#calling it now someone in that love triangle is gonna be toast

[phoebebuggers]

either steve or jonathan is COOKED for season 5

[wanderingchocolateeclair]

A BIG collection of my favourite randomly generated incorrect quotes with the top 5 (+ edgejeanist unsurprisingly - I think I got pretty lucky for that part) :

@ohpleaseiwillendyou idk I just thought you might enjoy these 🥰

———————

Tsunagu: Hey, I’m getting in the shower. Wanna help me out?

Shinya: ...Have you never taken a shower before?

———————

Enji: You remind me of the ocean.

Shinya: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

Enji: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

———————

Tsunagu: Where the devil is Shinya?

Rumi: Well, it is raining outside... Maybe he melted?

Keigo : Shall I look outside for a pointy hat?

———————

Keigo : Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight.

Tsunagu: But are you shuffling?

Keigo : Everyday.

Shinya: What language are you two speaking??

———————

Tsunagu: So, what are we doing?

Shinya: Wasting our lives.

Tsunagu: I meant for lunch...

———————

Keigo: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-

Rumi: Eyy, homie!

Shinya: But then there's cootie...

Tsunagu: Die.

———————

Enji: What does “take out” mean?

Keigo: Food.

Rumi: Dating.

Tsunagu: Murder.

Shinya: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.

———————

*Comments under an image of a really hot knife cutting bread*

Rumi: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife.

Enji: It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful.

Tsunagu: if you want information it is

Keigo : why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?

———————

*playing twister*

Rumi: Right hand red.

Shinya: *ends up on top of Tsunagu*

Tsunagu: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Rumi: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

———————

Shinya: What do we think of Tsunagu?

*pause*

Keigo : *sighs* Nice pal.

Enji: I think he’s gay.

———————

Keigo : What do rainbows mean to you?

Tsunagu: Gay rights.

Shinya: There's money.

Rumi: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole Earth with a flood.

Enji: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

———————

Tsunagu: Unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just 'walk up and join a circle of people talking', but it does sound lovely, thank you.

———————

Keigo : If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?

Rumi: Maybe a bit tipsy?

Enji: Drunk.

Shinya: Wasted.

Tsunagu: Dead.

———————

Enji: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

Keigo : An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.

Shinya: A realist sees a freight train.

Tsunagu: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

———————

Rumi: Is this your plan B?

Shinya: Technically, this is plan P.

Rumi: Plan P? Is there a plan M?

Shinya: Yes, but I marry Tsunagu in plan M.

Tsunagu: I like plan M.

———————

Kidnapper: We have your child

Enji: I don’t have a child?

Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich?

Enji: Oh god, you have Keigo

(I kinda wanted to change this particular one to Tsunagu, but I think it’s funnier if Enji says this one - especially with the ‘I don’t have a child’ lmao)

———————

Tsunagu: Time for plan G.

Enji: Don’t you mean plan B?

Tsunagu: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Keigo : What about plan D?

Tsunagu: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Rumi: What about plan E?

Tsunagu: I’m hoping not to use it. Shinya dies in plan E.

Shinya: I like plan E.

———————

Shinya: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Tsunagu and I are dating.

Tsunagu, Rumi, Keigo , and Enji: *gasp*

Shinya: Tsunagu, why are you surprised?!

————————

Uh oh I’m getting carried away there’s so much more:

————————

Enji: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

Keigo, Tsunagu , & Rumi: Okay.

Enji: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.

Keigo: Bold of you to assume I have money.

Tsunagu : Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.

Rumi: Bold of you to assume I can die.

———————

Keigo : Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…

Enji: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.

Keigo : Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…

Tsunagu: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

———————

Shinya: Can we go out to get icecream?

Tsunagu: Did you ask Rumi?

Shinya: She said no.

Tsunagu: Then why did you ask me?

Shinya: She’s not the boss of you.

Tsunagu, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.

———————

Keigo : Where's Shinya?

Rumi: Don't worry, I'll find him.

Rumi, shouting: Tsunagu sucks!

Shinya, distantly: Tsunagu is the best person ever! F*ck you!

Rumi: Found him.

(I am genuinely surprised with how lucky I got with these ones, they make me so happy wow)

———————

Shinya, watching Enji & Tsunagu panic : What's going on?

Keigo : Enji is having a midlife crisis and Tsunagu is just having a crisis.

———————

Rumi: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Keigo : Several traffic violations.

Shinya: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Tsunagu: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Enji: Also, that’s not our car.

——————

Shinya: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Tsunagu: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Shinya: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Tsunagu: Is it working?

(Again, was not expecting this one to be randomly generated but hey I’m definitely not complaining lmao plus he’d totally do this)

——————

Tsunagu: Rumi, what do you have?

Rumi: A KNIFE!

Tsunagu: Okay, have fu-

Shinya: NO!

———————

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.

Shinya, with Enji and Keigo behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!

Police: Yes…three.

Shinya: Oh, my God—

Police: Wha-

Shinya: Tsunagu FELL OFF!

———————

Enji: You know you can die from that, right?

Keigo: *smoking a cigarette* That’s the point.

Shinya: *drinking alcohol* We’re trying to speed this up.

Tsunagu: *Eating raw cookie dough and nodding*

———————

Shinya, trying to convince Enji to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong!

Keigo: And loud!

Tsunagu: And grumpy!

Rumi: And oblivious to reality!

Enji:

———————

*The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword*

Shinya: Rude.

Tsunagu: That's fair.

Enji: Not again.

Rumi: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

———————

Keigo: Shinya-

Shinya: *sighs* Tsunagu used to call me Shinya...

Keigo: ...Because it's your f*cking name.

———————

Rumi: Do you cook?

Tsunagu: I made a cake once.

Shinya: Yeah, it was good.

Tsunagu: Really?

Shinya: Don’t make me lie twice, Tsunagu.

———————

Enji: And now for a gay update with Shinya and Tsunagu.

Tsunagu: Getting gayer.

Enji: Thank you, Tsunagu.

(Of course of course)

———————

Tsunagu: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Shinya: Sure!

Shinya: Whats your favorite color?

Tsunagu, laser focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

(This is accurate. Why is this accurate ahaha)

—————————

Tsunagu: I have one foot in the grave but in a kind of fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking.

———————

Ahaha okay I think that’s enough it’s late now- I have way more but hey, that’ll have to be later

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Eccentricity [Chapter 6: You Know You Got Me In The Palm Of Your Hand]

Series Summary: Joe Mazzello is a nice guy with a weird family. A VERY weird family. They have a secret, and you have a choice to make. Potentially a better love story than Twilight.

Chapter Title Is A Lyric From: Mean It by Lauv.

Chapter Warnings: Language, references to sex and violence, slavery in American history.

Other Chapters (And All My Writing) Available: HERE

Tagging: @queen-turtle-boiii​​​​​ @bramblesforbreakfast​​​​​​ @writerxinthedark​​ @maggieroseevans​​​​​​ @culturefiendtrashqueen​​​​​​ @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark​​​​​​ @escabell​​​​​​ @im-an-adult-ish​​​​​​ @someforeigntragedy​​​​​​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​​​​​​​​​​ @deacyblues​​​​​​ ​ @tensecondvacation​​​​​​​ @brianssixpence​​​​​​ @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​​ @some-major-ishues​​ @haileymorelikestupid​​ @loveandbeloved29​​

Please yell at me if I forget to tag you! 💜

What The Fuck, Washington Animals Are Weird

I woke up in a bedroom drenched in a rainbow of darkness, shades of grey vacillating from charcoal to the wings of a mourning dove; indolent dawn rain pattered against the window. There were no glaring veins of sunlight spilling in through gaps in the curtains, no promise of dry invigorating heat, no whistle of vicious parched wind. Toto, we’re not in Phoenix anymore.

“Ugh,” I complained to the empty room, unraveling from a tangle of blankets patterned with cacti and pure white clouds and rust-orange suns.

I clicked off my iPhone alarm—I’d beaten it by two minutes; my circadian rhythm was finally conceding that this whole Pacific Time thing was permanent—and read my nine new texts from Joe.

3:12 a.m.: Hey it’s an emergency what’s the plural of octopus

3:13 a.m.: Rami is insisting that it is octopuses

3:14 a.m.: But it’s octopi, right? Right?? I just announced in front of everyone that it’s octopi

3:15 a.m.: Scarlett is verbally abusing me

3:18 a.m.: Oh you are probably asleep

3:21 a.m.: Update, according to the internet Rami is right and now I have to assume a new identity and move to Antarctica

3:25 a.m.: We can discuss logistics of the Antarctica relocation tomorrow

3:26 a.m.: Hope you like penguins

3:30 a.m.: Okay goodnight!! Don’t let the mythical creatures bite!!

“That man,” I murmured to myself, smiling.

I typed out: It’s definitely octopuses, you clown. Then I deleted ‘clown’ and replaced it with its Italian equivalent: pagliaccio. Text sent.

Joe responded almost instantly. I had to ask Lucy what pagliaccio meant and now she’s verbally abusing me too. Send help. See you at lunch. xx

Wait, two Xs? What did Xs mean?? Kisses???

Did Joseph Francis Mazzello, sexy undead Italian man, just send me multiple text kisses?

“You’re gonna give me an aneurism, Chicago boy,” I muttered at my phone as I slid it into the pocket of my flannel pajama pants. And then I glanced out the bedroom window into a tussle of rain and thick, caliginous fog.

Just a few feet beyond the misted glass, its leathery talons hooked around a branch of Charlie’s decades-old red alder tree, was an owl. But not just any owl. A hulking, spotlessly white owl.

“Oh, hey, you,” I whispered, leaning closer, pressing my palms against the cold window. My hands left transparent imprints in the condensation. “Hey, buddy. Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping? I sure wish I was. Did something wake you up? Did your idiot vampire boyfriend disturb you with a series of ridiculous texts?”

The owl just contemplated me with unnervingly vast, slick, engrossed eyes. And there was something else, too: those eyes were blood red.

“So you’re an albino owl, huh big guy? Good for you. You know, usually albino animals don’t last all that long in the wild. Because they’re really easy for predators and prey to spot. Or they get skin cancer. So congratulations on living to become the voluptuous, tremendously creepy creature that you are today. Job well done.”

The owl stared back at me unflinchingly, blinked, then resumed staring. Rainwater gathered in swelling beads like blood drops on its ivory-colored beak and talons.

“Well,” I noted, turning away and grabbing my shower towel off the back of the desk chair. “You don’t get that in Arizona.”

Thirty minutes later, I was bounding down the stairs two at a time to meet Charlie in the kitchen. He was browsing through his daily newspaper at the table, drinking coffee and nibbling messily on burnt triangles of toast. Crumbs littered his moustache.

“You didn’t tell me that living here came with the added benefit of freaky albino animal friends.”

Charlie crinkled his forehead at me. “Huh?”

“How was bowling with the dads last night?”

“Oh, awesome!” he exclaimed, folding up his newspaper and slapping it down on the table. “We bowled against the team from Mora and it came right down to the wire, but we caught them. Dr. Lee got a strike on his very last turn. He always seems to do that...he’ll be bowling hit or miss all night and then when it really matters he manages to pull a strike out of nowhere. He’s a beast.”

“He’s a pretty remarkable guy,” I agreed, rummaging through the cabinets for Pop-Tarts.

“He mentioned that you and his son were really hitting it off,” Charlie said, grinning. “Not the ragey blond one. The spindly annoying one. What’s his name again? Josh? Jimmy?”

“Joe.” I conjured up my best poker face of lofty indifference. It crumbled like a sandcastle beneath reckless, rushing footsteps.

“Ohhhh, I saw that!” Charlie said, pointing, delighted. “Check out that smile. My gorgeous, brilliant progeny has a crush. I knew it. I knew you wouldn’t be single for long up here. Alright, I’m ready. Bring on the grandchildren.”

“Shut up,” I pleaded good-naturedly.

“Relax, I have great news. According to Gwil, that Joe kid is pretty wild about you too.”

“Oh, is that what you old guys do between bowling turns? Betray your children’s deepest confidences? Matchmake them over nachos and chili cheese dogs?” Still, my curiosity was piqued. “What else did Dr. Lee say about Joe?”

“I think the exact word he used was...” Charlie reminisced, sipping his coffee, curls of steam pouring over the rim of the mug. “Smitten.”

Supernatural Pictionary

I turned the notebook to Joe so he could see; everyone else momentarily covered their eyes or looked away. Then Lucy started the timer on her iPhone. Thirty seconds.

“Go!” Lucy announced.

“I think it’s a boat,” Rami said, hesitantly, haltingly, squinting at Joe with great concentration.

“Do you?” Joe teased.

“Yeah. But I’m also getting something about a fish.”

“Maybe I’m trying to make you think it’s a fish because it’s actually a boat,” Joe replied flippantly.

Rami muttered: “Or you want me to think it’s a boat because it’s actually a fish.”

“Interesting.”

“Now you’re mentally singing Never Gonna Give You Up just to fuck with me.”

Joe gasped, pressing a palm to his chest. “That doesn’t sound like something I would do!”

Scarlett snickered, dunking her chicken tender in honey mustard, slurping Coke through a straw clenched between crimson-painted lips. “That sounds exactly like something you would do.”

“Fifteen seconds,” Lucy warned.

“Fish or boat, boat or fish...” Rami chanted, peering fixedly at Joe.

“Make a decision,” I taunted, hugging the notebook to my chest.

“I’m going with boat,” Rami decided.

“Final answer?” Lucy asked, then stopped the timer when Rami nodded.

“Loser!” Joe cackled victoriously, leaping out of his chair, waving his L-shaped fingers in the air. Calawah University students at nearby tables glanced over with wide, startled eyes, their beloved chicken tenders briefly forgotten. “How’s it feel to not win every round of a game, huh?! Loser!”

I flipped my notebook so Rami could see the extremely unskilled pencil sketch I’d drawn there: a smiling fish. “My condolences.”

“Damn.” Rami pulled a ten-dollar bill out of his wallet and slid it across the table to Joe. Joe snatched it up, tucked it into the waistline of his jeans like a stripper collecting money in her G-string, and slung his arm around my shoulders.

“We are the champions. Bask in our glory.”

Scarlett turned on her iPhone flashlight and waved it in slow arcs over her head. “Youuuuu are the champions, my friendssssss...”

From my usual lunch table, Jessica gazed at my esteemed place among the Lees with palpable envy, resting her chin in her hands. I had worked out a schedule that seemed fairly obvious given my extensive experience as a child of divorce: lunch with Jessica et al. one day, lunch with the Lees the next. I took a bite of the Chipotle veggie bowl that Joe had insisted on ordering for me and tossed Jessica a sympathetic wave. Get Ben’s Snapchat for me! she mouthed back. I harbored serious doubts that Benjamin August Hardy, former professional assassin, born in 1893, had a Snapchat.

Joe’s words from last week rolled around in my head; I could see him all over again, nodding to the enormous painting hung in Gwil’s upstairs office, telling me about those startling, ethereal figures who had initiated Ben into life as a vampire. They call themselves the Draghi. They collect dues from covens, offer protection, keep order, protect our secrets. But they also demand loyalty. They force people they want into service. They might try to make it seem like you have a choice, but you don’t. They destroy anyone who tries to resist them. And they feed on humans.

“This is so awesome,” Lucy sighed, elated. “We could never play Pictionary before, drawing something is way too much of a mental process, Rami always figured it out right away...”

But now they had a built-in blindfold, someone who could draw without Rami getting a peek into their thoughts, a fighting chance at hiding the truth from him...for thirty seconds, at least.

“Okay Benny Boy, you’re up.” Joe darted over to Ben’s side of the table and massaged his tense, muscular shoulders as Ben grimaced. “You got this. I believe in you. Baby Swan is gonna pitch you a home run.”

“I’ll pass,” Ben said.

“You can’t!” Lucy cried. “Ben, please? Rami got Scarlett’s, and then he didn’t get Joe’s...and I know he’s going to see though me immediately. You’re our only chance to tie things up and maybe beat him!”

“Traitor,” Rami told Lucy affectionately.

“Uhh...” Ben hesitated, glimpsing longingly at the doors that led outside to the grove of bigleaf maple trees. He was fidgeting restlessly with his vape pen.

“Come on, Benny!” Joe begged. “I’ll owe you. I’ll do anything.”

Ben perked up a little bit. “You’ll do my Calc 2 homework for a month?”

Joe groaned theatrically, but nodded. He was wearing a grey U Chicago hoodie today. “Fine. Okay. But you’re gonna have to learn that shit eventually, I can’t take the MCAT for you.”

“Deal.” Ben bumped his knuckles against Joe’s.

“Batter up,” Joe heralded in his best mock-umpire voice, grinning at me expectantly, drumming the table with his palms. “Go Baby Swan, go! What will she choose? Will she continue with the nautical theme? Will she change it up, maybe switch to beloved Chicago landmarks? Baseball or food? Will she invent a variety of pizza even more despicable than pineapple?”

“Hm.” I flipped to a fresh notebook page, scratched my temple with the eraser end of the pencil, then quickly sketched a picture for Ben. “Okay, I’m ready.” I showed the drawing to Ben while everyone else covered their eyes.

Ben shook his head, scowling. “You’ll have to try again. I have no idea what that is.”

“Really?!” I checked the picture again. Okay, it definitely didn’t belong in the Louvre or anything, but it was lifelike enough to be decipherable. “You don’t recognize it? At all?”

“No,” Ben replied flatly.

From behind his shielded eyes, Rami scanned through the images in Ben’s mind. He dropped his hands onto the table. “SpongeBob?!”

“Who...?” Ben ventured.

Everyone else looked too. “Oh yeah, that’s definitely SpongeBob,” Joe said, then chuckled. “Aww, Baby Swan, you even remembered his little necktie!”

“It’s so cute!” Lucy trilled.

Ben just stared at the picture, blinking, completely lost, increasingly morose. And now there was a new guest at the table; or maybe not a new one, maybe just a quiet one, something that perched on the ledge of every conversation and field of vision just waiting to tap its claws against the wall and make its presence known: that interminable reminder of Ben’s unconventional past life, of how incomparable his vampiric upbringing was to those of the rest of the Lee kids.

“Benny Boy, you’ve never seen SpongeBob?” Joe inquired gently. “No problem. We’ll have a marathon tonight. I have the entire series on DVD. Also several Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy action figures.”

Scarlett snorted. “This is why you’ve been single since Hoover was president.”

“I wasn’t single the whole time,” Joe corrected.

“Oh, really?” Not that I’m interested, my voice suggested. I was a total liar. I was super interested. Thank the great deity that Rami and Ben couldn’t read me like a restaurant menu. Today’s specials are Being In Love With Someone Wildly Inappropriate for $15.99, and also Lamenting My Own Lack Of Sexual Experience for $11.99. Oh, and clam chowder.

“He had a couple of...what would you call them?” Scarlett combed her elegant fingers through her voluminous blonde hair. “What’s the modern vernacular? Fuck buddies? Booty calls? Netflix and chill partners?”

My stomach lurched; I nonchalantly buried my fork in a mountain of guacamole and left it there. I kept my lips turned up into a smile like a mask. Of course he’s loved other people. Duh. He’s hot and immortal. Get over it. But that didn’t calm my pounding heartbeat at all, didn’t soothe that sudden and irrational melancholy.

“Whoa whoa whoa, okay, you’re making it sound way worse than it was,” Joe protested, glancing at me nervously.

Scarlett continued: “It wasn’t serious, whatever it was. None of them would have cared about your action figure collection or obsession with a city you haven’t lived in for fifty years. It wasn’t your personality they wanted. Thank god.”

Oh this is bad, I thought helplessly. How am I ever going to be able to compete with the memory of countless gorgeous vampire girlfriends?

“Uh, ScarJo, you’re single too.” And Joe’s nickname for her was strangely apt; Scarlett could pass for Scarlett Johansson’s younger, blonder, much hotter sister. And Scarlett Johansson, in case you’re somehow unaware, is already pretty fucking hot.

Scarlett flashed a grin. “Entirely by choice.”

“And much to Mercy’s eternal and profound concern,” Lucy told me. “She stages an intervention at least twice a month. Did I overhear one last week, Scarlett?”

“Oh jesus, yeah. I was like, ‘Mom, what the hell do I need a husband for? I have my own money. I can fix household appliances. I have a vibrator. I’m good to go.’”

Joe rocked back in his chair, howling. “You did not tell Mom that!”

“I did. She was so distraught. She just kind of pinched her eyes shut and shuddered and then went out back to feed the alpacas.”

“Scarlett, babe,” Rami managed between gales of laughter. “A vibrator isn’t going to keep you company for all of eternity. It’s not a suitable substitute for a life partner.”

“You’re right. It’s even better. It’ll never abandon or disappoint me. Assuming I keep the batteries fresh, of course.”

“Oh my god,” Lucy giggled into her hands.

“She’s not wrong,” I said, shrugging, sipping my Diet Coke.  

And Joe peered over at me, surprised, intrigued, slowly raising his thin dark eyebrows. I winked back. Yeah, okay, I’ve never slept with someone. But that doesn’t mean I’ve never had an orgasm.

“Ah, loud thoughts! Loud thoughts! Joe, please!” Rami moaned, pressing his balled fists to his forehead.

Ben smirked. “There’s a color I’ve never seen from you before, Joe.”

“This family is the worst!” Joe exploded.

“I like that girl,” Scarlett decided, signaling to me with glossy maroon fingernails. “She can stay.”

Joe sighed, flustered, then shook it off as he turned to me. “You coming over tonight?”

“I can’t spend every night at your house petting alpacas, mob guy.”

“Yeah?” he asked, smiling, draping his arm around the back of my chair. “Why not?”

