#bye big momma spider :(((

[milfbro]

they took away my favorite spider :/ I think a bird must've eaten it

[booksrbetterthanpeople]

Monarch being a big bad villain one minute then being a cute bean the next

*Monarch has the heroes dangling by their ankles from the top of the Eiffel Tower*

Monarch: Surrender your Miraculous or become stains on the ground!

Scarlet Beetle: I’d rather perish!

Donatella: He does not speak for all of us!

Komodo: Yeah, I got a life to live.

Monarch: So be it! *Just as he’s about to cut the rope, he gets a call through his cane* Excuse me one moment. *He answers* … Hi, mommy!

Heroes: …

Monarch: Yeah, I’ll be home soon… Okay, I love you too, mommy. Bye bye. *hangs up* Now-

Ikati Black: *Snickering*

Monarch: What?

Ikati Black: You still call your mom ‘mommy?’

Monarch: There’s no shame in that.

Marigold: No. No, of course not.

Spider Monkey: … Momma’s boy.

Monarch: I am not! *pouts*

Appaloosa: I feel like you asked her to make a security blanket out of an old dress because you were scared to spend the night away from home.

Monarch: …

Appaloosa: Oh, my God, you did!

Monarch: So?!

Donatella: That is so adorable! You are so adorable!

Monarch: I am NOT adorable! I’m serious and formidable!

Appaloosa/Donatella/Marigold: Aaaaww!

[babyboy-cody]

Mickey + a toddler for one day alone equals chaos because mickey panics but the toddler is having the time of her life!!!!

SQUUIIDDDDDD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

Let’s make this lil bub 4 years old and her name is Arla (i’m in love with that name). She’s the exact mini replica of Mickey. Mannerisms, personality, smile, the same big buggy eyes! They even have the same matching green jackets – to which you shook your head at with a dopey smile.

But but but - lets get back on track here - when you get a call from your job asking you to work overnight, you couldn’t let some extra cash wash away. The morning you were putting on your light blue scrubs, Mickey stood at the doorway of the bedroom with Arla climbing and clinging on his lanky arm.

“And remember, no junk food after 10. That goes for both of you,” you told them.

On cue, they gave you an identical pout. You laughed and rolled your eyes as you slipped on your shoes. You held Arla’s soft and chubby cheeks and gave her forehead a kiss.

“Be good, monkey,” you told her.

You looked up at Mickey and gave his lips a gentle kiss. “You be good too.”

“I’m always good,” he grins and gives your butt a light tap as he groans and throws. Arla over his shoulder. “Say ‘bye’ to momma!”

“Bye bye momma!” Arla giggles and looks at you upside down.

An hour after you left, Mickey stood in the kitchen with his thumb nail between his teeth. He looked in the fridge and scanned the cooled shelves for anything he’d think Arla would like. There was a bowl of fruit, gogurt, and string cheese. Mickey grabbed the plastic container with animal crackers and set up Arla’s ducky tray.

“Daddy!” Arla shouted from the living room.

“What’s up, buttercup?” He shouts back.

“I did potty!”

Mickey freezes and his blood runs cold. He drops the animal crackers on the floor and clears his throat. Now... that’s when chaos starts. When he runs to the living room, Arla is half naked with her shirt pulled over her head and her spaceship pajamas long gone.

“Arla!”

Mickey makes a mad dash for her but he trips over his long legs and falls face down on the floor next to her crayons. He groans and gets back up, but Arla is no where to be found. He can faintly hear her giggles upstairs before he hears the bathroom door slam. He sighs in relief as he believes that his little girl is going to clean up.

It’s been nearly 15 minutes and Arla still hasn’t gotten out. He hears her singing loudly inside the bathtub, but the faucet and the shower overpowers her. Curiosity and worry sets in as he runs up the stairs three at a time. He barges into the bathroom and cannot believe the sight before him. Arla stands on the toilet seat with her Spider-Man comb and a shower cap messily thrown on her head. The sink is overflowing as well as the bathtub.

“Shit!” Mickey shouts and hurries to turn off the faucet as Arla continues singing at the top of her longs.

As he goes to turn off the shower, he slips and lands right on his back, his clothes soaked and his bones in agonizing pain. Arla stops singing and starts laughing to the point of tears. Mickey shakes his head and lets out a small chuckle.

“We’re in deep shit, aren’t we, bug?”

“The deepest!”

[lonelyghosts-stuff]

Avengers Endgame-First Time Watching Reaction Play-by-Play (Pt. 1)

Lessgoooo

Okay so I lost like the entirety of my post when my phone died so whoopsie. Lots of sadness for nebula, Tony, Scott Lang, and Thor. Frustration with time travel because no movie ever gets it right, yadda yadda they are about to go back in time to get the stones.

Whatever it takes. Hoo boy

“See you in a minute” AGHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO AGGHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Gonna cry ago... ughhhhh nooooo

Back in 2012 babyyyyyy

Lmao smart hulk embarrassed at the much cooler hulk

Cmon smart hulk is so lame compared to op hulk

Oh cool that the ancient one was fighting off chitauri

She’s smart huh

Out of body experience

Fatty thor

LOKIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Jane!

Sad but Thor

Oh momma dearest

She’s looking out for Loki getting him soup and books

Go say good bye to her Thor!

Rocket slap him

Good rabbit

Yea rocket!!!

Lmao poor Thor. He’s been on earth too long.

Go say bye to Frigga.

Morag okay

Last time they’re gonna see Nat...

Nebula and Rhodey duo

These smiles ain’t gonna last forever...

My heart...

Old Gamora again

Ugh this guy again... Thanos.. just die...

Poor nebula. Okay how the heck is nebulas camera connected... oh poor nebula... Dangit time travel...

Loki babyyyyyyyyy

That’s America’s ass

Ew strike team

These plebs

Right to hydra...

They do look like bad guys

Loki baby

I miss you so much.

Flick me

Lmao

Free fall

Thank you hulk for not taking the elevator and giving us Loki.

Hail Hydra.

That was easy lmao.

I too hate stairs hulk.

My beautiful Loki

Axe body spray lmao. So that’s what he wears for years. Where even Loki can tell there’s two starks in the room.

I’m so happy to see Loki again.

Poor past Tony. Heart attack.

Lmao Loki knows somethings up

RUN AWAY LOKI DO IT

Yesssssssssssssssssss

Hahahahahahahahaha and thus the show happens

Steve stop swearing

Oh lmao old cap thinks new cap is Loki

“I can do this all day.” “Yea I know... I know.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA our Steve sounds so whiney lmao

Oh sure throw away the shield and scepter why don’t ya.

Ouchhhhhhh

Peggy compass

BUCKY!!!

Lmao he mind controlled himself

Stop checking out your own ass Steve 😂😂😂

Soooo does the ancient one know about the TVA? Those timelines and branching look a lot like the TVA timelines.

Uh oh. Bruce. Maybe you shouldn’t have said that?

Or?

Oh no.

Oh phew okay.

Wasn’t the ancient one black in the comics?

Oh poor nebula again... she literally can’t not be suffering...

Why is she on a network lmao.

