#by that i mean songs that emotionally grind me into a fine dust and cause the world to collapse around me LMAO

[starstaiined]

so i did make the playlist !!

[dudewhatswiththeshorts-blog]

Don’t Call Her Sweetheart

This is for the @deancas-sweetheart Hey, Sweetheart challenge. I’m very late and also this isn’t my best work (it kinda sucks) because I’ve had a lot going on lately, but I’m crossing my fingers this turned out... decent. Read it on AO3 here.

6.2k angst; fluff; jealous!cas; random baby acquisition; nurturing!dean; established relationship. 

When the spawn of an archangel was released into the world for the first time in decades, Castiel fell to his knees. The sound of magic was thick and heavy in the air, buzzing with the power of grace, with the power of Lucifer. Castiel had assumed that this taste of an angel’s essence would be tainted with wrongdoings, bitterness, and sorrow, however the baby girl’s grace sang sweet and pure.

Kelly weeped as the baby was placed in her arms. The sounds of a mother’s pride tied Castiel to the present. He watched Kelly with careful eyes, stared at the baby as if she would fly out of her Mother’s arms and destroy the world. He allowed Dean and Sam to help him to his feet, his eyes staying on the infant. He could smell blood and it made him dizzy. Castiel could hear the song that reapers sang; a dark, old tune that went back lifetimes. One of them had come to collect. For once it was not the Winchesters, nor was it Castiel’s life they were here to collect.

The ageless witch, one who had gone by many names but favored Rowena, held a cool washcloth to Kelly’s head and murmured ancient words to her. Castiel did not doubt she heard the song, too. Kelly would not last long. The reaper entered the room as Kelly closed her eyes, lids heavy with exhaustion for releasing such power into the world. The reaper advanced, the song slowing, and it let its hand come out to touch Kelly’s lips, take what was left of her breath. Once her lungs were empty, it took the rest of her heart, a gentle hand placing itself over her left breast. Then, finally, it laid a hand over her forehead and took the rest of her mind, of her memories.

Everything that Kelly ever had left the Earth and went to another world. The mother of Satan’s spawn was dead.

The song ended. Kelly was gone.

The baby cried.

~

Castiel is concerned about the baby. About the nephilim. Sam holds her in his arms in the backseat of the impala because neither Cas nor Dean want to. She’s dangerous, powerful, and unpredictable.

“Can we take this exit?” Sam asks, breaking the silence.

Dean’s response is immediate. “Why?”

“Uh,” Sam hesitates, “Because we need thing for the baby? You know, like food and clothes.”

“Why are we buying shit for a kid we’re just going to kill anyway?”

“Whoa, Dean–”

“We are not killing the baby, Dean,” Castiel cuts Sam off. There are inner doubts about the child. Even now Cas can feel her power radiating. Her angel form has yet to manifest itself, her magic still tied to her human form, however Cas can tell she will be beautiful. If raised well, she can be a pure angel, however she is still the offspring of Lucifer. There is something dark and evil inside of her– there must be.

“Didn’t think you would be on the side of freakin’ Daddy’s Little Girl, sweetheart! May I remind you she’s Lucifer’s?”

Cas sighs, grinding his teeth. “I’m not on the side of Lucifer, Dean, I am simply opposed to killing an innocent child.”

“Innocent? Really?”

“Yes, innocent. You know, when you’ve done nothing wrong. Maybe because you are a small child with no motor skills?”

“Listen, if you’re trying to guilt me out of–”

“Now why on earth would I do that?” Castiel sasses.

Sam interjects from the backseat, “Uh, guys, can we argue later, you’re making the baby fussy.”

Dean scoffs. “Great.”

“Just take the next exit, Dean,” Cas sighs, “It’s two against one, here.”

“Fine. But when she kills us all I reserve the right to say I told you so.”

~

They tried to lock her in the dungeon but Sam said no.

“She’s a nephilim.” Cas said.

“She’s Lucifer’s.” Dean said.

