#caesarvoid

[jungledubs-archive]

idk if you're still doing this but if you are evil x and 4 pls?

4: “I don’t know how to tell you this, but yelling at someone to, stop panicking, isn’t going to stop them from panicking.” I wrote this all very fast in a burst of inspiration, so I went a bit nuts with my Evil X and other Helmits interpretations, haha--might not be exactly what you asked for but I hope it suffices. For anybody who doesn’t know, Doug is Hels!Ren, Spector is Hels!Doc, Rye is Hels!Grian, and Bruce is Helsknight. (Prompt list here)

He doesn’t usually intervene.

The other Helsmits have never really respected him—they fear him, yes, but especially after he spent most of Season 7 in the void, they’ve never respected his authority. So he leaves them to their squabbles and games. He’s above them, anyway. Above their silly nicknames and wild antics, above their pitiful alliances and tentative truces.

At least that’s how he used to think. He’s changed (against his will, mind you), and now that he’s returned, Evil X has elected to stop turning a blind eye to his servermates... even if it’s mostly just for his own amusement. And he doesn’t usually intervene.

Usually.

This isn’t usually.

“Caesar!” comes the shout from Doug, and it takes him a moment to register that oh, right, that’s his name now. He still doesn’t particularly like it, but he has to admit that it’s better than simply ‘Evil X’. “Caesar!”

As he runs towards them he can see that Doug has an unconscious Spector half sitting on the ground, half in his arms, the ram-wolf-man’s eyes wide and stricken with panic. Caesar’s boots thump loudly on the blackstone as he rushes to them, focused on Spector and nothing else.

“What happened?” he asks, using his thumbs to unlatch his helmet and yank it off so that he can see better. Spector was usually quite meticulous and careful, unlike most of the other Helsmits.

“They were arguing—fighting,” answers a new voice before Doug can speak a word. It’s Bruce, and beside the knight is Rye, his leathery wings fluttering nervously. “Doug fucked up his leg real bad.”

“I think he short-circuited,” Rye puts in, and Caesar’s gaze trails over the unconscious Enderman’s extensive robotic implants and enhancements. “Also, like Bruce said, his prosthetic leg’s fucked. I didn’t think he could feel pain in it, though.”

“He can’t,” Doug murmurs. “That’s why I hit it.”

Rye snorts. “Smashed it, more like. Dude, you went nuts-”

Doug snarls at Rye, baring his teeth in a gesture that was starkly wolf-like in contrast to his curled horns and floppy ears. “I didn’t mean to hurt him!” he shouts, and there’s a hiccup in the middle that indicates to Caesar that Doug is distressed.

Caesar stands up abruptly and pushes Rye away from Doug with gentle force. “Back off,” he says sharply. “Let’s focus on helping Spector.” It isn’t the first time something had gone south unintentionally—there are a few missing limbs or eyes around that had been caused by other server members after a feud got out of hand. But it’s definitely the first that Caesar’s been witness to. At least Spector had already lost his leg, so it was just a matter of replacing the prosthetic. “So he collapsed while you were fighting?”

Doug nods quickly. He looks... upset. Really upset. Caesar kind of wants to give him a hug, which is an odd feeling, seeing as Caesar has pretty much never hugged anybody in his entire existence.

“We need a redstoner,” interjects Bruce. “Should I get someone?”

Caesar looks to him, grateful that someone seems to know how to deal with the situation. “Yeah. Get... Balderdash.” He picks someone at random, based off of Helsmits he thinks might be less bothersome than others.

“Good idea—‘cause that means Charleston, too. They’re a package deal.” Bruce smirks and Rye starts to snicker, and Caesar shoots them both a glare that he hopes indicates the right amount of ‘stop joking around or so help me gods I will snap both of your necks right here in front of my base’. And it must, because they both fall quiet. “I’ll- I’ll go get BD and Charlie.” And with that, Bruce sprints away as if he can’t leave fast enough.

Doug’s set Spector on the ground now, and his breathing is really starting to hitch. Caesar isn’t familiar with panic attacks, but he’s starting to figure out that Doug might be having one. Before his time away, Caesar would have scoffed and called the other Helsmit weak—now he looks on with pity and helplessness. He doesn’t know what to do.

“Stop panicking, Doug!”

Caesar sighs. Of all the things he knows not to do, that’s one of them. And yet Rye is trying it anyway.

