#bye! better uses for both our time exist i promise you that asshole

[altschmerzes]

[wakes up, checks notifs. sees message from someone being fucking weird and mean and shitty about me being aro and romance repulsed, Again. delete.]

[belovedbangtan]

Dive| Part 9| jjk

<Masterlist>

Pairings: Jungkook x y/n, Yoongi x oc

Word Count: 4.5k

Series Description:  Camping with your ex, sounds horrible right? The camping trip was   planned and payed for long before y/n’s shitty boyfriend broke up with   her. Her best friend Abby, Yoongi, Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook are there to make sure she has an amazing time. However, sharing a tent with  a smoke show like Jungkook is bound to lead to some complications.

Warnings: language, drinking, mentions of sex, hardcore flirting,  maybe Jungkook didnt change afterall?, 

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You wake up on Saturday morning, in potentially the best mood you’ve ever been in. A ‘good morning beautiful’ text from Jungkook definitely helped set things off on the right foot. You reply back when he instantly asks if he can Face Time, so you get up and get dressed.

When the calls connect, your breathe hitches; fuck he was so attractive. You lean in giving him a cheesy smile, scrunching your nose and telling him good morning properly. Pretending not to be phased when he rolls onto his back keeping the phone above him. You totally weren’t thinking about riding him this early, nope.

“You look pretty,” He says with a playful smile. You pause coming back over to the camera, resting your forearms on the counter.

“You’re one to talk, do you just wake up looking like that?” You tease, giggling when he tries to contain his blush. Pushing his long, tattooed fingers through his recently washed hair.

“So… where do you want to get dinner tomorrow?” He changes the subject.

“Mmm I don’t care, you can pick.” You reach into your fridge pulling fruits out so you can make a smoothie.

“Well, what’s your favorite food?”

You grin at him, you were in a teasing mood, “I told you… remember?” your face drops a little.

He instantly sits up in the bed, his brows knitting together, “You did?” he asks quietly, “Uhm, let me think.” He pulls his thumb up to his mouth and he starts to nibble at his fingernail.

“You don’t remember Kookie?” You tease again, this time pouting a bit to really sell it.

“No… I-I I remember, it’s uhm Pizza? Or Pasta?” he pulls his lip in looking at you, clearly still trying to scan his brain for a memory that you knew didn’t exist. Pausing, you come close to the camera smiling wide.

“You know, I’m actually pretty impressed. I was fucking with you. I’ve never told you my favorite food, but you guessed right somehow,” You squint, giggling when he throws his head back onto his pillow at your confession.

“You’re so mean! I really felt like an asshole! All I could remember was on the float trip, you were so drunk and you wouldn’t stop talking about Pizza,” You both start laughing at the faint memory that seemed like it was so long ago.

“Ahh so drunk me told you, that bitch,” You shake your head earning a laugh from him.

“Yeah well drunk me likes to tell secrets too, so it’s all good,” You nod your head thinking of his own drunken confession and how thankful you were for it.

“What other secrets did drunk me tell you?” you ask throwing all of your ingredients into the blender.

He  looks up thinking about his answer when a smug smile starts to pull at his lips, “I mean besides when you told me that I was the sexiest person you had ever laid your eyes on and you wanted to try every sex position known to existance with me?”

You choke on air, eyes wide as you turn to look at him through the phone screen, “I said what now?”

“That I was the sexi-“He starts to repeat himself, but you don’t need to hear it again.

“Yeah, no I got it. Uhm, when did I… when did I say that?” you stutter, trying to seem nonchalant. It definitely sounds like something you would think, but why the fuck would you say that… to him! You hold your finger up, telling him to pause. Turning the blender on he watches you patiently for about a minute. You’re eyes nervously flicking to his, hoping to recall at least a piece of this memory. Once you’re done, you pour your smoothie into a cup. You take a sip as you walk over to the phone, leaning down to hear him.

“You don’t remember? Come on babe, not even a little bit?” He cocks his head, his sinister grin making you think that maybe it wasn’t so farfetched.

“No, I kind of remember… we’re we in the tent?” you lie, you had no idea. Maybe if he thought you remembered a little bit; he might ease up. Was it better if you were completely black out and didn’t remember, or you were only a little drunk and the memory is fuzzy? Either way, your cheeks were burning red.

“Nope, not in the tent,” He giggles readjusting the phone and you see his toned chest for just a split second. Again… maybe drunk you was onto something.

You tilt your head, closing your eyes tight trying to remember any moment where you would have been bold enough to say such a thing. Suddenly his laughing brings you from your thoughts, “What’s so funny?”

“Well, I was lying but is that something you feel like you would say, y/n?” His head tilts and you realize he just pulled a you on you. “Because, I have a Karma Sutra book and we can do a few pages a day… it might take some time but i-“ He rambles on sarcastically.

“You are such an ass,” You bury your face in your hands. How didn’t you catch on sooner? Probably because you had that thought but a more R rated version of it every time you made eye contact with the fucker. Of course, it was something you would say.

“So Pizza and Karma Sutra? Is that our date,” you quip raising your brows. His face hardens, his eyes locking on yours, you can tell he’s attempting to read you. Was this a part of the joke or were you serious?

“I’m joking,” You giggle, getting closer to the camera before whispering, “or am I?”

He tilts his head and runs his tongue along the inside of his bottom lip, “How’s your smoothie?” His voice is quiet. You smile, giggling a bit because he took the easy way out. You admired him for that. Obviously, you wanted to finally have sex with Jungkook. Clearly the sexual attraction was there. You gave him the perfect opportunity to talk about sex, and he deflected.

“It’s really yummy,” you smile sweetly, the both of you just enjoying each other, “Ill have to make one for you.”

He lets out a big sigh, and the smile that takes over his face reach up to his eyes, “Do you remember me telling you about how I wanted to uhm…” He rubs the back of his neck nervously, “just be home with you? Like do normal day to day things with you?”

You smile nodding your head softly, how could you forget.

“Well I meant it then, but… I really mean it now. I wish I was there to drink smoothies with you, and just talk about our day. Maybe lay on the couch and watch a movie with you, until we’re both starving.”

Your heart feels like it could beat out of your chest. You’d be lying if your head didn’t interfere a little, warning you of the last time he made you feel this way with these promises. You take a deep breath looking away from the screen.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” He says softly and you quickly shake your head. That last thing you wanted was for him to think that he should second guess telling you anything like that.

“No, I-uhm, I still feel the same way about that. I liked the idea then, and I like it now,” You tell him.

“Im glad,” he smiles again before clearing his throat, clearly letting the moment make him softer than he was used to being, “So you’ve got your work thing and I’ve got my family thing, then tomorrow we can get dinner and uhm… talk.” He mumbles and you nod your head, laughing to yourself at how flustered he seemed to be.

“Okay then I’ll text you, bye beautiful.”

“Bye Kookie.”

As your finger hits the red button, you wait for second to make sure he’s gone before collapsing onto your kitchen floor. Your stomach filled with an army of butterflies, and your chest thumping so hard you could feel it in your ears. You wished you could skip today and fast forward to tomorrow, eager to finally be able to call him yours.

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The day flew by and before you knew it you were in the Uber on your way to meet up with your co-workers. It was Johnny’s birthday, and he all but begged you to be there. You’d be a bold face liar if you said that the men you worked with weren’t attractive. All of them were breaking the scale of attractiveness. However, you never once thought about them in the way that Jungkook was worried about. To be completely honest, it was hard for you to think about anyone the way you thought about Jungkook. Even when you hated him, you still thought the world of him.

You thank your Uber Driver, flattening your peplum skirt down when you get out of the car. Texting Namjoon to announce you arrive. He meets you outside instantly enveloping you in a hug, taking your hand and leading you to the table where the rest of your co-workers are.

“y/n! I was wondering if you would make it!” Johnny yells, standing up to hug you. His tall frame hovering above yours.

You chuckle, “How could I miss it? You told me if I didn’t come you would stop getting my coffee every morning!” you quip, he shushes you by handing you one of the readily available shots on the table. Tequila. Wonderful.

After a few more shots of the harsh white liquid, you’re standing at a table with Namjoon. He’s checking his phone because he can’t seem to stop working. You pull out your phone, thumb hovering above his name and the cute monkey emoji that accompanied it. You decide to send him a simple, Hey you. He told you he had to do a favor for his Aunt. After your call in the morning you texted a bit and he told you to call him when you left the bar. It was only an hour in and you wanted to leave already. Scratch that, you wanted to talk to him already.

“You seem to be in a good mood,” Namjoon’s calm voice snaps you from your reverie.

Smiling down at the name on your screen, “I am actually,” you giggle because you were. You were so excited and happy for the next step in your life, “You know that guy I was talking to you about?”

Is brows raise and he lets out a huff, “You mean the only guy you talk about, Jungkook, right? Yes, y/n, we all know about Jungkook.” He giggles and you playfully smack his arm. Okay maybe you were talking about him a little too much.

“Yes him, well we’re going to dinner tomorrow and I think I’m ready to ask him out.” You bite your bottom lip hard, just thinking about it.

“I think that’s probably a good idea,” He laughs, bringing his beer to his lips.

“I think so too. I just wish all of the doubt was gone, ya know?” you take a drink from your drink, “Like, a tiny part of my brain just keeps reminding me of how much he hurt me.”

“But he explained all of that right?” Namjoon asks, you nod sucking your drink down anxiously, “Well I think that speaks volumes. If he meant it, and he actually feels sorry, AND he explained why he reacted that way… I’m pretty sure he cares about you as much as you care about him.”

You slowly drag your eyes to meet Namjoon’s, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. He widens his eyes as he cocks his head, as if to silently say, ‘I know, I’m a genius’. You couldn’t argue, because he was right. If Jungkook truly didn’t care about you or your feelings, he wouldn’t explained himself at all. You inhale deeply, looking at your phone for the umpteenth time. Maybe he was still busy with helping his aunt, you think.

Before you can start overthinking, a very intoxicated Johnny finds you and Namjoon. Three more tequila shots, and your head is spinning now. You’re drunk but at this point you can manage to get an Uber. You tell Namjoon you’re leaving, and you beg him not to tell Johnny. You watched how he guilt tripped another of your co-workers when she was attempting to leave early, and you don’t think you have it in you to tell him no. He seemed like beast on the outside, but he had those puppy dog eyes on lock down. Namjoon hugs you and tells you to let him know when you’ve gotten home safely.

After your Uber is confirmed you walk outside to the busy street to wait for it. The strip of bars was insanely crowded, so you sit along the window frame of the bar you had just left. Looking at your phone once again, it was almost 1 am. Your hazy thoughts wondered if he forgot about you. What would he still be doing for his aunt this late? You get a notification telling you that your uber was about to arrive, so you stand up and walk to the edge of the side walk. As you search for the white Chevy Cruze your gaze is pulled to the group of people piling out of the bar to your left.

You roll your eyes at how obnoxious they were. Loud and clearly piss drunk. Suddenly the crowd spreads apart, and what you see must be a mirage. Her dress was clinging to her body and she was clinging to him. Him. His arm was around her waist as he walks with her to a car. Her drunken form wobbling along the cobblestone. He laughed at something she said, and it made feel like you were dying inside. She says something in response, but he only seems to be concerned with getting her home. He slides in after her, and you watch his familiar tattoos disappear as the car door closes.

Your Uber honks obnoxiously, making you jump. Inhaling for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. You get into the Uber, and you almost want him to take you the hospital. That cant be right, you think to yourself over and over again. So many questions running through your mind and you can’t find an answer for any of them. All of your questions reminding you of the reason you stopped talking to him to begin with. Reminding you of the fact that you really didn’t know who he was. It felt like your chest was on fire, burning your lungs from the inside out. You don’t know when the tears started to fall, but now they weren’t stopping. You sit back and you think. Your brain and the 8 shots of tequila having very different opinions on how to handle this situation. Fuck it, you think to yourself, tequila wins this time.

“Excuse me sir,” You sniffle, attempting to mask the heartbreak, “Could I change my destination please?”

His eyes flick to your red, wet ones through the review mirror and he listens closely as you tell him the new address. Once he changes his route, you melt into your seat. Wishing it would swallow you whole so you wouldn’t have to deal with any of this. As fucked up as all of this was, and as much as you wanted to disappear; more than anything you wanted a fucking answer. Why would anyone toy with someone this much? It wasn’t a fucking game and he deserved to know that. The Uber slows to a stop and you thank him repeatedly, and he asks you again if you’re sure you were okay.

The Uber drives away, and you stop, staring up at the tall building. The last time you were here, Jungkook was the drunk one. His arm slung over your shoulder, much like the image that scorched itself into your brain of him and mystery girl. The tears are back, you decide that they have a mind of their own, because right now you can not be sad. Sure it feels like your heart was ripped out of your chest, but you can be broken later. Right now, you have to be the girl that stands up for herself, the girl that knows she doesn’t deserve to be treated like an old plaything that you love one day and throw out the next. You deserve better, and you hate yourself for giving into his deception.

It feels like a video game as you walk the familiar path. Your hand tingles when you picture his hand pulling you up the stairs. When you finally get to his door, you stand there for what seems like a decade. Your fingernails digging into your sweaty palms, trying to build an ounce of courage so you can knock. You start to over think it all, as you start to walk away you hear a high pitched giggle and then a very aggressive ‘shush’. Then before you can overthink it any more your knuckles are knocking aggressively.

The door opens quickly, “Im sorry! We will be quiet I prom-“ His eyes meet yours turning pale in an instant, “y/n, wh-what are you doing here.” His voice is shaky.

You bite your lip hard to keep from crying on the spot, without saying a word you push past him and into his apartment.

He closes the door and turns to see you running your finger along mystery girls’ purse and coat, His eyes widen when he realizes why you’re here.

“Baby, No! I swear that is not what it looks like! She is-“ He rushes to you taking your hands in his and you fling them away from you pushing him back.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You scream and his face drops, “I don’t care who she is! I don’t want to know anything! I really thought you cared about me Jungkook! I thought that you were different, even after all of those horrible things you said to Ben. I believed that. Turns out you were worse than him! At least Ben never fucking lied to me! He might have been a piece of shit but he didn’t lie to me! You don’t want to come home to me! You don’t want to be with me! This is all just some fucking game to you! Well guess what, I fucking quit. I don’t want to play anymore.” The tears on your face are constant now. Your knees tremble as you watch him reach out for you, pushing him away again.

“Kook,” a small voice yells out, “what is going on?” Mystery girl asks as she comes into view. She was probably waiting for him in his bed, your fist curls at the thought.

“Oh is this y/n?” She slurs, clearly still way too drunk, “Oh gosh she’s so pretty, why are you crying?” she tilts her head as he ushers her back to the hallway, whispering something to help her understand.

You exhale a shaky breath, why did she know your name? You swallow hard, wondering why something felt wrong. When he appears again, his face is hard.

“She’s my cousin…” He explains and suddenly the wind is knocked out of you.

“I should have told you what was going on but, I honestly didn’t know I would be doing all of this. It’s her birthday and she wanted to go out, so my aunt asked me if I would show her a few places. Her friends got way too fucked up, and she got way too fucked up. She started throwing up, so I brought her back here because I didn’t want to leave her like that…” He runs his hand through his hair stopping when he gets to his neck.

“I’m… I’m so sorry…” You blink at him, “I just saw you with her leaving the bar, and you weren’t responding to my text… and I don’t know..” you start to ramble, wishing that you could take it all back.

In one stride his hands find your waist, pulling you close to his chest. He reaches up to your tear stained face and delicately pushes your hair from your face.

“I’m not mad at you. It looked bad. I get it, I know that I still have to work on your trust,” His voice is soft as his forehead rest against yours.

You look up locking your glassy eyes with apologetic ones, “I’m sorry for screaming at you,” is all you can manage to say. Your head stopping you from spewing all of the thing your heart (and tequila) want you to say.

You feel his chest when he laughs to himself, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“You can scream at me, I don’t mind,” He chuckles reaching up to wipe another tear away, “But I really hate seeing you cry. I never want to be reason for your tears.” His eyes start to mirror yours, before he cries too you wrap your arms around his neck pulling him down to you so you can press your lips to his.

His hands meet behind your neck pulling you closer. The longer the kiss goes on, the more you don’t want to stop. His tongue presses against your bottom lip before you allow it to meet your own. You suck his bottom lip into your mouth before pulling away.

“Are you drunk baby?” He asks quietly pressing his swollen lips to your temple.

“I drank a lot of tequila,” you answer methodically, only causing him to chuckle.

“Well you should stay here, with me. My aunt is picking her up in the morning, but we can cuddle on the couch, is that okay?”

You smile and nod knowing he wishes the circumstances were different. What he doesn’t know is that even if you had to sleep inside the bathtub, you would stay because you wanted to be with him.

“Ill go get you some clothes,” He smiles and kisses your lips fervently once more before he disappears.

You put your things down and you quickly text Namjoon to tell him you’re home safe. Smiling as your fingers type the words because ‘home’ was starting to have an entirely new meaning to you. Jungkook returns with a pair of grey sweatpants and baggy t-shirt, handing them to you as he looks you up and down.

He sighs, “You look like an absolute Goddess in that outfit but I have to be honest,” He grins, pulling you close to his chest again, “I’ve been dying to see you in my clothes again.”

You giggle as his hands travel down the length of your skirt, stopping at the hem. His fingertips brush along your thigh, before traveling up slowly. You reach out grabbing a fist full of his t-shirt to pull him impossibly closer to you. When your lips connect with his jawbone, he lets out a sharp exhale. His hands ball up and he places them back onto your hips, making you slow your attack on his neck.

“What’s wrong?” you ask with a dramatic pout, pushing yourself back so you can look up at him.

“Nothing baby, its just that you’ve drank a lot,” a soft smile forms on his lips as he leans in to kiss your forehead once more, “Now go change so we can cuddle, yeah?”

You nod instead of protesting, walking to the bathroom to change into his clothes. His baggy sweatpants hang off of your hips and you know they look so much better on him. You fold your clothes up and place them on top of your purse when you walk out. His eyes are on you as you walk over to his seat on the couch, his eyes seemingly satisfied.

“Yeah… I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing you in my clothes,” He mumbles, pulling you down to him. You decide to straddle his hip, resting your head on his chest. You feel rather than hear his laugh as you exhale dramatically. The combination of his fingers running up your spine and the melodic beat of his heart slowly turns you into mush on his chest.

“I’ve missed you,” you say quietly before you can even think about it.

“Mm, I’ve missed you too baby,” He tilts your chin up, brushing your hair from your eyes so he can look at you before pressing his lips to yours once more, “Get some sleep, don’t want you to be tired on our date.”

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A/N: I think the next chapter will be the final chapter guys! Please tell me what you think! Also, request are open! I have a few that I'm working on currently but I'm searching for a new series to write! Also check out my new one shot, Simple Things, if you haven't already! 

Also, Im getting so fucking pumped for comeback, how are we gonna handle this new era guysss?!?! 

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Taglist:

@cainami @carolsummerlove @zeharilisharaban @jikooksgirl19 @fallen-for-luke @madygswich @sugalarity @lofikoo​ @ggukkieeee @peachy-bhun @megs58298 @kawaiiayasan @ jeonchan26  @ambersaesthetics​ @hopekookies​ @rumpucis @iaintnohollybackgirl​

[justjessame]

Starting Over Chapter 15

I put off sleep for as long as I could, bookmarking any and all shopping sites that I thought looked promising after I found the first group.  It wasn’t because I thought delaying the inevitable would somehow change it. Being MORE exhausted didn’t actually change shit, trust me, I tried that tactic too.  I just found virtual shopping more entertaining than I expected, and then I got caught up in it, then I wanted to see if Bucky would surprise me with a call or text, but none came.