“She’s a baby, you guys,” Sam said, “And even if she’s half angel, she’s also half human. Okay?”

That was the end of that.

So Sam, Dean, and Cas move out the bed frame and the old mattress from one of the spare rooms, sweep up the dust, and get to work attempting to assemble a crib. They take turns with the baby, although Sam takes her most of the time. Cas likes holding her and feeling her tiny weight in his arms. She’s strong for a few days old, but she’s not completely human. Strength is to be expected. At least Cas can hold her without worry of hurting her with a delicate touch.

The crib takes a couple hours to complete, although most of that time is spent arguing (“Cas, can’t you assemble this with your mojo?” “If I could don’t you think I’d have done it already, Dean?”). In the end, it looks pretty okay, and they put it against the far wall with its little baby mattress and its soft yellow blankets.

Maybe they could get her some toys or some stuffed animals, Cas finds himself thinking, Maybe she’ll enjoy that. He lets his mind wander as he helps to build the changing table. It’s Dean’s turn to care for the baby, so it’s just him and Sam while he’s out of the room.

“You know,” Sam says after a long period of silence, “I think this baby could be… good for Dean.”

Cas looks up from the furniture’s instructions. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I think that Dean thrives on family, you know? He likes… taking care of people. That’s why you and him work so well together, cuz he doesn’t have to protect you. He can just make you feel, uh, good. Or better,” Sam pauses. He lets out a long breath. “Dean, he– he can’t really take care of me anymore. I’m a grown man, he doesn’t have to feed me or console me or whatever. So now gets to have that with you. Like, he gets to make you comfortable. But the thing is he’s very uncomfortable about those things. So, with a baby it’s natural. To care for them. He doesn’t have to explain himself.”

Cas thinks about that. He thinks about how devoted to family that Dean is, how he tries to care for everyone. Since they started sharing a room, Dean has seemed a little more relaxed, although usually he keeps that softer side of him for when they’re in private. Outside of their bedroom he’s still tense. Wound up. He refrains from touching Cas quite as much, as if doing so will cause him to be ridiculed. Perhaps Sam is right. Caring for a baby is normal. Women and men alike care for them, and it is socially acceptable. Maybe it’ll let Dean’s guard down a bit, allow him to care for something, to nurture it.

“I hope you’re right, Sam,” Cas finally says. He means it.

~

It’s two in the morning, and neither Cas nor Dean could sleep because of Grace. Sam had thought of her name as a joke, but the more they thought about it, the more they liked the sound of it. At the very least, it reminded them of what she was.

Sam had continued to take care of Grace for the past week, making sure to wake up and feed her, change her, give her her vitamins and burp her. Unfortunately, all of those things add up to an enormous amount of sleep deprivation– more than Sam is used to –and he still hasn’t woken up to calm the crying baby.

It’s been half an hour.

“Alright, that’s enough, I’m going in there,” Dean finally huffs, getting out of bed. “Don’t do anything stupid,” Cas warns.

Dean rolls his eyes and starts to put on some pajama pants. “I’m not gonna kill her Cas, jeez, have a little faith.”

“Sorry, I don’t know why I’d assume that, it’s not as if you’ve threatened it several times this week.”

Dean sighs and rubs a hand over his face. “Can we not fight? Please? It’s two in the morning and I’m tired and the freaking nephilim baby is crying….”

Cas sits up in bed and sighs. “I’m sorry, I– I don’t mean to start something,” Cas pulls the covers back and gets out of bed. “It’s a difficult situation right now. On one hand this… thing– girl –she has unspeakable power, and I mean power beyond belief, I really do, you haven’t seen what Lucifer is capable of when at full power and she has that type of energy within her–”

“Cas, sweetheart, you’re rambling.”

Cas clears his throat, “Yes, right. Sorry. Um, I just… Dean, she’s just a little girl. She’s an angel. An angel baby girl. I can’t… I can’t kill anymore angels, Dean, I just can’t. Especially not innocent ones. She hasn’t done anything wrong. She never asked to be born, so killing her for that crime is unethical.” He walks closer to Dean and places a hand on his bicep. “If you have no faith in her, at least have faith in me and my judgment.”

