#can imagine miku going “number nine. number nine. number nine.”

[notakeyring]

the venn diagram of the beatles and hatsune miku has a very funny intersecting curve i think

Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Vocaloid

[cosplayernation]

10 Tips for the Chronically Ill Cosplayer

Part I of II | Let's Get Physical

Chronic Cosplay

    There's a reason I go by Chronic Cosplay. I'm chronically ill and I'm absolutely crazy - as in, actually mentally ill. Don't look at me like that, I can get you the paperwork. This is not a drill. This is, however, an article that's both close to my heart and absolutely imperitive for your survival. I write about it on my blog, I talk about it in interviews, I answer questions from friends and fans alike - how to cosplay with a chronic illness (or a laundry list of them). This how to survive a convention without sacrificing your health - phyical or mental. It is, in fact, possible.

    I learned how to do it the hard way. I spent entire Saturdays in hotel rooms in too much pain and far too tired to get anything done. I've passed out at conventions. I've collapsed and laid on concrete for hours, a circle of eleven people I didn't know sitting around me to keep me safe and cracking jokes to keep my spirits up. As much as the experience restored a significant amount of faith in humanity, it still entailed me laying on concrete for two or three hours in too much pain to do any more than crack a smile. I think you get the point. We'll cover some highlights from my extensive background of con crazy in Part II. For now, let's focus on ten of the most important lessons I've learned in my five years as a cosplayer with physical disabilities.

1. Make A Realistic Schedule

    Oh, sure, you would love to go to the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure group shoot at 10am, book it to the lolita fashion panel at 11:15, meet your friends for lunch at noon across the building, change your cosplay, get to the [insert sports anime here] group photoshoot at 12:45, do another cosplay change at 1:54, and make it to your private shoot as Miku Hatsune for 2:10. It sounds like a dream, everything scheduled right in a neat line so you can get everything done. Let me break this down for you right now, you will get one of these things done and I can't tell you which one it is. I can tell you that you're going to have a surprise fainting spell before noon and you're going to spend the rest of the day in your hotel upset and in agony. Space your events wisely. Cross reference room numbers and the convention center map. I guarantee there will be two [insert sports anime here] group shoots a day, there will be four JJBA group shoots every three hours, your friends won't mind picking a closer restaurant, and you'll get to sit down at the panel. See how that works? See how you are not dead? Let's keep it that way.

2. Keep Your Cosplay Line Up Simple

    Look, I get it. You have four sports anime, two Jo Jo's Bizarre Adventure per day, and you just made the perfect prop for your private shoot. I'm going to stop you right there. You cannot fit all of those in one day. You probably can't fit them all into one weekend. I brought nine cosplays to my third convention. I wore two. I wore two and I was still to exhausted to make a group shoot I planned. As much as you love every cosplay in your closet, please love yourself long enough to realize you will never have the energy to bring every single one of them. Pick your favorites, pick the ones with the group shoots you absolutely cannot miss. Pick a super comfy back up cosplay for when you realize you still brought way too many and you're about to pass out. At least pass out in a kigurumi or a swimsuit. Please don't pass out in the most complicated armored cosplay this world has ever seen. Do not impale yourself on your own EVA foam breastplate. Yes, it may be the sickest photo op all weekend, but you'll end up being the sickest con goer and not in a good way.

3. Swallow Your Pride

    You can pretend you're not ill all morning but halfway through that four hour pre-reg when you're dehydrated; dizzy; and your knees give out, you're going to wish you'd asked your doctor for that note about needing accomodation because you are not able to stand in four hour lines. See what I'm getting at here? Yeah. Just get the note. Thank me later.

4. Use Your Mobility Aid (if you have one)

     This could easily qualify for swallowing your pride. A lot of these will, I'm going to be honest with you. I know we, as folks with chronic illnesses, can feel a sense of shame or embarrassment for relying on mobility aids. I know this is especially hard when you're just starting to use mobility aids. There's a learning curve to them, it's not just you. But the fact of the matter is that your doctor would not sign off for you to get a mobility aid if you didn't need it. Don't jeopardize your health or ruin all your Saturday plans because you wanted to cartwheel through the halls on Friday in your Tai Li cosplay. If you want to set a mobility aid down or step out of one for a photo, fine. Do so wisely. Do so if you are capable of doing so. If you've paid $60 for a private photoshoot and you want to slide your cane or a crutch out of the way for a photo, have something to lean on. At least use your mobility aid for the rest of the weekend. If you're in a wheel chair or on a scooter, that does not take away from your cosplay no matter what anyone tells you or what you try to tell yourself. Between me; so many of my friends with mobility equipment; and Misa on Wheels, I promise there are plenty of people who believe in you. We believe in you and we don't want you to risk your health just because you don't think Princess Peach would rock a wheelchair. She totally would and so will you.

