#bwak bwak

[mayor-thaniyel]

Gobble Gobble

-🦃

??? Why is there a turkey in the Inbox....

[licoricepencil]

sometimes love is your husband sending you a screenshot of a dumb news story that will make you laugh

[skyyxlite]

this happens before every fight

[iwakuraz]

there are crows talking outside my window so I'm eavesdropping on their conversation

[choccymilllk]

i needed to share this with you (this is loyal simplepotatofarmer)

ive literally never been more glad that ive checked tumblr bfore going to snoorkmimimi

theyr the greatest thing ever,,<3333 id do anything for them🫵🫵💥💥💥

THEYR LIKE THOSE GUYS FROM BREMEN U KNOW WAHHHH

A CHICKEN AND A PIGG!!!!✌️✌️ WHAT WILL THEY DO???? im going to cry theyr so great wahah

[asiiimwe]

Welcome to Gboard clipboard, any text you copy will be saved here.

[beebslolz]

Bwak

[shadesofnavy]

LISTEN

YOU DON'T NEED TO BE RICH TO GIVE OFF THE SUGAR DADDY VIBES

PLUS KEITH SEEMS LIKE THE SORT WHO WOULD SPOIL HIS PARTNERS A LOT EVEN IF HE DOESN'T HAVE A LOT ON HAND SO STILL SORTA COUNTS!

I mean I guess? He does spoil them with love. A lot of love. I mean a lot. A lotta-lotta-

[pakcikpetai88]

Bru ni ad bwak mmber p hiking..ak plih utk trus ada belakang die spnjng hiking..agar dapat rekod tiap gerakan pungkok die dlm mcm2 keadaan..mmg tertonggek sna cnie la..mai layan Video die dlm Group candid Premium..Tekan Link utk Join..

[pheasant-from-jrwi]

Pheasant Hitman Service:

1 Dol ar - bwwkc bwak

2 dollar - 2 bwak bwaknwak

3 dol - death

[acatandamouse]

Oh come on, the natural habitat for chickens is people's back yards.

Range: every continent except Antarctica

Note: the “in nature” option for this poll refers to feral populations

[roaxes]

Bwak!

[themuffin2649]

Who wants to Marry a Millionaire

Jack: “Hello ladies, gentlemen, and all to our totally not emotionally unethical show of: Who wants to Marry a Millionaire!”

Audience: Cheers.

Jack: “I’m your host, Sunny Day Jack, and today we are going to be interviewing our 6 remaining contestants and see who will Marry our three and a quarter millionaires!”

Ian: “HEY!!”

Jack: “Only 3 of these lucky contestants and one very unlucky one will get the pleasure to marry a millionaire despite have little to no chemistry or history... But hey! That’s gameshows. Anyways! Meet our rich folks Elias, Ray, and Vincent!”

Ian: “And me! Ian!”

Jack: “Yeah yeah whatever So! Each of these three folks will choose your future spouse.”

Vincent: thinking “Hey Ray, I know we’re supposed to choose one of these people to marry, but they all suck! I mean, is that a chicken as one of the contestants?! I’m pretty sure that’s illegal on so many levels.”

Ray: He can’t say anything, but sighs in agreement.

Elias: “uhhh…. All these contestants are living. Are they ok with marrying the dead?”

Jack: “Happy marriage or not, the show must go on. C’mon bachelors, pick your new spouse!”

Vincent’s #1 Fan: C’mon Vincent, pick me, PICK ME!!!

Meanwhile in the Audience

Leon: “We’ve known each other for over 8 years… and….” He says with a giant blush.

MC: “And?”

Newt whispering in Leon’s ear: “C’mon Leon, you can do it!”

Leon: “Marry me!” He said, face as red as a tomato while looking away.

MC’s expression quickly matched Leon’s as

Vincent: “Aha! I’ll steal that proposal!”

Leon, Newt, and MC: “Huh?”

Jack: “Sorry boys, I hate to rain on your party, but according to the microscopic fine prints of the rules. They can steal a proposal and marry the person being proposed to.”

Leon: “WHAT!!!” He swings his fist at Jack only for it to go through his body.

Elias: “Good Grief!”

Jack: “Sorry, should have bought a microscope to read the fine prints between the 40 pages worth of useless terms and conditions.”

Ray: This is so stupid

Vincent’s #1 Fan: “That’s so stupid! WHY IS IT MICRO SIZED!!!”

Vincent: “You were never an option to begin with, anyways, Honey here I come!” He says as he hurries towards the MC.

Show Crewmember: whispers into Jack’s ear

Jack: “oh Vincent… you are going to hate the director for this…”

2 weeks later

The wedding commences and all 3.25 grooms are at the alter waiting for their spouses to walk down the isle.