“Well, my tonight-specific reason is that I’m visiting a friend.”

“Cool. Your friends are my friends. Can I visit too?”

“You’re aware that you’re a legit stalker, right?” But actually, Archer was dying to meet Joe: the loud Lee, the approachable Lee, the Lee who I definitely liked more than a Tinder swipe could ever convey. This could work. “Offer to buy dinner and you can come.”

“I’m a walking Visa, baby.”

Ben stood, hauled on his backpack, gathered up his trash to throw away. “I need a smoke break before Chem. See you guys later.”

“Don’t forget!” Joe called after him. “SpongeBob marathon starts at 8! I’ll bring the Milk Duds!”

And when Ben disappeared through the doors, a solemn hush descended over the table.

“Poor guy,” Lucy said softly. The other Lees nodded.

And again, I recalled what Joe had told me in Gwil’s office, what he had said when I asked how Ben came to join the Lee family. He was assigned to us, to be the liaison to our coven. And Gwil saw something in him. Potential, suffering, unrealized decency, I don’t know. But Gwil worked on him for years, trying to convince Ben to leave the Draghi when his contract was up and come live with us. To give a peaceful life a try. And to be honest, Ben never seemed interested. But something must have resonated with him, because we opened the front door on October 15th, 2016 and he was sitting on the steps of our porch with a single suitcase, puffing on that fucking vape pen and watching the storm clouds roll in off the Pacific Ocean.

But why would they just let him leave? I had asked, tracing my fingertips over the uncanny and magnificent faces in that painting. Why would they let him live?

Because they know how valuable he is. And because they think they can get him back.

“I think he’s a good person,” I said, breaking the silence. “You know. Underneath the whole being raised to be a killing machine thing.”

“Yeah,” Rami replied, frowning thoughtfully. “Just try not to spend too much time alone with him.”

Car Jacks And Sneak Attacks

“Joe, this is Archer James Foxchild, my first-ever best friend.”

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!” Joe said, shaking Archer’s oil-stained hand. “I understand you are really good at making mud pies and poking dead animals with sticks.”

Archer chuckled. “It’s true. We found a shark tooth down at La Push one time and I convinced Baby Swan here that it was from a sea monster. She had nightmares for months. Charlie called my dad over it and I got my Game Boy taken away.”

“No!” Joe gasped in horror. “Were you a Pokémon guy?”

“For sure.”

“Ruby or Sapphire?”

“Emerald.”

Joe grinned. “This dude knows what’s up.”

“And to think, my grandpa tried to tell me that you guys were freaks,” Archer replied.

“Well,” Joe conceded. “Not all of us.”  

“Maybe you two should start dating,” I said. “Don’t mind me. I’ll just sit in my Honda and eat my Taco Bell cheese quesadillas and Cinnamon Twists and try not to interrupt all the sex.”

“Yes, you brought Taco Bell,” Archer sighed euphorically. “Give me five minutes, I just gotta finish rotating these tires real quick.” He jogged to the other end of the garage, knelt beside a Ford Mustang that was propped up on a jack, and starting twisting off lug nuts with a tire iron.

“You have a nice place here,” Joe observed, strolling around the small garage with his hands in the front pocket of his U Chicago hoodie, eyeing the fractures in the concrete floor and the spidering cracks in the windows. “You have any investors?”

“Are you kidding?!” Archer replied from the Mustang. “No, man, it’s just me. I rent for now, but at some point I’ll buy my own shop. Once I’ve saved up enough. A great big one with shiny new equipment and no mice squeaking behind the walls.”

“What’s your cash flow like?”

“I’m netting around three grand a month after taxes.”

“Not bad!” Joe noted admiringly.

“Yeah. It’s a hustle, but I love it.”

“Hey, I don’t know if you’d be interested—and absolutely no pressure if you’re not, really—but I do a lot of work with start-ups and I’d love to help you get into your own shop. By this Christmas, preferably. If we can work out a deal.”

“Really?!” Archer peeked incredulously over the hood of the Mustang.

“Absolutely.”

Archer beamed at me. “This guy is willing to drop serious cash to look good in front of you. You should probably marry him. No prenup though.”

I held my pinky out towards Joe, grinning. “No more sad prenups.”

He laughed and hooked my pinky with his. “Bankrupt me, bitch.”

I heard the metallic clang of a lug nut hitting the concrete floor and rolling under the Mustang. “Come back here, you bastard,” Archer muttered, then dropped to his stomach and crawled beneath the car.

“Hey, kid, be careful,” I fretted, crossing my arms across my chest and taking a step closer.

“Relax, Baby Swan, I am a professional, changing a tire for me is like feeding a fish for you, so just chill and keep fantasizing about those Cinnamon Twists—”

There was a squeal of metal as the car jack collapsed and the Mustang came crashing down. In a fraction of a second—faster than I could see him moving, faster than I could loose a scream—Joe had soared across the garage, yanked Archer out from beneath the falling Mustang, and dragged him to the center of the room.

“Oh fuck,” Archer wheezed, his dark eyes huge and fascinated and horrified. “Grandpa was right.”

I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)

We rolled up to the Lee house in my 1999 Honda Accord just as I polished off the last of my Cinnamon Twists and Archer chewed, tentatively and dazedly, on a Cheesy Gordita Crunch. The sun was beginning to set in a clouded sky that perpetually threatened rain.

He asked Joe for the fifth time from the back seat: “But wait, seriously, no one is going to eat me, right? Because I’m too young to die. I haven’t taken enough vacations yet. I can’t die without seeing Hawaii. I want to swim with the sea turtles.”

“No, none of us have ever eaten people. Well, almost none of us. Maybe stay away from Ben.”

“I would like a little more exposition,” Archer replied, blanching.

“Hey, if you stay until 8, you guys can join us for the SpongeBob marathon!”

Gwil and Mercy were waiting on the front porch, thanks to Joe’s ‘hey I accidentally exposed myself as a paranormal being and now we have a new friend, plz don’t be mad okay love you see you soon!1!!’ text.

“Welcome, sweetheart!” Mercy fussed, enfolding Archer into her arms as soon as he stepped out of the Honda. “Would you like some hummingbird cake? I just baked it this morning. And maybe some sweet tea too. And some peanut butter cookies. And banana pudding.”

“Sure,” he responded, bewildered. This lady does not seem like a bloodsucking demon, that voice said. And he was absolutely right.

“I’ll fix you up a tray,” Mercy promised, and hurried into the house.

“We’re so very happy to have you, Mr. Foxchild.” Gwil shook Archer’s hand firmly. “We don’t get many visitors around here. I’m sure you understand why.”

“My grandpa always insisted that there was something off about you guys. Especially you, Dr. Lee. Said you shouldn’t still be around.”

“Yes, I imagine that would have been disconcerting for him. He must have remembered us from the 1940s...that’s the last time we settled down in Forks. It’s not often that someone recognizes us after so long, but it happens. It was just Mercy and me and Rami and Joe back then. And look how far we’ve come.” Gwil beamed warmly, then turned to Joe. “But really, son, you’re going to have to stop telling humans about us.”

“Hold up, I was not responsible for her!” Joe exclaimed, waving at me. “Take it up with Ben!”

The garage door rumbled open and Scarlett sauntered out, wiping her filthy hands with a rag. She halted abruptly, stood there in her high-waisted vintage jeans and black crop top and bare feet with maroon-colored toenails, tilted her head and pondered Archer with an innocent sort of curiosity that I hadn’t seen from her before.

“Wait,” Archer said, gaping. “Is that...is that an Aston Martin Vantage in there?!”

“You bet,” Scarlett replied. “You want to learn how to work on it?”

“Uh, hell to the yeah!” He trotted over and they vanished into the garage together.

“Huh,” Joe muttered, watching them. “She was nice to him. Very weird.” He whirled back to me. “Anyway, come on. I promised you an education in classic rock music. And I shall deliver.”

Joe’s bedroom was a chaotic jumble of economics textbooks and Chicago Cubs paraphernalia and U Chicago apparel and action figures and comic books and classic rock posters. There was a massive Italian flag tacked to the wall above his bed. But what caught my attention immediately was a life-sized cardboard cutout of Ben lurking in the corner by a bookshelf full of cassette tapes.

“How is there any possible logical explanation for that?” I asked, pointing.

“Oh, that! That was a joke. When Ben first showed up, he pretty much lived in his room and never came out. Gwil was worried. Mercy was heartbroken. So I made a cardboard cutout of him and would bring it to family activities and do this really deep and seductive Ben voice when I pretended to have conversations with him. It gave the whole situation some levity...and I think Ben secretly liked that we missed him enough to make an artificial version to fill the void.”

“So this bitchy, brooding, blood-craving Ben I met is actually a drastic improvement?”

“Oh, Baby Swan,” Joe confided, almost sadly. “You have no idea what he was like four years ago.”

“I’m glad he has you. All of you. That he has a chance to get better.”

“I think you might be good for him too. Seeing a human as a real person instead of a walking, talking Hi-C juice box. And you care about him, don’t you? Despite everything.”

“Of course. It’s not his fault they taught him to be a monster.”  

Joe just looked at me for a while, and then he cradled my face with one hand and grazed a thumb across my cheek “You’re never going to stop saying things that knock me into next week, are you?”

“Joe...” I hesitated, laying my hand over his. His skin was smooth and yielding yet strong, cool yet not unnaturally so. Refreshing. Safe. Fan-fucking-tastic. Oh noooooo. “Are we a thing?”

“Why? Do you want to be a thing?”

“Oh, uh, no, I was just wondering if we were.”

He stepped away, teasing me with a crooked smirk. “...So you don’t want to be a thing?”

“What would that entail?”

“Well...we’d be an official thing, you and me.” He shot finger guns at me, and then towards himself. “Which means you can’t be a thing with anyone else. And neither can I.”

“Ahhh, I see. So this thing is an exclusive thing.”

“Will you shut up and just admit that you’d totally be thrilled to be a thing with me?”

“Fine. Whatever. We’re a thing.”

“Nice.” He high-fived me.

“This is the most romantic moment of my life.”

“But wait, there’s more.” He went to the bookshelf, browsed through his cassette tape collection, found the one he wanted and popped it into a boombox that was probably older than I was. The frantic opening piano notes of I’d Do Anything For Love poured out.

“Meat Loaf,” I said in disbelief. “Really. This is the product of your superior taste in music. This is the culmination of over a century of musical experience. Meat Loaf.”

“The man is a genius!”

“This is all an elaborate joke about my vegetarianism, isn’t it?”

“No,” Joe mused. “But now that you mention it, I have yet another reason to force you to appreciate this song.” He took my hand in his, spun me around like a ballerina in a slow and careful circle, sang along—with extreme and dramatic enthusiasm—to the music.

“And I would do anything for love

I'd run right into hell and back

I would do anything for love

I'd never lie to you and that's a fact...”

“I don’t dance,” I cautioned him, laying a palm against his chest to catch my balance. That brisk, comforting scent of pine and snow and peppermint was everywhere. It feels like I can’t stand to be away from him. Like I’ll never get close enough. “I am terribly uncoordinated. I will step all over your feet. And I’m really not sure if I can trust you. You didn’t even know the plural form of octopus until like eighteen hours ago. You’re kind of a disaster. A, you know, uh, unexpectedly charming, unconventionally super cute, kind of bizarrely enchanting disaster.”

“Yeah,” Joe whispered, smiling, tilting up my chin, leaning in to kiss me. “I like you too.”

Cato

He came out of the oak trees like a ghost, pushing aside massive chandeliers of Spanish moss that blotted out the dusk sun, his expensive shoes sloshing in the marshy water that flooded the rice field. He was wearing a full suit, but no top hat; his hair was black and chin-length and wild around his face. And at first I thought he was a hallucination, a dream conjured by heat sickness or those first dreaded signs of malaria. He was unnervingly, uncommonly beautiful; beautiful like a hurricane, beautiful like lightning or an eclipse. But he was real. I straightened up as I watched him approach, my back aching in protest, a basket full of seedlings slung over my shoulder.

“Mr. Cato.”

His voice, clear and beckoning and twisted by an accent I’d never heard before, rang in my skull like church bells. He called me mister. This white man called me mister.

“Yes sir?” And I almost added: You want to be careful there, sir. The water moccasins like to hide among the tree roots, especially when the sun starts going down. But I had an inexplicable feeling that this man wasn’t afraid of things like snakes. Maybe the snakes should be afraid of him.

“Mr. Cato,” he said again, this time to himself, very quietly, tasting it.

I kept trying to look away, to disentangle my gaze from him like a hook out of a sturgeon’s mouth, because staring piercingly and astonished at a white man like that in the rice swamps of South Carolina in 1851 could get me beaten or the lash, could get my teeth pried right out of my jaw. But it didn’t seem to bother him. He grinned, hugely, all-knowingly, under prehistoric golden eyes like an alligator’s. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. And he was proud.

“Do you want to be free?” he asked, almost hissed, still grinning from the tree line.

What kind of question was that? Did a sandpiper want to fly? Did a coyote want dirt under its paws and flesh disappearing down its throat? But that wasn’t something you ever confessed aloud, not if you wanted your feet on the ground instead of swinging ten inches above it. But this man wasn’t a master, wasn’t an overseer. He wasn’t from the South. He didn’t carry a whip or a club to remind you of the rules of the world. He stood there tall and radiant in the shadows of the fading daylight like he was the one who wrote the rules to begin with; which meant that maybe he could change them. “Yes sir.”

“I can only take you,” the man warned. “No others. No family. No friends.”

“No trouble, sir,” I told him. “They sold my family. They hanged my friends.”

The man’s grin stretched wider under glinting eyes. His canine teeth were sharp, I realized: like a coyote’s, like a snake’s fangs. He held out his hand. “We are going to get along very well, you and I.”

I let the basket fall from my shoulder. I slogged through the mud and rows of wispy verdant rice plants to meet him in the shade of the oak trees. And there, for the first time in forever, a man with skin the color of bones looked me dead in the eye and shook my scarred hand.

“Welcome, Cato,” he whispered; and I was home.

He took my face in his cool palms, gingerly, reverently, like a lover. He touched his teeth to my throat. And every nerve ending in my body flooded with wildfire as he dragged me, screaming, into the depths of the forest.

[breanime]

Helpess (Part Eight)

This part’s a wee bit shorter (maybe 800-1000 words shorter) than the others have been, but I hope you like it!

*banner by @starkrobb​*

Billy was never the romantic type. He didn’t pine, didn’t lose himself in a pretty girl’s eyes, didn’t beg, but damn…

…You were making him want to.

He was watching you sleep—something he never imagined himself doing—and all he could think about was the last thing you’d said before you’d fallen asleep. Disappear. You were going to disappear on him—again.

“Don’t,” he had said back, his heart—of all things—speaking up before his brain could even get a grasp on what you just said, “Don’t.”

Shit had moved fast when he first met you; Billy went to picking up a pretty girl at a bar to burying himself inside of her for days on end. He never did that—he wasn’t a repeat offender, not unless there was something in it for him (intel, prestige—shit, even bragging rights were enough of a motivation for him). But with you… Man, Billy had just liked being around you from the get, had liked the ease of your relationship. It was just so… natural between the two of you, and he had never experienced that before. He liked it, as much as he tried to downplay it and pretend he didn’t; he did. He liked having you in his life.

But when he left, and came back to find you gone, things had slowed down to a crawl in his life.

He had still been busy—Anvil was just getting on its feet, he had paid his debt to Rawlins, he was his own man—but his life had just seemed so… slow without you in it. Which was ridiculous, given how little he’d known about you, and how little you knew about him. But it was true. And now that you were back in his life, shit was moving fast again. Except this time, he was determined to keep up with you.

He woke up before you, and Billy spent a good fifteen minutes arguing with himself over whether or not to wake you up. He wanted to be inside you, wanted to kiss you and caress you and hold you. He wanted—needed­—to make you stay with him, and the only way he knew how to do that was to convince you with his body, because he wasn’t at all confident that his words could do the trick. But he also wanted you to rest. You’d gone through so much so quickly—and he knew, from the moment you’d propositioned him for sex in the safe house, that you still hadn’t had the chance to properly mourn your brother. He could see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice, and feel it in your touch; you were hurting, and it killed him that there was nothing he could do to fix it for you. All the money and power and success he’d accumulated, and yet he still didn’t have the power to take your pain away.

Newly agitated, Billy decided to let you rest. He got up, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead—another thing he usually didn’t do that he easily did with you—and got dressed.

Frank was already up—not that Billy was surprised. He was drinking a cup of coffee (black, Billy knew), and staring at the monitors. He was watching a woman and two kids, and it took Billy a second to recognize them.

“That Micro’s family?” Billy asked, coming to stand beside his best friend.

Frank nodded. “They have no idea he’s alive,” he said, eyes still on the monitors, “They have no idea who I really am…”

“Ah…” Billy put his hands in his pockets. “They know you as Pete,” he guessed.

“Yeah.”

Billy moved, made himself a cup of coffee, and then came back to stand next to Frank again. The mom was fixing the kids breakfast while they sat at the table, and Billy wondered if that was how things were supposed to be. Frank’s childhood had been like that; Frank’s family had been like that. But Billy never had that. You did, though, for a little while. That was probably worse, Billy thought; having a family, parents who loved and cared for you, and then not having them. He’d never had that, and he was never let down by his foster parents because he had no expectations of them. But you did. And you’d gotten Joe Yakavetta, a man who used you as a tool, putting you in danger and painting a target on your back so he could get rich.

Billy was itching to kill him.

“You never told me about her,” Frank said, breaking Billy out of his thoughts.

Billy took a sip of his coffee. “There was nothing to tell. We were… a thing,” he explained, “and then we weren’t. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever see her again, but then…”

“Then this happened.” Frank nodded. “Small world.” He turned to Billy. “It’s almost like it’s—”

“—don’t say it,” Billy groaned.

“—Fate,” Frank finished, grinning.

“You know I don’t believe in that shit,” Billy said back, turning back to the screens, “You see me being helpless to something like fate? Nah,” he shook his head, “fuck that.”

“I dunno, man,” Frank went on, “only you would pick a girl who was raised by a crimelord and drives like Ghost Rider. And only you would be involved with a girl who happens to be on the shit list of the guy who’s pals with the guy on our shit list.” He swallowed a gulp of coffee. “Seems like fate to me.”

“Kiss my ass, Frankie,” Billy turned to Frank, “You get Madani to see sense?”

“About putting Rawlins and Yakavetta and whoever else gets in the way in the dirt?” He shook his head. “Nah.”

“Eh,” Billy shrugged, “she’s in for a rude awakening.”

“Yeah,” Frank agreed, “This gonna be a problem for you? Workin’ with her? I know things didn’t exactly end well between you two.”

Billy grimaced. Madani had been a fun distraction for a short while for him, but she was predictable. He’d seen her coming a mile away; he knew her type. Self-righteous and born with a silver spoon, a bleeding heart with a strict moral code and lack of life experience. He’d known she wanted something more than sex when she first approached him, but it took him a few days to figure out what. But he did. He always did, eventually. He didn’t mind her using him to get to Frank, he was using her right back, after all. She hadn’t been happy when she put two and two together, and she was really unhappy when she inevitably realized that Billy walked away with much more intel than she had by the end of it. “That ain’t the problem,” he said, “the problem is with Y/N.”

“Fuck Bill, I thought you aged out of love triangles.”

“I did,” he said, smirking despite himself, “but this isn’t that.” He took another sip of his coffee, frowning now as he thought about the way you’d asked Madani about your brother, the hurt and disappointment he’d heard in your monotone voice… “Madani treats Y/N like a pawn,” he explained, “Like she’s just a case, not a person. And if she keeps pulling this ‘pillar of justice, I’m here to protect you’ shit,” he shook his head, “I dunno if I can keep it together, Frankie.”

Frank laughed, and Billy looked at him, an eyebrow raised. “No, that’s… It’s cute,” Frank said, “It’s nice—seeing you like this over a girl. I never thought the Beaut…” He shook his head, lips on the rim of his mug. “Didn’t really know if you had it in you, but Maria did.” His eyes shimmered the way they always did when he was thinking of his wife—not the corpse, but his actual wife, when she was alive and vibrant and his perfect mate. “She said there’d be a girl who could get you like this. She knew.”

“Like what?”

“Like… this.” Frank gestured to all of Billy. “Man, we’re maybe hours away from killing Rawlins or dying trying, and you’re thinkin’ about Y/N. Not yourself, not what happens to Anvil if you die, not what kind of power you inherit if we kill Rawlins—you’re thinking of Y/N and how she’s been treated. I just…” He smiled, the look soft on his face. It made Billy think back on their days in the Marines, that look. When Frank smiled like that, he looked younger, lighter… “I want that for you. I really do.”

“Thanks,” Billy said, looking down into his coffee, “I… Fuck, man. I want that, too.” He looked up at Frank. “I want that with her, and I’m not even sure what the hell ‘that’ even is.”

Frank laughed. “Oh, man, I can help you out with that—it’s love, man. It’s fate,” he patted Billy on the shoulder as he walked past, “It’s letting yourself be helpless.”

It took you a minute to figure out where you were when you first woke up. But when you did, the first thing you did was reach out for Billy, but he was gone.

What else was new?

Sighing, you got up and got dressed, your muscles burning from last night’s activities. You and Billy had… You shook your head—there was no you and Billy. There was Billy, and there was you. And if things took a turn here, if Joe saw you coming and gave you the same treatment he’d given Ronnie… there wouldn’t even be a you anymore. But, in all honesty—you were fine with that. As long as you took Joe down with you, you’d be happy. You opened the door—

—and jumped. Billy was standing on the other side, one of his perfect eyebrows raised as he looked down at you.

