#butches can have a little ruth wilder rep as a treat

[dyke-fruit]

what helped u come to terms with identifying as butch

so obviously my journey isn’t going to be the same as someone else, but i think my presentation as butch started as something heavily aligned with my self esteem. i thought i liked wearing masc clothing because it hid my body (in hs), but it could’ve been just because i wasn’t comfy in feminine clothing. or the other way around. i started presenting as what i now call butch before i realized what the term was. i cut my hair because i really really felt like i needed to do it (but also -- not necessarily even a thing you have to Do as butch, it just was for me). it was only later that i started using that word in the same way women who like women lean into the word “lesbian” because it’s something so vilified and they themselves want to feel more comfortable calling themselves that so when the world does, it’s not... bad.

i think i spent time knowing i felt butch and i read stone butch blues and was like Wow! Same, but feeling more comfortable about it meant surrounding myself with people who didn’t feel like it was a bad word. my first girlfriend’s whole thing is she’s into butches, so when i called myself that, she wasn’t afraid to call me that. my queer friends say butch wayyy more than i think the mainstream media does currently (for instance, tiktok lesbians are leaning heavily on “masc” as their preferred term). i was just thinking a few days ago about how important it was for me to date a girl who explicitly saw my butchness and my existing outside of the gender norm as something that was attractive. it’s taken a LONG time to feel fully comfy with it, and i do have a lot of days where i don’t feel as comfortable. but i think finding aspects of that community that feel welcoming -- there are so many places on tumblr that celebrate butchness and masculinity in women.

but! i still have huge biases. as a creator, internally i’m so afraid of writing a butch character because a critique of her feels so so close to a critique of me. i also don’t really think butches are attractive, both because of my own issues regarding my self image and the way society hits you over the head with how women outside of what’s typical are ugly, so i have to check myself in the media i watch because having butch representation that’s not just a straight actress with short hair is SO IMPORTANT. AND YET -- when i see people on tumblr who are so sexy and comfortable in their skin and are butch, i’m like !!! i want to be there. i’m still on the journey of loving myself and while i embrace the butch aspects of my identity, a crucial part has been surrounding myself with people who readily will use the world and not act like it’s a bad thing, but also see my favorite characters as having a complicated relationship to their sexuality and identity going hand in hand.