#can i get a hug from joel plz
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Hiii! Forgive me if you already have this info posted somewhere that I didn't find, but I have been in desperate need of some Comfort Joel Miller... 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 Because real life has been stressful enough and riddled with anxiety 😩 And while I'm ALL about smutty goodness, I could really use some Emotional Hurt/comfort (or physical/protective), depressy/anxy, supportive bby boi shit to read. I'm not sure the best way to go about finding those stories specifically... So I figured I'd ask if you or writers you know have fic recommendations in those categories?? If so, that would be amazing 🖤
Hellooooo. I adore getting fic rec requests. Most of these are gonna have smut in them because I am just a girl (gn), but a few don't. I included some alternative stuff that's a little outside what you asked for, but similar enough.
Disclaimer: I have not read every fic on this list
One shots:
Breathe Through It by @tommysversion
Summary: you have a panic attack. Joel helps.
This is the one I think will be perfect for your request
Illicit Affairs by @schnarfer
Summary: A little angst-ridden affair with Joel Miller, as a treat?
From the author: "there is a butt load of angst and emotions? He's very supportive (of having an affair with him)"
Heavy Rain by @lunitawrites
summary: It´s been raining for weeks when Joel finds you curled up on his couch.
recced by @janaispunk !
Walking Through Fire by @macfrog
summary: you’re neck-deep in a bout of seasonal depression. your boyfriend suggests an autumnal walk.
recced by @janaispunk
Observations by @ezrasbirdie
summary: You're not like the other girls, but it'd be easier if you were. Joel Miller doesn't see it that way.
recced by @janaispunk
Series:
One Thing I'm Missing by @joelscruff
you and joel accidentally end up falling asleep together, and what follows is the beginning of a quiet and tender relationship neither of you saw coming
forever is the sweetest con by sistersadeyes (AO3)
Summary: your life, post-apocalypse, and the surly old survivor who darkens your door. Growing up with a doomsday prepper as a father hadn't been easy. But after the Outbreak, you can't help but feel a little grateful to the old man. You're almost sad he didn't make it long enough to see how right he'd been. You inherit the farm, the stockpile, and the bunker months before the Outbreak. And in the aftermath, you use it to prove that human kindness still exists, helping all those you can. Set 5 years after the Outbreak.
I cannot recommend this fic enough dawg
One Day at a Time by @sixhours
Summary: Joel becomes a dad. Again
Lots and lots of emotions, lots of growing together, very sweet, made me cry
A Heart For Eating by @motherofagony
Summary: a vicious raider attack robs you of human connection and lights a fire of destruction in your life in jackson. joel's fixated on you, and your lives tangle. revenge becomes a needful thing.
Mind the warnings, but this one is excellent. Joel's savior complex is nothing to be scoffed at.
WILDCARD -- ever thought about Din and Joel together? Do you like really long series?? I've got the fic for you
Cosmic Oddities by fromthewhales (AO3)
Summary: Turning a clan of two into a clan of four and asking the very important, albeit unhinged question: What if space dad and apocalypse dad were Weird About Each Other?
It's long as hell and it's a weird pairing and it fills my heart with joy. Joel and Din both have some hurt and they both give some comfort. this whole fic just makes me feel soft. It's precious.
Some hurt/comfort one shots but it's Joel that needs comforting:
Father's Day by @proxima-writes
Summary: Father’s Day is hard for Joel Miller after losing his daughter.
Seven by @proxima-writes
Summary: Joel Miller has spent twenty years pushing the grief and guilt surrounding the death of his daughter, Sarah, to the darkest recesses of his brain in favor of survival. Living a more quiet life in Jackson means the ghosts of his past have returned to haunt him. He finds his solace in you, the town librarian.
help me hold on to you by @proxima-writes
Summary: Joel always tries his best to keep his mind from wandering to its darkest corners, but occasionally, the frayed threads holding him together with sloppy stitches start to unravel. Sometimes you need to give him something to hold onto.
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Just a small heads up, if you include shipping you may wanna make it clear that there are ships and what ships are there. A lot of people aren’t comfortable with shipping, especially since I’ve seen people say Joel thinks it’s a bit weird to be shipped with anyone other than Lizzie (needs to be fact checked, this is just what I’m seeing in boat boys comment sections). Maybe consider making the ship stuff a separate section or just telling people in advance (pinned post, bio, anywhere clear works) that it includes shipping so those who don’t like it can walk away.
important info about the zine plz read even if you didn’t send the ask:
thank you for the heads up! We’re about to get super rambly and vaguely off topic but we promise all your points get addressed. This is actually a great opportunity to clarify, because I realized I didn’t explain myself particularly clearly, if some one does choose to include shipping, its all going to have to be subtext (as always except for shadowbeans whose alternate ship name I still refuse to use), but that is for non-canon ships. Regardless of how people feel about it, c!Joel and c!Jimmy did in fact kiss in Real Life smp, and c!Joel and c!Sausage did in fact have a child together in esmp2, so we’re not gonna rewrite events. Basically when I say shipping in the context of this zine I mean taking relationships the c!Joel had with other people and creating moments that didn’t necessarily happen but feel plausible for the characters that are able to be interpreted as romantic as well as platonic. Also, everyone’s definition of ship art is different, so the level that I was thinking is pretty mild (and btw I’d like to interject here that this is not me dissing on shipping or ship art love shipping so much that I found a ship called the relation and I never left it, but I also know that people have all sorts of comfort levels with different things so this zine is going to be dry docked but I assure you that out there on my super secret personal blog we are very much lost at sea). Like, to give some examples of what would be okay versus not okay for the zine: kissing is pretty much off limits, honestly mostly because that’s a pretty boring zine piece, there’s nothing going on except the ship, but anything where any sort of romance is up to the interpretation, such as hugging, handholding, spending time with, these are all normal things, but also this can’t be the focus of the piece. Please no one just draw like Joel and someone hugging and call it a day. Implied shipping is allowed to feature in your piece, not be the main focus of it. That’s just not an interesting zine piece. Valid art/writing, still amazing stuff keep sharing it on the internet it’s very interesting, just not in the context of this zine. Anyway, you are correct about not everyone being comfortable with that stuff, so if any piece comes off as really shippy without violating the guidelines we’ll make sure to label it correctly, but also, I should make it clear, I’m really hoping that shipping doesn’t become the focus of this zine. It is a Joel zine, so Joel should remain the focus, and any shipping would be subtextual and not central to the zine. There are many great Joel ships out there with lovely content to consume, but that’s not really the focus of this zine. Also, that aside, if Joel doesn’t want his character (because we are talking about shipping cs here. Cc!Joel is a lovely person, but this zine is going to be in-character. Also while cc!Joel should absolutely be respected in what sort of fan content he wants people making about him, his character is, well, just that: a character. Its like saying you can’t ship two characters from an animated tv show because their irl voice actors aren’t comfortable being shipped. It’s just two different things) shipped with characters who don’t belong to his wife, he should probably stop making his c! kiss all those men. And have children with them. And send them love hearts in the mail. And call them babe. If he did it in canon it’s probably safe to say we’re good having them do it in fan content. But again shipping should be an extremely small part of the zine if it’s there at all and should be subtextual enough that even people who don’t ship can still positively engage with the zine!!! If it needs a warning, it’s probably too shippy.
also all this aside if I’m handling this wrong guys I’m sorry I’m only one person and it’s really stressful trying to please everybody I promise I’m trying my best but I just wanna get together with a bunch of other people who share this strange fascination with the bean man and make art and writing about it I don’t wanna get canceled or something I promise I’m trying my best. I’m really struggling to balance my love of creating shipping fan content and realizing that not everyone is comfortable with that and it’s really difficult and stressful I just can’t we all just draw and write what makes us happy I just want this to be a fun experience and being yelled at on the internet for drawing two characters who’s ccs aren’t in an irl relationship being something other than friends is not my definition of a good time. I’m not accusing you anon of doing anything like that the ask was very respectful but I’m worried this post will prompt less polite people to come and yell at me.
-mod Dinn
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tear you apart
"i want to hold you close, soft breasts, beating heart, as i whisper in your ear, i wanna fucking tear you apart."
didn't anyone warn you about the man who lives in the cabin in the woods?
what's playing 🎧: tear you apart by she wants revenge
pairing : joel x reader
word count : 4k
CONTENT WARNINGS : SMUT, dubcon, unsafe/unprotected piv, size kink, breeding kink, mentions of pregnancy but no actual pregnancy, slight bondage with ropes, multiple orgasms, forced orgasms, cumshots, virginity taking, unspecified age gap (but if you wanna know joel is 50, reader is 21) sir kink, impact play, lots of spanking, light face slapping nothing intense, choking
TRIGGER WARNINGS : dubcon, slight themes of being held hostage kinda, joel is so mean and scary frowny face, unsafe piv, threats of knife usage, overall stranger danger!!!
a/n heyyy party people i’m sorry i’ve been so dead, work has been taking a lot of my time lately :( i miss u all dearly :( pls accept this as a little halloween treat from me to you <3🎃 comments rlly motivate me so if you enjoyed this plz lmk down in the comments!!!
you really should have known better. no one in their right mind would be in the predicament you’re currently in. feebly following behind a burly man, allowing him to lure you into following him deeper into the maze of a forest, all with the promises of shelter and a working phone.
you hug yourself to soothe the nerves ricocheting like bullets all throughout your body, and he turns his head, glancing down at you from behind his broad shoulder to ensure you’re keeping up. you crane your neck upwards to offer a shy smile. you tell yourself that you were able to see the corner of his lips perk, just a little.
he says nothing of grandeur when he pushes open the front door of his cabin nestled between a thick brush of trees and bushes, sitting adjacent to an inky black lake illuminated by the full moon.
he walks in first, looking at you expectantly to close and lock the door behind you, to which you obey immediately.
the decor is very…texan, a moose head watches your every movement from above his mantle as your heeled feet carry you to his worn in recliner, sitting down in it when he motions for you to.
he sits down in front of you, his ankle resting on his knee, big hands dwarfing the arm rests, his eyes taking their time to really drink you in. “what were you doin’ out in the woods so late anyhow?” he asks you, the cadence in his voice sounding like a continuous grunt with a twinge of a southern accent.
ahh, hence the texan decor…
“um,” your voice cracks, and your cheeks get hot with embarrassment. “w-was at a um halloween party but i wasn’t enjoying myself, so i left…stupidly, on my own. and i got lost.” you chuckle nervously, hoping he joins you to ease the tension but he doesn’t. he just continues to stare.
“some wolf try an’ getcha?” he jokes dryly without the lightheartedness, and your chest tightens at his words. “wh-what?”
he nods at your costume, eyes lingering on your ruffled skirt a little extra longer before he looks back up at you. you look down, hands shyly smoothing out your red riding hood dress, sighing out of relief to yourself. “oh!” you exhale quietly, shaking your head. “i guess you could say that,” you respond a little quieter, thinking back to a drunken owen trying to get back at abby by attempting to kiss you in front of her.
“hmm,” a low throatily hum leaves past joel’s shut lips and you tighten your legs with angst. “s-so um can i uhh…use your phone?” you ask, hyper aware of the reason why you’re even in his house to begin with. joel nods, pointing into his kitchen. “s’by the fridge on your left.”
his eyes follow your ass, barely concealed by the puffy ruffles of your dress, and you feel hot under his stare, wobbly legs trying to move fast towards the phone. when you pick up the landline, you’re greeted with silence instead of a dial tone. your heart sinks impossibly deeper and you turn to look at the man, swallowing hard.
you turn back to the phone, trying to dial your mom’s number, praying somehow it connects you to her, not caring if you’re met with yelling, as long as you hear her voice, relief will rinse through your body.
but it doesn’t. and fear takes over instead. “u-um…sir?” you call out, and he turns towards you. “what?” he asks gruffly and you switch your weight back and forth anxiously on either one of your feet. “y-your um…your phone doesn’t seem to be working?” you ask more than you tell and he just turns back around.
“yeah. does that sometimes,” he disregards your worries and you grow increasingly regretful of letting him convince you he was your best bet at going home. a shaky breath leaves your lips as you clutch the phone tightly. “do you know how to fix it?” you try once more and he answers you without a glance. “nope.”
you feel like breaking down and crying, gripping the phone before reluctantly putting it back. you inch your way back to the front door, avoiding eye contact. “i’ll just um…i’ll just try and see if i can get service back outside and call an uber or something. thanks for your help,” you hurriedly speak as politely as possible, unlocking his door and opening it.
you gasp louder than you would have expected, your shoulders jolting upwards with fear when a large hand slams the door shut above you. “that ain’t a good idea.” he mutters, voice falling over the crown of your head and you shut your eyes fearfully. “wh-why not?” you all but whisper, your heart hammering against your ribcage when you hear the locks turn back once more.
“girl like you shouldn’t be alone out there in the woods. safer in here.” he tells you rather than offering as a suggestion, a sense of finality in his voice. your hand desperately clings to the doorknob before you release yet another opportunity of safety it feels like.
“what should i do then?” you question stupidly, as if the grown man before you really has your best interest in mind. “you can stay here. it’ll be easier for me to guide you outta these woods come mornin’.” he answers, the last utterances of his sentence ending in a tired sigh.
you inhale deeply and attempt to exhale the fear buzzing around in your chest. “i really wouldn’t want to impose—“
“sit down.” he orders and you jolt at his voice, apprehensively obeying once more.
he stalks your every step that leads you back into his living room, head inching along in unison with each movement of yours. he wordlessly stands up, eyes peering a cold downcast upon you, his heavy boots making their way towards you like the beginning to a ceremony.
your chest rises and falls rapidly, feeling like a trapped animal below him. “you usually follow men you’ve never met before into their houses?” he questions you, a low gruff interrogation that escapes into the thick air from the cusp of his breath.
you shake your head and he purses his lips, raising a brow. “no?” he asks again, mocking you. “no.” you whisper back shakily.
he doesn’t respond, he leisurely pushes the red hood of yours off of your head and away from your face, allowing him a clearer view of your fear stricken gaze.
he chuckles quietly, enjoying this game he’s playing with you. he bends down, leaning in close. his scruffy beard tickles your cheek, his strong hooked nose brushing against your ear. “you smell real nice,” he mutters into your hood.
you close your eyes, trembling at his proximity, ignoring the fluttery feeling bubbling in your lower tummy, attempting to snuff out it’s flame. you refuse to acknowledge how a sick part of you feels a rush of adrenaline from how close this man is to you.
he stands up straight again, this time a bulge stirring in his tightened levi’s visible before you. he stares at you gawking at it, a sense of pride inflating him. he eyes you for a few more seconds before impatience kicks in and he’s bent down, lifting you up in his arms and picking you up and out of the recliner. you yelp and flail in his hold but he’s got you pinned in his arms, you’re not going anywhere.
he carries you into his bedroom, kicking the door open and pushing it back shut with the back of his boot.
he drops you onto his bed and watches you hungrily, watching as you scramble on his bed like a little rabbit he’s just caught.
you’re sitting at the edge of his bed, legs splayed straight, trying to cover yourself the best you can. he walks towards you, gripping your thighs and spreading them wide open forcibly, lowering himself down to his knees. you pant under your breath, a heavy sigh leaving past your lips when he ducks his head down lower to underneath his bed, and away from between your thighs.
he returns to look at you with rope in his hands, and your heart falls deeper into your body than you thought possible.
