#but yeah basically hindsight is being eaten alive by the past and every bad thing that happened to him that he can't even see

[ruvviks]

// ocs as patron saints. [x]

tagged by; @katsigian, @deadrlngers and @devilbrakers, thank you so much!!

tagging; @mojaves, @dickytwister, @ordinarymaine, @claudiawolf and YOU!

– PATRON SAINT OF RELICS.

patron saint of remembering. patron saint of holding something close. patron saint of holding on for too long. for a saint, a relic is often a part of the body, kept for some physical memento of their holiness. they are all in your hands, now: does it feel like remembrance? does it feel sanctified? are the dust and blood as precious as they're supposed to be?

hindsight carries the gun of his deceased father, the last memory he holds of the past and of what used to be his family; he is alone, a vessel for all that used to be, carrying the burden of remembrance like a chain around his neck. he has made himself easily digestible, to fit in, to not stand out; yet the past clings to him tighter than the present and forces him on his knees, forced to worship a twisted and faux idyllic retelling of a place he can no longer get back to.

– PATRON SAINT OF HEARTBREAK.

not of comfort. not of condolences. there is a heart and there is a fissure, a fracture, something that starts to splinter and break open. you're the patron saint of the way a heart is rent open. the way it tears itself apart. patron saint of the rift. patron saint of the gash. when they say to "open your heart" to somebody, you are the patron saint of bleeding out.

erytheia is a grave domain cleric, and has witnessed more burials in her lifetime than any being ever should. she has seen the countless ways in which the best of her abilities still did not suffice, her healing more than often merely prolonging a life rather than saving it; and she carries the consequences of it wherever she goes, the faces of those who were left behind, the broken hearts and wails of sorrow like a symphony in the dead of night, chasing after the trail of blood left by her bleeding heart.

– PATRON SAINT OF BLOOD.

patron saint of the life that flows through our bodies. patron saint of violence. patron saint of love. something that does not watch over but exists within: not for protection but for vitality. there is no passion without a beating heart at its core. when that heart breaks open, someone has to be responsible for what it bleeds.

juniper is full of life, full of passion. her heart hungers and beats viciously within her ribcage, threatening to burst out; all of which shows in her unexpected ferocity in battle, as well as in the way her hands hold the waist of her lover, whoever is within her reach when her desire threatens to spill over. a mouth that kisses as much as it bites, and teeth that graze vulnerable skin and dig into tender flesh; she is a predator, and gods save whoever becomes her next prey.

[feynavaley]

Hetalia Fanfiction – Chrysalis Ch 2

Summary: Marguerite Williams is a shy, unremarkable Canadian girl. She is used to being ignored, after all, there’s nothing worthy of attention in her, and she didn’t expect anything to change after moving to the US. She certainly didn’t expect a boisterous American boy, an eccentric French neighbour, and a group of quirky teens determined to prove her wrong. 

I’ve received a lot more feedback than I would have ever imagined (thank you so much, everybody <3), so I think I’ll continue this, unless sometimes happens after this chapter. This chapter and the next one were originally a single one. I split it because it got too long, but I’m posting next chapter in a week or so. (Full chapter under the cut, use your phone browser if you can’t see it from the app.)

Warnings: Clear (but not graphic) implications of child abuse. English isn’t my first language.  Please do keep in mind that the relationship between canon!America and nyo!Canada isn’t established in canon. Obviously, I write them as unrelated.

AO3 | FFN | Previous | Next | List

———

Chapter Two

Maggie was staring carefully at the reflection on the full-body mirror in front of her.

The girl who looked back was pale and there were faint bags under her lilac eyes, but luckily, they weren’t too pronounced. (No, reading until three am hadn’t been such a great idea in the hindsight. But reading was basically the only thing that kept Maggie somehow sane. She had needed to calm down at first, and after that, she had ended up being completely sucked into the book…) Black leggings covered her slim legs and her upper body was enveloped in a loose red long-sleeved tunic that almost reached her mid-thigh. Maggie twisted around to have a better look at the mirror. The shirt couldn’t completely hide her big breasts – too big for her otherwise slight frame – and the neckline was a bit too loose, showing the straps of the black tank top she was wearing underneath, but it was decent. And, more importantly, the sleeves were long enough to completely cover her arms and too tight to rise up without her noticing.

Maggie sighed. She should be grateful that her face was unmarred – unless completely drunk, Steve was careful enough not to leave marks where they could be easily seen – but the pain that shot up in her body every time she made a sharp movement foretold that those bruises weren’t going to fade quickly. She was particularly worried about her left wrist, she could still bend it, but she would have to be really careful not to show the purple mark that enveloped it… Her abdomen was in a bad shape too. In an improvement from the previous evening, Maggie could now stand straight without being in severe pain, so it wouldn’t pose a problem at school – unless she had to change. No matter how careful she could be, a glimpse would be enough; the contrast between her stark white skin and the vivid bruises was impossible to miss.

‘Gym is in two days,’ Maggie found herself thinking as she brushed her long hair and tied it in her usual twintails. ‘I could change in the bathroom, but I don’t even know if there is one in the changing room…’

Usually, there was, but she couldn’t stop worrying unless she was completely sure.

Maggie’s eyes swept around the room, looking for her sneakers, and as soon as she located them they fell on the ice skates and hockey stick right next to them.

Hockey had been an excellent sport. It was extremely violent, hiding some extra bruises among the ones Maggie got playing was easy. That was probably the reason Steve let her play in the first place, in spite of regarding the sport as expensive and not feminine.

‘They might have a hockey team here,’ Maggie mused as she slipped on her shoes. ‘There isn’t an ice rink inside the school, but I’ve seen one that’s not far, they might have some arrangements… I should ask Alfred.’

