#bye im feeling emotional af after reading the tags on that last post i reblogged

[plantaagomaajor]

my little brother has always been so good to me. when i was terrible in middle and high school he would always distract my parents so that they wouldn't get so mad at me. he accepted punishments in my place. he held me and stayed calm and answered the paramedic's questions as i uselessly sobbed in his arms. he did his school work on the floor beside me when i got hurt and had to stay on the couch for a week. he holds my hand and lets me lay on his bed when i'm bored. when i sit down next to him he changes the video he's watching to something he knows i'll like. he always gets wonton soup with his lunch special because he knows i like it. he uses silly accents and voices when we talk just to make me laugh.

i miss my little brother. we used to play together with his legos and with sticks in the yard. he still sings the little songs i taught him when we were kids. he doesn't remember that i taught him the months and how to spell his name. i'm scared that we'll stop talking to each other once he moves away for good. i'm scared that he'll get hurt. i'm scared that he'll get his heart broken for the millionth time. i'm scared that people will be mean to him and that he will be mean to other people. i'm scared that he's come to resent me and our parents. i'm scared that i was too mean to him when i was young and horrible and that it caused a wound in our relationship that will never heal.

i love him