Finally sleep was calling my name, loud and clear, and I couldn’t put it off any longer.  Putting my phone on charge, but NOT on “Do Not Disturb” for the first time in a LONG time, I set my laptop on the stand under it and turned off the light.  I clicked on the television, thinking that at least the blue light seemed to do SOMETHING for me, and I drifted off to what was routine for me now.

Once I gasped awake, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling trying to decide what I was going to do.  Not only with my day, which was as open as the everyday that I’d had since I came back, but with my life.  

The ad agency job that I’d been muddling along with before I got Snapped by the big purple asshole was the first company that called with a job offer after interviewing me that also offered a wage that I felt would add to the family budget enough to give Mom and Dad some breathing room.  I know that they gave the line about being too social to give up their jobs completely with such conviction that I could mostly swallow it whole, but I’d overheard them discussing the not so blessing that having a college aged kid so late in life - some would call that a burden - had wrought on their financial situation.  

The house was paid for, their pensions were generous, and they’d taken precautions so I’d be comfortable in the event of their untimely demises, but - I would have to find SOMETHING eventually.  The problem was WHAT?  

While I wallowed in indecision, my phone finally made a noise.  A chirp followed by a ring.  Grabbing for it, I was happy that I managed to wrap my hand around it and NOT knock it off onto the floor.  A glance told me the text was from Connie, but the call was Bucky.  

“Hey,” my lips were already curling up, but they wouldn’t stay that way for too long.

Bucky’s news wasn’t that he was on his way home, because he’d already warned me that he was heading toward God only knew what, instead he wanted to tell me that he MIGHT not be in contact at all until he was closer to home.  “I just don’t know if I’ll be able to, Brooke,” he sounded so - I wasn’t sure what, honestly.  “I’m about to do something,” his sigh was louder than any noise I’d heard him make so far, and it scared me.  “Incredibly stupid probably, and I’ll have to go off the grid.”  

I bit my lip, thinking about how Bucky could keep me from climbing walls with worry and from scanning the news and internet for glimpses of him.  “Pineapple,” I blurted it out and knew it made no fucking sense to him.  “The emojis on your phone, or any phone really -” I stopped and went back fifty fucking steps.  “The little pictures in the text box?”  I waited until he made a sound that seemed like he might be following my scattered logic.  “There’s a pineapple in there.  Send it to me from any cell phone and I’ll know you’re alive.”  Not safe, but alive.  “Please?”  Needy again, clingy most definitely, but I couldn’t NOT hear from him for who fucking knew how long.  

“OK,” he took a deep breath and then said it again, stronger and more like a promise.  “I will, Brooke.”

“You’d better, Buck.”  I sighed.  “You and me have a gold star to earn, and if it takes a ton of pineapples to get there first -” His chuckle was quiet, but it was a better way to end the call than the tension we filled the heart of it with.  “Come home.”  

“I will,” muffled voices were in the background and I knew our time was up.  “Bye, Brooke.”

“Bye, Bucky.”  And then silence, not even Sam’s teasing came for a respite, but another chirp came as soon as the call ended and I was sure that Connie was wondering why I hadn’t answered, but my smile creeped back when I saw a pineapple beside Bucky’s name.

Connie wanted to see if I was up for another day at the salon.  I told her I’d be by around lunch, and if she was sweet to me I’d supply the actual food for it.  I got a smiley emoji, a heart, and a devil just to be clear that she’d come for me if I didn’t follow through.  

I took my time getting up and ready for the day.  I cleaned the house a little, dusting even though it was the ONE chore that both me and my mom had hated beyond measure.  I took out the trash and mopped the floors.  Vacuumed the carpets and did the laundry before picking up my phone and calling our favorite takeout place, a place that I KNEW was still open because it had been one of the first places I’d ordered from when I poofed back into existence.  

I knew Connie, and her mom’s, preferences as well as I knew my own.  Ordering our lunches and confirming that I’d be picking them up myself, I glanced at the clock to make sure I had time to shower and dress.  I had just enough time for a very quick shower, tossing on some clothes, sliding my laptop into a messenger bag, I slid my feet into my shoes and was out the door with time to get to the diner before our food died.

“Praise be,” Mertle greeted me as I walked in balancing our food and drinks, with my messenger bag banging off my hip.  “Food’s here,” the chairs were miraculously empty of customers and Connie was sweeping up the hair that was the only sign that there had been any.  

“Thank God,” my bestie sighed.  “It’s been a nightmare,” she took a deep breath, leaned against the broom and it looked like she might be rethinking her career choice.  “I swear, every one of our customers wanted the same haircut.”

I shot a look to Mertle and she nodded her agreement with Connie’s assessment.  “Strange, but true.”  I felt a cringe growing as Connie’s mama helped lighten my load by taking my messenger bag off my shoulder.  “Come on into the breakroom, Brookie.  Food makes everything better.”

“God we can hope.”  Connie prayed, crossing herself for good measure and following us as she sidestepped the pile of mixed colored hair.  

We were crowded around the small table in what Mertle jokingly referred to as the “breakroom”, but was the catchall room in her salon.  It housed the overflow of supplies, be it cleaning or haircare, and the refrigerator, table and chairs.  Takeout containers open, plastic utensils doing their job to keep our mouths mostly occupied with eating, we were enjoying the simplicity that came from sharing a meal with friends that had crossed the line into family.  

“You brought your laptop,” Connie finally managed to point out as her meal was almost as gone as I’d been for those five years.  “Am I sensing a project you want to rope me into?”  She was squinting at me, but her lips were quirking as she forked another bite in preparation to be devoured.  

“Maybe,” I shrugged, causing a snort to erupt unlady-like from Mertle and getting a chuckle from me.  “I’m considering a surprise welcome of sorts -”

“For who?”  Mertle looked far too curious for anyone who was clued into my latest development, so I knew Connie hadn’t spilled the beans to her mom.  I bit my lip and she grinned.  “Brookie, did you meet someone?”  

I could almost feel Connie vibrating with the urge to tell it now that I was here and the news was THIS close to being spilled.  I was actually a little shocked she hadn’t told her mom.  Mertle knew almost every single scrap of every single thing that we’d ever gotten into, just like my mom had.  I sighed and nodded my agreement for her to just go for it and she was OFF.

“She didn’t meet just ANYONE, Mom -”  And I was shaking my head and taking another bite of my lunch. 

[lemonwritesstuff]

safety pin (ow highschool au)

summary: jesse and genji make a promise to each other and maybe, this time, two wrongs will make a right. read it on ao3

a/n: this is very based off the song safety pin by 5 seconds of summer bc im on a mcgenji and old 5sos kick rn. Featuring an american high school written by a british first year college student. Also jesse and hana are jack and gabes kids ok good cool also genji is trans and lucio is enby ok bye 

genji and jesse use he/him, hana uses she/her and lucio uses he/they

Ships: mcgenji, a sprinkling of bunnyribbit and background reaper76

word count: 1.2k (this is the longest fic i’ve ever written holy shit)

tw for mentions of transphobia and gender dysphoria/ self deprecating talk

Jesse just wanted to get to his locker. But instead, he was greeted with a crowd of people shouting horrible things at someone. Upon further investigation, he saw two people being targeted. And when the taller boy saw the green, he knew it was Genji and Lucio. 

Genji could usually stand up for himself, so why wasn’t he? 

Before anything could happen physically, the vice principal, Jack Morrison, appeared with his husband and head of phys ed, Gabriel Reyes, in tow. They were the teachers in charge of the GSA and they were also Jesse’s parents. They both knew how much Genji meant to Jesse, and how much Lucio meant to Genji so they were always first to take their side whenever anything happened to them.  

“Get to class, all of you!” Jack shouted, his voice laced with anger but also an attempt to stay professional. Gabe weaved through the crowds in an attempt to get them to disperse, before he caught the dickheads responsible.

“Principal's office. Now” Gabe scowled, his voice also laced with anger.

 As the crowd cleared, Jack spotted Jesse and Hana, worry plastered on their faces.

“Jesse, Hana, stay here.” he said, his voice much softer. He had a soft spot for any of the kids in the GSA, he’d been in their position years ago and was glad to give them the help he wished he had. At this point, the GSA was just the entire queer population of the school and no allies, but that was fine. They could all just unapologetically be themselves, without the fear of judgement. The GSA was the safest place in the school to be for them. 

“I’ll let your teachers know what's gone on and have them mark you in for the rest of the day but you don't have to go to class.” He was addressing the four of them now, voice still soft but laced with concern for the green duo. “I’ll write you all hall passes but you’re free to sit in our room if you want to. I’ll also notify all staff about what’s happened and I’ll be in my office if any of you need me.” 

“Thank you, Sir.” the four of them said in somewhat unison. Once Jack had walked off, Hana rushed over to Lucio, who was leaning against the wall and still shaking from the encounter.

“Lú! Are you ok?” Hana asked, concern now laced through her voice. She cradled Lucio’s head in her hands, rubbing away their tears. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, Hana. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before. I guess I deserve it, wearing a skirt to school” they replied. Being one of two openly trans people in the entire school was bound to go wrong at some point. 

“Shut it, dingus. We both know you don’t deserve it. It’s not our fault people are transphobic assholes.” Genji chimed in. 

“Exactly!” Hana said. “Now, let's go sit in the room and fix your makeup. You deserve to feel pretty, baby.” With that statement, the pair set off, hand in hand, to the room that GSA meetings were held in, leaving Jesse and Genji alone in the hallway. Genji was still processing what happened but Jesse pulled him back to reality.

“Our spot?” Jesse asked, voice quiet in order to not disturb the students learning in the class opposite them. Genji just nodded, and after Jesse got his bag from his locker (which was the only reason he was in that part of the school anyway), they set off toward the exits.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Thank god I got some snacks, I forgot we were gonna have a shorter lunch. I’m starvin’.” Jesse started, plonking himself down on the ground with Genji following suit opposite him. “You ok darlin’? Ya still look scared. How come ya didn’t stand up for yourself? I know you can, the entire grade has seen ya do it before.”  Genji chuckled and sighed, before replying.

“I was already having a bad enough day with my dysphoria and I was talking about it with Lucio when someone overheard us and.. yeah.” 

“Oh, baby, I-”

“No, it’s fine.” Genji said, cutting Jesse off. “They’re right, I’m not a real man and never will be. I wouldn’t be surprised if you wanted to break up with me, Jesse.” Genji couldn’t hold back the tears any longer and before he could say anything, he was in Jesse’s arms. One of the few places he felt safe. One of two places where he could exist without judgement.

“Dumplin’, I know it’s hard but please never believe anything those assholess say. You’re not only a man, but you’re MY man and I’m not going anywhere. Nothing will ever change that. Ever. They’re just asshats that lack so much self confidence that they tear others down.” Jesse said softly, cradling his lovers face in his hands, wiping away tears. 

Genji melted at any nickname Jesse gave him, especially dumpling. It came from an in-joke on their first date, where Genji had compared himself to a dumpling, small and bite sized (compared to Jesse anyway) and the nickname stuck ever since. 

“Do ya want me to do anything, darlin’?” Jesse murmured, rubbing circles on Genji’s back in an effort to calm his tears.

“No, this is fine for now.” Genji barely whispered, not even daring to look up at the brunette. Just as Jesse was about to reply, his phone pinged. 

buncha fuckin misfits

padre: the dickheads have been dealt with and they’re outta here

gaymer gorl: good riddance lmao

boy scout lookin ass: those kids have done this multiple times and i’m surprised it took this long to expel them 

boy scout lookin ass: how are gen and lú by the way?

gaymer gorl: i redid Lú’s makeup and they’re back to lookin fabulous!

yee to the haw: just givin’ gen some cuddles, he was already havin’ a bad day with dysphoria and he just needs some convincin’ that he’s stronger than he thinks. he’ll be ok :)

With that, Jesse shut off his phone and turned his attention back to the green haired boy in his arms. The brunette ran his hands through the sea of green hair beneath him, letting out a low whistle when he realised how soft it was.

“I redyed it last night” Genji said, his tears having pretty much run dry at his point. 

“Well, ya better tell me what hair products you use, darlin’. Wish my hair was as soft as this.” 

Genji let out a chuckle, which made Jesse smile. He’s getting there. 

The pair stayed like that for some time until Jesse had an idea. He reached over to his bag and pulled a safety pin off the strap, handing it to Genji. Before Genji could question him, he began to explain himself.

“ Maybe we can safety pin the pieces of our broken hearts back together. We’ve both been hurt so much in the past, and we’re obviously gonna wanna be whole in the future. So, I’ll give you this as a promise, that I’m always gonna have your back and the one on my bag is your promise to me, that you’ll always have my back. Make sense?” Jesse said, pinky extended towards his love, smile creeping onto his face.

“Of course.” Genji replied. “Besides, maybe, this time, two wrongs make a right.”

[jisungsmochi]

competition - na jaemin

summary: you and jaemin have been competing alongside eachother in soccer since you were younger. it slowly became a competition when your teams were often compared to each other, so you both instead became rivals. but things change, when your teams are forced to merge.

childhood best friends to rivals (?) to lovers hehe 

a/n: i really outdid myself with this one but i just couldn’t stop writing HAHA pls enjoy it!! 

word count: 6.6k 

//

‘over here y/n !!’ you heard a high pitched voice call from your left, you giggled softly before dribbling the ball between your feet, handing it over to the six year old boy.

he dribbled skilfully before taking the final kick for the goal. both of you cheered as your parents and siblings watched on, clapping at your efforts. you ran up to him with arms wide, as did he, both meeting in the middle and embracing eachother in a slightly sweaty hug.

‘we are such a good team!’ you pat him on the back, while walking to your parents.

‘yeah we are! i can’t wait until we’re older, we can play on the same team!’ jaemin cheerfully exclaimed, making you nod in agreement.

‘i’ll see you next friday! bye jaemin’ you gave him one last hug before jogging to your parents.

‘ewww y/n! you like jaemin!’ your brother, mark teased.

‘i do not! boys have cooties!’ you crossed your arms, following your parents to the car.

‘whatever you say! i bet he will be your boyfriend in the future!’ mark taunted you while making kissy faces. although he was just a year old than you, you didn’t hesitate to slap the back of his head.

na jaemin was your best companion on the field. you practiced every friday, as your families were good friends, so your friendship was bound to have happened. but your interest in soccer was what really brought you two together.

as the years went by, your love of soccer didn’t fade away.

//

when you were both fourteen, you tried out for the regional teams at your local soccer club.

you both hyped eachother up as it would give you both an opportunity to be scouted when you both go to college.

‘y/n, you’re the best player i know, those girls have nothing on you!’ you nodded at his mini motivational speech. he looked at you with his smile which instantly made you feel at ease. you both had practiced almost everyday after school for this try out.

‘jaemin’ he looked over to you. ‘promise that we’ll play alongside eachother one day’ you pulled out your pinky, in which he nodded whilst linking his with yours and conjoining your thumbs at the end. it was a small action that was significant to you both.

‘i promise!’ he cheered before you both headed to the field.

and with flying colours, you both earned positions on your respective teams. jaemin came running to you, as he had done many times before, picking you up and spinning you around.

‘we did it! i can’t believe it! we are amazing!’ he smiled, slinging his arm around your shoulders as you both walked over to your parents.

‘we are going to own high school together!’ you smiled up at him, in which he smiled back at you.

everything was going to be perfect, so you thought.

but high school wasn’t all you expected. jaemin soon became a distant stranger. you couldn’t find time to hang out after school due to your practice schedules. and school was a whole different story, different classes, new friend groups. the whole lot. it was difficult to stay in touch. the only thing you both seemed to still have in common was your love for soccer. but it wasn’t enough to keep your friendship growing.

dinners at each other’s houses soon turned into just jaemin’s parents and his little sister. jaemin was always busy with his new friends and with his soccer team, he couldn’t come over anymore. and each time you would come over to dinner at his place, he would lock himself in his room to chat with his friends and play video games, leaving you and his little sister to watch random shows on tv. you missed him, a lot. you missed how you would both go to the local reserve to destress by kicking the ball around. you missed how he would text you at early hours of the morning because he had a nightmare. you missed how you give eachother shoulder massages before every tournament you attended. you missed na jaemin being your best friend. but this feeling soon turned into a distaste for him. you disliked how he tossed you away as soon as he found a new clique. you disliked how he became the star player on his team, when you were always placed second on yours. you disliked how no matter how many memories you both made, na jaemin refused to acknowledge your existence in the halls. you soon came to dislike na jaemin. and you weren’t so sure it would change any time soon.

//

you made your way to the soccer club, checking yourself in and meeting up with the rest of your team mates.

you only really had one other close friend on the team, yuna. she was the team’s goal keeper, and was often described as a prodigy as she only began playing soccer two years back. you both took your seats on the bleachers, awaiting the arrival of your coach. you looked over as you saw him, followed by the boys team.

‘oh no, this looks bad’ yuna gasped as the boys made their way over to your team and sat to the right of the bleachers.

‘okay so now that we are all here, i have some news. coach shin for the boys regional team has gone on part time leave due to an injury. we aren’t sure how long he will be gone for, but he and i have both agreed to merge training for the male and female teams to be on the same days.’

a wave of groans filled the stands as both teams were infuriated.

‘i understand your frustration, but i believe this is the best option as you all know we have the upcoming co-ed tournament. i will be choosing six players from each team to be on the team with consulting from coach shin. but for now, please practice as you would, and do not hesitate to practice together! now chop chop, we don’t have much time left!’ your coach blew his whistle as everyone made their way to the field.

‘i can’t believe it, the boys are complete assholes’ yuna groaned as you both left your seats.

‘i know, i can’t believe jaemin is still there’ you sighed.

‘okay but he is one of the best players in the club, you can’t deny it, he’s definitely making the co-ed team’ she looked over at him, then back at you.

‘yeah well i’m going to make it on the team as well. i need to beat him’ you spoke with such determination, yuna just nodded as you both began to practice dribbling.

on the other side of the field, jaemin was watching you practice. he hasn’t seen you on the field in a while, due to his schedule. but he couldn’t deny that you were getting better by the second. his thoughts were interrupted.

‘bro, take a shot!’ jeno yelled from the goals, as jaemin readjusted himself, before striking the ball, only for it to completely miss the goal. jeno ran up to his friend, with confusion.

‘dude you never miss, why did you miss?’ jeno questioned.

‘just...distracted’ was all jaemin could reply with.

‘by what? the girls?’ jeno joked, giving his friend a small tap on the shoulder.

‘it’s just so unfair that they are taking up half our field space as well as us having to share our practice time’ jaemin rolled his eyes, letting them land back on you.

‘yeah i know it’s whack, but if coach said it will be good then it will be. plus we have to try to get on the co-ed team’ jeno explained.

‘you mean, you, have to try’ jaemin jokes, as jeno tackled him to the ground,

‘oh you’re an asshole’

//

the next day at training, you saw that some of the girls on your team had started practicing with the boys. you weren’t completely against the idea, but it was always instilled into your team that they were our rivals. the boys team always competed in more well-known comps and had won more tournaments than your team. it was a real confidence bust. as you stepped onto the field, your coach called you over.

‘hey y/n, could you please practice with jeno? he’s still a bit unconfident with his goal kicks, and you are one of our best strikers so it wouldn’t hurt to help him out’ your coach politely asked. you didn’t dislike jeno, the way you disliked jaemin, so you agreed, making your way over to jeno. but the two boys came like a pair, get one, and forcefully get the other.

jeno gave you a small wave before jogging up to you to shake your hand.

‘hi y/n!’ he smiled at you, in which you returned,

‘hi, coach said you need help with goal kicks?’ you got straight to the point, ignoring jaemin staring from the corner of your eye.

