#but yet. he manages to pull out a proper name for a random ass pigeon he finds

[beaversatemygrandma]

I want to share what has to be the funniest scene from my story. It’s something from an early chapter and doesn’t involve enough to give the whole story or require much of the story itself to understand. So, have it. Quick intro to the point in the plot: They’re hunting an oligarch. That’s all you really need to know.

I call it the Birdwatching Stakeout. Click the read more. You know you’re curious. ;)

The day was so dry and hot. The car’s air conditioning could hardly keep up with the sunlight bearing down on it. Pete and Ayla were right back in the same spot on the street from the week before in front of Skylights Company building.

“I swear to god, if you put the AC down to sixty-eight again when we get home…” Ayla grumbled as Pete reached for the air conditioning on the dashboard again.

He leaned back before turning it cooler yet again. “I miss the cold already. This is excruciating,” he said.

“You know you’ll get used to it.”

“I wasn’t used to it when I lived here and I’m still not now,” he laughed. “I want snow.”

“It’s May.”

“That hasn’t stopped it before.”

“Okay, I’ll admit I miss that too. I haven’t seen it since I left New York… And that’s been, what? Thirteen years now?”

“Maybe I do want to eventually get back into Canada. Out in Virginia is okay, but it’s not that.”

Ayla sighed, shaking her head, “Maybe one day you will. But please stop freezing me out at night.”

“What about now?”

“Now is fine, but don’t kill the car battery. I don’t want to ask somebody for a jump out here.”

“I can do that.”

They fell into another silence. Pete reached for his energy drink in the cupholder beside him and watched the building’s gate closely. There was far less traffic than there was last weekend.

“I wonder if he’s even here today,” he said. “…I should go in there.”

Ayla abruptly reached over and laid her fingers over his wrist. “I think that’s the caffeine talking. Your heart rate is ridiculously fast. Don’t do something stupid.”

He leaned closer to the window, looking down the street. “There’s that ‘park’ next door that reaches past the building. I could go through there to get behind it and check around back for a potential entrance.”

“I just said not to do something stupid,” Ayla muttered.

He didn’t seem to hear her. “There’s got to be a second-floor window that’s unlocked. Maybe it’s calm enough in there that I could slip in unnoticed. Then I can find out if Walford is even here today. Maybe even find my way to the top floor,” he pondered, looking over the building. “That or find the parking lot and see if there’s some high value car sitting out there. I doubt any of his workers could afford something nice. There’s no way he’s paying them well with how much he’s got. Maybe the old bastard has a Rolls Royce or something. That would be obvious.”

Ayla silently stared at him. “Are you done now?”

He questioningly glanced back at her.

“You should go out there and search around but don’t go inside. You’re just asking to get into trouble,” she said critically. “Searching the parking lot could be a good idea. But who knows if he’s one of those rich guys with a regular economy car? Some of them are like that.”

“Fair point…” he breathed out.

Pete then reached behind him and pulled a backpack from the backseat. He started going through it, pulling out various things.

“Alright, I’m going to bring the IR camera, a regular one, and…” he trailed off, pulling the IR camera from the bag. “…Though there’s likely cameras in there… Hmm.”

Ayla leaned over and opened the center console. “I don’t want to go through the hassle of figuring out how to dye hair that’s as dark as yours,” she said, pulling out a beanie from the stacks of junk she had already accumulated in there. She held it out to him and as soon as he took it, she pulled a hair tie off from around her wrist, handing it to him as well.

“…Oh,” he breathed out, looking to the hair tie.

“It’s long enough to do that now.”

“No way,” he said, just wanting to prove her wrong. He pushed the bag off his lap and down in front of his feet. He put the hair tie on his wrist and began a long struggle of gathering his hair up.

“Don’t forget the back too,” she pointed out.

He sighed, finally getting it together. Once it was up, it was obviously tight and barely long enough to stay held. He flicked down the visor for the mirror for a brief second. “I hate this. This is going to give me such a fucking headache,” he said, flipping it back up.

“Yeah, you’ll be fine,” Ayla said, motioning to the beanie as well.

He put that on as well. The hair was out of the question for an identifier. That paired with a high-collared button up hid the tattoo on his collarbone and the usual odd contouring Ayla had done, he wasn’t the same person visually.

“Okay, if I get caught near around the back of the building, I’m going with the ‘confused birdwatcher’ for this one,” he said, grabbing the cameras again. “And you should pull around the corner to the front of the park. Not near the entrance though. Don’t want to be suspicious.”

“Oh, yeah, of course. I swear I’ve got the same damn security guard from last weekend eying the car,” Ayla said.

