#cagesings: johanna barker

[betterto-die-thanto-crawl]

"connor" (gently)

He looked up with a start, surely looking like a frightened cornered animal as he looked up at his sister at Johanna with tears in his eyes. He was falling apart, and nobody noticed, and nobody cared and- He drew a shakey, tearful breath and looked away, wishing he could hide the way his entire body was shaking as he wrapped his arms around himself. He was just a tool to make the man who only acted like a proud father in public look better in the eyes of the rest of London.

Well, in the eyes of the rich of London. They didn't have to fear his wrath- no, not wrath. Wrath was too strong a word. Wrath meant there was some sort of caring involved. The rich of London didn't have to fear his merciless apathy the way the poor did. He saw it. He heard about it. If anyone could change it, surely the man's "son" could, but no... he couldn't even change his own situation. How could he reform his father and his cruelty?

He had talked back. Sure, the Judge didn't hit him himself. He shared a glance with the Beadle as he left the room, who then immediately locked the door and gave him a horrific smile that made Connor's stomach turn.

And now he was in his sister's Johanna's room... He hadn't thought this through before he snuck in without a knock or a word, but now, face to face with her, he felt so ashamed of himself. She had too much to deal with, and she worried about him so much. He didn't want to worry her more. He, he knew better... and so he backed away, never turning his back on her as he approached the door. "I... I'm s-sorry, Jo... I'm sorry..."

[betterto-die-thanto-crawl]

Connor was clearly panicked, betrayal showing clearly on his drawn, pallid face as he stood there, mouth agape. "I-I..." He gulped, listening to everything his sister was saying, looking at her like he didn't know her. "I suppose I sh-should be glad for you... I mean-" He hesitated, taking a panicky shaken breath. "I am... I am glad for you." All of the sudden, his expression crumpled to a look that could only be described as heartbroken. "He'll hurt me anyway. You know that. I thought..." He paused, his brow frowning as he thought to himself. "I thought we'd escape together... and that you wouldn't leave like everybody else..." He sounded like a child and looked like a caught, wounded animal. Something in his look hardened. "Don't let me keep you. You don't have long, I'm sure."

@betterto-die-thanto-crawl's connor mur.phy sent: "so that's it then? you're leaving?"

he wasn't supposed to catch her. he isn't supposed to know. it wasn't a decision she took lightly. whispering softly to anthony, she told him that she had a brother and she told him that she didn't know if she should let connor remain blissfully ignorant in case the judge asked him anything or if she should tell him. ( the truth of it lies deep in her stomach like a rock interrupting a wave crashing: she couldn't bring him with them ). later on, they would find a way to get him with them. approach him while he was at university -- away from the beadle and the judge's prying eyes. they could run away from london.

what she should wear? -- she daren't pack. her body seems to have frozen in front of her wardrobe. poised to pick out the prettiest dress she owned for what would be her wedding later on. instead, johanna tucks a stray curl behind her ear.

❝ connor, i -- ❞ she and anthony weren't as quiet as she thought they were. connor must have heard it all. ❝ you can't know. this is one step, alright? we're-we're-anthony and i . . . he's coming. tonight. you have university tomorrow. we'll come and we'll go. all of us. you just can't-! you can't know now. ❞ fingers run through the tips of her hair. ❝ you can't know! he'll-he'll-he'll ask you things and you'll know the answers and you can't know the answers. he will hurt you again. that's why i couldn't tell you. i couldn't let you get hurt. connor, please. i'm sorry this looks bad. it looks terrible. i'm sorry. but i can't tell you anymore. tomorrow. we'll come for you tomorrow. ❞

[cannotflyarc]

#cannotfly. independent and highly selective johanna barker of sweeney todd: the demon barber of fleet street. headcanon and musical based with influences from the 2007 movie and the bond play. written in a post-canon universe. as freed by darcy (she/her; 18+). personal/non-roleplay blogs do not interact. does not follow first. prev: ycllowhaired, cagesings.

a study in ending the cycle of abuse, caged larks, sweeney todd as a tragedy ( not a slasher, not a comedy ), femininity in the victorian era, doomed by the narrative to survive and yellow hair.    

carrd. interest checker. pinterest. memes.

drafts: 4. inbox: 21. owed starters: 0. updated: 6/1/24.

