#can u tell i'm a useless lesbian?

[starless-gaze]

i want to go stargazing with a girl and say something along the lines of "the stars are so beautiful" and them saying "yeah, they are" in a soft voice and i turn and they're looking directly at me and they have a small smile on their face and then we kiss

[discountdyke]

I hate when ppl who have no business commenting on an issue insert themselves like their opinion matters

[snickerdoodlles]

Hello, it's the useless gay anon!

Absjsjsksksks can you BELIEVE the episode we got I'm still trying to process it. Also, the MOMENT I saw Ink's boots in the practicing photography scene I knew we're getting InkPa endgame. Thank you lesbian QUEEN.

Your useless gay story was adorable, thank you for sharing with me! I'm so glad there was a happy ending there! I'm waiting for mine but 👀👀

Also, I was rereading your fics post episode for Reasons (they are Very Good and Very Soft) and holy shit???? You called the head over heels thing in come here chap 3 HOW DO YOU DO IT

ajkd nonny i stopped being a person after ep10 [3/4] !!! CANON INKPA AND ITS NOT EVEN THE LAST EPISODE BLESS???? also inkpa continuing to have the cutest little romcom story while the world collapses around patpran will always be the funniest thing to me afdjhf good for them

and thank u!! im sure your happy ending is coming soon, tho hopefully you get yours more gracefully than i got mine <3

im!!! blushing!!!!! jhghjgjh tysm for reading my silly little fics!!! im so glad u enjoyed them aahhh :D :D as for the stuff i write that lines up well with canon, it's rly a testament to the story quality of bad buddy 🙏🙏 they're not here to play with us and they have a really strong idea of exactly what story they want to tell, so any narrative tension comes more from wondering how they deliver the story vs trying to predict the story itself. idk if that makes sense, but the best i can describe it is how a lot of bad buddy's plot feels like a natural conclusion to the threads they've been laying down since ep1, so its not unusual that I or other creators have picked up on those hints. and i gotta say, this is a much more enjoyable experience than being caught off guard by totally bonkers plots that sometimes come out of nowhere in bl (or any show really) because the writers arent sure how else to make ~drama~ or fill their full episode count 😂

[moistmailman]

Blake, speaking through an earpiece: Okay, Ilia. Just calm down for me. I'm going to walk you through this step by step.

Ilia, nervously looking at Pyrrha from a distance: R-right. You’re right. I-it’s just that I’m really nervous. M-my hands a-are v-very s-sweaty. It’s like a faucet right now. Oh god, they’re literally drenched.

Blake: Okay, uhm.....try not to mention that when you walk up to her, okay?

Ilia, nervously: O-of course. Logically. I know that. That’s obvious. Just let me uhm...w-wipe my hands on my pants real quick.....h-hey, a-are you sure about this? I-I mean, I-I’m really bad at flirting; like, comically bad at it. They could make a book about me called “The Life of The Useless Lesbian” heheheh *ahem*

Blake: Stop overreacting. I’m sure you aren’t that bad. How terrible could you be?

Ilia: You should know already. I flirted with you for years.

Blake:.......that was flirting?

Ilia, turning around: Okay, I’m leaving right now.

Blake: No! Don’t do that! Turn back around. Look, I’m going to walk you through this step by step. All you gotta do is do as I tell you, okay?

Ilia: O-o-Okay. Okay, right. I-I can do this.

Blake: Great. Now walk up to her and get her attention.

Ilia: O-Okay. Here I-I go.

*Ilia nervously walks up to Pyrrha*

Ilia, awkwardly: U-uhm. H-hey.

Pyrrha, turning: Hmm?

Blake: Okay, good. Now just introduce yourself.

Ilia, tongue tied: H-hey Ilia, I’m Pyrrha’s friend, Blake. Remember me?

Pyrrha, confused: What?

Blake: Wrong names, Ilia!

Ilia: O-oh crap! I m-meant, I-I’m P-Pyrrha, friend is Ilia, and you’re Blake.

Pyrrha: *Raises eyebrow*

Blake: WRONG!

Ilia, face on fire: IM ILIA! YOURE PYRRHA AND FRIEND IS BLAKE! DO YOU REMEMBER ME?! *ahem* I-I mean uhm...d-do you remember me? Heh.

Blake, face palming: Oh my god.

Pyrrh, awkwardly: Uh, Yeah actually. I do. You’re Blake’s cute friend, right?

Ilia, face completely on fire: C-cute?...........

Pyrrha, nodding: Yep.

Ilia:..........*faints*

Pyrrha, worried: Hey! Are you okay?!

Blake, watching Pyrrha fan off Ilia from behind the bush: Okay, this is going to be much more difficult than I imagined.

