#cairspian 015.
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the dream always starts like this . it’s caspian’s face first , warm & familiar ; meticulously disarming peter until each and every one of his walls have crumbled into blunt shards at his feet . he reaches out through the darkness , cradling peter’s face in his hands , and the near - constant , roaring ache of the hole in the high king’s chest ebbs , stunned into silence by the caresses of affection stamped onto his cheeks like an unspoken vow ⸺ night after night after night , touch alone brings peter to his knees & forces him to unravel the truth that he cannot bear to acknowledge within his waking hours : he would do anything , everything , to linger on in caspian’s orbit forever .
( but not like this ; not as a distant , dead star , long gone from the sky he relies ‘pon for comfort in the blackest hours of the night . you are nothing but an echo of the light he once saw within your eyes ⸺ but you would give anything , be anything , to earn your place beside him again . all you’ve ever wanted is to stay by his side . )
but he disappears ; he always does , in the end . what happens next is a lottery that shifts with the mercurial tides each evening : tonight , the great lion himself appears before peter , hackles raised . of course he isn’t safe , peter thinks distantly , as if peering into a memory to uncover a long - forgotten truth . no - one can tame him ⸺ you least of all . ❛ you cannot stay here , ❜ aslan tells him , golden eyes unreadable and near - green . ❛ let him go . before it destroys you and narnia both . ❜ ❛ i’m so sorry , aslan , ❜ peter whispers , ❛ i’m trying ⸺ ❜ but it isn’t enough . it’s never enough . ❛ your return has endangered them all , my son . no matter the choice you make , ruin will follow . ❜
when he wakes , his cheeks are wet .
peter knows what should come next . he should roll over & let sleep take him once more ⸺ better yet , he should escape out onto the deck and seek solace within the arms of the stars above until he can pretend the choice that stands before him is naught but wind in his ears ; the choice with no right direction , even if there is a choice at all . aslan is right ⸺ he will destroy everything .
perhaps this , in the end ⸺ his clear sight of the ruin at the end of each path ⸺ is what shatters the pillars that hold his strength . ' what are you doing ? ’ chides the small , insistent voice at the back of his mind that has always shouldered the burden of responsibility & wins out against his heart more often than not ⸺ ‘ you heard him . you don’t belong here , ’ it insists ⸺ but he carries on with his odyssey all the same , treacherous legs carrying peter from his plush hammock below deck to caspian’s quarters at the back of the ship . a hand lifts to curl ‘round the knob at the entrance to the stern cabin , and after far too little deliberation , he pushes the right - hand door open with a gentle click . ❛ caspian ? ❜ peter whispers into the darkness , idling in the threshold as if it is the only line in the sand that he cannot bring himself to breach .
he can go no further . but neither can he let go .
plotted starter for @cairspian !
#𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒆'𝒍𝒍 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒆 𝒐𝒄𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 . ; vodt.#cairspian 015.#this is fucked this is so fucked#LKJSNKLJDFNBKSJDLF#also i hope this is ok MWAH !!!!!#cairspian#𝖜𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖓𝖌 ; abhominable—don't forget to spell it with an 'h'.#isnt it funny how he ends up seeking solace within the arms of the stars above anyway <3333 theyre so funny
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