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theripertoire · 8 years ago

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New Wife, New City, New Home ... And I’m Still Learning

... Learning new things about myself everyday.

I recently got married on December 30, 2016 (see two blog posts ago and refer to my Instagram account for photo spam), and moved to Doha to join my husband less than a month later, on January 20, 2017.

It’s been a roller-coaster ride.

No matter what people tell you, being a newlywed is life-changing – both in wonderful and shocking ways. And, as though it weren’t challenging enough, add to that moving to a new city in a new country all at once. In the past three weeks, I managed to furnish our entire home (from cutlery, crockery and linens, to all kinds of furniture, accessories and appliances).

It’s been crazy. Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to:

- go to as many meetings as possible to get better acquainted with the market,

- create new content for the blog and Instagram,

- discover what a f***ing induction stove is and how to use it,

- decipher my dishwasher,

- understand what a spin cycle is on a washing machine,

- find the right pillows to sleep – those of which do not involve the stench of dying duck,

- get over the fact that I’m now labeled “housewife” and that it’s not an insult,

- accept that my husband and I share a bank account,

- accept that my husband knows exactly when I’m buying shoes and how much they cost,

- detach myself from my much loved skimpy clothing,

- Control my nausea every time I prepare dinner and see the steak bleed on the grill,

- accept that I look like crap on most days because I’m too busy to wash my hair,

- accept the four kilos of Oreos and olives that I’ve gained,

And accept that for the first time in my entire life, I couldn’t be more clueless about anything.

I would like to take a minute to thank my Snapchat family and YouTube tutorials. Without you, I would have had a mental breakdown.

Jokes aside, I’m loving my new life in Doha. It’s a beautiful change of pace and I love the feeling of security and stability I have here. Also, the food is truly on another level (four kilos, hello!), and our building and neighborhood have become my new happy place that I’m so proud to call home.

What I love about Doha:

- THE FOOD!! Some of my favorites include Toro Toro, Spice Market, The Market, La Spiga, Sugar and Spice, and Eggspectation. If you live in Doha or are visiting, please do go to every single one and gain some weight with me. Thank you.

- The Qatar Airways airplanes and airport lounges – I’ve been raving about them for the past month or so, but honestly, I’m beyond impressed!!! How lavish!!

- The Pearl. So this is basically where Toufic and I live, and if it were up to me, I’d never leave the area. I’m so in love with it and all things related.

- West Bay. Skyscrapers make me happy. Urban areas make me happy. Beautiful lights at night make me happy. Sometimes, I like to squint hard enough and imagine I’m back in New York. And that makes me happy.

- The hotels. They’re more like architectural wonders. The Kempinski, St. Regis and Four Seasons top the list for me with their glorious facades and GLORIOUS architecture. So grandiose!

- The customer service. So many people may wish to disagree with me, but let me explain: I haven’t seen one person frowning since I got here. Even if you get upset at them and shout (a little), they’re still so kind and polite, you feel ashamed of yourself for being so rude. They’re full of smiles and enthusiasm, and I applaud them for that.

- The safety. When laws are well implemented and respected, this is the result. I could leave my purse in the mall for hours, and no one would steal it. I haven’t complained about potential rapists in weeks! I feel so safe all the time, and my stress levels are down thanks to that!

- Our building. Toufic is going to kill me for even mentioning this. I can even hear him saying, “you sound like such pretentious showoff.” But, I don’t care. So, our building. It’s so pretty, I’m in love! I haven’t lifted a finger since I got here (except beat my pillows, move furniture around, do the dishes, make dinner, make the bed, and hoover broken glass off the floor). Jokes aside, it’s like a hotel – from the lobby to the staff. I feel like a spoilt little turd sometimes because I have people at my beck and call doing stuff for me all the time! I’m not sure I like feeling this spoilt...but I’m not complaining at all!

- The community. Most people here are so kind, helpful, genuine, accomplished, honest, hardworking, friendly, and just absolutely lovely to be around! I haven’t felt a heavy, negative energy from anyone yet. It’s refreshing.

- THE FOOD!! (oh yeah, I already mentioned this)

- Our home. It truly is home, and I can’t imagine living any place else. I love everything about it, and it’s one of my proudest accomplishments so far…I made a home for us. IN FIVE DAYS. (I keep reminding Toufic of that. He’s getting so sick of me.)

- And last but not least, my husband. I can’t imagine sharing a life with anyone else. He’s my best friend, the highlight of my day, the most annoying person ever, but the most wonderful, generous, caring, loving, and supportive soul I’ve ever come across. I wake up everyday feeling so lucky and blessed that he chose me to walk down this path with, and just the fact that he lives in Doha makes it the most beautiful city on the planet. This is home now.

(PS. as I write this, I can smell my pillows starting to stink again and I begin to feel depressed)

So, ahem, the reason I am writing this is because I’m sure tons of you have either gone through what I’m going through, or are about to embark on a similar journey, be it getting married or moving to a country – or both! So, since this stuff doesn’t come with a warning or a manual (which it SHOULD), I’m taking the liberty of writing down a few things you ought to prepare for and some other things that could be useful to you:

1. I’m sorry I’m prioritizing this, but DO NOT purchase down pillows from IKEA. They STINK! Imagine the combination of these odors: a deadly fart; a dying, wet, filthy duck; raw, rotten fish; terribly bad breath; a badly aired chicken pen; and a rat that’s been dead for a month. So, that’s what my SIX pillows smell like. Mind you, they’re brand new, and I dedicated my ENTIRE afternoon to quench their stank – but, alas...nothing worked.

