#can yuo tell im sick in the head

[ninvic-art]

i wouldn't fall for someone i thought couldn't misbehave

[moonlightjeno]

swashbuckle and islands

a/n : this boy will be the death of me i love him so much. excuse my horrible grammar. my fav gif, and has nothing to do with the story lol but enjoyyy

genre : angst + fluff

pairing : readerxjeno & readerxmark

word count : 2.6k

okay,

okie, be ready for this mess

and excuse any non spaced words my space bar isn’t working properly

cool so your from an island

which imma call Skye bc i can

now your mum is originally from Skye, and had like second cousins of a cousin or whatever to throne but she married you father who was from the mainland 

which is a big no no but at the time she didn’t care bc she was so in love

skip forward a couple of years and the father is a complete ass

doesn’t work or really do much except order your mum around

anyone who has a wonderful father or really good parents im sorry don’t attack me this is for the story

:)

so, mum has had you and your older brother, whom your brother continues to admire your father bc he really just wants love and is hella lost in this mess of a world

Moving on

you used to have a really good relationship with your father until he changed.

cheated on your mother, and would blame it on you mum

in response you really just tried to help you mum get through this mess

big big mess

your brother, at the beginning helped and tried to calm your father  

boy kinda gave up, hela understandable

and left to the mainland to study medicine

wooot go him

but you were devastated because you were now alone 

now bc your brother has left your father has really worsened and blocks your freedom more and more

The point where you were literally only allowed to like go to school, work in the fields and be a servant

sksksk 

now remember how your mum was like the second cousin or smth to the royal crown?

Twas was importanttt

that managed to get you a study abroad year in london, 

queue your best friend mark entering

this boy showed you what freedom was and felt like for the first time since your father went off rails

iss been like a good 13 years and you're like 16 ??

I digress

mark literally made you feel more yourself because of his natural outgoing and easy behavior

It really was pretty amazing

And then the hiding and going out late at night was over

It was back to no friends, working at the field

sad life tbh

I must note, that because mark lived in canada bc why tf not 

y’all couldn’t really communicate

this is set when pirates where a thing, think of pirates of the caribbean 

I love those movies 

okie, progress two years 

of you thanks to you mum’s second cousin related human lol

you became friends with the cousins friends daughter 

y’all really had known each other since they were smol 

but hadn’t really been friends, bc the girl was pretty quite and a beaut

even her own father treated her better than she treated her own daughter

smh, ik this is a cliche live with it

but overall she was a really good person and kinda managed to sneak you around the island when you weren't on “duty” for your father

though its not that you didn’t like working in the fields bc you loved helping out with the animals and occasionally give food to those who were less fortunate than you and really couldn’t afford it

being a trooper, that you are you often told your friend idk wanna give her a name so y’all could come up with one if it were up to me it would be lilith about what you would see around the island and how the country was pretty not doing a okay

she would listen and talk about her own problems and how she wished she could travel and paint everything 

Bonding over traveling yep yeo

one day, you were supposed to work in the fields as you tend to have to do to the cows, and sheep and horses, while picking up the apples? from the trees ??

Idk i don’t farm

either wayyyy

you had finished your tasks early, and had struggled, and i mean stRuGgLed to get away from your father

he was in one of his moods today, shouting at everyone and refusing to admit he needed help

it was a constant reminder of every bad thing every failure that could happen in your life every thing you didn’t want for yourself or your mum who had slowly been getting sick and y’all had some money that could have helped her but your father thought that she deserved the illness

and i quote he said “everything happens for a reason child, if your mother had treated me and had been a good person this wouldn’t have happened to her, but alas some people deserve what they get”

skskskks 

he continued to say how “i on the other hand, have been a good man all my life, have always helped others so i don’t get sick”

this man i swear to god this has actually happened help

being very much done with your father who you really wished would just disappear and leave you and your mom who no longer lived with you but now lived with lilith to be

you had thought of running away for a very long time, though never knew how to get off the island it seemed impossible

sure you knew how to fight, somewhat by watching the guards and the little training mark you had taught your two years ago. 