“You hungry?” Was all he asked.

You followed him into the main room of the warehouse, and you sat down to breakfast—toast, eggs, and the strongest coffee you’d ever had—with Billy freaking Russo and the Punisher. It was weirdly nice, though, and you enjoyed watching the easy back and forth between the two men. Micro woke up next, and he plopped himself down next to you, much to Billy’s chagrin. For a few minutes, as you sat and talked with the guys, you forgot that you were on the run, you even forgot how hollow you were, and instead, you could pretend you were just having breakfast with your friends and… someone who was more than a friend to you.

Then Madani walked in, bringing the crushing weight of reality with her.

“I can deputize you,” she said as a greeting.

“The fuck does that mean?” Frank grumbled around a mouth full of eggs.

“It means give us temporary badges,” Billy answered for her, frowning, “It would make us temporary Homeland Security agents and her our boss.” He took a sip of his coffee. “It’s a joke, and she’s not authorized to do that anyway.”

Madani’s face scrunched up the way it did whenever Billy called her on her shit. “It would be retroactive,” she explained, “but it would allow you to bring Rawlins and Yakavetta in without—”

“Are you still on that?” Frank shook his head. “There’s no bringing them in, Madani—none of ‘em. At best, Rawlins is getting a bullet in his head, at worst, he goes slow—but either way, he goes.”

“That’s against the law, Castle—”

“You think I give a shit about the law?!” Frank boomed, standing up so quickly that his chair toppled to the floor. “My family’s dead, Madani! Micro’s a fucking ghost, Billy sold his soul—that’s all on Rawlins’ orders! He doesn’t get to walk away! He doesn’t get to rot in a jail cell. He rots in the grave,” his eyes were wide and wild, “and if you want to stop me, Madani, you better make sure your aim is good.”

“You’re gonna have to kill me, too,” Micro declared, standing up. When his chair didn’t fall, he kicked it to the floor.

She turned to Billy, who just continued drinking his coffee. Defeated, Madani turned her attention to you. “I can’t protect you from this,” she warned you, “If you join up with them and kill Rawlins—”

“To be honest,” you interrupted, “My chances of killing this Rawlins guy are pretty low. But Joe?” You shook your head. “If anyone but me kills him, I’m gonna be disappointed.”

She sighed, taking a step closer to you. “Y/N,” she tried again, “if you do this, I can’t grant you immunity. The robberies and heists and everything else—those I can get you immunity for, but murder?” She shook her head. “They’ll put you away for life. Can you imagine that? Four walls and a cement bench being your only privilege? No drag races, no chases,” she took another step, “No more roar of an engine or smell of gasoline. Is that what you want?” She was right in front of you now. “Is that what your brother would have wanted for you?”

Your response was immediate. “Ronnie’s dead. He doesn’t want anything anymore.”

“You can either get on board,” Frank said to Madani, “or get the hell out. We don’t have time for this.”

“I can’t let you—” she started.

“For fuck’s sake,” Billy groaned, whipping a gun out and pointing it at Madani as he stood up, “Let’s just make this easier, huh, Frankie?”

“Bill…” Frank said, frowning.

Madani pulled her gun out, too, and pointed it at Billy. “Put. Your. Weapon. Down, Russo.”

“Madani—” Frank tried.

“C’mon, Frankie,” Billy said, his eyes still on Madani, “We ain’t got time for this. Every second we waste on this same argument is time Rawlins and Yakavetta have to get away. I’m not lettin’ him disappear on us again.”

“She’s a cop, man!” Micro said, eyes wide. “We can’t—she’s—we—”

“Give the word, Frank,” Billy said, his tone even.

You looked at Frank. He seemed to be considering it, but he shook his head. “She’s just tryin’ to do her job, Bill.”

Billy clicked his tongue, clearly unhappy with the decision, but lowered his weapon.

Madani did the same. “I could have you arrested for that, Russo,” she hissed, “How are you gonna run your business from prison?”

“Can we get to the part where the cop leaves and we get on with this,” you drawled, still in your seat, “Because Billy’s right—we’re wasting time here. So, Agent Madani, you’re either with us, or against us. You can come with and try that divine justice thing out for the .5 seconds before we kill them, or you can fuck off and let us do what has to be done. Which is it?”

She tucked her gun away, sighing. “I’m coming with you,” she said, “because I… I owe you, Y/N. I’m want… I’m going to protect you.”

Billy was in front of her in a second, his dark eyes narrowed dangerously as he glared down at her. “I’m telling you right now,” he growled, “you do anything to get in the way here…”

“…She’s dead,” Frank said, stepping over to them and putting his hand on Billy’s shoulder, “she knows, Bill. Don’t you, Madani?”

She nodded, eyes on Billy. You couldn’t see his face, but you knew he was serious. Billy made an aggravated noise and moved away, sitting back at the table with you.

“Let’s get started, then,” he said, voice low.

For the next three and a half hours, the five of you sat at the table and planned out what was going to happen. By the time that it was over, you were ready to go.

“We got one hour before T-time,” Frank said, standing up, “Gear up.”

Madani turned to you, opening her mouth to speak, but was interrupted when Billy stood up, taking your wrist in his hand. “Come on,” was all he said as he dragged you back to your room.

Billy kicked the door shut behind him and turned to you. “I want you to stay here,” he started, “but,” he went on, his eyebrows raised, “I know you won’t. So I need you to at least make me a promise.”

“Okay…?”

“Promise me that you’ll listen to me when we’re out there,” he said, “Just… There’s gonna be a lot going on, and I need you to stay safe.”

“Aw, c’mon man,” you waved your hand in the air, “You’re gonna get paid either way; Homeland’s good for it.”

“I’m serious, Y/N. I need you to be safe, I can’t—” He stopped, taking a step back. “I just need you to be safe.”

Normally, you would have let Billy deflect. Hell, you were a grade-A deflector yourself, but considering the fact that you were only 59 minutes away from a possibly violent death, you figured you’d push. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you need me to be safe?” You asked. “You told me you took this job because it was personal to you, and I get that, I do, but… The job’s done, man. Homeland is compromised, and even if it wasn’t, Madani is gonna wash her hands of me after this, I know it. So why does it matter to you if I stay safe or not?”

“Because,” Billy answered, glaring, “it does.”

“Yeah, but why? You have your own fight with Rawlins, why are you worried about me?”

“Because.”

“Because what, Billy?” You glared up at him. “Because what? Tell me. Say it.”

“Because I fucking care about you,” he growled, grabbing you by the shoulders, “Jesus, Y/N, I was hypnotized by you from the moment I first saw you, and when we hooked up, I thought that would cure me, but it didn’t. Fuck,” he sighed, “You think I wanted this? To care about you like I do? Cause I didn’t—but I do, so here we are.”

“Billy…”

“And I know,” he went on, dropping his hands, “I know you want to disappear, and I… I get that, but…” He sighed. “Fuck… I don’t want you to.” His eyes were staring into yours, and you felt your chest tighten as you looked at him. “I’m not—I need you to be safe, regardless of what happens, but… If we survive this, I don’t want this to be the last time I see you.”

“So…” You licked your lips, unsure of what you were feeling, but knowing that it was distinctively related to Billy. “What… What do you want then?” You knew it was hard for Billy to be open like this with you, and you weren’t trying to push him (anymore), but you had to know. So much of your back and forth with Billy was unsaid, and you just… you needed things to be said. Just in case. You didn’t want to die not knowing what you meant to him—especially if you meant something to him.

He shrugged one shoulder. “You,” he answered, “I just want you.”

Once he said that, it was impossible for you to do anything but kiss him. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and let yourself melt against him. Kissing Billy, being in his arms, made everything else fall to the wayside. “You want me?” You whispered against his lips. “You want me?”

“I want you,” he repeated, his tongue slipping into your mouth, “and I need you to stay glued to my side this whole time, alright?”

You wanted to argue, but how could you when he was kissing you like that, and his hands were on you? You couldn’t. So instead, you just kissed him back, trying to bring him closer.

He was smiling when you pulled back. “I need to hear it,” he said, his lips ghosting over you chin, “I need to hear that you’ll stay safe and listen to me out there…”

“I’m starting to think this whole ‘listen to me’ thing is some kind of secret kink…” You grinned.

He bit your neck, and you squealed. “Say it.”

“Okay, okay,” you giggled, “I’ll listen to you and stay as safe as I can.”

“As you can?” Billy titled his head to the side. “That the best you can do?”

“I dunno,” you purred, “Can you make me cum in less than an hour?”

Billy grinned.

Five minutes later, you were on your back with your pants around your ankles and your chest heaving. Billy was next to you, propping himself up on his elbow as he grinned down at you. “Any other requests?” He asked.

You shook your head, your body tingling from the force of the orgasm he’d given you—using only his fingers.

Chuckling, Billy leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. “Let’s get you dressed,” he said.

You let Billy dress you—again—and you smiled when he lifted you up and sat you up, propping your back on the pillow. You closed your eyes, still smiling, as he helped you into your shoes, feeling pampered, but frowned when you felt something heavy on your lap. You opened your eyes to see a bullet-proof vest. “Oh.”

“You need to wear that at all times,” he said, all-business.

You pouted.

Billy flicked his tongue out and licked his two fingers, chasing the taste of you.

You put the damn vest on.

Later, you, Billy, Frank, Micro, and Madani stood in the garage of the warehouse. Billy and Frank were armed to the teeth, you’d been given a gun, Micro had his… computers and stuff, and Madani had her guns. Your skin felt too tight; you were excited and anxious and scared and ready; you still had the taste of Billy’s lips on yours—you were ready to get this done.

“Micro’ll take the van,” Frank said, clarifying the plan for the benefit of no one, “Y/N, you’re driving the rest of us. We follow the plan,” he said, glancing over at Madani with a scowl, “and if we die…”

“…We die,” Billy finished for him. He looked down at you. “But we’re not gonna die.”

“Look at Russo, the optimistic!” Micro cheered.

“Alright,” you grinned, running your fingers across the hood, eager to be behind it, “Let’s fucking do this.” You looked over at Billy, a man who you’d met in a bar who was now the only person you had left in the world.

No matter what happened—you refused to be helpless. You wanted a life after this, wanted to work out whatever you were with Billy with Billy, wanted to be a permanent fixture in his life. But more than that—

—you wanted revenge. And if you had to die to get it, well…

…you’d die.

*******************************************************************************************

Ruh roh... things are about to get DARK. And action-packed! Let me know what you think of this chapter, please. Thanks for reading! 

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[justlookatthosesausages]

“In the eye of the storm” ◊◊◊◊ a post-Frozen 2 fanfic ◊◊◊◊ CHAPTER 2: Twister

"Morning."

"M'ning." Muttered Anna, rubbing her eyes as she entered the room.

She noticed not only that Elsa was already cleaned and dressed – though that last step took only a couple of seconds when you were the Snow Queen – but that she had helped the servants to prepare breakfast, easily guessed by the way she was standing by the table and arranging everything to be at the exact place. Anna preferred to keep her remark about her sister's perfectionism for later.

"You're already awake? How the heck?"

Elsa chuckled lightly at her vocabulary, and her smile filled Anna's soul with as much vitamins than if she had started to eat.

"I'm used to wake up at the first lights of dawn." Said the blonde. "And as you don't have shutters at the windows..."

"You saw light passing through the clouds? All I see is a gloomy weather. With such a storm, the sun is hidden all day."

Elsa realized she didn't register the second half of her sentence.

"You should put shutters or panels at the windows. I know it's not the season to do so, but soon the glass might shatter. I can feel that the wind only will blow more and more in the following days."

"M'kay." Murmured Anna, hugging her then sitting down.

She bit in a yawn to at least have a minimum of decency in front of the maids, even if most of them had known her since she was a child.

The Queen then remembered at the word 'season' that she wanted to talk to her sister about something related to it. But she couldn't grasp what it was. She blinked and shrugged, stretching out her hand to get a slice of bread.

Elsa sat in front of her, like they always did back then when she lived in the castle.

"Thanks for preparing breakfast." Said Anna after she swallowed her third toast.

The blonde smiled behind her mug of tea. "You're welcome. It's the least I could do to thank you for sheltering me on such short notice."

"Sheltering you?" Repeated the younger with shock and amusement in her voice. "Do you hear yourself? Elsa, this is your home too, you're always welcome here."

Elsa smiled, and resumed to drink her black tea. She recognized in Anna's words the ones of her husband, and was touched to see that unconditional hospitality was one of their numerous common traits.

"Where's Kristoff? Don't you wake up at the same time?"

Anna pointed at the door with her thumb while she gulped her coffee with the ferocity of a beast. "He went to Eydis' room to wake her up. She takes like, ten minutes to get out of bed, so he helps Gerda."

Elsa laughed. She remembered well the state and posture of her niece when she had left her bedroom earlier in the morning. "Well, the apple doesn't fall far—"

Anna hit her leg with her foot.

"Ouch!"

"Yeah, don't even dare."

The blonde giggled as she massaged her tibia, now sore, but it was all worth it.

"Good morning darlings!" Smiled Kristoff as he entered, a robe on his pajamas while Anna didn't bother wearing something above it.

He rubbed a hand in Elsa's back and then walked to Anna to kiss her.

"What's that 'darlings' about? You don't call me honey today?" Teased the redhead.

Kristoff smiled. "There's a pot of it on the table already. I didn't want to bring confusion."

Anna eye rolled, but her sigh was also tender. "You really are the worst at puns on mornings."

He sat next to her, shrugging. "You know my brain doesn't work as long as I haven't drunk my coffee. Just like you."

They scrunched their noses staring at each other, teasing with glances.

Elsa smiled looking at them, her cheek laying on her fist.

"AUNTIEEEE!"

"Oh, the little star is here." Commented Elsa, not even turning around.

They all giggled and Eydis hugged her idol powerfully. She then did the same with her parents, and Kristoff almost swallowed his coffee the wrong way.

She ran around looking for the cushion she used to take to sit on a chair and be at their level, and then she ran back to the table once she found it. Eydis was exhaling so much childish joy on mornings that Elsa couldn't help but melt at the sight.

She comically climbed on the chair that was at the end of the table. "Auntie, do you think that Nokk and Gale will make up?"

Elsa blinked as she bit in a cookie. She did not expect that question as the first thing of the day.

"Uh... I don't know, sweetheart."

"Can't you sense it?"

Eydis insisted with her gaze, but her tone hadn't been sarcastic. She was fascinated by the connection the Spirits had between them, and now Anna and Kristoff had lifted their eyes to her to know the answer too.

Elsa felt ashamed to not have what they were looking for.

"I don't... Sense anything else than the fact they put all their power in a conflict. I'm sorry."

Anna frowned with emotion. "Hey, don't apologize. You did nothing wrong."

Elsa gulped.

"And I suppose that it's the first time ever that you feel anger emanating from them, isn't it?" Guessed Kristoff.

Elsa nodded. "Indeed. And it's..." Her right hand clenched on the table. "...really unpleasant."

Anna reached for it with her own hand. "It's gonna be okay. It will all end up well, eventually. We'll find a solution today."

The blonde smiled back, and Eydis bounced on her chair.

"Yeah, it will all be okay!"

The adults smiled at her genuine positivity. The girl exclaimed:

"When Nokk will be happy again, will we ride together, me on my pony and you on Nokk?"

Elsa smiled, ruffling her already messy hair. "Sure. I miss them just as much as you do."

She especially loved those rides with her, because she always spent a joyful time with her niece, and also because it drove the Water Spirit nuts to see how slow Eydis' pony was.

=======

Later in the morning, they all sat down in the living room to discuss about solutions. Mattias had joined them, much to Elsa's satisfaction, because she saw him rarely. Either she only had time to come for game nights and go back to the Forest right after, so she didn't get to visit him and Halima in the village, either he was busy training with the Arendelle's army.

"General Mattias. It's always a pleasure."

The man nudged her a bit as they embraced. "Please. Don't tease me. Just go for Mattias."

Elsa giggled. "I still think that this grade suits you well. It does have a ring to it."

Anna entered in the teasing game. "Oh, I only made him general because of how it sounded. Not because of his skills and wisdom. Of which he has none."

The black soldier looked at the dorky sisters with a smirk. "Are you two done?"

"And the fact he's my counselor only is for personal reasons." Kept going Anna, grinning along Elsa. "Not because he helps me in strategic meetings."

"Yeah, I heard you help Anna pick her dresses, is that right?"

They both giggled, and Mattias, even if he was amused, eyed the King from where he was.

"Kristoff, how can you even deal with those two?"

The blonde shrugged. "I don't. I actually plan to murder them with Olaf's help next week. But shh, don't tell anyone."

The sisters laughed even more, now holding to each other.

"What is going on?" Asked Eydis, entering the room with a book under her arm, finally getting out of her morning lesson. She had heard the word 'murder', which she didn't know, and would love to find out.

"Nothing", chuckled Mattias. "How are you, little Princess?"

"Great!" Beamed the little girl. "We started a new course today!"

She showed the book she had been holding.

"It's called trigged... Trigo..."

"Trigonometry?" Helped Elsa and Mattias with one voice.

"Yeah!" Exclaimed Eydis.

"Ooooh, I loved trigonometry when I was your age." Beamed Elsa. "You know, triangles are fascinating. The sum of their angles always equals—"

"Oh my goodness, please someone stops that nerd before she starts talking about fractals." Eyerolled Anna behind Mattias.

"Hey!" Grumbled the blonde, standing up after bending to her niece.

Anna stuck out her tongue as she sat on the couch next to Kristoff.

Mattias bent to Eydis. "You know, it's a really interesting and important class. I'm sure your aunt uses its rules when she crafts structures in ice. In fact, we use knowledge of it in military as well."

The princess' eyes sparkled. "Awesome! And is it practical in handiwork as well?"

The man nodded. "Of course. It's where it's the most useful, I think."

As she jolted along him, Elsa looked at her sister while she sat in the sofa by the couch. "Handiwork?" She repeated with a frown.

Anna waved her hand in the air. "She plays handiwork a lot lately. It's more 'pretend' than actually building anything, but she loves it. Craftspeople all around the village offered her tools so she could have a little kit."

"That's adorable." Smiled Elsa.

"Yeah, well, when she taps against door frames and stairs railings late in the night saying "this needs to be fixed!" and then mimes to bang nails in it or saw some parts, it's less fun."

The blonde giggled, sorry for them but deeply amused.

"This is as cute as dangerous", said Anna, "but don't worry, she hasn't broken anything on purpose. Yet."

"Lately she said she got a new hammer, and I suspect Oaken to have given him. Let's hope she'll not use it soon." Smiled Kristoff.

"I'll maybe confiscate her toolkit..." Sighed Anna, looking at her daughter talking with Mattias.

Kristoff frowned.

"Don't, that would break her heart. She loves handiwork just like you love to read novels, Anna. It's her passion."

They smiled at the father's wisdom.

"You're right." Admitted Anna.

"And I know someone who was just as dangerous when she was her age..." Teased Elsa.

The Queen lifted her eyebrows. "Who? Me?"

The blond chuckled, turning to her. "How many times did you say you made the armors fall apart again?"

She pushed him away, but her tiny hand on his muscular chest didn't make him move an inch. "Alright, alright. I was a constant mess and she inherited from me. Here, is that what you wanted to hear?"

The two others laughed a yes.

Mattias joined them and they started to think about all the possibilities to compensate the magic storm. The discussion went on for a full hour, and as Elsa now was nervously fidgeting with a cushion as she declined all of their suggestions because of how impossible to do they were, Anna was just as nervously standing up. Pacing back and forth in front of the lit fireplace, she searched for a solution to help her sister, but also her kingdom which was starting to get impacted by such a weather condition. Arendelle had known many terrible natural events in its history, but this one had been going on for many days without a pause. It started to tire the people and reduce the resources. She turned to her elder.

"Elsa, you know the best way is to get to Ahtohallan and get their opinion on this."

The blonde lifted her eyes to her, a bit annoyed.

"And Anna, I told you a dozen times already that I can't cross the sea."

The Queen agitated her hands. She wasn't going to give up easily.

"We should try together. We'll cross the Dark Sea despite the storm. We're the Bridge, nothing can stop us! I'm going to ask to prepare a ship from my private float..."

Elsa widened her eyes.

"Anna, no. That's out of question."

"Why? I should help you! I want to help you!"

Elsa now frowned.

"You will not go in a ship to Ahtohallan!"

"What?"

"Especially with a weather like this."

"WHY?!" Erupted Anna, enraging.

"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO IN A STORM ON A SHIP!"

Elsa's voice filled the room with force as she suddenly stood up. Kristoff and Mattias turned to her with shocked faces. Eydis retracted on the couch, holding her knees against her chest in fear. All got startled by how Elsa had suddenly raised her tone, something she very rarely did. Breathing heavily, she locked her eyes with her little sister.

Anna definitely was the most stunned of them all. Standing still by the fireplace, her lips trembled. She stared at Elsa intensely, but unlike the blonde's eyes which were panicked, hers eyes were sad, and filling with tears turning her vision blur. She saw that Elsa's eyes were teary as well.

She could also tell that, in that gaze, was almost printed the mental image of an Arendellian ship grimly lit by a lightning bolt and sinking in giant waves, never returning home.

The redhead gulped, gasping in a breath she had been holding.

"Elsa, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..."

The elder sighed. "Yes, I know..."

She closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. "But still, please never bring up that suggestion again. Ever."

The room remained silent, and she picked up the cushion she had made fall to the carpet when she stood. However, she didn't sit to hold it against her. She put it back on the sofa, and walked to the door.

"I... Sorry, I need a break. I'll meet you guys later."

