#cam why are you so draining?
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Years ago when I first started following Cam, I discovered Tumblr and searched the hashtag of his name and just was overwhelmed with so many pictures and videos, there was so much and I became addicted. I also followed Cameron Monaghan Clan on IG until they switched over to Harry Styles 😩 They had so many rare pics and videos as well, it broke my heart when they closed that page. I guess I’m just venting because now it’s like a treasure hunt to see any new traces of him, unless he posts, you have to follow the right people and just hope you get a glimpse. Like the not even two second video of him and pamdeef dancing on the boat, it’s always crumbs. Not trying to invade his privacy or say that he owes fans any kind of media outside of his work but if he posted at least one selfie a day I would be in heaven.
Sorry I just had to vent 🥲
I don’t mind venting. I encourage it, even. 😁 And I know how you feel. I didn’t begin following him until season 10 and even the disparity in the content we got then versus now is startling. It’s hard to say what caused it, because I’m pretty sure invasive, inappropriate, and downright mean fans have been in the picture throughout his career. Is it because he got fed up? Is it because he’s older now and more established career-wise, so he’s not as interested in courting fans and feeling needful of engagement?
All I can say is that Cam is consistently inconsistent. Scraps are all we get and it’s been trending that way for a while. If the goal is to get fans to care less, as in, encourage diehard stans to disconnect and instead become casual followers, then maybe that’s what we all ought to be doing? I dunno. What do you guys think?
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Black Fem! Cam Girl Reader in Mind
CW: Nanami has a voice kink, He’s a pervert, Uhhh, mutual masturbation, uhhhhh yeah pure slutty smut
Thinking about Nanami’s little dirty secret of him watching a specific cam girl almost every other night when he gets off work.
He don’t even remember when he started watching her, he watches porn like any other man yes, but as far as joining sex calls or live streams or even only fans just wasn’t in his interest.
However he misclicked a twitter link once and since then he’s been a regular watching her.
She’s has a relatively smaller audience since she’s new , no more than 40-50 people and doesn’t get many comments, but quite a bit of donations from anonymous perverts that ask her to do things like play with herself with a specific sex toy she has lined up.
It was a marvel to behold to Nanami, her beautiful figure plastered on the screen when he clicks her live, her pretty full legs spread so wide they get out of the camera. He swears he heard her mention she has been in gymnastics.
Her skin complexion was also what captivated him, she looked fake almost. Not in a derogatory sense, but it was astonishing how someone as beautiful as her has less than 100 veiws despite being so new.
Every night he comes home, mentally drained, throwing his clothes from one area of the room to the next, he’ll worry about it in the morning. As for now, it’s almost 9pm which means his favorite girl is about to start the show.
It started off as something he swore to watch once, get off, and never go back to the site again.
That was until he became addicted to the way she cums.
Something about it.
The way her left thigh twitch and jiggles signalling she’s close, her fatty lower lip being chewed on while her voice gets higher in pitch, the way how her eyes squint, but fail to keep focus as they roll back.
She sounds so fucking sexy when she cums.
She is so whiney and needy she begins to overstimulate herself which really drives Nanami over the edge.
“So greedy…” Nanami thinks as his strong fist grips the base of his dick, “Fuck keep going.
She plays with her breast a lot too when she cums on her little fingers, rubbing her clit in circles, bucking her hips at the camera.
It never failed to make the tired blonde man cum in seconds.
It’s been almost a month of this and he tries not to think about it too much. Watching her for a moment, getting off then immediately shutting off the laptop to clean up and go to bed.
but tonight he wanted to go a little further.
He never comments, he never donates, but tonight there was something in the air, maybe it was the new lingerie she wore to show off, maybe it was the need of seeing more of her. Though it’s been a month, nanami began to stay after cumming, watching her reply and give thanks to donations. He once stayed an entire live and honestly it was most he ever came in his entire life.
She was just so cute. Her voice was so delicate and sweet despite the slutty acts she was doing.
“Fuck it.” He though, clicking and typing away.
“Mr. John Doe has donated $150.”
“Oh!” Her voice almost purred in his heard making him groan as he laid on the headboard of his bed. “Thank you Mr. Doe. That’s so kind of you!…um…as a thank you do you have any requests for me tonight?”
Nanami’s breath hitched a little, her big doe eyes looking at the screen of her chat, she insisted she’d do almost anything and for a moment Nanami was going to just tell her to do whatever she liked but…
her voice. He needed to hear it more.
“Mr. John Doe has Donated $250: Moan my name while you play with yourself, it’s Kento.”
Her eyes widened at the message for a second leaving Nanami to sigh in embarrassment, why would he do that of course she’s not—
“Kento…that’s a really cute name.” She giggled, taking off the top of her pink and black set revealing her breast to massage, “Mkay! Thank you again, Kento..”
It was like her voice had a spell on him, immediately he lowered the waist band of his grey sweats and pulled out his dick and lube from his nightstand.
She did as told, teasing herself with her fingers on her clit, Nanami watched carefully stroking the shaft of his dick at the same pace as her,
“Kentooooo..” She whined throwing her head back., “‘Wish you were here to do this for me…’need you so badly..”
“Fuck..” Nanami growled, he wish he was there, one of his fingers are twice the size of 2 of hers, he knew he could have her cum way faster, maybe even squirt all around his wrist and hand, but alas.
He’s stuck w his own sticky seed flowing down his knuckles and palm. He overstimulated himself to the point he felt a tear fall down the corner of his eye.
“Ken! Kento!” Her voice pitched, she’s close, “Kento yes!”
The chants of his name while she falls flat on her back leaving nothing but her drooling wet cunt on screen left Nanami speechless, his cheeks were pink and hot, his hair no longer properly parter but flowing over his eyes he couldn’t take it. He wish he knew her real name and not username to moan with her.
“Hah…” She breathed moving back towards the camera, she started sucking on her own wet sticky fingers, and that made Nanami’s cock twitch , she’s such a dirty girl. “Hope it was to your liking, Kento. Thank you for the donation!”
If only he could give her more than a few dollars and stupid requests.
Maybe.
Part 2 Here
#TimikosNanami#nanamin#nanami kento#nanami smut#jjk nanami#nanami x reader#jujutsu nanami#nanami x you#jujutsu kaisen nanami#nanami x y/n#nanami x black!reader#nanami x me#jjk smut#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk headcanons#nanami headcanons
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some things I'm noticing (again) in my ??th gtn reread:
- Cytherea has a whole little monologue about how if you're going to create or pull thanergy it has to be by taking thalergy and vice versa. You can only join death to life or life to death, kind of like batteries
- Basically I'm more convinced than ever that the entrance to the Tower is under the Canaan House facility -- Teacher says it's the most dangerous place in the whole Nine Houses, and we know by now that Alecto was not there, so I am pretty sure it's the Tower
- ten billion unfed ghosts in the Tower, under Canaan House, which were there since the Resurrection; sounds like the tongue guys tbh.
- there's a whole bit about how Silas sends Colum's soul *away* and exploits the space it leaves behind, which is meant to be the opposite of what the Second House does. the Second House takes enemy thanergy to create more thalergy for the cavalier. so I think that means the Eighth takes in thalergy - like from the whole room, I think this is why the color starts draining from everyone whenever Silas does it to Colum - to create more thanergy for ... maybe both the necromancer and the cavalier?
- Anyway I just kind of think John's bomb + eating Earth basically ripped open a wormhole to tongue guy space (the stoma) and he pushed the ten billion through. giving up a shit ton of thalergy to create the first source of thanergy. like Silas does to Colum but bigger. and this created the tongue guys and the tower was built to contain them.
- this is maybe also why John has said siphoning is the most dangerous thing any House had ever thought up - he does like to say this kind of thing from personal experience
- there are sure a lot of towers referenced in Canaan House and then we don't really get towers again until Nona, with the Tower Princes and, obvi, the Tower.
- I am very fine and normal about Silas and Colum and have never cried about them, what are you even talking about
- the Tower is a tarot card that "is associated with sudden, disruptive revelation, and potentially destructive change." Sounds like John's flashbacks in Nona to me tbh
- the Eighth breeding program is still interesting and a mystery to me, mainly because I'm not very clear on what blood type matches have to do with necromancy. But it does feel like the most medical aspect of the modern Eighth and therefore probably the part that Mercy had the most influence over.
- but actually I think "the Eighth breeds batteries" makes more sense to me than ever if the point of sending Colum's soul away is to take his thalergy to bring Silas more thanergy. Which is siphoning, exactly - it's the avulsion trial. And I suppose that would be easier to do if the necromancer and cavalier were a closer genetic match. But then I guess I don't understand why everyone else in the room loses color when that happens. Is that because of where Silas is sending Colum in those moments?
- also then it makes me wonder if Cam and Pal really could have done the avulsion trial without giving Cam brain damage. They are a super close genetic match. Harrow and Gideon are *not*, of course, but I think they pulled through because Gideon has extra thalergy from her dad's side.
- you know who would be a PERFECT genetic match? the Tridentarii! really wondering if this will come up in Alecto... Corona actually would be perfect for Ianthe to siphon because there is no genetic difference between them.
- is it going to be important at some point that the Chaturs have been cavaliers since the time of the Resurrection? is Jeannemary a descendant of Titania?
- when Teacher laments the "poor child" he could be talking about... almost anyone. Dulcinea, Cytherea, Isaac, Jeannemary. Anastasia. Like really anyone
- in retrospect it's extremely weird that Aiglamene tells Gideon she's up to the standards of "a bad cavalier, one who's terrible" and then when Gideon gets to Canaan House and starts dueling people, she's like one of the best? Crazy fast, hero-worshipped by Jeannemary, and even Babs said it was "incredible" to fight her. Like that's strange that Aiglamene's expectations were apparently much higher than any House cavalier primary.
- there's something so fascinating about the scene where Babs stops Corona from fighting Gideon. like it becomes really clear to me that he is in on Ianthe's ruse, and that Corona has been fighting to get out of it for a long time - maybe her whole life - and can't. They're both terrified of Ianthe and Babs is constantly trying to protect Corona *from Ianthe*. But Corona is so tied up in the toxicity of the relationship, and the love of it, that she can't accept Babs' help even when consists only of taking her side in an argument between the twins, as in the first scene when they're overheard on the stairs. She can't even accept Babs' help when it consists of dying instead of her. Ugh the whole thing is so domestic-abuse coded...
- "she had bitten him, apparently to soothe her own obscure feelings" I say this to/about my cats often
idk probably more later
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ᴘᴏsᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴀɴs ! ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇʀ ᴋᴇɴᴛ
𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 ∣ smut ( minors dni ), fem!heiress!reader, camming / sex work, objectification, rough sex, anal sex, hair pulling / spanking, reader is a superfan so there’s a power imbalance, playful banter and name calling. all characters featured are aged 18+
𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 ∣ please reblog && leave feedback. not proofread so there’s probably mistakes. thanks for reading < 3
𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗸𝘁𝗼𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰 ∣ act four [ camboy ]
you felt like the luckiest girl in the world right now, and you weren’t quite sure why. the reasonable side of you kept reminding that you had not been the only girl in this hotel room tonight, and you wouldn’t be the last. but the superfan in you fought against that, awestruck by the fact that Conner Kent was giving you the ride of your life.
Conner had so many fans, after all; many men and women across the globe that were just like you— visiting his live every weekend. Fridays and Saturdays quickly became your favorite days in the week, when you could willingly drain your bank account just to watch this beautiful man you’d become infatuated with get off in every way imaginable. if your parents ever found out just how you spent your allowance, and how many of your credit cards you’d already maxed out just to watch your fantasy become reality, you could almost swear they would cut you off. to be completely honest with yourself, your fathers multi-million dollar company had only a few more years left of profit if your addiction to Conner’s live chat room didn’t die out. you couldn’t help it— you were hyperfixated, and last month, your favorite camboy had a very special announcement: a way to thank all of his loyal fans— by meeting up with several whilst he traveled the country and fucking them senseless live in his hotel rooms. needless to say, you’d been over the moon when your city was one of the first stops on his tour; you’d dreamed of fucking this man for months now, and now you’d have your chance.
and he hadn’t disappointed.
your body rocked forward, smearing your face into the pillow with every backshot that you took. it was already difficult to breathe, as you wore a mask that covered your mouth and nose to keep your anonymity, but when one of his palms pushed against the back of your head and held you flush against the pillow, too, you felt as if you were overheating. both hands clawed at the sheets that were damp with a mixture of your and Conner’s sweat to combat the maddening pressure of his thick cock driving into you over and over again. his size had been manageable when he fucked your pussy, but since the second he’d begun to ravage your virgin asshole, you’d become acutely aware of just how big he was. the stretch was unreal, and when he’d switched holes, he left your cunt feeling hollow and uncomfortably empty.
“Damn, sweetheart, you were born to be a little whore, weren’t you?” Conner taunted, his hand then sweeping down your head and over your shoulders, following the arch in your back. “Made for this, designed to give up your tight holes, and let me bust them wide open.”
there was a loud chime that played whenever a viewer donated. the longer the chime, the more money the donation was, and at this point, you were certain the noise had become a never-ending song. one donation bled into another, and then another, and that chime became the soundtrack to your decimation. “Heh,” Conner was grinning, though his teeth were bared, and he chuckled hoarsely. his thick, heavy palm swats at your ass, and he watches as the flesh recoils and jiggles. “Tight, little daddy’s girl wants to be my favorite fuck-meat?”
with your face buried in the sheets, you could smell his scent clinging to them, and you just hardly resisted the urge to push the mask down and lap at the wet linens like a needy dog. you yip and nod at his question, which only spurred more and more donations from the virtual audience. Conner swooned, spanking your ass again, and again, and once more until it stung. then, he dug his fingers into your skin, the discomfort flaring further as he groped handfuls of your soft, warm ass. “I think the audience wants to hear you, princess.” he teases, squishing your ass against his rough palm, doing little to massage the sting away. “Tell ‘em.”
you raise your head, albeit weakly, and stare directly into the lens. you can see yourself in the viewfinder, and ( if you were coherent enough to care ) you almost couldn’t believe the mess he’d made you. hair mussed up, on all fours, with glassy eyes and slick skin. Conner had put you through the wringer, and he, somehow, still wasn’t done. you almost couldn’t force the words out amongst the cries and grunts as he ravaged your ass. “I—I—- want to be your favorite fu—-ckmeat- shit!!”
Conner hits an incredibly tender cord when one hand slips underneath your belly, and two thick digits plug your drooling hole. your eyes roll back at the intensity of having both holes filled, and you grip the sheets tighter, sputtering against the cloth mask as your head drops forward.
“Nuh uh uh, princess,” Conner croons, and his free hand slides from your ass up to the nape of your neck and over the shape of your lolling head, making a fist at the crown to grip your roots and force your head back up. his hips snap more fiercely, now, filling your canal to the hilt, his balls slapping against his own hand as he pumps his fingers into your cunt in tandem. heavens above, how the hell was he so good at overloading you?! “You hear all that?” he asks, gruffly. he was beginning to snort and howl like an animal, too, but he smeared his sweaty cheek to yours when he hunches over, pressing his rock-solid torso to your back. “All that fucking money you’re making me? You should know better than anyone, baby girl, what the audience wants to see me do to a spoiled brat like you. What do they want?” he hisses it against your cheek, using his tongue to swirl the taste of your sweat around before pulling it into his mouth.
“They— want to see you fuck me stupid…!!” you cry out.
“That’s right,” Conner was scoffing and his voice was strained and husky as he plowed into you, now, gripping your hair tight enough to keep your brows knit tightly in discomfort. “So let’s not hide those pretty, pretty eyes. They want to see them glaze over. The more they get to see you break, the more they’re going to pay.”
it was the obvious answer. if you were in the audience, you would want to see it, too. how braindead Conner’s cock could drive the poor recipient of his earth-shattering, skillful fucking. however, being on the other end of it was somehow even better. being able to cum and cum and cum some more without this adonis even losing steam or vigor, making it clear that you wouldn’t have a single moment of peace until he was finished ( and yet? no end was in sight ), and feeling every thought— every worry and every feeling not directly connected to Conner Kent’s cock as he pounded you just fracture and fall away with every thrust into you. it was an addicting, degrading, delicious experience. one that you knew you’d never forget.
#conner kent#conner kent x reader#conner kent x you#conner kent smut#kon el kent#kon el x reader#kon el x you#kon el smut#dc comics x you#dc x you#dc comics x reader#dc x reader#dc comics smut#dc smut#dc#dc comics#dcu
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that love, the crazy kind.
guinevere beck x fem! reader
cw: mentions of sexual harassment, stalking, obsession, murder, blood, smut (just a little), reader is kinda joe in this??? idk but they’re both crazy
beck was just different, different from anything you knew, she was the type of person that enchanted since the first time you saw her, looking for some book at the store you worked at. and since this day, you couldn’t stop thinking about her, stalking her anywhere, watch carefully every step she made.
didn’t take more than 10minutes for you to find out she liked girls, it was all over her social media, likes and shares here and there, it was like she was looking almost desperately for a girlfriend. and it has to be you, you were the one.
and of course, after some months of preparation, you showed beck that undeniable truth, she fall for you easily and just like you thought she was the perfect girlfriend. she was understanding and gentle, she was funny, sexy, lovingly, respectful, smart, and all of the things you’ve ever dreamed of.
everything was just how it should be. guinevere beck was just perfect.
until, that night.
one of her terrible friends invited you both to a stupid bar with stupid people and a stupid guy couldn’t stop looking at you. at first, she maintained her calm and silence, she wasn’t the jealous type, not at all.
she didn’t even lose it when he tried to hit you, asking you if he could buy a drink and giving a little drunk smirk that made she wants to take it off his face.
but when you denied the offer politely, telling him you weren’t interested, he tried to touch you, not your arm, or your hand, he tried to grab you by the waist and give you a kiss. of course you pushed him and told him to “get the fuck off”. he did.
beck was so perfect after this, she driven you home, told you to shower, helped you sleep with a nice mug of tea. she made you feel safe and sound like always, but that wasn’t enough, she had to actually keep you safe.
when you slept, she thought about the whole plan, she could stay with you all night, or she could go back to that stupid bar and make that idiot pay for trying to mess with was hers, and the second option looked way better.
so she got back, it was late at night, she waited in the totally empty and dark parking lot. the establishment wasn’t exactly the type that have cams on it, and by this angle she had the perfect view of who enters or leaves.
two hours passed, but beck was still wide awake, then she saw him, staggering pathetically, so drunk that at every step he didn’t fall could be considered a record.
she gets out of the car, approaching him, faking a smile.
“hi!” she said, getting his attention. “want to see something?”