Dean swallows and looks down, embarrassed. It’s still difficult for him to have these talks, even when it’s just the two of them. He reaches out and grabs Cas’ hand. It’s a small gesture, but it allows Cas to relax. 

“Thank you,” he says, tilting Dean’s chin up with his free hand and laying a kiss on his lips.

Dean finally extracts himself from Cas and leaves their room to check on Grace, and Cas falls back to the bed. He’s emotionally exhausted, and he understands why Dean hates to talk about feelings. It takes a lot out of you.

Cas lets his mind drift, lets his eyes closed as he waits for Dean to come back to bed. He thinks about Valentine’s Day that’s coming up soon and wonders what he should do for Dean. They haven’t had a proper Valentine’s day yet and Dean had mentioned he’d like to celebrate it in passing. Well, he hadn’t really mentioned it. It had been more of a secret yearning that Cas picked up on. Dean made fun of the decorations that local shops put up, but he gazed at the flowers and the chocolates and the cards a little more than someone who didn’t care for Valentine’s Day did. 

As Cas’ thoughts grow, he dozes, dreams short little things before waking himself up and falling back again. It takes him a while to realize that the bunker is silent, the baby’s cries having stopped by then, yet Dean is still not back in bed. He sits up and glances at the clock to see it’s been well over an hour. His blood runs cold. He throws the covers off and rushes out of the bedroom to Grace’s room. The door is shut and he swallows, slowly opening the door, dreading what he’ll see. 

He’s afraid that Grace could not control her energy. That she destroyed Dean, sent him far away. Or perhaps mutated him. Something. But when he opens the door he finds Dean sitting in the lounge chair they’d dragged into Grace’s room just the day before with a sleeping baby on his chest. 

Cas smiles a little bit. Dean looks completely at peace, his face slack without any nightmares plaguing his mind. It’s… wonderful. Cas lets the door close and he returns back to their room. Dean’s back will ache in the morning, but at least his soul will not.

“Your mommy was a pretty lady. She was. She had brown hair and she was dating the president. Yeah, the president. Crazy, huh?” Cas finds Dean by listening. His voice is obvious, gruff, deep, strong. “Your daddy… your daddy isn’t all that great. But that’s okay. Because my daddy wasn’t so great either. He had a little trouble.

“Your new family, though… well, I guess your old family. I mean, Cas I guess is your uncle. In a way. He’s a good guy. I know, I know, with a name like that it’s hard to believe, but he’s really great. He doesn’t have my dashing good looks or anything, but he’s still pretty smooth.”

“Your flattery is appreciated,” Cas says, finally allowing his presence to be noticed. He makes his way into Grace’s room where Dean is rocking her, telling her stories. 

Dean jumps a bit at Cas’ sudden arrival and the baby makes a noise of displeasure from being bumped. Dean coos at her until she settles.

“Jesus, Cas,” he says after Grace quiets, “You almost gave me a heart attack.” Cas just smiles.

Dean grins back and leans in for a kiss which Cas accepts happily. “It’s good to see that you’re getting used to her.”

Dean scoffs, “Not really. You don’t just leave a crying baby alone, you know?” “You pretend you don’t like her, but Dean, you’re so gentle with her.”

“Shut up.” Dean blushes.

Cas smiles softy. “It’s true. For a child you’re so cautious of, you’re in her room an awful lot. You play with her. You coddle her.” He places his hand on Dean’s face. “It’s very sweet.”

“Yeah, well, I did it with Sammy,” he says, leaning into Cas’ touch, “I guess it’s like riding a bicycle.”

Cas draws his hand down Dean’s jaw and leans in for another kiss, sweet and slow. When they part, Dean looks down to the baby and smiles. It’s a small smile, light, but filled with adoration. Cas wonders what Dean would think about children if they ever settle down together. He almost tells him how wonderful of a father he would be, but for some reason, he’s not sure if Dean can handle it.