“wrists.” you hand them to him, too scared to see what would happen if you refused. he ties a knot around your wrists, letting your paired hands drop into your lap. “f’you really wanna get out of ‘em use your teeth to tug on this little loose end.” he follows his instructions by stepping aside to reveal the exit of his bedroom, crossing his arms over his chest. “you’re free to try an’ test your luck out there, or in here.” he looks down at you, biceps bulged from crossing over his chest, head tilting to the side, trying to read your facial expressions and figure out what option you’ll choose.
you stare at your confinements then flicker your gaze to the door and back at joel. you can’t seem to find something in you that will allow you to leave, despite common sense warning you, nothing feels as tempting as wondering what he’ll do to you.
something like a smirk takes over joel’s face when he realizes you aren’t going anywhere, and a wetness pools in your floral printed panties at the sight. “knew you weren’t goin’ anywhere,” he snickers with a sense of pride, moving closer to you now. he grabs your confined wrists and puts them above your head as he pushes you back into his mattress. he breathes in your scent, sighing to himself when the aroma of your fear mixed with your sweet perfume fills his nose.
“gonna fuckin’ ruin you…gonna ruin this,” he mutters, cupping your cunt. you gasp and squirm in his grip, whimpering from his touch and from bud words. he slaps your pussy and you whine, trying to shut your thighs. “don’t you fuckin’ move. lemme play with what i caught here,” he grunts, lifting up your little white gingham printed skirt, exhaling when he sees the wet splotch at the front of your panties.
he looks up at you from under his lashes, a smug expression wordlessly teasing you.
your cheeks get warm and you opt for staring at the ceiling instead.
“fuckin pussy achin for a cock huh?” he chuckles, vulgarity in his nature and you whine, not used to feeling so on display and viewed so objectifyingly. and more importantly, not used to liking it.
he travels back up to take his time ripping open the flimsy corset top of your dress, groaning to himself when he exposes your cute breasts, nipples hardened and ready for his hungry mouth.
he can’t help himself when he lowers his tongue over them, your little sounds only encouraging him. he bites down on your nipples, and you cry out, unintentionally arching your back into his mouth. he just laughs around your flesh, groping and squeezing you like he owns you.
and he’d argue that he just about does.
“haven’t had a cute little thing to play with in awhile, gonna have some real fun with you, girl.” he says from the base of his throat, his lips brushing against your neck. you can’t stay still, all the attention and groping is so unfamiliar, and you’re too riled up to contain yourself, the throb in your clit begs for attention, and all you can do is press your thighs tightly together and try to gain any kind if relief from the seam in your panties.
he notices and scoffs. “keep your legs open, or i’ll tie ‘em to my bedpost.” he growls in your ear, and your clit pulses at the threat, taking a second to consider the consequences, before ultimately following his instructions.
he wolf whistles at your pretty cunt concealed behind your panties, hooking his thumbs under them and dragging them down your perfect thighs until they hang from your calves. his cock fucking throbs when he sees your pussy glisten from the pane of moonlight that creeps in from his window.
he slaps your pussy again, loving how puffy your lips are. your shoulders cave in from the sudden impact, whimpering at his harshness. “got yourself a perfect cunt don’tcha?” he exhales, mostly talking to himself, his palm coming down over his crotch to relieve some of the pressure building.
“you ever been fucked?” he asks, patting your cheek. you blink a few times, wondering if you should be honest with him. you shake your head an ashamed ‘no’ and he grins for the first time tonight. “well ain’t that a treat for me. gonna break you in nice and good,” he shrugs off his flannel, hurriedly unzipping his levi’s. he fishes himself out from his boxers and your jaw goes slack, chest tightening again.
his cock is huge, it’s fat and looks threatening. it’s almost a weapon and could probably be classified as one because shit, the stretch is going to hurt.
he jerks himself off, bringing his tip to your clit. you gasp, your hips circling his cock. “i-i don’t know if that’ll f-fit,” you stammer nervously and he shushes you. “gonna make it fit and you’re gonna take it for me. think of it as a thank you, from you to me for lettin’ you come into my house,” he chides, laughing with a sense of entitlement, feeling as though your body is something he’s owed. your chest heaves with nerves and anticipation as you prepare to pay your debt.
he huffs lowly, bringing two fingers to your dripping sex, his cock twitching when he collects your wetness on the pads of his digits. “dunno why you’re so worried, it’ll go right in, pussy’s basically cryin’ for it,” he grunts, curling a middle finger into your little hole. you gasp, head falling back into his sheets, nails scratching at the rope that holds your wrists together.
he pumps his wrist in and out, his free hand jerking himself off while he fucks you with his finger. “niiice an’ tight, gonna squeeze my cock jus’ how i like it,” he rubs against a sensitive spot within your cunt, throwing you a bone when his thumb swirls around your aching clit.
you moan, eyes squeezing shut and eyebrows furrowing at the sensation. the bass in your tummy grows into a finely tuned crescendo throughout your limbs and as soon as it builds, it falters once he removes his touch. you whimper disappointedly, but he’s fast to shut your complaints up when he begins to split you in half with his cock, a loud whine replacing any of your needy grumbling.
you cry out, knees trying to push at his hips but he grips them, forcing them open. “you’re gonna take it f’me little girl,” he growls, working the thick girth of his cock into you. you’re freely crying now, the overwhelming feeling of being so full is something foreign to you, and you’re not sure you can take it, but joel has decided you can and you will.
he grips your face, squeezing your cheeks into your lips pucker, turning you until your cheek meets his mattress and he’s pushing you into it, inching his hips backward only to go in even deeper than when he started.
“ooh-hoh-oh, fuck baby,” he groans, fucking into your cunt with no hesitation, your little hole barely able to accommodate him. “tha’s right,” he pants, swallowing hard when he makes you look at him again, your breasts bouncing from each hard thrust he sends you. “takin’ my cock like you’re made for it,”
you whimper, taking his comment as praise and squeezing him, your poor neglected clit throbbing when he grunts above you. “can feel you in my stomach,” you whine and he laughs, pressing a hand right over the bulge that he creates. “good luck findin’ another man who can do that to ya baby,” he snickers, giving a patronizing kiss to your cheek.
he grips the fabric of your skirt, using it as leverage to keep you close as he pounds into you, impaling you over and over on his cock, fucking the shape of it deep into you.
you jerk upwards from each and every pivot he sends you and he’s hypnotized by the way your tits bounce from his movements. he smacks them and grips them tight, pinching your pebbled nipples, loving how you yelp from the slight pain.
“sir please, t-touch me,” you moan pleadingly and he can’t believe his ears, his cock twitches inside you at your begging and he obliges you, bringing two fingers to your little clit and rubbing hard to match the tempo of his thrusts.
“got you hooked on my cock, maybe next time you’ll get ‘lost’ again and come lookin for me huh?” he breathes out in your ear, and you nod dumbly, your pussy drooling all over his dick, sucking him in deep.
his hand finds your throat and pins you down firmly, allowing you little access to air, but the lack of the supply is numbingly good, addictive. your eyes roll back, mouth parting with a soft string of moans.
he brings his hips down into yours without fail, fucking you with an insatiable stamina, groaning and grunting at how you take his cock, his hand tightening around your throat when you clench around him, growling at the feeling of your soaked pussy all around him.
“haven’t fucked a virgin in lord knows how long, forgot how goddamn good it feels,” he groans, his hand releasing your throat to toy with the glimmering cross necklace that lays between your breasts. he chuckles when he lets the silver cross fall back onto your chest. “cute.” he teases when he picks up a leg of yours and throws it over his shoulder, shuddering when he slides in even deeper.
you sob loudly, wailing out his name and babblings of sir please oh god sir please please, at the deep intrusion. “go on ahead and cry all you want little red, no one can hear you out here,” he mocks, rubbing your clit to watch you cry harder.
he pulls out and flips you on your tummy with haste, way too eager to be back inside of you. he readjusts you until you’re now at the foot of his bed, hips perfectly propped up on his bed frame, allowing him an easier access into your little cunt.
he spreads open your ass, pushing his cock back into you, his thumb ghosting over your other little hole, enjoying the way you squirm around, wriggling your hips nervously at his prodding. you turn around to look at him from behind your shoulder, looking up at him with a startled stare.
he laughs, spitting on it and shaking his head when he slaps your ass, hard. “don’t worry, i’m content with your pussy baby,” he says, sending an especially hard thrust as if you needed proof.
you collapse in his bed, using the hard smooth wood of his bed frame as friction for your clit.
his hands come down and grip your ass, spanking the full flesh mercilessly, loving your howls of pain from each smack. he’s only satisfied when he sees his handprints begin to form in your abused flesh. and even so, he continues to pair his harsh thrusts with unforgiving smacks that cause your flesh to burn.
he grabs your throat once more, forcing you closer to his mouth when he whispers in your ear. “whaddya think little red? should i use this,” he pulls out the dagger that was previously hidden within his pocket, the coldness from the blade contrasts against the warm skin of your neck. “to write my name in you? let everyone know who fucking owns you.” he presses the blade enough to make you squirm, but not quite enough to draw blood.
“n-no sir please don’t,” you pathetically shake your head and he mockingly coos at you. “why shouldn’t i?” he adds and you whine when he shoves his cock in you, hitting that achy spot deep in your cunt. “please don’t,” you moan, your words contradicting your voice, but fear still courses through you at the possibility of joel actually doing it.
he doesn’t reply, the only thing that responds to you is the sound of his hips slapping against the thick flesh of your ass, his cock pumping in and out of you relentlessly. he drops the knife on the bed in front of you, silently notifying you he won’t mark you with his blade. you expel a small breath of relief when you see it discarded.
your eyes flutter shut when he pushes you back down into his sheets, hand firmly keeping you in place by the back of your neck. his available hand unties the knot that bound your wrists together, now bending your left arm behind your lower back as he pounds into you.
a dull ache from the stretch of his cock begins to spread in your cunt but as much as it hurts, it feels just as good. “you better not waste a single drop,” he grunts in your ear, starting to move sporadically behind you, and you can’t even ask what he means, too fucked out and drooling on his bed to truly care.
it’s when he sends a harsh thrust into you, stilling inside you with a low groan. a warm sensation fills you and your clit tingles at the feeling. “how d’ya think people’ll react if they find out little red let some old man spill his cum in’ta her and got her pregnant?” he whispers in your ear and your eyes widen, shivering when he pulls out and immediately shoves his cum right back into your leaking hole.
you crane your neck to watch it trickle down your thighs and you whimper, swishing your legs around and feeling it stick together. “there’s so much…” you scoop some of it with your fingers, and his cock doesn’t soften, it flexes upward at the way you look at his cum with watery eyes, long eyelashes slick from crying over his cock.
“an’ you’re gonna get more, i ain’t finished with you yet,” his voice baritone and borderline hoarse. you look up at him, feeling weak and unsure. “more?” you whisper and he nods, a sick little smile on his lips. “you can take it,” he mutters, kicking off his boots prior to climbing into his bed. he makes himself comfortable, hands behind his head when he motions for you to crawl over to him from the foot of his bed.
you comply, something about him has installed an inability to not only obey him, but a desire to.
he settles you on his lap, scooting you backward to circle his fat reddened tip over your swollen clit. “bet you wanna cum real bad?” he murmurs, it almost feels patronizing and yet, you eat it up, nodding desperately. “mhm,” you breathily reply, your orgasm that’s been pushed off far too many times building itself up all over again from the way he rubs his tip against your clit.
“we’ll see if you get to this time,” and with the lack of a promise, he pushes into you once more, feeling prideful when his own cum gushes from your hole, squeezing his cock in a way he could grow addicted to.
“bounce on it for me.” he instructs, hands tight on your hips. his orders catch you off guard and you sit still, somehow still bashful while speared on his cock. “i-i’ve never…but i don’t know-“
“you don’t know how to bounce up and down?” he asks dryly, an eyebrow raised. “i just…”
“you just, nothin’ i suggest you start movin’ for me now. lemme see those fuckin’ tits of your bounce.” he’s serious, and you’re embarrassed at how the way he speaks to you makes you grip onto his cock harder. he notices it, leaning further into bed and straightening out his hips, intentionally pushing deeper into you, liking the way you shiver and moan at the intrusion.
you place your hands on his chest, apprehensively moving your hips up and down. the pace is far too slow for joel’s liking, but he enjoys watching you use his cock the way you seem to like it, dragging your tight little cunt all along the long expanse of his dick, no matter how far up or down you move you can’t escape the feeling of being full.
but joel only has so much patience before it runs out. a hard calloused hand slaps the curve of your ass, whistling for you to speed it up. “pick up the pace, now.”
you struggle to obey this command, he’s so huge and you’re so sensitive you’re not sure if you can. you’re moving to the best of your abilities and honestly, your struggles are endearing to him. he takes pity on you, bear hugging your waist when he begins to jackhammer into you.
you cry out, face falling and burying itself in the crook of his neck, letting him continue to use your poor little hole.
“milk my fuckin’ cock,” he grunts into your chest, his mouth latching onto the flesh again. your clit makes contact with his coarse pubic hair and you’re flushed when you acknowledge how good it feels.
“s-sir,” you moan in his ear, arms coming around to hang off of his broad shoulders. he kisses your throat, sucking a bruise into it. his hands migrate to your ass, gripping it and slapping it, hoping he leaves you incapable of sitting down correctly tomorrow morning. he wants you to only think of him whenever you try to sit tomorrow, a memory of him fully engraved into every inch of your body.
his fingers find your clit and you hiccup sob from pleasure, starting to grind down and meet his rough thrusts. “thank you sir thank you thank you,” you chant, tightening your arms around him while you try fucking yourself on his cock. “you better cum right now,” he growls, pinching your clit before continuing his circular motions. your knees clench around his lap, your cunt squeezing his cock while you unravel in his arms.
you’re panting, feeling like getting air into your lungs is an impossible feat as your orgasm rips through you, shattering through your ribcage, the sensation never fully ending due to joel fucking you through it.
he continues moving you up and down his cock, playing with your little clit. you fall limp and powerless on his chest, whimpering and crying on top of him from the overwhelming stimulation. “n-no more please it’s too much, s-so much,” you sob and he slaps your ass right where he last hit, holding onto you tighter when you try and get away from the stinging pain.
“you’re gonna give me one more,” he tells you, no sense of asking anywhere and you hide away in his chest, letting him continue using your gushing hole however he wishes.