[…]
when beck got back home, her clothes were drained in semi dry blood and she still had shiverings all over her, she did everything right? she got rid of the murder weapon, she disappeared the body, she made sure to drive back home in the way where there’s no cameras.
when beck took her dirty clothes off and went to a good and long shower, she made sure to take a good look at your sleeping figure, to remind her why she did all of this, it was worth it.
but if she truly trusted you and knew about your past, maybe if she had told you about what she did, you would have the opportunity to tell beck that a corpse floats on water after a few days of death, and that amounts of blood can’t go away in laundry, it must be burned.
when she did wake you up, through, it wasn’t to talk, it wasn’t even purposefully, she was just making noises and shaking the bed, when you looked at your side, you saw her, all naked with a pillow between her thighs.
“beck?” you called and she immediately stopped.
“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to wake you up, baby.” her voice sounded genuinely sorry, but deep inside you knew she wanted you to wake up.
“it’s okay, keep going.” you whispered back, already sitting on the edge of the bed taking off your pajamas.
you couldn’t take your eyes off of her, her perfect body looked so good while pleasuring herself, you felt eager to touch her, but still undressed yourself slowly as she looked at you, like the sight alone made her even hornier.
when you finished, you get on top of her, taking the pillow off of her hands and kissing her instead, it’s like both of you were starving for each other, you didn’t know what made beck so eager but she certainly was.
you passed one leg through her waist, putting both of your centers together, it felt so good and warm, you couldn’t help but moan against her lips, starting in slow movements against her.
but when you looked down at her, you saw it, a little stain of dry blood just above her chest, you stopped immediately.
“what’s this?” you touched her skin, showing her exactly where it was the stain, she stuttered a few times but after some minutes she told you about everything. she thought you would be mad, or scared, she thought you would leave her, but you didn’t.
that night, you both made love more ferociously and lovingly than ever, for hours until your bodies couldn’t move anymore, that was the night when you and beck recognized you were equal, that isn’t a reason to hide each other’s feelings or personalities. that was the night where you felt like you belonged with someone, for the very first time.
#vanessa shelly smut#guinevere beck#beck x reader#you#fnaf vanessa#vanessa afton#vanessa shelly#vanessa shelly x reader#fnaf vanny#vanessa x reader#x female reader#x fem!reader#fem!reader#wlw#elizabeth lail
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heyy kinda urgent request ^^
i have starvation bulimia n its gotten to the point where ive started fainting at random times, its as if my bodys giving up on me
could i have smt comforting w oikawa, kageyama and/or kenma (im totally fine w js one or twoo💗)
lyl 🌺
Oikawa, Kageyama, and Kenma (Separate) With Reader Who's Bulimic
please don't read if mentions of bulimia, food, or starving yourself will trigger you
| Pairing: Oikawa x Gn!Reader, Kageyama x Gn!Reader, Kenma x Gn!Reader | Genre: Comfort | Post-Type: Headcanons | Word Count: 1.2k |
Warnings: bulimia, reader starving herself, fainting, feeling ill, food, vomitting
Note: Did all three for you <3 Hope this helps :)
Oikawa:
Oikawa is very into himself, but being the captain of his volleyball team, he’s very observant
You’re one of the few people he actually cares about, so when you started acting differently, he picked up on it pretty quickly
One specific day you had shown up to one of his games, giving him a peck on the cheek for good luck like you usually did, but he could see how drained you looked
You had blamed it on a lack of sleep, but he knew that wasn’t the truth as you took your place on the bleachers, cheering him on with what little energy you could muster up
About half way into the game, your persistent rumbling in your stomach that you had been ignoring since purging your food last night seemed to catch up to you
One second you were watching the game, and the next you were on the ground, staring up at the ceiling
A few people around you had surrounded you to help you up, and seeing the commotion from the court, Oikawa tapped out of the game, having someone take his place as he races up to the bleachers to get to you
“I knew you weren’t okay,” he grits, helping you off the ground. “Let’s go”
He guides you away from the crowd of people, who quickly turn their attention to the match
Guilt eats away at you that you’d taken him away from his game
“Toru, I’m fine. You can go back to your game, I just got a little dizzy”
“You’re not fine. Stop brushing this off as something else. Can’t you trust me and let me know what’s going on? I know something’s wrong, but I can’t help you if you don’t let me in”
You’d never seen this man so eager to help in his life, so you swallow your pride and open up to him very briefly about what’s been going on with you
How you go from starving yourself to binge eating and making yourself throw your food back up; you express how badly you felt about yourself and why you do it
Oikawa listens to every word you have to say, holding you gently as if you’d collapse in his arms if he squeezed too tight
Slowly, everything seemed to piece together in his head thanks to your opening up to him–your drowsiness, fainting today, how thin you’d gotten compared to the first day he’d met you, it all made sense now
He hugs you gently, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, thanking you for finally telling him
You knew then and there that he’d never judge you about this, and from that day forward he did his best to support you and slowly help you get over this bump in your life
Reminding you everyday that you were perfect, and eating meals with you, reassuring you that it was okay
Slowly destroying yourself would not happen with him, he’d make sure you built a healthy relationship with food again, not matter how long it would take
Kageyama:
Kageyama is pretty similar to Oikawa in that he’s very observant, which he needs to be as a setter on his team
He’d realized something was wrong when you’d always excuse yourself to the bathroom after every meal you’d shared together
But one specific evening, he decided to follow after you without being seen
It was at a restaurant with a private bathroom, so as you went in, he waited outside where he eventually heard the retching noises of you throwing up your food
You hadn’t looked sick or nauseous when you got up to go to the restroom, so he assumed this was a regular thing for you
He waited outside until you came back out, seeing the way your eyes widened when you saw him, before composing yourself
“D-did you need to use it as well? Go ahead,” you say slowly, moving to walk back to the table, but Kageyama silently takes your hand and leads you out of the restaurant, already having taken care of the bill
It’s only when the two of you are wordlessly walking side by side, leading you back home when he speaks up
“How often do you do it?” He asks lowly, shoving his hands in his pockets
He knew. Of course he knew, there was no going around it now as you sigh softly to yourself, kicking imaginary rocks as you walk by his side
“It’s different each time…I guess it just depends on how I feel after I eat. Sometimes I just try and go without eating, but that makes me feel physically ill…” you explain slowly, scared to meet his eyes
Kageyama comes to a halt, taking your hand to make you stop as well, lifting your chin so you could meet his eyes
“There’s no need to feel bad about it. I may not understand why you’d choose to do this, but now that I know, I can try and help,” he says softly, giving your hand a squeeze. “Promise me you’ll come to be first before taking matters into your own hands next time”
You make that promise to him, almost relieved that he now knew, there was nothing to hide from him now
The following days, Kageyama spent his free time learning more about what you were going through, and asking you how he could be of help
Kenma:
It takes Kenma a little longer to know something is going on with you
He finally notices something is wrong when you keep denying to eat with him, and that makes him realize that he’s never actually seen you eat in front of him
You were over at his place while he played games when he heard your stomach rumble, causing him to pause his game and turn around to face you, setting his remote down
“Wanna eat something? I’m getting a little hungry,” he says slowly, gauging how you’ll react
When you shake your head no, he sighs and joins you on his bed, giving your cheek a gentle poke
“I heard your stomach growl dummy, why haven’t you been eating?” He asks innocently, no sign of judgment or malice in his expression, but that question makes you freeze
“Fine then I’ll have something small…”
“No, you weren’t going to eat, tell me why”
He’s very stubborn and insistent and won’t leave you alone until you tell him what’s going on
Once you realize staying quiet will get you nowhere, you tell him what you’ve been going through
He’s confused as to why you’d feel this way when you were and still are perfect in his eyes
Things are simple for Kenma, but this was something he didn’t really understand much about, so he’d ask you questions and hum in thought as you answer him
He’d pull you into his arms as you continue to talk, cuddling into you as he continues to grunt in response
“Sorry I didn’t notice…” he mumbles into your neck, nuzzling into you like a cat. “I don’t entirely understand why this is happening, but promise me you’ll let me try and help you. I don’t want you to get sick from starving yourself, or to faint and hit your head if that ever happens when you’re not with me…so let’s beat this boss villain together”
Of course, referencing everything to a video game means Kenma is really serious about this, and together you’d become victorious in this vicious game of life
Posted: 10/7/2024
#haikyuu x reader#haikyu x reader#hq x reader#oikawa x reader#kageyama x reader#kenma x reader#oikawa tooru#kageyama tobio#kenma kozume#haikyuu x y/n#haikyuu x you#haikyu x you#haikyu x y/n#hq x you#hq x y/n#oikawa x y/n#oikawa x you#kageyama x you#kageyama x y/n#kenma x you#kenma x y/n#haikyuu headcanons#haikyu headcanons#hq headcanons#oikawa headcanons#kageyama headcanons#kenma headcanons
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Children of the Night Part 3 (Steddie X You)
A/N: Happy Friday the 13th <3
Warnings: Dom Daddy Vampire Eddie/Sub Human Steve (cam boys) X Sub Human Fem Reader, SMUT, rough smut (Vamp Eddies needs take over a bit), dirty talk, biting, mentions of blood and draining (duh vampire), aftercare of course, FLUFF they love each other :), ANGST, Protective Stevie always on alert, Reader has nightmares one involving Steve being beaten up and Eddie saving him and another dealing her childhood trauma (child abuse trigger involving mother), Eddie mentions his drunk dad, Both boys give her a run down of events in the show, I think that's all.
Word Count: 4185
Eddie felt it; every punch and kick that was being delivered to the man he loved amped him up more as he hunted for Steve.
“Dude, this isn’t fun if he doesn’t fight back.”
“Maybe fucking the freak made him soft.”
His boyfriend’s anger mixed with his own before more pain followed.
“Oh, I see. That’s your button isn’t it, Harrington? Don’t like people making fun of your freak?”
The scenery blurred around the metalhead as the feelings within him became almost too much.
“Fuck. Dude, did you hear that? I think someone might be—”
The boy’s screams echoed as Eddie tackled him, pinning him to the ground before snapping his neck.
“Holy shit. What the fuck? M-Munson?”
The vampire growled, sprinting behind him, and taking ahold of his throat as his fangs dug into his flesh. As the boy’s blood spilled down his throat, Eddie felt some of his anger calm but a hunger he hadn’t even realized was there took over as he guided his victim to the floor and continued to drink till there was nothing left.
“Eddie?”
“Y/N, WAKE UP!”
Your body shot upright with a start as your panicked eyes met Steve’s who was hovering over you with cross as he pointed it Eddie who was now in the corner of their bedroom.
“Wh-What happened?”
“You were having a nightmare.”
“No.”, the vampire growled. “She keeps accessing my memories. It’s not my fault I can fucking feel them. Jesus, this needs to stop.”
“Eddie, I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, honey. His blood just needs to run its course. What was it this time?”, Steve asked as he put the cross away and tenderly pet the back of your head.
“I think people were hurting you. Eddie was trying to find you to protect you. God, Steve, it was so strong, the anger and then…the hunger.”
“Explains why he just tried to bite you again.” His eyes met yours as you shifted you gaze. “I heard him growling in his sleep. He shot up like you did but his eyes were that black color.”
“You know I’m really glad we can all play fucking catch up but I’m still fucking hungry.”, Eddie snarled causing the other man to roll his eyes.
“Let me get him a blood bag.”
The long-haired boy smirked as his black eyes scanned you over.
“Why are you so fucking turned on right now?”
“I didn’t just feel the anger and hunger. You really love him don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“You’d do anything to protect him?”
“Always. Same with you, little one.”
“D-Do you love me to, Eddie?”, you whisper. The vampires smirk stretches a bit more making your body shiver in pleasure at the sight. “Do you love me…Daddy?”
“Here. Drink this now and then tonight when we stream, you can take more from me.” The vampire immediately tears open the bag, chugging it back like a beer. “We may want to get you home, Y/N. We don’t want anything to seem out of the ordinary.”
“Arthur…”
“Eddie took care of him and cleaned your house. Do you feel comfortable going back?”
“Yeah, I just…I don’t want to leave you two.”
“How about I come with you? You can get some things including your phone and then I can bring you back here so you can moderate and be with us after.”
***
“Steve?” He answers with a small hm as he continued look at things around your room. “Why did those boys attack you that night you went missing?”
The man sighs as he turns around to face where you were sitting on your bed as he leans against your dresser.
“Small town, small minded people. After Eddie died, those couple months after I was basically numb. I missed him so much Y/N, you have no idea. People would talk behind my back or make fun of me for caring about the ‘devil worshipping freak’. Usually, I can hold myself together but that day just hit me hard. I…I went to his trailer to drown myself in booze and just hide in those memories.”
“Those kids showed up saying they heard the ‘gay music’ and that wasn’t allowed in Hawkins. I tried to leave but that’s when they started hurting me.”
“Why didn’t you try to defend yourself?”
“How do you know I didn’t?”
“I heard one of the boys say that in Eddie’s memory.”
“Jesus. I didn’t realize he heard any of that. Um, honestly, honey… I kinda hoped they would kill me…so I could be with him…”
Rising from your place on the bed, you embraced him and he heavily exhaled as he did the same, resting his chin on your head.
“When I saw him standing there, I thought I had died. I couldn’t believe he was alive.”
“What was that place he woke up from?”
“That’s a bit harder to explain. The best answer I can give you is another world like ours but darker, eviler. We…we went down there to save lives… Can we talk about this more later? I just…”
“No, no. I understand. I felt it when he woke up, not just what you were experiencing but he was so scared something happened to you when he woke up and everything was quiet. For a moment, he thought…you guys had lost…if that makes sense? But then he heard you talking and playing your song… he cares about you a lot.”
That made him smile before his index finger reached under your chin and tilted your head so you could meet his gaze.
“We care about you a lot to. I meant what I said last night. Ever since we first spoke to you, I knew you were different. He always wanted to come find you and bring you to us. After everything that’s happened, I kind of wish I had let him.”
“I’m sorry for being so much trouble…”
“No! No, shit, that’s not what I meant. I just…if you had been with us you never would have gotten this black eye or shot. I hated seeing you in pain.”
“I liked having you take care of me though.”
His eyes scanned your face as his hand cupped your cheek and his thumb caressed your lips.
“I liked having you take care of me to.”
“Steve.”, you moaned his name breathily making him smile above you.
“I can’t wait for Daddy to have you. Trust me, it’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced.”, he whispered. “He was phenomenal before but now…” Steve pauses, his grin growing when he sees you giggle through your teeth. “What are you laughing at, pretty girl?”
“I guess it’s his blood still but I can feel him. Because we’re turned on, he’s turned on and he’s stroking his cock right now.”
“You can feel that?”
“I’m assuming because I feel how I feel when an orgasm is building in my tummy, you know?”
“You feel like you’re gonna cum, honey? Maybe, I can help.”
Licking your lips, you watch as he slides two of his fingers into his mouth, coating them with his saliva as you unbutton your jeans. His palm glides effortlessly through the waistband of your panties and you groan as he pushes his digits into your entrance.
“Fuck. I just stretched you open and you’re still so fucking tight.”
Knowing you were already close to edge, he pumped his fingers at a fast pace, curling them inside of you as he kissed your forehead. Your hand clung to his wrists as your eyes fluttered shut and your hips rolled against his movements.
“That’s it, baby. Use my fingers. Good girl.”, Steve hummed in your ear in a seductive tone that had you clenching. “Cum, honey. I got you.”
Moaning his name, you came with an intensity you had never felt before, your arms shooting out to wrap around him as you pressed your face into his chest.
“It’s ok, Y/N. You’re alright.”
Sliding his hand out of your pants, he blindly buttoned them as you continued to clutch him tightly.
“Well, this is new for me.”, he chuckles. “I mean, normally I’m in this headspace and Eddie takes care of me.” When your eyes look up to meet his, he feels his cock strain against the denim of his jeans. The innocence that reflected back within them was part of what attracted the vampire to you.
You knew nothing of their world they lived yet you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with them and be who they needed. In return, they kept you safe and looked after you. They cared about you. They…
“Do you love me to, Steve?”
His phone aggressively vibrating cut through the moment and he sighed as he flipped it open reading the text his boyfriend just sent.
“You both need to get back here now. Daddy is hungry.”
############
When you guys got back to their place, Eddie had moved some of the cameras around so you could sit at their desk and work while also not being picked up accidently.
“You know, if ever you want me to join you…”
“I know, sweetheart. I just want to have you first before other people get to see you.”
“Not like they can see too much with this grainy webcam.”, Steve states as he comes into the bedroom and throws off his shirt.
“Aw. Do you want them to see you better, Stevie?”, Eddie teases as he tugs his boyfriend to the edge of the bed where he normally sits when they stream and wraps his arms around his chest.
“It’s nice to be seen.” The man reaches for one of his boyfriend’s hands and playfully bites his palm making you smile as you watch them wondering if this was a little glimpse of what they were like before everything happened.
The clock in the room beeps and they both get more serious as you bring the stream to life. Everything starts off normally as you moderate the chat in front of you. No nonsense today besides people inquiring about the new angle of the cameras. Your eyes start to flutter however when you feel your body begin to tingle like it had at your house.
Turning to face them, nothing is unusual as their lips mingle together but you’re surprised when the vampire grips Steve’s shoulder and effortlessly moves him around till he’s lying on his stomach with his head facing the camera. No…not just facing the camera…facing you.
The vampire whispers something to him and the man’s brown eyes find yours as Eddie trails kiss down his back before roughly lifting his hips higher in the air.
When his boyfriend’s tongue invades his entrance, Steve mewls as he bites his bottom lip. Your hands tremble with need as you slide your shorts and underwear down your legs. Making sure he has a good view, you open your legs for him, displaying your soaking cunt as you run your fingers through your slick.
“Fuck, baby. That’s it.”
Eddie crawled back up his body, sliding his own fingers between the boy’s cheeks causing Steve’s face to scrunch in pleasure.
“Is she as tight as you are, sweetheart? Fuck. I can feel how turned on you both are. It drives me crazy.” Two sets of eyes watch you intensely as you slide your digits into you hole, trying to stifle any noise from leaving your lips as Eddie pulls out his own and runs the tip of his cock between Steve’s ass. “Jesus. Are you ready for me, baby?”
“Yes, Daddy. Please.”, he begged.
Your moans mixed in with theirs as Eddie pushed into him, wrapping his arms around his chest as he laid flat on his back while he thrust his hips.
“That’s my good boy. I love you so much. This perfect ass was made for Daddy.”
Their fingers intertwined as yours thrust into your pussy at a faster pace.
“I’m ready, honey. Mmm—take what you need.”
Eddie grunted as he nodded, tenderly kissing Steve’s neck before his mouth opened wider and his fangs dug into his skin.
You felt it immediately. As soon as his blood touched his lips, that euphoria you felt drinking his own blood coursed through your veins. It was so strong, your body slid to the floor as you tried to ride your own fingers harder to satisfy the feeling to no avail.
Your vision blurred as you watched the bed shake and listened to their moans as Steve practically screamed telling you he came. You waited for the second release but no sound followed.
