAAA

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Deltarune Chapter 2 Had Out Awesome Undertale

on September 21, 2021 I beat Chapter 2 of Deltarune.

(also possible spoilers in this, so please only read this if you have beaten Chapter 2 of Deltarune.) 

it took me maybe a few days, but I finally got around to beating it. I hope no one take this the wrong way, but I think that Deltarune Chapter 2 has out-awesomed Undertale,

I still love Undertale but Deltarune's Chapter 2 is very....epic. (well I think is, and it's okay that not everyone agrees that it is more epic than Undertale.)

sure I had a little trouble here and there, but it turned out to be really fun and I do plan to play Chapter 2 again.

but starting with Chapter 1 first then working up to Chapter 2.

I'm glad I was able to play it, it seems you have to beat Deltarune-Chapter 1 first before you can play the Deltarune Chapter 1&2.

yes at first because I wasn't able to play the Chapter 2 at first, I decided to watch a walkthrough of it.....which I was only able to watch the next day.

but playing it myself was more fun and it really was awesome, it might take a few years (maybe either two or three.) until Chapter 3 comes out,

but it will be worth the wait.

don't know who Mike is though, unless it's Mike from FNAF lol......

can't be the Mike in the Undertale's Credits....must be a different Mike.  

maybe we will learn more about Mike from Deltarune in the future.

also I can't help but think that Kris might be the Knight, and they have this dark side to them and the one that Susie is truly making friends with

is the Player, who is the new "Kris" and keeping the Old-Kris's dark side in check so they don't do anything too dangerous....maybe?

I believe I know why I am not able to play Undertale Fan Game, Kissy Cutie.

it might have to do with it being how I couldn't play Deltarune Chapter 1&2, until I beat Deltarune Chapter 1 in the original.

it was a new save in the original, so it was good that beat that and then tried to open up the Deltarune Chapter 1&2 again.

and to my surprise the game started to play without that blue pop-up message.

I'm not sure if it is right, that the Kissy Cutie game will start to play normal after you beat the Undertale and get the happy ending.

but I guess I could try to see if that works.

I need to say this about Noelle from Deltarune..........

the whole Yandere-Noelle might be canon.....

just like how the Pie that Kris eats is canon, so must be the Yandere-Noelle.

also I think Catti either loves Noelle as just a friend or she might have a crush on her and sees Susie as a rival.

my headcanon is that Catti has a crush on Noelle and she sees Susie as her rival.

I don't know how many players have scooted Lancer to the table after he got turned to stone....

I do not know if Lancer ate the spaghetti or not, but I know when I did go back to that room (before facing Queen)......

the spaghetti was gone, and the stone Lancer was still at the table too.

there is a reason why I think Yandere-Noelle is canon......but maybe not as deadly.....unless we end up going down a Geno-Route.

I really hope to go down the Weird Route, Weird Route For Life.

Weirdness Is Magic!

I plan to play the Deltarune Chapter 1 & 2 version from the very beginning,

and work my way back to Chapter 2.

also while playing Undertale, I got this theory that pop into my head

that the two figures that Frisk and Alphys see when they are about ready to go face Mettaton.

my theory is that the two shadow figures they first see, aren’t the monsters that Frisk faces....

but it turning out to be Kris and Susie, who’s adventure might be in the Undertale Chapter of Deltarune......I guess that theory might be a bit crazy

and it is not likely to happen.

but I think there could be a possibility of Undertale appearing in Deltarune,

as a future Chapter, and there being a side story within the Undertale Chapter within Deltarune, and in the Undertale Chapter we do not have control of Frisk.

but we still hold some control over Kris, and it could turn out that in the Undertale Chapter, Frisk is on their Geno-Run and this time it isn’t the Player that is making them do it.....because in that Chapter we aren’t in control of Frisk and Chara isn’t either.

I do have a theory that the Red Soul in Frisk, is NOT Chara or even Frisk.

the Red Soul powering the underground that you can find in the True Lab when you are turning on the power on that generator thing.

if you look closely you will see there is a red type heart in the middle,

which might be Chara’s Soul, and if we do a Geno-Run in might be possible that Chara’s Soul will find a way to talk to us by some form of Soul Telepathic Link.

Chara ending up appearing in Frisk’s mind and speaking to us through the dark mind space in Frisk’s mind.

and the Red Soul that is seen in the Undertale game, the one that can be seen in the fights.......was never Frisk’s Soul.

the Red Soul is the Player, this means that the Red Soul in Deltarune

is also the Red Soul from Undertale and they are both the Players.

if this is true that would mean without the players,

Frisk in the canon of Undertale, is Soulless.

if we think about it, Frisk would have their own Soul in the Fanon AU.

it might be possible that Kris, when not having the Red Soul/Player’s Soul in them.

they are not as they appear to be, yes they could come off as a bit mischievous.

like with the whole eating all the pie

but what if there is a more darker side to Kris, and what if it turned out there was another Soul controlling Kris and they are the ones that rip out our Soul out from Kris?

remember what Asriel said before in Undertale,

when both he and Chara shared a body, the control over the body was split between them.   

it’s possible that Kris has more than one soul in them,

one being their own, the second being the one who acts as a villain,

and the third being us the players.

and if we decide to kill any one in the Deltarune Chapters

(or at least try to....)

then that might give the second soul controlling Kris even more control.

or not.....it could be that Kris only has two souls in them,

their soul and the Player’s soul.

I do have a theory that Kris might be the Knight,

well either them or Papyrus or Gaster or Asriel.

anyone of those four could be the Knight.

but the top suspect of being the Knight now, is Kris.

and this is thanks to what I have seen in Chapter 2,

both watching the walkthrough and even playing it myself.

it might be possible when we do take over Kris’s body,

we end up freeing Kris from another soul that might be the Knight.

it be interesting if when the choices pop up,

they come in two different colors to show which ones is what the Player would pick or Kris would pick.

the Player could end up choosing to pick what Kris wants,

or the Player could end up picking the the choice that isn’t the color that shows to be what Kris would want.

the color of the choices would be a Turquoise (Kris)

and Red (Player)

depending on the Player, we could choose to go with just the red color choices

or the turquoise color choices, if we choose the turquoise color choices

it can mean we value Kris’s opinion and want to show that their choices matter.

it be interesting if they add that in a future chapter.