With her mood remarkably improved by the thought of hockey – and Alfred – Maggie headed towards the kitchen. Steve was already out so she didn’t have to hurry, she could have breakfast and maybe even cook something for lunch. Even if she wasn’t actually hungry – she hardly ever was, and the way her stomach was still painfully cramped from the hits it had taken didn’t help – keeping up the appearances was important. She hadn’t even had dinner the previous day, it was probably the right time to get some nutrients into her body…

‘If only there was something edible,’ Maggie realized a moment later, crestfallen, staring at the fridge and the cupboard. Both were sadly empty, excluding several bottles of beer.

Wow, somebody’s got his priorities straight…

As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Maggie violently shook her head, clenching her fists until she could feel her nails dig into her palms.

‘I have to stop thinking this way. It isn’t Steve’s fault, he needs to relax after working so much. He wouldn’t even have to drink this way if it weren’t for me…’

Besides, Steve wasn’t the one in charge of the groceries, so the lack of food was Maggie’s fault. Luckily, Steve was working late, which meant that she had time to go shopping after school and he wouldn’t even have to know. Resigned to stay with an empty stomach, Maggie put on her coat, grabbed her bag and got out of the door, diving into the crisp morning air.

Not having had breakfast had its advantages, she realized not much later: while the previous day she had been in too much of a hurry to concentrate on anything but the route she needed to take, she could now take a leisure walk, admiring for the first time the surroundings. It didn’t take her long to admit how objectively nice her new living arrangement was. Just like Joshua had promised, the house was in a residential area at the outskirts of the town, surrounded by other homely, ordered houses in the middle of well-kept gardens sided by clean sidewalks. Everything looked surprisingly flat, but it wasn’t unpleasant. There wasn’t much traffic (but people were probably already at work) and in spite of that, Maggie was passed by at least three buses before she reached the school, which hinted at a decent public transport system. For how much the memory of their old, silent house at the edge of the woods still tugged at Maggie’s heartstrings, seeing why Steve had been so happy about the arrangement was easy. He had always complained about living too far from his workplace, even when Chloé had still been alive, and now it would be easier for him. Maggie had no right to be selfish.

‘And it might not even be that bad,’ she told herself as she climbed the stairs that led to the main entrance, recalling the previous day. While she didn’t think she was going to repeat the experience, it had still been nice.

Maggie started heading absentmindedly towards her locker, trying to stay out of the way of other students, but as soon as she spotted her destination she halted in her tracks.

Leaning against her locker, with a relaxed stance but a slightly tense expression, was Alfred Jones.

Maggie’s heart missed a beat.

Alfred had told her he would be there, but she hadn’t thought he was truly going to remember…

“Alfred?”

Maggie’s voice was barely louder than a whisper, but Alfred raised his head. When his bright blue eyes focused on her, his lips curved into a huge smile.

“Hey, Maggie! How are you doing?”

“It’s all right,” Maggie answered automatically, but as soon as the words went past her lips she realized that she was telling the truth.

She was tired, she hadn’t eaten, and her bruises were pulsing painfully, but everything seemed to fade before Alfred’s warm smile and the seemingly genuine happiness that shone in his eyes as he looked at her.

“See? Today I’m on time!” he declared triumphantly.

Maggie realized that she was smiling.

“Glad to be useful.”

Under Alfred’s eyes, she placed her coat inside the locker and took out the books she needed, then the two headed towards the first class of the day.

They were halfway across the corridor when Tolys and Feliks reached them. The latter hadn’t completed his physics homework, so Alfred enthusiastically offered to help him. Alfred, however, in spite of having a good understanding of the subject, clearly wasn’t cut for explaining it, and after a few minutes surrendered and let Feliks copy his exercises, heedless of Tolys’ faint complaints (“You can’t just let him copy, he’ll never learn anything!”).

Alfred’s attention focused a second time on Maggie who, sitting next to him, had watched the scene silently, not daring to intervene.

“Do you have something to do after school these days?”

The question caught her by surprise.

“What? I mean, no, not really, but... why?”

Alfred shrugged.

“If you’re free, would you like to go somewhere after school? I could show you around.”

For a moment Maggie thought that she had misunderstood something, or that he was joking – not mocking her, Alfred didn’t seem that kind of person, still…

“Are you serious?”

Why on earth would you ask me out?

Maggie couldn’t remember the last time something like that had happened. It had probably been before her mother had fallen ill, but even then, she hadn’t been exactly what would be called a popular child.

Alfred’s smile wavered a little.

“Uhm yeah, of course? But if you don’t want to…”

Maggie blushed violently.

“Oh, no, no, I mean, yes, of course I do! It’s just…” she stopped, not knowing how to go on without sounding like an idiot, but Alfred looked reassured.

“Okay then! Actually, today I can’t, I have football practice, but we could do something tomorrow?”

Maggie nodded, slightly dazed. She still couldn’t fully realize the fact that Alfred Jones, quarterback, completely stunning, extroverted, and most likely one of the most popular boys in the school, had just asked her out.

It isn’t a date. He certainly didn’t mean it to be a date.

Which still didn’t erase that he had asked her out.

Suddenly, Maggie recalled what she had meant to ask Alfred.

“Oh! About sports… I hope you don’t mind if I ask, but does this school have a hockey team?”

“Uh, yeah, of course,” Alfred answered without missing a beat, raising his eyebrows in confusion. “Why do you… oh!” A large smile returned to his face. “Oh, that’s right, you are Canadian, Canadians love hockey… It isn’t a big team, but you can watch their matches if you want.”

