#but... once u see it u cant stop noticing it and it's so... unsettling and upsetting....

[babieken]

@joosgf @uh0paque 🫂😭💔

[fics-not-tragedies]

Call off the search for your soul [2]

As I promised you, this is the second part of the full version of this “Fuckin’ February” drabble requested by @thesadvampire​​.

SUMMARY: John takes young D’Antonio home and shows him how steamy love is made. Words:  6597; Warnings: m/m smut, a very nice one I must admit;

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Santino’s hands were clenched into fists, his palms sweaty and although John stood against the opposite wall in the elevator, he felt himself practically gravitating towards him, could still feel the touch of his hands, his skin tingling where John’s lips had been, leaving his head in a blur he now knew better than to blame on the bitterness of the whisky.

Despite the nerve, despite the strange and unfamiliar approach that Santino would have discarded within seconds on any other occasion, with any other person, he couldn’t help but admire John’s fearlessness, the unapologetic confidence, how harmless and yet breathtakingly intimidating he was. There was something he hadn’t quite felt before, or at least not allowed himself to explore and he didn’t know what it was that drew him to it now, unsure what John offered that had sparked him to investigate further what he’d hidden well until then, even from himself.

His laughter made certain things seem significantly less important, his remarks about how important he felt when leaving Cassian by the front door and taking Ares up in the lift with them endearing and when the doors slid open with a metallic echo, his large hand sprawled out on Santino’s back as he pushed himself off the wall and led him down the corridor left him in deep conflict of the nature of his decision.

A small cackle fell from John’s lips as he watched Santino closely, took in his every movement, his gaze remaining on him from the corner of his eye as he moved to unlock the door, his other hand still on Santino’s lower back, then pressing against it lightly to lead him into the apartment, unable to believe himself that he had made it this far, unsurprised by his triumph, though proud of the extent of it.

Despite his security in the building, ready to follow his every command, he felt his heart beat grow heavier when John closed the door behind him and he found himself stood in a spacious apartment, met with the entirety of it all at once due to the lack of a hallway, the living room, the kitchen a bar counter, a large table in the middle of it all and his subconscious made the decision for him, his entire attention shifting instantly back to John.

“Do you want a drink, Santi?” he drawled, instantly able to see the way Santino’s body relaxed when he drew his hand from him and strode towards the bar, throwing his jacket over the back of one of the stools, “You’re a whisky man?” He continued without waiting for the other man’s response, reaching up onto a shelf and balancing two glasses to place them on the marble counter, then popping open the bottle to start pouring their drinks, “Got some Johnnie Walker here for you. It’s not quite as fancy as that good stuff at your club, but…”

Santino caught his hand reaching out for the glass before he could properly process his brain’s command to do so as John crossed the room to come back to him, the glass cold in his palm that had become clammier than he would’ve cared to admit, though he could barely lift the glass to his lips before John’s stopped him, a raise of his eyebrow and he rang their glasses together, “To a banging night” he cackled, wiggling his eyebrows.

Santino swallowed, thankful for the way the whisky burned in his throat to distract momentarily from how dry his mouth felt. He could still feel where John’s hand had been on his back mere moments ago, though certainly was not going to ask for further contact, did not see himself demanding anything due to the unpredictability of John’s reaction he would undoubtedly be met with, would be caught off guard by.

John finished his drink with one quick backwards tilt of his head, the glass quickly discarded and he watched the slow motion of Santino’s Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, the skin stretching delicately as he swallowed the liquor, noticed the tight grip he maintained on the glass and without second thought gave in to the ache in his hand and reached out to brush his knuckles lightly over the side of Santino’s neck, humming as he watched the flicker in his eyes, fearful, then confident within a split second as he leaned almost automatically into his touch and he turned his hand to cup his neck into his palm, his long fingers stroking at the back of Santino’s neck.

“So…” John licked his lips, drawing the glass from Santino’s hand and brushing his fingers shamelessly over his, then nodding towards his large bed, black silk sheets and grey pillows arranged against the headboard. “Why don't you get on the bed for me, bello?”

A shudder, a shot of electricity went up Santino’s arm as he felt the warmth of John’s fingers against his, but his words chilled him in a way that was unexpected even to him, though he’d said he wouldn’t commit to anything, he felt strangely certain about John’s intentions, had followed his lead purely because of the promising awareness his every movement, his every word carried and yet, as imagination, suggestion turned into reality, the realization of what lay ahead if he allowed it sank in, it seemed almost too tangible.

John watched the hesitation of Santino’s body language as he put the glass down for him. He tilted his head to the side, raising an eyebrow, “Don’t you want me, Santi?” he rasped, licking his lips.

Santino swallowed again, his bottom lip pushing out slightly with natural resistance, “You mean … uh…” He cleared his throat, disturbed by his own uncertainty, what it’d reduced him to. “Does that mean you're gonna comandare?” he asked, trying to sound skeptical rather than unsettled.

John chuckled, “Would you rather comandare, bello?” He hummed.

The response came quick, automated, Santino’s voice harder than before, his jaw tensing. “I’m always in charge” he declared.

“Mmm…” John nodded slowly, “Then what do you want now, Santi?” he asked, moving closer to him, his fingers despite Santino’s resistance still caressing the short hair at his neck, trying to figure him out, what was going through his mind.

The boldness of the question, the blunt suggestion had Santino’s hand shaking, the lack of control feeding off the experience he wished he had, the experience he needed to display the confidence he never failed to muster, “I … uh … I’ve never…”

John pursed his lips, his eyes widening despite his best efforts to conceal his surprise, though he knew he should have known better and he was unable to keep a small smile from playing around his lips, “No one ever fucked you before?” he asked shamelessly, his gaze expectant to now draw a much stronger reaction. He wanted to explore, wanted to venture further to see just how far he could push it, “Or touched you the way I’ll do?” he added.

Santino’s lip was quivering, his nerves on the very edge of self-control. His head was spinning in a way he had long given up blaming on the booze, he craved a cigarette and it reminded him of the smoke he’d tasted on John’s lips, the sharp taste of liquor on his tongue and he knew his own urge to take control, the frustration that he couldn’t were threatening to trigger his flight, but before he could fall any deeper into exploring the possibility, John’s fingers took hold of the back of his neck, half a step and he was right there, his lips pressed to Santino’s once again, forcing them apart and drawing a moan from him that he would have deemed weak hearing it from anybody else.

John’s hand wandered from Santino’s hip to cup the curve of his ass, squeezing as he drew him in further, made sure to hold him right where he had him, could taste the alcohol as well as the cigarette smoke in the kiss, a guttural moan escaping him when Santino’s instinct took over yet again, his hand clutching John’s shirt impulsively to draw him in closer, to somehow get more of him when the sole promise of his lips already had his mind reeling. He just needed him to know.

