#buy her some meat or fish jerky and wash off all the salt like you’d do to give it as a treat to a dog

[c-rowlesdraws]

What does Sweet Pea like to eat?? brb running to get a job so she can have her snacks 🏃

LOL she’ll at least try most things— but she doesn’t really care for sweets or vegetables, or strong seasonings. Her clan definitely has their own culinary traditions (and I’ve been wanting to draw up a whole gnoll food post for ages), but she’s also interested in how people from other cultures prepare food— even if a lot of foreign dishes seem overly-elaborate, fussy, or just puzzling to her. Imagine centering a meal around some steamed or ground-up baked grains instead of meat! Wild.

[bylillian]

So you think you’re in a pandemic? You are. And as someone who grew up learning how to plan for things like  this, the Cool Mom Eats team asked me to put together a helpful guide to keeping the family fed (and possibly entertained) during a potential quarantine.

So let’s jump right in.

To panic-shop or not panic-shop. That is the question.

You don’t need to fill your entire garage with toilet paper, although I truly commend you on preparation, should you be on an extreme high-fiber diet.

There are some items you should keep stocked though — but not just for times of home quarantine. As a recovering prepper, I found my “apocalypse pantry” a life saver after a tumultuous divorce, for example. And hey, who doesn’t want bragging rights at being able to fashion an Apple Brown Betty or chocolate chip cookie bars while the world freaks out? Just me?

(It’s just me, isn’t it.)

In seriousness though, I want to focus on the items you really need. But first, let’s get the pantry you already have, organized and ready for stocking.

While this is not a comprehensive list of absolutely everything you’ll need in your pantry/kitchen to feed your family, I assure you it’s a very workable list for you to get started. And if this all blows over faster than we thought, hey, you just saved yourself trips to the market in April and May.

Related: Beyond toilet paper: A helpful list of unexpected items to stock up on in case of a quarantine

Pantry prep: Start with a thorough purge

Before you load up the minivan with instant soup mix, there are a few things you’ll want to do first.

– First, know that this is not about Pinterest. If you are stacking items on top of each other, or making the use of every crevice of a small pantry, do it! Your food does not have to be arranged by color to make a beautiful ombre rainbow.

You are feeding your family, not entering a Instagram competition.

–Clean your shelves. If it’s been a while, can’t hurt to take everything out, give those shelves a good wipe down, and start fresh.

–Search for expired jars of food. Botulism can be a real problem here, and that twist-off can of pickled beets from 2016 isn’t sparking joy. Toss. (Of course keep in mind expiration and use-by dates aren’t always 100% accurate. As for those almost-expired pickles or that box of healthy cereal you hopped your kids would eat but they never did…that’s up to you. First, read this helpful article on food and expiration dates from Consumer Reports.

I’m not a gambler, so my instinct is generally to toss, but CR reminds us that “Nonperishable items like grains and dried and canned goods can still be used well past their label dates.”

–Organize items with the oldest in front. New items go behind existing food. Rotation is the key to a successful apocalypse pantry! Note: I’m currently living in a small apartment and by following the precepts below and being diligent with keeping track of and using my storage, have a four-month supply for me and my teenage son and our pets. It’s doable, it just requires a little forethought and organization

And hey, face those labels out. Not for Pinterest — for you.

– Group food in a sensical way. If you’re used to just shoving the microwave popcorn in front of the soup cans, in front of the flour container, maybe reconsider that. Grouping your foods by category (baking, breakfast, snacks, and so on) makes it easier to know whaat you have and what you need.

Now let’s go shopping!

Related: How to organize spices: 6 easy ideas that let you find what you need, when you need it.

The staples you want to stock

Here are my recos:

–Rice, dried beans, cereals, sugar, all-purpose flour and pasta last forever and are top of my list. Cereals are not just breakfast food. Same goes for dried oats and/or grits. Pasta is the real workhorse here, because of one simple reason: calories. If you need to stretch pantry items for multiple meals, you want foods that can get you to your calorie requirements with as little volume as possible, and here pasta is the waist-thickener you want. If you end up with sick people in your house, they’ll need calories to fight their way back to health.

–Biscuit/pancake mix is terrific for all meals, and don’t believe the old wive’s tale of it turning deadly after expiration, unless you have a highly rare mold allergy. Just keep it tightly sealed.

–As far as protein, it’s good to have frozen meats, poultry, fish… more on that below.

– I’d also grab those big jars of peanut butter if you can have nut butters in your home. (I’ll leave it between your family members to come down on the chunky/creamy side.) Protein sources are needed, and not everyone can tolerate (or want) beans, beans, the magical fruit multiple meals a week.