  I'm thinking of changing my tumblr name again, even if it hasn't been that long since I had changed my first tumblr username...

but I still want to put down my original tumblr name on any new drawings I post on tumblr, just to be safe and so there will be no misunderstandings.

I still want my Tumblr to be about a Deltarune-Flowey The Flower,

so even if I do change my tumblr username to something that isn't "Flowey"

I still want to be Flowey The Flower type.....as well as a Crossover.

and if I do decided to change my tumblr username for the second time.

going from floweytheflower-of-deltarune to [redacted]

I will have to edit the last drawing post I had put up that had floweytheflower-of-deltarune on it.

I will keep thinking about it.

but anyway the Chapter 2 of Deltarune was really REALLY awesome.

and it does seem to be a bit more epic than Undertale.

which once again I still love Undertale, but Chapter 2 has out did it.

for some reason Queen reminds me of White Diamond.

I do have a theory about Susie,

that either one she is a orphan or two she comes from a abusive home

and one or both of her parents might treat her badly.

and she let’s out her anger by bullying others

and the reason why she eats chalk and the other stuff she shouldn’t.

is because she isn’t getting enough to eat at home and might be malnourished.

Susie might also not be only child, she might be a older sister or younger sister.

and her bond with Lancer, taking up the Big Sister Role to him.

might show she has a Protective Big Sister side to her.

it might be possible that she gives half of her food to her younger sibling

and Susie doesn’t eat much at home because of how her parents treat both her and her little sibling.

if it is true that Susie has a younger sibling, it might be possible that Susie’s younger sibling is in Toriel’s class.

and given some info in the Chapter 2,

we might know the bio-gender of Susie’s sibling.

which if you read what I wrote on top about not reading this unless you beaten Chapter 2....

I can say now, that it is possible that Susie might have a little sister.

and the little sister might be in Toriel’s class.

I did do a drawing of what I think Susie’s little sister might look like.

as well as what Susie’s Mom might look like too.

but I don’t want to post them just yet.

it be cute if Susie’s little sister appeared in a future chapter

and once meeting Noelle, Berdly and Kris.

the little sister tells them “you can’t have my big sis! big sis is mine!”

of course Noelle might find this really precious, maybe it will remind her how much she loved her older sister when she was Susie’s little sister’s age.

speaking of Noelle’s sister, I did draw up a ship drawing between her and Deltarune’s Asriel.

if both the Holiday and Dreemurr families are both Boss Monsters

then I hope they reveal that in a future chapter.

it might be possible that both the Dreemurr and Holiday families

come from a Royal heritage,

if this is true that would make Noelle technically a Princess.  

I’m calling Fan Headcanon on that theory.

also it is pretty obvious that Yandere Noelle is canon.

because of what we see in Chapter 2.

it might be possible that Kris has three souls in them,

one being theirs, the other being the Player and the other being possibly the Knight.

Kris’s true soul might be Turquoise blue type color.

what trait a Turquoise Soul is, well maybe it will be hinted in the game.

I really love Chapter 2 of Deltarune, and I know that Chapter 3 will be worth the wait.

and if Sans was hinting in Chapter 2 about Chapter 3, we might see it in a few years....then again I could be wrong about Sans hinting.

sadly we didn’t get to meet Papyrus in Chapter 2,

but we just have to be patient.   

I think that besides the Players choices mattering in the game,

I think Kris’s choices should matter too.

so when the choices do pop up, they should come in Red for the Player

and Turquoise for Kris.

if we choose the turquoise color choices, it is still gonna be Kris’s choice

as it shows we are picking what Kris wants.

it be interesting if that happens.

also I would still like to know who Mike is that is mention in Chapter 2.

it might not be the one that is in the credits, so it has to be a different Mike all together, but who they are is unknown.

I hope some of you agree that the choices of the Player and Kris,

should be in Red and Turquoise.

we might be the Red Soul in both Undertale and Deltarune,

but we should try to look at it being in a symbiotic relationship.

where we make sure to keep Kris and their friends safe,

and try to fight off the other soul that had control of them before we came into their lives in Chapter 1.

also it might be possible that while both Undertale and Deltarune are two different timelines and AUs of each other.

it could be possible that before the start of those two games,

one could travel between if he machine that allowed it was turned on.

the Sans from Deltarune, might of came from a non-stop Geno Route Timeline

and had no other choice but to take both himself, his brother and other survivors to the Deltarune Timeline where they would be safe from Frisk.

I and a lot of other fans might believe this to be canon, and it would make sense given the evidence of the former Grilby’s turned into convenience store.

like what if in a future Chapter that is called “Undertale: Geno-Route”

it shows the world that Sans and his brother came from

and Sans ends up telling Kris, Susie and the others that he had to leave because it was becoming too dangerous and he didn’t want to watch his brother die again by the hands of the human named Frisk.

the Frisk that we the Players make to be more innocent and being full of love.

might be different from the Frisk that is in the canon of the game

and who knows how Frisk was before we the Player’s taken control of them.

but we do know that the Red Soul in Deltarune, could be the same one in Undertale, which would mean that we the Players are the Red Soul.

and while Kris could of had their own Turquoise Soul before we came into the picture.

and Chara could have the same color Red Soul as the Player,

which is being used to power the underground.

it could turn out that Frisk in the canon of Undertale,

is Soulless and is only given a Soul that belongs to the Player....

so Flowey might be right about Frisk’s Soul not being theirs.

I am glad I finally figured out why I couldn’t seem to play Deltarune Chapter 1&2 at first, it had to do with not beating the new save I had that had to do with the first Deltarune Chapter 1 before the version that had Chapters 1 and 2 came out.

if you beat the first version, then when you click on the new Deltarune Chapters 1&2, the blue popup message wont show up and the game will run normally.

so it’s best to keep the original Deltarune download.

