#c: rohan 006

[kenxmatsui]

for: @rohanxpersaudx location: Rohan's apartment

A habit was in the making as Ken found himself on the floor of Rohan's apartment. It was only the second time really but Ken could guarantee that more would be on the horizon, not just after traumatic events either. He began to seek out Rohan willingly for other things too, little things, things that involved feelings and emotions, an area Ken was still terrible with, and that required solidness that Rohan could provide. This time round though, Ken, instead of simply sitting and leaning against his couch took to fully laying down hands folded across chest and eyes to the ceiling as he felt Rohan move about. There had been many things weighing on his mind, no doubt on Rohan's too, and their brief chat at the Playhouse was not nearly enough time to unpack everything. "How is the Playhouse construction going? If you need assistance with paperwork or bills, you don't even have to ask." In a way Ken was avoiding talking about the nightmare, but the carnage and destruction of the Pendulum felt more important to address first, "But you do have to say if I'm in the way right now, because I don't intend to move anytime soon, sorry."

[jonahxrivas]

for: @rohanxpersaudx location: hanami - flower viewing

Hope for the best, hope for a better tomorrow, hope no matter how foolish and naive it seemed was the only thing left for Jonah to cling onto as he wandered around the market, peering into various stalls and purchasing things that caught his eye. It was something else to switch his focus to, too much thought had been given to what had transpired, months had passed yet it sat fresh in his mind as if it was only mere days ago, fitful nights of terrible sleep led to caffeine dependent mornings to stay away and function, but today Jonah deemed to be a different day. A new day. All that tiredness was pushed to the furthest corners of his mind, and soft spring sunshine cut through the layer of fog that lined his brain, even if just for today he would allow the idealistic outlook on life where everything can truly be sunshine and flowers, helped greatly by the town’s blossom festival.

Under the shade of a Sakura tree where Jonah had laid out their picnic blanket, the basket he had been holding onto all morning was set down, piled with food, fruit and even tea for them to share, “I may have gone a touch overboard with the treats,” he somewhat confessed and announced, “You’ll have to forgive me, but I couldn’t resist these,” he held up the Taiyaki with a light laugh, “The only fish I’m willing to eat.” It was also something Rohan could eat too, everything was vegetarian, Jonah had made sure of that, “And we can walk around after if you’d like, it’s beautiful today.”

[psychothrillcologne]

PSYCHO THRILL/ ROHBAU/ GOLZHEIM techno industries ... that’s how we gonna do it straight.