Dean’s newfound affection for Grace is sweet, heartwarming. It seems to be exactly what he’s needed– Sam was right about that –someone to nurture and care for. Although, sometimes it feels like maybe Dean’s a little… too nurturing. Especially on nights like this.

It’s late, the clock ticking towards two in the morning, and Dean still isn’t back in bed. He’s been doing this for a while now, on and off. He puts the baby down and then stays in her room, reading books, or watching her sleep. Like he’s some kind of nocturnal protector. Cas had made Dean go out and buy a baby monitor so he would feel better about sleeping in their bed, but he still makes an effort to sleep in Grace’s room.

It’s a little annoying, especially considering it interferes with their sex life. Not like their sex life is crazy or anything. They barely have time for sex considering their life is on the road. However, when they have a break and they’re in the bunker like they are now, they have time to explore each other, to please each other, to drag it out. They haven’t had sex in days and it’s starting to drive Cas crazy.

He misses Dean. He really does. He misses the taste of his lips and the weight of him on top of him, the heat of him when he’s underneath. He misses waking up curled around Dean, misses falling asleep with his solid weight against his back. Now he stays up for hours reading his ancient texts, waiting for Dean to come back to bed. He’s an angel, he doesn’t need sleep, but he indulges in it because sleeping with Dean is diviner than any holy experience he can account for.

And he’s being cock blocked by a baby. A baby that Dean had been against keeping in the first place.

He wonders briefly if he should go into Grace’s room, drag Dean out and put him back into bed, but it seems in vain. He’ll be back in her room tomorrow night and the night after that, and Cas will be waiting for him in the morning with an advil for his back pain after sleeping upright.

“It’s your turn to pick something sweetheart,” Dean says, falling onto the couch and slinging an arm around Cas. Movie nights seem to be the only time he sees Dean alone anymore. He’s so involved with Grace now, it feels like they’re one entity.

“I want to watch Star Wars,” Cas says.

“Which episode?”

Cas shrugs. “Any of them. You pick.”

Dean smiles and giddily puts on A New Hope. if they’re starting from the fourth episode, they’re probably going through the series tonight. Not that Cas has any complaints. He’s excited to spend the night with Dean for the first time in a while. For the first time in… in a week at the very least.

Dean settles down between Cas’ legs and lays his head down onto his shoulder and it knocks away any doubts. Almost.

He can’t stop touching Dean. He holds his middle and caresses his side until Dean complains of him being tickling. He rubs his thighs and scratches their stubble together. He kisses his neck and bites his shoulder. And every single time he does it Dean pushes him away.

“Sweetheart, I’m trying to watch.”

“We’ve seen this movie so often,” Cas pouts, “Can’t I touch you?”

Dean laughs. “Babe, you know that’s not what you’re doing.”

“What am I doing, Dean?” Cas asks. He hooks his chin over Dean’s shoulder, whispers into his ear. He smiles with the shiver that runs through Dean’s body. “I’m just touching you. I miss you.” He lets his hands roam again, little things like rubbing his tummy, squeezing his thigh.

“Uh, yeah, um, I’m going to go get popcorn,” Dean says suddenly, standing up and causing Cas to lose his grip on Dean. He practically sprints out of the room. Cas looks at the place Dean once stood in shock. What… what just happened? Dean had been in a good mood when they’d started the movie. Cas assumed that…. that he would want to touch Cas as much as Cas wanted to touch Dean. It’d been so long.

When Dean returns his takes a seat next to Cas instead of on his lap, a large bowl of popcorn in his arms. “Shit, I missed my favorite part,�� is all he says on the matter.

“Dean are you… okay?” Cas asks.

“What? Yeah. Why?”

Cas hesitates, wondering if he’ll sound too… pushy. “You don’t want,” he pauses, looking for words and decides to be blunt, “Sex?” 

Dean blushes and bites his lips as he does every time Cas says something vulgar.

“Naw, it’s not that I don’t want it, man, I just, uh, you know. It’s Grace’s bedtime soon and I want to be there when she falls asleep.”

