#bx angst

[restlessmaknae]

came the light // lee byounggon [bx]

As a princess in exile with a bad reputation, you can't understand why Byounggon would want to spend time with you, but there's no stopping him, let alone the feelings that he evokes in you.

➳ Characters: magical medic!Byounggon x princess!reader/you

➳ Genre: romance, fantasy, magical realism, kingdom au, angst, fluff

➳ Words: 10.2k

➳ Warning: mentions of fire, having a fever, arranged marriages, a prince grabs reader by the wrist without permission

➳ Spotify playlist (title is taken from 'Here For You' by CIX)

➳ A/N: This story had the third most votes in my recent poll, so I hope it lives up to your expectations. 🥰 It can be read on its own or with Seunghun's or Jinyoung's stories which also take place in this universe. ❤️

➳ CIX taglist: @wccycc, @dat-town, @tsunchani, @s00buwu

You were 18 years old when your parents first tried to wed you off to a prince, but his timid self stood no chance against someone like you - someone whose words were like knives aimed perfectly at his heart, cutting into his insecurities and weaknesses. The wedding proposal was called off right after your first encounter with him.

You were 20 years old when your parents tried to wed you off to a prince from a different kingdom, hoping that the rumours about you that had spread over the years died down enough to not scare his family away. You might have spoken with knives, but Prince Sangdo didn’t obey any rules, he overruled them. Even if you asked him to keep his distance - to respect your privacy -, he didn’t listen to you. A week before the wedding was supposed to happen, he visited the palace, he visited you in your chambers uninvited, and what happened afterwards put an end to this wedding as well.

You didn’t regret it one bit - in fact, you wished Prince Sangdo could have rotted in a faraway place -, but it was you who was sent far away from your kingdom, from the cages of the palace where you had grown up. You were sent to Medicalia - the kingdom where some people possessed magical healing powers. Magical medicine was mostly used on the members of the Medicalia royal court including the royal family and the royal army, plus magical creatures that lived in the woods or in the mountains - such as fairies, unicorns and werewolves - or serving the kingdom - such as dragons guarding the palace. Magical medicine was also extremely rare since only magic practitioners could deal with it because they were the ones born with the ability to tame magic, but even they needed thorough practice and extensive training to be able to make use of their abilities to their full potential.

At least, that’s what you were told when you were ordered to pack up and leave after an exchange of letters between the two kingdoms. The magic in your kingdom - Animalia - lied in the ability to tame and speak to animals, and that’s exactly why most kingdoms were always indebted to you. You sent people to other kingdoms to tame their animals - such as the dragons guarding the royal palaces and the unicorns that had an excellent smell to detect magical plants - you shared your magic with them whereas it was extremely rare for other kingdoms to share their magic with others. For instance, Medicalia reserved their magical medics for the royal court while Naturalia boosted the magic of nature, and the trading of their magical plants was limited to their kingdom only.

That’s why it was ridiculously easy to send you into exile in another kingdom, and the only thing your father - the King - said before leaving was to not make more trouble. You were sent off in a carriage with a coachman and a servant, not even a royal guard was sent with you. Then again, what could they possibly guard? You weren’t worth their protection, for sure. You didn’t need to be told that you were only one mistake away from being disowned by your own parents since you were an asset, nothing else. A strategic move, the key to a strengthened connection between kingdoms and a woman forced into producing heirs.

The carriage suddenly came to a halt, but since the curtains were closed, you couldn’t peek outside. Based on the coachman’s muffled conversation from outside, you had a feeling that you were about to go through the gates of Medicalia’s royal court as it was around time you arrived.

A few minutes later, the carriage stopped again, but this time, there was a thud as the coachman got off the carriage and opened the door. He reached his hand out to help you down before doing the same for the servant girl they sent with you.

“They have sent word that we arrived, so they will be here soon to guide you to your… new home,” the elderly man laughed nervously after he stumbled upon the word. Indeed, what could he call it? Home? Runaway hideout? Prison?

You could feel the curious eyes on you as you stood there with the coachman and the servant girl in front of the carriage with your kingdom’s symbol painted over it, waiting for someone to show you to your place. Even though it was kept secret why you were coming here in the first place, you knew that these things didn’t stay a secret for long - at least, not in your kingdom.

“Is she the princess from Animalia?”

“She looks younger than I thought.”

“Is it true that she nearly killed a prince?”

You looked the woman in the eye who asked the last question, and she immediately sealed her lips, grabbing the arm of the woman beside her and turning around to go in the opposite direction. Your gaze didn’t waver, you looked straight into the wandering eyes of the strangers - court ladies, soldiers and servants passing by - with your chin up high. You only seemed weak when you let it show, and you didn’t let it show.

Most, if not all, people looked away when you caught their eyes, and it was almost amusing how they scampered away when they realised that you heard them. So naive of them to assume that you shut not just your ears but your eyes to the rumours around you.

There was one particular boy - a young man probably around your age - who stopped dead in his tracks when he caught sight of you, squinting his eyes at you. You looked back at him, taking in the messy midnight locks that stuck to his forehead, his sharp jawline that was in contrast to the bright, gentle edge to his almond-shaped eyes, his plump lips that failed to curl into a disapproving line like most people’s who caught your eyes. He wore a burgundy-black tunic that seemed to match the ones others were wearing around you, but it seemed more practical with its bat-wing sleeves than elegant, so you had a feeling that he wasn’t of royalty.

You tilted your head, still keeping the eye-contact, and that’s when he looked away as if he was suddenly reminded of why he was passing by, and started running again. You furrowed your eyebrows in question. What was that about?

You shook your head as a court lady came up to you to assist you with your baggage and show you to your place. You had a medium-sized room to yourself in the court with a bathroom attached to it, the rooms on your end still unoccupied and waiting for possible future guests, except for the one that they reserved for the servant girl who came with you. You were told that the Queen would welcome you the following day, and the same court lady who escorted you would bring you breakfast, lunch and dinner from the royal court kitchen, you wouldn’t need to fetch it yourself.

You thanked the young woman with a bow and a polite smile, and you saw surprise flash across her orbs as she let you settle into your new room. You didn’t ponder over the change in her expression for long, you were used to it after all. The cautious glances in your direction, the nasty gossip behind your back, and the sugarcoated words to coax you into a favour.

Too bad you weren’t one to play the dumb and ignore it all, you stood up for yourself, but that’s exactly what your parents disapproved of, that’s exactly why you were here.

Days passed by, and you seemed to fall into a routine in the meantime. In the morning, you would go for a walk in the garden of the royal court, sitting by the pond as the sun rose on the horizon, breaking the plain surface of the water into many different colours of ripe orange, rose-gold and wild apple-red. The court was tranquil at this time around, and that’s exactly what you needed. Apart from the kitchen staff who woke up early to prepare breakfast, others weren’t up around this time, so you didn’t need to bear more curious glances and more nasty accusations.

After your morning stroll, you would head back to your room, have breakfast, then read until lunchtime. Afternoon was served for whatever purpose the palace had for you: the day after you arrived, you met the Queen, after that, you met Princess Jinhee, on the third day, you were shown to the library of the court (a smaller version of what the royal family had at the palace, but nevertheless as impressive), and today, you were on your way to meet with the ladies who took care of handiwork including embroidery, sewing and tailoring.

The Queen said that these first few days will be about showing you around the court, so you knew whom to ask in need of assistance, and so that the court members could become familiar with you. You didn’t ask whether it was to dissuade their gossip or not, but you didn’t need to know that. After all, it was a wise suggestion on her part, and it wasn’t something you had complaints about. Here, you could freely roam around (with your servants following you if needed), you could spend time reading and painting in your room, and no one would ask you why. Here, you could bathe and clean yourself, you could choose and put on your clothes yourself, you didn’t need others to do it for you. Here, you could eat whatever they offered you, your meals didn’t go through your mother’s restricting wishes.

This day too, you were followed by Huisoo - the servant girl who came from Animalia with you - and Sieun showed the way - the servant girl who was appointed to you in Medicalia - as always, but as you turned a corner, the young man with the squinted eyes from last time halted beside you, his mouth forming a big ‘O’ as he caught sight of you.

“Are you the princess from Animalia?” He asked enthusiastically, and if you didn’t know any better, you would assume that he had heard only good things about you before.

When you nodded, still cautiously watching out for the change in his body language, his lips curled into a smile, the kind that made his eyes disappear. Then, he put his hands on his abdomen before bowing in a 90 degree angle towards you. 

“My name is Lee Byounggon. I work as a magical medic for the royal family, so if you need any assistance magical medicine-wise, do not hesitate to ask for me,” he introduced himself when he straightened his back, the smile not fading from his lips. Despite his otherwise sharp and cold features from the day you had gotten here, he seemed gentle and warm now. The way he approached you also showed that he wasn’t one of those court members who passed by you as quickly as possible, he introduced himself head-on. He was the first one to do so which made you question:

“Aren’t you scared of me? You must have heard the rumours.”

Byounggon either didn’t seem fazed by your question or he was prepared for it because his facial expressions didn’t change. He was also really easy to read, something that you had not been so used to since so many in the royal circles put on facades to hide behind including you.

“You know… I have a special ability,” the magical medic took one tiny step towards you as if he was about to tell a secret. “I can see into people’s souls through their eyes,” he added with a smile, but you merely rolled your eyes. Even though you were not born and raised here, you knew that such magic didn’t exist here or anywhere else for that matter.

Byounggon also sensed that you didn’t believe him in the slightest because he burst into laughter in the next second, and only when he composed himself, did he continue.

“I’m just kidding, but really… you don’t look like you wanted to hurt that prince, not on purpose for sure,” he explained rather candidly, and you didn’t feel like he was lying. Lies could be covered up with smiles, laughs, sarcasm, diverting the topic or simply escaping the situation, but he… he didn’t look like he was telling a fib.

“You don’t know anything about me,” you pointed out rather coldly nevertheless, your tone intended to lash out at him.

“That’s exactly why I don’t believe the rumours. Why should I judge you when I don’t know you?”

You weren’t one to get surprised, but this did take you aback. The way he said it so unwaveringly was new, unfamiliar. You weren’t used to it, especially not after what had happened to Prince Sangdo. Byounggon didn’t seem like he had ulterior motives to be trusting you like that, but you couldn’t let your guard down over one supportive line.

So you excused yourself, explaining to the magical medic that you were on your way to the handiwork ladies, and told the servants that you could go on. The young man seemed saddened by your sudden announcement, but he did let you go, waving in your way as you were walking away from him.

You were sitting by the pond as always, watching the sunrise a few days later. It would be another day you spent away from Animalia, and you had this pang in your chest that you couldn’t explain. You didn’t miss how you used to live in that palace, you didn’t miss the bravado you had to put on to seem like an obedient, perfect little daughter, you didn’t miss the way you were mocked for not having magic in your veins when both your parents - your mother could tame fire because she was from Elementalia and your father could talk to animals because he was from Animalia - and your sister did. Until the day your magic had surfaced, at least. Afterwards, you were a curse, the mistake in the carefully crafted plans, the wrong in all the rights and the flaw in the flawless family.

You didn’t miss any of it, and yet… you couldn’t quite get used to the freedom that you had here. Despite the fact that you were in exile, you didn’t feel like a prisoner here. Sure, you weren’t invited to Prince Jinyoung and Princess Yunkyeong’s wedding because so many other royal families would be there, and it was your parents’ wish not to be seen at such events, but otherwise, you could be free. You were no one special here, and you liked it that way.

“Oh, I see someone else is also an early riser!”

A cheerful voice disrupted your silent pondering, and you snapped your head back at the sudden visitor. You let out a sigh when you locked eyes with the not so unfamiliar stranger, and turned back to the pond in front of you instead.

“You must have been deep in thought, you didn’t even see me walking towards you,” Byounggon continued despite your attempt at ignoring him, and he only halted when he reached you. You could feel his gaze on you, curious yet tentative, but you didn’t respond to it, you continued looking ahead.

“I was, and it’s because I’ve never met anyone here at this time of the day before.”

“Well, consider yourself lucky today,” the medic blabbered cheerily, and without thinking twice, he sat down on the bench beside you. When you finally looked at him - deeming his action rather brazen -, he was already looking at you, and when you locked eyes, he flashed you a dimpled smile. Why he was grinning at someone like you - a princess from a far away kingdom with a bad reputation, someone who had supposedly almost killed her husband-to-be - was beyond you. Did he have no care in the world? Did he have no fear? Was he merely naive?

“Are you that bored, or are you just set on annoying me?”

“Annoying you?” Byounggon’s smile faltered, his bright features darkening. He looked so hurt suddenly, you almost felt bad for implying something like that. “Am I really annoying you?” He inquired, blinking rapidly with his ocean-deep, jet-black orbs, swimming in genuine care. When you looked him in the eye, you felt like looking into something rare, something precious: like a gemstone containing unknown magic, hidden away from the world for its power. And you… you were probably the last person who was worthy of seeing such a treasure.

You cleared your throat and averted your eyes to the pond, unable to bear his gaze any longer.

“I’m not used to company around here, and I didn’t expect anyone today either,” you blurted out honestly, feeling exposed for what your words might indicate. Maybe the magical medic also felt the weight of it for he seemed compromising instead of butthurt or overly nosy.

“Well, I can leave if you want me to,” he suggested right away, and he got to his feet even before you could tell him to stop. However, when you did confess that he didn’t have to leave, you could feel the grin spreading on his face even without turning his way. Gosh, why did he have to smile so brightly all the time? It was so… unusual for you.

Instead, you asked him to tell you something that he felt like sharing. Like an arrow that was fired, the boy’s words came on suddenly and flew like a river. He didn’t seem to be able to stop from the moment he started talking about his best friend, Seunghun, who was a soldier here, and with whom he had a special connection. When he said that it was a secret why, you rolled your eyes, assuming that he was joking yet again.

However, after he shared with you that he had actually saved Seunghun’s life, you thought that maybe he wasn’t lying about it. Seunghun’s parents had died when their house had caught on fire, and he would have died with them too, but Byounggon - who had been a little boy back then just like Seunghun himself and who had been living close to Seunghun’s home - had noticed the fire and dragged the boy out while risking his own life. His magic had barely resurfaced before the incident, but it had come out in full-force while he had been trying to save Seunghun’s life.

Then, Seunghun ended up at the palace with Byounggon and Byounggon’s father - who was a magical medic himself -, and they had been friends ever since. The two of them with Prince Jinyoung used to play hide and seek in this very garden before, and while he was talking about his childhood days, his eyes twinkled in a different light.

“Have you had friends like that, too?” He posed the question in his good-willed innocence when you were at the topic, but you could merely scoff.

“No. I had no friends at the palace. I couldn’t even consider my sister my friend even though she is only two years older than me,” you confessed, your words loaded with bitter poison. You had always been pitted against each other with your sister, and even though you had tried to make her see you as more than just an enemy, your sister had never let you. So gone was the naive little girl who had believed that she could make everything right if she had given her share of the cake to her sister or to give her the brand new doll you had gotten for your birthday, and it was replaced with the girl who was too mature and wise for her age, nevertheless all too pessimistic.

“It must have been lonely,” Byounggon broke the silence suddenly, shattering your flashbacks into tiny little pieces. Reality struck you hard, his words even more so, and for a moment, you felt like you were about to cry. So you pressed your lips tight and dug your nails into your skin, holding it in.

The medic might have sensed your discomfort or he merely wanted to fill the silence. Nevertheless, he started talking about the upcoming Festival of Day and Light to change the subject, the usual yearly festival for the fall equinox, and why it was special for them. Supposedly, they commemorated the gift of light while also appreciating the fact that darkness was needed for light to exist, so they lit candles while thinking of their loved ones, wishing them a bright year. The best way to light candles was to put them in lanterns and to place them on the little boats that were waiting for them by the riverside, and to watch them float away.

“You should definitely come celebrate it with us. There’s always a fun celebration outside of the court, and there are all kinds of delicacies and music and…”

“Why would I go? It’s not my tradition to celebrate,” you cut off his enthusiastic chatter, but he just shrugged his shoulders, his casual way of handling your harsh words resurfacing yet again.

“I wasn’t notified that the fall equinox was created just for our kingdom,” he counter-attacked playfully, and even though you were about to open your mouth to go against him, you realised that you couldn’t. He was right.

Hence, you bit your tongue, and didn’t say anything, just let him talk about whatever came to his mind until you were called for breakfast by Huisoo who seemed quite surprised to see you talking to the medic by the pond. What could you say though? You were surprised, too.

Two weeks later, when you finally managed to fall asleep after tossing and turning in bed for hours, shivers running up and down your spine, you dreamed of a fire.

You were standing inside the fire, the flames dancing around you, and whenever you tried to move, they followed you as if they were your shadow. You looked left and right when you heard a cry on the other side of the fire, and even though you should have felt scorching hot, you could only feel icy numbness taking hold of your legs, unable to move. The cry grew louder and louder until you had to put your hands on your ears to block the frantic sound out. Then, someone called your name, and when you tried to block it out too, invisible arms started shaking you. You fought back, tears pricking your ears, but the arms just wouldn’t let go.

Your eyes bolted open at that moment, but you didn’t feel any better. In fact, you felt even hotter than in that fire, and when you looked at the figure standing above you, his arms holding onto your shoulders, you realised that the part about being shaken must have been real. So had been the part about someone calling your name.

“Princess Y/N, it’s me. Huisoo told me that you weren’t feeling well last night, and you didn’t show up at the pond today, so I came by to see if I could help,” Byounggon explained slowly, gently, as if talking to a child. Then, when he caught sight of you staring at his arms on your shoulder, he let go of you, albeit a bit embarrassed.

You just blinked at him, trying to focus on his face instead of letting the nightmares take hold of you again, but it was difficult when all you wanted to do was to close your eyes and lie in bed. Your head was throbbing, your whole body was quivering, and the last thing you wanted to do was to have a conversation with Byounggon even though he seemed genuinely concerned about you.

“Where does it hurt? How long have you been having a fever?” He asked seriously once you regained more consciousness, and even though you were reluctant to tell him because you didn’t want his help, you were too run down to care.

So you told him that your joints had been hurting since last night, just before dinner, and you had a fever since midnight or dawn, you couldn’t tell because you had been drifting out of dreams (or more like nightmares) for the most part. Byounggon insisted on helping you after hearing about your symptoms, but you declined, saying that you had been used to dealing with such things on your own in your kingdom.

“Does it mean that I have to watch you suffer just because that’s what you’ve been used to?” The medic exclaimed, rather desperate, and even though you knew all too well what he was referring to, you couldn’t help but feel exposed. Wasn’t that what you were doing now? Suffering on your own, like the strong daughter and the perfect princess you had needed to become, just because you had never been treated otherwise? Because you could never show any sign of weakness, let alone accept someone’s assistance when they were willingly giving it to you?

“Fine. Do as you wish,” you gave in after defeating the voices in your head telling you not to let him help you. You were so tired, your body felt like it was twice its weight, and your eyes were heavy with sleep and the last remains of the terrifying nightmare you had, the last thing you felt like doing was arguing.

Byounggon immediately broke into a relieved smile, and as he was getting ready, he started talking about what he was about to do. Supposedly, one’s centre of energy was around their abdomen, so he needed to put his hand on your stomach to be able to heal your energy centre. If you had been in your right mind, you would have probably backed down on your word at this part, but you were still half-conscious, so you didn’t care, even when he touched you. He touched you so gently though, you could barely feel his featherlike touch.