[watchtheblog]

petty cache

thank you for coming to read my diary which masquerades as a blog but is actually just a vessel for disseminating my birthday wishlists. it’s like an event you show up to where the host tries to sell you a timeshare 25 minutes after some requisite, mindless song and dance.

welcome! if you’d like purchase a timeshare, scroll to the bottom. for the song and dance, look no further:

the other day i zoned out on zoom therapy and when my therapist asked where i “went” i had to lie because i had gone to the part of my brain that holds all the things i need to think about forever for no reason (i call it the petty cache — this is an umbrella term for the space that also houses my attitude cabinet) and dusted off a memory of a comment i saw on a stranger’s facebook three weeks ago that said “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”.

i don’t know either person, and that’s what i was thinking about. i spend $[redacted] a month on therapy and instead of focusing on one of my numerous unsolved mysteries, i was thinking about the nuances of this comment - like why they wouldn’t just share the news or message the person directly? or what losing their password had to do with anything? or why they would comment on facebook instead of texting or calling the person. did they not have their number? imagine not knowing someone well enough to have their phone number, but still wanting to share your good news with them!

all i want (for my birthday) is to know what the news is that this stranger has to share, and i’ll never know so i have to put that comment in my minutiae repository with all the other things that will plague me until i die from texting and driving, smoke inhalation as a result of purposely leaving a candle lit in my home overnight almost every night, consuming half a dozen hot dogs a week, or a now unnamed disease that will posthumously be attributed to my chronic inability to mind my own business.

i’m constantly concerning myself with things that are none of my concern - no matter how insignificant - because my brain is a commune of sentient pepperoni running instagram polls among themselves to discern if something is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about. and guess what? it turns out absolutely everything that has ever offended, confused, bothered, intrigued, slightly inconvenienced, or merely happened to me is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about.

because i devote so much energy to nonsense, i can often be found persecuting strangers for insulting me on the internet (and for other miscellaneous bad behavior). the information superhighway is my home so i have to protect myself (and my friends) here, and if that means spending 45 minutes to 48 hours trying to find every misstep you’ve made in your life until i have enough ammunition to spray a dozen simulated retaliatory bullets at your virtual head because you called me a “stupid bitch” on instagram, well… so be it!

i am relentless in my pursuit of wasting time, so if that doesn’t work, i will find the cold stone creamery you frequent, seek employment there, be hired on the spot, learn the craft, be promoted to manager, poison you on your birthday, gain access to your funeral, and tarnish your reputation by reading your shitty DM in front of the few family and friends whom i haven’t already made aware of the abhorrent way you conducted yourself online!

there are so many different ways strangers will try to hurt your feelings — an interesting genre of which come from men who (like me) have definitely never had sex before, and mistakenly think i care about the ways in which my body does not make them horny.

“no tits” one will say. and i’m like, how do you want me to respond to that? my boobs are indeed small, yes. did you come here to shoot facts back and forth all day? ok: you’re going to start balding way sooner than you’re prepared for, i bet your childhood dog is dead, your time on the internet should be supervised, your closet is full of vests, and you wait on line at nightclubs… good day?!

while i will obviously engage with anyone if they want to fight, i prefer when the unsolicited criticism is personalized, and not just thoughtless, lazily devised tripe.

a year and a half ago, a man who looked like he exhales smog DMed me to let me know - among other things in a paragraph long rant - he’d “lost brain cells” watching my story. knowing he had likely never had an adequate amount to begin with, it seemed like an emergency, so i started a group DM with his wife. because his message had come just three days after a “fuckkk [heart eye emoji]” response to a photo of my ass, i included a screenshot as evidence of his devolving mental state.

being - presumably - gainfully employed, neither of them responded.

luckily, the consolation prize for insulting me is that you gain residency in my brain and stay in my thoughts and prayers for all eternity, so i checked in on them a few days ago. they’d unfollowed and wiped their feeds clean of each other!!

because i’ve never “moved on” in my entire life, i fired up our long dormant group chat, and sent my condolences: “aw. sorry your trip to positano - where you were going to attempt to repair your ramshackle marriage - got cancelled because of covid and so you just got divorced instead :(” i wrote before being blocked by both of them. 

then i headed right over to my therapist’s facebook and commented “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”

i spent an entire therapy session detailing this monomania before my therapist thoughtfully suggested i “pick [my] battles”.

to which i thoughtfully responded: yeah, babe. i pick every single one.

                                                        ***

timeshare time! it’s the same list as this post, with a few additions (at top) (and edits based on availability).

places to donate food education fund pretty brown girl the okra project

some furniture stuff a side table  a pointless, laughably tiny little thing this website is calling a “drink table” a lamp one of these benches i do not want this but it’s important to me that at least 2 other people know it exists

this plant that obviously does not need to cost $165 but idk how to shop economically

air pods

gifts from the previous post - all still v much in play!

a pair of shoes (size 8 or 38) one pair, another pair, yet another, these are on sale, these are not, and a final pair

a specific clutch with three color choices they allege this color is called sand but it looks white to me, pink, green for those who do not know what malachite means (it couldn’t be me. i learned it 3 hours ago when i began compiling this cursed list)

something everyone with money to waste needs this

dresses i’ll never be able to wear until there’s a vaccine because unlike someone tacky who knows me, i won’t be having a birthday party in the middle of a global pandemic (hi, you fool) white polka dot, not white polka dot, also not polka dot, a red dress, a skirt (aka half a dress), a black dress

this sweatsuit xs in this, small in this

is sephora cancelled? i want this hair dryer which i’m sure you can buy elsewhere if sephora is cancelled, which it v well may be

this item which you may think is cheap but actually it’s not soooo a hairpin

earrings one pair, another pair, and another

this dress which i’ll never wear anywhere even when there is a vaccine because… what?! but maybe. you never know. size 34. lol when i get this far into the list i’m always blown away by how insane it is that i do this every year to no audience. so i’m just laughing alone at that. :) i am v funny to myself. another dress i’ll never wear ;)

the nicest weighted blanket you know of i’m depressed!!!!! if you can’t tell!!!!!!!

every year i have asked for a weekend bag and every year i have not received one, so alas, we try again this is not a weekend bag actually but it will do. this is!

a peloton but just venmo me the cash (@merce212) because i have a hookup

an assortment of ridiculous things a $500 body scarf a $580 beach towel with an octopus on it for no reason besides “art” i cannot tell analog time but it’s never too late to start!! how mad would you be if someone bought you a roulette table for your wrist? be honest. (THIS WATCH IS FOUR YEARS RENT!!!!!!) they won’t say how much this costs :( i’m losing my mind and must be gifted a chanel watch or else i will perish. to put my salami on when i am eating salami in my bed “24k gold crocodile [?!!) teddy bear”. the website says there’s only one left, which begs the question “why did someone buy one of these rather than buying me a chanel watch?!!” *real ‘billionaires shouldn’t exist [unless they’re buying me a watch]’ energy* to put my new watch in this is ugly but it’s on sale :) idk wtf “secret box pendant” means but i wish this necklace was also a USB with every season and spinoff of 90 day fiancé on it hi yes i’m stupid but i draw the line at $1500 connect four…

[pathfinderlittleduck]

My S/P Hysterectomy: The Legend

CW Long Post - It’s worth it, I promise

Gather round my friends for I’m going to tell you a story. Oh! What a journey it was, what a glorious and befuddling day it was. For it was rightfully filled with exuberant joy and ghastly panic. This is the legend of my Salpingo-Oophorectomy Hysterectomy. Yes. A legend. I’m literally gonna be famous.