A good selection of protein-packed snacks

– More protein ideas: Don’t overlook options like canned tuna, sardines, jerky, and if all else fails, protein powder.

–As for canned fruits and veggies, 20 cans each of canned fruits and vegetables are a great starting point for your apocalypse pantry. They can liven up meals in a big way.  Fruit and veggie juices are also great additions, and coconut milk will make that 40-pound bag of rice way more enticing, come mealtime.

–Dried milk comes in handy, for cereal eaters and coffee drinkers alike. Also, get a couple of bulk containers of powdered drink mix like lemonade or fruit punch. The kids can get bored of plain water pretty fast.

–Jarred sauce isn’t a bad idea; get a variety of flavors. If you’re coming down with something and have people depending on you for meals who can’t cook themselves, you don’t want to spend all day at the stove stirring homemade sauce. While you’re at it, check your spice rack and make sure you have all the dried herbs you need to make that sauce more like homemade. (More below)

These are nerve-wracking times demanding thoughtful caution, but that doesn’t mean we have to eat like animals.

Stocking the freezer

Let’s turn some attention to the freezer.

I know we don’t all have massive storage in the kitchen; for what it’s worth, I have a small, apartment-sized fridge and have managed to stock 20 days worth of meat and veggies for myself and my son.

–Fresh berries and veggies like peas can be broken into smaller freezer bags and laid flat to freeze, and they stack wonderfully.

–If you’re a meat eater, load up on things that freeze well like chicken thighs and hearty cuts of beef and pork. Buy in bulk and break into portions to go in freezer bags. Plus, it’s easier to store and stack.

–Lord, be a ghost pepper on that raw chicken! I advise you season your raw meat with a marinade now and save time later. Plus, spices like jerk seasoning and other pepper-based spices are a preservative and inhibit microbial growth! You season your food not to replace proper cooking methodology, but also to enhance the flavor.

(And for the love of your gut, chicken sushi is not a thing, and y’all need to stop it.)

Don’t forget pets!

Should we face weeks or a full month of disruption in stores (remember, I’m an apocalypse planner), you don’t want your pets to suffer. How much do they eat in a day?

Multiply that by 30, and that’s what you need to have on hand. Don’t forget treats, supplements, litter, whatever else they need on a monthly basis.

Next-level pantry prep

These are the things that will make pantry food suck less, so take good notes.

–Stock up on dried spices. Garlic salt is everyone’s friend. Ditto to curry powder, ginger, cinnamon. Tarragon will liven up thawed chicken.

–Coconut milk with rice is another way to perk up bored taste buds.

–Bouillon for soup or as seasoning is always a great idea, and don’t overlook options like mushroom and onion bouillon as an alternative to chicken or beef.

–Items that will enable you to impress your family (or at least keep things interesting) include a variety of cooking oils, shortening for pie crusts, baking items for treats.

-Don’t forget fancy snack ingredients like chocolate chips, shredded coconut, condensed milk, graham crackers and the like.

When the kids are bored on day ten of self-quarantine, making a fresh batch of oatmeal-raisin cookies will eat up a lot of their time, and then while they’re recovering from sugar shock, you can grab the leftovers for yourself.

–Fresh herbs are a huge boon. Liz wrote about that here, including tips for apartment-dweller who may want to start a windowsill herb garden.

–Are you a coffee drinker? Do you like cream in it? You may have to resort to powdered creamer in a pinch, so be sure you have that on hand. Same for tea.

–As for water, please! There’s no need to hoard bottled water. Plus we all should be taking steps to reduce our single-use plastic. If that’s not top-of-mind right now, think about it economically — for the price you’d pay for a month’s worth of bottled water, you could easily buy a 2-gallon water filtration pitcher ($45 from our affiliate Amazon) for your fridge or a faucet-mounted filter.

We don’t have to hasten environmental collapse while coronavirus is going on, after all.

In summary:

Don’t Panic Rotation Spices and Seasonings Teach the kids to play gin rummy

We’ll get through this, and we’ll do it without resorting to MREs and Red Dawn-level terror.

Also, wash your hands!

Laura Stone, a descendant of pioneer polygamists from the early days of the Mormon Church, keeps busy as a Master Gardener, author coach and novelist. While the majority of her family still lives in Utah, she resides in her home state of Texas because it’s where the good tamales are.

[invinciblecatfistffxiv]

Happy Valentione’s @berrycharlottesblog! Here’s a thingy your waifu wroted.

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K’ahli stared at the stove, her ears folded behind her head and her tail twitching as she studied it. The last time she had attempted to use it, she had burned out the bottom of the kettle. She couldn’t have a repeat of that disaster. Tonight had to be perfect.