He closed his eyes while he was working with his magic on healing you, and his lips sometimes twitched, probably from concentration. May it be because of his magic working or because you could look at him more closely like this as he was crouching down by your mattress, but you realised that there were dark circles under his eyes. You were reminded of what Sieun had told you a few days ago, that the magical medic had asked her about your daily schedule, especially about when you usually went to the pond. Sieun had told you that she didn’t know why he was asking, but you had a feeling why.

Byounggon must have been waking up earlier to talk with you by the pond, and the fact that he got worried because you had not been there this morning as you had done so for the past two weeks made you feel delirious, as if he was a poison you had a sweet taste of, but you couldn’t let yourself have more.

“It’s done,” the medic announced, dragging you out of your thoughts, and as your head cleared, you realised that your body felt light again. You put your hand to your forehead, but it didn’t feel hot. You pushed yourself up to a sitting position, and indeed, you didn’t feel feverish anymore. It was as if you had just woken from a good night’s sleep.

“Wow, princess, take it easy! You should still rest, you don’t want this illness to come back,” he advised, eyebrows furrowed in worry, and now that you had the energy to smile, you directed a friendly one at him.

“It’s alright. I feel good thanks to you,” you pointed out, and you saw how he tried to hide the grin that was creeping onto his lips. He failed though, alongside the pink that was tinting his cheeks, and the way he needed to clear his throat before he spoke up again.

“Well, it was nothing, really,” he shrugged off your compliment, averting his eyes elsewhere but your face. You were about to ask him to tell you how his magic worked when he caught sight of your paintings, the canvases resting by the wall.

“Did you paint them?” He inquired, a pure kind of curiosity lighting up in his eyes, and you didn’t have the heart to lie to him. So you told him the truth: that it was you, and that you had been painting for some time though your mother had never approved of it since she didn’t deem it appropriate for a princess who should have been learning how to engage in polite conversations and seducing princes instead of doing art.

“Seducing princes? Do you really learn that?” Byounggon asked, rather surprised, but there was a playful smile hiding in the corner of his lips. It seemed that even the medic himself couldn’t decide how much to believe your words.

“Well, she wanted me to. We had books on them in the library, and there was a teacher giving lessons on courting, but he only succeeded in teaching my sister. I made him give up after two lessons,” you shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly.

“Wow, you are so…”

“So?” You quirked an eyebrow challengingly when he seemed to search for the right words. Usually, when you gave people this look, they backtracked, and started babbling or changed the topic, but the medic didn’t.

“Admirable,” he decided on it a few seconds later, and your features softened. It was as if someone had offered you some quiet after the cacophony of the royal events you were forced to attend: you felt comforted, and your heavy heart felt a bit less tight. “I applaud you for how you speak your mind. I find it refreshing.”

You found his approachable personality refreshing too, but you couldn’t tell him that. After all, what good could that lead to? You had already let down your walls around him enough times, you were afraid that if he kept going, he would see behind that admirable facade, and see you as you were: terrified of history repeating itself and being far from perfect when it came to reciprocating other’s kindness. You didn’t deserve his care, you didn’t deserve his kindness.

Instead of commenting on his words, you asked if he had any duties he needed to attend to, and now that you reminded him, he realised that he should go to the palace indeed. However, before he could leave, you thanked him for healing you, and if anything, he gifted you with the widest smile you had seen on him.

“Anytime.”

Coming from him, accompanied by the comet of affection travelling through the galaxy of his jet-black orbs, somehow, you didn’t want to question the sincerity of his words.

The court was in a frenzy because of the upcoming wedding, but those who had some spare time still decided to go to the yearly Festival of Day and Light. You had contemplated not going, but when you asked Sieun about the festival, her whole face lit up, and you had a feeling that she would want to go.

So you told Sieun and Huisoo that you would head out to check out the festivities, but they could go their separate ways afterwards if they wanted to. The girls both objected fervently, but it was only until Huisoo was ever so obviously swept up by a handsome young man with shoulder-length hair at a flower stall, and the other met someone she had known before because then, both of them excused themselves. Which left you alone with the sugarcoated apple in your hand that you had bought for yourself - and one for either servant girl -, strolling around the main market square where the festival took place.

There were all kinds of games for kids who ran around without a care in the world while their parents were running after them or cheering them on. Beside the games, stalls of delicacies - ranging from sugared fruit to freshly-baked bread and dried figs coated in cinnamon - were lined up like tiny little stars dotted on the canvas of cobblestones. Beside the riverside, people either lit up candles or placed them on the little boats that waited by the sides just like Byounggon had told you so. The whole festival was full of cheers, laughter and life, topped by white and yellow decorations in the shape of the Sun, the Moon and the stars.

Despite being an outsider, you could feel the kingdom pulsing with the energy of its people, bright and cheerful. When you had been living in Animalia, you had visited the festivities outside of the palace maybe once or twice as a kid, so to be able to see how ordinary people celebrated such a meaningful time here warmed your heart. Suddenly, you felt like you were being surrounded by a community instead of being left alone in the vastness of the icy, jarring unknown.

Maybe it was because of the sentiment or because of the eager ladies by the riverside handing out candles, but you found yourself lighting up one of them when you found a part of the riverside that wasn’t as crowded as others.

“You do know that you need to make a wish when you light a candle. Otherwise, it will be pretty but less meaningful,” a familiar voice spoke up from behind you, and you hid the smile that was creeping onto your lips with a frown.

“You do know that you seem to spend an awful lot of time with me these days,” you pointed out when Byounggon halted beside you, and flashed you a wide smile, the kind that turned his eyes into little crescents resembling the moon above you.

“I am just keeping an eye on you. I wouldn’t want a princess to be sick again or to be sick of boredom,” he retorted cheekily, and you bit your cheek to not smile back at him as brightly as you could. He kept his eyes on you, and the way the moonlight reflected in his orbs and cupped his features in a magnificent halo mesmerised you for a moment. He didn’t need light to shine, he was so bright, so full of life either way, but under the crafted lines of the moon, you wondered what it would be like to make a painting of him one day - and whether you could capture his features as gracefully as your eyes did now.

Byounggon did develop a habit of accompanying you on your morning stroll. Sometimes he was early, more often he was late, but he did show up every day without fail. When you questioned if he had nothing better to do, he said no, and that he was actually looking for company for his morning walks, too. If you hadn’t heard from Sieun that the medic had specifically asked her about your morning visits to the court garden, you might have believed him, but since the servant girl’s remark, you couldn’t have fought the seed of hope that was blooming in your chest.

You let him join you, and you let him talk. You got to know all kinds of stories regarding court life here, and childhood stories of his soldier friend, Seunghun, and Prince Jinyoung, more or less funny ones that cracked up the medic, too. You also got to know about current affairs of the kingdom, and how Prince Jinyoung’s heart was someone else’s, but he couldn’t love her fully because he was going to marry a princess for a favourable trade deal. When you inquired if the wedding could be called off because of the prince’s feelings, Byounggon shook his head, a bitter smile tinting his lips - something that you had ever so scarcely seen on him. You hadn’t been in Prince Jinyoung’s shoes because you had never wanted to sacrifice an arranged marriage for a genuine love, but you could understand why it was difficult for him to marry for convenience.

You liked when Byounggon was talking because you could get to know about how things worked in the kingdom, but you could also get to know about him and his (adorably) gullible personality and his (precious) big heart. Once you realised that his intentions were truly pure, you let yourself be comfortable around him, including this day.

“So you came here to make a wish?” You quirked an eyebrow when you caught sight of a candle in his hands. The medic let out a deep, joyous laughter before answering.

“Well, I came here because I saw you, but yes, I also have a wish,” he flashed you a wide grin, and as he crouched down to put his candle into a lantern, you couldn’t help but ask:

“What are you wishing for?”

“It’s a secret,” he winked at you playfully. If he had been someone else, you would have probably felt offended by the gesture. However, it was him, and you knew him well enough by now, so you merely rolled your eyes at his antics.

“Fine. I won’t tell you mine either,” you retorted with a huff as you followed suit, and lit your own candle. He helped you put yours into a lantern, and placed them beside his own on a nearby boat. You waited a few minutes until the boat was filled up with lanterns and a man pushed the boat off the railing to let it float, to let it get further away from you while you were making a wish.

You watched it go with a sentimental smile, thinking of how much had changed in the last few months, so that you could be a part of a festival like this and wish to have many more moments like this - when you forgot about who you were, and let yourself be, let yourself rest after carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

“You seem to be happy now,” Byounggon remarked gently, quietly, no hint of playfulness in his voice after a few moments of utter silence. You looked at him, humming a yes, and let out a long sigh. When you inhaled, it felt like breathing in a whole new flavour of air.

“Is it because of me?”

Now Byounggon was teasing, his lips quirked up, but you had a feeling that he was doing it on purpose because he was way too pleased with himself when you laughed at the sudden change of the mood.

“Do you think it’s because of you?” You asked back, equally as curious as challenging. You knew that the medic would answer no matter your tone because he always did, and you liked that about him: that he was willing to speak his mind, even if it meant that he embarrassed himself because of his silly antics or that he made your heart flutter with a genuine compliment of his.

“I would like to think that, at least partly, it’s because of me,” Byounggon played along, theatrically placing a hand above his heart. He tried to remain serious, his features unwavering, but his lips twitched slightly, and his whole demeanour changed when he heard music coming from the main market square. They started playing a song - unknown to you, of course - on the drums and there was probably a little bit of guitar as well, and some instrument that you couldn’t quite put a finger on. Byounggon’s face immediately lit up hearing the melody, and it only took a few seconds until he bolted off, exclaiming that you should join him dancing while he was running off.

You followed him swiftly, and watched as he joined the circle of people who started dancing to the music. There were older people, younger ones, even little children, men and women alike, and the different colour and design of their clothes indicated that they were from different classes. You caught sight of Huisoo and the pretty boy from the flower stall in the crowd, and something in you twisted when you looked at them - so carefree, so joyful, so present in the given moment.

Then, Byounggon suddenly showed up by your side, and reached his hand out to you when the music stopped. You looked down at the boy’s hand, then up at him, into his almond-shaped eyes, and your first instinct was to shake your head and tell him no. The medic’s smile didn’t falter despite your hesitation, and maybe that’s what prompted you to take his hand and join him.

No one threw you a nasty glance, no one judged you for being there, no one cared, and honestly, that was the most reassured you felt for a long time. With your hand in Byounggon’s and in a little girl’s on your other side, you followed their lead and mimicked their dance moves. One after another, one after another, and then you lost count of the steps as you got swept up in the stomping footsteps and the echoing melodies.

You didn’t know how much time passed by - it could have been minutes or hours, you couldn’t tell -, but when the dance was over, and Byounggon inquired if you wanted to head back to the court together, you immediately said yes. It was only after a few seconds that you realised that the medic still didn’t let go of your hand, and you watched him take it away with a coy smile and a scratch of his neck.

And that’s when you realised that he was actually right: that he was a part of why you were happy here.

Prince Jinyoung and Princess Yunkyoung’s wedding took place as planned, and since Sieun was obligated to join because she was a part of the royal court here, you told Huisoo that she could spend this day however she wanted, you would be fine on your own. You didn’t like asking them for favours either way; since your mother’s watching eyes weren’t on you, you enjoyed that you could cater for yourself, and didn’t require their services as much. Both girls objected at first, saying that you were too generous, that’s why you started asking them to accompany you when they could break free from their role a bit - like at the festival when they could join the crowd or when you started going to the court kitchen to eat together with others instead of having your meals delivered to your room -, and you had a feeling that Huisoo would take the opportunity to meet up with the pretty flower stall boy from the festival.

That left you with much free time on your hands, preferably spent alone in your room, so you couldn’t bump into your mother who would attend the wedding and be reprimanded for being in the public’s eye. You spent the morning working on a painting of the riverside on the day of the festival, illuminated by the mysterious moon, and you spent the afternoon reading a book on the many magical creatures of the kingdom. You did have quite a few of them at Animalia too, but Medicalia boosted a high number of creatures that you had only heard of before, yet never seen them - such as phoenixes, kitsunes and caladriuses which supposedly had healing powers.

You were in the middle of reading a chapter about phoenixes when you heard a knock on your door. Expecting it to be one of the servants, you told them that they could come inside, but the knocking persisted. Hence, you rose to your feet from your crouching posture, and stepped up to the door to open it. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw who was behind it.

“Mother!” You breathed out in shock, not expecting her to pay a visit to you after the wedding ceremony. She was all dolled up for the event, but the evident frown on her face ruined the innocence of the swan-white outfit she put on.

She walked into the room with much disgust in her eyes, and only after you closed the door, did she turn around to face you. You could already tell that she was frustrated, her feelings shown in the tight lines of her lips and the way she squinted her eyes at you. Not to mention her thundering voice when she spoke up.

“Didn’t I tell you not to cause trouble here? Didn’t I specifically ask you to not use your powers here?” She spat the questions like venom, her words sending a bullet through your heart one after another.

“I do not understand, Mother,” you answered, your heart wrenching at the thought that she could assume something like this when you had nothing to be ashamed of. You had not caused any trouble here, and you had never used your powers ever since you had entered Animalia. Even though it had been tempting because you had wanted to see what you could do with it if you had put effort into practising, but you had to bury the thought as soon as it was born.

“Oh, come on, you’re not a child anymore! Don’t play the innocent kid with me,” your mother striked again, and took a step closer to you, looking straight into your eyes when she continued. “There was a fire a few days ago in the palace’s kitchen. I’ve heard that they haven’t found what caused it yet, though it could have been simply out of negligence. With you being here, I don’t think it was accidental.”

For a moment, you had no idea what to say. Then, you felt your blood rise as you balled your hands into fists. Just how could she assume something like that on her own when you were totally innocent? Just how low could she stoop to make you play the bad guy when the fire in your room at the Animalia palace wouldn’t have broken out if it hadn’t been for Prince Sangdo’s lack of manners? Not to mention who was to blame for your powers? Wasn’t it your mother who came from Elementalia and had the power to tame fire?

“Do you really think I visit the palace each and every day, just to burn something there? Do you really think of me so lowly? I have not even set foot in the palace for a month, let alone create a fire in the kitchen, but if you want to blame someone, sure, blame me. That does not mean I am guilty,” you objected fervently, but before she could open her mouth to say something more, you continued. “I wish you would have made a scene like this when Prince Sangdo had come into my room and grabbed my wrist when I had asked him not to touch me that night. If I was guilty then, you would have had your reason to blame it on me now. But I was innocent and I am innocent now, it is only your perception of me that always makes me the bad one in your eyes. The child that does not sit back and watch injustice without speaking up about it, the daughter that would choose painting over marrying a prince, and the girl who did not seem to inherit your powers until she did, and then, you wished she hadn’t.”

Your words flew like the river during a storm - waves crushing violently, heavy winds catching the surface ever so indignantly -, and it felt like there was a thunderstorm in your heart. You wanted to fight, to punch the walls, to knock over the shelves around you - anything to make your mother go away, alas, you could only fight back with your words, and they even didn’t seem to reach her. If anything, they made her even angrier, no sign of remorse in her eyes.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that! A princess knows where to draw the line, but you… you are out of your mind, and being away from Animalia didn’t seem to help either. And I thought-”

Your mother’s words were interrupted by a few rhythmic knocks on the door, and you both snapped your head towards the sound.

“Princess Y/N, it’s time for your lesson,” a familiar voice called, and despite the fact that you had no lesson, let alone with him, you didn’t want to object. Your mother didn’t seem to think it through either, instead, she let out an offended huff and murmured into your ears before leaving:

“Don’t think that you can come back anytime soon with that attitude.”

You gulped down the knot in your throat as you watched her leave, and turned around to be with your back to the door, so that Byounggon wouldn’t see the way your hands were shaking when he came inside your room. You heard him close the door behind him, and fumble with something before he dared to ask:

“Are you okay?”

“How much did you hear?” You retorted back, standing by the walls with your back to him. You tried your best to hold back your tears, but you weren’t sure that you were doing a good job because you could feel your eyes watering despite your best efforts.

“Uhmm… I think everything,” Byounggon admitted after a long pause. You closed your eyes for a moment, the first teardrop rolling down your cheeks, leaving a cold streak behind on your warm cheeks. “I saw your mother leaving the ceremony, and I had a feeling that she would come to you, but I wasn’t sure. So I followed her here. I know it sounds very bad, but I was afraid that she would… do something to upset you or hurt you because you told me that she was the one who wanted to send you away, and I don’t know what exactly happened, at least I didn’t know until now, but I knew you didn’t deserve it, and it really seems you didn’t. And I just… I wanted to protect you from her. I’m sorry I was late,” he rambled incredibly fast, and the more he talked, the more heavily your tears were following.

You couldn’t understand how someone who had never met you could trust you and believe in your innocence even before you had met for the first time. On the contrary, your mother had blamed you for everything, and she had known the full story. How could someone be so pure to you? How could Byounggon care about you so genuinely, so selflessly? He didn’t have anything to gain from caring about you, yet he did so, and it just broke your heart even more.

You heard the medic take a few steps towards you, and when he halted beside you in a safe distance, he immediately caught sight of your silent sobbing. You looked at him from behind the curtain of your tears, watching how he was trying to gesture with his hands, but was unable to decide what to do. So you decided instead of Byounggon himself, and stepped up to him to embrace him.

“Thank you,” you croaked out, your voice coming out a lot more strained and fragile than you wanted to.

You could feel him loosen up, and slowly, gently, he put his arms around your frame, patting your back while you cried against his chest. He was warm, he was warmth itself, and you wanted to get lost in his touch, in his arms, in his voice.

“It’s okay. You can cry with me,” he murmured into your hair, his voice rid of any playfulness or teasing.

Tears like pearls fell onto the silk of his shirt, leaving behind more than just wet stains - leaving behind the last walls that you had been keeping up around yourself to protect yourself, all crumbled down now, and the stories he had never heard before, neither had you shared with anyone else since leaving your kingdom.

The following days, you were cautious about meeting Byounggon, secretly terrified that he would see you as a horrible person, that he wouldn’t understand your pain, and you would end up feeling lonelier than ever before. You had never opened up to someone like on the day of the wedding, and you were afraid that you would need to rebuild your walls, and never let anyone in, ever again.

On the other hand, Byounggon acted the same way, if not more protective over you. He highlighted how much people liked you here in the court, especially since the festival when you had gone out to celebrate with ordinary people, and how your own kingdom didn’t deserve you if they turned their back on you when you had wanted to protect yourself. What’s more, he pointed out that he would have been delighted to meet someone like you when he had been a child because taming fire would have meant that you could have helped save Seunghun’s parents when he had managed to save Seunghun only. Sure, power might come with great responsibility, but it wasn’t your fault that your power had surfaced at a time like that. It merely showed that you had been desperate back then, and no one had paid attention to that part of the story, they had been too quick to send you away.

You felt yourself becoming softer and softer towards the medic afterwards because he was everything you had never had the chance to have - the shoulder to cry on, the one who understood your body language even when words failed you, the boy who always asked for your permission when he wanted to come closer to you or hold your hand, and the one who would fight for you through thick and thin. You had never met a more considerate, more gentle soul, and even his goofy self was endearing to you.

Even when he claimed that he didn’t steal a flower (that allegedly resembled you in his eyes) from the court garden (“because it wasn’t considered stealing if he was on good terms with the gardeners”); even when he managed to fall into the pond when he got scared by a bee during one of your morning strolls, and even when he ran all the way from the palace to you because he thought that you were the one who came down with something in the court, sweating bucks because running wasn’t his forte, your feelings towards him grew stronger and stronger.