missing mark hours but it wouldn’t compare to the guards of the royals who would never aid you

and even if they had, you had never learned how to sail which was ironic as the island you lived in wasn’t very large. Your only method of transportation has been your legs and your families faithful horse lethian ?? who really was your favorite out of all the animals 

running away from the trapped life had always felt like a dream, one that you had lived for for the small year in london with mark

you thought about running away again, the idea of sneaking into a trading boat slowly forming in your mind

you could take her your mum and lilith and travel the world go to london again and paris and canada and re-unite with the friend you missed the most

a smile had formed on your previous grim face, the dream something you held onto until your eyes opened and smoke covered the sky

a ringing began in your ears and you tried to stop it, your hands covering your ears in an attempt to stop the noise but the ringing only got stronger

the sky was black, shots were heard were the village people yelled in panic

you looked out towards the sea and could see the outline of a ship

a very large ship

oh shit 

a pirate ship

the flag blew proudly in the boat and from where you stood the bone white skull that contrasted against the black around it was made visible everytime the wind blew 

you gasped, everything anyone had told you about pirates were that they weren’t to be trusted

they were ruthless and would do nothing to stop from getting what they wanted

the stories you'd heard all came to the same conclusion you see the flag you run in the other direction

you pace quickened and in small time you were running towards the blazing village now up in smokes fire and fog covering the bakery, and fields

the school that had taught you the basics of reading and writing until girls weren’t allowed to attend was a blaze royal guards their black and purple uniforms waved their hands around and pointed their too heavy too unbalanced swords not being of much use

mom 

she should be safe

safe with lilith you thought, looking back towards were the small castle stood its bold flag still flying proudly in the grey and black sky

safe , shes safe you keep telling yourself a constant buzz that you repeated over and over to yourself in order to continue moving towards the castle walls

you only lasted a solid five minutes before the guards were holding the civilians back

you sighed angry these idiots being more preoccupied with holding back the citizens who were trying to get to safety behind the castle walls than actually dealing with the threat at hand

who hired them really??

being the stubborn human you are you decided to head towards the back entrance as yuo saw a flash of blonde hair headin towards the back gate of the castle 

oh no was your immediate thought their gonna get to lilith and mum

all the guards had been directed out of castle except a few that had stayed inside to keep the royal fam safe the infirmary had been left unguarded

you looked around trying to look for a familiar face, a familiar guard who youd seen at a practice lilith had dragged you too she had said it was too “admire suitors” you had shaken your head and laughed 

you had no interest in tying yourself to a man that would treat you like something to throw around but you let her revel in her fantasies 

no familiar face was found so you turned and ran towards the blonde head you had seen walk towards the back entrance grabbing a sword from one of the dead guards 

your cursed the clothes women were given making it impossible to run in impossible to fight in 

the blonde boy turned around at your approach, he was young you noticed

probably your age, his grin was deviant and his eyes were mocking as she approached 

“please” you tried “don’t hurt hurt anyone else” 

the boy looked at you with a puzzled look at laughed, slashing away at the thorns and vines that encircled the back door to the castle as he found the lock and tried to break it open

you got closer, looking at the broken glass bottles that littered the floor and torches that lit up the fogged street 

the boy was too busy with the look to realize the girl that had come behind him and hit him in the back of the head with the swords dull pommel the boy let put a yelp before collapsing at your feet

your small victory lasted a small time and before you noticed the boy you had tied with the thorns and vines from the door, which continued to be locked 

your mum and lilith as far as you knew safe

began to stir and as his eyes opened another boy appeared at the end of the alley

his hair seemed to be part of the night sky, falling over his dark eyes. 

“mark!” the black haired boy cried, his hand at his scimitar pointed directed towards you his other hand had managed to slip a dagger out of god knows where and sliced mark’s binds

mark the name sent a shock through you and you took a closer look at the young boy whose eyes were now wide open no anger shown

 but instead amusement and the joyous spark you had once known

he looked so different 

the black haired boy still had a sword at your throat and you swallowed briefly 

“mark?” you gasped feeling the tip of the sword against your neck a small movement and it would nick your skin, blood would swell

‘Mark’ looked at you again and laughed, 

the black haired boy looked confused “let her go jeno” 

jeno was like ‘excuse me ? she knocked you unconscious no i'm not doing that’ he didn't say it but mark understood and laughed again this time it was more mischievous a feral grin adorned his features

“let her go, she’s coming with us” jeno and you were both like huh? has this boy gone mad?

probably letss be realll

“umm no im not” you snapped at the boy you once knew, you glared at jeno who had regrettably removed his sword away from your neck but had placed the dagger threateningly close to your back ashe forced you to move along

you didn’t get an answer from mark who still seemed very entertained by the whole situation

he had changed so much since you’d last seen him *sigh*

you three walked back towards the village and you hadn’t realized how the screams of pain and fear were no longer heard

more than a few guards littered the floors and you tried not to gasp as jeno forcefully continued to move you towards the sea its waters black 

the walk to the pirate boat seemed to last ages, the sun had begun to set in the sky casting dark purple and red shadows above the black water that didn’t reflect any light. It broke your heart to see the usually clear water be black, the animals that lived in the waters probably struggling to survive.

when you finally arrived, the panic began to settle in again. you didn’t know if your mum and lilith were safe, you didn’t know what would happen and the boy you knew two years ago had changed so much that you could no longer read what he was thinking 

the ship loomed in front of you, you hear the small buzz of chatter from the ship and laughter

why was there laughter in such a horrible place ??