 ------------

K’ahli’s brow furrowed as she sniffed a decently sized bluebell salmon. It smelled fine, but would it be large enough? There were a fair number of people in the crew, she had to be sure to get enough to feed all of them.

 “Ah, preparing for a romantic Valentione’s day feast for you and yer lover eh?”

 The monk paused her perusal the stall of Fisherman’s Bottom and gave a puzzled cock of her head to the fishmonger. “No, I do not cook, I am simply buying this for the one who does.”

 “I see that Eternal Bond ring on your hand lass, you don’t need to play dumb with me.” The man said, giving her a sly wink, “All the wives and even some of the husbands are out doing it today.”

 The blonde miqo’te frowned and looked around her. There did seem to be more women purchasing fish than usual. After several moments, she shrugged and returned to her examination of the fish. “I will take this one.” She said, handing the man the requisite amount of gil.

 “Whatever you say lass, hope yer Husband enjoys it.” The man chuckled as he began the process of wrapping it.

 K’ahli scowled, “I do not have a husband. I have a wife.”

 “Oh?” The man said, “Then I hope she enjoys it.”

 K’ahli’s scowl deepened as she glanced at the crowd buying fish. All the wives. The man’s voice echoed through her mind. “Do you truly mean all of them?”

 “Aye, you ever see a crowd this big?” The man responded as he turned over the package. K’ahli shook her head. Barring around the time of the Starlight Celebration anyway, it had never been quite this crowded.

 She nodded to the fishmonger in thanks and stepped away only to falter at the last moment. She was Laur’s wife. Even if many claimed their relationship to be…unusual, she still tried to be the best wife she could be.

 Silently, K’ahli K’uhla’tor came to a decision, and turned back to buy more fish.

 ----------

 K’ahli K’uhla’tor was many things. A monk. A bodyguard. Something of a mercenary. A member of a band of pirates. But a skilled chef she was not. In fact, the majority of the cooking she had done was things she had killed herself in the wilderness over a campfire. And indeed, most of those meals had been simple affairs, with little in the way of seasoning.

 She had however, gotten the stove on. The first step of what was going to be a grand feast, even if she had to destroy the kitchen to do it. The second step she had at least had experience with, skinning and deboning a fish was something she had done plenty times before.

 Cooking it in the contraption that was the stove however…

 She turned back to the fish. Could she just put it in the oven and let it cook? No, Laur’s tastes were too refined for that. Even if she was a pirate she still enjoyed fine food. She would have to do…something to it. K’ahli turned and moved to the pantry. They had plenty of spices, Shayith had made sure that it was always stocked with whatever they needed.

 Unfortunately, she had no idea what most of them tasted like. K’ahli took one at random and read the label “Cumin.” She experimentally dabbed some onto her finger and licked it. She gagged, the tin clattering to the floor. Her mouth felt as though a thaumaturge had ignited a fireball on her tongue.

 She rushed over to one of the many tanks of ale and took a drag straight from the spigot to wash the taste from her mouth.

 “Not that one.” She muttered as she looked back to the pantry.

 Then she saw it. Above the stove, the key to her success. Miss Shayith’s book of recipes. She didn’t have to know how to cook, the book would guide her!

 The monk took the book from where it rested and began to thumb through it, “Salmon…salmon…salmon… salmon…” She muttered under her breath. There! Salmon with white wine sauce! It was perfect, food with alcohol! Two things Laur liked, they could eat that and then go and find someone to fight!

 It would be the perfect evening!

 She read down the list of ingredients.

 1 large skinned Salmon

 Salt

 Pepper

 1 tablespoon butter

 2 teaspoons flour

 1 tablespoon chopped green onions

 1 cup Dry White Wine

  The rest of the recipe was fairly short, so she was confident she could cook it, but the last ingredient stumped her.

 It was wine.

 Wine was wet.

 How could she get dry wine?

 K’ahli shook off her hesitation. It didn’t matter. She was cooking dinner for Laur, so she had to succeed.

 She would dry the wine if it was the last thing she did. She moved to the pantry and withdrew all of the ingredients, placing them in a row on the bar.

 Next she had to find a cup. Her brow furrowed. Which cup? There were many cups of many sizes in the kitchen. What if she chose one that was too large or too small? She would ask Shayith but she had not seen the other Miqo’te in some time.

 There was nothing to do but pick one. She picked a smaller one, figuring if it wasn’t enough she could add more.

 But now she had to dry it.

 She grabbed a towel that hung by the bar and dipped it into the cup. Unsurprisingly, it soaked up the wine. K’ahli looked back to the recipe book. “…it does not say towel.” She glanced at the rag in her hand, “…and it is wet not dry.”

