#but you hear it’s song from the morning birds (jan will tell you)

[which-hospital]

(I am getting incessant with the mitskiposting now but)

“What am I going to tell Ross?” “The truth.” - you’re the sun, you’ve never seen the night but you hear it’s song from the morning birds

“And Teddy?” “…” - well, I’m not the moon, I’m not even a star but awake at night all be singing to the birds

[dirtbikehandler]

One year ago today luke was in a tragic motorcycle accident that would have him lay unconscious in icu till his organs began to fail on Jan 9th 2021 and I withdrew care. Here is my eulogy for him.

Who has seen how I met your mother? If you haven’t please go home and watch

this delightful series it was favorite of ours.

In the pilot episode ted is having a date with robin. Ted has created the olive

theory based on his friends and the perfect couple Lilly and marshall. Marshal

hates olives and lilly loves them. In teds mind this creates a perfect balance in a

relationship. Someone always has another to give the olives to when they don’t

want them. Luke hated olives, but more significantly Luke and I shared a

complimentary balance that I had never experienced in my life. Where one was

weak the other was strong. We learned from each other and made each other

better. I hope everyone can find someone to give their olives to.

Luke also hated green peppers… If you are expecting an anecdoete about green

peppers. I don’t have one. I just always thought it was weird.

And I truly loved every weird detail about the most perfectly imperfect person I

have ever met.

Circling back to Ted and robins dinner. There is a blue painted French horn on the

wall of the restaurant. Ted thinks it looks like a smurf penis, but robin says she

would like it for her apartment. As they are leaving Ted convinced of his love at

first sight for robin, and likely bolstered byu the olive theory, runs back into the

restaurant ceases the French horn and gives it to robin. She keeps it for rest of the

series.

Before I tie in the blue French horn I need to tell you something that may shock

you. Luke was very stuborn. It took ten years to get him to fold and stack the

kitchen towels correctly….

In case you are wondering (demonstrate folding stacking towel)… and on october

28th at 9:36 pm luke got it right

You see I’m stuborn too. About 10 years ago I ceased the opportunity for love off

that restaurant wall, even though luke didn’t see it right away. I did some crazy

things to get his attention and like that blue French horn, I gave him my heart.

And he kept it. He kept it till the end of our series.

Luke was my place to go back to. My port in a storm. My partner in crime. My

partner in recovery.

My carpenter. My hater of all things morning and waking up. Giver of olives, and

keeper of my blue French horn.

I only hope I was half the things to him that he was to me.

Luke left an indelible mark on the heart of anyone who got to know him. His

boundless compassion was evident in his love of animals, and anyone that needed

help. If you were fortunate enough to be touched by luke, you forever have a part

of luke with you. I encourage you to channel him when you need to, when some

some situation is requiring spiritual prinicpals that you don’t think you can

muster. Listen to what luke tells you and be the voice of reason and compassion.

Unless you are building something or working on plumbing then luke will tell you

to cuss like a fucking sailor, often and repeatedly. The more fucks the better the

bird house is going to be at the end.

I have to remind myself that I am not the only one feeling an incalculable loss. So

just for today, I am not alone, I open my heart, my mind, my eyes and ears to you.

I hope to share laughs and tears with you. I hope To hear stories, songs, poetry,

where you are. Or whatever you would like to do. I hope everyone takes a chance

to come up here and share something. Every thought is important to me no

matter how small, as we celebrate Paul Luc Luke Vendette.