Oh no. Please don’t hurt these other nebulas. AGGHHHHHHH

Lmao enhance

Oh dear oh dear please just let nebula catch a break

Frigga!!!!

Frigga is very perceptive

AHHHHH IM GONNA CRY AGAIN

Lmao so Jane is gonna get the aether removed. I wanna see Steve going back and having to inject the aether back into her lmao.

Lmaoooo why do they keep calling rocket a rabbit

Thank you momma Frigga

Lmao just taking this Thor’s hammer

Okay that’s so sweet. He’s so surprised he’s still worthy

Lmaooo

Peter quill is back

What a dork lmao I love him so much

Annnndddd smack!

What’s that light orb you’re holding Rhodey?

Sorry Rhodey but movies aren’t reality

Ouch. You good nebula?

Poor girl.

I love this duo.

Quick escape go

Oh no

Oh no

aaaaaaaaaaaaaand suddenly Thanos’ moral compass is gone. Now he’s gonna try to kill everyone. Poor nebula...

Please let her be!!!!!

Guys grow up

Brain time cmon

Poor Scott lol

New Jersey babyyyyy

Was that stan Lee?

How’d they get access to the compound lol

Aaaaawwwwwwkwwwwaaard

Awwww dad

Howard Potts

Hug please

Yesss the classic antman helmet

Pym particles. How lucky they are compatible.

Man poor Tony he wants so badly to tell his dad.

Whaddya see cap?

AWWWW PICTURES OF HIM ON PEGGY’S DESK

Peggy!!!!

Oh man

Steve don’t be a creep. She can probably see you. It’s a window.

Poor Bucky lmao...

Awwwww Tony and Howard. Man.

HUGGGGGG AWWWWW

Jarvis hahaha nice

Howard is gonna be quite confused when his son starts looking like that random dude

NO NEBULA

Aghhhhhhhh

Please let her be...

No!!!!

Wait so how does good nebula come back from this?????? AHHHHHHH

Vormir? Oh no... I’m not ready to cry again...

Please no....

Piss off red skull

No.... please no.... why... who built this dumb tower?????

No no no no no no no no no

Whatever it takes...

Nat...

Clint...

I’m gonna cry.

I’m crying.

I know people say it should have been Clint but this is the hero’s way.

Fight to the death, but for their own death...

I’m crying I’m crying.

Nat...

“Let me go.” “It’s okay.”

I’m crying so badly

I’m crying Even more than for Loki idk why. I think it’s because we saw Nat more and learned more about her. But I love them both so much.

Rest In Peace Nat... we won... your sacrifice wasn’t for nothing.... I promise...

I’m crying again they’re all finding out about Nat

Oh my gosh I’m sobbing like a mess

Give her a damn funeral

I’m sorry thor... but dead is dead.

I’m crying so badly.

Poor hulk.

Poor Nat.

Poor everyone.

Honor her.

Nebula, please... know your character development. You saw other hers memories

My face is literally soaked with tears oh my gosh...

You can do this hulk... do it for Nat.

Dammit nebula please...

AGGHHHHHHH NEBULA CMON

Specify comes home safely please

Thumbs up from Thor

NEBULA STOP

AGHHHHHHHH

Where’s good nebula? She better be okay.

Who’s phone?

Go get your gf Scott

Clint go to your family

Oh no

Thank God Tony activated that armor thing huh? Too bad he took it down immediately.

Look, I hate Thanos. And his morals completely flipped after learning he died. But no matter what, it’s better than his comics’ motivation. In the comics he literally did it do, guess what? IMPRESS LADY DEATH. Thanos was such a simp in the comics he committed cross universal genocide JUST to impress death who is a corporal being.

Thanos don’t be lazy

Sister bonding time

Poor nebula. Hug her please. YEA GAMORA BABY

At least we are done with the time travel.

Okay, Thanos has no power here, please just kill him now and quickly.

Just do it... please...

Nice beard thor. Didn’t know lightning acts as a hair stylist

Oooh I like the music here as they approach Thanos. Very Zelda boss like.

Just kill him. Stop the monologuing.

“Now, I know what I must do.” Ooh? Double the resources like you should have in the first place? “I will shred this universe down to its last atom...” oh...

Thanos... use your brain. There has to be one somewhere under that purple mound you call a head.

Why are you guys just watching him and listening to him monologue. Just kill him already. Should’ve killed him before he put on the armor ya dummies.

How is Thanos, now without any stones, able to put up a fight? Against all of them in when Thor could take him down when he had all of the stones?

Save em Scotty!

Clint living his own alien isolation experience

Yeaaaaa that’s not the nebula you know Clint...

Cmon Gamora

Lmao poor Clint so confused

Oh. Nebula killed herself to save Gamora. TVA where are you huh? Shouldnt all of these guys from the past be considered variants???

HOW IS THANOS PUTTING UP A FIGHT AGAINST THOR WITH MJØLNIR AND STORMBREAKER ALL WHILE NOT HAVING ANY INFINITY STONES, BUT WHEN HE DID HAVE THE INFINITY STONES, EVEN EARTHLING TONY STARK PROVIDED A STRUGGLE BUT THOR, CAP, AND TONY CANT TAKE DOWN AN INFINITY STONE-LESS THANOS????

Okay okay fine whatever. I know it wouldn’t make for an interesting movie if they killed him quick.. but then Tony wouldn’t die...

Oh

My

Gosh

HELL YEA CAPTAIN AMERICA WITH MJOLNIR

So does storm breaker not have the same rules as mjolnir with only those worthy being able to wield it?

Okay so I know that in thor 1, Odin made it so that “whosoever wields this hammer shall have the powers of Thor” so that would provide an explanation for why Steve Rogers can use the lightning when holding it, but in gagnarok, Thor is told he doesn’t get his powers from the hammer? It just helped him? So is it both? Or are we retconning? That also reminds me, Odin says Hela draws her power from Asgard like Thor does, so destroying Asgard would stop her. Why doesn’t it stop Thor? Aghhhh whatever...

STEBE ROGERS IS SO BAD ASS OH MY GOSH I ALWAYS LOVED HIM

Ouch stab the leg

Bye bye shield I guess... dang... so like, how does sam Wilson get a shield?

Cmon Steve, you can do this all day, right?

Grab the hammer.

HOW IS THANOS BEATING THEM WITHOUT THE DAMN STONES BUT WHEN HE HAS—sorry, I just can’t get over this. Thanos does not have a consistent power range...

Thanos, I hate you. I will laugh when you die.

Thanos you are such a hypocrite. From wanting balance to literally being find with outright anger killing.

I can do this all day. Cmon cap. Say it.

It’s just the chitauri. Blow up the mother ship.

SAM

Sam

Sam

ON YOUR LEFT OH MY GOSH

CHILLS

CHILLS

CHILLSSSSSS

BLACK PANTHER BABY!!!!!

FALCON FUTURE CAPTAIN AMERICA

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

SPIDER MAN

Bucky? Where u at?

THERE YOU ARE

WANDA!!!!

HOPE!!!!

PEPPER!!!!!

BIG ANT MAN AND HULK AND ROCKET AND WAR MACHINE

LESSSSGOOOOO

Avengers...