Elias and Ray awkwardly look at each other as the contestants they picked walked to them. There was no passion, but that was ok, since they could just divorce later and still keep their money according to their full contract.

However, when the spouse of Vincent came up to him, face covered in a veil, Vincent nonchalantly lifted the veil to see the red raging face of Leon

Producer: “Congragulations on your fine marriage!” He said, laughing his ass off

Both Leon and Vincent looked at each other without saying a word, but they definitely had a mutual agreement to murder that darn producer.

Ian looking at his chicken spouse in a bride outfit because no other contestant wanted him: “I’m so gonna go to jail for this…”

Chicken: “Bwak!”

[nexttrickanvils]

If you're still taking the writing prompts, 19 with plunderbunnies?

19. "You're the Love of my life, of course I came."

This uh... this got away from me.

Enjoy!

====

It’s just Guybrush’s luck to get ambushed and tied up on his honeymoon AND NOT IN THE FUN WAY!

And it was just his luck that this happened right after he got into a very stupid argument with Elaine. Geez he can’t even remember what it was about…

Then again that could be just brain damage from all the blood rushing to his head thanks to being hung upside down for who knows how long.

It’s not like he’s letting these jerks get away with this. He’d been trying to swing himself over to something to take the ropes off. That sharp looking torch holder or even the flames from the torches. But that was easier said than done.

“Oi would you stop swingin’ around? That darn squeaking is driving me crazy.” One of Guybrush’s captors shouted at him

Guybrush briefly thought of swinging twice as hard to annoy the guy. Maybe he'd accidently cut him down to end the squeaking noises… or maybe he'd grab that flintlock on the table and shoot Guybrush in the head… so yeah let's not risk that.

The annoyed pirate turned to his buddies, “How long we gotta put up with this moron?”

“Told ya before, we’re holding onto him until we get a hold of King Andre. Sent out Shmitty and his bird to deliver the message.” Said who Guybrush assumed was the muscle and leader of this little group

“Apparently this bilge rat got on the King’s bad side by stealin’ something reeeal ‘portant.” Said another pirate as she gleefully poked at Guybrush’s head

Ah so that’s why. Guess Guybrush should have expected King Andre to not just write the diamond off at a loss.

Ugh by the time King Andre or his goon showed up to pick him up, Guybrush wasn’t sure he would be able to speak in full sentences.

If Guybrush could sigh, he would (the gag in his mouth kind of put the kibosh on that.) He couldn’t help but think of Elaine. She either hasn’t found out that he was captured or she’s so angry at him that she won’t bother helping him.

Honestly he couldn’t blame her on that second one. It wouldn’t be the first time he disappointed her.

Suddenly a loud squawking rang out through the cave.

“I thought you said Shmitty was gonna deliver the message? He can’t have gotten a response that fast!” Said the pirate who yelled at Guybrush earlier

There was a pause…

And then someone was thrown from the darkness and landed in front of the captors.

“What the!?”

Guybrush assumes from their reactions that this was Shmitty.

The leader grabbed maybe-Shmitty by the scruff on his shirt. From where he was hanging, Guybrush could see that the guy had seen better days… or any days at all if that black eye was any indication.

“What the hell happened Shmitty? All you were ‘sposed to do was send the stupid bird out.”

“We’ve been caught, boss! She knows what we’re doing and she’s real angry!”

“She? She who?” asked the annoyed pirate

The pokey pirate pointed a sword toward Shmitty.

“Shmitty, you blabbermouth, you ratted us out didn’t you?!”

“I swear I didn’t say anything!”

Another sound rang out, a whistle.

The four (and Guybrush) looked down the cave.

Someone stepped into the torchlight and Guybrush would recognize that bright red hair from anywhere.

“Elaine!?”

Indeed there she was, Elaine Marley-Threepwood, sword in one hand and… parrot on her shoulder?

She smirked at Guybrush’s kidnappers.

“Oh don’t worry, your friend was quiet as a mouse. His friend on the other hand…”

At that, Elaine took a cracker from a pouch on her hip and gave it to the parrot on her shoulder. The parrot happily gobbled the cracker up and spoke.

“Awk! To King Andre! Awk! We captured the thief Guybrush Threepwood! Bwak! See us in the big cave on the outskirts of Tackle Isle! Awk!”

“Animals can be so helpful when you figure out how to get along with them.”

From there it was chaos as the kidnapper leader dropped his buddy (who ran off as soon as his feet touched the ground) and he and the remaining captors charged at Elaine. The parrot flew off as Elaine immediately parried the first strike.

Between all the blood in his head and his position, it was a little hard for Guybrush to tell what was happening. But he refused to let Elaine do all the work herself.

Thus he began swinging again but this time in a different direction. Maybe he could swing himself off the hook and-

“OI! What’d I say about that infernal squeaking!?”