[bluecarelesswhisper]

TOP 100 FEMALE SOLO SINGERS OF THE '50S AND '60S

Patti Page - All My Love, The Tennessee Waltz, Mockin' Bird Hill, I Went to Your Wedding, The Doggie in the Window, Cross Over the Bridge, Allegheny Moon, Old Cape Cod; Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte

Connie Francis - Who's Sorry Now, My Happiness, Lipstick on Your Collar, Everybody's Somebody's Fool, My Heart Has a Mind of its Own, Where the Boys Are, Don't Break the Heart That Loves You

Brenda Lee - Sweet Nothin's, I'm Sorry, I Want to Be Wanted, Fool #1, Break it to Me Gently, All Alone Am I

Kay Starr - Wheel of Fortune, Side By Side, Changing Partners, If You Love Me (Really Love Me), Rock and Roll Waltz

Doris Day - A Guy is a Guy, Secret Love, If I Give My Heart to You; Whatever Will Be, Will Be (Que Sera, Sera); Everybody Loves a Lover

Dionne Warwick - Anyone Who Had a Heart, Walk on By, I Say a Little Prayer, (Theme from) Valley of the Dolls, I'll Never Fall in Love Again

Aretha Franklin - I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You), Respect, Baby I Love You, Chain of Fools, The House That Jack Built

Teresa Brewer - Music! Music! Music!, Till I Waltz Again With You, Ricochet, A Tear Fell, A Sweet Old Fashioned Girl

Jo Stafford - Shrimp Boats, You Belong to Me, Jambalaya, Keep it a Secret, Make Love to Me!

Rosemary Clooney - Come On-a My House, Half as Much, Botch-A-Me, Hey There, This Ole House

Joni James - Why Don't You Believe Me, Have You Heard, Your Cheatin' Heart; My Love, My Love; How Important Can it Be?

Petula Clark - Downtown, I Know a Place, My Love, This is My Song, Don't Sleep in the Subway

Dinah Washington - I Don't Hurt Anymore, What a Diff'rence a Day Makes, Unforgettable, This Bitter Earth

Mary Wells - The One Who Really Loves You, You Beat Me to the Punch, Two Lovers, My Guy

Georgia Gibbs - Kiss of Fire, Seven Lonely Days, Tweedle Dee, Dance With Me Henry (Wallflower)

Lesley Gore - It's My Party, Judy's Turn to Cry, She's a Fool, You Don't Own Me

Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Are Made For Walkin'; How Does That Grab You, Darlin'?; Sugar Town, Love Eyes

Sarah Vaughan - Make Yourself Comfortable, How Important Can it Be?, Whatever Lola Wants, Broken-Hearted Melody

Dusty Springfield - I Only Want to Be With You, Wishin' and Hopin', You Don't Have to Say You Love Me, Son-Of-A Preacher Man

Ruth Brown - Teardrops From My Eyes, 5-10-15 Hours, (Mama) He Treats Your Daughter Mean, Oh What a Dream

Kitty Wells - It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels, Makin' Believe, Searching (For Someone Like You), Heartbreak U.S.A.

Etta James - The Wallflower, All I Could Do Was Cry, At Last, Tell Mama

LaVern Baker - Tweedlee Dee, Play it Fair, Jim Dandy, I Cried a Tear

Gale Storm - I Hear You Knocking, Teen Age Prayer, Dark Moon

Dinah Shore - My Heart Cries For You, Sweet Violets, Chantz-Chantez

Jaye P. Morgan - That's All I Want From You, Danger! Heartbreak Ahead, The Longest Walk

Eydie Gorme - Mama, Teach Me to Dance; You Need Hands, Blame it on the Bossa Nova

Carla Thomas - Gee Whiz (Look at His Eyes), B-A-B-Y, I Like What You're Doing (To Me)

Patsy Cline - Walkin' After Midnight, I Fall to Pieces, Crazy

Peggy Lee - Lover, Fever, Is That All There Is

Dee Dee Sharp - Mashed Potato Time, Gravy (For My Mashed Potatoes), Ride!