Anna gasped.

"Elsa..."

Her voice was weak and devastated, and she bit her lip in a pout as the blonde left the room.

The two men exchanged a look, not daring to add a word, and Eydis stared sadly at the spot where her aunt's back had turned to the corridor.

The Queen crossed the room to go after her, but Kristoff held her arm. He stood up to be at her side. He shook his head.

"Don't push her. You know you have to give her some space."

"Yes, of course." Murmured Anna grudgingly.

She lowered her gaze, and agreed with him. Anna could only clear her throat and change the topic, so they would talk about something else until she felt the time was right to go talk with her sister.

=======

"The past is in the past", Elsa had often said through the years since they got closer again.

The redhead held to this promise with dear life. By experience with her sister, Anna knew that her time alone wouldn't be long, and that she was allowed to gently ask to burst her bubble.

As she walked up the stairs, she felt like it was entirely her fault if Elsa was nervous after their argument and needed to isolate herself. She should never have suggested this stupid idea of going on a ship! Why did she suggest this stupid idea of going on a ship?!

Anna was so angry at herself that her knock on the wood of the door actually was stronger than she meant. However, Elsa didn't respond. Usually, she would say "Come in", or just "Hmm" to indicate Anna was welcome to enter. But here, nothing.

The younger's heart clenched. Persuaded she was the problem, she didn't dare to open the door, even if it looked unlocked.

"Elsa..."

She gulped. Why was it so hard to do that again? She knew that years had gone by, that their relationship was completely different and open now. It was so difficult to dive into this setting once again. Anna had known this situation for ages, but nothing could have prepared her to return to it.

Her hand clenched in a fist against the lacquered wood.

"Elsa, please, answer me. Please."

Without realizing it, her breathing sped up.

"Elsa..."

The Queen was rapidly having a panic attack. Not again. Not this situation. Please, gods, anything but this situation again. She couldn't go through it again.

Her legs felt like cotton, and she fell to the corridor's floor.

Anna's nails rasped the door.

"Elsa, I'm—"

"Anna, what are you doing?"

The redhead gasped loudly, and in the gesture, she swallowed a water drop, which was a tear that had fallen on her face and she hadn't noticed.

She spun around, falling on her butt as she did because of how fast she turned, and saw that Elsa was walking to her with frowned eyebrows and a concerned face, closing the book she visibly had been reading.

"Why are you here crying on the floor? What is going on?"

Anna had to gulp to form an answer, and in the meantime, the blonde's eyes darted to the door. Everything clicked in her mind like a puzzle.

"Oh Ahtohallan, you thought I shut you out?"

The redhead was unable to answer something else than a bubble of cry, her lips twitching in a tearful pout. She nodded, trembling. Elsa urged to go crouch to her.

"Anna... Hey, hey it's okay. Come here."

The younger didn't wait for a second call. She launched herself in her arms and sobbed silently on Elsa's shoulder. The Snow Queen recognized the too-familiar behavior of a panic attack, and she passed a hand along Anna's back and in her long hair to soothe her breathing. Acting like magic, and maybe it was, the redhead calmed quickly, melting in Elsa's embrace. The elder held her tight.

"I'm so sorry. I went to the library to get a register, and..."

She didn't add more. What was the purpose? She felt terrible for making Anna believe she didn't want to see her.

Elsa delicately parted the hug, and looked at her sister in the eyes.

"I would never, ever shut you out, okay? I know I'm still very bad at making it clear on why and how I need time alone, but... It's never to abandon you."

Anna nodded, gulping loudly again, and gasping because she still had her throat twisted by her emotion.

"Sorry for doubting it." Admitted the younger.

Elsa gasped in an exclamation as she rubbed Anna's tears. "You're really not the wrongdoer, you know!"

Anna had a smile at the corner of her lips. Minutes passed as Elsa made sure that her little sister retrieved her normal breathing. Finally, they stood up, and after she cleaned her face, Anna saw the book she picked from the floor.

"That's a register?"

"Hmm-hmm." Nodded Elsa, showing it to her.

As Anna turned the pages and realized what it was meant to take in account, Elsa continued: "Our argument earlier... That actually gave me an idea. Follow me."

The redhead blinked in confusion, but walked behind her elder through the castle, until they reached the servant's room where she knew Kai and Gerda would be at that time of day. Elsa asked if they were available, and the four of them went to a silent spot in the corridor.

"Kai, Gerda... You're the oldest servants we have. What I mean is, you were there when the accident with our parents happened."

The two widened their eyes, and Anna turned to her sister with emotion.

"Do you remember if the storm that happened that night was the same than the one occurring when Mother and Father were lost at sea?" Asked Elsa.

The maid looked at the ceiling as she thought. "Hum... Maybe..."

Her gaze then went from one sister to another. "Can't you tell?"

Elsa had a sad smile. "Anna was too shocked by the loss to remember it in detail, and me too, but I also was locking myself indoors, so I could tell even less about the weather..."

Anna turned to her sister again. She knew how shocked she was? Of course she knew. But that still was touching.

"I see..." Nodded Gerda.

"Well... We can't really know." Said Kai, looking sorry. "It was a stormy night like any other."

Gerda agreed. "I only remember that ships were unadvised to go sail that night and all stayed on the harbor, but the ship of your late parents had already departed an hour or so before..."

Anna lowered her eyes. "The wind had come up after they left. It was just misfortune."

"Yes."

Something held Anna's hand and it surprised her. Elsa squeezed her touch, and the redhead smiled sadly. "It was a good idea to investigate on that. But apparently, the two events don't coincide."

Kai looked at them. "Indeed, the storm which happened that day wasn't magical in any way."

Gerda turned to Elsa. "I have yet to understand fully the nuance between the magic of the Spirits of Nature and the science of meteorology, but the storm that happened that day more than ten years ago truly wasn't the same that we endure today. It was less intense and shorter."

Elsa nodded. She also paid attention to the subtext Gerda gave when she said she still was confused about knowing that there were Spirits associated to elements, and that the soft and shy little princess she had seen grow up had become a goddess able to command them.

"Thank you for your precisions." Smiled Anna.

Once they both bowed and returned to their activities, she turned to her elder. "It was brilliant that you came up with that conclusion."

Elsa looked at her, her eyes a bit lost in a reflection.

"I can't tell if the news that this is not the same kind of storm makes me relieved or worried..."

Anna winced. "Me neither."

=======

Eydis, however, was extremely relieved to see her aunt back after her other class of the morning, jumping at her sight at the lunch table. After the first course, she asked her to make a dome to cover her plate because she heard her mother on the other side of the table say that she was capable of doing everything with her magic. Elsa smirked, and flicked her wrist in the air. A glass-like cloche made of ice fell on her dish with a satisfying 'click' like it was tailor-made.

"Waaaoh!" Exclaimed Eydis, and she clapped in admiration like Elsa just did something utterly incredible.

The Snow Queen grinned however, because coming from her, it was a lovely compliment.

"Eydis, eat your vegetables. If you let it too long under Elsa's dome, it will get colder." Warned Anna.

"Yes, Mama." Pouted the girl, grabbing the cloche with her tiny hands to put it aside.

Elsa bit her lip and wiggled her finger, and in a crisp of frost, Eydis hands got stuck to the ice. She noticed it by the sensation and the fact she now was unable to put it down, and she giggled loudly.

"Auntieeee!"

Elsa laughed openly. Eydis continued to shake the dome up and down to get rid of it, laughing even more.

"Elsa, please let her eat."

The blonde rolled her eyes at Anna being a killjoy, and vanished it. The princess was disappointed, but the Snow Queen pointed at the vegetables to remind her it was important for her to eat them.

Elsa and Anna chatted lightly and after a while, it reminded the little girl of the argument they had a few hours before.

"I can build a ship."

Elsa turned to her. "Pardon?"

"I can build a ship to bring you to At-the... A-tho..."

"Ahtohallan." Smiled Elsa.

"Yeah. That."

"You can build ships? Entire ships?" Teased Elsa.

"Yes I can!" Exclaimed Eydis, thinking she doubted of her. "I've become really good at building stuff! I have all the tools! I even have screwdrivers! And I have rulers, and a new hammer, and I even got a chisel and—"

"A chisel?" Suddenly worried the blonde.

"I took it away from her."

Elsa sighed at Anna's sentence, easily imagining the fiery princess running around the castle with such a blade.

"But I need it to help the village's carpenter!" Pouted Eydis, shocked to know her mother did such a thing.

"You'll help him by assisting him", calmed Kristoff, finding a compromise.

It seemed to work, because the girl grumbled but returned to eating what was in her plate.

"Every Wednesday, she goes in the village and he teaches her some stuff. The architect working with him once said that she's got good pen stroke skills. Apparently, she already got perspective, which is rare at her age."

Anna chew on her piece of cheese and pointed at her elder.

"That is something she inherited from you."

Elsa smiled with delight, and she felt her cheeks get warmer in pride. She looked down at Eydis, and her smile disappeared when she saw that the girl currently was pulling her steak with her teeth. Anna sighed.

"Elsa, could you help the carnivore cut her meat?"

Eydis whined and Elsa complied, giggling.

After she did, she turned to her sister and brother-in-law.

"I'll take notes of the weather's intensity today, and see if it gets worse tomorrow. In the morning, I'll go investigate to see how big the storm is, and to which scale it extends."

"I'll come with you." Announced Anna.

Elsa frowned. "No, don't let me go on how dangerous it is for you."

"I don't risk anything if I'm with you." Underlined the redhead, knowing well what arguments to use with her.

The blonde got speechless.

"Touché." Muttered Kristoff as he drank his glass of red wine.

"Will you request for the other Spirits' help?" Inquired Eydis.

"Maybe I'll ask for the Giants to give us a hand, yes. Quite literally." Smiled Elsa.

"And will you need my help?"

The Snow Queen heard in that question that her niece was desperately asking for her to say yes to bring some adventure to her daily life, and the following day surely was filled with boring classes. However, she had to say no. She would never risk Anna's life, all the more for Eydis.

"No, but you'll be very helpful once you'll learn everything about trigonometry to help the carpenter."

"Really?" Beamed the princess, not even realizing she diverted the topic.

"Yes! And if you're nice, I might buy you a spirit level. It will be your most precious asset in handiwork, trust me."

Eydis' eyes sparkled even more. "Is it magical?"

"What? No, it's based on a bubble—"

She then realized what she had just said, and that she was talking to a child.

"Yes. Yes obviously. It's magical. It's a spirit level, of course it is."

"Awesome!"

Eydis then returned to her plate, and Elsa exchanged an amused look with her parents.

"Spirits magic really is awesome." Muttered Eydis, chewing on her meat.

=======

"Can I sleep with Auntie tonight as well?"

Kristoff snorted. "This is becoming a habit, uh?"

Eydis pushed the storybook he was reading her by the fire in the living room and turned with an adorable pout.

"Pleeeease."

She then looked genuinely sad. "I don't see her often."

The King melted at the sight. "Sure, I'll go tell her."

He stood up and she clamped to him like a baby koala. "No, wait, stay."

Kristoff smiled. "Why?"

As an answer, the wind outside started to blow, making the windows tremble. It made a haunting sound when it passed by the chimney, and the flames danced a bit. They didn't notice the storm much by day when they were inside, because they were busy or talking, but now that night had fallen, the castle was quiet, and it emphasized its violence.

"You're scared of the storm?"

She shook her head to say no, but her red cheeks and glittering eyes stated the opposite. Kristoff held her tight.

"Hey, it's okay. It's just wind and rain. You're safe in the castle."

"But it's magic."

He passed a hand on her hair. "Yes, but this magic will never harm you. I promise."

Kristoff then smiled. "Is it company you look for? Do you want me to sleep with you tonight?"

Eydis grumbled, stepping out of the embrace. "No! I'm a big girl now. I don't need you to take care of me like a baby."

Her father understood that she was referring to him and Anna. "Okay."

She hugged him again however, and Kristoff took note that sleeping with her aunt, even if she was close family, didn't make Eydis feel like she was smothered.

When he joined Elsa later and he told her her wish, he also shared his thoughts.

"Yeah, it's very common for children of her age." Nodded Elsa. "Many Northuldra kids ask for a separate hut before they even are ten years old. It's normal, and it will pass. Trust me. Neither Anna or me were like that at her age, for we had a... Quite special childhood... But I'm certain that it's normal for Eydis."

"I'm not really a reference either." Chuckled Kristoff nervously, for he got raised by trolls.

"I'll sleep with her and keep an eye on her, don't worry. It makes me happy too."

"Great."

An hour later, Eydis and her were under the sheets, and this time the princess didn't request a chime, for the wind had calmed down to the benefit of rain, now a downpour. Thankfully, the drops weren't pushed to the windows, so it was a rather calm night, and Elsa smiled when she saw how soundly her niece was sleeping. She soon closed her own eyes and let herself drift to sleep.

=======

Eydis coughed lightly when she swallowed something tiny and cold. She frowned, her eyes still closed, and rubbed her mouth. As she did, the girl felt the familiar sensation of sharp touches of a snowing day and wondered why she felt it on her skin then. It must be a very realistic dream...

She fell to sleep again, turning on her pillow, but was woken up by a second tiny and cold thing falling in her ear this time. With a groan, she shook her head and wagged her arms around to get rid of what she thought were flies. Confused, she opened her eyes, and what her brown irises sparkled at the sight of a billion snowflakes falling in her bedroom.

They magically formed under the ceiling, then dropped slowly to the floor, vanishing just before hitting the carpet and the parquet. Eydis forgot to blink for a moment because of how jaw-dropping she was, and winced with clenched eyelids when she remembered that she had to. She kneeled then stood on the bed, watching what was happening in awe. Like silver dust, the snowflakes started to form a forest, and two people running around the trees. They didn't look very real, thought Eydis, and it reminded her of the illustrations in the storybooks her father read to her. She wondered if she were dreaming, and pinched her arm. After a wince, she noted that she definitely wasn't; as awesome as it was, what was happening in her bedroom really was happening in her bedroom.

Eydis hummed. She had heard multiple times from her mother that Elsa would sometimes conjure snow when she's upset. The little girl felt sad for her, and looked down at her aunt's face, but she was sleeping peacefully, even smiling. Everything clicked in the princess' brain: Elsa's smiles and moans were in sync with what was happening in the air. Was she controlling that show? Was she pranking her? No, she looked like she was genuinely sleeping, even if she had a calm breathing, just like her father when he had naps on the couch.

Eydis stood up, admiring the scene, not daring to touch the little characters at first, but then interacting with them with her fingers, following the trail of the forest that got drawn here. She squinted as she tried to understand who the two persons were. One looked just like Elsa, and the other, she couldn't quite understand, because they kept jumping on tree logs while the magic-drawing-Elsa clapped at her. She heard them both laugh, and it sounded weird, like it was distant and pitched like a bell.

The princess turned around the room to see more. The two were playing 'catch me' and giggling louder and louder in the forest. Eydis turned when she heard Elsa laugh slightly in her sleep. Suddenly, the magic-drawing-Elsa got caught by the other person because they had been hiding behind a tree, and Eydis finally recognized who it was when they talked, still with a bell-like voice.

"I won! Told you I could get you in no time." Laughed Honeymaren.

"Okay, okay, one point for you. I'll do the dishes."

Eydis heard Elsa laugh again in the bed, and she beamed at the scene. So it was Elsa and Honeymaren playing! She saw the mini-Elsa picking up pots and spoons and walking to what looked like a river, wide and going through the whole bedroom. It flowed like actual water with all its tiny snowflakes strolling in one move, and Eydis couldn't help but touch it with a "Woaaaw..."

She had to show this to her parents. She ran to the door, her forehead going through ice projections of branches, and she blinked with a giggle when it fell to her eyes. Eydis shook her head and ran in the corridor to her parent's bedroom.

"Mama! Mama!"

Anna grumbled at the sudden intrusion, noise and weight on her as Eydis jumped on the bed.

"Your daughter is awake", muttered Kristoff.

Anna sighed. "Sorry, but I technically have 'People of the Sun' blood, so before sunrise, she's your daughter."

"Mama!" Insisted Eydis, shaking Anna's shoulders specifically.

"What, sweetie?" Murmured the redhead.

"Elsa does magic!"

"Yes, we're aware."

"She is having visions! She has magic all over! The whole bedroom has ice in it!"

It took Anna a second, then her eyes opened wide.

"What, WHAT, WHAT?"

Those three informations were very alarming.

"Come, quick!"

No need to tell her twice. Anna jumped out of bed, hurrying. She was way faster than her daughter, and opened her bedroom's door wide. She gasped when she saw the scene. Just like Eydis, she couldn't help but contemplate it. She looked at every detail, at the trees, at the rocks, at the way they were made of what looked like a billion of stars. Emotion roamed in her heart and in her guts. It simply was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen in her life.

"Incredible..." She whispered.

Eydis finally arrived, and bumped headfirst into her back.

Stumbling, her mother then walked to Elsa still sleeping soundly, and was about to wake her up, but she looked so happy and peaceful with a smile matching her dream that she didn't dare to.

"Mama!" Exclaimed Eydis, rubbing her forehead. "Why did you stand there? It hurts!"

She had been talking with a regular voice, and Elsa stirred in her sleep. She frowned as something woke her up, and her dream projection softly vanished. The sparkles of magic disappeared, much to Anna's and Eydis' disappointment.

Elsa blinked, and suddenly widened her eyes when she saw her sister and her niece staring right at her in the dark.

"Uhhh... Hello?"

Anna inspected her face, like she was checking for fever signs by a simple gaze.

"...What is going on?" Worried Elsa.

"Are you okay?"

"I... Well, yes. I'm perfectly fine."

A smile even stretched her lips. She actually felt great. She couldn't tell why, but her brain was filled with happiness.

"Why are you two looking at me like this?"

Anna sat on the sheets in front of her sister.

"Elsa... Your dream was materializing."

[slightlystrangepsyche]

Roswell New Mexico S02E06

The title is “Sex and Candy”. Is that a reference I’m not getting? I’d rather have candy than sex, but if you want my reactions to the episode as I watched it, my thoughts are under the cut

Max has amnesia and doesn't remember the love of his life. Am I watching fanfiction right now? No. Fanfiction would be better written.

Buffy! She's Forrest's dog, and the flirting between him and Alex is so awkward and gay. Alex admits he had a lizard named Willow in High School. Very awkward. Very gay. The episode should have just been this for 50 minutes.

Instead, Maria is dragging Alex to the middle of nowhere to follow a lead about her mother's abduction. Road trip, in which Alex describes himself exactly how some viewers have described him. Nobody talks about their own issues like that.

In other news, Isobel goes to a gay bar. And sees Kyle there.

Oh, Max and Liz's date goes... deep. Ah, Liz tells Max about the fiancé she abandoned. I had forgotten about him. Max tells Liz he killed a drifter as a teen, to protect Isobel. Y'know. Real first date talk.

Oh, I forgot to mention the Max/Liz scene where Max doesn't like mint milkshakes anymore. It's another TV rule that nobody wakes up from a coma the same. How many cliches can we fit into one episode. And we're only half-way through.

Alex and Maria get a flat tire. Because, of course. Of course there's no spare. Ask a stupid question, Alex, and you'll get an obvious retort.

Wow. Even the casting is super obvious. David Anders. Although, it's weird to see him without white hair. I wonder if the guy ever gets tired of playing creepy, but obviously not.

I'm calling it now. Everybody is going to have sex during the meteor storm. Because we all know, alien stones are really an aphrodisiac. I'm half expecting Superman to arrive with the meteorites. Nothing is original.

Huh. Maybe there won't be Echo sex. Liz decides Max is better off without his memories of her, so she withdraws from their date so he has a chance to stay happier? I never understood that kind of self-sacrificial move, especially when it seems narcissistic. I'm sure there was more to Max's old personality than loving Liz. Maybe.

Okay. Alex just got stabbed by the David Anders character. A crazy war veteran. Who makes and sells cowboy boots. And is now chasing after Maria, who is running through a corn field.

Cut to, Kyle and Isobel, all glittered up, dancing at the gay bar, and they all toasted to feeling “alienated”. I'm kind sick of shows treating gay bars as a place straight characters can go for fun and to feel safe (okay, maybe that second reason is valid). I personally think Isobel and Kyle are bi, but that's not canon.

Poor Kyle. He really is seen as the 'safe' option. I'm all for Isobel reasserting her sexuality after the horror that was Noah, but they don't need sex. They need therapy.

Maria is running for her life, and runs right into Michael. Crazy War Veteran then hits Michael over the head, with the blunt end of the axe. He also says “I hate love triangles.” Which... mood. They writers do know the audience isn't supposed to be rooting for the creepy axe dude, right? Because that comment slayed me.

Oh. Now Isobel gives the consent talk, and it's Kyle's turn to dismiss ethics. He says his issue is that there's “someone else”. I'm guessing that's supposed to be Liz or Steph, but I'm gonna imagine Kyle has realized he's in love with Alex and that's why he's at the gay bar.

Urgh. Isobel's and Kyle assume the female bartender wants to dance with Kyle, but she wants to dance with Isobel and not the “breeder”. Why are they acting so surprised? I feel like this scene isn't doing the gay or straight community any favours.

So far, the only character that has any right this whole episode, is Buffy.

Max is going through his old journals to try and recover his memory. It works. A bullet falls out, and he remembers Liz getting shot and how Max saved her life. Sure. Sure. Standard stuff. But... who keeps a loose bullet in a journal. How?

Michael wakes up, Alex comes stumbling out of the shack, clutching his bloody chest. Maria... is there. They're reunited. Then David Anders comes out of the shack and shoots... his evil twin, the Crazy War Veteran? So, add Evil Twin to this episode's list of endless tropes. Good Twin asks, “everybody alright?” Somehow, yes. Even though they probably shouldn't be.