Assemble

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOOSEBUMPS

I have such a stupid grin on my face

I am so ready to watch wanda wipe the floor with Thanos gosh I hate him

How did Thanos bring everyone here? He only had like one thing of pym particles.

Dang pepper how did you get so good at that?

“No no give me that. You have the little one.” Oh my gosh I love this interaction so much.

Okay so I love Bucky and I know him using a gun is more realistic and practical here, but I wish we could see him using his assassin skills and arm more since it was such a big deal when they gave it to him...

Pepper and Tony fighting side by side

PETER AND TONY REUNITE AHHHHH

Peter shut up and hug him

Peter is so precious

Fight quill fight!

GAMORA

Poor Peter... this isn’t YOUR Gamora. Man I feel bad for him

Van to the rescue!!!

Hope Scott kiss

Aw man

Dang strange you got some powers

Let’s get this thing fixed

Ouch

Ya “bad” nebula is dead

Clint and T’Challa on a name basis now. Nice improvement from Civil War.

Part 2

[ah17hh]

My 69 favorite copy-pastas... nice via /r/emojipasta

My 69 favorite copy-pastas... nice

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✨kôœræpįkå✨

💕😜bungee🍬gum🤩🤪has✨the💯📏properties🏫🍭of😻both✌rubber⭐and💧gum🍬

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have🤔you😒ever😔been😡snaked🐍by🙃a🤨 friend👧then😪just😾for 🤦the🗣️clout👀they'll😈do😣it😕again🙄

i😱cUt😳mY🤡fInGeR💗oN🙄mY😞mOmS😅rInG👿i 💅hOpE💔i✌🏼cAn😘sTilL😇dAnCe😣

it’s😌jesus✝️say🗣hello👋jesus✝️B̷̻̄Ö̸̤͙͚̰̈́A̷̹͊̓Ḩ̸̥̼̥̅̈H̶̗̯͇ yeah😏, city🏬! Sity won🏅, shity too🌚, city treee🌲, city for🐚, city fye🔥, I never stanky bye🙋🏿‍♀️! Yeah🚼 heyyyyy! 😫

Farting 💨 is🚶 so💇‍♂️ funny🤣releasing 😝 flatulence 😤 is🌙 definitely 🤪 humourous 🙉 it ⛲ releases🧐 endorphins💅in🤤 my😃 brain🧠this🚱 making🤭me✌️laugh🤣

THIS 😌 SCHOOL 🙉 IS 👀 MINE 😡 I 🗿 AM ✨ THE 😍 KING 👑 KOKICHI 🐭 OUMA↪️

I😏will👨🏽‍✈️sacrifice✈️my⚔️own🥄life⚰️for😈Pakistan🇵🇰🍇🔫

chicken 🐓 wing chicken 🐓🐣 wing hotdog and baloney chicken 🐓 and 😈 macaroni chillin ❄❄ with 💘 my 😋😎 homies 🏾

🙅‍♀️ Frick meat lovers 🙅‍♀️😡🚫 All my homies 👯‍♂️ eat the grass 😩 from the central plains 😝😏🌿🌱

I 👈 put 😏 my 🌠😤 😫🧀 right 🏿🙀 👌 foot 👞👣 in 🚪😋 and 😲 🚨🤷 take my right ✔ ✅ foot 👞 out 🅱🤔 🏎 then 😝👱 😥 put 🔥🏻 my 👧 👖🗼 left 🍒 🍒👈 foot in and 🏿✊ shake 🤝🤝 🤝 it 💯😩 all 🥜💯 💯 about. 💦💦

Imagine 💭💡 your 👏 card 💳 declines ⛔👎 at 😂 the 👏💦 tattoo 💉👨‍🎨 shop 🏬 and ➕🍽 they bust 💣🕐 out 💯 the 👏 sand ⛱ paper.. 😳🤦

Rawr🐲🐊 x3😋 nuzzles how are you😉🙂 pounces on you😛 you’re😃 so😄 warm🤒😈 o3o😏 notices😯 you have a bulge🍆 o:😯😮 someone’s happy😃 ;)😉😜 nuzzles your necky wecky😈😗~ murr~ hehehe😊 rubbies👋🤚 your bulgy🍆 wolgy you’re😌 so big😯😮 :oooo rubbies👋🤚 more on your bulgy🍆 wolgy it🚫 doesn’t stop🛑 growing ·///· 😐kisses😚😘 yo

I 👤didn't 🐈 fuck 🤬 my 👽 cat. I 🌸 didn't 👁 cum 💦 on 😳 my 💋cat. 😻 I 🧒 didn't 💋 put 👸 my 🌈 dick 🍆 anywhere 🧚‍♀️ near 🍺 my cat. 😽 I've ❌ never 😡 done 👉👌 anything 🏀 weird 🧘‍♂️ to 🎨 my 🏅cat. 😸

🌽come🌽today🌽and🌽get🌽some🌽Ć̷̭͚̟̱́ö̷̺̻̙͔́̄͑̚͜r̵̢̢̲̖͍̊̏̎̄n̵̡̧̹̥͖͘🌽or🌽we🌽will🌽sacrifice🌽your🌽n̴̡̪̈́̆͝͝ę̵̠̝̣̒́w̷̧͔̓͝ḅ̴̳̍̀͑o̷̯͈͔̽ŕ̷̡͇̦̯́n̷̝̦

my✨vâğîñå💕is🦋named🗿řōńàłð💋and🐬theres😹nothing😼you👋🏽can👁️do👂about🧚‍♀️it

bəąňß✨bəąňß🌞bəąňß⭕️bəąňß👣bəąňß😳bəąňß💕bəąňß❌bəąňß⛽️bəąňß☁bəąňß🥌bəąňß🖲

Ever 😆see 😱 me 👊 fighting 👍🏾in 💖a 🍯Forest🌲with✌🏾a 😠 grizzly🐻Bear? 👄HELP 💔THE😔BEAR💯

ӨЦΛΛΛΛ 🗿 Λ Λ Λ Λ Λ 🗿 ӨЦΛΛΛΛ 🗿 Λ Λ Λ Λ Λ 🗿 ӨЦΛΛΛΛ 🗿 Λ Λ Λ Λ Λ 🗿

oh 😮 geez 🙊 what 😟 a 🧚‍♀️steep 📉 hill 🏞 i👀 sure 🤖 hope 🙏🏼 i 🌱 dont 🚫 drop 💨 my 🤭 beans 🥫 woah 🤯 aragahha 😖 my ☠️ beannns 😫