‘yes please’ jeno followed you to the goal, observing your every move as you explained your technique. you tried your best to make it simple for him to understand. it took a while for him to get the hang of things but once he did, his face lit up. you couldn’t help but watch as jaemin glared at the both of you. you couldn’t read his expression, but he wasn’t happy.

once you had finished with jeno, jaemin approached you.

‘your leg wasn’t straight’ was all he said.

‘what?’ you struck back at him, the tone in your voice coming out harsher than you anticipated.

‘i said, your leg wasn’t straight. your knee kept bending’ he stood so his figure towered above you, his way of making it clear he felt superior. you rolled your eyes before poking his chest,

‘well hotshot, coach asked me to help jeno, and he actually got it. so my leg may not be ‘straight’ but i still got the job done’ your eyes pierced into his.

he scoffed, while crossing his arms,

‘i could have done better’ his whole composure infuriated you. this wasn’t the jaemin you used to practice with everyday. this wasn’t the jaemin who would compliment your every move.

‘just shut your mouth for once, jaemin, no one asked for your opinion’ you shoved past him, as jeno was jogging to you guys.

‘hey what happened?’ he asked you politely, trying to stop you from storming off.

‘he’s an asshole’ was all you could say before making your way to the bleachers and packing your things. you hated that he made you feel so small. you needed to prove to na jaemin that you were a good player, no matter what it takes.

//

the weekend had come along and it was a local tournament for your team. the boys were pretty much forced by coach to attend in order to analyse how the girls play. you and yuna were preparing for the match, tightening your shoe laces and doing some last minute stretching.

‘okay girl, what’s the game plan?’ she asked you as you both walked into the field.

‘game plan is to show these boys how it’s done’ you chuckled as you fist bumped her and made your ways to your designated spots.

the team you were up against were known local champions, you had only won against them a few times, but they had a well known rep for playing dirty. as the game commenced, everything went at such a quick pace. players from your team were getting tripped over, and constantly getting blocked shots. it frustrated you how embarrassing it seemed from the boys’ perspective. you had received the ball, whilst two players from the opposing team were chasing you down, one of them tripped you over as the other ran for the ball. as you fell to the ground, you felt your ankle twist, instantly knowing it wasn’t going to end well. as your body hit the ground, you immediately reached for your ankle in pain, calling out for the ref. the ref dismissed the action from the other players, and called a time out. your coach, along with some players from your team, helped you to the bench.

‘does it hurt when i do this?’ your coach was worried about the extent of the injury. you shook your head.

‘how about this?’ he strained it in another direction,

‘oh god yes it does’ you winced before grabbing your ankle again.

‘okay it’s not broken, just a sprain, someone get her some ice, you need to be on rest for the next few weeks’ he sighed, evidently stressed about the whole situation.

‘but coach, i need to make the co-ed team’ you cried,

‘try outs for that team aren’t for another two months, you will be okay’ he pat your shoulder as someone aided you with ice.

fuck this, was all you could think.

you scanned the bleachers as your eyes met with jaemin, who, for once, seemed to be worried. you ignored his glance before attending to your ankle.

//

despite your injury you still wanted to attend practice even if it meant you were to be put on the bench. jaemin constantly kept looking over at you, as if he was unsure on whether to approach you or not. you were tapping away on your phone when you felt a presence next to you,

‘how’s the ankle?’ he asked in a monotone voice.

‘why do you care?’ you shut off your phone and glared at him.

‘just asking’ he shrugged, taking a seat next to you.

‘it’s fine, i mean, i can’t really feel it but if i move it the wrong way, it just hurts so bad’ you sighed, unsure of why you were letting this out on him.

‘i’ve had a sprained ankle before, it will pass, don’t worry too much about it’ he awkwardly spoke as you just nodded. the tension was slightly unbearable.

‘you going to try out for co-ed?’ he decided to continue the flow of the conversation.

‘yeah of course, i can’t wait to beat you’ you chuckled softly, watching as his eyes met yours.

‘oh really now? with that little ankle of yours?’ he shot you his flawless smile that used to calm you down when you were younger.

‘once i’m healed you better watch out’ you continued with the banter. it felt nice to talk normally with jaemin again, but it still didn’t excuse the way he had acted towards you in the past.

‘i’m sooo scared’ he put his hands up in defence, yet again, smiling at you.

stop doing that, you thought to yourself.

‘it’s been a while’ you sighed, he looked at you with a confused expression.

‘since we’ve properly talked’ you explained, as he slowly nodded.

‘yeah about that i’m-‘

‘HEY! jaemin! my mum’s here to pick us up!’ jeno interrupted, as he made his way to the car park.

‘oh i’m sorry i should go, nice talking to you after so long’ jaemin quickly packed his things before rushing off to meet jeno.

he was something else. one moment he was criticising you on your kicks, and now he’s trying to be all friendly.

//

during school, you would never even taken notice of jaemin, but since that conversation at practice, it was all you could do. everywhere you went, he was somehow always there. part of you wanted to talk to him, but it seemed like something you both could only do at practice.

your brother, mark, was picking you up from school that day. as you put on your seatbelt, he started the car.

‘woah hold on, is that jaemin? i haven’t seen that guy in ages!’ mark spoke in awe before popping his head out the window,

‘yo jaemin!!’

the brunette boy noticed someone calling his name and made his way over to mark’s car.

‘what the fuck are you doing?’ your eyes widened as you slid down the car seat.

‘hey mark, it’s been a while’ jaemin was at the driver’s window.

‘oh hi y/n’ he smirked as you gave him a small wave before rushing to grab your phone.

‘damn you’ve gotten taller, wanna come hang out at our house, we’ve got to catch up!’ mark offered him, before you blurted,

‘no!’ the two boys looked over at you in confusion.

‘i- i mean, shouldn’t we also invite his parents too? mum and dad are both home from work today’ you quickly put together, watching as mark nodded in agreement.

‘yeah sounds good’ jaemin spoke, causing you to look over at him.

‘cool, come over at 6’ mark waved goodbye as he drove off.

‘why did you do that?!’ you slapped his arm.

‘hey! unlike you, i am still friends with him okay? and dude, are you sure you don’t have a crush on him? because i see the way you been looking at eachother an-‘

‘one more word and i’m going to dye all your white shirts, pink’ you threatened as the older boy became quiet.

what in the world was going to happen tonight?

//

six o’clock struck. your parents were frantically setting the table, excited that their friends were coming over after a while of not seeing eachother. you felt bad that they had stopped hanging out, partly due to your distance from jaemin. mark was excited as well, him and jaemin would play fifa on the playstation together, whilst you would bother them to watch a movie with you. it felt like old times were reoccurring.

the doorbell rang, and you being the closest, walked over the answer it. there you saw jaemin and his parents. he was dressed in a grey hoodie and some black jeans. it was a simple outfit but it made him look more fit and attractive. which you didn’t want to admit. you greeted them all politely as jaemin’s mum began to explain,

‘ah yes yeeun is currently on school camp so she is unable to be here’ you also missed hanging out with jaemin’s sister, hopefully that day will come again soon. both of your parents instantly reconnected, chatting away in the living room.

‘hey‘ you smiled at him softly. he looked down at you with slight admiration.

‘hey’

‘it’s been a while’ you spoke awkwardly.

‘yeah almost, three years?’ jaemin sighed, looking around your house that he once used to come to everyday.

‘not much has changed, really’ you led him towards your room, where a large butterfly sculpture was stuck on the outside of your door.

‘this is still here?!’ his mouth widened in shock.

‘yeah well, using super glue to stick this bad boy on, makes it difficult to remove’ you smiled as you opened the door,

‘ah my bad i’m sorry about that! but hey, i was eight’ he shrugged before looking around your room.

he walked over to your trophies that were displayed on a bookcase next to your study table.

‘so what’s new with you?’ you asked, taking a seat on your bed.

‘umm a lot? y/n, we haven’t spoken since like three years ago’ he sat next to you, leaving some space between you both.  

‘yeah, who’s fault was that?’ you mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

‘what do you mean?’ he tried to regain your attention.

‘you’re the one who stopped being friends with me!’ you threw your hands in the air in annoyance.

‘not true! you’re the one who left me for another group!’ he retorted, your eyebrows furrowed, irritated at his words.

‘well you’re the one who stopped coming over. you stopped talking to me at school and you stopped taking the bus to practice with me. what else was i supposed to do, but make new friends!’ you scowled at him, angered that he was trying to put the blame on you.

he was unable to say anything in return, instead he pulled your head against his chest and ran his fingers through your hair.

‘i- i just thought that, we were drifting already since we weren’t in the same classes, so i just cut our friendship off to just, try and make things easier. it’s not a good excuse i know, but i thought its what you wanted’ he explained, his words trembling as you felt his hands shake.

‘i didn’t want to stop being friends’ you wiped some tears that left your eyes and looked up at him.

‘i’m sorry for everything.’ he mumbled just loud enough for you to hear.

‘it’s okay’ you nodded, placing your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug.

‘can we try to pick things up where they left off?’ he offered, unsure of what your response would be.

you debated on your response. remembering the times he was completely rude to you.

‘we can try. but the moment you act like an asshole, i’m not afraid to hit you’ you threatened as a smile crept onto his face.

‘thankyou for giving me another chance’ he muttered.

‘it’s okay, promise you won’t mess this up?’ you pulled out your pinky. he smiled widely at your actions before linking your pinkies together and joining your thumbs.

‘i promise’

and with those words, and the official seal of friendship, na jaemin wasn’t so unbearable.

//

the next practice you both attended, your coach allowed you to participate in some simple training.

‘hey, your ankle seems to be healing pretty quickly!’ jaemin approached you, as he trapped the ball between his feet.

‘oh yeah, it’s barely hurting anymore’ you smiled back at him. although it has only been a week since he had come over for dinner, you both attempted to somehow rekindle your friendship. at times it was still awkward and you both were unsure of how to continue the conversation, so you both unanimously agreed to only talk during practice.

jeno and yuna would often join you both, abiding by your coach’s orders of light training. so the four of you were just passing the ball to eachother in a circle while talking about events at school.

yuna, unfortunately didn’t attend your school, which often led to her ranting about her crush on a guy in her maths class by the name of haechan.

‘ugh he’s just so nice to me but he’s so oblivious! i invited him to go to the movies but then he invited one of his friends as well because he thought it was a group thing, so i ended up third wheeling them!!’ she groaned, passing the ball over to jeno.

‘that’s a tough blow, maybe you just need to be more straight up?’ he passed the ball over to jaemin,

‘or how about this? get over him! you were already clear by asking him out’ jaemin shrugged before tapping it over to you.

‘i agree, he isn’t worth your time’ you stated to your best friend as she nodded along to everyone’s advice.

‘you are all probably right, fuck boys’ she giggled as jeno chased her to the other side of the field.

‘they would be cute’ jaemin muttered, standing beside you.

‘i mean i guess’ you chuckled, ‘want to go out? just the four of us?’ you offered as he agreed,

‘damn you’re asking me out on a date already? y/n i don’t like you like that’ jaemin smirked as you shoved his shoulders,

‘can you like not be self absorbed for like five minutes?’

‘no can do’

//

you were seated next to jaemin as yuna and jeno sat across from you both.

‘we’re really having mcdonald’s for dinner?’ yuna commented, whilst taking a bite of her fries.

‘got a problem?’ you retorted, causing her to chuck a fry at you.

‘so how are we feeling about co-ed try outs? i mean, we HAVE to all make it’ jeno started the conversation.

‘but jeno, we are both goalies, only one of us can be the team’s goalkeeper, and besides i suck at dribbling’ yuna sighed.

‘don’t be discouraged! we can help you’ jaemin offered, trying to cheer her up.

‘yeah, it’s no fun if one of us is left out!’ you exclaim, remembering back to when you and jaemin promised to play on the same team together one day.

as you all parted ways from car park, jaemin approached you.

‘hey y/n, want me to drive you home?’

you were originally waiting for mark, but remembered that he was studying for his college exams. you nodded in response to his offer and entered the passenger seat of his car.

‘wanna go somewhere?’ he mumbled, looking over at you. there was a short silence before you responded,

‘let’s go to the reserve’ you smiled as his face lit up. that reserve held so many of your memories. the time that you and jaemin were hiding from mark and yeeun when playing hide and seek. the time that jaemin got rejected by his crush in 7th grade and asked you to buy him lollies so you could both talk about it.

you hopped out of the car, meeting jaemin at the centre of the reserve.

‘it’s so quiet’ he whispered, slinging his arm around you, like many times before.

but this time it felt different. you missed the feeling of his arm around you. you missed his hugs and his motivational speeches, you really missed jaemin.

‘yeah it is’ you sighed before taking a seat on the grass. jaemin followed, not saying a word before pulling you closer to his side and allowing your head to rest on his shoulder.

‘remember when we were younger, and we wanted to play on the same team so badly that you even tried to cut your hair shorter so you would look like a boy’ jaemin chuckled, causing you to lightly slap his thigh.

‘hey! i had to live with a bowl cut for a whole year before my hair reached past my shoulders’ you whined, hiding your face in the crook on his neck, which made his composure stiffen. he wrapped his arm around you before continuing to tease,

‘no you looked very cute, the bowl haircut really suited you’

you didn’t know why he made you feel so fuzzy inside but you didn’t want that feeling to go away. you wanted to keep feeling how na jaemin made you feel.

moments passed before you moved your head to face jaemin. his side profile was so gorgeous, it made you speechless. his jawline was defined, his cheeks weren’t as full, his lips were plump. he soon took notice of you staring, turning his head to look you directly in the eyes. your faces were mere centimetres apart, if you would have just moved slightly forward your lips would have touched. jaemin’s eyes flickered between yours and your lips. his breath was hitting the surface of your lips as you felt his hand move a piece of hair from your face. he let his hand linger there, still not saying a word. you wanted to just close that gap, but you were unsure of how he felt about it.

‘i- i mean we should go’ he whispered to you, pulling away from you. you didn’t know why your heart hurt at his actions. you wanted to kiss jaemin right then and there, but you guessed that he clearly didn’t feel the same. you quickly made your way to his car, he remained silent the entire trip back to your house. as he pulled up to your drive way, you turned to him before saying,

‘i’m sorry about earlier, it wasn’t meant to happen. i mean, god i don’t know. i’m sorry, thanks for the ride, bye’ you stammered, making your way out of his car and heading inside. jaemin sat back in his seat, his heart beat finally resuming to pump at a steady pace.

he wanted to kiss you. but the timing didn’t feel right to him. he didn’t want to hurt you, like he did years before. jaemin sat in your driveway for a few minutes, recounting the events in his mind, replaying what he should have done differently. eventually he just groaned to himself before driving back home.

as you entered your room, you immediately called yuna, ready to pour your emotions out for the rest of the night.

//

a week had gone by since that day. your ankle was 99% healed, and you were cleared to play as usual. you entered the field and immediately began practicing your goal kicks. yuna was absent due to a cold, so your next best goalkeeper was jeno. you were shooting balls at him, left and right and he managed to save more than you expected.

‘let’s take a break’ he almost wheezed before walking up to you and handing you a water bottle.

in the back of your mind, you wondered where jaemin was, it wasn’t like him to skip out on practice, but part of you also didn’t want to know, in fear that your embarrassment would resurface.

‘try outs are next week, how you feeling?’ jeno asked, spreading himself flat on the field. you chuckled whilst copying his actions.

‘i feel good about it, and you?’ you question him back, as he lets out a small sigh.

‘fingers crossed, am i right?’ was all he said. you weren’t sure how to respond so you remained silent as you both stared at the stars in the sky.

‘hey’ you suddenly blurred, causing jeno to sit up and face you.

‘how do you know, if a guy likes you?’

jeno gave you a puzzled look before thinking of what to say.

‘well, depends, are you talking about any other guy or are you talking about jaemin?’ your eyes widened at the boy’s question, worried that you had been too obvious.

‘how did you know?’ you hung your head low to play with the grass.

‘i’ve seen the way you both look at eachother, you don’t just do that with a friend’ he shrugged before approaching you closer. ‘y/n, what are you waiting for?’

you weren’t sure what he really meant. it wasn’t like you were waiting for jaemin to confess. you weren’t waiting for you both to have some romance story to tell people. you weren’t sure of what you wanted from na jaemin.

‘i’m just scared, that things are going to go back to the way they were before. us ignoring eachother and not being friends’ you muttered, pulling your knees to your chest.

‘it won’t happen, you just need to be upfront with him. jaemin can be reserved and quite the ignorant guy, but he will let his guard down’ jeno reassured you, whilst softly rubbing your back.

his words remained with you for the rest of the night. as you laid in bed at 2:34am, not able to fall asleep, you called the one person you needed to talk to most.

‘y/n?’ the deep voice groaned, clearly having been woken by your call.

‘meet me at the reserve in 15 minutes, we need to talk’ you quickly hung up and put on warmer clothes. jaemin was confused to say the least, but he agreed that you both needed to talk.

and just like that, 15 minutes later, his car pulled up to the reserve where you sat in the centre of the field, just like many nights ago. you could hear his footsteps approach you, your heart pounding with every step he took. he hunched down to meet you at eye level before taking a seat next to you.

‘you called me out here to talk’ he spoke so softly, you didn’t want to look at him. instead you stared at some trees before replying,

‘what are we?’ you struck at him, watching as his demeanour changed.

he became more enclosed, his lips sealed and hands in his pockets.

‘what do you mean?’ he cluelessly replied.

‘you know what i mean, jaemin. you can’t keep confusing me. i can’t keep going on thinking we can still be just friends when you haven’t even properly told me how you feel.’ you sighed as you faced him, his face washed with a blank expression.

‘you haven’t told me how you feel either’ he retorted. part of you wanted to scream at him, but you knew he was right.

‘fine. i’ll say it. i like you, na jaemin. i’ve liked you since we were little. i’ve liked you since you took my hand after each fall in our practice games. i’ve liked you since you plastered a stupid butterfly sculpture on my door because you said it looks pretty. i’ve liked you since you promised me that we would make it on the same team one day. but these past three years, i’ve been battling myself into not liking you. i’ve tried to hate you because you just tossed me away. like all our memories didn’t mean anything to you. do i even mean anything to you?’ you suddenly felt tears rush down your face, your breathing becoming heavy and your fists were balled up. jaemin stared back at you, with every ounce of hurt he had ever felt. he didn’t want to hurt you. that was his number one priority since you were children, but he didn’t exactly that.

he pulled you to his side and stroked your hair to calm you down.

‘y/n, you mean more to me than you will ever give yourself credit for. i thought that i was holding you back, three years ago. you were pretty much the star player of the club, i couldn’t compete. i know that we were on different teams, but i wanted to be better than you. and fuck, that feels so selfish and arrogant to be saying right now but i hated how we were both brought up the same but you were significantly improving whilst i remained the exact same. so i decided that being friends with you, would only bring a lifetime of competitiveness and jealousy. there wasn’t a day that went by where i didn’t regret my actions.’ jaemin reached for your hands to interlock. still continuing to stroke your hair as you listened to his sweet voice.

‘now that we’ve had the chance to reconnect. i feel like an asshole. i should have kissed you that night. i kicked myself everyday since then because i didn’t do it. i just didn’t want to end up hurting you, so i pushed you away. and i am sorry for doing that to you’ jaemin pulled your face to be met with his. both his palms rested on your cheeks as he made eye contact with you.