Cas feels it happen. He feels his fists curl and his jaw lock and he has to bite his tongue from letting words fall out of his mouth.

This is the first time he’s been able to spend with Dean in days and he’s being denied sex for the spawn of Satan.

This has to be the worst thing that has ever happened to Castiel in his entire life. He doesn’t say more on the matter, instead he sits with his arms crossed. A loop of passive aggressive scenarios on how to make Dean feel bad for neglecting him plays in his head. 

Twenty minutes later Dean gets up to say goodnight to the baby. He doesn’t come to bed. Again.

~

Dean bought one of those baby harnesses. The ones where you can strap your baby to your chest so you don’t have to carry them. Dean bought one for himself.

Of course, he claims it’s for everyone to use, but Dean rarely lets Grace down long enough for her to nap let alone for Sam or Cas to hold her. Since the night Dean skipped their movie date (skipped Star Wars!), Dean’s taken over ever single thing about Grace’s routine. He feeds her, bathes her, burps her, changes her. He never lets her down, never comes to bed, barely sees Castiel.

Not that he’s jealous or anything. Cas is proud of Dean for changing his views on Grace. Lately Dean has been strangely rough with people, with family. The fact that he can let that go with this baby? It’s a good thing. 

But, then again, Castiel hasn’t gone to bed with Dean next to him in weeks. He’s always sneaking into bed long after he said he would. That can’t be healthy for a couple. Cas’ irritation is clearly stemming from concerns about their relationship. Everything is perfectly normal, otherwise. He is not jealous of a baby. In fact, he enjoys seeing Dean so happy around Grace. He–

“You okay Cas?”

“Hmm?” Cas turns his attention to Sam, blinking his daydreaming away. “Are you okay?” Sam asks again, taking a seat next to Cas at the kitchen table, “You’ve been staring angrily at the wall for the last ten minutes.”

“I have?”

Sam smiles a bit, “Uh, yeah. The baby been keeping you up or something?” He picks up the sandwich on the plate in front of himself and takes a bite. Has that been there since he sat down? Has Cas really not noticed?

“No, no, the baby’s been fine it’s mainly…,” Cas trails off. He looks down at the table and laces his fingers together. “Well, it’s mainly Dean keeping me up.”

“Huh.”

Cas turns to look at Sam. “What?”

“Well, it’s just that I find that funny. Dean practically sleeps in the baby’s room, I didn’t he did anything to wake you….” Sam stops. “Oh.”

“I– It’s nothing. I sleep fine, Sam, thank you for asking.” Cas gets up and decides to make himself lunch. Even though he doesn’t have to sustain himself with food, he needs something to keep his hands busy.

“Do you guys, like, ever have alone time anymore?”

Cas opens the fridge and pretends like he hasn’t heard Sam. He takes out the turkey and the mustard and the lettuce. Things he likes on a sandwich.

Sam keeps pressing. “Cas? Don’t do the ignoring-thing, come on.”

“I’m sorry Sam,” Cas sighs, “What I think… it’s irrational.”

“Yeah? Well I’ve done some pretty irrational things in my life. I won’t judge you, Castiel.”

He finds himself walking into the pantry to get bread as he speaks. “Dean and I, we haven’t gone to bed together in a while, Sam. In weeks.”

Sam makes a ‘yikes’ sound, but doesn’t interrupt. Cas makes his way to the kitchen counter to assemble his sandwich.

“We have not, as you said, ‘had alone time’ in a while. But it’s fine. I understand that this is a good thing for Dean. He can care for someone that isn't you or me in an open environment. We talked about this.”

“Well yeah, but it’s still good to make time for your boyfriend.”