[elsaclack]

So I have a crush on my (lesbian) friend who's in my class and I'm clowning so hard. I honestly don't know if she might feel the same way and I am useless at reading signals so I'm walking around all the time like what does it all mean?? I decided to tell her before Christmas (still haven't though) so that I can Move On. Idk what to do anymore and I feel like I'm making the friendship gradually more awkward with my feelings. So yeah, I'm a big bisexual 🤡

OH BABY I FEEL U ON THE USELESS AT READING SIGNALS LMFAOO gOD this dude i was friends with in high school had a huge crush on me (he told me years later) at the same time that i had a crush on him and he was trying to flirt with me but i was SO clueless that i thought he was trying to flirt with my friend eileen and long story short he was an idiot and couldn’t tell me no and i was an idiot and didn’t realize he was trying to flirt with ME so i ended up helping him ask her out and they dated for like 2 months and 3 YEARS AFTER WE GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL he was like “yeah i.....was trying to make you jealous” and i was like “micHAEL I HELPED YOU ASK HER OUT”

ANYWAYS SORRY GASLDFKAJ honestly i’m always on board with telling the person how u feel, but also COMPLETELY understand being nervous!!!! i mean u never know, if u tell her u could avoid the weird three-years-later conversation i had with my crush lmfao

[sporecore]

ct, 5:25am and i'm thinkin abt a girl who doesn't like me back and how dang Idiot i am for trying so hard. what if i seemed creepy when i asked her out? what if i'm literally just a fucking perv :/ it's sad and useless lesbian hours mikey my bitch

anon i need more details?? is she just asleep or did she say no?? then i can give u proper counseling. is she straight? is she dating someone else? like tell me abt her

[disabledwarrior]

I think I might be a lesbian!! I've never really found a label that fit before and idk I just really wanted to tell someone but I'm to anxious to talk to people about it in case I'm wring anyway ur blog is great and ilu

Finding a label that fits can be hard and theres no rush but if u think lesbian fits than im so happy for u and welcome to the useless lesbiab community ^v^ ♡

[chuulinda]

Aries venus... hmm its lots of crushes but no relationships for me tbh. I get crushes very easily but they dont last that long either. Also im VERY oblivious when it comes to other people's feelings for me. I'm basically textbook useless lesbian that wants a relationship but is too dumb to notice/take action -☀️

oohh 😳😳😳 taking notes! but also 😭😭 i hope you can tell whoever crushes on you next dhhsbjs im wishing u luck with ur next crushes and/or relationships 💖💖💖💖💖

[meganiumgender]

I'm such a useless gay like I've been given several chances to actually tell him I like him and my brain is just like nope here's anxiety you can't do it

Djsjsjs awww baby I’m sorryI wish I had advice for that problem in specific, but as a known useless lesbian who also can’t tell the person they like they like them and would therefore be a hypocrite 4 giving advice, all I can offer is solidarity in this struggle fjskxlapxiajb

Good luck honey💕💕 I’m still rooting for u💖

[thebreadcrew]

Bread Crew Text Posts Part 13

Lilith: I didn't choose the cool life, it didn't choose me either. I'm not cool./ the reason i sin is because there's a stairway to heaven and highway to hell and i sure as shit ain't climbin no stairs/ Ummmm I'm sensitive/ my tru aestetic is "wears mostly black and imagines they're hard and tough but stutters when socializing and is seconds away from crying at any given moment"/ be the smoking hot demoness you wanna see in the world/ (search) how to be deadly how to be pretty/ when i was 7 i had a crush on girl & didn't know how to deal with it so I wrote her a letter that just said "get out of my school"/ if i was a ghost i would do useful things like let the cat out or take flammable things off the stove and sing to small children when they can't sleep and terrify the fuck out of assholes hell yeah bitches. what was that? did I hear you make a derogatory remark about women? bam, your lamp is now on the floor what cha going to do punk? are you abusing that child? wambo, your walls are now bleeding motherfucker

Criswyn: Snake.....on......meeeeeee.....(snake on me) snake.....meeeee.....OOOOOOOOOOOON (SNAKE ON ME)/ i eat a lot of bread because it's soft and i deserve it. also i am gorgeous/ What's the worst decision you made while you were drunk? Don't mean to brag but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions./ me @ very talkative cats: i love you so much. please continue your story. tell me about your day. i love you/ coherent people are the worst...like stop making sense for one fucking second. say some nonsense every once in a while. literally so boring if i can understand every word you say like shut up or say some dumb shit i swear to god/ teachers r so full of shit "ohh u need to learn how to read its a life skill" the only life skill you need is lesbianism/ I have pure intentions, bitch! you can't kill me/ i am but a simple lesbian who enjoys the color pink and heart shaped things/ my tiny human body isn't big enough to hold all the love that's inside me and that's why i'm always crying / it's uwu time bitch