‘before i keep rambling about how much i fucked up, i wanna say that, i like you too. even though it took me longer to realise it, i like you.’ he said above a whisper, your lips now millimetres apart. a smile crept to your lips, your tears had halted as you were admiring his words. na jaemin liked you back. that’s all you needed.

you leaned in closer, waiting for him to continue. he smiled back at you before softly pressing his lips against yours. his hands moved down to the side of your neck as the kiss got deeper. your hands played with his hair as he motioned for you to lay down on the grass, his body towering over you. his lips were so soft, so supple, everything about him was so amazing. he pulled away for a split second,

‘can we continue this in my car? It’s getting cold out here’ he smirked as you eagerly nodded.

god, he was something else.

//

today was the day. co-ed tryouts were commencing. you, jaemin, jeno and yuna huddled together,

‘okay everyone, let’s kick ass and show them what we’ve got!’ jaemin cheered as you all pat eachother on the back.

jaemin pulled you aside, pulling you in for a kiss, that lasted a big too long for everyone’s liking.

‘oh god they’re doing it again’ yuna fake gagged before pulling jeno to the field.

jaemin chuckled at their reactions before mumbling to you,

‘you got this baby’ you blushed at his words before giving him another quick kiss and running to your position on the field.

you pumped out your absolute best skills in this game, you had to put it all on the line. making this team would mean that you had a chance for college, and you needed it more than anything.

after what felt like hours of constant running and kicking, the game came to an end. you ran up to jaemin and embraced him in a hug as he swung you around.

‘that’s it, we’re done!’ he smiled before kissing your cheek.

‘i can’t believe we made it to this point’ you were in awe that in just a few moments, you would find out if you had actually made it.

jeno and yuna joined the both of you as you all walked to the leaderboard with the names listed.

‘oh i can’t look, one of you guys do it for me please!’ yuna trembled, hugging your side. you also put your hands over your eyes, asking jaemin to tell you the results. the boys both took a deep breath before reading the list of names. they both didn’t say anything. you and yuna slowly opened your eyes as the boys led you away from the leaderboard.

jeno looked solemnly at the both of you, along with jaemin who had his head in his hands.

‘what happened? did we not make it?’ you asked nervously, clinging onto yuna.

‘no’ jaemin blurted, followed by a sigh. ‘we all fucking made it! let’s gooooo!’ he cheered loudly, pulling you off the ground once again and spinning you around.

‘oh fuck you na jaemin!’ you giggled whilst slapping him lightly.

‘don’t do that again!’ yuna rolled her eyes before slapping jeno’s arm.

‘guys we are the dream team’ jeno stayed as you all laughed.

‘this is amazing! we have to celebrate! let’s go to mcdonald’s!’ yuna exclaimed, ‘race you to jaemin’s car!’ she laughed as jeno chased her to the car park.

you looked over at jaemin who couldn’t stop smiling.

‘you’re something else’ you pulled him to your side and slung his arm around your shoulder.

‘yeah but you love it’ he teased.

‘yeah and i love you’ your words stopped jaemin in his tracks, as he brought you to face him.

‘what did you say?’ he spoke in disbelief, looking for any sign of bluffing from you.

‘i love you, jaemin’ you said again with more confidence.

his smile got even brighter, if that was even possible. he attacked you with kisses all over your face and finally attached his lips to yours, pulling you in by the waist.

‘i love you too, so so much’ he mumbled against your lips, not caring that families were witnessing your major public display of affection. his forehead rested against yours as he stared into your eyes.

na jaemin was never meant to be your competition. he was meant to be your first love. he always has been.

[intothestarkerverse]

Paper Hearts

The Starker-Office AU the world needs.

Tony Stark is a paper salesman who hates his job but is secretly in love with the beautiful receptionist. A glimpse into their unorthodox courtship and happily ever after.

Tony Stark hated his job.

Selling paper was one of the most boring professions he could think of, and it had a very obvious expiration date that drew ever closer the more digitized the world became.  At best, he thought, he had another few years before he had to hit the unemployment line and look for another job he despised.  Nothing left to do but collect his paychecks until then, really.

His boss was an idiot.  

Scott Lang was no where near as funny as he thought he was.  His jokes caused Tony actual, physical pain.  The way the guy was a lapdog for Hope from corporate, that was even worse.  Didn’t help that for some reason Scott thought he and Tony were best friends.  The indignities he put up with for this job were not worth the pay check he took home.  Not.  At.  All.

The guy across from his desk was a killjoy.  You’d think Steve Rogers had some amazingly important job with how dedicated he was to it.  First one to arrive.  Last one to leave.  He was a puny little, sanctimonious nerd that Tony loved to play practical jokes on…which was really only one of two things that made the job bearable.  The second?  The second was Peter.

Peter fucking Parker.  

The receptionist.  

Light of his life.  

His reason for waking up in the morning.

The only damn reason he hadn’t left this fucking job in pursuit of something that didn’t make him contemplate using his letter opener to carve a giant hole into the middle of his chest.

Peter was young and beautiful and sweet and he sat directly in Tony’s line of view.  He caught himself staring at the kid way more often than he should.  He would day dream about running his fingers through those fluffy chestnut curls, tugging on the strands in the throes of passion.  He pictured what Peter’s lips would look like wrapped around more than just the straw of his water bottle.  He committed every centimeter of Peter’s face to his memory, knew every piece of clothing in the kid’s wardrobe…enough that he recognized when Peter had treated himself to a new sweater or pair of skinny jeans.  Tony stared because it was all he was allowed to do, and it was the only thing that got him through the day.  Peter caught him, too, but either the kid didn’t realize that Tony was head over heels in love with him…or he didn’t care.  

Tony really hoped it was the former, but it didn’t matter really because Peter had a fiance, Quentin Beck, some handsome asshole from the warehouse who had been promising Peter a ‘happily ever after’ that the kid had yet to realize was really a ‘never gonna happen’.  Quentin wasn’t ready to grow up, settle down, be a fucking man, and Tony had caught him flirting with people who weren’t Peter enough times to know he was a piece of shit.  Quentin Beck didn’t know what he had, but Tony did.  He hated that fucking guy, and the feeling was clearly mutual.

Someday.  Someday, Tony was going to sweep Peter off his feet, steal him away from the asshat and show the kid what a happily ever after should look like.

Someday.

If he ever worked up the nerve.

Until then…

***

Tony leaned against the reception desk, drumming his fingers on the Formica counter and waiting for Peter to finish his call.  Peter glanced up at him through a curtain of eyelashes, biting back a grin and holding a finger to his lips as he quickly scrawled a message on a notepad for Scott.

“Mhm, yeah, no, I’ll totally have him call you back…Yeah…Soon, for sure…Uh huh…Yep, I have here that it’s important so he’ll definitely get back to you…Yep…Cool, okay.  Bye.”  He placed the phone back in it’s cradle carefully and turned his attention to Tony, resting his head in one hand and blushing intensely under the other man’s gaze.  “That was corporate.  You could have gotten me into trouble.”

“I’d never get you into trouble, Pete.  I’d sooner die.”

“This job’s not worth dying over, Mr. Stark.”

“You might be…”

Peter choked out an embarrassed giggle.  “Stop it!  You’re the worst.  Did you just come over here to tease me or did you need help with the copier again?  For someone with half a degree in computers, you really suck with copiers, you know that?”

Tony shrugged, so what if that was one of his many excuses to spend a little time with Peter during the day.  He could hardly be faulted for that.  “Got you a present.  Wanted to make sure you got to enjoy it properly.”

“Oh yeah, what did you get me?”  Peter looked more than a little skeptical, and in all honesty, he probably had a right to be.

“Wait until Rogers gets back from his coffee break and then enjoy the show, Kid.”

“Oh my god, what did you do?”

Tony chuckled, stealing a piece of candy from the bowl Peter filled every week.  “I may have hacked his computer last night…sent him a very official looking email from the US Army inquiring about a very special kind of paper needed for a top secret mission and included a referral from one of his best clients.”

“You didn’t!”

“He’s always acting like his job is a matter of life and death, let’s give the geek a thrill, huh?”

“Mr. Stark, that’s so mean…”

“I could abort the mission if you really think…”

“I mean it would be a shame to waste all that hard work…”

***

“No.”

“Seriously, Steve, I haven’t even gotten to ask…”

“I know, but whatever it is you want, Tony, it can’t be good.  So, no.  My answer is no.”

Tony frowned, hanging his head in frustration for several seconds.  “I know you got Peter in the office Secret Santa thing…”

“How do you know that?  Did you just conveniently skip over the ‘secret’ part?”

Tony was trying really hard to be nice here.  Steve wasn’t making it easy.  “I asked everyone else.  Paid them.  Did them favors.  Tracked down the lucky bastard who was gifting Peter…and Fate hates me, so here we are.  Look, Rogers, I know we’re not friends…”

“Whose fault is that?”

“Mine.  Mine.  It’s clearly mine.  I accept the blame.  I do.  It’s just…I have something planned for Pete and I need to be his Secret Santa.  I will do literally anything.  Name your price.”

“I can’t be bought, Tony.  Peter has a fiance, or did you forget that?  Whatever you want from him, it can’t be good.”

Tony groaned, hitting his forehead against the top of his desk.  “I know Peter has a fiance, Rogers.  Believe me, no one is more aware of Quentin’s existence than I am.  The guy’s a jerk…a bigger jerk than me, and that’s really saying something.  You know it’s true.  He’s a piece of shit and Peter deserves better.  The guy is going to give him some generic piece of crap for Christmas, no thought at all.  You know it.  Peter’s a good kid.  He deserves…he deserves a lot more than that shithole.  Let me give him something nice.  I’m not going to break up his relationship.  I’m not going to lead him down the path of temptation.  I just want to give him something nice and make him smile without him feeling like he needs to do something for me, okay?  Rogers…I’m begging you.”

Steve stared at him for several long minutes before he sighed and nodded.  “Fine.  Yeah.  Okay.”

“Bless you, Steve Rogers.  Consider this our armistice.  War over.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it.”

***

Tony had never wanted to hug anyone as badly as he wanted to hug Peter in that moment.

The kid looked defeated.

He was seated at a little card table towards the back of the comic book shop with several stacks of his own self-published comic in little piles all around him.  

No one was stopping to look at them.  To talk to him.  To acknowledge his existence at all.

His eyes were glassy.  The kid was literally minutes away from crying and he just couldn’t let that happen.

“Just your luck that you’d have your debut on a rainy day, Parker.”

Peter jumped, scrubbing a hand over his cheeks and putting on a brave face as he looked up at Tony with a paradoxical mixture of relief and fear.  “Tony!  You…you came.”

“Course I came.  Wouldn’t miss this for the world.  But seriously, you know rainy days are terrible for business, right?  It’s a proven fact.  Why…I’ve never seen so few people in here before.  Gotta be the weather.”

“Yeah…no, yeah, I’m sure you’re right.”  Peter looked like he didn’t quite believe Tony, but he was also apparently eager for an excuse to explain his lackluster turn out.  Had anyone else from the office even come?  Ass holes.  All of them.  And where the fuck was Quentin?

“So, let’s see…”  Tony reached out for one of the books, carefully flipping through the pages and perusing the content with a little humming noise.  “Hey, now, do you take inspiration from people you know?”

Peter was blushing.  “Maybe…”

“No maybe about it, Peter, you cannot tell me this handsome bastard isn’t based off me.”  He flipped the book around, tapping at an image of a roguishly handsome superhero in crimson and gold armor.  “You know I’m a raging narcissist, right?  I was going to buy a book anyway, but now I have to buy the whole series cause I’m one of the stars.  You in here, too?”

Peter nodded slowly, his blush darkening.  “Yeah…but I won’t tell you who.  You’ll have to figure that out…”

“I do love a challenge.”  Tony closed the book and reached out to add one from every pile to the one in his hands.  “So, how much?”

“Um…they’re ten a piece but…”

“But obviously that’s much too low so I’ll give you a hundred for the set of five.”

“Tony, no…”

“Fine.  A hundred and fifty it is.  You’re a tough negotiator, Pete.”

“Tony!”  The smile on Peter’s face was worth every fucking penny.  And who needed to eat, anyway?

***

“Mr. Stark!  You promised that the goatee was not because of my comics.”

Peter was standing at his desk with both hands over his mouth.  His face was as brilliantly red as the home made Halloween costume Tony had donned for work that day…the costume he had based entirely off of Peter’s comic and the character he just knew was based on him.  Had to be.  And dammit, if he was right…if he was right, than Peter had even made himself Tony’s fucking love interest…and wasn’t that just the most interesting thing he’d ever read in his whole damn life?

“So, I lied.  It’s not my fault. You’re such a damn good artist that I took one look at my comic book self with that awesome facial hair and said, ‘Fuck, Tony, why did you never realize that you’d be even more devastatingly attractive if you just had an impeccably groomed goatee?’  The world has you to thank for it, Pete, and I’m definitely keeping it because it’s been a hit.”

Peter’s hands dropped from his face to his sides.  He was chewing on his bottom lip, looking pensive.  “Who…I didn’t know you were dating anybody Mr. Stark.  I’m glad…they like it.  I guess…”

Tony didn’t bother to correct him.  Not yet.  A little jealousy might do the kid some good, let him know how much Tony wanted to choke the fucking life out of Quentin every time that piece of shit showed his face.

***

Peter was wearing a new soft blue sweater over a button down shirt and Tony was trying very hard not to swoon over how fucking adorable he looked.  He was playing with his gum, winding it around his finger before popping it into his mouth to begin again.  He had his phone concealed in his lap so no one could see him playing on social media while he was supposed to be working.  That was probably why he didn’t hear Tony approach until the man was standing directly in front of him, leaning against the reception desk and looking at Peter with what Tony recognized was something very close to the heart-eye emoji.  God, this kid.  

He really couldn’t take it anymore.

He had to make a move.

Be brave.

Be bold.

Be the fucking hero in that kid’s comic.

“What are you doing tonight, Pete?”

Peter jumped a little, looking up at Tony with a little flush of surprise.  “Tonight?  I don’t know.  Quentin’s got poker at Drax’s, so probably just going to lay in bed and catch up on Netflix.  Why?”

Tony smirked, dropping something on the desk in front of him.

“Oh my god, how did you get this?  It’s not even supposed to be released for another two weeks…”  Peter’s excitement was quelled by the sudden realization, “Is this a bootleg?”

Tony nodded.  He was never going to admit to how much he’d spent for a bootleg copy of something he cared absolutely nothing about because in the end…it was going to be completely worth it.  “Come over to my place tonight.  We can break the law together.”

“You think if the FBI raids your place while we’re in the middle of it that we could at least be cellmates, Mr. Stark?”

“Don’t worry, Pete, I’ll protect you in the prison yard.  No one would dare put a hand on you.”

“I’ve always thought you’d make a great prison husband.”  The witty banter ground to a halt with Peter’s last quip, his light brown eyes flaring wide.  His mouth had runaway without his better judgment, but Tony wasn’t quite ready to let it go yet.

“Oh, I’d make a great husband, prison or not.”  Tony held Peter’s gaze for a second longer than was probably comfortable for both of them, the kid’s face was red as a cherry tomato when they were interrupted by the sound of an exasperated sigh from behind them.

“Tony…could you just grow up already?  Some of us are actually trying to work…”

Peter giggled into his hand, leaning to the side to look around Tony at Steve Rogers’ desk.  “I thought you and Mr. Rogers had finally ended the Civil War, what did you do this time?”  He was careful to keep his tone soft enough that it didn’t carry.

“Hm?”  Tony was still distracted by thoughts of Peter as his prison wife, but managed to pull himself out of it to look back over his shoulder and shrug.  “I super glued everything to his desk last night.”

“Everything?”

“Everything.”

Peter was under his desk now, hugging his sides and laughing himself breathless.  

***

It was far from the first time he and Peter had spent time together outside of work.  They were friendly, in fact.  Quentin didn’t share any of Peter’s interests, and that left plenty of things for Tony to exploit.  Movies Quentin wouldn’t be caught dead seeing.  Video game releases.  Comic conventions.  Hell, Tony had even gone to a few games of D&D with Peter because he would take literally any excuse to spend time with that kid.

Now, they were cuddled up on Tony’s couch in his apartment with enough snack food to weather the apocalypse and a bootleg that Peter was dying to see.  Though, for something Peter was dying to see, he didn’t seem as enthusiastic about watching it as he had earlier that day.

“Pete?  You okay?  Something happen after work?”  He’d been fine when they’d said their goodbyes that day.

Peter ran a hand through his curls and let out a long, shaky breath.  “I think Quentin might be cheating on me.  I don’t have proof but…Drax didn’t know anything about a poker game tonight and it’s just, it’s little things, you know?  I found this little church I really liked for the wedding and I mentioned it to him, that we could maybe set a date…but he brushed me off.  MJ…you know from customer service?  She says I’m an idiot, that he’s never going to marry me and now I’m afraid she’s right…do think she’s right, Tony?”

Tony reached out, drawing the younger man close and inhaling the scent of his shampoo as he tucked Peter against his chest.  “You’re not an idiot, Peter.  You’re way better than that piece of shit in the warehouse deserves.  You’re beautiful and smart and funny and talented, and if you were mine…we’d have fucking eloped the second you said you’d marry me.”

Peter pulled back with a watery smile, “Yeah?”

“Mhm.  They increased the limit on my credit card last month.  Enough for two tickets to Vegas, a week long stay in a crappy casino and a quickie wedding chapel.  I’d lock that shit down before you had a second to realize that you could do better than me, too.”

“Better than you?”  Peter sounded as if that idea was more insane than eloping to Vegas minutes after a marriage proposal.  “Tony, there isn’t anyone better than you.”

“If you believed that, you wouldn’t be with that piece of shit, Quentin Beck.”

Now, Peter just looked confused.  “In what universe did I ever have a choice between you and Quentin?”

“This one.”

Peter’s head slowly canted to one side, brow furrowing and eyes narrowing.  “No…”

“Oh yes, Pete.”  Never in his wildest dreams had ever thought that Peter thought Tony was out of his league.  Was the kid blind?  Did he not own a mirror?  Did he not know how brilliant and funny and talented…  “Oh yes..”  Those last two words were repeated a hair’s breadth from Peter’s lips as Tony leaned forward to bridge the distance between them.

It was everything Tony had ever thought it would be and so much more.  Peter’s lips were soft, his whimpers were music to Tony’s ears.  Tony let himself bury his fingers in those chestnut curls and inhale the scent of him, revel in the taste of him, live in that moment as if it was the only one he was ever going to get.

The kiss went on until neither one of them could breath, until they were forced to pull back with heaving chests and swollen lips.  Peter stared at Tony for several seconds before he threw off the blanket and walked out of the room.

What.

What the fuck.

Tony was dumbfounded.  Was Peter not into it?  Had he just been shot down?  Was Peter not even going to talk to him…

No.

No.

Peter was back.

With his laptop?

Tony frowned, watching as Peter dropped the computer in his lap followed by something small and golden.  Glancing up, Tony caught sight of Peter’s now empty ring finger.

“Put your money where your mouth is, Stark.”

Tony stared. “What…”

“Two tickets.  Vegas.  ASAP.”

“Wait…”  He couldn’t be serious.

“No, you said you wouldn’t make me wait.  I already Snapped Quentin.  We’re broken up.  I’m single…but I don’t want to be.  So buy me those tickets to Vegas and a ring…when we get there.”

Tony slowly opened the laptop, stealing glances at Peter ever few seconds as he booted it and pulled up a travel site.  “You’re not…this isn’t a joke, right?”

“Not a joke.  You’re not the only one who’s been pining, Tony Stark.  Why do you think Quentin hated you so much?  He knew I was super into you…hell, Tony, I made you my lover in my comics…You’ve been my unattainable crush since I started my job.  You’re the nicest guy I’ve ever met. Most supportive.  We have fun together.  We have a lot in common.  We just…”

“Yeah.”  Tony was smiling now, not even second guessing himself as he typed in his credit card numbers.  “I don’t know if we can get a week off work…”

“Four day weekend is good enough for now.  I’ll call Mr. Lang and let him know we won’t be in.  I’ll have to tell him why…”

“God help us.”