I 😌 was 🤡 a 🤨 girl 👩 in✨a 🏠 village😑doin🤓alright 😳 then 😵 i 👹 became 👀 a 🧚‍♀️ princess 👑 overnight 😴

the 👄 name 🙈 game 👩 JUDY👾 judy🌶 judy💞bo 🎶 budy 🎵 boanna 💅 fanna💋fo🎂fudy🌈fe🌂

👽⟟⏁⋉⟒👽⟒⋔⍜⊑👽⍀⏃⏁⏃⌿⏃⍀⏃⟒👽⎅⍜⍀⟟⋔⟒👽⏃⋔⎍⋔⎍👽⏃⋔⟒⋏⍜👽⍀⏃⏁⟒⎅⏃⟒👽⌰⏃⏁⟒⟒⎅⏃⟒👽⋔⍜⟒👽⎅⍜⍀⟟⋔⟒👽⏃⋔⟒⋏⍜👽⍜⌰⋔⟒⋏⏃👽⎅⟒⌿⏃⎅⏃⍀⟟👽⏃⋔⟒⋏⍜👽 ⎅⟟⋔⟒⎅⏃⟒👽

säçrįfïćë👹säćrîfįčé👹sáćrįfîčé👹sàčrìfîçë👹 sâćrìfïčê👹sâçrīfïçë👹sâćrìfįčê👹säçrîfįćę👹

yæw 💕 yãêw ✨ yàáw 😻 yaw 👁 yãēw 🗿 yåėw 😬 yąęw 💅 yæ 🚿

this😚is😿the👄best🤪burrito🌯i’ve🤩ever♦️eaten💞yum🔓yum🗿yum😢

I 😳 don’t 💕 see😌 how 👁 you 👽 can🤦‍♂️hate 😜 from🧚‍♀️my ✨ side👄 of 🖤 the😈 club😹 you 🗣 cant👅 even 💅 get 🕴🏽in 💞 💁‍♀️

ÿoú tákë thę mœn🌚ÿøū👁takê thė šüń🌝yōu täkè 𝖾⋁𝖾𝖗𐒦tꜧĺ𝛈𝚐✨thät sèе𝙢Ꚃ lïkè 𝗳𝑢በ😹ÝƯ ştΐṛ〰️ï𝙩 𝐚ʟʟ ƯᎮ án ｗꜧ𝚎ņ🕑ÝỨṛ𝚎 ᵭņ𝚎 ṛᥲԂԂᥲ😝ṛṛᥲԂԂa

Hi, 🤚 you're on a rock 🗿 floating in space. 🌖 pretty cool, 😎👍 huh? 😕❔ some of it's water. 🤽‍♂️ fuck it. 🚮 actually, most of it's water 💦 ⛲ i 😀 can't even 🌒 get 🉐 from here 📍 to there without buying 🛍 a boat. ⛴⚓ it's sad. 🙍 i'm sad. 🙁😭 I miss you.

its 😔 gluten 💡 free 😰 ion 🤬 care 🤖 if its 👎 free 🎁 swear 👁 on ur 👱‍♀️fucking 𝙔𝙀𝙀𝙕𝙔𝙎 ⛸⛸ if you 👤 wanna fight 🤬 we🙎 gon 👄fight 👎🏽you 🦁 tryna 😠 be 🐝 on worldstar ⭐️ what ⁉️ you ✊ gonna 📹 record 🤳 it 🙊 yea 😼 i got🚶‍♂️ my 🙇 dollar 💵 store 🏬 camera 📸 *on* ✅ 𝙒𝙃𝘼𝙏𝙎 👀 𝙏𝙃𝙀 👁𝙁𝙐𝘾𝙆𝙄𝙉 😼 𝙎𝙄𝙏𝙐𝘼𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉𝙉𝙉 ✨✨the 😼 fuck 🤬 do 👏 you 👿 want ⁉️im ⭐️ the 🚶‍♂️ motherfuckin💎M̸̦͔̜̖̳̼͚̱͂̃̚��̮͍̱̘̰̲A̴̧̢̮̫̼̟̳̭̩̪̟̾̋́̌̀̔͐͒̔̾͗̚͜͝͝N̴̫̭͇̹̍́̾̿͒̈́́̄̏A̵͚͓̥̿̍͊͛̎̂̀̀͠͠Ǵ̴̖̭̭̺̣̭̺̈́̅̏́̓͜ͅÈ̷́͠R̶̖͈͈͐͜❗️❗️at the 💢 bread 🍞 store ❓𝘽𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿 tell 🤖 him 🗣 to take 👌 the 😾 motherfuckin 🤡 gluten 😷 𝙤𝙪𝙩 🙅‍♀️ 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘽𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿 🥖 imma 🧚 need 🤚 you 👶 to shut 🔇 that 💪 bullshit 👄 up 👆 chief 💂‍♀️ we 👬 cant 🙅 take 👌 shit out 👾 the 😷 bread 🍞 why❓ put 👿 it in 🤲 in 👁 the 👅 first 1️⃣ place🚪 i 🧑‍🎨 know 🧠 yall 💢 𝙨𝙢𝙤𝙠𝙞𝙣 🚬 that 👉 𝙥𝙖𝙘𝙠 💅

A🌑 duck walked🚤👳🏽 up↪️ to📵 a🍉 lemonade stand And💘 he📮 said🏰👸🏼 to📰 the man,👏🏻 running🐖 the👋🏿💿💕 stand "Hey! (Bum🚵🏼 bum🎓 bum)💦 Got😁 any🕗🆖 grapes?" The👦🏻✔️👲🏼 man⏫ said "No😪 we📂 just🚥 sell🐣 lemonade. But👨‍👨‍👦‍👦📀 it's cold And👧🏾🔣 it's👌 fresh And🔳🌕🚿👆🏾 it's all home-made.🙆🏽🛀 Can🍍 I get🚥📅 you Glass?" The duck said, "I'll👣 pass". Then👃🏻 he waddled👵🏻 away. (Waddle🌂 waddle) 'Til😢👒 the💂🏻😐🙅🏿 very📍 next♊️ day. (Bum bum bum👳🏾😇 bum👮🏿🌜 ba-bada-dum)🕐👮🏽

Shawty’s💖✨like🌟😌a⌛️👑✨melody💞🎀🌟 🪐That💫 I 🌏can't 🌍keep 🌵out 🌟Got 🌟me ✨singin' ⚡️like⚡️ 🔥Na na na na 🔥everyday🌪 It's🌈 like ☀️my 💫iPod ❄️stuck 🏚on 🤠replay, 🤤replay-ay-ay-ay🦁 Shawty's🤤 like 🤖a 🤑melody 😻in 😽my 🤲head🧠 That 🤚I 💢can't 💋keep 💄out👀 Got 🤙me 🙏singin' 🙏like👅 Na na na na 💄everyday💋 ⌚It's 💎like 💪my 📱iPod 👋stuck 👋on 🖖replay, 🤚Deluga 🤘Heights (replay) 🤟Hey ✊🏾over 👏and 🤝over 👐o_O ||if 👁I'm 🆓tipsy🔰 or ♻️sober💯 I 💖got ❤️lil' 💔momma💗 on 💝rewind❣️like the ❤️deck 👥in 😻my 😺Rover 👾On 💀my 🤑mind, 🗿shawty☁ fine, 😯meditate 🤒her 👩 like 🧘‍♀️ 🤒So 🤕down 🤐on 😵the 🙄line 😤make 👉me 👈want 👍🏾a 😈cold 👹soda👺 👻Hey 👽baby 🤡be 🤤my 😈radio 📻 😶Hear👂you ✨ everywhere 😏I 😉go 🙂Music 👩‍❤️‍👨in 😇my 😚head🤪 🤨Know 😋your 🤪melody 🤩in 😔every ��note😏 Girl 😍you 😍incredible😚 🤪Make 🤩yourself 🗿available😏Na na na na🤪 😘That 🎶tune 😚so 😊exceptional☺️ 😍Smexy 😍like 💗a 😚piano 👸give 💥you ♉️my 👩🏿‍✋ hands 👀if ✊🏾you're 😈ready💀 ✨We 😜can 😀make 🙃plans😚 get🗿 body 😋stand😍 if ✊🏾you let ☄️me😩 Girl I'm a…😳