Kitty Kallen - Little Things Mean a Lot, In the Chapel in the Moonlight, My Coloring Book

Annette - Tall Paul, O Dio Mio, Pineapple Princess

Cher - All I Really Want to Do, Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down), You Better Sit Down Kids

Barbra Streisand - People, He Touched Me, Second Hand Rose

Linda Scott - I've Told Every Little Star, Don't Bet Money Honey, I Don't Know Why

Connie Smith - Once a Day, Ain't Had No Lovin', The Hurtin's All Over

Barbara Lewis - Hello Stranger, Baby I'm Yours, Make Me Your Baby

Anita Bryant - Till There Was You, Paper Roses, In My Little Corner of the World

Skeeter Davis - My Last Date (With You), The End of the World, I Can't Stay Mad at You

Sue Thompson - Sad Movies (Make Me Cry), Norman, Paper Tiger

Della Reese - And That Reminds Me, Don't You Know, Not One Minute More

Loretta Lynn - Don't Come Home A-Drinkin' (With Lovin' on Your Mind), Fist City, Woman of the World (Leave My World Alone)

Betty Everett - You're No Good, The Shoop Shoop Song, There Comes a Time

Jackie DeShannon - What the World Needs Now is Love, Put a Little Love in Your Heart, Love Will Find a Way

Timi Yuro - Hurt, What's a Matter Baby, Make the World Go Away

Debbie Reynolds - Tammy, A Very Special Love, Am I That Easy to Forget

Gogi Grant - Suddenly There's a Valley, Who Are We, The Wayward Wind

Maxine Brown - All in My Mind, Funny, Oh No Not My Baby

Betty Johnson - I Dreamed, Little White Lies, The Little Blue Man

Jean Shepard - A Satisfied Mind, Beautiful Lies, Second Fiddle (To An Old Guitar)

Shirley Ellis - The Nitty Gitty, The Name Game, The Clapping Song

Little Eva - The Loco-Motion, Keep Your Hands Off My Baby, Let's Turkey Trot

Vera Lynn - Auf Wiederseh'n Sweetheart, Yours, If You Love Me (Really Love Me)

Eartha Kitt - C'est Si Bon, Santa Baby, Somebody Bad Stole De Wedding Bell

Lulu - To Sir With Love, Best of Both Worlds, Morning Dew

June Valli - Crying in the Chapel, I Understand, Apple Green

Connie Stevens - Sixteen Reasons, Why'd You Wanna Make Me Cry, Mr. Songwriter

Jane Morgan - Fascination, The Day the Rains Came, With Open Arms

Nancy Wilson - (You Don't Know) How Glad I Am, I Wanna Be With You; Face it Girl, it's Over

Esther Phillips - Release Me, And I Love Him, When a Woman Loves a Man

Vikki Carr - It Must Be Him, The Lesson, With Pen in Hand

Little Peggy March - I Will Follow Him, I Wish I Were a Princess; Hello Heartache, Goodbye Love

Mindy Carson - Candy and Cake, My Foolish Heart, Wake the Town and Tell the People