3hrs of a Rohbau/ PsychoThrill Cologne power-hour set at Düsseldorf's famous GOLZHEIM club, on sat., nov. 4th 2017 2gether with Dimitri Pike (DTM / WildTek BEL) and Daniel Fritschi (Golzheim / Level Rec.). Claus Bachor riding high through all valleys of cutting edged Techno which are almost natural for his Cologne club brand since 1988/91 (Rave Club/PsychoThrill CGN). featured TRACK LISTING: 01 FUNKADELIC: You And Your Folks _ Claude Young Jr. Club Mix [ D3-track from “Reworked By Detroiters” Westbound Records SEW3-158 UK 3x12" | 2017 ] 02 DEEE-LITE [ANI SCHEMPF, DMITRY BRILL, KIERIN KIRBY, TOWA TEI]: Heart Be Still _ Carl Craig 1996 Remix [ B1-track from “Sampladelic Relics & Dancefloor Oddities” Elektra 61872-1 US Promo-2x12" | 1996 ] 03 NICK SINNA: Come Again _ Luke Hess Remix [ B2-track from “PN19” Prime Numbers PN-019 UK 12" | 2014 ] 04 SHINRA [JAMES CLARKE]: Fallen [ B2-track from “Ball & Chain EP” null+void Recordings NUL-001 UK 12" | 2015 ] 05 JOHN HECKLE: Archipelago [ A-side from “Memories Of Kamerlengo” Moondance Records MR-002 CRO 12" | 2017 ] 06 RICHIE INKLE: Rationell [ B2-track from “2+2=5 EP” Pseudo Records PSEUDO-005 FRA Promo-12" | 2004 ] 07 DIMDJ [DIMITRIS EVAGELOPOULOS] feat. TRENTON CHASE: Computer Beats [ A3-track from “DimDJ” TH Tar Hallow TH-004 NL 12" | 2016 ] 08 ECHELON: Untitled [ B2-track from “002” Echelon 002 GER WL-12" | 2017 ] 09 DONA [DONA BASILE]: City With No Fear [ A-side from “C.W.N.F.” Points Records Points-006 GER 10" | 2016 ] 10 RHYW [ALEX TSIRIDIS]: Skull To The Chest [ B1-track from “Rhyw” TH Tar Hallow TH-005 12" | 2016 ] 11 KHAN [CAN ORAL]: Untitled [ B2-track from “Silent Movie” Electro Bunker Cologne EBC-003 GER Promo-12" | 1996 ] 12 Pacou [LARS LEWANDOWSKI]: Frequency Chain [ B1-track from “Radar” Djax-Up-Beats DJAX-UP-327 NL Promo-12" | 2000 ] 13 ELLERY COWLES: It's Taking Control [ A1-track from “Sonic Control” Djax-Up-Beats DJAX-UP-227 Blu-Promo-12" | 1995 ] 14 DANIEL BELL: Sience Fiction [ A2-track from “Tresor 3” NovaMute PNoMu-043 UK Promo-12" | 1995 ] 15 X-TERNAL PULSE [Ultradyne / Dennis Richardson & Alexandres Lugo]: Crossphaze [ A1-track from “The Silicon Ghetto EP Vol. 3” Accelerate ACC-003 US 12" | 1993 ] 16 DBX [DANIEL BELL]: Back 2 Da Beat [ A2-track from “Ghetto Trax” Accelerate ACC-100 US Promo-12" | 1993 ] 17 DAMON WILD & EPI CENTRUM [JERZY PRZEZDZIECKI]: Snatch [ A2-track from “Produkt” Synewave SW-119 US 12" | 2017 ] 18 BEN SIMS: The Stalker [ B2-track from “Gamma Ray Subway EP” Deeply Rooted House DRH-055 US 12" | 2017 ] 19 SIGHA [JAMES SHAW]: Down _ Function Remix [ B1-track from “Metabolism Remixes” TOKEN-077 BEL 12" | 2017 ] 20 DASHA RUSH: Black Swan [ B1-track from “Ain't No God Nor King” Sonic Groove ‎SG-1780 US 12" | 2017 ] 21 BYLLY: Lysis [ A2-track from “CDT001” Chineurs De Techno CDT-001 FRA Promo-12" | 2017 ] 22 F.U.S.E. [R.M.H. from Windsor]: F.U.2 _ Re-edit [ B2-track from “Substance Abuse” Plus 8 Records PLUS-8013 CAN Promo-12" | 1991 ] 23 FRANCOIS DUBOIS: Dark Angel [ A-side from “Dark Angel” Blue Recordings BLUE-012 CAN Promo-12" | 2002 ] 24 2AMFM [D'MARC CANTU & TADD MULLINIX]: Pattern On The Floor [ B-side from “2AMFM EP” Secret Studio Records SCS-007 FRA BL-12" | 2017 ] 25 FIT SIEGEL + TIM LOVE LEE [AARON SIEGEL & TIM LEE]: Living Is Serious Business _ Carl Craig Remix [ B-side from “Living Is Serious Business” Label Fit Sound FIT-014 / Detroit Threads US 12" | 2017 ] 26 SEEKER [OLIVER HO]: Untitled B [ B-side from “Manifestation” Continual CNL-006 UK Promo-12" | 2001 ] 27 TRAP 10 [JANIS & FABIAN]: DST [ B2-track from “Three EP” a.r.t.less ‎A.R.T.LESS-2182 GER WL-12" | 2017 ] 28 SOUNDERS DEPARTMENT [TOB JONA & MMIKE GERALD]: Cosmopolitan [ A-side from “Cosmopolitan” Sounders Dept. ‎003 GER Promo-12" | 1997 ] 29 DREXCIYA [GERALD DONALD & JAMES STINSON]: Black Sea [ A1-track from “The Journey Home” Warp Records ‎WAP-057 UK Promo-12" | 1995 ] 30 RUSS GABRIEL’s AUDIO SPECTRUM: Alligator Voodoo [ A2-track from “Pilgrimage EP” Soma Quality Recordings SOMA-036 UK Promo-12" | 1996 ] 31 HASHIM [JERRY CALLISTE JR.]: Al-Naafiysh (The Soul) _ Extended