The wind blew around you as the cameras beeped off, your body was abruptly lifted, and you were tossed next to Steve whose glassy half lidded eyes met yours. You barely had time to register what was happening as your legs your lifted around Eddie’s waist and his cock pushed inside you.
“Eddie!”, you squealed as his hips thrust aggressively into yours hitting that spot inside of you that you couldn’t reach with your fingers.
The vampire growled loudly, baring his fangs as black eyes stared menacingly into yours.
“D-Daddy. I’m sorry. You…just feel so good. Please don’t stop.”
He growled again much lower than before as he continued to pump his cock into you with rough abandon. Eddie’s head fell within the nook of your neck and your fingers tangled in his hair as you held him to you.
“You can—oh my god—you can take from me to, baby. Anything you need.”
“Ed—Eddie…wait…”, Steve tried to get his attention but the man was too far gone and when your head turned to face his he knew it.
“It’s ok, Steve. I’m ok.” Your reached out to hold his hand as he limply scooted forward to kiss your lips.
Your pussy clenched around him as Eddie’s teeth grazed your flesh, wincing when they punctured the skin. The fingers you had in his hair tightened as you felt the blood drain from your body. You had never felt anything as good as this before as your eyes rolled and the tingles within your body amplified to what felt like a burning degree.
“Y-Yes, Daddy. Harder. Please!”
The bed once again began to shake as he did what you asked, rolling his hips aggressively into you as he abused your g-spot over and over. His large palm cupped your cheek as he held your head still, grunting and growling as your walls continued to suck him in.
Your body trembled underneath his as you came harder than you ever had before, your face contorting in pain and pleasure when he released your throat and fucked you through your orgasm. Chasing his own high, he placed his forehead on yours as his hands tenderly petted your head.
“Yes.”, he panted against your lips in a gruff tone. “Yes. I love you, princess.”
You tried to wrap your arms around him but you could barely move. All you were able to do was tilt your head so you could gently kiss him while he thrust into you till you felt him release his seed into your cunt.
“I…I love you to, Eddie.”
Carefully sliding out of you, he quickly disappeared and returned with water, a wash rag, and a snack.
“Steve?”
You rolled to your side, his fingers slightly twitching in your hand to tell you he was listening even though his eyes were closed.
“I love you to.”
The boy smiled drunkenly as Eddie lifted you both up and leaned your backs against the headboard as he cleaned your bodies.
“I love you to, pretty girl. Eddie loves you to even though he won’t admit it.”
“I literally just did, you dork.”
“Hey, hey. Don’t be mean.”, his boyfriend chastised with a smirk.
“Here. You two eat this please.” You and Steve giggled like kids as you took the power bars from his hands and nibbled on the ends. “Shit. I think I’m going to have to give you two a bath because this rag isn’t going to do a damn thing. Do you think you both can walk?”
The human boy tries and immediately falls backwards, his head landing in your lap. As Eddie got up to help him, he paused as he watched you gently run your fingers through his hair as he continued to grin. The vampire sighed in pleasure at your action loving the little things you did to show that you cared. It had been so long since anyone had touched or even talked to them kindly and he loved even more that they were getting to experience things like this again through you.
“Am I in the bathtub already?”
“Jesus, no Steven. You are weirdest inebriated person I have ever meant and you aren’t even drunk or high.” Eddie lifts him into his arms and carries him into the bathroom, leaning him against the wall.
“I am high… on you.” The metalhead rolls his eyes as Steve pokes his nose, trying to hide the smile that wants to push through. He turns with the intention of coming to get you to find that you were already leaning against the other wall of the bathroom.
“I could have carried you. Are you ok?”
“Yeah.”, you sigh as you gesture absently. “Not the first time I’ve had to move during blood loss and it probably won’t be the last.”
The vampire listened to you two talk as he got the bath ready.
“Hey. The last time you were bleeding, you were flat on a table ma’am. No movement required.”
“Hm. Bled a few times growing up. M’mom is in jail remember?” Steve’s eyes became sad as he scanned your face. “Also boyfriends like John. Besides that night, had you ever gotten into a fight, Stevie?”
“Pfft, yeah a few. Once over a girl, another to protect some kids I was looking after…and then some Russian soldiers beat the shit out of me. That was fun.”
You looked at him with confusion as Eddie guided him into the water before coming to do the same with you.
“Yeah, I know. It sounds far-fetched but he’s telling the truth. We started dating a little after that particular incident so yeah.”
Holding your arm, he helps you down and you exhale as you lean your back against Steve’s chest while Eddie sits on the edge of the tub to clean you both.
“What about you?”, you ask.
“Ah, no fights for me, princess. I mean, no fights with people. I tried fighting a hoard of bats but obviously that didn’t end well.”
“And your dad?”
“Um, yeah that never ended well either.” His eyes glazed over a bit as he focused on the task before him but paused when your hand touched his.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
Flashing you a soft smile, he cleared his throat as he rose to his feet.
“Alright, I’m going to go change the sheets. Do you think you two can remain coherent till I come back.”
“Yes, DAD.”, Steve sassed making you giggle as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you tighter to him.
################
You hide under your dinner table you used to have in your parent’s house when you were little. Your mother is screaming again as she searches for you.
“Where the fuck are you, you ungrateful brat?! Do you really think you’re any better for them? Always causing problems! Trust me, babe, they’d be better off without you.”
You jump when you feel a palm touch your bicep.
“Whoa. Sorry.”, Steve whispers. “I didn’t mean to scare you. What are we hiding from?”
You point towards the kitchen as your mother’s shadow passes along the tablecloth.
“Hey, what did we say, baby girl? You’re safe with us.”, Eddie beamed as he pushed some of your hair back behind your ear.
“But are you safe with me?”
Your eyes flew open as you clutched your chest.
“You know, some people just sleep at night.”, Eddie teases as he fully sits up beside you. “Are you alright?” When you nodded, his palm gently reached up to pet your head. “What were you dreaming about? It felt…sad.”
“You don’t know already?”
“I mean, I know it wasn’t one of my memories because you’ve only been dreaming about things that happened after I changed. What I felt right now…I haven’t felt since I was a little kid and my dad would come home drunk.”
“I was dreaming about my mom. When I was kid I used to hide under the dining room table while her and my dad would fight. That’s where I was with you two and…”
“And what?”
“I’m not putting you two in danger am I? I just…with everything that happened and Steve’s fears of you two needing to run again—”
Eddie silenced you by placing his fingers on your lips, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, and bringing you down to lay with your head on his chest. He sighed before telling you his story of a girl named Chrissy who died violently in his trailer and a town that tried to hunt him down for it claiming he was a devil worshipping freak. He explained about an evil being named Vecna who was actually murdering these people and he, Steve, and some others went down to that scary world to stop him.
Eddie told you about the bats he and his friend Dustin were meant to distract so Steve and his friends could get into a house to destroy this being.
His tone became shakier as he talked about buying more time so they could succeed and the battle he faced when he didn’t run away. The feeling of the bats pinning him to the ground and tearing into his flesh.
“The last thing I thought about was Steve. It was like…a montage of our relationship. I just wanted to go back to how things used to be before the murders when we would lay in bed and talk about leaving our stupid town.”, he heavily exhales, kissing your palm as it reaches up to caress his face.
“After I saved him, Steve told me we needed to run. That they still placed the blame on me even though they couldn’t find me. If they found out I wasn’t dead, bad things would happen. Y/N, after everything we’ve been through, these past two days have been nothing. I know that we’re all safe here but Steve always worried we may need to run again. He lost me once, he says… you’re not putting us in any kind of danger, sweetheart. If anything…now we’re putting you in danger.”
“I’m not afraid of you or things that come with you. I meant what I said. I love you both… I want to help and be there for you two anyway I can.”
Eddie smiled as he kissed your forehead.
“I wasn’t too rough with you was I?”
“No. The biting hurt at first but after…when you started draining me… fuck.”
His chest shook as he laughed making you smile as you held him tighter.
“I guess because you still had my blood inside you, you felt what I feel when I’m fucking him.” Lightly but firmly, Eddie tugged your hair back, placing his lips on yours. “You both feel amazing.”
“How much of Eddie was there? You seemed kind of gone.”
“I was there, sweetheart. The vampire kind of took over a bit but, trust me, I was there.”
Rolling on to his side, he kept his arm under your head as his other hand came up to touch your cheek while his eyes ran along your face.
“Next time, I’ll move a bit slower so I can really watch this beautiful face while my cock is stretching you open. Steve was right, you are tight but you took me so well.”
“Y-You felt good. No one’s ever been that deep before except…”
“Steve?” The vampire grins when you nod. “I know how you feel. The first time we were together, I swore I could feel him everywhere.”
“When did he start calling you Daddy?”
His thumb runs along your bottom lip as his now chocolate-colored irises continue to study you, watching as your chest rises and falls as you breathe nervously.
“A couple of months after we started dating, he said he had a fantasy. Steve always felt like he needed to be in control and just wanted to BE controlled in bed.” As you kiss the pad of his finger, he delicately placed it between your lips, his smile growing when your tongue ran along the flesh. “Is that what you need to, sweetheart? Do you need to be taken care of?”
When you nod your head again, he withdraws his thumb and leans over to passionately kiss your lips. Without releasing his hold on the back of your neck, he pulls away, and grazes his noses along yours, panting against your open mouth.
“Can you say it, baby?”
“I need you to take care of me, Daddy.”
############
@chelebelletx @mandyjo8719 @bimbobaggins69
#steddie x reader#steddie fluff#steddie smut#steddie fanfiction#steddie#eddie munson#steve harrington#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson smut#eddie fanfic#eddie stranger things#steve fanfic#steve smut#steve stranger things#joe keery#joseph quinn#stranger things#fan fiction#steddie x you#steddie x y/n#steve fluff#dom!eddie munson#sub steve harrington#sub reader#vampire eddie munson#vampire eddie x reader#vampire eddie x steve#camboy steddie#stranger things au
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I Didn't Expect You Part 3 ~ Conrad Fisher
(Part 2) (Masterlist) (Part 4)
synopsis: Y/N never expected it to be the summer that everything changed. Conrad, Belly and Steven were all dealing with the consequences of recent break ups while Jeremiah's wasn't acting like himself. Susannah was undergoing treatment that provided unpredictable health results and kept her loved ones on the edge of tragedy. Had they drained the well of the magic of Cousin's beach? Or could something new fulfil it again?
warnings: multichapter slow burn, warnings will update with every chapter, timeline is both POST S2 and a retelling of S2 with changes, everyone swears A LOT, 4th of July party, THIRST, Cam Cameron, Taylor Jewel, Nicole (sorry to this Queen), Gigi, Marisa and girlfriend, Dara, Conrad's friend Danny (made this character into my own thing), hints of Belly/Jeremiah, I don't know shit about sports
word count: 4,058
___________________________________________
You brush past me in the hallway
And you don't think I, I, I can see ya, do ya?
But what would you do if I went to touch you now?
What would you do if they never found us out?
'Cause I can see you waitin' down the hall from me
And what would you do, baby, if you only knew?
That I can see you
It was finally here; the reason we'd all come back to Cousin's this summer at all. Susannah's famous 4th of July party was underway in all its glory despite the setbacks of the past year. Everyone had spent the day before running errands and putting up decorations, preparing appetizers and double checking the rest of the seafood catering while the woman of the hour sat on her chaise lounge and orchestrated it all to perfection. I barely talked to Belly and Steven that day let alone Conrad but it wasn't awkward when we were sent on a few errands together or standing side by side chopping veggies again. We all had a common purpose and it felt good. The five of us joined Belly on her night swim before bed that night to clean off the remnants of a productive day.
I pulled out my black swimsuit from the top drawer the next morning and was stopped in the doorway to the bedroom by Belly. "What is that?"
I looked at her for a second, confused before answering, "I'm gonna change into my suit after I shower." I attempted to leave again but she wouldn't move. Belly shook her head and muttered a handful of no no no's. I sighed dramatically, "What's your issue, girly?"
"Why did we go shopping for new bikinis if you aren't gonna wear yours? I learned about complimenting colours for you and look!" She rushed into the bedroom, pulled out the purple one that Taylor had treated her to for her birthday and the coral one hidden at the bottom of my top drawer. Belly held them up together to show me and I could tell she was moments from an adolescent tantrum. "Come on, it's the 4th and they're so pretty! Don't make me do it alone."
"Wear your Speedo with me then!"
"If you brought a cuter one piece, I'd compromise but you only brought two suits and only one of them is cute." She shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world and she's biding her time until I gave in.
She wasn't not wrong but that doesn't mean I made it easy for her. "What has Taylor done to you? We're here for less than a week, what do I need more suits for?"
"For the party, Y/N! You brought this one for the party so don't back down now."
I took the first step and grabbed it from her hands at least as I contemplated. "I feel kinda slutty…"
Belly translated, "Which means you look hot in it, amazing. I agree."
"Who are you right now?"
"Make sure you tell Taylor, she's gonna be so proud of me." She turned away from me to rustle through her drawers and assemble her outfit.
"Belly. It's a family party."
"Other people will be there! Jere said Cam's coming, Dara, Marisa and her girlfriend and then Conrad said something about Danny too. I invited Nicole but she said she wasn't sure and then my dad should be here with Taylor any minute. Lots of people not related to us." She wasn't even looking at me anymore and I didn't know if she'd just gotten good at this or she'd realized that she'd always had me wrapped around her little finger.
I sighed, "If I bring this with me, can I please shower now?"
Belly tosses the next words over her shoulder, mood changed on a dime from her dramatic pout. "Hurry up! Everyone will be here soon."
I groaned dramatically to try and get a final rise out of her but she was in her own world, discovering the perfect holiday fit.
Taylor did congratulate Belly when she arrived even when I insisted I hadn't made my mind up yet on what I was wearing under my dress. It was fun getting ready with the girls again, trading new makeup hacks and exchanging jewelry and shoes like we'd always done in the summers. There were last minute adjustments to our outfits only caught by an objective opinion. We'd all decided that red, white and blue was out this year and we committed to pink, purple and green instead. Taylor said they were meant to stand out and own it. I just always hated red against my skin tone.
I was the last one to get downstairs to greet Uncle John and the 'debs' as we affectionately called them since last summer. Susannah was set up on the outdoor couch in a floppy white sun hat and linen set that made her look like she should be vacationing in someone more tropical. The group of us had perfected the unspoken rotation of checking in with her, refilling her drink or keeping her snacks stocked. She seemed quite happy to lay around and watch the party unfold before her eyes.
Belly dropped her jaw in a silent scream when she saw me in my coral bikini covered up by my sheer white cover dress and squealed as she clapped her hands together, "See? Compromise!"
I just rolled my eyes and prayed no one was paying attention to her insanity. "Yeah, yeah. You look cute too." Her and Taylor were the cut off shorts sisters and they worked it.
The food was incredible, the decorations held up in the breeze and it seemed like we'd pulled it off. We'd managed a normal but perfect set up for Susannah's favourite holiday.
"I probably shouldn't have fucked Liam Meyer again but other than that hot girl summer is a go." The group of girls were sitting by the pool, dipping their feet in or laid back in the lounge chairs while Steven and Jeremiah were already swimming around and dunking each other. I'd always liked Nicole for the most part (if I forgot about her nasty revenge streak) but I would have liked to know less about her sex life. I was the only one though because the rest of the girls were giggling and eager to hear more stories from her.
Belly agreed, "I hear you. I swore to myself I wouldn't get tied down this summer."
Nicole looked surprised but impressed and Taylor smiled at Belly happily, "She's branching out from the Fisher family this year, right Cinderbelly?"
Belly shoved her arm and looked around to see if anyone heard. "Shut up! But…yeah, I guess."
"Good for you, girl. No need to settle for one summer boy when there's lots to choose from…at this party alone." Marisa's eyes were across the pool where Cam Cameron and Danny walked into the yard and waved their hellos around. The girl's attention was distracted by them for a moment.
Belly laughs, "I meant more like eating as much ice cream as I wanted and skipping shaving my legs a few days in a row."
Nicole looks at her friends before nodding, "I mean…that's cute too."
"Hot girl summer can mean whatever you want, Bells." I couldn't hold it back but tried to keep my tone as light as possible and Taylor shot me a grateful smile.
Nicole looked right at me like I must have read her mind, "Exactly. Mine just means the sampling platter of the finest dick that Cousin's Beach has to offer."
Her eyes focused over my shoulder and her mischievous smile grew as she spoke. The girls facing her way giggled loudly and I turned to look at what they saw. It was all the guys climbing out of the pool, looking fucking good because of course they did. I wasn't completely oblivious no matter what Taylor thought. Except Steven because gross but he was definitely being looked at by everyone that wasn't his blood relative. Conrad must have come out of hiding too because there he was, right in the middle of the group pushing the wet hair out of his eyes and laughing at something his friend said. Danny Wilder, who was tall and broad and looking damn good this summer.
I didn't even notice how my head tipped to the side until Taylor smacked my arm and gasped a wicked laugh. "OhmiGod, she's human after all!"
I laughed, "Shut up! You know what? Apparently I'm the only one with balls too." I got up and shrugged my shoulders at them before making a beeline to refill my drink and grab two towels before I spotted Cam and gently hip checked him to get his attention.
He was talking to Danny but quickly flashed his wide smile, "YN!"
I handed them each a towel and smiled back. Danny muttered a quick thanks before being dragged away by Conrad. I thought I heard him complain about why he didn't get towel service. I refocused my attention, "I'm so glad you came."
"Me too. Mrs. Fisher hosts the best parties."
"Good to know you're still as smart as you are sweet." He blushes and smiles. I stepped a bit closer to him and lowered my voice so hopefully he'd be the only one to hear. "Hey, I hope this isn't weird but I didn't get a chance to say anything after you and Belly–"
The poor guy looked so worried for a second, "Oh, that's totally cool now. Belly and I are good."
"No, that's what I mean. You were so great to her in every way and when– Just as someone who loves her and worries about her, you couldn't have handled that situation better. So thank you."
He shrugs as his smile spreads across his face again. "Ah, I got a good mom."
"Never change, Cam Cameron." I held his forearm gently and shook him in the mock threat.
"I'll remember that, Y/N. Thanks."
I nodded, "Can I get you anything? There's frozen virgin margaritas this time."
That sparked his interest. "Oh, actually…"
"Right? My idea and I'm very proud." I walked him over to the drinks table and swore I could feel a prickling on my neck. I looked over my shoulder to check my surroundings but there was nothing out of the ordinary.
The gang started to mingle a bit more after I broke the ice and I saw Cam giggling at something Dara said, Taylor and Steven were essentially beating each other up and if it wasn't so quintessentially them I might have worried. Jeremiah was sitting next to Belly on a lounge chair, trying to cheer her up no doubt. He'd always had a sixth sense for when she needed it most and he'd perfected how to make her smile. He was holding her hands in his lap and her smile was starting to light her face back up. I was smiling at the display when I went to find my own seat and got a glimpse of Nicole trailing her fingers up and down Conrad's abs. I took back what I thought earlier; she had steel ones.