Sandy Posey - Born a Woman, Single Girl, I Take it Back

Bobbie Gentry - Ode to Billie Joe, Fancy

Brenda Holloway - Every Little Bit Hurts, When I'm Gone

Eileen Rodgers - Miracle of Love, Treasure of Your Love

Barbara Lynn - You'll Lose a Good Thing, Second Fiddle Girl

Dottie West - Here Comes My Baby, Would You Hold it Against Me

Baby Washington - That's How Heartaches Are Made, Only Those in Love

Kathy Linden - Billy; Goodbye Jimmy, Goodbye

Cathy Carr - Ivory Tower, First Anniversary

Fontella Bass - Rescue Me, Recovery

Barbara Mason - Yes, I'm Ready; Sad, Sad Girl

Marianne Faithfull - As Tears Go By, Summer Nights

Shelley Fabares - Johnny Angel, Johnny Loves Me

Wanda Jackson - Let's Have a Party, In the Middle of a Heartache

Tammy Wynette - D-I-V-O-R-C-E, Stand By Your Man

Mama Cass - Dream a Little Dream of Me, It's Getting Better

Faye Adams - Shake a Hand, Hurts Me to My Heart

Jill Corey - I Love My Baby, Love Me to Pieces

Dodie Stevens - Pink Shoe Laces, No

Bettye Swann - Make Me Yours, Don't Touch Me

Jan Howard - Evil on Your Mind, Bad Seed

Nina Simone - I Loves You, Porgy; Ain't Got No; I Got Life

Norma Jean - Go Cat Go, I Wouldn't Buy a Used Car From Him

Miss Toni Fisher - The Big Hurt, West of the Wall

Damita Jo - I'll Be There, If You Go Away

Patty Duke - Don't Just Stand There, Say Something Funny

Bonnie Guitar - Dark Moon, Mister Fire Eyes

Gloria Lynne - I Wish You Love, Watermelon Man

Jody Miller - Queen of the House, Home of the Brave

Gisele MacKenzie - Hard to Get, The Star You Wished Upon Last Night

Betty Madigan - Joey, Dance Everyone Dance

Ketty Lester - Love Letters, But Not For Me

Barbara George - I Know (You Don't Love Me No More), You Talk About Love

Joanie Sommers - One Boy, Johnny Get Angry

Irma Thomas - Don't Mess With My Man, Wish Someone Would Care

Diane Renay - Navy Blue, Kiss Me Sailor

[go4blood]

you’re the one that i want - a.i.

I’m finally continuing the broadway series after 2653578 years! I’ve been having writers block, sorry about the lack of posts! This is based around Grease, y/n is Sandy, Ashton is Danny. Basically y/n is new to showbiz and Ashton shows her the ropes, friends to lovers trope, you know how we do.

2.5k words

You paced around your small apartment anxiously: it was callback day. Callback day was the most stressful time for anyone in the theatre world. Today was the day you find out if you made the cut to be apart of Grease or if you didn’t do good enough to make the director even bat an eye. You did a lot of theatre back when you lived in Chicago, but New York was different. More competitive. Thousands watching rather than a few hundred. Tourists traveling and spending hundreds on a good seat rather than some regular Chicagoans buying a ticket for twenty dollars. New York was showbiz central.

You took pride in your acting. Back in Chicago, you had countless roles you loved playing: Sally Bowles in Cabaret, Elphaba in Wicked, Zoe in Dear Evan Hansen, and more. But Chicago is way less competitive than the big apple. You knew the theatre world back home, but you didn’t know it here at all.

Your phone rang and you scrambled to pick it up and answer. You contain yourself and say a simple hello. A man's voice is on the other line. You’ve been offered another audition to further your audition process for the part of Sandy. You gladly say yes and end the conversation. You were relieved that you had another audition, but it was still terrifying. You could screw it up and lose your chance. Grease is a classic, and it has to be perfect. Callbacks were the next morning, so you went to bed early and waited for what was to come.

—

You arrived with an open mind. Around ten other girls were there. 10 girls who want to be Sandy. 10 girls who want this role just as much as you. Maybe more than you. If you were lucky you’d get a chorus member at this rate.

A tall man with light brown hair and hazel eyes walks around, greeting the girls. He has a kind smile paired with a silk red shirt and tight black pants, iced coffee in hand. You see him start to walk towards you and you’re slightly confused.

“Hey, how are you? I’m apart of the cast and could possibly end up being your Danny, and we’ll be performing some scenes together for your 2nd audition. I wanted to introduce myself, I’m Ashton.” He holds his hand out and you take it, shaking it and smiling.

“I’m y/n, it’s nice to meet you. Is this your first broadway show?”

He ponders for a moment, “This is my 5th, actually. I did stuff back in Sydney though before I came to New York. You?”

You begin to feel embarrassed. You have absolutely no broadway experience whatsoever. “This is my first broadway show… in Chicago I did stuff though. But nothing here in New York yet.”

“Well you got a callback for the lead so I think you’re in good shape, y/n.” He smiled warmly.

He was different from other actors you’ve met. Many were arrogant and were only there to do their part and leave. He cheered you on despite never meeting you. It was a pleasant surprise.

