#can’t believe I’m posting the 100/Bellarke meta in 20fucking24

[1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam]

Accidentally tripped my way back into my t100 obsession, and am once again begging everyone to remember that Clarke didn’t just mean irradiating Mount Weather when she said “what I did to get them here”. Of course she means that part, but she also means killing Finn, letting the bomb drop on TonDC without warning anyone besides Lexa, even leaving the 47 behind when she was forced to escape in order to get the rest of the Delinquents a real rescue, lying to Bellamy about Octavia being in TonDC, telling Bellamy to. his. face. that it’s worth risking his life to take down the Mountain with the Grounders, and any number of other specific wrongs Clarke would 100% feel she had done. Bellamy’s “what we did” is unbearably kind, and does not even pale as an example of their partnership and love for each other, but he is only thinking of one part of Clarke’s enormous guilt to bear. As is his right. He did just help her commit genocide, he’s not going to be on top of his game (understanding Clarke), nor is he going to necessarily see many of these burdens the same way Clarke, in her special brand of self-deprecation, would.

It does feel as though we as a fandom focus on the same thing as Bellamy. Fair. Genocide of the entire Mountain is certainly going to be more devastating in the way of guilt than lying to Bellamy about Octavia’s safety, or even killing the boy she loves/loved. But Clarke spends much of season 2 either battling for a voice at Camp Jaha, forcing Lexa to take the alliance seriously, or trying to find any way to reach the 47 and get them all out safely, and she has Bellamy and any number of allies and friends alongside her for much of the journey, but the choices she makes for the 47 are largely still hers alone, especially once Bellamy goes into the Mountain. She has many reasons to feel guilty, and not all of them are choices she and Bellamy made together, so his support, while meaningful, doesn’t actually encompass all that is haunting Clarke.