Shawty 👄 had 👉 them 💯 apple 🍎 bottom 🔽 jeans 👖 boots 👢 with *️⃣ the 🔟 fur 🐈 (with *️⃣ the 🔟 fur 🐈) got 🐲 the 🔟 whole 🙄 club 💒 looking 👀 at ☮️ her 👠 she 💃 hit 👊 the 🔟 floor 🔽 (she 💃 hit 👊 the 🔟 floor 🔽) next 👉 thing ♈️ you 👤 shawty 👄 got 👣 low 🔽 low 🔽 low 🔽 low 🔽 low 🔽 low 🔽 low 🔽low 🔽 them 🦮 baggy 👜 sweatpants 🩳 and ➕ the 👁‍🗨 Reeboks 👟 with ➕ the 🎶 straps ↩️ (with ➕ the 🎶 straps ↩️) she 💃 turned 😛around ↩️ and 👊 gave ✌️ that 👁 big 🥵booty 🍑 a 🌶 smack ✨ she 💃 hit 👊 the 🔟 floor 🔽 (she 💃 hit 👊 the 🔟 floor 🔽) next 👉 thing ♈️ you 👤 shawty 👄 got 👣 low 🔽 low 🔽 low 🔽 low 🔽 low 🔽 low 🔽 low 🔽low 🔽

Today 📅 my 12 😣🕛 year 📅 old 👴 son 👦 and I 👥 walked 🚶 into harvard 👩‍🎓 to sign 🚧 him 👴 up ☝ for college 🚌📚. The dean rudly asked ❓ what a 12 😣🕛 year 🗓 old 👴 was doing signing 🖊 up ⬆ for such a prestigious 🎖🏆 institute like 👍 harvard 👩‍🎓. My son 🙎‍♂️ took 👫 of to reveal 💡 his 🤦 Rick 👨🏻‍🔬 and Morty 😡😵 shirt 👕 and proclaimed "Well 🖕🖕🏻🖕🏿 you 👆 see 👁 sir 🤔 I 👁 watch 👁 Rick 🥒 and Morty 😡😵". A look 👀 of confusion ❓🤔 came 💦 over 😳🙊💦 the deans face 😀 and I 👁 have never 🚫 been so proud 😤. The dean quickly ⚡ made 👉 sure 💯 to appologize to my son 👦 but 👆🍑👀 it was too late 💤, the police 👮‍♂️ rushed 🏃‍♂️ in and dragged him 👨🏾 out. My son 👦 passed 📆 all 🙌 his 🤦 classes 📒 with 4.0s and graduated 🔝 top 🔝 of his 🤦 class 📒 in the first 🥇 day 📅 of college 🏘👱📚.

Number🔢 1️⃣5️⃣: 🅱️urger🍔 Ki🆖🤴 foot👣 lettuce🥗. The last🥉 thing you'd👉 want in👇 your👉 🅱️urger🍔 Ki🆖🤴 🅱️urger🍔 is someone's👤 foot👣 fu🆖us🤢🤮. 🅱️ut🍑 as🍑 it turns↩️ out, that might 🅱️e what you👉 get. A 4️⃣channer🍀👤 uploaded a 🅿️hoto📷📸 🅰️nonymously👤❓ to the site showcasing his🚹 feet👣 in👇 a 🅿️lastic bin🚮 of lettuce🥗🤮. With the statement🗣: "This👇 is the lettuce🥗 you👉 eat 🅰️t 🅱️urger🍔 Ki🆖🤴."😱😱 🅰️dmittedly, he🚹 had shoes👣👟 on. But🍑 that's even🤭 worse😱😷. The 🅿️ost went live at 1️⃣1️⃣:3️⃣8️⃣ PM on July🎆🎇 1️⃣6️⃣, and a mere 2️⃣0️⃣ minutes🕤 later, the 🅱️urger🍔 Ki🆖🤴 in👇 question❓ was 🅰️lerted👂 to the rogue👤 employee👤. At least, I👁 hope he's🚹 rogue. How😨 did it🤔 happen🧐🧐? Well, the 🅱️K🍔🤴 employee👤 hadn't🚫 removed❌ the Exif data🤓 from the uploaded photo📷📸, which suggested👀 the culprit👤 was somewhere in👇 Mayfield Heights, Ohio🇺🇸. This was 🅰️t 1️⃣1️⃣:4️⃣7️⃣. 3️⃣ minutes later🕘 at 1️⃣1️⃣:5️⃣0️⃣, the 🅱️urger🍔 Ki🆖🤴 branch🌳 address📭🏠 was 🅿️osted with wishes🙏 of happy😄😁 unemployment😨😰. 5️⃣ minutes later🕚, the news stati🔛 was contacted🗣📞 🅱️y 🅰️nother 4️⃣channer👤🍀. And 3️⃣ minutes🕒 later, at 1️⃣1️⃣:5️⃣8️⃣, a link was 🅿️osted: 🅱️K's🍔🤴 "Tell us 🆎out us" online🌐 forum. The foot👣 🅿️hoto📷📸, otherwise known as🍑 exhibit 🅰️, was 🅰️ttached. Cleveland🇺🇸 Scene Maga🇺🇸zine contacted🗣☎️ the 🅱️K🍔🤴 in👇 question🤔❓ the next⏩ day🌞. When questioned🤔❓🧐, the breakfast🌞🍽 shift manager🧔 said "Oh, I👁 know😱 who🤔 that is. He's🚹 getti🆖 fired💥🔫🔥." Mystery🧐 solved👍, 🅱️y 4️⃣chan🍀👥. Now we👥 can🛢 all go 🔙 to2️⃣ eati🆖🍽 our fast🏃‍♂️💨 food🍔🍟🥤 in👇 🅿️eace☮️😀😃😁👍.