“Perhaps I am, Ashton.” He smiled and walked to a seat, and you did the same. The director handed out excerpts and began calling names. You watched some of the girls perform scenes and they were all quite impressive. You were very unsure of yourself. You kept growing more and more nervous and you didn’t know if you’d compare to everyone else.

“Y/n! Scene 11, the drive in scene.”

You stand up from your seat and take a deep breath, walking up to the stage.

Ashton cleared his throat, looking at the script then into your eyes, “Hey, you’re not with another guy, are you?”

“No, why?” Your eyes glance down at the script and back into his eyes.

Ashton acts nervous and nonchalant, “No reason… I uh wanted to ask you to take my ring.” He holds out his hand as if there’s a ring there and pretends to put it on your finger. The scene continues, and before you even have a chance to read the stage direction he kisses you. Your cheeks burn and you continue the scene, finishing it out. Ashton smiles at you and goes back to his seat as you do your singing portion of the audition to the song Hopelessly Devoted To You. You go back to your seat, wondering if what you did would be enough.

The last few girls perform and everyone is dismissed. As you put your jacket on, Ashton walks towards you with a soft smile.

“You did really good, I told you it’d be fine. You wanna maybe get lunch? There’s this place down the street you need to try if you’re gonna be a true New Yorker!”

“Sure, why not?” You walk with him to the small restaurant, talking as if you have known him your whole life.

—

“Your favorite movie is Kill Bill? I never would’ve guessed that…” Ashton was sat across from you at the sandwich shop, asking you a series of ‘get to know me’ questions.

“Uma Thurman is my girl crush,” You smirk, “what’s your favorite show?”

“Definitely Brooklyn 9-9. It isn’t deep or anything and it’s just a comedy, but it’s my happy place, what about you?”

“I love Gossip Girl… I know it’s such a girly show but I really like it.” You blush out of embarrassment, but he breaks out into a grin.

“I love Gossip Girl! I watched it with my sister all the time back home. It’s a great show.”

Surprised is an understatement. You never knew a guy could be such a softie. You smile out of relief and drink your tea as He rapid fires questions to you for the next hour.

—

You got the call the next morning. You were officially Sandy. In celebration, he’s hanging out at your apartment and he brought cheap boxed wine.

“What if I’m not cut out for broadway, Ash? What if everyone walks all over me? I don’t know anything about showbiz here in New York.” All you had in your mind was doubt.

“I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. People will be jealous. People will talk about you behind your back. Critics will rip you to shreds. But all that matters is your performance. That dumb, bald critic isn’t the one getting that paycheck and that standing ovation. It’s you. You have to give your all every night. But it’s always worth it. I’ll be with you every step of the way for this show. I’ll guide you. I’ll be like the guy in Pretty Woman! Guiding you through life…”

“Oh Ashton, I’m so lucky you’re my friend. I never thought I’d meet anyone here honestly. You really are the Edward Lewis to my Vivian Ward.” He laughs and clinks his glass with yours.

“First rehearsal is gonna be splendid, darling.”

—

The first rehearsal began at 7:30 am sharp. The first priority was choreography of “Summer Nights”. You met the girls playing Frenchy and Rizzo, and they were very welcoming. Now whoever was playing Jan, however, was a bit snarky. She didn’t even give you a simple hello. You decided to think nothing of it and just go on with rehearsal.

The tech crew brought out some makeshift temporary bleachers for the choreography and everyone got to work. The T Birds and Ashton went to the other side of the stage where the women were all to the other side. You held your music in hand and began your first note while also mirroring the choreographers directions. All was going well until you accidentally stepped on Jan’s foot, causing her to glare at you and yell, “Watch it!”.

You were taken aback. Everyone stopped suddenly and the pianist came to an abrupt halt.

“I’m so sorry-“ you started to say, but was interrupted immediately.

“Maybe you should know what you’re doing if you’re going to be the lead, or were you not aware that you should actually have some experience?”

