#butchzambo

[sroloc--elbisivni]

😬

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO TELL MY MOM I WROTE ABOUT TURTLE DICKS. but i would also be horrified to explain the dubcon robot breeding porn.

send me one of these emoji and i will answer the associated question about my writing!

[secretlystephaniebrown]

Stephanie Brown and the Trials of DNA Tests owo

Percy doesn’t even catch her name until after the battle, when he finds her helping an injured son of Dionysus after the battle, holding a busted celestial bronze dagger in one hand and a grim expression on her face.

Her name, he learns as he helps her move Castor towards the Apollo campers who are setting up triage, is Stephanie Brown.

She’s here fresh from her own war, in Gotham City.

And now? She’s here to help.

[zizygy]

Fivan Relationship + Backstory headcanons

@butchzambo helped come up with these

-Ivan is around 80 at the time of TGT. He was born in Fjerda and worked as a physician -Ivan had an otkazasya husband who was tortured and killed for failing to report Ivan as grisha -When the Druskelle step up their extermination efforts, Ivan flees for the border with a group about 20 strong. By the time they make it to Ravka, he’s the only one left. He collapses, injured and traumatized, practically at the Darkling’s feet. -Fedyor was a child spy, sent to fjerdan nobility with grisha sympathies. He posed as a healer, but in order to stay in their employ he kept their son (around his age) sick -their son was also the closest thing he had to a relationship -fedyor’s mission ended abruptly when the entire family was poisoned by rivals. He managed to survive with an indomitable spirit and his own corporalki abilities -fedyor has worn so many masks that he’s forgotten what’s underneath -fedyor smiles and jokes bc people feel more comfortable with someone who smiles. -fedyor’s favorite color is “the color of the sky” which he’s quick to point out is often not sky blue. Ivan’s favorite color is yellow -Ivan likes flowers -fedyor is constantly hoarding food and swiping from the kitchens and sharing w Ivan is a love language -Ivan has seen and served two versions of the darkling -fedyor speaks about five languages -when fedyor is assigned the darkling’s second bodyguard, Ivan hates him, especially because he’s never around for his job. When he complains to Aleksander, Aleksander tells him that bodyguard is fedyor’s cover, he’s actually the new spymaster (the last three died tragically) -fedyor decides that “flirting with Ivan” is a character trait he’s allowed to have and flirts relentlessly. Ivan thinks it’s the flirting that makes him happy (rather than Ivan himself) and does not realize he’s serious for a long time -after Ivan asks fedyor to keep an eye out for fjerdan treats, fedyor organizes an entire tasting platter for Ivan -Ivan initiates their first kiss. He asks fedyor if it’s okay -they have an insanely long slowburn but fedyor is flirting through the entirety of it -they hold hands on like day one and then it takes years to kiss -because they're both heartrenders they say shit like "you've held my heart in your hands, i trust you with my life" and don't think they're dating

[rocket-69]

Writing Meme

tagged by @butchzambo to share the last sentence of my last worked on WIP, and tag as many people as words long.

Ethan heard himself say "Yes, sir," as he stared down a peeling sunburn on the chief's forehead.

[pinkbalrog]

Tags courtesy of @butchzambo

Gathering a few more points of data for a conversation my mother and I had:

[anneapocalypse]

Djdjdjdjddjdj welcome back anne!!!! There’s currently all kinds of rumors about people joining the site who refuse to reblog/make a bio/change their icon. I’ve noticed a couple of them following me so I can somewhat verify it’s true. Also you can pay $40 a year for an ad free tumblr or buy the official tumblr merch. Things are more normal than ever tho

Hi Zambo! Thanks! I feel like there were also those random blank or mostly-blank blogs with default icons cropping up, whether they were new users who hadn't customized, or bots, or whatever (it was hard to tell the difference). The more things change, the more they stay the same, huh? Premium ad-free is far from the worst idea they ever had.

At least they're adding some good features for everyone as well. Shortening long posts on the dash? Incredible.

[fallout-fallen-knight]

Glory from fo4

“Glory thinks that all robots, not just synths, should be liberated. This kind of radical rhetoric turns off other people who would otherwise support the Railroad’s cause. Also, why does she need a giant minigun except for the implicit threat of violence against those she disagrees with? She needs to learn how to temper her expectations and compromise with the other Railroad members. She’s the Railroad equivalent of a Bernie Bro.”

[wanderingandfound]

#@people in the comments suggesting to play pathfinder instead: you are part of the problem (via @butchzambo)

Okay I know I said I was on a break from “D&D culture bad” posting but someone in a TTRPG facebook group I’m in got called a snob for merely suggesting to a “fellow” aspiring TTRPG *DESIGNER* to check out games other than Dungeons and Dragons Fifth Edition lmaoooooooooooooooooooooo literally Marvel fans but 10x worse

[sroloc--elbisivni]

ew????