“Oh! Oh, yeah, I guess I could do that, but… actually, it isn’t why I asked. It’s just…. Well, I was on the hockey team at my old school, I’d like to keep playing… do you know who I should speak to?”

Her words were met with a heavy silence, and only then Maggie realized that Tolys and Feliks had stopped bickering over their Physics homework and were watching them.

“You?” Alfred asked, staring incredulously at her, his eyes wide.

Maggie blushed under his piercing gaze, lowering her eyes.

“I— I know I don’t look like it,” she muttered, “But actually I’m not bad, I’ve been playing for years…”

“That’s not the problem,” chimed in Tolys.

When Maggie dared to look up again, she was met with Tolys’s perplexed – maybe even worried – stare.

“The point is that we only have a mixed team, and, well—”

“No offence, but you are so tiny!” Alfred went on, his voice laced with concern. “Tolys plays, but he’s, like, one of the smallest!”

“That’s totally not true, there’s Raivis, Sigurd, Emil…” Feliks commented, but Alfred ignored him.

“The others are huge! And yes, there are two girls, but they are a lot bigger than you! You could be seriously hurt…!”

“Oh…”

That was simply perfect. Even better than what Maggie had previously thought. If the other players were so big and violent, her bruises would be so easy to justify…

“I’m stronger than I look,” she found herself saying, “And I know I don’t look like much, but I’m pretty quick.” She turned to Tolys. “When do you play? Could I talk to the captain or your coach?”

Tolys hesitated before answering, evident concern etched in his features.

“I don’t see why you shouldn’t let her try,” interjected a feminine voice with a strong East European accent. “If she says she can do it, it means she can.”

Maggie started and whirled towards the source of the voice.

“Nat! I didn’t see you!” Tolys exclaimed at the same time.

Maggie’s first impression of the girl who had talked was that she would have been perfect to play the part of the Ice Queen in a fairy tale. She was pale and stunning, her chiselled oval face had high and pronounced cheekbones, a thin, straight nose, and arched eyebrows knit over blue-grey slanted eyes. Her hair was platinum blond, straight and shiny, it almost reached her mid-back and was parted in the middle, held back from her face by a white ribbon. Her tall body was worthy of a model, slender and feminine, dressed in a way that made its owner almost look like a porcelain doll – a frilly white blouse tucked at the waist into a purple circle skirt that reached just above the girl’s knees, dark stockings and black shiny flats – yet, there was something in the sharp lines of her face and in the way she was standing perfectly straight, with her arms folded in front of her chest, that gave Maggie an impression of icy detachment.

“Natalya Arlovskaya,” the girl stated evenly as she extended her right hand towards Maggie, ignoring Tolys.

“I’m Maggie Williams, nice to meet you,” Maggie muttered as she automatically shook the offered hand, taken aback by the blunt approach.

“So, do you want to be in the hockey team?”

“Err… Yes?”

Maggie wrapped her arms around herself as her stomach twisted under Natalya’s sharp gaze.

“My brother is the captain. He isn’t at school today, he had some routine medical check-ups, but he’ll be back tomorrow. I can introduce you to him, if you really are interested. Practice is on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after school.”

“Ah… Thank you. If it’s not a problem…”

Natalya frowned.

“I cannot see how it should be, it’s his job as the team captain.”

Maggie forced her lips to curl into a hesitant smile.

“Well, in any case, thank you, really. You’re so kind…”

“No, I’m not,” Natalya cut her off coldly. “Don’t think I’m doing this for you, it’s nothing personal. I just don’t like when boys think a girl can’t compete with them only because she’s physically smaller and presume they have the right to decide for her.”

“Nobody meant that!” Alfred objected instantly, “It’s just that—”

If looks could kill, Alfred would have been a smoky heap of ashes on the ground after the glare Natalya sent him.

“Just that what, Jones?” she interrupted him. Her voice was calm and cold, but her expression clearly showed that Alfred had better shut up if he valued his life.

Alfred frowned, but he elected to ignore Natalya. Which, in Maggie’s opinion, said a lot about how fearsome she was.

“I didn’t mean to imply that you aren’t able to play hockey,” Alfred said instead, addressing Maggie. “But believe me, those boys are huge… I’m not kidding, you could be badly hurt. It has already happened, and you are so small…”

Maggie shrugged.

“I can manage, really,” she murmured, “You’re nice to worry about me, but you don’t have to… Okay, I’m not some kind of prodigy, but I’ve been playing since I was little, and I’ve already played with boys. I’m quick, I don’t get hurt easily.”

And if sometimes it happens, even better. At least I can wear t-shirts without having to worry about hiding my bruises.

“If you’re really sure…” Alfred sighed, in spite of the doubtful expression that lingered on his face.

Not that Maggie could blame him, her physical appearance certainly didn’t mark her as a good hockey player, nor did her hesitant demeanour.

Natalya snorted.

“And you should talk louder,” she declared, dropping her bag on the empty desk at Maggie’s right. “Honestly, you look pathetic. Newsflash: this place is a lion’s den. Have you already met the cheerleaders? They’ll tear you to pieces if you don’t assert yourself.”

Without waiting for an answer, Natalya sat down and started reading a book she had pulled out of her bag.

Maggie sat down wordlessly, keeping her head down, her stomach churning. Her eyes were stinging, but she swallowed and managed to hold back the tears. Natalya was completely right, she was pathetic. She had always been, and it wasn’t going to change any time soon. The boys’ attention had made her forget that for a moment, and Natalya’s words had been unexpected, which was probably why they hit her so hard, but Maggie shouldn’t have been surprised by them.

A big, reassuring hand landed on her left shoulder. Alfred.