Mix [ A1-track from Cutting Records CR-200 US 12" | 1983 ] 32 ‘MAD MIKE’ BANKS: Lo-Tech Reality [ B2-track from “Hi-Tech Dreams / Lo-Tech Reality” Underground Resistance UR-071 US 12" | 2007 ] 33 BETA EVERS [BIGITTE ENZLER]: Destination Lost [ B2-track from “Eruption” Kommando 6 K6-XX GER Promo-12" | 2005 ] 34 ERIK TRAVIS: Freaky (Programming) [ A-side from “Sound Of Mind” F.A.C.T. Records ET-004 / Detroit Threads US 12" | 1998 ] 35 CYBONIX [ODELL PERRY, TAMEKO J. WILLIAMS]: Shake Your Body [ B1-track from “Cybonix In Effect” D-Bass Records DBR-50105 / Detroit Threads US 12" | 1997 ] 36 STALLONE THE REDUCER [SAMUEL CONSIGLIO]: Drug Pusher [ A1-track from “Drug Pusher” Est. 83' Records ‎EST.83-05 / FIT / Detroit Threads US Promo-12" | 2016 ] 37 OBJEKT [TJ HERTZ]: Unglued [ B-side from “Objekt002” OBJEKT-002 GER WL-12" | 2011 ] 38 PERBEC [MARK BROOM & PETER ADSHEAD]: Until The End Part 1 [ A1-track from “Until The End / Variety Club” ifach-017 UK Promo-12" | 1998 ] 39 PETTER B [PETTER BÖRGESSON]: Higher Thirds [ B2-track from “Unconfined EP” Bond ‎Bond-011 SWE 12" | 2017 ] 40 PERBEC [MARK BROOM & PETER ADSHEAD]: Variety Club [ B-side from “Until The End / Variety Club” ifach-017 UK Promo-12" | 1998 ] 41 PETTER B [PETTER BÖRGESSON]: Suspension Lock [ B1-track from “Unconfined EP” Bond ‎Bond-011 SWE 12" | 2017 ] 42 WOO YORK [ANDREW VANZHULA & DENNIS ANDRIYANOW]: I Am Against [ A1-track from “I Am Against” Soma Quality Recordings ‎SOMA-409 UK 12" | 2017 ] 43 HODGE & RANDOMER [JAKE MARTIN & ROHAN WALDER]: Slipping [ B1-track from “If I Could Stop” Clone Basement Series ‎CBS-027 NL 12" | 2017 ] 44 NATHAN JONES: Pillars Of Creation [ A2-track from “Voices Of The Further EP” Vision Collector VC-004 IRE 12" | 2017 ] 45 RUE EAST [DAVE HILL & MARK BROOM]: Remove [ A-side from “Remove / Liquid Line” Rewired RW-005 UK 12" | 1997 ] 46 POPULATION ONE [TERRENCE DIXON]: Out Of Control [ A1-track from “Theater Of A Confused Mind” Label Rush Hour Recordings RHM-013 NL 2x12" | 2014 ] 47 HENNING BAER: DNA [ A2-track from “The Idea Of Instinct” Nonplus Records NONPLUS-040 UK 12" | 2017 ] 48 JOEL MULL: Untitled [ B2-track from “Code Red 05” CODE RED-005 SWE 12" | 1998 ] 49 SHINGO SUWA: Filth Reality [ B-side from “Merkur Ep 06.5” Merkur Schallplatten MER-006.5 GER 12" | 2017 ] 50 DJ SKULL [RON MANEY]: Keep it Hard [ A1-track from “Hard Drive” Djax-Up-Beats DJAX-UP-224 NL Promo-2x12" | 1995 ] 51 MARCOS CABRAL: Loose Lips [ A1-track from “Trak Madnezz II” Clone Jack For Daze ‎C#JFD31 NL 12" | 2017 ] 52 STEVE POINDEXTER: Work That Motherfucker (mixed cutz) [ A1-track from “W.T.M.F.” Muzique Records ‎MR-001 US 12" | 1989 ] 53 JUSTIN BERKOVI: SCSI Dreams [ A2-track from “Rich Bitches & Superstuds #1” Predicaments PRED-005 UK Promo-12" | 1999 ] 54 JOEY BELTRAM: Energy Flash [ A-side from “Energy Flash” Transmat MS-16 US 12" | 1990 ] 55 EXETER [ARMIN LAMERS, NIKOLAI KAEßMANN, ROLAND CASPER]: Feel The Speed _ Mix 1 [ A-side from “F.T.S.” Spacemate Recordings ‎1202 GER Promo-12" | 1992 ] 56 CYBERSONIK [DANIEL BELL, JOHN ACQUAVIVA, R.H.M. from Windsor]: Backlash [ A-side from “Backlash” Plus 8 Records PLUS-8007 CAN Promo-12" | 1991 ] 57 LOCKERTMATIK [STEPHAN SCHINDLER]: 313-0351 [ B2-track from “Break The Chains” Shtum ‎shtum-013 GER Test-12" | 2017 ] 58 LIL'LOUIS [MARVIN LOUIS BURNS]: Jupiter [ B2-track from “French Kiss” Label Diamond Records LL-001 US 12" | 1989 ] 59 NUEL [MANUEL FOGLIATA]: No Wonder [ A2-track from “Replica” Kontra-Musik ‎KMWL-010 SWE WL-12" | 2017 ] 60 METRO SKIM: Awareness [ A1-track from “Identifying Possibilities” 6dimensions 126D-002 UK 12" | 2017 ] 61 INSYNC vs. MYSTERON [CHRIS HARTLEY, DAVID MANUEL, LLEE PURKIS]: Sandman [ B2-track from “Exit 9” Peacefrog Records ‎PF-033 UK Promo-12" | 1995 ] 62 DELANO SMITH feat. DIAMONDANCER [CAROLYN FERRARI]: A Message For The DJ _ Original Mix [ A1-track from “A Message For The DJ” Still Music STILLM-004 US 12" | 2005 ] 63 WAAJEED [ROBERT O'BRYANT]: Winston's Midnight Disco [ A1-track from “SHANGO EP” Dirt Tech Reck DTR-11 / Submerge US 12" | 2017 ] Recent SpyInTheHouse_radio / 674fm_podcast

[kenxmatsui]

Ken pressed his lips tighter together to hide a smile in an attempt to prove Rohan wrong, to say he wasn’t laughing, but try as he may, it only wanted to be expressed more – and it did, accompanied by a shake of his head, of course. It seemed stupid to tamper down these fleeting moments of genuine happiness when it could be snatched away easily, joy had never been something that took root within him, it wasn’t allowed and he had continued to not let it in. Striving to be perfect, despite what Rohan had said was what he had been trained to do and this of course led to many flaws within him, which only reinforced the notion to be perfect. Ken had, on his own accord, held his own enjoyment at bay and only of late he had begun to shed that frame of mind, not completely, not entirely enough for it to be visible to others without close attention but wasn’t it enough that he saw the change within him? And the hug, not moments ago, was a prime example of it.

Yet, comments on that had to wait as Rohan stunned him to silence. Clarification of what the big question could entail did not need asking when there could be no doubt as to what he meant when best man was mentioned. “He better fucking not say anything other than a resounding yes.” Ken didn’t mean to pose it as a threat – well, maybe a little, but being the best friend and all, he had the right. “I’m only slightly joking, but really, Rohan, you’re every bit lucky and he’d be a fool to say no. I’m happy about this next step for you, I know and can see how he makes you feel, and you deserve to be loved without limitations.” He would spare his friend the ‘are you sure’ and ‘think it through’ because no, that was not needed now or ever, “Shouldn’t that fall on me to give you cufflinks and all things? This is enough for me really, no formality required. And thank you, I’ve never had such a privilege or such a friend like you.” 

Despite an exhale and a shake of his head Ken truly did take the words into serious consideration, letting them sit in his head and his heart, feelings had never come easy nor had a sense of self, the latter especially being something thrust upon him to be a certain way, to think and act had been lessons taught never ones that could be explored and found by will, you’re exceptionally you but who even was he? And how did Rohan seem to know him better than he seemed to know himself? “I am all those things, rigid, orderly and stubborn beyond high heavens. But this…” he pointed at the scene described, “This is only me because it’s you and directly feeds into the level of comfort and ease your presence provides. My parents were not good people and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. I carry that name as a burden but here you are equating me greatness, you’re on my side when I’m not even on my own side, I still can’t wrap my head around that…” He drifted off into thought and silence, wondering what he possibly could’ve done to deserve this level of kindness and came up blank every time. Deciding to not think too much into that right now, he pulled thoughts to the present, “What would my stage name be then? Maybe I'll do that more justice.”

Ken skipped on the modern medicine joke, features, and mood too a little, growing grave at the mention of living for two hundred years, as much as he didn't want death to collect his friend, the life spent in the in-between of living and end was not something he wished for Rohan either, “I don’t ever want to be rid of you, but Rohan I love and care for you too much to not advise against the thought you’re having. Not my decision, I understand, and I hope we have a long time before you or fate decides it, but consider it carefully.” Having given his opinion on matters he wasn’t sure needed or not, Ken pondered on the rest of what Rohan continued to say. Nice versus good still didn’t come to a clarity but there were things that Rohan said that could instantly be denied, “Perhaps this whole thing needs a review, or maybe it still confuses me but I hope that you don’t believe you’re dishonest. I’ve seen and dealt with those kind of people and you’re not one of them. I only do things that seem sensible and interest me, not to be good or otherwise.” Usually the one to not talk on things he didn’t care about, voicing these opinions meant that in some respect he did care on these differences, or nice and good, he knew himself to be neither though but knew himself enough to figure his mind would indefinitely give time to these thoughts more. “No, not at all. Perhaps it could be possible to simply exist, it sounds like a dream but looking at this year alone I can’t shake the pessimistic outlook. Saying that however, I don’t think it’s foolish to wish for it, I’m not a big believer in hope but it’s all we have isn’t it?” 

Rohan smiled, genuine mirth managing to crack away at some of the tired stone layers he had been building around himself like fortifications these past few weeks. "Hey! It got you to laugh. Mission accomplished. The good news, though, is that we don't actually have to be perfect, I guess. Maybe it would be dull. I'm supposed to say that as a writer. People needs flaws and shortcomings. But I'd like to be wonderful in all things all the time." He rolled his eyes at himself, his own features softening as Ken spoke. Really, he thought, the vampire was the one who had to put up with his nonsense, not the other way around. And among his own nonsense was his sentimental insistence on physical contact; Ken being the initiator of this hug took Rohan by surprise. But still, he returned it fully, tightening his grip on the other for a long, bracing embrace. "Thank you," he murmured softly as they parted. "I'm going to hold you to it. And I am going to need very many other favors soon...if I should be so lucky. I'm, uh, I'm going to ask Jonah the big question soon, Ken. I like to fool myself into thinking he'd say 'yes.' This is premature, and I swear I'll get you a whole giftbox with cufflinks and everything and properly ask later, but I couldn't have another best man but you."

He shrugged weakly, trailing off. Despite all the heartache, despite the loss of the theater, despite the sleepless nights, this really was perfect, he thought, to be so rich in so many things. To have someone he loved, to have such an extraordinary best friend, to have a career and a home: these were the building blocks of happiness indeed. "I think you're right. The universe blesses us in usual ways," he agreed, giving a nod. Listening, then, Rohan furrowed up his brow, placing his own hands in his lap. "For the record, I think you're exceptionally you. And that you can be whoever you want. Truly. In fact, I give you full permission. As your friend, I think you may think that you're bound by...rigidity. Or order. Or formality. And sure, Ken is some of those things, and they make him spectacular. But Ken is also the kind of person who eats ice cream on my floor and daydreams about opening seaside inns with me." He smiled softly. "I do understand, though. Our parents' ghosts long follow us. We are, after all, the only surfaces on which they can cast their shades. But you know what? I, personally, will only think of the Matsui name fondly. It belongs to one of the greats." He pointed at the other with a very serious nod. "I can help you come up with a stage name if you'd like, though."