To his disappointment, he drew back too soon, though only to start kissing Santino’s jaw, eager for the sound Santino had made with the sensitive skin behind his ear being teased and he attached his lips to the sweet spot he’d found, groaning at Santino’s shaky whimper and Santino almost missed John’s hand on his ass, though his attention was instantly drawn to where it moved next, with quick movements starting to unbutton the remaining buttons of his shirt, kissing every inch of newly exposed skin, pausing to suck, sinking his teeth in, but never for long enough to mark his skin, then enjoyed the way Santino’s breath hitched in his throat as he slowly lowered himself to his knees.

Santino cleared his throat as he looked down at him, his posture tensing further as the man in front of him started unbuckling his belt for him, “I … uh…”

“Just relax Santi…” John drawled, licking his lips as he pulled down the zipper of the tight suit trousers slowly, had been able to see the clear outline of his length, unsurprised when he freed him from the restrictive material of his trousers and wrapped his long fingers around him, starting slowly to stroke his shaft, immensely pleased when the expression on Santino’s sharp features shifted from surprise, shock, to in-suppressible pleasure, “How about I suck you off and show you exactly how I like it?” John hummed, looking up at him.

The sparkle he could see in the eager blue eyes unsettled him as much as it excited him and the hope of dominance that was Santino’s for the taking was short-lived, his hand clutching into a fist, his breath shaky, chest rising and falling beyond his control and he could hardly speak, his face flushed.

“And then you can return the favor?” He drawled with a breathy chuckle, though the look on Santino’s face was more than enough for him for a response. He parted his lips and shamelessly held his gaze as he allowed his cock to sink into his mouth, his lips tight around him.

“C-cazzo…” Santino groaned, his balance faltering, hips shaking and his hand moving to the back of John’s head instinctively, tugging on his hair.

“Yees, bello” John groaned as he drew back, his hand going back to stroking Santino’s length, the sloppy movements drawing more moans from Santino, leaving John appreciative of the way he was finally letting go, finally acting on his impulse, his urge without overthinking and he was determined to keep it that way.

Without further warning, he felt John take him back into his mouth, the heat of his tongue swirling around his shaft, the way his hand resumed its tight grip on Santino’s ass to draw him in closer, the sloppy groans with his mouth full, he could hardly contain himself, throwing his head back as he pulled on John’s hair for leverage, for something other than the pleasure tingling in his body.

He ached to arch his hips forward, to draw John in to stay where he was, to keep his cock buried in the back of his throat, but his fingers were shaking, the movements of his hips irregular and his every hope of alternation, of John’s tongue flicking around him, of the friction of his lips tightening around Santino’s length, of the way he inched forward to take all of him – it had him losing control in a way he’d never in this position felt before.

No one that had been on their knees in front of Santino had ever completely taken from him now and he found himself relaxing into the sensation, a desperate whines falling from his lips inexcusable when the tip of his cock hit the back of John’s throat and he swallowed around him, once, twice, three times without the hint of a struggle before he drew back for air, though quickly took him back into his mouth, picking up a sloppy pace, faster and with his lips locked tighter around Santino’s cock.

John could sense by the erratic movements of Santino’s hips, the way his fingers were wound tightly in his hair without any sense of purpose other than holding on, that he was close, getting closer by the second and as much as he wanted to feel him pulse on his tongue, taste him, he had other plans, he was eager to see how far he could push him, how much he would allow so he drew back slowly, chuckling at the way his posture straightened instantly, his eyes falling open, the look in them eager, hopeful, lost.

“Easy, darling” John cackled, giving Santino’s cock another few teasing pumps before rising to his feet, silencing any possible protest from Santino’s lips with a deep kiss, his fingers winding around Santino’s chain to draw him in further as he kissed him eagerly.

Santino felt like he could hardly breathe, though needed more desperately now, the kiss not nearly as satisfying and once again, he was deprived of more far too quickly, John flashing him a grin when he drew back.

“C’mon, Santi, get on your knees for me” he hummed, stroking his fingers through Santino’s hair affectionately.

He swallowed, not feeling entirely steady on his legs as John slowly stepped back from him and he instantly missed his touch, following as if he was drawn to him like a magnet, shrugging out of his jacket and placing it down on the bed before sinking to his knees without further thought, hanging on to the other man’s every word, his every movement, shift in his gaze.

John hummed, his fingers instantly brushing Santino’s hair back again, smirking at the way he instantly leaned into his touch, “Are you usually this obedient?” he chuckled, “Or are you giving me a special treatment?”

Santino swallowed, his natural instinct he’d completely discarded ever since his arrival in a strange man’s flat, the urge to defy anything that wasn’t entirely under his control, it went up in smoke again when John’s fingers stroked gently over his jaw and he raised an eyebrow expectantly, making Santino want to prove there was nothing he couldn’t do rather than admit that he wouldn’t because he couldn’t, as it was evident. He refused to let John see him that way, to allow himself to perceive his own weaknesses.

John nodded slowly, understandingly, “Never had a cock in your pretty mouth, I’m guessing?”

Santino didn’t bother with a response, instead was determined to not let the frustration at himself get the best of him, to complicate his actions and he reached forward, unbuckling John’s belt, satisfied when his eyes widened in surprise and he watched him, aware of his gaze on him, his face was flushed yet again and he quickly focused his own gaze on the task at hand, undoing the button and the zipper of the tight suit trousers, though as he was fully realizing what he was doing, who he was, where he was, he suddenly didn’t feel so sure, his fingers’ movement slowing.

John raised an eyebrow, “C’mon, Santi…”

His voice snapping him out of it, reminding him, it was all he needed and he took a breath, now eager and drawing the zipper all the way down, knew he shouldn’t have been surprised by the lack of underwear and just as he reached to take a hold of him, determined to do a job just as good as John had, better even.

He knew there was no one else there, it was just him and John, he’d allowed things to carry out this far and he was far from letting his own frustration ruin what he wanted now, starting to stroke John’s hard length slowly, the feeling less unfamiliar than he would have expected and adjusting his angle, he continued, felt him pulsing in his palm and as he heard a groan, he allowed himself to look up at John, his heart skipping a beat when their eyes met, the eagerness, the lust in the gaze of the man that stood above him exhilarating.

“Keep going” John rasped, as surprised as he was content with Santino’s compliance.