    Side note: When it comes to canes, props check does not always understand the concept that some cosplayers have canes for use as a mobility aid and not as a prop. When you consider the myriad of characters with walking sticks out there, Ciel Phantomhive and steampunk anything for example, it's understandable that they will occasionally stop you to try and give it a zip tie. In my experience, letting them know it's a cane used for medical purposes and not as a prop is quick and painless. While you should not expect any more hassle after a quick explanation, should any volunteer or staff member insist on giving you more trouble or trying to take your mobility equipment away, ask to speak to a higher up immediately. I wish I didn't have to tell you that props check will probably flag you down upon entering the convention center, it's better to give out a heads up for any newer cosplayers or cosplayers just starting to use mobility aids. Wheel chairs don't seem to raise questions, neither do crutches of any kind, I haven't used my walker to a convention but I would assume that wouldn't cause any questions either. To any case user, keep this in mind and don't be offended when a volunteer who has no idea who you're supposed to be cosplaying is only trying to play it safe.

5. Slow Down

    The one problem with convention schedules is how badly we all want to catch every single thing listed on one. The second you get your con schedule booklet, you start planning. You pull out your favorite pen and circling every single panel, event, and photoshoot you want to see or attend. We've been over this. Put the pen down. Let's fast forward to when you first step onto the con floor Friday morning. You're speed walking or speed wheeling your way down hallways, through exhibit halls, from friend to friend to that cosplayer you need to race after and flag down for a photo. There's so much space to cover and so little time in your three day weekend of nerdy revelry. Re-read that sentence. Three days is plenty of time. It's more than enough time. Save the power walking for your neighborhood PTA members and take it easy. Be the tortoise to your mind-racing idealistic hare imagination. Go slow. You're at this convention to have fun and relax. It's a vacation from normalcy, school, work, and the fifteen doctors appointments you have this month. If you rush your way through pre-reg, getting ready Friday morning, and rush from the hotel to the con center to keep up your speed oni level of exertion, take a guess on how much energy you're going to have for Saturday and Sunday. None. You will have no energy. You power walk your way to exhaustion and the rest of your weekend lay in shambles at your feet. Take a tip from Sub Zero and chill out. You'll get everywhere in your own time and still live to see tomorrow.

 6. Carry A List

Scratch that, carry several lists. Type these lists into your phone's memo section, have a hard copy on paper in your wallet, have a post-it tab for the pages in your date book; notebook; or sketchbook. Make sure that if anything happens, your lists are easily accessible and easy to read. List any medications you take along with the dosage, list when you last took your medication, write a list of instructions of what to do or what not to do if a health emergency occurs. Whether it's fainting; too low or too high blood sugar; a migraines; seizures; or the myriad of other magical things that could go wrong, write out the protocol for how to handle it. Hopefully it won't come up, but let's play it safe. Write down your blood type, too, if you know it. Write down any medications you have an allergy to, write down foods you have an allergy to, write down the numbers for your doctors. The con health center can only do so much and nobody in there is a psychic. Make sure they have the right information to help you if things go south.

7. Speak Up!

    There's a pretty big chance that your friend group isn't made up entirely of people with chronic illnesses.   There's a pretty big chance these friends don't live with someone who has one or more chronic illnesses. There's a pretty big chance these friends are all about that PTA mom power walk life and they're all about standing in the middle of a hallway for four hours to debate about whether or not the premise of Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds makes sense or not. First of all, the premise totally makes sense and I will defend it with my very life. Second of all, your able bodied friends are not psychic nor are they going to think about whether or not you can stand for that long or walk that quickly if you don't say something.

    What I'm trying to get at here is that you need to say something! "Guys, can find somewhere to sit down, please?" If they say no, they're not very good friends and you don't need that nonsense in your life. "Hey! Can we slow down a little? I can't walk this fast." If they say no, they are not very good friends and you don't need that in your life. Are you in the pre-reg line with your doctor's note waiting for a staff member to miraculously walk by until their disability radar goes off so you can ask about a more accomodating line? Nobody in the con staff has a disability radar and they aren't going to notice the piece of paper in your hand. Walk, limp, or wheel your way to the front of a pre-reg line and ask where to find the accomodating reg table. Someone will tell you and get you set up to avoid a lot of suffering.

    If you have trouble speaking up for any of these things, keep a very loud and very confident friend with you. Give your very loud and very confident friend the "please help me with your loudness" look and stutter out a few key words such as "chairs," "too fast," or "special needs line." Don't thank me on this one, thank you very loud and very confident friend. Then thank your very loud and very confident friend for me.