***

Four days later when Tony and Peter returned to work in the same car, they arrived to find an impromptu wedding shower waiting for them.  Quentin had quit.  Left all of Peter’s stuff in the warehouse in a pile in the middle of one of the docking bays. But whatever, the less they had to see of that prick the better.  Scott seemed happier about their elopement than they were, and he’d gone to great lengths to print up t-shirts proclaiming that everyone in the office ‘shipped Starker’.  Even Rogers was wearing one.

Tony pretended to hate it.

Really he fucking loved it.  

Maybe his job wasn’t the absolute worst after all…

[newcaptainofsquad9]

Notice Me!~Kim Junmyeon/Suho x Black! R&B Star! Fem! Reader {2}

Previous Parts: 1  2 3

Pairing: Suho x reader

Summary: With your support sent out to EXO as a fan and a potential collaborator, you awaken to a massive wave of support from your fans, along with fellow EXOls. However, a vocal majority of them aren’t too keen about you working with their bias band. All of this anxiety comes to a head as your supports push you towards the idea of a collaboration, including Suho himself.  

Warnings: Toxic fans, racist comments and negative thoughts. 

Writer’s Note: Here’s chapter 2, I hope you guys enjoy and let me know if you want any more EXO fics/series, requests are open! I also want to add that this is purely fictional, I don’t know Halsey (Ashley) personally, so if she acts a little odd I’m sorry. And another thing about this fic and others I write, the Kpop idols speak English, since I don’t want to butcher any translations or Korean words, since I do not speak the language. Maybe in the future, but not now! Thanks!  

Word Count: 1, 583

I could hardly sleep at the sound of my phone buzzing like a madman. Of course the sun peaking through my blinds didn’t help, along with Ashley’s bed hogging ass. Next time I’m taking the couch instead of sharing my bed, jeez. 

I shift over on my back to reach for my phone, it comes to life at my slight touch and overwhelms me with so many notifications I almost tumble from the bed. 

“Mmh,” Ashley groans, “quit moving.” 

She kicks my foot softly, but I don’t react at all, most of my attention is on my phone. 

My Twitter bell icon stays red with a swarm of notifications, messages, likes and retweets. I’m trending, right underneath with EXO and of course BTS. 

“Uh, Ash, look! Look!”

I nudge her a few times before she rolls over with hair stuck to her cheek and a scowl. 

“Y/N, I-I need at least one more hou—”

“Look!” I scold.

We both stay captivated by the tiny screen as Ashley’s finger scrolls down some of the comments. 

They read:

Um, SM we need a Empress Dee Dee/ EXO collab, stat!

Aw, Junmyeon was soo cute, I lowkey ship it!

Finally a Kpop band reaching out for a black artist, I wish someone would follow through too *cough, cough BTS

“Holy shit,” Ashley says, “they really love this idea, did your publicist call you about it yet? Y/N?”

Her voice is drowned out as more of the comments turn sour. 

A lot of them read:

Western Artist X Kpop Artist= trash

Black people should stay with their own music, it wouldn’t mix with EXO’s sound

Gross, please don’t tell me Junmyeon has a thing for that black girl, why not a Korean woman?

They continue to flood my feed, most of them turning more daunting than the rest. 

“Ok, enough Twitter for one morning,” Ashley says as she takes the phone. 

“You’re right,” I say, “I need some more sleep.”

Ashley frowns as I lay back against my pillow and yank the covers up and over my face. 

“Y/N, come on,” Ashley groans, “you seriously gonna let these assholes get under your skin?”

I nod against the sheets. 

“Half of them are right Ash,” I say, “why would any of EXO collab with me? There are many other Kpop artists who are better anyway.”

“Um, but none of them are Empress Dee Dee, are they?” Ashley asks.

I shrug. 

“They aren’t black though, Ash,” I note. 

Ashley gives me an incredulous look. 

“That’s got nothing to do with it,” Ashley growls. 

Her words strike an unexpected nerve within me as I push the covers away and sit back up.

“Nothing?! “ I snap, “Ash, it’s everything to do with it! Racism still exists, even more prevalent now, especially with colorism still at an all time high!”  

Ashley frowns. 

“But I-”

I put a hand on Ashley’s own, the stark contrast of my brown skin and her pale one. 

“I know, I know who are Ashley, but it’s different for women like me, and darker skinned black women,” I say, “I just need you to understand that, please.”

Ashley nods. 

“I do,” she says, “but I need you to understand that it shouldn’t stop you! Don’t listen to what those assholes are saying!”

“Ash—”

“You love music, don’t you?” she asks. 

Her question throws me off, yet I nod anyway. 

“Of course I do,” I say. 

“Then focus on making music, talk to your publicist and agent about that EXO collab!” she declares.

I watch Ashley in half awe, half amusement as she tosses the sheets onto the floor like the drama queen she’s being. Maybe she should shoot for the Academy Awards rather than Grammys next year. 

“You know you gotta pick that up right,” I deadpan while gesturing to the splayed mess of covers below us on the floor. 

Ashley turns her nose up, but softens as she comes around to my side of the bed, sitting next to me and taking my hand.

“Don’t worry about the fucking bed spread and listen to me,” she says. 

I stare at her eyes, there’s this hint of desperation in them, as if I was the one who insulted her. Maybe I was a bit too much in my feelings. She cares about my wellbeing so much that I forget this affects her as well. 

“Promise me that you’ll stay all right through all of this,” she says, gripping my hand skin tight. 

I think of another comeback but save it for later.

“I promise Ash,” I vow, “now can you pick up the damn covers?”

Ashley frowns but rises to gather up the covers anyway.

“There. I’m doing it, now could you please call your publicist?”

A heavy sigh escapes my lips as I reach for my phone on the nightstand. More notifications flood, a few missed calls from Daphne, my publicist and Todd, my agent. Great, now I have to deal with them. 

“I’m calling them back now, Ash,” I announce.

“Awesome,” she calls from the bathroom. 

I decide to go with Todd first, since he left the most missed calls. My heart beats heart against the insistent ring of the phone, it drawing out a bit longer than it usually should. 

“Hello, Y/N!” Todd calls. 

I gulp before speaking.

“Hi Todd, look I-I know I should have contacted Daph first about posting that tweet.”

Todd chuckles through the phone. 

“Y/N, that was a genius move! It seemed really genuine!” he exclaims.

I frown.

“Uh, I was completely genuine Todd, my heart was one hundred percent into it,” I say. 

“Oh, well that makes it even better, because I’ve already got in contact with the producers on the Ellen Show, and since EXO will be there promoting Obsession, we can finally have you both in talks for a collaboration!”

My stomach nearly drops. It’s exciting news, right? Getting to meet my bias band in front of me instead of a tiny computer screen, yet the circumstances got me worried. In front of all those people. Some of them could be any of those people spouting out hateful comments. 

“Er, Y/N,” Todd says, “you heard me, right?”

“I-I u-uh yeah!” I say, “j-just uh, fan girl nerves is all.”

Todd chuckles, but gets back to business as usual.

“No need to worry, it’s all scripted and Ellen has a way of making people calm, especially new guests,” he explains, “but this will really put you on the map! Considering you haven’t made a public appearance since your grammy snub and you’re gonna do it with one of the biggest kpop groups, ever! Don’t let those fangirl nerves get to you too much!”

I manage to cough up a tiny giggle. 

“Of course Todd, thank you.”

“Already have a flight set up for you in the morning, I told you that you’d skyrocket soon, didn’t I?” he asks. 

I roll my eyes but agree anyway.

“I know Todd, bye.”

“Get plenty of sleep, call me when you get there!” he urges before hanging up.

WIth him off the phone I can finally freak out in peace. Well until Ashley returns with her toothbrush a nosy look on her face. 

“Shit, by that face I’m assuming it didn’t go well, did it?” she asks. 

I shake my head and collapse backwards against the sheets. 

“I-It went unexpectedly well,” I admit, “EXO’s gonna be on Ellen for the first time, and I got a spot on there with them.” 

Ashley nearly jumps into the ceiling. 

“Are you fucking serious?!” she exclaims, “it hasn’t even been 24 hours yet!”

I nod against my pillow. 

“Right! God, I-I’m not ready for this,” I groan. 

Ashley shifts closer to wrap an arm around my shoulder.

“You got this sweetie,” she whispers, “I’m gonna take the shower first, that cool with you?”

I nod as she rises. 

“Oh and stay off Twitter,” she says as she goes back to the bathroom. 

Of course I don’t listen as I unlock my phone yet again. My eyes scan through all of the comments: good, bad, ugly and downright unnecessary. My finger stops at a previous V Live EXO recently did, or a clip at least. 

The caption of the video read:

Ya’ll Junmyeon is really out here caring about DeeDee, like a lot! When he gonna pull up 😂😂

I click it and there’s Suho, Baekhyun and Chen with soft looks, unlike the way they looked during their X-EXO concept stage. Beakhyun leans closer to the camera, scanning the comments I assume as Suho frowns. 

“Of course not!” Suho growls, “why would anyone say that?”

“What is it hyung?” Chen asks. 

Suho points at the screen. 

“Someone said that we thought DeeDee was ugly, why would you insult a beautiful woman like that?” he asks in disgust.

My breath gets hitched in my throat at his words. 

Baekhyun frowns this time.

“Aw, why are people making fun of DeeDee?” he groans, “don’t listen to them DeeDee! Stay strong! Keep smiling!!”

Chen nods sharply as Baekhyun continues to yell it obnoxiously.

Suho pushes him until he ceases and looks into the camera intensely. 

“The people who are saying this aren’t our fans, DeeDee,” he explains, “you’re amazing, stay all right, ok? Ok!”

Suho grins as he puts up his finger hearts as his smile widens.

The video ends, yet it doesn’t within my head. EXO actually stood up for me. This has got to be a dream. 

[dramaqueeenamby]

Waves [drabble]

A/N: I’m tired, ya’ll, and two Excedrin’s later, this damn migraine will NOT go away! :( All prompts will be finished tomorrow morning/afternoon! Promise! 

In the meantime, here’s this random ass blurb I wrote like two days ago that was inspired by the included pic. :/

TAGS: @honeyybey @purple-apricots @90sinspiredgirl @mbaku-babygirl @killuzumakii

"I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm 100% that bitch."

"Summer."

She smiled, looking over at him to see that he was giving her the "be quiet" look.

Instead of obeying, she straightened up and lifted her elbows off the counter. Using the view of herself provided via her propped up phone, she folded over the band of her shorts and tugged on her bra strap.

"You coulda had a bad bitch, non-committal. Help you with your career just a little,” she continued to sing along, turning sideways as she playfully twerked. "You're 'posed to hold me down, but you're holding me back. And that's the sound of me not calling you back."

"Summer!"

She laughed, covering her face while she grabbed her phone. Summer sauntered over to the other side of the kitchen and placed her phone against one of the kitchen aids.

She bent over to make sure it wasn’t going to fall while taking a few minutes to read the comments from the people who were watching the Live.

Summer rolled her eyes and withheld her smirk as he moved behind her, taking an unnecessary amount of time to reach for the mixer while pressing his crotch into her backside.

"Moveeeee," she stressed the ‘e,’ wiggling to push him off. Before he finally moved, he slapped her ass. "Annoying." Chris chuckled as she rolled her eyes and continued to read. "Hurry up. I’m hungry."

"Why don’t you tell them why you have me up here at 3am, baking you a cake," he grunted, going back to fix his wife’s late night craving.

"Because you looovvveeee me," Summer spoke in a sweet voice. "Right, baby?"

"Fuck off."

She gasped, turning to look at him. "Baby." Nothing. "Christopher." She fake pouted. "He’s so mean to me."

Is he really making you a cake in the middle of the night? 😩 I hate this bitch.

I love how he’s complaining yet still doing it 😂😂😂

Girl, you got that boy so whipped. TEACH US YOUR WAYS, AUNTIE SUMMER 😣

If I asked my man to bake me a cake, he’d break up with me. I need me a Chris 😭😭😭

Tell him you get your cake, he gets his. 👀👀👀

Summer snorted at the last comment. "Girl, why you think I’m trying to get him to hurry up?" She stuck out her tongue and twirled her hips. "I missed my man."

"Show me."

"Feed me."

"I tried. You said you needed a break."

Her eyes widened. "Christopher!"

"Is it a lie?"

"No, but that doesn’t mean you have to broadcast our sex life to all of Instagram."

He rolled his eyes. "I don’t think it’s a secret that we have sex, Heat Index. We have children."

"Those are your kids," Summer quickly interjected, tapping her purple nails against the custom granite. "Badasses."

"She’s upset they like me better."

"Lies," she hummed. "They just can’t get over on me like they do you." Reading the comments, she saw that people were asking what happened. "Ya’ll, he came back home today, right? Tell me why those little traitors barely said five words to me since." Summer feigned annoyance. "Papa comes home, and they forget all about mama."

"They could never forget you, sweetheart. They just ignore you."

She stood up, staring at him with a dropped jaw. "What? It’s true."

As the next song came on, she flipped him off while turning her body away to playfully dance.

"I’m not a teacher, babe, but I can teach you something."

I love how she’s not afraid to show off her stretch marks and tummy.

"Y’all know I’m 100% for keeping it real," Summer spoke, lifting up her shirt to show the stretch marks on her stomach and side. She then turned to the side and tugged on her shorts to show the ones on her hips as well as leaning over to share the ones on her chest. "I have a lot of them now that I think about it," she laughed and shrugged. "I always have, actually. But I could care less because I love em, my husband love em, and that’s really all that matters."

She continued to dance and hum along, watching Chris pour the batter in the bundt pan.

Y’all remember the time Summer was on Live and said she’s not that good at twerking, and Chris said she could come practice on his dick? Well, that ass is MOVING 👀👀👀

Summer busted out laughing. "I actually forgot all about that. But I mean...." She winked and looked over to see Chris setting the timer. "Yay! It’s in the oven, ya’ll!"

"Shut up."

"Thank you, baby," she grinned, jumping on his back and kissing the side of his neck. "Te amo."

Chris pretended to bite her hand while walking over so that they were in view of the camera.

"What are they saying?" She asked as he placed her on the counter and leaned over to read the comments.

CHRIS 😍😍😍

A WHOLE snack 👅👅👅👅

I’ve never been so jealous of a celeb 😭 Chris really just out here existing with his sexy ass

Did she even help him? 😂😂

"No," he answered. "She never helps me, but that’s fine. I’d rather her not burn down the house-"

"Babe!"

"Thermometer, the people of Instagram know that you cannot cook."

"He’s so mean to me!" Summer complained, reaching over to grab and lick the spatula.

"She’s always waking me up," he replied to another comment. "It’s either because she wants me to fix her something to eat, she needs me to kill a bug, or she wants to have sex. Not that I’m complaining about the last one."

"Christopher, stop exposing me!" Summer hit him on his arm. "And these are not just regular bugs. Australia has these mutant ass bugs. I almost died the first time I saw a spider. I’m terrified of insects, and he knows this."

Summer ain’t slick. We don’t care about those bugs, sis. Let’s talk about that S-E-X.

I’m honestly not paying attention to a damn thing that’s being said because these two are literally fucking stunning.

Break up with your wife cause I’m bored 👀👀👀

The real question is how often does he actually get up and cook for her though 😐😐😐

"Every time. Why would I not?" Chris seemed genuinely confused by the insinuation that he’d just ignore his wife’s wishes. "She wants or needs something from me, she has it. No questions asked."

"Can you make me another cake for tomorrow?"

"Fuck off, Celsius."

Her jaw dropped as she kicked him in his ass while he laughed. "Don’t let him deceive you. He’s actually an asshole."

"Lies."

"No, but really, guys. Christopher does all of the cooking. I do breakfast, but lunch and dinner are all him." She supplied. "And when he’s gone, I have a private chef come to make everything because the kids literally hate when I try to cook. They only eat Papa’s food."

Chris grimaced. "You really tried to make them eat your cooking? I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to use cruel and unusual-" he was cut off by her jumping off the counter and hitting him in his stomach. "Assault!"

"Shut up. I am so sick of you." She pretended to be upset as he easily grabbed her by her waist and lifted her up. "He’s the real bully." She squealed as he squeezed her sides, specifically where she was most ticklish. "Put me do-Christopher!" Summer both gasped and laughed as he pushed on her back, forcing her to bend over as he thrust into her from behind.

WE FINALLY GETTING THE SEX TAPE, YALL!

GOD IS REAL! 😱

Drop the clothes. I’m trying to see something.

In the kitchen though? Y’all nasty nasty huh 👀

"Guys," she kept laughing as Chris refused to loosen his grip on her hips. "I have to go take care of my husband-"

"Or let your husband take care of you." He mumbled, giving her ass a squeeze before moving out the view of the camera.

Summer’s eyes widened slightly as she caught his drift before she abruptly ended the Live.

“Bye.”

[supernovaspidey]

I feel safer in your arms

               Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

               Summary: You have been MIA for over a week, and Peter and Ned are trying to figure out what they did that could possibly make you ignore them for so long. It took one party at Flash’s place and an inconvenient Brad Davis to make you finally go off.

               Author’s note: hey, guys. It took a lot for me to post this, the main plot is based on a personal experience I’ve been through, and I decided to write about it as a way of dealing with the shitty situation. I tried to make the emotions as realistic as possible, in order to express my feelings, but I’m not exactly a great writer and English is not my mother language, so please be patient with me if I’ve made some mistakes throughout the story. Make sure to tell me what you thought about the story, it would make me really happy. Also, if any of you have been through a similar experience and want to talk, hit me up, I’m sure we can help each other, I certainly do need some help lmao

               Dedicated to: my favorite blogs! @infamous-webhead @justauthoring @userspidey @imnotobsessedwithhim @tomhreads @peterjonesparker @soulspideys@spideyxchelle (I know some of you might be weirded out because I have never interacted with you but i am in love with your blogs, i’m  just rly shy, anyways hope you enjoy xo) and @lousimusician (U R THE BEST OMG as I said in your ask previously I am in love with your blog and your work fuckkkkkk, you are awesome and rly sweet ❤️)

               Warnings: angst, mentions of harassment, slight PTSD, slight swearing, fluff (I SWEAR!!!), Peter Parker being the clueless human being on Earth, but also the cutest, protective!Peter, Ned is just a sweetheart I love him

               Word count: 2961

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

               - Dude, what’s going on? Did you two have a fight or something? Because if you did, I swear to God I’ll…

               - Ned! Stop freaking out on me, man. You are making me worse than I already am. And no, we didn’t have a fight or anything like that. I honestly don’t know what’s going on. – Peter was clearly hurt and worried.

               - Sorry, it’s just that… it’s been a week. I miss her. I wonder what you did wrong this time. – Ned looked really judgmental and Peter wasn’t having it.

               - What is that supposed to mean?

               - Come on, dude. You may be her best friend but she clearly has a thing for you and every time she gets somewhat flirty, your oblivious self, despite being completely obsessed with her as well, always screw things up and she gets mad, so… what did you do this time?

               - She doesn’t… have a thing for me. – Peter’s cheeks started getting red with the suggestion.

               - Whatever helps you sleep at night. And that’s not the point! What. Did. You. Do?

               - Nothing, I swear! One night we were fine texting each other and then… She just isolated everyone. She’s been ignoring me since then but I promise I didn’t do anything wrong, I even checked our conversation. Here! – Peter grabbed his phone so fast it almost fell, unblocked it, and clicked on your contact, he didn’t think it was right to show Ned your conversation but the need to prove his innocence was stronger.

