#c lil

[kadavernagh]

TIMING: Current LOCATION: The Medical Examiner's Office PARTIES: Lil and Regan CONTENT: Parental death, domestic abuse mentions SUMMARY: Lil comes to Regan once more in search of answers about what happened to her mother. Her new knowledge may prove to be dangerous.

At the question Lil looked at the doctor and said, “Yes. I want to know.”

Lil felt silly in a way, carrying the stuffed bears into a morgue carefully cradling them to herself. It really was the only thing she could assume could be still connected to her mom, beside the ring around her neck. She figured one of the objects should work, and out of the four people who were missing - her mom was the most sentimental. While she figured the rest might have objects connected to them being a medium in some ways discouraged that. 

So carefully she waited in the lobby for the doctor, hoping in some ways that there was more answers this time then the other time. Still, there was a sense of finality here, one that meant that she would confirm it - either way. 

“Hey Doc,” Lil said, seeing the other with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I appreciate you meeting with me.”

When Marcy said someone in the lobby had brought in “a bunch of bears”, Regan wasn’t sure what to expect. Teddy bears would be the obvious answer (and indeed provided comfort to some families coming in for a viewing). But she couldn’t discount the ham child being involved in some way. Seeing Lil again – and with an armful of stuffed animals – had not been on her short list of most likely scenarios. Maybe it should have been since Regan had extended an open invitation. Part of her didn’t think Lil would take her up on it. 

“Hello,” Regan said, returning the somewhat forced greeting, not even feigning a smile to match Lil’s. “I know you gave this the appropriate amount of consideration, so I will try my best.” It was not a light decision Lil had made, coming here today. That was why Regan had made the offer to help using more than just her list of Jane Does and stuffed file cabinets. Death may have chosen Regan, but Lil was the one wearing it right now.

As they descended into the morgue and reached her office – a change of pace from the autopsy suite Lil experienced last time – Regan studied her a little. She wasn’t sure she had ever seen someone so desperate for answers also looking so certain. Lil thought herself a medium, an exorcist, and while Regan wasn’t sure where the truth sat yet, it was possible she knew what Regan intended to do, especially if she pieced together what happened while they were helping Wynne. She motioned over to the chairs and table, more casual than her desk, lined with framed photos of ulcers. “Let’s start with the bears, if that works for you. Tell me about them, and I can tell you if they’re likely to be suitable for this.”

Lil nodded, feeling silly with the bears in her arms and hoping that she didn’t look like the child she felt like. She moved to follow the doctor remembering the last time she had been here. Then she hadn’t been sure what to make of the place, not frightened but knowing that it wasn’t a restful place. Although she didn’t like cemeteries either, they at least felt final. These walls didn’t. It felt like a limbo place, full of shades and something didn’t sit well with her. Death was final, but it seemed like the trappings of life made it seem less so. 

Lil sat down, wondering exactly what the other might do. She wasn’t a stranger to the supernatural, but if she was honest she didn’t know what Regan could be. She didn’t ask either, trusting that the other wasn’t trying to trick or fool her. That was the thing with being steeped in mysteries all the time. Sometimes it wasn’t necessary to know the details, instead allowing truths to come where they were. 

Nodding she said softly, “Those were mine and my brother’s teddy bears - my mom gave each of us one when we were little but - my dad took them away from us pretty quick when it was clear we are getting attached. I didn’t even realize she'd kept them and taken care of them until we came back. I figured I had mine for such a short time and she must be more attached to it then I was. She’s rather sentimental.” She pointed to hers the one that she hadn’t seen in decades before Jonas had found it. It wasn’t even worn like a child’s toy should be, her kolas still plush. 

She didn’t want to explain that her dad was an ass, that had taken comfort objects away from children so they didn’t grow attached and how her mom kept them. It was hard being an exorcist, and while he had never pushed too hard as a child - Lil was expected to be able to calm herself down without the help of others. She’d gotten good at it, but part of her looked at what should have been her toy a little lost  for a second before shaking her head. “I also have her ring. Although considering she was this close to divorcing my dad I wasn’t sure.” 

At some point – and she certainly didn’t know when – Regan decided that she liked Lil. As different as Lil was, and perhaps even delusional in some ways based on what she spoke of, there was respect to be found there. Maybe it was simply the way she carried her grief – marching forward toward answers for herself and her brother when many would crumble under the weight. Yes, that was probably it. Regan appreciated the self-sufficiency. Nothing more.