Not to mention the time he shared with you the secret he had been keeping about his friend, Seunghun. When he had first talked about the soldier, you had assumed that he had been joking when he had claimed that the reason their relationship was special was a secret. However, when he let you know that by saving Seunghun, he managed to keep him alive as a phoenix, it all made more sense. You could also understand why he was keeping it a secret because phoenixes didn’t have human forms, at least not ones that the books knew of.

You knew the part of the story that Seunghun’s parents had died when their house had caught on fire, and he would have died with them too, but Byounggon had noticed the fire and dragged the boy out while risking his own life. His magic had barely resurfaced back then, but it had come out in full-force as he had been trying to save Seunghun’s life. Since he hadn’t known at first just how much he could have helped the almost burned boy, he had also applied fireflower on his wounds - the flower that was born after fires, so interestingly so, it was almost like a phoenix, born after turning to ashes.

In a way, Byounggon tied himself to Seunghun by saving him because his magic continued to live inside his friend’s body, and whenever the soldier was hurt, it was only Byounggon who could heal him completely. At least, until Seunghun was saved by a girl, and her magic saved him just like the medic’s magic had saved him when they had been young. Ever since then, their magical bond might have faded, but their friendship stayed the same.

You even met the so-called soldier friend and his girlfriend at the court, and after a while, it became a habit of yours to have dinner with them alongside Huisoo, Sieun and the medic himself. You felt light whenever you were around them, that’s why you didn’t take it to heart when they started teasing you or Byounggon who was clumsily trying to get closer to you. Bit by bit, you let him get closer, but you needed to be the one to take the final step nevertheless.

“Byounggon, we need to talk,” you told him one morning, sitting by the pond while the sun was just rising on the horizon.

“T-talk?” He stuttered, extremely nervous for someone who was usually so chatty, but maybe he sensed the serious edge to your words, and he was scared by what was to come.

All was well though, so he was scared for nothing. Your parents had previously sent a letter to the royal family of Medicalia, telling them to take care of you for at least a year more until your sister could settle down with her husband, and you had a feeling that meant that you would never be welcomed in Animalia again. Hence, you had the permission to stay here longer, and you tried to be useful by applying to become an arts teacher in the court. You had your first lessons with the cousins of Prince Jinyoung and Princess Jinhee not too long ago, and it proved to be a success, so that was taken care of.

Nevertheless, you had a feeling that the boy might have thought that you would need to go back to Animalia or worse, marry a prince from a far-away kingdom. Thankfully, neither of them were likely to happen anytime soon, but it warmed your heart how worried he got.

“Yes. I want to talk about you and me,” you broke it down to him, but if anything, that just made him appear more appalled. He visibly gulped, but his eyes were still on you, intent and curious.

“Suuure. Go ahead,” he prompted semi-confidently, and you reached out to put your hand on his, to soothe his nerves. You could tell that it had its effect on him because his lips immediately curved upwards, and he squeezed your hand to hold onto you more tightly.

“I want to thank you for waiting for me,” you started sincerely, but the talkative person he was, he couldn’t help himself, but to interrupt you.

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I? I’m not like that horrible prince who deserves the absolute worst, he deserves to-” He started getting riled up again, something that he always did when you mentioned some injustice you had encountered at the Animalia palace or he thought of Prince Sangdo. You were sure that he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back if he were to ever encounter the said prince, but thankfully, there was little to no chance of that happening.

“I love you, Byounggon,” you announced, loud and proud, and the medic’s mouth stayed open, probably because he was in the middle of his monologue, but also because he was surprised by your sudden confession. Then, he closed his mouth, his features softening, and he immediately threw his arms around you.

“I love you, too. Gosh, I love you so much!” He shrieked excitedly like a little kid, and hugged you tighter than ever before. You smiled to yourself while he was holding you, amused (and bewitched) at the way he kept saying ‘I love you’ like he would never want to stop.

He couldn’t stop even when Sieun and Huisoo walked by, and they tried to sniffle their giggles while watching you two embrace each other in the middle of the blooming garden, bathed in the rays of the sunrise.

“I’ve told you he liked her when he asked about her morning strolls,” Huisoo told Sieun as they were heading towards the kitchen while the other girl just let out an amused laugh.

“Sure, Miss Matchmaker. What about your flower boy though? What was his name again? Leewoo? Leehan?” Sieun teased her and smacked the girl in the side, playful as ever.

“Ssshh,” Huisoo shushed her, pretending to stay nonchalant about the topic, but she couldn’t help a smile creeping onto her lips as she said: “Well, love might be in the air for everyone.”

A/N: Thank you so much for reading my story! I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think in the comments or as reblogs. I always read them and react to them. 🥰

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for CIX or for other bands, consider signing up for my taglist here.

Hope you have a lovely day/night! *-*

[dat-town]

in your eyes, i see another me

Characters: Byounggon & female reader

Setting & genre: angst, hurt/comfort, set in the world of Save Me Kill Me MV

Summary: After 6 years, you come back to Korea and take your sister's place. You discover more secrets than you would have ever thought so. Maybe you didn’t know her as well as you believed.

Warnings: mentions of suicide (Yonghee's), attempted suicide (minor character), bullying, parents' divorce and neglectful behaviour (MC's), deceased parents (not MC's), academic pressure, depression (not MC’s), anti-depressant pills, invasion of privacy (between siblings), arson, theft ‒ if any of these topics are triggering for you, please don’t interact with the fic. if you would like to know what to expect under any warning beforehand, feel free to send me an ask

International suicide hotline: https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/

Words: 11.9k

Author’s note: Heavily inspired by the CIX story films and Save Me Kill Me MV, so the boys' characters resemble that more than their idol personality. The story takes place in the next school term, which I decided to make the senior year, after the MV's events. According to this, Yonghee's character never wakes up, so this is partly about the aftermath, sorry. Furthermore, the reader’s arc was inspired by the Thai drama called Not Me. No need to know it in order to understand the story but if you do, know that I took the twin thing and ran with it.

Title taken from Ateez’s Dazzling Light.

For @restlessmaknae, sorry for the angst (again) <3 (also it was actually hard to choose a guy for this story because you are soft for all of them but the mv and @lily-blue helped)

You used to have this game with your sister: you switched places and waited how long it took for people to figure it out.

Being identical twins, you looked pretty much the same. Even if your behavior had a stark contrast – where she was sharp and brave, you were timid and careful –, you could deceive people easily. Sometimes even when you looked into the mirror you used to be unsure whether the one you saw was her or you. It was in a way a frail attempt of trying to remember her, trying to imagine how she grew up while you were separated.

The divorce was ugly. Lots of yelling and plate breaking. It was better this way but you didn't expect losing half your family, too. You moved to London with your mom and Jieun stayed in Seoul with your dad, cutting off all contact. You were twelve then.

Eighteen when Jieun jumped from a bridge.

It was the first time you heard your father's voice in the last six years. It was also the first time since their divorce that you heard your mother cry. The next day after the call the two of you got on a plane and within 48 hours, you were back in Korea, back in your childhood room that now had more makeup than teddy bears. Jieun never liked soft things anyway.

She was always tough in your memories yet she looked so vulnerable in the hospital bed, tied to machines, unconscious. You couldn't help but wonder about the reasons. Why would she do such a thing? You had a fairly wealthy family and she was said to be a good student. What could possibly make her do it, to give it all up? You had no idea and it frustrated you to no end. It was like you didn't even know your sister and sadly, it was exactly the case. That last six years put the world between you.

It was an impulse decision, such a Jieun thing to do, when you visited a hairdresser and had your long hair cut shoulder-length like hers with bangs you had never had since you were fourteen. You also went to get your ears pierced and put in one pair of her earrings. You looked the same once again. Your mom almost fainted when she saw what you did. But at least you felt closer to Jieun somehow.

The questions kept you up all night even if you knew you wouldn't get your answers staring at the ceiling of her room. You went through her drawers first then her phone. She had an unanswered call from a boy named Seunghun from the night she had jumped. And a bunch of photos with a group of boys, all wearing the same school uniform as hers. You stared at Jieun's untouched school clothes hanging from her wardrobe door and made your decision.

So far in your senior year, your school in England let you take the classes and tests online, not real time though due to the time zone difference, so you were mostly at home while your parents were either at work or in the hospital. You didn't think they would even notice you leaving. So the next day, you put on Jieun's uniform and name tag, then left for her school.

Korean high school life was both the same and very different from the UK one at the same time. You tried your best blending in. Even more so because you knew that your parents didn't want to shout out to the world what had happened, so the school only knew that Jieun was on sick leave. Divorced parents was enough of a stain on the perfect family picture but a daughter with suicide attempt would have been worse. You thought it was ridiculous, that they were still so afraid of losing face when their daughter was in coma due to the head injury she had. But their arrogance came in handy to you because this way nobody was too shocked to see Jieun – you – back at school so quickly.

"Jieun-ah!" Came the voice from behind and you were so lost in your thoughts, trying hard to not look like a sore thumb sticking out as you were looking for the classroom of 3–2 class, that you forgot that you should have reacted to your sister's name like you did to yours. The boy didn't take it to heart though, he came up to you from behind and threw an arm over your shoulder which made you flinch but he didn't seem to notice that as he smiled down at you brightly under his fluffy hair hanging into his eyes. "Hey, are you feeling better now? Mr. Lee said you were sick but you didn't reply in the groupchat."

Oh the dozens of unread messages on Jieun's phone? You couldn't make yourself read them, not yet. It probably would have been wiser to do so before you walked into the school wearing her name tag but strangely, out of all the things you did, reading over her private messages would have felt the most like invading her privacy.

"Ah, I'm good but my phone seems to be acting up, I need to take it to the service," you lied but tried to make it sound natural and casual but you had a feeling that you sounded a bit nervous. Gosh, Jieun would have never. Hopefully it could be written off as her being sick for a while.

"Oh, okay. I just got worried when I called you and you didn't answer. After what happened with Yonghee last year…" he trailed off and you used his momentary distraction to glance down at his name tag. Kim Seunghun indeed. So he was the one who called Jieun on that day and since he said he was worried, they must have been close.

You had no idea what had happened with that so-called Yonghee though but you couldn't ask about that. It seemed important to Seunghun and you were sure Jieun would have known about it. You made a mental note to look into it but first you had a class and you still didn't find the right classroom.

"Did I miss a lot?" You asked vaguely enough, so the boy could interpret it as in studies or in the previously mentioned group chat too.

"Not really but you should ask Hyunsuk or Byeol for notes if you want them. We all will meet after classes anyways," Seunghun hummed and still with his arm's weight around you, he guided you through the corridors, chatting your ears off about this new choreography his dance class was learning. Huh, pretending to be your sister seemed easier than you thought.

The Korean education system was stricter than the British one you got accustomed to but the hardest part of it was the language. The sinus-cosinus definition wasn't really part of your native language vocabulary that you used with your mom while being abroad. The teacher wasn’t so supportive either, you got reprimanded for not catching up quick enough after your sick leave. Jeez, did they think you were machines, all fine after rebooting? You clenched your hand into a fist, suppressing the urge to yell at her that Jieun was in a freaking coma because she had tried to take her own life and the homework was all she cared about? You had been brought close to tears just by the reminder of what happened to your sister but nobody cared. The teacher called out another student’s name and you cast your eyes down, feeling the weight of Seunghun’s worried gaze on you. He didn’t say anything even if he thought that you were acting out of character.

“Jieun-ah! I’m so glad you’re back,” Thin arms embraced you tighter than you would have expected from them when you got up from your desk after the torturous Maths class. You peeked down at the petite girl with long hair and reserved smile as she stepped back. Behind her stood the tallest boy of the class, a lopsided smile playing on his lips shyly. “I should have sent you the schoolwork material but you went MIA and we didn’t know when you would be back.”

“Her phone broke,” Seunghun piped in as he slid to sit on your – Jieun's – desk, the casual familiarity of the action making your thoughts run wild. Jieun seemed to have close, good friends yet none of them seemed to be aware of her struggles. Just what exactly was she going through?

Hyunsuk and Byeol were a funny couple. You weren’t sure they were official per se but they were practically attached by the hip and while they weren’t touchy or anything like that, the boy looked at the girl as if she hung the stars and all. He even gave her his strawberries from his tray during lunch break claiming that he didn’t crave anything sweet at that moment. Byeol was less obvious but she looked overly fondly at him whenever he did something slightly embarrassing or said something funny. It was cute.

The rest of the school day wasn't too interesting but after meeting the couple and also sharing lunch period with them, you wondered who else Seunghun meant when he had said that you would meet the others after school. You thought back on the group picture you saw on your sister's phone. They all wore the same uniform, so they must have gone to this school too but not all of them were in this class apparently because you haven't seen other familiar faces yet. You packed your bag slowly, following Seunghun's lead when the group left the classroom after your last History class for the day. When you ended up in front of the door of the Film Club, you were rather surprised because you had no idea Jieun was into movies. Maybe you would have expected more movie posters in her room than indie punk rock band merch then. Just how much you didn't know about her?

Seunghun opened the door and acknowledged the presence of somebody inside with a nod. You gulped as you stepped inside, trying not to be too obvious about never having been at that place by looking around too much. It was a cozy little space but your gaze settled on the boy sitting on the worn couch. His uniform's necktie was loosened but his name tag was still neatly attached, so you could catch his name. Bae Jinyoung.

At your arrival the boy looked up from his phone, his expression stern and neutral, his gaze lingering on you longer than the rest of the guys before turning back to whatever he was doing before. You glanced down at his hand holding the device, at his knuckles that were scarred and red. You soon learned though that he wasn't the most troublesome-looking member of your current company. The winner of that title came in late, wearing a black hoodie instead of his uniform jacket, clicking a lighter in his hand, his dark gaze unwavering when he saw you.

"Ran out of eyeliner today or what?" He scoffed and needless to say, you were shocked by his first words at you. Did he know? That you weren't Jieun? Just because of your makeup?

"Not your business," you rolled your eyes at him, trying to channel your inner savage based on your father's descriptions on your sister's 'rebellious phrase' and it was probably believable and Jieun-like enough that the boy just plopped down by the coffee table, leaning against a shelf without saying anything more.

Who the heck was he anyways? Maybe you really should have read over your sister's chat history to know how to act with all these people. You only guessed how Jieun was now based on what you remembered  from 6 years ago and what your father said about her behavior from before the incident. Hopefully she didn't have any secret boyfriend you should have known about because you didn't even consider that possibility. You didn't wish to deceive somebody so close to her. In retrospect, it might have been a crazy idea to even try to figure out what had happened to her by being literally in her shoes instead of asking around about her but people tended to be wary of strangers, and you didn't want to waste your time with gaining others' trust.

"Gunhee and his minions still bother the freshmen. I saw them pour the contents of a lunch tray on one of them yesterday. I guess we need something more memorable than destroying their property that can be bought with daddy's money. Any ideas?" Seunghun started off and you tried to school your expression into a less confused one than how you felt. Wait, wasn't it a film club?

"I say we should hit them where it hurts them. Especially Gunhee. He's their leader, without him, Botong and Woobin wouldn't do anything," Jinyoung noted and everybody hummed in agreement. You obviously had no idea whom they were talking about.

"What about taking Gunhee's expensive Swiss or whatever watch? He's so proud of it," the boy whose name you didn't know grimaced in disgust and this time you couldn't stop yourself from speaking up.

"But that's theft."

The boy's sharp, dark eyes laser focused on you. But not only his. You could feel everybody's gaze on you.

"I'm aware, Miss Dictionary," the guy in the hoodie rolled his eyes, his tone condemning. "What? Pouring bleach on Wonhee's hair was okay but theft is suddenly not?"

Oh that sounded like an accusation. Did Jieun really do that? Either way you raised your chin and stood by your standpoint.

"Theft is illegal and if they are rich enough, they can get you into serious trouble. Expelling you from school is the least," you tried to talk some sense into the guy and looked around to see if anybody would support your point but you could only catch a glance of Hyunsuk and Byeol exchanging a glance.

"If they know that it was me. We never got caught before," the boy kept going and the realization that they were doing things like this for quite some time based on his words messed with your head. Just what kind of friends had your sister gotten herself? Just what kind of things had  she done that led her to jump into the cold water of Han river?

"I'm just saying it's too risky and has a low impact. Even if it's a fancy watch, he can probably get another after a slap from his father," you claimed because you might not have known these students but bullies and rich kids were the same everywhere.

"Do you have a better idea then?" The rude guy challenged you and shit, you didn't think that ahead. Or at all.

"Byounggon…" Seunghun put a hand on his friend's shoulder. Probably he could feel the tension in the air too and bless him, he wanted to help. "She's right. It's nothing we didn't do before."

"Let's catch them in the act. Record it and send it in to the school committee," you suggested but of course, the other boy was quick to call you out on your naivety.

"You know that wouldn't change a bit. They would bury the case. Gunhee's father is an honorable donor to the school's trust fund.

"Then let's humiliate them in public. Post the video online. They couldn't bury that," you retorted, sliding your gaze from one boy to another when the so-called Byounggon didn't object.

"I like it," Byeol broke the silence quietly and apparently being a petty loser when it came to arguments, the hoodied guy pushed himself off the ground and stormed out of the room.

"Don't worry about him. He will cool down soon," Hyunsuk said seeing your dumbfounded reaction and you wondered if every meeting was like this for them. What kind of club was this exactly? Revenge Rangers of what?

After the adrupt leave of the guy, the others discussed where would be the best idea to catch the bullies red handed but you only paid attention partly. Your mind was too busy processing all the information about Jieun's friends. No wonder Seunghun, who seemed to be the closest to her, noticed that something was up with you.

"You were quiet today," he spoke up, not accusatory, just kind of worried, as you walked out of the building, backpack on one shoulder. Funny because you didn't feel like you were quiet at all, you had never been so argumantive. Was it an every day thing for Jieun?

You couldn't look the boy in the eye as you shrugged it off.

"I still feel a bit off," you quickly made up a lie, hoping that it was believable enough and luckily the boy didn't stick to the topic.

"I will walk you to the bus stop," he said instead and you were grateful for his consideration even though you knew it wasn't directed at you. Nothing they did was, it was all for Jieun.

You were doing everything for her too.

As expected, your parents were too busy to notice that you slipped away during the day and even if they did, they didn't ask about it. The deeper you dug into Jieun's life, the more you felt like you didn't even know her. Sure 6 years was a lot but still. Even the rude guy was right. Based on her pictures, Jieun liked to apply a thicker eyeliner with dark smokey eyeshadow lightly enough to get away with the school policy probably. So you adjusted.

You also caught up a bit on her recent messages with the group, trying to find something, any clue about what she could struggle with and to not give yourself away. Seunghun seemed like a constant in her life, they texted a lot, him always checking in on her. She also talked a lot to Byeol and Hyunsuk. Her last conversation with Byounggon was months ago, him asking where the hell she was but it was left on read. While searching for Jinyoung's contact in the app, you stumbled upon Jieun's conversation with Yonghee dated back late last year, her frantic last messages still unread.

can we talk? yonghee please i'm sorry

It took a simple search on the school website to figure out that Yonghee was a boy in Jinyoung's class. Or used to be. The tragic news of his suicide were more hidden as if the school or somebody tried to cover it up. Yonghee's father was a political figure, so it must have been a sensitive topic. Could that be the reason behind his actions? Could it be behind Jieun's?