Monday, 6am

I get off work. My last day before I take off two and a half glorious weeks. I won’t have to see my shitty coworkers, the shitty employees, nor the horrendous conditions of our office. I’m fucking stoked.

Monday, 7pm

My friend Nikki arrives to my apartment, she gladly has sacrificed her time to drive me to and from the hospital. Not to mention the extra unplanned duties, but heed my dear reader for that tale is soon to come.

Tuesday, 2am

After dinner and my subsequent NPO period, and about 5 hours of working on art, I get my final shower before surgery using that special ass pink soap. IT WAS FUCKING NEON PINK. It smelled nice though, I want more of it to be honest. It got me clean as fuck.

Tuesday, 5am

We arrive at the hospital:

Oh the naivete... I did not expect what so ever the events that were to pursue this happy go lucky picture.

Tuesday, 7am

Nurse: *puts IV in*

Me: *trying not to move as I start screaming*

Nikki: YES SCREAM LIKE IRON BULL!!

Tuesday, 7:15am

They roll me out of the pre-surgery room and into the OR. I see all the doctors I had previously met, I blearily wave hello as I am transferred onto the OR table. I see Dr. Locke preparing all her instruments.

Tuesday, ????

I wake up...

Me: *heart monitor beeping rapidly*

Nikki: Do you want your Hancock pillow?

Me: I can’t feel my arms... I can’t... I can’t move my arms!!

Everyone: Uhhhhhh *starts panicking*

Tuesday, Late Afternoon

After a literal constant stream of neurologists and neurosurgeons and every nurse known to man is streaming in and out of the curtain surrounding me, we finally decide to keep me overnight. I was supposed to go home by now, but apparently waking up from surgery saying “I can’t feel my arms” kinda sends everyone into a panic.

I start crying and screaming, the pain is so bad, a 20 on the pain scale. I’m given Oxycontin and a bunch of other pain meds. FYI Oxy is the devil and I never want it near me ever again. It didn’t help the pain, it just knocked me out and I felt like I had the flu times 50.

Eventually I calm down. Sort of. I am FINALLY transferred to a single room, where I am the only patient and there’s a couch/bed for Nikki to use.

Tuesday, 8pm or something

I FINALLY get into radiology and I’m given an MRI of the cervical part of my spine. This is basically your neck, and also where most of the nerves in your shoulders/arms come from. Turns out I have severe stenosis of these nerves AND a herniated disc AND compression in two of my vertebrae. So there’s like the reason behind half of my chronic pain which my previous doctors never took seriously.

After another constant stream of Neuro doctors, a few diagnosis have come to light. Ranging from just general compression of nerves to an auto immune disorder.

BUT IT DOESN’T STOP THERE!! The best is yet to come.

Tuesday, ????

I’m finally off NPO and I can fucking eat and drink. Silvanus bless this water because shit it was fucking delicious as fuck.

Nikki and I are talking and she says, “So they found a lot of endometriosis and a giant fibroid.”

HOLD ON.

A WHAT.

Wednesday... maybe????

I sleep every 2 hours like clockwork to take my meds when the nurse comes in. I’m still in a 15-20 on the pain scale in my arms. I can barely do anything for myself. I can barely feed myself because I can’t fucking move my arms enough.

Wednesday, 3pm I guess??

Repeat the stream of neurologists again and a bunch of sticking me with things to test my nerves (it hurts you fucker).

I’m doped up enough on pain killers and Nikki drives me home. We go to the grocery to get last minute items I need during my recovery since I won’t be driving anytime soon. I barely make it through the trip because my arms hurt, but luckily enough I was able to use the rascal cart to get around since I was still heavily medicated and didn’t wanna fall in the store and make things worse.

Nikki goes home.

Wednesday - Friday

I spend the next several days in so much pain I can barely move. Medicating every 3 hours was making me sick. It wasn’t helping. I couldn’t sleep. My arms and shoulders hurt so bad I was screaming. I emailed all my doctors asking what we should do next. I’m prescribed a cortical-steroid medication specifically to target nerve pain. But I can’t fucking pick it up from the pharmacy because spoiler alert... I CAN’T FUCKING DRIVE OR MOVE MY ARMS. Luckily I had another local friend who picked it up for me, bless his heart.

This new prescription brought the pain down A LOT. Like it brought me from a 15 down to a 5 on the best of times. But eventually I ran out of this medication and had no refills... But this is where my OBGYN saw me for my 2 week follow  up.

Monday, June 10th

I have my 2 week follow up with Dr. Locke. We discuss my recovery re: hysterectomy but also I bring up my arm pain.

Lords bless this woman because even though she has no specialty in pain or neurology, she has been instrumental in getting all my follow up appointments and nerve testing and MRI’s done in an extremely timely manner. She put pressure on other departments to get me seen ASAP because this was such a severe and urgent problem that had arisen so abruptly.

So after she examines my incisions, we discuss the findings. Now. This is where it gets good. If you held on this long... fucking buckle up kids we’re going for another round.

Dr. Locke: So I got your pathology results back...

Me: Hold on... my WHAT.

Pathology = cancer testing etc yada yada

Dr. Locke: Oh so we tested the growth we found. It’s non cancerous.

Me: Yeah the fibroid right.

Dr. Lock: It wasn’t a fibroid...

Me: Wait... WHAT.

Dr. Locke: It was a benign adenomatoid tumor.