She listened closely as Lil explained why she had the bears, what they had to do with her mother. She grimaced at the new information about Lil’s – and Jonas’s – upbringing. She thought of the way so many carcasses had been snatched from her own hands, how even Bell had been confiscated from her – Regan, not one more dead thing in here, I swear to God. Her father’s death had illuminated his life, though, and it all made sense now. What reason could Lil’s father have for taking away something as innocuous as a teddy bear? Lil was no banshee, so why was sentimentality discouraged? Even the banshees did not completely frown upon attachment. She didn’t like it. But whatever the case, it allowed Lil to bring them here today, more tethered to her mother than the children the toys were intended for. 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Regan said, quickly but genuinely, “I think these will work, but the ring is a potential backup in case it doesn’t. You’ve done well.” Lil seemed comfortable enough – as comfortable as one could be sitting stiffly in a morgue chair, about to discuss a potentially dead parent – and Regan saw no reason to delay, so long as Lil’s mind had not be changed. She suspected it rarely was. 

“I will ask one more time. You’re certain?” Regan gestured for one of the bears, her hand tingling mid-air as she reached. She already had an answer for Lil, then, but there was more to see, to understand, and she needed to be sure. Already, the death was sinking into her, making her skin shiver and her breath shallow. This was going to work. She watched Lil carefully, waiting for a final okay, as she allowed her eyes to fill in with darkness, ready to see what death was offering her.

Lil wasn’t quite sure why the other was sorry to hear it, but it was comfortable nonetheless. She didn’t feel pity, or the nagging feeling that she was awfully different. She was also happy the doctor didn’t pry into it either. So she nodded, grateful that it should work that the bear might actually help her.  

Maybe if it did it her mom might have won something in their life. It wasn’t much but she hoped for once her dad’s harsh words could be circumvented by something her mom said. 

At the question Lil looked at the doctor and said, “Yes. I want to know.” It felt more than a want at this point, but a need. If her mom was dead - it meant that she needed to find her and bury her. If she was gone it meant likely the rest were gone as well and she was going to help them to the otherside. They would be on this side of the veil for too long, and as the next oldest she needed to take care of them. 

It meant that Lil knew what she needed to do, and after almost a year here - she needed that. She didn’t become frightened seeing the doctor’s eyes fill with black although she couldn’t say for certain what it meant either. Maybe she should have asked, but instead she just sat still a carefully blank look on her face. 

That was all Regan needed to hear. She dove in – or, rather, let the vision sweep her away. Her office’s skull-lined walls were replaced by the dark interior of someone’s home, a living room, lit only by flickering candles. She could hear something almost melodic, some kind of chanting – she pricked her ears more and heard the familiar hard syllables of Latin, but words she didn’t know rather than the language of medicine. There were others there – the woman she recognized from Lil’s photo to be her mother, surrounded by a dark shadow that Regan was certain only she could see. A couple of younger individuals, who also looked vaguely familiar, and related to Lil’s mother. It took her a second to realize there was a man in the middle of the floor, immobile, maybe unconscious, tethered down in the middle of the room. Then there was a woman practically in hysterics, who seemed to be strategically blocked off toward the doorway by the younger people, keeping her away from the action.

What action? What was happening? More details carved themselves out – a circle in chalk in the middle of the room, strange symbols on the walls, and before Regan could take more in, the candles wavered and then extinguished themselves like a fierce breeze blew through the area. And in the darkness, a scream. It was chased by yelling, scrambling, the clattering of things flying around the room and desperate pleas to run, get out. She had heard fear like this before in the moments around someone’s death, an attempt to protect.

Another scream, and this was one she was more familiar with – someone’s last, frantic breath. The sound came to an abrupt end and as everything seemed to swirl and blur around her, Regan knew what came next. The morgue was dizzyingly solid, a fixed point on a blurry horizon, as it wrapped around her field of vision, like she’d never even left. But she knew what she saw (even if she didn’t fully understand it…) and her heart was pounding when she looked at Lil, eyes wide. She set the bear down on the table like it was an explosive device. Partially because she refused to hold it while talking about anything remotely serious. Regan hesitated for a moment, knowing Lil might need to collect herself, too. Regan hadn’t exactly explained how any of this would work. By now, she probably should have been used to being the bearer of bad news. But it never was easy, was it? She looked at Lil with something that might have been empathy, but she pushed any kind of label for that thing swelling in her chest far out of her thoughts. “I am sorry for your loss, Lil.”

Lil waited seeing Regan’s eyes fill with a black sort of smoke that if she hadn’t known the other would have terrified her. Still, she sat frozen willing the fear to go away. She was good at that - holding and letting go of fear so it only tormented her at night. 

