#but.... rly.... i have no idea how to end this sentence and its haunting me

[6-v-6]

sataeminism replied to your post: SOMEONE HELP ME WITH THIS SENTENCE………….

write it in the most pretentious way you can think of then go back to read it again and shame yourself into putting him in simpler terms

it’s partly a joke bc it works for me but can we know what sentence is it??

Okay but that’s actually my issue because I don’t know if I want to be too writerly with it?? Or put it in simpler terms and that’s why I keep writing like 50 different versions of the sentence and im going to lose my mind its been HOURS........

I’m putting this under a read more bcuz I could Honestly use help. 

so the sentence in question is this one:

It’s a favorite of hers—was, past tense now, only loved until there’s no vacancy left in the heart to house (those who try to make it a home) vagrant

I put the more writerly option in parenthesis because I don’t know if I want to go with that or with something more simplistic i.e. vagrant etc. Here’s the entire thing so far actually since it isn’t long at all.............. 

When he wakes he’s alone. It’s not surprising; runaways don’t tend to stick together. Trust comes too slow to foster friendship when you’re always on the move. Maybe that’s why he was curious about the boy with a voice like cobwebs and the girl with skin of ice; curious about the way they came into his life as one, so tightly sewn together they seemed to redefine the boundaries of solidarity.

His footsteps echo in the room, loud now in the absence of company. It doesn’t hurt, being left behind, but the chill of concrete against his bare feet bites to the bone.

A flash of red in the corner of his eye makes him pause, but when he turns—something like hope on his face—all he sees is her shirt, crumpled in the corner. Just dirty laundry. It’s a favorite of hers—was, past tense now, only loved until there’s no vacancy left in the heart to house (those who try to make it a home) vagrant

but like goddamn I can’t decide which route to go? Because on one hand I don’t want to get too flowery with my writing but on the other hand I want to inhabit the mind of my character accurately (who has an issue w/ abandonment) so the question is if it makes sense for him to think in a more flowery/writerly way or not.... I’m not expecting Stunning advice but any input at all will help me get over this damn sentence