Me:

BUT THAT’S NOT EVEN THE BEST PART FRIEND.

You see... an adenomatoid tumor is a special kind of tumor. A very interesting conundrum for someone in my condition. Very interesting indeed...

By definition an adenomatoid tumor is:

Adenomatoid tumors are responsible for 30% of all paratesticular masses. These are usually asymptomatic, slow growing masses. They are benign tumors comprising of cords and tubules of cuboidal to columnar cells with vacuolated cytoplasm and fibrous stroma.

US National Library of Medicine, 2009

Hold on... paraTESTICULAR mass???? So like... THE TESTICLES???? Of which I have none???? LMFAO WHAT THE FUCK!?

Yeah so basically my OBGYN (also my surgeon) found a fucking TUMOR INSIDE MY BODY that is 95% of the time FOUND ONLY IN CIS MALES?!

In Conclusion

So not only did I wake up from surgery with a now potentially diagnosed auto immune disorder I never knew I had... BUT APPARENTLY I HAD A TUMOR INSIDE ME THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME.

Luckily it was benign but HOLY SHIT.

In the end Dr. Locke asked for my consent to publish my de-identified (basically name redacted) story + history into medical journals. Basically I’m gonna be famous now apparently.

She’s discussed with other surgeons in the hospital, talked with other colleagues who deal with trans patients and this has NEVER happened to anyone she can determine.

Monday, Afternoon

I was sent home from the appointment with Gabapentin, another nerve medication. I’ve been taking that in addition to high strength Tylenol, Cyclobenzaprine (muscle relaxer), and Diclofenac (high strength NSAID). These meds have been instrumental in my recovery.

I’m back into my regular working schedule, and depending on how I move my arms, the pain comes back full force. Strength is still minimal and I have to lift even tiny things with both arms. Reaching is difficult still but I’m making progress. My next neuro appointments are in July along with a 6 week follow up with Dr. Locke. We will assess my progress during those days.

But that is my story in how I went from a normal trans dude... to a trans dude with a strange tumor and a potential auto immune disorder!!

[their-destinys-writer]

Misadventures in Reporting #3

About the series: Misadventures in Reporting is a series of short stories about the adventures of a normal reporter living in an abnormal world.

Rating: PG-13 for mild cursing and violence

Word count: 2,576

Also in: Wattpad

Support this series in Ko-fi or Patreon (Posted on early access in the latter)

#3 - Teleman’s Mark

“I don’t even know where to begin with you.”

Melinda gulped under the scrutiny of Mr. Sullivan. Boy, was she in so much trouble. But nobody told her doing the right thing would be cheap. The reporter took a deep breath, weighing her options. Apologize? Defend herself? Wait for the boss to say his piece? Perhaps the third option. She was in enough trouble as it was.

“How many times have I told you not to push the deadline?” Mr. Sullivan hissed, almost barring his yellowish teeth.

Wait, am I supposed to answer that?

“A million times I’ve told you,” he continued. With every word he spoke, the desk between them felt smaller and smaller. Had he always looked so large behind it? “And yet, you give me one of the most important reports, if not the most important report in months with and hour to spare for printing. We had to cut the last two paragraphs because we didn’t have time to look through the whole thing!”

The woman winced. She had hoped only one paragraph would have to be cut. But alas, most of it got through without major changes.

“And now,” Mr. Sullivan raised his voice, “now we got a Porsche in the redaction floor, thanks to your little stunt. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Melinda’s mouth opened, but it suddenly went dry, so she closed it back up. Was she willing to put next month’s rent at risk just for ‘doing the right thing’? Was it worth sacrificing several months of electricity or water for being right? Was she right?

“I didn’t think he’d take it so bad,” she managed to say at last.

“The guy held up a damn crane with his mind,” the aging man deadpanned. “What did you think he was going to do? Throw confetti?”

The woman’s gaze darted to the surface of the desk. It wasn’t until that moment that shame started to invade her. How could she be so thoughtless? Over three-hundred people worked in this newspaper. Her article would reflect on the company, and thus, her coworkers. Someone could have gotten hurt.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Sullivan,” she said quietly. “It won’t happen again.”

The man snarled a sound of disgust, giving her an exasperated look.

“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t fire you right now,” he hissed.

A loud thudding resounded from Melinda’s insides. Her heart was drumming hard against her chest. She could feel a drop of sweat trickling down the side of her face, despite the cold air conditioning.

The article broke my career, she concluded.

“I don’t know,” she admitted.

“Tsk.” Mr. Sullivan shook his head. “You really are dense.”

Well that’s uncalled for, Melinda thought, rising her gaze to his once again. His expression still seemed exasperated, but now he was looking outside his office.

“Mr. Sullivan, I—”

“You can’t get fired because you proved your point,” he interrupted. Melinda frowned. “Three years here, and you still can’t put your deduction skills to use under pressure. So, let’s try this again: give me one good reason I shouldn’t fire you this instant.”

It was like a light flicked on in Melinda’s brain. He wasn’t firing her, he was testing her. Why does he have to be so mean about it, though?

“Because,” she started, still hesitant to respond back, but determined to keep her job. “Because if our—my­—allegations were false, the proper response would’ve been to call a press conference denying the claims. Throwing a car through our building dampers his own reputation, and it’s an attempt against freedom of press. It’s a threat against not only us, but anyone who dares talk ill of him.” The woman smirked. “Not very superheroic, if you ask me.”

“Exactly.” Mr. Sullivan slammed his fist against the desk, startling Melinda. “That piece of shit is trying to shut us up. This isn’t like that Cronus guy. That was self-defense. Teleman just made a declaration of war against us and the free press. We can’t back out now. So,” the man slammed his hands together and rose from his chair, “I’m gonna need everything you got from this story. Notes, sounds, transcriptions, anything you can share by today. The earlier the better. We need to write tomorrow’s editorial piece.”

“Yessir!” Melinda blurted, jumping to her feet.

“What are you, a soldier?” Mr. Sullivan chuckled. “Just get to it, Martínez. Go, get!”

“Y-yes, Mr. Sullivan.”

Without needing to be told again, she scampered out of the office and headed straight to her desk. As she approached it, she realized it wasn’t where it was supposed to be. Where hers and several others had been there was yellow tape and half of the Porsche she saw from outside.