               (y/n): “wassup, arachnid?”

               (Peter): “(y/n) could u pls come up with a better nickname? That one’s awful :(“

               (y/n): “i’m working on it, but until I find the perfect one u’ll just have to get used to this mediocre-quality one lol”

               You guys kept talking about nonsenses until you told him you needed to go.

               (y/n): “gotta go, family gathering at gram’s. try not to cry because u miss me so much, I’ll be back I promise :p”

               (Peter): “well I’ll try but idk if I will be able to go through the next couple of hours without you annoying the life out of me. It’ll be so hard :(“

               (y/n): “damn ur heartless. Anyways bye, arachnid xo”

               (Peter): “S T O P”

               (Peter): “are you still at your grandma’s place? It’s like 2 a.m.”

               (Peter): “(y/n)???”

               (Peter): “if ur mad about me calling u annoying i’m sorryyy”

               (Peter): “:(“

               (Peter): “you weren’t at class today. everything okay? just checking, I’m worried abt u”

               (Peter): “u missed a Chem assignment today, I’m paired up with you, it’s nothing out of this world but we need to talk abt it”

               (Peter): “hey… listen u’ve been MIA for almost a week, now idk what’s going on but you can talk to me, let me help”

               (Peter): “Ned and I went over to your place to talk to you but your mom didn’t let us in. pls tell me what’s going on”

               - Damn, Peter…

               - What? – He was certain he didn’t do anything wrong but after showing Ned the texts he got a little insecure. After all, he never realized when he was messing things up, he just got super nervous and started rambling nonstop until shit hit the fan.

               - You guys are so flirty, it’s so disgusting, just ask her out already, geez.

               - Ned!

               - Okay okay, well, I admit, I didn’t see anything wrong, except for you clearly trying to flirt with her and being a total failure.

               - Shut up.

               They were sitting at their usual table in the cafeteria, theorizing about what made you go off on them. Both of them were uneasy, you were their best friend and they liked you too much to just let you push them away like this. Peter was particularly off, at the same time he was dying of worries, he was pissed at you. After all the mad shit you’ve been through together, he’d think you cared about him enough not to just ignore his complete existence out of nowhere. To be honest he was hurt about the fact that you didn’t like him as much as he liked you.

               - Yo, assholes. – Flash just jumped up at your table. – I’m trying to do some community service, so as my first act of kindness I will allow you to go to my party tomorrow. My place at 10. Don’t be weird or I’ll change my mind and kick you out of there.  Make sure (y/n) is there, she’s a sight I’d like to see at my place. See ya, losers.

               As fast as Flash got to their table, he went away, not giving the boys an opportunity to answer. Peter closed his fists so hard at the mention of your name that his knuckles turned white. Ned simply rolled his eyes and told Peter to forget about it.

               Peter took his cellphone again and opened your chat. It had been one day since he last texted you and tried to go to your place, so he was thinking whether he should tell you about the party or not. A part of him was angry and didn’t want to text you because of the shit you’ve been making him go through, but the other part was hopeful you’d show up at Flash’s and finally give him an opportunity to talk to you. He decided he missed you too much and would take any chance he could to see you. So he sent you the text.

               (Peter): “hey, Flash is throwing a party tomorrow night and he invited us. yes. all of us. anyway, it’ll be at 10. hope you show up.”

               There. Plain and simple. A loud sigh left Peter’s mouth as he hit his head on the table.

               - It’s okay, dude. She’ll be there. Don’t stress about it.

               (…)

               - Do you see her? – It was the fifth time Ned poked Peter and asked the same question. Peter felt like he was about to lose it.

               - No, dude. I’ve been looking directly at the door and she still hasn’t shown up.

               - She will come, Peter. Don’t worry. Hey, do you think Betty would be impressed with this hat I’m wearing?

               - Uhm, sure! Why don’t you go over to her?

               - Are you sure? You’ll be okay? I know (y/n) is always the one who makes you company… - Ned was about to start rambling but Peter was quick to stop him laughing.

               - Ned, I’m fine. Now go get your girl.

               - Yeah yeah, you should go get yours too, you know. Look who just showed up. – Ned pointed to the door.

               And there you were, with all your non-glory, and an alarm rang in Peter’s head almost instantaneously. The first thing he noticed was your clothing. You were wearing a jacket, which was not usual for you, who is always complaining about how hot it is, even if it´s freezing. The next thing he noticed was your body, you were thinner, not enough to make everyone notice, but he for sure did, and he for sure got worried right away. The last thing he noticed was your face. He always admired you for being so outgoing and confident, but now you looked scared and insecure, constantly looking to your sides, like the walls had spikes and the room was slowly getting smaller around you.

               After scanning the whole room, your eyes met Peter’s, he was beside Ned, looking straight at you, you forced a side smile and walked up to them.

               - Peter, Ned… Hi. – You looked really shy, something was definitely off.

               - Hey, (y/n)! Oh my God I missed you so much, where have you been? We thought you were mad at us. – Ned was as agitated as he was when he talked about Betty. You couldn’t help but smile at how excited your best friend was to see you.

               - I… I was sick, really sick. You know how it is… - You looked at Peter, but he had his eyes fixed on the floor, looking upset.

               - Of course you were. – He sighed and you felt the sarcasm in his voice.

               - Excuse me?

               - I’m not buying that, (y/n). If you really were sick you would tell us, you know, your best friends.

               - Yo, don’t put me into this mess, I’m going to talk to Betty now. But (y/n), I’ll talk to you later, okay? So happy to see you again! – Ned was quick to flee the situation, leaving you and Peter alone. You grabbed his hand and took him to the pool area, where there were less people.

               - Start talking, Parker.

               - What?

               - You were pretty quick to shoot me a snarky comment inside, so I guess you have a lot to say, right? Start talking.

               - I… I don’t have…

               - Peter, talk!

               - Why… Why would you ignore me for over a week? You were so sick you couldn’t grab your phone? And if you really were sick, why didn’t your mom tell us right away? I was so upset with you I wasn’t even going to tell you about the party, but I missed you and was worried about you and wanted to see you, and you lie to my face?

               - I shouldn’t have ignored you, I know. I’m sorry. I really am. But you want to talk about lying? What about all the times you lied right to my face for almost a year, huh? The Stark Internship, the Washington shit, me being stood up by you countless times, what about that? You didn’t tell me about the spider shit, I figured it out by myself. And it’s okay if you didn’t want to tell me, that’s your business, but don’t point your finger at me talking about fucking honesty. – Peter’s face was sad and angry at the same time as you threw the words at him.

               - You know, I only came to this shitty party to see you. – You stared right into his eyes. – I missed you and wanted to have a good time with you, but I guess that’s not going to happen so leave me alone. – At the moment Peter saw tears wanting to leave your eyes, he knew something was wrong, and that he had messed up. Big time.

               - (y/n), wait! – He tried to hold you but you sprinted back inside the house, leaving him with his thoughts.

               You were grabbing a snack at the kitchen, when you felt someone breathing down your neck. You froze instantly, trying to push away the memories. You turned and in front of you was Brad Davis. He was a good guy, but he was drunk and an alarm rang in your head.

               - What the fuck? Back off, Brad.

               - Hey, (y/n)! Long time no see, wanna dance? – He placed his hands on your shoulder, and the memories came flooding you as you tried pushing them away.

               - No.

               - Come here, I missed you. – He then pulled you in for a hug. At the moment you felt his hands on your back and waist, and smelled the alcohol exhaling from his mouth, you just couldn’t fight the memories any longer. It was like you were back your grandma’s house all over again, you started to shiver, your heart felt like it was going to go out of your chest and your vision turned black.

               - Get off of me! – You couldn’t stop yourself. You shoved him away aggressively, and punched him right in his face. It was like you were stuck in your own body, not being able to control it.

               You realized what you did when he hit the floor, nose bleeding.

               - I’m… I’m so sorry… I… - The music had stopped, you looked up and everyone was looking at you. Then you saw him. Peter. You immediately ran away and grabbed a cab down the street, ignoring Peter’s screams calling you and asking you to wait.

               By the time you got home, you were crying uncontrollably. You laid in bed and let everything sink in. You knew going to the party was a mistake but you did it anyway. Fucking stupid little girl.

               - (y/n), let me in. – You looked at your window and saw Peter with his suit on, how could he have changed clothes so fast?

               You went over and opened the window. He got in, you turned around as he changed clothes once more. You turned around again when he was done and sat on the bed. He sat beside you.

               - So, I’m an idiot. I know. – He looked at you with puppy hazel eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit. – (y/n)… what happened? Please, I beg you to talk to me.

               So, you started talking immediately. The more you talked, the more you cried. You talked about how when at your grandma’s, while the whole family was going to take a picture, your old drunk cousin grabbed you by the arm to be closer to him, and started walking down your body with his hand, making you freeze with terror. You talked about how you felt like you couldn’t move or scream, about how hard he was squeezing your arm, leaving a bruise after. You talked about how you felt used, dirty, and weak, about how you should have done something, anything, but instead you stayed there like a scared little girl. You talked about how you were afraid of people touching you now, and how afraid you were of hurting people, and how that’s exactly what happened. You hurt someone, Brad. And finally, you talked about how you were feeling like your worst version of yourself, and didn’t want anyone to see that, especially Peter.

               He listened to everything quietly, and only after you finished talking was when he realized he wasn’t breathing and that you had grabbed his hand at some point. He didn’t know what to say, all he felt was hatred, so he started crying.

               - I’m so sorry, I made this whole thing about me when you were hurting so much. – You squeezed his hand when you heard he say that.

               - Listen, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have ignored you, I just didn’t want you to see the mess I am right now.

               - You are not a mess. It’s not your fault this happened to you. You are the strongest person that I’ve ever known, you are the utter best version of yourself and that’s one of the many reasons why I really like you and… - He suddenly stopped when he realized what he said.

               Shit.

               - You know… as a friend… my best friend! You are my best friend and I like you as my best friend and… - He stopped on his tracks when he felt you hugging him, he didn’t know what to do so he slowly and gently put his arms around you, making sure you were comfortable.

               (…)

                 After that night, things didn’t get better, but they got less worse. Peter and Ned were the only people you were comfortable with, and Peter was the only one you were physically comfortable with. You didn’t think it was possible to be closer than you were before, but it happened. Peter was super protective of you, and he didn’t even noticed. He would always hold your hand when you were walking, and would always make sure you felt safe. Every time he noticed you being anxious, he would grab your hand and caress it with his thumb, or he would play with your hair and whisper “it’s okay, I’m here with you. You are okay” into your ear. He made you feel safe, and he also made you feel weird things, mushy and warm things. He looked at you differently, you knew it, and it always made you feel like your stomach was upside down, but in a great way.

               One day, you, Peter and Ned were at the cafeteria talking, you and Peter were holding hands when you felt hands on your shoulders. You stopped moving right away

               - (y/n), nice work on that assignment! – Your Chemistry teacher said and left without letting you respond.

               Peter and Ned looked at you, clear worriedness stamped on their faces. You started to breathe heavily, your heartbeat started racing, you started shaking and your eyes got wet. Peter quickly grabbed your hand and took you away.

               He took you to the janitor’s closet, the closest thing to the cafeteria. It was so small you were pressed against each other, but Peter didn’t care about that. All he cared about was you. When he closed the door, you started sobbing.

               - Hey, hey it’s okay, I’m here. You are okay. No one’s going to hurt you, okay? I promise. – He hold you tight in his arms.

               - I… I feel dirty.

               - Here – he stood in front of you, took off his sweater, staying only with his nerdy shirt, and swept it over your shoulders. – I’m cleaning them, see? They’re clean. You’re not dirty, you are perfect.

               He wiped your tears away and started caressing your cheek, cupping your face with his hands.

               - I’m here and I’ll always be here. You are okay.

               - I’m… I’m okay.

               - See? Everything’s going to be okay. – He hugged you once more.

               - Peter? – You called against his chest.

               - Huh? – He didn’t let you go.

               - Thank you. I… I really like you too. You know, as my best friend… - You felt his heart racing. – You know what I mean.

               He let you out of his arms to look at you. He knew what you meant, he remembered the day he almost confessed his feelings, but he thought you wouldn’t have realized.

               He kept his hazel eyes glued at yours, and you could swear he was seeing through your soul at that moment. He smiled, his face lit up. You smiled. You don’t know how long you guys stayed there, but it felt like eternity and it wasn’t enough.

[pandemicthestory]

5: distanced

The next step is to find an in, and then an out. 

The morning news briefing on TV:

Kelly Sanchez, lead anchorwoman, stares gravely into the camera. It will be another day of news that no one wants to hear. 

“Good morning, Chicago. We’re here with your daily update of the coronavirus. Schools across the country have been canceled due to a significant shortage of public funding. These are funds that are currently being allocated to bail out the tanking airline industry. The President says that allowing the top corporations to suffer will result in a greater hole for the economy. We hope he’s right.

Meanwhile, bars, restaurants and shopping centers that have been re-opened early to boost the economy have not seen the dramatic rise in business that was expected. Perhaps people are too afraid to go out to dinner amongst the public, or perhaps they simply can’t afford it due to a loss of work. One thing we do know is that the most detrimental effect of these early openings is causing a further spread. As people in certain states that have not seriously social-distanced begin to cross state lines…”

Emma’s mom and dad are sitting on the couch, waiting for Kelly to tell them that things are going to get at least slightly better. But she doesn’t. It’s getting impossible to convince themselves that this will all be over soon--that everything will return to normal. It’s becoming likely that the new “normal,” if it ever comes, will be something that no one has ever seen. 

*buzzzz*

Emma’s alarm wakes her up at 8:30 AM. She facepalms herself upon remembering that school doesn’t exist anymore and therefore alarms are canceled. Dammit. 

But then, she remembers that Universe is currently downloading to her external hard drive. The excitement of this sends a shock through her system and wakes up every cell in her body. It’s that “Christmas morning” excitement, which is marginally more enjoyable than that “about to run away with a possibly bad dude” excitement. That kind is good too, just, different. She runs over to her computer. 

16 HOURS REMAINING

Shit. The size of this application is no joke. Seemingly she’ll have to wait until tonight to begin her exploration. To find Mason. 

Emma remembers the talk they had last night, and reflects on his support of her relationships with her friends. She realizes that she didn’t know many people with that quality, guys especially...it seems like they always demand her full attention and become frustrated if asked to share. Especially one guy. Well anyway, Mason. Intriguing.

Emma heads downstairs to make herself a bowl of cereal. Oh wait, there’s no milk. And no cereal either? These days, groceries are scarce and pickings are slim. Ah well, might have to be plain oatmeal. Serious orphanage vibes--which is somewhat fitting since her parents wish they could leave her at one. 

Ugh. Every time you eat oatmeal, you forget how horrible oatmeal is. Isabel sits across the table from her, scrolling through her phone with intent and drinking black coffee. Emma smirks. 

“Aren’t you kinda young to be drinking coffee? Plus what do you have to energize for, your job at the office?”

Isabel pays no attention to her. 

“Hello? Okay what is up with you.”

Isabel looks up from her phone, a faraway look in her eyes. 

“Do you have a headset?” she asks. 

“Um, what do you mean? Like headphones? What are you talking about?”

Isabel looks down again. 

“No, like a viewing headset. Like an Oculus or a Vive. Aren’t you like, a tech nerd? You don’t do anything with VR?”

Odd request. Emma isn’t much of a gamer anymore, she used to play Dota and Warcraft, but that was before she decided to cut back to become more social. Spend time with her friends. Date an asshole. Whatever. But in all her experience with gaming, she had never gotten into VR. She never saw the point...either play games or experience the real world. What was the point in trying to achieve both at the same time?

“No I don’t. And you know those are expensive as hell, right?” 

Isabel looks nervous. 

“I know. Which is why...um, I was wondering, can I borrow some money?” 

Emma bursts out laughing. 

“No Iz, you can’t borrow 800 dollars to buy a VR headset. Hey are you aware that we’re going through a global pandemic and the world may or may not be ending? I think food and toilet paper are better investments than virtual tennis, or whatever.” 

Isabel just shakes her head. What is with this girl? She’s normally the queen of smartassery--loves to spar with Emma and argue about literally everything. She’s usually so ready for a fight, but now she feels surrendered. It’s weird how you can be trapped in such close quarters with a person and still feel like they’re on a different planet. 

Emma and Isabel are two years apart. Up until Emma was 6 and Isabel was 4, they were best friends. They shared everything. Isabel didn’t want to play with a toy unless Emma played with it with her. She wouldn’t wear clothing unless it was Emma’s hand-me-down. They shared a bedroom, the walls covered with monarch butterflies. Their mom went for a theme, tacky lamp shades and all, lord knows she tried her best. Often, they would stay awake late into the night, vividly describing the dream that the other sister would have. They thought if they focused hard enough, they could carry those dreams with them into sleep. 

But as they got older, things changed. The tacky butterflies were no longer endearing. Emma moved into a room that was being used as her dad’s office. She got a Nintendo DS for Christmas. And she started locking her door. 

Isabel was left to wonder where her role model went. But after Emma made it clear that her hobbies were no longer to be shared, Isabel hardened herself to the rejection. She promised herself to become her own person in any way that she could, to never be dependent on Emma to define her personality. 

In fifth grade, Isabel met Anush. They met because they were both teacher helpers in art class, and it was their responsibility to help set up the room before class and clean it up afterwards. They were both very outgoing, emotional, and honest. Isabel always told Anush exactly what she was thinking, and vice versa. The two girls were popular among their classmates, but the good kind of popular. They were kind, and they included the other girls who wanted to be like them.

So really, it makes no sense that Isabel is being the way that she is. She’s confident, vocal, and annoyingly optimistic. On a normal day. So what’s wrong?

“Emma, someone just dropped a package off for you.” 

Their mom called from the other room. Isabel leaves the table, stressed and defeated. Emma continues to chip away at the bowl of grey sludge in front of her. It’s crazy that there are still people out there delivering the mail--how long until that stops too? 

*buzz* 

Good morning, group chat. 

OLIVIA: GG morning check-in: I want to talk about what the hell Serena sees in Dan 

MADISON: or what dan sees in serena?? Come on he’s like an intellectual and she’s a superficial barbie princess 

ZOE: Mad you know that is MISOGYNISTIC and that you’re letting the fact that she wears expensive dresses and has blonde hair cloud your judgement!! 

MADISON: oh shut up it’s early 

OLIVIA: Remember when you were begging not to watch the show??

MADISON: quarantine does weird shit to people ok

Emma enters the chat. 

EMMA: Ok but without Serena, don’t you think Blair is so much more lame? Like it’s the best friend combo that makes the show imo

ZOE: There she is!!!

MADISON: goooood morning to our very own barbie princess! 

OLIVIA: Why are any of us even awake? SCHOOL’S OVERRR. Should we like, do something?

EMMA: Like what? Sit on our asses and text each other from afar?

MADISON: sounds chill 

Emma laughs to herself. Damn. She’s going to miss them. 

Maybe there’s a way for her to tell...part of the truth? Leave the part about Julian out? Kind of a big part... Say she’s coming back? Make up a concrete opportunity? There has to be some sort of acceptable explanation...there just has to be. And even if she can’t come up with one...there are other things she wants to tell them about. Another boy. 

EMMA: Hey do you guys wanna do a zoom chat in a few min? Just kinda feel like talking more than texting rn 

MADISON: do u mind if i go back to bed and pass on that? I love u girl but i’m tired af  

ZOE: aaand same here, but it’s only because i’m supposed to do this thing…

OLIVIA: so call Gabriel?