 She poured another cup of wine crouched down. Staring at it. Perhaps if she waited it would dry? No that couldn’t be it, when she drank with Laur and they fell asleep the cups they poured would often still be full come morning.

 Perhaps…

 The monk opened her chakras and her body flooded with the wellspring of power within her. She lifted the cup and stared at it, willing the fire aspected aether within her into the cup as she did while practicing her Fists of Fire. Almost immediately the wine began to boil.

 A second later and it exploded into a cloud of steam. K’ahli looked into the cup expectantly, and sure enough there was a residue left behind, coating it. “Excellent.” She said with a pleased nod of her head. She looked back to the recipe with her cup of dried wine in hand “Now then…”

 She had to boil it. She looked at the empty cup.

 Cooking was hard.

 “Perhaps I shall figure out how to dry the wine later.” The monk reasoned. The other part was fairly simple. Salt the salmon and roast within the stove for fifteen minutes.

 Simple enough.

 K’ahli took up the salt and poured it on top of the salmon and very carefully spread it out across the surface of the cut of fish, such that every ilm of it was covered. She flipped it, and did the same to the other side. Before repeating it with the pepper. She then placed it on one of the pans Strawberry used when baking things, and placed it in the oven.

 That was easy enough.

 ------------

 K’ahli was proud. She had figured out the secret to drying the wine when she saw the jerky in the pantry. What was jerky but meat that had been salted until it was dry? Naturally the secret to dry wine was the same! She had taken a heaping scoop of salt and dropped it in the cup of wine and then moved on to the rest of the recipe.

 Butter was melted in the pan, she found a spoon used for tea and measured two fillings of flour into it, and lastly she poured her dried wine into the pan and brought it to a boil and added the chopped green onions.

 It smelled…off, but she was certain it would taste delicious. Miss Shayith was an excellent cook. With her recipe guiding her she was sure she would be successful.

 ----------

 “So Kitten, why were you so insistent I come home right now?” The tall red headed Elezen that was Laurenne Tierney asked of her wife as she followed her down the stairs.

 “I have made us Valentione’s dinner.” K’ahli said, placing her hands on her hips as she puffed up proudly,

 The redhead quirked a brow, “I never would have taken you for a chef wife-mine.”

 K’ahli shook her head, “I am not, however Miss Shayith’s recipe book guided me such that I could cook as though I were.” She explained, pointing at the tome where it sat on the shelf above the stove. She proudly sat Laur down in front of one of the two plates she had prepared before taking her seat at the other and smiling at her wife expectantly.

 “Well then, thank you kitten.” The elezen took her knife and fork to the salmon, cut off a piece and brought it to her mouth.

 She chewed.

 And chewed.

 And chewed.

 The woman’s eyebrow twitched almost imperceptibly and she swallowed. “Kitten.”

 “Yes Laur?” K’ahli asked, her tail happily swishing back and forth as she watched her wife eat.

 “Tell me, what recipe did you use to cook this?”

 “I picked the one with the white wine sauce because I thought you’d like it.”

 Laur nodded, “I see.” She looked down at her plate, “And what did the recipe say.”

 K’ahli recounted her experience cooking to her wife.

 Laur facepalmed.

 “Kitten…dry is a metaphor for a way a wine tastes.”

 K’ahli’s tail froze and she looked down at her plate. “Ah.” Carefully, she cut off a piece of her fish and put it in her mouth.

 “…I’m sorry Laur.” The monk muttered, her tail and ears drooping in defeat.

 Laur sighed and stood up. “Kitten, I don’t love you for your cooking.” The elezen sighed and pulled her miqo’te to her feet and wrapped her in a warm embrace, “I love you because you complete me, you don’t keep anything from me and I don’t keep anything from you. Who gives a flying fuck about if you can cook or not.”

 K’ahli didn’t respond, however her arms wrapped around the much taller woman’s waist and returned the embrace.

 “And you’re hotter than a three hundred gil pistol.” Laur added with a sly grin, “Now come on, we’ve got reservations at the Bismarck.”

 K’ahli looked up at her wife’s beaming face, “We do?”

 “Of course we do, I didn’t figure you’d try and cook tonight so I got us reservations.”

 “B-but I thought wives were supposed to cook for their spouse’s on Valentione’s.” K’ahli blubbered.

 “They can also take them for fancy dinners at fancy restaurants.” Laur corrected, “And afterward we can go find a bar full of lonely drunks who aren’t courting anyone and fight them.”

 K’ahli beamed and sprung up, wrapping her arms around Laur’s neck as she planted a kiss on her lips. “I love you Laur.”

 “I love you too Kitten.”