#calum hood is the loml

[sensitivecth]

Now or Never - c.h. fic

hello i wrote a calum fic that's angsty with a happy ending🫣 i kinda fell off tumblr but had some inspo the other day and it produced this. i started to write this after i learned my crush was moving to a different state, it hurt(s) so i made this to cope. i just finished it tho, good luck!

about 1.6k words, tw//smoking, tw//quarantine, bestie!calum, friends to lovers?? kind of, dj!cliffo?? a pinch, probably set in late 2021. girl IS latina she IS plus size, if you're not into it get over it. girlie can also NOT smoke, trust me i've tried, to explain the beginning! all love<3

I shuffle my feet out of the bar for some fresh air. Calum’s in tow for a smoke break.

We’ve been having a great night. He asked to hang out when he came back to town to move the last of his stuff. Suddenly we've been at the bars since 8.

“You sure you don’t want one?” he asked me teasingly. He knows I can’t inhale anything but air.

As the door closes behind him, I can hear the music quiet into a muffle.

“Haha, funny,” I deadpan in return, looking at the sky from nerves.

How can I not be nervous? I want to confess my crush I had on him for over a year. He’s so nice to me, he’d never make me feel bad. But he’s also moving back to the city. He’s been telling me all about the apartments he’s been looking at and jobs he’s applied to.

“Y/N, what’s up?”

I looked at him- made eye contact even- and got scared. Maybe I shouldn’t say anything.

“Y/N?”

“Oh yeah, sorry,” I got out. One time I told him how I hated eye contact. It stresses me to think about which eye I’m supposed to stare at. He told me to just look in the middle at the nose.

I looked back at the sky. My heart started racing.

He knows. He’s moving by next week but he knows, he has to right? I don’t think I hid it super well.

“Calum, I just-“ I stopped.

He’s staring at me again, I can feel it. I finally turn to look in his direction.

“You can look up at me, you know I love those brown eyes of yours,” he said. “Let me see them.” But I don’t look up.

I could just not say anything. I don’t have to tell him. He can move and we can keep talking like we did all of quarantine to continue our friendship.

But I can’t. I have to say something. Now or never, right?

“I don’t want you to say anything please until I’m done. This is hard for me, and I’m not sober so there’s some liquid courage backing me up.”

“Hm,” he paused, looking concerned. “Okay. I won’t say a thing.”

Now or never, I guess.

“Calum,” I wanted water. My mouth felt dry. “I’ve liked you for over a year.”

I pause just long enough that he opens his mouth. “And it’s super hard for me to accept a crush on someone so telling you right now is killing me.” I’m staring at his shoes now. He’s wearing an old pair of converse.

“I really wanted to be your friend when I saw one of your tattoos and asked about it. But it kind of kept tumbling into something else. And I know you don’t like me like that you don’t have to tell me-“

“Y/N but-“ Calum tried to stop me.

“No, Calum. You’ve pointed out the people you’re attracted to. You don’t have to justify it or try to pretend you liked me. I’ve seen them, Cal. They’re skinny white girls, and I know I’m not that.” My voice got quieter. I didn’t want to bring this part up.

But, there it was. My biggest insecurity around him. I’m not skinny let alone a stereotypically skinny white girl with blonde hair. I’m brown (and proud) and on the bigger side. I always have been. I’m also not the plus-size model big, I’m the fat rolls and back rolls with big arms kinda gal. I’ve never been more aware of my size than now.

“Seriously, it’s fine.” I comfort him, which is amusing to me so I smile. Why am I comforting him when this is supposed to be hard for me.

“I’ve been through this a lot Calum. I’ve had unreciprocated crushes my whole life. I’ve been asked out on 2 dates, by 2 different guys in elementary school. This isn’t new to me.”

‘This’ was being big and brown. Growing up in a primarily white school has its downsides. It looked like he was gonna say something again.

“Please, bub. I’m gonna get through this and then you can say whatever,” I saw him nod but I let the quiet sit between us.

I’m picking at my nails a bit and hear the muffled song change inside. It’s Youngblood.

Now or never, I tell myself again.

“Selfishly, I don’t think I could live with you moving 4 hours away and not tell you ever. You became a comfort person to me over quarantine. I didn’t know if it would continue when school started up again, but it did. And slowly, I wondered when you would text back. I thought about what you were doing and started to obsessively check social media to see if I could get anything from you.” I sighed.

This was harder than I thought.