im 😂 not gonna 😻 show 👈📺 you 🤙 🤖 the 🍁🌷 facts 📚 📚 and 👏👏 💰 the 👑⚕ 🏽 evidence 📰 🔨📃 beacuse im 😂 😂😂 29 fucking ♀😡 🎮 years 📅📅 old 🍆 and 💻 🌬 in 👄📥 not ⚠🤚 gonna ♂ sit down ⬇👇 and ➕👏 💰 make 💰 🖕 a video ♀📹 📹📸 with 👏👈 👩😫 screenshots exposing 👐 👐 my bullies 😎🖕 🖕😎 these 🈴 💁🚟 are 🏾 👏🏼 bullies these 🤤 are 🏿 highschool fucking 🙏 bullies and 🍀 👏📡 they 👥 👈 wanna 🙇❤ come at 😍👸 👅 me ❓ 📩✌ and 👏🍞 🅱🏼 say 😅🚃 ✋ your ⬅ 👏👏 29 years 📅 old how 👏⚖ your 🍆🏻 👉 acting fuck 😤👦 🍆 you 👆 your 🍆 🙄 in 👏 〽 your 😩 fucking 👉🍆 30s almost 😲 👀😲 all 💯 of 💦📆 😤 you 😤 😘👆 attacking ♂ ♂ me 🏿😭 👈 and 👏😵 😭 im 👌 👌 not ♂🚫 saying 🗣😡 a fucking 👉 work 🏢 🔨 to 🙅 💦 anybody and 👏 👏🙏 your 💯👉 going to 💦 👆💰 say 🤐 🏿 im 👀 😂🏻 panting myself 🔪 👩🐱 as the 🔝👏 🕘⚕ victim and 👏💦 im 👌😂 trying 😔 to ask 🤗😩 😥🙋 for 💰👨 attention i 😂👀 have 👏🏋 😤💰 not 🚫🙅 said 💖 😑 a 👌😂 fucking 😛💞 👈 word 🔚🔚 ✊ publicly until 💦 🅱 another 👯👣 video 🎥 📹 was ☠ 💯👏 made 💰😶 👆 about me 😩👤 the 👏 🅱👏 week 📅 ❗😱 i was 👏👏 👏 putting 💯💯 out 💰▶ 🏼🏍 my 👨 fucking EP you 👉💬 😭👧 wanna ❤ 😻🏿 ghost 👻👻 👻👻 the 🕸 internet 🌐💻 for 😎🍆 five 🕔 fucking ➡ months 🏽 and ✝ im 😂 promoting ↗ my 😩 😘 project ↗ like 😏❤ 😄 crazy and 😇👏 ➕👏 your 👏 ☝ gonna 👏🅱 🔥 put 😏 my 👨 name 📛 in your fucking 🎮😫 🖕🍑 thumbnail bringing up ❤✋ a 🅰💰 🏠 fucking 🚟 ➡ dramatic lie 💬❎ ❎😱 a hate 💯💯 campaign that 🦃 🔪 you fucking started 😁 🙄 5 👪 🛐 months ✌📆 🙄🏽 you 🏻👏 dont 😡🙅 👀 post 🏾📌 🗒🙄 but 🤤 💏🍑 im 👌🅱 posting a 💰☝ 💰 project ⬆⬅ ⬅⬆ and 👏👏 you 🤖🅱 have 💪👏 👏 to say 🗣🗣

You 👆 useless 👩🏻 piece 🗿 of shit 💩. You 👆 absolute 💯 waste 😵 of space ⭐⚫ and air 🌬. You 👆 uneducated, ignorant 👌, idiotic 😜 dumb 🤪 swine 🐽😂, you’re an absolute 💯 embarrassment 😣 to humanity 🕴 and all 🤠 life 💓 as a whole 🕳. The magnitude 🔍 of your 👉 failure 👎🏽 just now is so indescribably massive 🐘 that one ☝🏻 hundred 💯 years 📅 into the future 👨🏼 your 👉🏿 name 🏷 will be used ♦ as moniker of evil 😈 for heretics. Even 🌃 if all 💪 of humanity 🕴 put 👏 together 👮‍♂️🐕 their collective intelligence 🧐 there is no 🚫 conceivable way ↕ they could have thought 🤔 up ☝ a way ↕ to fuck 🤬 up ⬆ on the unimaginable scale ⚖ you 👉🏻 just did

How 🤷🏻 ba-a-a-ad 🤡👺👹 can 🛢 I 👉👁👄👁 be? 🐝🐝I'm 💁🏻‍♂️just🤷🏻doin'🙆🏻‍♂️what comes ☀️🌈✨𝓃𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓇𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎✨🌈☀️How💁🏻‍♂️ba-a-a-ad🤡👺👹can🛢I 👉🤡be? 🐝🐝 I'm💁🏻‍♂️just 🤷🏻following👉➡️➡️my ➡️➡️🎀 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃𝓎 🎀 How🤷🏻ba-a-a-ad🤡👺👹can🛢I👉🏿be? 🐝🐝 I'm💁🏻‍♂️just🤷🏻doin'🙆🏻‍♂️what comes ☀️🌈✨ 𝓃𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓇𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 ✨🌈☀️ How🤷🏻ba-a-a-ad 🤡👺👹 can🛢I👉👹be? 🐝🐝How 🤷🏻💁🏻‍♂️bad🥵👺💁🏻‍♂️can🛢💁🏻‍♂️I 💁🏻‍♂️possibly🙋🏻‍♂️be?💁🏻‍♂️🐝🐝Well, 🤷🏻 there's a principal 💡⏳of nature 🙈🙉🙊(principal of nature) 🗣👥🙋🏻‍♂️🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻That almost👌every 🐶🐱🐭🐮 creature🐹🐰🐯🐸 knows💡💡Called survival🏋🏻🤸🏻‍♀️of the fittest💪🏻💪🏾 (survival of the fittest) 🗣👥🙋🏻‍♂️ 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻And check✅it ➡️this is how it goes🚶🏻🚶🏻‍♀️The animal🙈🙉🙊that eats🍌gotta🤼 scratch🏋️and 👄bite 🦁and💪punch🤼And the🐷🐨animal🐥🦇 that doesn't, well the 🐼🦁animal🦉🐙that doesn't, winds🔁 up🆙⬆️Someone else's 💁🏻‍♂️💁🏽‍♂️💁🏿‍♂️🙋🏻🙋🏼🙋🏽🙋🏾‍♀️lu-🍔lu-🥙lu-🌮lu-🥪lunch!🍱(Munch Munch Munch Munch Munch👁👅👁) 🗣👥🙋🏻‍♂️🙋🏻‍��️🙋🏻I'm just saying'...💁🏻‍♂️

𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓼🌙a 🙄𝘣𝘶𝘻𝘻🐝𝘣𝘶𝘻𝘻🤣 ｂｕｚｚ✨ïṅ 😨m̸e̸a̸d̸o̸w̸🤷🏻‍♀️t⃨h⃨e⃨r⃨e⃨s⃨👾ᗩ😈ꌃꀎꁴꁴ💩 🐝乃ㄩ乙乙😂【b】【u】【z】【z】💕 b̆̈ŭ̈z̆̈z̆̈🌹the 😅 ፕዪቿ̂🌳Շɦεɼεร😣a 🤯b̶u̶z̶z̶👽 b̠u̠z̠z̠🤖 ḃu̇żż👻ᏰᏬፚፚ 💀in 👃the😷 ᶠˡᵒʷᵉʳˢ🌺ꅐꏂꋪꏂ😹so 🤟乃ㄩ丂ㄚ🗣 b̑̈ȇ̈ȋ̈n̑̈g̑̈👓᥇ꪊɀɀꪊꪗ🥽b͛e͛e͛z͛ 👁ẇєяє👄ɓմςςψ 🗿ℬUℤℤℐℕᎶ🌿with🐚♭ṳℨℨ♭ḙḙ✺🥓bͦͯuͦͯzͦͯzͦͯbͦͯeͦͯeͦͯ🌍is 🌟b˟˚u˟˚s˟˚y˟˚🎰with 🧠m͙e͙🐽Ᏺᾀᑬᑬẙ😀 as 😉a સଇกกϓ Ъ૯૯🍯 can 🙇‍♂️be🧚🏻 w̤̮e̤̮r̤̮e̤̮🦷βUSΨ😴b̾u̾z̾z̾i̾n̾g̾🤐with 🤡b⃠u⃠z⃠z⃠b⃠e⃠e⃠👺 t̺͆h̺͆e̺͆🎃ṧ✺ℵ🌞!✘a͎l͎w͎a͎y͎s͎🦄s͜͡h͜͡i͜͡n͜͡i͜͡n͜͡g͜͡👨‍🦳🄸🅃🅂🧒great😖t̶o̶😪b͟e͟👐🏻ḁͦl̥ͦi̥ͦv̥ͦe̥ͦ🔪 ሠዘቿክ💄you’re ♭ʊʐʐ😻βUZZ😮ℬʉᏃᏃ🐣乃∪乙乙🥶Ъμｚｚ😸b˟˚u˟˚z˟˚z˟˚i˟˚n˟˚g˟˚🤬ᏜᎥʈ⋆🤧ЪμｚｚЪ૯૯🤔i͓̽n͓̽🚀Ꮖℋℰ👱🏻‍♀️ʰⁱᵛᵉ🍟