Danny glanced in my direction and we exchanged quick smiles before he looked back at Conrad, who didn't look as happy about Nicole's bold moves as I expected. Next thing I knew, Danny was leaning against the table in front of me and when I looked back in Conrad's direction, he was shooting daggers of betrayal through his eyes at his friend who'd abandoned him. Danny Wilder was either stone cold or completely oblivious.
"Hey." Definitely oblivious if I judged that sweet smile correctly.
"Hi." I couldn't help but smile back again.
"I just, uh, wanted to say thank you for the towel. I didn't know your hostess skills were at the 'anticipation of needs' level." Just when the smile was drifting off my face, it came back with a vengeance.
"I mean, I was taught by the best." I gestured towards Susannah on her couch throne and noticed Conrad looking over his shoulder at us with a look of bewildered disgust. He was such a fucking drama queen and all it really made me want to do was flirt with his cute friend more.
Danny's focus was steadfast, unlike my own and it was exhilarating. He deserved my undivided attention. "That's true. You could pass it down the family line or charge for your services."
My eyes narrowed but the smile didn't leave my face, "You wanna pay me to bring you a towel?"
He paused and contemplated, "Yeah, that sounded way better in my head." The thing about Danny was that he was smart, as smart as Conrad or Steven but he wasn't trying to prove anything. If he said something stupid, his ego was never bruised and he was the first one to laugh at himself, not unlike sweet Cam Cameron who embraced his awkwardness and seemed to grow more into his own confidence every day.
I decided to throw him a bone, "How's school?"
He took a deep breath, "It's…a lot but I knew that going in. I mean, I love it so…"
"You're lucky." The sincerity between us was refreshing. Conversations with him had always been easy.
"Actually, I'm playing a little around Cousin's if you wanna come check it out. Conrad's supposed to play backup if he decides to get off his ass this summer." The idea piqued my interest. I could never call myself a baseball fan but baseball players…
"I never agreed to that!" At the mention of his name, Conrad yelled his interruption and practically galloped over to where we stood.
He claimed his territory by slinging his arm around Danny's shoulders and plastering on a smile that didn't reach his eyes right in my direction. "Besides, what the fuck are you guys talking about me for? I thought you were flirting."
We were embarrassed for exactly two seconds before we exchanged exasperated gestures at Conrad's fuckery. Danny shoved him and I rolled my eyes, "Fuck off, bro."
Conrad laughed in his direction, "Jeez, sorry. Y/N is leaving on Monday anyway. So too bad, so sad."
Danny's face falls in disappointment, "Shit, really? I thought you guys usually stayed for the summer."
I shrugged and regretted the short term plans for the first time since I'd gotten there. "Yeah, it's just been a busy year."
Danny nodded in understanding and Conrad looked between us before shouting at the top of his lungs, "Who's down for chicken?"
I narrowed my eyes at him, "You hate chicken." Everyone around them was hooting and hollering in agreement.
"No, you hate chicken. Let's go!" His crazy eyes had gotten out of control and I wasn't convinced he didn't suggest it just to piss me off. So I sat down on the pool's edge in protest and Danny asked if he could join me. We watched the first few rounds and I decided it was a way better game to watch than to play. No bruises on your arms or thighs from overzealous team members and I could even stay dry if I wanted.
Taylor tried to claim Steven at one point but he dodged her, "Not this time, Taylor. I want a fighting chance." He swam over to my direction and I sighed. He smiled expectantly, "Come here, you."
"You know I'm not good at this game."
"You're better than Taylor."
Taylor splashed him, "I can't believe you're being mean right now." She swam away and I resigned myself to my fate.
Steven splashed Taylor back but he was too close to Danny and we got sprayed . "Shit! I'm an idiot, sorry guys." I stood up to take my cover dress off before I slid into the pool. I saw Danny wave Steven off as he laughed.
I splashed him back gently and smiled, "It's fine. Go ask Cam if he's down."
"Oh, excellent idea."
I shouldn't have been surprised that it ended up being a chicken tournament in the end. There were too many varsity athletes at this party. Belly and Conrad alone could have been the driving competitive force so when I kicked him in the chest on accident, he said he was making it his mission to take me out. Jeremiah and Belly were a formidable team which surprised no one no matter how much shit his brother gave him. The teams weren't set at first but the strongest pairs stuck together after a while. Cam and Dara bowed out early due to weak arms and bad balance, their words, but they were giggling when they admitted it. Belly was determined to get Marisa and her girlfriend, Sarah eliminated as soon as possible which took a while but in true Conklin fashion, was a success. Taylor had abandoned the whole thing for snacks and I was so jealous.
Next up was Conrad and Nicole against Steven and I and as much as I wanted to do my best for Steven, expectations were low. Cam had taken up the mantle of announcer while Danny handled the scoreboard and refereeing. Nicole and I climbed onto the boys shoulders and looked at each other to exchange a friendly smile.
"Ooh! Here, let me help you with that." Nicole brushed Conrad's wet bangs from his forehead and he muttered a thanks. It looked like him and Steven were having a silent conversation.
"I thought you quit football last year, Con? I swear I've got more wiggle room up here than last year." She then made her point by wiggling her hips in place. The stones.
My brows raised against my will, I stifled a chuckle and tried to cover the reaction by joining in, "Funny, I think you lost weight, Stevie."
"If you think I won't dunk you right now…" Steven threatened as Conrad laughed at his expense.
Cam made his round announcement and read off the current score from Danny's phone. I squared myself on Steven's shoulders and took a deep breath while the boys shit talked until it got ridiculous.
"I'm gonna make you hate this game even more than you already do, Y/N!" Conrad spat and I just stared back at him for a second before I heard Cam yell 'GO!'.
I almost had that shit in the bag, Steven laughing maniacally, and Conrad must have known it too because all of the sudden when Nicole was starting to tip, I was distracted by a ticklish feeling on the bottoms of my feet under the water. I tried to squirm away while concentrating on the game but ultimately, I squirmed right off Steven's shoulders and into the water.
"What the fuck, Y/N?" Steven exclaimed in defeat and went to complain to Danny and Cam.
"You fucking cheater…" I came up from the water and spluttered. Conrad was laughing and high fiving Nicole.
Next thing I knew he was holding his hand out to me, "Come 'ere. I'll try and give you a fighting chance. You're embarrassing yourself at this point."
I scoffed at his offer, "Fuck off, I took Taylor down!"
I had no intention of replacing Nicole on his team but he grabbed me around the middle and dragged me along with him as he nodded placatingly, "There's the energy we need! Keep that up."
I wondered if Nicole had told him she wanted an out because when I looked around the pool I saw her getting out entirely.
Conrad whistled, "Jere! You and me, let's go. Pick your best fighter." The fucker wasn't wrong and we did beat Belly and Jeremiah. It was the first time I knocked Belly off balance but I still didn't know what Nicole was talking about, Conrad wasn't any bigger or stronger this summer. There were better ways to hit on him.
In the end, the championship went to Belly and Jeremiah even after mine and Conrad's temporary victory. They both shoved it in Conrad's face mercilessly and I couldn't help but enjoy every second. He called me a traitor when I wasn't shy about how much joy it gave me to see him lose even if I was right there along with him. Luckily it didn't trigger a bad mood like it might have done a few years prior and we all celebrated with crab legs and cake.
I was tossing my paper plate into the trash when Danny found me again equipped with puppy dog eyes, "I feel bad."
"Cause I lost the chicken tournament? Don't. Conrad's the one who needs someone to help nurse his war wounds." I nodded in his direction where he was chugging a margarita.
Danny looked back at him and chuckled softly, "Oh, believe me I know."
Conrad called from a few feet away, "I'm still pissed at you for dropping the ball!"
His focus turned back to me, "But that's not why. You asked me about school and that idiot interrupted before I could reciprocate. So are you excited? Stanford, right?"
I was surprised he remembered. "Good memory. I'm excited, I'm just also…trying not to think about it at all, you know? I don't wanna freak myself out."
"Oh, no. Believe me. That's smart. It's a lot of pressure and you gotta move to the west coast on top of everything." He nodded and blew out a breath.
I narrowed my eyes as my smile grew, "Are you saying, hot shot pitcher destined to go pro, Danny Wilder, was nervous about starting at Northeastern?"
Danny blushed and it looked good against his tan skin. He tried to laugh through it but before he could respond Conrad poked his head between us again. It was inevitable.
"Did he tell you that he sweat through his new uniform in the first practice?" Danny's shoulders slumped as his head turned towards Conrad's grin. "Honestly, bro, you should probably get that checked out."
I just focused my gaze at the grass for a moment before I tore into Conrad again. But it wasn't necessary.
Danny squared his shoulders as he looked at his friend, "You're just pissed because you gave up your football scholarship and went pre med instead. Not to mention your fastball was always a half second behind mine." Danny shrugged at his expense and I saw the moment Conrad froze. He scoffed and pushed his friend too hard to pretend it was a joke anymore.
My eyes closed as I sighed and I was treated to the sight of poor Danny's bewildered face when I opened them, calling out to his friend. "Connie, come on, man…"
We watched him stalk back into the house. "Ignore him. He's been like that for a while."
Danny was still focused on Conrad's path, "Do you think…? He knows he's a great ball player. I swear, I say that shit to him all the time."
I did my best to reassure him, "I know. You didn't do anything wrong, I promise."
He finally looked back at me and sighed. "Okay. Only because you said so."
"Wow. Some power I have." The spirit of our back and forth had lost most of its momentum.
"I'd say but uh, could you go check on him anyway? Maybe I'm just soft but I'm gonna feel shitty until he comes back and I think you could convince him." His brown eyes were pleading and it was so unfair. He was pulling a Steven.
I scoffed a laugh and meant to say under my breath, "Why does everyone think I'm the Conrad whisperer all of a sudden?"
Danny furrowed his brow in confusion, "Sorry?"
I mentally slapped myself out of my own thoughts and nodded in his direction. There was no way I was ever getting out of this. "Only because you're such a good friend. He barely deserves you."
The sincerity in his voice was so pure it hurt. "Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment…I think." A real smile came out at the end and it brought out mine too.
"You should."
"If it helps, tell him I'm an idiot and his arm was always better than mine." Danny pauses for a moment, "Which isn't true but…" He made a shushing gesture and I laughed softly.
"Yeah, not a chance. I draw the line at inflating his ego."
His eyebrow quirked up, "But not mine?"
I debated with myself for a moment, "Uh, to be determined, I guess."
Danny hummed, "Okay. Good luck."
The laugh that escaped my lips wasn't as sincere as he was as I focused on the sliding door, "I'm gonna need it."
___________________________________________
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author's note: I hope you enjoyed part 1 of 4th of July! I ended up having to cut in half but that means part 4 is coming so soon! I'm making shit up about sports and other things I don't know a lot about in this fic and I've accepted it so I hope you can join me 😅. Thank you again for the support 💙💚💛🧡. Reply with comments and let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist. If you'd like to ask me about any upcoming chapter warnings you wanna be warned of ahead of time (angst? 18+ smut?) then come visit my blog with any questions and I'll be happy to answer!
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#conrad fisher#conrad fisher x reader#conrad fisher x y/n#conrad fisher x you#team conrad#the summer i turned pretty#tsitp conrad#conrad fisher fanfic#conrad fisher au#conrad fisher imagine#the summer i turned pretty au#the summer i turned pretty fanfic#the summer i turned pretty imagine#conrad fisher x fem!reader
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s3 episode 16 thoughts
(giggling and kicking my feet) it’s mulder and scully time <3
and it was a GOOD episode!!! i was sad, but damn was i compelled! back to the very beginning of the episode to begin the note-taking journey, with a tiny recap of where we left off beneath the “keep reading” bar…
hehehehe i am excited!! i love to spend the evening with the ultimate duo. and we have so much to cover!
so many twists and turns to walk down! krycek is back! skinner is hurt! scully is sleuthing! mulder is in hong kong! we had best begin!
YAAAS we got another “previously on the x files” <- i loathed these at first for throwing me off my typical groove, but now that i know we only bust them out on special occasions (multiple part episodes) i look forward to them
ugh scully is so pretty. “you say that every time” and it’s true every time???
we get a recap: flash bang alien, inky eyes, skinner on a hunt for answers before being interrupted, scully’s dad’s friend johansen, the rat bastard
timeskip to 1953. a man from johansen’s squad who is covered in burns is telling his story, and it is being recorded. he is being visited by those who claim to want to bring him to justice, but he says he won’t tell.
so after johansen started a mutiny and locked the rest of the sailors in the sub, those trapped on the lower levels knocked the dude with the inky eyes on the head with a wrench. so he is knocked tf out. and liquid started pouring from his eyes (BLEAUGH) and into a drain. the survivor who has all the burns and who is recounting this calls the liquid “the enemy”
a guy that looks a lot like matty healy (but much cleaner) is asking him what he means by calling liquid “the enemy”. so the interviewee says that the thing went back to where it came from.
GASP!!!!!! HE ADDRESSES THE MATTY HEALY LOOKING FELLOW AS “MR. MULDER”!!!!!! oh this is JUICY!!! and the camera pans over to another man putting in a cigarette!! GASP!!! WE KNOW WHO THAT IS!!!!
baby cig man says “you can trust all of us” (<- LIES, LYING, SAID BY A GUY WHO IS LYING)
(you can tell the actor playing baby cig man had just one line but he worked SO hard to get cig man's voice right... it made me giggle)
why does young mr mulder look kinda cute. aww. so little. almost wanna squish his cheeks.
they changed the intro again. smh! messing with my rhythm.
anyway, back to main plot. scully’s rolling up to the hospital to find skinner, where she is met by agent fuller and agent caleca, two names i do not think i have heard before. scully asks for hair and fiber from the crime scene and these two are like “we don’t have that yet” so she says “um get it?” (not really but basically) (and they claim it was some random guy that shot him… not buying it)
oh! skinner is being wheeled out! she’s off to go investigate. now if it were ME being rolled about with my shirt off after a gunshot wound and emergency surgery, i would not want people seeing that. but hey, she’s a doctor so maybe she’s chill like that. still! i’d be soooo embarrassed omg
SHE GRABS HIS HAND OMG!!!!! he opens his eyes a tiny tiny bit and tells her that he has seen the man who shot him before!!!
man, i thought just the hand grabbing was gonna be all tender, and it was! but getting a clue at who did it was a bonus too
back to the rat bastard and mulder. at least krycek seems aware that mulder can and will kick his ass and is deferential to him.
scully is looking over skinner’s chart. OH! she asked for guards. and she wants them NOW. she does not CARE about your excuses. WOO!!! she says idgaf if you two agents stand out there YOURSELVES, get GUARDS ON him!!! YAAAAS!
back to krycek and mulder cam. mulder notices that they are being followed and tells him to speed up. at gunpoint! and this mystery vehicle runs them off the road!!!!!!
noooo, their faces are all smushed in. someone pulls rat bastard out and asks where the tape is, but the fellow who attacked him gets flash banged, because again, krycek has alien flash banging powers.
but poor mulder still has his bloody heady on the dash :( he sees some odd flashing
scully gets called into the lab and this guy has some info on the dude that shot skinner. she says it will take too much time to run the hair sequence, but to do it anyway.
(also, i can’t tell if this is the same guy from the lab as before that clearly had a crush on her or if this is a different one but idk i guess it doesn’t really matter... he doesn’t seem like her type)
so the two men that krycek flash banged last night are now in treatment for radiation, and who is visiting them but cancer man!!! he is once again lighting up as they are dying. he bends down and moves a bandage, and sees the eyes of a patient meet his. but he says to HAVE THE BODIES DESTROYED OMFG HE DOES NOT GIVE A FUUUUCK THIS GUY IS EVIL!!!!
mulder at da hospital. bandage on his head. awwwwww :( it’s so sad and pathetic... he’s baby.
AND SCULLY IS THERE!!!! WITH A SMILE!!!!!! WOOHOO I WISH I COULD LIVE IN THIS MOMENT FOREVER!!! YES YES THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS!!
the police found him and he mentioned “we” so she says “who’s we” and he has to say KRYCEK… she is (very gently) confused
an excellent person to have by your bedside whilst recovering.
she tells him that she is sorry for the bad news, but skinner has been shot as well. but the doctors seem to think he’ll be okay. and she has an idea on who it is that pulled the trigger!
GASP!!! she pulls out the scans on the hair. two of them, in fact. the first being from the man who shot skinner, and the second being from the man who shot melissa. and they’re a PERFECT MATCH!!!! CONSPIRACY!!! CONSPIRACY, I CRY!!!
(shrill violins, fade to black)
oh! it’s the united nations alien council. um i realize now i don’t know their actual name. but you know who i’m referring to, right? the guys. the gang. the squad. just a couple of dudes.
they’re discussing the site “WHERE THEY RECOVERED THE UFO” well! there you have it! word of god confirmation! it’s indeed a ufo that the french sailors came across in the last episode!
“it seems we have an information leak, gentlemen”, one of them announces, which makes me say, okaaaay ominous <3
and they say cig man has responded in a way no one could have predicted… omg was he behind the skinner thing…?
scully visiting skinner <3 asking how he is feeling <3 he doesn’t seem surprised about the news his shooter was the same as melissa’s, especially because those three men had warned him before about pursuing her case. he says she should be careful about saying that the case was shut down because people don’t want it to be caught but. it’s looking them right in the face.
OH! the man that shot him was one of the ones who attacked him a few months back on the stairwell! well i didn’t even catch this. some detail noticer i am. AND KRYCEK was the other one!!!! yes, and they stole the tape yes yes i’m recalling!
ohhh it’s serious. he tells her that she cannot afford anger, that if she’s angry she’ll make a mistake. “i’ll be okay”, she says (voice breaking) (<- said by a woman who is lying)
he says that if she can’t keep her head, it’s okay to step away… this feels very chekov’s gun… but she says that’s exactly what they want. OH! i love that she knows she can get to the bottom of this. i love that she believes in herself.
scully is furiously typing on her laptop. asking to devote full bureau resources to finding krycek. got her glasses on n everything. terribly beautiful whilst angry. she is saying he can explain everything that is going on, but i don’t think anyone is gonna listen to herrrr because the fbi does not give a fuck!!!
scully is now entering their office to see the giant yellow scuba suit. “it looked great on me in the store” says mulder, who needs to make a joke or people will die. perhaps he needs to make a joke even more when people really ARE dying.
so, why is it here? great question. it was covered in oil, the french guy was covered in oil, his wife was covered in oil, and it’s all diesel oil from world war two submarines. a new meaning to the term “oiled up”.
theory time with mulder: it’s a medium for an alien creature for body-jumping. he laughs when she laughs, aware of how ridiculous it sounds, but also aware of her thinly veiled fury; what else could he do? he does know how it sounds, he does know what she needs, but the truth. the truth.
so what does this thing living in the oil want with krycek? a great question.
omg guy from the lone gunmen is ice skating! and so is another one. wow a team bonding mission <3 AND THE OTHER ONE!!! FROHIKE!!!
is this something they do often... no, this must be a sleuthing mission.
frohike goes in a locker and opens something. GIVES IT TO MULDER!!! YAAAS THE TAPE!!! they say he should “call upon their services more often” YAAAS they want that sweet sweet agent time <3
but noooo! the tape is gone!!!! mulder gets mad and throws the empty case. still, a reunion with his pals <3
cig man is watching tv. sipping some sort of liquor.