“Uhm… don’t worry about what she said, okay?” his voice was a bit hesitant and lower than usual. “She’s probably in a bad mood, you aren’t pathetic, don’t listen to her.”

Maggie answered with a strained smile. She knew that Alfred’s words weren’t true, nonetheless, it was quite sweet of him; she could at least appreciate it.

“Nat is just a bit blunt,” said Tolys, “Last year she had some bad experiences with the other girls, I think she only wanted to warn you about them.”

Before Maggie could ask him to elaborate, the teacher walked inside the room and she ended up focusing on the lesson, dismissing the problem. It wasn’t even her place to ask, after all.

The rest of the morning went on quickly, Maggie didn’t have time to talk to the boys as they didn’t share the following periods. She did share them with Natalya, however, but Natalya didn’t offer her a single word. In spite of that, she still sat next to Maggie. Maggie didn’t know what to make out of her behaviour.

When lunchtime finally came, Maggie was intentioned to go to the library and start her homework, just like the previous day, but once again, she hadn’t accounted for Alfred. The boy showed up in front of the classroom, beaming.

“I told you I wanted to introduce you to my friends, didn’t I?” he said at the Maggie noticeable puzzlement.

Without waiting for an answer, Alfred grabbed her arm and started dragging her across the corridor, unaware of the pained grimace on Maggie’s face. Alfred’s fingers were digging right into one of her worst bruises, but she quickly schooled her face into a neutral expression. It wasn’t that bad, after all, she had had far worse.

“Where are we going?” she tried to ask as Alfred navigated confidently through the corridors, headed in a direction that Maggie couldn’t recognize, but surely wasn’t that of the cafeteria.

“It’s a surprise!” was the single, cheerful answer Alfred deigned to give her.

Never relishing the hold on her arm, he led her to what seemed to be an unused wing of the school, then up some flights of stairs until they finally reached a fire door at the top. It looked heavy, but Alfred opened it effortlessly.

“Ladies first,” he said with a gesture of his hand as he held the door.

Maggie stepped out, her stomach clenched at the uncertainty. A gust of wind blew her hair out of her face, and she had to squint to adjust her eyes to the sudden brightness – they had to be on the roof.

Her entrance was met with a cheerful exclamation. Before Maggie could even register what was happening, she found herself enveloped in a pair of slender arms and pressed against a boy’s lean chest. Maggie froze, the breath caught in her throat, her brain unable to grasp the situation.

“Ciao, you must be Maggie!” the stranger said cheerfully at the same time.

“Feli!” a stern voice barked, and suddenly, Maggie was free.

Alfred was laughing.

Maggie had to blink a few times before her surroundings came into focus.

Two boys were standing right in front of her. One was barely a few inches from her, he had to be the one who had hugged her. He was slender and a bit on the short side, and his skin was fair but with a warm undertone. His hair was a glossy dark auburn, short and straight except for a curl that stood from the left side of his head, somehow defying the law of gravity. His beaming face had delicate, almost feminine features and was lit by a pair of huge eyes of an incredibly warm and bright colour, a liquid golden amber. Maggie had never seen eyes like that, they were as remarkable as Alfred’s and just as lively.

The second boy was huge and built like a tank, quite taller than Alfred and evidently buff, with shockingly broad shoulders for a teenager. His squared face, with strong features and fair skin, was sour, his sharp eyebrows knit over a pair of bright sky-blue eyes, a bit lighter than Alfred’s. The stern vibe was accentuated by his slicked-back blond hair. He was holding the smaller boy from the back of his blue cardigan – he must have dragged him away from Maggie.

A few steps behind them stood a boy of obvious Asian origin (Japanese, maybe? Maggie wasn’t sure) even smaller and slimmer than the auburn-haired boy, with sleek black hair in a bowl cut and big, almond-shaped light brown eyes. His face was schooled into a neutral expression, and his stiff posture, along with the fact he was a bit distanced from the others, gave Maggie the impression of a quiet and introverted person.

“Feliciano Vargas and Ludwig Beilschmidt, juniors, and Kiku Honda, senior,” said Alfred, walking to Maggie’s side and pointing respectively at the auburn-haired boy, the blond, and the Japanese boy. “And this is Maggie Williams, guys.”

“N—nice to meet you,” Maggie muttered, the thought of being at the centre of everybody’s attention filling her with uneasiness.

Kiku and Ludwig answered respectively with a soft smile and a nod, while Feliciano let out a high-pitched giggle and hugged her enthusiastically. There was nothing that could have prepared Maggie to react to the situation, so she stayed still until Feliciano released her.

“I’m so glad to finally meet you!” he chirped. “You know, Alfred talked about you the whole time yesterday… You are just as pretty as he said!”

“Feli!” Ludwig and Alfred scolded him simultaneously.

Maggie blushed, automatically wrapping her arms around herself.

‘He’s mocking me, isn’t he?’

It would have been the most likely option, but Feliciano’s wide smile and bright eyes looked sincere, and he looked everything but cruel enough to tease other people that way.

‘He’s trying to put me at ease, then,’ Maggie understood suddenly. Yes, that was probably right. She relaxed slightly.

Heedless of the rebukes, Feliciano went on talking.

“And your eyes are such a gorgeous colour… I had already seen violet, but this shade of lilac is the first time, you know?”

Now that she was calmer, Maggie was able to notice that Feliciano’s voice had an oddly musical intonation and a slight foreign accent – Italian, maybe? Maggie wasn’t sure. His name definitely wasn’t English, though.

“Feli, cut it out, can’t you see you’re making her uncomfortable?” barked Ludwig.