Apparently, it wasn't war that made Crazy War Veteran crazy. He was experimented on afterwards.

Ah, so, Kyle's love interest is Steph. Who, we are finding out now, is undergoing surgery.

Oh wow. Looks like there is going to be Echo sex under the meteorites after all.

And Isobel is perhaps bi after all. She's making out with the hot female bartender, and I think they're going to have sex during the meteorite storm.

Maria, highlighting how absurd these storylines are. “No-one would believe us if we told them.”

Since Alex's shirt is off, because they're tending to the wound in his chest, it's only natural they all have sex(!). Wouldn't Michael have a concussion, or something? Well, they do say sex can cure a headache. They are all still alive so I can understand the “still-alive” sex, if it weren't with people of incompatible sexualities and with baggage that is going to make things even messier. Alex tried to leave, but Maria fluttered her eyelashes and said she just wanted them all “safe”.

Cut to The Morning After.

Apparently, the Good Twin and Bad Twin were called Trevor and Travis. Maria is still asleep, so we get a really awkward conversation between Alex and Michael. They're really trying to spin it as a good thing, that Alex felt “loved” during it. But this is an end for Malex, because Michael is with Maria. Maria, who is awake and waiting with bated breath. Michael didn't follow Alex, he came back to her.

And Alex moves on, to Forrest. Who is... performing beatnik poetry. I guess Alex is into that kind of thing.

So, to sum up, it seems like everybody had sex. Apart from Kyle. Whose love interest was in surgery. And, if I wasn't asexual before, I definitely am now. Why would you have sex when you could be watching a cool meteorite shower instead?

[jiwonscologne]

Love is a Triangle

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Pairing: Double B x Reader

Genre: Fluff

- Hmm babe, what's that smell? - Jiwon scratches his eye in a sign of sleepiness - did you get up earlier to make breakfast? - His eyes suddenly get bigger. I look at him surprised by his sudden reaction. - Nooo, babe, I'm supposed to do that! - He hugs me from behind and drops his head on my shoulder while I put the chocolate chip pancakes on a plate.

- I wanted to surprise you two, you're always the one to cook for us in the morning. - I lean my head against his.

- Yeah because we have a system, I cook breakfast, you cook dinner and Hanbin, well...eats. - I turn my head to the side so I can stare at him and smile. I kiss him.

- Yes, but I wanted to do this so don't feel bad about it. - I finish the toasts and drop some blueberries on the pancakes. - Help me set the table. - Jiwon releases me and does as I say.

We finally look satisfied at the beautiful food I just made. Everything looks yummy: the egg toasts, the fruit salad, the pancakes, and the rice with mushrooms. - I'm not used to eat rice, meat, veggies or fish for breakfast since I wasn't born in Korea. And Jiwon doesn't mind American food in the morning either, but I had to make the rice for Hanbin because he never left Korea, so he's used to this kind of food.

- Ok, since the table is ready now, who's gonna wake up Hanbin? - He prepares to answer himself before me.  - Not it.

- Not it! - We say fast. - Damn it. - He said it first so he smiles victoriously.

 I should explain: we never want to have the task to wake our Hanbinnie up because he always goes to bed late when he's working hard. The problem is, we want him to get the rest he needs but he has to go to work early and for that reason, it's hard to say no when he asks to stay in bed for five more minutes which is like every time.

 I approach our bedroom with silent steps and a sleeping Hanbin comes to my sight. Aww, he looks like an angel, this is so hard! I come closer to him and admire his adorable face while petting his hair. I start calling by his name lowly and his eyes start to open very slowly and repeatedly. Oh man, I don't want to wake him up.

- Baby? - He says softly, still trying to open his eyes completely.

- Yes. You have to wake up now. - I'm still talking in a low voice but not as much as before. - I made breakfast. - I say, hopefully giving him the motivation to get up.

- Hmm, you did? - I nod. He looks at me sweetly and then, he stretches, yawns and kisses me before getting up. This was easier than I thought it would be.

 We go to the table and see Jiwon sitting down, on his phone.

- OMG, you did all this? - Hanbin widens his eyes. Jiwon gets startled by his voice and takes his eyes off the little screen.

- You got up already? - Jiwon asks, surprised. I send him a look saying "right?".

- Good morning to you too baby. - Hanbin kisses his head.

- Morning.

We both sit down and prepare to finally eat.

- Everything looks delicious babe. - Jiwon points out.

- Thank you. - I smile.

- I agree, this is amazing! - I smile again. - Wait...you did the mushroom rice just because of me? Aww, babe, I told you before I don't mind eating your food. - We’ve been living together for 3 months and I’ve only made breakfast for them twice, so he’s talking about the last time this happened. - Seriously, I like it. I love to learn about your culture, how you lived before.

I sigh. - Really?

- Yes. - He smiles. - I love to discover new things about you. So no rice next time, alright?

- Wow, next time? - Jiwon asks. - She's not cooking breakfast for us again, look how much food she made! She must've woken up so early to do all of this, earlier than I usually wake up.

- Jiwon it's fine! I told you to not worry about this, I did it because I wanted to. I like to spoil you, boys.

- Aw, I love you, baby. - Hanbin confesses.

- I love you too. - Jiwon answers.

- I love you both.

We start getting ready to go to work when we finish our meal. Our room looked chaotic with various separate clothes of three different people. That is why I require a closet for myself.

- I don't know what to wear! What should I wear? - I complain.

- Clothes? - Jiwon says, careless.

- Why don't you use those beautiful brown shorts you have? - Hanbin suggests.

- Hmm, I don't know, should I?

- Who cares? - Jiwon continues not interested in this kind of conversation.

- I do!

- You look good in anything, just use whatever reaches toward your eyes first.

- No, that's you Jiwon. You look good in everything. - Hanbin smiles at us while dressing his pants. - Okay, I'll wear brown shorts and a white shirt.

- Good choice baby.

 We got into the car so we could all go to work. Jiwon and Hanbin work at YG Entertainment since they are apart of iKON. I, on the other hand, work in a broadcasting station. I came to Korea on a scholarship - thanks to my uncle - and I got this job as a part-time but about a year ago, it became full time since I acquired more important skills.

- Should we stop for coffee? - I suggest.

- No! - Hanbin states. - Absolutely not.

- Why not? Yes, we should. - Jiwon looks at me to support me.

- No, I don't want her to pass her caffeine addiction to you. - Hanbin replies.

- But Jiwon likes it too.

- Then he can go grab some, alone.

- I don't wanna go alone.

- And I want to go with him.

- Then you're not going at all. - Hanbin settles.

- Binnie, don't be like this. - I start pouting.

- Yeah, Bin. - Jiwon does the same. - We want to grab some coffee together. We're already addicted so there's nothing you can do. - Hanbin rolls his eyes and caves. Jiwon and I smile at each other and kiss his cheeks.

- We love you and we know you want the best for us. - Hanbin gives me a "then listen to me" look.

We stop for the coffee after we let the driver know and then, we get to my job's building since it’s closer than theirs. But I bet if mine was farther from theirs, they would drop me off first anyway.

- Okay, goodbye. - I say.

- Have a nice day Summer baby. - I give Hanbin a kiss and following, Jiwon.

- Oh, don't forget your jacket! It's cold at the end of the day. - I almost forgot. I turn around and I give Hanbin a kiss again, thanking him for reminding me.

It's the end of the day, finally. Someone made a comment about my relationship with the boys here at work and since then, I haven’t been able to focus completely. A lot of people don’t understand what it means to be polyamory because society teaches us that true love means two people only. They think we’re just confused or that we're friends with benefits. I don't blame them for not understanding but saying things like "what if he likes him more than you" or "aren't you afraid they'll find someone to replace you?" is really uncomfortable and upsetting.

 When I prepare myself to wrap things up in a sigh, someone knocks at my station's door. It's Jiwon.

- What are you doing here babe? - I give him a kiss.

- I came to pick you up. Are you ready to go? - I find it strange that he's here, normally he only does this when Hanbin...

- Yes, let me just pack my things. - I pack everything in my bag.

Jiwon helps me dress my jacket.

 - Where’s Binnie? - I have this nickname for him since there was a time he wore beanies a lot and they suit him so much I created this name for him considering the name sounds like his. I can’t let go of this nickname ever since.

 - He had to stay at the studio to finish some things. - This was what I was afraid of. It was being a great month of all of us getting home together and having dinner collectively, without someone having late night work, until now. It was too good to be true.

 - Oh. - I try to hide my disappointed face and my heavy exhalation.

 We enter the car and Jiwon asks the motorist to drive us home.

 - How was your day, babydoll?

 I sigh, again. - Somewhat tiring. Yours?

 - Mine too. - He looks down. Something feels off. Did something happen?

 We get home after a 12-minute drive.

 We decide to sit on the couch to rest our heads from our jobs.

  - What if I cook dinner for us since you got up early to cook breakfast? - Jiwon suggests.

  - I want to say no, however, I’m so tired I’m not gonna fight you.

  - Okay. - He gives me a kiss on the forehead and gets up to go to the kitchen to prepare our meal.

  - Summer, it’s ready! - Jiwon screams from the kitchen, after cooking our two people dinner. Considering I didn't respond, Jiwon comes to the living room, to know what's wrong. He watches me almost falling asleep.

  - Babe, the food’s ready. - He says softly. - Why don’t you eat and then go rest with me?

 We eat our chicken ramen in silence. There’s a lot of nights where Hanbin doesn’t eat with us and we kind of got used to it but other times, it doesn’t feel right. I had a pretty long day at work and I just wanted to relax with my two babies beside me, cuddling in bed, but I guess that’s not possible today so I feel a little down. Jiwon looks very tired too and he feels the emptiness that I feel right now. I can see it through him.

 After the meal, we do as he said before.

 - Babe, you look so tired, why don’t you go to bed?

 - No, no, I want to wait for him.

 - Babydoll he’ll probably get home late. - Jiwon says with a sad face.

 - But I want to wait for him, I want to cuddle with you and him by my side.

 - I know but I don’t think you should be forcing yourself to stay awake, you’re tired. And he'll arrive home at 4 am. - Something is off again, I feel it.

 - How do you know?

 - I talked to him, he said he's late in the songs.

 My face changes from doubt to pity.

 - I tried to make him go home but he didn't want to listen to me. He said he was too busy.

 - Did you fight?

 Jiwon sighs heavily, looking down. - Yes.

 - Oh, baby. - I hug him and rub his back.

 - He said he would try to finish early, but I know he's going to be late and get home when we're already asleep.

 My eyes start to get wet, ready to cry.

 - No, no, no don’t cry, it’s okay, I’m here and Bin will be here soon. - He hugs me. Great, I'm such a mess today that now I'm crying.

 - What if we go to bed and I cuddle you for a bit while we wait for him? - I knew what he was doing. I knew I would fall asleep if we did that but I can’t deny that I’m pretty tired and I can’t stay awake any longer, he knows that too, he’s just trying to make me feel better.

   - Okay. - I whip my tears off my face.

   - Okay? Yes, come on.

I felt myself fell asleep after a while so I say one more thing. - Please wake me up when he gets home. - I knew he wouldn’t do it but I had to say it.

⁃    Of course. - Jiwon pets my hair and I fell into a sleep coma.

  Jiwon comes back to the living room to watch some TV since he can’t fall asleep and suddenly, after two hours, he hears keys drop in a plate, so he gets up.

 - What are you doing still awake? - Hanbin asks while undressing his jacket.

 - I couldn’t fall asleep because you weren’t home yet. - He grabs Hanbin’s face when he gets closer and kisses him. - Our babydoll was so tired she fell asleep as soon as I took her to bed. - He smiles. - She wanted to wait for you but I didn’t want her to be up this late, you came so late! It’s friday night Hanbin! - He lets some anger out.

 - I know. I’m sorry, I know it’s been a while.

 - Just don't make promises you can't keep. - Jiwon refers to him saying he would come somewhat early.

 - I'm sorry, Jiwon, you know I have to work.

 - I have to work too but I need you and her too.

 - Please let's not talk about this again, I don't wanna fight more. - Hanbin is tired.

 - Okay, nevermind. But only because you're finally home. - Jiwon hugs him. Hanbin kisses the back of his head. - You probably should apologize to her too, our baby was so sad, Bin, she kept trying to stay awake so she could see you. I think she had a tough day.

 - I feel so regretful, I don’t want her to feel bad because of me. - Jiwon kisses his neck multiple times.

 - Let it go now, let's go to bed.

 Hanbin changes his clothes to a p-jay t-shirt and grey sweatpants after he gets in bed with Jiwon, next to me. One in each side, since I'm laying in the middle. I feel the bed moving when they get under the covers so I wake up. The room is dark but I can still see Hanbin's eyes worried about waking me up unintentionally.

 - Binnie? - I call.

 - Yes, baby. I'm home now.

 - What time is it? - I ask confused. Jiwon looks at Hanbin to stop him from saying the truth.

 - It's almost 1 am. - Hanbin says this while putting the clock down on the table showing it's 4:26 am.

 - 1 am? I'm sorry I didn't wait for you, I was feeling sleepy. 

Hanbin kisses her nose. - It's okay, you didn't have to.

[siriuslyblack12]

As We Grow Older

chapter 1

Summer had come and gone. Days bled into nights and sun bled into stars as September rapidly approached. It had been warm and peaceful, quiet in the way that vibrant flowers grew over green fields, given shade by the confident trees and given life from the minimalistic designs of watering cans and the green-thumbs holding them; but thrilling in the way that rollercoasters flew through the sky, friends laughing loud and hard as they made memories they would never forget.

 Remus Lupin appreciated the first much more, as he sat in his garden, book in hand, trying to enjoy the last few hours of his summer holiday.

 This is, no doubt, in stark contrast to his friends. James Potter had bought a season pass to theme parks all around the country that his family had driven between for the entire month of July, stopping at Lily Evans’s holiday cabin any chance he got. Peter Pettigrew had enjoyed concert after concert, dragging his friends to a few and his presumably unrequited crush Mary MacDonald to most. He’d even heard of all about Marlene and Dorcas’ trip to Spain, a trip that they’d been practically begging their parents to pay towards and labelled as a ‘celebration’ of their grades the school year prior.

 Then there was Sirius Black. Leather jackets and muscle t-shits, dark hair falling past his shoulders or loosely tied up in a bun that would come tumbling down minutes later. Brown eyes and perfect lips, spread over his face in a perfect grin that was usually accompanied by a hand clutching at his toned chest. He’d spent his time quite evenly between the three boys, thrill-seeking with James and his family, third-wheeling Peter and Mary and annoying every one of Remus’s neighbours with his antics. There was never a quiet moment in his summer, which was to be expected by the school’s most beloved trouble maker. All four of them were regarded as such, but Remus had always thought that Sirius was the main reason for their popularity.

 He was also hopelessly in love with him.

 Of course, this isn’t at all surprising. Most, if not all of the girls at Hogwarts High fawned over Sirius’s impossible good looks, his charm and flirty remarks, his laid-back, cool stance. Love letters flooded his locker and every one of his selfies got hundreds, if not thousands of likes and comments. He was certainly no stranger to the shallow pining, but Remus Lupin was a boy. A bisexual boy that wasn’t out to anyone. And he didn’t just like Sirius for his looks. That was definitely a bonus, something to make him swoon pathetically, but Remus saw much deeper than that. He loved his sense of humour, his laugh that could light up an entire room. He loved his personality, outgoing and confident but caring and gentle in the right company. He loved the way that his face portrayed every single emotion with such depth, and that his heart was worn on his sleeves. He loved everything about Sirius, but he couldn’t possibly tell him.

 “Remus, honey, tea’s ready.” His mum called from the back doorstep. “Come in before it gets cold.”

 Essentially, he was fucked.

 ~~

 Sirius Black woke up to the piercing sound of his parent’s shouting at him and Regulus to “get the fuck out of bed” and “stop being so fucking lazy”. He could tell they were more aimed at him than his little brother, which filled him with both relief and dread. He was grateful that swim training didn’t start again until next week, considering how awful this was at 8, he definitely couldn’t handle the same at 5:30. A muffled groan escaped from his lips as he rolled over, feet twisted in his silk sheets and a hand carding through his hair. It was finally September, after 6 excruciating weeks of blinding sun, and school was starting again. Not that he didn’t appreciate the rest, its just the only thing he truly enjoyed about it was the thing he had the least of: his friends.

 He’d spent as much time as humanly possible out of his house and away from his dear parents, but nothing could ever be quite enough. They’d been shouting a lot more recently, at him and each other, occasionally even Regulus, and his ears ached with the shrill voice of his mother and booming sound of his father. They weren’t even his mother and father, not really, that title would go to the Potters, whose house he promptly arrived at after he’d spent a good 20 minutes under the hot spray of his shower. He hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye as he marched out of his door with as much pride as he could muster, practically none of which was genuine.

 “Pads! I was actually starting to think you weren’t gonna show,” James announced as he greeted his friend with a tight hug, as if he hadn’t seen him just the day before.

 “Couldn’t miss the first day of school, could I? I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

 “Sure you do, mate”

 He punched James lightly in the shoulder as the two of them laughed away any inhibitions they’d had about the first day of school. The two took their seats at the breakfast bar as Mrs Potter placed  plates of toast and fruit, always reminding her boys to stay healthy. She’d cut Sirius’s toast into 4 small triangles, exactly how he liked it, and they both ate as quickly as possible, excited for the year ahead.

 “You boys better get going if you want to make it before second bell, I’d rather not have to deal with that on your record” The kind voice of Mrs Potter sang through the room. A voice that made him feel safe, like this was his home.

 “Mum’s right, bet Moony’ll go mad if we’re late again” James added and finished with a kiss to Mrs Potter’s cheek. “Him and Peter are probably there already.”

 He couldn’t wait to see Remus again. And Peter. And the girls.

 “Well don’t just stand there Prongs, we have shit to start!”

 “Language.”

 “Sorry Mrs Potter.”

 ~~

 Remus’ stomach flipped and churned as he saw Sirius approach their table, James strutting by his side. He’s your best friend. Get a grip. He watched James’s eyes go right towards the head of red hair beside him, freckles dotted all over her face and arms and jeans cuffed above her ankles. Prongs had been not-so-subtly crushing on Lily for a few years now, and it was getting quite depressing to watch. Remus had suspected for a while that she did in fact have feelings for James, but it wasn’t really his place to comment. Besides, she’d most likely be too obstinate to admit it even if she did. Across from him, Mary, Marlene and Dorcas were excitedly discussing their holidays, the latter two occasionally pulling each other close and sharing a few kisses. They’d been dating for almost a year, and needless to say everyone in the school shipped them. Someone had even made them a fan account, which Marlene had admittedly found a little creepy, but Dorcas adored.

 “Moons! Is that a haircut I see? It suits you,” Sirius said matter-of-factly, taking the seat the other side of Remus, obviously growing bored of James’s childish pining.

 He’s your best friend. Best friends compliment each other. “Wouldn’t take you as one to notice, Pads.” What? What does that even mean?

 “Well, I did” he replied, before pulling out his phone and opening Instagram, mindlessly scrolling through and liking every other post. Sirius was one of those people who documented his entire life on social media, to the point where at any given moment the entire school knew where he was and what he was doing.

 A few moments passed, everyone exchanging fun stories, laughing at Peter’s animated retellings, smiling as Marlene laid her dead on her girlfriend’s shoulder when she recounted care-free nights. He’d missed this, and he could tell Sirius had too.

 They still had ten minutes until first bell, and they would all go to their first classes of the year. Remus had decided to take chemistry this year, a decision that he now deeply regretted after the amount of summer homework Professor Slughorn had given him, a decision that was definitely not made in the first place so that he’d be in more classes with Sirius. Definitely not.

 Usually on an occasion such as important as this, the 8 of them would pull a prank. He secretly lived for those moments, and had spent all summer planning some more intricate ideas. He was elated when Lily suddenly spoke, as confidently as ever.

 “Not that I don’t love hearing about all of your lovely holidays spent far away from your bitchy sisters and their loser boyfriends,” at that everyone nodded sympathetically, “but I’m in the mood to cause some trouble.”

 “And how exactly would we do that?” James questioned.

 Sirius chirped in, raising his eyebrows, “I think I might have an idea.”

 And that’s how Remus Lupin ended up counting down loudly with his friends, gaining strange looks from the rest of the canteen as James held five Mentos above a bottle of Diet Coke, both from Peter’s bag, that they would drop as they got to one. Sirius shook with laughter from his left, joining in with the countdown and leaning far too close to the bottle to ensure him safety from the explosion that was to come. Remus followed him as he leant further forward, silently vowing to follow Sirius wherever he went. The numbers they shouted got smaller and smaller, and the two boys got closer and closer. He looked over to his left and saw that Sirius had suddenly jumped far back, and before he could question it the bottle erupted right into his scarred face.

 The entire canteen erupted in laughter, including the boy behind him which quickly made Remus forget all about the state of his shirt and jeans. He would do anything to make Sirius happy.

 “Mr Lupin, I’m sure there’s you have an explanation for this,” They were quickly brought back to reality by the stern, Scottish drawl of Professor McGonagall. “And I’m sure it involves Mr Potter and Mr Black being their usual selves, yes?”

 “You’ve got it Minnie.” Sirius chuckled, earning himself and everyone else a lunch detention.

  James jumped on the opportunity to plead with her for a lighter punishment, only to be waved away non-commitedly. Lily sank into James’s side, defeated and slightly annoyed but amused nonetheless. Sirius bumped his shoulder to Remus’s, their faces only inches apart as a beautiful smirk settled itself on the first boy’s face. If Sirius noticed the deep blush that spread over the his friend’s face and neck, he didn’t say anything.