“He can’t do shit unless you’re on the property. It’s fine. But I’m more worried about what’s out back,” he said, closing the bag again.

“…Hold on, ‘confused birdwatcher’?” she asked as he reached for the door handle.

He stopped and looked back to her to quickly explain, “Okay, back in Montana, I was at that national park after hours again and got stopped by a park ranger. He of course was there to kick me out for being there and I didn’t want to be brought home by the police again for sneaking out again. So, I ended up coming up with this really enthusiastic lie about how I was trying to find a certain bird that only appeared during those hours. The guy tried to give me advice about it and let me off with a warning about how he saw a bear around. Then I, of course, ended up still meeting up with Logan on the trails.”

“…I both envy and worry about your childhood,” Ayla said after a moment.

He nodded slightly, unsure how to respond. He grabbed the camera and said, “This is what sells it.”

She furrowed her brows. “Why did you have a camera when you were sneaking out to meet your boyfriend?”

“It wasn’t anything bad, I swear,” he said quickly. “We found a ravine off the path, and it looked fucking amazing at night. It was a full moon; the lighting was great. That was why.”

She doubtfully tilted her head towards him. “Okay… Sounds cool, I guess… Uh, go find the parking lot.”

He nodded and quickly got out of the car. As soon as he shut the door, Ayla was already preparing to pull into the street to go around the corner.

Pete headed down the street, towards the park entrance, carefully looking around for further security and cameras. The only camera should be set in the large tree towards the center of the garden. Everywhere but the entrance should be invisible to it. The cameras on the opposite side of the fence in the back were the ones to worry about.

He kept his hand on the camera, only now noticing just how much he was involuntarily shaking. Maybe today was the one day where so much caffeine wasn’t a good idea. It’s been so long since he had gotten proper rest that he had forgotten how caffeine affected him.

He walked around the small garden path into the back where he could visibly see the cameras mounted on the wall outside the building. There was no way around those. He was going to be seen no matter what he could do.

Birdwatcher. It’s perfect. This is a park. There’s got to be a bird around here. He thought, looking over the park, seeing if there were any around.

There weren’t.

This is a shitty excuse for a park. It has only one tree. He then noticed a pigeon on the opposite side of the fence. I would prefer the courtyard to this too, bud. He had to stifle a laugh about how ironic this was for his excuse as he carefully stepped over the flowers to press against the fence.

He peered over the top, keeping an eye on the bird and the cameras just above it. The courtyard was empty. This was perfect timing. Pete reached up and pulled himself over the fence in one quick motion.

As he started across the courtyard, he looked back at the pigeon. It only looked back at him. This was a bird that was very used to people around. He squatted down barely a foot away from the bird and it stayed in place.

I wish I had something to give him. Bread maybe. He thought, laying the camera on the ground, and taking a picture of it just to help his case of being the ‘birdwatcher’. It was just a pigeon and if anybody knew anything about birds, this might not work. The picture came out super well. The bird was looking right at the camera as if it had been posing.

“Yeah, I’m calling you Jacques. You’re cute as all hell, bud,” he whispered, barely reaching out towards the bird. It was then that it finally hopped away from him.

He stood back up, knowing that he couldn’t let Jacques distract him. Even if he knew that if he reached fast enough, he could easily catch it. But then what? He has a pigeon. No matter how badly he wants to do that, now is not the time.

“Alright, bud, where’s the parking lot?” he asked quietly, glancing back to the bird.

To his surprise, Jacques flapped up to a nearby picnic table, looking back to him. He followed the bird as it hopped from table to table and up onto the canopy covering the courtyard. The bird seemed to be pointing towards the back of the building.

Behind the building, there was a short private road leading from the opposite side. A line of hazard markers lined the edge of the courtyard and led into a parking garage tunnelling below the building.

There’s no way that bird just pointed me where to go. Pete thought, looking back to the pigeon. It was still on the top of the canopy, looking towards the private road to the parking lot. Pete then spotted a brightly colored food truck parked in the street just on the other side. Oh. Jacques wants food. Can’t blame him. A taco truck right there is tempting… Okay, focus. Where’s the security back here?

Pete looked around carefully for any cameras that weren’t accounted for. There was one right at the entrance of the garage and one by the gate at the end of the road. Both looked to be the larger cameras like on the sides of the building and at the secret factory in the next town over.

He took a breath before heading into the garage, ducking down near the wall to avoid the camera. The garage went further into the ground than expected. It was starkly dark, and cars were lined up in an organized manner. It was so organized that it could be necessary to get around any valets working.

There were bright lights towards the back. That spot should be avoided. He continued down the lines, looking over everything inside. There were mostly cheap cars in there, assumably all employees.