You knew that academic pressure was intense in Korea but it must have been even more overbearing if one was born into a family of high esteem, since they couldn't allow themselves to lose face after all. On top of that, was Yonghee bullied too? The others had never said anything but they seemed to be very pissed at bullies, it would have made sense, doing this revenge plot. Yonghee seemed happy in the videos you found after all. But it was easy to only see only one side of the story when somebody was trying to hide the other.

The next time you met Byounggon, he acted like he was looking for trouble.

You were by the standees next to the school's basketball field, texting your mom about going home late because you needed to check something out in a local library for homework. You didn't think anybody would be around there but apparently you were wrong.

“What do you need two phones for?” The guy grumbled at you, hopping down next to you on the bench, eyeing the iPhone in your hands as if it personally offended him. At first you wanted to tell him that he remembered wrong, you only had one phone but it would have been a hard pass because he could have asked any of the guys who had seen you use Jieun's Samsung even that day.

“My phone has been acting up lately, remember? This is my backup,” you tried to make it sound convincing but it didn't matter. The guy still crunched his nose in disgust.

“Rich people things,” he muttered under his nose, disdaining and you wondered whether he was like this to your sister, too. Based on their scarce messaging, probably. What was his problem anyway?

“Why does it matter to you?” You huffed, not really getting why he had to make these kinds of comments. For real, did he walk up to you just to point out your phone?

“It doesn't,” he rolled his eyes, sliding backwards to balance himself on his elbows, looking up at the sky before closing his eyes. You used this chance to let your gaze linger over his always stern features and his black hair brushed out of his face. That day he didn't wear his hoodie, but his tie was loosened and his uniform was crumpled.

“Don't you have class?” You blurted out and the guy peeked at you, narrowing his eyes.

“I could ask the same.”

Well, he could. You would have had PE but you managed to get away with claiming you weren't feeling well and the teacher sent you to the infirmary. You needed time to work on your Literature essay for your home school back in the UK before you failed because you spent too much time digging into your sister's life.

“I wasn't feeling well. I guess the teacher didn't want me to faint during running laps,” you shrugged, getting better at lying. It wasn't a skill you should have been proud of but maybe Jieun would have been. Not that she would have been too happy about discovering that you pretended to be her. But you would have cared about that when she woke up. You would have taken any scolding happily if that happened. When, you reminded yourself, not if. “What's your excuse?”

“I'm just not feeling like it.”

So he was skipping class too. You wondered how often he did. Whether he didn't care about acing the CSATs and getting into a good university at all. Or maybe he just gave up, knowing he couldn't afford tuition and that's why he hated rich people so vehemently.

The next thing you went through among Jieun's things were her wardrobe's hidden or stacked compartments. That's how you found the bottle of pills labeled neatly, half-empty.

"Did you know that Jieun took anti-depressants?" You brought it up at the already awkward family dinner that night, the silence following your words was astonished.

"What? That's ridiculous," your father scoffed but it wasn't laughable in your opinion. Nor something that should have been brushed off. Especially because you knew that mental health wasn't an as accepted topic in Korea as in the UK.

So you looked up the doctor who prescribed the pills and booked a session under your sister's name. She welcomed you with a kind smile and understanding eyes, she asked how you were coping. It wasn't even a lie when you told her that everything was a bit too much.

"Did you think about what I asked last time? What do you have to live for?" She asked and you felt your heart churn. Maybe Jieun really had had enough.

It was an interesting session: trying to act and think like your sister while answering deep, thought-provoking questions about things you had no idea of. At one point you wanted nothing more than to cry and admit what you were doing and why or how worried you were about Jieun but in the end, it still felt like it helped. Talking to somebody about Jieun's situation, even if you didn't get to know much more about it.

But when you were about to leave, the psychologist called after you.

"Is Jieun okay?" She asked, firm but not unkind, no malice or anger in her voice.

"Did you…" You blinked, surprised, but it made sense. If she was good at her job, she must have seen the differences in your mannerism and reactions. You wondered when she realized you weren't your sister.

"She told me about you, you know. She missed you," the psychologist said and you felt tears well up in your eyes.

"I missed her too," you admitted, a little fragile sound in the back of your throat. "She jumped from the Mapo Bridge two weeks ago, she's in hospital."

Saying it out loud made it so real and yet, it felt somehow deliberating that somebody other than your parents knew who you really were. That you could talk about Jieun with somebody like this.

"Did she really want to die?" You found yourself asking, a part of you afraid of the answer.

"She felt guilty for a lot of things. She wasn't as strong as she made herself seem but she didn't want her friends and family to know," the woman said in an understanding, emphatic tone and you wondered just how many things Jieun was hiding.

You thought you would feel closer to her if you went to Mapo, but you only had more questions. Standing by the railing of the bridge, you watched as the waves washed the shore quietly. On the way, you had walked by an emergency phone booth for people thinking of suicide and you wondered why your sister hadn't reached out. Why didn't she tell anybody that she had been struggling? The psychologist's words rang in your ear: she didn't want them to know. But still, why jumping? She had those prescribed pills, she could have painlessly overdosed herself if she really wanted to, why this? Did she want to give herself a chance to survive? Or was it just a sudden decision? Was it because of Yonghee? You thought of her last texts to him. Was she feeling guilty towards him too?

There was another thing that the psychologist said that made you think. Was the reason why she could tell the difference between you that she knew that Jieun had a twin sister to begin with? Maybe pretending to be her was only easy at school because nobody knew about you? Who would have guessed after all that you were a secret twin just because you acted a bit differently? Not even the teachers nagged you about the change in your test results. You aced English but sucked at Korean Literature and History. Everything else was mostly okay because science and Maths couldn't really have been taught differently. It was only temporary, you told yourself, it wasn't like you were going to take the CSATs instead of Jieun too.

Not how you took her place in this group of hers. The Film Club was just an excuse to get together because the closest you got to anything relevant was Jinyoung showing a recording through his phone's cracked screen about one student shoving others out of his way. It was shaky and taken from farther away but it showed just enough to know where it was taken and what was happening. Still, you knew that this much wouldn't do much. Gunhee's behavior would have been written off as rude but not as a bully.

"It won't be enough to convince people," you murmured and even though everybody must have known that, you were the scapegoat for saying it out loud.

"What? You want us to film when he kicks and hits kids for fun and do nothing just to have video evidence?" Byounggon snapped at you, his face distorted with disdain. As you glanced at him you saw something else there too though: guilt.

“Well, it's not like we would find any CCTV recordings now, would we?” You asked, keeping eye contact with him. Of course, you didn’t want any of you to just be bystanders and watch bullying happen, but you wanted to stay realistic and you knew that in a world where money and power talked, something like this wouldn’t have been enough, it would have gotten buried.

"And whose idea was the whole thing to begin with?" The guy retorted and seriously, you had no idea whether he had a problem with your sister, you or the whole world but his snarky comments bugged you.

"Wait…" Jinyoung interrupted, louder than he usually did, before you could have spoken up and potentially escalated the situation. Everybody turned to the boy because it was rare that he spoke with such vehemence and urgency. "Their phones… I had seen them record things before."

You felt dread spread in your body as you imagined just what kind of videos those could be. You watched Jinyoung closely, the way his hands were in fists, knuckles turning white and wondered, just what he could have seen.

The others were shaken up a bit as well.

“I’m sure they are sharing it in their disgusting group chat,” Byeol muttered.

“That’s messed up,” her boyfriend agreed but it was Seunghun who eventually threw in the idea:

“So… are we stealing a phone?”

Yep, you were planning to steal a phone. If only your parents knew what you were up to! If Jieun knew…

It was easier said than done because it wasn’t enough to take a phone. You needed it unlocked and preferably without anybody noticing that it was gone at least for a while, so you would get away with it the easiest. But Gunhee and his minions were going everywhere like a pack, it was hard to find them alone and unsuspecting, so you were over some unsuccessful attempts when the guys started to get restless and annoyed. You were afraid that one of them would do something rash and stupid, so you told them you would approach this thing differently. The bullies might not have trusted you knowing whom you were friends with and how vocal they and Jieun had been against them but boys were boys at the end of the day and if you implied that you liked them, their pride might have overshadowed their judgment. You just needed to ask to exchange numbers or KKT contact after all to have their phone in your hands, easy peasy. But Byounggon called your plan stupid and Seunghun looked at you with worry written all over his features as if they hadn’t put themselves in the crossfire with their previous attempts. Like Jinyoung who almost got into detention because of it.

"Is he… okay?" You asked later when it was just the two of you with Seunghun, tentatively.

Jinyoung clearly wasn't okay but you didn't know how to phrase it better. The dancer boy seemed to understand it though.

"Not really. Not since what happened with Yonghee," he said and despite still not knowing what exactly happened to their friend, it would have been too suspicious to ask now.

It was already too late to reveal the truth without burning the bridges behind you. But the more and more time you spent with them, the more guilty you felt whenever you lied to them. Like when you told Seunghun you didn’t take your usual bus because you headed in a different direction for your dental check up when in reality you went to visit Jieun.

You sat by her bed and held her hand. You whispered promises like that you wouldn’t mind if her friends hated you after they found out about the truth or even if she wouldn’t forgive you, you wouldn’t care if only she woke up. You had missed 6 years already, you didn’t want to miss more. You wanted to be there for her, so she wouldn’t feel so alone ever again to feel like she didn’t have any other choice but jump. You promised you would go against your parents if they wanted to separate you once again. You wouldn’t leave her alone, not again.

You stayed in the hospital until a nurse kindly sent you away and even then you weren’t ready to go home yet. There were days when it hit you that a tragedy (an almost tragedy) had to happen, so you would come back and it just didn’t feel right, without Jieun at the dinner table.

It was while you wandered around the neighborhood when you heard the angry yelling, a man threatening to call the cops and the next moment you saw a flash of somebody run past you and it was only because you had spent so much time around him lately that you recognized him in his signature hoodie over his school uniform right away. You didn’t really think, you didn’t really have the time, you acted on impulse as you ran after him and catching up, you grabbed him by the wrist to pull him into the first 24/7 corner convenience store you saw.

Panting, you crouched down behind one of the shelves before getting a good look at Byounggon’s bruised face.

“Just what have you been getting yourself into?” You questioned but probably your worry came across as an accusation because the boy’s only answer was to yank his arm out of your hold and sit down on the ground with his back to the fridge on the other side.

No matter how hard you watched him, you couldn’t tell if he was more angry, annoyed or embarrassed, so you decided not to push the topic. Sighing, you got up, made sure nobody was looking outside of the store's glass walls before picking up two cups of noodles, sausage, cheese and hard boiled eggs and went to the counter to pay.

Without saying anything you dropped a few items into Byounggon’s lap when you were done and walked to the dining-in part of the store to pour hot water over your noodles and started packing out at one of the plastic tables. Soon enough, the grumpy guy joined you as well, sitting across from you, putting down his own steaming cup of ramen.

“Did you cry?” He grunted out and you had the urge to laugh because if this was his idea of small talk or thank you, he was doing it wrongly. But still, since he noticed your puffy eyes, you automatically reached to wipe down any possible remnants of tears.

“No,” you objected poorly, not liking to cry in front of anybody.

Byounggon didn't call you out on your bullshit though, just shrugged and muttered something under his breath about you looking okay without the eyeliner too. You huffed out a laugh at the absurdity of his comment but felt a bit lighter after.

Clearly, you both had things you didn’t want to talk about, so you didn’t exchange any words while you waited for your noodles to soften and even then, when you both dived into the spicy hot late night meal of yours, chit-chatting wasn’t really among your plans. There was enough casual intimacy in sharing a meal. But the moment you slurped on your ramen, the flavourful taste startled you which obviously didn't go unnoticed by the boy.

"What? Does it not appease your rich taste?" He huffed but you were too baffled by the amazing taste to take offense in his tone.

"No, god, I missed convenience store food!" You admitted excitedly like a child, diving back into your instant ramen with the melted cheese and egg on top. Your mom never let you eat this kind of ‘junk food’, so it felt a bit like rebellion doing something like this behind her back but thinking about it, lately you had done worse things she wouldn't have been proud of.

Byounggon seemed a bit surprised but he didn’t make any more comments and continued eating instead but you didn’t forget his comment while devouring your new favorite guilty pleasure.

"Why are you so obsessed with my family's financial background anyway?"

"I'm not obsessed," the guy rolled his eyes and bit some off his sausage.

"Sure, you just like to point it out whenever you have a chance,” you reminded him and even though you knew that you didn’t owe him anything, you had enough of him acting like you were some spoiled princess. Sure, your family might have been privileged because you didn’t struggle financially but money couldn’t solve everything. “You know that I can't change that, right? What family I was born into. And it's not like it's picture perfect. My parents got divorced when I was 12 and I haven't seen my sister in 6 years, so whatever idea you have about it, it's not like that," you blurted out a bit more vehemently than you intended to before turning back to your food.

"I didn't know you had a sibling," he said, quietly. Out of all things he could comment on he chose this. But this confirmed your theory: the reason why Jieun’s friend didn’t even suspect you must have been because they didn’t even know you existed.

"Yeah, well, sometimes it feels like I don't," you muttered, casting your eyes down as you went back to slurp your noodle.

You weren’t sure what but something shifted between you and Byounggon after that night. He wasn’t so quick to make comments on you or your ideas but it didn’t mean that he didn’t nose into your business. If anything, suddenly he was everywhere.

You usually ate at the canteen with Seunghun, Hyunsuk and Byeol, sometimes joined by Jinyoung but never Byounggon. Now he put his tray at the end of your table more often than not. Even Seunghun notices that you didn’t argue that much.

“You know, you got somehow less reckless. Don't get me wrong, it's a good thing. You and Byounggon were always like fire and gasoline, a dangerous duo, always overbidding each other with crazy ideas. Now, it's almost like you can control his flamboyance with rationality," he told you and even though you didn’t feel like you could control the other guy at all, it was an interesting insight.

Was Jieun really like that? So hot-headed? Was that why Seunghun was constantly worried about her or was that because he knew that she put up a front? It was clear that he was the closest to Jieun of the group but you couldn’t be sure just how close. The boy had never implied that they were ever more than friends nor acted suggestively at all but still, sometimes when he looked at you ‒ at Jieun ‒ you couldn’t help but wonder if there was more to know.

But your head was already a mess with all the things going on with your sister, the bullies and Byounggon’s weird behavior. You didn’t want to add more to the pile. You were already too distracted as is, enough to get knocked out by a dodgeball the next time your grade had PE together. You only remember lying on the ground, looking up at the sky, other students hovering over you.

“Hey, are you ok?” Byounggon shook your shoulder and despite feeling dizzy, you tried to nod. He didn’t look convinced. “I will take you to the infirmary.”

“Don’t,” Seunghun brushed his hand off you. “I will take her.”

Next time you woke up, it was already late. The sky was dark outside of the window and the only light inside was provided by the yellow lamps in the infirmary room. It was quiet and empty, except for Seunghun dozing off in a chair next to your bed. You pushed yourself up into a sitting position, wincing when you touched a bruise you acquired during the fall. Maybe that was what brought back the boy to reality because he immediately rushed to your side, worried.

“Are you up? How do you feel?”

“As if I slept the day away,” you shrugged. You weren’t really in pain or tired but you still felt a bit sleepy. Hearing that, Seunghun sighed, relieved.

“The school nurse said that it’s unlikely that you got a concussion from that. You should get some rest, ice the bump and go to a hospital if you feel dizzy or nauseous,” he told you and offered a hand as you were getting out of the bed but you didn’t feel weakened, so you didn’t need his support no matter how much you appreciated his help.

“I should change,” you said since you were still in your PE clothes and you had the rest of your stuff in the girls’ dressing room or the classroom. Seunghun offered to get your bag while you put your uniform back on, so you agreed to meet in front of the changing rooms.

When you switched on the lights inside, you immediately noticed that something was off. On the metal locker in which you had previously put your clothes, there was a writing scribbled with red lipstick. It was smudged but there was no mistake in what it was supposed to be: bitch.

You furrowed your brows, not understanding where this suddenly came from. What had you or Jieun done that resorted somebody else to such means? Did Jieun have enemies? It was all too sudden after weeks of radio silence, so you tried to ignore it as you put back on your clothes and closed the locker. You didn’t say anything about it to Seunghun when he waited for you with your bag in hand.

“Thanks,” you smiled at him, grateful, and fished your phone out of the inner pocket. One glance at the screen was enough to know that the atmosphere at home wouldn't be great. You had missed dinner without telling your mother in advance after all. Or maybe they got a call from the school that something had happened with Jieun. One option was worse than the other.

"I need to go, mom wants me home," you excused yourself without thinking, turning to leave only for light fingers to circle around your wrist, keeping you in place. You looked back at Seunghun with furrowed brows, his expression just as confused.

"Your mom?" He asked, tentative and worried. Your heartbeat picked up its speed as you realised your mistake. Shit. "Is she back?"

With how close they were, you weren’t surprised that the boy knew about how, for Jieun, your mother was out of the picture, so no wonder he was surprised but honestly, after everything you had learned about her, you weren’t sure you knew how your twin sister would have reacted to your mother being back for a while. Because it was all temporary, you reminded yourself.

“Yeah. She has something to do in the city,” you shrugged, trying to act nonchalant, as if you didn’t just drop a totally cover-blowing information.

“So… she won’t stay?” Seunghun asked so softly as if he was fearing that his question could hurt you and once again, you were grateful that your sister had friends like him who cared about her like this.

“I don’t think so,” you shook your head and saw something painful flash in the boy’s warm brown eyes, so you reached out to squeeze his hand. “It’s okay. I’m okay,” you reassured him, not knowing if you were actually comforting him or yourself.

It happened so fast. You still hadn’t come up with a new plan about how to have proof about the main bullies of the school when you found yourself in the middle of a situation.

You ran into Byounggon and Jinyoung by one of the benches near the canteen and sat at their table. Before you would have never done that without Byeol or Seunghun beside you but the others were busy and by now you weren’t afraid that any of the boys would corner you with doubtful questions. Jinyoung acknowledged your presence with a brief glance then he turned back to his food, Byounggon on the other hand kept his eyes on you. Did you forget the eyeliner or did he find something else off? Either way, he didn’t comment on it and you all ate in silence.

Then you heard metal clattering on the floor and laughter that erupted somewhere further in the back. You were on your feet right away but the boys were quicker, so you could only follow them. Of course it was Gunhee and his gang. Girls and boys alike laughed over how one of their classmates fell, dropping his tray.

“You should have paid more attention. I can put my leg wherever I want to, can’t I?” Gunhee tsked as if it wasn’t his fault or intention. You stood there frozen, not sure how the situation would unfold with so many people watching but not daring to interrupt. You were all bystanders one way or another. Whenever people were watching but didn’t do anything it was partly their fault too. But you couldn’t blame them, not really, because they had their own reasons for not acting up: out of fear or because one wasn’t supposed to be nosy, not in a society like yours that depended on hierarchy like it was law written in stone.

“Come on, say sorry,” the guy cooed at his victim, kicking his tray even further away, his expensive sneakers smeared with the lunch. The kneeling boy in front of him stuttered out sorrys but apparently that wasn’t enough. “What was that? I didn’t quite hear you,” he pushed more and leaning down, he grabbed the boy by the hair.

That was when Jinyoung snapped. He bolted from by your side and grabbed Gunhee by his collar, pushing him against the table, pieces of metals making cacophony. You wanted to go there and pull him back, explaining that violence shouldn't have been the solution but instead you rushed to the boy on the ground and helped him up. He was too embarrassed to look you in the eyes and he quickly brushed your helping hands off him too before hurrying away.