Santino licked his lips, sitting up straight and tilting his forward and as soon as he’d parted his lips and looked back up at John, he’d pushed his hips forward and he could taste the hint of saltiness on his tongue he knew he should have expected and before he knew it, John’s cock was pushing his lips further apart, groaning above him at the friction.

Santino snapped himself out of it yet again, knew just how he’d taken care of him mere minutes prior, knew what he liked himself and what would achieve the same effect if he did it, he knew it was a question of effort, of applying what he knew he enjoyed and he shifted to adjust his sitting position, pressing his tongue to the underside of John’s cock as he slowly started working himself in and out of Santino’s mouth.

“Your mouth is perfect, Santi” John groaned shakily, his fingers gripping on tighter to Santino’s hair as he moved him slowly as he pleased while allowing him the necessary room to move at the same time, seeking to urge, yet not overwhelm him, “You’re a fucking natural…”

The sight of Santino D'Antonio on his knees in front of him carried enough weight to turn him on beyond what he’d expected, but the fact that despite his lack of control he was so willing, so eager, acting completely on his own impulse as well as the desire to please him, it had his mind reeling, had him fighting to hold on, to push him further to his limit without taking too much, without going too fast, but John himself was so close to losing the control he’d maintained all this time over himself and surprisingly, over Santino as well.

Santino was sucking more eagerly now, the loud groans above him fueling, encouraging, his fingers clutching to John’s thighs to keep his hips from pushing too far into him, despite his eagerness afraid of what would happen if John’s took complete control of him and just as he closed his eyes, swirled his tongue around him and tightened his lips around his shaft, John’s grip tightened on the back of his head and he pushed his cock all the way into his mouth, groaning at the friction of Santino’s tongue, his lips, and the way his tip hit the back of Santino’s throat, instantly making him struggle and his throat tighten around him as he held him there.

He pulled on Santino’s hair, one second, two and he allowed him to breathe, groaning loudly, ready for the shift, the wild gaze in Santino’s eyes promising the fire he knew he had to expect from Santino D'Antonio, but instead, he inched right back forward, taking hold of the base of his cock and guided him back into mouth, this time taking him all the way and into the back of his throat all by himself before John could grip his hair again, swallowing, and threatening to push him over the edge so John had to take a firm hold of his hair and pull him back, excited by the pleasure that had almost spilled over as well as the sharp gasp that fell from Santino’s lips and the way his eyes almost rolled back at the rough tug on his hair.

“I want you on my bed now, Santi” he groaned, gesturing for him to rise to his feet, the command urgent, this time not to be left hung in the air to discard for another moment.

Santino swallowed, his hand coming down almost automatically on John’s shoulder as he started pushing Santino’s trousers down as soon as he stood, stepping to the side and waiting expectantly for him to step out of them before he came up behind him, one hand on Santino’s hip and holding him to stand steady as he discarded his trousers, his other hand slowly wandering up his chest, sprawled out and urging Santino forward before he could question his own movements or escape somehow, his arm then locking around him, allowing him to feel the taunt muscles in his arm, giving him no other choice but to lean forward over the bed, making John appreciatively at the view it offered of Santino’s ass.

“Santi, you really do have the most perfect ass” he chuckled, one hand already landing on the curve of Santino’s ass again, squeezing, the other now that he had him where he wanted descending down the other man’s back and pressing down to bend him further over the bed.

Santino knew he should have been more resistant allowing John to push him down so quickly, but the fact that he could no longer watch him, see the way he reacted in a way so uncontrollable, so unpredictable, it eased him, though only until he felt John’s fingers starting slowly to push between his ass cheeks, making him gasp.

John felt the instant tension that shot through Santino’s body, one of his hands stroking up his back slowly, “Bello, it’s alright” he assured him, “I have to make sure you’re ready for my cock before I give it to you.”  

Though he hadn’t spoken much, and Santino knew he spoke way more when trying to put someone in their place, to submit to him, to intimidate them, the few words falling from John’s lips, the rasp of them, the promises, they rendered him speechless and unsure of what to do, leaving him with no way he could possibly respond and though he knew exactly why he’d been reduced to the position he now found himself in, the realization still hit him more than it had before, and all at once, when he felt John’s fingertips trying to push inside him.

“Gonna make you mine for the night, Santi, just relax…” John hummed, his fingers teasing, a smile playing around his lips when he felt Santino pushing back towards him, “Don't move.”

With those words, his touch was gone and though he didn’t like to admit it even to himself, he yet again already missed the touch, the attention, watching as John strode around the bed and grabbed a transparent bottle from the nightstand before returning to his original position, the quick snap of a lid and a squirting sound and the air filled with the rich scent of strawberries and mint, then John’s fingers were right where they had been, cool, slick, his thumb working to make room for his fingers and Santino lurched forward at the sudden intrusion, the unfamiliar feeling, a loud gasp falling from his lips and before he could move away, John’s hand was on his hip, holding him right where he was.

“Stay right here” he drawled, wiggling his fingers slightly, adjusting the angle, immensely pleased with the way Santino’s body shook, adjusting to his touch, “Nobody ever put their fingers inside you before?” He hummed, “You're so well-behaved, Santi…”

Before Santino could even attempt a response, John’s grip on his hips tightened yet again, his nails digging into Santino’s skin and his fingers sank all the way inside him, coaxing a desperate moan from him that left him breathless, “F-Fuck…”

“Thaaat’s right” John hummed, “Good boy … does that feel good?”

Despite his desperation, the instant need he felt for more in a way he himself deemed pathetic, Santino couldn’t deny how good the snug fit of John’s fingers felt inside him, how badly he craved everything he had to give.

“You said you liked games, Santi…” John said slowly as he started working his fingers in and out to relax him further, to stretch him, to prepare him for what he’d been dying for since he’d seen the other man at the bar. It seemed like an eternity ago.

Santino breathed out shakily, his hands clenched into fists, “W-What game are we playing precisely?” he choked out, the nonchalant way John spoke as he gradually increased the pace of his fingers agonizing, taunting him.

“It’s easy really” he chuckled, “You tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you…”

Santino allowed himself another sharp exhale in a desperate attempt to swallow his pride, there was nothing he wanted more than for John to keep going, the thought of anything else making his heart sink. “J-Just need more…” he breathed, his teeth gritted at the words just escaping him without further thought. “Please…”

John chuckled, “Mmm, I know, darling … thank you for asking so nicely…” he smirked, curving his fingers slightly, his fingertips reaching deeper inside him and he cackled as he achieved the anticipated reaction, a low groan, shaky and desperate falling from Santino’s lips, his hips bucking back into him at the sensation.