(whenever i see someone drinking a beverage with ice in it on a tv show, i think of that one tiktok of a prop master explaining how they make prop ice and the many different kinds they can do. i think this looks like glass ice to me. shoutout to people who make videos about props; you make my heart very happy)
BRO... THE TAPE JUST APPEARS. KRYCEK HAS ENTERED????? but the guy who shot skinner is there too!!! and is holding krycek at gunpoint!!!!
cig man watches krycek's eyes go all inky (correction: OILY) and black. omg……
cancer man is rolling up 15 minutes late for the UN alien meeting. lmao it's funny in a way. he moved the ufo to a new location! he promises it will be absolutely inaccessible.
someone asks why he won’t bring it to nevada like the others. probs because even the normies know about nevada as the alien place. dweeb.
GASP! they want answers for what happened to skinner. cig man says for all he knows, it's just random. even though they have a drawing of the guy who did it, who is “one of his”, he’s denying it. AND THEY’RE ALL GROANING BECAUSE NO ONE BELIEVES HIM FOR A SECOND LMAOOOOOOO
(so funny to me that despite being on the super secret alien council, cig man still manages to be unprofessional and lie through his teeth to people who seem far more competent, even when secrecy effects the entire planet. something very funny about him lowkey sucking at his job)
so he needs to get the shooter out of the country NOW or else skinner can make an ID and no one can stop the arrest!
back to the agents trying to piece things together. the lone gunmen are babbling on about how to best find what was written on the case but mulder has the secret: rubbing a lil pencil over top LMAOOO. he finds a phone number!!
and who picks it up when he calls but… the un alien club!!!
it’s the well groomed man!!! mulder says krycek gave him the number. and he asks to meet with mulder. allegedly in central park? is this a trap...
so, the dude who did the shooting is named luis. the other agents are saying to scully they can’t look any further than they already have, but she says keep looking, she’s seen stranger. and the lab guy says “i believe she has” when she leaves lmaoooo GET UP. he's down bad fr. pathetic. get up.
i mean i am too but i'd like to think i'd have more dignity about it
mulder in da park. is he alone… are they gonna get him??? the well-groomed man meets him. they’re playing some mental chess with who can ask each other what. so he tells mulder there WAS a ufo at the bottom of the ocean that was shot down during ww2, and a salvage attempt had been made, but there were complications.
so it looks like they’re both looking for krycek. but the well groomed man leaves by saying “anyone can be gotten to”. very very ominous. and mulder calls scully and says check on skinner RIGHT NOW.
she gets down there and he’s NOT THERE??? apparently he was moved to a different hospital. WHO TOOK HIM?????
scully slaps her badge on the door of a ambulance on the side of the road and asks if he’s got a skinner in there. this dude says yeah and he must be freaked tf out, but she’s coming along for the ride now.
skinner wants to know what she’s doing here, and she says she just wanted him to be safe. she pulls her gun out and opens the door and WHO IS IT BUT LUIS!!! WHO FIRES AT SKINNER!
TRAFFIC GUNFIGHT CHASE!!! luis just got hit by a CAR!!! she got him!!!
and she’s SCREAMING at him. screaming like we have never heard before, are you the man that killed my sister??? he’s begging for his life. he says he can tell her where krycek is…
the police roll up, telling her to put the gun down. and she sadly holds up her badge and explains that she’s basically the police but actually better so y’all are kinda late to the situation. they take him into custody. and she’s tearing up. i do not trust that he doesn’t have a poison tooth in there.
she calls mulder, who is rummaging through his car, and tells him that he was right, someone was going to kill skinner. and it IS the man who shot her sister. and allegedly krycek is going to north dakota. mulder says please meet me in new york with two tickets to north dakota asap.
what’s in north dakota, she asks? the salvaged ufo!!!
cut to north dakota cam. agents are rolling up, and how terribly i wish i could see what happened on the flight and ride up to there. how tense the silence was, how valiant the attempts at breaking it were. UGH. someone pls write the fic someday i’m already emotional.
she’s got a vest thing on and it’s cute. i get that we have bigger things at hand but i can still appreciate a vest moment!!
they go into a silo... but the door locks behind them!!! they go 8 stories down!! that is a lot!!!!
now they’re opening a door to what looks like a nuclear waste thing. idk i don't know much about nukes. but it’s just a big empty silo. so they have to check 199 more.
except they hear a thunk in the tunnels!!!
scully finds one of the (barely alive?) burn victims that had been flash banged by krycek just as mulder announces “he’s here”, and a large group of soldiers runs in
OH! they go to start running from the soldiers and he grabs her. it was so subtle but so sweet. i’m gonna gnaw at something.
NOOO! they’re surrounded!!! and cancer man is coming up. she yells that they saw bodies in there and he says “you saw nothing” <- wow absolutely garbage fellow has sunken further than even before by adding gaslighting to his resume
so they’re getting taken into custody but cancer man is going deeper, and he tells the soldiers to take the bodies away. he goes down to the nuclear thingy, and lights up, which i feel would be a bad choice in a circumstance where things were actually nuclear, but okay.
we see something very dark and oily? and hear people throwing up. OH! it’s krycek, with the black stuff pouring from his eyes and mouth. on top of a triangular looking ufo. the oil is pouring into a spiral thingy? and it gets sucked up.
MULDER AT HIS DESK WITH HIS GLASSES ON!!!! AND A HEALING CUT ON HIS FOREHEAD!!! could a man be any more attractive? it’s debatable.
knock knock. who is it? it’s skinner!!!! limping, and not supposed to be back in the office for a few more weeks!
mulder gets up to shake his hand and help him across the room. a right gentleman, he can be. OHHH so this is why i have seen those bloopers of skinner with a cane LMAOOOO
he’s looking for scully though lmao. yeah not interested in YOU, mulder.
mulder thanks him for getting shot because he stood up to the evil. he’s saying no, no, i wasn’t doing that, at all. i don’t know what you’re talking about. but not in a humble brag way, in a denying allegations sort of way. it's interesting. my brain is still stuck on this moment.
he says that he “mistakenly” believed he could bring melissa’s murder to justice. mulder says hey, what do you mean by that? so that is why skinner needs to go see her.
she's out and about, though. she’s bringing flowers to melissa’s grave NOOOOO :((((((( she doesn’t even say anything, she just sits there.
UNTIL MULDER COMES AND BRINGS FLOWERS TOO??? and she has to brace herself to see him.
he touches her shoulder gently before he sets them down. oh my GOSH
she tells him about how someone told her the dead speak to you from beyond the grave, and that is what a conscience is. he says that’s interesting, that he’s never thought of it that way. a man who sees her suffering and doesn't know what to say to make it better.
and she thought that finding the man who killed her would bring closure but it didn’t.
he grabs her by the arm at this point, and says he needs to talk to her. tells her that they found luis dead. whoever was behind it all tried to cover it up.
“i think the dead are speaking to us, mulder. demanding justice” <-stop. stop i’ll cry. you think i won’t cry? you think, for some reason, i won’t sob? i won’t collapse into a heap? you’d be incorrect. you’d be naive and mistaken. you’d be an utter fool, even in a world of fools.
(muffled screaming of me trying to keep it together)
but funny i should type that, because we also hear some muffled screaming on camera, that of krycek trapped in the ufo?? or in the room with it, deep in the nuclear silo?
episode ends with his screams.
WHAT!!!
so much has happened. and really one thing is on my mind: who is gonna hug scully? who is gonna tell her that the anger is okay, even if it’s futile? who is gonna hold the baddest woman alive close and listen? even if all she has to say is silence?
RAAAAAAAAH i’m gonna CRY.
i feel like i could write another thinkpiece here but i also feel like i need to let this one sit for a bit.
scully holding skinner’s hand, scully waiting by mulder’s bedside, scully saving skinner’s life, scully screaming, so guttural, at the man that killed her sister. scully in glasses and scully in vests and scully in coats. furious and devastating and calculating and guilty.
i have some major questions re: krycek and cancer man and why don’t they just deal with him already??? like for real. i know the answer is gonna be that someone from higher up would just replace him, but i do think it is funny how he goes about blatantly committing all those crimes and then clocks into work the next day like nothing happened. and no one can act like anything happened because they’ll tear the fbi down if they do. we all have a coworker like that, don’t we? that sucks terribly but you can’t do anything about it because the inside supports how terrible they suck? sigh. many such cases.
krycek, if i’m supposed to feel bad for you, i don’t. starve in that ufo and see if i give a damn.
skinner denying any concept of heroism… i think he’s doing it to keep himself safe. like he said to scully, any sort of accusations are risky. i don’t think he wants anyone to get the idea that he is a hero, even if he is in reality. i also think he has a complex and a great fear of being PERCEIVED as a hero after the things he did during war, and who knows what else he did but hasn't spoken about. but interesting still that he would deny a gesture as simple as being thanked.
there are many dots in my head. i would like to think they are connecting, but honestly i’ve got matty healy dupe mr. mulder on my mind still just because it was so funny. and then also scully angst. and a deep deep desire to get into that car on the drive from the airport to north dakota, to just listen in on whatever went down. maybe i’ll have to write it if no one else does! isn’t that terrible? when no one else will write the exact thing you want to read, so you have to do it?
(i’ve actually never written fic before so that would be a major commitment. but a one shot here or there sounds interesting)
anyway. lots on my mind. it was a good episode, but kept a lot of things unsolved. which is the point, i know, but they dangle the answers in front of you!! then snatch them away!! i wanted a tiny bit more of the tea.
but i guess, on the other hand, we know what the tea is, don’t we? we know cancer man and the UN alien squad are hiding this, they’re aware that this alien creature can cause radiation, they’re aware of ufos and they’re covering them up. they might not be aware of the exact nature of the creature, but they ARE aware of it, and that it’s a weapon of mass destruction. what isn’t clear is how tf krycek got roped into this. but again i really dgaf about his loser ass.
i’m plotting. i’m pinning things on boards and tying them together with string. and then making predictions from there.
(actually, think it’s cool we see a bunch of different kinds of aliens on this show. there were the poison blood clones, standard alien 👽 fellow, and now the oil creature. fun that we get multiple perspectives and takes on what could be. perhaps scarier than just plain old little 👽, but!!! interesting for worldbuilding purposes)
back to plotting….
#it's interesting reading back (since i wrote these notes yesterday) but what stuck out to me the most were the quiet moments#the silence of their drive to the missile silo. mulder saying nothing as he dropped the flowers on the grave.#scully grasping skinner's hand and listening to his whispers. scully gently asking mulder what happened when he awoke in the hospital#there were lots of huge emotional moments like her screaming at luis and krycek dealing with the monsters he brought upon himself#but sometimes tragedy and profound themes are best told in the silence#how quiet her voice was when she said she though the dead were listening.#and the steely understated rage of telling the others that skinner needed to be guarded and begging the fbi for help#hmm. my brain is still turning these moments around in circles in my head#it was a really good episode! and i have a lot of thoughts! so many they get a bit ramble-y!#which usually means i was very invested!#let me know what you thought off each twist and turn and which moments made you the most emo! i want to know!#juni's x files liveblog#the x files#txf
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notes on pyrrha dve
heres all the relevant info i took note of on pyrrha during my tlt reread, in one place!
(you can find all the other posts from this project here!)
PYRRHA DVE
titles:
Gideon’s cavalier, first gen, founded the second
greek mythological orgin of the name pyrrha
also, pyrrhic victory
notes from gideon the ninth:
G1deon & Pyrrha's room in Canaan house includes a drawing of a chimaera that Gideon describes as "familiar" and a picture on the wall of John and his pals (presumably) with everyone's faces scribbled out with a thick black marker. Also guns (gtn. pg. 205)
notes from harrow the ninth:
presumably lead the development of her and G1dieon's trial at Canaan house, as Mercy refers to it as "Pyrrha's trial" (htn. pg. 97)
The reason G1deon is named the Saint of Duty (htn. pg. 177)
Asked Wake to kill G1deon quickly (htn. pg. 205)
Was most likely the one conscious in G1dieon’s body when Harrow caught her fucking Wake in Cytherea’s body????? (htn. pg. 216)
"I will remember the first time you kissed me- you apologised- you said, I am sorry, destroy me as I am, but I want to kiss you before I am killed, and I said to you why, and you said, because I have only once met someone so utterly willing to burn for what they believed in, and I loved him on sight, and the first time I died I asked of him what I now ask of you / I kissed you and later I would kiss him too before I understood what you were, and all three of us lived to regret it- but when I am in heaven I will remember your mouth, and when you roast down in hell I think you will remember mine" -Wake's note (htn. pg. 252)
All the lyctors and John loved her (and also thought she was super hot) (htn. pg. 274)
Augustine developed his smoking habit to impress her (htn. pg. 275)
Was ten years older than Augustine (htn. Pg. 278)
G1deon & Pyrrha liked Alecto despite the fact that the other lyctors (at least Mercy and Augustine) didn't (htn. pg. 479)
Mattaius Nonius fought G1deon, and seems to owe Pyrrha a debt (htn. pg. 455)
"We compartmentalised from the Eightfold Word, just like you and your girl- though I'm an accident, and he took more from me than got taken from you. I was able to go underground, even from him."- Pyrrha (htn. pg. 494)
notes from nona the ninth:
Used to be a cop, made detective, knew Gideon from "way back" (ntn. pg. 74)
"'You should be draining and replacing her fucking brain fluid,' said Pyrrha. 'When Gideon and I designed that trial, I used to crack his skull and sieve it myself, just as a control variable. It's aggregative. I doubt you're testing her white blood cell count either. The only other people I put through that damn trial were Mercy and Cris, because only Cris didn't mind being trepanned on the regular. Fucking around with souls is the problem, Sextus… you can't ever get data on souls.'" - Pyrrha, discussing when Cam & Pal "overlap" (ntn. pg. 84)
"I visited her hometown back before Anastasia got settled, and it was grim as fuck then. Just spooky caves all the way down…" -Pyrrha (ntn. pg. 86)
"'Do they still do gravid carry where you come from?' 'On the Sixth, only for research,' said Palamedes. 'I helped at a birth once. Theres a lot of noise and run-up before the real thing happens.'" -Pyrrha and Palamedes (ntn. pg. 121)
"P- was great, but like, Ministry ties or no Ministry ties, a big part of her career was going around to the local high schools and telling the drugs kids that they shouldn't be doing drugs. She'd won medals for competition shooting back north in Hamilton, but we're not talking Jesse James. We're talking Hamilton."- john (ntn. pg. 191)
"She chose us that day, not her career. I always loved her for that. She'd adored being a cop." -john (ntn. pg. 191)
"and it was P- of all people who said, First things first. If they're going to let us fix the world, you've got to make them take us seriously. Get some leverage. If they want to make you into a bad wizard, be a bad wizard. We can write the history books to say you were a good wizard. Or at least an okay wizard. They're not going to listen because we talk nicely, they're going to listen because we scare the shit out of them. He said, Which goes to show you that only getting to NCEA Level 2 isnt going to stop you making waves in life, right." (ntn. pg. 271)
"Nona had thrown exactly two tantrums in her entire life. She couldn't remember anything about the first one, but Pyrrha had told her about it. Pyrrha had been laughing with her mouth, but not with her eyes: her eyes had been very brown and distant and uneasy, as though this tantrum had reminded Pyrrha of something her brain didn't want to bring back." (ntn. pg. 275)
She mentions disco?? how does she know what disco is??? (ntn. pg. 362)
"Gideon… G-, you died for nothing." -Pyrrha (ntn. pg. 390)
“I remember P- behind a barricade… not dead yet… telling me, John, run.” (ntn. pg. 406)
Died pretty immediately after Mercy and Augustine, but before G1deon (ntn. Pg. 407)
“Who are you, foreigner, that you know the mysteries of the Anastasian?” “I was here before it was the Anastasian,” said Pyrrha absently. “Painted a nursery. Mint green.” (ntn. pg. 453)
“Cass and Mercy and I worked on cell thanergy- we need thanergy, fresh thanergy, to activate…” - Pyrrha (ntn. pg. 471)
“And Alecto said, Pyrrha, he laid me down as an appeasement to them; he fed you to them as an appeasement to them; but he has never appeased me, and now all he has done was teach me how to die.“ (ntn. Pg. 476)
#junos silly little locked tomb thoughts#tlt#the locked tomb#tlt meta#tlt analysis#gtn#htn#ntn#atn#ntn spoilers#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#nona the ninth#alecto the ninth#pyrrha#pyrrha dve
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Cameron has made me feel so many different emotions in such a small time period since I found out about his existence that I'm going to finish this year becoming a Buddhist monk I swear. I need a special type of patience to deal with this whiplash of emotions.
Yep. I’ve said it before. He’s a human zigzag. It’s very hard to keep up or understand him or identify with whatever might be guiding his life decisions. It’s all confusing and usually a bad idea to let yourself become too invested.
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College Kavinsky 2.0
You drove down the street stressed that you were late. You arrive the restaurant and send an I’m here text waiting for him to respond as you sit in the car. When 5 minutes pass you think nothing of it but when it gets to 15 minutes you don’t why but your stomach sinks.
“Hello?” you say as he picked up and was silent
“Y/L/N?” “Yea?” you confirm turning down the volume in the car, you hear a lot of commotion in the background
“Shit sorry Y/L/N”
“Ohhh kayyyy” you were getting stood up. “Shit happened in the club emergency meeting and I just lost track of time I was gonna text”
You interrupt “I understand”
“I’m sorry” “Thanks” you respond nonchalantly “is everything okay?” you ask hearing a yelling match go on
“I can’t really talk now mind if I call later maybe we can hang out. I will make it up to you I promise”
“Sure” you respond in a flat tone “don’t stress about it, just call me back when you can” “Great thanks Y/L/N”
You sigh and look up. Did you just get stood up or was he playing the forgot lets hangout at your place possibly hook up game?
“Babes? What are you doing here?” Ivy asks you
You shrug “Peter couldn’t make it”
“Oh shit what did he say?”
“I don’t know something happened he lost track of time” You scoff taking off your shoes.“Some bullshit. Make up wasted, outfit down the drain”
“Aww don’t be like that” she pouts opening her arms for your to hug
You smile and give her one “Yeeaaa, i think he stood me up” “He wouldn’t do that!” she insists
“Well only time will tell Ivanna, only time will tell. I’m gonna go lay down” “Okay I’m here to talk if you want”
Ivy knew this wasn’t going as planned but she knew Peter just wouldn’t fake it like that only to stand you up she texted Cam only to be ignored for hours as well and he confirmed the same thing Peter said fight etc...
