#but yeah at least i know who's one i can blame it for....that z*k beige forreal lmaoooooooo

[gxtzeizm]

was catching up on my dash especially for the indy 500 race just to found out tha pato had a bad race?? 🥲🥲🥲

[thebadgerclan]

SFW Alphabet: Sirius Black

Requested by @emmaloo21 

A/N: Era isn’t specified, can be read as either Marauders or Golden Era

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Sirius is a very snuggle cuddly guy, so he always wants to be touching you in some way.  If there’s ever a day that Sirius doesn’t hold you for at least an hour, something’s up.  Sirius also isn’t afraid of PDA, he’ll hug you, kiss you, sit you on his lap in front of others, he doesn’t give a damn who sees (but if you’re not comfortable with it, he’ll keep your affection private)

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He’s the mischievous friend, always causing trouble and making you laugh.  Your friendship starts when you become friends with the rest of the marauders.  You connect with Sirius right off the bat and your friendship only grows from there C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Sirius loves holding you in his lap, either with you sitting sideways on his lap or facing him, legs around his waist, head on his shoulder.  In bed, he liked to spoon, and he’s always the big spoon, with you facing him or away from him.  Cuddles are an everyday thing, so don’t think that you’re getting out of it

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Yes, Sirius wants to settle down with you.  He wants a home with you, he wants to wake up next to you, he wants that more than anything.  Sirius is shit at cooking and cleaning,  but he’s willing to learn if it makes you happy

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

God, I hate to say it, but he’d be an asshole about it.  I feel like he’d blame stuff on you, even if he doesn’t feel that way.  Luckily, Sirius is faithful, and he has no plans of breaking things off with you

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Sirius wants to marry you more than anything in the world, you’re the love of his life, and all he wants is to spend the rest of his life with you.  He’ll propose after a year or so after dating, he wants to really know and love you before he marries you.  Bear in mind, he knows he’s in love after a few months, but he doesn’t want to rush

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

VERY.  Sirius is super gentle with you, emotionally and physically.  He’s never rough with you (except in bed;D), and he never takes anger out on you.  He might get mad at you, but he never takes it out on you.  He’ll brood or scream at a wall, but he’ll never shout at you

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Sirius adores hugs, they’re the highlight of his day.  He hugs you at least 10 times a day, and if he doesn’t, he gets sad.  He holds you tight against him, swaying back and forth gently, chin resting on your head.  “I love you,” he whispers as he holds you.  “I love you so much.”

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

After about 3ish months, and when he says it, he really means it.  Sirius treats you to a romantic dinner atop the Astronomy tower, vases of roses and lilacs and irises.  “I love you, Y/N.  I love you so much, and I will always love you

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He’s more possessive than jealous.  He knows you’re faithful, he knows that you won’t leave him, but what he can’t stand is people looking at his girl, or worse, hitting on her.  He comes to your side and kisses your cheek, making eye contact with whoever had the nerve.  “Hi puppy,” he greets.  “What’s up?”  He’s chill about it, but the person hitting on/looking at you knows not to fuck with him

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Sirius’ kisses show you just how much he loves you, whether they’re quick pecks on your forehead or cheek or long, deep kisses on your lips.  SIrius loves kissing your forehead and nose, while he loves being kissed on his neck or collarbones

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

If they’re his kids, he adores them, but other people’s kids, he’s not the biggest fan.  If you have kids, Sirius will love and dote on them like nothing else, spoiling them rotten, but other people’s kids sort of annoy him

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Good luck getting out of his arms without him whining “Y/N, nooooooo!”  Sleepy kisses and cuddles until you can’t put off getting up any more, then usually a small breakfast before you get ready

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Again, sleepy cuddles while you talk about your day, before one of you falls asleep in the other’s arms

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Sirius is a little hesitant to tell you about his family drama, but once he does, and you don’t want to leave him or aren’t freaked out, he feels more secure in the relationship and won’t hold anything back

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Sirius is very chill, it takes a lot to get him mad, and even then, he keeps a cool head.  It’s a little creepy, how someone can be deliberately trying to piss him off and he’s just like “Mhmm, you were saying?”

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Anything and everything.  If you tell Sirius something, big or small, he remembers.  Your favorite color to the name of your childhood pet, Sirius remembers it all

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first gift you ever got him: a single red rose, on your third date.  It’s under a preservation charm on his bedside table, and he will never get rid of it.  That was also the day he realized he loved you

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Sirius is very protective, especially given the state of the world.  He’s very protective over you, your safety is his first priority, the thought of you getting hurt is one that he can’t bear.  If you’re protective over him, Sirius finds it so endearing.  “Thank you, puppy, I love you so much.  I’ll keep you safe if you keep me safe, yeah?”

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Sirius doesn’t mess around with gifts and dates, he goes all in.  Fancy dinners, lavish gifts, he wants to spoil you rotten.  He’s got the Black family vault, why not drain it to spoil his girl?

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Sirius can be a little narcissistic, a little self centered, and he always feels guilty about it one he realized he’s been neglecting you

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s a little more vain than other guys, he loves his hair, but he’s not overly obsessed with appearance.  He wants to look nice for you, but other than that, he’s not too worried

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Absolutely.  Sirius has had so few people who truly love him in his life, that without you, he’d be missing a piece of his heart

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

You once bought a collar for hi (Padfoot) as a joke, but Sirius actually kept it.  He’ll have you put it on Padfoot sometimes, just to see you smile

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Sirius doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t commit.  He needs someone who can love him, someone who will stand by him through thick and thin

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Sometimes when he can’t sleep, he’ll shift into Padfoot and run laps around the house to tire himself out

[bunnys-beetlejuice-blog]

dings a rinky triangle right next to your head Hi guys, it's fic time! I actually put this up last night but I'm telling you right now. It's had a few hours to cool, like a pie out of the oven, but made of words. This chapter will actually contain mentions of ssssself harm, so viewer beware, i guess.

His world stays dark, even though he knows he’s opened his eyes. He tries to understand that, brain feeling foggy. He must be somewhere dark. He’s laying on his back. He can hear muffled voices, maybe, over him? He’s under something. He lays there, listening, but he’s too tired to even try to understand, and the voices are too muffled to be anything recognizable. Maybe, if he really strains, he can hear a familiar voice, or someone who sounds like his baby sister, but the only word he manages to understand is “invisible.”

He falls back into a restless sleep.

The next time he’s able to shake exhaustion from his mind, he tries to sit up. It’s easier than he thought it might be. This time, more aware of himself, his body feeling less destroyed, he actually tries to understand where he is. It feels like he’s laying in dirt, or under dirt, in a mountain of it, the usual soft scent of freshly turned earth overpowering. It still hurts to move, but he forces himself to, clawing upwards, through the dirt, until he reaches a wooden plank, which he goes through, like he’s not even there.

It’s a box, containing something foul smelling. A coffin… he’s inside a coffin. Juno buried him below a pine box, in someone else’s grave. The inside of it stinks, like decay and chemicals, and he doesn’t stop to take in whoever this used to be, just pushes up, and out, until he emerges from the ground like a zombie, like Night of the Living Dead. The ground around him is grown over with grass, and he grabs at it, using it as much as he can, as he crawls from someone’s grave, until finally, he pulls himself free from the earth, and lays there, taking breaths he doesn’t need, to clear the smell of the body from his nose. His suit and trench coat are filthy, but that barely registers, at this point. There are more important things to worry about, like getting home- He sits up, catches sight of the gravestone.

Emily Deetz Devoted Wife, Beloved Mother “Whom Most We Love Reach First the Golden Gate, Leaving Us Desolate”

He stares at the etching on the stone, and feels something in his mind snap, like a rubber band stretched too tight. He’s seeing the world through a fisheye lens, his vision distorted, blurry, as he tries to understand exactly what just happened. Juno made him crawl out of his own mother’s grave. The body he still reeks of was Emily’s. He sits there, a long time, not feeling much of anything, only able to stare, replaying that memory, over and over, and the only thing that makes him move is the sudden realization of what grass over a grave could mean. Emily’s been buried long enough for it to grow. How long has it been since he’s been home? He does his best to push this fun new trauma down, as far as it will go. He’s got to get back to his family. What’s left of it, he thinks, humorlessly.

He stands, off balance, and wipes some of the dust and dirt from his face, and finds that, annoyingly, his glamour has slipped, and it refuses to reapply. Maybe he’s too drained, though he’s not sure how he’s going to get back home, clearly looking as deranged as he must. He’s too exhausted to teleport, and he wanders around the cemetery, avoiding the few people there as much as he can, as the sun dips low, and vanishes. At least by that point he can force his teeth and ears to resemble normal human’s. The moss and eyes, well, he’s too worn down to care. So he’ll look like an extra grubby hobo, he thinks. That’ll have to be his new look, for now.

He reaches a gate, and leans on it, and then falls through it, and blinks, confused. He’s never been intangible by accident, before. Usually it takes concentration to make his solid form incorporeal. He stands, straightens out his suit collar, adjusts his sleeves, fiddles with his tie, as he thinks. There’s got to be someone around here who can call his family for him, or at the very least, a cab. The cemetery is growing darker, and his attention is drawn to the far off flicker of candles. He feels a pull, and he approaches, taking in what he sees.

It’s a group of five teenagers with an Ouija board. Predictable. He snorts, and expects that sound to alert the kids to his presence, but they don’t even turn to see what the noise could be. He steps closer, until he’s fully illuminated by the glowing ring of candles around them, and he tries to be friendly. “Hey, just a normal livin’ adult human man, in a cemetery, at night, approachin’ a group of children. You kids wanna be helpful an’ call me a cab?” BJ tries, but he’s ignored. The kids don’t even look in his direction. He remembers being a snot nosed teen, but this is a bit much. His blood boils, and he leans down, claps his hands in one of the teen’s faces, and she responds to that, but not in the way he wants. “I think I just felt a cold spot!” she tells her friends. “In front of my face, just now!” “Calm down with that,” a red haired girl shoots her a look. “We haven’t even started yet, and you’re already having a spiritual experience. Yeah, right.” “No you guys, really!”

“Lookit me,” he interrupts them. The children continue to squabble. His gut clenches. “Look at me!” he demands, storming to the center of the circle, and kicking at their stupid board game. His boot goes through it. They don’t react. Why would they, he realizes, sinking to sit on top of the board.

He’s invisible.

He tries to recall everything Juno had said, as he’d struggled to keep conscious, while impaled. Loneliness. Invisibility, being at the command of the living. Being… forgotten. No, no, NO- His impending freak out is stymied when he feels hands go through him, and he shoots up, hovering over the board game, as the teens below him react. “Oh my god, total cold spot! Should we like, make a note of that?” “Come on, come on, let’s start, while there’s still someone or something here!”

The five teens lean forward, each placing fingers on the planchette. “Is there anyone here?” one of them asks.

Betelgeuse stares, and feels a tug, again, clearly coming from the board. He knows some demons use these things to play with their food, before they eat, so he gives it a go, and floats over the game, head down, feet in the air, like he’s diving underwater. Maybe these kids can actually help him. He pushes the planchette with one finger, to land on “Yes.”

“Did you do that?” one boy asks, and the group devolves into the kids blaming each other, and he rakes his hands down his face, and tries to move the planchette, again, but they’re too busy squabbling, they’re not touching it anymore. Fuck, this is frustrating. He’s never wanted a group of teenagers to drop dead as badly as he does right now. Finally, they put their hands back on the pointer, and ask another question. “Are you friendly?”

This time, he pushes the planchette to spell, instead. “S-U-R-E.” “That doesn’t instill a lot of confidence,” the redhead from before mutters. “What do you want?” He nudges the pointer along, painstakingly slow. “H-O-M-E.” “You want to go home?” “YES.”

“For fuck sake, yes,” he groans, and then perks as one asks, “How can we help you?” Well… he’s not actually sure. He squints, trying and failing to recall everything Juno had said. How is he supposed to work with this curse thing, when he doesn’t know the rules? He digs his hands in his pockets, frustrated, and then blinks, because there’s what feels like a business card there, one that he doesn’t remember. He pulls the paper from his pocket, studies it.

BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE

He remembers the way Juno had chanted his name, before he’d lost consciousness. That must be it, then. His name is his burden.

“M-Y-N-A-M-E-T-H-R-E-E-T-I-M-E-S”

“Oh, wait, wait, guys, I’ve heard of this,” one of the girls gasps. “Demonic entities, they have you do things in threes, to mock the trinity, you know, father, son, and holy ghost. It’s a demon thing! We might be talking to a non-human spirit!” “That means we can’t trust it, right?” A boy asks, and they all look uneasy. He steers the planchette around the board, desperate. “W-A-N-N-A-H-O-M-E-P-L-Z.” The redhead wrinkles her nose. “Do demons use chat speak?” she asks, glancing around the group.

“O-H-M-Y-G-O-D-U-K-I-D-S-A-R-E-K-I-L-L-I-N-M-E.”

“I’m not afraid. Tell us your name, spirit!” a boy calls, and he gives the planchette a push, intent on spelling it. The pointer doesn’t move. “Come the fuck on!” he growls, but it doesn’t matter how much strength he puts into the action, he can’t move the dinky plastic piece to spell out his name.

“Spirit? You there?”

“F-U-C-K,” he spells out, in a rage, because this is pointless, he’s too exhausted and sore to think of how to make this work, and he just wants to go home, and see what’s left of his family. He growls again, and then snuffs all the candles in the circle, all at once, causing the kids to scream, and scramble, and that, at least, forces a rictus grin from him. He’s always enjoyed the sounds of terror. He leaves the children tripping over themselves in the dark, and decides he’s going to have to make his way home the old fashioned way- floating. At least he doesn’t have to walk, he supposes, tucking his legs under himself, and he floats invisibly out of the cemetery, and down the sidewalk, trying to focus on how good it will be to see Lydia and Charles, and not on how they won’t see him, and especially not on how every part of him, physically, emotionally, mentally, is hurting. read the rest over here~ If you're totally lost, I find starting at the beginning of something often makes the middle of something make better sense. So you can start at the very beginning right HERE

[dandyvespa]

I-Land Final Episode and Thoughts *SPOILERS! duh*

For anyone who has kept up with I-Land, I understand how emotional and nerve-wracking this episode was for them.  After developing a connection with a lot of the participants and sharing in their memories, its hard to see anyone being let go.  It has been just as much of journey for them as it was for the fans who supported them and at the end of the day, regardless of who debuts, there will be people who will be disappointed by the final results.  But please please PLEASE understand that you should not put the blame on them or even break them down just because your favorite did not make it.  All of these boys worked hard to get where they are and though it stings for those who did not make it, please support whatever flower path any of them have taken and continue to support and spread love.  With that being said, I would just like to use the rest of this post on my final thoughts on the episode and debut line.  If you are caught up with the show, please read ahead.  Thank you :)

First I would like to say that the preparations done for the final performance, the OT22 interaction and performance, the funny bits of preparing PR videos, dividing roles, and playing Truth or Dare, and the home-cooked meals sent from their parents were all just an emotional roller coaster.  I laughed and I cried.  To see those boys grow was something very special to me and to see their individual selves shine through personalities or skills were always a treat.  Having these segments were really meant to lighten the mood for the final lineup to come.  Personally, Sunghoon developed the most out of his shy exterior and his personality was so confident and funny in the pre-recorded videos.  I also thought Jay... could never escape his dark history LOL.   Also Heeseung’s brother teasing him and telling him to tell Jay he adores him was very cute.  Seeing everyone help each other with the PR videos was adorable and heart-warming (Heeseung even had a whole production team haha).  Jungwon dressed up as a sheep still sticks with me though haha.  Seeing OT22 come together also had me in tears and stitches.  It was so cute seeing them all hang out in I-land and despite how whack it was for the Grounders to never experience it, they looked so happy being with their friends and taking part in this little world even if it was for a short time. Also loved how they would easily throw others under the bus during Truth or Dare and the Questions they voted on.  The love and support their parents got and how each of them could not hold back their tears was really the icing on the cake.  No matter where these boys go, their family will always be their for them more than anything else.  Just all those moments leading up to their debut lineup really put a toll on me and it just made me feel like a proud mom

Okay the team name?  I am sooooooooooo glad its not Dragon Gee or Dee or whatever that speculated name was going around on Twitter.  Enhypen is odd but in a good way.   Its different and it will stick with time even though I still may just call them the I-Land group for now lol.  Pretty curious about what the fandom name will be too (but honestly I think I would still call myself an Eggie haha).