Santino’s eyes fell shut, the pleasure shooting through his body like electricity, making him shudder momentarily,

“C-cazzo” he gasped, his voice trailing off into a low moan as John repeated the motion of his fingers, leaving him panting, his arms threatening to give in as he held himself up on the bed, “Do that again…”

John cackled.

“Gonna do much more than that…” he said, withdrawing one of his hands and starting to stroke himself slowly, before removing the wrapper from the condom and slowly rolling it down his length, another squirt from the bottle of lube and he refused to wait any longer, could feel Santino tensing, heard another soft gasp when he retreated his fingers.

Santino turned to look at him over his shoulder, the heat increasing in his cheeks when they locked eyes and the smirk on John’s face, the wild excitement, the fire in his eyes, it made his stomach churn.

“I’m here…” John hummed, stepping up to him again and almost violently peeling Santino’s shirt down his arms, almost causing him to jump when he pushed the tip of his cock between his cheeks, trying to hold them apart, “Gonna fill you up now, alright?”

“John, I-I…” Santino tensed, biting his lip.

“Don't worry,” he said, “I’m gonna be gentle with you…” he assured him, “I’ll go slow. I’m gonna give you exactly what you need, Santi…” he gave a slight push forward with his hips, grinning at Santino’s gasp, surprised when his hand reached back to wrap around his wrist where his hand sat on Santino’s hip.

He didn’t wait, didn’t ask, didn’t take any more time, merely pressed his thumb to the inside of Santino’s cheek, then gave a firm push of his hips to bury himself deep inside him, the resistance, the tightness allowing a delicious friction that had him groaning loudly, “Oh, fuuuuuuckk, Santi…”

Santino’s fingers clutched to the sheets at the sudden sensation, had thought he knew what to expect, but the thick feeling, the tightness, the pulsing sensation right where he’d needed most, it made his whole body shake, had him losing complete control over his own movements and rendered him powerless, “Oooooh…” he moaned lowly, his knuckles turning white with his grip on the sheets.

John licked his lips, smoothing his hand down Santino’s back, “Such a good boy…” he praised him, drawing his hips back slightly and dragging his cock along Santino’s tightening walls, the friction irresistible as he contracted around him, “So fucking’ tight, fuck…”

“J-John…” Santino gasped, his fingers tightening around John’ wrist, though a firm push of John’s hips back into him cut him off, had him trying to pull away from him almost instantly at the intensity, the instinctive reaction displeasing enough for John to shake off his wrist and reach to cup Santino’s throat, his other hand sprawled out at his abdomen to press down and pull Santino up from where he was bent over and flush against him, on his knees and gasping with wide eyes as he caught sight of the mirror straight ahead behind the headboard, his face instantly bright red as he locked eyes with himself in the reflective image.

With his chest pressed to Santino’s back, he could feel the strong heartbeat, almost in sync with his own, thudding rapidly and he stroked his fingers over Santino’s throat, a push of his hips while holding Santino in place drawing another weak moan from him.

Santino tried to push back, squeezing his eyes shut as he allowed the pleasure to overwhelm him, shivers running down his spine, the bliss threatening to spill over as he got more and more, craved more and more.

“Arch your back for me” John groaned, trying to move his body to curve back into him, though could hardly keep up with the desperate need he could sense in Santino, “Slow” he snapped quickly as he felt the way he shook increasing, whimpering needily, “Slow, slow, Santi, oh, you’re eager now, shh…”

Santino whined as John guided his head down on his shoulder, his hand on his abdomen traveling lower and wrapping around his cock, slowly starting to stroke him as he started moving his hips to push in and out of him, each time the friction overwhelmed him. He relaxed further, bracing himself for the pleasure John offered each time their bodies collided and he reached deep inside him, hit the spot that made him see stars and though he was trying desperately to hide how badly he needed more, he was certain John knew he would have done anything for him in that moment.

“I’ve got you” John drawled, angling his head upwards and with his thumb pressing down lightly on the soft skin above his Adam’s apple, humming appreciatively when his eyes snapped open and he instantly increased the pace of his hips, eager to watch the pleasure flicker across Santino’s face, “Such a pretty boy…”

Santino swallowed hard, his hand once again wrapping around John’s wrist as he tried fearlessly to maintain the eye contact now, refusing to cave.

“You know how pretty you are, Santi?” He chuckled at the increase in colour in the other man’s cheeks, “You’re fucking stunning…” He drew his hips back, only to force his cock right back into him, holding on tighter as Santino shook in his arms, his moans increasing in frequency, like music to John’s ears and he felt himself growing closer, could feel Santino’s cock pulsing in his hand and knew he wouldn’t be far behind, and he was ready to give him everything, his voice husky, breathy when he spoke, “Hold on to me.”

Before he could question the command, could even consciously decide to follow it, his hand tightened automatically around John’s wrist, the other reaching back to hold on to his upper arm where he could reach, simply in reaction the way John effortlessly picked up the pace, the friction of his cock dragging along Santino’s walls, the blissful, ecstatic sensation that cursed through him each time he filled him all the way, the relentless tugs on his cock, it was enough to leave him gasping, whimpering, fueled the lack of control he had over his own body.

“Do you like my cock?” John groaned breathlessly, his lips so close to Santino’s ear that he could feel his teeth dragging against his skin, his fingers pressing against his throat as he tightened his grip.

“Y-Yes, I’m so fucking close, John…”

“Do you want to cum?” John asked him and he just groaned loudly, “Oh, you want it? Then beg for it.”

Santino gasped. “I-I…”

“Beg me like a good little boy, Santi…”

“I need you John” Santino whined, allowing himself to submit fully, to fall back into John’s arms, to give up on even the last inch of control, and John instantly fucked him faster, groaning needily into his ear, his fingers caressing his jaw and just as Santino’s lips parted with another moan as John filled him, he pushed his fingers into his mouth, almost losing control of himself when Santino’s sucked on his fingertips, his lips tight around them, the image in the mirror more than he could have hoped for.

“Santi” he growled, squeezing his neck, “Open your eyes.”

Santino’s eyes snapped open, his heart skipping a beat at the sight in front of him, his own skin as sheeny with sweat as John’s, the flush of his cheeks and chest inexcusable, the wild desperation in his eyes lacking the dominance he was used to and as his eyes focused on John, the veins apparent in his neck and chest, his fingers half buried in Santino’s mouth with his lips swollen and tight around them, he despised what he saw as much as he reveled in it.

“Can you see how good you look filled with my cock?” John asked through gritted teeth, laughing shakily, his breath tickling Santino’s skin. He stroked Santino’s cock faster, squeezing him as he drove himself into him harder, “Want you to look me in the eyes when you cum.”