Before Guybrush could offer a (muffled) witty comeback, Elaine took the opportunity while the pirate was distracted and struck the back of his head on the back of the head with her sword grip.

Okay, one down!

Guybrush continued swinging just a little higher and higher each time. The pokey pirate backed up as Elaine overwhelmed her… just close enough for Guybrus to swing right into her and knock her to the ground. Elaine immediately struck her on the head

“Ha, I can always count on you to make the best of a situation, Guybrush.” Elaine remarked

Guybrush smiled as best as he could with the gag in his mouth as he continued swinging back and forth. He swears he can feel the ropes starting to come off the hook, just a littl-

And he nearly instantly found himself sailing through the air and crashing right on top of the Captor’s leader.

“Uh… hi there…” Guybrush muffled

The leader growled as he pushed Guybrush off and stood up with his sword at the ready.

“King Andre didn’t say anything about turning you in alive…”

Oh crap…

Wait maybe if he moves in a certain way, the guy would just slash his ropes or the knot or-

*CLANG!*

-Or Elaine could just smash some pottery on the guy’s head and knock him out along with his buddies. That works better actually.

Now with all of Guybrush’s captors either knocked out or far away, Elaine could finally kneel down and start freeing Guybrush. First thing to take the gag out of his mouth. Guybrush took a deep breath and spit out any remaining gag taste as Elaine started cutting the ropes with a knife.

“Are you alright, Guybrush?”

“Dizzy… head hurts…”

“Sounds like I’ll need to carry you.” Elaine replied with a bit of a laugh

Soon enough, the ropes were cut and Guybrush was free. Elaine helped him stand up on his wobbly legs and eventually picked him up into a bridal carry. With that done, she made their way out of the cave.

“Sur-surprisd you came...”

“You’re the love of my life, of course I came.”

“But… you wer preddy mad earle-er…”

“Well yes but every couple has their arguments right? I was actually going to apologize when I found out you went missing.”

Oh.

Between finding out that Elaine still cared and the blood in his head slowly going back through the rest of his body, Guybrush felt a little lightheaded but happy.

“I’m gld we married, plndbunin…”

“Hee, hee, I’m glad we’re married, too.”

[browntownalley]

Winner Takes All 2/4

You'd slept all through the picnic, waking up with a sloggy jump, eyes still closed as you remembered:

"I've gotta help Poppy with the– and the–!"

"Woah-WOAH there, String Bean. Heheh. You're awake!" It was Barnaby’s cozy voice. You had been thrown over the blue dog's shoulder like a sack of potatoes, looking at one of the main cobblestone roads in the neighborhood. The sun was getting low.

Wally was nowhere in sight. Just a few blossoms left in your combed hair.

Sliding off of the big blue beagle rivaled the misery of getting out of a warm bed on a cold day, but you still had work to do. Biscuits to bake! You ran off with the grace of a drunken spider before you even knew quite where you were.

"See ya around, String Bean!!"

—-

In Poppy's barn you were mostly helping keep the place clean and cookware available as Poppy handled the more dangerous parts such as melting the chocolate, handling anything remotely pointy or opening the oven- lest you be roasted alive. Once the biscuits were baking, you both started prepping the surprise treat for everyone's busy, hectic day.

"Now, what species of cookie will this be?" You asked aloud and rubbed your chin, trying to think hard. Really hard. Your head started to glow, but all the energy was turning straight into heat.

Poppy was setting the kitchen to get to work, "Indeed! Would it be better to give everyone the same cookie or each a unique cookie?" She emphasized the last few words with such great importance and tediousness, inspired by the idea but also intimidated.

"Genuis idea Poppy," you snap your fingers.

"Wh- which one?"

"All of them."

"Bwawk?"

"Like a wedding theme, but each one dressed in its own cute little outfit." You beamed, excited to give them to the neighbors after the play.

"Oh my…" Poppy tapped the bend of her wing to her beak in thought before her eyes brightened. She and you started bouncing around all the thinks the neighbors had been tending to or doing for fun until the only two who didn't have their own theme-able activity was Julie and Wally

"Julie's uh… And Wally? Hm," Your hand went back to your chin and you pressed your lips to think. You’d spotted Wally around other neighbors mostly; though you couldn’t remember what was happening around him. At least not when you thought of the host specifically.

"They were ah, running around. Falling." You said as memories flash through your head, crammed by every other going-on and a few that may have just been part of your nap dream.

"Falling?" 

"Wally was falling." you stated more confidently, a proud smile as your noggin finally pulled through.

Poppy's feathers nearly blew off like a bomb, "Oh MY! I hope he's okay!"

"Everything's alright," You reassured the giant bird with a gentle pat, "Wally's a graceful little cookie. He nearly fell into the pond, and off a ladder, nearly fell upwards on Sally's stage, but I was there each time to watch him... Watch him catch himself I mean… I'm telling ya, Poppy he'd make a great ninja." 