 Maybe detention wasn’t so bad if he could have that smirk directed at him.

 Stop fooling yourself, Remus. He’s straight. He doesn’t like you.

 Maybe not, he thought. But I might as well appreciate what I can while it lasts.

 ~~

 Detention went for the most part as expected: Sirius and James throwing paper planes at each other from opposite ends of the room, Lily doodling on a spare piece of paper on her desk, Marlene and Dorcas eye-fucking for the entire hour. But Remus’s mind replayed the same thought, over and over and over again as his fingers absentmindedly drummed on his desk.

 Sirius had given him his shirt.

 To anyone else, this information would mean absolutely nothing. He always kept a spare one in his bag for after swimming and had offered it to his friend to wear now that his was soaked through. It was fairly big on him, as Sirius was more built, and a few inches taller. It hung off of his shoulders nicely, and felt so comfortable. So natural. What wasn’t comfortable, nor natural, was Remus’s reaction. His eyes had widened comically as his heart imploded right there on the spot, and so Sirius had just placed the shirt simply into his shaking hands and stalked away to share a laugh with James and Peter, leaving a lovestruck Remus in his wake.

 Professor McGonagall left the detention room to run a few errands, and it was suspiciously tame considering the company. Why she would ever trust the marauders alone in a confined space would be a mystery to most. Remus and Lily had turned around in their seats to gossip with James and Sirius, mainly pointless topics to pass the time.

 “All I’m saying is, Dumbledore and McGonagall are definitely fucking.” James stated, arms in the air smugly.

 “Absolutely no way, I won’t accept it!” Lily laughed along with him.

 “You’re girlfriends right, Prongsie,” Sirius began, getting loud protests from both parties, “If anyone is fucking, it’s Dumbledore and Hagrid.”

 Remus’s breath hitched, but he was proud in how quickly he recovered and replied with, “Fair point, but McGonagall and Pomfrey must be considered, don’t you think?”

 The room erupted in laughter, Marlene and Dorcas vocalising their agreement with him and clasping him on the back.

 “Dumbledore and McGonagall are the most perfect example of solidarity my gay ass has ever witnessed.” One of them said, causing everyone to laugh harder.

 “Fucking Preach!” Sirius hollered, folding his paper aeroplane into a ball and throwing it into the air, which was then caught by James and hurled towards the bin with a soft ‘Lebron James’. The paper, unsurprisingly, missed it’s target which served as Lily’s cue to make fun of him even more than she was already.

 “I’d like to see you try, Evans”

 “You’re on Potter.” She sneered, folding her own piece of paper and throwing it towards the same bin that James had aimed for, the only difference being that hers landed perfectly. Remus held out his hand for Lily to high five, and Sirius praised her loudly. She bit her lip happily, eyes trained on James before she spoke.

 “Better not underestimate me again, Potter.”

 “Oh, I won’t.”

 With that, Remus settled back into his chair, and took another look at the brown-eyed boy that he couldn’t get out of his head, who had calmed down a little and was now, once again, scrolling through his phone. His hair fell into his face delightfully and Remus leaned back on his chair and he admired it quietly. He hadn’t even realised how dangerously far back he had leaned, before his back hit the floor with a thud and he groaned in pain. Once again the room was laughing and Sirius wore that smile that Remus loved so much.

 This was going to be a hard year.

 ~~

 “Oi, knobhead, pass the salt would you?”

 “Manners, James.” Sirius countered cheekily.

 “Oi, knobhead, pass the salt, please.”

 The next few days had passed uneventfully, if Sirius was any judge. He’d fallen into the comfortable routine of pissing about at school, pissing about at the park and then pissing about at the Potter’s, never going to his own house until it was absolutely necessary. At first, a few years ago, he’d felt insecure that he was mooching off of people too kind to know any better, but those thoughts had quickly dissolved.

 Mrs Potter smiled and looked between the two boys, elated that she could care for both of them. She’d never wanted to have an only child, but her and her husband had decided that it was for the best, which did nothing to stop the satisfaction that came with taking Sirius in as her own.

 “Are you excited to start training again, Sirius? Do you need me to drive you anywhere?” She questioned politely, silently hoping he says yes.

 “Of course I am,” He replied, mouth full of food. “And I’m afraid I have to decline your offer, as great as it is. My father insists being my personal taxi when it comes to swimming.”

 Mrs Potter nodded her head quietly, not realising the emotion in his voice that was masked by the potatoes he continued to stuff into his mouth. Sirius would be happy to be back with his team, in the water, racing again. It was his sense of normality, his clutch when his confusion got too much to handle. He was hoping that he could get his friends to see a few galas this year, especially the tawny haired boy that he couldn’t recall had ever seen him in the water.

 After they’d eaten, James and Sirius stood over the sink after promising that they’d wash the dishes, a promise that they now realised was perhaps not the best idea. James, sponge in hand, had been scrubbing at the same spot for what felt like hours.

 “How do you actually feel about swimming, Pads?”

 “I love it, of course I do,” Sirius began. “Why would you even have to ask that, mate?

 James gently put down his plate, still somehow dirty, and turned to face his friend. He gave him a look, that look that says ‘that’s absolute bullshit, but I’m gonna let you tell me in your own time.’ That look.

 “Well, my parents are a big part of it. My dad’s the only reason I started in the first place, but I do actually enjoy it. It’s more than them now.” Sirius admitted truthfully.

 “You would tell us if you didn’t want to go back, wouldn’t you?” James was always the mother hen of the group, taking care of everybody else. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

 Sirius sighed, muttered an agreement and picked up the plate that James was just working on, desperately scrubbing just as hard as the other boy was. It was almost visible how his walls had gone up, a blockade of ice that freezed over whenever his parents were brought into conversation. James wished he could press more, but he knew it wouldn’t work. He’d open up when he was ready.

 “Pass me that plate, I’m just gonna put it away and hope mum doesn’t notice.” James said.

 “Dick.”

 “Git.”

 “You love me,”

 “Keep telling yourself that.”

 They both smiled, the first genuine smile of the night.

[siberlius-moving]

1x13 coda... of sorts

my writing of what should happen after. kylex cos they cute and someone has to appreciate alex’s fashion sense

also posted on ao3 lol

baby I can read your phases like the moon

Kyle hears about Max, then Maria and Michael, from Liz.

“Maria and Michael?” Kyle almost drops the stethoscope.

“Yea. They are into each other for awhile now,” Liz replies.

“I thought-“ Kyle stops himself. This is sensitive territory; he knows Alex, Liz and Maria are good friends, but he also knows that Alex shows parts of himself selectively to different people regardless of who they are.

She looks up and furrows her eyebrows, “You knew about Alex and Michael?”

“I work with them, especially Alex. Manes-Valenti stuff. Michael joined us for the Caulfield trip just a few days ago and I swear there was something between them - huh,” Kyle pauses, “the talk didn’t go well, I guess?”

“Mikey what have you done,” Liz groans. “Is Alex okay?”

“I haven’t met him yet. Now to think about it, he hasn’t replied my texts.”

Liz dials Alex’s number. Frowning, she calls him again. And again. And gives up. “He’s not picking up. Argh.”

“Maybe we should leave him alone for now. He hates talking about his personal life,”

“The last time he talked to me about his relationships was like ten years ago. And I didn’t even know it was about Michael until three days ago,”

“I’ll find him,” Kyle promises.

“I can come along-“

“I know you want to spend time with Max,” he interrupts gently, “and you should. Alex has changed a lot since high school, he’s not going to just open up especially about Michael.”

She sighs. “I want to be there for him,”

“It will be fine. I’ll check on him. Besides you have never lost out in a love triangle before,”

“What do you-oh,” Liz’s eyes widen, “Kyle, I-“

“It’s cool,” he says honestly, “I will always like you, Liz, but I am not in love with you anymore.”

She reaches for his hand. 

“You are right. Tell Alex I will be there for him? When he is ready,” she pleads.

Kyle squeezes her fingers. “Of course.”

    “Alex Manes drinking in a non-Wild Pony bar?” Kyle has his arms at his waist like he is talking to a patient who has made some terrible life decision like stuffing a kinder egg into their ass. He is tired from driving around. He checked the cabin first, the bunker, then begged his mum to help find Alex’s car. 

“Cheers,” Alex picks up a non-empty shot glass, toasts it, and chugs the whiskey. Kyle can smell the alcohol on him. Alex’s tipsy, and resigned enough that he doesn’t bother questioning why Kyle is here.

Kyle stares suspiciously at the drink in Alex's hand. “How many did you have?”

“Not enough.”

Kyle sits next to him. “Liz and I are worried about you.”

“I’m fine.” Alex’s code for ‘I am not telling you shit’. Fair enough.

“I need to tell you something else though.”

“Shoot.”

Kyle winces. “Your dad was following me.”

At that, Alex stiffens. He straightens his back and takes a quick look around the bar.

“He isn’t following me now,” Kyle says, placing a hand on Alex’s shoulder, “I put him in a medically induced coma.”

Alex stares at him. Just as Kyle begins to feel unsettled under the weight of the stare, Alex giggles. Then he bursts into a loud, full bodied laughter that attracts curious looks from other patrons.

Kyle tightens his grip on Alex’s shoulder and tries to get Alex to look at him again. Alex brushes him off and waves one of the bartenders over.

“Get him the most expensive drink you have. It’s on me.”

Kyle worries his lips, and asks, “Are you okay?”

Alex retorts, “Of course I am.”

The drink comes. Kyle sips it. It’s warm and rich and sweet.

“This is good!”

Alex looks over curiously. “I’ve never tried.”

Then he uses Kyle’s hand as a handle, raises it to his lips and sips from the glass. The bottom of his lip grazes against Kyle’s finger. At this distance Kyle can see his eyelashes, the red flush of his cheeks.

Heat stirs and shoots straight down to his dick. Calm down, Kyle mentally scolds himself.

Alex licks the rim of the glass. He isn’t looking at Kyle though. He’s fluttering his eyelashes at the air, but at least three different sets of eyes are staring back at him, from interest to outright lust.

“You done showing off what you can do with your mouth?” Kyle says bluntly.

Alex sits back up, covers the slight embarrassment with a performative pout and a real threat hidden in heated gaze. “Listen, Valenti, I came here to be fucked. You better not be cockblocking me. I’m not leaving until I get someone who isn’t Michael to touch my dick!”

He’s doing this on purpose, being crude to make Kyle uncomfortable and scare him away. But Kyle went to med school and med school students are so  desensitised to anatomical functions that Alex’s remarks are laughably entry-level. He placates, “Look, I completely understand the need to get laid, but do you want to talk?”

Alex narrows his eyes. “About what?”

“What happened,” Kyle presses. He is self aware enough to know that pushing for answers and not knowing when to stop is his worst trait, but in the time they spent together Alex has grown from annoyance to resignation and acceptance of Kyle’s worse habits. And egging tipsy Alex on occasionally leads to him adopting a botched valley girl accent and he gets more tactless and sarcastic than usual. It’s funny and Kyle loves that about him.

“I went to find Michael, and like I was honest. Pouring my heart out honest,”

“...Okay?”

“Then something alien came up, I guess it has to do with the weird lightning storm in Roswell. And Michael was like, okay meet me at the airstream tomorrow we’ll talk. So I went there and waited and he never showed. Next thing I know Maria and Michael are making out at the Wild Pony.”

What the hell. “I will punch him in the dick,” Kyle growls.

“Nah. It’s my fault. I was too late. And also he has mind powers so you are gonna lose. And don’t you dare report this to Liz. She shouldn’t feel like she has to take a side. Besides, they didn’t do anything wrong and I do deserve this.”

Kyle wants to convince Alex that he’s wrong. But Alex will simply shut him down and the conversation ends. Kyle makes a mental note to himself to make things difficult for Michael in small and petty ways when he sees him around.

“What happened to your phone?” Kyle asks, carefully running through a list of less tenuous topics in his head.

“Uh. Dumped it somewhere. It kept ringing and I was trying to listen to my high school mixtape.”

“It was probably the hospital about your dad, dude.”

“Well. Guess it’s not important.”

“Flint picked up so he’s at the hospital now. He probably called your other brothers.”

Alex grimaces. “Argh. The Manes family is back in town. I’m gonna lock myself in the cabin. You should too, just in case. Flint saw the two of us at Caulfield. He doesn’t think I am ballsy enough to do that to our father, so he’s gonna target you.”

“I am wearing a bulletproof vest.” 

Alex snaps out the drunk fuck-all act, looking instantly sobered. “Wait. He shot you?”

Kyle shrugs.

“Jesus christ,” Alex runs his hands down Kyle’s chest, “you okay?”

“You know, the more you do this, the lower your chances of getting laid,”

“You got shot, Kyle! I care more about your safety. You can stay at the cabin - no one knows I live there.”

“Inviting me to move in with you, Manes?”

“If you aren’t comfortable, I can find another place to stay,” Alex says seriously.

“Chill, I’m joking-” 

“This isn’t a joke! It’s important that you are safe - dad’s incapacitated but my brothers can be a threat too, even if they aren’t as difficult with dad no longer pulling their strings!” Alex’s gaze is intense. His fists are clenched and his knuckles are white. Kyle takes one of Alex’s hands and gently massages it, coaxing his fingers to relax.

“I am going to be fine. Both of us can deal with them together because we are in this together as partners. You and I aren’t defenceless,” Kyle soothes.

Alex breathes out. “We are gonna need a plan to deal with them.”

“And we can discuss it in your cabin.”

“Yea, we should.” Alex stands up. It’s almost like the past twenty minutes of conversation and drunkenness didn’t happen. Now that he is standing, it hits Kyle how good Alex looks. That leather jacket. The tight pants that shows off his thighs and ass. The v-neck shirt that tempts his collarbones.

Bite him! 

Kyle gulps the remaining of his drink before he follows Alex out.

    Kyle drives them to the cabin. 

“You switch gears really fast,” he comments, as Alex dumps his jacket on the table.

“Had to be in the army. I’m still gonna be mad at you for cockblocking once we are free from the alien nonsense.”

“You do look really good today,” Kyle blurts out. Alex doesn’t catch the flirtation at all. He drops himself at the couch and removes his prosthetic.

“Would have dressed better if I found out dear old pops is almost dead,” Alex stills, and looks at Kyle guiltily, “I’m sorry,”

Kyle joins him at the couch. “Nah it’s fine. He did fucking shoot me.”

“I won’t take it personally if you pulled the plug, though I know you won’t do it.”

Kyle looks up in surprise, “How do you?”

“Because you are a good person. And you live by a good code. I know I am safe with you because you honour that code,” Alex replies easily.

Shit. Kyle realises. He’s in love. With Alex.

“You are a good person too, you know,” Kyle says. His voice is shaky from the epiphany.

“Michael can’t look at me without seeing what my father did to him. And he isn’t wrong. I know what my father is capable of. And I am so afraid that-“ Alex covers his face with his hands.

“You aren’t your father,”

“Mimi says I have the same energy as him, what if I am corrupted like dad and I-“

“Alex, look at me,” Kyle pries Alex’s hands away, replaces them with his own, “you are never going to be father, you know why? Because you love. And people love you. You think you don’t deserve this love, but you do. And it will always be this love that will never make you your father.”

Alex’s eyes are wet. A stray tear falls and trails down his cheek. Kyle wipes it away with his thumb.

Alex kisses him, backs off as soon as he does. “Shit. I’m sorry. I just-“

“It’s ok,” Kyle says, “it’s okay if you just want to use me as a rebound,”

“Are you offering to have sex with me?”

Kyle raises an eyebrow, “Yes?”

Alex pushes him down onto the sofa and straddles him.

Just as Kyle prepares to kiss him properly, Alex whips a gun from behind the cushion and points it at him.

“Jesus!”

“Who are you and what have you done to Kyle?” Alex demands.

“I am Kyle! I swear!“

“The Kyle I know isn’t interested in guys,” Alex hisses.

In the face of a loaded gun, Kyle is calm. He knows Alex won’t hurt him, knows that this is something only he can fix. He says quietly, surely, “The Kyle you knew in high school, didn’t realise that about himself. The Kyle you knew then was a dick who wanted to be popular and he did the worst thing he could do to his best friend. The Kyle you know now has grown since and found out in college that men are really fun in bed and he has missed out because he was busy being bigoted. He is also very sorry for what he has done and he will aways try to make it up to you.”

Alex lets out the air he has been holding and shoves the gun back into the sofa. Kyle pulls him down and holds him against his chest.

“You weren’t going to shoot me. The safety was still on.”

“I fucked up,” Alex mumbles into his shirt.

“I contributed,” Kyle replies, stroking Alex’s hair, “do you really hide weapons all around the house?”

Alex nods, “I’ll show you around, where they are at.”

“Are you gonna pull out other moves?“

“I don’t want you to have sex with me because you feel sorry for me.”

“I don’t feel sorry for you. I am upset for you. I am also very turned on because you are on top of me and you whipping the gun out did things to my dick. So. Is it a cold shower or -“

“I don’t want you to be a rebound. I actually uh -“

“Uh huh?”

“I do like you. You know? Like more than friends.”

Kyle’s heart soars.

“So do I,” Kyle readily admits, “and we are adults. Adulting means we can have sex with people we find really hot. And we can talk about what we mean to each other too.”

“Okay,” Alex braces himself over Kyle, “I think you are hot, and that you are important to me. If we are having sex it’s not because I’m using you as a rebound. It’s something more.”

Kyle says, “It’s something more for me too. And f-y-i, I wanted to jump you since I saw you at the bar.”

Alex lunges forward. The kiss is intense when both of them reciprocate. Kyle curls the hand in Alex’s hair and he gets soft moans into his mouth in return.

He wants Alex, Kyle realises. Not just when he is sad and angry and there’s alcohol in both their breaths. Not just when they are stuck together by some bizarre family legacies they didn’t choose to have. Kyle wants Alex and he wants Alex to want him back.

Alex rolls his hips down and Kyle gasps. “You are thinking too much,” he shivers when Alex whispers that in his ear, trembles when Alex gently bites the lobe, “focus on me.”

Yes, yes. They will have time to talk about it. Right now he is so turned on it hurts and he wants to make Alex scream his name. Kyle pushes himself up with one hand and guides Alex closer, so that he can sit comfortably on his lap.

“Can I get a real life performance of what you were doing to that glass in the bar?” Kyle asks breathily, after pressing kisses to Alex’s cheeks, the sides of his lips, his neck.

Alex smirks. “I am already gonna.”

[hanmeiultship]

Bermuda Triangle 2 (Overwatch Hanzo x Mei FanFic)

A husky western voice called out the girl's name and another tall figure shadowed him. They had broken the silence but they were people she was happy to see so she let it slide. "Mei, how ya doin'?" Jesse was another one of her close friends. They, along with Hanzo, had met at a STEAM summer program. "Not in the best mood to be honest. Lena left me for Lucio, took Angela with her, and even woke me up at such an unreasonable time..." He put out a hand and helped Mei from the bench, Snowball hovering beside her. "I'll gladly give her a piece of my mind if you know what I mean," and of course she did. Jesse was quick to resort to violence if his friends were unhappy, especially someone as kind-hearted as Mei. No matter how much she wanted to slap them for abandoning her she refrained from giving him the go ahead.

"No Jesse, I don't want to involve you in this." "She isn't usually one to resort to violence anyways," Hanzo chimed in, throwing his arm around her shoulder. The weight of his muscles caught her off guard causing her to yelp in response to the sudden change.

The men chuckled at her adorable noise and started walking down the rest of the silent path. "Did you eat anything or did they rush you out on an empty stomach?" Hanzo concerningly asked. Even though she had eaten some of what Angela had baked for breakfast, she wished she had grabbed more off the plate. "We were headed to the cafe, wanna tag along?" Jesse added. There couldn't have been a better situation to be in. Her face lit up as she excitedly responded to the offer.

"I was on my way there anyways!"

"Well, how was I supposed to know?! You were sitting on the bench like you had nothing better to do..."

Jesse punched her in the side accidentally hitting one of the lumps on her chest. She squealed in reply to the gesture while her face turned a tomato red. "Christ, sorry Mei...I didn't mean to…" She cut him off as quickly as possible not wanting to bring up what just happened. She acknowledged his apology and continued to walk. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants and continued the trip in silence. She wasn't upset with Jesse. Her height might have thrown off his aim, rather she was upset with herself. The punch made her realize that she forgot to put on a bra before she left the house. The more the realization brewed in her head the more self-conscious she became. Her face became even more tinted and she politely asked Hanzo to remove his hand due to its close proximity with her chest. A wave of silence washed over the group. Once again, the only noises heard were the faint chirps of birds, the café bell and the steps of small animals as well as their own. Jesse was still embarrassed and apologetic while Mei continued to walk with her head down in shame. She couldn't believe how oblivious she was.

