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imasimpforshanks · 3 years

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hiii, how are you? may i ask angst alphabet for Ace? thank you ❤️

Angst Alphabet - Portgas D. Ace

a/n: hi hi!! here you go! OMG angst is still really hard LOL I don’t want to think about their rough life 😔😔😔😔😔 ANYWHOOOOO thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy<3

warnings: on the letter S there is mention of self harm

A-Accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)

Ace would definitely blame himself. He’s always thought he was a no-good demon child, son of a criminal that didn’t deserve to be alive (despite finding people that truly cared and loved him). You dying in an accident and him not being able to do anything about it would just reinforce what he already thinks of himself.

Regardless of your cause of death he is likely to attribute it to your association with himself, and because of that he will think it is entirely his fault, even if he wasn’t present at the time of your death.

B-Break up (How would they break up with you?)

His lessons with Makino really helped him develop manners and just a general sense of acceptable behaviour. So, Ace would just be clear and up front, no mixed messages, no miscommunication. He would take you some place quiet and away from others, and then he would be as honest and vulnerable as possible – it’s the least you deserve. The break-up would be very civil, you would definitely end on good terms (doesn’t make it any less sad though).

C-Crying (how would they make you cry?)

Sometimes Ace can take his teasing a little too far. Usually you can handle it, but there are just some days where his words cut deeper than ever intended (even if they have no malice behind them). It’s not his fault you’re having a bad day, or not realizing you are having a bad day. It’s just one of those things that happens sometimes. As soon as you start to cry though, he apologizes and reassures you so much, to make sure you known he doesn’t mean it and he’s only playing around.

D-Death (how would they react to your death?)

It would start out with a lot of confusion, like “what t-that must be some kind of a sick joke. H-how… w-what… they wouldn’t just die like that.” After it really sinks in that you have in fact died, Ace will just get angry. I don’t see him as much of a crier (spoiler alert – we only see him truly allow himself to cry on two occasions 1) when luffy got crazy hurt as a child and 2) when ace was on deaths door), so I believe he would react with anger.

Regardless of your cause of death (natural causes, accident, died in battle etc.) Ace would be unbelievably angry with himself, the world and you. He would be angry at himself for being unable to save you, someone he cares about and loves deeply. He would be angry at the world and whatever higher being there may be for choosing now to be your time. There are so many horrible, horrible people in the world, yet you had to die? It makes no sense. Lastly, he would be angry at you. Not a genuine anger but more so a “how could you just leave me like this? We were meant to be together forever.”

E-Emotion (what is one emotion they would try to hide the most and how would they do it?)

I think Ace tends to try his sadness. He tries to put on a brave face, not wanting anyone to see him cry as he doesn’t want to be viewed as weak or be even more of a burden on others.

F-Fight (how often do you fight? What do you fight about? Do you fight often? Etc.)

Fights with Ace, although they don’t happen often, can quickly get out of hand. He’s stubborn and his inability to accept that he’s not always right can cause a minor disagreement to escalate into an all-out fight. On a few occasions you have argued about him never turning his back on an opponent.

Your fights tend to be followed by cooldown time. Things can get quite heated (no pun intended) so you need some alone time and space to breathe. After that though, you comeback together and apologize.

G-Guilt (what is the biggest thing they feel guilty about?)

For his entire life, Ace has lived with the guilt of simply existing. He doesn’t think himself worthy of being alive. Can you blame him? It’s all anyone ever told him growing up. Despite eventually finding people who loved him for him, those feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness still remain and continue to plague his mind.

H-Heartbreak (what would cause them pain in the relationship? How would they deal during a break-up?)

During a break-up Ace is quiet. He doesn’t want to be around anyone or anything. He wants to be left completely alone so he can sort out his thoughts and feelings. He’d be quite devasted because he’s had so few people in his life love him on as deep a level as you did.

I-Injured (how would they react if you are badly injured?)

Ace would absolutely lose it if you were injured. He’d be concerned, upset, and angry all at once. First things first, he needs to know if you are going to be ok. Once that’s been established, he’ll be upset at himself for allowing this to happen. This will be replaced by the pure anger he feels at whoever, or whatever, caused this.

J-Jealousy (what do they do if they are jealous?)

When he gets jealous he turns into such a man child. He’s pouting and moping around while mumbling to himself. He develops quite a petty attitude. If you were to ask him “want to go get something to eat?” he’d respond with “why don’t you just go and ask ____ for some food.” But, as soon as you begin commenting on how jealous he’s acting he’s going to deny it to the end of his days.

K-Kill (would they kill for revenge?)

Ace literally hunted down Blackbeard so he could get revenge on him for killing Thatch. It’s not certain whether or not Ace had the intention of killing Blackbeard, however, he definitely had both the spirit and anger to go through with killing him. So, it is possible that Ace would kill for revenge. However, for the most part, he would prefer to just beat them senseless.

L-Loss (what is their greatest loss?)

Either Sabo or his mother’s death, would be considered Ace’s greatest loss. His mother died when he was a new-born, so he doesn’t particularly remember, or know, anything about her other than the fact that she was a kind wonderful woman. However, the loss of Sabo is something he remembers vividly. Losing Sabo had a major impact on Ace. It was an unfortunate wake up call as to how awful the world truly is.

M-Mistake (what is the worst mistake they ever made with you?)

One night, after a particularly bad day filled with a horrible series of events, Ace was letting off some steam (quite literally I suppose). Messing with his devil fruit power, throwing some flames around. He hadn’t noticed your presence and so his flames nearly burnt you. He was horrified, and he only felt worse after he noticed the pure terror in your eyes.

N-Nightmares (how often do they have them? What are they about? How do they deal with it?

Ace has nightmares frequently, they vary, but they all have the same underlying theme, that is, the people in his life don’t actually care about him and only view him the same way everyone else views the son of the pirate kind – a worthless devil with no right to life. He wakes up from his dreams in a sweat and finds himself in desperate need of fresh air (ya know to try and clear his mind). He ends up just sitting out on the deck of the Moby Dick looking up at the sky trying to tell himself it was all a dream. But his insecurity and self-doubt begin to resurface and soon he can’t discern imagination from reality. However, the moment someone else on the crew even speaks to Ace with something as simple as a “morning dude” he’s brought back down to earth and thinks to himself “no that’s right…. They love me… I wouldn’t be here right now if they didn’t.”

It’s a vicious cycle, but in the end, he manages to remember (even if it’s just for a little bit) that he is cherished.

O-Outrage (how and why would they get mad at you?)

When you continuously tell him there’s no need to stay and fight every single opponent. It’s okay to turn and runaway – in fact it’s safer to do that. When you say that he feels as though you don’t understand him. He’s not some careless, impulsive child who’s just looking for a fight (okay maybe he is a little bit). So he doesn’t really get super angry, it’s more so that he is frustrated and a little upset that you don’t try to see it from his perspective.

P-Past (what has happened in your relationship that changed the way you saw each other?)

It’s the same as the worst mistake he’s ever made with you – nearly burning you with his devil fruit. It made you realize that Ace can actually be quite dangerous (although you know he would NEVER hurt you intentionally). It made Ace realize that he needs to be more careful, the look of pure terror in your eyes has stayed with him ever since that incident, serving as a reminder.

Q-Quality (what is their most dangerous/toxic quality?)

His tendency to not back down from a fight is simultaneously his most endearing and toxic trait. He constantly places himself in dangerous situations with minimal concern for his own safety.

R-Rejection (how would they react to you rejecting their confession (or the other way around))

Having his confession rejected by you was definitely a blow to his self-esteem, but he respected and accepted your feelings. Instead of moping around about it he decides to laugh it off, trying to make light of a slightly disappointing situation.

S-Scars (battle or self-inflicted)

Ace does not have any scars, battle related or self-inflicted.

TW self-harm: I do think ace got worryingly close to self-harming, but Sabo and Luffy made him rethink it all.

T-Trust (have they ever broken your trust?)

The one and only time Ace broke your trust was after Blackbeards betrayal. You made him promise to take you with him when he left to hunt down Blackbeard because you didn’t want him to go alone. He promised but he had no intention of keeping that promise.

U-Urge (how badly do they want to see you after you guys separated?)

For a while Ace manages to get by by keeping himself preoccupied. But as soon as he lets up for even a minute, he realizes how much he misses you and is beyond tempted to just sail on back to wherever you are and tackle you to the ground plastering your face in lil kisses. When he’s not distracted, he really does miss you a lot. He hyper-fixates on what you could be doing at this very moment, whether or not you miss him too etc.

V-Vicious (what do they do when they lash out on you?)

When ace gets mad, he tends to get very loud. He raises his voice quite a lot and it becomes very, very frightening. He would never physically hurt you, but the anger and frustration in his voice is more than another to scare the shit out of you.

W-Weak (what makes them feel weak how do they try to avoid it?)

Constantly being reminded or associated with the Pirate King. Maybe it doesn’t make him feel weak, but it makes him feel horrible inside and stirs up a lot of feelings and remarks people would make when he was younger. Unfortunately, once word gets out there isn’t much Ace can do to stop this from happening, however, before this, Ace avoided this by not telling ANYONE. He only told Luffy and Sabo, with a very small handful of others knowing (i.e Garp).

X-X-ray (what do they hate and show it most obviously?)

He hates turning his back on a fight or turning his back on people that talk shit about those he cares about. This is seen during the Marineford arc. He doesn’t let Akainus words about Whitebeard slide. He doesn’t runaway. He has no tolerance for that shit.

Y-Yearn (what is one thing that they want but can’t have?)

Ok this may be dark as hell but, Ace just wants to not feel like a burden to the world. He wants to be viewed as something different/separate from his father, but he can’t change history.

Z-Zero (what do they do/say in your dying moments?)

He doesn’t let you go. He’ll hold on to you until he is forcefully separated from your body. He just starts to spout a lot of nonsense – things don’t make sense at all, but he can’t help it right now. He can’t think properly when you’re about to leave him. He just wants you to stay.

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece headcanons #one piece imagines #portgas d ace #angst alphabet #one piece alphabet #portgas d ace x reader #fire fist ace

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laceymorganwrites · 4 years

Text

Filth alphabet: Atsumu

A=Aftercare

He gets super clingy after sex. You´ll have to do most of the aftercare work, but he´ll prepare snacks and water.

The time after sex is the one where he´ll open up to you in a relationship, he´ll tell you about his hopes and dreams, his fears, his insecurities and so on.

B=Body part

He seems super arrogant and he certainly is in some ways, he knows he´s handsome but never put too much thought into it.

He likes his hands though because of volleyball, he also likes holding your hands and touching you with his.

On you he loves your legs and thighs the most, he just loves how soft they are and will not hesitate to make them his pillow.

C=Cum

Atsumu cums quite a lot and loves to cum on your legs and chest and stomach and honestly all over you.

There´s just something satisfying to him about seeing you covered in it.

D=Dirty secret

Wants to have mirror sex with you, but is afraid that he won´t be able to cum looking at himself. And he´d think it´s weird if he does, he´s looking at himself after all.

E=Experience

If you were high school sweethearts, you would´ve been his first.

Later on he has a lot of one night stands to relieve stress, but he doesn´t gain much experience from it since he´s very selfish in those times.

F=Favorite position

Goes absolutely feral when you ride him, just... the way your legs wrap so wonderfully around him and he has the greatest view, loves to grab onto your waist as well.

G=Goofy

It really depends on the situation. If he wins a game and you fuck afterwards, he´ll definitely be all giggly and excited, it´s really cute.

If he had a bad day, he´ll need either rough sex or slow and comforting one with lots of touching and praise, in those times he´ll be serious.

But overall, he likes it when you can talk and laugh during sex, it´s so much more chill and he thinks that you´re inseperable, at this point in your relationship he really always is reminded that you´re the only one for him and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

H=Hair

He shaves it all off since it annoys him to no end.

I=Intimacy

Again, depends entirely on the mood. But overall he will always be intimate and romantic with you, no matter how rough the sex is, because you´re his S/O and he wants you to know that you´re loved so much.

Also I´m throwing a little headcanon in here because it fits:

I think that Atsumu catches feelings super quick and will never be able to have distant sex, he will always feel something even though he knows that one night stands and flings mean nothing and his partners want nothing more from him.

J=Jerk off

He is a master at it, it´s not funny anymore. He was super addicted to masturbating in his teenage years and did it anytime and anywhere he could, public bathrooms, in his grandparent´s bathroom while the rest of the family is eating dinner, you name it.

Has done it in some risky places and had to learn to cum really quick before he gets caught (has been caught too many times)

This goes so far that he can be hard by will to a certain extent.

He tones it down a bit once he´s in a relationship, but never fully stops.

Mutual masturbation is a huge turn on for him, please tell him exactly how to touch himself while you touch yourself, he loves that shit.

K=Kinks

Everyone thinks he´s super kinky but I honestly don´t think so. He certainly has some, but things like BDSM are too much work for him, he just wants to have fun, doesn´t want to work too much for it.

That said, he totally has a sir kink, overall voice kink, dirty talk is up his alley (he himself is shit at it, but whisper sweet nothings in his ear and he´ll be putty in your hands), idk where else to put this but he´s a total power bottom. Clothed sex is also great for him, so is face sitting because he loves feeling your thighs up close.

L=Location

Anywhere at any time. He thinks because he gets away with masturbating everywhere that this translates to sex as well, but boy is he wrong. Doesn´t do it in too public places anymore and especially not in the gym (Bokuto once caught you and Atsumu had cleaning duty for a month so that he wouldn´t rat him out to Sakusa who´d have an even worse punishment for him).

Is really into shower sex for some reason, also on any kind of counter, couch sex too.

M=Motivation

The classic revealing clothing, the way you say his name, making you laugh (yep, he once told you something dumb that happened to him in training and you were laughing so hard he popped a boner), you wearing his clothes.

N=No

Pain play, degregation and most importantly: don´t call him daddy, his fangirls call him that and it makes him uncomfortable.

O=Oral

He´s soooo good at it, could do it for hours honestly. Doesn´t do anything special really, but it just works?? Loves gripping onto your legs while he´s at it, looks up to you all the time and fuck you can just feel his smirk...

He likes receiving just as much and always makes sure it´s equally enjoyed. Gets so weak when you offer it first, will be so obedient. He still blushes madly when you swallow his cum.

P=Pace

Really depending on the mood, he likes to work up the pace though.

Sometimes he´s really in the mood for slow sex though (especially in the morning or in the night when he comes home to you or you both can´t sleep)

And sometimes he just really wants to fuck your brains out, or his to be fucked out.

Q=Quickie

I mean he´s always ready to go and if you ask for it, he´ll happily oblige. Mostly happens before training, during breaks etc. He doesn´t have that much time anyway, so you´ll most likely often have quickies.

R=Risk

Is always down to try new things as long as they aren´t too complicated.

S=Stamina

He can go all day every day! Has way too much stamina, most of the times you have to tell him to stop when it gets too much. Your sessions therefore also last very long when you have time. It´s really hard to tire him out.

T=Toys

If you really insist on it, he won´t say no of course, but honestly he doesn´t see the point in it. And he´s too impatient and lazy for them.

U=Unfair

He can be quite the tease sometimes, but only in a healthy amount. Would never tease you an unbearing amount, never to a point where it gets annoying and only if you´re okay with it.

On the other hand he likes to be teased and put in his place.

V=Volume

Tries to muffle his sounds as much as possible, he doesn´t like the way he sounds at all, it´s a weird mix of high pitched moans and gutteral grunts, he also hates the way he looks when he cums, so really, he tries to cover all of that up.

It takes him a long time to be comfortable enough around you to just let go and you have to reassure him a lot that you don´t mind, that he´s pretty, that nobody´s perfect looking during sex.

W=Wildcard

Atsumu and you have a list of places where you want to have sex. Osamu´s shop and his place are on top of it because Atsumu just loves annoying his brother.

X=X-Ray

He´s a little above average, really girthy and veiny and a bit more on the thicker side (is always really careful when you two have sex, it´s cute)

Y=Yearning

His libido is super high, he could do it anytime, he doesn´t get sexually frustrated or horny to a point where it hurts, but he´s always ready to go.

Z=Zzz

Sleeps like a baby after sex, especially cuddled up to you.