A shudder went up her spine, as she realized Teleman’s target had not been as random as she initially thought.

---

“It was horrible,” Melinda complained.

Thanks to a certain superhero, two thirds of employees had been relegated to simple tasks that day. For security reasons. This created one of those rare opportunities where the journalist’s group of friends from the Latest News Division got to eat lunch together. As they made the line to order their food, Melinda took the opportunity to answer the constant what-happened-with-Sullivan question.

“You’re blowing it waaay out of proportion,” Kevin, the photographer, muttered as he tinkered with his new phone.

“I thought I was gonna self-combust,” she whined, slumping her head back. “Why does he have to be so mean about it? I was already planning my life as a homeless bum living on storm drains.”

“You know how it is,” Will, another reporter like her, chuckled. “That old man would rather torture you to death than be direct.”

“Who cares, anyway,” Beatriz, a graphic designer, drawled. “You didn’t get fired. That’s what matters.”

“At the cost of my sanity!” Melinda argued. “I’ve never been so scared to lose a job in my life.”

“Eh, you would’ve gotten a new one in a week,” Kevin commented, without looking up from the screen.

“No way,” the reporter in question argued. “Nobody would’ve wanted to hire the woman who made a superhero angry enough to throw a car through a building. My career would’ve been finished.”

“Nah, you’d be fine. Hey, Will,” the photographer suddenly called, raising his phone. “Look pretty for me, will ya?”

“Man, you know I don’ like it when people take pictures of me,” the reporter complained.

“C’mon, I wanna test the resolution on this thing,” Kevin insisted.

“Why me?”

“Hm, you’re right, you can’t smile. Melinda, smile for me.”

“Dude, I’m having a mental breakdown,” the journalist huffed.

“Why?” Kevin whined. “You’re still working. You kept your job. Why are you so upset?”

“Have you been ignoring me this whole time?”

“Not…ignoring,” Kevin shrugged. “Just listened to half of what you said.”

Melinda groaned, but Beatriz waved her hand dismissively.

“Mija, you gotta chill about this whole thing,” she said. “But honestly, Kevin’s right. You’re worrying too much. You kept your job, that’s what matters. Who knows, you may actually get promoted for this.”

“If Teleman doesn’t kill one of us first.”

“Occupational hazard,” Will shrugged, joining the conversation again after ordering. “Who’s next?”

Melinda offered herself and stepped up to order her lunch.

“Will that be all?” the young woman asked, and the reporter agreed. “That will be twelve-fifteen.”

“Here,” she said, handing her credit card.

“You buy your morning coffee here too, don’t you?” the cashier suddenly said, as she made the transaction.

“Closest good coffee to work,” Melinda responded automatically, her mind still wandering back to that morning.

“You work nearby?” the young, blonde woman asked as she took her time ripping the receipt from the card reader.

“Yeah,” Melinda shrugged, taking the piece of paper. “Thank you!”

She turned around to her friends, who were all giving her a look of incredulity.

“What?”

The other three looked at each other, as if debating who would be the one to speak up.

“Imma look for a table,” Will pipped up, quickly deserting the group.

Melinda frowned, and stared at the other two, who now looked defeated. With a shrug, they turned to the cashier and made their orders, while the reporter rolled her eyes and waited for hers and Will’s food. After a few minutes, all four sat at a round table with their meals.

“Is anybody gonna say it?” Beatriz said.

“Say what?” Melinda frowned.

“For a journalist, you can be very unobservant,” Will muttered loud enough for the rest to hear.

“Not unobservant,” Kevin chimed in. “Just oblivious to the language of love.”

“Here we go again,” Melinda sighed. “You guys really think I’m thinking about romance when a Porsche destroyed my desk?”

At last, Kevin’s eyes were pried away from his phone. Will and Beatriz followed suit.

“I thought it was random,” Beatriz said. Kevin and Will exchanged stares, while Melinda shook her head.

“I don’t think it was,” Melinda said, as she started poking around her salad. “My desk wasn’t the only one next to a window, yet it was the only one made into pieces. If I had gotten to work earlier, who knows what would’ve happened to me.”

As she bit into a cherry tomato, she could feel the awkward silence shared between the other three people on the table. In all honesty, Melinda felt proud of finally getting through to them on the seriousness of the matter. Although she appreciated them trying to cheer her up and distract her, talking about it felt like the thing she truly needed at that moment.

“But he didn’t get you,” Will cut through the silence. “And that’s what matters. That you’re safe and alive. And I know the newspaper will work hard to keep it that way. Even tactless Sullivan. He doesn’t show it, but he cares about us.”

“He actually has a point,” Kevin said, eyes back on his phone. “Sullivan just sucks at showing other emotions other than uncaffeinated-angry.”

“Regardless,” Beatriz jumped in, “in any case, we’re here for you. And if you don’t feel safe in your apartment, you know abuela has no problem with you staying over.”

“Thanks, Bea,” Melinda said.

“So how’s this,” Kevin said, now raising his phone, “in case anyone of us gets fired, or murdered by a harassing superhero, we’ll take a selfie to remember the good times. Before everything turns to shit.”

“Oh yeah, that way we have a picture to mark exes on our faces as we die one by one” Will deadpanned.

“Psh, we’d all be dead in a horror movie,” Beatriz stated, waving a hand.

“Guys, I’m trynna make a cute moment, don’t ruin it for me.”

“Fine,” the reporter rolled his eyes good naturedly.

Without needing anymore prompting, the group moved their chairs and huddled together in the hopes of fitting in the frame. Kevin extended his arm, with the front camera of his phone activated for a selfie.

After taking the photo and replacing their seats, Kevin spoke up.

“By the way, the cashier’s name is Katie—”

“Oh my God, stop!”

---

The sun had almost completely set when Melinda walked by the sidewalk leading to her apartment building. It had been a long and exhausting day, despite spending most of it in the office. She hadn’t realized how emotionally draining being the targeted reporter could be.

But she chose this path. And she was sticking to it, as long as she had the support of her boss and the company.

She started going up the steps to the front door of the building, when she couldn’t help but feel watched. Melinda stopped mid-step. Her arms swung as she turned on her heels, hand holding tight to the pepper spray on her keychain. Her eyes shifted from side to side, looking for whatever was giving her that gut feeling.

