#callofboxthulhu

[boxthulhu]

CthulRuview: Foreo LUNA fofo

What follows are the notes from the diary of Mina Winthrop, a visiting professor at Miskatonic University concerning the strange events that occurred upon her arrival in Arkham, MA. For the TL;DR version of this review, skip to the end.

I had not imagined that the dark and twisting words whispered in my dreams would bring me here, but yet, I found myself standing in the shadows of Miskatonic’s hallowed halls.  My colleagues at Monroe College were surprised at my abrupt departure, especially since my tenure was all but a certainty.  There are strange black things that beckon me here; questions that without answers will surely drive me mad.  

I hear it... calling me. Ia! Ia! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

My first order of business was to settle in at the boarding house near campus.  Mrs. Nanette Hainsworth, the proprietor, greeted me.  She showed me to a comfortable and well appointed room, which would be home for the considerable future.  As I unpacked my belongings, I saw... IT.  Curled on my bed was a small creature with piercing silver eyes, bluish grey fur sticking out in all directions, with a growl that vibrated the bed frame.

Mrs. Hainworth exclaimed, “Ah, I see you met my little Luna! They say she’s a Russian grey, but I never paid much attention to fancy breeds of cats. She loves the sun in here. I hope you’re not allergic?”

“No.” I faltered with my answer.  That creature... its glassy silver eyes - dead eyes - bore into me.  I felt something assessing me from beyond, sizing me up... wondering how supple my skin might be betwixt its fangs...

Shaking these dread feelings off, I hurried to my first official function as a member of the faculty - a lovely supper with the chancellor and members of the Fine Arts department.  The meal lasted longer than expected and I slipped back to my room quite late in the evening.  Exhausted, I fell into bed and deep sleep.

That is, until I awoke with the beast perched upon my chest, its silver eyes gleaming in the moonlight.  Its growl switched back and forth inexplicably from a low purr to an agitated hum, as it rubbed itself against my face in random patterns.  It stared at me intently.

i AM fOfO. fOoooooofOoOoooooo

Terrified, I stayed perfectly still.  The words, punctuated by its growl, burned into my brain.

fOfO HUNGERS fOr sKinnnnnnnn

In a panic, I flung the creature off of me.  It skittered through the open door to my room and down the hall.  I slammed the door and locked it tight.

And so begins my adventure in Arkham. _____________________________________________________________ TL;DR Product Review

Hey tentacle friends!

So I got a Foreo LUNA fofo in the Summer Fab Fit Fun box and gave it a try.  It’s like a little dumb creature that lives in your bathroom, honestly. To use it, you pair the device up with an app that assesses your skin hydration level, which then formulates a routine in the device to help more effectively clean your face.  You use a non-exfoliating cleanser with the little fofo and it vibrates at different intensities to help you really get a complete cleanse.

I am not a fan and I really wanted to be one, because I am naturally drawn to anything that is a mess of tiny tentacles.  I found the app kind of janky and unresponsive, and the actual cleansing bit is not particularly useful.  It’s an unnecessary gadget that kind of overcomplicates what is not a very difficult process in your skincare routine.  And with an $89 price tag, you have to REALLY love gadgets to get your money’s worth.  The silicon nubs are soft and do a good job of scrubbing, but the same could be said for other much less expensive products. Some users have reported problems with the batteries that come with the device (I did not have this problem).

Rating:  One out of Five YIGS Skip this one, unless you happen to get it on sale or in a FFF box

your pal out of space and time,  Boxy Cthulhu

[boxthulhu]

I took my daily constitutional, walking the winding paths that cut through the woods behind my home, climbing high to a hilltop that overlooks the landscape beyond.  The sky was vast and full of swelling clouds, swirling and churning, colored blue purple green like a fresh bruise.

Then I heard those words echo in my ears, my mind SPRING IS ON THE WAY and the clouds, the sky turn to writhing bits of snaking yarn noodles, Spawn of the Nameless Yarn, KnitCrate the blues and greens and purples become three skeins of Be So Tender, 100% Organic cotton yarn by Kristin Omdahl Now available as part of the March 2018 Artisan Crate

In a flash, I knew they would be coming for me A Harbinger of Crates would leave it at my door But then the vision faded, and I was left looking out over a great expanse of gnarled trees in the primeval forest, twisted and broken.

My heart fills with anticipation and dread.

[boxthulhu]

sugar

I stare into the abyss to find a miasma of colors declaring loudly that SPRING IS ON THE WAY even though it is common knowledge among people of science that winter has a firm, determined grasp upon our hearts for weeks to come.  I found my thoughts drifting, however, towards times of my youth; times whence my hands clutched brightly colored candies and shoved them into my vociferous maw with carefree abandon, when a haze of sugar fueled fever dreams filled my childish mind with cavorting unicorns gamboling upon rainbow bridges in dimensions beyond my ken.

SPRING IS ON THE WAY It echoed throughout every cell in my body, vibrating my skin like a tuning fork struck just before an infernal choir bleats forth their maddening song. THE MARCH THEME IS SUGAR SUGAR I gasped. Spawn of the Nameless Yarn, Knitcrate, had announced their theme and revealed their Membership crate.   I looked upon it and my mind went blank. I woke up with a Membership Crate subscription and five pounds of gummy candies.  I know not where I obtained them.  The candy, that is.  The KnitCrate subscription can be obtained by visiting their website and signing up for one of several monthly options. 

Now I wait, knowing that the Harbingers of Crates inch ever closer to my home, packages in hand. They will haunt my dreams. My sugar coated, gummy candy fueled dreams.

I swoon.

[boxthulhu]

from the depths

I sense them lurking on the outliers of nothingness, transported by the Horsemen of Whatever Ships Cheaply and Expeditiously (but not too expeditiously). Cardboard podlings filled with amulets and tinctures... initiations to a cult of beauty in which soft skin and strong nails show superiority.  

They haunt me.  They come for me.  I cannot stop the want of them.  They will be my undoing. The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.   I fear the unknown of what samples I have not been completely spoiled about.  Do I have them already?  Will they be foil packets?  MADDENING