Rohan sighed, his own face growing contemplative. "I couldn't possibly. And besides, modern medicine works wonders. I shall live to be two-hundred, three-hundred myself. You won't be rid of me so easy." He jostled the other with his shoulder, but in truth, Rohan was not necessarily above the notion of vampirism for himself. He considered that one day, when he had lived enough time, he might be persuaded to take on some more. He would not ask Ken to do the task. He shrugged weakly. "Nice people are more concerned with appearances. We're polite. We try not to hurt feelings. We keep things neat and tidy. Good people, though, they do what must be done for goodness's own sake. It's very noble to be good. Niceness can be dishonest," he explained. "You're among full company, though. All of us are losing it. Is it foolish of me to hope that...one day, really, maybe one day, we can all go public and just exist in the world? No hideaway? No memory spells. Just...normality."

[jonahxrivas]

for: @rohanxpersaudx​ location: blood drive

“I’m all for a good cause,” Jonah spoke as he and Rohan walked towards the blood bank, “But a sticker and doughnut are pretty good incentives if you ask me.” It was nonsense talk like this that kept his mind at bay from thinking into all the potential horrors they may face this holiday. A trend that he had latched onto ever since Jas had mentioned in the beginning and really, true to her words, it was every holiday that something terrible seemed to hit the town causing anxiety to be the primary feeling instead of excitement. It shouldn’t be the case, especially not with Valentines around the corner, hence the benign chatter. “Plus, I’ve never donated blood with the intentions of Vampires using it. Interesting to think about. Have you done something like this before? Donated solely for Vampires... sorry, is that rude of me to ask?” But he supposed if there’s anyone he could make himself a fool in front of, it was a relief to know it was Rohan. Ever the patient and wonderful boyfriend of his, “It’s been long enough, you’d think I’d know these kinds of things by now.”

[kenxmatsui]

Ken had to groan, “Mary Poppins?” Though his face scrunched at the comparison, mirth lined his features accompanying a light laugh, “That’s a first and possibly the last. Only accuracy being the shoes. Rohan, please, I’m far, far from perfect.” Having emptied his bowl of ice cream, he leaned back onto his hands, shaking his head as the bemusement was slowly starting to wear off, “I had to constantly strive to perfection, I’m not there yet. But I am grateful for you too, for everything really, friendship, just being here to listen to my nonsense, and –” Rohan movement caused Ken to glance that way, words cutting off as his own posture changed. Had it been anyone there would be a great deal of hesitancy, perhaps Ken would not even move at the sight, but this was not anyone. Comfort was not something that Ken knew how to give, a hug to soothe worries was not in his abilities, but he did not even hesitate to shift his position and wrap his arms around Rohan, “I might not be the greatest with this, but, I’m here. Always will be.” He smiled a little, releasing him after what seemed like a good amount of time, “If that’s something that’ll make you happy, I’ll do it, anything to make things easier. You can pick seat covers and decor to your heart's content.” 

Happiness looks like this. That simple statement should not have felt like a punch, but it did. He’s had glimmers, yes, but nothing like this. Not to this degree of comfort. Carefree and reckless moments had brought about raucous laughter, but no moment where he felt cared. He did not know that feeling, the light had been turned off for him for a long time and he was so used to the darkness that even a spark or warmth felt like fire. “This is perfect to me,” he said, voice a touch above a whisper. Maybe he had been going about perfection entirely the wrong way. Gaze fell to his hands when Rohan asked that question, and he watched as they curled into fists, slowly releasing when he decided list all the things he was and was expected to be, “Young Ken was obedient and quiet. Required to not only meet expectations set but to surpass them. Trained that the only way to get ahead in life was to be better than everyone. I tried to be the opposite of that, but my parents’ teachings are so deeply ingrained into me that I don’t know who else to be.” He hated that he was exactly like what they taught him to be, just more calloused and abrasive. “I don’t want the Matsui name to be anywhere. Your playhouse deserves a better name.”

He let the moment lapse into silence while he rid his mind of the grim thoughts that began to creep through. Downing the glass of wine in one go wasn’t ideal but it had to be done. “Yes, planets and zodiacs too, I believe,” he said, welcoming that change in thought. “I’m pretty sure I called it nonsense, but I do believe in fate, and though my lifetime is never-ending, I will find you in your next and we’ll start this again. I hope your future self doesn’t hate me.” In a way Ken was a little glad that confusion took over, “How can nice and good mean separate things?” he asked sincerely, “Are they not synonyms of each other? You are both good and nice.” He was neither. But he could agree to the latter, he was pitifully human, still human. A part of him didn’t want to shake that away, it was just an imagined tether connecting him to that side, to humanness and really it was only a matter of time till he forgot what it felt like. “I don’t know how but in this moment it is a relief to hear that I haven’t lost it completely.” 

Rohan smiled softly at that before extending his ice cream spoon to point deliberately at the other. "You're practically perfect in every way, Ken. Basically Mary Poppins in very expensive, very attractive shoes. I'm eternally grateful for your friendship." A wistful sigh echoed gently from his lips, and rolling his shoulders, Rohan curled up on himself, searching for physical comfort where there was perhaps none to be found right now. Phantom aches haunted his body each day, remnants of the toils of months past. "One day, I will. You'd love it. It has a degree of gravitas I think you might enjoy. You could be my business partner. Handle all the difficult things while I pick out seat covers," he replied. "To tell you the truth, though, I do think happy looks sort of like this. Good friends. Talk. Food. It's not perfect, but it shows up in glimmers. Moments just before you turn out the light." He hummed a little. "I don't know much about your childhood. Tell me about baby Ken. What was he like?" The question came easily, with nothing but genuine intentions. "You're kind. And you're in my future plan as well. In our very first ever meeting, I think I spoke of the planets. And it's apropos because we are cosmic companions who shall find each other in each and every lifetime. Plato would have loved us. That said, the Rohan and Leyla Playhouse sounds like a children's educational program."

Nodding along, Rohan furrowed up his brow. "Maybe we can ask a Fae to wrap us all up in a nice illusion. An amusement park. I'm not one of those people overly concerned with the reality of things. I write for the stage. Is each play not real in and of itself?" He trailed off, listening to the other speak. His features grew grave. "I want you to know I could never hate you. I'm glad you told him that." Still, Ken's explanation settled on Rohan with a disquieting heaviness. The raising the phantom had performed really did cement, at least in his own mind, that this shade was a manifestation of his own worse impulses. "No. That doesn't sound stupid. There's nice and then there's good. I'm nice. You're good. And we're both woefully human. A vampire and witch who feel too much too often. That's stupid. But that's the nature of existence." He sighed, putting a hand on Ken's shoulder. "You're one of the sanest, most living people I know. If it helps."

[kenxmatsui]

"Of course I like you for you. You give a lot and it all surpasses all monetary value," Ken stated. As he listened to Rohan talk about his house, thoughts went to his own, not his current place of residence but to that of his childhood house, it was big too but in all the wrong ways and lacked all beauty despite it being maintained at a pristine condition. Ken hated that place. "Don't sell it," he found himself saying, "I mean, I'm no real estate agent but it sounds nice not just location wise. Do you have good memories associated with it?" With a shake of his head, Ken rejected that idea, "Oh god, don't do that. Name it after someone else, or yourself even, it'll have a better ring to it." And he would suggest a name if he were creative enough to think of something.

As another spoonful of ice cream was bitten into and it was looking like the wine would be taking the backseat, which, Ken did not mind one bit seeing as his sweet tooth demanded more attention. "Thank you, but it's fine, and I genuinely mean that. I've stopped sleeping completely so no need for charms and such things. Might as well put this Vampire body and abilities to use, right?" The idea was met with heavy reluctance, mind battling with mind but one night turned to two, to three weeks, to four months, really, it had been far too easy to give up sleep, "I was on a near five months streak before this dream nonsense ruined it." He said this with an air of nonchalance, but there was no real cause for concern in his flippant words, he was a Vampire, sleep was not a requirement. When Rohan provided clarification, a sigh of both heaviness and relief was the resultant bringing with it a momentary debate whether Ken should confess or bend the truth. "No, I guess a spectral form of you remained then, but fully corporeal. An alternate self perhaps?" he said, honesty winning out, because of course it would, "To which I said some unsavoury things to. I'm sorry for that. I switch to anger as my main emotion, even if it was a dream version of you that was undeserved."

Rohan managed a weak sigh. A tired smile found its way to his face. "Yes, but I've also seen your shoes. Worth every penny. But...thank you. Really. Thank you. You're a good friend. I'll keep you in the loop once we start fundraising in earnest." He rolled his shoulders, chasing away the phantom aches that had plagued him these past few weeks. "The point of having rich friends is that they like me for me. Because there's nothing I could possibly give them. Now, I wasn't in leather loafers myself, but I did grow up with money, thank you. No yacht, but...I own this big, beautiful house in Maine. Right on the cape. It sits there like a tomb except for a cleaning and landscaping company that runs the water every so often. I keep thinking of selling it." He swallowed. "I'll put your name right above the theater doors. The Matsui Center for the Performing Arts," he joked lightly, really half-serious, as he settled beside him.

Rohan idly took a bite of his own ice cream before taking a more serious gulp of the wine. A low laugh escaped his lips, but even the absurdity of it all could not keep the darkness at bay. He wavered a bit, biting back an expression of solemnity. He placed a hand on Ken's shoulder. "You have my permission to tell nightmare me to knock it off, okay? Do you want...a dream charm? I don't know if it'll help, but...maybe?" He made this offer weakly, wishing, really, that he could make things easier for his friend. "No, you don't. I owe everyone an apology. I'd like to apologize to Ko too," he replied, raising his brow. He shook his head. "Nothing really. I woke up in the theater right after. What happened...? Did we just disappear?"

[jonahxrivas]

On a beautiful day like this, looking at a beautiful man speak beautiful things, hollowness should not have had a foothold how he wished to have the spring sun illuminate inside him casting away all traces of self-doubt and worry about the future. Jonah wanted a future in this town, wanted it with Rohan, he wasn’t content anymore to simply imagine it, but when it could not be guaranteed what other feeling but dread could take over? Still, for Rohan he braved a smile and begged apprehension to pause, practically pleading with himself to be allowed warmth and comfort in the arms of the man he fell in love with, at least for this moment a respite from heavy thoughts could be allowed. He willed it stronger than ever. And really, how could negativity dare to even fester when Rohan smiled at him and spoke such sweet things? I love you, and you love me. And that's that. And that indeed was that.