“Yes!” Cas exclaims suddenly, turning toward Sam with vigor. “Yes, exactly, Sam, exactly. I know it’s idiotic to feel so cheated by a baby, but Sam I find that Dean doesn’t know how to manage his time between Grace and me! There are two of us in this bunker that can help him, but he finds that her care is solely up to him.” He squirts the mustard onto his sandwich with anger. It feels good to clench his fist in anger. “I thought that this would help him with his need to nurture, but it’s just shifted his need to protect from one person to another! What about me Sam?” He places the top piece of bread over the overspill of mustard. “What about me? Why do I not get any time with Dean? Is it ridiculous that I’m so angered by this four week old? Why does he care for her, but not me?” 

SPLAT.

There’s a fist imprint in the sandwich.

Cas picks up the plate and places it in front of Sam, eyes blank in an attempt to numb his feelings. “I don’t eat. You can have it,” he says.

Sam looks up at him in a mixture of horror and amusement. They make eye contact and Cas is suddenly aware of the heaving of his chest. He’s worked up over something so silly. Sam probably thinks he’s a lunatic.

“Cas…,” Sam starts, voice calm and quiet and steady. Cas is shaking with the aftershocks of his outburst. “Dean hasn’t been fair to you. You have every right to be angry and jealous and all of that, but nothing will change.”

Cas sighs. “I know, I know, it’s a baby and she must be cared for. She’s important and I–”

“You’re important too, Cas,” Sam cuts in. “And you didn’t let me finish. I was saying that nothing will change. Not unless you start that change. Have you talked to Dean about this? At all?”

Cas looks down. He drops to the stool across from Sam. “No.”

“Then how do you expect Dean to understand how you feel?”

“Well, Sam, if you must know, this entire bunker is filled with men who like to run from feelings and tend to hide their true emotions from each other, so usually I don’t know how either of you feel–”

“Yeah, okay,” Sam says, “I get it. Dumb word choice.” He sighs. “Just… Cas. Have a conversation. If not for yourself, or for your relationship, then for Grace. Be a role model.”

“Who’s a role model?” Dean calls from upstairs, the door creaking open. Dean slams it shut. “I brought lunch!” Dean calls, slumping down the stairs. He makes his way to the kitchen. His eyes fall to the smashed sandwich. “Ah. I see you beat me to it. Eh? Eh? Get it?”

Sam rolls his eyes and Cas smiles softly. Dean comes to sit by Cas, dropping the bags of food to the table. They smell like grease. 

“How was it out of the bunker for the first time in, what, two weeks?” Sam asks. Dean shrugs. “Nice, I guess. I missed Baby.” A soft smile rises to his face and he glances at Cas. “Missed you, too, sweetheart.”

All the anger inside Cas melts at that and his guarded expression he had been holding falls. He smiles back.

Sam coughs.

“Um, yeah, so I’ll, uh,” Sam lifts up the smashed sandwich, “I’ll go eat this. Somewhere else. You guys, um, talk.”

Dean watches Sam leave with his eyebrows raised. He looks at Cas when his brother is gone. “He sees me like that,” he coughs, “With you. Sometimes. Why’s he all weird about it now?”

Cas shrugs. He knows he’s being a coward. Sam gave him the opportunity to talk to Dean about things and he’s letting that slip away. Cas has always been afraid of things when it came to Dean, though. Dean is an emotional being, although he tries to suppress it, cover it up and hide it away. Cas can’t see through him quite as easily without crossing boundaries. He promised he’d never find his way into Dean’s head unless he really needed to.

Maybe he should say something. Sam was right. Their relationship will never be a healthy one without proper communication. They’ve been practicing with it, and they’re getting better, but there are certain desires Dean forgets to ask for and feelings that Cas likes to ignore. It’s time for Cas to take the initiative, to talk about things that break through their comfort zone, to–

“How’s Grace?” Dean asks.

Cas looks at Dean for a long moment, opening his mouth to say something. It takes him a long time to reply. “I put her down for her nap a few minutes ago.” Dean smiles and nods. “Good, good.” He fidgets. Plays with his fingers and shifts in his seat. “Hey, I–”

“Go check on her. I know you want to.” Cas sighs.