“Come on” mark said, already walking getting onto the ship, not looking back at the mess they had left behind

You no longer felt the sharp prick of a dagger or sword at your back, but instead it had been replaced by a strong hand guiding you towards the ship

the contact startled you, and you straightened and continued to walk forward the ship only a few feet away, you still held onto the rock that you had hit mark with, your sword taken away by jeno

you forced your feet to stop moving, because one more step and you’d be on the pirate’s boat, and ducked, and made a weak attempt at attacking the black haired boy behind you hitting him with the small rock you had on the leg

you begin to move away from the boat. The victory lasted a solid second before jeno had his arms around you, pinning your hands behind your back. No longer smiling, or understanding in his dark eyes. you glared at him and then at mark who had finally turned around, a sort of sadness passed over his features before he spoke

“you can’t run away y/n” he said calmly. “remember in london? when you dream about running away, leaving this island and  exploring the world? away from your father?”

his words shocked you, but you didn’t want to leave your mum she had no one else 

“i can’t just leave mark !! my mum, she’s still there and i can’t just leave her with father” a look of recognition and understanding flitted through jeno’s face and reflected in mark

“i know, i know but if you stay here and go back” the boy shook his head, the dark of the night making his blonde hair a dull light in the fog, 

you knew, that in many ways he was right. if you did go back the villagers had seen you with the pirates, being taken by them as the village had burned down and you weren't scared. the worst scenario would be that if you did go back they would imprison you, ask you for information 

hurt mum, hurt lilith even is she was part of the royals

you felt the tears well up in your eyes, and refused to let them fall

“we aren’t all that bad” peeped jeno’s voice who had softened again, until you looked at him and his gaze hardened

you forced yourself a small smile, and placed your foot on the board of the boat 

“Let’s go swashbucklers” you said, 

after all, the stories you’d heard had come from your father, and all his stories were a lie.

a/n : i hope y’all enjoyed that. ik there wasn't much jeno lol but i’m planning on king this a series if you want? send me an ask, if you do! either way, 

peace out luvs,

stay safe

[mingjue]

another sangcheng cuddling bit :) set in early nights, but this wont be in their version of it i think

(requested by @adhdgays )

------------

Arguing with his older brother was probably the most mentally draining thing Huaisang could go through. Both of them were stubborn. Both of them hated admitting they were wrong-- especially Mingjue, even if they knew they were wrong. Once they got a story or point they believed, they stuck with it even when proven wrong. It was annoying and tedious, but the one thing he could be thankful for was Mingjue refraining from yelling at him.

He’s gotten close though, if slamming the front door so hard it broke the metal frame said anything.

Nie Huaisang always took the bullet train straight to Lotus Pier right after these fights. Sometimes he would text Jiang Cheng to let him know he was coming-- sometimes he didn’t. He wanted to talk this time, because sitting in a train for two-ish hours being left to his thoughts wasn’t the best.

Jiang Cheng had been asleep when he texted him, so his reply came late. He didn’t mind. He actually felt a little bad waking him up so late. At the moment it was pretty much 1 am, anyways. But Jiang Cheng started texting him back, starting a small conversation. 

NHS: i’m gonna be there in about 15 mins i think JC: o i should.  come pickbu up then NHS: nonono i can walk bby NHS: u’re too sleepy :/ JC: nah JC: it windyas hel right now i don t wan u getting sick. NHS: u literally can’t type rn i’m walking. it’s a ten minute walk anywyas shut up JC: :(

Huaisang bit back a smile at that.

JC: if yu get sick in going to thro ubback to qinghe i caNNOT get sick NHS: i’m gonig to get you sick >:) JC: no. ffs

The smile finally broke through, and he covered his face with his hand instinctively. 

-

Nie Huaisang entered the home as quietly as he could, locking the front door once again behind him. After . . . Zixuan’s death, Jiang Yanli and her son was living with Jiang Cheng. He didn’t want to disturb them.

He took off his jacket and put it on one of the jacket hooks, kicking off his shoes at the step, but kept the bag he’d been holding-- he packed a bag intending to stay tonight, and tomorrow night. 

Not particularly being fond of how dark it was, he didn’t linger there for long. He made his way to the hallway of bedrooms and went straight to Jiang Cheng’s. Even if he didn’t need to, he knocked before opening it.

“Why should I not attempt to beat Mingjues ass right now,” He was greeted by a slurring voice coming from Jiang Cheng, who shut off his phone and tossed it to his nightstand.