A smile took shape, soft as the petals on the flowers above them, and the shade of them too was a similar tinge to his cheeks, “Do you remember when we first crossed paths? On the beach that day, you said the sand foretold a meeting. If we’re on the topic of clichés, I do believe that was fate talking. I used to wonder about love but the reality of it is far sweeter. And you are the sweetest,” he said, turning to laugh softly with a slight shake of his head, “Is your goal to make me blush beyond what can be capable? That’s what it’ll be if you say more nice things.” But if he had that talent, Jonah, too, would say more wonderful things, “I just want this day, at least this one day, to be free of mayhem and unrest.”

For the few seconds during which Jonah was staring at him, Rohan simply stared back, eyes wide, heart pounding. And he must have ruined it, he thought. He must have rushed too quickly toward his feelings and felt too emboldened to speak them aloud. But before he could truly linger on these ill-advised personal admonishments, Jonah was moving forward and kissing him. And closing his eyes and returning it, Rohan brought his arm up to rest on the other man's back, and really, this electric moment was as close as anything to perfect. He wished that he could bottle it up so that the pair of them might live in it forever, away from all the troubles that had been plaguing this place.

How simple. And how easy, to love and be loved. Taking a breath, Rohan allowed a smile to find its way to his lips. "Do you?" His cheeks were beginning to hurt from all his smiling, he realized, and lingering close in his boyfriend's shared space, Rohan whispered into the air between them. "I'm in love with you. You make me so happy, Jonah. It's a cliché, but you make me want to be the best version of myself." He laughed, a boyish, embarrassed noise. "Gosh. You hype it up in your head, you know? Like it's such a huge, frightening thing. But then it's all out it the open and...I love you, and you love me. And that's that. Would that everything could make so much sense." He pressed his face into Jonah's shoulder. "Let's eat and have a lovely day. I'm a writer. I'm going to think of so many words to tell you how wonderful you are."

[jonahxrivas]

Nodding at the words, Jonah added his agreement to it, seeing as he also did heart vamps, especially now that there was one in his family. A shocking fact still, but it had reduced greatly in its levels of alarm and shifted into a saddening thought, which of course now, as gazed towards Rohan, turned into a topic that also needed to be talked about. But like with Bella and waiting to ask her about it, Jonah found himself on the same scale of difficulty; how to even begin such a conversation? It was a sly hope, that there may be an opening given the blood drive and the inevitable vampire talk, surely, he need not be so nervous. It was a quick smile that graced and fell off his lips. Human. The distinction, however truthful, never failed to be anything less than jarring. Caught up in thought again, laughter was entirely unexpected, escaping all mirth and boisterous at hearing his boyfriend talk about an ex like that, “You are an absolute wonder, Rohan, I cannot say that enough.” A quick peck on Rohan’s cheek was entirely needed at the but also because a light blush rose at the term of endearment being spoken, “If we are onto names, I reserve cariño for you. I could’ve stuck with just honey, but it sounds better in Spanish.” There was a quality to native languages Jonah couldn’t quite pinpoint, a richness in meaning and feeling, and as their hands found each other, there was a depth to this feeling too.

“I want to keep learning more about you,” he said and soon paused in thought, not for thinking on a turtle fact, that he could drop without hesitation, but this beat of silence was for a minute internal debate on whether he should use this moment for a terrible segue, “Here’s a fact that is not the fact you were after… Bella adopted a turtle for me as a Christmas gift, we should probably talk about her. Bella, I mean, not Sheila, who by the way has new wheels and positively zooms around the place on tank cleaning days.” With a clearing of his throat now, he continued, “I don’t know if now is the right time, but Bella is important to me, I really do want you both to get along.”

Rohan laughed, sticking close to him as the pair of them made their way toward the bank. “I agree. But it’s nice to be neighborly. And I do heart vamps.” Rohan himself was trying to focus on enjoying the crisp air, on enjoying being a good neighbor, and on enjoying his time with Jonah. And really, he thought, no one but the pair of them could make a date out of blood donation. Still, even pleasant moments like this had a strange uncertainty lingering on the outskirts of his mind. On one hand, there was the turmoil that had been plaguing Lunar Cove for some time, turmoil that flared whenever they all dared get too happy. And as he and Jonah approached the six-month mark, they would, he hoped, continue to grow together. He felt badly he had been avoiding Bella, though. He gave a nod. “Makes you feel like a soda fountain, does it?” He teased, nudging his boyfriend playfully with his shoulder. “But…uh, I don’t think it’s rude at all! You’re human, Jonah. It’s all new. But I have. A few times.” He smiled. “And I, uh…well, when I first came to Lunar Cove, I used to hang around with this one vampire, whom I let sometimes…” He cleared his throat, scratching at his neck. “I’m sure I mentioned him. He really had nothing on you, though, babe. In any regard. Just so you know. He was, like, so dumb. He asked me if tablespoons were in Celsius.” Rohan ducked his head, flustered both by letting a term of endearment slip out and by bringing up an ex. Jonah still made his heart flutter like a teenage crush. “In any case, you know all sorts of things other people don’t. Tell me a turtle fact.” He laced their hands together.

