#but yeah this is the start of brayden graduating woot woot

[striker-brayden]

Location: Reddin Medical Center Date: February, 23  Trigger warnings: Mentions of drug abuse, addiction, and relapsing

“Is there something you wanted to talk about today?” Betsy leads today’s session as she usually does, and Brayden typically lets her drive the conversation after turning down her hot chocolate, but today he switches things up. He takes the hot chocolate, because it’s fucking cold outside, and he actually does have something he wants to talk about.

For once it’s not Landon, even though he got him art supplies for his birthday, and he still doesn’t know what to think about that. There’s something more pressing, and he needs to figure out his shit before it’s too late, so he nods, noticing Betsy’s look of surprise. “Okay, go ahead,” She gives him a reassuring smile before preparing herself to take notes.

“I want to graduate. Like...on time. I don’t want to do my fifth year,” Brayden states, gripping the mug tighter in his hands. When she doesn’t immediately respond, he feels the need to fill in the brief silence and cuts in before she can tell him he’s delusional. “Look, I know it’s probably impossible. Getting held back and the smaller class load means I’m too far behind to make it work, but--I don’t know. Do you think I can?” He asks her wearily, feeling like a child asking his mom if she thinks he’ll make it as a famous actor.

Betsy jots something down before looking up from her notebook and studying him quietly, “I’m a little surprised, honestly. You’ve said before you’re afraid to graduate. I thought you might want the extra year to get more comfortable with the idea of leaving.”

It’s still true. Graduating is fucking terrifying, because he’ll be on his own for the first time since he left home, but he has a loose plan, and he’s not at risk at ruining all his progress. He’s a million times fucking stronger than that eighteen year old kid who got one look at his brother on the court and immediately relapsed. 

“I think,” Brayden begins before pausing, trying to figure out how to explain himself. He’s not good at verbalizing his feelings--too used to internalizing everything until it’s too much to hold in anymore. “I think I’m more afraid of doing this all over again next year if we lose. I don’t wanna go pro, and I only signed that contract as a way out in the first place. I’d be graduating with the other fifth years if I didn’t fuck it all up,” He sighs, running a hand over his face. 

“First of all, you didn’t ‘fuck it all up,’ remember? Many addicts relapse, and that’s okay. Look how far you’ve come since then,” Brayden refrains from rolling his eyes, because she says this any time he beats himself over what happened. He knows she’s right, but it doesn’t help when it’s the reason he’s technically in his fifth year right now.

Betsy gives him a knowing look before continuing, “I think it’s normal to see your old roommates graduate and feel like you’re behind. I know how hard you’ve been playing this year too, and you might be burning yourself out.”

There’s no maybe about it. He’s already burnt out, and they’re not even in the finals. “I don’t know, I just think it’s time to move on. Exy isn’t what I want to do anyway. And...I actually like my classes, you know? I want to finish my major and actually do the shit I want to do. Just...tell me if it’s even possible or if I’m wasting my fucking time even thinking about it,” Brayden mutters, staring fixedly at his hot chocolate. 

“It’s not impossible, and you’ll need to talk with your academic adviser to make it official, but there’s options. My only concern is you might put too much on your plate with your practice schedule. But if you take online classes this semester, along with summer classes, I think you could pull it off. They might let you walk with your class at the end of the year, as long as you’re signed up for your remaining credits,” She explains. 

Other than this past year, he’s never been a very driven person--never been willing to do more than he has to, but he thinks he can add extra work if it means not having to spend another year trying to get out of his brother’s shadow. He’ll just have to sacrifice his Netflix time for...homework. It’s not a huge sacrifice, considering his homework is usually an art assignment. Repeating freshman year means he got his gen eds out of the way, he’s just trying to finish his art major at this point.

“Alright, done. I’ll make the appointment,” He says quickly, eager to get out of there before she can talk him out of it somehow.

“If this is really what you want then I think you should go for it, but I also think you should consider whether you’re doing this for yourself or to avoid another year of seeing your brother at games and the banquets,” Betsy points out, and he was expecting that. Most of their conversations center around Landon, and all the trauma that comes with him. And yeah, he’s a big reason why he wants to leave on time, but it’s so he can finally move on from basing all his decisions on Landon, and finally have his own fucking life. 

“Can’t it be both?” Brayden counters, jaw clenched. “I want to graduate. I want to be a tattoo artist. What I don’t want is to spend another fucking year trying to win every game, so we don’t look like idiots compared to the Ravens.” 

Betsy nods quietly, “That’s valid, and it’s your choice. I think it would be amazing for you to graduate with your original class. Just make sure to take care of yourself, Brayden.” 

Brayden is out of his seat before she’s finished, knowing his time is close enough to being up that he can probably go without it being a problem. He wants to get that appointment in, so he isn’t too late to sign up for his online classes. He’s going to do it. He’s going to fucking graduate on time.