You mumble barely loud enough for anyone to hear, “I won’t do it again…”

Rehearsal continued, and the room was tense for the remainder of the choreography portion.

“Alright everyone take 5!” The director's voice loudly remarked. Before you knew it, Ashton was walking towards you. His hair was a bit of a mess and his sleeves were rolled up.

“So how was your first choreography session, Sandy?” He grinned, taking a long drink from his water bottle.

You weren’t sure if you should tell him you actually were on the brink of tears. It was way too early to already have complaints, but you were sure that that one girl already hated you and you didn’t even know why.

“It was great, amazing.” You forced a smile and he broke out into a grin. You just couldn’t tell him you were already upset.

“I knew you’d be amazing! I told you it wouldn’t be so bad. We’re doing a run through of the song with everyone next. I’ll get to see you rock it.” He smiled and walked back towards the guys. You sighed, walking back to the group of girls. This would be a long 3 months of rehearsal.

—

You opened the door to your studio apartment and collapsed on the bed, burying your face in your pillow. Then the tears came. You couldn’t believe how upset you were. You didn’t think it would bother you as much as it did, but you felt like you already blew the role of your dreams. You decided to call Ashton, hoping he could lift your spirits.

“Hey y/n, what’s up?” He had his usual cheery tone of voice and you already felt better.

“I know I said rehearsal was great, but the girl playing Jan was really terrible and hurt my feelings really bad and maybe she’s right maybe I don’t have what it takes, Ash. What if she’s right?” At that point you were crying even more. You didn’t expect to cry even more, but it was happening.

“Woah woah woah. The real Sandy Olsson would never take anyone else’s shit. Y/n, you’re one of the most talented people I’ve ever met. You’ve forced me to come over now. I’m gonna make you feel better. Leave the door unlocked and just be expecting me.” He hung up before you could even argue. But you were glad you didn’t have a chance to argue.

—

About an hour passed and your door opened. Ashton walked in, closing the door behind him. He had 2 pints of Ben and Jerry’s and two 4 packs of Smirnoff in his arms. He kicked the door closed gently and sat at the foot of your bed.

“There’s my favorite broadway sensation.” You mumble from under your covers, grinning when you lock eyes.

“Here I am!” He smiled, handing you a pint of ice cream and a plastic spoon, “I also have alcohol.”

You smile, opening the ice cream and wrapping your arms around him, “Thank you for coming here… I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

“Well I was planning world domination but I’ll get back to that.”

You laugh mad shake your head, “Well… let’s watch Gossip Girl and get drunk then, shall we?”

“We shall.”

—

“She’s just jealous that you’re the lead! Did you see her callback performance for Sandy? It was so half assed! You definitely were the best.” Ashton was on his third drink and there was no hiding it. He was slurring all of his words and laughing at every little thing. You found it adorable.

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” A blush crept across your cheeks and you looked down at your cup.

With his hand, he pushed your head up from your chin, “I’m not blind, i know a good actress when I see one, silly. Also, it’s cute when you blush,” He smirked when you blushed even more, “I mean if you want we can practice scenes together outside of rehearsal. We could now! I have my script in my bag…”

Before you could even begin to say no, he was already reading out one of his lines.

“I really like you, Sandy.”

You sigh and grab your script, opening to the right page and sitting across from him on your bed, “Danny, take it easy! What are you trying to do?” You glance down at the book, seeing what his next line is and look back up.

“Can I try something out?”

“Um, that’s not your line Ash-“

His hand comes up to your cheek and before you know it, his lips are on yours. Taken aback, your eyes widen, but then slowly close. You wrap your arms around his neck and twirl the hair at the nape of his neck around your finger and his hands grip your waist. He pulls away and you catch your breath. He smiles at you, “But you enjoyed it, didn’t you?”

“Shut up.”

“That’s a yes I take it.”

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol talking, but you were sure that you were falling. Hard.