“W-wh-”

“Stop! Panicking!” Rye grabs Doug by the shoulders and Caesar genuinely considers punching the small, annoying, winged Helsmit. “Spector’s going to be fine, c’mon man-”

Caesar slowly gets back to his feet and fixes Rye with the iciest stare he can manage. “Rye, I don’t know how to tell you this,”—he punctuates his words with a firm step between Doug and Rye—“but yelling at someone to stop panicking isn’t going to stop them from panicking.” And with a deliberate turn on his heel, he forces Rye to stare at his back as he cups Doug’s cheeks in his hands and insists, “Spector will be okay. I’m going to try to wake him up. You are not responsible for him passing out.”

“Okay. Okay,” Doug says. “Okay. Let’s fix this.” He looks down at Spector. “Shit, I’m sorry, man...”

Caesar tries to smile, but it falls short. “Right. Fix this. Let’s do it.”

[jungledubs-archive]

Sy’s Helsmits Masterpost

Figured it would be handy to have a list of all of my Helsmits, not just for y’all, but for me as well! Feel free to send asks about these guys, and check out this series on Ao3 for fics involving them. Not every Hermit is present yet--this list will be updated when/if new Helsmits are added. Some entries are much less detailed than others and that’s because I got lazy, sorry.

Evil Xisuma // Caesar Tag: #Caesarvoid

Nicknamed as such because he’s the ‘leader’ of Helscraft and everybody hates him (and later because he was banned on the Ides of March). This nickname is barely used--he prefers to be known as Evil Xisuma, though after being stuck in Hermitcraft for a while and going through a bit of a redemption arc (the devil went down to georgia on Ao3, may or may not be continued but the events are canon to the timeline), he does adopt it as his proper name to avoid confusion. Caesar is obsessed with taking over Hermitcraft and getting rid of their Xisuma so that he can be the only one. His base, when he finally arrives in Helscraft Season 7, is in a ravine.

Evil Scar // Harvey, BadTimes Tag: #Harvey BadTimes

Originally nicknamed BadTimesWithScar, ‘Harvey’ was a nickname that sprung out of too many stupid pronunciations of ‘Scar’ (Rye said ‘Scarvey’, Trip suggested ‘Harvey’, and it stuck). He’s an ender dragon hybrid and second of the three Hermitcraft-obsessed Helsmits. He was originally more mild-mannered, but after his first encounter with his Hermitcraft counterpart went sour, he’s sworn to tear up everything Scar holds dear. Harvey has a furious rivalry with Buck, which escalated after Harvey was accidentally responsible for Trip losing an eye (upside-down and backwards on Ao3). His base is a volcano with a fortress on the inside, inspired by the home of Smaug in The Hobbit.

Evil Welsknight // Bruce, Helsknight Tag: #Bruce Helsknight

Technically named after Robert the Bruce, his nickname was chosen for him by the other Helsmits because they thought Helsknight was silly (and also got confusing with them all being from Helscraft). He’s third on the hierarchy of ‘obsessed with Hermitcraft’ after Caesar and Harvey, though is less focused on taking over Hermitcraft and getting rid of his counterpart and more on being as much of an inconvenience to Wels as possible. He mostly keeps to himself in Helscraft, too focused on his work with portals, and he’s a bit of a dork and the epitome of ‘you did the work wrong but somehow got the right answer’. He’s semi-allied with some of the other Helsmits, though mostly just for redstone components. His base is a Nether-themed castle, complete with lava moat and confusing maze-like layout. He is very jealous of anybody who has magic or hybrid powers, as he does not.

Evil Mumbo // Balderdash Tag: #Balderdash

He chose his own nickname and is rather proud of it. Balderdash is very closely allied with Charleston, with whom he owns BD&C LTD. and all the associated businesses, including their anything-for-hire service Boon Boom. He’s proud, smart, and snarky, and often refuses to admit his own faults. He couldn’t care less about going to Hermitcraft, and even when he and Charlie accidentally end up there (an unexpected encounter on Ao3), they have no desire to take over the server or get rid of their counterparts. His base is an underground ‘city of gold’, themed around ancient architecture, with futuristic laboratories hidden inside.

Evil Tango // Charleston Tek, Charlie Tag: #Charleston Tek

His name was given to him by Spector and initially rejected, but after he realized it could be shortened, he adopted it proudly. Charlie is the other half of BD&C LTD. and partner to Balderdash, with whom he causes an immense amount of problems. He’s argumentative, spiteful, and equally as smart as Balderdash, though they both claim to be the more intelligent one. His weapon of choice is a crossbow loaded with fireworks. His right shoulder and part of his neck and cheek is covered with a burn scar, which he acquired after an accident with one of Balderdash’s machines and a fire charge. Charlie’s base is an early 1900s-themed city, with his main home being inside an animation studio inspired by Bendy and the Ink Machine.