I’m sorry for your loss, Lil. It rang in her head for a moment knowing the answer to what the other had seen. She had expected it. It shouldn’t hurt like it did in the moment a bit of foolhardy hope that she hadn’t meant to keep in herself aching in her bones when she realized what this meant. 

She’d never see her mom again. Likely the rest of her family was gone too. She wasn’t so hopeful to try and get each of them checked, knowing that if their had been a survivor surely they would have called. Carefully taking her teddy bear she started to collect herself. Her sadness wasn’t the other’s burden. Still she wrapped her arms around the bear for the first time since she had been so little kissing the top of it’s head. She just wished it felt comforting instead of just silly. 

“I see. That explains a lot. They must have  - well I appreciate your help, Doc,” Lil said with a hollow sound in her throat as she thought about how she was going to tell Jonas. How they were going to get past this too. She had been stubbornly telling him that they didn’t know, and well now they did. She had no doubt whatever Regan had done was real and the truth. She didn’t understand what had happened, but the doctor wasn’t one to mince words either. “I - am pretty sure that means the rest of them - I don’t think we’ll have to do this again.” 

Standing up she took Jonas’s bear as well, as gentle and careful as she could be towards his and tried to breathe again. She was sure if she cried, Regan wouldn’t have faulted her for it but at the moment Lil couldn’t. Not when she had her twin waiting. She would hold him as he cried and she would keep it inside until it turned into anger - something anything to keep her moving. 

“Sorry for - well I’m assuming with your eyes going dark you had to see her die or something like that. That must not be pleasant. Still, I - am glad to know. Now I can go make sure she gets found and moves on properly. That’s more than a lot of us get, and I appreciate the opportunity to do so” Lil was babbling slightly, but she wanted the other to know she wouldn’t just collapse outside. She had people to go and help, and as long as that was the case she would. She had to find them, and she had to make sure they could rest. She wouldn’t let them be missing forever. Not now that she knew. Finally looking at Regan she gave a little bit of a nod not bothering to smile again.

Realization spread slowly across Lil’s face like a droplet of blood blooming on a white cloth. As still and composed as Lil managed to be, there was a lot happening behind her eyes, and Regan offered all she could right now – silence and space. Lil reclaimed the bear, the best proxy to her mother she might ever have again, but there was no weeping. When Lil spoke, Regan was once more both impressed and stunned by her handling of such hardship. “I don’t… I don’t know about the others. I’m sorry.”

This was one of those moments. There was a gap, an emptiness in the room and inside of her, where there should have been something. Some comfort, some humanity. What used to be there in another life often felt lost, but over the last few months, something new had taken hold in its place. She resented it most of the time, this indescribable thing. It was ruining her. It was easier to resist a scream. 

Regan reached out toward Lil, but her hand was as confused as her mind and didn’t know what to do, where to land. This was the worst part about her job, other than Rickers. Usually there was someone else here with the next of kin, someone to soak up the grief and tears and allow Regan to stand to the side, only there to answer questions with no expectation of warmth. But Lil was here alone today, and she had just received confirmation of something long-suspected but surely not completely accepted. And, Regan realized, Lil would now need to tell Jonas. She swallowed the lump in her throat and stared at her own hand, that cold thing hovering over Lil’s shoulder now like a specter all its own. Her grandmother would have choice words about this. With a sigh of acceptance, of giving in, Regan gave Lil the lightest pat on the shoulder, a did-it-even-happen feather touch, then drew back.

She cleared her throat. The thing was still there. “I’m as acclimated to it as someth– someone can be. But yes, I saw it.” Lil didn’t have questions? Didn’t she want to know? That was the point of this, right? Why Lil was here. Maybe Lil didn’t know Regan knew more. “Do you want to know what happened?” She asked in a tone she hardly recognized.

Lil knew. If her mom was dead, it didn’t seem likely the rest of her family members had made it out. Not with the people who were now stalking her and her brother so close to killing the two of them. It didn’t seem possible that they were, but Lil had known since she was a child that everyone died. 

Even the people she loved were going to die. How could she not - seeing ghosts around her and knowing that even in that state there was still a bigger version of Death just above the horizon watching her. You had to accept it, or let it consume you. She had long ago accepted it even now when she wanted to scream that it wasn’t fair. “It’s okay. My mom - if she’s gone I think it’s safe to assume that they took the others. Still I appreciate the thought that they might be okay.” 