Yet she saw nothing. Slowly, she lowered her arms back to the sides, and started back to the entrance of the building. She carefully started unlocking the door.

SMACK

Melinda’s face slammed against the iron door, and a hand pressed against the back of her neck kept her pressed to it. She tried pushing back, but whoever was attacking grabbed her flailing hands and held them tight.

“You’re Melinda Martínez, aren’t you?” a voice whispered into her ear, sending a chill down her spine.

“Who wants to know?” she dared quip.

There was a pause. Ever so slowly, Melinda’s feet started leaving the ground, yet she was not being pushed up from her neck. In fact, she felt more like she was…

Floating.

Teleman.

“I guess you could say I’m somewhat of a critic of your work.”

“H-Hey, listen man,” Melinda started desperately, “I was just doing my job.”

“Isn’t your job reporting on both sides?”

“You’re a hard source to find!” she pleaded. “I tried, really. But even with your version, I still had to write what was published. Honestly, I wasn’t trying to take you down or anything, it’s just my job.”

“Your job sounds very… convenient for me.”

Melinda frowned. Was he being sarcastic? Was he threatening her? Was he going to kill her? Or worse…

“I was wondering how long it would take for the information to get out,” he continued, the air of his breath threatening her neck. “It took, what, five months?”

“Victims of sexual assault are not usually very talkative when they know the other person has more power,” Melinda dared shoot back.

“You people have the strangest rules. Perhaps next time I should be a little more explicit.”

“We people?” Melinda breathed. “What the hell are you even talking about? You sound like…” she swallowed. “Like you wanted to get caught.”

“My business is none of yours,” Teleman hissed. “But I have to say, I’m starting to enjoy some of the perks of this job.”

“I thought you were a superhero. One of the good guys,” she said quietly.

“I am,” he whispered back. “Just like one of those who likes to prance around using names of old Greek gods.”

With those last words, Melinda was suddenly dropped to the ground. The jolt of it made her stumble to her side and collapse against the wall. She turned just in time to see a blur of blue shoot up into the sky.

With her heart still running at a hundred miles, Melinda unlocked the door and ran all the way up the stairs to the third floor. Once in front of her apartment, she hastened to unlock it, almost dropping her keys.

After opening it, Melinda jumped into her living room and closed both locks on her door. At last, she slammed her back to it, panting from the run.

Melinda clapped a hand on her mouth, just as tears started spilling out. She knew being a journalist had the potential to be dangerous. She had heard stories of reporters disappearing in Central America and seen videos of others being decapitated by terrorists on the other side of the world. But in a city, the job dangers were reduced to rude politicians and snobby CEOs.

This was not supposed to happen to her. Much less by someone who was supposed to protect them. Covering superheroes was supposed to be fun, every journalist’s dream.

And yet, as she slid to the ground silently sobbing, speaking the truth on superheroes was starting to feel more like a nightmare.

[viralgossip]

VIRAL GOSSIP’S TRENDING ARTISTS !!

JUNE 7TH, 2018

wayfinder changed my life 🌠 @lilkayns · 6m with a name like [ REDACTED ] i really have to wonder why people ship them.

follow me ezra!! @ajpeg · 12m the claws are coming out! #TEAM[ REDACTED ]

AH! @pinkangel · 6m who fell harder, [ REDACTED ] from that stage or me when i saw her for the first time?  #toosoon?

NO BETTER WAY TO KICK OFF A NEW EVENT THAN A LITTLE REMINDER AS TO WHO’S ON TOP ↴

#10 IVY SERRANO ( @ivcsisms​ )

proud mom @ivydovey · 16m

#20GAYTEEN is the best thing that’s ever happened to me

Honestly, Ivy is just out here living her best life. In honor of it being Pride month, Serrano took to instagram to reveal that she’s bisexual! Everyone here at Viral Gossip is beyond happy and proud of our #bicon, and we can’t wait to see how many more hearts she breaks since literally anyone is up for grabs right now. Parents, lock up your adult children, no one is safe anymore!  Or maybe everyone is currently safe? After all, Arie Castillo also posted on instagram, although his post announced something different. Castillo posted a picture of our lovely queen, Ivy, as the two decided to take an impromptu trip to Hawaii in honor of Castillo’s birthday. Are the two dating? Will Castillo stop getting passed around from woman to woman? Will Ivy Serrano date me? Let’s hope for the best.

#9 KAILANI ( @kaiilanis​ )

follow me ezra!! @ajpeg · 12m

the claws are coming out! #TEAMKAILANI

Kailani was giving her followers a lot of mixed signals these past few weeks---and we really don’t know what to make of it. It was Kailani, and not ₩ON, who threw shade at Mimi Vang of Afterparty after the Wayfinder Music Festival spectacle, which fueled #KAIWON shippers into a frenzy. Yet, that took place only a few days after Kailani was spotted having a dare-we-say romantic dinner with ₩ON‘s ex, Ruby Rixon. And Afterparty isn’t the only band that the soloist is feuding with---apparently she has beef with Renegade and its lead singer Axel Leitch as well.

#8 ROSE QUARTZ ( @jettblvck​, @corinnasrose​, @jcdehq​, @kitwildc​ )

148 days!  @jetts_wife · 6m

#bett is old news and anyone who thinks #georgett is real is delusional.

If all rumored relationships were true, then Rose Quartz’s frontman Jett Blackwell would be a polygamist. Within only the past two weeks, he’s apparently been in a relationship with Georgia Lane, Beckley Byers, and a ‘mysterious hand’ (no, not his own). Those rumors enough are carrying his entire band. To elaborate, some have been speculating that Jett and Georgia are getting back together after Wayfinder (last week’s news!), even going as far as to say that the mysterious hand is Georgia’s. They all want to know if there’ll be any confirmation on Georgia’s upcoming album… but this isn’t promotion for her. On the other side of the spectrum, people are churning rumors that perhaps Jett and Beckley are getting back together. The two have exchanged flirty tweets and have sent each other pictures no one else has seen (again, no, not that kind, although it would make this a lot more entertaining). Others think that hand belongs to a mystery woman. We personally think that’s just for aesthetic.

#7 ETHEREAL ( @chloehq​, @winnisms​ )

wayfinder changed my life 🌠@lilkayns · 6m

with a name like #CHLACK i really have to wonder why people ship them.