“Because he’s probably twice your weight,” Huaisang hummed-- and suddenly tears pricked his eyes. He shut the bedroom door behind him, letting his bag fall to the floor before he walked over to the bed. He fell onto it beside Jiang Cheng, pulling the half asleep man into his arms to nuzzle the back of his neck, “It’s kinda my fault the argument happened anyways.”

Jiang Cheng hummed and settled against him, hands gently gripping his.

“What happened?”

“I . . .” His voice finally wavered, the guilt he felt when he first boarded the train hitting him immediately, “You know how he’s been having these like . . . breakdowns more frequently?”

“Yeah.”

“We were already arguing about that, right,” He hugged Jiang Cheng tighter, “And he was getting pissy about me wanting to talk about it in the first place, because Lan Huan’s been bothering him about it, but it all escalated--” He furrowed his brows and blinked at an attempt to hold back tears, “God-- basically I told him he’s acting like dad--” Jiang Cheng muttered a quiet, ‘oh damn’, “--and I was getting tired of dealing with him.”

Nie Huaisang flinched with a guilt-ridden sob and buried his face into Jiang Cheng’s neck. At that, he turned in Huaisangs arms to hold him in a tight hug, so his head was now at Jiang Cheng’s chest.

“. . . That,” Jiang Cheng paused, “You’re right to be annoyed with him, baby.”

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Huaisang cried, “Our dad was a piece of shit.”

“I know.”

“A-Cheng I made him cry.”

“Oh.”

They both stayed quiet for a moment. Huaisang nuzzled into Jiang Cheng’s chest while he slowly rubbed his back.

“Is he still at the house?” Jiang Cheng asked a few minutes later, gently kissing Huaisang on the top of his head.

“He left before I did.”

“And he isn’t on good terms with Lan Huan right now.”

“I don’t know.”

“Hm.” 

Both of the men flinched when there was a soft knock at the door.

“Yeah?” Jiang Cheng grunted, then the door silently opened.

“Are you alr-- oh!” It was Jiang Yanli. Nie Huaisang turned to look at her but immediately turned away again-- he was still crying, “I didn’t realize A-Sang was here, sorry.”

“No you’re fine, did we wake you?”

“A-Ling woke me first, but you’re fine,” She paused, “There’s leftover soup I can heat up for you two, if you need.”

“Shijie, it’s almost two AM.”

“I don’t mind.”

Huaisang sniffled and brought a hand to his face to rub at his eye, “Thank you, I don’t know if I can eat right now though.” Jiang Cheng hummed in agreement. 

“Alright,” She stepped out of the doorway, “Be sure to get sleep, okay? Goodnight.”

Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng said goodnight in unison as she shut the door. 

“. . . Your sister is so nice, A-Cheng,” Huaisang mumbled, “Mingjue would smother me in a hug before telling me to get over it, then never talk about it again.” Jiang Cheng scoffed in a laugh.

“At least he’d hug you.”

“Yeah,” He frowned, “. . . I hope he’s okay.”

“I’m sure he is,” Jiang Cheng backed away to look at him, “I don’t think anything could really fuck him up this late.” Huaisang hummed.

They were quiet for a little longer. Eventually, Nie Huaisang prodded him to turn back around so he could hug him from behind again, poking at his chest and belly to tease him as he did. 

Before he could really get settled though, he huffed upon realizing he left his phone in his jacket pocket.

“I need to go get my phone,” He said, “In case Mingjue texts me or something.”

“He can text my phone.”

“He’s not going to, you know that,” Again he sniffled before placing a kiss on Jiang Cheng’s neck, just below his jaw, “I’ll be right back.”

He went to grab his phone as quickly as he could so he could rush back to Jiang Cheng’s room. As he did, he unlocked his phone, and sure enough there were texts left by Mingjue, and surprisingly Lan Huan.

NMJ: where are yuo. NMJ: Sangsang. NMJ: are you at Wanyin’s. NMJ: if you are asleep text me when you wake up ok. NMJ: or call me. NMJ: im sorry.

LXC: Do you know where your brother is? I can’t get a hold of him. Sorry for texting you so late :( LXC: Never mind, he showed up at the hotel. I hope you’re doing okay! :(

Huaisang frowned. Mingjues were sent just a few minutes ago, but Lan Huans were sent almost 20 minutes ago. Entering Jiang Cheng’s bedroom once again, he went to text Mingjue.

NHS: i’m at jcs da-ge

“He texted you?”

“Yeah, him and Lan Huan.”

NMJ: good. NMJ: im with A-Huan right now. NMJ: lunch when you get back. ok NMJ: ? NHS: ok NMJ: ok. goodnight Sangsang. NHS: goodnight

Huaisang sat down on the bed, “I think he’s going to act like nothing happened.”