TXT and BTS’s presence was neat.  I wish more of the TXT member’s got to speak but having them all physically there was nice.  Though I will say it was just awkward not seeing them cheer as much.  I also felt like BTS was just bored at some points or were just glazing over when having to wait on each member getting called out.  They did have their humorous moments which was nice to see, definitely lifted the tension in the room and I’m glad they joked a bit (especially Suga losing it lol) instead of remaining completely serious.  Their advice and encouragement were all appreciated too.  Jhope being an avid viewer really showed.  Also plus points for Jungwon getting Jungkook’s attention uwu.   I still wish they could have interacted more and mentored some of them over the course of the show.  The slim TXT interactions with Heeseung such as Taehyun and Yeonjun’s reactions made me wanting more damn it.  But hey, at least we get to see them more often in the BigHit building.  I love a good family.

So the Calling performance was A M A Z I N G.  I personally thought they were so coherent as a group and made me wishing OT9.  There were some who really shine in their parts, but I think all of them stood out one or more times to me.  The dance was pretty powerful and a lot of them improved vocally.  Again, it makes me feel like a proud mom seeing them all at this point, grown and amazing.  The Into the I-Land performance also made me feel that way as well.  They all looked so good together and were pretty in sync given that they were fucking 22 of them.  The nostalgia was really hitting in me and I also teared uo like a big ass baby.  But can I just say... and let’s be real here.... Every single song on this show has been a bop and I would be thrilled to see a whole Soundtrack Album for I-Land on Spotify.  Like P L E A S E.

Now onto the debut line! I was S H O C K E D.  You can clearly tell these votes were not rigged in the slightest and this was solely based on global votes always shifting which was appreciated.  I did not see this order coming and it did turn out slightly different then my post on my preferred I-Land debut line.  So starting with number 1.... YANG FUCKING JUNGWON.   I was pleasantly surprised and I literally jumped out of my bed when I heard him place first instead of Sunoo.  This was the complete definition of people who initially slept on him finally waking.  I was soooo thrilled.  Bro really came in last by the last Producer vote and then climbed all the way to first.  Our lovely sheep garden and hidden ace, a big congrats!  

Jay also left his cursed 6th spot and got second! Again another well-deserved man who gave it his all from the beginning and was no stranger to being straightforward and a go getter.  His stubbornness and hilarity will lead this group lol.  

Jake getting third was a big shock as well.  Our icon of improvement!  To think he was always on the verge of getting placed out of the top 7 members and made it here? Also considering his benefit put him in 7th once when he literally could have been the eliminated member that episode.  UGH.  Our Aussie boy did great and seriously improved performance after performance.  

Next up.... NIKIIIIIII.  Now I’m gonna be real I thought it was gonna be K.  I never placed Niki in my debut prediction, but his Flame On performance really change everything for me.  Actually, just the whole second part of I-Land was very impactful for him.  I was always hesitant about his sportsmanship and whether he was too selfish in the first part (the constant evil-editing did not help, Mnet...), but thanks to other members, he really matured and took a greater lead in things.  I really began to fall for him when we got to see him more playful and interactive with other members.  Like I really thought he was much happier and understanding throughout the second half of the show.  So kudos to him!  

Coming in 5th place was Heeseung.  I was actually confused man.  When he was called first at this point, I just knew this global vote line up will be verrrry different.  I was still relieved that he made it and seeing him choke up, this boy who has been going at it the longest among the 9 participants at 3 years to finally debut.... Gosh I could not.  As someone who is also Heeseung biased, I was so so so happy for him.  Think we all know regardless of which place he got, the boy was destined to debut.  My Ace heart feels full ^^.  Go get him Leader!!!

Now 6th place... my Ice Prince... Sunghoon! I was actually the most nervous for him.  I saw so many people saying that Sunghoon was last in votes or was in danger because a lot of people had the mentality that given his popularity they should reserve the votes for the people who would most likely be eliminated.  I think that’s why Heeseung and Sunoo were scored low too.  Now I am also biased towards him.  I was thinking like what would I do if none of my favorite Bighit trainees (Heeseung, Jay, Sunghoon, and Jungwon) do not make it?  But when he was called to take up the last spot in global voting, I did a back flip (not really but yeah lol).  Given that Sunghoon has never gotten any brutal feedback from the Producers and has always adapted to each concept, he deserved this.  Just everything he has been through... And shifting his life from being an ice skater of 10 years to this path as an idol.... hold up let me get some damn tissues.  May he continue to break out of his shell and show his continuous charms!

Ok the producer choice for 7th place... Again did not see that coming.  Sunoo constantly ranking high in global votes only to be one of the deciding factors was another big surprise.  I have said that Sunoo’s sunshine personality would be needed, especially if the group were to do cute or youthful concepts.  His health had been concerning, but he was able to manage himself so well.  Even with powerful choreo!  He is not really one of the best dancers but he had always been able to do his part.  I really thought the Producers would choose K, but I really thought Bang PD boiled it down to overall skill and personality appeal.  He even claimed that Sunoo would connect best with the world with his joyful outlook.  I honestly could not agree more. I just people do not rail him for being picked as they should now understand he is not just some cute face and has proven that multiple times.  Sunshine Fighting! :)

The eliminated trainees were K and Daniel.  Though I thought Daniel has improved a lot, he was just outshined.  I also think at his age he should have more time spent in sharpening his skills.  What was more devastating was K.  He looked like he was obliterated.  I mean both of them were naturally sad, but K was just gone to me.  I was really hoping that he would make the debut line.  K has shown himself as a performer multiple times and was praised for his choreography skills.  He even showed to have learned from past behaviors and matured more as a person when taking the leader role.  To see him grow and understand where he went wrong.... ugh I really could not bear him looking that way.  His thoughts were all over the place and he could barely choke out what he wanted to say.  I just hope he meant what he said and actually continues to enjoy music and develop himself as a performer.  I knew how much his mom was initially livid at the idea of him becoming an idol so I hope he gets another chance at showing her that he can still do this. Now understand this does not mean you should blame Sunoo for being chosen or complain that Sunoo does not deserve it.  I already feel like he is gonna be haunted with the grim reminder that he was chosen instead and think that he doesn’t deserve this because he is not as skilled as K.  And people are gonna bandwagon hate on him... and again I say please DO NOT DO THAT.  At the end of the day, no matter how much you want OT9 or OT22, this is a survival show and these participants signed up for this.  Yes there will be fans who are disappointed, but you shouldn’t waste your anger on the other trainees who were able to succeed instead of your faves. I don’t want this moment to completely wreck K or Daniel’s chances at being an idol again.  Same goes for rest of the eliminated I-Land members.  This is definitely not the end for any of them so please go on with hope guys because I know you will still have many people’s support!  They will end up on the same stage as their colleagues one day.  

The last thing I want to say is that though this has been a tough journey and though there may be people who will not be satisfied with the debut line, everyone worked hard.  From the participants to the fans and even the Producers, all of them played a special role in making I-Land bearable and exciting to watch.  This is a big congrats to everyone who took part in the show despite having to go through many hardships.  With that being said let us continue to support the futures of the eliminated I-Land members as well as the grand success of Enhypen.  I smell 4th gen leaders :D. Welcome to the BigHit family Enhypen and may your fans, your wings, fly you even higher once you officially debut. F I G H T I N G!

Now... will you guys join in during the next season of I-Land for the next global girl group? :3

.... Ya’ll already know I am lol.

[itsclownhours]

merlin as tumblr posts again because when i edited a typo in the original it fucked up the formatting

everyone: you have to make time for yourself

morgana: *stays up until 1 am every night crying* me time

.

morgana: ohhhh so the pain is forever and endless i get it now

.

young!mordred: once i learn how to read and write it’s over for you hoes

.

lancelot, in cursive: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: what does this say

elyan: i can’t read cursive handwriting

gwaine: bitch me neither that’s why i asked

.

arthur, to merlin, about lancelot: is he...y’know…*gestures downard to super hell*

.

uther, straight: hey what’s up guys do you want to go get some food

arthur and morgana, gay: ??????

uther: oh sorry i mean asgdhjdhs guys do you??? want some food??? lmao ashdjdjhs

arthur and morgana: oh! agshdjjshsj yeah lmao agshdj

.

morgana: do you ever associate the word “girlfriend” with wlw so much that you forget straight boys have girlfriends

.

gwen: am taking care of a tiny kitten. have given it an excellent name. dad thinks i’m calling her “minty” but this is actually short for The Government

gwen: The Government bit my finger and pooped on the floor

.

gwaine: peak art is when you were like six and you scribbled all over ms paint and then carefully paintbucketed in all the different shapes in the scribbles to make “stained glass”

.

morgause: forcing my car to commit sins so it goes to hell with me when i die

.

leon, after arthur gives the knights a pep talk: so motivational...time to drill a hole in my skull

.

morgana: i want to be a she really did that!! kind of girl but i don’t do anything

.

arthur: pros and cons of being my friend:

arthur: pro: you have a friend

arthur: con: it’s me

.

gwaine, to lancelot: bro let’s watch a horror movie together...bro you look scared do you wanna share a blanket dude? if you wanna hold hands it’s ok. if you wanna rest your head on my shoulder it’s alright bro...bro if you wanna kiss that’s understandable that was a scary movie...we can keep cuddling after the movie is over it’s alright dude…

.

lancelot: old town road but he just keeps listing all the places he has horses

gwaine: i got the horses in the back

gwaine: horses on the track

gwaine: horses in the shack and i got horses fetching snacks

gwaine: i got the horses in earth’s core

gwaine: down under the floor

gwaine: horses in the store and i got horses on the moor

.

gwaine: died and came back as a cowboy i call that reintarnation

.

morgana: *shows up at college* excuse me will someone please direct me to the leftist brainwashing class? i’m here for the leftist brainwashing class

.

merlin: finally found someone i was more disappointed in that myself: the entirety of america camelot

.

morgause: customer (derogatory)

.

arthur: business major (derogatory)

.

leon: leonardo dicaprio date a woman over 25 challenge

gwaine: thought that said “leonardo da vinci” and was confused since da vinci was gay and also since you were calling out someone who’s been dead for well over 7 years

leon: well. da vinci has been well over 7 years, i’ll give you that

.

morgana: the retirement age needs to be lowered to 25. i’ve had enough

.

gwaine: i’m fucking in luigi’s mansion

leon: who?

gwaine: some italian freak

gwaine: oh you meant who am i fucking. your mom

.

leon: stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen. what will happen is fire

gwaine: but what if...something else happens. just this 1 time

.

morgause: bored? burn an orphan. who’re they gonna tell? their parents?

.

morgana: due to personal reasons i will be a serial arsonist

.

mithian: fruit (affectionate)

.

arthur: going to the fruit (derogatory) store do you want anything

.

gwen: fruit (salad, yummy yummy)

.

morgana, to gwen: i’m allergic to hookup culture and too weird to participate anyway. die in my arms

.

kilgharrah: i am fast and full of teeth. i will die in a barn fire

.

morgana: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana: evil again

.

morgause: every day i put on my evil little clothes and do my evil little tasks

.

percival: megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age

gwaine: megan thee stallion 🤝 timo thee chalamet

.

morgana: hey how many swords do you have

morgause: sword of a lot

morgana: blocked

morgause: parried

.

morgana and gwen simultaneously in 1x10: *chanting* girls with swords girls with swords

.

morgana: the more knives you have the more valid you are

.

kilgharrah: blocked. blocked. blocked. you’re all blocked. none of you are free from sin.

.

morgana: seven deadly sins speedrun

.

gwaine: i want 6 pet sloths so i can name them after every sin except for sloth

.

merlin: the eighth deadly sin is networking

.

arthur: online school culture is constantly wondering if there’s a sneaky little assignment you missed...is it tucked under modules or assignments or heaven forbid, announcements? who’s to say?