ZOE: Wellllll...I don’t wanna lie to y’all.

Ha. Emma knows the feeling. 

EMMA: you out too Liv?

OLIVIA: I am innnnn give me a call when you’re ready 

MADISON: kiss kiss kiss

ZOE: kiiiiissssss

EMMA: bye losers 

Well, maybe telling one person is a good place to start. Liv is super understanding...she’ll be able to think of a good way to break the news to Mad and Zoe. Emma runs up to her room and closes the door. She flops down on her unmade bed, and facetimes Olivia. 

“Hey Liv”

“Emmmm”

Lingering silence. Emma just kind of stares at the wall. Olivia breaks the silence.

“Sooo what did you wanna talk about?”

Emma doesn’t know if she can do it. Ok, form words. Try. 

“I wanna tell you something, that’s kind of a long story. And it’s connected to other stories. And basically I’ve just gone too long without talking about any of it and now there’s like this big clusterfuck of details that I need you to know but can’t figure out where to start.” 

Whew. Even the vaguest of outbursts feels cathartic. Olivia doesn’t seem to be freaked out yet.

“Emma, I’m pretty sure I know you better than anyone. And you can trust me.” 

“I know you say that now but...I don’t know if, after I say what I, well I don’t know if you’re gonna trust me. I haven’t said everything that I need to say to you. Or Zo and Mad.” 

“Ok, so, here’s your chance. I’m listening.” 

Emma takes a deep breath. Where to start?

*knock knock* 

The knocks are soft. Unlike her mom’s, whose are very prison guard-esque, and actually who is more likely to not knock at all. Emma calls out. 

“What.” 

Isabel’s voice comes from the other side of the door.

“I gotta tell you something.” Her voice is uncharacteristically soft.

“I’m on the phone with Liv right now, can it wait?”

Silence. 

“Iz?”

Emma hears the creaking of Isabel’s footsteps down the wooden hallway, and then her beddoor shutting. Click, it locks. 

Emma turns back to the phone. 

“That was Iz, she’s been acting like a freak.” 

“What’s going on with her?”

“No idea. I feel like 14 is a weird age, plus like, she’s REALLY social and into school and shit. This quarantine is probably forcing an inversion of her personality.”

Olivia nods with sympathy. “God, that’s rough.” 

“Yeah...I feel kinda bad I guess. We just don’t really have anything to talk about.” 

“Oh come on, you’re sisters. Talk about how controlling your mom is.” 

Emma laughs. She flips onto her back and stretches her legs against the wall. Oh, physical exertion of any kind feels so unnatural. 

“Well Liv...we do have one thing in common. Which is...one of the things I haven’t told you.” 

Emma fights a smile. 

“TELL ME”

“So I saw Isabel playing this weird computer game, I mean I don’t even know if it was a game or like what the hell it was, but now, I’m downloading it…”

“Uh, ok?? Why?”

“This is going to sound insane, but hear me out…”

“Hearing…”

“I got this...message...online. From someone who I’ve never met. A guy, I think, and his name is Mason.”

“OOOMG” 

“Hahah well it’s not like that, I mean I have no fucking idea WHAT it’s like, because it’s very weird, and um, he’s the reason I’m downloading this game. The one that Iz is playing. Cuz he told me to.”

Silence. 

“That...is really fucking weird.” 

“I know.” 

“You don’t even know how badly I wish I was coming over right now to go all detective on his ass right now with you…”

Emma laughs. “I know you would be. It’s so weird being here alone.”

“You’re not alone Em!!! I’m here. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but I’ll ALWAYS be here for you. That’s corny as hell but hey it’s true.” 

“Hah, yeah...same. I’m here.” 

How can Emma keep this incredibly annoying feeling of guilt suppressed? It’s kind of ruining the buzz of anything else. But it will be ok. Olivia will understand... 

*ping*

Emma has come to expect that any message received to her ghostwriter account will be from Mason. She jumps up from her bed, still on the call with Olivia. Emma starts to get excited. 

“So this is crazy but he just messaged me, ahhhhhh…”

“Eeee tell me what he said!!”

Sure enough, the message is from Mason.

MASON: hi! did you get it yet?

Emma reads the message aloud to Olivia, who is equally confused.

“What is he talking about?

“I have no idea…”

Emma starts typing a response. 

EMMA: Good morning! Get what..?

MASON: a package!

Emma looks confused. Was it...Mason who sent the package? What the hell? How does he know where she lives?? Well at this point she’s not surprised. 

“Liv, I gotta call you back!” 

“Ok you BETTER tell me what the hell this package situation is because congratulations this is now the most interesting thing happening in my life!!!” 

Emma ends the call and runs downstairs. Her parents haven’t moved from the couch, still watching coverage of the virus’s destruction on TV.

“Hey Mom where’s that package??”

“Iz said she’d bring it up to you.”

“What? Can you not give her my mail?”

Emma’s mom turns to face her. “Attitude. Chill.” 

Emma rolls her eyes and runs upstairs. She knocks on Isabel’s door. Well, bangs, really. 

“Hi ready to talk now. What’s up??” 

No response. As Emma presses her ear against the door, she can’t hear anything. She jiggles the handle, it won’t open. 

“This is really weird. Hello.”

“Hellooooo.”

“Fine, we don’t have to talk. But I need my package. Now.” 

……

Emma grabs the little key from behind the thermostat in the hallway. Isabel will just have to forgive her for this. Emma inserts the key into the lock and…

The lock clicks, the handle turns, and the door opens. 

Emma enters the room, ready for Isabel to yell at her. 

“Iz??”

First Emma sees the packaging. The medium-sized cardboard box on the ground, the bubble wrap, the plastic…it had clearly been torn off in a hurry...

Isabel is sitting at her computer, her back turned toward Emma.

“Isabel?!”

Emma runs over and jerks the swivel chair to face her, and Isabel slouches over. She’s wearing a virtual reality headset. 

The one that was sent to Emma in that package.

“ISABEL”

Isabel’s ears are covered with oversized headphones, but even without them, she wouldn’t be able to hear Emma anyway. Her body is limp. Non-responsive. 

Emma starts panicking and checks Isabel’s pulse--steady. Her breathing, normal. What is happening here? What is going on??

Then Emma sees the computer screen. 

The map. That fucking map. 

She turns back to Isabel. She thinks of Mason. She realizes.

The right question is not “What”, but “Where.”

[gwiiyeoweo]

“Wake the fuck up, grandpa. We’ve got gods to kill.”

Noctis looks upon him with a wicked grin, the moonlight outlining his silhouette with a fine silver and casting a shadow across his face. But the way his eyes glow, a deep and ominous magenta that cuts through the darkness, makes Ardyn think of him the great oppressing villain instead. And beside him, the ever-merciful Oracle, only smiles along sweetly.

Pairing: Noctis & Ardyn, Lunafreya & Noctis, Lunafreya & Ardyn Rating: Gen

“Wake the fuck up, grandpa. We’ve got gods to kill.”

Ardyn wakes up to a light smack on his cheek, just hard enough to leave a light sting across his face. Either he’s hallucinating or it’s just another horrid nightmare, one of the countless that have plagued him since his imprisonment in this stone tomb. How many times has he awakened to such a scene? Seemingly waking up to a voice and the sensation of another’s hands on him, only to open his eyes to ever darkness and the cold stale air? To feel the chains digging into his flesh and the holy iron piercing into his innards.

So he doesn’t bother opening his eyes, knowing there’s only disappointment should he expect anything other than silence and emptiness.

Until he hears a sigh. Until he hears a woman’s soft song.

Until the chains rattle and the stones quake, and he feels warmth ghost over his skin.

When he wakes out of his daze, there’s no pain piercing through his flesh or the ache in his bones. There’s certainly still a fatigue, yes, that weighs down his body, but the agony is no longer. Relief is an understatement, and he almost wants to cry. He doesn’t know whether to consider this a new, terribly cruel nightmare that’s given him false hope, or a dream that’s arrived as a short mercy. 

So Ardyn opens his eyes, and he thinks he sees Aera and Somnus above him. They both look younger — a funny thing, knowing he’s been imprisoned for at least a dozen years — though Aera’s hair is longer and Somnus looks far, far younger between the two of them. It’s almost cruel, considering how realistic this dream is, and some part of him wants to weep upon seeing them like this. Aera, who he knows is dead, cradling him in her arms with all the warmth of life in her skin. Somnus, who condemned him to this prison in the first place, looking upon him with genuine concern.

How Ardyn misses those days, longs for them.

“Should I smack him harder?” Somnus suggests, and Ardyn thinks that must certainly be his brother, even if the voice is different. The unease is still on his face, however, etched into the corners of his mouth and the set of his eyes. 

“Noctis, please.” Aera, despite the exasperation in her voice, is soft as always. Though the pitch is different. Has all the years robbed him of their memories, so that he can no longer remember the tone of their voices? 

Ardyn wonders what cruel power decided to have its fun with him. Giving him the illusion of freedom — chains released and iron removed — and his family and love returned to him. But the fog in his mind keeps him from going any further than that, and he doesn’t even have the mind to wonder who this Noctis is. He can’t even offer up any resistance except for weak grunts as Somnus hefts him bodily along, both staggering out the long rocky corridor that leads outside his prison.

But when he’s carried out of Angelgard, witnessing the soft lights high across the night sky and breathing in the sea salt air, his heart stops itself thrice over. The first time, it’s at the realization that this isn’t a dream but reality. The second, when he sees Somnus and Aera properly under the bright moonlight, and sees they are not Somnus and Aera after all. 

And the third, after they’ve properly introduced themselves, when they claim to herald from a time and space not too different yet wholly distinct from his own.

“I don’t think you got the memo yet,” Noctis says, stroking his chin. But he pulls his hand away and stares at it, feels for his chin again and mutters something about not being thirty anymore. 

Ardyn doesn’t really understand the notion behind that, but he really has no time to try considering he’s still trying to wrap his head around everything else that seems far more important and life-altering.

On the ride back to the coast, where he can make out the outline of a tall tower — a dead lighthouse, according to Noctis — there’s plenty of time for Ardyn to get filled in on this “memo.” It’s a fantastical story, albeit a tragic one, of a prince and his retinue travelling to meet his fiancée, only to discover his kingdom and his father have met an untimely end and that his bachelor road trip was only the beginning of a grim spiral towards death. 

It’s a story of how Ardyn, gone mad from centuries of imprisonment and betrayal of those he once loved and the gods he worshipped, promised a reckoning upon the world. 

More than half of this was going over Ardyn’s head, despite how much he wants to understand. He thinks he gets the gist of it — most of the prophecy part anyway — though some part of him is in denial that he really would become this embodiment of evil the two claim him to be.

But by the time they near the coast, he can see it. See his descent into madness from years of isolation, experimentation, fear and anger and betrayal. 

When they reach the underground dock and both Noctis and Luna help him down and across, Ardyn almost doesn’t believe them. Not because of the tales they speak, but because despite everything their Ardyn has done to them, they don’t regard him with venom or malice or a demand for retribution. Luna fetches him an extra blanket, and Noctis goes off for only a moment to return with water and unrecognizable food. 

Ardyn takes it all with gratitude anyhow, wraps the blanket around him tighter and downs the glass in one go, even if he half-expects it to be poisoned because such kindness really should not be given to someone that wanted to doom the world. 

Which makes him wonder. Which makes him realize. 

‘Ah, ’ Ardyn thinks, in resignation, ‘they’ve come to end me. Before tragedy strikes.’

It’s logical. It makes sense, far more sense than having them treat their would-be enemy with such tenderness. They probably just want the peace of mind of giving him a tranquil death, some last reprieve before sending him off. 

Still, that’s kind of them. It’s far better than spending centuries dying and dying and dying in a rotten tomb.

“So yeah. Long story short, we got the short end of the stick,” Noctis sums it up, taking the seat across from Ardyn. “You and me were in for some double-suicide thing because Bahamut said so, Luna died because you were being an asshole —”

“In Ardyn’s defense,” Luna interrupts, voice awfully mild despite the fate she suffered — or would suffer — at future(?) Ardyn’s hand, “I would die regardless due to the covenants. And this Ardyn isn’t quite yet the same one we knew.”

“ Yet. Anyway, and if I didn’t manage to kill you? Dragon dick had a back-up plan to zombie-fy Luna and literally vaporize the entire world. So yeah, good-bye humanity that I was apparently supposed to save.”

“And… now?” Ardyn asks, hesitant, then motions a hand to himself, “You've come to nip the bud, I assume.”

Noctis stares at him, then widens his eyes just a fraction in surprise. He turns to Lunafreya, who shares the same expression, and they exchange silent words and sweeping eyebrows. It doesn't take long for them to separate, when Luna turns her head and hides her smile behind her hand, her stifled laughter still evident despite her efforts. Noctis is much the same, though he doesn't even try hiding his face. 

Ardyn isn't as amused as either of them however, and his confusion must show because Noctis quickly recovers and goes for an explanation. 

"No, gods, no. I can't believe you — what would be the point of us getting you out of Angelgard in the first place? There are quicker ways to kill a man y'know. Don't tell me you were this naive back in your day." Noctis shakes his head, but the amusement in his eyes remain. 

Ardyn still doesn't get it. If they're not here to kill him, to stop him before this foretold darkness comes to pass, then why are they here? The prophecy must still exist, the Scourge is still within him — he can feel it crawling and slithering underneath his skin — and no doubt the gods would have his soul banished if they can help it. And no doubt that they'll use every little trick they can.

"I don't understand," Ardyn says slowly, wondering what they would possibly need him for if not for his death. "If you're not here for me, then for what have you come here for?" 

Noctis looks upon him with a wicked grin, the moonlight outlining his silhouette with a fine silver and casting a shadow across his face. But the way his eyes glow, a deep and ominous magenta that cuts through the darkness, makes Ardyn think of him the great oppressing villain instead. And beside him, the ever-merciful Oracle, only smiles along sweetly. 

“Like I said: we’ve got gods to kill.”

[yuki-d-raizel-blog]

Hero

Chapter 29/??

Relationship: Todoroki Shouto x Reader (Your/Name), (Full/Name)

Summit: It all begin at the Sports Festival when Shouto’s other half met Endevour by mistake. The student never thought to see his partner fight against his father just to show him that he is wrong. It started from that instant, Shouto’s new path started exactly from that moment thanks to his friends and his beloved one.

---

<<Fenrir.>> the wolf hits you with his big claws breaking your ice and throwing you towards a building, which collapse for the massive impact and buries you under its heavy ruins. “She is holding back, why? It’s not only the earring, she is doing it on purpose. She isn’t stupid, she understood right away that there is an abyssal difference between me and her, still, she refuses to use her full power.”

Curious about you, Seatiel pierces the concrete with Verg Avesta and starts a hand-to-hand fight. She dodges only at the beginning, the more the time passes, the more her body is in pain and is hard to move. After a few minutes, Seatiel leads the match and beats the girl mercilessly, until he understands that he could kill her, he stops with a last kick on her stomach, sending her far away. Her body rolls on the black cement and paints it with her blood.

<<(Y/N)!!!>> Tenka and the others are blocked by Seatiel’s beasts, they don’t have energy to call theirs, and attacking without a support, it’s a suicide… What they can do to save their little sister? Why heroes don’t come? They don’t see that this section of the city is half burned, collapsed and frozen?!

She groans in pain, poses a hand and tries to stand up once again. She must endure until a pro will be there, someone will see all that mess, she did it on purpose, then why they are so late? Ran too… Where is he?

<<Why are you smiling, little girl?>> asks Seatiel, <<You’re crossing the death line right now, are you happy to die so young?>>

<<Of course… not…>> her voice is hoarse and low, but that smile; why she is smiling? <<… A certain hero says…. Go beyond... And that’s what… I want to do… I’ll show to you the meaning… of “Plus Ultra”.>>

“She clearly can’t do anything anymore. Kirin burnt her arm, Fenrir hurt her and I broke a few bones. She is still using her beasts to endure the pain better, but when all of this will be over… Will you survive to the hunger of your own beasts?” <<You have my full respect, (F/N). As a sign of recognition, this will be the last hit.>> Seatiel calls all his beasts back and the spear shines brightly, <<Show me that you can overcome this wall that born in your path, third coming of Kafka.>> he jumps reaching an enormous high and poses ready to throw Verg Avesta towards the town.

“….That move…. He is planning to raze to the ground the entire city….” (Y/N) looks at him and does a few deep breaths, “There’s no way out, I must activate it… I really wanted to spend more time with Shouto, making him less worried and happier… I promised to him to go to the next matsuri and watch the fireworks together.” you grab your earring and with the last deep breath, you throw it away.

Your iris turns red, and the sclera black with red veins across the eyes and into the skin around the eye. Your hair become darker and darker, and behind your back rise the most beautiful fire never saw. Black flames with no shape, but slowly, colorful strips are decorating them. Purple, silver, yellow, red, blue… All the colors blend magnificently together, making you like a true fallen angel.

<<(Y/N) no!!>> Tenka, Lenka, Shuu and Joel start to cry and scream your name as loud as they can, <<(Y/N)!!>>

Staring at Seatiel, you see his spear surrounded by vortexes of the power of the beasts, if that hits the ground, Hosu will be destroyed, and not only that.

<<The great half-god, half-human king born from the union between the King Atlas, Yaha-kui and goddess ZaShunina. He was an ultimate, transcendent being so divine as to be two-thirds god and one-third human, and no others in the world could match him.>> the prayer is awaking all your beasts at once, they stay still as if their power is not ready to go against Seatiel’s, <<He was a despot not merely a legend, and is said to have existed and ruled during the dark era, five thousand years ago. He was the King of Heroes; Kafka. I, child of yours, have inherited your power to fight the evil and protect the light…>> “I wanted to talk more with Izuku and Kirishima, do more girly things with Uraraka and Mina… I should be less asshole with Bakugou, he cares a lot for his friends, but he’s too proud to show it… Ah, I was enjoying this life…”

The ground shakes hardly under the two forces that are fighting right now. In the sky, Seatiel finished his prayer and he moves his body as a gear to throw Verg Avesta towards his target, while (Y/N) uses everything she has to defend thousands of lives.

<<Breath of Gungnir!>> Seatiel attacked… <<Roh Arias!>> (Y/N)’s seven beasts get in line and transform into a thick lay of crystalized fire, making a rigid defense.

The girl is sliding on the ground due to the pressure that she supports, if she gives up, too many innocents will die, she can’t let that happen, but her body surrenders first. Her sight is fading away, her hearing is becoming deaf, her body warmth is stolen, the pain is too much…

<<KHA!!>> she coughs out blood, her arms and legs shiver intensely. “No, I mustn’t fall now…” the first three shields are broken, Verg Avesta doesn’t stop and doesn’t lose its strength, “I can’t…” her arms slowly fall, as her legs are guiding her to the black and cold concrete…

<<(Y/N)-chan!!>> Midoriya turns his quirk on and jumps with all his might. He repelled the fearful weapon and rushed to your side, <<(Y/N)-chan, hang in there, we are here!>> “The wound on her side is deep, if we don’t take her away from here, she is not gonna make it!”

<<I…zu…ku…?>> you open your eyes, and recognized him for the color of his hair, you can’t see him even if you are so close to him, but that shade of green is like his ID document.

<<That was completely unexpected.>> Seatiel lays the lance on his shoulders and looks at the student. “He erased my skill and repelled the lance… He is a mate of the beasts?” when he moves a step to neutralize Deku, a weaved spear, pierces the ground right in between his feet, “What a huge control. These students are all so strong. Wait, that kid… The Wrath mate?!”