I 👁 don't 🚫👎 know 💭 what 😂 I 💰💰 was 👏👏 thinking 🤔 Leaving 🚪🍃 my 👨🌭 child 👾 behind 👟☢ Now 🎅🙅 I suffer 😱😤 the 👏🔝 curse ⛓ Knowing 💭🤔 now 😭🤗 I 🤠 am blind With all 👩😩 this anger, 😡 guilt and sadness Coming 🏻🏃 to 😷 haunt me 👸 forever 🕜 I can't 🔫 wait for the cliff 💦 at 🗽 the end of 💦 the 🦉👑 river Is 😤 this revenge I am seeking Or seeking someone 👥👤 to 💦 avenge me Stuck in 〽👏 my 🏻 own 😎🏻 paradox I 👀👨 wanna ♀ set ➿ myself free Maybe I 😏 should 👑 chase and 👏 find 🔦 Before they'll 👧 try 😐 to 💦 stop ⛔ it 💯 It won't be 🍆💚 long before 🐝🔙 I'll 😩 become 🏽 a 🆒 puppet It's been 🥜 so long 🔨 Since I last have seen 👁 my ♂ son 👦 Lost to 💰 this monster 👹 To 🍅 the ��� man ♂ behind the slaughter Since you've been 📹 gone 😠😡 I've been 🚟👦 singing this 🏿 stupid song 🎵🎤 So I 👨 could 👌✊ ponder The 😫 sanity of 💦🔴 your mother I 👟👏 wish 😢😢 I 💯😎 lived in 👉 the 👏😈 present With the 😫👏 gift 🍆 of 🚋🤔 my 💋🤔 past mistakes But the 🌜 future 💞 keeps luring in ❤🍆 like 👏💖 a pack of snakes Your 🙄👉 sweet 🍬 little 🐭 eyes 👀👀 Your 👨👉 little 🏽 smile, ⭐😁 is 💦 all I 🏻 remember Those fuzzy memories mess with 👌 my temper Justification is killing me But killing 🔪 isn't justified What happened 🤔🤔 to 💯♀ my 💝 son, ♂👦 I'm terrified 😲😲 It 😳 lingers in 👇 my 💩💪 mind And 🌰👏 the 🏻 thought 🤔🤔 keeps on getting 💦 bigger I'm 😻 sorry my 👬 sweet 🍬 baby 👦👶 I 👀♂ wish I've 🏾😭 been there 💦✔ It's 😠🍝 been ✊😎 so 😮 long 🕑📏 Since 💦💦 I 🤔🙋 last 🕞❗ have 😑 seen 👀👁 my 😤 son 🏻👦 Lost 🍆 to 💦 this monster 👹👹 To 😉 the 👏👏 man 💂 behind ↩ the 😂🚗 slaughter Since 💦💦 you've been 🤤😎 gone 😭 I've 😠 been 👑 singing 👩 this 💋 stupid song 🎵🎵 So I could 🚫 ponder The sanity of your mother

What the 🅾🔪 fuck 👌🍑 did 🌼 you 👏👉 just 👏 fucking 🏻⚔ say 🗣🎙 about ✨💦 me, you 👧💦 little 🍑😫 bitch? 🐩☘ I'll 💵🤢 have you know 👏 I 💬♀ graduated 💯 top 👚🔼 of my 🖥👌 class 🥇😛 in 🏢 the 👏 Navy Seals, and I've been 🥜💫 involved in ⏳ numerous secret raids 👈👤 on Al-Quaeda, 🍒🅾 and 💰🌈 I 💰👁 have 🎁 over 😈♂ 300 confirmed kills. ☠ I am trained 🏻🏻 in gorilla warfare 💣 and I'm 🚫 the 😱 top 🔝🔼 sniper in the 👩 entire 😂🏼 US armed forces. 🍆 You are 🏃 nothing to 🅱🗝 me but just 👏 another 🔁 target. I 👁👣 will 🅱💰 wipe 🤤 you 😤😑 the 👏 fuck 🏻 out 🍻 with 👏😏 precision the 🌫😫 likes of which 👏 has 👏 never 😤 been 📷👏 seen 👁 before ⬅💰 on 🤤 this 👈 Earth, 🌎🌎 mark ✌ my 👯🕶 fucking ➡👉 words. You ❌❤ think 😠🤔 you 👈 can 💦 get away with 👩👏 saying 💬🗣 that shit 👌👻 to ✌🅱 me over the Internet? 🌐 Think again, fucker. ➡ As 🍑🍑 we 🏼🤝 speak I 👀👈 am contacting 📞👈 my 😽 secret 😱😱 network of spies across 👉 the 📉 USA 💖 and 🥁 your 👉👉 IP is 👉💦 being traced 📈 right ❤ now 👋 so 😴 you better 🤔😚 prepare 👉 for the 👏🎆 storm, maggot. The storm 🌀 that 🍆👏 wipes out the 👌🔥 pathetic 😂👋 little 👩 thing you call 📱 your life. You're 👈 fucking 💯 dead, 🔥😂 kid. 😎👶 I 👁👁 can 💦 be anywhere, anytime, 👉💵 and ♂😫 I 👏 can 🔫🔫 kill 👻🔫 you 😏😏 in ⬅👏 over 😳😈 seven hundred ways, and that's 👆 just with 😉😗 my 👍🆕 bare hands. 👏 Not 👏♀ only 😤 am 👦💦 I 😶 extensively trained 👨🏻 in 💊👇 unarmed combat, 🗡 but I 👩😍 have 😑 access 🔖 to the 👏 entire 👏🙋 arsenal of 👨 the 👍👏 United States 👌 Marine Corps and 📡👏 I will 💦 use it to its full 🈵🌕 extent to wipe your 🏻👏 miserable ass 🍑🍆 off 😡👏 the 👏 face of 💦❤ the continent, 👤 you 👨👈 little 👌 shit. 🎃💖 If 🤥 only you could have known 💫 what 😧 unholy 🙏 retribution your 👏 little 🏼 "clever" comment was about 🎩⭐ to ⚠ bring ➡⬅ down ⬇ upon you, maybe 😿 you ♀ would have 👏 held ✊ your 👈👈 fucking 💯 tongue. 👅 But 🏼 you couldn't, you didn't, 😘 and 💯 now 🎅🔫 you're paying the price, you 🙄🖕 goddamn idiot. I 👁🅱 will 😘 shit 👌 fury 😡😡 all over you 🤓👉 and 💰 you will 👏 drown in it. You're 😊🤖 fucking dead, kiddo. 🔥💲

Submitted September 18, 2020 at 11:56AM by Putins-Uncle via reddit https://ift.tt/2RESOdY

[bowtomycoolclocks]

Mercury Part 2

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: You have been homeschooled by your uncle Tony Stark for years, suddenly you’ve decided to attend public school, more specifically Midtown High. At this public school you acquaint yourself with a cute brown haired Spider-boy and his ragtag team of friends. You must find a way to juggle your school life and your hero life!