.

gaius: asynchronous learning

merlin, a clown: mmmnaptime

.

arthur: have you ever just cried because you’re you

.

elyan, to percival: bro, we are teens . it’s ok to cry around me . i’m your best friend . i love you … bro we are kissing now … no don’t stop bro … bro …

.

morgana: mad bc i was told as the bride my wedding would be “my day” but actually where will be a whole other bride there and we will have to share it

.

leon: i’m disgusted every time someone does a gender reveal and it’s about a gender i already know about, what kind of reveal is that

.

leon: gender reveal party??? no, this is a gender repeal party. we out here revoking genders

.

gwaine: you’re laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you’re laughing

.

gwaine: make no mistake not only am i party rocking but i’m also in the house tonight

elyan: are you shuffling?

gwaine: everyday

.

morgana: lung extensions

morgana: with extended lungs you can: scream longer, breathe harder, brag about extended lungs

morgana: this procedure is not legal but i will do it for you

morgana: do not tell the police or morgause

.

morgana: i’m so sick of dna, i’m going to have all mine removed

morgause: good news! this is a real thing that can happen to you

morgana: perfect, sign me up

.

morgana: if YOU die because i poisoned you...how is that MY fault like i’m sorry you aren’t immune to my poisons i think that’s genuinely something you need to work on. fix yourself before blaming others

.

arthur: my body is NOT a “temple”...it is a CLOWN CAR and NONE OF THESE BITCHES KNOW HOW TO DRIVE

.

morgause: live

morgause: laugh

morgause: l u r k

.

mcdonald’s employee: please sir get off the table

gwaine: I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES *dumping bag of fried out onto the floor* BUT INSTEAD GOT A HUNDRED FUCKEN LITTLE ONES

.

merlin: i relate to vampires because i too must be clearly and specifically invited in before i have the audacity to try to participate in anything

.

gwaine: it can’t be september, just yesterday is was marchgustuary

lancelot: today’s date: [REDACTED]/[REDACTED]/20

.

gwaine: why are internet friends not normalized. it’s 2020 they’re probably making robots that will wipe your ass for you and i can’t text grace in the uk and tell her to have a good day? fuck you

.

percival: imagine if halsey was in beauty and the beast

elyan: are you insane like gaston. been in pain like gaston. bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like gaston

.

arthur: my dad is learning about pronouns/gender identity and he called me in the middle of the night to tell me he is cis

.

merlin: ough. those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. maybe the next one will be better

.

morgana: i’m at the dark candy store, buying sorrowful ranchers

.

merlin: i’m surprised no one has ever punched me in the face

.

gwen: i want a gf so i can send her memes about loving my gf

.

morgause: oh to cook with my wife and stand directly in front of cabinets and drawers she needs to open

.

morgause: decided i will no longer be paying taxes. what are they gonna do, tax me more? go ahead. i won’t pay those either. oh i’m going to prison? the one paid for by my tax dollars? sorry, didn’t pay em. now there is no prison. i am at least 3 steps ahead of the government at all times

.

merlin: lab safety but the teacher just wants to you die

merlin: lab safety: 1. drink whatever’s in that beaker. i know you fucking want to

.

morgause: my therapist is selling her house so i’m gonna find the listing online and make her living room my zoom backgrounds before our next session. you wanna get in my head? ok well i’m in your home babe. i’m in charge now

morgana: yeah i see why you’re in therapy

.

morgana: i hate it when people ask me to “explain my thought process” like hell if i know

morgana: what’s going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of

.

mordred: hey girls what’s the hot gossip what’s new what’s the 411

morgana and morgause: everything is bad and getting worse by the day

.

morgause: common letter greetings from 1889

morgause: dearest my-soon-to-be-enemy

morgause: salutations and i hope you enjoy contact prison

morgause: i hope this letter finds you in a ditch

.

arthur: *highlights all the wrong and unimportant stuff with full confidence*

.

merlin: i’ve tried opening my mouth and saying words before and i’ve gotta say, i’m not a fan

.

morgana: a large group of humans is called a fuck that

.

website: synonyms for blood: juice

mithian: thank you thesaurus.com, that is absolutely not what i was looking for

.

gwaine: gen z humor was single-handedly cultivated by the zoo wee mama comic and you can’t convince me otherwise

.

morgana: screw this it’s halloween now *turns into a swarm of bats them consumes the moon*

.

morgana: i can’t believe the heterosexuals are gone. they’re gone

uther: we’re still here

arthur: who said that

.

gwaine: no more france

gwaine: society has progressed passed the need for france

.

morgause: girls night out (of body experience)

.

morgana, to morgause: what do you mean “what have i been up to”...i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch

.

merlin: stop complaining about your life. there are literally people living in camelot

.

arthur, trying to find new knights: oh so you’re a human? name three pictures with traffic lights in them

.

gwaine: we mcfreaking lost her doctor

.

morgause: looking for a wife in the walmart

.

morgause: arrested for visiting www.killing.com/murder

.

gwaine, to merlin: no bro this isn’t a date listen bro

gwaine: it’s bruhnch

.

morgause, to cenred: if you think i’m not interested, you’re right

.

gwen: put a pancake on a girl’s head when she’s asleep to keep her warm and safe

.

morgana: idk what mad scientist needs to hear this today but your goggles and lab coat are incredibly flattering and all your experiments will block away the scientific community who called you a fool

.

morgause: i’m gonna fucking die disease

morgause: symptoms: back hurts a bit too much for a bit too long

.

arthur: if you think i’m annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying

.

merlin: sorry if i’m bothering you

surgeon: how do you keep waking up and saying that

.

gwaine: home depot needs more small tunnels for me to crawl through tbh

.

percival: hot tip: soup is customizable! go wild but know your limits

.

morgana: brains say “i know a spot” and take you to a traumatic memory from 2011

.

mithian: “can you multitask” yes actually i am losing my mind and chilling at the same time

.

morgana: quarantine schedule to keep you on track

morgana: wake up

morgana: neglect online school

morgana: yearn (ongoing project)

morgana: again!

.

mithian: if cats don’t want to be held like little babies maybe they shouldn’t be roughly the size and shape of little babies

.

morgause: fuck this pandemic i could’ve ruined 2020 on my own

.

morgana: a cute girl told me she has lots of plants in her house and i told her for some fucking reason “damn the oxygen at your place must be mad crisp” and somehow still got her number so. chase your dreams. nothing is impossible apparently

.

morgana: oh to wear a knife strapped against my thigh beneath a silk dress

.

morgana, running off with morgause at the end of season 2: i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

.

morgana, at work: i’m evil

morgana, 1 second after clocking out: not evil anymore i want to be loved now

morgana, the next day at work: evil again

.

season 2 morgana: i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me

.

morgause: *thinks about love* okay well i am just losing my mind and being insane now

.

arthur: you think you can hurt my feelings? i’ve been the least favorite in every single friendship group i’ve had since i was 8

.

morgana, staring out the window at arthur and merlin: look at them plotting my downfall

.

mithian: i wanna buy clown noses in bulk and start sticking them on every person i see whose mask is pulled too low

.

mithian: oh to be a tiny cat whose biggest concern is the looming threat of being gently picked up and kissed on the head

.

morgana: i deserve to be kissed

.

morgana: did you have a homoerotic friendship with a girl in high school that ended in tragedy and you two are never talking again or are you normal?

.

mithian: just diagnosed with forehead kiss deficiency :/

.

morgana: i think i’ll continue to wear a mask when this shit’s all over, and huge sunglasses. my face is none of your business

.

morgause: my therapist told me that sometimes when a person consumes the same piece of media over and over they may be unconsciously coping with a mental block so now i’m trying to figure out what the fuck i was going through that made me watch ratatouille 8 times a day for a solid month in middle school

.

morgause: opposite of depression nap. depression awakeness. refreshing the same three websites over and over. there’s nothing new on any of them. eight seconds have passed and it feels like a century

.

morgana: very homophobic that my head is not laying on the chest of my maidservant as i am drifting off to sleep

.

merlin: no no, it’s fine, i’ll text myself back

.

morgana: *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns* *pines* *longs* *yearns*

.

arthur: i’d have to be a fool not to? being a fool and not doing things are my top two activities

.

gwaine: you think it’s easy to be me? you think it’s easy to get up every. single. day. and be an industrial grade dumbass? well it’s not. but that’s what i do. and i’ll never stop.

.

morgana: ah shit i’m sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

sunday: yearn

monday: pine

tuesday: long

wednesday: ache

thursday: sigh

friday: lament

saturday: crave

.

morgana: talents include: being a public menace, denying God’s will, petting dogs, yearning, being dramatic, witchcraft, quoting classic literature when no one asked, napping, befriending a murder of crows, being gay, covering up my emotions by being “the funny friend” when in reality i’m really going through it, wistfully staring out the car window

.

merlin: *doesn’t even do the bare minimum* all in a day’s work

.

cenred: a “period” is not an excuse to have an attitude

morgause: i miss the times when men would go to war and die

.

morgana: the cheap halloween vampire fangs stay ON during sex

.

gwen: maybe i pspspspsp’ed you because i love you. did you think of that? huh?

.

morgana: mom said it’s my turn to hand out the ominous and vague warnings

arthur: that wasn’t mom

uther: she JUST SAID it was her turn

.

morgause: i’m a chill person but if my back doesn’t stop hurting i’m going to take out my spine and beat God with it

.

mithian: one of these days i’m going to say the f word

mithian: then you’ll all be sorry

.

morgause: 3 words every girl wants to hear

morgause: club penguin membership

.

morgana: hmm, yes.

morgana: time to s i p

morgana: some *~crispy~*

morgana: d i h y d r o g e n m o n o x i d e

.

morgause: roll call! raise your hand if you’re in the following fandoms:

morgause: 1. suffering 2. the pain of living

morgana: *raises both hands and a leg*

.

leon: it’s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager

.

merlin: yeah bro hit me up and we’ll cancel some plans sometime

.

morgana: my brain, or as i like to call it, the suffer contraption

.

morgause: my circle so small i almost cut myself off

.

morgause hyping herself up before entering any public area: i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal i’m normal

.

arthur: today in french we learned how to say “what’s in the bag” and i couldn’t stop laughing because

arthur: swaggity swag qu’est-ce qui dans le sac

.

merlin: even when i am not speaking, know that horrible sentences are raging within me

.

mithian in 5x04: sorry bro i can’t go out tonight. i’m stuck in an eternal state of melancholy

.

morgause: shower gel label: immerse yourself in this new “Me Time” luxury frooty tooty. abandon all sense of identity and dissolve your memories into this soothing chemical broth. one billion melons are in this tube...use them wisely

.

leon, writing a headline about the most recent knights’ mission: local dumbasses knew that what they were getting themselves into and did it anyways

.

morgana: *feels random pain in body*

morgana: kill me

.

mithian: *slowly inches closer to your pet*

.

morgause: *refuses to look at texts* i love conversation and communication

.

arthur: cute gender neutral things to call your partner

arthur: significant annoyance

.

leon: the most unrealistic fantasy trope is the one where half of the pair works in some sort of shop and one is a customer because i have literally never thought about a customer with anything other than contempt

.

gwaine: why is everyone talking about 1d all of a sudden did one of them die

elyan: they’re 10 years old now

gwaine: i wish them luck 4th grade is tough!!

.

gwaine: must i pursue a career? is it not enough to be passionate about tv shows and snack foods?

.

leon, aroace: cool date idea: me eating oatmeal by myself

.

morgana: i have no self of steam

.

gwaine: i hate wearing a mask. i miss being able to gently kiss my trader joe’s cashier on the lips after they ring up my $8 box of blueberries

.

morgana: committing acts of violence today…*pushes morgause’s glass of water off the counter*

.

gwaine: mario will do anything to put a smile on your face

.

morgana: haha we get along so well...our brains just work the same way

morgause, after changing her entire personality to match morgana’s after analyzing the way she talks and texts: haha yeah it’s incredible

.

gwaine: covered in sauce, trembling

.

arthur: *says the vaguest most incoherent shit ever*

arthur: you know what i mean :/

.

[online]

morgana: *screenshots things her girlfriend said to her so she can read it again later* yeah i’m not gay

uther: dude no offence i don’t want to sound like an sjw or anything but if you have a girlfriend you’re straight. that’s just how it works

morgana: i’m a girl

uther: what the fuck

.

morgana: the second you say “family group chat” i know we are not the same

.

gwen: what if early in the morning after buying groceries we got caught in the rain and i used my jacket to cover your head ut we still got soaked and we made a fire at home and brewed tea and sat together watching the rain as our cats hid under our feets at each sound of thunder and we ate stew for dinner and watched tv until we fell asleep on the couch with your head resting on my shoulder

.

gwaine, to percival: hold my hand bro we’re crossing the street

.

percival: imageine if we all just started ignoring celebrities though

percival: i can’t stop thinking about how funny this would be. imagine kyie jenner posting a selfie and it gets 12 likes

.

morgana: this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

.

morgause at 1159 pm: life’s great lol

morgause at 1201 am: does anyone really know me? most importantly do i really know me? what if life doesn’t get better than this?

.

merlin: king i needbfjdjgnjfg qldkr snmsmdjgjt ….. .. i need--fjrjkrhgphpqn dd

arthur: huh *dunks merlin’s head back underwater*

.

morgana: i don’t go to therapy or take any pills i just rawdog life and let my brain turn into soup

.

mordred: dark emails

morgause: to whom it WILL concern

morgana: now that this email has found you

.

gwaine: hi waiter could i get the spaghetti i promise i’ll behave this time

.

merlin: the sexiest thing about me? everything hurts my feelings

.

gwaine: how is sex fun if i have to remove my crocs to have it

elyan: if he makes you remove your crocs for sex he isn’t the one

.

morgause: a motherfucker could use an embrace

.

morgana: every night after 10pm my feelings start crawling out, starved, as i beat them with a moderately large stick vigorously hissing “stay back” until i inevitably fall asleep

.

fanfiction: there’s only one room available…

morgause, who specifically chose a rated m and explicit story: oh my gosh there’s only one room they’re gonna share a bed what’s gonna happen next

.

morgana: i can have a little unrealistic romantic fantasy. as a treat

.

arthur: some of y’all weren’t asked out as a joke in middle school and it shows

.

morgana: how is everyone doing. i’ll go first i’m doing badly

.

morgana: being a kid was so fucking funny we’d just go around lying to each other’s faces constantly to impress each other one of the knights told me he was the first person to visit the sun and when i asked him what it was like to prove he was lying he said he didn’t remember because they sent him there when he was a baby and to this day the mental image of nasa launching an unsupervised baby into the sun still makes me crack up

.

elyan: do you wish you were seeing somebody

leon: a therapist

.

morgause: when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

.

[texting]

morgana: you seem hard to kill

morgause: aw thank you

morgause: i haven’t been killed yet

morgana: to your knowledge

morgause: what

.

morgana: just truly bonkers how much i love lying down……..like being horizontal? Unparalleled

.

arthur: when i was younger i really thought that piranhas were going to be a bigger issue for me than they’ve turned out to be

.

morgause: filling out the depression and anxiety checkboxes at the doctors is always so sad but also very very funny

morgause: i am handed a piece of paper. i check off a box that says “every day i wish i were dead”. i hand back the paper. the paper and its contents are never again discussed.

.

morgana: unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, i cannot just “walk up and join the circle of people talking”, but it does sound lovely thank you

.

morgana: if california is so expensive why don’t you move to somewhere like ohio

morgause: full offense but i’d rather be dead in california than alive in ohio

morgause: ugly and uninspiring--review of ohio

.

morgana: staying up late not even fun anymore it’s just sad

.

morgause: everyone should be comfortable in their own skin :)

morgause’s brain: except for you

morgause: except for me :)

.

mithian: please peer pressure me into finishing projects

merlin: do it or you’re straight

mithian: i said peer pressure not threaten

.

morgause: the year is 2030. bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. the uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. i go to hug my wife for comfort. she is cake.

morgause: i sob in despair as i eat my cake wife. she is delicious

.

gwen: do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

gwen: “i used to think that melancholy was a vegetable” that’s incredible, let’s hang out more

.

morgause: basically i accidentally listened to a song a few years ago and it led to this

.

morgana: *desperately tries to romanticise her homework*

.

uther: do i have to be pretty? is it not enough to simply be the loudest person in the room with the worst opinions

.

morgana: oh i can’t possibly study, i have allotted the next six hours to yearning vaguely

.

morgause: allow me to de-introduce myself

morgause: my name is [redacted]

.

arthur: i have no good posts today i’m sorry guys

merlin: haha “today”

.

mordred: “do we perhaps use magic because we were bullied and needed blah blah special interest blah blah” shut the FUCK up i use magic to see my anime husband’s big fucking honkers. sorry you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: i came here to bully people

mordred: is it because you got pantsed in front of your crush

morgana: no it’s because i’m deranged

.

mithian: pretty sure seven deadly sins is a bit excessive

mithian: just combine wrath and gluttony and make hangry

mithian: sloth and pride make Bottoming

.

morgana: despicable me ruined the word minion whenever i become a supervillain i’m just going to have to call them my homies or whatever

.

gwen: as a bisexual i am attracted to lanky boys with dark hair, girls who look like they could kill me, and anyone wearing vampire teeth

.

morgana: if someone tried to assassinate me that would make me feel so important and valued and beloved

.

gwaine: turn down for whom?