“i don’t think i can,” you slur, eyes starting to fall half shut, your clit burning with painful pleasure from his fingertips. “yes you fucking can,” he grits, rubbing harder and fucking you faster.
“gonna make me cum again, and you’re going to, too,” he growls, fucking up into you with a force that makes you shake in his chest.
he pulls out and rubs his tip against your clit, groaning while he forces his eyes to stay open so he can watch the way he paints your tummy and pussy white with his cum. you start taking in heavy breaths, tears welling up in your eyes when you feel your second orgasm ripple through you all over again, prickles of pain mixes with the pleasure that casts over you.
“o-oh god, oh god,” you hiccup, tears streaming down your cheeks when you slump into him, feeling boneless and faint, twitching and jerking as the effects of your orgasm works it’s way through your body.
joel guides you off of his lap and lays you beside him, watching you succumb to exhaustion from him using you like a toy, and he smirks to himself, eyeing the cum that decorates your lower stomach and trickles from your thighs.
“i might just have to keep you for myself,” he whispers to your unconscious body, pulling your red hood back over your head.
#joel miller x reader#the last of us smut#joel miller smut#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x female reader#pedro pascal joel miller#the last of us hbo#joel miller fanfiction#pedro pascal#halloween#kinktober#pervert!joel
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hey boy, you make me want to write a song
Also available on ao3
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It’s been literally six years since I posted a fanfic, and I've always wanted to be writer so we might as well START.
DISCLAIMER!!: The song that Derek “writes” in his head is actually a Thomas Rhett song that I modified the pronouns on bc I was too lazy to write an original song plz don’t hate me or sue me Mr. Rhett. In this AU Thomas Rhett doesn’t exist lmao.
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He doesn’t want to be here. After an eight hour work day at the pool Derek is tired, still grimy even after a hasty shower, and just wants to sleep until he has to work again tomorrow. But, after bailing on their previous outing, his friends had successfully guilted him into coming out to what looks like an impromptu bonfire beach party.
He scoops up his grocery bag (case of cider, a three-quarters full bottle of vodka, a bag of chips), and pumps himself up for at least a few hours of social interaction before exiting his car.
“Derek!” Shielding his eyes against the glare of the setting sun, just starting to dip below the lake’s horizon, Derek spots Erica waving frantically at him. He heads in the direction of the fire and scattered blankets, sand already between his toes and under his heels. “You came!” As soon as he’s within distance, Erica flings her arms around him.
“Yeah, yeah.” He rolls his eyes good naturally, but hugs her back. His friends are pushy in just the right ways, and Derek loves them all fiercely. “Don’t chirp me about it or I’m leaving.”
“I’ll hug your legs if you try,” she threatens. “Try me, loser.”
Isaac comes up behind him, ducking under Erica’s reaching arms to take the bag from Derek. “Hey Der, nice to see you - Erica, watch it - lemme put these in the cooler.” After Erica has finished thoroughly annoying him, Derek extricates himself, grinning despite himself, and wanders over to where Boyd is lounging on a frayed serape blanket
“Hey man.” Boyd presses a wet can into his hand. “Still alive, I see.”
“Despite Erica’s attempts at smothering me.” He pops the can open, chugging the cheap, bitter beer. He grimaces, wishing he had had the forethought to refrigerate his cider beforehand.
“You love me.” Erica plops down into Boyd’s laugh and he wraps one arm around her waist while keeping his beer from spilling. He blows a raspberry into the back of her neck and she giggles, squirming away from him.
His chest swells with a bloom of affection as he watches the two of them tussel, expertly moving his beer around their flailing limbs. He takes another sip of beer and holds back a gag. “Ugh. Isaac, can you pass me a cider? You can have the rest of my beer.”
Isaac snorts. “Sure, man. The cider’s still room temperature though.”
“Anything is better than this. I’m literally begging you.”
Isaac snickers, but fetches a can out of the cooler. “Here, you big baby.” The cider is barely anything colder than when he brought it from home, but at least he won’t gag after every sip. Beer is nasty and no one will ever convince him otherwise. “Scott just texted me. They’ll be here in about fifteen minutes.”
Derek is well into his second can of cider, loose limbed enough that he is slumped comfortably into Boyd’s side, when Scott and the others show up in a beat-up blue jeep and an old red convertible. They spill out, laughing and waving at them from the parking lot. It’s almost too dark to distinguish their figures from the darkness of the night settling around them.
As they approach, Derek recognizes almost everyone in the group, except for one broad-shouldered, narrow-hipped lanky boy with amber eyes, a ski-tipped nose, and a smattering of beauty marks. Although there is something vaguely familiar about his eyes, Derek is sure he hasn’t met him before. He would have remembered.
Feeling suddenly too warm and too big for his skin, Derek stumbles to his feet. It’s nearing the end of August, so the air is still heavy and thick as it settles around him. Derek rolls his shoulders, the fabric sticking slightly to his back.
The group of them finally reach the bonfire, and Derek waits for the introductions, stupidly. They’re a bunch of teenagers and twenty-somethings - no one does introductions, you either know someone or you fumble your way into knowing someone. The amber-eyed boy meets his gaze for a short moment before his eyes skitter away. Derek swallows, hard.
“-erek. Derek?” His head snaps up guiltily. Kira is wiggling her fingers in front of his face.
“Yes? Sorry, I zoned out for a second.” He has to physically stop his head from turning to follow the figure walking at the peripheral of his vision.
Kira narrows her eyes, considering. “Hm. Distracted by something?”
He dangles his can of cider in front of her. “I am drunk ma’am.” He tilts the can up, frowning when nothing comes out. “And I am out of alcohol. Please excuse me.” He attempts to bow, and judging from her giggle, looks ridiculous for it.
Also, the boy is by the cooler and Derek desperately needs to know his name. He tosses his can into the garbage bag, pinned into the sand with several large rocks, and heads toward the cooler. Scott is there, one tanned arm slung around the boy as they stand directly in his way. Derek would be annoyed if he wasn’t so smitten.
“Hey.” Does his voice sound normal? Oh, God, he hopes he sounds cool. “Uh, could I get in there -?” He gestures to the two of them, hoping for the boy to slip in his name.
“Oh!” The amber-eyed boy jumps a little, shuffling away from Scott guiltily. “Sorry about that!”
Derek flashes a smile. “No worries.” He waits for a few beats, then turns to rifle through the mess of half melted ice. When he turns around with a wet can in his hand, the amber-eyed boy is digging his elbow into Scott’s stomach.
“Derek, this is Stiles!” Scott exclaims, suddenly and a bit too loudly. The other boy, Stiles, elbows him again, but turns to face Derek. “Uh, I realize you probably hadn’t met him. And, uh. Yeah.”
Pulse racing, Derek nods at Stiles in a hopefully-cool way. “Cool. Yeah, I don’t think we’ve met before? I’m Derek.”
Stiles smiles, a bit shyly. “I’m just here for the summer. Scott and I have been friends forever so he’s showing me around.” His fingers, wrapped around the neck of a brown bottle, are distracting.
“Oh?” He shuffles closer, belatedly realizing that Scott is heading away from the two of them. “Where are you from?”
“Not far from here - I live over in the next county, but I lived here in Beacon Hills until I was, uh, ten. And then we moved.” He scratches the back of his neck, his face tight with what looks like discomfort. “But Scott and I stayed really good friends.”
Derek has a sudden, vivid flashback of a thin, waif-like child wearing a hoodie down to his knees with a bandaid across the bridge of his nose. Sitting in a hospital waiting room across from him. “I - I think I remember you?” Stiles’ eyes widen. “Did you have a Mets sweatshirt when you were a kid?”
“I didn’t think you’d remember me,” Stiles says quietly.
Dirty white sneakers, knobby knees, a packet of - “- Reese cups?” When Stiles smiles, his eyes crinkle. “I hadn’t thought about it in years. I think I forgot about it because - well.” Derek cuts himself off before he can put a complete damper on the conversation. “I just forgot, I guess.”
Stiles smiles, a little bit sadly and a lot in understanding. “You seemed so cool to ten year old me. I think you had a walkman and I was so jealous of you.”
Derek snorts, grasping at the new conversation thread in relief. “I was probably listening to Green Day or something equally ‘edgy’.”
“Definitely cooler than me, then.”
They’re interrupted by someone yelling “Derek!” He sighs, turning to see who’s yelling at him this time. It’s Isaac, brandishing - his guitar? Derek had left it in the backseat of his car, but clearly he had forgotten to lock it. “Come play some tunes, man!” Everyone by the fire turns to look at him, expectant.
Stiles makes a noise beside him. “You can play guitar?” Stiles asks. Then, under his breath, “of course you do.”
Derek shrugs, the back of his neck prickling with the sudden attention. “I’m alright, I guess. You coming?” He jerks his head over to the fire and Stiles nods frantically.
“Abso-lutely.”
He settles once he’s sitting down with the guitar under his hands, fingers lazily sweeping over the strings as he tunes the old thing. The guitar is old, gifted to him by his mother, but it’s well-made and will last Derek many, many more years.
“Any requests?” Derek asks, strumming a few chords. He starts to play Wonderwall with a shit-eating grin, Isaac flips him off, and Boyd gets up and starts dramatically walking away from the fire.
Kira snickers and offers “Van Morrison?”
“Brown-eyed girl it is,” he confirms, strumming a G chord, and then they’re in it. Derek might hate being the center of attention, but it’s different when he’s playing like this. With the flow of music under his fingertips, the singing voices cresting on either side of him, he feels a part of something. He’d never ever perform, but this? This warmth, sitting in a circle of familiar and not-yet-familiar faces, all of them suspended in this moment, together? He could do this forever.
Derek cycles through the usual fireside songs - Billy Joel, Fleetwood Mac, John Denver, Eagles, Tracy Chapman, Howie Day, Gavin DeGraw. Somewhere in the midst of it all, Derek catches Stiles’ gaze across the flames, his eyes luminous with the reflection of fire in them, and very nearly forgets to keep playing. And then Derek has to fight against the urge to start strumming an entirely different song, one about whiskey and smoke and stars and falling to his knees.
His fingers fumble on the fret and he hastily looks away, focusing on something safe - the fire, which reminds him of how it had looked reflected in Stiles’ eyes, so he looks at the sand instead. Dark blue in the shadow of the night sky, except for where the fire cuts across it in swaths of glowing orange.
After what feels like hours of playing, the energy of the circle has dipped and levelled out to something mellow and relaxed. Derek’s playing has mostly become background music to a number of side conversations, and at least one makeout session, so he starts strumming Closing Time before he puts his guitar away.
Someone snickers from beside him; Stiles has moved from across the fire to beside him. He was concentrating so hard on not staring at him that he somehow missed Stiles moving from his spot. “Very subtle,” Stiles says.
Derek grins over at him. Stiles is staring at his fretboard, his lashes dark against his cheek. “I’m glad someone appreciates my very subtle song choices.” Derek carefully packs his guitar up, considers leaving it on one of the unoccupied blankets, but decides to keep it on him.
The night is so clear that the moon’s path is reflected on the rippling surface of the lake. The sky is dripping in stars and Derek desperately wants to walk along the shore of this moonlit lake, wants to hold Stiles hand while he does it because he is, apparently, the world’s sappiest twenty year old guy.
“You want to go for a walk?” Stiles asks. He’s already slipping out of his flip flops, chucking them carelessly over to the side, so he misses Derek’s (probably besotted) look in his direction.
“You read my mind.” Derek digs his toes past the warm sand into the cooler layer underneath. Stiles whoops and races for the shoreline, splashing into ankle-deep water. He is bathed in silver, splashing liquid moonlight everywhere. He looks like some kind of carefree, fae-like god, frolicking along the edges of a sea of stars.
Derek needs to stop writing song lyrics in his head and actually talk to the boy.
Guitar in tow, Derek follows suit and wades into the cold water. “Shit,” he swears, darting back out of the water. “It’s fucking freezing.” Stiles laughs at him as he sticks one toe back in the water.
“Didn’t you grow up here? Shouldn’t you be used to this?”
“I am a warm-blooded creature, thank you very much.” Derek gestures down the stretch of empty beach. “C’mon, I want to show you something.”
“Ooh, are you leading me to a secret hideout?” Stiles asks, excitedly.
“Well - no. But, it’s a close second.” This answer does nothing to deter Stiles’ enthusiasm as they splash along the quiet shore. After a few minutes, they come across Derek’s something - a small, hidden rocky cove out of sight of the rest of the beach. Most of the boulders here are wide and flat, perfect for lounging or sitting on. Derek leads them to a collection of rocks a little ways down, carefully setting his guitar case down and hopping up onto the rock next to it.
“Wow,” Stiles breathes, settling down next to him. “This is gorgeous, Derek.”
Derek is a cliche because he very nearly sighs out “yes,” in response while blatantly staring at Stiles. Instead, he forces himself to look at the scenery, which pales in comparison to the way the moonlight turns Stiles’ skin luminous and otherworldly. His skin is like the inverse of the sky stretched out above them; a pale, glowing canvas pricked with dark constellations.
“What song is that? I haven’t heard it before.”
Derek pauses mid-hum; he hadn’t realized he was humming anything. And then he realizes he’s humming the song that ‘s been writing itself in his head ever since he laid eyes on Stiles. Shit. “It’s original.”
Stiles raises his brows in appreciation. “You a songwriter as well?”
Derek shrugs, but can’t help the pleased grin that sneaks out. “I guess. It’s kinda unavoidable for me. Sometimes I just see someone - something, I mean - and I start mentally writing lyrics.”
Stiles hums, leaning back onto his hands. His legs, constant pendulums, keep shifting so that their knees knock together. Stiles pauses, letting his leg rest against Derek’s. “Will you sing me one?”
His guitar is in his lap before he’s even said the word “yes” out loud. He places his fingers against the fretboard, imagines places his fingers the same way against a set of ribs, a white throat, and begins to sing. He keeps his voice as low as possible, quiet and husky in the fragile not-quite-silence on this secluded strip of beach,
Hey boy, you make me wanna write a song
Sit you down, sing it to you all night long
I've had a melody in my head since you walked in here and knocked me dead
Yeah boy, you make me wanna write a song
And it goes like ooh, what I wouldn't do
To write my name on your heart, get you wrapped in my arms baby all around you
And it goes like hey, boy I'm blown away
Yeah it starts with a smile and it ends with an all night long slow kiss
Yeah it goes like this
Stiles’ eyes have gone a dark, molten amber; either due to being away from the campfire or something else, Derek doesn’t know. His hands are remarkably steady as he plays, despite his heart beating so hard it feels like it’s trying to leap out of his chest, directly into Stiles’ hands. Stiles has nice hands - long-fingered and strong-boned - and Derek thinks tt wouldn’t be so bad, probably, if that were to happen.
His thigh is burning through denim where Stiles is pressed close, no longer subtly brushing their knees together. When he’s finished strumming the last notes of the song, letting them fade into the sound of rolling waves, he decides it’s now or never. Gently setting the guitar aside, Derek leans forward to almost-whisper into Stiles’ ear.