The tension between them was thick until Snowball decided to cut through it. He sprayed the three with a mist of cool water, giving them something to avert their attention from. Mei had completely forgotten that she powered Snowball back up and tried to catch him to prevent any other mischievous actions. Her fruitless attempts to tame it caused the group to chuckle. They soon started to talk about Snowball and how it came about, extinguishing the silence further. It was one of the group projects from the STEAM program, but since Mei originally had the idea and came up with the design, she kept it. "That thing really is like a child," Hanzo said to Mei as it hovered over his shoulder. "Wonder where it got it from", Jesse teased. The two stared at Mei once again. "Why are you looking at me?!" She glared at Hanzo who in response, intensified his stare. Her blush was evident but tried her hardest to not break eye contact. It was really hard to not break out into a completely red face again and she was very close to doing so, but before she embarrassed herself for the second time Jesse did it for her and interrupted their staring contest. "If you guys are gonna flirt, can ya leave me and Snowball out of it?" Jesse knew that Mei liked Hanzo and Hanzo did too, she just wasn't ready to admit it. The blush deepened its color when Hanzo decided to poke fun at her too. "Maybe we should leave them and allow more time for ourselves." She was speechless. Her face went from a soft blush to a beet red. "āi yā! Stop Hanzo!" She was mildly angry but knew they were joking…or at least she thought so. They clowned around some more as they approached the café. Mei could make out a familiar figure through the window. Angela sat at a table alone, drawing out shapes with her finger on the wooden table.

The bell for the café doors chimed as Mei walked in and took a seat in front of Angela. Hanzo followed while Jesse got on line to order drinks and something for Mei to munch on. "So, love doctor, what did you prescribe the couple?" Mei said jokingly. Angela sighed, exhaustion present on her face and in her response as she tried to match Mei's energy. "30 CCs of 'for the love of god end this', but Lena still has hope for their relationship so she declined my suggestion. I'm so sorry I left you, Mei. I hope you can forgive me." Mei felt guilty for being angry after hearing her apologize and obviously accepted. Hanzo tried to lighten up the mood by asking for advice of his own. "So 'love doctor', what would you prescribe a patient who's too afraid to share their feelings?" Angela giggled. She knew he was talking about Mei so she played along. "I'd have to run some tests to make sure she feels that way first." She stared at Mei while giving her "expert" advice and received a slap on the shoulder. Jesse returned with four drinks and a toasted Danish pastry for Mei as he found a seat and sat with the group. "Want me to deal with the hostile patient?" Jesse whispered soft enough to not be heard by the rest of the café but loud enough for Mei and Hanzo to get a kick out of. "It would be greatly appreciated!" Angela said, continuing to wring the gag dry. They grabbed their drinks and continued to talk cracking jokes every now and then, while Mei gazed at Hanzo every so often. There was something she couldn't resist about him and she couldn't put her finger on it. She didn't know if it was the way his updo showed off his jawline, or if it was the way he was able to switch between Japanese and English so fluently, or if it was the way his deep voice sent chills down her spine, but she knew there was something so special about him that made her go crazy. She contemplated as she caressed Snowball despite the fact that they continued their conversation.

She snapped out of her trance, however, when she heard the first bell ring signaling that classes were about to begin. It also was a reminder that for the next five hours they'd rarely see each other. "Well, I'll see ya around," Jesse exclaimed as he got up and prepared leave, but not before getting a peck on the cheek from Angela, brightening his day a little more. Angela soon followed leaving Hanzo and Mei to walk to their classes. Hanzo gathered his things and left the café as Mei powered down Snowball and got ready to leave as well. There was one ring of the café bell, then another. Mei ran after her friend trying her best to catch up to him and eventually hugged him from behind. He froze. The feeling of her arms wrapped around him made Hanzo want to kiss her right there, but unlike Lena, he decided to take Angela's advice and wait for Mei to be certain that she liked him before he made any moves on her. All he could do was enjoy moments like this until she was ready. She ran off while waving good-bye completely forgetting about her missing bra…

(CHAPTER 2 is done! Two nights in a row of writing. Hopefully, I'll finish this before summer is over, or it'll never get done. THANKS FOR READING UWU)

[floggingink]

Riverdale, “Chapter Nineteen: Death Proof”

Death Proof is a great movie. there’s one man in it and he gets Pussycatted at the end. Vanessa Ferlito gives a lap dance. Zoё Bell’s abs have a starring role

Jughead is a Serpent now, so it must follow that he’s taking care of Hotdog voluntarily

did he take the couch? Jug took the couch. he’s writing again, so he’s got his groove back via an emotional plateau/Toni

Betty hung up and was like, Shit. SHIT!

Nick has a knife for...protection? cocktail garnishes?

Mrs. St. Clair seems thrilled to meet Betty and then not at all surprised that Nick has charges brought against him, the ennui of the ruling class

Betty gets a free pass for her suspicious appearance at the apartment for just having been that much of a pain to Sheriff Keller by now

I liked Betty’s tone of disappointed confusion when she says “You didn’t kill him.”

I don’t like BH talking about “nakedness” in any context, no matter who he turns out to be

I want to say those are Veronica’s shimmery blue pajamas?

Penelope’s icy disregard reverts Cheryl back to calling her “mommy,” which I think is like Cheryl’s PR thing? Cheryl continues to be fascinating. she’s called Penelope “mother,” hasn’t she? it’s all about context. it’s all about context with Cheryl

Jughead eats: at breakfast with Jug, Toni daintily eats fruit out of a parfait cup, like Veronica

Toni’s uncle locks her out of his house, so there’s that. the Serpents don’t have somewhere for her to sleep?

Jughead was honestly about to be like “Last night was…[fun/amazing, similar],” because that’s what people do in Bridget Jones and he’s flying without a net here

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: in a remarkable turn, Toni puts an end to the whole affair, because she has better things to do (girls), which is a stress off everyone’s shoulders

Jughead’s “not over Betty” because it was like six hours ago?

also props for the classic bad girl-bisexuality revelation. it doesn’t get badder (it’s GOOD). this is PRECISELY what I want but now I want optical proof

Betty is done with the BH’s “Simon Says”

The Blossom spawn: “the people” at “the Farm” (CAPITALIZED in the closed captioning!) will help Polly “disappear” for while? I’m gonna need a Farm episode pronto. what the HELL is THE FARM

Archie checks up on Betty in the morning and takes care of her of best he can, because this is a Good Archie episode. Good Archie wants to know why Betty hasn’t fixed it with Veronica yet. Good Archie never lets you walk alone. Good Archie stops you from walking into your ex’s brunch

Certified pedigree: the sheer SPREAD of personalities at Alice’s living room shaming. the mayor and the sheriff and their felon children. BOTH Lodges showed up. can Fred handle any more disappointment? Reggie has a parent?? what’s next!!!

Nick’s party was “bacchanalian,” so it’s probably best Alice only saw Jughead’s birthday party from across the yard

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: “Except for my Betty”

I’VE HAD SOME WINE LET’S GET THIS BITCH DONE

SUCCUBUS VERONICA IS GREAT VERONICA. ARCHIE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT A SUCCUBUS IS

I relate to Kevin because ���HASHTAG BUGHEAD IS NO MORE?” is coincidentally what I woke up screaming two Thursdays ago

Hiram says “ACID QUEEN ALICE” because there’s something in Riverdale’s water that just gives you that kind of inspiration!!!! apparently he knows some shit about her too!!! everybody’s parents seem to “know” about Alice. she’s got a lot of attitude for someone whose secrets EVERYONE KNOWS

—just like Betty!

“The Southside is the source of all our problems.” HOW’S THAT, HIRAM? because your northside succubus children were the ones who tossed it back like green apple sugar powder in a Baby Bottle Pop

Archie’s 180 with “Not all Serpents are dealers” is the kind of whiplash Archie is capable of. he knows he fucking broke up with his boy. fucking fix it with Jughead you twit before he gets a bigger tattoo

The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Josie was SO HOPING she would get out of there with plausible deniability!

Jughead is like NODDING ALONG with every word Mr. Phillips reads, waiting to be abandoned

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: JUG LEAVES THE INSTANT HE GETS A CAPSLOCK TEXT FROM THE BOY HE LOVES

he interrupts a totally warranted scolding from his beloved English teacher to PROBABLY get reamed again by Archie, but he CAN’T RESIST WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN

Archie coming to get Jughead is probably Archie’s “WHAT’S UP IS I SAW YOU, ARCHIE” moment. it’s not equivalent but rather proportional in that you know this is the best I could hope for from Archie, but also—I don’t want to shortchange him! he went to the scary school where everyone hates him, through the metal detectors (OR NOT!!!!!!), and stood dithering in the hallway until he saw his Jughead!!!!!!! HE CAME TO RESCUE JUGHEAD

this is a great example of Archie’s hands-on “justice,” which is sometimes more in quotes than other times, but he didn’t CALL Jughead, you know, he ran over there! fuck! FUCK! WHEN ARCHIE IS GOOD HE IS VERY VERY GOOD

Archie is like hauling him out by the fleece collar too, like Jug wants to get Toni, and Archie, his arms locked around Jughead’s waist, teenage boys scrambling

What damn high school in America: Sweet Pea punches the locker when he gets arrested, because of injustice

I think Veronica would have listened to Betty if Kevin had not interrupted!

“She’s not worth it” is way harsh, Tai, but Betty did seemingly attack her out of nowhere

anyway of course Betty answers the phone, because she’s stressed, down two friends, and doesn’t want to have done all that for no reason

the “Sugar Man”? the “Sugar Man”? SUGAR MAN

if one more person tells Jughead that the Serpents deal jingle-jangle, he’s going to absolutely blow a gasket

“Tall Boy wants to parley” is going to be a code sentence of mine for something. if we’re on the phone and it suddenly sounds like I’ve dropped it and you just hear “TALL BOY WANTS TO PARLEY!!!!,” the Winter Solider is there

Fifth period is AP English: Cheryl is sunbathing, in the shade, outside Thistle House reading Baudelaire because...it helps her feel calm…

Cheryl’s sheaths: I want to say those sick black sunglasses are Miu Mius

“Is there no memory, however traumatic, you won’t defile?” is an Alice-level read

oh, Fred would like to know how Jughead’s doing? ISN’T THAT NICE, YOU PRAWN

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: Malachi’s House of the Dead is exactly what I wish I’d had the guts to make my dorm room look like, like all the cool lesbians’ rooms in the art majors’ dorm building, like the cellars of the Opéra Populaire but in the Strand

Gay?!: quick question: if Tall Boy weren’t here, would Malachi be fucking Jughead?

Cheryl had so seamlessly incorporated the Sugar Man into her emotional life as a first grader that she drew a family picture with him in it, like in Children of the Corn (her parents are two TINY stick figures in the background, it’s incredible)

is Sheriff Keller letting Betty have “one question” a red herring? asking for Jughead

the zoom in on Betty looking at Veronica and the cut to her audibly sipping on a milkshake is classic art

Veronica is right that Betty needs to “break up” with BH, but Betty’s Bettiness instead makes her want to “turn the tables on him”

HOW EASY WAS THIS CONVERSATION, BETTY. YOU COULD HAVE JUST TALKED TO THEM TWENTY-FOUR HOURS AGO

OH MY GOD! Jughead and Archie, together again, it’s been like THIRTY YEARS!!!!!

Archie knows why Jughead joined the Serpents, has learned some lessons maybe? (no)

the second god-blessed cut to Archie (in his letterman jacket) and Jughead (fleeced, his man-about-town look) with the prison phones to their ears

“SP-24601”: FP Jones played by Hugh Jackman would be a sight to behold

poor FP has lost everything except his honor and now he’s lost his SON. his hair is such a mess. he’s gotta SLAM THE PHONE

“Ghoulies dress like fops” is great

they drive hearses, like Claire Fisher

“RIVERDALE DRIFT”? Jughead did NOT watch that franchise? (Archie’s expression is fantastic)

FP’s like, I hate that you joined my gang, but now you’re going to break some laws for me

Penelope eats hard boiled eggs with toast soldiers

the Caravaggio reproduction I liked from the wake escaped the fire!

did Penelope know about the drugs? I thought she didn’t know but I guess just knew the Sugar Man was sketchy and avoided him for Legal Reasons

“I wouldn’t even go cruising here.”

Reggie DOES look good in the county’s blue vest

I hope the reason Betty’s avoiding talking to Jughead, LIKE ARCHIE KEEPS TELLING HER TO DO, is because it’s too important and she’s scared to see him

Veronica’s purple pumps

God bless jingle-jangle: Verne the JJ dealer is a cutie!

you know he’s a Ghoulie because he hand-stitched a leopard-print patch onto his studded sleeveless vest

Veronica was rich: $150 for two stix of the JJ??? this is how you know it’s the northside kids with the drug problems!

“Drugstore Cowboy”

Sexy, aesthetic Southside:  these angels hot glue the ends of the stripey jingle-jangle sticks, because it’s a family-owned business. I kind of love the Ghoulies? like I’d rather hang out at Malachi’s than the Whyte Wyrm from what I’ve seen so far, as long as I get my next tetanus shot first

Jughead calls Archie his “boy” to impress Malachi, Archie is wearing his Riverdale jacket probably without thinking about the political symbolism

I couldn’t believe Maggie Kiley had the audacity to stage the “Veronica/Betty?” “Archie/Jughead?” face-to-face, but she’s this season’s Lee Toland Krieger, she is an artist

Y’ALL REALLY GONNA TAKE JUGHEAD’S FIFTH HOME AWAY FROM HIM?

“SHARON”?????????

Cheryl’s red crop top and paisley trousers

“an unrepentant spore”

Penelope is Cheryl’s “cobra-like mother”

I swear Graham Phillips was darling on The Good Wife

Archie approached Reggie for the car and Betty approached Jughead about fixing it, and that’s that

Jughead consented to sulk next to her while she tuned it up, because he loves her but he’s mad

and it’s okay that he’s mad, for the record, because he’s been broken up with three times in two days

his voice cracks, preciously, when he’s like YEAH AND YOU BROKE UP WITH ME

I love how pissy and curt Jughead gets when he’s peeved. “You just called it a date.”

I’m curious about “You did the one thing that could hurt me.” EVERYTHING hurts Jughead

Betty’s in denim overalls and Jughead’s in a mechanic shirt for no reason except they’re next to cars

Cheryl is getting some grade-A maple syrup this episode! leveraging the St. Clairs’ check for dirt on the Sugar Man? GIRL

The female gaze: Veronica slept with Archie one last time because he literally might die today

aw, he’s proud of Veronica for her Ghoulie stunt

Hiram and Hermione are LITERALLY playing chess

OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY WHEN VERONICA SAID “HE TRIED TO DO IT TO ME,” EVERYONE IN THE ROOM WATCHING WITH ME WHEN HIRAM LOOKED UP WAS LIKE OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!! I’M TELLING YOU!!!!!

Hiram is about to rip someone’s face off with his teeth and Hermione steps into frame and it rack focuses on her, GENIUS

These students are legally children: I want to say Tall Boy is the only adult at the race. the FP at Jughead’s party, if you will

Best costume bit: everyone of course looks fucking incredible at the race. the Ghoulies? slick and absurd dandies. Kevin’s powder blue bomber jacket? he’s not at Needle Park, and he’s cruising. Betty’s high-waisted post-WWII skinny Express trousers? she knows Jughead’s looking. Cheryl’s $1,000 leather jacket and Quentin Tarantino foot-fetish slingback? she knows I’m looking. and Jughead in all black? Jughead looks GREAT in leather. Betty, write this down

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: Betty’s bandana and ponytail

Please protect Betty: Veronica and Archie get to make out, while Betty and Jughead have to make do with Betty telling him she can never stop loving him and to drive good

Jughead doubts it: Jughead’s “You’re an enigma, Cooper” is the second-greatest thing he has ever said to her, after “That was haunting, Betty.”

so Jughead can drive? Jughead can drive STICK?

Toni and Sweet Pea got out on 1) lack of evidence or 2) Penny Peabody threatening someone

Gay.: Toni got a face full of Cheryl and she’ll be back. Toni, save Cheryl from the evils of this world

Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: Cheryl was ABSOLUTELY “born for this moment”

Sixth period is Intro to Film: I know this is Grease, and I can appreciate Jughead being the Danny Zuko of this moment, but I don’t want to forget the chicken run from Rebel Without a Cause, where Natalie Wood starts the race with only her elated sky-high jump and tiny 50’s waist

Jughead gives Cheryl a thumbs-up and Malachi makes the rock-and-roll index-and-pinky signal

Cheryl’s hair: God, the see-through scarf? her immaculate cutout shirt? her Jesus Christ Superstar heavenward arms? CHERYL WAS BORN FOR THIS MOMENT

I don’t think Jughead is shifting gears

BUT HE IS HAVING A GREAT TIME!

oh NOW you say “abort”

Archie > Dawson: TURNS OUT ARCHIE HAD A GREAT PLAN! WOWZERS

Jughead can drive very well, has very strong arms, and can run very fast. these things I didn’t know!

okay but the race is forfeit, right? buys them some time, maybe

Betty and Veronica watching Jughead go lite-ballistic from stress and Archie being like, Dude, dude, calm down, like something was not right with the world (Archie did a great job)

although Jughead is right that the power politics are complicated and everyone is in danger, although it was frankly that way before

I liked Archie using a chessboard analogue. Veronica is rubbing off on him

is Betty getting a ride home with Reggie? classic

“Careful you don’t get burned again.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Penelope’s left hand makes her so uncomfortable that she wears ONE leather glove

when one Sugar Man retires, another seamlessly takes his place, like the Dread Pirate Roberts

“Damn good coffee”: fucking correct me if I’m fucking wrong, but is that the nightmare painting hanging over the fucking fireplace?

Cheryl hands the check back over, because as you will remember Cheryl honors business deals, but Penelope decides to be “a mother”

Pop’s trademark blue purgatorial lighting bathes the girls in their plotting booth

The Blue & Gold is basically just Betty’s awesome blog at this point

her “Care to comment?” is WICKED though

Betty has resolved to find BH, which means he has about three episodes left. the Serpents should really start involving Betty in their maneuverings, as she is just as much a hereditary Serpent as Jughead and much more effectual 

50 Shades of Betty: SHE’S BREATHING DOWN HIS NECK AND SHE LOVES IT. this is her driving fast! they love danger!!!!!!

was Mr. Phillips protecting Jughead by telling him to stay away from the drug world??? (I mean obviously he was, but because Phillips was an insider and liked Jughead and didn’t want to have to kill him) or did he just not want Mini Woodward and Bernstein on the case?

he and Jughead make the exact same sort of grimly resolved/horrified eye contact, respectively, as FP and Jughead when FP got arrested last season

Toni TOTALLY knows this shattered something of Jughead’s Southside foundation. look at her little smile

Archie thinks his plan with the race backfired and he’s worried he’s losing Jughead, PUNKIN

Fred’s popping Chekhov’s Valiums, so he’s about to be addicted to drugs

I can’t even do it out here with the fucking Lodges sitting around their cream salon with Andre being like, the St. Clairs are dead or whatever, ma’am, and Hermione’s like, Thank you Andre, go get yourself something nice

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica’s like, I HAVE HAD A STRESSFUL DAY AND IT MAKES ME FEEL POWERFUL

“CHECKMATE,” HIRAM? HIRAM, HAVE YOU MURDERED? DID YOU JUST MURDER?