It wasn’t until he got to the second floor lower, that he saw something that could be a higher-class worker. He crouched behind an expensive electric car and took a quick picture of the license plate and what it was. This way, he might be able to confirm the owner. It’s possible this might be the car they’ll have to follow later. Upon further investigation, there were three other cars of this type. He took note of every license plate number and model.

Abruptly, the lights on the bottom floor turned on. Pete ducked between the cars and knelt in front of one, just behind the tire. This was as invisible as he could get.

“I can’t believe that old bastard took a damn taxi last night. And he has the balls to call in and order me to drive his damn car home today! He was the one drinking on the clock!” a gruff voice sounded from the other side of the floor.

“He’s the boss. We gotta listen to the boss man,” another said.

“What’s stopping him from doing this himself? Had he just lost himself in his privilege?” the first asked. He then softened his voice in a mocking tone, “Like, ‘Oh, my driver can handle this. No, he won’t get any extra pay or bonus from taking time out of his workday to help me. I own this man.’ Fuck him.”

“I get it. I know. It’s fucking annoying, but it is our job.”

“This isn’t part of the job description. I’m here to park for the employees and keep their cars safe down here, not run errands for this asshole.”

I hope they’re talking about Walford. Pete thought, slowly creeping towards one of the less extravagant cars to hide.

The two men stepped up to the last car he had taken information from, barely five feet away from him. He slid behind the tire of car just beside them as they continued to argue about their plans on getting back. They eventually landed on one of them driving their personal car to follow so they could get back to work.

Pete stayed put, silently listening to every move. He couldn’t make any movements until the lights were off again. It didn’t take much longer for the two valets to drive the car out and the lights to shut off behind them. He pulled out the camera and looked over the pictures, making a mental note of which one it was. Now to get out of here.

Pete slowly made his way out the same way he got in. He made sure to hang back from the exit as he carefully watched the valet get his personal car to follow their boss’s. He ducked back behind another car and waited a few minutes for them to be gone.

Once they were, he came back out and headed for the exit. He dodged the garage camera again and headed back to the courtyard. Jacques was still there, sitting on a picnic table. It looked to him and cooed, flying back up to the canopy, looking towards the nearby taco truck.

Sorry, bud, I’m broke. I’d buy you some chips if I could. He thought, looking to the pigeon disappointedly.

“Hey, you! The courtyard is closed to tours today!” A yell came from across the courtyard.

…Oh fuck. Think of something. Pete turned to the voice and called back, “Sorry, I was out at that park looking for birds! One ended up coming over here and I followed it. I’ll leave!”

“Birds? There’s nothing but pigeons out here!” the guard yelled back, still approaching him quickly.

“Pigeons?” Pete gasped, acting offended. “You can’t tell the difference between a common pigeon and a gorgeous Jacques’s Dove?”

The guard stopped barely five feet away from him. He looked up to the pigeon on the canopy. “…I don’t know enough about birds to say, but I’m pretty sure that’s a pigeon, man,” he said, looking to him questioningly.

Pete scoffed; he was having fun with it at this point. “That’s no pigeon. You can tell he’s a Jacques’s Dove by his blue beak and pinkish plumage! That thin neck just further points to being a dove! Besides, I have no idea why such a rare bird would be out here. The forums online made it seem like this was a real park where they could be seen, not some tiny ass garden! I can’t blame the bird for going elsewhere. That’s a shit excuse for a park.”

The guard was visibly confused. “…That—That’s a fat dove… Uh… Yeah… The park sucks…” he took a step back, glancing over at the small park over the fence. “Well, you saw the dove, right? So, can you… can you go now?”

Pete raised up his hands and nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I got my pics. I was already on my way out. Sorry for causing trouble.”

“Yeah, no problem. Just… Don’t do it again. Stay in the park,” the guard said.

He stayed in place, watching Pete carefully as he headed out towards the street. There was no point in climbing the fence again when there’s a guard already closely watching. He headed around the corner and started down the street towards where Ayla had parked in front of the park.

He got into the car as soon as he found it. He pointed forward, telling her to get moving. She immediately did.

“So, there’s two valets heading towards Walford’s house right now to bring him his car. I got the license plate number and I think they shouldn’t be too far from here,” he said. “Thought I did get held up a little by a guard.”

“How’d you get away from that one so easily?” she asked.

“I made him to think a pigeon was a rare dove,” he chuckled. He pulled up the recent photos on the camera and showed her the picture of the pigeon in question. “This is Jacques. He’s a pigeon.”

She glanced at the picture and laughed. “I can’t believe that worked.”