You agree one more time to meet Peter over the next weekend, it wasn’t the best time for you two but Peter really wanted to see you. So the best you could do was agree to a coffee date 2 hours max because you both had obligations after
“Hey!” he says walking in
“Hi” you greet smiling at him. He had managed to ease away the wall you immediately built up after last weekend
“Man you know all the cool places, I thought we were gonna meet at starbucks or something” “Nope!” you emphasis the P “they have good coffee, bagels, and treats”
“I don’t even know what to get I normally get my coffee from starbucks and its some latte shit” “Ooh I can order for you is your starbucks order sweet or not”
He shrugs “i don’t know like regular sweet”
“Perfect, want a bite or?” “I’ll follow your recommendation boss” You blush “Here” he hands you his card “I’m gonna find a seat place is kinda packed”
You nod and wait for your order to come out. It doesn't take more than 10 minutes. When he sees you approaching with the items he gets up to help you.
“Here is your order” you say, handing him his bagel and coffee while you take yours. “I got you a bacon egg and cheese bagel, NY Style and a Half White/ Half reg Mocha, latte.” “MMM! So good!” he says taking a sip of his drink
You smile “I have to stop myself from coming here everyday.”
“What do you have?” “Oh i have a white mocha caramel brulee iced latte and a cheddar bacon bagel with cream cheese, classics”
“Classic kind of girl” “I try new things sometimes I just like the classics you know can’t go wrong” He nods in agreement mouth full of food “So how have you been?” you ask cautiously “everything okay?” you pay attention to his mannerisms
He sighs “yea, i can’t say much but one of the sophomores got into a fight at the bar and the guy wanted to press charges it was crazy”
“Oh wow!”
He takes in a deep breath “I can’t wait for this to be over”
You tilt your head and look at him “I thought you liked being in a frat”
“I do but I don’t at the same time. It’s a lot you know. You have to like micromanage the freshmen and some sophomores make sure their are passing their classes, mentor them, Because that affects our metrics. Teach them to not be creeps. Some haven’t had a girlfriend and don’t know how to manage a full house with many girls and you know they make stupid stupid mistakes sometimes.” he eats a little before speaking “You know whats funny the brother I looked up to when I was a freshman said the same thing I am saying now and I thought he was just had a shitty attitude but this shit wears you down” “Sounds rough” you give him a sympathetic look “Don’t get me wrong it's good it can be great, it really can, but i put in a lot of work last year being the social chair. I’ve never networked as much as I did so much so I hate when people recognize me now”
“Really? I thought you liked the spotlight”
“Yea I kinda wanna be invisible sometimes”
“Aww” you pout seeing the exhaustion in his expression
“But I can manage for 2 more years and then barely look back, that is my mantra now”
You beam at him “You got this Kavinsky”
He smiles “I will if you continue to be by my side”
“You’re so cheesy” You blush looking
“Only for you Y/L/N”
“So I was thinki..” You’re interrupted “OMG PETER IS THAT YOU?” You hear looking back to see Olivia and a few of her friends, you wave back at them as they waved first/ She walks over “Y/N What are you guys doing here?”
“Talking” he says matter of factly answering for you
“Ooooo about?” she wiggles her eyebrows while sitting next to him “oh mind if wejoin?” “Actually we were just”
“Yoo Peetterrr” You hear Sean calls to him
You see the annoyed expression on his face
“Pull up a chair guys” Olivia instructs her friends
“So much for some alone time” he mumbles you hear it and refrain from laughing
You look down at your phone after receiving a text
Peter 🥰: Sorry about this
Y/N: its okay
You look up and smile at him, he responds by giving you a sympathetic smile. You two sit in a circle, with one of Olivia’s friends sitting in between you two? How that happened you don’t know. Peter kind of gets caught up in the conversation that he doesn’t realize time is passing but you did because you had a tutoring session and you couldn’t be late for that.
“Guys I have to go, tutor session” “What are you getting tutoring for?” One of Olivia’s friends ask slyly you peep that
YOu smirk “I don’t get tutoring sessions I am the tutor 3 years now” “Oh” you see the sly smirk fall “And I’m getting paid to do it so I can’t be late my client is waiting for me, talk to you guys later it was nice meeting yall”
“Nice meeting you too”
“Oh shit I gotta go I’m late” “Where you off to Kavinksy.” “I gotta go to practice’ Although stanford didn’t have a men’s lacrosse team Peter was able to try out and join a club where they had frequent games, like a norcal.
Oh yea, text me Mark wants to go over somethings later tonight “Will do Y/L/N wait up girl”
You smile and wait by the door. “Bye guys”
See Ya! He throws the peace sign as he walks out
You two walk to your cars he had parked next to you “I’m sorry about that” Peter comments
“It’s okay Peter can’t control everything” He smiles “you're awesome, I gotta run but I’ll text you okay?”
“Yea drive safe, remember the building is not running away from you” He gives you a quick peck on the cheek and runs to the drivers side of his jeep.
You two meet again at yet another frat party. Besides the brief interactions on campus it was really the frat party where you two could interact
Y/L/N what time did you get here why didn’t you text me
I just got here
“Cool cool, whats your poison tonight” “A few shots”
KAVINSKY You both turn
Mark motions him over with his head I’ll be back
You run into Olivia and her cheerleading crew you hang out with them a bit before you leave and move around the room
There you are babes. I need a dance partner and Cam won’t do it with me
“Ummm” you chuckle “I’m not dancing” “Don’t act like you didn’t teach me how to salsa, come on pleeeaasssee just a few songs, here lets take some shots
“Noooo” “Yesss and then like 3-4 songs”
“FOUR?!”
“Okay three and then i will leave you alone”
“Deal”
You smile the alcohol works through you dance with her to the songs glad the third one is ending as you could see glimpses of Peter watching you. The songs switch tempo to a bachata song.
She holds onto you tight “One morree pleeasseee”
“Peter is watching” you mention not liking his attention
She smiles “Good so is Cam lets get them all worked up” she winks. You can’t help but laugh and follow her lead, she pulls you in close dancing as a couple as you two move around on the dance floor. A few spins for you both a little foot work. The song ends and you’re glad its over with so that you can get away from the middle away from the attention(Peter’s)
“Whoo I need some water” you think as you reach into the icebox
“I didn’t know you could dance Y/L/N” you hear Peter’s voice You turn to face him and you feel your face flush with embarrassment as he walks to you slowly “I.......don’t?” He motions behind him “so what was that?” “Oh i was following Ivy’s lead” you explain trying to hide your smile He chuckles “LIAR”
You smile and walk away from the crowd in the kitchen, he follows you to the backyard. “I know a spot we can talk come on” he grabs your hand
You two walk a bit away from the house near the fence you find a bench
“How you been?” he asks moving your hair behind so he could see your face
“Busy like you” He hums in agreement
“I wanna take you out to dinner” he says while playing with your fingers a little nervous you will say no
“Do i need to dress up?” you ask
He shrugs “Sort of”
“When?”
He smiles “You tell me gorgeous”
“Yo Kavinsky” you hear from the distance
“Oh my gooodddd”
You giggle
“I gotta question” the guy says as he stands in front of you two
“Shoot” he answers nonchalantly
Another guy walks up “KAVINSKYYYY! What’s up bro?” he shouts as he gets closer
You hear him groan “Michael how you doin?!”
“Oh shit didn’t mean to interrupt”
“It’s okay” you go to stand up to walk away but Peter tightens his grip on your hips
You look at him and smiles at you, before looking at the freshmen “what was your question”
“Oh i wanted to know...” you fade away
“Finally okay about dinner”
KAVINSKY he Mark calls
“I can’t fucking take this” it shocks you when you see him irritated “WHAT?”
“HURRY UP I GOTTA TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING!”
“It’s okay Peter”
“I’m gonna lose my fucking mind” he runs his hand down his face frustrated
“So Dinner I am free Saturday evening and Sunday evening after 3pm”
“Cool I’ll pick you up at 5, I gotta go I’m sorry.” He pecks your cheek before running towards the house. You sit on the bench and contemplate ponder. Your conversation with Peter was mostly done via text. I mean the times you two were around each other it seemed that you two were constantly interrupted how would this work. At least with Cam and Ivy he made time for her. How could it work if Peter didn’t? That was tomorrows problem because tonight you were laughing at the antics in front of you.
“You guys are cute you look up it was Olivia”
“Oh Olivia! Whats up? you scoot over so she could sit next to you
She sits down before saying “Nothing just commenting on you two love birds” she teases “So what you two discuss?”
“Oh” you blush “Peter wants to take me out to dinner”
She smiles “Really when?”
You shrug “Next weekend I think”
“Think he’s gonna make it official?” she asks
“I don’t know maybe or maybe he just wants the chance to get to know me better no interruptions” you say
“Yea thats possible” she smiles. You two talk about other things before she too gets up and leaves. You hang out in your spot a bit longer feeling the last effects of the shots starting to fade before you decide to leave it was late you had to study all that shabang. You push your way through the crowd and see Peter having a very deep conversation it didn’t seem like an interruption from you would be appropriate at the moment so you send him a text. He wished you had done so, it would have given him an excuse to get out of that stupid discussion
Next weekend arrived and this time Peter was not late. In fact he was early.
You hear a knock on the door and look down at the clock. It's 4:30 why would he be here at 4:30? You were just finishing up the final touches of your makeup. You throw on a robe and rush down the stairs tidy up the best you can before opening the door
“Kavinsky, you’re early
“Early bird gets the worm” he stands with his hands behind the back
“Do you wanna come in sorry for the mess
“Laundry adorned the couch as you were mid washing cycle and didn’t feel like carrying it up all the way to your room
He scoffs looking around “Its nothing compared to the (frat) house you know that.” He pulls you in “how are you?”
Oh you blush “I’m good”
“I got you these” He pulls the bouquet from behind his back
You can't help but to grin “Aww Peter you didn’t have to!”
“It’s my pleasure
You smile and walk towards the kitchen “want something to drink?” you ask as you place them in a vase. “I’ll read this later” you say as you place the card down
“I’ll take some water”
“Okay, I’ll be right back. I don’t wanna be late I promise I’ll be down in 10 minutes” you say as you run up the steps
“No problem take your time!”
“Okay I’m ready” your heels go clacking against the wooden floor as you walk down the stairs. “12 minutes a little late.”
He smiles at you holding his hand out “Right on time to me. WOW look at you!” He holds your hand up so you can do a little spin
You smile as you stop facing him “I look okay? i can change”
“Don’t I love those on you: he comments speaking of your heels
You look around and see that one of your panties laid on the floor you hoped Peter didn’t notice and you become extremely bashful. “Okay let's go” you open your clutch “keys, wallet. phone. Good all in there”
During the ride there Peter held your hand and sang a few songs on his playlist you laughed and snapped a few videos
“You gotta post those” he says when you’re done
You end up 1 hour away from your apartment in Berkeley, CA
You see the sign Welcome To Berkeley, California when you turn to Peter “We are in Berkley”
“Yes ma'am” You give him a look “I’ll explain when we get there”, 15 minutes later he pulls into a parking lot of a restaurant that had all the romance vibes.
“Wow Peter this is” you look around “thank you”
He smiles looking at you taking it all in “it’s my pleasure”
The waiter comes and you two place your order. The conversation is surface level, until you were both done and now waiting for dessert.
“Ummmm” the waiter interrupts looking bashful “I have drinks”
“Oh” you look down at the drinks and back up at Peter who also looked confused “We didn’t order those”
She blushes even more “I know but um there is a couple around who wanted to buy you two drinks said you guys were so cute and I agree” she smiles
“Oh” you smile and look around to see if you could tell who it was but you couldn’t “tell them thank you!”
“Absolutely!”
Peter picks up his drink and you follow suit “Salud to us to life and to the lovely couple: you raise your glasses in the air, clinking them lightly and taking a sip.
You two stare at each other while he routinely kisses your knuckles while he holds a smitten look on his face
You blush before speaking “So we drove to Berkely an hour away because?”
He sighs and sits up rubbing his thumb over yours “I really like you Y/N” wow you didn’t know you could like the sound of him saying your first name as much as you did your last name “And I didn’t want any interruptions. I want to just focus on you, on us, I wanna make sure we are on the same page” he smiles before placing a soft kiss on your knuckles You blush “Are we not on the same page?” “I think we are but, now I get to talk to you, like really talk to you without someone fucking recognizing me”
“I honestly thought you loved that” He huffs “I am starting to hate it. I can't even get a moment to think, only time is after practice, at the library when I've locked myself in a room and late at night, when everyone’s asleep and the house is mostly quiet. But then i can’t sleep because i’m trying to catch up on my thoughts, like oh I forgot to watch the tiktok you sent, coach sent us a schedule for next week” You reach over and caress his face “it will be over soon Peter” you try to sooth his frustrations
“I have dessert for you two”
The waiter brought a plate, you watch as she places it down. Letters adorn the plate ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ It reads you look down then back up at Peter.
“What do you say Y/N Y/L/N” he asks moving the hair from your face as he leans in closer in and speaks softly “Will you be my girl?” he pushes the hair behind your ear and caresses your cheek “I would love to be yours”
“Peter” you say above a whisper
“I need an answer baby” he insists in the most sultry voice you’ve heard from him so far
God when will you stop blushing you think before answering “Yes I would love to”
He smiles and gently pulls you towards him and gives you a peck on your lips. Your first kiss A feeling he knows he will become addicted to.
When you pull away you take it all in “You planned all this”
He smiles leaning back and taking scooping some of his dessert and eating it “I did for you, for us like I said”
“You’re so thoughtful thank you Peter”
“I wanted to” he smirks smuggly knowing his mission was accomplished You blush “what is it?” he chuckles
“Nothing” you smile looking away from him
“I wanna be with you in ways that I haven’t felt in a long time” he pauses “I wanna be there when you’re sad, mad, happy i want to experience those things with you”
You smile slyly “Even if i’m mad at you?”
“Even if, because I know that we can talk it out and be better”
“You’re such a romantic”
“Can’t blame me, anyone would be especially when it comes to you”
You smile
His phone pings and he looks down at it and huffs. You're quickly brought back to reality which was Peter’s availability.
You look away from him feeling a sort of dread, what if this would be the first and last time he did this for you. Not that you were wanting him to drive an hour and spend hundreds of dollars but what if this was it do you savor the moment or do you...
“Y/N!”
Your head snaps to look at him “Yea?”
“You okay?”
“Yes!” you smile
“Tell me amore” he caresses your hands again
‘Amore’ God why is this happening to me I can’t be going through this rollercoaster of emotions
“Oh I’m okay”
“You looked sad what is it?” You shake your head “Oh i was just thinking”
“About tell me” he insists pulling your hand to his mouth again for more kisses
“I just got too lost in thought and started thinking about the people I’m tutoring” you chuckle nervously, avoiding eye contact
“You sure?” he asks feeling as if you weren’t telling him the truth
Yea you lean in to give him a kiss “I’m sure”
The night was perfect, you think to yourself, no need to ruin it by overthinking things. You to finish and head back to your place. The car ride is filled with jokes and funny stories.
“So do you wanna come in do you have time?” you ask as he parks in front of your house
He looks at his watch and nods “yea” he had to be back to the house within 30 minutes but he was sure he could make because it only took 10 minutes to get there from your house
“Oooo” the girls say in unison
“You guys are back finally” Ivy comments
“Peter, you know Ivy but these are my other roommates Daniella and Willow”
He salutes them “Nice to meet you two”
“I was gonna give him a quick tour is that okay?” you ask
“Yes it is! Welcome to our home Peter, nuestra casa es su casa!” Daniella comments
“Thanks!”
“He’s cute!” you hear them whisper as you go up the steps
“We can hear you!” You say and they giggle
“So you've seen the kitchen and dining area”
“Daniella and Willow occupy the 2nd floor” you say as you stop in the common space “we have a common area with TV also just in case someone wants to watch american horror stories and the other real housewives of beverly hills, and then their bedrooms are across from each other ensuite bathrooms, closets towels linen etc.”
“Okay okay he looks around taking it in”
“And” you walk further down the hall up to a third set of stairs. “This is my bedroom: you say as you walk in you noticed the pile of laundry sitting by the door and didn’t pay it any mind
“I have the attic”
“Wow” he comments your space was cozy
“You like?”
“It's very cozy I love it”
Warm lights and fake candles adorned your space
“I have a desk over there you point to the desk across your bed, small lounge area where I can kinda crash and watch my own TV you point to the small sectional, slept on this sectional so many times, my lovely bed catches all my dreams, closet,I have shoe problem, don’t comment, and bathroom.”
He nods taking it all in “This is dope, lots of space too” you smile in response “And where is Ivy’s room”
“Oh she has the basement”
“Cool, cool”
“Yea the attic and basement are both bigger so since the previous seniors left we took the rooms over Ivy said she wasn’t gonna walk up all those steps”
“I like it, it fits you”
“Really how so?” not understanding what about your room fit you
“Warm and cozy thats how i feel when we are together, like i have safe space with you” he says matter of factly
“Oh that's sweet of you” you plop down on the bed, your feet hurting from wearing heels one inch too high for your comfort
He smiles and walks over to you squating down “I got you, let me get these off” he works the clasps on each shoe and gently removes the heels
“I still don't know how you walk in these” he says looking at the heel
“One step in front of the other, you can just drop them there” you point at a space near you
He does so “Speaking of dropping” he picks up a pair of lace panties on the floor a pair you had just washed
“Oh my god!” you snatch it from him and shove it under the pillow “you didn’t see those”
“Those look good kinda” he reaches for them and you push him away giggling “ wanna see them on you” “Peter!”
“What you’re my girl now, don’t need to hide anything” he grabs your hand “come here”
You feel your face flush as he pulls you in. He moves the hair out of your face as looks down at you. “You’re so beautiful Y/N”
You smile “not as handsome as you” you manage to say before he leans down and gives you a kiss. This time it wasn’t just a peck, it was soft slow nothing rushed, he cradled your jaw and face, you feel light circle sensations on your cheek as he simultaneously pulls you in closer. You feel like you’re gonna faint his lips are so soft, you let him kiss you deeply, tongue exploring your mouth, you feel as if he is breathing you in taking your breath away your grip on his arms tightens, he pulls away slowly softly returning for another make out session only allowing you a few seconds to catch your breath as he peppered small pecks your lips he couldn’t resist he just needed to feel your lips on him once again you don’t know how long you two kissed but you both jump when his phone rings.