2. Buy your cabinets and storage from IKEA (if available in your country). Those, unlike the stanky pillows, are amazing and you save tons of money. Here’s how I furnished our place. I spent the first two days jumping around from one furniture store to the next. We bought the hero items that spoke to us (couch, dining table, dining chairs, bed) then bought everything else accordingly. It was literally three days of furniture shopping and two days of setting everything up. Et voila! Tip: Mix and match from as many shops as possible. We went through over 12 places.

3. Set a REALISTIC routine for yourself. There are days when you will feel down, useless, strange, nostalgic, ugly, fat, stupid, and all alone…. This is normal and fleeting. Keep reminding yourself that you’re adapting to great change and starting a new, life-defining chapter. It’s important not to give up too soon. Go easy on yourself. If you pack on the pounds, it’s normal (just hit the gym as soon as you set a proper schedule for yourself). If you’re not working, don’t sweat it. You’ll be back to work soon once you’re able to take on new responsibilities and tasks. I hate the word routine, but it’s the only way you can get through this transitional phase.

4. Remind yourself of why you’re here. And remind yourself that life owes you nothing. You need to make your life beautiful through daily efforts. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past month. Trying to make everything around me beautiful. It takes time and lots of work, but I’ll get there. And you’ll get there.

5. ACCEPT CHANGE. If you fight it, you’ll force yourself to move in an unnatural direction. If you accept it, there’s no telling what surprises life has in store for you around the next corner. Moving countries is the reason I started blogging seven years ago. It changed my life. Moving back to Beirut and turning down a job offer in NYC is the reason I met Toufic. Something beautiful and rewarding comes out of every “bad” or challenging experience. Remember that.

6. If you’re a newlywed, remember this: there are days you will hate your spouse. You will wonder why you ever got married and notice how much they’ve changed. You will question if you’re even compatible and romanticize your life at your parents’ home. Those who refuse to admit this are either lying to you or to themselves. But, I’m going out on a limb here and tell you that this will happen, and it’s okay. Breathe through it and remind yourself that you’re both adapting to a new reality, a new routine, and new habits you weren’t used to before. For instance, Toufic and I both have OCD, but in different things. We are trying to deal with our psychoses on a daily basis, and it’s getting much better.

7. If it’s your first time cooking, cleaning or home tending, remember, you weren’t born with a housewife manual built into your system. I went grocery shopping last week and had a mental breakdown. It was four hours of hell. But, I know that next time, it will be easier and more clear to me. I will eventually know exactly what to buy, what not to buy, how much to buy, and spend less time doing it. I tried cooking three times since I got here. The first time was an EPIC DISASTER. The second time was okay. The third time was phenomenal. I’m getting better every time, and seeing the smile on my husband’s face is everything.

8. There’s no “I” in “team”. I’m learning this day by day. I’m learning to start making “we” decisions instead of “me” decisions. This is the toughest part about being married. Sharing responsibilities, money, tasks, your space, your food (this is painful), and your future. Every decision you make has to go through your partner for negotiation and approval. I’m making this sound like a business proposal – but, you know what I mean….

9. Keep things private. I’m a hypocrite for saying this since so much of my life is out there, but I’m a blogger and a big part of my life is sharing my experiences with others in order to benefit and inspire you in some way. But still, Toufic refuses being featured on my Snapchat while we’re in Doha, and I (sadly) accept that. This is not what I’m referring to though. What I mean by keeping things private is, when you fight, keep it between the two of you. Don’t make it bigger by involving others. This is something sacred (and very difficult), but essential to the survival of a marriage.

10. You will gain weight. Try, as hard as you can, to control your newlywed or new city appetite. Almost everyone I know gained weight during the first year of marriage or a move. Make an effort to lose those extra pounds and stay in shape, or you’ll keep gaining more and more on a yearly basis.

And for the bonus round:

11. Things and people you once found important cease to matter in comparison to the new responsibilities you have. In my case, being outside the bubble always makes me see how small and silly it is. This time, more than ever…

Today, I’m slowly finding my balance, and gradually feeling more at home in this new city everyday. Step by step, I’m regaining my confidence to go out there and show this new world who I am and what I’ve got to offer; the confidence to be myself and trust that people will like me. I know where to go if I need something, and know who to call when the Internet isn’t working. I have a new number now, and I’m memorizing it a little better everyday. I found a detergent I love and the right temperature for the AC. I have a favorite corner at home where I like to work, and a spot in bed that makes me comfortable. When I’m thirsty at night, I know my way to the kitchen without turning on the lights. These may sound like very little things, but it’s little things like these that make you feel at home.

There is no way you’ll feel at home right away. There are days where you refuse to part of a new community and a new life. There are times where you’ll feel so alone and intimidated, you’ll cry. Remind yourself that it will pass. You will eventually make new friends, discover a new list of favorite hobbies and places to hang out. You’ll find a walking route that makes you happy. You’ll finally find the right mall and supermarket for you to shop at. Days will go by and you will realize that you’re no longer a stranger; you now belong. You will realize that you haven’t missed “home” in weeks because this is your home. These are your friends. This is your new job. Your new university. Your new life. Your new gym. You will miss your old home and life, but not the way you did before. You will realize that this is not a new chapter; this is your life.

Lebanon, you may not be home for now, but I love you always. I know there are many beautiful reasons the universe brought me here, and I can’t wait to discover them all. Meanwhile, Beirut, I’ll be seeing you sooner than you think, and often, and I’m looking forward to it. For now, stay beautiful.

XX -R

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