.

mithian: fact: usage of the word “the” has begun to decline. this is because as more and more people become educated, usage of the word “thoum’st” has become more common.

.

morgana, kidnapping mithian in 5x04: truth or dare? uhhh i dare you to………………………………..fall in love with me. haha i’m just joking bro………………..unless…………………………?

.

gwaine: my thoughts are like a clearance sale

gwaine: once it’s gone it’s gone

.

morgana: *pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce” specifically to piss off morgause*

.

gwaine: do you prefer women or men?

leon: death

.

morgause: honestly no offense but i love falling asleep and sleeping. it’s like. ok goodnight

.

morgause: ngl it’s kinda difficult to be the moody and mysterious background character in everyone’s life when you’re quarantined at home

.

morgause: i need to get laid

morgause: --to rest. put me in a coffin, let my soul ascend

.

gwaine: it takes a lot of heart to be this stupid

gwaine: it takes real strength not to know shit about fuck

.

elyan: what’s your favorite anime?

leon: i’m a christian

.

arthur: just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

lancelot: where are you gonna keep it

arthur: :)

merlin: i don’t like this conversion very much

.

gwaine: i’m home alone with the tv repair man

gwaine: i’m no fool, there are only two possible outcomes of this scenario

gwaine: porn or murder

gwaine, an hour later: apparently there was an unforeseen third outcome where he fixes the tv and then leaves

.

morgause: well tomorrow fucking sucked

.

morgana: dark brunch

morgana: *mixes a mimosa with evil intent*

morgause: this is just what being gay is like

.

gwaine: movie idea: guy finds a stone tablet engraved with a mysterious alien language and gets caught up in a national treasure-esque adventure to decipher its meaning, only to learn that it’s just an alien “live laugh love” decoration

.

arthur: sorry i didn’t mean to open your ig story 20 seconds after you posted i’m just unemployed

.

arthur: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgana: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

OR

cenred: why do you say men are objects? that’s not true and hurtful

morgause: men are on sale at the grocery store for a few dollars

.

morgana: wow would you look at that. it’s already that time of the night where i move the stuff on my bed to my chair. can’t wait until tomorrow when i move the stuff from my chair back onto my bed

.

gwaine: hi i’m bethany with girl defined ministry and today we are going to be talking about how to stan my chemical romance in a God-honoring way

.

morgana: bottom: ,,, !!! ;;; vers: …. top: no punctuation whatsoever

morgause: tops are illiterate

.

morgause: i slept for almost 12 hours but i might still be tired so let’s go for 12 more just in case

morgana: morgause that’s a coma

morgause: sounds festive

.

mithian: i am a simple woman. i enter the kitchen. i eat four servings of bread products. i leave.

gwaine: it’s one serving if you serve all of it to yourself

mithian: i like the way you think, friend

.

gwaine: spencer from icarly and rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid are on the opposite ends of the same spectrum

elyan: the gay older brother scale

.

merlin: i found a rock :)

merlin: my troubles will soon be over

gwaine: parasite (2019) dir. bong joon ho

percival: uncut gems (2019) dir. josh and benny safdie

elyan: cain

.

morgana: social distancing is okay for me bc i’ve been touch starved since the 15th century. i’m used to it

.

mithian: fanfiction hits different when you’re gay and yearning and haven’t experienced an ounce of romance in your life

.

morgause: callout for rude baby seen at grocery store

morgause: i’m calling out a baby (approximately 12-14 months old) from the grocery store due to its rudeness. i’m guessing its age based on appearance, motor skills (atrocious) and whatnot. anyway, i smiled at this baby and it just stared at me. as soon as i began to move on, though, the baby said “no!” and started giggling when i turned back around. this happened multiple times. the baby’s actions were toxic and manipulative. the baby was also manhandling a package of dried fruit which wasn’t yet paid for (quite minor) and was just generally sitting around and not helping

.

gwen: we need to melt down all the pennies and make the statue of liberty a girlfriend

.

morgause: had a realization in a dream i just had that this isn’t real and i can just do whatever i want and so i started shrinking the face of this guy that was talking to me and then once it got real small i woke up sleep paralyzed

morgause: i was given godlike powers over the universe by realizing it’s all in my head and the first thing i did was use them to torment the nearest man

morgause: and the actual God woke me up and put be into a 5 minute timeout to lay frozen and think about what i’ve done

.

morgana: does anyone else feel an awkward tension whenever you see another person your age in the grocery store

.

gwaine: the number 87 kinda looks like a plague doctor

percival: you’ve just changed the fucking game

elyan: [|87

.

morgana: a lonely bitch...a loner...i love isolation AND detachment

.

gwaine: i will not call the judges “your honor”. in america we don’t have titles of nobility. they will get a simple “yes dude” from me

gwaine: calling big bird just “bird” because i do not respect him

.

morgause: *photo of a pizza in a bad* caught the bae sleepin

mordred: now why would you waste a perfectly good pizza :(

morgause: that “waste” happens to be my wife getting her beauty sleep. think before you speak

.

gwaine: *finishes wedding vows* don’t forget to like and subscribe

.

morgana: *is bitter but is also right*

.

morgana: how dare you not notice me when i’m ignoring you

.

morgause, killing cenred: men be like i’m bilingual i speak english and over women

.

gwaine: after i move i really wanna get a used roomba

percival: i love that you’re adopting instead of buying from a breeder

.

mordred: joking about a kink is a gateway drug into developing said kink

morgana: my kink is mental, emotional, and financial stability

morgause: unrealistic, settle for choking like normal people

.

gaius: gay people use halloween props as home decor year round

morgana: shut up shut up this black jar with a raven painted on it is holiday-neutral

.

[texting]

morgause: can you come out?

morgana: yeah gimme a minute

morgana: morgause, i’m gay

morgause: i know that. come out to the car

morgana: car, i’m gay

.

morgause: God FUCKING damnit i’m such a hopeless romantic one day someone’s gonna say “i love you” and i’m just going to let out an agonized scream so horrible that they immediately change their mind

.

gaius: i’m not wearing glasses anymore i’ve seen enough

.

morgause: sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

.

morgause: you hate me? wow you think you’re hot shit and original huh well i hated me first so you can go grab a number and wait your turn

.

morgana: don’t ignore me ?? i despise being ignored ?? i mean i’m ignoring like 8 people right now but still ???

.

morgana: shoutout to my favorite coping mechanism, isolation

.

morgana: the concept of physical beauty is a scam unless you’re calling me cute in which case it is valid, actually

.

merlin: oh, so when other people go outside it’s “good for their health” and “highly recommended”, it’s only when i do it that it’s a “containment breach” and a “high-level threat to public safety and security”, huh?

.

gwaine: a charming photo of young john mulaney, seemingly celebrating the kennedy assassination

merlin: princess diana wasn’t john mulaney’s first kill

.

morgause: hate when i got out in public and the public is there

morgana: it seems the public is no longer in the public

morgause: i’ve won...but at what cost?

.

morgana: girls will see a chance to commit arson and be like “sorry, i have to take this”

morgause: girls will see a building that’s not on fire and say “is anyone gonna burn that” and not wait for an answer

[archerofthemists]

Tyrian Callows NSFW Alphabet

(That no one fucking asked for)

 A=Aftercare (what they're like after sex) - This truly depends on who you are and what you mean to him. Tyrian is ruthless in a fight, and he's no different in bed. If he cares about you, and if he thinks you need it, he'll gladly rub your sore muscles and kiss the bites he left on you. If you're some random fuck? Well...maybe just be happy if he doesn't kill you afterwards. 

B=Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also, their partner’s) Tyrian's favorite body part of his would have to be his tail, but his tongue is a close second, considering all of the possible things he can do with both. 

His favorite body part of his partner would have to be their neck and collar bone, perfect for sucking and biting. 

C=Cum (anything to do with cum) He does enjoy coming inside, watching his juices overflow and drip out of you. But honestly,  Tyrian doesn't care where he gets off, as long as he gets off.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) Tyrian doesn't have many dirty secrets. He's very open about all his desires no matter how nasty. Probably the only thing he was even hesitant with was admitting he loved being hurt by you. (Biting, scratching, ect.) He wonders if you'll be willing to push the boundaries a little and hurt him some more.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?) Tyrian has a fair amount of experience.  He's been around a lot working for Salem. Most of his experience is in nice, rough, meaningless sex.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

He'll take any position honestly as long as he's fucking. Missionary is probably his favored because he can see your face and his tail is perfectly free to move.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc) Goofy. As. Fuck. He'll joke and tease you relentlessly, and that damned maniacal laughing of his...get used to it. Especially when he's close.

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.) He's fairly well kept down there, nothing fancy, and a decent amount of dark public hair.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) Romanticism is a foreign area for him, but he's learning. He'll praise you endlessly through it (when he's not laughing at least).

J = Jack/Jill Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He'll do it when he really needs it, usually after a long hard fight.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks) Sadism, Masochism ect. Play with his tail, pull it or rub it around where it protrudes from his lower back. He gets weak. A bit of an exhibitionist. 

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do) Tyrian  will literally do it ANYWHERE. Bed? The middle of the woods? In the blood of his enemies? In FRONT of his enemies? He is not shy.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going) Honestly,  he's most motivated after winning a fight or watching you fight. It gets his blood pumping like nothing else.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Honestly this guy is down for just about anything. Anything that might literally kill you or himself is a no go. 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) You've seen that tongue, right? Yeah he gives and gives and gives. He'll leave you on the edge of consciousness and your legs numb.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.) This depends on his mood, or the events leading to the fucking. He's used to fast and rough, but he'll slow down if you really need him to.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.) A nice quickie in the shower or right before a mission, but otherwise, proper, long, sex.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.) Tyrian is one of the biggest risk takers out there. Like I said as long as it wont literally kill you or him he'll try anything at least once.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last��) This man could go all fucking night if he's got the time. He has very good stamina considering how much fighting and sparring he does.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?) He loves using toys of alllll kinds. Do knives count as toys?

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) Tyrian will tease and edge you until you're in tears. He'll make you beg for it for as long as possible.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make) Loud as possible. He doesn't mind making any of his teammates uncomfortable if they over here. 

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice) Because of his faunus traits, Tyrian does go into a mating season around spring time. Don't expect the feeling in your legs to come back anytime soon.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants) Average thickness but long. 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?) He has a very high sex drive that he usually channels out in fighting, sparring and murdering. 

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward) After a proper night of sex this boy can be out like a light, but considering how hard he works for Salem you can't blame him for being exhausted. 

[ayakashiramblings]

Dawn and Twilight’s Social Media Accounts

Kuya

@NevermoreButSnore.

1230 followers.

Yes, I copied Edgar Allan Poe. Yes, I’m not sorry about the rhyme. Or calling him out. 

Not that he really cares.

Insists that he is a headcanon creator on Twitter 

Everyone who follows him knows that he is lying. 

If we really had to classify him as a writer, it would one who posts those way-too-accurate posts about writers complaining about writing. 

Like the notebook hoarding one. Not that anyone here in the fandom is guilty of that, haha... haha... ha.

Ironically is one of the more popular ones out of the whole group. 

His flat responses and laziness are way too prominent to NOT be noticed. 

If you actually tentatively sneak into his DMs though, for writing tips, he will patiently listen and... rather bluntly advise you. 

It’s still advice though and is always the type to check out and reblog any short fanfics.

It just has to be weird, sporadic hours because he is the type to fall asleep with the phone on his face. 

Koga Kitamikado

1230 followers.

@CapitalKayKay

Listen, there is a reason why a lot of successful businesses chose Instagram as their social media so Koga is no exception. 

What makes his account stand out, as you can see from his rather cheeky username, is that he is willing to be an open book. 

So he isn’t constantly shoving down any products he is sponsoring or whatever piece he is endorsing. 

It’s more of genuinely wanting to hang out and explore what the world has to offer. 

Whenever he posts a picture of the gang together, he’s the one tagging all of them, even the ones with hard usernames.

And there’s always a nice comment thanking whoever hosted the fun time or being appreciative of the area and the locals.

It helps that he has a sense of humour so the memes are always just the right amount of teasing but nothing too bad that will deter potential clients.

Because of his down-to-earth nature, he reels everyone in.

Uses the space to invite everyone following him on any celebration/casual outing.

The thing is... he has a lot of followers.

So... good luck.

Aoi

1150 followers.

@DeredArtTooTsun

Look, even he knows he is a Tsundere. It’s a small victory getting him to acknowledge that, let alone use it to brand himself here.

But god, he’s the man I’m most jealous of on Tumblr.

PERFECT BULLET JOURNALS AND SKETCHES.

Got the spreads that literally define ‘aesthetic’, a perfect lineup of art materials even with pencils that have their numbers faded, and somehow, the emotions can pass through the paper and screen.

Even does tutorials on perspectives, positions with cute annotations. Just don’t praise them for being adorable though and focus on improving your skills, dummy.

Ironically though, it’s his mindless vents that get the most number of notes.

It helps that the pics include him, a very cute... I mean... manly boy screaming at very, very hot men.

A bit baffled but whatever it takes to get commissions. 

That’s right, he takes them. At least there is a back-up option should the restaurant ever go out of business. 

Spoiler Alert: Still doesn’t get paid as much. People, have you seen the number of talented artists here? Aoi might be in the rankings but it’s still hard attracting business.

Support your fandom artists, everyone!

Ginnojo

1000 followers. Just nice.

Ginnojoz

Poor grandpa didn’t intend to put that extra ‘z’ letter, it was a typo because scales don’t get along with haptic touch. 

And unfortunately, doesn’t understand how to change it. 

Once, he was huge on Vine before it died. The end of an era that he has to witness again. RIP.

Gin-Gin, it is RIGHT. THERE.

Expect to find his super short self-defence videos and Book Club Readings on YouTube.

Girls actually appreciate his instructions and attempts to provide help even if they are alone. 

He did try to respond to the nice ones and actually succeeds. 

It’s always easier getting to know the language of women when you don’t really see/touch them.

A deep baritone is perfect for some sexy excerpt of a historical novel... 

Until he corrects the setting.

In fact, he sometimes rage-quits and rewrites it. 

Unlike Kuya, him doing those established ideas actually catches on. 

Yura and Gaku

1500 followers.

MelodyandTheBeat. 

... Tik-tokers. Tik-Tok people? 

WTH do you call them?

As you can see, they are the most popular since it’s combined stardom.

Look, their covers and music mixes are beautiful.

They always have their own version that somehow combines traditional Japanese music... with k-pop.

And of course, food porn. 

Just be grateful there isn’t that awful squelching sound you hear when you consume jelly or the breaking of chilli seeds. 

Listen, I usually separate them because it’s never nice to be grouped as having the same activity as your twin. 

But in this case, being both equally beautiful AND talented sells their uploads. 

Even the cringy ones made because Yura is such a Luddite. 

Like just turning his head and being amazed his hair can turn so many colours, being impressed with each tilt until he gets to a black shade. 

Suddenly hurls the phone away. Gee, wonder why? Guess black isn’t the new... black for him?

Gaku sometimes even introduces new filters he created based on Yura’s random requests that strangely get circulated on the site. 