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu atsumu #atsumu miya #atsumu x reader #hq #hq imagine #hq headcanons #hq hcs #hq atsumu

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theharellan · 5 years

Note

misconception: that solas doesn't form meaningful bonds during his time in the inquisition other than with a romanced inquisitor

send me meta this is actually a different meme but shush | accepting

i’ll be talking about this until the day i die, but solas makes plenty of meaningful relationships beyond not only the romanced inquisitor, but the inquisitor, period.

game mechanics overly emphasise the relationship between any canon companion and the play character, so i sort of understand where this misconception comes from. their arcs are decided, in part, by their relationship to the player and so it would be really invalidating if, say, you has negative solas approval but he still made it clear that he had accepted the reality of the world around him b/c of his friendship with the iron bull, for example. it’s one of the ways the developers make sure their choices matter.

luckily, this is an rp blog, so i can say that an inquisitor can treat solas like absolute shit and he’ll still make ties in the world and realise how fuckin wrong he was, as he well should.

i’m on a tangent and i haven’t even rly started answering this yet, so here we go:

a befriended inquisitor is just as important to solas as a romanced inquisitor. just as important to his development, to his epiphanies, etc. much of the dialogue goes unchanged regardless of if a relationship is platonic or romantic. even if he doesn’t have romantic feelings for the inquisitor, he still feels the whole world change upon meeting them. he still compares them to the ancient wisdoms he’s known in a pre-veil world. i’ve seen jokes that say the lines have romantic overtones, but really i think solas is just the sort of person to form highly emotional friendships. falon’din and dirthamen are implied not to be brothers, but “twin souls,” something that myself and other a-spec ppl have likened to queer platonic partners. while those two have undoubtedly sullied the term for anyone who opposes them, what i’m trying to demonstrate is that solas comes from a society that doesn’t find close platonic friendships odd.

but like i said, this goes beyond the inquisitor.

the fandom vastly understates his relationship with cole most of all. often he’s depicted as one of his fathers, which i can appreciate as a joke, but i feel like it undercuts how important that relationship is– for both of them.

cole goes to solas first when he’s experiencing trouble after adamant, not the inquisitor. not even if they’re a mage. b/c he knows he can trust solas to not use him. solas involves himself in cole’s well-being potentially even if he loathes the inquisitor and everything they are, something he didn’t do for wisdom’s sake, but is willing to for cole. and regardless of the option chosen, solas continues to support him and ask after him:

Solas: How do you feel, Cole? Are you…Cole: I am me. I cannot be bound, broken. I will help the hurt and kill the killers.Solas: I see. I… let me know if I can help.

solas offers affirmation and support for cole, talking him down from what seems to be a panic attack at one point:

Cole: It’s brighter here. Glittering. Glaring. Glinting. I can’t…Solas: It’s a mild tremor in the Veil. Nothing to worry about. Focus on what is here, in this world.Cole: But… what is here?Solas: Feel the ground, the breath in your lungs, fabric rustling against your skin.Cole: (Breathes.) Thank you.Solas: It’s nothing. It can be overwhelming for anyone.

and when cole tries to fix what’s fundamentally broken in solas, solas doesn’t spurn him. this isn’t to say characters who do react with venom when cole oversteps bounds are wrong, cole being able to see in heads doesn’t mean he has the right to speak their pain aloud, but i think it demonstrates the patience solas has for cole being who he is. it has the potential to go down a path that solas doesn’t quite… get. assuming the trespasser line “he didn’t want a body, but she asked him to come” is referring to solas, solas is someone who desperately doesn’t want to have a physical body and is probably afraid of cole having the same regrets as he does.

their relationship also goes both ways. cole offers him support throughout the game, understanding solas in ways that others can’t. not necessarily through any fault of theirs, but being able to key into solas’s emotions goes a long way. and then you get to trespasser, where cole is the one person to speak fondly of solas and the only one to approve if you say you have to save him from the vidasala. imo if we go by game canon solas is closest to cole, even closer than a befriended or romanced inquisitor. since this is an rp blog, that obviously varies, but as it stands no one understands solas like cole and no one understands cole like solas. a cole who becomes more human is likely to become alien to him in some respects, but from canon banter it’s clear that solas is willing to try. this was a very long winded way of saying solas loves cole.

beyond cole, it’s hard to argue solas forms emotionally intimate relationships with others in the inquisition. that being said i also don’t think they have to be emotionally intimate to be meaningful.

it’s, like, 100% canon that he hangs out with people outside of when we drag him places. blackwall has banter that implies they talk regularly, at least enough for blackwall to conclude that solas “knows all there is to know about everything” and even ignoring that they canonically play diamondback together. in banter they swap their experiences at war, although given they’re both hiding something they’re both being vague about it. still, solas clearly comes to regard him highly enough that he’s mad about the revelations of blackwall’s personal quest. a combination of solas having more in common with him than he hoped, and that for all solas has done wrong “killing civilians for fun and profit” wasn’t one of them. and solas seems to have come to respect him enough to apologise, backing out of his initial reaction to accept that thom had taken a step to becoming someone better.

josephine also references speaking to him, despite them never speaking on-screen which was a crime. she says “he has the most fascinating stories” and in ambient dialogue with her agents references occurrences where they seem to speak to nobility together. again, i wouldn’t say they had a deep bond, but i think they developed a rapport.

as for people i do think solas was genuinely friends with, there’s cassandra, varric, and iron bull. unlike the former two there isn’t really a reference to them hanging out outside of banter, but given their relationship i at least like to imagine they spend some time together.

varric and solas clearly spend time together before you meet them in-game, for one. long enough that varric thought of a nickname, though whether “chuckles” was decided on right there or earlier it’s hard to say. the two have actually a pretty funny rapport going, varric being one of the people to bring out solas’s sense of humour without much difficulty. and when they’re not joking around, they have interesting conversations. i’ve actually been wanting to rewrite the balcony scene with thora, my dwarf inquisitor, and solas to incorporate the fact that varric– who makes his living writing– doesn’t match his narrow view of what dwarves should be. it’s just one way the game steers solas in such a way that he isn’t allowed to grow unless the inquisitor gives him permission to, similar to how his view of the qun will flip-flop depending on if he’s talking to iron bull or a friendly qunari inquisitor, but i digress.

with varric, cassandra, and bull alike he demonstrates that he’s more capable of changing his mind than people give him credit for, i think. he admits he might have been mistaken in his interpretation of the dream of a man living his days alone on an island.

cassandra and solas’ relationship started out very hostile from the sound of it, but the hostility is worked out before the inquisitor wakes up, so much attention isn’t drawn to it. solas says he gave up his staff, and while i don’t think he was ever technically a prisoner, i also don’t think he would’ve been allowed to up and leave after that point. he references that she threatened his life if he didn’t get results, and yet in banter he’s complimentary towards her, most notably her ability to surrender the chance for power when she feels she is unfit for the role and that she’s capable of changing her mind. idk, i think their relationship demonstrates the best of both characters– cassandra’s ability to be less hard-line than she is around the likes of varric’s, solas’s ability to respect people with differences of opinions to him, both of their abilities to change their minds about the other.

heck, there’s even the option for some emotional intimacy. cassandra offers her condolences about wisdom, solas comforts her when her faith is shaken, providing hope when she realises her power did not come from the maker as she was taught. he’s also at his misotheist finest in this conversation:

Solas: You seem troubled, Seeker. Still plagued by thoughts of your order?Cassandra: I… am reminded of what I was told following my vigil. They said my abilities were a gift from the Maker, a reward for my faith and dedication. But it was a trick, wasn’t it? A ritual no different that the Harrowing, simply magic…Solas: Do you know how rare spirits of faith are? How difficult it is to draw them to this world? You should be proud, having accomplished something so remarkable, not ashamed it was not what you thought.Cassandra: Thank you, Solas. That… does make me feel better.Solas: Your faith does you credit, Cassandra. I hope your Maker is worthy.

he’s well-aware that cassandra is resolute and uncorrupt, capable of fixing what went wrong with the seekers (even if he is cynical about the inevitable degradation of any organisation). i really don’t know how you read their dialogue and think solas didn’t deeply connect with her in ways that shaped him regardless of his relationship with the inquisitor.

now iron bull is someone whose relationship with solas varies wildly depending on the inquisitor’s choices, and another character whose choice is undercut by the realities of a choice-based narrative. if the chargers are sacrificed they’re under no circumstances friendly, ableit solas seems to pity him in that case. otherwise, solas engages with bull in a way other characters don’t. but to be fair to them, i think solas understands better than any other party member what it’s like to lose your culture and home to help the people you love. through their conversations before his pq– which often got very heated, possibly the angriest solas gets in banter– solas listened and learned and kind of sussed out what bull’s fears were, what was keeping him in the qun. and like, i also think solas has a lot of experience knowing what ppl who are trying to pry themselves out of a toxic religion are also dealing with? what i’m getting at is iron bull imo reminds solas of the elves who fought the evanuris, people who had doubts about the societies they were raised in and broke from it, but still carried the damage it did to them. and he takes steps to reassure bull that “madness” isn’t something he ought to fear, b/c he isn’t a mindless beast but an incredibly intelligent person, capable of playing chess without a board. something that takes considerable practise and was for centuries considered a miracle in our world. there are issues with how solas approaches it, his understanding of the qun is flawed and imperfect, but he literally offers himself as a means of support when bull expresses fear that he’ll “go savage”:

Solas: You have the Inquisition, you have the Inquisitor… and you have me.

and after that i have a hard time imagining that they would never hang out more casually. solas would never be as close to bull as the chargers by any means, and you may not even consider them friends, but again their banter really reflects a significant relationship that would effect him without the inquisitor’s input. assuming they save the chargers, anyway. personally, i consider them friends

i just hit 2000 words and i’m starting to see why i let this sit in my drafts for like a year, so i’ll try to wrap it up. there are other characters i think have an effect on solas despite their relationship having its ups and downs. sera, namely, someone he seems to respect and resent simultaneously, grudgingly admitting he envies her at one point. their relationship is one of the most frustrating in the game but also my favourite due to how similar they are when you get down to it, sera i think on some level reminds him of when he was young, hence why he tries to give her advice. in another world, given time, i think they could’ve been friends, albeit friends who sometimes drive one another up the wall. much of what they say in-game reflects itself– solas talking about organisations degrading, in time, sera saying if you chop off the head of a government another will show up and muck up all the work you did to overthrow the first. they’re both artists, elves who feel disconnected from others of their kind. we don’t get enough of their positive interactions for me to claim they’re friends in-game w/ a straight face. rp wise, however, it’s been one of my favourite things to write, as they navigate a strange not-hostile relationship. also i just adore sera as a character, i wish there wasn’t such a divide between solas and sera fans b/c they both parallel and contrast w/ one another really well.

for one final note i do want to talk about specifically my solas interpretation, the relationships i either hc he’s built or he’s built through roleplay. my solas had a part to play in the rebuilding of skyhold alongside freed circle mages, teaching them practical magic they were denied learning in the circle and becoming something of a role model (god help them) for the more radical mages. solas served with the inquisition for a year in canon, three years in my canon. once he works past the haze of how wrong the veiled world feels i can’t believe solas, who constantly tells the histories of people– real people– whose stories he felt were important enough to remember and retell, even seemingly insignificant ones about baking bread or seeing sunlight for the first time, would connect with precisely none of the people around him on a personal level. not when we see his ability to do just that in-game, even with people without a mark on their hand.

tl;dr give solas friends. remember your inquisitor is not the be-all and end-all of his life and that he’s had 1000s of years to forge relationships with people who have just as much as an impact on him, and his time with the inquisition is no different. i don’t doubt all of us have hcs about how the companions have changed our inquisitor’s life, for better or worse, so i can’t see why it’d be any different for the companions. solas included

#( asks )#( headcanons )#( solas meta )#( long post )#[ this is technically from ages ago but since i've been doing meta... ]#he calls himself Pride ( about )#how we fought against the tide ( inquisition )#a pain you can't heal ( cole )#bring them peace with worlds between pages ( varric )#she declares this world real ( cassandra )#the healer has the bloodiest hands ( blackwall )#a man who made a choice ( iron bull )#speak ill of no man and all the good she knows of everybody ( josephine )#[ i didn't get to talk about viv or dorian or leliana (who he also never speaks to but regardless i have hcs)#but like last i looked i was going on 3000 so i had to stop myself ]

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darkling-er · 6 years

Text

Hope’s Savior ( John Seed x OC ) | Part 8

Summary: Trinity-Hope Johnson finds herself in the middle of a holy war, leading the Resistance, while having a complicated relationship with one of the cult’s herald. And she thought her first case would be easy. Oh how wrong she was!

Pairings: John Seed/Fem!Deputy, John Seed/OC, Earl Whitehorse & OC ( uncle&niece ), Joseph Seed/Fem!Deputy ( kind of ), might add more later

Warnings: mild language, violence, eventually smut, masturbation, oral sex, you know guys the usual, use of drugs ( bliss and other, thanks to Sharky ), fluff ( does that even need a warning? ), manipulation, angst, mention of mental illness ( insomnia, depression ), mention of child abuse ( from John’s side ), torture, I think that’s it? I swear it’s not so bad!

Word Counter: 5141

Notes: Onlyyyyy youuuuuu! ♫♪ If I made up some words, that made sense in my mind but have no real meaning, I’m sorry, haha !!Also warning, light smut ahead!!

Hope hears screams as a person carries her on their back. At least that’s what she thinks as she can see legs and shoes, being upside down. A red carpet, wooden floor. A man standing at the end of the corridor. Then blackness again, she doesn’t want to wake up, not yet, when it was so peaceful and calm in the blackness of dreamless dreams.

But she wakes up again, she doesn’t know how much time she lost while she was asleep. But the uncomfortable position of sitting in a chair, and her hands being tied to it, making her wrists hurt wakes her up.

She opens her eyes and sees a light, illuminating in the background and right in front of her a man’s silhouette. As her vision starts to clear she opens her eyes wide. Staci! He’s the one tying her to the chair, but why?

“You shouldn’t have come for me. You should have run.” The man whispers to her but she has no words to speak. So Jacob has Staci. But how is that he’s free and not being kept hostage like Hudson. He doesn’t seem like he’s high on the Bliss like the Marshal either. So why doesn’t he run? Maybe there are guns pointed at him, which she can’t see from this position?

He looks tired, huge circles under his eyes, like he didn’t get enough sleep. He looks like he took some punches as well, but other than that he looks fine.

A clicking noise can be heard from her left, a projector’s sound. It’s a presentation, she realizes. Seriously? Did Jacob hunt me just to show me his evil presentation? Staci looks up over her shoulder. Hope can’t turn her head and look over there. Pratt quickly leaves her side and all she can see is a white board... or wall? In the dark it illuminates, coming from the projector which is standing next to her on a shelf of somekind.

A dead deer... Wow...eww... And behind that two words can be seen painted with black paint? Or maybe even dried blood? ‘Only You’. Two other resistance members are tied up, just like her. She wants to call out to Staci, but a man starts speaking. Jacob...

“The world is weak. Soft.” For a second the dead deer disappears, leaving the room black as another image appears: a wolf eating flesh, and Jacob Seed’s silhouette can be seen as he starts walking before the wall.

“We have forgotten what it is to be strong. You know our heroes are used to be gods.” Blackness, then another picture of another wolf eating meat. Jacob Seed is still facing the wall, not turning around yet, to face the deputy or the other two hostages. Staci is standing right next to him, like keeping guard. Why is he not fighting or running? “And now our heroes are godless. Weak, feeble, diseased”

Black and another picture: a weird photo of a deer’s corpse, standing on it’s legs like it’s still alive. Fucking morbid... Jacob turns around, his body covered in the picture as he stands in it’s light.

“We let the weak dictate to the powerful and then we are shocked to find ourselves adrift.” A picture of a white wolf, eating it’s prey. This guy is a furry, or something? Jacob is not looking at her, and honestly she’s happy about that she doesn’t need the attention of yet another Seed.

“But history knows the value of sacrifice. Of culling the herd, so that it stays strong.” He looks at the woman on the left side then the man on the right. “Over and over, the lives of the many have outweighed the lives of the few. This is how we survived... And we’ve forgotten.” An angry wolf looking right into Hope’s eyes. Jacob slowly makes his way toward Hope and tries out her wrists, but the ductape just won’t let go.

“...and now the bill has come due.” As he stands right in front of the deputy, she feels even smaller than usual. The man is a giant and with her sitting he’s even much taller as he normally is. He’s towering over her, but as he grabs her chair and pulls it toward him and he leans low, so their face can meet Hope would rather have him standing up again. Why do they always want to get to close to me? Have the Seeds ever heard of personal space?

“Now, the Collapse is upon us, and this time the lives of the few outweigh the lives of the many.”

His intense stare makes her uncomfortable. His blue eyes reminding her of John’s and Joseph’s ones. Each and every one of them carrying something behind their clear blue eyes. Jacob’s face is covered in scars, rashes even. But that’s not what scares Hope about Jacob.

“And when a nation that’s never known hunger or desperation descends into madness, we’ll be ready.” He smiles at her, not breaking eye contact, not even blinking once as he leans back, and getting something from the desk with the projector on.

“We will cull the herd.” It’s a small wooden box, a music box! He gets it ready to play as he speaks. “We will do what needs to be done.”

He shows it to her, opening the box and immediately her body starts shaking, her vision turning red and she feels like she’s having a seizure. She feels blood trickle down from her nose as the pressure grows inside her body. Filling her head with anger, she’s trying to get free, but it’s impossible. And her view turns to black or did she close her eyes? She can’t tell, as she has a view again.

She’s free from her hair, standing before the table she was sitting next to, a gun on it. The whole world is red, and it reminds her of blood, blood, blood. The building is collapsing and music echoes in her head, an agonisingly slow version of Only You by The Platters.

As she hears a tower bell and the two person stands up from the chairs she just knows what she has to do.

“Call the herd.” Jacob says from somewhere and she grabs the gun from the table and shoot at both of them as they vanish into smoke as the bullet goes right through them.

“Excellent.” Jacob says and she runs through a door, grabbing an SMG which was placed just for her.

She moves forward, building falling apart, broken wooden walls all around. People raise their guns at her and she shoot all of them. With each shot Jacob shouts:

“Train. Hunt. Kill. Sacrifice.”

She shots a man above her on a wall and Jacob talks to her again:

“Good, cull the herd.”

She doesn’t think, she doesn’t feel anything, just pure anger and pride as the eldest of the Seeds praises her moves. Why? Why?! She doesn’t know, as she runs fast opposite how the song slowly plays for her. It’s like she’s in a maze as she goes, she doesn’t even know where, but she rushes forward. ‘Kill, kill, kill!’ Jacob’s shouts can be heard and she just does that. Killing everyone who even stands close to her.

She picks up an AR-C as she reaches a yard. A gate of metal saying ‘St. Francis Veterans Center’ in front of her, as she shoots. It’s so surreal, object floating in the air, unmoving like they are hanged by strings. But she doesn’t think, she runs through the front door into the building, killing a man runing towards her.

“Yes, sacrifice the weak.”

She kils the man standing on top of the walls as she climbs. She has to ignore the fire below, get away from it. Fire is bad, fire is bad! Don’t be weak, be strong!

There’s a slide coming up and she takes it as the music suddenly plays faster, and the clock that has been ticking while she ran stops. And she doesn’t land as the blackness surrounds her.

When she opens her eyes, she’s still in that chair, tied to it, as she lays with it on the floor. Dead bodies around her, and her vision is blurry. Her mouth feels dry and Hope feels like she can’t move. There’s still blood under her nose, dried to her face, making her smell the irony scent of blood.

The music still plays, somewhere from the room. Am I dead? She thinks, and it hurts to think. She can still hear Jacob’s commands in her head: ‘Train, hunt, kill, sacrifice’. And for some reason she feels like she should be doing exactly that.

The Deputy sees movements and for a second she thinks Jacob is back, to call her weak. But she hears an unknown voice of a man.

“What a mess. Wheaty, check those chairs.”