Beside you there was chaos. The popular girls, like that Wonhee Jieun apparently had beef with, were either screaming or leaving but Jinyoung and Byounggon were fighting with Gunhee and his minions, punches thrown and kicks exchanged. It was two against five, they stood no chance. That’s why you ran to get a teacher to stop the fight even if it meant that all of you ended up in front of the teachers’ room after everybody on the scene was questioned in private, waiting for the verdict over the case of ‘unacceptable violence’.

“Everybody can leave except for Bae Jinyoung and Lee Byounggon,” the teacher who showed up claimed and from the bench across you Gunhee scoffed as if it was expected.

“Why can they just leave?” You stood up, confused, not reacting to the all too smug smile the bully guy flashed at you as he passed by you.

“Other than you, nobody thinks that Gunhee did anything to trigger your friends’ aggressive behavior and the other involved student you mentioned also said they were just joking around,” the teacher explained, tired and didn’t even give you a chance to retort before turning to the boys. “You two get a week of suspension. Be grateful that Gunhee’s mother didn’t insist on a harsher punishment.”

“But‒” You wanted to protest, to yell, to do anything because it was so unfair, it felt like a punch. Now you were feeling on your skin how much injustice it could cause when you went against powerful people who had the money and influence to have their way.

“Leave it,” Byounggon told you firmly and grabbed you by the wrist to hold you back from going after the teacher.

You couldn’t believe that both of them were so resigned, willing to go down without fighting. Were they tired of it, always being pushed down by people on the top? Were they giving up? You found yourself looking down at the boy with pleading eyes because they couldn’t do that, not now, but he just stared back at you, the corner of his lips lifting and he pulled out a phone from his hoodie’s pocket. It definitely wasn’t his  because it was a new model and not to mention an iPhone for which he had practically called you a snob before.

“You got it!” You whisper-yelled, suddenly excited and feeling accomplished. Byounggon nodded at you and just held out the phone to Jinyoung who didn’t seem surprised at all, as if it was their plan from the beginning.

“I’ll leave first,” the other guy said after pocketing the phone. Neither of them seemed too upset over the week long suspension even though with the approach of the exams, they probably should have. But the phone and the videos on it mattered more than grades, the untold stories of hurt and the ugly reality. If it was revealed and the bullies were accordingly punished, maybe the victims could feel at least a bit at ease. You hoped at least.

You would have thought that Byounggon would walk away similarly too but instead, he turned to you, something serious you couldn't quite place written on his face.

"Wanna skip class with me?" He asked and you furrowed your brows, ready to protest but then realized that due to the whole incident it was already twenty minutes into your Maths class. You shrugged but followed the boy nevertheless.

You thought that he would go off school grounds since he was suspended anyways but instead he led you to the teachers' smoking area balcony on the third floor and beckoned you towards the ladder resting across the building's wall. You furrowed your brows, not sure that going up to the rooftop wasn't against some kind of rule but didn't say anything. You have broken enough rules for the day, one more couldn't have hurt.

You were climbing up the steps, taking Byounggon's outreached hand when you reached the top, barely noticing how his touch lingered when you saw the scenery. Everything around you seemed so small, so unimportant, it put life into a different perspective.

"Wow," you breathed, wandering farther ahead.

"I know, right? It's pretty cool," the boy behind you hummed. "I kept thinking why Yonghee chose this place to jump from. But after all, it was this school that killed him."

You froze in place, suddenly trembling despite the warm breeze in the air. The boy didn't seem to notice as he sat down on the ground and lied down to watch the cloudy sky.

"Sometimes we keep doing things that's killing us," he added and you couldn't help but glance at him then, the blooming bruise on his cheek, the firm line of his lips. "Did you know that my father died from smoking? I was fourteen."

He didn't expect an answer as he took out the lighter he always played with. Your heart churned at the sight.

"Do you miss him?" You asked, gently, not pushing. You wanted to reach out and hold his hand, reminding him that he wasn't alone.

"Yeah," he whispered, a heavy word on such a sharp tongue. He turned to you, head tilted, his fringe messy against his forehead but eyes so so clear. "Do you miss your mom?"

You needed a beat to realize that he asked about your mother because of Jieun. Of course, he did.

"I do," you echoed, because your sister must have missed your mother the same way you missed your father. It wasn't the same as him though, at least they were alive and yet, that somehow hurt more that they willingly decided to stay out of your lives.

"You know…" Byounggon started as he sat up, quiet like he was sharing a secret, his eyes boring into yours. "I wish you had come into my life sooner."

You blinked slowly, throat dry and heart beating like a drum. You couldn't look away from the intensity of Byounggon's eyes, his words hanging between you like a thread that binded. Your breath hitched as he inched closer.

You thought of his outstretched hand, of him getting you napkins at the convenience store, of throwing back the paper spitball that was thrown at you in the canteen,  telling you that you looked okay without makeup too, of him holding you gently, insisting to take you to the infirmary… but no, it all wasn't for you. He believed you were Jieun, all of them did.

The realization once again felt like a slap that even if he liked you, he didn't like you for you but for being Jieun. Their constant banter must have been their version of flirting.

You were too busy living your sibling's life to realize your own feelings, that the reason why it felt like ache in your chest was because you actually started to feel like you belong in this group, you started trying too hard to act like your sister because they accepted you like this. Seunghun noticed the change, so they all must have. Didn't Byounggon?

You turned your head before he could have closed the distance between you and let out a shaky breath. You could feel his breath against your cheek, warm, and then when he pulled away, it hurt even more but you couldn't do that to Jieun. You couldn't do that to him. It wouldn't have been fair to any of you.

Just then the school bell rang in the distance and in its echo, your (Jieun's) phone buzzed, Seunghun's name on the screen. You took it without thinking, needing any distraction you could get.

"Hey, I heard what happened. Where are you? Are you okay?" The boy asked, worried probably because you didn't show up for class.

"Yeah I'm good, I'm with Byounggon," you replied, fingernails digging into the cement under you. You could tell Seunghun tried not to sound disappointed when you mentioned the other boy but right then it was too much, so you just told him you would go to your next class, not to worry about you. It also gave you a valid reason to leave.

"I have to go," you excused yourself once you disconnected the call and Byounggon didn't try to stop you as you stood up.

"When will you stop lying?" He asked suddenly though and his voice was thunder in the quiet.

You forgot to breathe for a moment and you stared back at him with widened eyes. You expected him to be fierce and mad since for the first time he actually had a valid reason to dislike you. But you looked him in the eyes, dark as always and somehow this time it was softer. There was some kind of understanding in it. He usually had so much pent up anger at the world and guilt to deal with. You assumed that his clear dislike towards your financial status had come from the latter. Or maybe he just needed an outlet for his anger and your sister's personality provided him the perfect banter to de-stress.

"What?" You asked, dumbfounded, fearing but not sure that he actually figured out the truth about your real self. Would he have looked at you like this if he had done? Would he have confronted you before telling all your... his friends about you or even the whole school?

Byounggon sighed, his gaze never wavering.

"You are not Jieun," he said, certain, and your heart was beating in your chest like crazy. You wanted to object out of reflex but at the same time you didn't want to keep lying anymore. He didn't even let you. "The Jieun I know is reckless, acts first, thinks later. The Jieun I know hates her mom for leaving her and has a scar on her arm from when we got into a fight one time. The Jieun I know would have slapped me if I tried to kiss her."

Your breath hitched at the last part but you tried not to get fixated on the detail that he even mentioned that. You had bigger problems to take care of. 

"When did you figure it out?"

"You have been suspicious for a while. Suddenly you were more naive and cursed under your nose in English but I became sure that something was off when you fainted during PE. The lack of scar confirmed it."

If he had a hunch ever since then that it meant that when he was going to kiss you... he really meant to kiss you, not Jieun and yet, he had never said anything. Was he waiting for you to reveal yourself? Is that why he brought you there, why he told you about his father, why he tricked you to talk about your mom?

"So... who are you? The sibling I guess. Twin?" He asked and it would have made no sense to deny it further, so you nodded. "Where is Jieun? I doubt you are reenacting The Parent Trap."

You wanted to snort at his mention of the old Lindsay Lohan movie and wished that was the case. You never planned to tell them this way but he had the right to know, so you bit the bullet and told him about what happened in the simplest terms you could manage:

"She is at a hospital. She jumped from the Mapo Bridge. That's when my mom and I came back to Seoul last month."

"And you just decided to carry on with her life?" Byounggon raised a brow and you knew exactly how crazy it was but you had your own reasons.

"I wanted to understand why she did it," you explained even though pretending to be her got you nowhere near close.

"Well, good luck with that," the boy said bitterly and you wondered whether he was thinking of Yonghee. Whether everybody in the group had such deep trauma after what happened with him. The lack of his presence seemed to have affected all their lives deeply.

"Can you tell me what happened with Yonghee? I found Jieun's last texts with him and I think it might have something to do with her reason," you pleaded at which Byounggon looked away, his expression weary and sad and you were about to tell him not to mind your nosy ass but then he started talking and he didn't stop.

He told you about how the group had been formed, coincidences pushing them together and like-mindedness keeping them together. They were different in many aspects: families, hobbies, goals and yet, they could be themselves comfortably around each other.  There had been the five of them at first, then Seunghun had befriended Jieun. Hyunsuk had only started dating Byeol after what had happened to Yonghee. There had been a time when their group seemed to fall apart, each of them blaming themselves in a way, yet ironically it had been Yonghee and the Film Club that had brought them together again. That was when they had decided to do something about the bullies, so what had happened to their friend wouldn't happen to others. Yonghee had been facing a lot of academic pressure from his parents and bullies had liked to pick up on him too. Byounggon had known but he hadn't done anything about it, not until it was already too late. Neither had done Jinyoung and he had taken it even worse.

"Did Jieun know?"

"With his bruises, I think we all could have guessed it sooner. We could have helped but Yonghee was always so guarded, claiming he was fine. I think we were afraid it was his father,” Byounggon trailed off, quiet, his nails drawing crescents into his skin through the tear in his pants. “Jieun and him got into a fight before... you know. I think it was about some grade. Jieun told him he was overreacting and he didn't take it well saying he had to prove his worth for his father."

Oh, that would have explained the texts between your sister and him. Could it have been one of the last straws? Could it have been why Jieun was also struggling? All you had was guesses but Byounggon was right, you could never know what was going on in another person’s head, not even if you were friends or family. Everybody had their own reasons and nobody could know when somebody would reach their tipping point. It could have been something small and otherwise insignificant that pushed them too far.

“You need to tell the others,” Byounggon spoke up again and you cast your eyes down. It was easier said than done. It was easier to avoid than facing your wrongdoings.

“Don’t you hate me?” You asked, because you were sure that would happen if any of them realized that you deceived them and lied for weeks, listening to stories they wouldn’t have shared with strangers like you.

“No. I mean, it wasn’t the smartest plan but I was mostly confused when Jieun started to act differently. The others will understand why you did it, too,” he said and while you weren’t as sure as him, he knew his friends more than you did, so you nodded, promising him that you would. But not yet, you weren’t ready yet.

The boys’ suspension gave you some time to think over things, to get prepared for the end of this play and ironically you realized that you were sad that you would never see them again. But it was always supposed to be this way, you weren’t supposed to stay and become a part of their lives or them, a part of yours.

All of you gathered at the Film Club’s room, watching the video Jinyoung had edited during his time away from the material he had found on the memory card in the stolen phone. He covered the victims’ faces but never the bullies, who could be clearly recognized in all of the edited pieces. It was undeniable evidence, it would ruin the current fabolous life of those guys but they deserved it. So you posted it on the school website’s forum and on every major video sharing platform, making it impossible to get it down too easily.

With that done, feeling accomplished, there was nothing else left to do. You gulped nervously, stealing a glance at the boy in his hoodie, his eyes encouraging you as you stood up to face the others.

“I have to tell you something,” you admitted in a higher pitched voice than usual because you were nervous and from then on it was like an avalanche. You rambled about how you didn’t want to lie to them but it was necessary because you knew nothing about your sister and it felt like the only way. Only when everybody stared at you clearly confused, did you realize that you missed the most important bit. “I’m not actually Jieun. I’m her twin sister.”

The shocked silence that followed was expected and you felt bashful under the stares.

“Wait, what? Are you serious?” Hyunsuk broke the silence first, furrowing his brows, looking closer.

“I can’t believe that you guys didn’t notice,” Byounggon scoffed, oh so helpful as always, at which Byeol was quick to retort.

“Of course, we noticed! She even came with me shopping once. Jieun never did that. I just thought that maybe she changed.”

Okay, so far you had to admit it wasn’t as bad as you expected. Jinyoung seemed way more invested in the video statistics than whether you were or weren’t Jieun but Seunghun’s silence was actually scary.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, feeling small and guilty but for the first time since you had known him, his warm brown eyes were unkind.

“Did you have fun?” He accused you and you had never seen him so angry. You deserved it though, so you understood it. He was the closest to Jieun after all, he had every right to know what was happening with her, but he didn’t even let you answer, he almost stumbled across the table as he tried to get to you in a hurry.

“Where is she? The real Jieun?” Seunghun asked, desperation dripping from his voice and you tried not to think too much into how protectively Byounggon stood between the two of you when he had seen the other guy lunge towards you.

“Would you like to visit her with me?” You inquired instead of directly answering. Your parents made sure that only family members were allowed into the ward where Jieun was kept, so no matter how mad Seunghun was at you, he couldn’t see her without you.

“We’re all going. She’s our friend,” Byeol claimed and you didn’t argue, just nodded at her.

The bus ride was mostly her and Hyunsuk asking you questions about your real life. It was almost like they tried to get to know you for real. It was ridiculously good for your heart that they took it so well. When you locked eyes with Byounggon accidentally, his knowing look was like an unsaid ‘I told you so’ and you smiled at him, grateful, nevertheless.

When you arrived at the hospital, you could feel the tension in the air. It must have brought back a lot of memories for them. You could see the way Jinyoung stopped in his tracks by the entrance before he cleared his throat.

“I will wait for you guys out here.”

“I will stay with him.” Byounggon offered.

The rest of you went in, finding Jieun just as you had left her last night, on machines, pale and vulnerable. Quietly, you told them about the bridge and what the doctors had said about her chances. You promised you would talk with the hospital, so they could visit Jieun on their own too and at that, Seunghun at least spared a glance at you. Byeol patted you on the shoulder.

“He will forgive you too. He’s just blaming himself for not noticing,” she mouthed.

You glanced at the way Seunghun was looking at your sister and it made so much sense.

So this was it. The dreading end of pretending. You hoped it would end on a happier note, Jieun waking up and taking back her life. But in a way it was fair this way, that you had to step down yourself because you couldn’t pretend anymore and you didn’t know how to be yourself around the guys. If they even wanted you to. You didn’t want to wait to find out the hard way, it would have made no sense. You would eventually have to go back to the UK. You didn’t plan to stay this long in the first place. You had heard your parents talk the other day, that they wouldn’t have thought Jieun would be on machines for so long. You feared that it would be their way of saying that they would let her go but you were glad when it wasn’t the case. Still, it was your mother’s reminder that she didn’t plan to stay afterwards. She had built a new life in Europe for herself and you. But back then, you didn’t have a choice to go or to stay, legally you still couldn’t but now you could stand up for what you wanted more. And what you wanted? It felt so selfish.

You stayed in the hospital until visiting hours ended, so you didn’t expect Byounggon and Jinyoung to still be waiting for you outside. As Seunghun elbowed his way through the friend group's little crowd, Jinyoung followed him quietly, throwing an arm around him supportingly. You thought the others would leave too, without saying goodbye, but Byeol, the always sweetheart, hugged you briefly and waved her goodbye with a little smile before taking her boyfriend’s hand and tugging him towards the bus stop.

You glanced at the boy still standing beside you, his dark eyes haunting but gentle and you didn’t know what to do with yourself. The whole situation was probably the most unfair to him because you wanted to go back to that time at the rooftop and let him kiss you now that you knew that he had figured your lies out by then. But what would it have been good for when you weren’t meant to stay?

“See? It wasn’t that bad,” Byounggon broke the silence and in a way he was right, other than Seunghun, everybody took it pretty well, better than you expected. You still felt guilty though. Towards them, towards Jieun.

“Still, tell them I’m sorry,” you sighed and finding it hard to look him in the eye, you turned to walk in the other direction. You weren’t sure where exactly, just to hide, away.

“Are you going to just disappear?” The boy called after you as if he was reading your mind. He seemed to know you better than anybody despite not knowing much about you at all. It froze your limbs with a heavy feeling.

“Why not? Now you all know where and how Jieun is,” you said, thinking that you didn’t need to explain the obvious. Even if you didn’t get the answers you wanted, at this point you doubted you would this way and they didn’t need a middleman like you either.

“And you think we wouldn’t be worried about you?” Byounggon asked and it sounded so much like an accusation that it made you turn around, to face him.

“I was never supposed to be part of your lives.”

“It’s too late for that,” he retorted, firm and direct, and your lower lip trembled.

You loved your parents but their divorce made you feel like an asset, something to choose, something without a choice itself. Maybe that’s why your life never really felt like yours, just a half of whole. Maybe the reason why you didn’t make lasting friendships was because you were afraid your mom would pack up one day and take you away with her without questions asked. It was ironic that you felt the most at home when you carved yourself into Jieun’s place.

“Stay,” Byounggon whispered and you thought of him sticking by your side in the last weeks, sitting next to you quietly in a convenience store after midnight with a bruise on his cheeks, him still being there. I wish you had come into my life sooner, he had told you, his words still echoing in your ears. He saw you, really you. Not Jieun or the mirror image of her. He saw you for yourself and the relief that washed over you brought tears into your eyes.

When he hugged close, quieting your sobs with the soft material of his worn hoodie, you finally realized: you weren’t alone, not anymore.

For those feeling betrayed by the open end, here are some notes about what happens after this:

Jieun wakes up with Seunghun beside her. Yes, Seunghun is in love with her and she knew, she ignored it on purpose because she thought she didn’t deserve it (I can see them getting together though)

the bullies do get dealt with and using the virality of the video, the gang keeps working on making changes in how bullying is treated as a norm and how stressful is the current education system

MC makes up with her sister (who rolls her eyes whenever she sees her with Byounggon). They go to family therapy though to get through their problems

MC goes back to UK to graduate but comes back to Korea for university to help the gang with their new initiatives

[this-blog-needs-a-new-name]

I’m this closed 🤏🏼 to losing my shit

Let me tell y’all something…I’m a mess

[cigarettesaftersae]

02 i'll like you - My World

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ Series: reo mikage x f!reader | contains : fluff, angst, jealousy, academic rivals, fake dating

new year, new classes, and reo mikage, a disgrace to your pride and ego

-

The air was still, save for the faint wisp of a breeze that whispered through the schoolyard. A quiet hum of chatter filled the space as you stood there, unnoticed by the others.

“Nagi Seishiro? Oh, you mean that kid with the white hair?”

“The one who’s always sleeping?”

“Yeah. I heard he just games all the time. Kinda a bum, don’t you think?”

Their words floated around you, but your mind raced faster than you could process. You stood frozen, the sting of their judgment hitting harder than expected. Images swirled in your mind, fragments of thoughts and feelings painting a confusing picture.

“…Y/N? Don’t tell me you zoned out again?”