“It was fine, living in my own little fantasy world of you maybe liking me. Telling my friends about our conversations and just everything I learned about you.”

It was a bit easier to say when he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking down at his cigarette.

“And then you mentioned a girl. I’m not even sure if you ever spoke to her really, you just saw her at the coffee shop. But I cried that day.”

I actually vividly remember the girl he described. She had purple pants, an old band t-shirt, and an old pair of converse as well. He didn’t talk to her, but he did say something along the lines of her being his “dream girl.”

“When you sent that text, I stopped replying for a moment. Then I put on a happy front and told you to talk to her, because of course I’m going to support my friend in whatever he decides to pursue romantically. It just stung a bit.”

“I didn’t talk to her,” he mumbled.

“I know Calum, I know.” I smiled again, thinking about how I felt that day and how I’ve grown.

He was still looking at his cigarette. I wanted to touch his arm.

“Anyway, after I responded semi-positively to that, you just kept sending stuff about girls and relationships left and right. That,” I paused for the drama and because I needed a breath, “fucking sucked Calum.”

I stopped talking for a bit. We were just standing there.

“And when we hung out in person in the park, you’d always mention how there were such cute girls around. I wondered if you hinted at me ever, but I finally realized you never did.”

Calum was still looking down. He hadn’t looked at me in a while.

“Listen Cal, I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty. I just want you to understand where I’m coming from.”

“No, it’s okay,” he said curtly. His cigarette was almost gone.

“So I kept up the friendship even though it pained me to see you talking about other women. And I thought I finally got over it after like 14 months of my everlasting crush.”

“Did you?” he looked at me briefly.

“To be completely honest, I felt like I’d get so close to being done with it and you’d do something so I would go back to square one. I’m proud of myself for only crying about it once though.”

He smiled. I love his smile.

“To be fair, I’m proud of you too. I’m not worth crying over.”

“You’re worth so much.”

“Don’t flatter me like that, my ego will get big,” his eyes twinkled with the moonlight. He was staring up now.

Ashton suddenly peeked his head outside.

“You guys okay?” he asked in a weird tone. I think he knows. He’s always known.

“Yeah mate, just going on about life ya know,” Calum’s answer was quick. Almost like he wanted to be rid of him. I couldn’t be too sure though.

“Alrighty! You missed Youngblood! Mike’s electric in there right now!” Ashton laughed as he turned.

The door did the really awkward thing where it closes super duper slowly, but I stared at it.

“Welp. That was it,” I told Calum as I turned back to him. “Yeah I don’t know. I just needed to tell you before you left.”

“Y/N, I love you with all my heart,” Calum started. He still wasn’t looking at me.

I knew immediately where this was going. I had to fix it.

“Calum, please don’t break me tonight. I don’t want that. Not for your last weekend. Let me send you off with the boys on Monday and help you pack the last of your stuff. Let me be there when you’re locking up the apartment for the last time. Let me breathe this weekend. Once you go I won’t fight it.” I’m pleading with him now. “Please give me this weekend.”

“I would never,” he emphasized, “want you anywhere but with us when we start our new lives. Like I said, I love you with all my heart.”

I felt the tears coming in. This is when he tells me I’ve been nothing but delusional and a joke. This is it.

“I see you next to me Y/N. We may be moving now, but I can never leave you behind. I won’t lie. I’m not in love with you, but I love you. I don’t know where this can go, especially starting off as a long distance thing, but we’ve done it before, right?” He’s kind of rambling at this point.

My breath is short, I am confused.

“Wait what?”

“Y/N. I wanna take you on a date. I’m confused and delighted you said anything. I’m sad I’m moving, but if you’re up for it then I am too.”

And just like that, the last year and then some make so much sense. He makes so much sense.

Now or never, I repeat to myself as I walk up to. The cigarette is gone.

[gothluke]

baby, you have to inhale

[confusionmeisss]

i didn’t pick my lane, my lane picked me. like, i was just peacefully existing one day, and then boom! michael clifford!