[cannotflyarc]

#cannotfly.  an indepedent, mutually-exclusive, and highly selective portrayal of johanna barker of sweeney todd: the demon barber of fleet street. mainly headcanon and musical with influences from the bond play and 2007 film. typically written in a post-canon or alternate universe setting. as freed by darcy (she/her; 18+). personal/non-roleplay blogs do not interact. meme tag below. warnings for all types of abuse, rape, eating disorders ( anorexia ), mental illness, murder, suicide, and references to other dark themes. previously ycllowhaired and cagesings. does not follow first.

a study in ending the cycle of abuse, clinging to sanity, caged larks, being trapped behind cold glass, the loss of control and attempt to gain it, if i cannot fly; let me sing, sweeney todd as a tragedy ( not a slasher, not a comedy ), femininity in the victorian era, doomed by the narrative to live and yellow hair.    

carrd  |  interest checker  |  pinterest | playlist

drafts: 15. inbox: 18. owed starters: 5. updated: 3/27/24.

[betterto-die-thanto-crawl]

He hadn't noticed the hole in his sleeve, but as soon as Johanna notices, as soon as she starts worrying at her lip the way she always does, he knows he has to tease her. The whole time he is fighting back a smile before grinning brightly, mischievously at her as she finally smiles back. "Did you really call me Mr. Murphy?" There was a smile in his tone as he teased onward. "Your own brother, Jo... really? Mr. Murphy?"

@betterto-die-thanto-crawl ( starter call. )

eyes keep returning to the hole in his sleeve, rendering her unable to focus on what he's talking about. did no one notice that earlier? goodness, someone must have. it's as wide as her fingertip ( which as some might point out, isn't remarkably big and seems to fall on the smaller side in terms of fingers ). without a word, johanna finally threads through her needle with string about the right color -- what does the color matter really? -- and adjusts his forearm to the right position to begin repairing.

❝ hold still. ❞ pulling thread through the fabric, she bites on her lower lip. her usual victim when she's sewing in silence. ❝ hold still. ❞ she says it in a warning tone, yet her voice holds no malice. a soft curve of a lip as johanna pulls it through again. ❝ i don't want to poke you, mr. murphy, i need you to -- hold still! ❞ he's toying with her, she's certain of it. ❝ connor. if he sees you with a hole -- connor! ❞ her smile widens, as much as she tries to bite it back. ❝ this is what i get for trying to sew up the hole?? ❞

[betterto-die-thanto-crawl]

'you'll like it. i'm sure.'

Connor's thin-lipped frown showed that he didn't agree... that he was nervous... scared, even... but he tried ti hide all of that for Johanna's sake as she frets over his new clothes, trying to help him look his best.

At the idea that he was past lessons on proper behavior, though, he snorted. He got in enough trouble for him to know that that wasn't true... but still, she was being so sweet.

"But you won't be there."

That was the real trouble. Maybe they had only lived next door to each other most of their lives, having to sneak visits when they could, but she was everything to him... and now he was being sent away for an education he had no interest in.

@betterto-die-thanto-crawl / connor sent: subtlety - muse a gently brushes their hand over folds and wrinkles on muse b’s clothing

it's more bittersweet than she wishes it was. she wants to be happy for him and she is. pushing all thoughts away of how unfair it is that he gets to leave while she doesn't helps her to be happier for him. ( why just him? isn't he her brother? why can't they go together? ) johanna forces a smile. despite knowing that the reason why connor was allowed to attend university classes while she isn't even allowed to leave her room.

❝ you'll like it. i'm sure. ❞ a hand brushes over a wrinkle in his vest. how did it get there? the judge would want connor looking presentable while venturing out into london. oh goodness, if he realized that there was a wrinkle in his clothing . . . ❝ not that i know what a university class is like. perhaps, it's like being tutored? just with more students in the room and you're not taught things like how to properly behave? i think that you're past that. you'll get to be out of the house, at least. ❞