Dean gives an apologetic grin. “Thanks, sweetheart.” He gets up from his seat, but not without giving Cas a quick kiss. “Can you put the burgers in the fridge? I’ll eat when I’m done checking on Gracie.”

Cas promises to refrigerate Dean’s lunch.

The conversation doesn’t happen.

~

It shocked both him and Sam when a case popped up and Dean didn’t hop on the chance to go.

“You know, my bad knee’s been killing me lately.”

“We’ve been doing a lot of hunting lately… maybe I should rest up.”

“Y’know I think I’m catching a cold or something.”

Each excuse was worse than the one before it. Each excuse made Cas even more disappointed. Not only would he have to suffer through days of no dean in his bed, but he’d have to suffer through days of no dean at all. 

And Valentine’s Day is so close…

But, he couldn’t do anything about it. And so he packed his few things, grabbed a few lore books that could help them on the case, kissed Dean goodbye, and left with Sam. 

When it’s the three of them, the car is loud with the sound of Dean singing and Sam laughing. Cas is normally quiet during those trips, content to listen to the sound of the brothers. When it is just Sam and Cas, like it is now, things tend to drag on. The car remains silent without Dean to encourage bickering battles, both of them happy with watching the road and their surroundings. They are both quiet people in nature, Dean being the one to bring out the flame within them.

Cas misses Dean. It’s lonely without him.

The case isn’t difficult or anything. They get answers out of the neighbors around and have enough clues to start with theories. Even so, it’s not the same without his boyfriend. He and Sam go out for beers every night, but it feels wrong without Dean scaring off all the girls surrounding Cas. He and Sam watch TV before they fall asleep, but Cas would prefer Dean next to him, laying his head on his chest. He and Sam have black coffee in the morning, but it’s not the same without Dean’s huge breakfast and obscene moans, different without the smell of bacon.

Cas has been on a hunt without Dean before, but he’s never felt like this. Maybe it’s because he’s been… replaced in a way. It’s ridiculous how jealous of this fucking baby he is, but he can’t help himself. His emotions are strong, pungent, and they have been ever sense he first laid a kiss on Dean’s lips. Before then everything had been muted, but once Dean and him became intimate, everything overwhelmed him, as if he were human again. The love and the joy and the excitement had been so pure and bright and loud. But the anger, the uncertainty… it’s just as noticeable, but a lot more frustrating.

“Alright, so you’re dealing with a low tier witch. I texted those symbols to Rowena and they’re clearly from an unexperienced coven.” At least Cas can listen to Dean from over the phone, even with the static applied over it. “I assumed as much. Although these symbols are rather new. As if someone developed them recently.”

“New, sure, but still sloppy. You’re probably only dealing with one witch, considering the low level power of the spell, according to Rowena.”

Cas smiles. “That means I can get home to you faster.”

“Mm, yeah. I miss you, Cas, you know?” Cas almost hears him smile. “Well, I should probably get going,” there’s a pause and a shuffle from over the line. “Mmm. Love you so much, sweetheart!”

The tone is much more affectionate than Dean usually sounds which takes Cas aback, however he’s still pleased. “I love you too, Dean. I’m glad we will see each other soon.”

Dean coughs awkwardly after Cas speaks. It makes sense considering he’s still a little hesitant about certain romantic gestures. “Cas, I…,” he starts hesitantly. “I was talking to, um, Grace.”

Cas can feel his jaw snap shut, an attempt at keeping his mouth shut. “Oh.”
 “I mean, you know I feel like that about you, too, Cas. I mean it. And I miss you,” Dean adds as if that makes anything better.

“I’m sure you’ll survive without me. You have your sweetheart with you.” The words are out before Cas can stop them.

“What?” Dean asks.

“Never mind,” Cas sighs. He’s irrationally jealous, yes, but Dean used his pet name on the fucking baby.

“No, babe. Seriously, talk to me,” Dean pleads, “I’m trying to be better about… talking.”

“Well, if you wanna talk, talk to the baby. It’s not like you spend every minute of the day with her or anything.”

“This is about Grace?” Dean asks. “Cas, are kidding me? You told me to take care of her!”