Betty and Jughead I want to say are back together, but they did not kiss this episode, which means I have to start over with the tally marks on my wall

Betty’s reading The Silence of the Lambs, to better figure out what her game is going to be (Jughead had a copy)

Jughead looks over at her like, Damn. My girlfriend is fucking scary. I fucking love my girlfriend

SUGAR GETS GOT!!!!!!!! BODY COUNT OFFICIALLY TWO! he’s almost caught up to Hiram Lodge

NEXT WEEK: Sheriff Keller does me a solid and takes his shirt off

[rokurookajima]

These ice cream asks are real nice do em all? 🌹

oh boy thats a lot!! thank u friend!! also i answered a couple already, so i just left those out and also i just took an ambient and if these answers are really weird that could be why

chocolate:  when was your first kiss?

lmao really depends on what we wanna consider a first kiss. technically, it was when i was 15 with my friend when she was trying to learn how to stage kiss. my first intentional kiss was when i was 16 but it was uh…..theres a story there for another day. my first good kiss was at 19

french vanilla:  how old are you?

im 20 fuckin help mecotton candy:  three places you want to travel to?

hm i rlly rlly wanna go to vancouver & i guess the pacific northwest in general, scandinavia, and japanstrawberry:  a language you wish you could speak?

french is so pretty and also very extra all the language rules are for the aesthetic so i can get behind that coffee:  favorite cosmetic brands?

i really don’t stick to any particular brands?? just particular products by certain brands. honestly like limecrime a lot bc the venus palettes are everything to me. anastasia just for the dip brow. guess i also gravitate to too faced and benefit a lot mint chocolate chip:  indoors or outdoors?definitely depends on the conditions of either bc wow its miserable to be outdoors in ohio right now bc its so fuckin cold. but if the weather is ideal, outdoors. if not, i love a nice indoor setting if it’s like….nicecookie dough:  do you play any instruments?

yeah i’ve played the guitar for like ten years now and yet always forget that i do

rocky road:  favorite songs at the moment?current faves are bizarre love triangle by new order and fake empire by the national. rlly all of the album boxer by the national?? i’ve been playing that a lot butter pecan:  favorite songs for life?

sheesh spanish sahara by foals is literally the greatest song in existence its more than a song its an experience cheesecake:  what’s your zodiac sign?virgo toasted coconut:  the beach or the pool?the beachchocolate chip:  what’s your most popular post?uh i’m pretty sure it’s either an art project from freshman year of college that was themed to evangelion or that picture of my removed wisdom teeth?? soft gore blogs still eat that shit up manbubblegum:  books or movies?usually moviespistachio:  manga or anime?really depends on the series?? bc most of the manga i’ve read, i’ve also seen the anime. and with like black lagoon, the anime by far. but fullmetal alchemist honestly the manga is complete perfectionsalted caramel:  favorite movies?

ok wow repo! the genetic opera bc i’m still 13, american mary, what we do in the shadows, daybreakers, mad max fury road, saw, atlantis the lost empire, howl’s moving castle…..those are the first that come to mind

birthday cake:  favorite books?fight club by chuck palahniuk, choke by chuck palahniuk, literally fucking love chuck palahniuk ok. also extremely loud and incredibly close by jonathan safran foersmoose tracks:  favorites for manga?fullmetal alchemist holy shit the manga is peak perfection. also theres this one volume novel-type manga called not simpleorange sherbet:  favorites for anime?black lagoon, both fullmetal alchemists, space dandy, flcl, evangelionpeanut butter:  favorite academic subject?idk man i love studio classes best bc art major, but if we’re talking like…the basic school subjects from high school, i guess it was englishblack raspberry:  do you have any pets?yes!!! i have three cats and a bulldog mango:  when and why did you start your blog?i started my blog in 2011, even tho i’d been lurking on tumblr since 2010. i started it bc i thought tumblr was hella cool…wow. this is like super lame to admit but i waited so long to start my own blog bc my parents used to be really uptight about my presence on the internet and i had to build the gall to do it in secret lmao i was 14 ok mocha:  ideal weather conditions?oooh man chilly but not too cold, so probably like 50-60 degrees, rainy, gray sky but when the sky is gray all the other colors look so much more vibrant i love it black cherry:  four words that describe you?sad, yikes…..uh…uncertain…..trying neapolitan:  things that stress you out?literally what doesn’t stress me out right now am i right raspberry truffle:  favorite kind of music?i rlly like girls with weird voices like joanna newsom, some good 80s synth action, things that evoke a very specific feeling and atmosphere the way bon iver sounds like hannibal season 1. this sounds really deep for someone who listens to 8th grade bangers half the timechocolate marshmallow:  favorite brands of candy?i really don’t know i guess i don’t eat much candy?? am i an adulttoffee:  a card game that you’re good at?uh i used to play a lot of solitaire i’m an only childlemon custard:  do you eat breakfast?yeah most days. but its usually like….eating frosted mini wheats in the car or an uncrustable or left over chipotle bc i’m very lazy and usually commuting in the morningdark chocolate:  turn ons?oh BOY literally anything to do with necks like touch my neck and im yours, its bad. also like….boys with good hands, collar bones…..uh wow basically i guess if i’m really into you, pretty much everything u do will turn me on i’m easy to please

fudge:  turn offs?a weird mouth like you know how some people just have like….weird mouths?? facial hair on most guys it works sometimes but i’m not usually a big fan….if i just don’t feel ur vibe, thats a pretty big turn off. also fucking guys spitting on the ground WHY peach:  how do you relax?i don’t. but if i was gonna try, i take a lot of baths praline:  a popular book you haven’t read yet?wow i don’t even know what books are popular right now. i guess like a classic thats pretty popular, i’ve never read catcher in the ryesuperman:  do you like sweaters?do i like sweaters????? who do u think i am of course i am a sweatercherry:  do you drink tea or coffee?coffee i have two coffee related tattoos i love coffeedulce de leche:  an instrument you wish you could play?i wish i played the mandolin!!! i wanna learn it so bad! i also rlly wish i’d been forced to take piano lessons as a small child bc it would be real cool to know piano 

blackberry:  have you ever laughed so hard you cried?all the time lmao my friends are really funnyginger:  a new feature you wish tumblr could have?uh idk manblueberry lemon:  favorite blogs?of course all my friends’ blogs, also qcknd

cappuccino crunch:  do you take naps?

sometimes but not very often. usually i have to be like extremely tired, and then i still always feel like death when i wake up. over the summer when i was dating my ex bf, we took naps together all the time. that was my peak nap experience

mint:  the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?my whole……gosh dang life. im really not that ashamed of it, but i once wiped out in the middle of a starbucks pretending to charge at my friend. the first time i met my friend sean i said something really dumb and he just stared at me and i was like ok its time to diebrownie batter:  do you like sushi?yes 

key lime:  where do you want to be right now?

uh wow i wanna be on a different plain of existence bc i need a break from myself and my mental illness. in a good place in life? a good headspace. thats all i want please red velvet:  do you wear prescription glasses?yes but i can see without them, so if you ever see me without glasses….thats whygreen tea:  favorite flavors of ice cream?raspberry chocolate chip is the BEST, mint chocolate chip, coffee, moosetracks wow ice cream sounds good

[selfcompassion88]

07.06.19

So the last day and a half has honestly been so difficult to mentally get through. The day before yesterday helped me realise one of the triggers that make me binge…the feeling of heaviness/fullness after a full day of eating. I don’t know how long for but I remember I use to eat anywhere between 400-800 calories a day. I doubt very much that I ate any more than that. I remember what I ate too, either overnight oats with peanut butter or a packet of quick-satchet oats with honey and cinnamon. Then for lunch I remember I’d starve myself all day at school or I’d have a small piece of fruit and a handful of nuts. When I came home I’d make a triangle-toasted cheese and salmon or ham sandwich then I’d go to bed to ‘nap’ but mainly it was something I forced myself to do so I wouldn’t be awake to feel hunger. For dinner I would cook a piece of poultry, either lamb chops, beef, salmon or schnitzel with two eggs or corn. My meals were very robotic. I wouldn’t allow myself to eat anything outside of those foods. On top of that, every morning I forced myself to run for 30 minutes on the treadmill and so what I was eating did not sustain my energy expenditure. It was during year 12 too, the year where I felt most stressed. I remember after dinner which was after 8pm, I would get so incredibly hungry that I would watch food videos on Instagram and YouTube and long for the days where I would be able to eat whatever I wanted (cheat days I called them). Sometimes I got so hungry that I couldn’t sleep until around 4am. The nighttime was usually when my binges would occur. Anyway from that experience, because I always ALWAYS went to bed hungry and ‘light’ I now feel so uncomfortable whenever I feel full/satisfied. I associate that feeling with eating too much and therefore gaining weight. Stupidly after experiencing this feeling that day, I weighed myself and found that I was in the 67kgs after I ate. I’m usually in the 66kgs and so I knew that I would have woken up tomorrow with a slight weight gain. From there I thought ‘FK IT! Let’s just eat everything and anything and tomorrow when I start again I’ll be accountable for my weight every step of the way so I won’t gain weight’. I ate way past the point of fullness. I felt sick and I kept going. My high-energy consumption caused me to stay awake until 6am. I felt like shit the next morning because I wasn’t well-rested. I really didn’t want to go to work but I forced myself to and because I just wasn’t having a good day physically, it made living through the day unbearable. I didn’t feel guilty for my binge, I just hated myself for it. I don’t know if that’s the same thing. Maybe both feelings intertwine. I remember I was weighing the pros and cons of binging before I did it (it actually drove me insane) but mentally I wasn’t strong enough to fight the voice in my head that said I should. These were the pros and cons list of binging that I made in my head:

 Cons:

- Regret it the next morning

- Forced to work out the next morning

- Will dress and look like a dag at work

- Feel extremely uncomfortable and bloated the next day

- Have to start again with the ‘no-binge’ rule from day 1 after executive days of progress

- Because I’ll look extremely bloated, I won’t be able to dress the way I normally do for the next few days = loss of confidence

- Weight gain

 Pros:

- The pro-binge voice inside my head will stop

- I’ll feel better temporarily

- I get to start fresh with my diet tomorrow and hopefully this time it’ll be long-lasting

 Obviously more cons than pros however, the pro-binge voice in my head was so strong I felt like either decision I made in regards to food won’t make me happy either way. I ended up listening to that voice so that it’ll leave me alone and I told myself that I’ll be able to officially start fresh the next day. I don’t think anybody who doesn’t have an ED realises how powerful and persuasive that ED mentality can be. It’s not simple to take advice such as ‘why don’t you just eat more’ or ‘you’re not fat so just eat whatever you want’ or (a personally hard one for me to accept) ‘it’s just this one meal, you’ll be fine’. When you have an ED the best way I can describe it is this; it feels like a devil and angel are sitting on your shoulders weighing up the good and the bad of if you choose to eat, except most of the time the devil always wins. For some people, and for me occasionally, it feels like the angel doesn’t even exist, and so it’s just the devil who I’m taking advice from. Times like this I either (1) DON’T want to recover because I feel as though my ED is my safe haven or (2) I feel like I can’t recover because recovery is tough. As bad as it is, I think at the moment I’m mentally at 1. I just don’t want to recover. Last year, months of ‘recovery’ had gotten me back to 71kg and that was frickin hard to come to terms with. I don’t want to recover because I don’t want to gain weight. I’ve gained enough as it is from my lightest weight ever which was 59.7kg (I’m now around 64-65kg, after the break-up however I was 63.8kg). I have 8 months off from studying and so I’m gonna take full advantage of this break and lose as much weight as I can. No goal weight but all I know is that I want to get to 58kg before I start toning. Time off from studying means occasions in which I stress-eat are reduced and I’m out-and-about less which means less temptation to eat out.

 So how am I going to handle my weight loss as of now? My aim is to track everything I eat. 1200-1350 calories every day. This is a reasonable number I believe. I think regardless of whether I have an ED or not, tracking calories is a very sustainable and healthy way to lose weight given that you don’t get too obsessive. It allows you to identify what is too high in calories, what you’re eating too much of and whether you’re eating enough or not which is the main reason why I started using this strategy. I aim to eat in relatively small portions. When I’m very hungry I will drink a lot of water and eat the food that I planned to eat before purging on a bunch of snacks which I usually do to curb hunger before I get to my main meal. I also find that eating at a time relatively close to bed time curbs late-night hunger and therefore prevents binges. Drinking a lot of water (I’m talking A LOT of water) after dinner helps to stimulate my metabolism which allows for digestion of the meal thus prevents me from going to bed bloated.

 It’s strange because I’m aware that my thoughts around food aren’t healthy. I’ve had a massive setback in my recovery as of lately but that doesn’t mean I’m back to square one. I know it’s not a healthy way of thinking but I want to work on recovery only when I know I’m at a reasonably good weight so that if I do end up gaining weight during the process it won’t get to a point where I’m back to being overweight/obese. I’ve looked through ED tags, recovery tags and binge-eating tags and some of the things I love from the posts I’ve read is this; the reality is not all people with eating disorders are sickly thin or just light/average weight, some are obese and overweight. That doesn’t mean that their eating disorder doesn’t exist. With these people they don’t hear the phrases ‘you should eat more, you’re so thin’ instead they hear pro-ED phrases such as ‘have you ever thought about eating less?’ which only worsens they’re ED thinking habits. As someone who is overweight with an ED the truth of the matter is I need/want to lose weight. I’m not one of those thin girls with an ED who THINKS she should lose weight but in everyone’s eyes SHOULDN’T. People don’t look at me and think ‘why does SHE want to lose weight?’ it’s always ‘oh okay. So what’s your weight loss goal?’. It’s such a terrible way of thinking but sometimes I think that if I’m someone that has to suffer from an ED why couldn’t it have been anorexia because then gradually but surely I’d be thin. But I don’t have that. I mean partly but I’m just someone who can’t deal without food. It’s strange but I don’t LOVE food. I don’t obsess over how good it taste and find the time to try new food places; I’m not a foodie. I just like the way food makes me feel. What I also like from the Tumblr posts I’ve read is that recovery ISN’T meant to be perfect. Inevitably, I’m going to have days where I’ve followed my plan perfectly but I still feel bloated, that I won’t exercise after a binge to ‘burn the calories off’, that I won’t follow my diet plan as well as I should have, and when or if this happens, it’s important that I ALWAYS CHOOSE recovery over purging. If I remember this and stick with it long-term, I don’t see why I shouldn’t gradually lose weight. I mean after all, the reason for the stubborn 5-7kgs that I can’t lose is because I binge. 5-7 days of consistent dieting or proper eating, all progress is ruined after eating 3000+ calories in a day or two hence why the gaining and losing of the same kilograms for months.

[remembermemorablememories]

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

post #387

snow blizzard storm???

main points:

- pb + banana bread

- type up yesterday’s blog post

- leftover hoagie for lunch

- watch my best ex-boyfriend chinese 

- dishwasher installer arrived

- played some smash online

- planned chicago and seattle with jwoos

- dinner with the fam 

- call with cici for chicago planning

- smash online with sheena / by myself

today i:

- woke up around 9:30am. my throat really hurt, probably from the dry air (i usually experience this sensation from time to time). it’s not like a sore throat like i’m sick but more like a burning sensation. i took out my bottom retainers and snoozed in bed for a while on my phone

- got out of bed and made a pb + banana bread slice. ate that as my breakfast and then went back upstairs to type up yesterday’s blog post in detail about the visit to the doctor. mom also said dad could actually come with us to texas :D cause his meeting (which got rescheduled to the dates we were traveling cause of the govt shutdown) got pushed to march after the government re-opened

- watched some youtube videos, learned about the switchpod

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnGCzmaKoVw

it looks pretty sick and sleek but also idk if it’s as versatile as the gorilla pod cause you can put the gorilla pod anywhere

- ate lunch with the fam. dad came back from work and said the dishwasher installer guy will come today sometime after 1pm. i ate my leftover half of the hoagie plus some fries. but first i cleaned out the toaster oven cause i think last week when dad heated up a hoagie to eat for lunch, some cheese dripped on the metal. then the next time i tried to use it it got burned into the metal. i tried to scrape it off last week but it didn’t work out too well. but this time i used steel wool and eventually got it off. every time i’ve been heating toast the past week it’s had a faint smell of that really really burnt cheese :p mom and dad ate some leftover rice and stuff from dinner last night

- started watching my best ex-boyfriend episode 3. i recorded some more notes about vocabulary while i was watching. the plot thickens there’s a love triangle oOooOooO. while i was watching, the dishwasher installer came in around 2pm. it just started snowing out and i was like, oh, cool

i hung around the other living room finishing up the last 15 minutes of the episode while he was installing the dishwasher. and within like 5 minutes it became a full blown blizzard outside o_o it was wild. huge gusts of wind and a ton of snow just coming down, making maybe like half an inch? today there are record cold temperatures across the U.S. :o 

the guy finished installing and left around 2:40pm. it was coming down hard outside jeeeeez

- i played some smash online from 3-4pm. i got falcon, ganondorf, and mario to elite smash. then started playing some young link (since i’m back on my old account)

- around 4pm i hopped on a call with jwoos. we spent an hour planning stuff to do in chicago and then an hour planning stuff to do in seattle. whew it was exhausting. even though it was only for two hours. idk why it felt so mentally draining. jwoos jokingly said he wish he could pay someone to do this for us LOL

- played some more smash online and got young link then link into elite smash. then started working with donkey kong. (basically i’m just trying to get all my characters on alt account that were in elite back to elite)

- went down to eat dinner with the fam around 7pm. sheena was napping so i woke her up but it took her a long time to come downstairs to join us. we all finished eating by the time she came downstairs. dad talked a lot about the animal kingdom, how eagles have insane eye sight range, bears have beefy claws, and a bunch of other things. we got onto the topic cause dad was saying “imagine how animals survive in this cold in the wild”. and he started talking about deer, then that led to other animals, etc. then he talked about how humans adapted, and how a hunter in china was one of the first to learn about the effectiveness of herbs

we filled up the new dishwasher with all the dishes we ate from dinner + the dishes we’ve been washing by hand the past two weeks. then we let it do its thang ayyy

- came back upstairs, took a long shower 

- now i’m typing this up at 9:34pm. tumblr changed their dashboard theme so i’m using xkit to fix it back to the old blue. it’s like a really dark contrast-y blue right now :( 

i’m either gonna play smash with sheena or fortnite with bryan and josh, to be determined

update: i started reading crossing the chasm and then cici called me about chicago after taking a look at the itinerary i sent her. we rearranged some things/she made some additional suggestions based on her experience there. i will get dinner with her now instead of lunch

- played some smash with sheena from 11pm-12:30am

then played some smash solo with simon online until 2am ish

the end

[endandegg]

juice

there’s so many species of dogs 

but they’re all dogs at heart

there’s many sober feelings 

but you’ll be torn apart

you’re seldom juicing squeezing

but I know your heart

is dying barely breathing

i know you’re long from perfect

but we’re all long from perfect

you’re seldom juicing juicing squeezing

i’m dying barely breathing

we’re all selling our hearts

you’re dying barely healing

i’m moving with this wheel and

I’m moving in with that funky feeling

you’re seldom juicing squeezing

i’m dying barely breathing

every instant grab it, make it

you don’t want to fake it

tell me what is your goal

stuck in a loop out of control

tell me what is your goal

stuck in a loop out of control

where is kevin?

he’s on his knees

begging for forgiveness

he’s got the heavy heavy heavy disease

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

smooth on the seaside beaches

exasperation and the sweet taste of peaches

pumping through your veins when bribes turn into leases

stuck with something in a million pieces

smooth on the seaside beaches

praying for an imaginary jesus

everything it comes and goes

i’m wearing overthrows and overcoats

it’ll never flow just where you want it to go 

without a seed to plant and a garden to grow

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

just a photograph

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

hot coffee and tea leaves

free like the waterfalls

healthy eaters

they’re just like me microwaves

that of which we can’t see in our brains

we’ll be real cozy

thousand dollar caskets for priceless memories

i'll never grow, you’ll never show up, you’ll never grow up

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I’m cold. are you?

hi cold nuts.

huh?

I said hi cold nuts.

america the land of the

martian cult infinity

i think i’ll go maybe i’ll leave

follow for another night

put another wall berlin knocks it down

where ya goin’?

nowhere

you can’t just leave like that in the fuckin’ song

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

can’t have inspiration

don’t know who you love

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I always feel like shit

Does that mean you’re a crybaby too?

Yeah there are, like, other organs in your body.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

I got triangles up in my staircase oh no

there was no ice cream feeding to the children

in the summer the warped tour’s way too hot

they say one day be prepared because you never know what’s coming

walk down fifth avenue and feeling really scummy

put your needle to the nose

he puts up your clothes

we don’t need no care

we just need earth fire and air

sweet America Land of the whore

sweet America the land of industry

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- 

sweet friend of mine victory is out of line

i’ve been questioning all of these things

vacation it can’t come fast enough

saving my money feeling out of luck

it’s tough in the city where no one sleeps

so call your own friendship to the line

your own little moment to shine.

so pick all your cucumbers out of your salad

at olive garden you were feeling kinda hasty to leave

were you leaving or taking the lead?

Its funny how people take fear by the reigns

put a spike to their veins and feel happy all again

and i want to hold onto what i can be allowed to keep

swimmin’ in the sand x8

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

friends become foes friends become foes 

onions make you cry just like 

friends become foes 

i would kill a rabbit if i had it

i would burn the wood if i had it

if i wanted to learn magic i would make this all disappear

i wouldn’t burn my house down

find the thing that i have not yet found

a family who’s out of town just like everyone

i grew up with daughters and sons

we grew up with classmates and hashtags

we grew up in the 21st century

don't listen to the social media

just stay in your room

and eat pita bread

and go to bed feeling no longer insatiable but indeed relate-able

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

someone doesn’t know

my daddy hit the jackpot now hes winning big and hell never stop

cause if you bet enough you bet enough money sometimes you’re gonna win honey

the rhyming and the bunny made you hop over your heel

i’ve gotta a fortune you want to know

and the fortunes gonna go something like

you will always succeed in your future

no weed weed nothing needed

just you nothing to do

so you go for a walk and walk always these chickens squawk 

no one is really as lively as you when you're out walking alone in this crazy zoo

run bun al capone in this boys beggar home hes never working alone hes got his head in the zone

but hes out drinking making noise i never want to stop partying with the rowdy boys 

cloudy thoughts and cigarette smoke and never going to sleep alone

all these thought awake me up to early 4am i cant sleep anymore because

the milk mans knocking at my door and it about time that i wake the fuck up from this lucid doctors scheme

im always repairing my knees when i fall down and get the disease

i want nothing but these trees i want nothing but this soil

gives me eggs hard boiled please c'mon boys get on your knees and suck it

i am your bucket, i am your chum, i am your chew, i am your tobacco, i am you

you are me and we are the truth because you cant see.... when we are alone

i am nothing we are winning and we are suffering we are beginning to see the real dues due

its like stories in the pictures and photo booths.

its like the books that we read

the warning we don’t heed

the things that we don’t need

we always fucking want

the poems that it haunts

you on your lawn

ill be killing time

looking for a steady source of green 

money in between 

my knees

i’m shaking at them

what has gotten into those men 

white collar crime with a blue collar mind

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They were good after time aged like teen spirit and I can be bad at jokes all the time and I think you’d still laugh. You are a bad liar. Hold onto it. I want to hold onto the good (intentions in you). You understand. Good music makes me feel bad. with you everything’s golden.

I want to rip it up. Complete what I was thinking all along. I feel not like a sinner in a saint’s body. We all do it. I wrote it down 5 times. It still looks bad, smells bad, tastes like old toast. Instead of pushing away verbally, I showed my true colors. I have many.  I left my favorite proper noun for something a little more profound.  I strayed and felt okay. I drove all the way your house in the middle of the night. Tell myself this is nothing really. Do what you need to convince me. You always have been good at listening. Echo your thoughts, You see me seeing you. You talk over me. I don’t mind. Our laughter coincides. Now I’m feeling fine. I want to stop time. You put James and Giant Peach on your television. There’s so much on my mind you get. I can do so many things with my own bare hands. You pick them up; answer my metaphor. Nothing is complicated.  You wrap your legs around my torso. We softly tumble and we become one. Its movie time and there’s blankets. we are infinite. I never want to leave your bedroom. Morning never came. You stand in the kitchen and say everything’s going to be okay. I remember not believing you.  I drive away alone feeling miserable and empty. I’ve never felt so empty in my life. the drive home, the polite lady, the fireplace. it all just went away.

Now everything’s alright.

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