It’s a rough time for fans of America’s favorite girl group. Fans were left reeling when two of the group’s members, Chloe Evans and Winnie Whitmore posted photos to their social media accounts that fueled rumors that both girls were leaving the group. Seeing how Ethereal’s only been around for a little over a year, they might want to change their name to Ephemeral if they’re already having breakup rumors. In other news, it looks like Chloe Evans and Jack Jericho might be a new thing---that will maybe fill our favorite white couple void that we have been feeling since #BELLIAN broke up? 

#6 BETTER NOW ( @greyhtml, @sweetshqs )

#bn2 is coming @ezrasweets · 16m

#gezra runs deep in my veins, this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen.

It seems that Better Now is trending for every reason except their music. Where is Better Now 2? We see you two in the studio a lot but we don’t see any singles being released. Maybe the two are too preoccupied now in their new relationships, #gezra and #kori, to continue with their careers? After all, Ezra has been spotted all over town with his new girl, Gemma Clarke, that there is no time for him to be writing music. I’d say at least we have frontwoman, Sweets Mori, but she’s busy off “not dating” Afterparty’s own, Christian Kelley, that we’ve hardly ever seen the two bandmates together anymore. Was the band just a ploy to find dates? Is eHarmony.com out and creating a mildly successful alternative band to find your significant other IN? Who knows! We just hope this doesn’t lead to a lot of Misery Business.... see what I did there?

#5 GEMMA ( @gemclvrke )

notice me gemma @gemmastone1 · 12m

ugh can we please stop talking about #gezra and focus on gemstones instead???

You’d think we’d be focusing on Gemma Clarke’s upcoming album, right? Wrong. The focus of the week, or weeks, has been Gemma Clarke’s relationship status. (Where’s Alison Bechdel when you need her?) It seems she and Better Now drummer Ezra Grey have been getting to know each other pretty well, and by pretty well, we mean not even subtly hinting that they’re a couple in public. Anyone who thinks speculation is worth it is sorely mistaken. Anyone who thinks ‘confirmation’ is needed is very similar to Jared (can’t read, possibly 19). Sure, the Snapchat story wasn’t even close to a giveaway, just Gemma banging it out to BN. However, when you’re practically practicing PDA in front of a bunch of photographers and posting photos of yourself with that same person everywhere, if you’re not a couple, things just get weird. Anyway, she has an album coming out.

#4 BELLA CARISI ( @bcllahqs )

LEAVE BELLA ALONE @pinkangel · 6m

who fell harder, bella from that stage or me when i saw her for the first time? #TeamBella #toosoon?

It seems as if Bella has had a lot of ups, and one particular down, since coming off from Wayfinder. As if having to deal with speculation over her relationship from us (we can be pretty brutal) isn’t enough, now other artists are joining in (we’re looking at you Georgia “Doesn’t Stay In Her Own” Lane). But even as she deals with petty drama Bella is still out here giving her fans what they want by dropping a music video for her song ‘Jump’ (available on itunes)! Although, do her fans deserve the treat considering they don’t know how to keep their hands to themselves? Yes, we’re talking about when a drunk fan took it upon themselves to do a meet and greet of their own in the form of pulling our pop princess off the stage and into the crowd, resulting in Carisi having to go to the emergency room for checkups. Guys, we know some times people do things they regret when they’re drunk, but don’t pull people off stage! Especially if you’re not even cute, do you see the type of guys Bella gets? She doesn’t want your Coors beer drinking ass. Okay, that’s enough from us about the situation, but just know that we’re #TeamJacob all the way and we hope that Carisi regains her crown as #1 soon.

#3 ARIE CASTILLO ( @arieisms )

how can i breathe with no arie @punkinking · 6m

imagine fucking your best friends girl and STILL maintaining your friendship #iconic #westanalegend

Arie Castillo... what can we say about Arie Castillo? Or more, what can’t we say about him? There are plenty of things that I can’t say about Arie, even if they are true they’re not meant for a blog like this. So, what has our favorite daddie been up to? Nothing! If you guys want to talk about someone who uses their relationships and connections to get to the top look no further than Arie Castillo! Why is it that Georgia and Bella get their name dragged through the mud when Arie is essentially doing the same thing? It’s 2018, folks! Guys can be fame leeches too! Just look at his twitter, liking tweets mentioning Georgia, and his instagram, where he took a picture with best friend, Killian Law, right after rumors fly that Arie and Killian’s ex, Bella, did the nasty behind his friend’s back??  Yikes! Maybe if Castillo focused solely on his music this man would be #1 some day... nah, that’s not how things work around here. Keep stirring up trouble, Daddy Arie, we like you better when there’s nothing but drama attached to your name! Oh, you’re going to release an album? That’s nice...

#2 GEORGIA LANE ( @georgialanes  )

🍑 @laneegirl · 2m

find yourself a girl who’ll drag you with one hand and promo her album with the next. oh, i did, her name is georgia lane. 

It seems Georgia Lane has been one busy girl (talk about twitter fingers). With her upcoming album releasing soon (pre-order Melodrama now), her shady tweets, and just generally out here living her best life, she’s become someone we’ve slowly began to admire. We love a messy queen. Georgia has been enjoying her time in the spotlight, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. While everyone is quick to jump down her throat for her coming for Arie and Bella, are we really going to pretend that the possibility of Arie hurting Georgia isn’t a thing? Your favorite golden boy might not be so golden after all. We’re all good though, because it seems as if our favorite trouble maker might be making other artists swoon. Yes, we’re obviously talking about the notorious “hands” photos that Rose Quartz aritists Jett Blackwell keeps posting. We just have one question: dude, what’s with the hands? And obviously, is the hand Georgia? Hopefully Blackwell will have a face fetish next and finally post a picture of the mystery girl he keeps hinting at. Our money is on our messy queen, Georgia, because if we’re in love with her than it wouldn’t come as a shock if Blackwell was too. But boys and tweets aren’t the only thing she’s good at, Georgia Lane also released a music video to our new favorite track, Perfect Places! If the rest of Melodrama delivers songs as great as that one then there is no doubt that Georgia holds the new #1 album in her hands. Best Album, anyone?

AND YOUR #1 TRENDING ARTIST IS…