“I told you to not kill her. There’s a difference.”

“Oh yeah, of course,” Dean snarks, “Because if I had ignored her you wouldn’t have had a talk with me about that!”

“I thought you wanted to talk,” Cas points out. He’s being snippy, he knows, but he’s too revved up to back down. “I thought you liked talking.”

“Yeah? Well maybe I just don’t like talking to you. Maybe that’s why I’ve been– what did you say? –‘spending every minute of the day with Grace.’”

Cas lets out a breath through his nose. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Dean.”

“Wait,” Dean tries, a little quieter, “Wait, Cas–”

“Goodbye.”

Cas hangs up the phone.

The hunt goes well with the information Dean gave them. Sam and Cas make a good team. It’s still too quiet without Dean, but for once, Cas welcomes the silence.

~

Sam drops him off. 

“I gotta make a quick stop,” he says, “I’ll be right back.”

Cas knows it’s a lie and resents Sam for it. Maybe it was Cas’ sulking, or many Dean talked with Sam about it, but somehow the younger Winchester knows about their argument.

The bunker door is loud and obnoxious and it echoes off every wall in the bunker. There is literally no way that Castiel could get out of alerting Dean he was there.

Dean, somehow, had avoided alerting Cas of his presence. The angel makes his way downstairs, startled by the sudden “Hey” coming from his left.

“Hey, Cas, hey,” Dean says a little louder. “I missed you, sweetheart.”

Cas stands at the bottom of the stairs unsure of what to do. He’d assumed that Dean would stay angry at him, that they’d fight. This… this is not fighting. This is Dean being nice and sweet and trying to make amends.

Dean takes Cas’ silence as anger and his face crumples. “Um, so, I put Grace down for a nap.” He winces, as if her name is a bad word. “I thought we could talk.”

Cas takes a few cautious steps further until he’s closer to Dean. “We don’t need to, Dean,” he says after a moment, “I was in the wrong yesterday and I apologize–”

“No, don’t apologize, man, that’s my job right now. I know I’ve been an asshole to you, you know? I wanted to say I’m sorry. I am. I miss you.” Dean breathes heavily through his nose. “And I want to know how to make you feel better.” Cas looks into Dean’s eyes, lets out a disappointed “tsk” when Dean averts his gaze. “Look at me, Dean.”

Dean slowly allows his eyes to come back to Cas’, a slow breath following the action.

“I miss you in my bed at night. I miss movie nights with you. I miss kissing you without a baby between us. Hell, I want to spend Valentine’s Day with you, Dean. But none of that matter because I know you love me and I, of course, love you. All I want is to be more intimate Dean, be apart of Grace’s life, and of your life. You don’t talk to me anymore. I never see you.” Cas swallows. “I miss you.”

“Valentine’s Day?” Dean teases, an attempt to lighten the mood.

Cas gives him a look, eyes dark with a need to make Dean understand– to understand Dean.

“I didn’t think you’d want to take care of her,” Dean finally whispers.

Cas takes a step closer. “What made you think that?”

“I don’t know, man,” Dean whispers, “Not used to getting help with kids, you know. Sammy… Sammy and I had a rough time as kids. Dad wasn’t there much.”

Another step closer and Cas reaches out to cup Dean’s cheek. “You’re not alone, Dean.”

Dean leans into Cas’ touch. “I know, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

Cas leans in and finally allows their lips to touch in a sweet kiss. The first one since he left on their trip. The first one without a baby between them for a very long time. It’s not long, but it’s perfect. It’s so relieving. He can touch Dean again and it’s glorious.

“Mm,” Cas opens his eyes, suddenly detaching himself from Dean. “One more thing.”

Dean’s face falls and he nods. “Anything.”

Cas holds Dean’s face in his hands and looks him straight in the eye. “Sweetheart is my name, Dean Winchester,” he growls. “It does not belong to a baby. It belongs to me.”

The next kiss is sweetened by Dean’s laughter.

They share a bed that night.