His speech carried a German accent, instead – not too strong, but still detectable. He probably was of German descent, given his name. He also looked remarkably like the stereotype of a German boy, even if that wasn’t a true indicator of anything.

“Sorry about him,” Ludwig went on, addressing Maggie. “He’s always like this, he has no concept of personal space and he cannot read the atmosphere to save his life… but he doesn’t do it on purpose, he doesn’t even realize he’s behaving inappropriately. He doesn’t mean anything bad, he wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

Maggie nodded. With some effort, she managed to curl her lips into a weak smile.

“There’s no problem, really.”

A bit further away, Kiku had taken Feliciano aside and was scolding him quietly. Feliciano’s features dropped in a slight sulk, but he didn’t seem to be complaining.

“Well then!” said Alfred, inching closer to Maggie and casually swinging an arm over her shoulders.

Maggie stiffened as she felt her face heating up. Ludwig’s forehead creased in a frown. He almost looked about to say something, then he changed his mind and shook his head, looking at Alfred with an expression that looked partly annoyed and partly resigned. It wasn’t the first time Maggie saw Alfred’s exuberant antics cause that kind of reaction.

“Shall we start eating?” Alfred went on, “I’m literally dying of hunger…”

“Pastaaa!!!” Feliciano cried out, throwing his arms to the sky, an ecstatic expression on his face.

It must have been a common occurrence because nobody commented on his bizarre behaviour. Ludwig let out an exasperated sigh, but that was the major reaction. The four boys, plus Maggie, sat down in a corner of the roof basked in the sun, and a moment later Feliciano was gobbling some pasta with a green sauce from a big box.

Maggie blinked.

And where did that come from? I didn’t even see him reach out for his bag…

In the meantime, the other three boys were pulling their lunches out of their schoolbags, and only at that moment, Maggie realized the troublesome situation she was getting into.

“Don’t you have something to eat?” asked right then Alfred, who had just pried open a box in which an impressive amount of fish and chips and been squeezed.

“Eh…”

“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t even ask you if you needed to buy something from the cafeteria before I dragged you here… Why didn’t you stop me?”

Having to buy her lunch from the cafeteria would have been a good excuse. If only Maggie had some money with her. And if the food weren’t that expensive. Maggie had taken a quick look at the menu the previous day, there was no way she could afford to eat in the cafeteria regularly.

Ludwig snorted.

“Yes, because it’s so easy to stop you once you have set your mind on something…”

Alfred frowned.

“No, no, it doesn’t matter, really,” Maggie said quickly, hoping to strike down the potential argument at its birth. “I wouldn’t have bought anything, I’m not hungry…”

Her statement was met by two horrified gasps.

“How can you be not hungry? Other ten minutes without food, and I would have died…” Alfred whined, his eyes wide.

“You cannot be not hungry!” Feliciano said at the same time, “Here, take some pasta, I have a lot!”

Before Maggie could answer, Feliciano’s box was placed in front of her face. It was filled with oddly-shaped pasta and cast a pleasant smell of garlic and basil, but at that moment, Maggie’s stomach was completely shut.

“No, no, really,” she found herself saying, “This is really kind of you, but you don’t need to give me anything. I’m fine, really, I ate a lot at breakfast and I’m not hungry, really…”

It was only a half-lie. In spite of having skipped breakfast, Maggie didn’t feel any hunger, if anything, she was slightly nauseous. She didn’t know whether it was due to the stress, the bruises that were still throbbing painfully on her abdomen and making her stomach cramp, or a mixture of those two factors, but the mere thought of eating made the bile rise to the back of her throat. And that was without considering it wouldn’t be fair of Maggie to take advantage of Feliciano’s kindness: she was the one who had ‘forgotten’ her lunch, he shouldn’t have to give up some of his food because of that.

Doubt clouded Feliciano’s eyes, but he took back his lunch box.

“Are you really sure?” Alfred asked, his mouth already filled with food.

Maggie smiled and nodded.

The four boys looked sceptical at best, but before somebody could say anything else the fire door swung open, revealing Tolys, Feliks, and Natalya, each with a paper bag (coming from the cafeteria, probably) in their hands. The three teens reached the already seated ones and sat down next to them, Natalya a bit aside, while Feliks started complaining about the daily menu and the fact that the prices of the desserts had been raised. Not long later the slender shapes of a boy and the girl appeared on the roof, and they were introduced to Maggie as Raivis Galante and Erika Vogel, both freshmen.

Raivis was a slight, skittish boy with blue eyes and a cloud of fluffy-looking, curly sandy blond hair, and he was probably just as shy as Maggie, judging from how he blushed and stuttered his answer, lowering his eyes to avoid meeting Maggie’s. The girl felt her stomach knot at that, but nobody else seemed to find it bothersome.

Erika was delicate-looking, short and petite, with big teal eyes and straight dirty blond hair in a tomboyish bob, with a messy bang that covered her forehead and a few longer strands framing her face. She offered Maggie a slight smile, but didn’t show any other reaction – or didn’t seem to, at least.

The other teens’ arrival had managed to take most of the attention away from Maggie, and soon everybody was involved in more or less animated conversations as she listened. Maggie was used to slipping into anonymity when she was among a lot of people, she felt more at ease in the role of a listener than at the centre of the attention, besides, being as silent as she was, people tended to forget about her presence.

Oddly, things didn’t go that way. The other teens were talking between each other, but often, somebody tried to include Maggie in the conversation or she was asked some questions, especially by Alfred and Feliciano – but they both seemed to be overly talkative, so it probably meant nothing. However, even when he wasn’t talking to her, Alfred’s eyes often met Maggie’s ones, and each time, he gave her a warm smile. Nevertheless, there was a lot Maggie could listen to – and lots of information she could retrieve about her new acquaintances, be it by listening or simply observing.