“Jesus, the smell...” Another voice speaks and she wants to call out to them but her throat hurts like she swallowed knives. Her vision at least becomes clear as she sees a bearded man. Oh, god, is he a peggie?

“Been stewin’ in their own filth for days...” For days?! “Walker, get some windows open!”

A young man comes to her view, so called Wheaty if she heard it right. A third voice replies, so that must be the guy called Walker:

“Y-y-y-yessir!”

“Someone shut that music off!” The man who has the beard and has been commanding the other seems to be their boss, or leader. Thank God, yes! Turn it off! She thinks and her head gets a lot clearer as the music stops, no more Jacob’s praises or commands.

Wheaty crouches down to the body next to her, checking the clearly dead man’s pulse. The dead guy’s eyes and nose has been bleeding. Just like hers, but she’s still alive.

“Christ, it’s Sully. When did they get him?” The young boy says and he stands up, annoyed. “Why are we even bothering with this? They’re all dead.” No, no! I’m not dead! She wants to scream, but she can’t even blink, feeling paralised.

“Check ‘em anyways.” The leader says and she’s thankful for his words. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

The boy still seems annoyed by his job as he comments:

“Why am I always stuck on corpse duty?”

He turns her chair and she groans out at the sudden pain in her head as she’s being moved. The boy facing her gets so scared he drops her, causing even more pain.

“HOLY SHIT!” Wheaty lands on his ass, being so startled by Hope not being as dead as he thought.

“What?” The boss turns to him and comes closer, as Wheaty says an ‘oh fuck’ as well.

The boss looks down at Hope as she finally blinks, her eyes hurting as she does so.

“Live one!” He quickly crouches next to her. “Walker! Go get the truck!”

“Y-y-y-y-yessir!” The man stutters, seemingly only to know one sentence.

Wheaty comes into view and if Hope had any energy left she would find this situation actually funny, feeling like they’re in a comedy movie:

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry...” The boss pushes him away.

They grab Hope and the leader’s voice is nice and smooth, but still low and it makes her feel comfort.

“Gimme a hand, kid.”

She groans again as they set her chair, so she’s sitting in it. They face each other and Hope wants to say thanks, but only manages a low and painful moan out.

The leader gets out a knife with the intention to free her, but Wheaty looks at the man:

“Eli..is this...?”

“Yep.” The man says simply as he frees Hope from the tapes.

“What the fuck is the Deputy doing here?” Oh, look, I’m famous. How nice...

“Jacob took a shine to ‘er same as us.”

She wants to laugh at that but it turns into a cough as she does. I didn’t drink for days... Yeah, I can feel it...

“You’re gonna be okay, Hero. Whitetail’s gotcha now.” The Whitetails! Oh thank God!

They help her to her feet and start to walk, well more likely drag her body with them. She feels like going back to sleep again, feeling dizzy from the exhaustion.

“We’re bringing her back to the Wolf’s Den?” Wheaty asks.

“Where else?” The leader asks back. I like him, I always like people who save my life, defying the others.

“Tammy is not going to like this...” Well, I’m sorry, but Tammy has to bear with me until I can get up to my feet again.

Their voices become blurry as she falls into sleep again.

“Don’t worry about Tammy. She’ll be fine.”

Hope feels a soft surface under her and it feels so comfortable, her mind not wanting to get up soon. But as she hears voices she opens her eyes. Wheaty comes into view, a boy who can’t be older than her. He gently grabs her neck from behind, pulling her head up as he places a water bottle to her lips.

“Take it easy, you’re OK. Need you to drink this.”

Hope greedily swallows the water, some of it trickling down her face, getting her shirt wet. She had been changed into new clothes, a man’s oversized sweater, no jeans. She should feel ashamed, knowing that someone had to get her clothes off, but right now she doesn’t care.

Hope coughes as her throat becomes soft and slimy again, not feeling like a desert anymore. A woman comes into the room, looking down at her laying form and she turns to the man, the leader who brought her here.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Oh, I have a feeling this is Tammy.

The man is so calm it wants to make Hope laugh. Like a teacher, trying to get his students behaving without screaming at them.

“Now hold on. Wheaty and I agreed--”

“Oh you agreed?!” The woman turns to the kid standing next to Hope.

Wheaty holds up his arms, defending himself from the accusation.

“Woah, woah woah! I was at best an impartial observer.”

Tammy looks and points at Hope:

“This is stupid and this is dangerous.”

Hope silently comments but her voice is ragged and nobody seems to hear her:

“I can hear you, you know?”

The woman continues with her anger:

“You both know better!”

The long bearded man approaches her and he still sounds so calm:

“What was I supposed to do?”

The woman raises her arms, like it’s so damn clear what they were supposed to do with Hope.

“Leave her to die.” Wow, nice, thanks...

The man scoffs, faking out a laugh and looking down at Hope apologisingly:

“Tammy...”

“They’ve been in that room for God knows how long. I’ve seen what it does to people. You haven’t. You can’t trust this one.”

The man turns away from the junior deputy lying on the couch and turns to the all-too-angry woman:

“That’s what everyone said about you! But luckily, I didn’t listen.” Only now he starts raising his voice. “This is not up for discussion. We need her. That’s all there is to it. Understand?”

She makes a grimace and looks down at Hope, like she wants to kill her right here right now. Then she leaves the room. Wheaty comments:

“You’re right. She took that real well.”

“Out.” He doesn’t even turn his head away from the Deputy as he orders the young man out of there.

As he leaves Hope can hear him comment under his nose:

“I didn’t even do anything...”

The young girl smiles at that, a gesture that makes her face hurt a bit, but doesn’t make any painful sounds.

Eli walks around the couch right next to her, placing his hand on her leg and only know she feels a bit too exposed.

“I meant what I said, we need you. Let’s get you some rest.”

He helps her lay her head back down to the pillow and though she wants to stay awake she quickly falls asleep.

Hope wakes up at the sound of a radio. Music is playing, not the type she usually listens too, and it’s loud enough to shake her out of her continues dreamless dream. She moves around the couch and she puts her naked legs on the rug. She sits there for a while, getting ready to stand up on her legs,

A man is watching her, reading a book, looking at her naked thighs and she tries to pull the sweater down as much as she can. Yeah, I need pants ASAP.

She doesn’t feel cold that much, and her aching body is much less exhausted as before. She doesn’t have dried blood all over her face either. They took care of her, that’s for sure.

“Oh, shit y-y-y-you’re up. Eli needs a word with y-y-you.” The man says and Hope remembers his stutter from before, when the whitetails found her.

“Where should I go?” She asks nicely and smiles at the man.

“Head d-d-down the hall. Eli’s waitin’ for y-y-y-ou there.” He points to a direction and she nods and thanks him with a soft smile.

She takes some turns in the bunker, she figured it’s a bunker, since it looks a lot like Dutch’s. Then she sees a whole bunch of monitors, just like Dutch’s. And there it is the man, the one who saved her from that filthy place. He looks up at her from his map and smiles:

“There you are. Been tryin’ to track you down, Deputy. Dutch speaks highly. Look I get right to it. I know what you did down south. You got the Father thinkin’ twice now, and that’s good for us. We’re bleeding bodies up here, no two ways about it. I don’t know if we’ll be able to hold out more than a week at this rate. Times are desperate to say the least. I’m trying to get some footholds back, so I sent a handful of whitetails out to sabotage the Visitor Center. The cult’s been using it as a depot for that Bliss shit... But our guys walked right into a fucking trap. They’ve been taken hostage and we’re up against the clock. If I just send another group in there, we risk losing everything... but you! You’re something that cult ain’t expecting. You’re the only one I got around here who can handle this, Dep... only one I trust to handle this. I’m countin’ on you.”

The man says and Hope’s head start to feel heavy as she tries to understand him and she raises her hands, stopping the man from further speaking:

“Okay, slow down a bit. Look I...” She stands there awkwardly looking at the man’s confused eyes. “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. But I don’t even know your name and you’re saying that you can only trust me on this?”

She feels like an asshole, but her veins are filled with this odd feeling, a rage, hiding behind her small form. Hope doesn’t even know why she’s angry, and she tries to hide it as much as she can. This man did save her life after all.

“Oh, I’m... I’m sorry.. Name’s Eli, Eli Palmer.” The man says, clearly feeling just as awkward as the young girl.

“So Eli... Umm... you have any pants that I could borrow. Can’t do much of anything if I’m not dressed like I’m going outside.”

He looks at her naked legs, just realizing she’s without pants or shoes and turns to Wheaty:

“Hey, Wheaty, get some pants and shoes from the shop, will ya?” He says and the boy goes down the corridor, dissappearing. “I’m... really sorry about that.”

She nods, trying to make this scene less awkward as it already is.

“Didn’t you guys by any chance found my backpack? Or my radio? Or any of my weapons?” She asks, though she doesn’t dare to keep her hopes up.

Eli turns around and grabs a bag, filled with her stuff:

“Actually, we did, here ya go.”

After getting some clothes from the whitetails and getting her backpack on her back, her pistol in her holster and the rifle around her shoulder she stands before Eli. Hope feels much less exposed now.

“Look. I don’t know if people have been looking for me or not. And I know you need help, and I will help, that’s a promise, but...” She feels ashamed of what she says next. “... I need some time away from Jacob right now.”

Eli does seem dissappointed, but nods kindly.

“I get it, kid. I’m just desperate, you know? And you’re like the Hero of Hope County at the moment, I hoped you could help out.”

She feels bad about this and gets her map out of her pack and folds it out on Eli’s desk.

“Look, point me to the place, and I will look into it, okay? I’ll even bring some help, people who I trust and are good at what they’re doing. I am very grateful for what you did for me, I am. And I want to repay you by helping out, but right now... I’ll head back to the Valley, check out on some friends. I’ll be back and take care the peggies for you.”

Eli nods and marks the place on her map. She gets some angry looks by Tammy as she leaves and a kind smile from Wheaty. Well, she can’t be friends with everyone, right?

She uses one of the choppers from outside the Wolf’s Den to reach the Valley, it’s night time again and only now, looking at the constellations and the moon realizes how long she had been out.

“Hey, old man. I hope you’re not sleeping yet.” She says through her speaker, while flying over Dutch’s island.

“I never sleep, kid. Heard from Eli, that they got you out of Jacob Seed’s grasp. You’re gonna stay there, help out?”

The raven haird girl sighes and replies:

“No, I’m heading back to John’s region. I still have some distress calls from there. I want to check on the church, and than the airstrip at the Rye’s.”

Dutch murmurs something and she’s happy she didn’t catch what he just said.

“Okay, kid. It’s your call. Just don’t forget to help out in the mountains as well. I know Jacob Seed might look scary for ya. But we still have to fight him.”

And there goes Hope’s calm night:

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

Dutch sighes and tries to save the conversation:

“All I’m sayin’ is that you had a meetin’ with Jacob and now you’re running back to the Valley and--”

“I’m running back to the Valley?!” She raises her voice and almost losts control over the chopper in her anger.

“Look... I’m just sayin’ the facts, no need to get angry at me for being honest.”

“For being honest?! Who the hell says where I should help out? You weren’t there you don’t know what he did to me!”

There’s a moment of silence and for some reason she feels like she shouldn’t be telling about the Platters’ song to Dutch, or to anyone for the record.

“Why, what did he do to you?” He asks suspiciously.

“Forget it Dutch, I’m tired, I want to land my chopper safely and help out at the Valley. I will go back to the mountains once I gother a little team to help me out. I’m only one girl, not an entire army...Hope out.”

She turns off her radio and looks down at the hills of the valley. The ‘YES’ say illuminating in the night, she has a new idea as she lands near the bottom of the sign.

She gets out of the chopper, once landed properly and walks up to the Hollywood styled monument.

She sits down at the bottom of the ‘Y’ and looks down at the valley. From up here it’s so peaceful, so calm. I wonder how cool Hope County was before the cult...

There are lights appearing in the distane, near the airstrips and she first thinks maybe someone blowed up a bunch of silos, but as she looks into her binoculars she sees fireworks.

There’s a smile appearing on her face as she looks at them. Who is partying right now? It has to be Resistance, right?

She picks up her radio and dials Pastor Jerome to get some information on this.

“Hey, Jerome? Who is helding a party tonight? I see fireworks in the sky.” Her voice is calm, cheerful.

A moment passes and she hopes she didn’t wake up the man. An unpleasent answer comes from his end, clearly not happy about the cause of celebration.

“John Seed is having a birthday party tonight.”

Hope can’t contain her laugh as she asks:

“For who?”

The Pastor sighs:

“For himself...”

Hope laughs and she can’t believe that days ago she was being held captive by Jacob Seed and now the youngest of the brothers is having a party for his birthday. It’s just too surreal and funny.

“Oh wow, did you buy him something?” She jokes and the Pastor chuckles at that.

“I’m pretty sure he has everything he wants, Deputy. Good to have you back in the Valley, there are still some folks out here needing help... I heard about Jacob Seed. If you need to just talk to someone, you can always come to me.”

It warms her heart, and she smiles softly.

“Thanks. I want to check on Boomer too. Did he behave while I was gone?”

The Pastor chuckles, no longer the dissappointment for the Seeds in his voice:

“He did try to eat my bible once. But he has been acting good. He misses you, I think. He perked up his head and started wagging his tail as he heard your voice now.”

Hope imagines the dog trying to eat Pastor Jerome’s Bible and she’s happy someone is not acting weird around her, asking her to do this or do that. Just having a nice and normal conversation.

“I’ll be sure to make a visit to Fall’s End tomorrow.”

“Alright, take care, Deputy.”

They end the radio call and Hope continues to watch the fireworks go on for a while. John Seed being so fucking extra, as always. She smiles to herself, shaking her head. It’s weird thinking about how a man like him had to be born once, was probably a child, just acting normal. Makes one wonder how they ended up being like this...

She lays down onto her back, looking up at the stars on the night sky. Remembering most of their names. She memorised them all, when she was a kid. Her parents painted her room’s ceiling like the night sky. She misses them, even though she never actually met them.

Her heart aches and she tries to think about something else, and she ends up thinking about the Cleansing. How she actually thought in her Bliss drugged state that she was a star. How John Seed’s eyes seemed to be glowing, beautiful blue amongst the white dots in front of her...

She feels an itch in her body, one that she haven’t felt since she got into this holy war. She slides her hand down her body, between her legs as she moans out into the night, only the crickets knowing what she’s up to. She teases herself through the fabric of her jeans and after some minutes like this she slips her had into her jeans and she touches her clit, crying out in pleasure.

And then her radio crackles to life, like God knew what she is doing and wants to stop her:

“Deputy, I heard you came back to the Valley. How delightful.” John Seed’s voice is cheery as always, like he knows when he can annoy Hope.

She doesn’t answer, the heat in her loin growing and she just wants to have some private moments to herself, without listening to John Seed, but God, that man loves his voice more than anything.

“I was wondering about one of our conversation just now. Do you remember, what I said to you, Deputy?” His voice sounds so smug, she can almost imagine the smirk on his face.

She groans out, letting her hand find it’s way out of her jeans and underwear. With an annoyed voice she click down the button on her radio to talk:

“No?” She keeps it short, because her breathing was just becoming faster when the man dared to intterupt her, so she doesn’t want to give herself away.

“Oh, my dear. I’m sure you remember. You know what, I will give you a moment to think. Get the blood back to your pretty little head...”

She looks confused and angry at her radio, not wanting to play John’s games right now. Then his words hit her, and her heart stops beating for a moment. ‘I have cameras everywhere, Deputy...’ he said a while back. Oh my god...

She quickly looks around her surroundings, her face getting red from the embarrasment if the man meant what she thinks he meant by that comment. His next words comfirming her fear:

“You know, Deputy... Lust is a sin.” With a muffled ‘oh my god’ she buries her face in her hands.

“Don’t be so full of yourself, I wasn’t putting up a show for you.” She replies to him, trying to save the situation, but she’s deep in it now.

“Are you sure?” Comes the teasing tone of the Baptist. “And here I thought it was your birthday gift for me.”

If she wasn’t flushed already, she sure as hell is now. And without even wanting to think about it, how it might be a gift for him, how he might mimiced her movements, touching himself at the sight of her... NO! Stop thinking about that! But the thought sends a wave of pleasure between her folds.

“Oh, no!” She cringes at herself and him. “In your dreams, Seed!”

She tries to keep her cool, but what he says next sends her over the edge.

“If this was my dream, you would be right here with me, beneath me.”

She did notice something was off in his voice, she thought it’s only exhaustion or something, but now she thinks it might be from something else. She gulps as she asks:

“Are you high right now?”

A chuckle comes from the other end and it sends a pulse into her clit, begging to be touched.

“Maybe... So what do you say? Care to pay me a visit?”

This is crazy. He’s crazy, this whole situation is crazy. But the most crazy thing is, that she actually stops thinking about his offer.

A/N: ehehehehe *evil laugh*

Tags: @onl-you

#hope's savior #trinity-hope johnson #my deputy #john seed x deputy #john seed x female deputy #john seed x oc #far cry 5 fanfiction #far cry fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic #far cry 5 #my ocs

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thedivinefish · 4 years

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TGIWednesday and keeping momentum going forward

View this email online

TGIWednesday News

Keep the faith moving forward and know that spirit watches over us always. I feel the presence of angels and guides in the room constantly. I say my personal prayers outloud and I know that they hear me and as my friend always jokes, “I think they not only hear you, they actually do something about it.” We must forget the past issues, stay grounded in the moment and lean into the future with forward momentum and make progress daily, helping and contributing to others any chance we get!

If you want to strengthen YOUR forward progress and need help removing blocks... join us this month for our upcoming January Live Zoom Event scheduled for Wednesday the 27th at 7:30pm Eastern Theme: Clearing the Way for New Beginnings Starting fresh new job? Have a new business idea? Moved to a new location? Beginning or searching for a new relationship or ending a relationship? Starting a new diet or exercise routine to improve your health? Entering into a new financial endeavor? What are you struggling with? Is something blocking you? What happened last time that you want to clear the past energy of? What switches do you want to strengthen and turn on/off related to new beginnings? The registration link is available here now. Those who are buyers of Darius' special offer Package B should have already received a free registration confirmation email with details for how to join the event (see also your offer download page w/replays).