<<Stay away from her!!>> Shouto protects with his body both Midoriya and you, he fully unlocked his quirk, surrounded by a freezing ice and a melting fire, <<You bastard…>> his voice is so upset and his gaze is terrifying, <<I’ll let you go for today, but the next time, I will fucking kill you!>> after that scream, Ash Crow rises behind Todoroki and encloses him in its fiery black wings.

<<Don’t come near (Y/N) never again!>> without notice it, a beast rises behind Izuku too. His attention is stolen by his friend that coughs hardly, vomiting blood and groans in pain, <<Hang in there, I’ll take you->>

<<NO, DON’T MOVE ME!>> she grabs his costume so hard that she almost rips it off, <<It hurts…>> she cries and breaths quickly and hardly, <<So much… It hurts….>>

<<Don’t worry.>> Midoriya grabs your bloody hand and holds it to reassure you, “… If I move her, she suffers too much, she could pass out for the pain and we can’t control her vital signs anymore. What do I must do?” the boy tights the grip on your hand and prays that someone come there and save you.

<<Too many people are coming, too troublesome.>> Seatiel actives his Gluttony form and walks backwards, <<I’m looking forward to our next date. Bye-bye!>> he waves and jumps high, disappearing in the dark sky.

“Oh crap, crap, crap…!” <<Todoroki-kun!>> Midoriya is pale and with watery eyes, his voice is scared. When his friend turns to see what happened, a cold and strong shock hits him hardly.

<<No, no, no, no!>> he kneels in front of him and touches your face without minding the blood, <<(Y/N) stay awake!>> her head is hanging backwards and her body is becoming colder and colder, <<Guys->>

<<Take her and look for a hero!>> screams Shuu, <<Leave us here, she must be cured first!>>

Without losing another second, Todoroki picks you up and runs as fast as he can to find someone that can help you to survive. Midoriya runs after him, he doesn’t even feel the pain on his ankle anymore, he is too shocked and worried for his friend. He literally felt her body becoming heavier suddenly and her hand lost that tiny grip that (Y/N) could find that moment… Is a feeling that he doesn’t want to feel never again…

<<Dad!! Iida!! Someone!! Help me!!>> screams Todoroki looking everywhere, <<Someone!! Please!!>> he keeps his quirk activated using only his flames to warm the girl up, that dream mustn’t become reality.

<<Shouto!>> a young man waves at him rushing to his side escorted by Endevour and a few heroes, included Gran Torino, <<Give her to me! It’s me, Hakkai.>>

That man is Hakkai? Hah?! He is younger, like so MUCH younger… But it’s not the right moment to think about him, there’s something more important.

<<Please do something!>> the man uses his quirk immediately on (Y/N), while Endevour and Gran Torino send the heroes to call a medic equip, they must bring Belial at the nearest hospital. While your wounds are healing, Shouto holds your hand on his mouth, praying with his heart that you will be fine, “Please, please, please, do not take my light away from me…”

<<You are injured too, guys?>> Hakkai looks at the two students and finds a few wounds, <<I’ll he->>

<<(Y/N) first!>> they shout at the same time, <<Her first….>>

<<I already did all that I could… The rest depends on her and on the doctors…>> he smiles sadly and convinced the boys to heal their wounds as much as he can.

Since the medic equips will not be there in time, Endevour picks Belial up and escorts her personally to the nearest hospital. Shouto and Deku tried to chase him, but the man that was with you and a few heroes stopped them, saying that for the moment, there are more injured people who needs help.

---Continue...

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 21.5, 22, 22.5, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, Last Chapter

[fishfingersandjellybabies]

Happily Ever After - escape series

Characters: Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, The Kent Bros. Pairing: jondami, timkon Summary: If any of them were asked, it’d be unanimous. None of them a lick of remorse for what they’d done.  A/N: They live on an island or coastline or something. Jason’s basically made it his mission in life, now that his sibs and their lovers are safe, to antagonize Dick and his very existence. This is a few months after the last bit. Cass and Jason do eventually go visit. Tim and Damian still try to convince them to stay forever.

Stuff for the Escape series

~~

Jason hummed as he looked at all the pieces of his guns on the coffee table. He hadn’t used them in ages, hadn’t been the Red Hood in years, but they needed cleaning.

And man, he loved cleaning his guns.

He picked up the cloth, and was about to pick up one of the pieces, when he heard a bedroom door slam.

And it was rude, but he couldn’t help but smirk.

“You didn’t sleep long enough.” He called lazily. Heard Dick stop at the front door.

“We’ve been through this, Jay.” Dick returned bitterly. “I’m not resting until I find Tim and Damian and get them home safe.”

“We have been through this.” Jason agreed, not looking up. “And how many times do I have to tell you? Maybe they don’t want to be found.”

“They’re not safe.” Dick pushed, then quieter. “The Kents are criminals.”

If Jason was going to say anything – (he wasn’t.) – he didn’t get the chance. Dick was already out the door, heading back to the headquarters of his anti-metas operation.

Jason rolled his eyes, returned to humming and cleaning his guns.

And he stayed like that for a little bit. Half an hour at most. He always seemed to lose track of time when doing something he enjoyed.

But then suddenly – another bedroom door smacked against a wall. He heard the quick patter of feet, and turned just as Cassandra came into the living room, a ringing tablet in her hands.

“The boys.” She said quietly, vaulting over Jason to sit on his other side. Settled into the couch cushions before answering the call. “It’s the boys.”

The screen lit up with Tim’s face, a bright, blue sky behind him. A pair of sunglasses sat on his head, and in the shadows of the undone shirt buttons, they could see a slight sunburn.

Tim was mid-laugh when the call was answered, looking off screen. But when he looked up and saw his siblings, his smile grew even brighter.

“Well there’s a sight for sore eyes.” Jason chuckled, leaning back himself. “What’s so funny?”

“Conner and Damian are fighting over dinner.” Tim replied with a snort. “They both think they’re a better cook than the other, and take any opportunity to prove it. Conner, I believe, just won today’s bout, and Damian’s pouting about it.”

“But I’m sure Jonny-Boy will fix him right up.” Jason joked. Cassandra just rolled her eyes.

“Of course. He always does.” Tim glanced in the other direction, smirked knowingly. “It’s frankly a little gross.”

Off screen they heard Jon laugh, and Damian snap. “Oh, please. We’re nothing compared to you two rabbits. Or have you forgotten the time you woke the neighbor with how loud your intercourse was?”

And even through the sunburn, Jason and Cassandra could see Tim blush as he looked back at them.

“It was only once, I swear.” Tim whispered.

“At least we didn’t get caught getting it on in the backseat of a car by the cops.” Conner called lazily. And it was nice, hearing him back on his feet. His recovery took longer than expected, with frequent setbacks and relapses. It was a relief, that he was finally out of the woods. “Twice.”

Damian made a sound to respond, but was cut off via gentle cooing from Jon. Tim laughed and shook his head, putting his attention back on his siblings.

“So how are you two?” He asked. “How’s…how’s things back home?”

“Same old, same old.” Jason shrugged. “…Dick’s been quiet.”

Tim’s smile faltered a little. “Oh?”

“He’s still looking for the two of you.” Jason nodded. “Convinced himself that it wasn’t you two breaking the Kents out of prison, but rather your boyfriends manipulated you.”

Damian snorted, still not appearing on screen. “Like they could.”

“Hey.” Jon scolded. “I’d like to think I’m a little more able at that kind of thing than you think.”

“That, or that you and Damian are merely misguided.” Cassandra added softly. “That you just do not understand the true danger Conner and Jonathan possess.”

“Basically, he still just wants to play hero.” Jason sighed. “Save his widdle baby bros from the big bad metas.”

Tim sighed too, leaned back in his chair. “…I’m sure it’s not great for you two out there.” A pause. “It’s still not too late for you guys to come live with us.”

“And listen to the four of you bang all the time? Pass.” Jason waved off. “Besides, despite his…craziness. Dick is still our brother. Someone’s gotta take care of him, and Cass and I agreed we don’t want it to be the two of you.”

“He has put you through enough.” Cassandra nodded in agreement. “And if you are happy, we are happy.”

“Excuse me if I don’t just to accept that.” Tim pouted.

“Look at it this way.  Cass and I, our friends aren’t metas. Kory took Bizarro and went back to Tamaran. Artemis went back to that island no one can find.” Jason listed off. “I can go drinking with Roy whenever I want. Steph and Barbara practically live here too.”

“You two had the most meta friends.” Cassandra reminded. “That is why this hit you two the hardest.”

Tim huffed. “I just wish you could at least visit.”

“Maybe one day.” Jason promised. “But don’t worry about us, okay? Worry about your lame-ass boyfriends, and not killing your brother.”

Tim looked out of frame and smiled. Twisted the tablet to show Jon between Damian’s legs on a chaise, lounging against his chest, eyes half lidded. Damian had his arms around Jon’s back, fingers idly tracing patterns along his shirtless spine as he stared up at the clouds and blue sky above them.

“Eh. He grows on you, I’ve found.” Tim whispered, then louder: “Say hello, Damian.”

Damian blinked and looked over at them. Then smiled and waved warmly.

“I…miss you both.” Damian admitted as Jon shifted his head to look up at him. Damian returned the glance, leaned down to kiss him. Looked back towards the camera with a wider grin.

“And we, surprisingly, miss you too, kid.” Jason hummed. Grunted, when Cassandra elbowed him playfully in the side. He feigned hurt, but smiled as he rubbed his side. “…It looks good on you, though.”

Damian quirked an eyebrow. “What does?”

“That octopus on your chest there.” Jason laughed. Jon grinned and wrapped his arms protectively around Damian. “Happiness overall, though.”

Damian blinked again, and then grinned a little softer. “…Yeah.”

There was a snort from Tim, and suddenly the tablet was being turned back.

“Wait!”

Tim did, keeping the camera on Damian and Jon.

“How’s.” Damian paused, swallowed. Jon hummed encouragingly. “…How’s Grayson?”

And of course. For all his bravado, for all his nasty words and sneers and threats – it was still Dick. Still probably the first person he ever loved, and the only one he always would no matter what, besides Jon.

“Still leading this garbage crusade. Pissed off that you two are gone, like I said before. Said he won’t rest until he finds you and brings you home, and throws those gosh-darn country boys back in prison.” Jason listed off. Cassandra just looked away, towards the penthouse’s front door. “But,” Jason sighed. “Otherwise the asshole is fine. Alive and well and looking to stay that way for a while.”

Damian stayed quiet. Just nodded as Jon held him a little tighter.

Tim turned the tablet back towards himself.

Conner was with him now, leaning on the back of the lounge chair, a few grilling tools in hand. He merely gave a silent wave. Cassandra gave him an equally silent – but clearly excited – wave in return.

“Happiness looks good on you too, Timbers.” Jason inhaled. “You better make sure it stays on him, Kent.”

“I’ll do my best.” Kon promised with a smile. He frowned almost immediately, though. “…I’m better now. My powers work fine. Jon and I could easily come get you guys-”

“Y’all mention it one more time, I’m hanging up on you.” Jason cut off sternly. “Really. We’re fine.”

Suddenly, Jason and Cassandra heard the ding of an elevator in the hallway. It was Dick, no doubt, back so soon. No one in his anti-metas team was allowed to go near his personal abode, and outside the family, with Steph and Barbara giving clear warning they were coming, no one else really dared to.

“And it sucks that we’ve gotta cut this short, but.” He glanced at Tim with a grin. “We gotta go.”

“Why, is everything okay? Are you safe?” Tim asked urgently. In the background they could hear Jon already swearing he’ll fly back if he needs to.

“Fine.” Jason reiterated with a roll of his eyes. “Just that Dickie’s home, and I refuse to give him the joy of speaking to you, or seeing you, or even knowing you’re alive.”

“His punishment.” Cassandra smiled, blowing a kiss. Tim turned the tablet one more time, and she blew one to Damian and Jon as well. Jon returned it as Tim twisted it back. “Love you. Be safe please.”

“Love you too. All of us.” Tim repeated quickly, as the doorknob turned. Jason waved him off, even as Cassandra reached for the button. “Bye!”

Cassandra shoved the tablet between the sofa cushions just as the door opened, and Dick came stomping back into the house.

“Back so soon?” Jason asked nonchalantly, not actually looking at his brother. Staring back down at his dismantled guns.

“Forgot some stuff.” Dick grumbled. And while not looking at Dick, he must have glanced at them, as he suddenly stopped in the hallway. “What are you so smiley about?”

“I’m not smiling.” Jason retorted. “And if I was, it was because you weren’t here.”

“Not you.” Dick snapped. “Cassie.”

Jason glanced at his sister. Indeed, a huge shit-eating grin was spread across her sharp cheeks.

“What’re you so happy about, Cass?” Dick asked her.

“Oh.” She hummed, glancing up at Jason. The corner of his mouth twitched up. “Nothing.”

“…Jason?” Dick asked for confirmation.

“Yup.” Jason looked up at him. At his deep frown and bad posture. “Absolutely nothing.”

Dick looked between them, then let out a long-suffering sigh as he continued down the hall. Jason just let out a bark of laughter, throwing his arm around his sister’s shoulders.

“Nothing at all, Dickie-boy.” He repeated, even as Cassandra pulled the tablet back out. Turned on the screen to expose a photo of Tim, Damian and their respective Kent brother, all four piled onto the sofa, each couple completely wrapped up in themselves. A photo from a few months ago, that had been sent as proof that everyone was safe and accounted for after their escape. Cassandra gently ran her fingers over their faces, letting her smile deepen. “Nothing at all.”

[engagedtobefree]

Breaking Open

I cried on and off all day at work. I wore my sunglasses most of the day, though everyone knew I was crying anyway, but it was comforting. Kind of like how when cats sit in boxes thinking you can’t see them but they can see you. I know everyone could see when I was crying, but pulling my sunglasses down made me feel better about it.

I know there is a part of me that knew this wasn’t going to work, and I’ve realized it for some time now. But because I developed such genuine feelings for Anthony and care about him so much, and found things I admire about him, I didn’t want to lose him. But it was obvious he isn’t mature when it comes to relationships. He’s only been in one before, which honestly wasn’t an issue, but the issue that did arise from that was that he just doesn’t know how to give time, effort, and affection to someone. But there’s no point in me thinking “If he was older…” or “If he was more mature…” or “If he/we had made more effort…”, because those things just don’t exist in this time and space right now. Right now, he isn’t older or more mature, and it’s too late to think about what could have been done. I thought this whole time if I just kept being patient and understanding that eventually it would pay off, but it didn't. And it sucks. I keep thinking about my fear when being asked “Do you miss him” after a few days of not seeing him. I couldn’t say yes and I didn’t want to think about it, because I never knew where I stood or how he felt, and it just feels like a wave of missing him now.

All that being said, I also know my own downfalls. I do have trouble letting down my walls and letting people in, which has probably destroyed so many possible connections with people. That’s not to say I didn’t try, because there were plenty of times I tried to be affectionate and really move things forward, but it just wasn’t being reciprocated. But still, I could have let him in more. Letting people see all of you and being vulnerable is always a good way to connect. I could have let him see into my life more (he could have done the same with this though, too). Last night, I did feel very vulnerable and open, and I think that’s what made our good bye so special. It makes me feel like if I had done this more often, things would have been different. Also, today, being so vulnerable with everyone, it helped me feel more open than I have in quite awhile. And just my anxiety about always trying to get home when my mom kept calling and texting me all the time. It was hard enough finding time to see each other, then adding on top of that when we could see each other it had to be late at night on Sundays or during the week, which always caused me receiving hell from my mom. 

One thing I can say though, is he was very mature about ending it. He was honest with me and he suggested stopping by my house so we could talk. I was very taken aback. And the fact that he was obviously nervous about it but stuck it out anyway meant a lot to me, though I think by the end I was able to lessen some of that nervousness for him (which I always try to consciously do for people). I have never had a guy end things so respectfully with me. He wasn’t an asshole about it and he felt bad because he really didn’t want to hurt me.  I do want to message him, not today, but when I’m ready, and just thank him for that. I mean, I’m not going to thank him for not being a dick about it, because I don’t think you should celebrate when someone isn’t an asshole, but I don’t even know how to express how much his honesty and stepping up meant to me. I have seriously never had a guy do that before. And we had such a nice hug, like I can’t get over it. I’m still confused about his little movement to go and kiss me, but it could have just been a natural reaction cuz that’s what he was used to doing.

I was also taken aback by how genuine I was. My head started thinking, what if I suggested Friends w/ Benefits, but it was immediately shot down by a giant NO in my mind. I respect Anthony, and I know he respects me, and I felt like it would just be fucked to even suggest that. So instead I asked if we could still be friends. Flash back to a year and a half ago when I suggested that (and other things) to Zack. My intentions between now and then are at completely opposite ends of the spectrum. With Zack, I was trying to be manipulative, always trying to think of ways and suggestions I could get him to stay. With Anthony, my words and intentions were just so incredibly honest and real. I truly enjoyed his company and have no regrets about our time together, and I was truly heartfelt in my request for us to remain friends. There is the slight issue of me not knowing at all how to go about that, because I have never ended on good terms with any guy, but I guess we’ll figure it out. 

I may suggest some time in the future if he can teach me to shoot, cuz that is something we never got around to doing. I don’t have a huge interest in guns, but I think it would be helpful to learn how to use them and defend myself with one if I ever had to. I mean, not like I can legally own a gun anyway since I’ve been hospitalized for mental illness, since I’d have to jump through so many hoops and it’s not even a guarantee at the end, but it could be helpful in some situations.

I am also so grateful for the love I have been receiving from several people today. My mom, though she caused quite a few issues with me staying out late with Anthony on week nights, was comforting and had reassurances that I already knew, but was thankful to hear reverberated back to me. Stacy had good, sound advice, and threw in a few perspectives I never thought of, and I know she’s been messaging me all day to help keep my mind off things. Amanda, showering me with so much love in the form of hugs, words, songs, and gifts (though she did call Anthony a fuckboy cuz she’s mad he broke my heart and knew I’ve been feeling bad for some time about him not committing. Also, she’s mad because she knows he knows I’ve been struggling at work and at home with my mom, and she’s mad he added this on to it). Jason hugging me and kissing the top of my head, telling me everything was going to be okay and asking me throughout the day how I was doing. Rob, who just had the sweetest message to send to me, that I kept my promise with and printed it so I can carry around his reminder with me wherever I go. 

I don’t feel unwanted, not like I have in the past. Yes, I do wish Anthony viewed me as worth making an effort for, but I honestly believe he would have been the same way with anyone. He just doesn’t know how to give focus and dedication to a woman, and I guess I wasn’t the one who could teach him that. He wants to be with his friends and not have to think about how or when we can see each other, and not have to wonder about if we spent more time together if we could keep it going and grow. He thought ending it was the best way for both of us in our current situations, and while I always think more effort is worth it, I cant be the only one giving the effort, and I really do see (and have seen) that he is just not ready or fit for a relationship. I know there are other things still that are getting in the way, like me still living at home and his shitty schedule, and I just think it wasn’t meant to be right now. His schedule isn’t even bound to change for another 2 months, and even then, his odds of getting back on first shift are slim. And if he got accepted as a street cop, who knows what his schedule would be like then (though it would probably rotate, honestly, whereas his corrections officer shift doesn’t). 

I don’t know what the future holds, no one does, but I feel at peace with that. I am more heartbroken than I thought I would be, but I know it will be okay. I don’t feel anxiety about it, don’t feel like anything was my fault, don’t feel worthless. And I have everyone to thank for that: the people who love me, Anthony for being good about all of this, and also myself for all of the hard work I’ve put into myself. I am very hopeful about us being friends, because he is a good guy and I really enjoyed his company, but I know it will have to wait a bit before that happens.