-the entire bull fic, really, but most especially the hershey's kiss line oh my fucking god

-has two character types and they are ':3 murder? do a little murder? as a treat?' and 'look at this wretch of a man and despair.'

-only listens to the mountain goats

-plays fallout

[secretlystephaniebrown]

31 and 32!

31. What’s your ideal fic length to write?

SO the funny story is I actually have done math for this. Usually I aim for 4k for stories. Totally Spyral! chapters are around 5k (fiends chapters were 10k. that was hard. XD)

32. What’s your ideal fic length to read?

Oh man I love a good juicy 5-10k. Generally I don't read things under 2k unless it's recced to me, and anything over 100k, I want to be sold.

[shanastoryteller]

Happy pride!! Could you do something with Ares for gods and monsters?

Ares shows up at his brother’s volcano and pokes him in the side until his irritated amber eyes are fastened onto him. “I want a sword?” 

“What kind of sword?” Hephaestus sighs instead of arguing. 

He pretends to give this a moment of serious thought. “The best one.” 

A week later he gets a note that says: made you a sword but a water nymph stole it so good luck. it’s called excalibur and is the best. 

[corsairesix]

@butchzambo I didn't take any dialogue screenshots but here's Astariana Grande and milf Astarion

Notes on giving Astarion estrogen: unfortunately the default disguise self femme elf (say that three times fast) has a tight high pony that I don’t really like, and the half-elf has a soccer mom bob.

[gaze-into-whump]

Attakius and emry for drug promt 3

This is @whumpster-dumpster‘s prompt: “You feel that, don’t you?” Whumper whispers, pulling Whumpee’s chin up to look into their glazed eyes. “Soon you won’t be able to even lift a finger.” From this post Attakius visits Emry in the basement. This is after their childhood friend, Thorne, has gotten to leave, first to tend to injuries, then because he was good.

CW: manhandling, forced drugging, paralysis

Emry spends most of their time as a wolf these days. It’s like the winters when they were on their own - it’s cold and their wolf’s fur is more effective than some ratty clothes. The cage is small, and barely gives them room to pace.

They tense when the heavy doors to the menagerie - quite a distance from their cage, open.

Attakius.

They bare their teeth.

“Oh dear,” Attakius says mildly. “I can see you’re in a mood.”

Emry growls.

Attakius tsks. “After everything I do for you. No matter, I have something that will help smooth this transition.”

Emry growls again. You have something to make me more compliant.

Attakius chuckles like he understands. Then his face turns contrite. His traitorous bastard face. “I’m trying to help you Emry. That’s why I’m going to unlock your cage.”

Emry starts to open their mouth to snap at Attakius but his statement makes them pause with their mouth hanging open. Their ears press back to their head, equal measures embarrassed and suspicious, and they close their mouth.

“Of course, you’ll have to be human. I can’t have a wolf running around my menagerie.”

There’s always a catch. But it’s okay, for a little bit of freedom. They shift quickly, reaching for their clothes as soon as they have human hands. The clothes are disgusting, and they smell like stale sweat and Attakius, but at least they’re covered. They stand in front of the door and glare at their captor.

“Now now,” Attakius says, “would a smile really come amiss? I’m doing you a favor.”

“Fuck you.”

“I can leave.” There’s an edge to Attakius’ voice that makes Emry’s hair stand on end. If he leaves, he won’t be coming back for a few days at least. No food, no water, no break from their own thoughts. Emry looks down.

“Good dog.”

It’s pure mockery. If anyone else said that to them, Emry would shift and rip their throat out. They settle for a low growl, proving his point, probably.

But Attakius has always been a man of his word. He unlocks the cage.

Emry hesitantly steps out. There’s a table across the room that has all manner of sharp objects, a pike, a knife, a chain of silver… a silver chain wouldn’t help them, but any weapon would.

They make a break for it. They dodge Attakius’ lunge and push their legs harder than they have in… however long they’ve been in this dungeon. Desperation lurches them forward. They slam against the table and grab the first thing their hand closes over, the blades of a pair of scissors.

They whirl on Attakius, brandishing the improvised weapon.

His eyes are cold as he smiles. “Go ahead.”

Emry hesitates for just a second, then they steel themselves and lunge at Attakius. They’re not stupid enough to immediately go for his throat, instead they duck and try to stab his leg. Instead of flesh, the scissors stop in midair, as if they’ve hit a wall. Emry leaps back, they’ll have to find another avenue of attack, but they’re stopped by a viselike grip on their arm. A hard tug pulls them into Attakius.

They immediately start to struggle, twisting to bite Attakius’ hand.

At the same moment they taste blood, they also feel a pinch in their arm.

Attakius lets go and they stumble back. It’s only now that they notice the needle in Attakius’ hand.

“What did you do to me?” They keep backing away, until their back hits a table and there’s nowhere to go as Attakius advances on them.

“You’re disobedient. Half feral, if Thorne is to be believed. I’d hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but you’ve proven you need a firm hand.”