Oji

550 followers all know Oji-Sanz

Unlike Ginnojo, he deliberately adds the ‘z’ letter to sound cool.

You wanna know what’s worse? 

He actually uses Facebook. 

Aoi decides to give up on him. Nobody blames the poor student.

It’s apparently some old form of social media? Never used it, no sirree. 

Always changing his relationship status but at the end of the day, he’s single and ready... 

To post about all the lovely ladies destined to enter his restaurant. 

He thinks it’s great publicity. 

It really isn’t but one good thing about Oji is he includes EVERYONE.

This man respects his customers and always helps advertise their wares, especially if their connections lead to more resources. 

And less grocery shopping on his part.

Does post the recipes he and Aoi created but will never use because the Milk Hall had a certain style to follow.

Officially makes Aoi his son... on Facebook at least. 

Aoi now tolerates the account. 

Barely. 

Toichiro Yuri

WhatheMeSay has 1231 followers! 

In your face @CapitalKayKay and @NevermorebutSnore!!

You know, I’m so glad that there aren’t any users with those names because I’d be so scared of accidentally tagging them.

Also, geddit? Because... What the fox say? 

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding... yeah, I’ll stop.

Pinterest Guy. And actually does spend on his ‘hobby’ to show off to everyone.

It does boost you and your father’s sales so there is nothing to complain about. 

His boards are always alliterated just to sound super catchy and it works so long as he gets the right emoji. 

Kabuki plays better be promoted or else.

Filled with candid pictures of his victims all taken at different angles you didn’t know were possible and in varying degrees of hilariously misunderstood positions.

He even supplies a donation link, heavily leveraged by his followers, since there are incentives tied to it like early access.

A bit suspicious the photos look like cropped out parts from Koga’s posts and some of the text resembles Kuya’s... er... wisdom?

He takes an unholy amount of selfies when he thinks no one is looking and so they are always surprised upon finding them on the Selfie Board. 

There is a locked board that no one can access, even his followers who are his comrades in real life. 

It’s actually just one picture in there. 

It’s you smiling and giggling at a joke of his. Not even you know it’s been taken. Guess he is as soft as his fur, eh? He better come out soon or else.

Kuro

Kuroruohtumbling

Ginnojo is unfortunately just old enough to have grown up with Scooby-Doo to understand the reference.

Snapchat, like a snapping snake! Hiss!

Unironically loves the puppy face.

Ok, but the glimpses of his stunts help show snippets of the circus life. 

He and his whole troupe family will even don costumes best suited for certain filters.

Sometimes ropes in Ginnojo... and by sometimes, I mean enough for everyone to start wondering if the stoic man is part of the act. 

To be fair, he randomly hugs people and ranks them here.

You, of course, were number 1. 

Now, if only he didn’t use the bloody song to announce it but you forgive him.

Maybe even risks revealing his ayakashi form before deleting the message to you.

Loves making international fans and learning various languages through each post, sort of like flashcards but animated and more fun!

And with 1200 followers, he might become a polyglot like Koga.

Shizuki 

Everyone bans him from creating one. 

Because they know the power of his roasts is too great. 

Little do they know he goes undercover. 

Underground.

And under their noses.

That’s right. His rant town on... MySpace. 

Unapologetically uses a good chunk of his salary from serving the House of Yuri just to get nifty themes that help with the whole burning process. 

Look, there’s a reason he and Oji are friends. 

This is why. 

Their taste in women seems fine but we really have got to do something about their affinity towards DEAD PLACES.

To be fair, he made the whole thing drunk but that doesn’t mean he should maintain it SOBER.

He just feels that it is a waste of space if he doesn’t utilize it. 

And it also becomes kind of cathartic. From the intrusive hugs to his master and Sir Gaku irking each other to no end, he needs it. 

Zero followers... but only because it’s super private. 

It becomes 1 the moment you jokingly create an account. 

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 162

Well, Vegeta wanted Perfect Cell, and by garn, he got Perfect Cell.    Trouble is, Vegeta can’t handle this guy.    He kicked him in the head really hard, and everyone kept going on about how awesome that kick was and how he definitely hit a vital area (as if anyone knows anything about Cell’s anatomy), and Cell just smiled at him

Fortunately, there’s still a chance.   Krillin knows that Trunks is holding back, because he didn’t want to embarass his father by revealing that he had surpassed him

But Trunks still doesn’t want to step in.   He’d rather wait for Cell to beat the shit out of Vegeta, and then save his dad while he’s unconscious.   So this proves that Trunks really is Vegeta’s son, since he inherited his father’s dominant trait of doing stupid horseshit for the sole purpose of protecting Vegeta’s fragile ego.

Trunks figures that even if Vegeta dies first, it would still be better this way, because if he were to rob Vegeta of his pride then it would be worse than death for him.    Again, these aren’t hypothetical scenarios, here.   Vegeta’s been humbled and killed before.    Frankly, he’s being humiliated here anyway, whether Trunks intervenes or not.    This whole fight was Vegeta’s dumb idea, and he was all “Durr, I’ll fight Perfect Cell, bring him on!” and now he’s getting his ass handed to him and he knows exactly who to blame.    

Trunks also says that it’s Vegeta’s pride that motivates him, and he thinks it’s what his mother always saw in him.   And this is sort of where I have trouble with Vegeta’s redemption arc.    Around this point in the story, it’s really more about other characters struggling to find positive things to say about Vegeta, while he continues to be a giant asshole

Let’s face it, he doomed the world by allowing Cell to become complete.    Not only that, but he attacked his own son to facilitate this.    Then Cell beat up Krillin and absorbed 18, all while he floated there with a stupid grin on his face.   But hey, he’s got plenty of self-esteem!   That’s admirable, right?  

The problem, I think, is that the word “pride” keeps getting used as a catch-all term for Vegeta’s attitude.    What Bulma and Trunks appreciate about him is probably his drive.   Vegeta’s a self-starter.   He doesn’t sit around and wait for others to solve his problems, he tackles them himself, usually head on.    He embraces adversity and rises to the occasion. 

What keeps making Vegeta a dick is his arrogance.   He puts down the other Z-Figthers--including Goku sometimes-- saying that they’re unnecessary and unimportant.    He routinely underestimates his opponents, as Cell is currently demonstrating.   He’s a valuable ally, but only up to a point.    When things go a little too well, Vegeta starts looking for ways to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.  

I don’t think this is a translation issue, since the story here clearly involves Trunks’ inability to separate the two qualities.   He admires his father’s drive, but what he’s doing right now--plotting to rescue him in secret--is designed to placate his arrogance.    He’s calling them both “pride”, which is why he thinks his intentions make sense.    But Vegeta isn’t entitled to his arrogance right now.    He fucked up royally, and he deserves to get upstaged.   It’s going to happen anyway, whether it’s Trunks or Cell or Goku or whoever.    All Trunks is doing is allowing Vegeta to take a beating, and that’s fine by me, but I don’t think that’s what he really wants right now.

At last, Cell starts going on the offensive a little, just to show Vegeta what he’s up against, and he takes the time to thank him for being foolish enough to make this moment possible.  

Desperately, 16 tries to sneak up on Cell to sucker punch him, but Cell notices him before he can even get close.    I’m not sure what sort of condition 16 is in right now, but he seemed to have trouble standing before.    He’s completely out of his league here, but he seems to have recognized that Vegeta is too, so he’s determined to do whatever he can.   

Then Vegeta goes for broke.   He calls up all of his power at once, gathering it into a single attack.  

Then he dares Cell to take the blast head-on, since Cell’s already proven he can dodge just about anything Geets throws at him.   Credit where it’s due, this is pretty clever on Vegeta’s part.   At last, he’s finally started thinking like his opponent.   Cell wants to test his perfect form, and he has surpreme confidence in his perfect form, so he doesn’t actually think anything can hurt him.    So instead of trying to fistfight the guy, Vegeta is merely challenging him to a test of endurance.   

And Cell is all for it.   Why shouldn’t he be?   He’s been winning so far, and he’s not even trying.   Besides, he’s perfect now.     Dr. Gero’s computer told him so, and it hasn’t been wrong so far.

There’s just one problem with Vegeta’s scheme: He’s using so much juice that he might destroy the whole world whether he hits Cell or not.  

But hey, YOLO, right?  Vegeta lets it rip, and Cell seems genuinely shocked by the intensity of the blast.   

Hyperbolic Time Chamber Update: The Chamber has a fridge now, and apparently it’s been stocked with pineapples.     Goku just grabs an armload of food, and I like the part where he’s picking things and he goes “Gohan likes this!”  I’d like to think it’s the enormous radish.     Gohan’s all “Oh boy, my favorite!”

Then Goku asks Gohan to cook a cartoon hambone with a ki blast, and he ends up setting Goku’s hair on fire.   

Back at the battle, Trunks is pleased to see that Vegeta managed to confine his attack to spare the Earth, so at least that’s not a problem.

And Vegeta seems pleased with the results of his attack.  Did it work?

Cell’s alive, but he doesn’t look too happy.  

Probably because a huge chunk of him is gone.   I don’t remember when I first saw this, because I watched these episodes out of order around the time they aired on Cartoon Network, but this was amazing.   

Krillin’s all like “Yay we won!”  

Look at this.   Are we seeing Cell’s innards, or is this some sort of seared flesh left behind from the Final Flash?    Who can tell?   Vegeta starts laughing with relief.     He’s won this.   There’s no way Cell can fight in this condition.  

And he knows it.    Cell bet everything on his perfect form, and it still wasn’t enough to--

LOL j/k, he’s fine.   

Yeah, he’s got Piccolo’s DNA, which means he can just regenerate the part of his body Vegeta destroyed.   Neat huh?

What was really dumb was when they basically recreated this moment in Dragon Ball Super with Vegeta and Jiren.     Jiren was kicking everyone’s ass, and Vegeta dared him to stand still and take his best shot, and Jiren did, and it didn’t work, and...... they all just kept fighting anyway.  

It was stupid for two reasons.    First, it was just a retread of a classic DBZ moment.   Someone probably thought it’d be cute to do a callback to this episode, except it’s not.   It just looked like they ran out of ideas and dipped into the nostalgia well.    

Second, the whole point of Vegeta’s Final Flash ploy was that he could only do it the one time.    He hurt Cell with it, and I suppose if he could repeat that attack several more times, it would be enough to kill Cell, except he put everything he had into that blast.     He can’t do it again, and even if he could, Cell wouldn’t be stupid enough to stand still and let it hit him again.

Dragon Ball Super’s mistake was in having Vegeta use a desperation tactic on Jiren, and then he just keeps fighting Jiren, defeats Toppo, and fights Jiren some more, and then he gave his remaining energy to Goku when he got eliminated from the Tournament of Power.     That’s all fine, except it makes you question what Vegeta was trying to accomplish with his Final Flash.  He clearly didn’t put everything into it, like he did against Cell here.    Maybe he just baited Jiren so he could get a free hit in and take his measure at the same time?   

Anyway, this is why DBZ is always better than Dragon Ball Super.   The Tournament of Power was really good, but it’d have to stand on a chair to kiss the Cell Saga’s butt.     We’re not recycling old ideas here.   Cell was created from the genes of other characters, the Final Flash is new, and so is Cell completely dismantling Vegeta.   Spirit first, then body.

And that does it for “Super Vegeta”.    Wotta maroon.

So now Vegeta has been knocked out, or maybe he’s already dead.    Cell thinks he’s still alive, so he’s about to finish him off, so if Trunks is going to act, now’s the time.  

And so Trunks starts powering up.

And this catches Cell’s attention.   Good thing too, because he could easily kill Vegeta in the time it’s taking Trunks to get into gear.  

So far, Cell seems pretty impressed...

[praphit]

Another Year, Another Recap - “Have a Coke and a smile... :)”

So, we're getting to the end, people. We're about to finish off another year. Personally, this year has been immensely better than the last.

I didn't even want to stay up and do any celebrating at the end of 2018. I just wanted to go to bed and be done with that bleepin year. This year has been a hell of a lot better. I hope that all of you can say something similar, but if not, there's always going to bed early, and putting your hope in the next year.

This past Christmas (and all Christmas', really) I spent time doing a lot of hating on Christmas music; it's a valued tradition of mine. I am, however, always surprised to find a few songs each year that don't bother me all that much. This year, one of them was John Legend's "Baby, It's cold outside" ft Kelly Clarkson  

- a rewritten, sans rapey vibe rendition to boot its 1940's something predecessor.

In this version (at least how I interpret it), both people wanted some action that night. John says all of the right stuff ("I'll call you a car", "maybe you SHOULD go"), creating a safe environment, and most importantly, not coming off as sleazy and rapey. He's also protecting himself with this recording:) But, let's be clear... he wants some, and he wants it bad! While Kelly, also wants some, but doesn't want to come off as being a hoe. Nobody wants to be labeled a hoe.  So, she says all of the right things as well ("My dad and brother are waiting for me", "I've gotta visit my sick grandma", "Gotta get home to the KIDS") But, at the end of the night, they both make a decision to sing to one another "Baby, It's cold outside, so let's stay in and BLEEP." That's how you do it! No guilt! No #METOO! No wife and kids around. All is well:) Divorces are still rising, and more older people (as well as old as bleep people) are on dating apps than ever before. Consider this song a Christmas gift from John & Kelly to you.

Sexiest man alive in 2019 btw

Congrats. Classic coming-up-out-of-the-water sexy.

There has been some good music in 2019. Good stuff happening. Also some sad and weird stuff happening in music - all things balance out, I suppose.

GOOD:

Lizzo

I am here for all things Lizzo.

SAD & WEIRD:

Maroon 5's Super Bowl performance. It wasn't even really M5's fault; they simply did what they always do. It was more a poor choice by the NFL. A boring and awkward performance. There was a time when all anybody wanted was a shirtless Adam Levine- both women AND men. Even times when he wasn't performing, he would show up places, some random person would announce to everyone "Don't worry, Adam WILL be taking off his shirt tonight." Talk about ME TOO. It was so bad that the old, white, slaveowners of the NFL hired Jay-Z (one of the blackest icons we have) to come and save them. We'll see how that turns out.

GOOD & WEIRD:

Tyler, The Creator - "IGOR"

One of my fav projects of the year. Tyler, the Creator is an odd dude - I mean this as a compliment. I love how Hip-Hop has evolved. There's a lot more room nowadays to be yourself, no matter how outsiders might deem your behavior as weird (sometimes, others NOT saying this as a compliment). I love his creativity, and hope he continues to inspire other artists (especially in hip-hop) to be creative. Heeeee also says stuff like this "I like girls, but I have sex with their brothers." But, also uses the word "gay" as an insult. Who knows?? There's a lot to unpack there.

SAD:

In other news, Camila Cabello might be a racist. Y'all can look it up if you'd like, but some posts of hers resurfaced. I'm a fan of hers, and checked out the posts for myself, thinking "People are prob just overreacting" - they're not, it's bad. She has apologized, saying the whole "I'm older and wiser now" thing. The prob with that is she's only 22.