—

“You’re the one that I want, you are the one I want, ooo ooo ooo honey…”

Everyone had gotten down the choreography to this scene, so everyone was just doing a run through without instruction. Before rehearsal even started, you talked to Ashton as usual. He didn’t even mention the night before. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was for the best. Some friendships need to stay friendships. And that was fine, but a part of you didn’t want that to be true. But what could you do? You never mentioned it again. You decided it was for the best.

-

Countless deli lunches together passed, dozens of coffee runs continued, about 100 more rehearsals occurred, months passed and the day came. Opening night. It was a full house.

You were in your dressing room, finishing up your makeup. A knock took you out of your trance, and you told them to come in.

Ashton came through the door, “Opening night! Are you ready?” He sat on the couch in the dressing room, wearing a tight white shirt and leather jacket, hair slicked back. He looked so good that it physically hurt.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” You weakly smile, “ya know I heard Rizzo has a thing for you.”

“Too bad she’s not my type… I’m into girls named Sandy.”

“Haha very funny, Ash, I mean like in real life.”

“Yeah so do I. A wise man once said, ‘you’re the one that I want, you are the one I want, ooo ooo ooo honey.” You laugh, and look into his eyes.

He’s not drunk right now. He’s sober. He is in your dressing room, telling you he is into you.

“Break a leg, Sandy.” And then he kisses you. And this time you know it isn’t the alcohol talking.

Summer loving. Happened so fast.

[cksmart-world]

The completely unnecessary

new analysis

by Christopher Smart

April 28, 2020

THE GOP IS NOW THE POT

They like to say they are the Party of Lincoln, even though Republicans have stood in the way of civil rights, voting rights and equal rights since the mid-60s. Maybe they like beards and top hats, who knows. But in reality, it is now the Party of Trump — POT. With the exception of lonely Sen. Mitt Romney, who voted to impeach the president, Republicans have been in lock-step with the guy who bragged about grabbing women “by the pussy” and then screwed a porn star right after his wife had given birth. About 80 percent of the Trump/Republican $1.5 trillion tax cut went to the wealthy — as congressional Republicans cheered and took bows. As Mr. T goes on about protecting preexisting conditions in health coverage, administration attorneys are in court trying to kill it and Obamacare. More cheering. Many Americans are too busy to pay attention to such minutiae, which is good for the POT. But the coronavirus spoiled everything and revealed to even those carefree souls that the Blowhard-In-Chief can't lead in a crisis. All those shameless Republicans, who were pretending Trump wasn't completely whacked because they got Supreme Court picks and rolled back environmental protections, are now stuck to him like a fat guy on a porn star. The words “inject Lysol” will live in infamy.

RUSH LIMBAUGH AMERICAN HERO

OK, it's time we gave Rush Limbaugh his due. After all, President Trump did award him The American Medal of Freedom for his radio broadcast that began in 1988 and reaches 20 million real Americans. Rush keeps patriots firmly grounded in the good old days when men were men and Jim Crow kept people in their place. Remember this comment: “The NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons.” And when it comes to law and order, Rush is the best at calling a spade a spade: “Have you ever noticed how all composite pictures of wanted criminals resemble Jesse Jackson?” Remember the time Rush called Obama a “halfrican American” and played the song, “Barack The Magic Negro.” Was that a knee-slapper or what. And Rush tells it like it is on immigrants: “Some people would say we're already under attack by aliens — not space aliens, but illegal aliens.” And on same-sex marriage: "If same-sex fits the bill of the contract, then everything fits the bill," Rush said. "And at some point who's to say that you cannot have sex with a child... ." On women's rights, he's got the right answer, too: “When women got the right to vote is when it all went downhill.” Yep, when it comes to American values, there is no one like Rush Limbaugh. No wonder Trump gave him the American Medal of Freedom.