“H-huh? No, no! I didn’t!” you stammered, trying to collect yourself. “I just… didn’t expect him. So, what do you like about him?”

The question slipped out before you could stop it, but deep down, you already knew the answer wasn’t going to be easy to hear. Your heart clenched, the faint ache of something unspoken making it hard to breathe.

“Well…” Yuna began, her cheeks flushing with a rosy hue. “I was at the convenience store, and, um, I didn’t bring enough money. He just paid for my things. He was so nice and generous. I know everyone thinks he’s lazy, but… it’s like love at first sight.”

Your stomach sank, but you pushed it aside. Smiling brightly, you grabbed Yuna’s hand in encouragement. “That’s… That’s wonderful, Yuna!”

“R-really?” she asked, her own smile widening.

“Of course!” you assured her.

Yuna’s excitement only grew. “Well, in that case… do you like anyone? Come on, there has to be someone!”

You laughed nervously, shaking your head. “Pfft, as if. I don’t like anyone.”

“Oh, I know that look,” Yuna teased, her curiosity piqued. “Tell us!”

Mira joined in, grinning slyly. “Come on, spill it!”

Cornered, you blurted out, “Uh… um, it’s Reo Mikage! You know, purple hair, charming…?” He is not charming at all.

Mira raised an eyebrow. “The Mikage kid, huh? Not a bad pick, but, uh, you do realize every girl is after him, right? And Naomi? She’s all over him.”

“Haha��� yeah,” you laughed awkwardly, hoping the topic would drop quickly. But the weight of the situation pressed heavily on your chest.

Back in class, you barely paid attention as the teacher droned on. You twirled a pen between your fingers, staring at nothing, stressed about everything—Nagi, Yuna. It was all too much.

“Psst.” A folded note slid onto your desk. Opening it, you read the bold, red-inked scrawl: Y/N, I NEED YOUR HELP!!! – YUNA :P

Suppressing a laugh, you glanced up to see Yuna giving you her best pleading expression. The amusement didn’t last.

“Is something funny, Y/N?” the teacher’s voice cut through the air. You jumped. “Maybe you’d like to share with the class?”

“Uh—no, sir. Nothing’s funny.”

“Then you must be paying excellent attention. What’s the formula for this problem right here?”

Panic rose. You didn’t recognize it—despite studying all night. Just as you were about to crumble, a voice chimed in.

“It’s the quadratic formula: ax² + bx + c = 0.”

You turned to see none other than Reo Mikage, his smug expression making your blood boil.

“Thank you, Y/N,” the teacher said sarcastically, emphasizing your name in a way that only made you cringe further.

Later, you groaned in frustration as Yuna tried to apologize. “If you hadn’t passed that note, none of this would’ve happened!”

“Sorry, sorry!” she laughed. “How was I supposed to know the teacher was lurking?”

“It’s whatever,” you sighed. “What did you need help with, anyway?”

“The quadratic formula,” she teased, stifling a giggle.

You glared at her. “I swear…”

“Okay, okay! Joking! But, um, actually… I want to join the game club. You know, since Nagi’s in it.”

Your silence stretched for a moment. “Do you even play games?”

“Uh… I played Roblox with my little cousin once?”

You buried your face in your hands. “You’re joining because of Nagi.”

“Maybe. Okay, yes! I can’t help it!”

Sighing deeply, you relented. “Only because I love you. Fine. I’ll help.”

Yuna squealed, pulling you into a tight hug. “You’re the best! Can we start today?”

With the last class ending, unlike walking home with Yuna or staying after school for club activities, you’re staying after school for club activities WITH Yuna to help her out with your crush. And that was how you found yourself dragging Yuna to the club after school. You open the door to the club room, filled with tables of ongoing rows of computers, outlets here and there, some members playing League, and most importantly, there was no Nagi Seishiro. Which kind of made you sigh in relief.

“He’s not here…” Yuna mumbled, disappointed.

“He sometimes comes late,” you offered, trying to cheer her up. “Come on, let’s meet the co-leader so you can join.”

Sitting through her interview was an experience. The co-leader, a stereotypical nerd with thick glasses and a bowl cut, “Now last question, d-do you play genshin impa-”

“Do not finish that question.” You warn. “And Yuna don’t even answer it.”

“Isn’t it that one cool Chinese game?”

“Ah! so you know about it” He excites

“I just told you not to finish that question,” you grumbled as he lit up at Yuna’s response.

Before the conversation could spiral further, the door creaked open. Both you and Yuna turned instinctively. There he was—Nagi Seishiro, focused on his phone, his white hair catching the dim light.

Yuna’s eyes sparkled, but yours darkened as you spotted someone following behind him. Reo.

When had they even become friends? And why did it feel like your entire world was slowly unraveling?

note

.

.

.

the genshin thingy was a joke guys ive been playing it since day one I'm a d1 pro at it

[blossominghunnie]

Cix

☀️ Imagine 🌙 Fanfic

🌼 Fluff 🥀 Angst 🌷 Comedy 🍄 Suggestive 🪼Request

Bx/Lee Byounggon

Coming soon

Kim Seunghun

Coming soon

Kim Yonghee

Back Home ☀️🌼🪼

01:30 ☀️🌼🪼

Bae Jinyoung

End up here ☀️🌼 (soon)

Yoon Hyunsuk

Liar 🌙🌷 [On hold]

Surprise! ☀️🌼

Taglist:

[minghaoyoudoin]

masterlist 🖤

Key:

a - angst

f - fluff

s - smut

su - suggestive

cix

bx

hotel (s)

seunghun

incentive (s)

bad (s)

yonghee

beach (f)(s)

bae jinyoung

restless (s)

hyunsuk

first (f)(s)

OT5

CIX reactions to you reading their smut (s)

CIX reactions to you sitting in their lap during a bumpy car ride (su)

Cockwarming with CIX (s)(su)(f)

enhypen hyung line

heeseung

winter nights (s)(f)

sunghoon

rain (s)

OT4 hyung line

enhypen hyung line as love languages (f)

stray kids

hyunjin

dangerous (a)(s)

deal (a)(s) - part 2 to dangerous

deadly (a)(s) - part 3 to dangerous

damaged (a)(s) - part 4 to dangerous

darling (s)(f) - epilogue to dangerous

ot8

stray kids as romantic tropes (f)

seventeen

seungcheol (s. coups)

heartbreak (a)(s)

wonwoo

midnight kiss (a)(s)

minghao (the8)

to love easily (a)(f)(s)

vernon

distraction (f)(s)

last updated 20 May, 2023

[caffeiiine]

HOORAYYY KIRUKIYO YEAH YEAH YEAH THATD BE PERFECT ACTUALLY, the way i was thinking about it was mainly like to do with the platonic relationships between him and the cast but ough. adding kirumi to the mix completes it so well omg????? <- adding that to the doc🎉🎉🎉

OHHHH THATS SUCHA GOOD IDEA YOURE SO SMART OMG THAT MAKES SENSE WITH CANON TOO, BC DIDNT LIKE SOMEHWERE IN HIS BACKSYORY HE HURT THE PROFESSOR BY MISTAKE OR AOMETHING??

YEAH YEAH YEAH ESCATKY BX ULT SURVIVOR?? SO MANY THINGS TO DO WITH THAT SO KANH THINGS [also a little ironic looking back at canon]

DEFINITEKY, on that thing with your fangame i think ik how you might be able to work that but you’d probably have to throw in an oc to make it work, bc junko and mukuro did that in thh i think right? except mukuro got killed off early on

FAIR ENOUGH FAIR ENOUGH; unfortunately my brain insists on seeing the “what could have been” and “why did you do this, this is so much better” sides of things so i tend to ahve a lot of criticisms against most medias. especially when my faves are involved. which also extends to my various opinions against fanon/fandom in general [i will never get over how they just completely fucked over korekiyos character, and how he?? is portrayed to be the icky one???after all of that????]

anyways rant over back on topic, i wasn’t necessarily saying like it all has to be a real game, implications are very interesting to me when it’s all just simulation in the end actually. just that at the end of it all tsumugi basically tells them all “i made up your whole lives, and none of it was real” which to me just completely throws out any and all character arcs/growth that was ever accomplished and completely destroys that canon route to me. in short; i love the simulation ideas, i just hate when the character backstories turn out to be false

we can probably change the survivor number as we go, it’s not that important rn i think

OHHH THAT IDEA WITH HIM FINDING A REASON TO LIVE THEN DYING YES YES🎉🎉🫂🫂 I DIDNG EVEN THINK ABOUT COMPARINH HIMIKO AND TENKO TO ISHIMONDO THATS EVERYTHING OMG

i also really like the idea of her being a blackened, and i think she would’ve been a really good one too but at the same time augahshs my little found family😞😞 it’d affect them a lot i think so that’s definitely good angst but at the same time. my sibling trio😞. decisions are hard😞😞

OK HI SODA HI HI HI I HAD IDEAS FOR THE V3 REWRITE THAT I WANT TO SHARE (IDK IF U WANTED TO SEE THE GENIUS IDEA FOR THE REWRITE WITH THE OC BUT ILL SEND THIS AND THEN IF U WANNA SEE JUS TELL ME) ANYWAY !!!

ok i dont acgtually have too much but!! but but but i do have some ideas right

as of rn ive got two survivors (korekiyo, kokichi), a potential mastermind (miu?), chapter 3's first victim (kirumi), chapter 3's second blackened (korekiyo), and chapter 5's victim (rantaro). idk if this is good or not biut like !!!! ebehebh !!!!

miu being the mastermind is something i had for my own rewrite like with my oc but also i really like the idea, we could also have her do something with kiibo at some point like install a virus on him or wtvr that would make him kill someone? because she operates on him in the game anyway so having her do so and then have that fall into place later but like not give him time to say somethingabout it is really fun to me

kirumi i dont really have a reason for her being the first victim other than im a sucker for kirukiyo and i think he'd be pretty distressed that she died (im being very self indulgent here but we can change this if u want to, idk ur opinions on kirukiyo so !!! its up to u), we could also do something where the murders happened at almost the exact same time so he could have saved her if he had just been somewhere instead of trying to kill someone for his sister to have another "friend" in the afterlife

kokichi i want to live because i love him. end of explanation

rantaro i wanted to die at some point but not at the start, in part bc i love him but also because i think itd be really interesting if he was killed in ch 5 instead of kokichi because he has a lot of importance too, right? so i think a killing with him could be just as good, he could have helped the killer because he wanted them to try to find out the mastermind during his trial or something idk. still in speculation but i think it would be cool

as for like, protagonists and stuff, i have zero idea, but !!!!!! i think it would be super mega awesome to have both kaede and shuichi survive but also that is like not possible because kaede's death made shuichi actually be able to be good and smart at things and not feel bad IDK WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT AT SOME POINT BUT HERES MY IDEAS SORRY THIS IS A LOT OF PARAGRAPHS

starting out i’m gonna be all over the place with this <33

first off: THE KIRUKIYO ISEA IS SO COOL THO honestly i never thought of that ship, and im not a huge shipper myself outside of bsd so im super neutral about most ships <33 so yeah!!!! we can ahve kirukiyo!!!! i like that!!!! :3 <- since you asked about my opinion on it

ALSO ARE YOU IN MY HEAD OR SOMETHING. MIU MASTERMIND!!! MIU MASTERMIND!!! or if not a mastermind, then in the very least a killer. i can’t tell you how many times i’ve ranted to my rl friends about how miu should’ve gotten to kill somebody. like ik in canon she was supposed to be the killer for 4 but that got swapped last minute but SHE SHOULDVE BEEN ALLOWED TO KILL SOMEBDIY and yes yes yes yes yes she should do something with kiibo that’d be very fun

YOURE SO CORRDCT ON RANTARO BTW his character generally suffers from the fact he was killed off way at the beginning, and ugshdh he could have done. so much. if he was left alive a little longer. i’ve said this before but that’s a common issue just in general with the type of game danganronpa is especially with the writers not adjusting the arcs for their allotted time which causes me PAIN. yeah leave him alive for longer for sure. and oooo i like rantaro, i think he could go either way being a killer or victim. especially if at the end of it all no matter how it goes down, hes wrong. whether he kills the wrong person, or if he’s caught in the middle of a planned murder and happens to be collateral damage/the mistaken victim while he’s trying to go after the mastermind and either way their only lead to the mastermind is now just gone

one of the things i do really like about v3 despite all my criticisms against it, is the fake-out protagonist. i’m not saying we have kaede die again or shuichi goes in her place, but i think it’d be cool to include something like that with one of the cast members? maybe kaito? idk im throwing things at the wall rn but basically im trying to figure out a way to have a character haunt the narrative like kaede did

yeah i ahev no clue about protags either yet, we can always just figure that out down the line sometime🎉🎉🎉

also side note but i propose to throw out the real fiction plotline or whatever it was called that v3 went down in the game, thoughts?

also also second unrelated side note: do we have to keep the 3 survivors? not like the literal characters, just the number. like obviously we wont have everyone survive, but idk let’s not confine ourselves to a number yet

for my input regarding cases: in no particular order/killer - ryoma -> victim/survivor ; himiko -> killer/victim [i think it’d be cool to have her as a killer but i’m not sure how she’d even go about it or even why] ; tenko -> victim ; tsumugi -> killer [i think her execution would be super interesting] aaaand i ahve yet to think about the rest

inout regarding survivors: idk i really want angie to survive and i am shooting you with shinounaga found family propaganda

anyways!!! give your opinion!!! sorry this took me forever to type!!!!!

[kyufessions]

Losers

context: best friend! hyunsuk has had a developing crush on best friend! g.n. reader for quite some time, but terrified of confessing to them (featuring close friends! cix)

word count: 2.0k

warnings: fluff, just both clueless, making out at one point, some arguing but not too descriptive so i guess a tad bit of angst ?

a/n: clueless love struck hyunsuk </3 so cute ! i am in no way saying this is how any of them would act in the situation with reader x jinyoung (especially jinyoung), this is all fiction and in no way real.

—————-

everyone at the dorms absolutely adored you- they thought of you as their secret sixth member who laid low and kept them company most days. they’d even refer to you as a sibling of theirs (mainly byounggon and yonghee). but out of everyone, you were closest to hyunsuk. both of you were inseparable to be honest- always cuddling during movie nights and on facetime when not together. the other four would always tease about you two getting together eventually, but it’s been a good two years and nothing even remotely close has happened between you two to that extent.

something of that extent would have happened if hyunsuk wasn’t so terrified of making a move. everytime you even look at him it causes his heart to race; don’t even get him started when you fall asleep with your head on his shoulder because he could go on for hours. he liked everything about you, both inside and out. and everyone knew it too, except you of course. when it came to you, you were oblivious.

you liked hyunsuk at first, but as months turned into two years right before your eyes you decided to let your feelings subside. you figured he didn’t feel the same so you decided to attempt to move on. you would go on occasional dates, nothing too serious, but none of them started working out once you realized you had feelings for someone else besides hyunsuk as well. they only started around two months ago, but they were growing at a rapid pace. you had no clue how it happened, but here you were in the dorms. alone. with said person.

hyunsuk had been out running errands, making sure to be back in time before you had gotten there. he even picked up some of your favorites from the convenience store down the street, loving the excitement in your face when you were surprised by little things such as buying your favorite things out of the blue. but his excitement exited his body as he entered the living room of the dorm to find you sitting in the lap of his other member, lips moving together hungrily as your hands tangled themselves in his hair and his hands held your waist.

he felt his heart shatter. all the members knew of his feelings for you, especially jinyoung. but here he was, shoving his tongue down the throat of the person he felt himself gradually falling in love with. he made his way out of the room quietly, neither of you hearing him enter. he dragged his feet towards his shared room with yonghee, opening the door to see his roommate sitting up on his iPad. when he noticed you enter in a sulking manner, his attention shifted from his current math problem he was attempting to solve to the sad maknae.

“hey, what’s wrong?” yonghee asked, setting his iPad down on the nightstand beside him. he shifted his body to have his legs hanging off the side of the bed, resting his elbows on his thighs as he leaned forward to listen better.

hyunsuk put the bag of your goodies on his bed, sitting beside it and playing with the plastic bag. “i didn’t know y/n and jinyoung were a thing.”

yonghee’s eyes widened, tilting his head to the side. “what do you mean they’re a ‘thing’?”

hyunsuk pointed towards the door before ripping open the bag and taking out a drink he bought for you, debating if he should drink it or not touch it and just give it to you later. “they’re out there making out on the couch.”

and with that, the older member stormed out of the room and down the hall to talk to jinyoung. hyunsuk didn’t bother to listen in when the voices got bigger, even when his name was mentioned. he just stared down in the bag of the goodies, eventually picking it up and stuffing it into an empty nightstand drawer. for now, he just wanted to lay in his bed and forget everything. he would put it all away later.

when yonghee interrupted your heated make out session with jinyoung, you were confused as to why he was pissed off. that was until he said something you never thought you’d hear.

“you know hyunsuk likes them, why would you do that to him?” was all yonghee said to have your mind scrambling.

you had no clue how hyunsuk felt whatsoever. again, as previously stated, you were oblivious to that fact. you sat there, listening for a few more moments before deciding to get up and storm off to hyunsuk and yonghee’s room. when yonghee said your best friend walked in on you both, you knew he would be in his room. after all, where else would he be?

you didn’t even knock, just entered and watched as he sat up from his bed with his sad eyes meeting yours. you just sighed, walking over to his bed and sitting at the far end corner. he just watched you in silence, not sure of what to say. he didn’t really have a reason to be mad at you, really. he was more upset at his group mate and himself if anything.

“why didn’t you tell me how you felt, hyunsuk?” you questioned, not breaking eye contact with him for a second. you weren’t sure how to feel at this point- you had a million thoughts in your head.

“i was scared you wouldn’t feel the same.”

“for two years?” he nodded, causing a sigh to escape your lips once more. “i liked you too, you should’ve said something sooner.”

“past tense?”

you nodded, looking down at your hands and fiddling with your fingers. “i figured if you liked me you would’ve said something. so i tried to move on. then i got closer with jinyoung and- yeah.”

he shrugged, still looking at you. “i get it. i mean, it’s jinyoung.”

you chuckled, shaking your head. “no, hyunsuk. don’t. you don’t get it. don’t think lowly of yourself because of this- because of me.”

you stood up, not wanting to look at him as you started walking towards the door to exit his room. ”i, i still really like you but after this i don’t know how to feel. i wish i would’ve known sooner. i’m sorry.”

and with that, you walked out of his room and the dorm as yonghee and jinyoung both argued back and forth in the living room with byounggon trying to calm everything down. no one paid attention to you as you left, too immersed in everything that was happening.

days, weeks, and months passed by without a word from you. you hadn’t reached out to anyone, too embarrassed of the situation. you made out with jinyoung while his best friend had a massive crush on you, and you were too blind to even notice it.

for a few days, everything was bitter between the two. after a week, everyone else forced them to sit down and talk it out like adults. and they did. apologies were spilled and hugs were exchanged. they both agreed to not allow anyone to come between them, especially over romantic interests. after that, everyone messaged in the group chat you were in with them hoping you’d respond. but as weeks went on and you hadn’t responded, they became more concerned than anything. they all missed you, especially hyunsuk. but there wasn’t much for them to do if you weren’t responding since they didn’t want to push it. all they could do was text you occasionally and hope for some type of response.

months passed, and nothing. that was until one brisk october night when hyunsuk went for a nightly walk by himself. you had been on his mind all day, even more than normal. so he figured he take a small stroll through the park you both met at- coincidentally three years ago today. it was almost eleven at night, the sounds of crickets filling the night air.

the pale moonlight kept you company as you swung weakly back and forth on the swing, your head leaning against the chains. you were missing hyunsuk and the rest of the boys a lot more than normal, but you were too scared to text them. what if they hated you? or wanted nothing to do with you? you knew that wasn’t the case, but your thoughts held you back.

when hyunsuk saw you from a distance, he felt his legs dragging him towards you. he had no idea what he was going to say, if he was going to say anything at all. but he just had to see you up close in a better atmosphere than the previous one. even if it was potentially going to be for the last time.

you looked up as you heard someone approaching, the last person you expected to see be yoon hyunsuk. your breath caught in your throat, unsure of what to say to him. you both stared at each other as he sat in the empty swing next to you. for a while, you both just swung back and forth in silence. up until he spoke up.

