#but yeah hopefully tommy doesnt uh. yeah ahsjfklf

[rensflr]

so basically i sent asks abt greek mythology and tumblr was like woah buddy thats a lot wait an hour so im submitting it.

okay so i dont know anything abt mcyt or dream smp whatever u call it but I have seen a lot of posts abt it and I need to say smth. so I've seen that speech "You want to be a hero? Then die like one" a lot n technoblade uses theseus as an example. when I read THAT the part of my brain that was obsessed w greek myths n still kinda is came out of its slumber. SO theseus was uh. kind of an asshole? 

when he went n killed the minotaur the king of minos' daughter, ariadne, helped him bc she fell in love w him and offered to help him if he would agree take her to athens and marry her. so theseus was like sure and shes the one who has the idea to give him a ball of string so he doesn't get lost in the maze. so theseus kills the minotaur etc. etc. n he takes ariadne and heads to athens. and THEN for no reason he abandons her on a little island called naxos. later versions of the myth try n justify it w like "oh actually dionysus wanted her as a wife so theseus had to let her go" or in other ways but in the og version he just deserts her. which is pretty messed up!!!!! i mean he made a deal w her and he just breaks it. so strike one against theseus!!!

okay next p messed up thing. so theseus had a buddy called pirithous and one day when they're older pirithous finds theseus n he's like "hey man!! u know how my wife is dead n ur wife is dead? how abt we find new wives! and I have just the idea. lets try n marry daughters of zeus!" so theseus thinks this is an excellent idea n he says "ok dibs on helen" (HELEN IS A CHILD AT THIS POINT. LIKE 12 OR SMTH) so piritous is like "that's a wonderful idea there's nothing messed up abt that at all"

so they KIDNAP HELEN INTENDING TO KEEP HER UNTIL SHE'S OLD ENOUGH TO MARRY THESEUS. so THEN pirithous is like. ok my turn I want to marry PERSEPHONE. like the goddess already married to hades the king of the underworld. theseus is like I see nothing wrong w this. so they go down to the underworld and say hey! we're here to kidnap persephone! so hades is like 

"oh of course! here sit down on these chairs" and they sit and they get fused to them and then snakes burst out of the chairs and tie them to it and they're condemned to an eternity of torture. yay! 

but then at some point (we don't know how much later) hercules goes down to the underworld to do one of his tasks and he finds them and frees theseus and tries to free pirithous but he's not able to bc pirithous was the one who actually wanted to marry persephone so his crime was greater or smth (if u ask me wanting to marry a child is way more messed up but sure!) 

okay that's all I wanted to say I'm SORRY this is so long but previous hyperfixation go brrrr 

OKAY OKAY LAST THING  so when hercules freed theseus from the chair he had to cut him off basically bc he was fused to it and he left behind his "buttocks" still on the chair so theseus is also called hypolispo which literally just means "man with a flat ass" fhjnfvkmfdmk