[bandsanitizer]

11 Years of 5SOS: Gotta Get Out -> Older

cos I know what’ll happen, if we get through this

[ushijaema]

i just need everyone to know that after being a fan for a decade, that i saw 5sos last night for the first time (from the pit) and i am a changed woman

[oncamelliastreet]

how would u recommend getting into 5sos?? i have friends who think i'll like them but it feels like a daunting task

OOO OO OOOOO

okay A) do it, they’re the best band ever and literally so funny you’ll die and luke hemmings is the loml so like you need to

B) the way i did it was i just listened to their first album and worked from there, but if we’re being extremely honest here their first album is hardly anyone’s favorite and that’s for a reason, so if you’re gonna listen to an album first i’d say either work from the beginning because you’ll here their growth more, or their 4th album CALM is really good and it’s only like 12 songs plus a bonus track and it’s a really good intro to them, or youngblood is my fav album by them so i’d definitely throw that your way

C) if you don’t want to listen to an album first and just want to get a feel, here are my fav songs by them

- take my hand (joshua tree version) ((ashton, the drummer, has said that this is the song he would want to define their band))

- lie to me (NOT the version featuring julia michaels) (this one comes with an extremely sad music video which i would be glad to describe to you in depth

- bad omens (literally one of their best songs)

- teeth

- no shame

- jet black heart (this one is really personal to their guitarist michael and they’ve said that they’re never removing it from their set list because it’s just too good which is amazing news because this song live is CATHARTIC)

- outer space/carry on (don’t be confused by the random silence in the middle it’s the rain in outer space if you listen closely, also i listen to this one every new year’s eve because it’s very hopeful and comforting)

- older (luke hemmings ft. his wife basically but it’s literally the most beautiful depressing love song and they randomly released it one day so i was crying at the bank after school when it first came out)

- not in the same way (THEIR BEST BRIDGE)

- out of my limit

- gotta get out (the first song they wrote and it fucking slaps dude)

also for some background info: they started out as a pop rock-ish band and luke hemmings is their lead singer, but they all sing and play instruments.

luke hemmings - lead singer, rhythm guitar (but he can also fucking shred because he’s made of angel dust)

calum hood - bass, background vocals mostly (he sings the entirety of wildflower & babylon and has mixed verses here and there throughout all their albums)

michael clifford - lead guitar, background vocals (he also has mixed verses here and there and sings the entirety of emotions)

ashton irwin - drums (and a beast at them) and background vocals (he had verses here and there too but not as common)

if you listen to a song, for example, Teeth, and you pause and think wait, there’s no way that’s the same guy singing because the vocals go so high and they were so deep before, that’s not possible, ITS LUKE!!! HE HAS THE MOST AMAZING RANGE OF ANY MALE ARTIST ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET AND CAN AND WILL SING AS HIGH OR AS LOW AS HE WANTS BECAUSE HE IS AN ICON

and if you wanna get to know their personalities first, carpool karabloke was the first video i watched of them (their australian hence karabloke) and it’s literally just them fucking around in the car listening to their album CALM (side note, that albums is there names —calum, ashton, luke, michael—because if there’s one thing they love, it’s naming an album after themselves. see: 5 seconds of summer, livesos, CALM, 5sos5)

and one more thing, if you listen to them and don’t really fuck with them (you would be wrong, by the way, listen again) then two of their members have solo works!! ashton had two albums: blood on the drums and superbloom, and luke has an album: when facing the things we turn away from (this one i could really talk about for hours because it’s my favorite album of all time) and a long ep called “boy” which is also amazing, so i would check those out

okay sorry i totally just infodumped on you because i have so much 5sos info in my brain and nobody to share it with YAYAYAY so if you ever want like a super in depth breakdown of like one of their music videos or their history feel free to ask me about it because i would loooove to talk about this for hours

also you’ll have to wait a sec for your flower because my sister literally told me she got engaged in the middle of me writing this so i got distracted 😭

[sylveqs]

°°♡♡♡°°

[goldensstateofgrace]

AHHHHH I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCHH

[chamaleonsoul]

I wanted to make memes that describe the current situation (november) and for some reason they both ended up being beach!sos photos. anyways

[hellosanshine]

it's always you and calum. you and calum this, you and calum that.

[sensitivecth]

calum hair

michael smile that's all i can't process the rest

wait why are those 3 wearing pants? (derogatory)

[pxrxmoore]

so true bestie this is king shit 👑

[gothluke]

loverboy 🩷💋💌

[confusionmeisss]

i just want everyone to know, this is the love of my life. like, i will never love a man more than i love michael gordon clifford, and i’m being so genuinely serious when i say that.

[tekweela]

loml

[calumthoodshands]

GOOD MORNING MISS ARIA!! 💗

You know what time it is!!

Here’s your daily dose!! (Also yes it is 6:46 am and I’m not tired bc I slept from like 8pm to 2am )

This,, is some very pretty cake you have here grace