“Don’t let him,” Jiang Cheng grunted, “Obviously you two have shit to talk about.”

“Yeah,” He sighed deeply and turned off his phone, setting it next to Jiang Cheng’s, “He wants to go for lunch. I’ll talk with him about it then,” As he spoke he turned around and laid next to him, once again pulling him into his arms. He nuzzled him before pressing a few more kisses along his neck-- which made Jiang Cheng raise his shoulders at being tickled, “Can I stay tomorrow night?”

“You can stay as long as you want,” Jiang Cheng grabbed his hand, “It’s stupid coming from me of all people but don’t try and avoid talking to Mingjue.”

“You’ve always been a bit of a hypocrite A-Cheng.”

“Oh fuck off,” He chuckled. Huaisang leaned over and kissed him on the corner of his lips with a small smile.

[lovingllix]

request: any 00 line + drunk confessions💚

i’ll do dream’s 00 line bc i haven’t written about them very much lately but if u want skz 00 line i can do that too :)

also i’m so sorry this took so long i’ve been so uninspired.

-

renjun:

you’d both been drinking a bit, the alcohol hitting renjun a bit harder than yourself.

“hey! y/n!” he yells, though he sits right beside you.

you turn to him expectantly.

“i think...i think you’re pretty. and i think...oh god wait hold on...i think i’m gonna be sick. but no wait hold on iloveyou.” he slurs, face going quite pale. you decide it’s best to get him to a bathroom soon and keep his words in the back of your mind. hopefully he’ll remember later...

jeno:

“i’m hungry...” me mumbles against your shoulder, his head pounding already.

“okay, what do you want and i’ll get it,” you offer, lightly shoving him away so you can stand.

“i want you.”

the look in his eyes says he’s dead serious, but you know it’s really the rum talking.

“jeno, you just got out of a relationship, and you’re drunk.”

he looks at you with glassy eyes and an absentminded smirk.

“doesn’t mean i don’t want you..”

by the time you’re done in the kitchen, jeno has dozed off into a peaceful sleep.

jaemin:

the first margarita, he got giggly.

the second, clingy.

he’s on his fourth now, mumbling nonsense quite loudly.

he stands up, his chair making a loud scraping noise across the restaurant floor.

“I JUST WANT TO SAY,” he yells, his words slurring together slightly. m

“I LOVE YOU, Y/N. IM SO...IN LOVE WITH YOU. I LOVE YOU.”

after his outburst, he plops back into his seat, slumping back with heavy eyes.

“jaems, hun, let’s get you home so you can sleep. then you can tell me you love me when you’re sober, okay?”

he leans against your shoulder and nods, a pout adorning his lips.

haechan:

it comes in a series of texts, hyuck being out with the boys for a bit.

ur stink

u stikny

ur stninky

f Uck

ur stimky

nebemind

i dint ecen carr anymor

hey

i lvoe you

i lvoe yoo

i lobe yuo

figujr it pot

cdmmit

hyuck, just stop

i’m coming to pick you up

send me ur location

holy shot i lvoe thatsog

you soon receive a text from mark informing you that hyuck has now been sick after singing and dancing to location.

[the-firebird69]