Feliciano and Ludwig played soccer on the same team and were in the newspaper club with Kiku, while Raivis played hockey as well and seemed to be terrified by the captain (whose name Maggie found out to be Ivan) – something that didn’t stand right with Natalya, who seemed to idolize her older brother, and any negative comment about him was met by her murderous gaze. Which was probably the origin of the tension between her and Alfred, seeing that he seemed to have a deep dislike for Ivan (the ‘communist’ he had been talking about the previous day, apparently).

Erika had an older brother she held on a pedestal, as well, but from what Maggie had been able to understand he was much older than her, around the same age as Feliciano’s father. Maggie found Erika intriguing. She spoke kindly and her voice was soft, but at the same time, she sat with her back straight and her unwavering gaze showed very little of what she was truly thinking.

Kiku was polite to the point of seeming detached, but Maggie had seen his expression soften when he talked with the other teens, especially Ludwig, Feliciano, and Alfred, whom he seemed to be particularly fond of.

Ludwig was quite peculiar, too. At a first glance he looked brisk and sullen, but from the endless patience he met Feliciano’s vitality with, Maggie was starting to think he was simply a bit awkward. In spite of his aloof appearance, he was also quite attentive – he asked her a few more times if she was sure she wanted nothing to eat, and whatever he was doing his eyes always followed Feliciano, as if to make sure nothing happened to him. (After seeing the Feliciano almost trip over nothing, Maggie couldn’t really blame Ludwig.)

As Maggie had already partially guessed, Tolys and Feliks were another couple of friends that completed each other, one quiet and polite, the other, once past the shyness he had when he first met strangers, was lively and whimsical. Maggie learned that their families had come to America roughly at the same time, when both children were still in grade school, and living next to each other the two had quickly become inseparable. Maggie could also bet that Tolys had a crush on Natalya: he kept sending her adoring glances and was constantly trying to start a conversation with her. Natalya turned down each of his attempts, but she didn’t look too annoyed, simply indifferent.

And then, there was Alfred. Alfred who gorged himself as if he hadn’t eaten in ten months, talked with his mouth still filled with food, accompanying his words with ample movements, cut off the others to make himself heard, with his blue eyes shimmering behind the glasses as he animatedly recounted the last program he had been developing during his elective class. Alfred who was simply wonderful, so lively that he seemed to brighten everything that was around him. More than once Maggie realized she had been staring at him, mesmerized, and she shook herself only when his eyes met hers – which was surprisingly often.

Basked in the sun, surrounded by the lively chatting of the other teens, Maggie felt herself slowly relaxing, and when Ludwig declared it was time to get back she was surprised by a sudden pang of regret. She waited some moments before getting up and closed her eyes, lifting her head to savour the warmth of the sun rays caressing her face.

A shadow stood in front of her, blocking the sun.

Maggie opened her eyes to find that the culprit was Alfred, who was staring at her with a hesitant smile, his right hand extended towards her.

“Shall we go?”

Maggie hesitantly placed her hand over his bigger one, and a moment later she was dragged to her feet with an unexpected force. She wavered, black spots filling her vision. Alfred’s hands quickly went to her shoulders, stabilizing her.

“Whoa there, careful! Are you all right?”

Maggie’s vision gradually cleared.

“Y—yes. Sorry, I wasn’t ready, you pulled me up so suddenly…”

“Is a bit of gentleness too much for you? Seriously, you are no better than a sailor…” scoffed Natalya, frowning at Alfred.

Alfred shrugged, offering Maggie a sheepish half-smile.

“You’d better hurry if you don’t want to be late,” cut in Kiku, stopping the argument before it could begin.

The teens started heading towards the door, filling the air with displeased mumbles.

Maggie was going down the stairs, a few steps behind Alfred, when she felt a hand land gently on her right shoulder. Startled, she whirled around and found herself face to face with Feliciano, who had a huge smile plastered on his face.

“I’ll bring you something for lunch tomorrow!” he declared, skipping a few steps to bring himself at her side.

Maggie blushed. She had thought her lack of food had been forgotten, but evidently, it wasn’t so.

“Oh, thank you, but there’s no need, really, you don’t have to…” she found herself stammering.

“No way!” Feliciano interrupted her, “Have you ever eaten real Italian food?”

Maggie had to shake her head.

Feliciano’s eyes went huge, making him look horrified.

“You absolutely have to eat it, then! Believe me, you cannot say you have truly lived until you have tasted Italian food! I cannot let this atrocity slide! I’m cooking for you tomorrow!”

Maggie bit her lower lip.

“You’re very kind, but I can’t, you don’t have to…”

Feliciano was so kind and friendly… she couldn’t exploit him that way, she barely even knew him.

“I don’t think it would be a bother for Feli, he spends half of his free time cooking!” chimed in Alfred, “And he does it for everybody if this makes you feel more comfortable.”

Feliciano nodded enthusiastically.

“Cooking is relaxing! And what’s better than sharing what I’ve cooked with my friends? Consider it as a welcome gift!”

Maggie felt more uneasy with each passing moment, the weight at the pit of her stomach growing heavier and heavier. There lay the problem: she wasn’t Feliciano’s friend. She had done nothing to deserve that label, nor a ‘welcome gift’. Feliciano was treating her that way because he was kind, but he didn’t know her… and there was no way a person as lively and dynamic as he was would want to spend some time with her. Soon, he was going to get bored and forget about her, and Maggie didn’t want to waste his time (and money! Food wasn’t free…).