8. Set Phone Reminders

    Do you have any medication you need to take throughout the day? Probably. Are you going to remember when you took them with all the excitement going on? Probably not. Does your phone have a memo section, an alarm app, and a timer? Unless you're about that ironically oldschool Nokia brick life, your phone has all three. Type out the time in the memo section whenever you take your medication. Leave the memo app open and hit your "check all running apps" button for a quick look whenever you need to double check how much time you have before your next dose. You can also set an alarm for every dose you need to take that day. If you'll be in a panel, set your alarm to vibrate. Try using the timer on your phone instead of the alarm if you don't always take your medication at the exact same time every day. I can tell you that for me, it always depends on when I wake up.

    If you're accidentally running late on medication or you ignored number 5 and it's all hitting you harder than a super saiyan, take a tip from Celty and communicate by typing it out. Not only is this completely appropriate given your current surroundings, but it's something I've used in my day to day life. I've texted someone right next to me "yo, i need to take meds, can we sit for a sec?" Convention centers can be louder than a jet plane, but you can still bet your bottom dollar everyone there is still going to check their phone. I've even typed "can't speak, pain," and made a very weak attempt at handing my phone to a family member from bed when I hadn't the strength to sit up. You know what happened in those situations? My friend helped me to a chair and got me some water. My folks picked up the phone, nodded, made some tea, gave me my morning meds, popped in a Yu Yu Hakusho DVD, and told me to rest for the day or text them if I needed anything. Durarara! is surprisingly good at offering some choice life lessons when you least expect it.

9. HYDRATE. EAT.

If I honestly need to explain to you why dehydration and extremely low blood sugar are things you should avoid, I just don't know what to tell you. However, if it's a matter of "I can't really chew solid foods" or "my stomach isn't cooperating" or "my meds cause really bad nausea and I don't know what to do," then I have a few ideas. One happens to be pedialyte. It's a god send for keeping hydrated when everything seems a lot more like the ending of Free! Iwatobi Swim Club's first season. It's also fantastic for kicking con plague in the face. I recommend it over sports drinks because Pedialyte, and it's generic knock offs, are made with simple sugars that are easier for the body to break down than the complex sugars found in your Powerades, Gatorades, and Vitamin Waters. Ensure is great for when you can't do solid foods but need some kind of protein and sustenance, provided you have no dietary restrictions in terms of dairy. Naked and Odwalla both have great smoothie-esque drinks that are as ridiculously expensive as they are ridiculously delicious. At a convention, however, a $4 smoothie-esque beverage is worth not passing out from low blood sugar.

10. Stay Close or Call a Cab

Hotel costs are the most expensive part of most conventions provided we don't include all the things you shouldn't have bought in the dealer's room but still left the convention with anyway. Some classic methods for avoiding the high cost of hotels include the "Stuff Fifteen People into a Two Bed Hotel Room the Size of a Closet" and the equally fun "Let's Walk Fifteen Blocks Back and Forth Every Day in the Most Complicated Craft Foam Armor and Highest Heels We Own" tricks. The former involves sleeping on the floor, accidentally bringing home the wrong wig, and risking getting stepped on every second you spend in the building. The latter is something no one with a chronic illness should ever attempt when traveling by foot or chair. Even with a wheel chair or scooter, it's still traveling fifteen blocks and exerting more energy than you should. If you absolutely must stay in a hotel that isn't attached to the convention center, even if it's only two blocks away, do yourself a big favor. Save yourself and call a cab. Well, these days it's more common to call an Uber, so pick whichever works for you. Either way, you'll get to where you're going without using all your energy for the day or increasing you pain/fatigue levels.

    "But Chronic, won't it be expensive if I take a cab or an Uber back and forth three days in a row?" No, not really. If you've picked a hotel far enough from the convention center to require taking a cab or an Uber, you've likely saved enough money to cover some transportation for yourself. This also means the other people in your hotel room have saved money, which means you can all carpool via cab and/or Uber and split the cost between each other. For Otakon last year, a large group of friends and I chose to rent an apartment about an hour by foot from the convention center down in Baltimore. We used a regular cab company to get back and forth, a one way trip costing only $6. By using Air BnB to rent an apartment that fit eight people comfortably with a real bathroom and kitchen, we spent $45 dollars each on somewhere to sleep, then spent $36 on transportation for the weekend. Well, I spent about $36 on transportation given we didn't always carpool and I was the only person who relied entirely on cabs to my knowledge. My point here is that even if you have to sacrifice the convenience of a hotel adjacent to the convention you're attending, you don't need to sacrifice all your time and energy just to get to the convention.

 What I really want to drive home is that your illness does not have to define your convention experience provided you adequately prepare yourself and go at your own pace. I urge you to take these points into consideration. I spent four years assuring everyone I always collapsed at least once during a convention, it was completely normal, and not to think of it as a big deal. I don't want you to believe that's true. I don't want you to suffer because of your pride. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. I don't want you to learn the hard way like I did. I made those stupid decisions so you don't have to make them. Please, take care of yourself. Take care of your friends. Be safe. Have fun.