She didn’t stop Regan moving towards her and showing her sympathy in a way that felt - oddly familiar. If she wasn’t swirling in her own thoughts she might have laughed at the idea, but it felt like when Lil had to tell someone that the ghost needed to leave. She wasn’t in the same position often, but she knew how it felt to have to tell someone something awful and not know what to do. While Lil usually tried to make people laugh, she could see that Regan wasn’t like that. It didn’t make it less sincere though, and for a moment it did comfort her. 

Lil nodded wondering how that must have hurt to do. Seeing ghosts after all was one thing, but she never had to live what they had just seeing the remnants that were left behind. “Sorry you had to -,” she began and paused as the other had said she had seeing something. She figured she had only felt her mother’s death not seen what had happened. “I - yes I didn’t realize you were actually seeing it unfold. Anything you could tell me would help.” It could help Lil find her after all - get to where her ghost might be and ask what happened. Help her mom go to rest. 

That hope filled Lil as she thought maybe she could speak to her one more time, even if she wouldn’t be able to hear her voice again. Oddly a small part of her heart broke when she realized Jonas would finally be able to hear her. While she was sure her mom would want to move on, part of her knew she would wait. She would wait for the twins to find her to warn them what happened. To help them figure out who Astra was. She would. Looking up she steadied herself ready to hear to make sure she noted everything. 

Every moment that passed, Regan grew more assured that her assessment of Lil was right. It made her all the more dejected to be here with her under these circumstances. Dejected. The word felt vile to think about, something alien. But like always when breaking news like this, it ultimately helped, didn’t it? What was more important than closure? Lil would have spent a lifetime searching if she had to. So Regan nodded, more than willing to explain more. “It is a gift, not something to apologize to me for.” 

Now to grasp at what she even saw. “I will not pretend to know I understood what was happening.” Which was so often the case in her visions, really; the autopsy itself was often more informative than even seeing something. Her eyes ticked to the side as she tried to pick out the details, the ones that might be important. They still burned in her mind like they were right in front of her. Her tone was still strange, tight with more than just the gravity of the death. “There was a group of people in a room. Someone on the floor, tied down and unconscious, in the middle of a…” She drew out a circle in the air, “sort of a chalk circle. Surrounded by candles.” Regan steeled herself for what happened next. “Then they went out. There was a scream.” Though not a particularly impressive one. “Your mother wanted the others to leave. She knew something was about to happen. I do not know if they got out.” She paused, letting Lil comprehend and make sense of what she could not. “Is that helpful?”

Lil nodded at the idea of it being a gift and said, “That’s fair. I mean - seeing spirits is also a gift too.” It wasn’t one she wanted, but well it wasn’t something that hurt her either anymore. It made her who she was, at least partially so she understood thinking of it kindly. 

She listened carefully trying to put the pieces together struck again how much her mom loved them. “It sounds like it was an exorcism, but - not exactly right. Something must have been wrong.” Her eyebrows furrowed as she now tried to think her chin now resting on the bear as she thought. Maybe it had been a failed ritual? It wouldn’t help to press Lil knew that, but part of her wished she could see it. 

“I’ll have to ask my friend what that might have been. It doesn’t sound like something any of my family members would have set up, but it doesn’t sound not like a ritual either,” she finally said looking back to Regan. “It is helpful. - I can imagine that my mom would do that.” Of course she had. June didn’t have a stubborn pride that her husband had, and as soon as she realized something was wrong she would have wanted Jane and Jude to run. She just wasn’t sure if they would have. 

“I appreciate it. It - is rather important to me to know my mom was still herself even then,” Lil almost stuttered thinking of the woman and shaking her head a little. “But really. It’s a big help. It looks like I need to find a ritual site and see if anyone else went missing around that time. I - should go tell Jonas, but I’m grateful for the help. If anything now I know what to start watching out for.” 

Once more, there was that rankling need to reach out, both literally and figuratively. Regan thought of her grandmother’s dark eyes peering down at her and bit back that urge. “I don’t know what went wrong. But something surprised her.” She shook her head. At least this was more information than Lil would otherwise have, more than she had even minutes ago. “What do you mean, still herself?” It was an odd comment, and Regan didn’t know what to make of it. But what else was new?

More questions bubbled up inside her. To start watching out for. What did that mean? Regan knew Jonas had been attacked, and there was a possible – even likely – connection to what happened to the rest of Lil’s family. But how present was the danger? How could it be connected to what Regan saw? “I – right, of course. I’m–” glad? “--pleased you have something you can do with this information. And that you came to me.” Before she left. With an uncertain look toward Lil, she hesitated again. No, why should she? She cared, didn’t she? “Don’t do anything reckless. The same could happen to you, and I’ve seen others die in pursuit of things best left in the past. You and Jonas best be careful.” That was more than enough. “Take care, Lil,” Regan said, knowing it might be the last time they spoke, whether Lil followed her mother to the grave or not.