"Well, I did just see him and Jules a little bit ago, heading into the fields; they seemed alright– BWAK! What if he falls out of a tree! I should check on him." Poppy flared again, but you soothed her colorful floof down with a few pats.

"Don't fret your feathers, Poppy! I'll pop by and see what they're up to, and then we can make their cookies just as stylish as the others." 

"Oh… Well, you are much faster than I am. Alright, be safe, Y/N." Poppy was still nervous, but you were glad she was entrusting this mission to you, and even more excited to see what Wally would fall out of next as you skeddaddled out the door.

—-

You found Julie Joyful sitting on a blanket in a field of flowers, humming a made-up tune as she tucked one into a loop of delicately woven grass. The sky was dark but the moon was glaring tonight, and Julie had a lamp to help brighten things up even more.

“Y/N!” she squeaked happily, flapping her arms around excitedly.

“Oop- where’s the show?” you asked jokingly as you looked around, flattered by Julie's excitement even if you had no clue what it was for.

Julie covered her mouth with her hands and piped down to a giggle before whispering loudly, “Wally’s getting more flowers for me, you should surprise him with this!” She held an elegant flower crown over her head and you couldn’t help but smirk mischievously as some heat warmed your cheeks.

Julie knew. She been knew.

“How am I supposed to surprise Wally, he can practically see through walls.”

“Darling’s been buggin’ out about you all day! Just hit ‘em with a–” Julie winked dramatically at you and bit her lip. You burst out laughing, more from the blatant encouragement than the silly face.

Taking the crown, you hum and grin smugly, turning it over in your hands. Yes, you’d noticed the way Wally’s been looking at you lately, the nervousness in his voice when you approached him for small talk: nervous, hesitant, hopeful; how jumpy and airheaded he’s been- as if something was taking up space in that mind of his.

You finally went over toward the treeline, wondering why Wally would come all the way over here just to pick flowers, but you found the show host sitting on a branch picking blossoms, like the ones stuck in your hair. You watched him silently at first as he paused to twirl one between soft digits. Lost in thought.

Okay, how do I surprise… You started to walk forward absentmindedly as you pondered what to do, flipping the crown over in your hands as your shoes brushed the grass.

“Oh, Julie, I found more,” Wally’s voice sounded just above you, and as you looked up in confusion, Wally swung backward, hanging by his knees to show ‘Julie’ his collection.

You just barely missed each other, and while you weren’t expecting to find an upside-down Wally in your face, your surprise was dwarfed by the wide black eyes and reddening face before you. There was a moment of silence where your faces are just… there, three inches apart.

“N-Neighbor?” Wally's voice broke, trying his best to keep cool. The perfect opportunity to tease.

“Mwa,” you make a bland kissy noise. You thought it was funny, but Wally looked like he’d been headshot by cupid. His balance suddenly became awkward, and his knees started to slip. Wally instinctively started to react, albeit slow. Had you not shut down half of his brain and literally been in his way he may have succeeded somehow.

With an obvious smirk stuck on your face, you hold out your arms and Wally’s petite form plops right into them. 

“‘Morning, Darling,” 

=Wally just stared in awe at you at first-- a tomato-- but eventually, his rigid body relaxed into yours and a sheepish smile starts to show. You held him a little closer and he chuckled against you.

“Good evening, Neighbor,” Wally finally greets you back.

“Julie gave me this flower crown,” you said as you started walking back with the yellow puppet in your arms, “I think I was supposed to wear it though, it’s not gonna fit on you with that bread roll.”

Wally blinked, “My pompadour?”

“That’s what it’s called?”

Wally gave you an incredulous look before taking the crown from your hand and sitting up to place it on your head. He and you both sport poker faces as Wally lingers there and you slow your pace to a stop. 

“So, how does it look?” You shiver a little as your bodies press a little closer, a digit tracing behind your ear and down your jaw. Wally smiled calmly in thought, suddenly so bold studying your features. It wasn't until you leaned just slightly into his hand that he cracked. Once again a tomato with eyes elsewhere. His hand slipped away.

"It looks lovely on you. Julies getting good at her craf-"

Wally stuttered to a stop when you hugged him closer, chasing after the touch he'd pulled away. He didn't resist at all despite his eyes going wide.

"You're not so bad yourself," You spoke just loud enough for the words to hop the short distance between your lips and his. Though his cheeks were burning, Wally, eyes were glossed over, his hands squeezing softly at your shoulders, bracing. Even now the unspoken contest between you persisted. 

You know you want to.

I'm waiting. Even stunned to silence, you bantered.

But then, just as you were wondering how those soft lips would feel against yours, another thought hitchhiked with it and brought a sudden rush of guilt and panic as you remembered what you were even out there for.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4