“i missed you.” hyunsuk confessed, kicking his feet back and forth in the dirt.

you nodded, scared to talk. so for a few moments you just sat there not saying anything, until the guilt took over you and you decided to speak up. “i missed you too. i just feel, embarrassed about everything. almost like it’s my fault.”

hyunsuk took this opportunity to look at you and reach over to place his hand on top of yours in your lap, careful to not push any boundaries he made sure to hover his hand above yours. when you reached up to grab his hand, that’s when he knew it was okay to do so. he started rubbing circles into the back of your hand before speaking again. “nothing is your fault at all. you didn’t know of my feelings for you, i should’ve said something before. i just thought you didn’t feel the same and i was terrified of losing what we had if you didn’t.”

you let out a dry laugh, looking up to meet his eyes. they held hope yet sadness at the same time, and all you wanted to do was hold him in your arms. “suk, i’ve had feelings for you for the last two or so years. i just didn’t think you felt the same way either so i tried going on dates to forget you and even convinced myself of having a crush on jinyoung to forget my feelings for you. but it didn’t work and, as fuck up as this sounds, i was imagining you the whole time.”

hyunsuk couldn’t hold back his laughter, causing you to let out a hearty laugh as well. as he threw his head back, you just stared at him with admiration. you’ve missed this, all of this. his laughter, his smile, everything under the sun. this time, you were going to make sure not to let him go.

“no one is mad at you; in fact we all miss you. me more though, of course.” he stood up, interlacing his fingers with yours and tugging on your arm ever so gently. “come on, let’s go on our first date.”

you stood up as well, following behind him in confusion. “what if i don’t want to?” you joked, a playful smile tugging at your lips.

he looked back at you and rolled his eyes, letting out a soft chuckle afterwards. “we’re both losers who are hopelessly falling for each other, i don’t think you’d say no.” he pulled you up to his side, bringing your hand to his lips and planting a soft kiss on the back of it. “unless you don’t want to, of course. i won’t force you.”

you shook your head, a smile never leaving your face as your cheeks heated up. “this loser would love to go on this long awaited date with you.”

[iwillgiveyoumyhappiness]

What are your favorite tropes that remind you of each cix member? (If you could list a couple that would be great but not necessary)

Honestly don't even know if this counts! 😂 This is less like tropes and more like aesthetics, but also not really, so I don't really know how to categorize it. Either way! I hope you enjoyed it and I'd love to hear your thoughts!

.

.

.

Byounggon: Awkward but sweet first love, late night movie dates + cuddles, clumsy but heartfelt confessions, 'I love you' and a forehead kiss while they think you're asleep, pampering each other with massages and at-home spa days, shared playlists, trying new things together, window shopping together and secretly buying each other gifts, making the most mundane days special, 'I know we're young, but I picture forever with you'.

Seunghun: 'I love you' + 'I love you more', refusing to hang up first, saving each other as something cheesy/funny in your phones, inside jokes for days, brushing your teeth together in the morning and making funny faces in the mirror, 'I'll pay'/'No, really, I insist'/'I SAID, LET ME PAY, DAMMIT', all-encompassing hugs when you're sad, giggly eskimo kisses.

Yonghee: Falling in love at the wrong time, strangers-to-lovers, museum dates where 'you are the greatest work of art', cooking together but it's just customizing the toppings of your frozen pizza, knowing what the other is thinking just by looking at each other's eyes, getting exhausted at the same time and agreeing to leave the party together, chatting about dumb things until 3AM.

Jinyoung: Cute barista/florist, meeting your first love years later, a bittersweet summer love that you still think about to this day, you both like each other but are too shy to make the first move, 'may I have this dance?', mindlessly playing with someone's fingers, cheek kisses as both greetings and farewells, 'love ya' instead of 'thank you'.

Hyunsuk: Childhood best friends, falling asleep on each other's shoulders, late night fastfood runs, amusement park dates, shy but excited kisses while fireworks go off in the background, a specific person springing to mind when you see something that makes you happy, 'you make me smile'.

[shuichi-sama]

the lost prince, the prince of gold.

inspired by: cix - jungle mv

Summary: Following her mother's failure of her second attempt in marriage, Y/n, daughter of an archeologist, is forced between choosing how to spend her last summer break before her freshman year in college. Surely attending her mother's third wedding won't be as fun as the previous one, leaving her with only one choice, joining her father in one of his many escapades, during the harshest weather of the year in the mountains of the Netherlands.

Unbeknown of a mysterious young boy chained in a cave deep within the mountains. With no recollection of his past and only a name, Jinyoung, is their new found responsibility.

But when Jinyoung's memories slowly start to unravel, the dark truths of his past lead them to an unknown jungle and a broken kingdom with years worth of ancient history.

[cixtz]

a/n: this one got a bit long, so i put a “keep reading” line in. this honestly kinda hurt to write haha, but thank you for the request anon! i hope you enjoy it 😌

song: revival by cix

"what comes next in our story  won't have me in it"

[00:23] you were getting tired. tired of absolutely everything. you were in a relationship, or at least you were in the relationship. lately it seemed so one-sided. you were doing absolutely everything for him; cleaning his clothes, washing his dishes, making his bed, cooking dinner when he got home late only for it to go cold and uneaten. maybe tired was a bit of an understatement. the hurt you were beginning to feel was becoming unbearable. they say nothing hurts more than unrequited love, and you were beginning to believe it. your thoughts got the best of you most days, and you thought it would be better if you just left, packed your bags and made him feel the same hurt you've been feeling for months.

"i'm tired of waiting for you on this freezing night"

times felt so cold when he wasn't with you. late nights that you stayed up hoping he would be home soon were an absolute drag. staying up until midnight was becoming exhausting. you simply couldn't do it anymore.

the jingling of keys in the door brought your attention away from your hands in your lap to the man walking in the door and you got to your feet. shoulders slouched and clearly exhausted, he dropped his bag by the door and took his shoes off without even greeting you or sparing a look in your direction.

"jinyoung," you say firmly. he looks at you, and then to the suitcases at your feet and the bag in your hand. his brows furrow and he walks towards you.

"what's going on?" he says worriedly. "why do you have these suitcases?"

"what's going on? maybe you should ask yourself that as i walk out the door," you say coldly. you had to stand your ground on this. you couldn't let him pull you back in only to break you down even more.

"what are you talking about?" he looks even more confused than before. "please, just sit down. we need to talk about this."

you hesitantly sit down on the couch with him. this would be the last time, you told yourself.

"what's been going on with you? these past few months have been hell for me. i feel like you've fallen out of love with me and it hurts knowing i will never stop loving you. i do so much for you to try and make you notice me, it's like we're not even dating! you never acknowledge me or anything i do for you and you constantly come home late. i know that you have dance practice late most days, but even on days when you don't, you spend all your time away from me. so you tell me what's going on," you let out a harsh breath as you finish speaking, not realizing you said that all in basically one breath. you felt fresh tears running down your face and let out a sob as you place your face in your hands. a pair of hands grabbed at your arms and jinyoung brought you into a tight hug. at this point, you didn't have the energy to push him away, nor did you want to. you needed this after all this time not spending any time with him. "jinyoung," you say through your tears, "i love you so much, but i don't know if i can keep doing this. it hurts so much," you could barely let out your last sentence as sobs wracked your body again.

"please, don't leave. i'll be a better man for you, i swear. i'll explain everything. just please don't leave me," at this moment, you looked him in the eyes and saw the pain of a someone truly hurting. a small part of you was glad he was hurting like you had all these months, but a much bigger part of you hated seeing him like this.

"jinnie," you whispered as you wiped the tears falling from his eyes. his hands found their way to your cheeks, and he pulled you in for a kiss. the first one you two had shared in months, and it was nothing short of passionate. when he pulled away, he leaned his forehead on yours and looked into your eyes.

"don't you ever think i fell out of love with you. i will love you for the rest of my life and in my next one. i'll always love you," he said firmly, but with so much emotion behind it.

in this moment you realized you could never leave him. he meant too much to you and you meant too much to him, and you saw that now.

"heart still broken you are the only one that can heal me."

[fuckedurbias]

superhero!baejin pt.2

PART 1

it had been almost two months since the robot ordeal

that villain was successfully defeated, captured and locked up in prison

but there had been a couple more seperate incidences since then

by different, lesser known villains

they were nowhere near as drastic and destructive as the whole robot thing

but still pretty scary and threatening

and at both of those newer situations

he was there

this, spider boy

you’d been researching him ever since that day

and paying a lot more attention to jinyoung

and putting the pieces together, slowly but surely

whenever something bad happened

and there was attack of some sort, even minor

jinyoung would suddenly disappear when nobody was looking and distracted

seriously how did nobody else notice?

or more importantly

how did jinyoung think nobody would notice

well, they didn’t so he was right

but you noticed,,,, so somebody did

anyways

during this time as well

you and jinyoung were becoming closer

and, much to your dismay

you caught feelings

as if you didn’t have them already and were just in denial

you caught them hard

and it was very hard to hide it

part of you wanted to avoid him and never see him again

the other part wanted to be around him any chance you got

but obviously you couldn’t do either of those things

so nothing really changed in the relationship

except you two becoming closer

texting each other a lot

and hanging out more

but they weren’t dates!!! at least you both told yourselves that

but,,, never said to each other it wasn’t

‘haha wow fun date today jinyoung!!’

“haha yes i agree!! haha a date how insane would that be if it was one?!”

the banter flirting,,,

it turned into more,,, real flirting

and just intensified

everyone else in the group was just so confused

a very large part of you felt like

BUT YES ANYWAYS SUPERHERO STUFF

you knew it was jinyoung

how couldn’t it be

if it wasn’t you’d be genuinely gobsmacked

n e ways

this particular day, you and baejin were once again

hanging out at the largest shopping centre in your city

,,,with your friends of course,,

but it didn’t feel like they were there at all

you n jinyoung were in your own little world together uwu

you and jinyoung were sharing a frozen yoghurt

and talking about anime you were watching together

COME ON HOW DO YOU NOT THINK HE LIKES YOU WAKE UP!! U WEENIE!!

when all of a sudden

the glass roof above you smashes and starts to fall

and the most horrible, eardrum shattering high pitched noise runs through the entire centre

you cover your ears and scream, full of pain and terror

jinyoung acts quickly and gathers your group and pushes them all under the table while everyone’s trying to block out the noise

it stops shortly after it started but the glass is still falling

you’re all sitting under there

and you unintentionally look at jinyoung

with the most pleading look in your eyes

you had the worst feeling of dread in your stomach

you didn’t want him to go and fight whatever the fuck was causing this

you had a feeling this one would be really dangerous and scary

what if he got really badly hurt? what if he,,,, couldn’t do it?

you don’t even know when

but he had grabbed your hand at some point during you being inside your own head with worry

and was holding it tightly, squeezing it with reassurance

you didn’t know it yet but,,, he knew that you knew

but you just took this reassuring hand squeeze as him just trying to comfort you

with his free hand he softly pats your head, telling you ‘it’ll be okay’

when all the glass had fallen and it was safe,,, enough,,,, to at least try to get safety

jinyoung pulls you all out from under the table and chaos has ensued

people running in fear all around you

‘run!’ jinyoung yells at everyone

your legs won’t let you

you’re so worried about him

jinyoung, who hasn’t let go of your hand

has to start running with you for your legs to subconsciously start running

your chest is so tight

you were trying not to cry and lose it

you were so scared that you were going to be hurt

and even more worried that he could be hurt or,,, worse

at some point jinyoung let go of your hand and left you

you didn’t even realise because you were just so scared

you didn’t even know where you were running

not to an exit, not to somewhere safe

just, away

from whatever this was

you eventually ran into a store

specifically a doc martens

why that one? you didn’t know

there was a few people already hiding in there

you hid near the front window, so you could try and see out

you looked up at the roof, where the sky was very visible

and saw a villain floating in the sky that you recognised

he was fairly new and fairly young

but recently he’d been determined on causing chaos

he had a few very strong, very dangerous powers that you knew of

for someone his age, he was very chaotic and strong

he must’ve emitted a sound wave to smash all the glass

while watching, you start to see something horrible

these scary dog/bat/rat like creatures start running in from the now open roof

running on the walls and ceiling like bugs

separating onto each of the floors before running off to cause havoc

your breath hitches in your throat, quickly but quietly hiding under the sill of the window

you look back into the rest of the store, seeing the other people covering their mouths trying not to scream as they look on with nothing but horror in their eyes

you just sat there in silence, listening

you could hear the creatures roaring and growling in the distance, but none of them sounded close enough yet

suddenly, you heard noise coming from where the villain was

he was talking to someone

oh no

the feeling of dread in your stomach came back and you wanted to vomit everywhere from how strong it was

you tried to listen and see up to where he was

but it was hard without possibly exposing your face to the creatures outside if they were to pass by

you lifted your head, your forehead and eyes were exposed in the window but you didn’t care

you needed to see

you needed to see if he was okay

you couldn’t hear much but from what you could make out

it sounded like ‘i knew that my little plan here would bring you out’

that made you mad

what the heck was this asshole on about?

during your eavesdropping

you made one grave mistake

you blocked out your surroundings completely

and you didn’t notice a creature coming by

and spotting you

you only noticed

when it pounced on the window and roared in your face

scaring the living daylights out of you

before it figured out there was an entrance

you quickly crawled back, getting up

yelling at everyone else in the store to quickly go to back in the stock room and hide in there

when you faced back to the window the thing was gone

it was slowly crawling into the entrance

it seemed to want to back you into a corner

it was in the pouncing position, slowly crawling towards you

you had a plan

you walked back slowly, making it look like you were doing what it wanted

you walked closer to the shoe rack that was next to you

with your arms behind your back

you stopped right behind where the rack ended

and when the creature was close to you

right in the middle of the rack

you quickly grabbed it with both your hands

and forcibly pulled it down

making the entire rack come crashing down onto the creature before it could escape

after processing what you just did, which didn’t take long

you sprinted out of the store (after locking the stock room door so the people inside were safe)

the other creatures quickly saw you and started chasing you

there was no point in running to an entrance, they’d continue following you

and you’d just bring them out onto the streets

so you made an impulse and rather silly decision

that you should try and fight

so you quickly turned the corner

into one of the restaurant sections of the centre

you ran up to the seafood restaurant

and yanked off the spear of the fisherman statue outside

you quickly turned it around and pointed it at the creatures that were slowly beginning to circle you

you tried to look threatening but you doubted that you did

holy shit, you were really about to die

at least you were going to try and last a little bit longer

it’s not even the fact that you can’t fight,,, at least not with a spear??

just that you were really outnumbered

and didn’t have any superpowers to defend yourself

suddenly someone jumps down in front of you

it was him

spider boy-wait no,,, jinyoung

he quickly wrapped his arms around your waist as he shot a web up onto the roof

as the creature right in the middle pounces

you quickly swing and whack it hard right on its temple, sending it flying

and very much unconscious

the other creatures quickly start to try and jump up and bite you both as jinyoung swings away

he swings you both of the now open rooftop

which was definitely a bad idea

because the villain immediately started chasing you both

shooting laser rays at you both out his hands

you screamed a little, tightening your grip around jinyoung’s shoulders

burying your face into his shoulder, squeezing your eyes shut

bracing yourself for what felt like the inevitable

jinyoung was being very speedy and agile however

going in between buildings, turning corners really sharply on his webs

once it seemed like he lost the villain,,, for now

he landed on a balcony

as soon he placed you down he started stroking your hair, checking over your face

‘why did you come save me? how did you even know i was in danger?’

‘i’m a super, duh. i always know when someone’s in danger’

you grab his hand and snatch it away from your hair

‘no, i’m not stupid. you shouldn’t have come to save me and jeopardised your own safety and the success of defeating that asshole, you’ve put yourself in danger because of me and now if you get hurt or even worse,,, die! because of me i will never forgive myself.’

‘baby, i’m a super. this is my job, i got this’

god even with his mask and you struggling to hear his muffled voice, him calling you that for the first time made you want to cry, especially in this dire of a situation.

‘i don’t care, jinyoung. i am not worth the risk’

he reaches his hands up and grabs his mask

oh fuck

you realise what you just said and,,, oh fuck

and he slides it off

oh shit,,, he looks so beautiful with his hair all messy like that oh god your heart is going to burst

he just gives you a cheeky smirk

‘i knew it. i knew you knew’

‘well it was pretty obvious, you didn’t even try to hide it’

‘ yeah i did a pretty bad job but hey, nobody but you seems to know so,,,’

he grabs both of your hands and pulls you closer

‘also,, you were literally about to die as if i’d just let that happen’

‘hey i think i’d last at least 6 seconds of fighting those things before i’d die’

he just chuckles in response as his gaze falls to your lips

your smile

he slowly leans in

and you close your eyes as you instinctively lean it too

but you hear a loud wooshing noise

and you open your eyes to see

the villain floating right behind jinyoung

you scream and try to push jinyoung out the way

but at the last second, jinyoung turns around and jumps in front of you

he gets hit right in the stomach with the laser

you scream and try to catch him in your arms as he collapses

the villain just smile as he watches on

turning around and flying away when he feels happy with what he’s seen

what he’s done

you can’t even yell anything at him

no noise will come out of your throat

jinyoung open his eyes a little

he weakly grabs your hand

and places it on his chest

‘press,,,,, press the button’

you’re confused,,, what button??

then you realise

the spider in the middle of his chest is the button

you press down frantically and it lights up and blinks rapidly

in what seems to be morse code

you press down a few more times

even more frantically

you don’t even know what it does but you’re desperate

jinyoung pulls your hand away and just holds it weakly

rubbing his thumb over the back of your palm

‘it’s okay baby,,, it’ll be okay’

you give him those pleading eyes again, tears brimming

you can tell he’s so desperately trying to stay conscious and it hurts

it hurts so bad seeing him in pain and trying so hard to keep you from crying and worrying

suddenly

you hear someone landing behind you on the balcony

you turn around frantically to see

another super that you know very well

and another one floating beside them

it’s the two popular supers from last time

the one behind you smiles at you as they step over you to get to jinyoung

the other one picks you bridal style

you squeal out of shock

but you didn’t feel scared

they must’ve been here to help

that must’ve been what jinyoung’s button was for

sending them a message to come help

the other super picks up jinyoung the same

and they start to fly you somewhere

really fast

the villain seems to notice somehow

and starts to chase them too

they speed up even more

and take you through a tunnel

and they aim for a sewer hole entrance

you scream

how the heck are you gonna fit through there?!

you brace for impact

though it never happens

you open your eyes again and suddenly you’re in the sewer

they’re flying through, the villain still trying to catch up

and you go down further and further into the sewer

and suddenly you’re at what appears to be a base

the supers quickly place you and jinyoung down on the floor

‘we will be back shortly’

they quickly go back up and stop the villain from entering

chasing him away

when you can’t hear them anymore you sit up and look down to jinyoung

he seems better already

you grab him by the chest part of his suit

and pull him up to you

and kiss him quickly and harshly

‘please, don’t ever scare me like this again’

he smiles, kissing you again, really softly and delicately

‘only if you promise to stop putting yourself in danger’

you scrunch up your face, before kissing him again

it was a deal

[seunghunney]

masterlist

how to make a request

disclaimer- please do not steal/plagiarise any of the works listed below, i work really hard on my fics so please be respectful.

seunghun

no matter what (time stamp, light angst with fluff) best friend! seunghun

crackhead hours with bf!seunghun  (social media au, fluff, crack/humour)

boyfriend seunghun (bullet point scenario, fluff)

blushing (fluff) bad boy! seunghun

hyunsuk

stay with me (fluff) boyfriend! hyunsuk

home (fluff) boyfriend! hyunsuk 

surprise back hug (fluff, back hugs, drabble) boyfriend! hyunsuk

yonghee

soft hours with bf! yonghee (social media, fluff)

rainy days (time stamp, fluff) boyfriend! yonghee

‘my darling’ (time stamp, fluff) boyfriend! yonghee

byounggon (BX)

happy birthday (fluff) boyfriend! bx

carnival games and sweet confessions (fluff, first dates, mutual pining, confessions)

jinyoung

nothing lasts forever (angst, post break up)

boyfriend jinyoung (bullet point scenario, fluff)

updated last: 30th may 2020

[fakexorchestra]

“You’re a fucking terrible brother!” Ghost kept his mouth shut. Who is he to argue? He’s right. It hurt, but it was the truth wasn’t it? He’s much to stubborn, dumb, and just horribly mean to say anything other than an insult. It’s his only way of defending himself. It keeps him from crying. ....for the most part, anyway.  He is too much of a fucking coward to tell his brother that he cares. What the hell was wrong with him?? Why can’t he express himself like a normal fucking person???