GOOD & BAD, I GUESS:

ADELE

It's always good to see Adele out and about. These holiday pics show that's she's still alive (I get concerned, cuz she tends to disappear for a while) and apparently a lot thinner. This of course stirs men to say men type things, women to go on the attack, and all genuine compliments towards her to get lost. The good news is, Adele seems to be getting pretty chummy with Santa, and everyone knows that St. Nick is a heartbreaker. Adele should be spurned and back in the studio writing amazing tunes soon enough.

WEIRD:

Kanye

These pics say it all. 

... that being said, I love his new music (which is how I stamp all of my conversations about Ye).

GOOD:

Billie Eilish! 

Now (like many), one of my fav artists. 

BAD:

She just turned 18, so of course, us men being ourselves again say things like "She's 18 now. You know what that means." Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out what that means. Nothing says crossing-over into womanhood quite like being objectified.

Speaking of 2019 pervs - R.KELLY!

We can throw MJ and... what the hell, I'll just throw Spacey in there as well (his documentary is coming soon enough, I'm sure).

We were all enthralled by these two docuseries. It's interesting how different races respond to MJ. Both see him as... you know, but most black people are still listening to his music. White people on the other hand are ready to riot every time someone plays one of his songs... except around Halloween - gotta have "Thriller".

We love depressing television.

There was "Chernobyl" as well as "When they see us"

Movies too -

"Joker"

I love this movie, but it's about a homicidal clown, struggling with mental illness.

"Us"

I love this movie, but it's about classism and marginalization.

"Endgame"

It's largely about grief.

It's the best movie of the year, as far as I'm concerned!

It should win all awards!

ALL OF THEM!

Best Horror

Best Comedy

Best Romance

Remember when he sent the message to his wife? Cute, right?

Personally, I think he and Nebula were banging in each other.

... I think that story is going to come out some day. C’mon... they were up in space, alone... they both thought they were going to die. She was like “OMG, I’ve always wanted to bang Robert Downey Jr. 

He was like “I don’t blame you.”

But, afterwards, he was like 

 - you know? He felt all bad, because he’d never get to do that again (that was the last of his energy). Annnnd also because he cheated. Which led to that cute recording for his wife. SEE, it’s all connected!

Best actor in Josh Brolin (Thanos) - the range of emotions (satisfaction, terror, humility, revenge, arrogance, beatin ass, defeat) Leo and Brad Pitt ain't have to do all of that!

Best Actress... hmm.. idk about this one. Many say J.Lo deserves an Oscar for her performance in "Hustlers" - a movie made for strippers, by strippers.

Exotic dancers are making a comeback! Maybe one day, stripping will be going in the same direction marijuana is - just something people do. No more shame! You can actually make a decent living at it - ain't that right, Stormy?

And who can forget this J.Lo quote "This city, this whole country, is a strip club. You've got people tossing the money. and people doing the dance."

There have also been plenty of things in 2019 that I have not understood:

1) Hatin on Greta

Greta - trying hard to do what she believes will make this world a better place for us all.

Certain people - "Shut that bitch up! She's crazy!"

2) Hatin on Megan Rapinoe

MP - leading a soccer team to a World Cup victory, being outspoken for women's rights and gay rights, having awesome purple hair, and trying to be the best leader and athlete she can be.

Certain people - "Shut that bitch up! She's Crazy! Equal pay my ass!"

3) Popeyes Chicken Sandwich

 - the gov't test for a new crack epidemic. Sadly, I never got to partake.

4) Allison Mack

- This whole story began being unveiled in 2018, but continued through this year. I still don’t understand how this story has not gotten more attention. Some of y’all don’t even know what I’m talking about.... google it, and be horrified.

5) BTS (and K-pop in general)

-I love them, but... our country's K-Pop fetish has gotten kinda out of hand. All kinds of artists are trying to share the spotlight with them. Next, we're going to see them team up with Kendrick Lamar.

6) TikTok - I just don't get it. What’s the difference? 

7) Cancel Culture

To me all cancel culture is silenced by Trump being our president. Where was all of this righteous indignation when we voted him into office? You might say "I didn't vote for him." Yeah, but, WE did - Idk what that says about us, but it's prob not good.

It doesn't even really work - Louis CK is currently selling out venues for an unapologetic tour. I'm not even saying that it SHOULD work (in SOME cases). I'm simply saying that it doesn't work (in most cases). But, perhaps the fear of it working is enough. Or perhaps we should think through how we spend our anger.

BUT, enough of that! It's time to pass out this year's PRAPHIE AWARD!

Here are the noms:

Jordan Peele

Pedro the turtle

(no need for context, just know he’s awesome)

Baby Yoda

 (btw - studies show that if you have access to "The Mandalorian" and you AREN'T watching it, you're an asshole. This is not ME talking, this is science)

Megan Rapinoe (who I’ve already mentioned)

Flying Elbow Guy (Again, this requires no context. It’s Flying Elbow Guy! There is a baseball player who’s name I can’t remember. He took on a whole team, and... you know what - that’s too much exposition. It’s Flying Elbow Guy!

  Keanu Reeves

Annnnnnnd! It’s...

...

KEANU!

This year:

Of course JW, Toy Story 4, Cyberpunk 2077, “Always be my Maybe”, plus we found out that he’s down for The Matrix 4, John Wick 4, and Bill & Ted. CRAZY!

Also my BAMF of the year (see previous post)!

We love Keanu Reeves so much, that he's allowed to murder as many people as he wants (as John Wick).

We'll get mad if an actor who's not handicapped is playing someone who is, we'll get mad about whitewashing (as we should), we'll get mad if things are too sexualized, we GOT MAD at "Joker" for predicted violence. But, Keanu can murder all he wants:)

(See the scene above? - that was a McDonald’s before he showed up)

He found love as well. Women are loving that he chose someone closer to his age. Honestly, Idk why it matters. I'd still love this man, even if he were dating 22 year old, racist ass Camila Cabello.

But, he's viewed by some as the perfect man. I disagree. I don’t think that he’s merely the perfect man, but the perfect human.

His career and popularity paths are unique. No one would call him a... GOOD actor, but look at him! And he seems like a genuinely, awesomely, good person. And whatever "good person" means to you, he's at the top! We should all (men and women) be a lil more like Keanu in 2020.

Let's all be as lovable as we can, so we may all get away with as much as we can:)

With each new year, I challenge myself with a slogan to live by. In 2020, it's going to be this - 

From Eddie Murphy’s “Raw”- Richard Pryor’s advice to Eddie, concerning Bill Cosby 

Telling certain people in my way "To have a Coke and a smile, and shut the bleep up." Sometimes, I might need to be the one to do this, rather than say it - we'll see.

Here was the runner-up slogan (his response)

Magical.

Happy New Year, Everyone! Enjoy yourselves. Be less of an asshole. And be safe... enough to at least make it TO 2020.

Much love!

[chanzicoup]

A/N: First of all, and I am not joking when I say this, there were five people who asked for a Jooheon NSFW A-Z and I was going to write one for a member of Mamamoo but I gotta give what they want like damn you all are thirsty for the Joo but I can't blame you bc he's so fineeeeee. BTW I got this template from chantenyongs and I could not find the original creator to give proper credit to.

A = Aftercare

Mind you Joo can't control himself with you and therefore he's gonna instinctively try to cuddle you like a little baby (or be cuddled like a little baby) and probably get you a drink if he thought you needed it. Sex with him won't really be rough so he'll assume you aren't in any pain when the evening grows darker.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He's got mad raps thanks to his tongue and he'll gladly use those skills on you any day of the week. He will literally lick from your neck to your thighs if you let him and he'll even leave little kisses in his path. On you, (his favorite part is everything bc you're perf but everyone's got a favorite) his favorite part is your eyes because wow you got pretty eyes and he can't not look at them woah.

C = Cum

He tried to pull out but he messed up and now he's cumming on the inside of your legs whoops now he has a new favorite body part bc damn that was hot.

D = Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

This isn't something we all didn't think at least once in our lives but Jooheon really wants to just try spanking with you. He thinks he is too vanilla and wants to spice things up a bit sometimes and this is a good way for him because he gets to have you laying on his lap while marking your butt. He wouldn't go too hard like some people I know (mveowrb-rapmon-sjviejrbg) but just enough to get you to beg for more.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

boi you wish he's too sweet to get that much pussy to be a sex mastermind but I can't say he doesn't know what he's doing because hE kNOws eXaCtLY wHAt He'S dOIng

F = Favorite position

Out of all of the idols I've done a A-Z for I have given none of them the honor of having morning sex so here's Jooeon asking for a quicky before he goes to work the the promise to do it all again later on.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Oh yeah he's a prankster in the streets and that doesn't change in the sheets like one day he'll show up wearing those stupid glasses with the fake nose and mustache expecting to get laid.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they)

Unexpectedly he'll shave so it's really random with him. Today he'll be fully grown, then next week he's hairless.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

The more comfortable you two get the less romantic he'll become because he's not trying to impress you he's just trying to love you so he'll go all out like he used to on really special days like anniversaries, birthdays, etc.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation)

He once stole your panties as one of his jokes but that night he had to work late so he ended up jacking off into them sorry.=, you're not getting them back because he threw them away. He was too scared of being caught with them so he wrapped them in tissues and trashed them like he murdered someone.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Greatly enjoys having you hugging his neck to try and stable yourself as he's inside of you. He loves you using him as an outlet and that he can provide for you just by being with you.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Earlier I mentioned he's pretty vanilla but that doesn't mean he is limiting himself to the bedroom. He can move all he wants in there and that makes way for so many possibilities for the two of you, making it one of the many of his favorite places , it's his no. 2. His tippity top favorite place is actually outside. It's not any old location, it's a secret spot you two discovered while walking home. It's a plot of grass with a weeping willow tree shielding a spot. Through the leaves you two can't be seem or heard from their thickness. This is his favorite spot because it incorporates the space of your bedroom and it's a meaningful place for the both of you.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

There's a sign you two accidentally came up with for when one of you wants to get it on while you are in public and that sign is grabbing the other wrist. Like you two could be at dinner with Monsta X and Jooheon will grip your wrist slightly and that's the equivalent to saying "I want my dick in you now." and you'll have to make up an excuse for the two of you to rush home.

N = NO (Something they wouldn���t do, turn offs)

He doesn't like the name giving kinks like being called "daddy, master, sir, etc" would make him go soft and he might just be too embarrassed to continue. He wouldn't hold it against you but he'l politely ask you to not do that and try to find a common ground so you both can fulfill your fantasies.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He prefers the 69 position if anyone is giving or receiving oral. If he starts eating you out his hard on will distract him until you move to return the favor. If you start blowing him he'll feel like you aren't getting off so he'll do his best to make you cum before he does.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He isn't fast or slow, rough or soft, he's like exact? He snaps into you before drawing out of you completely and snapping back in. It's a constant speed he sets in the beginning and most likely won't increase or decrease unless you ask him too.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He likes quickies in privacy but never when there's too much risk of getting caught.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Previously mentioned he would die if he ever got caught doing anything remotely sexual with or without you there so he'll take everything into thought and make solutions to every possible problems before things get heated.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He can about three rounds before he's exhausted. Don't try to convince me otherwise because he can definitely go for more than two but he can't go all night.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

There are no toys. No vibrators, no ropes, none of it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He probably wouldn't even have lube because he foreplays long enough for you to be soaking.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He would moan with every snap into you and basically only say "baby" the whole time.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He's a sucker for you 24/7 so having recorded audio or video of you two having sex on his phone for when he's away would be heaven for him.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He's totally about average length and width but it wouldn't matter because he can drive his hips into yours so far that you can't remember how long he is nor do you care.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He can go forever without sex but every month or so he can't control his urges and asks you for it. You'll be like "god finally! I though I was a perv!" before you two get all hot and bothered.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He's not rough with you so he shouldn't be too tired afterwards. This gives the to of you time you can spend talking or just sitting in comfortable silence.

~Blake

[girlwsoftsound]

Story Time || Ross MacDonald Oneshot

Word Count: 2,010 Summary: Upon bringing your young son to the bookstore with you, you hear a man’s voice that catches the attention of you both. Author’s Note: Major thanks to @u2bibliophile for the lovely idea <3 It was so cute and fun to write. Also the book Ross reads in this is Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. I’ve linked the music version I document in the story. Highly recommend listening to it when the time comes! Be sure to throw in a like or comment if you liked it! I love seeing feedback from you all. Please feel free to read my other work here! Enjoy!

“Mommy, I want this book!”

You had heard it all day. Your little one’s voice, still high and childlike, yet as annoying as a little boy’s voice ever could be. He wasn’t usually a bad kid - no, usually Carter maintained the same calm demeanor that had drawn you to his father. That is, before he abandoned you during your pregnancy for someone who was very much not pregnant and less of a burden. You would never let Carter get that way. Though, you supposed in moments like this where he didn’t listen to you and kept whining, he was that way to some extent. It made you despise it more.

“Carter, sweetie, we can’t get that book. Mommy has to go get a book for her work. We don’t have the money.”

“But mom!”

“Not today,” you sighed, shaking your head. As much as it hurt to tell him no, you had to. You really did not have the money, and the book he had his eyes on contained actual toys attached to it in a big set. You were sure it would be expensive, however much it was. You simply couldn’t afford it, not when your own book would be its own fortune. Taking Carter’s hand, you brought him back towards the more education-based books. They were far less interesting to the little blonde boy. No four year old could find interest in thick, pictureless books. He didn’t see any pretty colors or cool figures. It might as well have been pure nothingness in front of him. He grumbled and acted sluggish as you brought him to your specific section. A loud sigh voiced his displeasure. You gave him a sympathetic smile as you pulled one of the books off the shelf.

“I know buddy, it’s boring. I’m almost done, and then we can go home and play. Alright?”

He hardly looked satisfied. But, it was enough to make him quiet, and that was good enough for you. You started filing through the books, until finally after about ten minutes of looking, you got what you needed. Picking Carter up off the ground where he had decided to sit and pout, you began making your way through the store. Though you were a bit wary to move past where Carter had seen the book set he wanted, he kept his calm. You chalked it up to him wanted to go home, which frankly you could not blame him for. The quieter he was, the faster you could get him home. But then, just as you were about to make your way to the checkout counter, music started to play. Acoustic guitar music that caught your little boy’s attention in mere seconds. Grinning from ear to ear, he pulled at your shirt and pointed over to its source, which of course just had to be the section with his toy book.

“Mommy, I wanna’ hear the music!”

“Carter, I don’t know if we-”

“Pleeeeease?”

You sighed. You had been a pretty mean mom to him, dragging him around and refusing to buy anything for his time and patience. This was the least thing you could do. Besides, it was free to listen to music. If it got Carter excited, who were you to stop him? Taking his hand, you gave in and walked him over. He giggled and thanked you as profusely as any excited four year old could. As you made your way over, the sound of a really deep voice filled the air. A few other voices giggled around him, and when you got close enough, you noticed that these voices belonged to three handsome men, friends of the one responsible for the acoustic sounds. A small crowd of kids were surrounding them, eagerly watching the four as their parents waited off to the side. Whoever these men were, they seemed important. You were pretty fond of the one with the guitar, yourself. He laughed and then scratched at his beard.

“I was only joking that I’d give everyone a concert, but now that I’ve got a crowd, I suppose I might as well perform something for them anyway.”