Warnings: Slow burn

A/N: Hey guys! Heres another part of the Mercury series. I hope you enjoy and If you have any requests please let me know! -

A little while after the car drives into Midtown High, you look up and see a big football field, with kids walking towards the school.

“I guess this is my stop.” You say smirking.

“You’re right kid, but listen you’ll be fine, join some clubs, and stand out.” Tony appealed to you. You nod your head and open the car door, starting to leave, however you turn to Tony and give him a big hug, squeezing your eyes.

“Bye Tony, bye Happy, see you later.” Then you exit the car, and shut the door. You step backwards and Happy drives away, leaving you in the middle of the street for everyone to see. You look left to right, noticing the stares and the whispers.

“Welcome to High school Y/N.” You mutter under your breath as you walk to your way into Midtown High. You climb the stairs, looking forward, keeping your head high. Then you open the door into the high school. You search around for the front office to get your schedule and locker number. Once you found the front of the office, you walk towards the door, open it and smile to the lady sitting in the desk.

“You aren’t a familiar face, so you must be Y/N?” You smile and nod your head.

“Well Y/N, I’m Ms. Susan, but for you, you can call me Susan!” She exclaims with a toothy smile.

“Thank you Susan-”

“I’m guessing you’re here for your locker number and combination, your schedule and your student tour guide.” Susan interrupts.

“Hah, yes, Susan.” You reply annoyed while gritting your teeth.  Susan opens her desk and takes out many papers, and hands them to you.

“Here is your schedule, locker combination and number, and your student guide will be here very soon-”

Susan was interrupted by a student barging through the door, and raises his hands to the sky.

“Hey Susan! How’s it going foxy momma, where’s the new student babe?” Flash Thompson asks loudly.

“First off Mr. Thompson, I told you not to call me Susan and second-”

“I’m the new student babe.” You turn around to tell this Flash Thompson. He bites his lip and scans your body up and down.

“Hey bucko, I’m not a piece of meat, my eyes are up here.” You demand him pointing to your eyes.

“Feisty babe, this is new and interesting, Flashy likes.” You turn around to Susan, “Listen Susan, can’t you send someone to guide me? I’d be much more comfortable with someone, anyone, but him.”

“I’m sorry Y/N, but it’s too late to change peer guides, you’re going to have to stick with Mr. Thompson over here.” You groan, roll your eyes and turn around to face Flash. He winks at you and once again you roll your eyes, and shove the piece of paper into Flash’s hands.

“This is my locker number, take it to me, and help me open it.” You command, Flash nods his head and walks out the door, you follow soon after him.

The walk to your locker wasn’t fun, Flash pried for personal information while flirting with you. The flirtatious comments made you want to puke, however you digress, and kept going, ignoring Flash. For some unknown reason to man, Flash was popular! During the walk to, people called out greetings to Flash, their attention going to you as well, asking if you were new, obviously, and some asked if you were single, which was none of their business. After what felt like centuries, both of you finally reach your locker.

“This is it hot stuff.” Flash flirts while pointing to the locker number, your locker. Deciding to not be in Flashes presence, you take the locker combination and with some perseverance and determination, you managed to open the locker and starting putting books into said locker. A locker opens next to you, however you were so absorbed on making the inside of your locker that you didn’t notice the stop of rustling papers and books.

“Hey Penis Parker, whatca looking at?” Flash asks to Peter Parker, nodding his head forward. Flash’s annoying voice took you out of your focused state and you look to the locker next to you to see who Flash was talking to. You see a boy with big chocolate brown eyes, brown curly hair, and a blue vest exposing a blue striped shirt. He looks at you, then looks away, blushing. You blush as well, sure you’ve seen attractive guys at this school, but this boy really stood out to you for some reason.

“Flash, shut up.” You demanded giving him the evil eye. Peters head shoots up and he stares at you with big eyes, you give him a small smile.

“Hi I’m Y/N L/N, sophomore and obviously new.” You chuckle. Sticking your hand out for him to shake.

“Hi-i, I’m Peter Parker, also a sophomore and total nerd.” He replies shaking your hand, and you smile once again.

“Hey um Peter, you seem like a smart kid, I have Chem now, do you mind showing the class to me?” You ask.

“Yeah! I’m in that class too.” Peter adds. You then close your locker and Peter closes his locker. Peter walks away from his locker and you walk next to him. Then you turn around, waving to Flash.

“See ya Flash.” You say sarcastically at a open mouthed Flash Thompson.

You and Peter then approach the room to chemistry. Peter opens the door for you and you smile at him as you both walk into chemistry. Unfortunately for you, everyone already seemed to have already enter class and in their seats. The teacher looks at you, “Well hello! First off, I’m Mr. Harrington, your chemistry teacher, second off, would you like to introduce yourself to the class?”

“Yeah, sure.” You say, you then make your way to the front of the class, and Peter makes his way to some boy, who starts playfully punching Peter, saying something to him.

“Well, I’m Y/N L/N, I grew up in Manhattan homeschooled by my uncle and I guess I wanted a change of scenery.” You explain.

“That’s it? Why don’t you tell us more about yourself?”

“Well, I’m going to lie, I’m a geek, so I love the Star Wars movies but not Star Trek, I mean Star Trek is good, but is it as iconic as Star Wars? I don’t think so,” You spoke quickly, the class looked wide eyed and the sudden quickness of your discussion.

“I also um, like talking.” You added while scratching the back of your head. The rest of the class laughed at your comment.

“Okay Y/N, thank you for that interesting… talk.” The rest of the class giggles at Mr. Harrington comment while your cheeks start to flame bright red.

“Why don’t you sit next to Michelle over there and we can get on to the beginning of class.” Mr. Harrington nods to a girl sitting intensively from the back of the class room. You make your way over to Michelle with a kind smile.

“Hey, I’m Y/N, obviously.” You say while sitting next to her.

“Michelle Jones.” The girl states as she brings out a hand for you to shake. You shake her hand, and drop your backpack and look forward to Mr. Harrington’s lecture.

“I’m personally more of a Star Trek fan.” Michelle says smirking, breaking your concentration on the lecture. You turn to her and return the smirk. Then turn back to the teacher.