“I thank you very much, really, but I swear there’s no need to cook for me, you have all already been so nice to me…”

“Let it go, you won’t change his mind,” Ludwig’s deep voice cut in unexpectedly, “When Feli puts his mind on something there’s no way to stop him, even less if food is involved…” He shook his head. “Just go along with it, you’d only upset him if you kept insisting.”

Maggie took a better look at Feliciano. He was looking at her with such a hopeful expression, his warm honey-coloured eyes huge, like a lost puppy, that Maggie felt her heart melt. How had she not realized it? Ludwig was right, she had been behaving horribly. It didn’t matter what made her uncomfortable, Feliciano was so sincerely kind-hearted that doing something for her would probably make him feel better… and that alone was another reason why Maggie didn’t deserve his kindness, but she couldn’t come up with a way to refuse without upsetting him.

Maggie lowered her head.

“Uhm… thank you very much, then,” she muttered, “I don’t really know how to thank you, you’re so kind…”

“Perfetto!” exclaimed Feliciano, beaming.

Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed Ludwig’s arm and started running down the stairs, dragging the German boy with him.

“Come on Luddy, we have to go, or we’ll be late!”

Taken by surprise, Ludwig stumbled and needed a moment to regain his momentum, hissing something in German that sounded suspiciously like a swear.

Alfred laughed.

A moment before turning the corner, Feliciano turned back to Alfred and Maggie.

“Ciao, Alfred! Ciao, bella, see you tomorrow!” and with that, he was gone.

Bella?

That wasn’t Maggie’s name. That alone wasn’t strange, but usually, people at least called her something similar to her real name… Mattie, Maddie, sometimes even Maisie, but Bella had to be a record…

“He didn’t forget your name,” said Alfred, and Maggie realized with horror that she had talked out loud. “It means ‘beautiful’ in Italian, or something like that. I think it’s a way Italians use to address girls. Feli’s Italian, by the way. Born there and lived there until he was six.”

“Oh… yeah, I had guessed,” Maggie admitted.

Alfred nodded.

“Accent gave him away, uh? And it has gotten a lot better, you should have heard it when he was younger… and you haven’t heard his brother. Feli lived in the north so it’s a bit different, but Lovino sounds exactly like your typical Italian from a crappy movie when he’s angry, no kidding.”

Maggie hummed. She hadn’t even known Feliciano had a brother, until that moment.

“But you’ll get used to it pretty quickly. I hardly even notice, at this point… and the fact everybody has a different accent probably helps,” Alfred went on, “You must have noticed I’m the only American-born here. Everybody comes from a different place. You already know about Feliks and Tolys, Natalya’s mom is from Belarus and I’m pretty sure Nat was born there but she also lived for a while in Russia, and Ludwig’s from Germany, Kiku from Japan, Erika from Liechtenstein, and Raivis from Latvia. And they weren’t here today, but there are other two guys, Sigurd and Emil, who are half-brothers and come from Norway and Iceland, and their cousin Mikkel – he’s my captain, by the way – is from Denmark. And now we have you, and you are Canadian. Pretty cool, uh?”

Maggie found herself nodding along with Alfred’s words, because yes, it was, even for a school with a high rate of international students. How many odds were for such a heterogeneous group of people to come together?

“What do you have now?” asked Alfred, who was done with his considerations on ethnicity. “You have an elective, don’t you? I have PE, but I don’t think we’re in the same class for that…”

“French,” answered Maggie, “Both periods.”

The thought of not seeing Alfred until the following morning gave her an odd feeling of emptiness. Even worse, neither Tolys nor Feliks had French as elective. Even Natalya would have been welcome, but Maggie didn’t remember seeing her name on the list, and she was quite sure she would have noticed if it were, given her surname.

Maggie’s mood had definitely worsened by the time Alfred waved her goodbye in front of her classroom, and it didn’t get any better when she was met by the sight of Alyssa and her loyal pack of friends. As Maggie found out later, the entire cheerleader team had chosen French as elective, probably hoping it would make them seem more alluring.

Joy…

The rest of the period wasn’t more satisfying. The teacher, Therese Chevalier, had been born and lived in France until University, so she had a perfect accent and seemed prepared, but she was way too indulgent to deal with teenagers. Being bilingual, Maggie had been aware she would be above the class’ level, but she hadn’t thought it would be so bad. Even worse, while it was supposed to be a French Literature class, a big chunk of the other students seemed to be struggling with the basics of French. ‘Well, at least I can do homework for other subjects,’ she tried to console herself as the teacher was forced to translate the text they were reading and then explain another grammar rule. More than once Maggie found herself on the verge of falling asleep, and the situation wasn’t helped by the prolonged lack of food that was starting to make her feel sluggish and light-headed.

Finally, the boring class came to an end. Without paying too much attention to her surroundings, Maggie headed towards her locker, weaving through the swarm of students as she tried to avoid being hit or hitting someone. She finally reached her destination, and she was arranging her books when the thud of a body leaning on the metallic shutter made her start.

It cannot be Alfred, he told me he had to hurry for his football practice.

Maggie slowly turned to the source of the noise, holding the books against her chest almost like a shield.

Alyssa was leaning against the locker next to hers, with her arms crossed under her breasts and her face marred by a deep scowl. Behind her stood four other girls that Maggie was sure she had already met in her previous periods, their expression and posture imitating those of their leader.

Maggie remained silent, willing herself to stay still as Alyssa’s eyes swept over her.