“You better,” the guy with curly black hair laughed, gazing out at the kids, “the little ones look ready to hear some music.”

“Alright then,” he spoke, smiling their way, “do any of you kids have a song you want me to sing?”

The taller of the three standing giggled, saying “Old MacDonald should do the trick” to the visible chagrin of the bearded boy. The other two joined in on the giggles, along with some parents. Apparently, these boys definitely were famous. And jokesters, apparently.

“Sir?”

All eyes fell on your boy, Carter, standing right in front of you with a little blush but excitement evident in his face. You blushed as the bearded guy first looked to you before gazing Carter’s way. Giving him a soft smile, he gestured for him to speak.

“Can you sing the song from the book my mommy usually sings to me?”

The man grinned even brighter. “Of course! What book does she sing to you?”

“Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.”

A few kids giggled at the choice, but the man held his smile. He fiddled a bit with his guitar and then began strumming it to the all too familiar tune. He threw Carter a wink.

“Of course, buddy. That’s a throwback to my childhood! We’re all about as old as it is, anyway. I know it by heart because of that, if I’m being honest. I’d love to sing it for you.”

“Yay!”

Clearing his throat, he began to strum louder, growing rather animated facially.

“A told B, and B told C, "I'll meet you at the top of the coconut tree." "Wheee!" said D to E F G, "I'll beat you to the top of the coconut tree." Chicka chicka boom boom! Will there be enough room? Here comes H up the coconut tree, and I and J and tag-along K, all on their way up the coconut tree. Chicka chicka boom boom! Will there be enough room? Look who's coming! L M N O P! And Q R S! And T U V! Still more - W! And X Y Z! The whole alphabet up the - Oh, no!”

The other boys all laughed as he pretended to fall off of his seat, flailing about. The kids also got a kick out of it, including your little Carter, who had been trying his best to mouth along to the song as he danced to it. You smiled and ruffled up his hair, which got a smile from both Carter and the man up front. He continued.

”Chicka chicka... BOOM! BOOM! Skit skat skoodle doot. Flip flop flee. Everybody running to the coconut tree. Mamas and papas and uncles and aunts hug their little dears, then dust their pants. "Help us up," cried A B C. Next from the pileup skinned-knee D, and stubbed-toe E and patched-up F. Then comes G all out of breath. H is tangled up with I. J and K are about to cry. L is knotted like a tie. M is looped. N is stopped. O is twisted alley-oop. Skit skat skoodle doot. Flip flop flee. Look who's coming! It's black-eyed P, Q R S, and loose-tooth T. Then U V W wiggle-jiggle free. Last to come X Y Z. And the sun goes down on the coconut tree... But - chicka chicka boom boom! Look, there's a full moon. A is out of bed, and this is what he said, "Dare double dare, you can't catch me. I'll beat you to the top of the coconut tree." Chicka chicka BOOM! BOOM! Chicka chicka BOOM! BOOM!”

And with that, the song was done. Everyone clapped and cheered, the man bowing for the kids and getting patted on the back by his friends. You clapped as well, smiling at him and the way your little boy clapped and cheered as loud as he normally did for his favorite TV shows, or any superhero movie you let him watch. His little blonde mop ran up to the man and hugged him tight. You blushed, only able to watch the adorable sight through your fingers. The man waved and beckoned you to come over, the curly haired boy telling everyone thank you for coming and something about the year ‘1975’. Moving forward, you came and picked Carter up, the little boy still all smiles at the man. You held out your hand.

“{Y/N},” you told him kindly, “it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you as well,” he replied, grinning back at Carter, “I’m Ross. Who’s this little guy?”

“Carter.”

“Nice to meet you, Carter,” he spoke in the most sweet voice you had ever heard a man use. “You’re quite a handsome lad.”

“What do you say, love?”

“Thank you Mr. Ross,” he replied, polite just like you raised him. Ross reached and messed with his hair, causing him to giggle. “I really like how each letter had..had a different voice!”

Ross smiled. “Thank you! My family always did that for me when I was your age,” he added, poking at Carter’s chest. Carter giggled and squirmed in your arms, making you laugh and have to set him down. Once his feet touched the floor, he was off playing with the other kids sticking around in the area. You shook your head.

“He seems like a firecracker, that one.”

“You have no idea.”

“I’m assuming he has his father’s hair?”

You bit your lip. His father. “Yeah, he does. Thankfully, he doesn’t have much more of the guy.”

“Bad father?”

“You have no idea. He’s out of Carter’s life probably for the best.”

Ross’ expression softened. “I’m sorry. Genuinely. He deserves a good dad. But, from how polite and sweet he is, I see he has a good mother to back him up.”

Blushing, you felt like a silly schoolgirl around her crush. Apparently his voice wasn’t the only thing that was smooth. “Thank you. I’m sure I’ll find someone good for him sooner or later. I try my best to keep him happy in the meantime.”

“You’re doing a wonderful job.”

“Thank you.”

“Look...I hate being so blunt but...you’re a beautiful woman,” Ross rambled nervously, “ and I adore your child. I would really like to get to know you and, if I could be so lucky, him, better. Would you want to go get dinner sometime? My treat?”

You smiled and reached to rub his arm, getting him to look at you. The smile he gave back to you when meeting your eyes lit up your world. “I would love to. And, eventually, we would love to as well. Do you want to exchange numbers?”

“It would be my pleasure.”

You quickly did. Upon receiving your phone back, you found out that his last name was MacDonald, hence the taller man’s joke about ‘Old MacDonald’. You smiled at it before pocketing your phone and calling Carter back over. He jogged over and then held his hands up, allowing you to pick him up and hold him at your side.

“Say goodbye to Mr. Ross, Carter.”

“Bye-bye,” he said sweetly, waving to Ross. Ross waved back, throwing a grin back to his friends who were watching quietly a bit away.

“Bye, little guy.”

“See you later Ross,” you said to him, smiling behind your blush. “I’ll text you when I’m free for dinner, yeah?”

Ross nodded. “Yeah, that sounds wonderful. You two get home safely.”

“Same to you.”

With one final wave, you turned and went back over to the checkout counter. After quickly buying your book, you headed out with Carter to your car. As you went to buckle him into his booster seat, Carter tapped you on the arm.

“Mommy?”

Pulling back to look at him, you cocked your head to the side. “What, love?”

“I really like Mr. Ross.”

You smiled. “You know what? I do too, buddy.”

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 14th April 2019 (Khalid, BLACKPINK, Jonas Brothers)

The BBC page I usually use for this show was an absolute mess with so many incorrect placements when it first debuted, so I’m glad they changed it.

Top 10

For what I believe is its seventh freaking week, somehow, Lewis Capaldi once again fends away competition with “Someone You Loved” still sits at the number-one spot.

Also, we have another whopping increase in positions this week right at number-two, where thanks to Billboard being racist, apparently, and a remix being released, “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X, now featuring Billy Ray Cyrus, now places, up 37 spots from last week. It’s Lil Nas X’s first top 10 and top five hit in the UK, as well as Cyrus’ third top 40 and second top 10 and top five hit over here, becoming his first hit in more than 20 years since 1992’s “Achy Breaky Heart” and “Could’ve Been Me”.

At number-three, down one spot off of the debut last week, we have “bad guy” by Billie Eilish.

Thanks to the immense boost for “Old Town Road”, Calvin Harris and Rag ‘n’ Bone Man are down one spot to number-three with “Giant”.

The biggest boost of last week, “Piece of Your Heart” by MEDUZA and Goodboys is up five to number-five, becoming both artists’ first ever top five hit over here in the UK.

At number-six is Tom Walker, with “Just You and I”, which is down only two positions from last week, but the BBC page says it’s “down 21”, and as much as I wish it was, it’s sadly still here in the top 40.

Jonas Brothers are down two spaces to number-seven with “Sucker”.

Dave’s “Location” featuring Burna Boy is down only a single spot to number-eight.

Thanks to the release of his album Free Spirit over the weekend (I’ve heard it, it’s actually pretty good for a relatively sleepy album of pop tunes), “Talk” by Khalid with production from Disclosure re-peaks up seven spaces to number-nine.

Also after album hype dies down, Billie Eilish’s “bury a friend” is down four spots to #10, rounding off our top 10.

Climbers

We just have two notable climbers this week, those being “MONOPOLY” by Ariana Grande and Victoria Monét boosting up 17 spaces to #23 since it didn’t have a full tracking week last time, as well as “Swervin” by A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring 6ix9ine moving up five to #29, for some reason.

Fallers

We have a few more here, but much less than last week, with Ariana Grande’s “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” finally starting its exit, down six spaces to #15, perhaps due to streaming cuts but maybe just the start of a natural decrease. Naturally off of the return last week, “wish you were gay” by Billie Eilish is down eight spots to #21, while “Keisha & Becky” by Russ splash and Tion Wayne continues its fall down five spaces to #30, as does “Murder on My Mind” by YNW Melly down five positions to #35. Finally, “Streatham” by Dave unfortunately but understandably is barely clinging onto the top 40 chart as it drops seven spaces to #40.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

First of all, “Better Man” by Westlife prematurely drops off from the #26 spot it had last week, but I’m still shocked by how their success in 2019 is actually lasting much longer than I thought. I guess boy-band nostalgia is hitting recently with Backstreet Boys and the Jonas Brothers, but I didn’t think it reflected on the UK boy-band scene from the early 2000s as much. Other than that, “Thotiana” by Blueface has its streaming numbers cut off as it drops out from #28, and other drop-outs include “Please Me” by Cardi B and Bruno Mars from #32 and finally “High Hopes” by Panic! at the Disco from #37, as well as “7 rings” by Ariana Grande from #38. There are no returning entries so it’s time for the main attraction.

NEW ARRIVALS

#39 – “Cool” – Jonas Brothers

Produced by Ryan Tedder and Zach Skelton – Peaked at #23 in Scotland and #27 in the US

The Jonas Brothers are back... again, I guess. I wasn’t a fan of “Sucker” and it’s safe to say I didn’t expect much at all from a follow-up single. It was going to be cookie-cutter and boring, with weightless production... but I didn’t expect what we got in the end, which is about Nick and Joe Jonas just being so damn cool... which they’re not, really, are they? At least if they are, we don’t know because not only can I not tell Jonas from the other Jonas, but these lyrics for their fifth UK Top 40 hit do not give me any reason for me to believe that they are cool in any way. If every little thing you do is cool, then please break from your painful falsetto chorus and lay down some facts about you that are cool, instead of saying you “feel like Post Malone when you get home” and that you’re waiting like Game of Thrones... what? Listen, not only is the vocal mixing shaky and the guitar solo one of the worst I think I’ve ever heard, mostly because you can both barely hear it but also because it has no strength or punch that guitar solos are supposed to have, it’s not ethereal either, it’s just a waste of studio time. The immature subject matter and forced references to current pop culture moments are what to expect of Jonas Brothers, surely, but when they were teenagers making music for Disney films, that was okay. When you’re adults who have all made attempts to distance yourself from that cutesy image and have made rough, sexier music in the past, this doesn’t work. I hope that this Jonas Brothers comeback ends up a fluke, and also that Post Malone feels embarrassed he brought this song onto the world, because you just know they thought of that one line after hearing Post’s Jonas reference in HIS hit “Better Now”, and built an awfully rushed song around it.

#36 – “Let Me Down Slowly” – Alec Benjamin featuring Alessia Cara

Produced by Sir Nolan and Aaron Z – Peaked at #1 in the Czech Republic and #79 in the US

So this is rising star Alec Benjamin’s breakout hit, with a remix and/or duet version from Alessia Cara, who was in Benjamin’s place a few years ago, however she’s since disappeared from off the face of the Earth, so we’re left with this collaboration between the two that might actually be pretty damn good. I love the smooth guitar melody that is backed up by a nice bass and cloudy backing vocals acting like synths behind Benjamin’s almost childish voice that makes his high-pitched hook feel perhaps naive, which is helpful since it is a ballad about wanting a break-up, albeit expected from Benjamin, to be a slow process instead of immediate or emotionally intense, as Benjamin just wants to have some sympathy, but both feel like they’re not as invulnerable as they felt when they first got together, losing their “dignity and grace”, with Alessia Cara’s vocals sounding as great as she did on her three other UK Top 40 hits on this mellow beat that is dramatic but not too melodramatic this time, instead having a pretty slow-build up with the climax being Benjamin repeating one line, “And I can’t stop myself from falling”, as the strings and synths get louder, representing his desperate frustration. Yeah, I like this – I wasn’t necessarily amazed as I’m still not into Alec Benjamin’s vocal tone really, but it’s pretty good, and I can definitely see this being Benjamin’s first hit.

#33 – “Kill this Love” – BLACKPINK

Produced by Teddy, R.Tee, 24 and Bekuh BOOM – Peaked at #1 in Malaysia and #41 in the US

“Kill this Love” is the most recent single and EP from K-pop girl group and now international starlets BLACKPINK, and it’s probably the song that explains what I think of K-pop as a whole. While I don’t mind the horns that are often present that can often sound like very cheap, FL Studio default plug-in loops, and K-pop as a whole often feels very behind Western pop, this in particular sounding like 2014 EDM, specifically the trap genre (Not trap-rap, I should add). Most of the BLACKPINK girls aren’t necessarily bad at flowing and they all have charisma, with the singers sounding okay but there’s no real flow here, and that’s one of my main issues with the genre. It can feel very hodge-podge and slapdash a lot of the time, without much effort put into actual structure or forming some kind of natural build-up into the drop. Whatever part the song gets to, none of it stays long enough to really be familiar or even catchy, and that’s the part of K-pop I love – how there are so many bloody hooks in one song, but this song is lacking in both those hooks and really any notable melodies, mostly because it doesn’t give any of them room to breathe. All in all, much like “IDOL” by BTS the year before, BLACKPINK’s second UK Top 40 hit is more of a mess than it is an effective hit single, and I think this’ll drop out quickly after the initial wrath of K-pop stans racking up YouTube views comes to a halt. Sorry, guys, but I’m not a fan.

#32 – “My Bad” – Khalid

Produced by D’Mile – Peaked at #10 in New Zealand and #55 in the US

Now I personally quite liked Khalid’s new album Free Spirit, even though I know for a fact a lot of people didn’t. While Khalid’s brand of “sleepy music” personally appeals to me as it feels much more genuine and well-crafted than most other pop or R&B that’s coming out right now, I understand how it may seem too cloudy or lacking of substance, and this song in particular is not one of my favourites, and while not the worst on the album, exemplifies what I think everyone is seeing as Khalid’s weak points. While Khalid sounds nice here, he just sounds “nice” and it’s not enough to really make up for the really janky beat with some drums and a guitar that really feel like they should switch places in the mix, and the 808s hitting like a truck on innocent civilians. The song itself is about Khalid feeling bad about ignoring a text from his significant other and accepting all the blame, but if that really hurts your relationship that much, then I’m not sure about the shaky state of your relationship to begin with and it feels like just a bit odd of a subject matter to take this seriously, with the bridge essentially just being Khalid vocally riffing for 30 seconds. This is pretty boring and disappointing from Khalid’s 11th UK Top 40 hit – he has much better on the album, specifically “Bad Luck”, “Right Back”, “Don’t Pretend” with SAFE, “Self”, “Heaven” and “Twenty One”.