[jonahxrivas]

The plan for the day wasn’t big, never being the one to pull off any grand gestures of any sort, Jonah didn’t know where to start for such things, and the picnic itself wasn’t even an idea unique to him as a quick glance around would show many others had a similar idea, but no, the plan was rather simple, he wished to simply exist without worry in both the spring radiance and warmth of his boyfriends smile. To forget for a few hours, or even a moment, the threats and worries that loomed over them. And on the lightness of the gentle breeze it seemed possible to cast away the dark thoughts. “I wanted to d–” But words were cut abruptly as all of what Rohan had said reached him. Thankfully to be sitting already for the gravity of it would certainly cause him to stagger, Jonah stared in dumbfounded silence till senses returned and pushed himself forwards to press his lips against Rohan’s.

It was brief, lasting a few seconds before Jonah pulled away but the feeling was anything but small, love and to be loved, there wasn’t a thing sweeter than that. “What if I want to say the same thing?” He had felt it too of course, for a while now, that feeling bloomed and grew despite the adversities and now, now was a good time as any to speak his own confession. With his own hand still pressed against Rohan’s face, Jonah brushed at his cheek gently, wanting nothing more than to sink into the space next beside him, “I’m very much in love with you, mi cariño.”

More than anything, Rohan wanted to seize an opportunity for a fresh start. And really, that was what spring had always promised: renewal. It was the right time to shake off the dust of painful days past, to shake it off in favor of sowing newer, brighter seeds. And Jonah really was the perfect person with whom to do just that, he had decided. With each new day, Rohan found himself elevated by the man's bravery, by his generosity, and by his genius. He was so fortunate, so fortunate, even with all that had happened, that fate had somehow crossed their paths, and he, like a moth, was drawn without fail to the other's light.

Rohan settled down on the picnic blanket; he could not help but smile broadly. Things were not perfect, but for this instant, they could be wonderfully close. The future felt uncertain. The situation with Bella had taken a new turn of which he could not foresee the outcome. But the pair of them had now.

"Oh, babe, you didn't have to do all this," he laughed. His eyes brightened at the sight of the Taiyaki. "I love them. They're perfect."

Rohan nodded, then, reaching out to take Jonah's hand. "I'd love that. It is beautiful. You're beautiful." He met his eye, and then he was speaking before he could stop himself. "...I love you."

The confession came sincerely, simply. And Rohan had been thinking it for some time, he realized. Maybe danger had bolstered his feelings, he considered, made him fall hard through shared catastrophe. But he did not care. He felt it. And he wanted Jonah to know. So why was his face now burning? "You say something now. It doesn't have to the be the same thing"

[kenxmatsui]

Ruminating on the choice presented, Ken shifted to his elbows and looked across as Rohan roamed about which slowly turned to gaze about the room. It was an aesthetic of excess, Rohan's maximalist style contrasted greatly with his minimalistic approach yet Ken never felt uncomfortable in the presence of so many things, he wouldn't be on the floor of all places if he did, no, it was oddly nice in a way to see the sharp opposite of his house. Styles differed as did personalities, yet the men held a solid and structurally sound friendship that Ken truly treasured.

"Rohan, stop," Ken began to chide, "You know how much I spend on my shoes alone, if all that can go to something useful and beneficial for you I would without a question write you a cheque right now." He wasn't aware exactly the financial position of the Playhouse, but he saw the damage and could guess people would be backing out, "At least allow me to invest, what's having a rich friend if you won't utilise my bank account?" The phrasing was mostly joking but the sentiment was not in the slightest. When Rohan returned to sit beside him, the choice from not moments ago had indeed slipped his mind, pleasantly surprising him but he took both without protest biting into the sweet coldness that soothed as he prepared what followed. "You most likely have to for ghost Leyla," he agreed but shook his head as he continued, "Not for the rest though. You made the decision that felt right you you," he said, "Don't have to be sorry for that. Yes, I would've liked for you and Ko to meet properly but his death is something of a constant experience. His, yours, my sister, Leyla, everyone I care for, my regular nightmares are far worse than that dream." He huffed a laugh, to have been through that many times once more was just another tally mark, "I owe you an apology actually for yelling at you like I did," he added quietly, "How much after Jonah dying do you remember?"

Moving about the apartment, Rohan silently chastised himself, as he often did when he was searching for something in particular, for having so much clutter. "Aha!" He said triumphantly, tugging open a cupboard to find the wine bottle in question; he knocked it closed with his hip. "Do you want a drink, or ice cream, or...? I'm going to have a drink." He poked his head back into the living room to offer a genuine, if somewhat tired smile. But really, he was grateful for the company. Ken had a way of grounding him, and really, Rohan appreciated it more than the other knew. Friendships like theirs were rare enough on their own, much less in one's thirties. He sighed weakly at the question. "Oh, that. It's...uh, it's all right. We're making progress. Bri's been making so many calls. But I'm just...I'm worried, Ken. I'm not sure if we're going to be able to really make it happen. It'll cost a fortune," he bit his lip, disappearing back into the kitchen and unilaterally deciding they would have both ice cream and wine. He reappeared after a few minutes with two glasses and two bowls to settle down beside the vampire on the floor. "You're never in the way. I did want to say that...I'm so sorry for you what you had to experience. In that dream. I'm sorry for Ko. I wish we had met under different circumstances. And I'm sorry I couldn't make the decision that had to be made. And I have to apologize to Leyla for thinking she was an evil ghost."