“That’s a worry, but now I at least know it was a ritual that went abnormally. That’s a big clue I’ve been missing. And - well when people are about to die - they sometimes don’t act like they normally would. It - I’m just comforted by the fact that she didn’t become someone else.” That would have hurt more at least to Lil. Knowing that her love was stronger than her fear gave her a bit of hope about what she had to do next. 

Maybe resolution didn’t have to be angry, or maybe it would end up being that way. She wouldn’t know for awhile. Still at the words she nodded. She was normally reckless, and even now part of her just wanted to do something anything to get rid of this feeling of grief, but it wasn’t just her. Jonas didn’t deserve to be alone, and if Lil died now he would be. She’d already had a taste of what it would feel like to be alone and she couldn’t do that to him. Not when they were alive. 

“I won’t be reckless,” Lil said softly almost like a promise as she looked at her koala bear again then back to the doctor. “I have no intention of leaving my brother to pick up the pieces of this alone.” At the idea of taking care she smiled a little, a sad thing but not devoid of care. “You too, Regan. Let me know if you ever need anything.” 

[ariadnewhitlock]

Probably dropped off at the hardware store, and put into a bag because Lil gave up on wrapping. 

Inside there’s a pair of ballet pink leg warmers that have a nice cable knit in them. 

Hey Ariadne, I hope all is well. I know you had said something about being a dancer and thought that you should have a pair of these if you didn’t. They should be easy to wash, and let me know if you need a different size. Best, Lil 

[sofiaruelle]

❄️☃️The SDV Girlies in their winter garb!☃️❄️

One side how i interpreted their lil avatars and then the other side is just me playing dress up lmao.

“Bois when?” Dunno. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I will if anyone donates screenshots.

[kadavernagh]

Does he preach to you?

No. They don't move by thems– alright, one moves by itself. The others do not. I haven't seen that turtleneck since it tumbled out of the thrift store with my screaming ring.

He apparently has nothing better to do.

Oh I mean I don't currently contain them. I meant to wear, Doc.

Do turtlenecks like move or something? I don't know that much about that sub-section of fashion.

[spoopdeedoop]

she bench on my trio

[sethdomain]

someone should write a species swap fic

[hinamie]

congrats on your recovery n all yuuji but unfortunately for you I thought the scars were cool >:/

[rednite-dork]

A commission for @thesuperiorfeeling of a scene in chapter 5 of her fic with Sebastian and her MC Eloise 💕

Go check out her fanfiction!

[nachtart]

Post Mission Praise

[thenavysealkie]

Only the authentic kind, and jury's still out if bank can actually be made with them or if Mike is being a bit...ambitious. Has everyone seen this guy BUT me? I'm literally a lighthouse keeper and I'm by the sea all the time why the fuck wouldn't he That's good to know! I'll have to keep an eye out for him next time I'm out late at night. It doesn't cost much just to look, but I may take you up on those pastries if you want to take anything home with you.

Really you can make bank with ghost pictures? Damn I appreciate you telling me.

Oh and there is a ghost lighthouse keeper. He's got a long beard and has a pretty sick peg leg.

I mean I'd love to see, but I don't have much. Would pastries work?

[kadavernagh]

[pm] Hey Doc. I was wondering if that offer was still on the table [...] you know about seeing if my family member was alive or not? I think I've got an object that would be attached to my mom [...] Things have gotten really bad for my brother and I, so any proof either way might be good. I get if you can't/ don't want to though.

[pm] I do not offer anything I don't intend to follow through with. So of course it is, so long as you're ready for whatever answer may present itself. What happened to you and your brother?

[blackjackkent]

Can we say my Harper responsibilities to maintain balance start *tomorrow*? Hm... no.

Bonus:

/cc @astreamofstars and @springagainafter, my fellow Jaheira-lovers. <3

[jannelle-o]

(=^‥^=)✨

[kadavernagh]

That is unexpectedly kind. I don't believe a lightweight coat would suffice, though. It needs to have appreciable bulk.

And pockets. An excessive amount of pockets.

You get cold because of ghosts too? It's always such a pain. I know Jonas gets cold easy too. I don't, but if you want and let me know what kind of style/ colors I could make you a lightweight knitted coat thing if you want. I need a new project anyway.

[blobee]

Turbo go brrrrrrrrr

[ranticore]

long time no smoke