Santino gasped at the sudden increase in pace, could practically taste his orgasm, the continuous pressure that pushed him further and further threatening to overwhelm him as he realized he was going to get exactly what he wanted, he was going to despite everything have mercy on him, “T-Thank you” he whimpered, the words spilling out beyond his control.

John drew back his hips, could feel the weakness as he held him in his arms, “You don't need to thank me” he drawled with a chuckle, tugging hard on his cock and pushing inside him with as much force as he could muster, sending Santino spiraling.

He tried to keep his eyes wide open, the way John’s gaze was locked on his increasing the incomparable pleasure that cursed through his body in that moment, hot tears running down his cheeks at the intensity of the pleasure that hit him and before he could stop himself to follow John’s command, his eyes rolled back as he fucked him through his orgasm, had him clinging on to his bicep for dear life, breathless and his lips parted in a silent moan until he found his voice again, the strangled moan that escaped him beyond his control entirely.

The look on Santino’s face, the unconditional obedience, the sounds of pleasure, the sight of him, the way his body reacted, it was more than John could have hoped for and it cost him all his self-control, all his strength that tensed his body to not let go, he wasn’t done, certainly not now and he drew his fingers from Santino’s mouth, stroking affectionately over his throat.

“C-cazzo…” Santino whined.

“Gooood boy” John drawled, holding him up in his arms as the tension slowly faded and he was almost limp in his arms, his breath shaking, his fingers moving to wipe his face, “Let it out, handsome…”

Santino swallowed, trying to compose himself as reality caught up with him, his body tingling with the aftershocks of the unparalleled pleasure.

“First time coming on a cock?” John rasped, “Needed that, didn’t you?”

Santino was still panting, the nerve of the man behind him as he held him tightly beyond him and he realized then how much a mess he’d made on the silk sheets, but John paid it no mind, instead let go of him slowly.

John discarded the condom on the bedside table, then moved back to Santino and gently stroked his sweaty back with his large hand, “Turn around for me, darling” he hummed, “I want to cum on your tongue…”

As soon as Santino regained the necessary strength in his body, he shifted to turn around as he’d been instructed, had been reduced to a state of bliss that still made him feel like he was floating and he replaced John’s hand on his cock with his own, guiding it past his lips again, humming when the other man’s long fingers found their way into his hair.

“Mmm, you’re eager now” John groaned as Santino started to bob his head, taking him in and out of his mouth, deeper each time, his lips wrapped tightly around him, his tongue swirling around him as he sucked determinedly, “Eager after I made you feel so good, you took me so well, bello…”

Santino moaned around him as John tugged on his hair, then tightened his grip on the back of his neck again to hold him in place as he buried his cock deep in throat, could feel Santino desperately trying to fight the urge to pull back.

“Look at me, Santi, so stunning with your mouth full…” John grunted as he saw tears swimming in Santino’s eyes again, “Just a little longer, darling, I’m almost there…”

Santino breathed through his nose, could feel John’s cock pulsing on his tongue, tried to swallow around him, tried to push him over the edge as effortlessly as he had done with him and just as he thought he would have to give up, he felt the twitch, heard the loud groan above him, the look in John’s eyes wild, so high on the lust, his triumph that increased his efforts, trying to swallow around his tip again, tasting his release as it trickled down his tongue and the back of his throat.

“Fuuuuuuuck” John drawled, his heart pounding, his fingers still wound tightly around Santino’s locks, “Hold on, darling” he mumbled as Santino tried to draw back with wide eyes, “Wanna stay in your throat a little longer…” he reveled in the afterglow, the tightness, the warmth of Santino’s mouth, though knew he was struggling so he drew back slowly, stroking his thumb over Santino’s bottom lip as he admired the pout of it, “Pretty boy…”

Santino swallowed, licking his lips and trying to sit up where he was as John stepped back, flashed him a smirk, then grabbed a dressing gown from the chair next to his nightstand and tying it loosely around his waist.

Santino ran his fingers through his hair, brushing the damp strands from his forehead and shifted to get up and off the bed, picking his clothes up reluctantly as he figured John would want him to go, and he could hardly believe he was even still there, how far he’d allowed himself to go, but then again, he wasn’t anyone, he was Santino D'Antonio, refused now more than ever to bend to anyone’s will if it was against what he himself wanted.

When he lifted his gaze, it was like John had been waiting, chuckling to himself, two large cigars and the remaining bottle of whisky in one hand, “C'mon let’s have another drink, shall we?” He asked, waving him over and as Santino raised an eyebrow, he drew out another dressing gown, black and silky from the wardrobe and offered it to him.

Santino swallowed, holding John’s expectant gaze, weighing the weight, the control his decision carried, desperate to reassert his dominance, to continue following nothing but his own will, then stepping forward determinedly, sliding into the gown and taking a hold of John’s waist, pressing a brief, yet possessive kiss to his lips, though drawing away before he could flip the sentiment on him, giving a firm nod.

“Resto qui con te.”

[01010010-posts]

— my white sighs quietly melted with the stars above.

it all started with a simple ‘you’re a slowpoke??’ text and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply immediately after. ‘I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong person’. absolutely no, you scoffed, as if you were going to be tricked again ‘bitch don’t play the wrong number card because you didn’t catch the bus’. he was amused by your obstinacy and lightly worried about the supposed receiver, who, it appeared, was very clumsy; ‘please, control the number you texted, I’m Connor.’ boy he sure was. not your pal, not someone else in your contact list, just.... Connor. ‘god, i apologize!! thank you for telling me! ps. didn’t mean to call you a bitch, connor’ and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply. connor: shouldn’t you be in bed by now? you: but,,,, i wanted to chat with u a little more connor: as an android sleep is not required but you, as a human, need to rest. we can always continue talking tomorrow. you: :( what if you have a long case tomorrow?? mh?? what if?? what you’re gonna say in your defense then?? connor: don’t worry :) I’ll find time for you. you: ok you win goodnight ☆ connor: sweet dreams. goodnight, [name]. it’s been three months since you’ve first spoken with him. intimacy there but low, how obvious it is that the two of you are proceeding with caution. yet you can’t help but write to him every day, staying up late while waiting for an answer of his, often checking your mobile and getting unsettled when there’s no signal. it’s strange, your colleagues whisper, how can you be so attached to someone if you’ve never even seen him? of course, you know it. you don’t wish for a pretty face, you only wish for a pretty personality. with a heavy sigh and a loud poof you pull the white duvet up to your head, finding comfort by completely hiding inside the warm embrace. you tightly hug a pillow, pretending that it’s him, returning your affection and cuddling, maybe caressing you too inasmuch, as he said, ‘androids don’t need to sleep’. but is it bad to fantasise? you: I’m deeply sorry.... sweetheart: >:( you: [name], it’s the seventh text-made emoji you’ve sent me.... they expressed some sort of anger so I’d prefer if we discussed about whatever is bothering you. sweetheart: >:(( you: I’m begging you.... sweetheart: you’re grounded and your punishment is enduring the wrath of weird angery text-based emoji :< you: what did I do to deserve this? :’( sweetheart: i sent you a heart & you didn’t send it back to me you: gosh! how clumsy of me! could you ever forgive this fool? sweetheart: mhhh it depends. what are you willing to do to be pardoned? you: I’ll send you whatever heart I possess! 💕💖💗💖 sweetheart: THIS IS UNFAIR!!! he’s silently giggling all by himself, in the cold room lit by his blue led circling at a steady rhythm– no, it’s not the temperature, rather it’s the atmosphere; ‘cold’. he’s still grappling with emotions and developing tastes is– well, to put it simply, complicated. he’s heartened with the fact that you once said, at the sight of a photo of his bed and the corner within, that being minimalistic is a style too. though, possibly, his true self is one of a clutterer of knick-knacks. of course, he’d like you to help him pick what ornaments would suit him the best. you: wtf i dont believe it connor♡ : but it does! you: prove it MIKU HATSUNE connor♡ : listen here human it’s not my fault you haven’t got the chance to witness an android external fluid deactivating you: !!!!! are you bragging?? connor♡ : ahahaha I’m joking it’s sending a video right now you watch ecstatically as soon as the app downloads the file, your chest throbbing with pleasurable anxiety. how can it be? he’s kind, precious AND fucking handsome, skin or no skin. you bet bad things will happen to you today to balance this sheer luck. think it thoroughly, it’s actually the first time you see his face. you: u’r cute also how does your hair work man connor♡ : thank you :) it’s connected to my head so.... you: i get it cybernetic magic your secrets are safe with me connor♡ : ahahaha and I was concerning myself about disgusting you you: WHAT fuck no you’re done that way, ok, it’s cool ok? kept it in mind are you allowed to insert ♡ near his name and not tell him? you: I’m waiting!! :/ sweetheart: so needy you: come on, [name]! sweetheart: tru tho you: >audio file cooome ooooonn sweetheart: !!! im ready pick up idiot the monitor lits and here you are, gorgeous. he’s certain that his heart melted on the spot. such is the sensation you give him every time you send him a photo, his thirium pump skipping a beat and making him inevitably somewhat gasping for air, mouth barely closed. he’s not accustomed to all the new features deviancy brought but in this he’s confident, he’s head over heels in love with you. you: what?? you’ve already seen the movie?? love♡ : yeah! I went with Hank! it was very nice, you should see it too you: WELL id kill to (please don’t arrest me detective) but nobody wants,,,, love♡ : why is that? (I won’t arrest you if you behave) you: something along the lines of not their genre or some shit uff (seems sketchy) love♡ : what about going alone? (it isn’t!!) you: it would be too sad :’(  love♡ : I’m sorry to hear that, if I could be there I’d accompany you and wouldn’t mind seeing it a second time. you: yes i know.... what is it? six months? more? you hardly remember, having so many messages in here, it would be too difficult to keep track, though you’re positive, that if you asked him he’d tell you in an instant, since he’s so attentive with that little brain-computer of his. you close your lids, tapping your fingers on the desk, it’s wearing, you must admit. you like him, a lot at this point, but being so far and out of reach.... what can come out of this? friends don’t support you either, ignoring this blatant crush, trying to make you hook-up with people met at a bar, getting annoyed at you constantly texting, preaching that a long distance relationship is not worth your time and your effort, and it’s not even a relationship, isn’t it? you’re not on that level. you’re just weirdos keeping themselves company. bummed out a bit, you decide that maybe avoiding him for a couple of days might be a proper solution. will he feel your absence? will he miss you? you: is everything all right? sweetheart: yes. you: are you sure? sweetheart: yep im,,,, swamped with work, the drill you: that I understand but perhaps I did something wrong? sweetheart: ?? you: you’ve been acting kinda cold lately, and if I’m the cause of that I’m sorry. being a deviant is good sometimes, and sometimes is not. it was great until a while ago so why now.... now....? he feels so lost. it’s understandable to have a job and a life outside this bond but– but is it really? is it okay for you to be without him? you’d manage fine. mhh no– the real question is: is it okay for him to be without you? can he be without sending you a text at least once a day? can he be without hearing your voice at least once a week? can he be without your usual video calls at least twice a month? can he be without seeing you, over a screen, cooking your dinner and singing? can he be? can he exist without you? he’s.... starting to doubt that. sweetheart: no i’m i’m the one whos sorry, okay? we can call tomorrow you: I don’t want to press you into anything you don’t want to sweetheart: you’re not! i’ll make up for not having been so present! you sigh, suffocating yourself on the pillow, how can you be this dense? this stupid? this utter moronic?? unequivocally he was going to worry. you made him worry. fuck. you’re going to trust your guts, no dumb jokes, it’s obvious that you both care about the other and can’t stay apart for too long. you: i know it’s 3AM and you told me to not be awake but i cant i cant okay? im thinking of you and me and you and it began because im a mess so it shouldnt be a surprise i havent gotten better this past year has been.... the best. yeah i fucked up and tried to be distant, to see if sth would change but it didnt i love waking up and finding a text from you, i love the sound of your voice trying to lull me goodnight when im being a spoiled child, i love how you’re so gentle & how you always forgive me and mostly i love you not as a friend, definitely as more, definitely like a lover and i know that you’re so caring that you’ll probably still want to talk with me even if the affection’s not mutual you lock your phone’s screen and place it on the nightstand. the orange light from the streets seeping through the curtains and soaking your covers, and now that your eyes are free to roam, it’s easier to notice the soft feathers’ filling making tiny shadows on your face. poor poor geese. your fingertips slightly touch the stitches, your heartbeat pacing furiously from the strong emotions, both trepidation and fear running your veins. what if he doesn’t feel the same? what if he’s been polite this whole time and you overstepped his boundaries? what if? love♡ is typing.... ping! love♡ : I love you too, honey. but please, don’t scare me again, I think I lost four biocomponents when you suddenly stopped replying to me. also you should sleep. you: im pouring my heart out ugly crying and!!!! you’re too casual nooo it’s no big deal baby we just fucking love each other it’s totally ok incoming call from love ♡ “hey....” his tone slow and almost drowsy “i thought it was clear enough.” words rolling off his tongue, the same that he’d tenderly run across you, kissing, tasting, worshipping your body “i hate you.” you sniffle and there’s a chuckle on the different end “i love you.” you smile, wiping off the tears wetting your cheeks with the back of your right hand “i love you too.”

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

HOB ch.23-24

FINALLY, i’m back to hob’s universe. i had to stop reading this because university, but now that i’m freaking done with my exams, i can enjoy it as i wanted *^*

aaaaah, i missed xie lian and hua cheng SO MUCH- just look at my beautful san lang taking that strange plant and going to cure his gege’s hand immediately as if that’s the only thing that matters. god, i love him

San Lang didn’t respond, and after applying the powder he let go of Xie Lian’s hand. Xie Lian couldn’t help but think his attitude and this weird atmosphere between the two of them was really off, but didn’t know how to ask about it without sounding weird. This wasn’t something anyone else would notice either and couldn’t possibly understand.

(he just hates you putting yourself in danger for the sake of other people, he waited too much for you, gege! aaaaah they are beautiful, help me-)

EDIT: awkward hualian is making me wanna hug those two, i need them to remain alone and more of san lang protecting his gege 

EDIT 2: THERE IS A FRAKING F A C E IN THE GROUND. WHAT THE HELL. THAT’S CREEPY.

EDIT 3: omg okay, if i already didn’t love san lang, i would fall in love with him right now. he went for a version of that plant that had not been fertilised by humans ‘cause he knew xie lian wouldn’t like it, and that’s so thoughtful and beautiful and i feel blessed. BLESSED.

Ever since Xie Lian had gotten stung by the scorpion snake, San Lang had behaved like this. A couple days ago it was all ge ge this, ge ge that, but now he barely called him ge ge anymore. When they first met, San Lang had avoided his touch and seemed weary of contact with Xie Lian, but that seemed to have gone away after spending so much time together. Now, besides sucking poison and applying herbs, San Lang was once again avoiding touching him, and that made Xie Lian feel weird. He’s not used to this distance.

i am getting so freaking emotional, this is so angsty and bittersweet, i love hearing sl calling him gege, it’s what keeps me alive, so i want them to talk and figure this out pls make it possible please please please-

EDIT 4: 

The mud face replied, “There’s someone amongst you I’ve seen before… fifty to sixty years ago.”

A shiver went down everyone’s back and made their hairs stand.

No mortal in present company should be aged over fifty. That means whoever this person was that was here then was not human.

this is getting creepier by the minute, what the fuck- i love this. I LOVE THIS.

EDIT 5: i think the face is talking about san lang? since, you know, he is a big deal in the demon world and long. HE WON’T HURT ANYONE AS LONG AS THEY DON’T HURT XIE LIAN, CHIIIIILL.

EDIT 6: 

Xie Lian pushed himself off the ground about to walk away before the mud face raised his voice, “Do you really not want to know who it is? He will kill all of you.”

yeah, i think he really is talking about him. though i don’t trust some of the merchants? and a-zhao? mmmmh

EDIT 7: okay, tha face? that face is getting unsettling me so much WHY DO THOSE MERCHANT IDIOTS GET CLOSER??? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!

EDIT 8: what the fUCK DID I JUST READ EWWWWWWWW

Xie Lian grabbed the merchant by his collar and backed up, but the tongue that flew out was freakishly lengthy and barged right into the merchant’s ear!

Xie Lian felt the body in his hold convulse violently, the merchant’s limbs writhed nonstop, and the man let out a short agonizing scream before falling to the ground. That long tongue dug out a large chunk of something bloody from his ear and and brought it back to the mud face’s mouth.

sorry, see you later, i’m gonna throw up-

EDIT 9: 

He was about to attack the repulsive monster when the mud face screamed again, “GENERAL! GENERAL! THEY’RE HERE! THEY’RE HERE!”

A deafening cry more savage than beasts blared in the distance.

YOU ATROCIOUSLY IDIOTIC HUMAN PLANT-----------

EDIT 10:

The massive nine feet man they called ‘general’ seemed to have found the squirming mud face deeply disgusting, and swung his mace towards him, smashing his face into a bloody mess, the teeth of his mace piercing his brains. When he pulled up his mace again, the entire body was pulled out with it, fulfilling his wish of “let me out!”. And the body that was unearth was not a full human body, but a skeleton.

(okay, now i feel... uhm, i feel a bit sad. yeah, sorry annoying-face-in-the-mud, i think i jinxed you?

THAT FACE IS STILL ALIVE WHAT THE HELL. well, “alive” is probably too big of a word, but... *sugh* i am gonna refer to this as the annoying-face-in-the-mud arc from now on.)

The mud face countered immediately, “That wasn’t odd! It was just… a tongue a bit longer than average!”

*hysterical laugh* SERIOUSLY?

EDIT 11:

He said in a small voice, “Don’t worry. If anything happens I will go forward first.”

Xie Lian thought if they must all fall, then he might as well be the first one to check things out. It couldn’t be worse than venomous snakes and beasts, menacing ghosts and demons. He couldn’t die from falling, he couldn’t die from poison, he couldn’t die from bites, and he couldn’t die from getting hit. As long as it wasn’t some pool of corpse dissolving water, his body shouldn’t be damaged too horribly.

NO OKAY? NO. SOMEONE STOPS HIM RIGHT THIS INSTANT I KNOW SAN LANG WON’T ALLOW SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN OR WILL AT LEAST GO WITH HIM OMG why does xie lian talk about himself like that, i hate this, just because you can’t get hurt doesn’t mean you have to care so little for yourself, babe, i love you so much-

EDIT 12: okay, wow, a-zhao went down and i... did not expect that, since i was suspicious of him too, so now i feel guilty. again. ugh. also, that pit sounds even more scary now that, supposedly, a-zhao’s body has been teared apart.

EDIT 13: THE SOLDIERS ARE INSULTING HIM AND I AM GETTING MAD HOW  D A R E  Y O U- also, bitch? you wanna die, you are freaking asking for it-

EDIT 14: 

There was no helping it. Xie Lian was ready to jump if all else fails anyway. Behind him San Lang stepped forward.

Xie Lian’s heart lurched and turned around.

With his arms crossed, the boy was nonchalantly looking over the dark, bottomless pit with an air of intrigue. This wasn’t a good sign, and Xie Lian called out, “San Lang?”

Hearing his call, San Lang looked over and smiled softly, “Don’t worry.”

(WHATEVER YOU ARE GONNA DO, DON’T DO IT. I’M NOT GONNA READ IT SO IT WON’T HAPPEN. I AM FREAKING SCARED BUT- well. san lang won’t get hurt, right? BUT I DON’T WANT HIM TO SUFFER EITHER. just look at this cutie pie smiling at his gege and telling him not to worry i’m done-)

San Lang took another step forward and was teetering dangerously on the edge. Both Xie Lian’s head and heart started pounding, and he called again, “Wait, San Lang, don’t move!”

At such height at the brink, the boy’s red clothes danced in the night breeze. San Lang glanced at him again with a smile, “Don’t be scared.”

“Come back here. Come back here and I won’t be scared.” Xie Lian said.

(THAT LAST SENTENCE. HEAVEN HELPS ME. 

shit shit shIT I’M CRYING OMG THEIR ARE TOO BEAUTIFUL XIE LIAN IS SO WORRIED SINCE HE IS STILL NOT SURE ABOUT HIS IDENTITY AND HE DOESN’T WANT TO RISK IT AND SAN LANG IS SO SOFT AND PROTECTIVE OF HIM GUYS MY HEART IS BEING TEARED APART I WANNA CRY THIS IS TO PRECIOUS HELP)

EDIT 15: XIE LIAN SCREAMING HIS NAME AND JUMPING AFTER HIM ONLY TO BE HELD BACK I AM DYING SO FAST RIGHT NOW

why did no one tell me this was so painfull-

EDIT 16: okay, why is a dead girl throwing them all down-

EDIT 17: 

He thought he was going to crater and flatten like a pancake like many times before when suddenly, in the darkness, there was a flash of silver.

A pair of hands lightly caught him.

Whoever it was caught him perfectly, as if this person was made just to catch him at the bottom. With a hand across his back to grasp his shoulders, another under his knees to support his weight, the dreadful gravity of the fall was dissolved to nothing. Still dazed and confounded from falling at such a height, Xie Lian unconsciously held on tight to that person’s shoulders and called, “San Lang?”

The pit was filled with darkness, nothing could be seen, including the person. But Xie Lian still called that name. The other didn’t respond so Xie Lian patted and squeezed the chest and shoulders just to make sure. “San Lang, is that you?”

(OKAY I AM ALIVE

I am not sure a posses the words to explain how i feel, but even if i knew san lang was gonna catch him (that he was fine), my heart is pounding so hard and i love how strongly xie lian is reacting to him, unconsciously feeling him up to make sure he is fine. i didn’t know it’d be like this, they are gonna be the end of me.)

It took a moment before he heard the boy’s low voice from very close to him, “I’m ok.”

Xie Lian didn’t know why, but this voice was curiously different than before.

(BECAUSE THAT’S HUA CHENG, BABE, AND IT’S HAPPENING? IS SAN LANG FINALLY SHOWING HIS TRUE FORM???? ARE THEY GONNA MEET NOW?!??!?!?!?!!??!?)

[theday]

Those feelings are perfectly valid. It doesn't make you petty just because you still feel this way while some have moved on; people feel and deal with things differently. I don't know how you feel about these feelings of yours, but try not to beat yourself about it. Hopefully he'll apologize if he gets the chance. If he doesn't, I hope these feelings leave eventually.

For the Jae situation (if you’re talking about the song) I think it’s unfortunate that the song he recommended has such problematic lyrics. My stomach was twisting the whole time I was reading them and to know that he thought it was appropriate to recommend it didn’t make that it any better. I try my best not to blindly love bands or idols but a part of me thought that he was going to apologize. It’s been almost a week but I don’t think I’ve seen anything yet. This has me feeling torn at this (1)

point. This might be biased but I suggest having a bit of faith in him perhaps? Based on his personality (from what we can see anyway) I feel like he wouldn’t leave a topic like this untouched on purpose, especially if he knew that my days were upset about it. I understand that it can be unsettling to have one of your favorite people do something that rubs you the wrong way without any closure to disappate those negative feelings. Even if you do continue to feel badly towards him, know that (2)

hi anon!! how are you i didnt really expect anyone to talk about it bc i have v few day6 mutuals but thank you for bringing it up!!! i have talked about this before in an ask i answered on my main blog (thought it doesnt relate to the topic at all so ill just copy and paste what i said) under cut bc this will get long!

as of november 6:

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics… i SURE hope not… idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

 jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm 

okay so that ^ was like 4 days ago and it was answering a question on pet peeves so it didnt really have to do much with jae at all sorry for making u read that the second last paragraph is probably the most relevant whoops anyway

ive already said this but thank you so much for coming to my ask to talk (? though its mostly to reassure) about this with me because on twitter where i follow more mydays, i barely saw anyone talking about it and as i mentioned above it really bothered me :-/ everyone has different ways of responding to it so ill let that slide because there may be people who still want to enjoy day6′s music without having to deal with anythng “problematic” idk i cant speak for those fans who keep quiet about it but this isnt about other mydays its about jae and 

the fact that he’s been active on twitter since the release of the november magazine but has yet to speak about it also bothers me and its not smth i can just brush aside because like you said the lyrics are fucking terrible and has upset at least 2 people??? (which is completely understandable, the lyrics are trash along with the artist but i doubt jae knows about the shit the artist has done) from what i managed to catch on twitter idk about others and i posted a message on fans here because he has said that they do check fans so im hoping he ends up seeing it soon assuming he doesnt know about how the song distresses some mydays (i think most people have stopped @ing him about it at this point) and ill try to keep tweeting him??

i check the jae_day6 tweets and there are barely any tweets about the whole thing which is sad :-( so im just giving him as you said, the benefit of doubt and i believe that once jae finds out he’ll speak about it because jae is still the kind, encouraging person to mydays and i dont want something like this to change my opinion of him although it did eventually since i cant look jae (and pictures of him) the same way :-/ it probably has to do with the fact that i get influenced really easily by what others think?? and this time bc of what i think i ended up reacting negatively/not at all to jae things and i mean it sucks??? but i know that its okay to feel the way i do since we havent gotten any sort of explanation whatsoever 

anon i hope youre doing much better and even if you harbour any negative feelings towards jae too i want you to know that it’s really alright to feel that way like you said!!!! it makes me a feel a bit better that i have done my part to try and get jae to notice the mistake he’s made and i just hope he’ll talk about it eventually because he has so many opportunities to apologize/discuss the matter (vlive, twitter, fans) theres also music access which i will try and tune in to next monday so i can leave a comment (id feel bad for bernard though since hes the main dj)

once again thank you so much for being kind enough to reassure me and im glad it gave you a chance to talk about this too because something like this isnt something i can forget easily and i hope you have a good day because youre really great!!!!! i love you and its amazing that you believe in jae idk i think youre amazing!!!!