#by a human serial killer dipshit and his clueless half-vamp lieutenant. they just got That Unlucky. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wolves-etc · 2 years ago

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hello please have some "actually a half-vampire just not aware of it" anton au thoughts

(virgil is human and clueless because I refuse for this to be otherwise)

goldblum figures it out and takes anton aside the second time he's brought in for questioning like "dude, are you okay? you got fake fangs instead of using your real vampire ones, you don't need those, you can just— wait, why are you crying—"

(goldblum's either a vampire himself or, to borrow a thing that's too good not to borrow & because it fits the gleefully-open-minded-about-fringe-shit vibe, he dated a vampire once)

@darkfinch had this LOVELY idea for the vampire intiates to stick together as a community post-canon and to my mind, what makes that better here is if most of 'em turn out to be real vampires to some degree - or Something Else, or just Aware of this shit. they're in it for the fun, for the local community, for the "yeah this is bullshit but some of it's fun bullshit and it's funny to see how bad at it the leader is."

when they manage to corner anton (freaking out quietly in his loft) (his whole world shattered in pieces around him) (goldblum gave him a number to call to answer some questions but the poor guy's petrified) half of them are like "we thought you knew and were just trying to blend in!" and half are like "we were trying to figure out how to tell you!!" and it's just this mess of supportive-but-worried chaos.

...and anton, betrayed, off-kilter, already primed to question the programming of the last year or so has some people to help set him on the right track.

this ALSO sets us up for a thing. :) a thing where maybe goldblum looks the other way (an actual acknowledgement by the still-shitty cops in this shitty cop show of how awful the situation is) or there's a terribly unfortunate powercut and a few of the initiates get to pay virgil a visit.

they admit it to anton while very drunk a year or so later and he laughs so hard he cries <3

#I sat on this for too long and it grew extra thoughts but pls feel free to play with whatever bits you want to #the thought of anton the actual real sort-of-vampire with fake vampire fangs (like a numpty) is just incredibly funny to me #the real vampirism was inside him all along & the real coven was the friends he made along the way etc #lost children of the blood #orig #also carefully excised the word 'cult' from this post because I'm not sure it counts if most of the members are #secretly laughing at the leader. sorry virgil you're just not that impressive.#the show never CALLS it a cult anyway just like it never calls it an abusive relationship #and the cult dynamics are way more Implied Not Shown than the abusive relationship imo #so I guess this is also ''anton and the murder victims are actually the only ones having a really bad time'' au #poor sarah and kyle showed up at a legit vampire club and got scooped up #by a human serial killer dipshit and his clueless half-vamp lieutenant. they just got That Unlucky.#this is a shaky crack au based on an already shaky canon it's fiiiine

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