Evil Grian // Rye, Ryan Tag: #Rye

His nickname was forced upon him by Reckless, who thought it was hilarious, and it quickly caught on, despite his protests. A couple of the other Helsmits call him Ryan, but it’s always with a nod and a wink. Rye is a phantom hybrid and a prankster, though most of his jokes involve destroying something or being otherwise mean. He enjoys spreading rumours about the other Helsmits and starting conflicts. Rye’s base is a skyscraper made to look deliberately dark and gloomy, and he often jokes that it’s a cliche supervillain office and plays into that by sometimes forcing the other Helsmits to meet him on the top floor where he does his best Godfather impression.

Evil Cub // Buck Tag: #Buckfan135

Named Buck after a term used for deer, he’s an ender dragon hybrid and close ally to Trip. His base is a viking village with dragon motifs in a tundra biome. He absolutely hates Harvey and will do anything to try to prove that Harvey is up to no good. Buck’s fairly reclusive and cold, but he can be helpful when he wants to be.

Evil Bdubs // Trip Tag: #Btripleo100

He’s missing an eye after spending multiple days trapped in a death loop created by Harvey (upside-down and backwards on Ao3), but that hasn’t put a damper on his upbeat, belligerent personality. He hardly ever sleeps, though, as he’s always faced with nightmares of his repeated death. His base is a medieval-style dungeon which is sometimes used as such by allied Helsmits.

Evil Doc // Spector, The Inspector Tag: #Spectorm77

Spector, short for Inspector, is half-enderman half-machine and has a flair for the dramatic. Everything is a game with Spector, as he’s always agreeable but forces the other Helsmits to complete annoying tasks, riddles, and treasure hunts to gain his full cooperation. Nobody’s quite sure what his base actually is, because it’s hidden behind a maze of glass that has yet to be penetrated by wit or TNT.

Evil Iskall // Fiver Tag: #58Iskall

Once a human on the quest for efficiency, Fiver is now more redstone and metal than flesh and blood. He’s always upgrading himself and never has time for any of the other Helsmits, though he’s tentatively allied with Doug and Spector. His base is a giant laboratory filled with deadly traps and surrounded by a minefield, which is slowly being taken over by plants as the building falls into neglect despite Fiver’s near-constant use of it.

Evil Ren // Doug Tag: #Ramdoug

Part-wolf, part-ram, part-human, Doug’s a living contradiction and revels in it. He’s truly a wolf in sheep’s clothing and swings wildly from being friendly and agreeable to infuriating all the other Helsmits with his destructive and murderous antics. He lives in a snowy mountain biome with a base themed around the fictional planet of Hoth, plus a half-destroyed Death Star built into the base of the mountain for good measure.

Evil Impulse // Reckless Tag: #RecklessSV

Sly, cheeky, resourceful, and self-centred, Reckless can never hold an ally for long, because he’s always stabbing them in the back. His base stretches deep below the ocean in an inverted pyramid, accessible through a controlled whirlpool. Reckless is aptly-named, for despite his claims that all of his plans are premeditated and thought-over, he spends less time thinking and more time double- and triple-crossing the other Helsmits.

Evil Zedaph // Damon Tag: #DamonPlays

Damon lives in a cliffside lair filled to the brim with strange machines and contraptions, accessible only through a series of nonsensical puzzles--though these puzzles are often simply destroyed by the other Helsmits should they need to get in. He’s friends with Doug and Trip and certainly one of the more popular Helsmits, despite his affinity for flinging them into walls with slime block launchers.

Evil Cleo // Effie, Nefertiti Tag: #ZombieEffie

ZombieEffie is a bit of a misnomer--she’s not a zombie, she controls the zombies. Effie is a necromancer, complete with sinister skull mask, and lives in a dark and spooky village filled with hybrid cryptid monstrosities that she’s created. She has a strange friendship with Reckless, though the two are not allies--they betray each other too much to actually do business together, but they respect each other enough to be considered friends.

Evil Stress // Penny, Pensive Tag: #Pensivecreature101

Penny is another reclusive Helsmit, spending most of her time in her sprawling End-themed base. Her name is also incorrect, because though she doesn’t interact with the other Helsmits much, when she does, it always deteriorates into an argument very quickly.

Evil False // Claire, True Tag: #ClaireSymmetry

Claire, or True, is an outstanding entrepreneur and successful business owner, spending most of her time negotiating deals with or between the other Helsmits. Her home is an industrial sky base above the ocean, from which she plots her next ventures. She’s had an alliance with almost every Helsmit at some point, most of them presently as well.

Evil Keralis // Idris Tag: #Idris

Idris is a sour-tempered man, always difficult and annoyed by something-or-other. His base is farm-themed and rightfully so, because he has enough farms there to sustain himself and possibly the entire rest of the server if they had to. He gets along with Buck and Fiver.