Freyja: My body is a temple. Well, more like a Catholic church. Full of wine and bread./ Are you there god It's me your bastard child/ to be fair you have to have a very high IQ to understand humans/ there's no such thing as a painless full suit of armor/ I believe in reincarnation because I KNOW I was a the Trojan guard who saw the Trojan horse and was like "wow, stunning, yes! Open the gates! Let it in, omg a big horse!"/ you think your crush is laying in bed thinking about you but in reality they're reading about swords on Wikipedia/ I Was Trying To Be Loving And Supportive But I Probably Overstepped My Boundaries And Came Off As Creepy: a feature length film with two sequels and a TV series adaptation

Aislyn: My body is not a temple it's a burnt down Taco Bell/ Do you have a significant other? I'm significant by myself./ i may not be beautiful but at least i know a lot useless information/ who hasn't fantasized about illuminating manuscripts by candlelight in a medieval scriptorium tbh/ im just an asshole with feelings/ I Was Trying To Relate To Your Difficult Situation But It Probably Sounded Like I Was Making It All About Me: a novel sage with several side book adaptations and a movie/ death is a reoccuring theme in my 3rd grade journal

Hawthorne: yes i am gay yes i am a bastard no i cannot be stopped/ *sticks my leg in the air* give me attention/ my gender is pretty boy/ I Was Trying To Be Funny But It Came Out As Really Mean: A 5-part documentary starring me

Val: haha! have fun at highschool today NERDS. i'm gonna be doing cool ADULT stuff like sleeping WHENEVER i want and CRYING/ you've given me a lot to think about which is unfortunate considering i already have a bunch of better things i wanted to think about, who knows if i'll even get around to your stuff./ It's time I start letting you figure things out on your own instead of me not knowing the answers, but making them up anyway.

Jezebel: stuffing go WHERE?!!?!?

The Crew: It's weird that pirates would go from shore to shore looking for buried treasure when the real treasure was in the friendships they were making

[psycho-pomp]

the signs as edgy bullshit people spout when they want to look like Good Homestuck Fans

Aries: aradia isn't boring, she's really Whacky and Silly and has a Great Sense of Humor because she played with a hat that one time

Taurus: tavros!! is not!!! shy!!! he's ~super sassy~ and frankly kind of an asshole. yeah an asshole is definitely what tavros is. yup

Gemini: [N/A because sollux's presence in the fandom outside of erisol, arasol and solfef is virtually nonexistent. something about him not liking bees probably.]

Cancer: karkat isnT SHOUTY ALL THE TIME OK he's super nice to People He Cares For [out-of-context screencaps of him being civil to kanaya or eridan][screencap of him telling aradia he liked her better when she was alive]

Leo: nepeta isn't weak. she can kill u with her BARE HANDS. she is STRONG. she is UNASSAILABLE. there is literally no chance that a teenage girl would EVER shed tears over being rejected by a boy she cared for are you forgetting shes super STRONG and have i mentioned how STRONG she is yet or

Virgo: kanaya isn't a Boring Classy Lesbian. what is she exactly? who knows. like three people in the fandom have taken the pains to actually analyze her character ever

Libra: terezi doesn't just lick things all the time!!1! she's actually very manipulative and has great depth of character. she has Depression and Anxiety and was abused by gamzee pre-retcon, which is pretty common knowledge by now but i still think earns me brownie points here for some reason

Scorpio: you know she's more than just bluster and abusive actions right? she's so Unhappy and had a really Rough Childhood what with having to kill all those people to feed her shit lusus. really i think people only hate her because she's a girl. ask her h8rs if they hate gamzee just as much to get a good idea of how misogynistic they are

Sagittarius: equius ISN'T CREEPY. he made robot parts for people he wasn't friends with and doesn't let his racism get in the way of being polite, just as i don't let common sense get in the way of shipping canon equara

Capricorn: gamzee's not just Dangerous and Unpredictable, he's really goofy and sweet? sopor gamzee aka the one on literal mood altering drugs is the True Gamzee. but don't get me wrong he's IRREDEEMABLE TRASH and i fully support him being locked in the fridge after the retcon without any attempt at explanation or assistance

Aquarius: eridan wasn't desperate! or lonely! or sad! or any of the reasons people in the fandom relate to his behavior! because i am incapable of simultaneously defending a character AND acknowledging their neuroses. i'm actually really progressive you know. i still manage to find him abusive btw

Pisces: despite literally no one ever implying that feferi was useless, i feel compelled to remind you every few hours that she was, in fact, not useless. she's a very complex and kind-hearted character who has never been ableist in any shape or form. if u disagree then ur compelled to hate everyone who's ever been written to say the r slur and also ur a huge misogynist who ships erisol probably [pauses to reblog some erifef art]