TGIWednesday Download

~ FORWARD MOMENTUM ~ I believe, think, know and feel that forward momentum will be with me making progress daily. I know, when, where, how and why to ask for help/contribution out loud here and now. I am ready, willing and able to allow forward momentum to move me towards my goals and dreams and spirit will show me the simple way. I am asking in all languages and througout all time lines and so it is.

From the Fish Box

"You have been a huge blessing to my family, my friends, and me. You coming up on my phone that Friday in November was nothing short of a blessing. You have changed my life and everyone I have touched and it just continues to spiderweb. I went to mom and dad's home and mom was very lethargic. I opened up my tackle box that is brand new and not even complete. I stood north and started fishing. I was so overwhelmed with emotions. This gift you share with the world is life changing, inspirational, and truly a blessing. After fishing and being mom's channel, I feel the strength she now has and I feel hopeful instead of feeling hopeless." - R.Z.

Tampa Office Sessions

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Friday sessions are back to being phone-only for folks that I usually see at Kodawari until further notice. You can book time with me in the shop and schedule online. 3965 Henderson Blvd Suite C Tampa ☎️ (813) 999-1874 http://www.kodawariyoga.com/

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Tell the Fish - 365 Daily Inspirations and Affirmations - by Jimmy Mack JANUARY 13th "Powerful, vibrant, energy flows in, around and through me. Today I will be determined to press forward with my dreams and ambitions. When I sense the need to change course, I will intuitively know and all opportunities will be open to me when that need arises."

Live Radio Show Appearances

2021 UPDATE THE JIMMY MACK HEALING SHOW GOING FORWARD I put in 5 years hosting weekly shows on Blog Talk and nearly another 5 years into my current show and Spirit came to me during a 3AM ending of My Daily Prayer services and whispered...“Enough.” So while we will not return to our weekly show in 2021, we will of course be guest or co-hosting on a variety of other shows on occasion. So stay tuned to this section of TGIW as variety show line ups where I am a guest on other shows will be posted!

Watch hundreds of replays for FREE here in the archives: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

Nightly prayers include COVID-19. Each night we work on scrambling the frequency for everyone on the prayer list. Your name will be added to a special VIP Prayer list where Jimmy will use his intelligent computer software, src4you which runs 24/7, to delete the negative and increase the strength of the positive creating a higher probability of favorable outcomes for you.

In addition, throughout the full 30-days, Jimmy will be dialing into your energetic signature each day upon rising and make certain that you are a clear yes, unclear to no and running forward before you start your day. He is doing the heavy lifting for you around 3am NY time while most of you are asleep in order to smooth out your way and increase your most favorable life outcomes.

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

Upon written email request, for each new order we offer a one-time email analysis via the intelligent healing software that Jimmy uses on your behalf. Most clients have had amazing results and outcomes!

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers. *NOTE if the MDP Service was purchased via a special telesummit or radio show offer, prayers will be limited to BUYER ONLY - and will not include family members or pets.

You can run this monthly and stop at any time after the 30 days is up, you will have the opportunity to renew and update your list each month but are under no obligation. I believe you will experience magical transformations and make progress every day!

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For those who aren't familiar, below is a list of the 30+ audios in the MyBeliefWorks series.... Find a topic that addresses your issue(s), click on the link to read more. We had a lot of help downloading & channeling these over the years & they keep getting better. Don't forget... you can share these with your immediate friends and family.

Abundance Abuse Addiction Body Scan: Head to Toe Bountiful Harvest Creatives Daily GPS Reset Dark Energies/Fears Decision Making Diet & Exercise Education & Learning Family & Relatives Financial Windfall The Gold Coin Healing Body Disorders Healing Mental Stress

Holiday Stress Increasing Intuition IRS & Tax Time Love & Romance Money Mindset Moving Forward Pain Relief Pet Healing Sales & Success Improving Sex Improving Sleep Traveling w/Ease Work & Career Weight Loss Youth & Vitality

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

The Certificate of Mastery Program includes 2 best-selling ebooks and 2 clearing audios plus written & video instructions, AND one-on-one time with Jimmy ALL for about the cost of a single 1-hr session! This online course is for anyone who is familiar with OR new to "fishing" and is ready to dive into the deep end & get results that are beyond the ordinary! It includes The Tackle Box & The Dowser's Handbook ebooks PLUS 2 MP3s "Clearing Dark Energies" & "Increasing Your Intuition" to help clear, strengthen and prepare your energy field for optimal “fishing” results. This is a work-at-your-own-pace curriculum that will TEACH & CLEAR you at the same time! In under 2wks you will be finished with the program and ready to fish on your own with greater results! Level II offers Practitioner Certification for those who qualify.

LEARN ABOUT CERTIFICATION HERE

TGIFunny

Forward

Jimmy Mack | Appointments Skype: Jimmy.Mack55 Clearwater Florida USA Book a 15 minute session Book a 30 minute session Book a 60 minute session Transformational Healing of Body, Mind & Spirit, People, Places, Pets & Situations! Download the My Liquid Fish™ Starter Kit (*Updated December 2020) Audio MP3 Downloads and books to improve your life! Get Certified in My Liquid Fish™Change Made Simple™ Watch Free Videos on YouTube Weekly Radio Show Archives Shop for Supplements http://www.jimmymackhealingshop.com www.jimmymackhealing.com Copyright ©1998-2021 All Rights Reserved

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divinefishingtips · 4 years

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TGIWednesday and keeping momentum going forward

View this email online

TGIWednesday News

TGIWednesday Download

From the Fish Box

Tampa Office Sessions

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Live Radio Show Appearances

Watch hundreds of replays for FREE here in the archives: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

LEARN ABOUT CERTIFICATION HERE

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com

Stay connected!

Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

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advancedthetapractitioner · 4 years

Text

TGIWednesday and keeping momentum going forward

View this email online

TGIWednesday News

TGIWednesday Download

From the Fish Box

Tampa Office Sessions

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Live Radio Show Appearances

Watch hundreds of replays for FREE here in the archives: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

LEARN ABOUT CERTIFICATION HERE

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com

Stay connected!

Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

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365dailyaffirmations · 4 years

Text

TGIWednesday and keeping momentum going forward

View this email online

TGIWednesday News

TGIWednesday Download

From the Fish Box

Tampa Office Sessions

FRIDAY KODAWARI YOGA STUDIOS

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

Live Radio Show Appearances

Watch hundreds of replays for FREE here in the archives: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

LEARN ABOUT CERTIFICATION HERE

TGIFunny

Forward

-------------------------------------------------- TGIW newsletter managed by: Sandy Bidinger Digital Marketing Specialist at SMBeConnected Solutions www.smbeconnected.com

Stay connected!

Our mailing address is: Clearwater Florida 33756 USA

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lachances · 7 years

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Some Advice based off of a personal experience I went through

Back in January, I was asked out by one of my best friends, who I had a massive crush on. I thought it was my dream come true so of course i leapt into it thinking he was already "the one". I had handled my last relationship very, poorly, and it left behind some regrets that are now mere pale scars but the guilt of what I left behind still bites in some moments.

Anyways, I went off on a tangent, let me continue.

So we went on our first date superbowl sunday, that night he pecked me on the cheek, texted me later saying he was already in love with me, in that moment, I was absolutely infatuated with what was developing.

It didnt take long for things to go downhill.

They are completely right when they say "love is blind" despite my concern of his smoking and drinking habits resurfacing, i bottled those away, but cautiously tried to persuade him away, for fear he would fall back into the person who he used to be.

Then he emotionally grew more and more distant, he pushed away at my physical gestures, was vague with his communicating and, only carer about the physical side of me. He didnt care about anything i had to offer him.

And i wanted him to have the world.

We went to prom, my idea, as i wanted a night with him to enjoy the pleasure of a highschool tradition, thats all i wanted, but in the middle of that night after i spent h u n d r e d s of dollars to make him happy, as i followed him outside so he could take a drag from a cigarette he looked me dead with his cold icy eyes and grunted "I didnt even want to come here".

I went home that night and sobbed.

Two weeks later,

He broke up with me.

He said he liked us better as friends, and would like us to stay friends. In that moment of heartache i nodded, numb from holding back tears and said "Ok". When he climbed into his truck and drove off, i went inside quietly, huddled into my room, and sat in silence.

I didnt cry until i sent him a message, as my last chance to regain power over myself and not doom my soul to longing for a sliver of hope that I'll have him back.

I said no, i cant be friends with you, not after all we went through, if we do, i'll never lose hope we may regain what was lost.

After i sent that message was when i really cried.

Its hard, its so hard to lose what your thought was "the one" the perfect match, your twin soul.

I was proven wrong two weeks later when i took a risk with someone i knew nothing about, he sent me a message in german through facebook, and my put-off responses gradually turned into interest, and as we met with eachother, went to the atlanta symphony, my fathers wedding, experiencing physical intimacy for the first time, experiencing the shame of getting c a u g h t in those acts, to sobbing into his arms as i begged him not to fly to Pennsylvania, as i held his hand tight as we walked through the city of athens, georgia, as he opened a black box with a dainty silver ring with his birthstone set in it as he had waited a year to find the right one to give it to, as i helped him clean out past demons and forgotten woes from his room to help him clear his mind, as i fall asleep, encompassed in his warm arms, as we giggle and smile and kiss as we view the tickets we bought to fly to Frankfurt Germany, i knew. I k n e w.

I had found something indescribable.

So just know, p l e a s e. Especially if you are young, and have hopes the lost flame will return, you may come across something, so amazing, so beautiful, and so much better. You just have to be willing to work for it.

Because in my hard decisions, and my regrets, i have a man who looked me in the eyes one night, and as he wrapped his pinky finger around mine and kissed his thumb, he asked me if i will marry him someday.

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nuevorealidad · 7 years

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how.to.deal.w.damn.eclipses

Don't bother trying to make any sense of it. It'll only throw you. The whole damned thing is just a bunch of juxtaposed pastiché of images and scatterballed memories, a crazy drama mixed with karma, peering in lightness pouring onto the darkest spots, carousing kissers smearing brandied blood upon your gnarling scars.

Maybe it's best you just withdraw into the lair of your reclusive, private universe - a place from which all others are excluded, a shuttled dreamworld in which even those who know you do not recognise you as such. #ᴀᴤᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏØʄɴᴏᴡ ☿ ⊼ ♆ | ♀ ⊼ Ch |♀ △ ♅ | ☉ ☍ ♇

But things are weird, hey... aren't they now? Lots of confusion going down, everyone's feeling so damned grouchy all of their buttons ultra touchy be very mindful what you say, jack in the box ain't far away loaded with angst and toxic bile ready to spring you and revile so please, do not obscure or judge two thousand years of nasty sludge.

#ᴀᴤᴛʀᴏʟᴏɢʏØʄɴᴏᴡ SOLAR ECLIPSE @20°♋41'

Pluto Opposition Uranus - 7/12 new moon uranus 19/20 degrees

You do well not to resist the ups and downs but to go with the volatility which can take you to the outer edges of what you know. Exhilarating experiences are possible that can make you deeply aware of the weaknesses of conformity and the strength of going counter to the trend. While traditions have their place, this is a time to break new ground if only to uncover the unique qualities that make you an individual. Wherever you have felt a need to be different, this can bring it out with full force. (My Need & Desire for My *F*S*J* &*F*L* to kick in start unfolding manifesting from non-physical to physical reality)

Since you may seek freedom and independence whatever the cost, make certain it is for something that you truly desire (more big money & lucrative abundance) rather than against something you don?t want. If you fully tap into what this cycle offers, you probably will demonstrate an unyielding persistence when you are right or think that you are. The older you are when this transit occurs the more you can make it work for you. The increased self-awareness is a great asset as it allows you to seek the freedom you need without causing so much disruption in your life.

You are likely to receive profound insights that increase your understanding w/ deep curiosity with the unfamiliar /peculiar +extend to new discoveries.

**You can find inventive new ways to transform you life so that you do not need to drop out of society to be different.** Still deal w/ humans but living at undisclosed unknown lat/long domain where am free detach from all irita & bs

I desire something completely new and alternate this new moon / have a need to bring forth my FS*FL* A.I.R. to finally start unfolding in full force . I have already given my F*S*J* 100% green lite & free will to commence. Now i am ready for it to kick in and come into play every single day.

aries - who are u here to be (at this time) & are u spiritually align - this new moon eclipse i am here to align w/ my future self in bringing my future life in accordance & full abundance manifestation. taurus - line up ur emotional mindset attitude to who u seek 2 be in the world & who u want to hang out n associate w/ sagittarius - ARE ABOUT TO TRANSFORM THEIR ENTIRE LIFE - Choosing an emotional tone on how they want to feel thru the whole transformation. do u wanna fly coach or first class - now this is what they have to hold true ; they have to hold true their spiritual faith, they cant be wishy washy or question it. they have to just call it believe it and see it work out (very strong boundaries about faith) and monitor ur emotional situation making sure u always feel safe, engrace, n protected hold true w/ faith and trust this powerful transformation in life. pieces - holding in for some serious passionate joys. everything u teach and preach should be in line w/ ur hearts intention n ur behaviour should be in alignment w/ dat dream too .. so act as if...assume the role. When you are ‘’ there ‘’ ...** BE VERY VERY LOYAL TO THE BOUNDARIES YOU HAVE LEARN SO FAR or else u can be very broken hearted n disappointed if U GO BACK ON A BOUNDARY U KNOW BETTER THAN...SO HONOR UR F* BOUNDARIES FIRST AND FOREMOST (remember wat happened the other nite? when u suffered/struggled thru / got redeemed (fr u know who) big time enough to walk but then u kept playin shittin it up ...remember that auwful feeling?? which U beg n promised never to ever feel or experience again??? soo HEED IT once and for all!

Talk it up, stretch facts, use frauds to make human beings appear more grandiloquent than they really are, invent stories where people talk way more eloquently, say smarter things than is humanly possible, make shitty human enterprises seem important enough to want to invest in. It's not a noise - it's music; it isn't shit smeared on a piece of wood - that's art; it's not a house - it's a temple; it isn't boring, if you say so....

Jupiter trine Neptune was exact during Jupiter retrograde on May 25 and will be again on August 19, 2018. It encourages hope, generosity and community spirit. As your personal value system or morals reach a higher standard, you will find that selflessly helping others brings great satisfaction. You can follow your dreams for success without needing to sacrifice your ego or material possessions. WEALTH/ FAME / 7 ALL UR DESIRES come true and you should feel happy and content.

YES I am f* ready to leave the past behind (past=letting go all ill feelings/regrets/fuck ups/sad sacks/doubts/leftover residues)..........Like I said THIS morning i have asked no *demanded* my FS to finally show up! do his thing! bring about w/out shadow of doubt who/what and all that FS/FL is all about. as i am tired of waiting /and isn't this f* WALK IN is all about ? instead of deely dally upgraded yes but still so slow blow....TODAY jupiter stations..( made sense why i ademantly demanded early 4am) ....tomorrow jup direct no more excuses no more delay f*kin get it on then already! .>>>>>>THIS is how i am heralding creating bringing forth these once in lifetime eclipses w/ once in lifetime event desire ..The Manifestation of my FL Completely Alternate Intelligence Realm. Asked /Told /Demanded my FS <3J to f*show up do it to it. HE is ON. its all on him /all about him..its show time m*f* ! let me watch you NOW.............>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.The eclipse, happening midweek at 20 degrees Cancer, is a powerful one. With the energy this supersized cosmic cocktails, there will be some major directional changes as we close one chapter and prepare for a brand new one, unencumbered by the ‘same ole’ sad songs. New career, relationships and opportunities will be opening up.

post above is 4 f*face.dh for deleting my fbomb posts - how dare u when ur mouth is just as filthier than any :/

Let this be your eclipse theme 4 gotz 2 follow thru starting first 1@7/12 (new moon solar eclipses all about NEW beginning pre-requisites on how your FS*FLife will unfold & manifest )

------------------ I have Uranus 19 cancer but in 3rd house what does that mean to 20 degrees? Is no longer opp with pluto?

AstroWeather NYC Yes, 19 Cancer is opposite Pluto, he’s at 20 degrees Capricorn… Capricorn is directly opposite Cancer. We would have to see what natal aspects Your personal planets make. Look for all Planet approx 16 - 23 degrees of any sign

My pluto leo 22 in 4th house mars Sag 20 in 8th house jupiter gem 18 in 2nd house. So it doesn’t matter about their houses it’s the degree that’s affected? With all these opposition will that be bad new moon then? How can I make it work for me??

AstroWeather NYC This is the first of a series of eclipse points that will happen on the Cancer / Capricorn axis. The series is ‘a wrap’ by the middle of 2020. From this one until the end is the perfect ground, for healing, growing things, new construction, building of any type as well as making manifest the off spring of your body and mind. Creating, by using your talents and inspirations, in a caring, mystical, compassionate and passionate manner will transform your world. This is a period where and when you can make some serious loving connections that provide safety, security and protection. Pluto will bring up feelings. Harsh ones… Remember that Life is a flux - things flow in and things flow out - like the ebb and flow of the tide. When you shut down one flow, it cuts off all others. In addition, It is the meaning that you attach that makes these feelings unacceptable or acceptable. It is your resistance that makes them painful. Like life and death they are two sides of the same coin, if you stop one then you no longer have the other, death can not exist without life…….. nor can life exists without death….Thanks Dee

August 8 2018

Stop looking outside for help. You’re sourced and fuelled and funded by a renewable resource, which is within you. It never runs out. It is your Essence. It’s your life.

Source is now always available as a two way process.The Star Gate flows are constant - it doesn’t have to be a flare or solar wind storm day to receive these codes. Your own magnetics are adjusting as you migrate realities to where the Higher Self Can Express Right Through the Physical.