Not knowing what else to do, she started examining the girls behind Alyssa. There was an extremely thin, tall girl with green-grey eyes and sharp, pale features framed by straight ash blonde hair that covered her forehead with a perfect fringe and reached slightly below her shoulders; a second blonde whose hair was darker and wavier, held back by a pink headband, with a tanned skin a curvier and shorter physique compared to the first one. The third girl was slender, with her pale skin almost completely covered in freckles and green eyes rimmed with light brown. Her curly red hair was in a short, stylish asymmetric cut. The girl that was further from Maggie was curvy and dark-skinned, with huge black eyes and her black hair in a sleek bob cut. In spite of the differences in their looks, there were two things that kept the girls together: their meticulously planned appearance, and the confidence they seemed to ooze. The kind of confidence that made Maggie’s stomach twist painfully.

“You have spent a lot of time with Alfred, these days,” Alyssa stated at last.

Maggie narrowly stifled a whimper.

‘Wonderful. For the first time, somebody pays attention to me, and it’s the boy the Alpha Bitch has set her eyes on.'

Realizing that Maggie wasn’t going to answer, Alyssa went on talking.

“I only wanted to warn you, in case you were getting strange ideas: Alfred is kind, and he’s naturally attracted to social cases like you, but I can assure you it won’t last long. Wait for the novelty to wear off, and he won’t even remember your name. After all, Alfred is cool, he’s the quarterback of the football team and the only reason he isn’t the captain yet is that he’s too young, so ugly scum like you shouldn’t even dare to talk to him.” Alyssa made a dramatic pause, letting her words sink fully. “So, enjoy the limelight until it lasts, because it’s going to end soon. And you’d better remember, you slut: Alfred is mine.”

Maggie lowered her eyes and sank her teeth into her lower lip. The coppery taste of blood filled her mouth, yet she refused to look at Alyssa – she didn’t want to give her that satisfaction.

After some moments, Alyssa emitted a soft huff and turned away, followed by the other girls. Only after the echo of their steps had faded in the distance Maggie set the books inside the locker with trembling hands and retrieved her coat.

Stupid. Stupid! You are such a pathetic idiot!

Alfred wasn’t like Alyssa had said. Alfred was athletic, popular, egocentric, loud and funny, but he was also kind and helpful. Alfred deserved a lot better than a superficial and spoiled girl like Alyssa, and Maggie was certain he wouldn’t be fooled by her cajoleries.

But Alyssa was right: Alfred deserved a lot better than her, too. For how nice he was, he wouldn’t be able to put up for long with somebody as dull and insignificant as Maggie was. Nor would it be fair to ask him to. Soon, he would have had enough of her, and with him the others. They would completely forget about her, and Maggie would find herself alone, relegated to a corner as she observed the lives of her peers that ran in front of her without ever brushing hers, a video clip of which she could only be the spectator.

Maggie covered mechanically the road that got to her home, trying to regularize her breathing and hold back the hot tears that were pressing against her puffy eyelids, but as soon as she got home she collapsed on her bed and curled against Kumajiro, her stuffed polar bear, her body shaking with the sobs. She was aware that she was being unreasonable, overdramatic, yet she couldn’t stop: she had never wanted to move. She had never wanted to get in the way of Alyssa’s plans, and she was aware that she should just step aside: Alfred and the others were nice, but she didn’t belong with them. She knew it. And in spite of that, she had almost allowed herself to hope… and now it hurt. It hurt so much, an icy hand squeezing out her lungs, her chest, and she couldn’t stop crying.

Maggie wouldn’t have been able to tell how long she had stayed in that position, she felt like centuries had passed, but it could have been merely a few minutes when she finally started taking deeper breaths and her tears slowed down. Feeling more and more pathetic, Maggie slowly relaxed on the bed, then she dragged herself to a sitting position, still holding onto Kumajiro like an anchor.

Kumajiro was so big it still covered her whole torso, Maggie had had him her whole life. It must have been the result of one of Chloé’s motherly outbursts, the toy had been clearly expensive, seeing how its fur was still soft, even after so many years. Kumajiro had been Maggie’s confidant and companion when she had been a child, too shy to approach the other children at the day-care, her guardian against all the evil things that moved in the dark of the night, he had dried off her tears each time her mother had been too busy to see her daughter’s insecurities. And he still did, faithful as only an unanimated object could be.

Maggie sank her face into the toy’s soft fur, trying to take regular breaths. If she focused hard enough, it was like she could still smell the detergent her mother had used to clean it, bringing to her mind her sharp laughter, her melodious voice as she would sing and twirl around while she did the laundry. Sometimes, those moments seemed so far away that Maggie wondered whether they had really happened or were only a product of her imagination, she could hardly recall how her mother’s embrace had felt like. Sometimes, Maggie couldn’t remember what it was like not to be completely alone.

(word count: 8,136)

———

Notes: 

Hetalia human names [x]

Maggie’s mum, Chloé Williams, is an OC.

Why I’m using ‘Tolys’ instead of ‘Toris’ [x]

Maggie doesn’t wear glasses because I wanted her to able to play hockey, and I’m pretty sure that she would need contacts for them. Contacts, however, are very expensive, and Steve wouldn’t want to buy them, so I have solved the problem having Maggie not wear glasses for the time being. (She’ll have to wear them by the time she turns 17, but it’s not even covered in this story)

The sauce in Feliciano’s pasta is pesto. It’s made with basil, parmesan, pine nuts and just a bit of garlic (but only a bit, otherwise the flavour is too strong), and it’s one of the few sauces that are fine also eaten cold;

The ‘strangely shaped pasta’ is ‘strozzapreti’. It’s one of the formats that tastes best with pesto, but I digress.

English isn’t my first language, I apologize for the mistakes. Feel free to correct me if you spotted anything!

Some people have already been thanked in separate posts, but I would also like to thank a lot @everything--hetalia and @savetalia for reblogging the first chapter!