It had been 30 minutes and Mark was now calling his phone. He looks at the caller ID “Oh shit i gotta go amore”
“Its okay” he leans in for another kiss you giggle “Peter you’re gonna get in trouble”
“Its worth it!” he declares
You lightly push at his chest and reach up to wipe the remnants of your lipstick from his face and lips “you gotta go handsome”
He rolls his eyes “trying to get rid of me” he argues
“Nope you grab his hand trying to get you out of trouble” you counter
He smiles and walks down the steps with you
You walk him to the car he leans in one more time for a kiss you both smile as you giggle “you gotta go” you whisper softly pushing him in the car
“One more for good measure” he comments pulling you into his jeep and holding you tight
You give him a quick peck and push away quickly “you gotta go text me” you say closing the door
A round of “oooooos” erupts as you walk into the house. You roll your eyes “seriously guys?”
“What you brought an adonis into our home and we cant cheer for you pshh you deserve it girly pop” Willow comments
You smile thanks “oh i forgot i didn’t read the note” you state seeing it sit on the flowers , you slowly open it and it reads “thinking of you forever and always” you read outloud “Awwwww” they all say in unison
“Damn, what do i have to do to get a boyfriend like that?” Daniella asks
“You smile be yourself”
A/N: Please Reblog, like but you don't have permission to copy. Let me know what you think, remember I am sensitive about my shit.
#tatbilb#noahcentineoedit#peter kavinsky x reader#noah centineo#noah centineo fan fiction#peter kavinsky fiction#peter kavinsky imagine#peter kavinsky#peter kavinsky fan fiction#covinsky#noah centenio#noah centineo icons#noah centineo imagine
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What’s your favorite chapter of breathe and why?🙂↔️ I’ll be very sad if you shy away from hyping yourself up in your response 🥹💗
Aww Ray I really love this ask! I know I've had it sitting in my inbox for a while but it's because I've been thinking really hard about my answer and trying to come up with one while in the midst of still writing chapters that I've been very excited for!
Picking just one chapter from Breathe is honestly so difficult! I love them all for various reasons as they all include so many different things, so bear with me as I ramble on podcast style all my thoughts as to why 🥂
I love parts 1-3 because of the newness of them. The sexual tension and blatant want between them always gets me. It's exciting and exhilarating and writing the beginnings of a relationship is one of my absolute favourite things to do.
Then in chapters 3-5 where it's just sex everywhere all the time and them falling hard and fast for each other while navigating through Will's issues was such a thrilling part in their timeline to explore. Seeing Will finally let his guard down and give in to trying to resist something he knew was there was 🫠🫠 and then the result of that with the hot, raunchy sex? Yeah. Big fan. Glad I did that 🤣
I'll give Part 5 a special shoutout as it was the chapter that brought me back to this world after having put it on the back burner for almost a year 🙈 and is the plot point that breathed (😉) new life and excitement into it for me.
Then comes Parts 6-8 😬. These were heavy hitting chapters. I've never written angst like that before and it really pushed me out of my comfort zone and challenged me as a writer. It hurt to write some of those scenes, but oddly enough some of those were written the fastest and the words were just furiously typed out which surprised me! I felt so emotionally drained writing chapters 6 and 7 and remember feeling like I had just gone through a breakup 😅😭
Now although parts 9-11 never seem like they're very exciting or thick with plot to me, they are equally as meaningful and all hold their weight with building this relationship and fleshing out their life together. The smut scenes, especially in part 9 were a favourite of mine as I added in the layer of possessiveness after Cam made a reappearance and I loved showing that side of Will 🫠🥵
This portion of the story gives me all the warm and fuzzies and makes me kick my feet just thinking about how happy and in love they are and relieved that they made it through all the hurt and turmoil from earlier chapters. Will deserves all the love and calm and understanding life and a partner can offer and I think (and hope 😅) I've been able to portray and give him that here. The scenes with him getting the ring and then proposing live rent-free in my head and I'm just so in love with seeing them, and especially him, experience such happy moments.
Any chapter that included scenes between Will and Benny were also favourites of mine. Miller brother moments hold a special place in my heart and were always so easy and enjoyable to write (even when they were fighting) and it was like I could hear them in my head and their tone and see their expressions clearly.
Now that I've spewed out all of this and had a chance to go back and really reflect on everything, I think I've narrowed down one chapter that I feel as a whole really sums up everything this story is about and that is Part 7. So much happened in it!! They were still in the thick of their "breakup"
and trying to figure everything out.
She found out about his nightmare and finally began to understand what the hell had happened to cause all of this which then resulted in her showing up for him at base when he came home. I always do my best to show enough from both of their points of view and I think this chapter was full of what both of them were going through. We also had the introduction of Cam (heyyyy boyyyyy 😉🥵) just to add a little more drama to the already dramatic situation, but then everything wrapped up how it should by the end with their intimate and emotional reunion and as I just skimmed through it, I wanted to scream with how happy it makes me!
I've realized how many scenes of pure lovemaking are in this series and clearly I'm all about the intense intimate moments and Will Miller being a man head over heels in love 🤣🤷🏻♀️ sue me.
So do I have a favourite chapter? Kinda. They're all my favourite and I'm very happy to say that I've written a whole series that I actually enjoy reading for myself and there isn't one part that I am not proud of!
I'm sorry this got so out of hand haha but it's given me something to do on the 3 hour drive home from the cottage (I should be writing and working on the final chapter 🙈😅 but I'm stallllinggg because I don't want it to end 😭) I appreciate you asking this so so much and am forever grateful and in complete shock that you are so invested in this story and continue to give it so much love, attention, time and thought 🫂😘💗💗💗
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00:59 || Strawberry blonde
Disclaimer: This and each of my stories are only fiction and are not intended to offend or make anyone uncomfortable, if this type of content makes you uncomfortable, feel free to leave without resentment :]
Paring: Idol!Soobin x fem!reader
Genre: fluff, established relationship, Soobin x gn!reader
Summary: Soobin cam back home with a new hair color, which leads to you making a comparation.
a/n: it's been a while since I last posted something lmao, so here's this, hope you like it!! (remember that English isn't my first language so if there's any mistakes let me know)
WC: 533
Soobin was drained.
Each step he took was heavier than the last, hr felt like he would collapse at any moment, practice was harder than expected.
But despite his tiredness, he had only one goal and motivation at that moment.
You.
The fact that he was just a few steps away from your apartment door was comforting.
Soobin knew that you'll be waiting for him, even though he had told you millions of times not to because of how late he could return some times.
And just seeing you could take all of his worries away, all of his exhaustion, stress and worries were eliminated just by having your presence.
He finally made it to your door, he softly knocked a few times at your door, a sigh escaping his lips because of how tired he was.
Soobin closed his eyes and rubbed them, not paying attention to the sound of your steps quickly making their way to the door and opening it.
He finally opened them when he heard a small gasp from you, his gaze found yours inmediatly, a soft smile appearing inmediatly on his lips when he saw you, you were looking at him with big doe eyes, your lips a little bit parted.
—You're blonde! —you exclaimed enthusiastically, a big smile adorning your face—. You're sweet as a strawberry and blonde, you're strawberry blonde!.
Soobin chuckled a little because of your nickname, he waisted no more time and hugged you tightly, slouching himself to hide his face in the crock of your neck.
You laugh softly at his action, one of your hands finding its way to his hair, massaging it softly, he humed while taking a deep breath, the smell of your shampoo being present and making him more relaxed.
—Tiring day?. —you softly asked while you started to rub your boyfriend's back with your other hand, feeling him nood on your shoulder.
Soobin slowly let go of you, his eyes finding yours again, he got so relaxed just by the sight of hugging you and you playing with his hair, he started to feel sleepy, but despite his tiredness, you could still see the adoration and love with which he looked at you.
He then lowered himself again, but this time, his soft lips were over yours.
You closed your eyes the second you felt his lips on yours, melting inmediatly in the softness and kindness of the kiss.
Your boyfriend was a gentleman, he always was soft to you, making every moment intimate between the two of you, that's also why you were addicted to his kisses, the way his lips touched yours in such a gentle way, being able to overcome the softness of cotton.
He slowly pulled away, breathing heavily while oxygen started to make its way to his longs again, he looked at you again, his eyes being the representation of "stars in his eyes" while he did it.
He cupped your checks and pecked your lips again, not satisfied with the kiss you had moments ago, you happily kissed him back, separating yourself once the kiss got lazy.
—Let's go to bed, you're almost asleep while standing. —you said making him laugh a little, he followed you inside the house, ready to be by your side for the rest of the night.
#kpop fluff#choi beomgyu#choi soobin#choi yeonjun#fluff#heuningkai#kpop fanfic#soobin#soobin x y/n#soobin fluff#soobin x reader#soobin imagines#soobin x reader fluff#soobin timestamps#txt scenarios#txt imagines#txt fanfic#txt#txt soft hours#txt fluff#soobin smut
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Children of the Night Part 5 (Steddie X You)
Warnings: Vampire Daddy Eddie/ Sub Human Steve & Sub Human Fem Reader (Camboys and now cam girl :) ), SMUT, of the threesome variety (of course), lingerie (male and female), dirty talk, biting (obviously), grinding in sleep, FLUFF, they love each other <3.
ANGST, Eddie feeds from Y/N and Steve, he gets a bit too carried away with Y/N where Stevie has to step in, Eddie is a bit more forceful (passionate and possessive) in this chapter but they both keep him present so the vampire doesn't take over too much. These three talk about traumas. Steve mentions his dad finding out about him and Eddie and getting physical. Y/N talks about past abusive relationships (Domestic Abuse and Child Abuse triggers) very briefly though. Kinda cliff hanger ending :)
Word Count: 5337
Series here
Eddie silently takes in the hotel around him as Steve throws the bags of new clothes he bought with the money Dustin gave them onto the bed.
“Ok, now, uh, why don’t you go ahead and take a warm shower. When you get out we can crash and then get back on the road.” The man’s eyes scan his boyfriend’s as he continued to stand there in silent contemplation. “Do, um, is there anything you need?”
“Hungry.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I have no idea where to get you some more food. Maybe…maybe there’s a hospital nearby…or…” His honey-colored irises find his as he pauses for a moment. “You can feed from me till we find something.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
Steve stepped forward and cupped his cheeks in hands. “And I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or die because you didn’t get to eat. I don’t…fully understand how this works, Eddie. I just don’t want to lose you again.”
The vampire’s gaze shifts to his partner’s neck and his mouth begins to salivate with need. Steve’s beautiful throat that he’s kissed and marked up so many times in the past looked so much more delicious now under his blackening eyes.
“I trust you, baby.”
As Eddie mewled at the man’s words, his arms extended out to pull him into his embrace and hold him tightly to his broad, cold chest. As the metalhead tenderly placed kisses along his flesh, Steve threaded his fingers through the man’s still wild hair as he ran his lips along his own neck and shoulders, breathing in Eddie’s smell that he missed so much.
Something almost predatorial over came Eddie as an animalistic need coursed through his veins. Practically throwing Steve back onto the bed, he sloppily pulled down their pants just enough to free what he wanted. Spitting into his hand, he stroked it along his length before lining himself up and sliding into the man underneath him.
Steve groaned loudly at the feeling of the person he loved and had missed so much stretching him out again. His eyes rolled back as Eddie thrust into him, his lips kissing along his neck, a gentle contradiction to how rough he was being between his legs.
His eyes shot back open when he felt something sharp pierce his skin as his fingers gripped Eddie’s hair tighter.
“Fuck, ho-honey what…what’s happening…”
Eddie growled in response, his palm clinging to Steve’s head just below his ear to hold him still. The man’s body tingled as he felt the blood draining from his body and fully caught fire as his boyfriend aggressively pounded into his sensitive spot bringing him hurtling towards the edge.
“FUCK! Baby, I-I…”
Your eyes opened right as Steve’s did as your orgasm washed over you. He grunted as his palm dug into your hips and his own stopped grinding against you as his spend hit your thigh. Eddie grumbled behind you, his own release hitting your lower back.
As you became more aware of the situation around you, your breathing began to steady.
After Steve’s initial panic had subsided, you three spent a quiet, calm evening in bed just holding each other with gentle touches. As daylight began to paint the sky, you had fallen asleep and into another memory. As it got more heated, they both had begun grinding against you in their sleep; Steve sliding his cock between your dripping folds allowing his shaft to rub along your clit as Eddie did the same with your ass.
“Fuck… I’m so…so sorry.”, Steve stammered as he scooted his body away from yours.
“Hey, hey, wait. It’s ok. I don’t mind.”, you comforted. “Plus, that one was really strong. I wonder if it’s because we’re both seeing it.”
Nodding, his head fell back against the pillow as he covered his eyes with his arm. You could still feel Eddie’s breath steadily breathing once again as he continued to sleep behind you.
“Wow, didn’t faze him at all.”, you giggle.
“Yeah, he’s always been a sexual deviant so I’m not surprised.”
“Oh, oh my. Steve Harrington, did you just make a joke?”, you teased lightly, smiling when you noticed a small grin paint his face. “Hey, I have an idea. How about when he wakes up we get out of the house and have some fun.”
Dropping his arm and turning his eyes to meet yours, his smile grows at the light he sees shimmering behind them.
“I’d like that.”
***
“This makes me think of Lost Boys.”, Eddie jests as he looks out into the ocean in front of him from the rock wall you three were sitting on. “All we need is some trashcan fires and we’re set.”
“Don’t forget a Cory or two.”, you laugh as you lick the ice cream cone in your hand. “Is anything from that movie factual?”
“Yes. Kiefer Sutherland is totally a vampire.”
Lightly smacking the long-haired boy’s arm, you grin as you lean on his shoulder.
“This was a good idea, Y/N. I’m glad you suggested it.”, Steve smiled as he took a sip of the soda he was holding before offering you some which you accepted eagerly.
“What DID make you suggest it? Did you guys have another dream?”
“You don’t know?”, you asked as Eddie shook his head. “No, I mean we did but I just thought we’ve been cooped up inside for a couple of weeks and quite frankly haven’t been on a date or anything. Not that I need one I just…I’m just saying…ok I’ll just stop talking.”
Both men chuckle when you stop babbling while Steve leans over to kiss the top of your head.
“Do you come to the pier a lot?”, he asked.
“Uh, not a lot. I had a foster family once bring us here but that was to get us out of the house so they could do something illegal. I, uh,…” When you paused they both turned their bodies to face you; Eddie crossing his legs while Steve still let one dangle over the side.
The vampire beside you could feel the struggle within you; that pain mixed with guilt and a bit of shame.
“Hey, you can tell us anything, ok? We want to know more about you but of course there’s no rush.”, he soothed as he tenderly reached out to pet your head.
“I, uh, ran away for a time and lived out here on the beach with another guy I knew. He actually got arrested right over there.”, you announce as you point past Steve towards another end of the area. “He beat the shit out of some guy and stole his wallet. Cops found me when they came looking for him but thankfully my mom had finally reappeared from whatever bender she had been on so I got to go home.”
They didn’t miss the sarcasm in your tone especially Eddie who felt your pain worsen at the memory.
“Did that guy hurt you?”, Steve asked causing the vampire to growl in his throat when you nodded.
“Sorry.”, he mumbled. “I don’t like the idea of someone hurting you…either of you.”
“Hm. Well, my dad was just an emotional dick.”, the pretty boy replied in a lighthearted tone that you both knew was fake. “I mean, minus the fucking the freak incident.”
“The fucking the freak incident?”
“Remember how I told you about those rumors that spread in our tiny town about me ‘fucking the freak’?” When you nodded he continued. “When my father heard them, he confronted me and I told him the truth. He threatened to cut me off and I told him I didn’t care. I told him that I loved Eddie and I wasn’t going to leave him.”
Steve softly grinned at his boyfriend who did the same as he reached across you to caress his face.
“In response, my dad punched me and threw me out of the house. I showed up at Eddie’s trailer and Wayne took me in.” A question passed through your mind that he saw through your eyes before you turned your head away and pressed your lips together. “Because I was at the Hawkins High Championship Game.”
Both you and the metalhead’s gaze shifted towards him at his response.
“You were wondering why if I lived with him, why wasn’t I there when Chrissy died, right? Yeah… Mr. Nerd here had a club meeting with his friends where they played D&D together while I went to the game. Afterwards, he went home while I hung out with one of our friends and ended up crashing at her place. The next morning, we went to work and that’s when I found out what happened.”
Eddie heavily sighed as he glared at Steve but it wasn’t in anger…
“Steve Harrington, how many times do I have to tell you what happened wasn’t your fault? No, don’t argue with me.”, he scolds as the other boy starts to defend. “I can feel your guilt. It’s actually very interesting to me how guilty you both feel about things that aren’t your fault.”
“You never felt that way?”
Steve’s eyes widen in playful mocking as the vampire hangs his head and growls. It wasn’t the many angry rumbles you had heard from him but more like faux annoyance of being caught. You’d be lying if you didn’t say you found it kind of cute.
“I did but I did the thing I felt guilty about.”
“You didn’t kill her, Eddie.”
“Yeah but I left her there. I should have stayed with her till the cops came. I shouldn’t have let my uncle see her like that.”
“But then you would have gotten arrested.”, you added trying to help ease his own pain.
“Maybe… doesn’t matter much now though.” He softly smiles in your direction as he reaches out to touch your face. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go walk around a bit more.”
****
Stopping suddenly, you block their path causing them to run into your back.
“Woah, Y/N. You okay, honey?”, Steve asks as he lets go of Eddie’s hand to check on you.
“Yeah, I just…can we go in here?”
Above your head was a bright colored red neon sign that read “The Naughty Corner” with an arrow that pointed towards a front door that windows on either side were blocked by curtains.
“Of course.”, he grins as he takes your own hand and tugs you in as the metalhead trails behind with a small smile as he watches you both.
As you entered the building, on the other side of the display windows where mannequins dressed in very skimpy lingerie for both men and women. Along the walls and aisles were a plethora of sex toys, outfits, erotic novels, and everything else in between.
“My ex wasn’t very…open minded with this kind of stuff.”
“Is there something in particular you wanted to look at?”, Steve inquired, following your finger when you point towards the teddies and nighties.
“What does Eddie like?”
“He’s really into anything red or black for sure.”, he smirks as his eyes scan over the inventory in front of him.
“And what about you?”
“Um…”, he grins as he chuckles nervously.
“Yeah, Steve, what about you?”, Eddie teases as he wraps you in his arms and you lean against his chest.
“I mean, I like anything really especially if it’s on you.”
A little aw sound escapes your lips and the vampire behind you grins softly when he feels your energy light up at Steve’s compliment.
“What about this here? It has a matching set for a guy and a girl.” Reaching for the black teddy, you display it for him against your body as a heavy sigh of pleasure escapes his lips.
“Oh pretty girl. He likes that one a lot…so do I.”, Eddie whispers in your ear as he lowers his grip to your hips and pulls you flush against him making you lick your lips when you feel his cock press against your ass.
“What about this for him?”, you ask as you hold up the sheer underwear against the other boy’s waist.
“We’ve never…I’ve never…worn anything like that before.”, Steve stutters, trying to control the growing need to take you right here in the store.