This is the pivotal shift from quaint 3D beliefs that days of loaded significance somehow delivered magic that rubbed off on you - the old seductive /dramatic event/ passive view of how the cosmos operates. And now we know different……we know that energy is neutral, that it is you who makes meaning and that magic happens when you make it. The I Ching hexagram for the Magician is “1 Chien The Creative”. Sometimes -as in this eclipse tunnel- the planetary weather reads “Storms,Hurricanes and Explosions”; sometimes it reads" Calm and Sunny" but whatever the backdrop, YOU CREATE UR OWN EXPERIENCE THROUGH WHAT U BELIEVE AND THE CHOICES U THINK U HAVE. YES WE CAN DO TRUE MAGIC-ALBEIT UP TO NOW UNCONSCIOUS AND RANDOM W/C ONLY BRINGS MIXED RESULTS

What each and every curve of the cosmic cycle brings are moments of chairos - time vectors when events and their resonance to your unique birth mandala conspire to crack open your tiny perspective to the Truth that your mind is not a camera but a projector and that you don’t have to believe your own thinking. “There’s a mysterious door that appears when we stop attaching ourselves to the comfort of what we believe to be are our obstacles. This is where the light of our inner fire appears. This is where we start to see, feel and listen. This is where we stop pretending. And this is where we no longer seek refuge outside of ourselves…” Tanya Lee Markul

🌒🌓🌔🌕⭐⚡☀⚡⭐🌕🌔🌓🌒🌰⭐🌱🌿🍀🎆🌋🎇🌠🔮🔔💰💰💰💰💸💸💸💳💳💳💸💸💸💰💰💰🍀🌿🍀🌿💰 😍😍😍😂��😂😆 **hugs**🤗 🤗💗💗 **luv**💕💞💕**likes**& lots of **kisses**💋💞💋🌟💃💃💃🌟✌. ✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️💥🔥⚡️✨🌠✨ 😍😍😍😍.😂🤣😂😆 hot 2 trot 🔥🔥🔥🔥🌀🌀🌀🌀 🐷🐮🐥🐢🐬🐺 🐇 🐥🐢🐬🐱🐶✌💞🎨🎯😇 🎥🖱📡📲📰🌈🏖 🎪🎪🍰🍰💰💰💰😇 🌷☘🌺🌳🌻🍀🌾⚘🌸🍃🌿😍😍😍😍😂🤣😂😆🌟🌟🌟💃🌟✌🌋🌊🌈🎆🎇🎉🎊🔓🔆🔓💰💸💳🔅📈🏁🍚⬆⬇↕🔄✳✴🌊🌈🌒🌓🌔🌕🌠⭐⚡🌋🎆🎇🎆🎉🎊🎍💸💸💸✴✳✳✳✳↕↕↕↕🎆🎇🌋✴✳🐇🐸🍀🌰🌱🌼🍀🍀🍀🌻🌺🍀🍀 🎆🎇🎉🎊🔆💸💸💸💰💰💰💳🔅📈🏁 ❣️💕💞💘👍😍💥 🌞🌟💃🏻✳✴🌊🌈🌒🌓🌔🌕🌠⭐⚡🌋🎆🎇🎆 ARIES WEEK AHEAD FORECAST: 5 - 12 August 2018 Watch your spirits lift from Tuesday as Venus lights up your relationship zone, smoothing over problems and putting you centre stage by shining the spotlight of attraction on you. Then on Saturday the 11th a New Moon eclipse in Leo sets the scene for PASSION, CREATIVITY, ROMANCE. After months of hard work and challenges, gift yourself some time out for socialising, travelling and exploring intriguing new avenues for TURNing what was side HOBBY INTO A LUCRATIVE INCOME STREAM. If your old plans fall apart, tell yourself that the eclipse will bring you something or someone even better.

THROW YOUR SCHEDULE AWAY AND GO WITH THE FLOW.

YOU CREATE UR OWN EXPERIENCE THROUGH WHAT U BELIEVE AND THE CHOICES U THINK U HAVE…& YES U CAN DO TRUE MAGIC-ALBEIT Be The F* Magician and manifest non tangeable non physical to HARD CASSSSSH

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dottenator · 5 years

Text

@hussie

Respectfully....

WHAT THE FUCK

One little note before I begin my serious thoughts: Hussie how could you kill the Mayor? It absolutely pales in comparison to everyting else, but come on dude.

I'm gonna try to work out my frustrations in the order I read these, meat and then candy, so....

Meat

How dare you do this to Dirk.

That's the thing which keeps sticking to me, honestly. They won! The game is over, Dirk has friends who love him, why this?? Why is Dirk destined to go completely nuts and do such horrible and awful things, ciolating the mental autonomy of everyone he supposedly cares about? Jake and Jane's feelings in the earlier parts of the epilogue, before the meddling becomes so overt, are significantly more creepy and invasive once it becomes clear that Dirk is making them think like this. The way they break down with his influence removed is horrifying. Dirk is such a fantastic character and I'm supposed to accept that he never grows out of thinking he can control everyone? That I'm not allowed an epilogue in which he calms the fuck down and lets himself not be in charge? I don't care at this point of that's considered wish fulfillment, give him a HAPPY ENDING for once. Not this bullshit. I'm not even gonna call that ~~Ultimate Self~~ thing by the name of the character I love. He doesn't deserve this.

Rose and Kanaya were our one good thing, and then this?? Dirk fucks with Rose's autonomy and fragile mental state to trick her away from her wife forever? The Rosemary wedding was the best thing about the original snapchat epilogue. The two of them are perfect for each other, they were happy god damn it, and I don't like any brand of storytelling that decides to split up the immortal god lesbians for pointless egotistical drama. Kanaya's fury and grief when she's allowed control over her own thoughts again is the most terrifying thing, because it really shows just how far from their understood, canon selves they really were in this epilogue. (The use of the word canon is really touchy to me after All This, but atm it's the best way to describe "the characterization we all know and love from previously established sources")

Everyone died beating English. Sure, why not. All the ghosts, Vriska, the teen kids, John everyone. It makes me unbelievably sad to imagine any of them dying (maybe not the ghosts), but with all the rest of this steaming pile of bullshit characterization I'm almost numb to it. Terezi is refreshingly real, still herself and completely believable, but when she gets back to Earth C she just. Doesn't talk to anyone? Doesn't get in touch with John or Karkat, doesn't tell anyone at all that John is dead? Why??? I'm baffled here. There's no closure to anything about Terezi here, except her personal emotions on Vriska, and who knows how valid that catharsis is with the fucking mind control narrative device everywhere. Also, fuck Hussie for making me read anyone claiming that John isn't important, or relevant, or an incredible and unique character. Was the Candy postscript supposed to imply she ended up with Dirk and Rose?? Why??? What the fuck is even going on here?????

Dave and Karkat were usually a balm to the whole bullshit, but like everything else they too are tainted by the overwhelming lack of consent in this whole epilogue. Do I think Dave and Karkat are a cute couple who should be together? Yeah. Do I think it should happen like that? Fuck no!!! They're both clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation, it all feels like an incredible violation of privacy and consent, and then right at the end it implies that Karkat isn't comfortable with how it happened and is oushing Dave away because of it! Like, fuck!!! This isn't what anyone wanted to happen! Let them figure themselves out on their own terms, with no weird narrative devices pushing them into it. Who cares how long it takes, they're all immortal!!!!!

Roxy is a cornerstone honestly. The narrative can't touch him, and I love him for it. Good for him. I really don't have anything to say on Roxy in meat, he's just fine, due largely to his immunity to the narrative bullshit.

Jane.......... I'm not sure. The bits from her point of view (though it's really unclear how much is her and how much is the narrative's influence) paint her as having some kind of reason for her troll-related policies, but really? There's no excuse for them. What the FUCK, Jane. Why does her entire future have to be molded by the influence of Condy? Can't we have a future without uncomfortable Trump parallels and the assertation that a beloved character is an asshole who wants to quash the rights of an entire species? Please Hussie I'm so tired.

Jake just makes me sad tbh. Don't have a lot to say on him. The narrative has been abusing him since Act 6 started, and the new narrative doesn't let up. Give this boy a break, I'm begging you.

In conclusion on Meat:

The parts where the muse is in charge, or where the narrative steps back and allows the characters to be themselves, are amazing. Fuck everything else, and fuck Hussie for making me read it. I'm too mad to think straight.

Candy

How dare you do this, to any of them?

The first heartbreak of Candy is Roxy/Calliope. John/Roxy is a sweet enough ship, but at what cost? They were so happy together, amd even John repeatedly points out in his internal monologue that it doesn't feel right to break them up. His conversation with Dave about sexuality and love is incredible, and up to chapter 14 the Roxy and Callir issue seemed to be the only sticking point in a much happier version

Then Dirk dies, and really? Really??? Fuck you. Fuck you for making me read that Dirk Strider would choose to end his own life when he realizes that he can no longer <i>control the minds of his friends and family</i>. That's fucked up in a million different directions. Fuck you.

Every songle thing Gamzee does makes me feel physically unclean. Is this supposed ti be a parody of poorly written fix-it fanfiction? A deconstruction of redemption arcs as a concept? It wasn't needed! Homestuck has redemption arcs already, Vriska and (Vriska) in particular bandied the idea around and deconstructed it fairly well, all of John's retcon powers were a fix-it fic, was ANY OF THIS BULLSHIT necessary??? It's a disgrace to the person Gamzee was before he went insane, and to everyone forced to read through his awful, awful dialogue.

Roxy was difficult to read in this epilogue, coming straight out of meat where Roxy was confident in himself and hid place in the world, then on to this Roxy who felt subtly wrong right up until her final conversation with John when we get her point of view on everything that's happened. Still mad about the Straight Married Babies Ever After, but Roxy at least is still #real, and I can respect her and her choices. (Except the ones involving Gamzee and funerals. I acknowledge that being weird about funerals is a known Roxy trait, but come on. Really??)

John feels like the point of view character again in Candy. He's the only one who seems to notice that something isn't quite right, his conversations with Terezi are incredible when they aren't slapping me in the face with the not-so-subtle wrongness of this universe, and his reconciliations with Roxy and Jake at the end are beautiful. I love that he at least tried to help little Tavros, no matter how it turned out, because he's a good fucking person!

Jake is a mixed bag. Am I happy with how he's treated in the first three quarters of the epilogue? Oh FUCK no. An I happy that he finally gets to be free by the end and be his own fucking person for once in his life? Absolutely. Give the boy some agency, and some GOD DAMN PANTS.

Jade honestly doesn't..... Do much? Either plot-wose or for me emotionally. She isn't in the epilogue much except as an obstacle for Davekat, which is really rude to everyone involved. I barely remember a time when I shipped DaveJade, and I don't think I ever shipped JadeKat, but after Meat I'd really hoped that that triad could work itself out. They had the potential to really be happy. Then it didn't, and she's never going to know why her husband didn't come back from investigating that strange building, unless she followed and found his corpse, dead for no apparent reason and not capable of being revived. I'm not sure which is worse. At least one of those has some kind of closure.

Karkat I actually really like in Candy. He stands up for himself, apparently finds love with Meenah, founds a moderately successful rebellion. Good For Him.

Dave is a clusterfuck of emotions, as always. Am I happy about his relationship with Jade? Not really, it seems by the end like he forced himself into it, thinking it was the right thing to do more than actually wanting it. Am I happy he got to meet and talk to Obama? Absolutely, though there is then the whole can of worms which is the canon Condy backstory. Not even touching that. After the speculation in Meat I'm thrilled to find out Obama did in fact god tier and escape the destruction of the universe. Dave is gay, he loves/loved Karkat, he's off to be the ~~Ultimate~~ version of himself and save the multiverse in the Meat postscript. Good For Him. (Also I can't be the only one who thinks Obama meant he and Dirk Fucked. Did that really happen? Did I dream that up??)

Rose and Kanaya were good too. Am I thrilled they found and raised Vriska 2.0? No. Am I happy they got to grow older together, immortal lesbian gods who are deeply in love? 10 million percent yes. Rose thanking John for the happy times with her family moved me. It didn't make it all worth it, but it helped soothe the burn this epilogue left on my soul.

Aside: I'm glad all the dead trolls are here? They're not double dead, this universe is somehow inside the black hole I guess (?), the generic dead (and Meenah and (Vriska)) get to do other shit too. Meenah/Karkat is sweet, Vriska got to kill Gamzee once and for all, I'm okay with that sequence of events.

Aradia and Sollux showing up made my day, I'm not gonna lie. They're great and hilarious. Alt!Callie's explanation of how a narrator's motives can shape a story helped me come to terms with Meat, as well as being just a fantastic bit of meta discussion.

That really just leaves Jane........

I'm not happy. Sweet baker girl is a tyrannical and genocidal despot?? No thanks. Abusive, xenophobic, asshole Jane, basically new Condy with a twist, is not something I'n gonna accept. The only time I sympathized with her at all was when her father died, and that was more for his sake than anything else. (Side note: where the fuck was he in Meat??)

In conclusion on Candy:

I don't know how anything could be as bad as Meat, but this is. Somehow. The light parts were lighter, but everything had a fundamental wrongness to it, and I couldn't be satisfied with any of it. At least Callie said none of it is canon, and she only stuck around to kill English once and for all and fix the narrative of Meat.

In Conclusion

Hussie, come out and fight me you COWARD.

#upd8 #hs #homestuck #epilogues #hs epilogues #homestuck epilogues #meat #candy #seriously though what the fuck #how do you read more on mobile

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wcnjae · 7 years

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they will insult you, hurt you, defeat you, betray you, injure you, set you a f l a m e && watch you burn.

but they will not, shall not, cannot d e s t r o y you.

because you, like rome were built on ashes, and you, like a phoenix k n o w how to rise and r e s u r r e c t

GENERAL INFO

full name: cha wonjae.

nickname(s): jae. cj.

gender & pronouns: cismale, he/him/his

sexual & romantic orientation: pansexual, panromantic.

age & dob: twenty-one, october 31.

birthplace/hometown: born in busan, south korea and raised in paris, france.

parents/siblings: cha wonsik ( father | deceased ), jeong jaeeun ( mother | deceased )

astrological sign: scorpio.

dominant hand: left, though he is ambidextrous.

handwriting style: he’s more on the heavy handed side, and despite being left-handed, it’s rather neat. ( HERE is a visual aid, tho the subject matter is not )

language(s) known/spoken: korean, english, french ( fluent ) ;; japanese ( conversational )

religion: he used to be a believer, but after everything that’s happened to him, he’s become an atheist. he believes god(s) to be cruel and unworthy of “followers”, why else would disease, starvation, etc. exist ?

current living arrangements: he lives in a relatively “high-end” place, but that’s only because it’s the penthouse his parents stayed in whenever they came over to seoul for business in the past. ( FLOOR PLAN // KITCHEN // LIVING AREA // MASTER BEDROOM )

occupation/major: he works part time as an editor. he also majors in literature, minor in creative writing.

APPEARANCES

picture reference: HERE.

blood type: o.

nationality: korean.

skin tone/color: he’s on the paler side, but not quite “milky”. he does tan relatively easily, but he doesn’t have much leisure time, especially during the day.

birthmarks & scars: he has a birth mark on his left hip that’s a few shades darker than his skin tone and it’s a dime sized peach shape.

height: ~180cm ( 5′11″ )

build: lean // muscular.

hair color: he’s a natural raven who colors his hair often, but right now it’s half black, half blonde.

hair length: a few cm past his eyes.

eye color: naturally chocolate brown, but he does wear lenses on occasion. he normally sticks with the “brown” family, but he does wear blue ones rarely.

eye shape: monolids with a minimal epicanthal fold. his aegyo-sal is more on the puffy side, especially when he’s sleepy / just woken up.

diet: ...whatever he feels like eating whenever he feels like eating it.

exercise & level of fitness: the majority of his exercise is cardio considering he boxes a lot and he likes to jog, especially when he can’t sleep. he does it on a regular basis, so he knows what he’s doing and what’s best for his body, tho he also understands he can be better. he’d say he’s a solid 8 -- 8.3 out of 10 in terms of his fitness level.

how’s their posture ( or lack thereof )?: perfect. he’s known for standing / sitting upright with his shoulders pulled back. his form and the style which he carries himself has always been important. & now that he’s trained himself, it’s a habit.

typical style of dress: jeans ( usually ripped ), t-shirts and sneakers. he’s also a fan of baggy sweaters, beanies and masks. ( HERE // HERE // HERE // HERE are some visual aids )

body modifications: he has two piercings per lobe, an EYEBROW piercing, & a SMILEY & TONGUE WEB piercing. left WRIST tattoo. BACK tattoo.

BODY LANGUAGE AND MANNERISMS

how does your muse walk?: usually full of confidence with shoulders pulled back, tho he seems unapproachable like he doesn’t want to be bothered.

how does your muse talk?: his voice is very low and on the raspy side, but like his parents, he speaks perfectly and only uses his accent when he’s angry.

what accent/dialect does your muse talk with?: he speaks with a “seoul” accent ( aka he doesn’t have one ), but as stated previously, he reverts to his busan accent when he gets mad --- these are habits he’s picked up from his parents who were adamant about him learning their mother tongue.

how high (or low) is the tone of their voice? are they loud or quiet?: it’s very low and he’s normally on the quiet side. however, if he’s in a setting that requires him to be entertaining or he genuinely enjoys your company, he’ll get louder and laugh a lot.

what is their laugh like?: HERE ( watch it bc it’s the cutest thing ever tyvm )

how does your muse typically smell?: his usual cologne is chanel’s bleu de chanel which is a “provocative blend of citrus and woods, liberates the senses —fresh, clean, profoundly sensual—a signature statement of determination and desire”

what kind of air do they carry? are they intimidating?: when he’s alone, to strangers he seems very unapproachable, pouty and grumpy. a lot of people do find him intimidating until they see him around friends, then his aura is the complete opposite.

PSYCHOLOGY

what makes your muse happiest?: boxing. music. writing. learning. coffee. laughter. rewatching home videos / his mother’s work. basketball. all things dark and horror related.

what upsets them the most?: disrespect. anyone in a position of power. not being able to have his coffee. his night terrors.

does your muse have any quirks?: chewing on his bottom lip and cheeks. cracking knuckles and other various bones. shaking his leg ( normally it’s his right one ). licking his lips.

what are their hobbies? how frequent do/can they do them?: writing. basketball. boxing. he writes and boxes every day, but he usually has to save basketball for the weekends.

do they have any guilty pleasures?: basically everything he likes ??? especially the morbid stuff ( horror movies, serial killers, death, gore, and other like things )

is your muse an extrovert? an introvert? neither? : he knows how to be both, tho he prefers to be introverted. however, he knows that sometimes in life you have to do something you’re uncomfortable with.

do they have high or low self-esteem? what about confidence?: he thinks he’s pretty well off in both of those departments, but he also understands that he’s not the best at anything or all that handsome.

are they easily stressed? how do they respond to stress?: not really; it takes a lot to get him to visibly show that he’s feeling the pressure. normally, it rolls off his shoulders and he’s able to make quick, rational decisions to best handle the stressful situation.

what is your muses worst fear?: dying before he’s able to get justice for his parents.

what is your muses biggest dream?: getting justice for his parents.

is your muse an early riser? a night owl?: whatever he needs to be, but he’s usually both because he doesn’t sleep very much.

how intelligent is your muse? do they acknowledge it?: he’s relatively well off in the intelligence department, tbh his brain is like a sponge, but he doesn’t ever voice it.

what is their sense of humour like?: let’s just say ... if you can’t make him laugh, then you have a MAJOR problem because this kid laughs at literally everything. especially if it’s something that isn’t normally very funny. punny jokes are his favorite, tho.

RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES

what’s their sexual orientation? what about romantic?: he’s willing to get down and love anyone who wants it !!

are they currently in any sexual or romantic relationships?: romantic relationships, no. sexual relationships and flirtation relationships, .... yes.

what is their experience with relationships?: he’s still very new to everything because he didn’t experience either love or sex until after he came to live in seoul.

how does your muse view the idea of friends with benefits? have they ever had one, or would they ever?: he’s currently in a fwb relationship and it’s really not something he’s proud of, but try talking some sense into his other head because he’s fallen victim.

sex, is it important to your muse?: it can make things fun, sure, but it certainly isn’t everything. consent and respect are most important, kids !!

what are their biggest turn on and turn offs?: turn ons, make him laugh // loyal // respectful // takes care of themselves. turn offs, poor hygiene // lying // being fake // lack of manners // entitlement.

does your muse find it easy to make friends?: he can make them very easily when he tries to, but he usually prefers ... not trying

how important is friendship to them?: very important !!

quantity or quality of friends?: quality will ALWAYS trump quantity

how important is family?: the MOST important

are they close to their family? why or why not ?: he was very close with them and still believes he is, tho he can’t be physically close with them anymore.

HEADCANONS

001. he’s taken over as CEO of his father’s entertainment company. however, he runs the place the same way his father did: from the background. he has people, whom both he and his father trust, handling the majority of things, but wonjae does need to sign off on all major decisions. he also has a say in who the company signs and keeps an eye on the financials.

002. he’s never been in a proper relationship or had a crush on anyone until settling down in seoul. growing up, he was much too focused on school and being the perfect son ( not because he HAD to be, but because he wanted to be )

003. tho he is very much a cinnamon roll, he doesn’t have an issue telling you off. disrespect is a sure fire way to get on his bad side, especially if he witnesses you being disrespectful to someone else. while on the subject of disrespect, i highly suggest you treat your parents VERY well when in his company, otherwise you will get an ear full.

004. he wants to cover up his back tattoo because it’s no longer true for him, however it’s a matching tattoo he got with his father and he just doesn’t have the heart to alter it in any way.

004.5. the tattoo on his wrist is the one he got in dedication to his mother --- some of his favorite memories with her include the times they traveled to korea simply to come look at the cherry blossoms.

005. he’s always been the type who was completely unfazed by death and gore --- he’s actually been kinda ... fascinated by it, so the WAY ( the intruders’ modus operandi ) his parents were killed never bothered wonjae, it was more so the WHY along with the fact that they were his PARENTS. but that is why dead bodies/murders/etc. have not become a trigger for him because he doesn’t see what happened to them, he only sees a story and something to learn for his novels.

006. 100% believes that the stars are our ancestors --- basically, when someone passes away, a new star is formed. and you cannot convince him otherwise.

007. not only does he write short stories and poems on the daily, he also keeps a diary where he writes letters to his parents every night. he lets them know how he’s doing, things he’s learned, he talks about his friends and troubles he’s encountered. he also likes to talk to them when he can’t sleep, so if you ever pass by and put your ear against his door at night, chances are you’ll hear him having a conversation with, technically, himself.

008. it takes a lot to make him cry and it’s something he won’t ever do in front of anyone unless he is extremely close with them. normally, he saves tears -- and all negative emotions -- for when he’s alone and behind closed doors.

#seoultask #sldkfgoinsdlfkng this is sO long im >__<#also there is mentions of death and murder throughout this thing juS T a warnin #n pls ignore my poor excuse of a graphic :/// what is ps n creativity ?? idk them :////#✨. ❝ — moon dust in your lungs ; stars in your eyes | musings. ❞

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annequinox · 7 years

Text

Traveling With a Lonely Immortal

Part 2/? [part 1] [part 3] Pairing: Zeref and Lucy Rating: T Word count: 5,453 Status: Ongoing A/N: Wah! Finally! I thought I would never be able to finish this part. It was so long and well, I tried not to rush the romance. And it still isn’t! You’ll have to wait until the next part for their kisses (maybe?) and such! Hahaha anyway, I hope you enjoy this part!

Summary: When Lucy is given a chance to save her mother, she takes it, unbeknownst to her that the cost will be leaving the Heartfilia family forever. In addition to that, she has to spend the rest of her life with the most evil mage of all time and accompany him until her last breath.

He smiled. “That’s right.”

Lucy looked at him, her breath caught up in her throat. It wasn’t easy getting here, she knew that. But this moment—this reality, it felt very much surreal. Like perhaps, it was all just a dream.

“Y-You… You’re actually here,” she breathed, disbelieving. “Just like they said you would be.”

Zeref furrowed his eyebrows and took a step back, bringing a hand to his head as he massaged his temples. “You were just lucky. I don’t usually help mortals, much less young girls like you.”

“W-Why did you show up then?”

He paused, eyes lowering. “I don’t know.”

Lucy stared at him and noticed, for the first time, that although he was known as the darkest mage in all of Ishgar, he didn’t look that evil. He looked like a young boy, lost and alone—just like her. But first impressions weren’t accurate all the time anyway.

She hid her hands behind her back, hoping he wouldn’t notice that she was trembling. “M-My mother…”

“What about her?”

“A curse was placed on her,” she replied, biting her lip. Her nerves were killing her but he merely nodded, urging her to continue. “I—only you can lift it.”

Zeref seemed to think about this, but it was more like he dropped his head and closed his eyes. She couldn’t tell if he was actually laughing at her or if he was even considering her pleas. And yet, she hoped with all her might that he did. She prayed to the skies that they grant her wish, even if it could may as well be her last one.

He lifted his head and looked at her. “You’re from…?”

“F-Fiore.”

Stunned, he held her gaze for a long time. “That’s at the opposite end of this continent, you know.”

Lucy flushed. “Yes, I know.” She did know. Home was beyond her grasp, barely even touching the tips of her fingertips. It had been months since she left—five? Six? She wasn’t entirely certain, but she knew it could be longer than that, not less. “Please, I only have so little time left. Lift the curse that was placed on my mother, I beg you!”

He pressed his lips into a thin line. “I will help you.”

She froze. “Y-You will?”

“But on one condition.”

Lucy’s heart dropped in a second. She was frightened. She knew though that whatever he threw at her, she would gladly accept. If it meant healing her mother, then she was going to do whatever he wanted her to do.

She gave him a nod. “What—sure, o-okay.”

Suddenly he was directly in front of her, their faces inches apart as his eyes stared deep into her soul. His smile was cruel. “You will accompany me. Be my companion for the rest of your life or else your mother dies.”

She didn’t let even a heartbeat pass.

“I accept.”

約

Lucy watched from a distance as Zeref made his presence known to the Heartfilia Konzern. The mansion was in a frenzy, barricading windows, locking doors, closing all the lights—they were making him a significant guest even though most would have attacked him on sight.

She smiled sadly, looking on as her mother and father bowed deeply to the greatest mage of all time. She missed home. This was where she was meant to be and here she was, her journey at an end. And yet, she couldn’t even let them know that she was alive, that she was here. She couldn’t even tell them about her travels or how she wished she could visit them for at least once a year.

“Where is my daughter?” she heard Layla ask, her voice weak and shaky. “W-Where’s Lucy?”

Zeref remained stoic. “The girl is dead. It is a curse that I also have—any living being that approaches me or is around me dies when my magic goes rampant.”

There was a silence that seemed louder than anything she had ever heard of.

“You are fortunate to have her. If she hadn’t begged me to save your life, I would have turned her down, regardless of whether or not she would die.”

Lucy closed her eyes, shielding herself of the view of her parents breaking down. It was one of their deals—no one from the Heartfilias could know that she was still alive. Because whether it was her decision or not, they were going to go after her. One way or another, they would want to have her back.

She supposed she saw the logic in that. She didn’t want her parents to think that she left them on purpose too, so this was better. She didn’t really have much of a choice.

It was only a few minutes later when Layla was cured. Zeref didn’t take too long. The removal of the curse was hasty and simple for a dark mage like him. Within moments, her mother was already walking, her skin healthy as though she was never ill. The bruises on her skin were gone, leaving no scars behind. Even her father couldn’t believe it and already had his wife in his arms, embracing her with so much love that Lucy didn’t feel any regret at all.

Although she would no longer be in the picture, she wished for them eternal happiness.

As soon as the ritual was finished, the household began to offer him gifts as thanks. Zeref took that as his cue to leave and vanished in a haze of dark wisps. He reappeared beside her, patting his robes down before meeting her eyes. It was only for a brief second before he decided to look away, and she took this chance.

“Can we…” she paused, swallowing. “C-Can I at least stay for my funeral?”

“Okay.”

She smiled tearfully. “Thank you.”

The wake lasted for about three days. Cousins and distant relatives visited her, crying over how she had so much left to do and yet she died at such a young age. She found it ironic how she knew none of them but they still lamented for her, as if they had the tightest bond that no one could break. Perhaps there were some who wished they had at least tried to talk to her. Somehow, it made her regret that she was never that close with her cousins. Nevertheless, it was saving them the grief, not knowing her much.

No one questioned why the casket was empty. No one even mentioned the fact that her mother was fine, like a miracle had occurred. Just a few months ago she was a ticking time bomb and was bedridden. Seeing her walk around the mansion like she was never sick to begin with raised suspicions, but no one dared to ask due to the sullen atmosphere.

It was a depressing occasion. The mansion was packed with people from daylight to nighttime and the families occupied nearly all of the rooms to stay for the burial. It was odd, watching them mourn for her death. Was this really how funerals worked? It seemed fake, like maybe everyone was just pretending to be miserable. It felt peculiar, watching people pray for her when she was just there—alive and breathing. But no one could know. No one could know that Lucy Heartfilia was never really dead to begin with.

And so she was no longer a Heartfilia. Only Lucy.

On the fourth day, it rained. She didn’t know if it was Zeref’s doing or the heavens, but it was a heavy downpour while they gathered outside for her burial. Every person wore black clothing and it was a solemn ceremony, something she did not want. Truthfully, she wanted an upbeat funeral. She wanted people to remember her through happy moments and smile through those times. But she was only fifteen. And fifteen years wasn’t much of an experience for some, so they could only cry over her wasted years.

When the funeral was over and her relatives were beginning to leave, Lucy decided that it was time to start another journey. But where to, she didn’t know. It was up to Zeref this time.

It was no longer her choice to make.

勇

The route they were taking was different from hers. It should be easier, since Zeref had the power to teleport if he wanted to, but she noticed that he avoided this and joined her in the magical vehicle. Sometimes when her magic began to dilute, he would take her place and drive the four wheeler.

“Let’s stop by Tenrou Island after Crocus,” he told her and she merely nodded, the conversation at an end.

Lucy leaned against the windowsill and watched another sunset. It was strange, having to watch it with someone else. She was still cautious around Zeref though and they didn’t have much of a relationship—only travelers in the same vehicle. She didn’t attempt to make little talk with him, afraid of how he would react. He wasn’t exactly being friendly to her.

Breathing in deeply, she opted to busy herself with the map. They went west this time, going around Fiore and crossing the ocean to get to Caelum. She wasn’t planning on asking him why he chose this path, but she seldom felt like she needed to.

“Do you wish to rest for the night?”

She stared at the back of his head in surprise. Blinking herself out of her stupor, she cleared her throat and said, “I d-don’t mind if you wish to continue traveling, Lord Zeref.”

She thought she may have heard him huff. “I thought I told you to stop calling me that.”

She lowered her gaze to her lap, clenching her fists. “But…”

“Zeref is fine,” he explained, sighing as he looked over his shoulder. “Get some sleep. We’ll switch in a few hours.”

Lucy chose to stay quiet and lied on the long bench, turning to her side. She thought it would be impossible to fall asleep with this situation. But within seconds, she was deep into slumber, the dark mage keeping a careful eye on her so she wouldn’t fall.

勇

Crocus was lovely. She thought she would never be able to look around the cities and towns if she was to accompany him. He was turning out to be kinder than most people made him seem like. Smiling to herself, she took the liberty of throwing away her old clothes and bought herself a fresh set, along with a cloak. Zeref had advised her to get one if she were to travel with him.

“A magical cloak would be better,” he had told her. “I can enchant it to keep you hidden when needed.”

Munching on a hamburger, she reminisced about the events that unfolded this year. She thought about how in just a few months, she would be turning sixteen. Her spirits had argued with her a lot with what happened, especially Aquarius. They even refused to be summoned for some time, which complicated things when she trained. Eventually they warmed up to her once again and decided to let it be.

When they left the Heartfilia Konzern, they didn’t begin their journey immediately. It took Zeref a while before he agreed that they were to start traveling. After her funeral, they spent three to four months in a cave in Mt. Hakobe. It was freezing day and night, and the Vulcans attacked nonstop.

One day, she had asked him why they were wasting time in some icy mountain.

“If you’re to travel with me, you need to get used to being in danger around the clock,” he had said, shaking his head before leaving her to train some more.

She did not complain afterwards, despite of the ache in her back from sleeping on the rocky ground and that she couldn’t wash her clothes as often as she wanted to. When Zeref deemed her ready, they left the cave. And now here they were at Crocus, the capital of Fiore.

He wasn’t really with her though. He couldn’t risk being spotted in such a populated kingdom, so he chose to stay in the forests to wait for her. And she couldn’t think of why he would trust her that much. She could run away any minute now and leave him (she was sure he would find her though) or she could disobey him and ignore the errands that he had given her.

Fortunately, Lucy wasn’t like that and she liked to keep her word.

She was back in the forest in no time. She found Zeref reading a book inside of the four wheeler, a handful of dead flowers beside him on the floor.

Lucy looked at him before taking a seat on one of the benches. “I… uh, bought a cloak just like you advised me to,” she announced, rummaging through her knapsack for the said clothing.

“Good,” he commented, flipping a page. “I’ll enchant it later.”

She blinked and nodded, pushing her bag to the end of the bench and resting her head on it. She stretched and yawned, listening to Zeref’s unconscious humming while she lifted one of his books to her face and began to read.

Halfway into a page, the book was snatched away from her hands. She jolted upright, staring at Zeref who seemed to be panicking.

“W-What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

He glanced at her before saying, “No. Don’t—just… read something else.” He released a frustrated sigh and handed her a novel. “Here.”

“O-Okay,” Lucy mumbled, scratching her neck. She took the book from his hands and resumed her position, trying to ignore the fact that she had been terrified then, thinking that she had done something wrong.

Dismissing the thought, she turned to the next page and continued reading.

共

Lucy stared at the massive tree in front of them, flabbergasted and sweating from the warm weather.

“What are we doing here?” she asked, turning to Zeref who had begun to put on his black robes. She found it slightly amusing that even the strongest mage couldn’t resist the heat.

“I’m just going to drop by an old friend and say hi,” he answered, his tone dismissive.

Deciding that it would be best to remain quiet, Lucy followed him into the island. It was getting cooler now, a better state than when they were on the ocean with the sun nearly burning her skin off, so she chose to put on her shirt as well.

She clasped her hands behind her and yawned silently. She was tired from their trip but she didn’t want him to know. Whoever this friend of his was, he or she seemed very important, for Zeref to drop by. She didn’t think he was that kind of guy. Rather, she assumed he had no friends at all, no matter how unpleasant that sounded like. Hence, she didn’t want to ruin his visit by declaring that she needed to nap first.

They were deep into the forest when he began to speak. “Do you know of the guild called Fairy Tail?” he inquired, genuine curiosity laced in his voice.

“Yeah.” It was her dream guild. “They’re the best guild in Fiore, so naturally everyone knows them. Unless they’re living under a rock or something,” she rambled, oblivious that Zeref had stopped to give her his full attention.

Resuming his walk, he smiled fondly at a thought that he was having. “They might be going here in two years,” he replied softly, and in his eyes flashed with an emotion that no one had ever seen before. “We’ll return when they come, for I have something I must do when they arrive. But for now, I suppose we can stay somewhere in the east.”

Lucy, who naturally didn’t have it in her to drop the conversation, decided to change the topic. “Do you ever… I don’t know—do you ever think about your mortality? Or the lack thereof.”

“Sometimes,” he admitted, not sounding too offended or angered by her question. He slowed his pace, walking in step with her as he glanced at her. “When you’re immortal, you have all the time to think about many things. Mostly they come after the curse has been activated and everything around me has died. I think about what I could have been if I weren’t me. I think about all the people that I met in four hundred years and how they all come and go.”

Speechless, Lucy could only stare at the dark mage. He was staring longingly straight ahead, his face holding a hint of sadness. “It didn’t take a hundred years to realize that this was truly a curse, or even a few months. It took only a day. When I entered a room and everyone had died, that’s when it hit me—that I’ll never be normal again, that this curse would be stuck with me forever.”

“And… you don’t mind telling me this?” she whispered, stunned that he would open up his heart to her. A stranger.

He shrugged. “You’re going to spend your whole life with me. Might as well, don’t you think?”

“I suppose…” she muttered in confusion. Did it really work that way? She wasn’t sure. “I guess we shouldn’t be strangers for 70 years or so.”

He hummed in agreement and they sunk into silence. However, within minutes they slowed into a stop, standing in front of a grave. Zeref smiled fondly and sat in front of it, touching the headstone and patting away the dust that had gathered.

Lucy flushed and pressed her lips together. “I, uh, I think I’ll go explore a bit more,” she stuttered nervously. When he said nothing, she began to walk away. She felt like she was disturbing something important with how he looked at the grave. It wasn’t her intention to intrude on a special visit like that.

She didn’t really go that far though, only a hundred steps away or so. She only made sure that she couldn’t understand whatever he was saying, reading the book he lent her while he talked to his old friend. The forest here seemed livable and she already knew that they would be staying for a while. Perhaps until he felt like leaving.

It was nightfall by the time he was finished. Lucy had just woken up from a nap when she heard him approach, his face passive and lacking of emotions that he had earlier.

She frowned and opened her mouth—closed it instead. She couldn’t bring herself to ask him if he was fine.

“Let’s go,” he mumbled low under his breath. Whether she like it or not, she had to get back on the road again. Or the ocean, rather.

Halfway through packing her things, he spoke again. “No,” he said loudly, almost shouting, and she stopped, blinking. “I meant let’s set camp somewhere else. Not here.”

Oh.

Embarrassed, she ducked her head and gripped the straps of her backpack. They decided to stay the farthest possible place from the grave. He didn’t tell her why nor did she ask, but she could tell that something had happened that made his mood turn sour.

“Is everything—”

“Sleep,” he cut her off, his head turned away from her as he leaned against a tree trunk. “You haven’t had much of it.”

Mouth upturned, Lucy decided to drop the topic and turned to her side, the flickering of the flame behind her the only sound that could be heard. She closed her eyes with a sigh.

“Goodnight, Zeref,” she resolved to say, after a month’s worth of debates.

There was a deafening silence and he didn’t answer. But when his fingers touched the crown of her head and he began to run them through her hair, she decided that she didn’t particularly mind.

共

“Lucy,” Zeref called, head in his hands. “Stay back.”

She looked at him, lips pressed into a firm white line and nodded, stepping a certain distance away from the mage. In an instant the plants around him withered and the ground thundered with the force of magic. When the effects of the curse faded and Lucy could finally approach him, he raised his hand to stop her.

“Find yourself food to eat,” he rasped weakly. “This may take a while.”

Pained, Lucy could only obey. She left him to himself, sobbing against the withered trees and questioning the life that he had. The urge to kill himself was growing stronger every time the curse activated, and yet he couldn’t do it. He didn’t have the strength to.

In spite of this, it wasn’t his immortality that prevented him from suicide—it was an entirely different thing, one that he wished would remain the depths of his mind. It was something that he didn’t know how to deal with.

Lucy returned with a handful of berries after some time. She ignored the chaos around him, moving past the still bodies of animals and the crushed flowers. Sitting beside the mage, she popped a berry in her mouth and offered him some.

“I don’t want any,” he grated tiredly.

“Eat,” she told him, separating an equal amount of berries for the both of them. “Maybe it’ll make you feel better.”

His eyes narrowed, snapping towards her dangerously. “Nothing will make me feel better.”

“Really?”

Their eyes met each other and Zeref didn’t look away. “They told me that nothing would be able to cure my mother but you did,” she pointed out, their faces so close she was finding it difficult to focus. “Nothing is impossible, you know.”

“I’ve discovered that there is.”

Lucy smiled crookedly. “You don’t know that yet.”

He directed his gaze to the ground, a hand tangled in his hair. “I have always wondered,” he paused, swallowing. “What made you do it?”

Movements stopping, she chewed slowly and gulped down the food. “What made me do what?” she repeated, handing him his share while she finished hers.

“What made you look for me?”

Heart slowing into a soft thumping, Lucy found herself unable to look when he focused his attention towards her. “Well, to put it simply, I just loved my mother too much,” she answered, smiling sheepishly. Her eyes fogged up with emotions and she blinked them away. “I had always wanted to leave home, but never like that. I wanted to be a member of some guild and travel the continent. And then things happened and I had to save my mother first before caring for myself.

“But it’s okay. I may not be in a guild, but I’m traveling right now and I get to train. By the way, I never got to thank you for saving her.” Her eyelids fluttered close. “Thank you. You don’t know how grateful I am that you agreed to heal her. You don’t know how long it took to find you. At some point, I thought it was bordering impossible, too,” she confessed, laughing softly.

“But you found me,” he breathed, eyes never leaving her face. “You found me.”

Finally gathering her courage, she lifted her head to return his gaze and smiled. “I did.”

共

After nearly two years of traveling with Zeref, Lucy had discovered several things. Mostly why he was evil and why he created his demons. She couldn’t say for sure that she fully understood him, though a part of her did. She didn’t think he was right with whatever he was doing, nor did she think he was wrong. She merely supported his decisions as his companion and turned a blind eye to his plans.

Thankfully, her parents were doing fine. Zeref had allowed her to visit secretly one day and they now had a son. They named him Lucas in tribute to her. He had the same blond hair and warm brown eyes—just like her. She wished she could go back and take care of him but she knew it was hopeless. In addition to that, she had already given up on returning. She was happy with where she was now, despite the odds.

Her grave, surprisingly, was never vacant. There were always flowers and she caught her father reading her favorite storybook to her at night. They kept her bedroom clean, her personal belongings still present and the walls filled with photographs.

She truly was deceased and it felt strange, seeing her grave once again after the funeral and realizing that people still loved her even though she was gone. That made her smile.

She and Zeref chose to stay in the mountains in Pergrande. They resided beside a lake where they bathed in turns, close to the city so they could easily buy anything they might need. Though Lucy did most of the shopping and left him to himself. He would disappear sometimes, she didn’t know where to, but he would return after a few days. Sometimes late in the night. And when he did, he would ruffle her hair. It was a greeting that she had grown to love.

Lucy didn’t know what they were. Friends, perhaps. Companions, that was for sure. And yet there was something. She couldn’t name it exactly, but she could feel it—a fluttering inside her stomach whenever he smiled at her. It was unusual.

“Our return to Tenrou is in a month,” Zeref reminded her, folding his legs as he studied the maps and scrolls laid out in front of him. “Grimoire Heart should be there a few days after our arrival.”

“Really?” she questioned, raising a brow. “I thought they stayed out of the other guilds’ way.”

He nodded. “Yes, but not this time. They seem to be trying to contact me, which I think is a bit ridiculous.”

Laughing, Lucy shook her head and handed him a bowl of stew. “And you’re going to entertain them?”

“Might as well,” he replied, pinching the bridge of his nose. “They could ruin my plan.”

“Of meeting Natsu?”

“Yes.”

Lucy failed to tell him that she had met the guy before but decided long ago that it would be best not to let him know. Clearing her throat, she said, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to join you this time.”

“Nonsense.” Zeref handed her back his bowl, already finished. “You need to be there if something happens to me.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re immortal. You’ll be fine.”

He sighed, watching her helplessly as she stood up to clear their makeshift table (which was just a huge slab of stone on top of four corner rocks) and fiddled with the maps. He grabbed her wrist before she could bypass him. “You’re going with me to Tenrou,” he commanded, frowning.

Lucy cocked her head to the side, thrown off-guard. After a few seconds of staring at each other, she leaned closer and patted his head. “Don’t be mean! I was going to go anyway,” she reassured, shaking away his grip. He let go immediately.

“Okay,” he concluded, putting away his scrolls and folding his arms on the table. He placed his chin on top and listened to the rustling of the leaves, feeling at peace.

“Hey, Lucy.”

She looked over her shoulder. “Yeah?”

He weighed his options in his mind, debating whether or not he should ask her. In the end, he could only suck in a deep breath.

“Nothing,” he replied, ignoring the way her stare was digging into his side.

共

Lucy pulled the hood of her cloak further over her face, hopefully hiding her identity from the masses. The market was bustling with people, the merchants beckoning her over to look at their goods and the vendors offering her free tastes. Pergrande didn’t fail at being the trading capital of Ishgar. It was indeed a hustle and bustle every day to get first-class products. So it was only reasonable for her to hate errand day, when all of their food had run out and she was tasked to do Zeref’s orders.

Sporting a barely contained grimace, she weaved through the crowd of buyers and sellers. Today she was tasked to do three things: One, restock their food supply; two, buy Zeref white cloth for his robes (since his was apparently a hundred years too old); and three, find herself a new key ring. Her collection was growing, mostly with silver keys, but they couldn’t fit the old one anymore.

She was looking through a handful of rings when she heard the screams.

Alarmed, she picked the biggest one out of the selection and gave the woman a large amount of jewels. “Sorry! I have to go!” she shrieked, immediately running through the alleyways to avoid the mayhem.

She heard the explosion of magic and cursed. Zeref was right. She was going to be attacked, though by who, he didn’t specify. He only told her to get them off her trail and return to him. Then they would be on their way. He also made her promise not to attack them, for they could place a mark on her to track them down and they didn’t want that. Run. Distract. Run. Go to Zeref. Leave.

Easy—she could do that.

Lucy nibbled on her bottom lip timidly and kept her eyes straight ahead. If she turned right, she could run straight for the forest, make a turn to get to Zeref, and then they could drive straight out of here. It wasn’t the best plan but it was all her told her to do anyway—run.

Just as she was nearing the end of the alley, it was blocked by two men whose faces were hidden behind masks. She skidded into a stop, hissing.

“Get out of my way,” she snapped angrily, hand gripping onto her Fleuve d'étoiles. “Or else.”

One of them scoffed. “You can’t scare us, girl.”

The other nodded in agreement, stepping closer to her. “Now lead us to Zeref!”

Eyes narrowing, she uncoiled her whip and snapped it against the floor, making them jump back. She took this opportunity and grabbed one of her keys, raising it above her head. “Gate of the Lyre, I open thee!” She slammed her hand down. “Lyra!”

The spirit appeared in a puff of white and bowed to Lucy, smiling. “What can I do for you today?”

“Put them to sleep,” she ordered.

Lyra winked. “Got’cha!”

As the spirit began to sing a lullaby and the two men were beginning to get groggy, Lucy took out her communications lacrima. She tried contacting Zeref but he wouldn’t answer. She groaned—he had to give her such a hard time.

With her enemies finally sleeping on the floor, she dismissed Lyra and continued running to the forest. She whispered a spell beneath her breath and enchanted her cloak. Even with the invisibility spell activated earlier, they still saw her. Hopefully now they wouldn’t be able to even smell her.

She found Zeref passed out on the grass, breathing heavily.

“Zeref!” she shouted, hurrying to his side. She lifted his head and rested it on her lap, tapping his cheek repeatedly. “Come on, wake up! We have to leave,” she whispered restlessly.

When she got no response, her heartbeat picked up. She knew worrying was useless—he was immortal. He wasn’t going to die anytime soon, so why was her blood pounding so fast? Was it the adrenaline? The exhaustion? Or was it something else?

But a moment later, he was coughing. “Lucy… my cloak. Get—get my cloak.”

“Alright. Okay,” she said with a nod. She fetched for the said article of clothing in the magical vehicle and helped him put it on. “Do you need anything? Why are you so weak?”

“The curse.”

Lucy flinched, finally understanding the situation. Usually whenever his black magic activated, he felt rubbish. He wouldn’t be able to function until he was at peace with himself. He would have awful migraines that would only leave if she made Lyra sing a song to put him to sleep, but she couldn’t do that now. She had just summoned the spirit and she was unavailable until next week. Lips pressing into a firm line, she ran her fingers through her hair.

“Zeref, we have to go,” she reminded him weakly, eyes saddening at the sight of him whimpering.

“Okay,” he breathed, panting. “Okay—I’ll teleport us to Tenrou Island.”

She nodded. “And our things?”

“We’ll just have to leave them behind,” he croaked, leaning against her. “Ready?”

“Of course.”

“Okay,” Zeref whispered, stretching his hand out. He recited a spell under his breath and together they vanished, leaving behind only a trail of black smoke.

There are three kanjis for this part this time.

約 - promise 勇 - brave 共 - together

So, there you have it! There are a lot of changes to the Lucy we know in FT canon ofc. But since she didn’t meet up with Fairy Tail, she is different in many ways. Like with her spirits—since she never got involved with Nirvana, she still doesn’t have Aries. And since she never went to Fairy Tail, she never got to save Loke. Sad, but things have to happen.

And yes, Zeref’s curse. I switched it up I guess. I supposed it would affect him a little bit if he tries so hard to suppress it, now that Lucy’s in the picture. I hope you don’t mind that tiny little detail.

The year they are in now is x784, so you can all do your research and guess what happens next! Well then, until the next part! Bye!

P.S If you have any questions, just drop an ask on my profile :)

#fairy tail #zercy #zeref dragneel #lucy heartfilia #zeref x lucy #traveling with a lonely immortal #part 2 #annequinox

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artist-tyrant · 8 years

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Part 1 of The Arian Tabulation from Generations of Betrayal by NSLeumas

Other than the 16-years under Emperor Theodosius I (379-395), the xtian-religion of the Roman Empire from 325 to 552 (227-years!) was NOT R-C, but Arianism; excepting intermittent-emperors who, while they favored R-C, were not-willing to destroy freedom of religion to achieve it. Those 16-yrs. set serious precedents that J-R would use 2-centuries later when it finally got going with Pope Gregory I. Theodosius was asked by Co-Emperor Gratian to save Constantinople from destruction by the Goths (375). He did more than that unfortunately, by salvaging a Romanism as close to dying as it would ever be, for J-R supplied cannon-fodder (men) & arms to his-legions, so he paid a large-tribute (from citizen-taxes) to the Goths to get them to withdraw back to the Balkans—thus he swept-away all obstructing J-Cs path & saved their bacon (damn!). “Towards 378-9, the small & depressed remnant of the Orthodox Party in Constantinople sent him (Gregory of Nazianus) an urgent summons to undertake the task of resuscitating their cause, so long persecuted & borne down by the Arians of the capital (Rome) . . . the Orthodox Party speedily gathered strength; & the small apartment in which they had been accustomed to meet was soon exchanged for a vast & celebrated Church…”

(Ency. Britannica, 11th Ed.; V.12, p. 563-c). The famous J-C Church of Ambrose, @ Milan, was surrounded by Arianism, Gallicanism, Paulicianism, Marcionism, & Mithraism (still very-popular throughout Italy). Nominally an Arian, Gratian suppressed Mithraist temples & ceremonies in Rome, forbade legacies of property to their-vestals, & confiscated their-revenues, while ignoring the outcries of Mithraist-members of the Roman Senate—instigated by Ambrose! But this unprecedented-grant of J-C freedom was momentary, for at its northern-border, the Roman Empire faced the armies of 3 large-tribes (Goths, Vandals, Huns). That same year, Valens, Emperor of the East, was defeated & slain by the Goths, bringing Gratian to the throne. Later, Gratian’s pro-JC policy, & his decline into indolence, cost him the loyalty of his army; w/o defense in 383 he fled to Lyon only to be slain by his general Maximus, leaving his western-empire for Theodosius to appoint a successor. Three-years earlier, to adhere to the responsibility given by Gratian, Theodosius had himself baptized R-C, while the ARIAN(GOTHIC) armies waited-out another 12-yrs. to attack him & take all the tribute. It was under these fragile-circumstances that he issued his famous decree—the THEODOSIAN CODE, which reads in-part: “We order that the adherents of this faith be called Catholic Christians; we brand ALL THE SENSELESS FOLLOWERS of the other religions with the infamous name of HERETICS, & forbid their conventicles assuming the name of churches. Besides the condemnation of divine justice, they must expect heavy penalties which our authority, guided by heavenly wisdom, shall think proper to inflict.” (Schaff; Nicene & Post-Nicene Christianity, V.1, p. 142) (Kurtz; Church History, V.2). (He, at least, had the ‘decency’ not to call it “Christianity”.) He backed his-decree with A TRAIL OF BLOOD & KILLING, halted only by his death (395); one of his-campaigns—the massacre of 7,000 christians & others @ Thessalonica in 390—even drawing the criticism of his-own Bishop, Ambrose. It lasted 12-short-years, for the empire was in 395 after his death immediately REinvaded, by Alaric I, who took Thrace, Greece, Italy—threw the T.-CODE into the flames, & REestablished Arian rule for another 131-years! BUT he made a tragic-error, for which civilization was to pay for the next 15-CENTURIES!! Even with his armies in control & his generals in the courts, even with people still-struggling to recover from 12-years of persecution-death-barbarism & the example of what J-R would do if given the reigns of power—instead of exterminating J-R then & there, he ALLOWED Ambrose to approach him with a deputation of JC-senators & plead for mercy. And with all the judgement of a baby touching a vampire, he GRANTED it!! (So-like today’s gullibles re ‘toleration’!!) The bill for this horrific blunder was paid by every xtian-nation in the area 131-yrs. later, when they got Justinian!

Some measure of the fear that J-R had of Arianism is in the fact that the Council of Nicaea was called to invoke the temporal-power of the empire to suppress them. Yet, how-fearsome it still-represents to Anglicans & Romanists is seen in Stanley’s book, in which he has two long-chapters about the Council w/o citing this highly-significant fact; but it is in bits & pieces in censored/one-sided church history texts. In an OBJECTIVE history of Arianism is found Its threat to J-R, & for logical-reasons, ie, it being popular, growing-rapidly, holding to Internalism, & having powerful-friends in the Imperial Court; J-R was desperate to stop it, but the only Device they had was a Council.

There were solid-reasons for its popularity. Eusebius, Sozomen, etc, & their later critics (Mosheim, etc) place the conflict between J-C & Arianism MISTAKENLY on their disparate-views of the relation of Christ to God, MISinterpreting what was really there, at the expense of its application to contemporary-theology; as that argument—now 1,676 yrs. old—is still very-much at issue, ie, contemporary-views re what Xtianity really-is & what it was intended to be. The relationship of Christ to God was not the real-issue @ Nicaea (tho’ that is what came-down from JR-historians) but was re internal vs. external concepts. The real-issue was JRs externalizing the Logos vs. Xtianity’s maintaining it as internal-change. Not the nature of Christ, but the LOCATION of the Logos/Christos/Power-Spark-of-God re the human-body was at stake. JR was imposing its bogus Trinitarianism, but ARIUS rejected ALL the JR-concepts (Nicene Creed; physical-resurrection / Trinity; external-Logos / Human-Sacrifice for others’ sins / External Redemption). Arianism held to the Original-concepts (God-power existing in ALL MEN only by-which they redeem-themselves).The Ju-historians of that time (on whom too-much modern-analysis still depends) wrote the real nature of these arguments INcorrectly to further disguise (for posterity) the true nature of the debates. Instead of A Christ (proper-noun) & HIS link to God ((as told)) they spoke of THE Christ (adjective) & ITS link to God, ((they did not)) which alters the extraneous fanaticism, ie, in their true-form free of distortions they were not debating the nature of Jesus at all, but the nature of the human soul. But it still wouldn’t dispel the general-condition of that period/time as being the lowest intellectual depth in 1,000-yrs. (Guizot).

Arius’ views on the nature of Christ (as told by JR-writers) have been DISTORTED at the expense of the more-revealing components of Arianism; exactly the same done to our good Atheism (by theists). The Arian-philosophy = Arius said worshipping Christ as Deliverer was idolatry (Adeney, p.45) & that it (THE Christ), NOT he, belonged to our nature; Arius rejected both Testaments, having his-own selection of scripture-lit; He rejected JCs “Faith” as being a trick, designed to make laity dependent-upon priests. He held to Gnostic-logic, advocating it was dangerous to give one’s power of deductive-reason to the interpretation of others (priests or otherwise), especially re one’s link to God; His-system was deliberately-free of the obscurities & burdensome extrapolations of popular-theology in the idea that the essential problem of transfiguration was not theological or analytical, but mystical/spiritual. Adeney (& others) claims that this (& his-training at Antioch) means his system of logic was Aristotelian (which does not hold-up under examination). He’d taken training (not from a Romanist-Aristotelian) from Lucian, Bishop of Antioch (285) & from a confirmed-Paulician (Paul, ArchBishop of Samosata), making his logic Platonist (internal); Arius said that the “sonship” of Christ was only FIGURATIVE, distorted from its Original Logos-doctrine, ie, the “son of god” being symbolized by Jesus. In this sense, the Christ-within could be conceived as a mediator, as it was via the Christos that men are spiritually resurrected & their-souls reunited with God. But the idea of a PERSON named ‘Christ’ outside the body had no meaning/application to the process of salvation of souls whatsoever; He repudiated John’s Logos-doctrine; He held the church-process be made simple, not bogged down in burdensome unending dogma-protocol-ceremony-ritual-edifices having naught to do with individual-morality or the work of the soul.

These were all ENTRAPMENTS J-C was weaving to create the mythical-dream of “holy-upliftment”, but that delivers nothing.Gwatkin (outspoken-antagonist) lists other-points re Arienism, ie, Pelagianism (Pelagius; “Free-Will”); Dualism of god & man (Platonist-Zoroastrianist); Freedom/Independence of man; were essential-elements with Arius. Jesus was human (like us) but had been transfigured, placing the Logos within humans (where it was before Philo). But Gwatkin said Arius was “denying the Lord’s dignity”. To the contrary, it is Original-teaching.From this it’s evident Arius’ views were not-extreme, but were non-ju, rejecting those OT-claims J-C was foisting. He could never have brought such ju-lies to the Gothic & Burgundian Tribes of the North, so after his-death, Arianism spread-across Southern-Europe (from Dacia & Moera, now modern-Romania, to Southern-France & into Spain). And it was this preserved-Internalism which penetrated the Roman Empire.

Arius was under-attack because he had brought Gnostic-Christology forward as a formal theology surviving on its-own as popular & gaining adherents; whose authenticity/credentials he could demonstrate with JC unable to challenge (w/o force). His-theology, therefore, was in the mainstream of xtian-thinking. The JC-bishops at Nicaea did not favor Gnosticism & were trying to override it again out of their-own churches from within.

Unquestionably, tolerance & a break with past-precedent was granted JC by Constantine’s Edict, but nothing to fit the lying-impression of standard historical-treatment. There were ramifications, & considering these, changes first-impressions that JC became the official-theism via this-edict, as if by magic-thaumaturge… far from it. It’s true, Xtianity’s condition improved in 312. It’s not-true, that JC was the only beneficiary, or that Paganism was put to the torch, or that any other substantive-change accompanied the edict re the status of the other-religions prevalent in Rome before 312, for Rome continued to be what it was before, ie, open to all; every-theism had freedom there, EXCEPT J-C.

By the time of the Council, Arius was 75. For 45-years he’d been consecrating his-own bishops & churches as part of the Greek-church which had yet to be controlled by JC. When the doctrinal-conflict arose in the G.-church, many of his-bishops went North on their-own to begin converting those-tribes. Others remained within the empire to try to rectify-control in the G.-church, while still-others split-off to form their-own independent-churches. By 350, there were 5 distinct branches of Arianism within the empire alone.Initially, Constantine’s endorsement went to the JCs, mainly on misleading info about Arius, from his-opponents. (Another ju-tactic, even today re foreign-policy, re Aryans, re everyone jews hate!) But Arius had powerful-friends, among them Constantine’s daughter, Constantia, a confirmed-Arian. Although they disagreed, at her urging the Arian-priests at the Council signed its-creed, revealing heavy political-pressure/ju-lies around Constantine; it being in their-interest to placate with low-profile at that-time. Another powerful-friend at this Council, Eusebius, Bishop of Nicomedia, had the backing of Constantine, & endorsing the Arian-cause, calmly brought him to reconsideration. In 329, Constantine sent a cordial-letter to Arius, requesting his-presence at Constantinople. There, he became SO CONVINCED from Arius’ CAIM & COMPASSIONATE explanation ((the way to go for AAs teaching/mentoring AAism!!)) that he reversed his-policy, deposed J-C & Athanasius their-leader @ Alexandria, & re-established Arianism in the empire. (Athanasius, father of Greek-Orthodoxy, fled! -Mosheim; ibid, p. 296-7); (Can we do this to them today!?!).

Through Eusebius, Arius gained the support of yet-another in Egypt, ie, Miletius, of Lycopolis (Asuit, south of Cairo), whose letters, envoys to the emperor, & diplomatic-persuasion, helped in his reinstatement. The independence of the Miletian-Party also shows the frailty of JC in 325 as the standard of xtianity. During the Diocletian Persecution (306), Miletius split from the Alexandrian See, ordained his-own churches & bishops in Egypt & Palestine (Church of The Martyrs, Thebes), &, 50-years after his-death, partly by having joined the Arian-cause, his anti-JCism totalled ¼ of xtianity in that region, ie, the formalized Miletian-Church.With the JCs out of office at Alexandria, in 330 Arius went there to take his-chair as Bishop amidst the cheers of his-followers, but then was given A POISON causing HIS-BOWELS TO DISCHARGE & he died IN EXCRUCIATING-AGONY! (Mosheim). (His-place was taken by another-Arian.) (+Note 23 = This is typical of Jew-Hatred/Cruel-Revenge! I must wonder, is such an end to a noble-man as he the reward by a just-“god”?) JC/JR continued-agitating during all of Arianism’s reign, creating a ‘see-saw’ effect among the emperors after Constantine, until the invasion by the Arian-Goths.

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airoasis · 6 years

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Finest Inspirational Quotes-- Part 1

My Favorite Motivational Quotes (Part One)

I believe I wish to start up something brand-new here on the site. I wish to start highlighting a few of the best inspirational quotes, however given that there are so many, I will need to break these up into numerous various posts. So anticipate more of these "Finest Inspirational Quotes" blog sites over the weeks. Consider it your weekly does of incredible motivation! If you see some that you like, please feel totally free to share which ones you believe are the very best inspirational quotes!I hope these motivational quotes can motivate you! Take pleasure in ... "You can have whatever

you desire in life if you just help sufficient people get exactly what they desire in life." -- Zig Ziglar

"If I have the belief that I can do it, I will definitely obtain the capability to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning." -- Gandhi

"It takes courage to mature and become who you really are." -- E. E. Cummings

"Terrific minds have excellent functions, others have wishes. Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but excellent minds rise above them." -- Washington Irving

"I don't understand the secret to success, however the secret to failure is attempting to please everybody." -- Bill Cosby

"If you don't make the time to deal with producing the life you want, you're eventually going to be required to invest a LOT of time dealing with a life you DON'T want." -- Kevin Ngo

"The start is what stops most individuals." -- Don Shula

"Joy is not something you hold off for the future; it is something you develop for today." -- Jim Rohn

"A difficult time can be quicker endured if we retain the conviction that our existence holds a function-- a cause to pursue, a person to enjoy, a goal to accomplish." -- John C. Maxwell

"You'll never change your life till you change something you do daily. The secret of your success if found in your everyday regimen." -- John C. Maxwell

"I realized early on that success was connected to not giving up. Most people in this company gave up and went on to other things. If you merely didn't give up, you would outlast the individuals who was available in on the bus with you." -- Harrison Ford

"All of us have dreams. But in order to make dreams enter truth, it takes a terrible lot of determination, devotion, self-control, and effort." -- Jesse Owens

"Show me a person who doesn't make errors and I'll show you an individual who does not do anything." -- Leonard Rubino

"Today I will do what others will not, so tomorrow I can achieve what others cannot." -- Jerry Rice

"Too lots of people are thinking the turf is greener on the other side of the fence, when they ought to just water the grass they are basing on." -- Amar Dave

"The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you choose, what you think and what you do is who you end up being." -- Heraclitus

"Losers live in the past. Winners discover from the past and delight in working in today towards the future." -- Denis Waitley

"Learn how to value what you have, before time makes you value what you had." -- Unknown

"I fear not the guy who has actually practiced 10,000 kicks once, however I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times." -- Bruce Lee

"Typically the difference in between a successful individual and a failure is not one has better abilities or ideas, however the guts that a person has to wager on one's concepts, to take a calculated threat-- and to act." -- Maxwell Maltz

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but better than a life invested doing absolutely nothing." -- George Bernard Shaw

"The beginning point of all accomplishment is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desires bring weak outcomes, just as a small fire makes a small quantity of heat." -- Napoleon Hill

"Do not wait for something huge to occur. Start where you are, with exactly what you have, and that will always lead you into something greater." -- Mary Manin Morrissey

"Ninety-nine percent of failures come from people who have the practice of making excuses." -- George W. Carver

"When the world states, 'Offer up', Hope whispers, 'Attempt it one more time.'" -- Unknown

"If you make your goals a top priority, you will make the time." -- Motivationburst.com

"I am grateful for all my issues. After each one was conquered, I ended up being more powerful and more able to meet those that were still to come. I grew in all my troubles." -- James Cash Penney

"Do not let life dissuade you; everybody who got where he is had to start where he was." -- Richard L. Evans

"If you always put limits on exactly what you can do, physical or anything else, it'll spread over into the rest of your life. It'll spread out into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, however you must not stay there, you should surpass them. If it eliminates you, it kills you. A man must constantly surpass his level." -- Bruce Lee

"Inactiveness types doubt and fear. Action types confidence and guts. If you want to conquer worry, do not sit house and consider it. Head out and get busy." -- Dale Carnegie

"Nothing great has actually ever been accomplished other than by those who dared to think that something inside them transcended to situations." -- Bruce Barton

"Many people would rather be particular they're miserable, than danger enjoying." -- Robert Anthony

"The genuine person you are is revealed in the moments when you're specific no other person is enjoying. When no one is viewing, you are driven by what you anticipate of yourself." -- Ralph S. Marston, Jr.

"Hold yourself responsible for a higher requirement than anyone else anticipates of you. Never ever excuse yourself. Never pity yourself. Be a difficult master to yourself-- and be lenient to everybody else." -- Henry Ward Beecher

"Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you wish to go, no one else." -- Les Brown

"When life knocks you down, aim to arrive on your back. Due to the fact that if you can look up, you can get up." -- Les Brown

"You cannot simply sit and wait on individuals to offer you that golden dream. You've got to get out there and make it occur on your own." -- Diana Ross

"Your work is going to fill a big part of your life, and the only method to be really satisfied is to do what you think is fantastic work. And the only way to do great work is to like exactly what you do. If you haven't discovered it yet, keep looking. Do not settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any fantastic relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. Keep looking until you discover it. Don't settle." -- Steve Jobs

"Do just once exactly what others say you can't do, and you will never ever pay attention to their restrictions again." -- James R. Cook

"Among the most awful things I know about human nature is that people tend to postpone living. We are all imagining some wonderful rose garden over the horizon rather of delighting in the roses blooming outside our windows today." -- Dale Carnegie

"You must constantly ask yourself these concerns: Who am I around? Exactly what are they doing to me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? And crucial, exactly what do they have me ending up being? Ask yourself the big question: Is that alright? Your life does not improve by opportunity, it gets better by change." -- Jim Rohn

"Your time is restricted, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be caught by dogma-- which is dealing with the outcomes of other people's thinking. Don't let the sound of others' viewpoints hush your very own inner voice. And essential, have the nerve to follow your heart and instinct. They somehow currently know what you genuinely wish to become. Whatever else is secondary." -- Steve Jobs

"We have no choice of exactly what color we're born or who our moms and dads are or whether we're rich or bad. What we do have is some option over what we make from our lives once we're here." -- Mildred Taylor

"Ensure that your actions and habits live up to and reflect the words and concepts, promises and dedications that come out of your mouth." -- Steve Farber

"History has actually shown that the most noteworthy winners normally came across heartbreaking barriers before they triumphed. They won due to the fact that they refused to end up being discouraged by their beats." -- Bertie Charles Forbes

"Do not be so fast to declare your constraints when you've never ever really checked them." -- Kevin Ngo

"Avoid individuals who attempt to belittle your aspirations. Little people constantly do that, however the actually excellent make you feel that you, too, can become great." -- Mark Twain

"The mindset you have as a moms and dad is exactly what your kids will gain from more than exactly what you inform them. They do not remember what you attempt to teach them. They remember exactly what you are." -- Jim Henson

"It isn't really what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you pleased or dissatisfied. It is exactly what you think about." -- Dale Carnegie

"Every great dream starts with a dreamer. Constantly keep in mind, you have within you the strength, the perseverance and the enthusiasm to grab the stars to change the world." -- Harriet Tubman

"All who have actually achieved terrific things have had a terrific objective, have actually repaired their gaze on an objective which was high, one which sometimes seemed difficult." -- Orison Swett Marden

"Each day is a new life. Seize it. Live it." -- David Man Powers

"To accomplish great things we need to not just act, but also dream, not just plan, however likewise think." -- Anatole France

"If you're born bad, it's not your mistake. If you pass away bad, it's your mistake." -- Bill Gates

"Life is what we make it, always has been, constantly will be." -- Grandma Moses

"The very best method to forecast the future is to develop it." -- Abraham Lincoln

"Couple of individuals take goals really seriously. They put typical effort into too numerous things, instead of superior thought and effort into a couple of essential things. People who achieve the many are selective as well as figured out." -- Richard Koch

"You should take individual responsibility. You can not alter the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can alter yourself." -- Jim Rohn

"You never understand how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have." -- Unidentified

"Either take the chance and make attaining your dreams a possibility or do not, and make coping with remorse a certainty." -- Kevin Ngo

"The joy of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts." -- Marcus Aurelius

"Life's difficulties are not expected to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." -- Bernice Johnson Reagon

"Things exercise best for those who make the best of how things exercise." -- John Wooden

"It is not exactly what they take away from you that counts. It's exactly what you finish with what you have actually left." -- Hubert Humphrey

"You may never understand what results come from your action. If you do nothing, there will be no outcome." -- Gandhi

"Remember you will not constantly win. Some days, the most resourceful person will taste defeat. But there is, in this case, always tomorrow-- after you have actually done your best to accomplish success today." -- Maxwell Maltz

"The biggest mistake you can make in life is to be constantly fearing you will make one." -- Elbert Hubbard

"Let us not be content to wait and see what will happen, but give us the determination to make the right things occur." -- Horace Mann

"Never ever provide up on exactly what you actually want to do. The individual with huge dreams is more powerful than the one with all the realities." -- Unknown

"If you limit your choices just to what appears possible or affordable, you disconnect yourself from exactly what you really desire, and all that is left is a compromise." -- Robert Fritz

"It is under the best misfortune that there exists the biggest capacity for doing good, both for oneself and others." -- Dalai Lama

"I do it because I can; I can since I wish to; I wish to since you stated I couldn't." -- Unknown

"A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step." -- Lao Tzu

"The future comes from those who believe in the charm of their dreams." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

"An effective guy is one who can lay a company structure with the bricks others have thrown at him." -- David Brinkley

"In the end, what we are sorry for a lot of are the opportunities we never ever took." -- Frasier Krane

"You were not born a winner, and you were not born a loser. You are what you make yourself to be." -- Lou Holtz

"Things do not go incorrect and break your heart so you can end up being bitter and quit. They take place to break you down and develop you up so you can be all that you were meant to be." -- Charlie Jones

"Individuals who state it can not be done ought to not disrupt those who are doing it." -- Unknown

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes nerve is the peaceful voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" -- Mary Anne Radmacher

"Strength doesn't originate from exactly what you can do. It originates from conquering the things you once thought you couldn't." -- Rikki Rogers

"If you argue for your restrictions, sure enough, they're yours." -- Richard Bach

"Action might not always bring joy, but there is no joy without action." -- William James

"Each time you stay out late; every time you sleep in; every time you miss out on a workout; every time you don't give 100%... you make it that much simpler for me to beat you." -- Unidentified

"One of the most common causes of failure is the routine of quitting when one is surpassed by short-term defeat." -- Napoleon Hill

"Believe in possibilities. Believe in human capacity. Believe in yourself and you'll have the power to alter your fate." -- Kevin Ngo

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." -- John Quincy Adams

"The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your complete potential ... these are the keys that will open the door to personal excellence." -- Confucius

"Dead last is greater than did not complete which surpasses did not begin." -- Unidentified

"Individuals who get on in this world are the people who get up and try to find the situations they want, and if they can't find them, make them." -- George Bernard Shaw

The post ChrisBalmert.com.

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