THE LYING BASTARD NEWS MEDIA

You know why Trump is always yelling at those stupid reporters and calling them Fake News? Because they are lying sacks of shit, that's why. Like this: On Jan. 22, when Trump said about coronavirus, “No, we’re not worried at all. And we have it totally under control.” It was the lying media that reported it. And on Jan. 30, when he said,“We think we have it very well under control... and we think it’s going to have a very good ending for it. So that I can assure you.” It was the lying media again. And on Feb. 10, when Trump said, “I think the virus is going to be — it’s going to be fine.” It was the damn news media. And on Feb. 27, when he said, “When you have 15 people [infected in U.S.], and the 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero. That’s a pretty good job we’ve done." Yep, lying bastard news media. And when Trump said he was “A war president,” and had “total authority,” the media reported that, too. And then they reported Trump saying: “I don't take any responsibility at all.” Then the media reported him saying this to governors: “Respirators, ventilators, all of the equipment—try getting it yourselves.” It's all a bunch of bullshit because the news media is just trying to make him look bad because they hate him. What other reason could there be?

WILL COVID 19 BRING BACK NATURE AND EQUALITY?

Abstinent pandas are now mating in quiet zoos. Wales have returned to the waters around Vancouver. And its quiet enough to hear birds sing in Chicago. From New York City to Wuhan, China the air is clear. The World Health Organization estimates that dirty air causes 4.2 million premature deaths a year. The question is, during this lockdown can we envision a better future or will we go back to pollution, noise and poverty that is guided by an inequitable financial system? Can we structure our lives without cars? Can we increase renewables? Can we put a higher value on the natural world? Can we make sure folks on the bottom of the economic ladder earn a livable wage with affordable health care? Can we come up with better government that isn't driven by an exploitive financial sector and its enablers? Jonathan Watts observes this: “Ultimately, the most important environmental impact is likely to be on public perceptions. The pandemic has demonstrated the deadly consequences of ignoring expert warnings, of political delay, and of sacrificing human health and natural landscapes for the economy.” Yet when we emerge from this scourge the economy will be in a shambles and the urge to get it up and running again may well eclipse any notion of conservation and equality. It need not be an “either—or” choice, but don't count on elected politicians to lead the way.

Post script — Well, sport fans that does it for another week here at Smart Bomb, where the staff keeps track of the president's cures for coronavirus so you don't have to. Times are tough, but there is a silver lining to all this — drive-in theaters are making a comeback. For the younger crowd it could be a great experience. There's nothing quite as entertaining as watching young people get drunk and vomit inside and out of their father's car. And, of course, it's completely virus free. For an added bonus, you can follow them to the car wash and watch as they wash off dad's car along with their pants and shoes. People have also rediscovered city parks. What's more joyful than taking the kids and the dog down to the park to chase ducks? It's the kind of thing money just can't buy. Neither the youngsters nor the dogs will ever believe they can't catch those slow, feathery waddlers — priceless. Another good thing about the pandemic is that people are finally seeing — after waiting in line for hours — that shopping at Costco isn't really all that cool. Who wants to stand in line for great deals, like a 48-pack of cinnamon rolls, anyway. Which brings us to home cooking and the resurgence of folks wondering how to use an oven. Time to bring the cookbooks out of storage. What is zest, anyway? Do we have a zest-maker? Ever wonder why people think cooking is fun. Some have about about had it with their own concoctions and are ready to brave the vagaries of coronavirus for some Gang Keow Whan. And really, who can blame them. The truth is, the staff here at Smart Bomb is jonesing for green curry, too. But since we don't dare make it, we're sending Wilson and the band on a mission to Archer Thai on 1100 East for takeout. And one day, we'll actually eat there again.

OK, Wilson, get the band to put down the Clorox and step out from the ultraviolet lights and play a little something from your old pal, Nilsson, to honor our commander in chief:

Now let me get this straight; You put the Lysol in the coconut You drank them both up You put the Lysol in the coconut, You drank them both up Called your doctor, woke him up, and said,

"Doctor, ain't there nothing I can take" I said, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?" I said, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take"

You put the lime in the coconut, you drink them both together, put the lime in the cocount, then you'll feel better. Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning