#but youre one of the people where. i dont have a constant worry youll kill yourself whenever you get upset

[s0urte3th]

i love you too

[mars-the-4th-planet]

Penny x Neo pt. 2

"You girls..." Ironwood said, shaking his head. "Come on you two, Penny stop tickling the poor ice cream producer."

Penny stood up. "I was only trying to cheer her up sir! Ruby always enjoys it!"

General Ironwood patted the little robots head. "I know. But this is supposed to be a punishment for her crimes not a sleepover."

"Oh we had those back in beacon with Neo!"

"You did?!"

Neo, who was silently giggling and rubbing her sock-covered feet together, nodded.

Ironwood sighed. "Beacon has a weird justice system... Regardless, come on you two. Somebody wants to see you Penny. Grab Neo."

"With all due respect sir," a soldier by Ironwood said. "this is more or less a sleepover with Penny for Neo."

Ironwood looked at him sternly and he shut up. "Lets go girls."

At a nearby Cafe they sat down.

"Welcome to Puffs!" Puff announced.

"Didnt you work in Vale?" Asked Penny.

"Yes but Ryan used the insurance money from you breaking that table for us to buy a spot here where the big business is! Plus we get to live on an awesome ship!"

"Insurance for a table? I dont think it works that way." Ironwood said.

"Oh we also burned down the place."

"You commuted fraud!?"

Puff sighed. "Do you want to order or not general?"

General Ironwood nodded. "Yes. I would like a Generals Stew, Penny here will have a bowl of animal crackers, Neo... What do you want?"

Neo couldnt say and had her hands cuffed, so she couldnt even signal to what she wanted. She just looked confused.

"Neo will have a burger I guess, although... Penny? Can you help her eat it?"

"We can remove the cuffs for the meal though?"

"No."

"But why?"

It zoomed in on General Ironwoods stern face.

"Okay..." Penny looked down.

General Ironwood was an experienced member of the Atlas military and he knew that criminals like Neo were crafty and swift and sneaky. If he gave her any opportunity to escape she would take it. It seemed like too much precaution to most people, but to him it was better to be safe than sorry.

Just then, Jacques Schnee and Weiss Schnee (or wife schnee to Ruby.) came in and sat down.

"Why did you choose this crappy place Genny?" Jacques asked. General Ironwood clenched his everything. "The food is mediocre, like commoner food. The waitress is in a god damn swimsuit. I am only glad I brought my daughter here, not my son! Can you imagine?"

Weiss stopped staring at Puff for a moment, blushing. "Yes...that would be bad, inappropriate even. My brother would ogle her no doubt. Boys, pff."

"Quiet Weiss, no one was talking to you."

"Hi Weiss!" Penny said, smiling at her friend. Neo was looking down. She felt weird around Weiss.

"Hey Penny! So THAT is where Neo went, you lil rascal! I cant wait to tell Ruby. She was so worried! We-"

"Weiss! What did I just say!"

"Relax Jacques, the girls missed each other. Let them talk. And regardless, you said no one was talking to her. Now somebody is."

Jacques glared at Neo. "Hang on... Thats the riffraff who stole one of my transports with that so-called white fang and Roman Torchwick!"

"Yes Jacques... Thats one of the reasons why she is in handcuffs... Obviously..." General Ironwood said exasperated.

Puff was coming back with food.

"Dont sass me Genny. I am here to discuss the Embargo. You need to lift it."

"Funny. I thought you were here so your daughter could meet up with Penny."

"We both knew that was coded language."

General Ironwoods face became even more stern. He hated this rich arrogant bastard so much. But unfortunately his military relied on Schnees for their dust supply. So currently he would have to listen to Jacques.

"Look, maybe we can lift the Embargo if you would improve conditions for your workers. Then Atlas citizens will be happy, more of the white fang will abandon the faunu-fascist idealogy Adam Taurus started, youll get your dust bought, and your workers will be happier. Win, win, win, win." He counted off a finger for each win.

(After the attack on beacon, many of the white fang members were turning against Adam Taurus. The attack was a failure in the main goal, lost many members, and the only thing they "achieved" were some teenager kills and a couple of teachers dead. Even though Adam personally did not order the attack, he was allied with Cinder who arranged it to rescue him.)

"Speaking of faunus riffraff..." Jacques glared at Penny. "You made... A faunus robot?! For shame."

General Ironwood just glared at him. "Penny? Care to explain?" he asked her.

"I wanted cat ears."

"See Jacques? She wanted them. Now about the Embargo..."

Jacques chuckled. "No can do Genny. No point in running a dust company if all the money goes to the workers."

"You make an enormous profit! You could give a living wage to all your workers for less than half of it! It is not 'all the money' and saying so makes you sound like a fool!"

Neo stuck her tongue at Jacques.

"I have had it with this constant disrespect! That is the last straw!" He knocked the burger out of Pennys hands as she was trying to get Neo to stop sticking her tongue out and eat. Then he tried to slap Neo herself, but she bit his hand. He roared.

"Neo, no! Let go of him!" Penny grabbed and pinched Neos nose to force her to open her mouth. Jacques quickly pulled his hand away.

"Amazing. You usually do not lose your cool Jacques. Schnees usually always keep their cool, but..." Ironwood smiled, implying he was not a real Schnee.

"This conversation is over! Come on Weiss!" Jacques snarled and grabbed Weiss roughly and dragged her out, enraged that his daughter had seen him lose control of the situation. He intended to punish her once they were in private, to make sure she knew he was the boss. He was of course, going to blame the whole incident on her to make her feel like she was the problem. At least he would try to. General Ironwood left without finishing his stew and told Penny to help Puff clean up.

So they did. But Penny was no planning to simply go back to her room. In fact, once she looked around a bit, she uncuffed Neo. "Neo, please dont tell General Ironwood but you and me are going to go help Weiss okay?"

Neo made a ^-^ face and nodded while rubbing her hands together. She couldnt wait to kick Jacques butt and steal his things. "This is awesome... I am so glad Penny took me here. Just wait until I see Roman! And show him my loot from Jacques! Aaaa this is the luckiest day ive had since he kissed me!" Neo thought excitedly and hugged Penny, who of course hugged her back. "Okay, lets hurry Neo! Cant let mean Jacques hurt our friend!"

To be continued...

[morphineabusee]

so for the past couple of weeks id say ive been going on a downwards spiral. works been pretty shit at the minute and everyones feeling it not just me but i feel like when you have constant i guess mental health problems and problems with your thoughts shit like that just hits you a thousand times harder. Since the whole mia thing at work me and shaun dont really talk anymore and shaun has been soemone at my work that has always been therefore me since the day i started at that place and hes defended me so many times and now its like we dont even know eachother on shift i find it quite arwkward as we barely talk only really when we have too we dont have a laugh like we used to like every time i was on shift with shaun i love it cos i knew it was going to be fun relaxed hes not strict so you could basically do whatever you wanted in hindsight you know as long as you was doing your job and i would always be happy on shift with him and hed make me laugh so much id cry with laughter and its like all of that has gone megan bascially hates me now since its all kicked off and she was really trying to help me with my customer service and to be better and all that and she thinks that i betrayed her in this whole situation and she only ever talks to me when she has too and most the time tries to tell me off because shes just being a bitch with me and when megan doesnt like someone like me its super fucking obvious and it just makes me feel uncomfortable to come to work and i dread working with her ive worked for burger king for 2 years now and ive really had enough im a super fucking hard worker like super hard worker and ive worked weeks without days off just to help out at work and help everrything flow while running myself into the ground because i wanted to help out a few weeks or few months ago or whenever now really i get asked to do extra hours or stay behind its the first time in literally forever ive started saying no because im just getting massivlly taken advantage of of the fact that oh yeah dont worry chloe will stay but why the fuck should i stay and exhaust myself countless times exhuast myself kill myself off for a company for people who couldnt give a shit about me like ive done so so so much to help other people out and i get fuck all in return i really just want to quit if im being honest but i cant cos obviously everyone needs a job and im wanting to become a makeup artist so i need to keep putting money into my kit and what not so i cant just quit and i feel like if i do ill just get into a massive depression where i just wont eat i wont be able to get up and shower or brush my teeth or look after myself because ill just be so depressed and i dont want to do that to myself but there just seems like there is no plan for me in life and ive done some pretty fucked up things in my life before ive met james things he and nobody knows and i think is this what i get in return for doing bad things in life being unhappy being depressed wanting to kill myself wanting to just lay in bed and watch my life waste a way no even wanting a life like do i really deserve it and people say oh just get another job so i search and i search for another job and i apply for multipule jobs and its like working for the company i work for must get me fucking blacklisted from every job site ever like im unemployable and it just fucks me off because i feel like i do deserve to do what makes me happy and what i love in life and thats makeup and that is my dream my dream is to become a really really good fucking makeup artist one of the best and lifes just telling me no girl you cant do that youll never do that and you dont derserve to do that well maybe life is right but im sick of having ups and downs in life i cant costantly deal with it throughout my whole life imon the verge of becoming extremely suicidal and thats okay because life has nothing to offer me anyway anymore so im done 

[mindofvox]

jan 30 thoughts 2017

i gave marlene her truth is the other day and she said she’d reply to everything. she hasn’t, but today she told me the truth is was gone. she cared enough to tell me and I sent her it thru email. 

i think i said half truths on that thing. lol hong kong was great. 

i had a lot of talks about relationshits today. im still scared about distance. but im more worried about the other end. i feel fine. im too grown to fuck up. idk.

all my friends are girls. i got like 1 guy friend.

i forgot how to write. i read house on mango street today and wow, i cried like a fat bitch on acid. 

im not politically correct on this shit.

sometimes when im mad I say nigga. in my head tho, cos I try not to speak in general. But i wonder why i say it... i think its because all that rage is associated to what i used to live in. the environment was different. it was okay to be out here talking about fuck you nigga. i guess it was linked to being rage. embodying it. 

why tf do ol girl keep liking my shit like we friends. lol

why tf do ol girl keep acting like she interested. YOU SNOOOZED GIRL WTF. IM HAPPY. 

im pretty okay, maryam asked if i needed help and i laughed. its cute, friends are there but i felt so alone before. 

alondra said i act cocky and that really bothered me. i say shit just kidding. i say it and exaggerate it because i dont feel confident at all. i hate people who bring you down. thats so uncalled for. i hurt no one. i care for everyone who is nice to me. me saying i think i look good one day is not fucking cocky. me saying i think this one girl has a thing for me is not fucking cocky. cocky would be being manipulative, being sick. treating people like shit because i think im better than them. yeah, im cocky when im making a fucking joke but don’t actually call me that. wtf. 

people used to manipulate me. im trying to recover from that. leave me the fuck alone. 

i want to make a post about toxic relationships. 

sara bobek i still hate your ass but you helped me see what a toxic relationshit is like. i hope you never make your bf/husband/professor whatever he is go thru the shit you put me thru. i hope hes exactly what you want, because if he’s not, i know youll try to change him. and then blame your past for it. lol. one can only stay understanding to a certain point. shit was so toxic. i still feel like shit. i still feel like i have trust issues, i still feel like everyone will leave me no matter how much they “love” me

fuck you too, ken. who knows wtf happened with you. 

and fuck you for sure, melina. you’ll never admit to anything. you had the audacity to bring up shit from high school to try and make me feel guilty. was i always so attracted to manipulative people? 

back to ken, i remember i was on the phone with yo ass when you wanted to kill yourself. i wish you would have just told me wtf the reason for cutting me off was. 

i miss paloma :( i always think about her when i write on tumblr. where u at homie 

im mad as hell

“i should be asleep i shouldnt be upset”

ive been having weird dreams lately.

im in a constant state of anxiety because of donald trump

i fucking hate white people

except shauna, i guess. lol.

who is reading. who cares

who stares

what am i doing

i wish i was drunk..

i want a new hip hop album to come out. something by immortal technique. 

i just want to be free.

ahuacatl better come into fruition......

i hate it when girls flirt with me knowing im not single anymore. like tf are you doing? -_-

thighs.

steve is kinda an asshole. 

i should fry his ass.

im itchy.

im done.

[dwindlingashesburnt]

I hate her. I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her. She woke me up "accidentally" because she "forgot" I didnt have to go to school and my dad tried to epxlain nicely one chore I kinda needed to do tpday....then she called me down and the very first fuckong thing she said was that she was sorey but i couldnt just lie around in bed all day, then she yelled at me for crying when I didnt even look upset as far as i know and definitely wasnt crying and tgen s aid "oh forgoet it you domt have too the chore"and carried on insulting me so i ram away upstairs to get away from her but then she started scremaing about how shed lose her job because she had to stay home to put fukcing washing oj the line so I screamed back that id do it and at that point I WAS crying a lot because its not fukcing fair, i didnt do anytjing wrong at all i literally just was woken up and did as i was told and thos happened. then i went downsrairs and went outside to put washing in line and my dad apologised and hugged me and tried to help

so of course she came to tell at my dad for doing tgat instead of gping ti work.....but then she didnt go to work because "i cant leave you crying like this" and i asked her what she expected. Then she "apologised" and asked me to tell her what was wrong so i did - then she got angry at me and started hissing at me abd even grabbing at my arm because "dont share our busibess with the neighbours" WELL FUCK YOU MOTHER youre so ffucking transparent like that you dont care about me you domt care about your child crying because you hurt them, you domt care what you did wromg, you just care about your shiny nonexistent reputation with fucking neighbours you dont like and have never ever talked to. Thanks. Thanks spFUCKING much mother, glad to know im so high on your ljst of priorites - I HATE YOU

and you fucking set thay up. you couldve just gone to work wguch yoy shouldve because you claimed dadda was running late and you 2 go to work tohether....but yiu stayed behind to "apploguse" to me outside. and it mever matters when you insukt and hurt and humiliate me outsjde or when you scream bloody murder in the house, no, no, the neighbours are conveniently deaf then, but when i speak at a normal volume of how you hurt me outside, suddenly they develop amazing hearing, huh? I fukcimg hate you, you couldve brought me inside to apologise but you didnt because you wete fucling set me up you wouldmt have applogised at all if it didnt give you an opportunity to hurt me more you fucking bitch

and then your "apologies" were all just victim blaimimg and excuses!!! "Im just really steessed" "well its not fair to take it out on me" "OK WELL IM SORRY IM JUST REALLY STRESSED RN AND MAYBE THAT BOILED OVER AND MAYBE I WAS UNAFIR BUT"There is no fukcing maybr about it and there shouldmmt be any fucking buts in your pathetic apology "maybe if i fot some help around the house i wouldnt be so stressed!" oh my gid, fuck you. youre saying you abuse me because youre stressed, and then trying to say if i just did more chores aroynd the house you wouldnt be so stressed? YOURE FUCKING BLAIMIMG ME FOR YOU ABUSING ME, AGAIN. I FUCKING HATE YOU, HOW DARE YOU FUCKING DO THIS SHIT, I HATR YPU. Also its a fucking LIE while that line may have vagueky worked in the past, ive been doing 1-3 chores a day for weeks now so you know what? Youre a bitch and a liar and i hate you you fucking abusive asshole. And then you left me sobbing in the kitchen to go to work! So much for "i cant leave you cryibg like this", huh? You dont care abiut me. It was just a convenient excuse to hurt me.

You made me believe I wasnt even human for so long. You made me believe the only reason I existed was because my pathetic failures to hide my misery was good entertainment for everyone around me. You trapped me in a hell where I thought anybody could kill me at any moment, and would do so gladly and instantly if I fucked up. You drove me to the point of wanting to commit suicide, then started lecturing about how god doesnt like suicide and you wont allow it. I was suffocating, I felt like I was dying, I wanted to crawl out of my fucking skin. You made god and your name synonymous until learming about christianity madde me feel wildly uncomfortable and scared and i didnt know why, and suddenly you became all knowing, all powerful, all present. I hate you. When I got an eating disorder you claimed to never notice, then said I looked like I was pregnant when I started trying to recover, then wept at me about not telling you I was losing weight, that you were so worried ans I couldnt do this to you. Fuck you. I daydreamed about my closest friends murdering me, because I thought that was a possibility and even though you banned suicide, I still longed to die. You fucked me up so bad and I hate you. I hate you. You yell at me when I dont let you hug me in the middle of a fight or put your arm around my shoulders (all i can think of is that you will strangle me and i will die and youll laugh and act like ots no biggie) and i hate you. I hate you. You call me evil for crying, you condition me to cry when you say a phrase, and then you act so sad when you realise I once cried alone in my rpom because "you can always come to me!" You fucking liar. How dare you. Every single fukcing time I cry its because of you, and eveey time you find out you call me evil or deny any of the things that hurt me ever happened. I hate you. And Im going to repeat again, because I think this needs emphasis - she made me believe I was not human, and that the only reason I had been created was for my suffeirng to entrtain people, and I lived in constant terror only knowing I had to pretend I was a happy human or she would get angry. I was so scared and she is supposed to be my mother and i hate her