Emry shakes their head and the room spins. Thorne wouldn’t say that, not to Attakius.

Attakius grabs their face and their limbs feel like lead, they lift their arm agonizingly slowly “You feel that, don’t you?” Attakius asks, pulling up Emry’s chin so they’re forced to look at him. Or the three of him that swim before them. “Soon you won’t even be able to lift a finger,” he says in a soft tone. “This is what you need in order to relax.”

Emry’s legs choose that moment to give out. Attakius scoops them up before they can hit the floor.

Emry struggles desperately in the bridal carry but they feel like they’ve been tied down with stones and they’re drowning. Only their hands move, flapping without even the strength to slap Attakius’ arms.

“You’re a mess, Emry” Attakius says. “You need me.”

But you did this to me.

“I know it’s not pleasant, but this if for your own good.”

A hand touches their head and Emry tries to scream. No sound comes out.

They can’t scream, can’t move, and Attakius is petting their head.

“There you go, just relax.”

They’ve never felt less relaxed.

“I’m not your enemy. We want the same things.”

You want to tear your face off?

“We both want to see you reunited with your friend,” No. What? I do want that… “We want you to stop hurting him.”

Attakius’ hand brushes over Emry’s ear and pushes some of their hair out of their eyes.

“Don’t you want to stop hurting Thorne, Emry?” Emry can’t look away from Attakius’ earnest expression.

What? What does that have to do with me?

Then Attakius starts walking and their head swims. They want to scream when he carries them back into the cage. No no no please let me out!

But they can’t open their mouth. Attakius can’t hear them. Instead he sits down and arranges them in his lap. It’s almost a hug. It’s almost like he cares.

Emry wants to tear away, to shift and bite him but they can’t, they can’t  move as he pats their head and ruffles their hair whispers in their ear how good they are, how all they need to do is relax now, let him take care of them.

It turns their stomach. If they could throw up they would, but even that’s been taken from them.

They don’t know how long Attakius stays there, just that it’s long enough that the nausea passes. Long enough that when he puts them on the cold floor and stands up, they miss his warmth.

He caresses their cheek, then walks out of the cage and locks the door.

He doesn’t say anything else.

Emry isn’t how long it is before they can move again, but it starts with their fingers, then their jaw unlocks. They can’t howl, they don’t regain the ability to shift until they have control of their entire body again, but they can scream. They scream until their throat is raw, and their cheeks are wet and they start to think that maybe, just maybe, there is something wrong with them.

[flannelshirtandjeans]

i keep thinking about what you said with grace having to find one or both twins and like... what if she was holding one of the twins while her spouse was holding the other one???? so she's gotta deal with A Whole Baby while trying to find A Whole Other Baby

omg omg omg friend, ME TOO. I mean it’s not official (head)canon (yet) but I’ve been thinking about it A LOT. Also I’m laughing at your wording, the “A Whole X” and “A Whole Other X” never fails to be AMAZING and to make me laugh.

Thought the one: Gives some interesting additional & chilling context to “At least we still have the backup”. Like it already has context in terms of like, YOU are the backup parent, but add a second baby to the mix??? oh boy oh BOY. Like imaging being afraid not only for yOU, but also for your BABY because of this scar-faced bastard???

And then. And THEN being so scared for your poor baby when you walk out into the apocalypse like this is the goddamn post nuclear apocalypse world! What’s the baby gonna eat??? YOU don’t lactate, that was your wife and she’s dead NOT DEAD BUT WILL BE IF I DON’T FIND HELP! There are bugs in Sanctuary that are bigger than your baby!! Everything is irradiated and dangerous and your baby is SO SMALL. You can’t leave her anywhere but you don’t wanna take her to a gun fight either! What do you do. Like I’ve played with the idea of Norma having a baby in the wasteland in a dual survivors AU, but her situation is different because she has had time to adjust to the new world, and the game’s story is already over and the Commonwealth a lot safer, they already HAVE safety networks.

I legit. legit kinda wanna do this because like. That’s such a scary but also interesting possibility, and a big possibility for some unadulterated FLUFF and ‘it takes a village’ attitude, and a chance to get Grace to meet The Midwives. Completely fucked up at the end of the game when let’s say the sweet Margaret has been made Father Mother at the Institute and raised to be this horrible fool, and Sam is like one. oNE. I kinda really want it.

[zizygy]

dave strider

i was just reblogging a funney jokes and you stand here come into my house on the day my daughter’s to be married and you drag me like this

[mathamaniac]

@butchzambo​ actually this one seems to do the job (more or less)

www.tumblr.com##div.So6RQ:nth-of-type(1)

@staff @wip

if i wanted to use tumblr live, i would just use it on the app. i don't use tumblr live, i don't want to use tumblr live, and i don't want the desktop experience to be worsened by a version of tumblr live i can't get rid of

i cannot express how much i'm praying that this is gotten rid of, or at least given an option to be turned off.