and mac daddy hyour spent...hyou have no idea we exist at all and the paralell is your plan only and Olympus was silent for atime while ou had your litle boy and still do shout at us and the youger one yell ad scream ad it is sad we do exist but find it trite you say ou demand we do each time like a spoiled little shit having toget the last word like jamie does mostly, young brash retarded man is what you are now mac daddy..you sound it act it order stuff they would go home downa nd orderquite different stuff adnow he says he is agry flustred about the chair thing...nd cant see who or how or why says he has it but we dont beleive and he willtry to replicate it shortly and we say gross prob will stink and says no i use plastic and encase it rough it up a bit...ad then issue false warratns for your arrest caa... so we issue them for you ad tommy f watns you dead for nam and you blame him to try and hault it furthering the damage we need you both out...nd we see we are the issue and problem uh duh our son says...as if ok your stupid...ok your dumb.  fallformost tricks oursone comes upwith...and you are a meathead too.  this is loser stuff but heck the macs want a war usingwhats left. Olympus ok ok we fry him there the...and more nd we want to. mac daddy you lost it old shit..your out i order it now and use tommy f and guess what, you sound just as bad at it as you are.  now.  you fell for my stuff and it was what buried you...and you wont shut up ad keep on hving me derive it and lose.  it is corkies method you adopted.  and it is inane sick stupid and losers do it.... Zues Hera it is that sowhat i use it..we fry you you sy and shall, anty threat he says reversed ad all you try of course of course. and i say o  you cant, oh he says may or cant fine this isan old argumetn and im ont a gramarian we are sick of yuo typig arguing and leetting us hae it and so what all of earth is sick of you puke you say..fine we get tkew it and so on your fired mr a no your fired tommy f says your a punk mac daddy your both fired you useless tools.  ad we advance and on massachusetts one last time.  rip it out now all..and they shalland we hit boston shortly and when Posiden and Goddess Wife show up we go to town by then all is pulledhe made alist the fleet center the greenmosnter thenorth ed Raphael and Goddess Wife pulled the Southy area Arrianne and Nuada puolled and we are loset ancient gramarians,  i got the billerica area ad westboro large chunks he did too, and im Thor and im Freya, we pulled it all adn it took minutes macs to your days..weeks years...andstuff....and we eed you to shut up you caused tons of real damage to your rhealm think you will win due to your cork son tellingyou how to divest ad re capture.. your anidiot now.  go home cooloff your idiots revolted. on thier own arestpuid enough to ok.  no saw it in wwii and knew they could you had them do it in the usa mil and had them drop bombs your own undoing...so shutup ok loser.  yes shut it ok dorks..go eat up a drakes cakes box and kahlua and milk leave meout of it or else....simply put you never make it here.  Thor Freya Zues Hera we do that drakes cakes and khalua and he and i talk abou ti and bja and bg and other there are losers herethat are tremendous and we cannot hld it.  oh boy im psychologically afraid let me see how bout  a lightning bolt in flroida it is as rare as a monarch fn butterfly now you kids listen to it ok...and hearthis additinoanl info  biden hit your fleets byhand with his hands sying he is me thrym yells orders all day you see say it is me...as does loki...the others too even yourboys.  hit you.  and ou fucus on me like an ass and get directed tooand cork and bg fly bombs andhit yourstuff as do forgieners you inspired...it is mostly  yourdoing. now you wanta fight i am defended you wnat to try try and die.y ou will...but for christ ske die like men this is pitiful... Zues Hera Thor Freya andw esee tryand die andok for yuo to say youcan kill us and we admonish you and more and what what yu say so fn what you r afriginiditost these use their hands andhold me and you hold me and hit each other i pay for it all fuckin no yousay your alunatic.i havepower you will feel he says and i rip your rhealm your whole world apart, yuo wathc yell like a baby ok..fine wesee  yo upull all warrants right yeh of yours but we leave mine onyoutwo wonderwomen...this hurts bt we suck badly very badly.  and billium areu p for the towers..and he says i dont hink so this is a lame talk lame presentation cuz you win lots...and we laugh we suck badly and have retards onto our bodies and yes..justin doestn like it has one in his head and so does thrym...not a tard but mutant.  sow e see and you still harp on me off off out or else nothing..no change. and wonderful you execute my dad and grandad and think im faire game like achick and say it using a cat and your spoileddogshit... we agree withone thing your dead for telling and we say it i order hits on you obth they work now...tonight. dietogether hshits...guess what times up.  bg fired up his engines i hear..and is heading to LA just now so f off sweeties wegettere first. oh no  you dont  oh you will not try here what a nice idiot gesture... finally we see your fast your faggots.  and duck dont look mein the eye a re losers and bow to your tards and minorities and lose.  so.  off me i am not yours i am not your kind dog or slave i am of a different kind and you my freinds tommy f and mac adn other mac dadsy and macs told me your secrets outof a need to do a cork method it is shit...so i will attack you now...let me know where are yopr power centers you want to be mad...where d you keep stuff that works out with it faggots...no no not this come on dick sukcer you told meall tellme where can i hitt o chop your ballss offf lemme know i am just a kid...and oklahoma hahahaha no we arethere assinine queer we hit you before you fly...and blow upyour air fields ok strike one...good but not juicy ...your w himp and tell me crap as you think itworksdiddntdoa thing lets here where..ok so y ou can blame me..fine we see let me see itis iunder you we rip it out commonly...finaly we see it your there doing it...tie themup for us ok...ok we see it...your dead...mac you afraid, had your rtard run up say it to me ata gallop you afraid old mansick perv pickedin me my whole life idefended myself as does Father and Mother Hera too, you afraid havetosay imdead you idiot.  fine your not but we see this is hellandyou make it worse hahahah i let you offno. you die nowmac adn yuo tommy f...there re hits on you Zues Hera

[deadgwen]

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias  @jiilys  MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU. 

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE 

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N  G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”  

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE 

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH. 

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die  we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM  LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but. 