“Hey, Stiles,” Derek whispers.
“Yeah?”
“Can I kiss you now?”
Stiles’ scrunches his nose up into a shy smile and he nods, swaying toward Derek.
Derek catches him behind the neck, thumb in front of one blushing ear, and rushes to meet him halfway in a bruising kiss. He’s just drunk enough that he feels loose and floaty, but not clumsy and sloppy. He’s clear-headed enough to feel the nerves and butterflies inside him roll into a low buzz of excitement as he leans into the kiss.
Stiles runs his tongue over Derek’s bottom lip, one hand sliding up into Derek’s hair and the other is warm on Derek’s thigh. He tugs gently, pulling Derek closer, and he moves into it. Kissing Stiles is like the waves sliding up on the shore, tugged by the moon’s gravity, except Derek is the water and Stiles is his moon.
When they separate to breathe and calm their racing hearts down, Derek keeps Stiles close with an arm settled around his waist. He looks breathtaking in the moonlight, with his hair unruly and his lips reddened, so Derek tells him. Stiles flushes, squirming a little, but beams at him. “Derek Hale, are you a romantic?” he teases.
“Only around you,” Derek replies honestly.
“Oh, you’re so unfair.” Stiles ducks his head down so blow a raspberry against Dereks’ throat in apparent retaliation. He kisses the same spot right after and Derek shivers.
“What?” Derek’s lost the thread of the conversation somehow.
“S’not fair that you’re hot and romantic and ernest about it,” Stiles explains. “You’re going to kill me.”
Oh. Derek smiles at him helplessly, shrugging his shoulders. He can’t think of anything funny to say back; his mind is writing lyrics again and he can’t focus on anything else. But before he let’s it run rampant, he has something very important to ask Stiles. He takes Stiles hand in his.
“Stiles, will you go out with me?”
That seems to startle a laugh out of Stiles, who appeases Derek’s offended look immediately. “Wait, wait, I’m not laughing at you, I just. You had your tongue down my throat five minutes ago and now you’re asking me out like a gentleman.”
“Well, I wanted to be clear that I, y’know, like you. Like in a date-you way not just in a this”, Derek motions between them, “way.” He sighs, his shoulders slumping a bit. He always messes things up somehow. “Nevermind, it’s stupid.”
“No, it’s not!” Stiles holds their clasped hands up to his chest, speaking fiercely. “It’s really sweet, Derek. No one’s ever said that to me before, I was just caught off guard.” Any trace of the earlier teasing is gone, replaced by a very serious looking Stiles. “That was - you’re something else, Derek Hale. I mean that in the best way possible.”
“Oh.” Derek doesn’t know what else to do, so he just sits there while his cheeks heat up.
“And yes, by the way. I would love to go on a date with you.” Stiles smiles at him so softly that Derek wants to sing about sunlight and spring buds and early mornings. He doesn’t realize he’s started humming again, until Stiles asks him if he’s writing another song in his head.
“Dammit,” he swears. “I can’t seem to help myself around you.”
Stiles looks impossibly fond and just kisses the corner of his mouth, asking, “will you play me another song?”
And Derek says, “always,” and he means it.
#sterek ficlet#sterek#sterek fic#tumblr fic#tumblr ficlet#akvade writes#sterek tumblr ficlet#sterek tumblr fic#eternal sterek#fanfiction#sterek fanfic#sterek fanfiction
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So, I decided I would try to fix the My Immortal fan-fiction. For day 1 I’ve decided to fix the spelling, but only on the actual story, since I found no point in correcting the spelling on the author’s notes since i’m planning on deleting them later. You can look at the original here and my modified version will be under the cut, and the stuff in brackets (like questionmarks) is from me being confused and whatnot
Before I put the modified version here, I just wanted to say that I might have missed some misspellings, so don't yell at me, i's a long story...
Without further ado, i bring you...
My Immortal
Chapter 1. AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eyeshadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. “Hey Ebony!” shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! “What’s up Draco?” I asked. “Nothing.” he said shyly. But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!
Chapter 2. AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) “OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!” she said excitedly. “Yeah? So?” I said, blushing. “Do you like Draco?” she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. “No I so fucking don’t!” I shouted. “Yeah right!” she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. “Hi.” he said. “Hi.” I replied flirtily. “Guess what.” he said. “What?” I asked. “Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade.” he told me. “Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. “Well…. do you want to go with me?” he asked. I gasped. Chapter 3. AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don’t own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather mini-dress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn’t put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). “Hi Draco!” I said in a depressed voice. “Hi Ebony.” he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. “You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life.” sang Joel (I don’t own da lyrics 2 dat song). “Joel is so fucking hot.” I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. Suddenly Draco looked sad. “What’s wrong?” I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. “Hey, it’s ok I don’t like him better than YOU!” I said. “Really?” asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. “Really.” I said. “Besides I don’t even know Joel and he’s going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgusted, thinking of her ugly blonde face. The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn’t go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into……………………… the Forbidden Forest!
Chapter 4. AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony’s name is Enoby nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX “DRACO!” I shouted. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?” Draco didn’t answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously. “What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily. “Ebony?” he asked. “What?” I snapped. Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore. And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingy into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. “Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then…. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!” It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!
Chapter 5. AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. “You ludacris fools!” he shouted. I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. “They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice. “Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McGonagall. “How dare you?” demanded Professor Snape. And then Draco shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!” Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.” Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. “Are you okay, Ebony?” Draco asked me gently. “Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the girl’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out…. Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna live’ by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. Chapter 6. AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. “Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco’s and there was no scar on his forehead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko. “I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice. “That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned. “My name’s Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled. “Why?” I exclaimed. “Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled. “Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed. “Really?” he whimpered. “Yeah.” I roared. We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Ebony isn’t a Marie Sue ok she isn’t perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXZXXXXXXXXXXXXX Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then………… We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) “Oh Draco, Draco!” I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Vampire! I was so angry. “You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. “No! No! But you don’t understand!” Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. “No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have AIDs anyway!” I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire’s classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. “VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled. Chapter 8. AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXX Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. “Ebony, it’s not what you think!” Draco screamed sadly. My friend B’loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waist-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Gryffindor. ) “What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. “Vampire, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Draco!” I shouted at him. Everyone gasped. I don’t know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I’m bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) “But I’m not going out with Draco anymore!” said Vampire. “Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virginity to Draco and then I started to burst into tears. Chapter 9. AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXX I was so mad and sad. I couldn’t believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn’t have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was…… Voldemort! “No!” I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted “Imperius!” and I couldn’t run away. “Crookshanks!” I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I’m a sadist so I stopped. “Ebony.” he yelled. “Thou must kill Vampire Potter!” I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn’t understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? “No, Voldemort!” I shouted back. Voldemort gave me a gun. “No! Please!” I begged. “Thou must!” he yelled. “If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!” “How did you know?” I asked in a surprised way. Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. “I hath telekinesis.” he answered cruelly. “And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!” he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. I was so scared and mad I didn’t know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. “Draco!” I said. “Hi!” “Hi.” he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. “Are you okay?” I asked. “No.” he answered. “I’m sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me.” I expelled. “That’s okay.” he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. Chapter 10. AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b’loody mary isn’t a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I was really scared about Voldemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B’loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hagrid. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren’t coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn’t die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there’s no way I’m writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I’m a slut but I’m really not. We were singing a cover of ‘Helena’ and at the end of the song I suddenly burst into tears. “Ebony! Are you OK?” B’loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. “What the fuck do you think?” I asked angrily. And then I said. “Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don’t want to kill him, because, he’s really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don’t kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!” I burst into tears. Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. “Why didn’t you fucking tell me!” he shouted. “How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!” (c is dat out of character?) I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbledore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this timee it wasn’t cause he had a headache. “What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis timee he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.” Chapter 11. AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX “NO!” I screamed. I was horrified! B’loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Lupin was mastarbating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. “EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in. “Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Snape and Lupin pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Snape and Lupin a gazillion timees and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. “Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at Snape and Lupin and then he waved his wand and suddenly… Hagrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. “What do you know, Hagrid? You’re just a little Hogwarts student!” “I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hagrid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!” “This cannot be.” Snape said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumbledore's wand had shot him. “There must be other factors.” “YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly. Lupin held up the camera triumphantly. “The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!” I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. “Why are you doing this?” Lupin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. “BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Hagrid said and he paused in the air dramatically, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. “Because you’re gothic?” Snape asked in a little afraid voice because he was afraid it meant he was connected with Satan. “Because I LOVE HER!” Chapter 12. AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn’t really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Draco had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. “NO!” I THOUGHT IT WAS HAgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. I stopped. “How did u know?” “I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!” “NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a scar anymore!” I shouted. “I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…………….Voldemort has him bondage!” Anyway I was in the school nurse’s office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Lupin and HAGRID were there too. They were going to St. Mungo's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can’t have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot girls. Dumbledore had constipated the video camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. Anyway Hagrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses. “Ebony I need to tell you something.” he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses. “Fuck off.” I told him. “You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don’t like fucked up preps like you.” I snapped. Hagrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. “No Ebony.” Hagrid says. “Those are not roses.” “What, are they goths to you poser prep?” I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. “I saved your life!” He yelled angrily. “No you didn’t I replied.” “You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being viewed by Snape and Lupin.” Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently. “Whatever!” I yelled angrily. He pointed his wand at the pink roses. “These aren’t roses.” He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that’s all you haD TO SAY! . “That’s not a spell that’s an MCR song.” I corrected him wisely. “I know, I was just warming up my vocal cords.” Then he screamed. “Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!” And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn’t a prep. “OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?” Hagrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could see nothing. “You see, Ebony,” Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. “to see what is in the flames(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?” “I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!” Hagrid yelled. dUMBLedore looked shocked. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back. Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, professor dumbledore!” Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather mini-dress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don’t know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. “You look kawaii, girl.” B’loody Mary said sadly. ��Fangs (geddit) you do too.” I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snape and Lupin couldn’t spy on me this timee. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. “Hi.” he said in a depressed way. “Hi back.” I said in an equally sad way. We both looked at each other for some timee. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then……… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!” shouted Professor McGonagall who was watching us and so was everyone else. “Vampire you fucker!” I said slapping him. “Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!” I shouted and then I ran away angrily. Just then he started to scream. “OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!” and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. “NO!” I ran up closer. “I thought you didn’t have a scar anymore!” I shouted. “I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation.” he said back. “Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco…………….Voldemort has him bondage!” XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXX SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I Chapter 13. AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared. “Dumbledore Dumblydore!” we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. “What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily. “Voldemort has Draco!” we shouted at the same timee. He laughed in an evil voice. “No! Don’t! We need to save Draco!” we begged. “No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Vampire started crying. “My Draco!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) “Its okay!” I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. “I had an idea!” he exclaimed. “What?” I asked him. “You’ll see.” he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then…… suddenly we were in Voldemort's lair! We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Allah Kedavra!” It was……………………………….. Voldemort! Chapter 14. AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXX WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. We ran to where Voldemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn’t there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail. “Rid my sight you despicable preps!” he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) “Huh?” I asked. ”Ebony I love you will you have sex with me?” asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. “What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood poured out of it like a fountain. “Nooooooooooooo!” he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I burst into tears sadly. “Snaketail what art thou doing?” called Voldemort. Then…… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying. “What’s wrong honey?” asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything. “It's so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B’loody Mary, because she’s not ugly or anything.” “Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts.” answered Draco. “Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Lupin took a video of me naked. Hagrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory Ebony isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “I'm good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away. Chapter 15. AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry time sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein! XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX “Ebony Ebony!” shouted Draco sadly. “No, please, come back!” But I was too mad. “Whatever! Now u can go and have sex with Vampire!” I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marilyn Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was timee to go to Biology class. I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! “Ebony I love you!” he shouted sadly. “I don't care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the timee. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!.” Then……………. he started to sing “Da Chronicles of Life and Death” (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don’t u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dont no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) . “OMFG.” I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco’s now) at them. “I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Lupin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmeade right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether. Chapter 16. AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese! XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX We ran happily to Hogsmeade. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing ‘Helena’. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn’t matter cuz I knew know that we were the only true ones for each other. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn’t them at all. It was.,……………………….. Voldemort and da Death Dealers! “Wtf Draco i'm not going to a concert wid u!” I shouted angrily. “Not after what happened to me last timee? Even if its MCR n u no how much I like them” “What cause we…you know…” he fidgeted uncomfortably because guys don’t like to talk about you-know-what. “Yeah cause we you know!” I yielded in an angry voice. “We won’t do that again.” Draco promised. “This timee, we’re going with an ESCORT.” “OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?” I asked. “So I guess ur a prep or a Christian or what now?” “NO.” he muttered loudly. “R u becoming a prep or what?” I shouted angrily. “Ebony! I’m not! Pls come with me!” He fell down to his knees and started singing ‘Da world is black’ by GC to me. I was flattened cause that’s not even a single, he had memorized the lyrics just 4 me! “OK then I guess I will have to.” I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room. B’loody Mary was standing there. “Hajimemashite girl.” she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz ‘how do u do’ in japanese). “BTW Willow that fucking poser got expelled. she failed all her classes and she skipped math.” (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) “It serves that fuking bich right.” I laughed angrily. Well anyway we were feeling all depressed. We watched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. “Maybe Willow will die too.” I said. “Kawai.” B’loody Mary shook her head energetically lethargically. “Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den Lupin did it with her cause he’s a necrophiliac.” “Kawaii.” I commented happily . We talked to each other in silence for the rest uv da movie. “OH HEY BTw, i'm going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr.” I sed. “ I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA.” B’Loody Mary Nodded ENERGeticALlY. “Omfg totally lets go shopping.” “In Hot Topic, right?” I asked, already getting out my special Hot Topic Loyalty card. “No.” My head snapped up. ‘WHAT?” my head spun. I could not believe it. “B’Loody Mary are u a PREP?” “NOOOO!NOOOO!” She laughed. “I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that’s all.” “Hu told u about them” I asked sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don’t even SAY that nam to me!). Or me. “Dumbledore.” She sed. “Let me just call our broms.” “OMFG DUMBLEDORE?” I asked quietly. “Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk.” She told me. “Come on let’s go.” We were going in a few punk goth stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. “We only have these for da real goffs.” “Da real goffs?” Me and B’Loody Mary asked. “Yah u wouldn’t believe how many posers there are in this town man! Yesterday Lupin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch.” He shook his head. “I didn't even no they had a camera.” “OMFG NO THEY'RE GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!” I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. “Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit” The salesperson said. “Yeah it looks totally hot.” said B’Loody Mary. “You know what I am gonna give it to you free cause u look really hot in that outfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?” he asked. “Yeah I am actually.” I looked back at him. “Hey BTW my name is Ebony dark’ness dementia TARA way what’s yours?” “Tom Rid.” He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. “maybe I’ll see you there tonight.” “Yeah I don’t think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!” I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hagrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. “OMFG EBONY U NEED TO GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!” Chapter 17. AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn’t rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXX Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he would help us with makeup if we wanted koz he was really into fashion n stuff. (he's bisexual). Hargird kept shooting at us to come back to Hogwarts. “WTF Hagrid?” I shouted angrily. “Fuck off you fucking bastard.” Well anyway Willow came. Hargird went away angrily. “Hey bitch you look kawaii.” she said. “Yah but not as kawaii as you.” I answered sadly cause Willow’s really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a black blood-red miniskirt, leather fishnets and black pointy boots that showed off how pale she was. She had a really nice body with big boobs and everything. She was thin enough to be anorexic. “So are you going to the concert with Draco?” she asked. “Yeah.” I said happily. “I’m going with Diabolo.” she answered happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both looking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thought we were hot too. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said ‘666’ on it. He was wearing tons of makeup just like Marilyn Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from the Warped tower. B’loody Mary was going to the concert with Dracola. Dracula used to be called Navel but it turned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slytherin now. He was wearing a black Warped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair with red streaks in it. We call him Dracula now. Well anyway we all went 2 Draco’s black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crack. Draco and I made out. We made fun of those stupid fuking preps. We soon got there…….I gasped. Gerard was the sexiest guy ever! He looked even sexier than he did in pics. He had long raven black hair and piercing blue eyes. He was really skinny and he had an amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Suddenly Gerard pulled of his mask. So did the other members. I gasped. It wasn’t Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man with no nose and red eyes... Everyone ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was…….Voldemort and the Death Eaters! “U moronic idiots!” he shouted angstily. “Ebony, I told you to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now……….I shall kill thou and Draco!” “No no please!” We begged sadly but he took out his knife. Suddenly a gothic old man flew in on his broomstick. He had long black hair and a looong black beard. He was wearing a black robe that said ‘avril lavigne’ on the back. He shouted a spell and Voldemort ran away. It was…………………………………DUMBLYDORE! Chapter 18. AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der! XXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyeshadow, blood-red lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. (Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Dumbledore chased Voldemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.) Well anyway I went down to the Great Hall. There all the walls were painted black and the tables were black too. But you could see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. “WTF!” I shouted going to sit next to B’loody Mary and Willow. B’loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Charlotte t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic black dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi. “Those guys are so fucking hot.” Navel was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chased away Voldemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hair black. “……………….DUMBLEDORE?!” we all gasped. “WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought he was just wearing that to scare Voldemort!” “Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. What do u think about it?” Everyone from the poser table in Gryffindor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disgusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!. “BTW you can call me Albert.” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes. “What a fucking poser!” Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfiguration. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn’t say anything. “I bet he’s having a mid-life crisis!” Willow shouted. I was so fucking angry. Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 from noq un im going 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW Ebonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX All day we sat angrily thinking about Dumbledore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- the MCR concert. It had been postponed, so we could all go. Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. Draco was being all secretive. I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot). “No one fucking understands me!1” he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Broken Dreams. He was wearing black baggy pants, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a black leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a black leather mini, black high heeled boots and a cross belly ring. My hair was all up in a messy really high bun like Amy Lee in Going Under. (email me if u wana see da pik) “Excuse me? What about me!” I growled. “But-but-but-” he grunted. “You fucking bastard!” I moaned. “No! Wait! It’s not what it fucking looks like!” he shouted. But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I wept and wept as my bloody eyeliner streamed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOK OUT A CIGARETTE END STARTED TO smoke pot. Suddenly Hagrid came. He had appeared. “You gave me a fucking shock!” I shouted angrily dropping my pot. “Wtf do you think you’re doing in the girl's dorm?” Only it wasn’t just Hagrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it to be Tom Riddle or maybe Draco but it was Dumbledore. “Hey I need to ask you a question.” he said, pulling out his black wannabe-goffik purse. “What are you wearing to the concert?” “You no who MCR are!” I gasped. “No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of goths and punks were going too.” He said. “Anyway Draco has a surprise for you.” Chapter 20. AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a black leather mini, a black corset with purple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic combat boots. MCR were going to do the concert again, since Voldemort had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed to MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on some black clothes and moshing to Thank You for the Venom. I got all mad and turned it off, but secretly I hopped inside that it was Draco so we could do it again. “What the fucking hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Lupin! “Are you gonna come rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say that because Dumblydore had told us all to be careful around him and Snape since he was a pedo. “No, actshelly (geddit, hell) can I please borrow some condoms.” he growled angrily. “Yeah, so u can fuck your six-year-old girlfriend, huh?” I shouted sarcastically. “Fucker.” He said, going away. Well anyway, I put on some black eyeshadow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Then I gasped…………………………………………………………….Snape and Lupin were in the middle of the empty hall, doing it, and Dobby was watching!1 “Oh my god you ludacris idiot!” they both shouted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. They got up, though. Normally I would have been turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 Griffindor now) “WTF is that why you wanted condoms?” I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat) “Only you wouldn’t give them to me!” Lupin shouted angrily. “Well you should’ve told me.” I replayed. “You dimwit!.” Snape began to shout angrily. And then………I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. You could see that they were naked and everything. “Well excuse me!” they both shouted angrily. “What was that all about?” “It was to blackmail u.” I snarked. “So now next timee you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I’ll show dis to Dumbledork. So fuck off, u bastards!” I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot. “WTF where’d Draco?” I asked him. “Oh he’s being a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn’t come.” Vampire said shaking his head. “You wanna come with me? To the concert?” Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his godfather Sirius Black had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front said MCR666 on it. The one on the back said ‘Ebony’ on it. ……….I gasped. We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing. Vampire and I began to makeout, moshing to the music. I gasped, looking at the band. I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He began to sing ‘Helena’ and his sexy beautiful voice began to fill the hall. ……….And then, I heard someone crying. I turned and saw Draco, crying in a corner. Chapter 21. AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in the common room. “Draco are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice. “No I’m not you fucking bitch!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I started to cry cause I was afraid he would commit suicide. “Its ok Ebony.” said Vampire comfortingly. “I'll make him feel better.” “You mean you’ll go fuck him won't you!” I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too. “Draco please come!” he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pale face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guys. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!) And then………………………….. we heard some footsteps! Vampire got out his black invisibility cloak. We both got under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand. “WHOSE THERE!” he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went under the invisibility cloak and started to meow loudly. “IS ANYONE THERE!” yelled Mr. Norris. “No fuck you you preppy little poser son of a fucking bitch!” Vampire said under his breath in a disgusted way. “EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME WHO SAID THAT!” yelled Mr. Norris. Then he heard Filch meow. “Filch is there anyone under the cloak!” he asked. Filch nodded. And then……………………….Vampire frenched me! He did it just as…………………….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1 “WHAT THE-” he yelled but it was too late cause now we were running away from him. And then we saw Draco crying and bursting into tears and slitting his wrists outside of the school. “Draco!” I cried. “Are you okay?” “I guess though.” Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I was about to put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knock on the door and Fug and the Ministry of Magic walked into the school!1 Chapter 22. AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven’s folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing black lace leather pajamas. Then I gasped. Standing in front of me where………………. B'loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow! I opened my crimson eyes. Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wore a black poofy skirt with lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and black jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just like Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B’loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her cleavage with a white apron that said ‘bich’ and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Crabbe and Goyle. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crabbe and Goyle’s dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Satanism. “OMFG” I yielded as I jumped up. “Why the fuck are u all here?” “Ebony something is really fucked up.” Draco said. “OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first.” I shouted angrily. “It’s all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful.” Draco said in a sexy voice. “Oh all right.” I said smiling. “But you have to tell me why your being all secretive.” “I will I will.” he said. So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hall and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney from Gryffindor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too. “THIS CANNOT BE!” she shouted angrily. “THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!” “THE braK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!” yelled Cornelia Fudge. “YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!” yelled Rumbridge. “YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMER'S IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!” “Very well.” Dumbledore said angrily. “Butt we cannot do this. We can’t close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…………………………………………………………………..Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.” Draco, Crabbe, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B’loody Mary looked at each other………I gasped. Chapter 23. AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX The door opened and Professor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledore and Umbridge saw us. “MS. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!” Umbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore glared at her. “Oops she made a mistake!” he corrupted her. “She means hi everybody come in!” Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B’loody Mary. Crabbe and Goyle started to make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Valo. I ate some Count Chocula and drank some blood from a cup. Then I heard someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was………Vampire! He and Draco were shouting at each other. “Vampire, Draco WTF?” I asked. “You fucking bastard!” yelled Draco at Vampire. “I want to sit next to her!1” “No I do!” shouted. “No she doesn’t fucking like you, you son of a bitch!” yelled Draco. “No fuck you motherfucker she loves me not you!” shouted Vampire. And then……………… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other. Dumbledore yelled at them but they didn’t stop. All of a sudden…… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew through fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I stopped eating….Everyone gasped. The room fell silent………………….Voldemort! “Ebony…..Ebony…….” Darth Vader said evilly in his raspy voice. “Thou have failed your mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!” “Plz don’t make me kill him plz!” I begged. “No!” he laughed crudely. “Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!” Then he flew away cackling. I burst into tears. Draco and Vampire came to confort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldemort coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way. “No!” I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision. “Ebony Ebony are you alright?” asked Draco in a worried voice. “Yeah yeah.” I said sadly as I got up. “Everything's alright Ebony.” said Vampire all sensitive. “No its not!” I shouted angrily. Tears of blood went down my face. “OMFG what if I’m getting possessed like in The Ring 2!” “Its ok girl.” said B’loody Mary. “Maybe u should ask Professor Sinister about what the visions mean though.” “Ok bitch.” I said sadly and then we went. Chapter 24. AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 raven fagz 4 di help! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Well we had Divination next so I got to ask Professor Trelawney about the visions. “Konnichiwa everybody come in.” said Professor Sinister in Japanese. She smiled at me with her gothic black lipstick. She’s the coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. She’s also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b’loody mary get along grate) She’s really young for a teacher. today she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. I raised my hand. I was wearing some black nail Polish with red pentagrams on it. “What is it Ebony?” she asked. “Hey I love ur nail polish where’d you get it, Hot Topic?” “Yeah.” I answered. All the preps who didn’t know what Hot Topic was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. “Well I have to talk to you about some things. When do you want to do it?” “How about now?” she asked. “OK.” I said. “OK class fucking dismissed everyone.” Professor Trelawney said and she let everyone go. “Except for you Britney.” she pointed at Britney and some other preps. “Please do exorcise (geddit) 1 on page 3.” “OK I’m having lots of visions.” I said in a worried voice. I’m so worried is Draco going to die. Well she gave me a black crystal ball to lock in. I looked at it. “What do you see?” she asked. “I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram.” Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather jacket, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and black Converse shoes. “Okay you can go now, see ya cunt.” said Professor Sinister. “Bye bitch.” I said waving. I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so excited. Chapter 25. AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1 XXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wondering if we were going to do it again. We went outside and then we went into Draco’s black car. “Ebony what the fuck did Professor Trelawney say.” whispered Draco putting his gothic white hand with black nail polish on mine. “She said she would tell me what the visions meant tomorrow.” I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out a heroin cabraet and spiked it, and gave it to me to smoke [?]. He started to fly the car into a tree. We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR. “And all the things that you never ever told me And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me.” sang Gerard’s sexy voice. We started tiling of each other’s clothes fervently. He took off my black thong and my black leather bra. I took of his black boxers. Then……………………… he put his throbbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. “OMFG Draco Draco!” I screamed having an orgism. We started frenching passively. Suddenly………… I fell asleep. I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two gothic men with long black hair. “No! Please don’t fucking kill us!1” they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car. “No! Oh my fucking god!11” I shouted in a scared voice. “Ebony what’s wrong?” Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes. I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his black Linkin Park mobile. But the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where……………………… Lucius and Sirius!111 Chapter 26. AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11 XXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX A few minutes later Vampire came to the tree. He was wearing a black leather jacket, black leather pants and a Good Charlotte t-shirt. “Hi Vampire.” I said flirtily as I started to sob. Draco hugged me sexily trying to comfort me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened. “Oh fuck it!” Vampire shouted angrily. He started to cry sadly. “What fucking dick did that!” “I don’t know.” I said. “Now come on we have to tell Dumbledore.” We ran out of the tree and into the castle. Dumbledore was sitting in his office. “Sire our dads have been shot!” Draco said while we wiped some tears from his white face. “Ebony had a vision in a dream.” Dumbledore started to cackle. “Hahahaha! And How do u expect me to know Ebony’s not delusional?” I glared at Dumbledore. “Look motherfucker.” he said angrily as Dumbledore gasped (c is da toot of crakter). “You know very well that I’m not delusional. Now get some fucking people out there to look for Sirius and Lucius- pronto!” “Okay.” he said in a intimeated voice. “Where are they?” I thought about it. Then all of a sudden….. “London.” I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few minutes he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurse's office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. We looked at each other’s gothic, depressed eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Sirius and Lucius came in on stretchers……………………….and Professor Sinister was behind them!1 Chapter 27. vampirz wil never hurt u AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u prepz fink abot me!1111 so stup flaming da foking story bichez!1111 fangz 2 raven 4 ur luv n sport n help i luv u gurl soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd n I silt muh rists I had 2 go 2 da hospital rraven u rok gurl!11111111111111111111 XXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Everyone in the room started to cry happily- I had saved them. Draco, Lucius, Sirius and Vampire all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine. “Come on Ebony.” said Professor Sinister. She was wearing a gothic black leather dress with a corset top and real vampire blood on it and fucking black platinum boots. “I have to tell you the fucking prediction.” I locked at Lucius, Sirius, Draco and Vampire. They nodded. I smiled happily and went into a dark room. I had changed Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crystal ball. She said……………………… “Tara, I see dark timees are near.” She said badly. She peered into the balls. “You see, you must go back in timee.” She took out a timee-Turner like B’loody Mary had. “When Voldemort was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he got his heart broken. Now do you think he would still become Voldemort if he was in love?” I shook my head. “You must go back in timee and seduce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it.” “Okay.” I said sadly. We did death's touch sign. I went outside again sadly. “What fucking happened?” asked Draco and Vampire. “Yeah what happened?” asked Darkness, Willow and B'loody Mary? I was about to tell them but everyone was there. They were celebrating Lucius and Sirius being found. Everyone was proud of me but I just wanted to talk to Draco. They were cheering my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumbledore. A banner was put up. Lots of fucking preps were there obviously trying 2 be b goffik wearing the HIM sign on their hands- despite them not having actually heard of them. Even Mr. Noris looked happy. A black and red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyle set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. I put on my Invisibility cloak with Vampire and Draco and we snuck outside together. Chapter 28. AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! raven hav fun wif kiwi!1111111 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX We went into a black room. The walls were black with portraits of gothic bands like MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the middle. Red velvet lined da black box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skulls in them. I was wearing a black corset bra with purple stuff on it, fishnet stockings and a black leather thong underneath. I sat down one of the chairs. So did Draco and Vampire. “Are you okay?” Vampire asked putting his hand on mine. He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing black nail polish with red crosses on it. “Yeah I guess.” I said sadly. Draco also put his hand on mine sexily. I smiled sadly with my black lipstick. “The problem is……………………….I have to seduce Voldemort. I'll have to go back in timee” Draco started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him. “It's okay Ebony.” he said finally. “But what about me? Ur not gonna break up or anything, are you?” “Of course not!” I gasped. “Really?” he asked. “Sure.” I said. We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly. Then………�� I took off Draco’s MCR shrift and seductively took of his pants. He was hung like a stallion. He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Ebony on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He looks exactly like Gerard Way. Vampire took a video camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4). I took of my clothes then we were in for the ride of our lives. We started frenching as we climbed into the coffin. He put his spock[?] in my you-know-what and passively we did it. “I love you Ebony. Oh let me feel you I need to feel you.” he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly…………………………. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!” It was………………………….Snape and Professor McGonagall!111 Chapter 29. AN: sot das fok up!11 ur jus jelouz koz ur prepz so fok u!1111 raven u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX 666!111111111111 XXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX “Oh my satan!1” we screamed as we jumped out of the coffin. Snape and Professor McGonagall started to shout at us angrily. “COME NOW!1!” Professor McGonagall yelled. We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Snape grabbed the camera and put it in his pocket. “Hey what the fuck!111” Vampire shouted angrily. “Yeah buster what the fuck are you going to do with the fucking camera?” Draco demanded all protective, looking at me longingly with his gothic red eyes. “Look, Dumbledore knows your little secret and if you do this again, then u will go to St Mungo's. So give back the camera!1111” Hahahaha the Ministry of Magic thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snape laughed meanly. “Yes so shut your mouth you insolent fools!” yelled Professor McGonagall. She made us go into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these weird tools in it. Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111). I started to cry tears of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1). Vampire took out a black handkerchief and started to wipe my red eyes. And then……………….. he and Snape both took out guns using magic. They started to shoot each other angrily. None of the bullets got on each other yet. I took out my wand. “Crosio!” I shouted. Snape started to scream he drops the gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of bullets. I STOPPED THE CURSE. Professor McGonagall did a spell so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. Den she said “OK Severus I’m going to go now.” She left. Snape started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry. “It’s ok Ebony.” said Draco. “Everything will be alright. Remember the video you took of Snape.” Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111 Chapter 30. AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111 so FUL U!111 if u flam u wil be a prep so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass!111 soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz sosiety basically sux. fangz 2 raven u rok bich!111 XXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX “No!11” we screamed sadly. Snape started laughing meanly. He took out a camera. Then…………………… he came towards Draco!1! He took some stones out of his pocket. He put the stones around Draco and lit a candle. “What the fuck are you doing!” I shouted angrily. Snape laughed meanly. He pulled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dark Mark on his you-know-what!11! He waved his wand and a knife came. He gave da knife to me. “You must stab Vampire.” he said to me. “If u don’t then I’ll rape Draco!1” “No you fucking bastard!1” I yielded. But then Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes that looked so depressed and sexy. He looks exactly like a pentagram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too with his gothic black hair. I thought of the timee when we screwed and the timee I did it with Draco and Dumbledore came and the timee where Draco almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive. Snipe laughed angrily. He started to pray to Voldemort. He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire. Suddenly an idea I had. I closed my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathic message to Draco and Vampire so they would distract Snape. “Dumbledore will get u!” Draco shooted. “Yah just wait until the Ministry finds out!11” Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand. “You ridiculous dunderhead!111” Snape yielded. He took off all of Draco’s clothes. Just as he was about to rape him……………………. “Crosio!” I shouted pointing my wand. Snape screamed and started running around the room screaming. Meanwhile I grabbed my black mobile and sent a text to Sirius. I stopped doing crucio. “You dunderhead!111 I'm going to kill-” shouted Snape but suddenly Sirius came. Snake put the whip behind his back. “Oh hello Sirius I was just teaching them something.” he lied. But suddenly Lucius and Professor Trelawney came into the room and they and Sirius unlocked the chains and put them around Snape. Then Professor Trelawney said ‘Come on Ebony let’s go.” Chapter 31. AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111 stop kalin ebony a mary su ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 fangz 2 muh bff raven 4 di help!1111 XXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX “I always knew u were on Voldemort’s side, you son of a bitch (bufy rox!111).” Sirius said to Snape. “No I’m not I was teaching them something!1” Snape claimed. “Oh fucking yeah?” I took some black Veritaserum out of my pocket and gave it to Sirius. He made Snape drink it. He did angrily. Then Lucius took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snape. Then Professor Sinister and Lucius made us get out with them while Snape told his secretes. Lucian took Vampire and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a million timees. Professor Trelawney took me to a dark room. Now I was going to go back in timee to seduce Voldemort. Moving posters of MCR and Nirvana were all over. Hermione, Darkness and Willow came too. B’loody Mary gave me a black bag from Tom Riddle's store. “What's in da bag?” I asked Professor Trelawney. “You will see.” she said. I opened the bag. In it was a sexy tight low-cut black leather gothic dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a slit up the leg. I put it on. My friends helped me put on black fishnets and black pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blood-red lipstick. “You look fucking kawaii, bitch.” B’loody Mary said. “Fangs.” I said. “Ok now you’re going to go back in time.” said Professor Sinister. “U will have to do it in a few seconds.” She gave me a black gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnets like in Resident Evil. Then she gave me a black timee-turner. “After an hour use da timee torner to go back here.” Professor Trelawney said. Then she and B’loody Mary put a Pensive in front of me. Everyone went in front of it. “Good luk!1” Everryone shooted. Darkess and Willow gave me deth’s touch sin. Then……….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive. Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long black hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a black ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Tom Bombodil!1111 Chapter 32. AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXX “Hi.” I said flirtily. “Im Ebony Way da new student.” I shok my pale handz wif their black noil polish wif him. “Da name’s Tom.” he said. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam” We shok hands. “Well come on we have 2 go upstairs.” Satan said. I followed him. “Hey Satan……..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?” (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked. “Oh my fuking god, how did u know?” Satan gasped. “actually I like gc a lot too.”(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that’s ounded really 80s) “omg me too!” I replied happily. “guess what they have a concert in hogsment.” satan whispered. “hogsment?” I asked. “yeah that’s what they used to call it in these timee before it became Hogsmeade in 2000.” he told me all sekrtivly. “and theres a really cool shop called Hot-“ ‘topic!” I finshed, happy again. He froned confusedly. “noo its called Hot Ishoo.” He smiled skrtvli again. “then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic.” he moaned. “ohh.” now everything was making sense for me. “so is dumblydor your princepill?” I shouted. “uh-huh.” he looked at his black nails. “im in slitherin’” “OMfG SHME TOO!” I SHRIEDKED. “u go to this skull?”(geddit cos im goffik) he asked. “yah that’s why im here im NEW.” I SMELLED HAPPili. Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. “NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!” he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. “STUPID GOFFS!” satan rolled his eyes. “his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we’re in slytherine and we’re not preps.” I turned around angrily. “actually I fink mebe its becos ur da dark lord.” “wtf?” he asked angrily. “oh nuffin.” I said sweetly. then suddenlyn………………. the floor opened. “OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly.” “hey where r u goin?” satan asked as I fell. I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry’s classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. “dumblydore I think I just met u.” I said. “oh yeah I rememba that.” dumblydor said, trying to be all goffik. sinister came in. “hey dis is my classroom wait wtf Ebony what da hell r u doing?” :”um.” I looked at her. “oh yeaH I forgot bout that.” “wth how?” I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a goff so its ok. professor sinster looked sad. “um I was drinkingVeritaserum.” she started to cry black tears of depression. dumblydum didn’t know about them. “hey r u crying tears of blood?” he asked curiously, tuching a tear. “fuck off!” we both said and dumblydum took his hand away. professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. “omfg Ebony…I think im addicted toVeritaserum.” AN: SEE U FOKKING PREPZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112 Chapter 33. AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don’t lik da story den ur a prep so fuk u flamerz!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz time I men it!111111 U SUK!1111 fangz raven 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1 XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXX “Oh my fuking god!1” I shooted sadly. “Shud we get u 2 St Manga’s, bitch?” “Hel no!” she said. “Lizzen Egogy, I need ur help. Nex time u go bak in time, do u fink u kod ask Tom Andorson 4 sum help?” “Sure I said sadly. I went outside the door. Draco was there!111 He wuz wearing a big black GC tshit which wuz his panamas. “Hey Sexxy.” I said. “How’d it go Ebony?” he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking. “Fine.” I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm. “How far did u go wif Satan?” Drako asked jealously. “Not 2 far, lol.” I borked. “Will you hav to do it with him?” Draco asked angstily. “I hop not 2 far!111” I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched. “What happened 2 Snipe?” I growled. “U will see.” Draco giggled mistressly. He opened a door……………Snap nd Lupin werz there!11 Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a black nife. “NOOOO PLZ!1111” Lupin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz). We took sum of Snipe’s blod den Drako and I went bak 2 our roomz. We sat on my goffik black coffin. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a black leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven’t herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some black platform high heelz. Darko put on ‘desolition liverz’ by MCR. Den………………………………………….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy. “Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111” I screemed passively as he got an eructation. “I luv u TaEbory.” he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol. Chapter 34. AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 u r proly al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXX I wook up in da coffin de next day. Draco waz gone. I got up and put on a black tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end. There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. I pot on ripped black fishnets and black stilton bo-ots. Suddenly…………………. Sorious cocked on da door. I hopened it. “Hi Ibony.” he said. “Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor’s office.” “Ok.” I said in a deprezzd voice. I had wanted to fuk Draco or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. I came anyway. “So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Lupin?” I asked Sorious flirtily. “I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Abkhazian now, lol.” I laughed evilly. “Where r Draco and Vampira?” I muttered. “Dey are xcused form skool 2day.” Sodomize moaned sexily. “Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas.” We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister was there. She was wearing a goffik black dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic ( http/ She wuz drinking some Veritaserum. She took out da Pensiv and the timee-torner. “Ebony, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited.” she said sadly. “Good luck. Fangz!” And then……….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around……………I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula. It was mourning. I was sitting next to Satan. On a table was a tall gottik man wif long black hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and black Cronvrese shoes. He looked just like Charlyn Manson. I noticed……he was drinking a portent. “Whose he!11” I asked. “Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn.” Satan said. “He’s da Portents teacher…………..Ebony?” “Yah?” I asked. “Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat.” “Yah?” “Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?” Chapter 35. gost of u AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1 u rok! fuk of prepz!11111111 fangz 2 raven 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun so FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny gofik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius!1 fangz. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped………………..Draco wuz there!111 I grasped. He locked as hut as eva werring black ledder pants, a black Lonken Prak t-shrit and black eyeliner. “Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111” I gosped. “Huh?” he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn’t Draco. It was Lucan!1 He stil had two arms. “Oh hi Lucian!1” I sed. “Im Ebony the new student lol we shook handz.” “Yah Satan told me abot you.” Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. It wuz Serious, Vampire’s dad and………………Snap! All of them were wearing black eyeliner and black Good Chralootte band shirts. “Lizzen I’m in a goth band wif those guys.” he said. “Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up. “ORLY.” I ESKED. “Yeah.” he said. “Were calld XblackXTearX. I play teh gutter. Spartacus plays da drums” he said ponting to him. “Snap plays the boss. And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring.” “Hey bastards.” I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. “But don’t u have a lead singer!” I asked. Lucian looked dawn sadly. “We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists.” “Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1” I gasped. “Its okay but we need a new led snigger.” Samaro said. “Wel………..I said Im in a bnad myself.” “Rilly?” asked Snap. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111 “Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?” Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11) Gurn Day. “I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz.” I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song).. Every1 gasped. “Enopby? Will u join da band? Plz!1” begged Lucian, Samoro, Serious and Snap. “Um…….ok.” I shrugged. “Are we gong to play tonight?” “Yah.” they said. “Ok.” I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in timee. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1 He was wering a black bnad tshrit and black bagy jeans. “What da hell r u dong here!11” I asked. “I wil help u go frowad in time Ebony.” he said siriusly Den……….he took out a black time machine. I went in2 it and……………………..sudenly I wuz forward in time!111 Chapter 36. AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!111 ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1 o ya nd fangz 2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Profesor Sinister. B’lody Mary, Socrates and Draco, Vampire and Willow were their to. “OMFG Sorius I saw u nd Samaro and Snip nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!111111” “Yah I no.” Serious said sadly. “Oh hey there bitch.” Profesor Trevolry said in an emo voice dirnking some Veritaserum. Hi fuker.” I said. “Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I’m playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too.” “Oh my satan!1” (geddit lolz koz shes gofik) gasped B’lody Mary. “Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?” “OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11” said Profesor Trevolry. “I can’t fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first.” said Willow. “Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also………….sum luv potion 4 Ebony.” Darko said resultantly. “Well we have potions klass now.” Willow said so let’s go. We went sexily to Potionz class. But Snap wasn’t there. Instead there was…………………………………………Cornelio Fuck!11111 “Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111” Draco shouted angrily. “STFU!1” shooted Cornelia Fuck. “He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Lupin he is old and week he has kancer. “Now do ur work!111” My friendz and I talked arngrily. “Can you BELEVE Snap used to be gottik!1” Vampire asked surprisedly. “DATZ IT!11” CORNELIO FUK SHOOTED ARNGRILY. “IM GETTING PROFESOR BRIDGE!111” He stomped out angrily. Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer. Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard. “WTF is he doing?” I asked. Then I looked at Draco. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly……………“HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11” he shooted. I looked around…………….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily. “God u r such a posr!1” I shooted at Hairgrid. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was………………Amnesia Portion!111 Chapter 37. AN: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION ON DA FRIST OF JULY SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIK OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. fangz!1 oh yah nd prepz stop flaming sa story!11 raven fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX DARKO’S PONT OF VIEW LOL Vampire and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor. “Oh mi fucking satan!11” Ebony said. She wuz so hot. “Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Satan foll in love wif me faster!1” “But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Tata,” said Vampire. “Why would u need it?” “To make everyfing go faster lol.” said Ebony. “But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?” I asked jelosly. “OMFG u guyz r so scary!11” said Britney, a fucking prep. “Shut the fuk up!1” said Willow. “Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry’s room.” Draco, Ebory and I went to Profesor Siniater’s room. But Profesor Sinister wasn’t there. Instead Tom Rid was. Oh hi fuckers he said. Lizzen, I got u sum kewl new clovez. I took out da cloves from da bag. It was a goffik black leather miniskirt that said ‘666’ on da bak, black stilton bootz, blood red fishnetz and a black corset. “OMG fangz!” I said hugging him in a gothic way. I took da clothes in da bag. “OK Profesor Sinister isnt hr what the fuk should we do?” asked Draco. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da black wall. “Oh my fuking satan!1” I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now. Classes shal be taught by Dubledork who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge. “OMFG!111” I shoted arngrily. “How could they do that!11” Suddenly Dumblydore came. “WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1” he began to shoot angrily. Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly’s black time machine!111 I jumped seductivly in2 it leaving Draco and Vampire. Sudenly I wuz back in time!11 I looked around. It was……………Profesor Slutborn’s efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. It wuz black wif blood-red pentagramz in it. It was the shape of a cross. I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz……..Profesor Slutgorn!11 OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don’t kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY. “Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class.” you said finally hoping he couldn’t c da potion in ur pocket. “Oh ok u can go now.” said Profesor Slutborn. You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Silas, Samaro and Snap were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR. “Oh hi you guys.” I said seductively. “Wheres Satan?” “Oh he’s cumming.” said Serious. “BTW u can kall me Hades now.” Suddenly Satan came. He was wearing a smexxy black leather Jackson, black congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a black tie. “Ok I will see you guyz at da concert.” I said and then I went with Satan. Chapter 38. AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation? oh yah asnd prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur gofik or not!1111111 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX6666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Satan and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a black car wif pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco’s car. I went in it seduktivly. Stan started 2 drive it. We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan), kuttting, musik and being goffik. “Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11” Volxemort agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy) “Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena.” I said in a flirty voice. “……….Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Veritaserum?” “Well………………” he thought. “I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod.” Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a black movie theater. Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist. In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol. Satan and I laughed at da blood koz we’re sadists. While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea. I took Satan’s gothic black Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. I put it bak in his black Emile the Strange bag. Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it. black cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere. “OMG!111” Satan said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. “Ebony gess what?” I new that the amnesia had worked. “Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work.” He said. “2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u.” “Kul.” I raised my eye suggestingly. And den………. he tok of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11 We frenched. “Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111” shooted da lady behind us she was a prep. “Fuk u!11” I said. Suddenly…………………. I attaked her suking all her blood. “Noooooo!11” she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether. Satan and I started to walk outside. “Zomg how did u do that?” Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice. “I’m a vampire.” I said as we went into the car. “Siriusly?” he gasped. “Yah siriusly.” I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily. “Itz too bad we didn’t get 2 c da rest of the movie, don’t u fink?” “Yah.” I said as we kised passively. Satan parked in a black driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched GC for the frist timee. We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol. “Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111” screamed Marlin on da stage. We did the devil fingers. I started 2 dance really close to Satan. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way. I almost got an orgaism!1 Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing. “I wood like to peasant……………..XblackXTearX!11” he said. I ran onstage. Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were there. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag. “Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111” I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy. Everyone clappd. Satan got an eructation. “I’M NUT OKAY!1” I sang finaly. Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak. “OMFG!1” yielded James. “Wut the fuck?” “Woops im sory!” said Lucian. “You fuking ashhole!1” James shouted angrily. “U guys are such prepz!11” Snap said. “Cum on it wuz a mistake!1” “Yah itz not his fault!11” said Serious. “No he ruined the fucking song!1” yelled Samaro. “U guys stop!11” I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife. “OMFG no!11” shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm. And den……………………………I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11 “No!111” yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went black. Chapter 39. I Am A Trolling Genious, lolz Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX. AN// I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh. And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "preps." I, the American retail wearing british vampire Sue, coughed up blood. Satan kneeled down beside me. "Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!" I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fufill my duty as the noble gothic Mary Sue." Satan sobbed. "I love you Ebony." "I love you two. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black. B'loody Mary Smith suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Ebony's lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became pale with horror. She screamed for the healers, Dumbledore, Mcgoogle, and every single gothic person she could think of. Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Ebony. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate. When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late, the Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes. A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!!" filled the room. A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed. All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN//I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened.) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies. When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the gofick power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding dong the sue is dead...' Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon like again. All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax. And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married. -------- Meanwhile... Down in hell, Ebony shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of fanfiction timee. She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down. She looked down over her pale body, and frowned. 'Where are my emo clothes?' She asked herself in confusion. And then it occured to her... For her shirt, she was wearing a bright pink polo with a little seagull on the (right or left? I can't remember) side. Below that, she was wearing a denim miniskirt with the "destroyed" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with a little moose at the bottom. And then Ebony realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying a pretty bag with an eagle on it that said Live Your Life written all over the bag. Ebony supressed the urge to scream. Here she was decked out in clothes prep to the extreme wearing stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, AND Hollister. Panicked, Ebony hastily tried to take off the Hollister polo, but underneath it, there was another Hollister polo underneath. Ebony frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the Aerie line available at American Eagle?). Ebony tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another polo to replace it. "THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!!" Ebony bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocrytical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here. Ebony slit her writs and mumbled to herself, "Omigod." /End Crap Fic. AN// Oh yeah, if you wanna see the original content this chick had planned for this chapter, I accessed it through the document manager thingy, which I copied and pasted, so you can read it here: AN: stfu prepz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXX I woke up in da Norse’s offace on a special gothik coffin. Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up. Mr. Noris was cleaning the room. “Oh mi satan wut happened!” I screamed. Suddenly Volxemort came. He loked less mean then usual. “Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11” I yielded. “Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11” he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective. “Volxemort? OMFG what’s wrong!111” I asked. Sudenly………. Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! B’lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding black boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD. “OMFG Ebony ur alive!111” Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B’lody Mary. “What the fuk happened?” I asked dem. “Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?” I gosped. “Ebony u were almost shot!11” said Serious. “But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder timee.” “But fangz anyway!1” said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms! “OMG I cant beleve Vampirz’ dad shot u!1” I gasped. “Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den.” said James. “Yah he wuz a spy.” Serious said sadly. “He wuz really a Death Dealer.” “And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11” said Lucian. “He didn’t even realy no hu GC were until I told him.” Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. I was opening a black box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz. “Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?” I asked gothikally. “No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax.” said Profesor Trevolry. “He duzzn’t know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1” I got up suicidally. Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a black leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy black leather bra trimed wif black lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don’t get da idea massage me ill tell u). I put on a black fishnet top under a black MCR t-shirt, a black leather mini with black lace and congress shoes. I left the hospital’s wings wif B’lody Mary, Willow and Vampire. “OMFG letz celebrate!11” gasped Willow. “We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1” giggled Vampire. “Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11” said Hermoine. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den………..I gasped……………………………………… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a black tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz. “U fucking prep!11” we all yielded angrily. “Yah u betrayed us!111” shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his black gun. “No u don’t understand!1” screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake’s. “No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111” said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out. “Ebony no!11111” screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went black again. -------- Sincerely, An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She's-A-Coward :P A.K.A. Just a troll with rocks for brains. Chapter 40. LOL! Someone has taken my account over! THE IDIOT'S NOTE: Well... this was in the doc area... might as well let the whole world see what the real Tara wanted to show us... Have a nice day! AN: stfu prepz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXX I woke up in da Norse’s offace on a special gothik coffin. Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up. Mr. Noris was cleaning the room. “Oh mi satan wut happened!” I screamed. Suddenly Volxemort came. He loked less mean then usual. “Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11” I yielded. “Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11” he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective. “Volxemort? OMFG what’s wrong!111” I asked. Sudenly………. Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! B’lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding black boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD. “OMFG Ebony ur alive!111” Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B’lody Mary. “What the fuk happened?” I asked dem. “Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?” I gosped. “Ebony u were almost shot!11” said Serious. “But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder timee.” “But fangz anyway!1” said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms! “OMG I cant beleve Vampirz’ dad shot u!1” I gasped. “Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den.” said James. “Yah he wuz a spy.” Serious said sadly. “He wuz really a Death Dealer.” “And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11” said Lucian. “He didn’t even realy no hu GC were until I told him.” Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. I was opening a black box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz. “Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?” I asked gothikally. “No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax.” said Profesor Trevolry. “He duzzn’t know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1” I got up suicidally. Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a black leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy black leather bra trimed wif black lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don’t get da idea massage me ill tell u). I put on a black fishnet top under a black MCR t-shirt, a black leather mini with black lace and congress shoes. I left the hospital’s wings wif B’lody Mary, Willow and Vampire. “OMFG letz celebrate!11” gasped Willow. “We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1” giggled Vampire. “Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11” said Hermoine. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den………..I gasped……………………………………… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a black tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz. “U fucking prep!11” we all yielded angrily. “Yah u betrayed us!111” shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his black gun. “No u don’t understand!1” screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake’s. “No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111” said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out. “Ebony no!11111” screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went black again. Idiot's Note: Ugh... I know... terrible... but then again, this wouldn't be called the 'worst fanfic ever if not for the fact that the writing standards meets the level of a day old fetus... Chapter 41. AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S LIF!!!!! I bet u proly odnt no hu gerod way is ur proly al prepz and pozers!!!!!!!!11111 neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in November and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. im surry 4 nut updating g 4 a while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out. Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!!!111 I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by geord way lol he hsud play drako. if u flame ill slit muh risztz!!!!!!!!11 raven u rok gurl hav fun in ingland. XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX When I wook up I wuz in a strange room. I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif XblackXTearX!!!!!11 I looked arund confusedly. It wuz da Norse’s office but it looked difrent!! On da wall wuz a pik of Marlyin Munzon!!!1111 (just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band 2 ok koz he is more old den panic?! at da dizcko or mcr) der wuz also a goffik black Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and black cloves. On it said ‘1980.’ “OMFG!!! Im back in time again!!!!111” I screamed loudly. Suddenly Satan(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!). Voldimort wuz wearing a black leather Jackson, black tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!!!!11 “OMFG Ebony r u ok.” He asked gothikally. “Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation.” I snapped sexily. “OMG am I dedd???” koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame’s gun. I also rememberd cing Drako doing it wif Snap!!!!111 I guessed dat when I had slit my wrists I had went back in timee instead of dying. I know I could go forward in timee if I found a timee-turner or the timee machine. “No ur not dead.” Satan reassured suicidally as he smoked a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face. “You’re a vampire so u can’t die from a bullet. Come on now let's go see how Harry's dad is doing.” I noo dat da real reason I didn’t die from da ballet was koz I was from da future. “WTF!!!! James almost shot Luscious!!!” I said indigoally. I knew that James had really been possessed, but I didn’t want him2 know I knew. “Yah I know but he had a headache he was under a lot of stress.” Satan reasoned evilly. “I guess that’s ok.” I said because James hadn’t really shot Lucian. Also I noo that Lucian wood now have two arms instead of 1. I walked seductively outside with Satan. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi goffik bi guy!!!!!11 He had bleched blond hair with black streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik black eyeliner, a black Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel with blonde hair since it was da eighties), black congress shoes and black baggy pants. He walked in all sexly like Gerrd way in the video for I Don’t 3 u lyk I did yesterday and you could see a black tear on his face lyk da wmn in dat video. “Hey.” He said all quietly and goffically. “Who da fuck is that?” I asked angrily cos I did nut kno him. “This is…Hedwig!!!!!!!!!” Said Voldemort. “He used to be in XBlackXTearX too but he had to drop out ‘cause he broke his arm. “Hey Hedwig.” I said seductively even tho I wuz nut trying to b. “Lol hi Ebony.” He answered but then he ran away because he had hair of magical creature. He was humming Welcome to the Black Parade under his breath( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!!) “Bye.” I sed all sexily. “Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boyfriend but we broke up.” Satan said sadly, looking at his black nails. “OMFG I can get u back 2gether!” I said fingering something I didn’t know was in my pocket- a black Kute is What we Aim 4 video ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem??? dey kik azz!!!!). “Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Hedwig. Im going 2 show u something grate!!!!1” I led them to da Great Hall. “Cum on u guys.” Lucian, James, Serious and Snake were all in da Great Hall. Lucian wouldn't talk wiv James because he had tried 2 shoot him. “Go fuk urself you fukking douche!” he shouted at him. “Draco is never going 2 b friends with vampire now!!1” “Yah go fuck yourself Samaro!” Snape agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt James had almost shot Lucian. “B quiet u guys.” I said sexily. Mi plan waz working out great. Now I kood make Voldement good without doing it with him! Now Vampire’s dad wood never die and “OK Satan and Hedwig, u guys can start making out.” I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod. “Kool.” said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily. We watched as they started 2 take each others clothes off sexily. Samaro, Serious, Snake and Lucian all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Snape was bi. “Oh my fukking god!!!! Voldemort! Voldemort!” screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort’s. But suddenly everything stopped as the door opened and in kame………………Dumblydore and Mr. Norris!!!!111111111111 Chapter 42. the black parade AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I can't wait!!!1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Voldemort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he killed dumbledore and he hated hairy!!!!!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 commit suicide so voldemort will die koz he will really be a horcrux!!!!!111 omg I hope draco and harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it?? If dey don’t den JKR is hamophobic!!!!!111111 fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!!!111 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I sat depressedly in Dumbledore's office with Hedwig, Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian. Dumbledore was sitting in front of us cruelly. He looked more young than he did in da future. He had taken da ipod away and wuz now listening 2 a shitty Avril Lavigne song. “What da hell is this anyway??” he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn’t find out dat I was from another timee. “Whatever u do don’t blame Ebony, u jerk.” Satan said. “Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together.” Serious said deviantly. “Be quiet you Satanists.” Dumbledore cockled. “If ur lucky I’ll probably send u all to Akazaban!!! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall.” He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n Sync song. Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly changing! Dumblydore didn’t notice. “You fucking poser.” I muttoned. “I bet you’ve never heard of GC.” James said. Know I knew what da iPod was changing in2- Morti McFly’s timee machine!!!!!11 “Shut up James!!!” Draco's dad shouted. “Yeah shut up!!!!” Snake said preppily. “No u shut up Dumblydore!!!!!!!!” said Tom. “I’ve had enough of u Satanists in my school!!!!” shouted Dumbledore spuriously. Suddenly I grabbed da iPod from him. “Everyone! Jump in before it’s too late!!! I jumped into it. But only one other person jumped in. It was……..Satan. “You dunderheads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went. I looked around. I was in the Slytherin common room with Satan. I was wearing a black plaid mini-skirt with hot pink fishnets, a sexy black MCR corset and black stiletto boots with pink pentagrams on dem. My earrings were blacke Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black. “Hey kool where iz dis?” he asked in an emo voice. “Dis is da future. Dumbeldore’s iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a time machine.” I told him. “Kool what’s an ipatch?” he whimpered. “It’s somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music.” I yakked. “OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?” he esked in his sexah voice. “Um I guezz sand????” I laid confuesdly. “Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon.” He triumphently giggled. Suddenly some of my friends walked in. “OMG you’re fucking alive!” said Ginny wearing a black leather jocket, black baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive. “Konichiwa, bitch.” said Willow. She was wearing a black corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a black leather miniskirt, big black boots, white foundation, black eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and black lipstick. “Hey, motherfucker.” Said Diabolo with his red hair. He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit and black baggy pants. “Hey whose that, Ibony?” B’loody Mary questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with black lace, and black stolettoes. “Oh its Satan.” I told her and she nodded knowing da truth. Suddenly Satan started to cry. “Are you okay Satan?” we asked concernedly. “OMFG ur from da future!!1! What if u don’t like m anymore koz were from difrent timees?????” he asked. “No I still like you.” I said sexily to him. “Ok.” He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz. I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!!!!!!!1111 She was wearing a gothic black minidress with depressing black stripes, white and black stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of black iliner. “Oh my fucking god, where’s Draco!!!!111 How did Snap get back here!!! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan.” I asked sadly. “Ebony I was so worried abott u but I know you can’t fucking die because you’re a vrompire. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student.” Trevolry said reassuredly. “That bitch!!!!!!!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Lupin?” I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep. “Yes they are on the loose at this school. Dumblydore is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!!!!!!” Trevolry said worriedly. “OK. But where’s Dracko???? How cum he was doing it with Snap?????” “I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself.” she said. “OMG dat’s terrible!!!!!!!!” I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn’t tell what was going on. Then I said “Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!!!!!!!!!” wiv dat I ran out. “Good luck Tara!!!!!!!11” everyone cried. I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. She looked jest like a pentagram of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan. “You fucking bitch!!!!!111” I shouted angrily. “No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!” she laughed. “Crucious!!!!!!!!!1” I shouted selectively pontificating my black wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically. “No!!!!!!1 Help me!!!!!!1 Please!!!!!!!!1” Britney screamed terrifiedly. I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Snape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. “OMG Vampira!!!!111” I yielded. We hugged each udder happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky black hair. Around them were black eyeliner and iShadow. His He wus wearing a black leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his black congress shoes. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river it rox!!!1)“I wus so worried you died!” moaned Vampire. “I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me.” “Where’s Draco?” I asked spuriously. “Draco? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?” Vampir snarkled with anger in his sexy voice. “I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM.” I SED SMARTY. “I’ll do it den.” Harry said angstily. “OK.” I argreed. Suddenly……….all da lights in da room went out. And den…….da Dork Mark appeared. “Oh my fucking satan!!!!!” Harry shouted. “I fink Voldimort has arrivd.” I sed anxiously. “Fuck, I have to find Draco!!1 I guess we shood separate.” “Ok.” Vampire sed diapperating. Sadly I ran into the Great Hall. Chapter 43. AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz. Fangz 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers if u flamed sis story den u suk!!!!!!!!!111111 if u flam den fukk u!!!111 XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX I walked sexily into the Great Hall. It was empty except for one person. Draco was there!! He sat der in deddly bloom in his black 666 t-shirt and his baggy black pants. He had slit his wrists!!!!!111 I felt mad at him for having sexwith Snape but I felt sorry for him. He looked just like Gerard Way with his red eyes and his pale white face. “Draco are you okay????” I asked. “I’m not okay.” he screamed depressedly. I thought of the MCR song nd I got even more depressed koz that song always makes me cry. I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it. “Oh Draco why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?” I asked teardully. “I-” Draco began to say but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated in2 da room!! They didn’t see us. “Im so glad we me and Snape were freed.” said Lupin. “Dam, this job would be great if it wasn’t 4 da fukking students!” Mr. Norris argreed. “Pop addelum!!!!!111” I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them. “Noooooooo!!!!1” Lupin shouted as chains came on him. Mr. Norris ran away. “You fukking perv.” I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice. “Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I’m gong 2 torture u!!!!” “I don’t now where he is!!!!1111” said Lupin. Suddenly Satan and Vampire ran in2 da room. Vampir didn’t know who Satan was really. “Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!!1” Vampire said. I looked sexily at Draco with his goffik red eyes with contacts, black t-shirt that said 666 on it and pale skin like Gerord Way, Vampir with his sexy black hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero and Satan who looked jist like Brandan Urie then. I selectively took the caramel from my pocket. And then….. I began frenching Draco sexily. Lupin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. Then Vampire took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my black leather bra, my black lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol. “Oh mi satan!! Draco!!!!” I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry. I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. “OMS!!!111” cried Vampire. “Oh Vampire! Vampire!!!” I screamed screamed. “Oh Satan!!!!!” yelled Harry in pleasore. Lupin watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists. Suddenly…………………………….. ………….a big black car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!!!!!!!11 Chapter 44. AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!!111 if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!!!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!!!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!!!!1111 omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait!!! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX “That’s my car!!!!” shouted Draco angrily. But suddenly it was revealed who was in the car. It was………….Snape!!!!! “I shall free you Lupin but first you must help me kill these idiotic dunderheads.” he said cruelly from the car as it flew circles above us. “Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Then the Dark Lord shall never die!!!!” “You fucking prep!!!” yelled Draco. Then he looked at me sadly. “I forgot to tell you, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn’t really have sex him but he’s a rapist!!!!” We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. We were so scared!!!!1 But Satan didn’t change. Instead he changed into a man with green eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into………… Voldemort!!!!!!!111 “I knew who thou were all along.” he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. “Now I shall kill thee all!!!!!!” Thunder came in the room. “No please don’t kill us!” pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, B’loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Dracula, Fred and George, Hagrid, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Sirius and Lucian all ran in. “What is the meaning of this?” Dumbledore asked all angrily and Voldemort looked away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. Voldemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstick. “Oh my goth!” Slughorn gasped. (geddit kos im goffik) “The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!” Snape said menacingly. “You fucking preppy fags!” Sirius shouted angrily. “I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!!!” [????] screamed Harry but the sparks from his wand only hit Draco’s car. It fell down Snape quickly crawled out of it and picked up the video camera. “Oh my fucking god!!!1” I cried because the video of me in the bathroom, the video of me doing it with Draco and the video of Satan doing it with “If you kill me then these videos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hilton.” He laughed meanly. “No!” I screamed. “FYI I have a picture of u doing it with Lupin!!!!11” “What's she talking about??????” Lupin slurped as he sat in chains. “I saw too she’s gonna show everyone the picture!!!111” Harry shouted angrily. “Shut up!!!111’” Lupin roared. “Foolish ignoramuses!!!!!!” yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. “Thou shall all dye soon.” “Think again you fucking muggle poser!!!!!1” Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel both took out black guns! But Voldimort took out his own one. “U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!!!!!!!111” I shouted despariedrly. “Acco Neville's wand!!!” cried Voldemort and suddenly Nevil’s wind was in his hands. “Now I shall kill thee all and Ebony u will die!!!!!!!!11111” He maid lighting come all over da place. “Save us Ebony!” Dumbledark cried. I cried sexily I just wanted to go to the common room and slit my wrists with my friends while we watched Shark Attack 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had to do something more important. “ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” I shooted.
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Conversation
BEST 5SOS TWEETS/QUOTES
Ashton: Were you a Benji or a Joel girl?
Luke: I WAS A BOY.
--
Calum: ASHTONIO IRWEENIE!
--
Calum: Fuck, Ashton's coming. Everyone hide.
*gets in closet*
Calum: It smells like poop in here.
--
*Talking about their first album*
Calum: My sister's friend's brother gave me a burnt CD-
Ashton: I can't listen to this story.. it involves piracy.
--
Interviewer: Can you name any similarities between you guys and One Direction because you know.. you guys are obviously a bit more punk rock.
Ashton: No, no, yeah.. we have the same genitals.
--
Calum: Hi guys, I'm here with Ashton and we're watching the worst movie ever. It's called The Human Centipede and Ashton was like "this movie is great man, you should watch it"
Ashton: No I never, ever said that!
Calum: And it's about a bunch of people eating each others buttholes.
Ashton: Mmmmmm butthole. *Giggles uncontrollably*
--
*Brushing their teeth*
Michael: Oh my god it smells so bad in here!
Ashton: Because I farted.
--
*Talking about the show*
Ashton: I'm quite nervous... as you CAN see my nipples through this shirt.
Luke: That's how you know Ashton is nervous for a show.
Ashton: My nipples get hard.
--
Calum: Ashton's gonna be a sex slave
Ashton: *taken back* WHAT?! That's not a super hero!
--
Luke: I think it's "hoe" no wait, oh my god that's not it. I'm so sorry."
--
Michael: Ashton you never steal my underwear.
Ashton: Yeah because it's your underwear and it has like your... butt in them and I don't want to wear that.
--
Luke: Welcome back to cheffing with Ashton and Luke!
--
Ashton: Yeah well if they eat testicles in their state I'm gonna eat them.
Michael: I vow right now that I will not be eating testicles.
Ashton: I'll eat testicles.
Luke: I'LL EAT YOUR TESTICLES IF YOU MAKE ME EAT THEM TESTICLES.
--
Luke: Can't one man hug another man from behind?!
Ashton: CAN'T ONE MAN NOT HUG ANOTHER MAN FROM THE BEHIND?!
Calum:.... while they are both naked.
--
*answering questions*
Interviewer: And actually one lady was so persistent I said I would ask for her.
Michael: ahhh
Ashton: ahhhh chicken.
*ashton turns to calum and just starts giggling*
Ashton: I just said chicken for some reason.
--
Interviewer: What would you do if you woke up with pepperoni for nipples?
Luke: Umm well I really like pepperonis so I might eat them...
Ashton: Are they detachable?
*Calum looks confused and disgusted*
Luke: Okay do they just look like pepperoni or are they actually pepperoni? Because if they were real pepperoni I would eat them.
Calum: Luke that's disgusting.
Michael: That's gross cause then you're eating your nipples.
*Luke trying to defend himself*
Luke: Yeah but they're pepperoni not nipples!
--
*talking to Luke*
Michael: No you know what Luke? You are the biggest asshole in the morning.
*Luke trying to defend himself*
Michael: Like even when you're in a good mood you're still a dick.
--
Calum: Tell me how good looking I am.
Ashton: What?
Ashton: Is this a weird thing you want me to do or...
Calum: J-just speak to me.
Ashton: You're a naughty boy Calum.
Calum: More! Tell me more.
--
Luke: Just dropped a peanut in my belly button... do I eat it or...
--
Calum: Me and Ash keep the band... well, we are pretty much the band and these guys just add a bit of treble.
Michael: SORRY CALUM. I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SIZE OF YOUR EGO.
--
Michael: Luke is passed out next to a bowl of nachos. This is the best day of my life.
--
Morning Luke: I'm so tired I almost put this bowl of cereal in the toilet.
--
Ashton: Mikes bod is incredible .
Luke: You should see his wiener.
--
Ashton: IT'S NOT GOING TO SAY HELLO! IT'S A COW LUKE.
--
Calum: It's my microwave!
Ashton: It's not you microwave.
Calum: HEY!
*uncontrollable giggling*
--
PLZ PLZ ADD TO THIS IF YOU CAN OMG:D
7K notes
·
View notes
Conversation
BEST 5SOS TWEETS/QUOTES
Ashton: Were you a Benji or a Joel girl?
Luke: I WAS A BOY.
--
Calum: ASHTONIO IRWEENIE!
--
Calum: Fuck, Ashton's coming. Everyone hide.
*gets in closet*
Calum: It smells like poop in here.
--
*Talking about their first album*
Calum: My sister's friend's brother gave me a burnt CD-
Ashton: I can't listen to this story.. it involves piracy.
--
Interviewer: Can you name any similarities between you guys and One Direction because you know.. you guys are obviously a bit more punk rock.
Ashton: No, no, yeah.. we have the same genitals.
--
Calum: Hi guys, I'm here with Ashton and we're watching the worst movie ever. It's called The Human Centipede and Ashton was like "this movie is great man, you should watch it"
Ashton: No I never, ever said that!
Calum: And it's about a bunch of people eating each others buttholes.
Ashton: Mmmmmm butthole. *Giggles uncontrollably*
--
*Brushing their teeth*
Michael: Oh my god it smells so bad in here!
Ashton: Because I farted.
--
*Talking about the show*
Ashton: I'm quite nervous... as you CAN see my nipples through this shirt.
Luke: That's how you know Ashton is nervous for a show.
Ashton: My nipples get hard.
--
Calum: Ashton's gonna be a sex slave
Ashton: *taken back* WHAT?! That's not a super hero!
--
Luke: I think it's "hoe" no wait, oh my god that's not it. I'm so sorry."
--
Michael: Ashton you never steal my underwear.
Ashton: Yeah because it's your underwear and it has like your... butt in them and I don't want to wear that.
--
Luke: Welcome back to cheffing with Ashton and Luke!
--
Ashton: Yeah well if they eat testicles in their state I'm gonna eat them.
Michael: I vow right now that I will not be eating testicles.
Ashton: I'll eat testicles.
Luke: I'LL EAT YOUR TESTICLES IF YOU MAKE ME EAT THEM TESTICLES.
--
Luke: Can't one man hug another man from behind?!
Ashton: CAN'T ONE MAN NOT HUG ANOTHER MAN FROM THE BEHIND?!
Calum:.... while they are both naked.
--
*answering questions*
Interviewer: And actually one lady was so persistent I said I would ask for her.
Michael: ahhh
Ashton: ahhhh chicken.
*ashton turns to calum and just starts giggling*
Ashton: I just said chicken for some reason.
--
Interviewer: What would you do if you woke up with pepperoni for nipples?
Luke: Umm well I really like pepperonis so I might eat them...
Ashton: Are they detachable?
*Calum looks confused and disgusted*
Luke: Okay do they just look like pepperoni or are they actually pepperoni? Because if they were real pepperoni I would eat them.
Calum: Luke that's disgusting.
Michael: That's gross cause then you're eating your nipples.
*Luke trying to defend himself*
Luke: Yeah but they're pepperoni not nipples!
--
*talking to Luke*
Michael: No you know what Luke? You are the biggest asshole in the morning.
*Luke trying to defend himself*
Michael: Like even when you're in a good mood you're still a dick.
--
Calum: Tell me how good looking I am.
Ashton: What?
Ashton: Is this a weird thing you want me to do or...
Calum: J-just speak to me.
Ashton: You're a naughty boy Calum.
Calum: More! Tell me more.
--
Luke: Just dropped a peanut in my belly button... do I eat it or...
--
Calum: Me and Ash keep the band... well, we are pretty much the band and these guys just add a bit of treble.
Michael: SORRY CALUM. I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SIZE OF YOUR EGO.
--
Michael: Luke is passed out next to a bowl of nachos. This is the best day of my life.
--
Morning Luke: I'm so tired I almost put this bowl of cereal in the toilet.
--
Ashton: Mikes bod is incredible .
Luke: You should see his wiener.
--
Ashton: IT'S NOT GOING TO SAY HELLO! IT'S A COW LUKE.
--
Calum: It's my microwave!
Ashton: It's not you microwave.
Calum: HEY!
*uncontrollable giggling*
--
PLZ PLZ ADD TO THIS IF YOU CAN OMG:D
7K notes
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