“Would you want to?” Your eyes lock with his as they flutter while the vampire’s hands roam along any part of your exposed skin he can find. “I thought…maybe…the next time you stream…I can join and we should be matching. I mean…since we’re both Eddie’s.”
The human boy’s eyes flick towards his boyfriend’s silently asking for permission before the vampire nods. With a wide grin, he kisses your cheek before taking the garments and heading for the counter.
“This is the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time. You calm his mind.”, Eddie reveals tenderly kissing your shoulder. “Even before I changed, he was always on edge; prepared for anything that could happen in our town.”
“With everything you both have told me so far, I’m not surprised. What about you? Do I calm your mind? I’ve honestly never seen you smile as much as you have since I’ve been staying with you.”
The metalhead blinks a couple of times, kissing your body once more before gradually guiding you towards the counter Steve was waiting by.
“You do. You always have. When he and I would talk about you and I could feel you… there was a love there I couldn’t explain so I didn’t. I think… I think I always felt you. When we first got here I remember feeling so protective. I thought it was just over Steve but holding him tightly to me never removed that fear or urge like something was wrong.”
“Then I saw your name pop up on our feed… I told Steve I wanted to talk to InnocentLittleMina.”, he grins when he hears you giggle. “More than anything I wanted to see if he felt something to and he did. Oh, sweetheart, boy did he ever especially when he saw your beautiful face.”
Eddie’s hands suddenly held you tighter to his chest as his tone deepened.
“I felt that protective urge again a few days later and then we saw your face… your lip was busted. I knew. I knew that fucker was hurting you. You said you fell but I knew. My mother used to say shit like that when people would ask what happened to her…” He closed his eyes as he exhaled trying to control himself and only calming when he felt your lips kiss his cheek.
“I wanted to come get you.”, Eddie whispered. “Steve begged me not to. He thought our life would be worse for you.”
“I can understand that to but I’m here now and I’m safe with you two. Right, Daddy?”, you murmur into his ear just as the other man finishes paying.
“That’s right, princess. You’re safe with us.”
##############
“Are you sure you want to do this?”, Steve asks as you both sit on the end of the bed waiting for Eddie to come back from the kitchen.
“Yes, I’m sure. I trust you both.”
“Holy shit.”, the vampire sighs when his eyes land on you both in your lingerie.
Your black teddy was made of the same sheer material as Steve’s but unlike his crotch area, yours was covered. Your breasts were visible under the garment as it hung perfectly from your shoulders. The boy beside you was vulnerable from head to toe with his cock easily seen under the lingerie style underwear you guys had bought, threatening to fall out fabric that was barely big enough to hold him.
“What do you think, Daddy? Do you like it?”, you beamed as you stood to allow him a better view. As Steve did the same, something in Eddie’s demeanor changed as his jaw tightened and his palm adjusted the growing bulge in his pants. “Eddie?”
“I don’t think we should stream tonight.”, he growled, fangs barred whether he was aware of it or not you weren’t sure.
“Eddie, we have to. It’s been a few days plus you need to eat something.”, Steve countered.
“N-No. You are mine. No one should get to see you two like this.”
“Baby—”
“MINE!”, he snarled as his eyes blackened.
Steve pushed you behind him knowing this is what he feared when it came to you; seeing the vampire take over. You don’t know why but he didn’t scare you like this. Maybe it’s because you had seen much scarier things in humans your entire life.
“Y/N, no—“, the human boy warned as you came around him and slowly moved towards the vampire in front of you.
“Everything’s ok, baby. Can…Can you bring Daddy back to us so we can play and feed you?”
“Daddy is right here and you…are…mine.”
“I am, baby. I’ve always been yours remember? Me and Steve. Can you feel us? Can you feel how much we want to please you, Daddy?”
Eddie’s head ticked to the side as his eyes closed and his breathing picked up.
“It’s ok.” Carefully, your hands reached out and he didn’t move when they landed on his shoulders. Gliding them down his arms, you captured his palms in yours and placed them on your sides. “It’s alright, honey. I trust you.”
Glancing towards Steve, your head gestured towards the computer and he quickly ran that way, pressing a button as the cameras came to life.
“Come on, Dracula. It’s time to eat.”
Leading him slowly towards the bed, you sat him down on the side and fell to your knees. Steve watched you cautiously, prepared should he need to step in as you unbuckled the vampire’s pants and slid them down his legs.
“May I suck your cock, please?”
Without saying a word, he nodded his head, groaning when your tongue darted out to lick his slit.
“Come here, Renfield. We need you to.”, you coo causing Steve to shakily sigh as he came to sit beside Eddie.
Taking your lead, he reaches for his boyfriend’s hand and places it on his bulge as he leans in close to the other man’s ear.
“We are yours, honey. Come back to us and take what belongs to you.”
Eddie mewled as he turned to kiss the boy’s lips as you fully descended his length, taking him as far back as you could and then some. When the vampire opened his eyes again, Steve smiles when chocolate-colored irises were reflecting back.
“I’m sorry.”, he whispered. “You both looked so sexy. I just…”
“Lost your mind for a second?”, his partner chuckles.
“Something like that.”, he grins. “Fuck. Come here, baby.” Lifting under your arms, he pulls you on to his lap and kisses your lips. “How about I make it up to you, my good boy.”, he cooed as you continued to kiss down his jawline to his neck. “Do you want to fuck Daddy, sweetheart?”
Eddie’s grin grew when he felt Steve’s dick get harder against his hand.
“Yes, sir. Please.”
“Ok, give me a second.” A giddy giggle leaves you as the vampire takes you fully in his arms and spins around till your back is flat on the bed. Gentle kisses land on your forehead till they find their way to the shell of your ear. “I’m sorry if I scared you, princess.”
“You don’t scare me.”
Kissing your cheek, you feel one of Eddie’s arms rest near your head as the other reaches between your bodies before guiding his cock into your core.
“Fuck, baby girl. So fucking wet already.”, he whines, thrusting slowly into you and allowing you to feel every inch him sliding along your walls. As he groans, you peered over his shoulder, watching as Steve tossed the bottle of lube behind him, and gradually pushed it into his boyfriend’s hole with his fingers.
“Does that feel good, Daddy?”, you whisper as you lean up to kiss his lips.
“So good. My good boy knows how to use his hands.”, he smiles cheekily.
After a few quick pumps, you watch their faces intently as Steve slides into the man in front of him.
“Jesus fucking Christ. Are you fucking kidding me?”, Eddie whimpers as he falls flat on top of you.
“Are you ok?”, you ask, kissing his shoulder when you feel him nod.
“You both feel—shit—so fucking amazing.” Thrusting his hips forward, you groan and the other boy soon follows as the vampire pulls back, pushing into him.
Steve’s soft palms hold your legs open as he steadily picks up his pace causing Eddie to do the same. The metalhead was completely lost in you both, keeping his head beside yours for fear of losing control.
“Go-Go ahead, Daddy. Take what you need.” You can’t help but be startled when he shakes his head. “Baby—”
“Don’t…wanna…hurt…you…”, he hissed through gritted teeth.
“Eddie.”, you whisper low enough so only he can hear. “I trust you. I know you won’t hurt me—mmm—I know. Please, Daddy. I want you to feed from me. I lo-love you.”
When his fangs grazed your skin, he hesitated only for a second before puncturing your flesh and draining your blood. Your fingers clung to his hair while Steve gripped his hips as your eyes rolled shut and he thrust his cock harder into your cunt.
Eddie took over, slamming deep into you, and abusing your g spot over and over while roughing coming back onto his boyfriend’s length at a much faster rhythm.
Your orgasm hit you like a fright train as you screamed and shuddered underneath him.
Something was wrong.
As you began coming down from your high, the room began to spin. He was draining you too quickly.
“R-Ren-Renfield…”, you slurred as you tried to reach for the man’s hand.
His concerned eyes shot your way and he hastily leaned over Eddie’s back, gripping his jaw in his fingers, and pried him off your neck. With hazy vision, you scanned the vampire’s face as his mouth fell open, fangs still bared, and blood tripping down his chin.
The last thing you remember is hearing them grunt and feeling warmth release into your core before everything went black.
############
“Steve? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Steve, baby, wake up!”
The human boy groaned as he rolled to his side and nuzzled his face into the palm that was on his cheek.
“You scared the hell out of me! I thought I killed you.”
Steve’s eyes fully snapped open as he took in his surroundings. They were still in the hotel and still in bed with Eddie now straddling his waist, both hands cupping his face.
“What happened?”
“You passed out after you came. I thought maybe I took too much blood or…”
Shaking his head, he sat up and wrapped his arms around the vampire’s waist which frightened him a bit more. Steve could be clingy after sex but right now he seemed more vulnerable.
“Daddy, I’m hungry.”
“Hey look at me. We’re not playing right now. Are you ok?”
Again, he nodded before falling back against the pillow.
“I should leave. I’m going to end up getting you killed and I won’t allow that.”
As Eddie rose to his feet, Steve fumbled over his own as he did the same and blocked the door with his slightly limp frame.
“Don’t you dare leave me again, Edward Munson!”, he cried. “I already died the day I lost you. Do you really think you accidently draining me too much or some other fucking asshole coming after us is going to be any worse?!”
Steve collapsed to his knees and circled his arms around his boyfriend as he began to sob. Eddie sat beside him and collected the man in his arms, holding him tightly to his chest.
“And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.”
The vampire softly grins when he hears his partner lightly chuckle at his singing.
“When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am.”
“Y/N!? Wake up, honey. Come on now.”
“She’s dreaming so she’s not dead.”
Steve flashes him a quizzical look as a tear falls down Eddie’s face before he hears you groan.
“Thank God. Are you alright? What happened? Here try and eat something.”, he coos as he hands you a small bag of cookies.
Nibbling on the treat he gives you, your gaze shifts to the vampire’s glassy eyes.
“It’s ok, Eddie.”
“It’s not but I know you two are going to disagree so…”, he responds sarcastically.
“I agree with Steve. After everything I’ve been through nothing you do could be any worse. I’m not afraid of—”
Eddie laughs, cutting you off as he stands and turns to face you both.
“You should be! I’m not a good guy, sweetheart. Not anymore and even he knows that.”, he shouts as he points to his boyfriend. “These are the risks of loving me. Steve was right. We never should have brought you here. Just…get dressed and he’ll take you home.”
“No.”
His brown eyes narrowed down at you as he squared his shoulders.
“Say that again, little girl. Because I don’t think I heard you right.”
“I said no.”
“Eddie—”
“Sit. DOWN.”, he commanded in a deep voice that Steve immediately listened to. As soon as he turned his attention back to you, your palm collided with his cheek. Because you were weak after him feeding from you it wasn’t very hard but it was enough for him to rear his head back and have his now black eyes penetrating yours.
“Eddie, my entire life has been loaded with bad people…especially guys.” You knew he couldn’t see your memories like you could with his but he could feel them. Concentrating hard, you ran through all the worst relationships you had in your life knowing he’d feel them and your emotions. He flinched, cringing away from you as he felt all your fear, pain, and devastation course through his veins. “I know you’re a good guy because everything you just felt… I’ve never felt that with you or Steve. When I say I trust you, I mean it. I’ve met monsters and you aren’t one.”
Becoming dizzy again, you started to fall but Eddie hastily caught you and placed you on the bed. The wind blew around you both before he returned with a bottle of water, delicately holding the back of your head as you tipped it back and allowed the liquid to fall into your mouth.
Once you finish, you lean your head onto Steve’s shoulder and in the blink of an eye the metalhead is gone.
"Are you alright, honey?”
“Yeah, just heavy.”
“Finish eating this here and then I’ll clean you up so you can go to sleep.” His eyes follow your own as they look towards the door. “Yeah, that’s not new for him. That particular argument we’ve had a few times especially when he accidently goes too far. He’ll be ok though, baby. I promise.”
Once you finish the bag of treats, Steve takes you into his arms and brings you to bathroom. His beautiful honey orbs focus on the task at hand making you smile as you watch him work.
“Y/N? May I ask you something? What did you ‘show’ him?”
“Monsters.”, you sigh. “My mom screaming at me while she was drunk calling me a whore at 10. My boyfriend I mentioned from the beach burning me with cigarettes because I ‘wasn’t listening’. John hurting me before Eddie saved me…”
Steve’s fingers gently caress your cheek before leaning forward to softly kiss your lips. Once you both were clean, he wrapped you up in one of the metalhead’s shirts making you beam.
“Hellfire?”
“His nerdy D&D club in high school.”, he answered, laying you under the covers and crawling in beside you. “Y/N, if anyone understands what you’ve been through it’s him. Eddie’s dad was awful. Of course, he’s nothing like him but I think when he slips like this he feels he’s living up to the Munson name. I told him that’s not true but, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, he’s stubborn. Maybe now that you’re here…maybe he’ll finally start believing it.”
Curling up into his chest, you both wrapped your arms around each other as you fell asleep. A little before dawn, you stirred to a familiar wind whipping through your hair. The bed behind you dipped and you listened to what sounded like someone sucking their thumb before the appendage carefully ran along the wound on your neck.
Any ache or pain you had been experiencing from his bite suddenly disappeared and his thumb was replaced with his hand delicately petting your head, moving your hair away from your face.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”, Eddie whispered. “I’m so fucking sorry. This will never happen again. I promise I’ll be more careful. I…I hate the vampire so much sometimes. When he pushes forward…he’s so hard to reign in. You both deserve so much better. I promise I’ll do whatever I can, baby.”
After lifting Steve’s arm and pulling it over his waist as well, the metalhead pressed his body against yours, grinning when you intertwined your fingers with his and brought his hand closer to your chest.
############
“Uh, boys?” Hearing the concern in your tone, Steve grabbed a chair and placed it beside where you were sitting at the computer. “We may have a problem.”
“Oh, fun.”, Eddie teases as he stands behind you both with his arms crossed.
“I’m not quite sure how to say this so I’m just going to. Your site is gone.”
“What do you mean our site is gone?”
“I mean, I came over here to look at things and do my job but when I went to your site it’s not coming up.” They carefully watched as your fingers flew across the keyboard in front of you. “I did some research to see if maybe there was an outage or something and…”
You pull up an article with a grainy video pasted near the top and press play.
“While we are still unable to find the exact source of the feed from these people known only as ‘Dracula’ and ‘Renfield’, we were able to intercept their traffic this morning and remove the site from the internet.”
“Is this permanent?”, a reporter asked.
“Uh, no. I imagine that it won’t be hard for them to get up and running again but now that we know how to remove them I’m sure we can find them and do it again.”
“Find them virtually right? Because you still don’t have a lock on their identities?”, another reporter cut in.
“That is correct. We do, however, have a whole team working to find them. While the footage isn’t 100% clear, we’re working on ways to grab anything we can to pinpoint who they are so we can stop this sadistic material once and for all.”
“Oh, Harrington, they have a team.”
“Eddie, stop. This is serious. Shit… if I had known about this I wouldn’t have let you stream with us last night, Y/N.”
“I moderate your site to, Steve. Depending on what they’re looking for they can probably find my footprints in your system.”
“Nerd.”
You giggle at the metalhead’s joke but the other boy wasn’t amused, concentrating hard on the monitor in front of him.
“Do you think Henderson is free?”
“Even if he’s not you know he’ll come here to help.”
“Who is this?”, you ask.
“Our friend. Ok, he’ll be asleep right now but I’ll call him in the morning before he heads to school.”
Eddie smiles as he sits on Steve’s lap and obnoxiously ruffles his hair.
“We’ll be fine, babe. You worry to much. He’s taken care of us for two years; he’ll do it again.”
################
@chelebelletx @mandyjo8719 @nailbatanddungeon
#steddie x reader#steddie fluff#steddie smut#steddie fanfiction#steddie#eddie munson#steve harrington#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson smut#eddie fanfic#eddie stranger things#steve fanfic#steve smut#steve stranger things#joe keery#joseph quinn#stranger things#fan fiction#steddie x you#steddie x y/n#steve fluff#dom!eddie munson#sub steve harrington#sub reader#vampire eddie munson#vampire eddie x reader#vampire eddie x steve#camboy steddie#stranger things au
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Just as a side note to everyone (I don't know who sees these, who reads them, and who cares. I also don't care how many people see and read these. If you're having a good day, that's awesome and I'm proud of you. Definitely keep scrolling, because a lot of my stuff cam get depressing. If you're having a bad day and need someone to tell you they're proud of you, that's what I'm here for.)
Anyways, if you've seen much or any of my posts, you'd probably get the impression that I'm fairly mental health focused. I am. I advocate strongly for positive mental health, especially online where anonymity is prevalent, because I know how bad mental health can get. I've been depressed (still am), I've had anxiety, I've wondered what's wrong with me because I can't fit in anywhere. I've dealt with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (not a great combination with depression), childhood emotional neglect, parentification and villification at the same time, somehow. I've looked at my future and asked myself, "I don't have anything to look forward to, so why do I care if I'm alive?"And answered that with "I don't. I really don't care if I'm alive or if I'm dead. I'll feel nothing either way". I've looked up the dosages of medications and prescriptions that could kill me. I've dreamed of falling asleep and never waking up. I've cut myself and hurt myself, emotionally and physically, because I thought that all I would ever amount to is a burden on others and a waste of time and energy. Hell, I still sometimes wonder what the point of being alive is (thankfully, it's less of a "I want to die" and more of a "Is there a purpose to it all, or are we just the newest dinosaurs, waiting for our asteroid,". All this is to say, I get it. I might not understand exactly what you're going through (there's some things that I will just never experience and so all I can do is offer support), but I get exactly how draining it is to keep putting one foot in front of the other, when every step you take seems to create a new obstacle for you to climb. That's why I make the posts that I do. If, when I was in my worst possible mindset, someone created something that I could look at and go "I'm not alone. I'm not exaggerating or spiraling or catastrophizing. Other people experience it too, and they understand." I probably would have still struggled, but not the way I have. I might not have wondered whether I'm exaggerating my mental state or my earlier years and gaslit myself into almost quitting therapy. So these posts are for anyone and everyone that needs a reminder to breathe, needs a distraction during stressful times, or even just needs an anonymous shoulder to cry on. I'm always here if you guys need something. I can't talk politics, religion, or anything else, for my mental health, but if you guys need to rant or talk through anything at all, I'm here.
As always, I'm proud of you. I hope to see everyone tomorrow. Be kind to each other, be kind to the earth, and most importantly, be kind to yourselves. I hope you either have a good day or a better one.
#tw depressing stuff#adhd#i love you#i'm proud of you#mental health#mental illness#actually mentally ill#mentally fucked#i'm so tired#only sometimes tho#which is an improvement#be gentle#be kind to yourself#be kind to others#sorry for being depressing#be kind#you're all amazing#i appreciate you#i appreciate all of you so much#depression#tw sui talk#tw sui ideation#tw sh implied#tw sh related#tw sh destructive behaviour#don't want to trigger anyone#anxiety#I'm not tagging this as sadist#even though Tumblr wants me to#you're all doing great
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