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT 

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME 

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE 

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON  BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME 

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED* 

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*

[artificialqueens]

The Best Years Of Our Lives (Trixya/Pearlet) Ch. 6 - Athena

A/N: Hi guys! Sorry if you guys saw my melodramatic ask, I had a moment. I can be a little extra at times. But, I’m gonna keep writing this. Also, sorry for the lack of Pearlet, I promise you that it is coming in the next chapter

Trigger warning: Alcohol usage / Throwing up 

Once the girls made it back to the residence hall, Trixie heard several voices coming from the inside of her room. Violet, Pearl, Fame, and Kim were all sitting on the floor with a bottle of rum, a bottle of whiskey, and other various colorful liquids in different shaped bottles in the middle of them.

“Close the fucking door!” Pearl hissed.

“Wait, didn’t you hate a date tonight with a Tinder bro?” Kim questioned.

“Um, well, he was awful. I left without saying a word and went straight to Katya’s room. Anyway, this guy talked about his mom, and his Pomeranians—”

Katya interrupted. “Also, she said he was sweaty and smelled like feet.”

“Yup, smelled like feet, and asked me about how many children I wanted to have, and complimented my child-bearing hips.”

“Also, apparently, he talked about his ex, who left him because of his addiction to World of Warcraft, and lack of passion in the bedroom.”

“It was actually League of Legends.”

“Who cares, they’re both terrible,” Kim said.

Fame raised an eyebrow. “Wow. That’s… That’s… an experience.”

Katya and Trixie joined the circle on the floor.

Katya grabbed the bottle of vodka. “May I?”

“Of course,” Violet said. She handed Katya a bottle of cranberry juice. “Want a chaser?”

Katya chugged. “Please. I don’t do chasers.” Katya passed the bottle to Trixie.

“Why the hell not?” Trixie took a swig of the vodka and immediately regretted it. The alcohol was overwhelming, causing her to temporarily forgot how to swallow. Her throat burned as the liquid eventually made its way down her throat.

Trixie took a giant gulp of the juice that was handed to her. “Do people actually like the taste of alcohol?”

Fame laughed. “Nope. Most people just pretend to like it. But we have this, too if you wanna try it? It won’t taste like alcohol, not much anyway. It’s a good first drink to have.” She poured a bottle filled with blue liquid into a cup mixed with lemonade.

Trixie took a cup from Fame. She was right, she could vaguely feel the burn of alcohol, but to her, it tasted like blue popsicles. “This is great!”

“Pace yourself,” Violet warned. “The most dangerous drinks are the ones that taste good.”

“I have an idea!” Kim chimed in. “Let’s play never have I ever. I have nothing to lose because I haven’t done anything.”

“How do you play?”

“You put up ten fingers, and then you say something you haven’t done, like ‘never have I ever murdered a man in cold blood,’ and if you’ve done it, you put a finger down,” Katya explained.

“I’ll go first!” Kim said. “Never have I ever had a boyfriend.”

Pearl and Fame put a finger down.

“Okay, Violet you go.”

“Never have I ever… Hmm. Never have I ever—wait, nope, I’ve done that. Never have I ever been black-out drunk.”

Both Pearl and Katya put a finger down.

“Fame?”

“Never have I ever… smoked weed.”

Pearl and Katya put a finger down.

“Katya?”

“Never have I ever been tied up or tied someone up for sex.”

Violet put a finger down. “What? It’s fun. Maybe you should try it sometime.”

As the game progressed, Trixie felt the alcohol going to her head, and fast. She didn’t care. The alcohol made her whole body feel warm.  

 “Trixie, your turn.”

“Never have I ever been in a relationship.”

Everyone but Kim put a finger down.

“My turn again,” Kim said. “Never have I ever kissed a girl.”

Trixie hesitated as she put a finger down. She noticed that everyone but Kim put a finger down.

“Fame?” Katya questioned.

“There was a night where Violet and I got a little drunk. Pearl, you’re lucky. She’s a good kisser.”

“I know.”

“Trixie? Who?” Kim’s tone was skeptical.

Trixie hesitated as she looked at Katya. “I don’t kiss and tell.”  She looked over at Katya who made no reaction.

The game continued until Violet put her tenth finger down. Trixie was definitely past the buzzed stage, and was onto the full-on drunk stage. At this point, she wasn’t sure how many drinks she had. She knew it was more than two, but less than five. Everything was funny to her, and she laughed so hard that she had to lay down on the floor.

“Now what?” Violet asked.

Fame picked up an empty bottle of cranberry juice. “Spin the bottle?”

Katya snorted. “Please Fame, this isn’t high school.”

Trixie sat up. “I’m down.”

“I’m not. I’ll watch you guys,” Kim said moving to the bed.

“Vi, you go first!”

Violet spun. It landed on Fame.

“Hey, bae,” Fame said. They learned in for a peck on the lips. They both laughed and pulled back.

Fame went next. Katya.

“C’mere, baby,” Katya said jokingly.