[restlessmaknae]

masterlist ✦ cix

angst [🌪]  fluff [☀]  action [♦]  comforting [♥]

BX

✒ came the light ☀ 🌪 ♥

magical medic!Byounggon x princess!reader/you

As a princess in exile with a bad reputation, you can't understand why Byounggon would want to spend time with you, but there's no stopping him, let alone the feelings that he evokes in you.

HYUNSUK

✒ burn in love 🌪

angel!Hyunsuk x reader/you

Do you know how the moth is attracted to the light despite the possibility of getting burnt? That’s how you and Hyunsuk were.

✒ until i found you ☀

rookie actor!Hyunsuk x last year uni student!female reader/you

When a cute, handsome stranger helps you out at your favourite 24-hour bookstore, you have no idea that he’s actually a rookie actor from Korea who is currently shooting a drama in Taiwan.

JINYOUNG

✒ never forever 🌪

prince!Jinyoung x female court lady!reader/you

Just as much as you would have liked to delude yourself into thinking that you could have anything together with prince Jinyoung, it would be simply impossible as long as you were a servant and he was a prince. Which meant that you could never do so.

✒ back to life  🌪 ♥

high school senior!Jinyoung x female reader/you

Jinyoung didn’t deserve to be believed, being misunderstood was his punishment for not being able to help his friend when he would have needed it. He felt like he could have a redemption only if he finished school without anyone talking to him, so why… why did you want to see him when he wanted to be invisible?

SEUNGHUN

✒ one to let go, one to hold on ☀ 🌪 ♥

dance partner!Seunghun x female!reader/you

If dancing was a language, you and Seunghun would speak the same one.

✒ you’re my fireflower ☀ ♦

soldier!Seunghun x female!reader/you

As a medic, you would have never let an unconscious, bleeding boy die in front of you, but by saving him, you actually tie yourself to him for life.

YONGHEE

✒ spoonful of love ☀

boyfriend!Yonghee x female!reader/you

What’s sweeter than a sweet boyfriend? Having ice cream on a hot day with a sweet boyfriend, and realising just how lovely and fun it is to live with him despite little mishaps.

[kyufessions]

Opposites

context: popular college student! seunghun x lonely college student! g.n. reader

word count: 3.6k

warnings: fluff, some angst

a/n: idk how this got so long but enjoy !

——————

you were both complete opposites. you hated everyone, he loved everyone. he always wore color while you wore black, grey, and white tones. you were a business major while he was a music major. he was well known and “popular” around campus, while you blended into the background. you couldn’t be more different from one another, so when you both got paired up to work on a class project together you couldn’t be more anxious and a bit irritated. why him? of all people? you even would’ve been fine with the asshole soccer player.

as class finished up, you took your time packing up and stuffing your notebook into your bag. before you could put your headphones on, a tall figure started approaching you at the corner of your eyes. you could already feel his positive aura oozing out onto the floor and approaching you at a rapid pace.

“excuse me?” you heard him say, the smile evident in his voice. when you turned your head to look at him, you noticed the bright smile that spread from ear to ear. it was lovely and welcoming- which to you was frightening.

“yes?” you replied, fiddling with the wire of your headphones awaiting his response.

“we’re partners for the project,” he started, his smile never fading as he spoke. “can we exchange numbers so we can plan our meet up for the project?”

you nodded, pulling out your phone and opening your contacts to add a new one. you typed his name into your phone before handing it over to him, standing up from your chair as you did so. when you noticed the height difference between you both, you felt intimidated. you never noticed his height until now, has he always been this tall?

when he took your phone in his hands he was going to start typing out his name when he realized it was already typed out, causing him to raise a curious brow. he glanced up at you as he typed in his number, parting his lips. after inserting his number he texted himself a quick ‘hi’ so he had your number as well. “how do you know my name?”

when he finished and handed you back your phone, you opened up your music app to start listening to some ph-1 as you walked back to your dorm. “you’re kim seunghun, everyone knows who you are.” you said as you slid your headphones on, putting your phone in your pocket and walking away from the confused man that stood there baffled. who were you?

a sigh of content escaped your lips as you finished up your rough draft of an essay for your english class. you had been sitting on your ass for the past three hours writing, your stomach now growling because you haven’t had food for severest hours. as if on cue, your roommate, chaesol, walked in looking as tired as ever. you weren’t that close to her, but she was the only person you’d ever consider a friend.

“hey,” you started, turning to look in her direction and watch her plop dramatically onto her twin XL mattress. “long day?”

all she did was hum in response, turning on her back and staring up at the white ceiling. for a few seconds, silence filled the room you both shared. when you stood up after closing your laptop is when she spoke up again. “the cafeteria just closed, by the way. i don’t know if you ate yet but i didn’t see you so i figured i’d let you know.” the groan that left your lips signified that you hadn’t ate, which made her feel bad for not picking you up something. “the snack shack should be open though. it’s not the most healthy but i’d rather you eat something rather than nothing.”

you nodded, grabbing your wallet and putting on your kuromi themed slippers. “thanks for letting me know, chae. do you want anything?”

she shook her head, sitting up lazily in her bed and kicking off her backpack from on top of her bed. “no, i’m good. by the time you come back i might be asleep anyway. i appreciate it though, thank you.” she smiled over at you, waiting for your awkward smile back. and when you sent it her way, she waved as you walked out the door and down to get some fried food.

excitement filled you as you noticed there was no line, only the two workers behind the counter. you walked up to both of them, ordering mozzarella sticks with onion rings and a vanilla cola. you thanked the workers, sitting down on one of the couches after paying and watching whatever was on the miniature TV mounted on the wall. you normally didn’t watch the office, but since it was the only thing on you figured you would invest your time in it for the time being. in fact, you were so invested that you didn’t even feel someone sit next to you.

for a few moments, seunghun just sat there staring at you. not saying a word. when it hit him how weird that probably was, he spoke up. “hey, partner.” his voice caught you off guard, causing you to jump in your seat. he let out a chuckle, putting his hands up in defense when you shot him a glare. “sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. just figured i’d say hi.”

you huffed, his annoying smile spreading across his face yet again. why was he always so happy? “it’s fine, i guess.” you mumbled, turning back to face the TV and watch the commercial that was now being displayed.

he propped his arm up on the back of the couch, resting his head against his fist as he still looked at you. “what’s your name?”

“what?”

“your name. you never told me.”

as if out of some movie, your name was then called from the snack shack. senghun hadn’t ordered anything and there was no one else here besides you both, so there was his answer. it was confirmed when you stood up and walked over to retrieve your food, turning back around to sit at a corner table and much down on some food. you had hoped the cheerful man would leave you be, but here he was sitting in the chair across from you with a goofy, friendly grin.

“may i help you, seunghun?” you questioned before biting down on a mozzarella stick, looking up at him with an annoyed look.

“are you free tomorrow to talk about the project? also your name is very pretty- it suits you well.”

the last sentence caught you off guard, but you didn’t allow it to show. all you did was nod and after swallowing, answer him. “i’m free after one thirty, i’ll text you.”

“okay! i’ll rent out a library room from two to three for us to use and once you text me i’ll send you the details, if that’s okay?”

all you did was nod, standing up with your food and pushing your seat in so you can start walking back to your room. you did not want to speak to him, or anyone for that matter. you already had a low social battery, and having someone like kim seunghun talking your ear off was not helping. plus, after working your ass off you didn’t want to speak to anyone. just spend time with yourself and this delicious food.

you started walking away, but not before hearing him speak up. “hey, wait!” he called out, shuffling to his feet to catch up to you.

you paused, letting out an annoyed groan. “what?” you turned around to face him, puffing out your cheeks to signal irritation.

he pointed to your slippers and then at his. when you looked down, you noticed his pompompurin ones. you looked up at him confused, cocking your head to the side for a moment. “we both like sanrio, i see.”

you nodded, turning around and walking away leaving the tall man standing there alone. at least he knew one way to get through to you now.

the next day you went straight to the library since it was halfway across campus from your class. you hadn’t been looking forward to today, you just had a feeling he would bring up he would bring up the fact both of you liked sanrio. granted you never really spoke about your love for your interests because you believed no one would really care for them, but you couldn’t be more wrong when it came to kim seunghun; you would soon figure that out.

when you arrived, you looked down at your phone to double check the text he had sent you about which room he would be in. you glanced through the glass, seeing him gathering items out of his school bag and noticing a white box sitting in the middle of the table with two cola’s. curiosity entered your mind as you walked through the door, being greeted by his smiling face as he watched you walk to the other end of the round table and take a seat.

he pouted as he opened the white box, hoping you’d sit directly across from him instead of at the other end. “i brought us some snacks and drinks. i noticed you liked vanilla cola so i brought some for us, hope you don’t mind.” he spoke up, looking over at you to see your expression.

you nodded as you took your notebook out of your bag along with a pen. you felt your stomach do a flip as he mentioned the vanilla cola- you hadn’t even told him about your liking of it so he must’ve studied what you bought last night at the snack shack. no one really ever paid attention to you, so why was he? “thank you, seunghun.”

“whyre you sitting so far away?”

“why not?”

“you’re always so distant. shouldn’t we work together?” he picked out a chocolate chip cookie from the box, shoving it into his mouth to take a small bite.

“we are working together. we’re in the same room, at the same table-“

“no, like, sorry to interrupt but shouldn’t we be sitting next to each other as we figure out what to exactly do for this project?”

you knew he was right, but you just hated being close to people. you shrugged, picking up your material and scooting closer to him. he watched as you did so, grabbing the vanilla cola and seeing you eye the box of goodies he picked up from a local bakery.

“okay,” you sighed aloud, opening to the first clean page and clicking open your pen. “i was thinking for the topic we could-“

seunghun placed his head in his hand, watching you speak. when you finished your proposal he nodded, not taking his eyes off of you. “tell me about yourself, y/n.”

you turned to meet his gaze, raising a curious brow. “no.” you reached over for a cookie, grabbing a snickerdoodle which just so happened to be your favorite. “what for?”

“pure curiosity.” he took a mental note of you grabbing the snickerdoodle cookie, assuming it was one of your favorites. “you’re quiet and distant.”

you groaned before taking a sip from your cola, looking away for a split second before looking back at him. “i dont like meeting new people. i just want to get this done, okay?”

he chuckled, bringing his hand up to pat the top of your head gently. “okay, my little kuromi.”

you fake laughed, shaking your head at his nickname for you. “kuromi? really?”

he hummed in response, now turning his notebook open. he grabbed a pencil from a zipper in his bag, beginning to write down the previous idea you mentioned for the project. “you like kuromi and remind me of character. it’s adorable.”

and with that, you both finally started on the project.

in these past few weeks, you and seunghun sadly grew close. you say sadly because you didn’t like meeting new people- overly cheery people at that- but you couldn’t help it when he was the way he was. he paid attention to you, paid attention to your little details and actually listened to you when you spoke. and even though you hated hanging out with him four times a week for an hour, you secretly liked it. he was a comforting presence for you- a change of pace. he enjoyed your presence as well but he didn’t keep that a secret- he actually admitted it a few times to you. you would just roll your eyes and mumble a ‘thanks’, but he knew you secretly enjoyed hearing that- or hoped you did anyway. he wanted to figure you out so bad but has only scraped the surface.

you both ended up getting closer as weeks passed, something you didn’t think would happen but boy oh boy did seunghun have a way with his words. he even opened up to you too, sharing his hopes of becoming a kpop idol and sharing how he’s been training for the past few years. he even shared his worries of never debuting but you reassured him he will because what kind of company would pass up the opportunity of having someone with such an angelic voice debut? they’d be crazy not to. when he first sang for you is when you felt yourself gradually falling for the man; it was just something about the way his eyes held so much love and his voice so much passion that tug at your heart strings. but you, of course, never told him that. because why would you?

as the deadline approached, you both felt upset. you enjoyed your little one hour sessions, never wanting them to end. both of you wondered if your friendship would continue after this project was handed in. seunghun did, and you kind of did too as scary as that was to admit for you. seunghun always wanted to hang out after sessions or even extend them a bit but you refused, not wanting this to go anywhere. you believed that once people entered your life, they would always leave. that’s always how it was for you. once you got close to someone and opened up, whoosh! they left you in the dust. after a while it got old, so you decided to stop seeking out relationships and keep yourself closed off- whether it be romantic or strictly friendship.

seunghun never knew this though, you refused to tell him about it because you knew how he’d respond. he would claim to be different when in reality you were convinced everyone was the same at this point. even though you felt he would be different, you didn’t want to be proven wrong. you even spoke to chaesol about him, gushing about him every so often. she wanted nothing more than you to allow him in your life- you deserved someone like him, after all. she called you both ‘y/nhun’ which always caused you to roll your eyes, even if you did secretly like it.

as your last meeting came to an end, you clicked the submit button on the bottom right corner with a small smile. although you will miss these sessions, you were not going to miss all the work. when the work was finally submitted, seunghun held up his hand for a high five. you, of course, turned to him and high fived him back with enthusiasm.

“finally!” you exclaimed happily with a proud smile on your face.

he let out a small laugh, looking from your eyes to your hands. he tilted his head to admire the difference in hand sizes, his smile growing a bit wider at the realization. he then took your hand in his, playing with your fingers innocently. you just watched him do so, your smile never leaving your face. watching him made your cheeks heat up and your stomach do flips.

“proud of you.” he mumbled, still admiring your hand. all he wanted to do was hold it for hours. for days. for weeks. to place kisses on it.

“you too, honey.” you replied, reaching up and patting the top of his head.

he moved his gaze from your hands to your eyes, his smile not as big as it was before but his eyes still holding so much love within them. “i don’t want this to end.” he confessed, his fingers still playing with yours as he spoke.

clearing your throat, you placed your hand on top of his in comfort. “i don’t want to either but-“

“see, you don’t want to either. so why should we?”

“because i- i just can’t, seunghun.” you replied, looking away from him and into your lap.

“but why, y/n? do you not feel the same?” his voice changed from its usual cheerful tone to a disappointed one, making your heart ache.

“i do but i can’t bring myself to get close to you. you’re gonna leave like everyone else.” and with that, you stood up to grab your items and leave. you couldn’t do this, as much as you wanted to. you wanted him, and vice versa.

he stood up as you did, walking in your direction as you started to walk away towards the door. “i promise im not going to. I never would. im not like everyone else, y/n.” he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, careful not to startle you. “what we have isn’t fiction. i like you, so much.”

you shook your head, opening the door and walking out but not before mumbling, “i like you so much too, kim seunghun. so fucking much.”

you paused at the exit of the building, stuffing your laptop into your bag to protect it from the downpour. you mentally cursed at yourself as you walked outside, wondering why you didn’t bring a hoodie or even an umbrella. all you wanted was to run back to seunghun, to confess to him. but your mind was beating you up about it, yelling at you not to. to protect yourself from the hurt. while your heart ached for his touch one more and your mind wondering what it would be like to have his lips crashed against yours.

as you crossed the parking lot, you crossed the street to then walk through another parking lot to the dorms. sniffles were all you heard besides the rain hitting the pavement beneath your feet- that was, before your name was being screamed as well. your eyes widened, knowing his tone of voice all too well. you took a few steps forward onto the curb before deciding to turn around to see a tall man with short red hair streaming down his face as he ran towards you. his long legs carried him fast towards you, stopping just a few feet in front of you.

you both stared at one another for a few seconds, minds racing faster than ever before. you reached your hand to his face, wiping away some red streaks. he melted under your touch, tilting his head to the side to admire you.

“i know people have treated you badly before, i get it. i know it hurts when people leave, but i can promise you i will never be one of them.” he brought his hands up to your face now, cupping your cheeks and rubbing circles into them lovingly. “i know we’ve only known each other for some time but you make me happy. i don’t want to let this go and look back on what could’ve been.”

“seunghun-“

“let me finish, please.” he said, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “i know it’s scary, but i’ll do everything in my power to make you as comfortable and content as possible. to make you as happy as i can. to bring you the joy you deserve. damnit, i just- can i kiss you?”

you nodded, not holding back on the smile you so desperately wanted to hold back. you brought your hand up to the back of his neck, pulling him in to close the gap between you both. as the rain came down harder, you both smiled into the kiss. neither of you wanted to pull away, both of you enjoying the taste and feeling of one another. everything felt perfect, almost like some kind of sickly teenage movie. but you didn’t care, all you cared about was this moment. you and seunghun.

you were the first to pull away, smiling through the sniffles. “you’re going to catch a cold being out here like this, honey.” you said, grabbing his hand as he laughed. you started pulling him towards the dorms entrance before he pulled you back around to face him again, pulling you in for another quick kiss.

you couldn’t help but laugh as his lips met yours again, him doing the same. but you quickly pulled away, hitting his arm lightly and starting to tug him towards the entrance again. he pouted, grunting dramatically as he followed behind you. “is that a yes?” he asked.

you looked back at him and rolled your eyes as you scanned your dorm ID, walking inside soaking wet with a red haired man following behind you as red streaks painted his face. he smiled at you, squinting his eyes as some red water entered his one eye. you reached up as he hissed at the slight pain, wiping away the streaks and pulling him aside. a soft kiss was planted on each of his cheeks, making his cheeks heat up as you did so.

“of course it’s a yes.”

he pulled you in for a hug, wrapping his arms around your body and planting a dramatic, loud, wet kiss on your forehead. “so you’re officially my little kuromi?”

“too soon, seunghun. too soon.”