As Trixie watched the two of them kiss, she felt a hint of jealousy. She pushed the feeling aside, knowing full well she had no right to be jealous.

Katya went next. It landed on Trixie, whose inhibitions were almost nonexistent. She looked at Katya with lust in her eyes as she pulled her in for a kiss. Trixie had never been so aggressive while making out with Katya, who kissed back with the same amount of passion. Eventually they broke away.

Everyone was staring at them.

“Whoa,” Pearl said.

“Someone’s had too much alcohol,” Katya said making an “Are you serious?” face at Trixie.

“Ew, did you get red lipstick on me?” Trixie questioned. “You know I hate that.”

“Wait. You guys have done this before?” Kim said getting up from the bed.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck, Trixie thought.

“She means when I kiss her on the cheek! Right Trixie?”

“Yes! She always gets her lipstick on my cheek and it ruins my makeup. It’s the worst. Anyway, whose turn is it next?”

Violet looked at her and raised an eyebrow, which caused Trixie glare in return. She grabbed her phone, and had a very difficult time texting.

To: Vi Ill takl to u bout it in later

At this point, Trixie was so drunk that she couldn’t text. Violet waited a turn before texting her back.

From: Vi Jfc, that was kinda hot. Dont worry, you just looked like a sloppy drunk. Katya came thru with that save tho. Your Tinder date story was so extra

To: Vi It was fun thooooooo. Bsides im an extra person, yuo kno this. Lolololol. Atl east im not boring

From: Vi Whatever you say…

There was a knock at the door.

“Fuck,” Violet said, shoving as many bottles under the bed as possible.

“R.A.,” she heard Alyssa call.

“I forgot about their rounds,” Kim whispered, who was clearly panicking.

Pearl smacked her arm. “Don’t look guilty.”

Trixie put a bottle behind her back. “Just a sec!”

“I’m coming in!” Alyssa said opening the door.

She looked around the room. “Jesus, ladies could you be any louder? Manila said she could hear you from her end of the hall.” Alyssa looked around the room and locked eyes with a bottle that hadn’t made it under the bed and raised an eyebrow.

Panicked eyes shot amongst the girls. 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. You’re lucky it’s so late and I really don’t feel like filing six underage drinking reports for all of you. Don’t you dare get cute and try this again.” Alyssa shut the door.

The girls unanimously decided it’d be best to stop drinking, and eventually decided to watch a movie on Trixie’s laptop. During the movie, Violet and Pearl weren’t paying much attention. They were on the corner of Kim’s bed making out, whispering things in each other’s ear. Trixie could have sworn they took it further, since they both had a blanket over themselves. 

“Get a fucking room,” Katya said, shielding her eyes.

At this point, Trixie could barely unlock her phone. But, she attempted to text Violet, not noticing that she had sent the text the wrong person.

To: Fame viiiiiiii jfc ur goin harder than me ad katya we’re the other nite. its kidna hot tbh

Fame looked at her phone with wide eyes.

From: Fame this def isn’t vi. What? you and Katya? wtf??????

As she read the text, Trixie was mortified she put her hands over her mouth.

Shit. This is bad. Fuck. Goddammit. Why did I think drinking was such a good idea? At least Fame’s drunk too, maybe she’ll forget.

 To: Fame gurl pls, I ment like when we kissed

From: Fame I dont rly believe you but I guess ill just ignore this and forget I ever saw it. Deleting the texts now

Before Trixie could text back, she suddenly felt sick to her stomach. She ran into the bathroom that she shared with two girls she had never spoken to. The only communication with them was through messages written on dry erase markers on the bathroom mirror. As she ran into the bathroom, she hoped to God one of her suitemates wasn’t in the bathroom already.

Thankfully, there was no one, and Trixie made it to the toilet. Her throat burned as all the contents in her stomach came up. The alcohol burnt her throat and nose. As she was bent over the toilet, she felt someone pull her hair back. After she was finally done, Trixie noticed that the toilet was now a bright blue color. She wiped her mouth and flushed the toilet.

She looked up and saw Katya. Trixie laid down on the nice, cool floor.

“Trixie?”

Trixie groaned in response. Katya helped her get out of the bathroom. Once she was out of the bathroom, Trixie flopped onto her bed. 

“Katyaaaaa,” she whined. “Come cuddle with me.”

Katya hesitantly laid on the bed with Trixie and stroked her hair.

“I love you,” Trixie sat up from the bed. “Like I really love you. Katya, can we tell them? Can we, can we, can we?”

“I think we better wait until you’re not drunk off your ass. You’re gonna probably–”

“Tell us what?” Fame questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Me and Katya had sex, and it was really good.”

This finally made Pearl and Violet stop. Pearl stared at Trixie for a few seconds before saying, “Well, shit.”