#25 – “All Day and Night” – Jax Jones, Martin Solveig and Madison Beer

Produced by Jax Jones and Martin Solveig – Peaked at #10 in Belgium

Of course the highest new arrival is from a bunch of EDM DJs featuring a female vocalist making what is probably going to be some vaguely tropical or vaguely deep poppy house music, because that’s all the EDM we get on the charts. I’m not saying none of it is good, though, in fact, I’m a fan of a lot of electronic dance music, ESPECIALLY house, so a lot of it I actually like to some extent or can at least see the appeal in. This is the first single from currently buzzing DJs Jax Jones’ and Martin Solveig’s upcoming collaborative studio album Europa, featuring vocals from underrated pop singer Madison Beer. Honestly, this really isn’t of note, its base synth melody sounds like a Wii Shop Channel loop and while I love Beer’s voice I’m not entirely sure if the mixing is doing her wonders here, and the build-up to the drop is basically nonexistent, with just a few clattering synths coming in pretty much out of the blue, with a generic big room house drop, which is what I expected but there’s no real groove to back it up. It’s not funky like Jax Jones’ other stuff and it’s not really fun at all, which if you haven’t figured out EDM is supposed to be. Overall, it’s a bit of a dated, minimalist bore that barely even lasts two minutes before growing old.

Conclusion

I see a new branch of Summer hits debuting here, actually, and I’ll be interested in seeing how all of these songs go after their debut, all of which are in the bottom half so they all have that risk factor – they could grow and become bonafide smashes or they could get caught in the shuffle, but even in the songs I don’t like (which to be fair is most of them) I see possible hits. Worst of the Week is definitely going to the Jonas Brothers for “Cool”, though, and even though I don’t hate “All Day and Night”, I don’t like it, and Jax Jones, Martin Solveig and Madison Beer are sadly getting the Dishonourable Mention. None of the other songs really show up as highlights except the Best of the Week, which is going to Alec Benjamin and Alessia Cara for “Let Me Down Slowly”. I really see that one succeed. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more pop music ramblings and Top 20 rankings, and I’ll see you next week!

  �H��

[digdeepergravedigger09]

So I was tagged both by @naferty and @imaginestarkquill about this ... post meme thing. It took a while because of some certain questions. And also I talk a LOT. It’s just a thing I do. Talk a lot. Get into a tangent. I may have taken this way too seriously. One of the questions also contain a certain aspect of myself that I really dislike about myself. I tried to answer honestly, but I have to admit I am very defensive and I’ve qualified a lot of things trying to excuse myself. I answered it as honestly as I would on a personal blog that this is.

Also, gross insect death.

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 20 blogs you would like to know better!

A - age: 25... 26? I’m not entirely sure. It’s hard to remember when you’re one year older than your birthdate says you are apparently B - birthplace: Korea C - current time: 3.46 PM D - drink you last had: Water E - easiest person to talk to: It depends on what I want to talk about. I usually talk most of everything with my mom, and all that I don’t want to talk about with her, with my bf, and all that I don’t want to talk with either of them, with @deredana.  F - favorite song: For the longest of time, it had been Chrystalanthemums from the Homestuck Album 1-4, but these days I’m in love with Hey Judy by Julie Robert from the Event [0] Soundtrack.

Continued under Keep reading.

G - grossest memory: Grade 7. First biology class of the year. Sat next to this kid who had a plastic folder/bag. Very sturdy, holds textbooks. There was a fly in the room, and apparently it sat on the table, before this kid with the bag. He slams it on the fly. Apparently, the fly tried to take off, but its lower... half... got crushed by the folder bag. Apart from the disgusting black mess that was the fly, there were.... white... tiny... things. That were crawling everywhere. Just... tiny, tiny tiny maggots crawling to every which direction. I don’t remember what happened after that, but I’m still scared of hitting/killing flies that I will just run away from them instead of swatting them away. I don’t want to look at flies, I don’t want to think about flies.  H - horror yes or horror no: Horror no. Just no. Thriller is fine, but horror is no. I - in love?: In love what? Am I in love? What is love? Baby don’t hurt me No but seriously, everything that people say about “love” seem to be accepted to be all simultaneously accurate and incoherent mess of contradictions. How can you know the “love” you say is the same “love” I feel? I know “love” can be felt in differing intensity, but how would I know, in the root, that they are the same feeling? I can’t tell if I am “in love” because I don’t know if what I’m feeling is love. I don’t understand whatever feeling the world’s literature describes love to be, it’s all nonsense. I think I’d prefer the phrase “extreme fondness” over “love” to be honest. “Love” is such a loaded word. But yeah, I guess I am “in love” currently, with someone.  J - jealous of people?: Yes. I’m a jealous and envious person. I hate that I can’t be 100% genuine when I say I congratulate people for succeeding, especially in areas where I myself want to succeed. I don’t actually hate the individuals themselves, I don’t think. But I do get resentful - I know that it is irrational and petty and ridiculous and just overall it says a lot about what person I am - when I am not the best/better. I think I got it down to a point where I will have a constant, low undercurrent of envy and resentment under my skin, but I like to think that I do a good job on not outwardly hating the people themselves for their success, at the very least. And I know this might taint some people’s perception of myself, that I may be lying to them about me being happy for their success. I’m not lying about that part; I really am glad they are getting a good thing in their life. But if you don’t believe me (and I don’t blame you, after everything I’ve written), don’t mind the selfish person being jealous. You got your success because you worked hard for it, or if it was a lucky break, but it was your well-deserved lucky break.  K - killed someone?: Only in my dreams. Wow, that sounds wrong. I mean nightmares. But also dreams sometimes. I kill a lot of people in both my dreams and nightmares. That’s not a better answer.  L - love at first sight or should I walk by again: I don’t believe in “love” at first sight. I prefer the understanding that “love” comes after years of stable, familiar relationship where you can accept everything of each other. So, no, no love at first sight, nor walking by again would help. M - middle name: I don’t have a middle name. N - number of siblings: I’m an only child. O - one wish: To have enough money to not have the audacity to make up an excuse to pass by any people who ask for help on the streets. To have enough money that I made on my own, to not be a burden on my parents or on my significant other. To be self sufficient and more, to be able to be generous without feeling guilty and facetious. P - person you called last: My boyfriend. Q - question you’re always asked: "How’s life?” “What will you do after you do (this thing I’m currently doing)?” Everything is going horribly, thank you, and I have no idea where my life is headed currently. But I’m trying to manage everything. I appreciate that you’re trying to help, and they probably will help in the end, but right now as I hear that question I am filled with anger and resentment and everything that pops into my head is venom and vitriol.  Unfortunately I don’t get asked many questions that don’t have to do with things I hate to think about the most. R - reason to smile: Healthy, happy animals. People who enjoy their lives. (I’m envious, but I’m also happy to see others be happy and passionate about their life and work. I don’t know what that’s about either) S - song you sang last: As in Karaoke? It’s been so long - 낭만고양이 by Cherry Filter, I suppose. Gosh, it’s been ages. Just by myself? Art is Dead by Bo Burnham.  U - underwear color: Navy and Black. V - vacation: I might go to where my parents are for like a week, once everything is over.  X - x-rays: What do you want from this question? I don’t understand. Have I ever been x-ray’d? Yes. I think most people would have, at least once in their lives? Y - your favourite food: Noodles. All noodles. Instant noodles, Udon, Ramen, Gooksoo, Pho, Bun Cha, Spaghetti, Phat Thai, Bun Bo Hue, etc and all that I may not remember. With few notable exceptions: I don’t like Korean Soy noodles, and I don’t particularly enjoy vermicelli, unless cooked in a very specific dish. Z - zodiac sign: Virgo    

 I do have some certain people I would like to get to know better. I have a feeling many of you have already done this - it’s been a while since I got tagged too, so. But if you haven’t, please do?  @reioka @tonystarktogo @saved-by-the-notepad @westbrookwestbooks @feelingsinwinter @deredana @beir @bloody-bee-tea and any of you who might want to try too, consider yourselves tagged! 

[slothcritic]

Dragon Ball Z Abridged - Episode 1

Rocky start. Piccolo is the only saving grace of this episode.

Right, let’s get right into this one.

“The Return of Raditz! … Wait…” starts off with a standard “nature is beautiful” sequence that begs to be usurped in any non-documentary video. Record scratch, something crashes into the ground and scares the pink turkey chickens milling about. The farmer cries for his marijuana patch (which admittedly I find hilarious) but then corrects himself to say its actually totally just a carrot patch guys. But no one is around, so this feels more like a jab at the viewer, for the creators to say “Ah? Ah? You see that? We’re funny.”

After a pointless joke about arriving at Earth “with open bar” and a clumsy comparison to Sonic the Hedgehog, Raditz makes his appearance, and within his first line of dialogue mentions two characters that haven’t appeared yet. This creates a problem.

On the one hand, foreshadowing and inside jokes are awesome: Much later in the series, Goku references Goten and Vegeta references Tarble. These examples work... if you’ve seen the source content. Granted, it’s an “abridged” series, you might be thinking “well, who HASN’T seen the original DBZ?” and I can tell you that I specifically watched DBZ just so I would understand all the jokes from DBZA. I watched four episodes in, got annoyed with all the very obvious jokes and references I was missing out on, and binged the entire DBZ series over the summer. It’s also simply a matter of how well you can tell a story, and leaving out key plot points because you feel like your viewership is already “in the know” isolates outsiders.

I understand most of the references within DBZA (not all of them, the later episodes get incredibly subtle), but a fresh observer might not. So for someone who’s never seen DBZ, this is confusing and unnecessary. So it doesn’t work for them.

This specific example isn’t remarkable either for show-watchers. Raditz mentions Kakarot and Turles, and while the former works, the latter doesn’t. Turles is too inconsequential to the story and is completely removed from Raditz as a character. In my opinion, the two are only mentioned for their similar appearance and nothing beyond that. So it doesn’t work for them.

It just does not work.

After a relatively (and I strongly use the word “relatively” here) solid bit, Raditz mentions another yet-established and barely-related character.

After the title sequence, we’re introduced to a much more interesting character within his first few lines of dialogue, and that carries through to the MySpace joke. While this scene does not hold up to time (and dates the show immensely), I can vouch that this scene was good for its time, and puts us at the (contextually, not objectively) best joke of the episode thus far.

Presently though it’s only purpose is to show that Piccolo has only one friend because he’s lonely. For the very few who are not aware, Tom is the default friend you get just from opening an account.

After yelling (through a cheap microphone I might add) some in-your-face exposition, Raditz lands in front of Piccolo, who he had mistaken for Kakarot. Piccolo responds. “I’ve got green skin, pointy ears, and a turban. Oh yeah, I must look like so many other people.”

This line supersedes the episode.

The next scene is infamously iconic within the TFS fanbase and represents something bigger than its face value. The voice actors, shattering the fourth wall, get into a fight over the name of Raditz’s special attack, which results in Raditz being voiced by someone completely different for the rest of the show.

The most important thing about this scene is that is shows creativity, and represents the first breadcrumb in the trail for what TFS had in mind for the series back then. But if we regard “The Return of Raditz! … Wait…” as a standalone, and mark it objectively based on its self-contained qualities, it becomes apparent how much of a flop this is. It’s a pointless, do-nothing skit that has an arbitrary payoff. It also comes off as a little presumptuous, especially as the first episode of an abridged series, which back then were popping up like crazy. Remember when let’s plays and minecraft videos were booming? It was basically that. The voice actors are placing themselves on a pedestal mid-way through their first ever episode.

Moving on, girls just want to have fun and the blue-haired girl makes her first appearance. She’s meeting friends apparently, and upon introduction, she’s met with “Boobs! I mean Bulma.”

There’s a lot I could say about this. It could be a dig at how she’s the only female character in the main cast (arguably excluding Chi-Chi), or it could be a suggestion that Krillin has a crush on her, or that Krillin is just a pervert and that was the first thing he associates with Bulma. I’ll just say it’s a poor line and move on.

The next notable scene has a man in orange arriving at the island with a small child in his arms. Bulma calls him Goku and Krillin calls him Tail, a tongue-in-cheek riff on his "Boobs!" line and saves TFS a little face, though not enough to make worth the former.

Conversely, there's references to Dragon Ball here regarding their exposition, which is different from making references to yet-established parts of Dragon Ball Z. However, chances are if people watching this haven't seen DBZ, they're not going to have seen the original DB. Assuming the shows didn't exist and this was its own product, no one knows whats happening here. People might regard this as a place where show-savvy viewers get to laugh at inside jokes that need no explanation, but to those who haven't, it's... Well, no need to be repetitive.

Goku admits to having a son, and the characters begin to hint at "So, that means you had sex right?" Goku is completely oblivious: The first indication the viewer has that Goku might not be the sharpest knife in the crayon box. The effect of Roshi "whooshing" next to Goku catches my eye as good sound design, which while sparse in the early episodes becomes commonplace later in the series.

We learn that Goku's son is being groomed to be a scholar, rather than a fighter like his father, and that he has a powerful MacGuffin strapped to his head, making him a huge target for greedy villains.

When Goku feels a powerful energy level, he compares it to the biggest thing he can think of: Krillin's losing streak... in the first episode... with a character that's had less than ten seconds of screen time. We don't really know how big of a losing streak this is, so the remark itself loses a lot of potential power. It's only real merit is exposition; At least we get an idea here that Krillin the series butt monkey.

Raditz swoops in and drops some knowledge, about who Kakarot is, why Goku/Kakarot is on Earth, why HE is on Earth, and their fraternal relationship. It's dense, fast, and to anyone who didn't watch DBZ first, I pity you. None of it will make any sense. It's just something you've gotta "go with". He then uses his tail to smack Krillin into Kame House, thus christening the first notch on Krillin Owned Count. This works better as a running gag than it does in the first episode.

Goku shows more concern for the house than Krillin, and then explains the MacGuffin Dragon Balls in more detail: They can grant any wish you want, including immortality.

Cut to a random pig (Oolong) chiming in that you can also wish for Bulma's panties. Uh... What?

This is not necessarily wrong unlike the "Boobs!" line, considering Oolong does exactly this in DBZ, but this is the first time Oolong makes an appearance in "The Return of Raditz! … Wait…" It's a very abrupt appearance with no explanation. No one addresses him before or after this. His name isn’t even mentioned in the episode. And why is he inside when everyone else is outside?

Cut to Vegeta and Nappa who have apparently heard Goku through Raditz's scouter. Wait, that hasn't been explained yet either! We get the barest glimpse at Nappa's character while Vegeta is, well, there. Raditz explains they're going to kill everyone on the planet and sell it, Goku objects, and Raditz smacks him into the ground. He kidnaps Goku's son and then flies off, for perhaps no other reason than "Fuck you I'm evil" It all happens pretty quick.

Krillin, despite being "bitch slapped through a house", is unable to stop him and thus takes the blame, for no other reason than being the butt monkey.

Piccolo shows up and openly mocks Goku for having his shit shoved in and losing his son, further cementing him the most interesting character in this episode. Goku then convinces Piccolo to join forces with him to confront Raditz, and in exchange, he'll friend Piccolo on Myspace.

"Tom you've been replaced." is a relatively fullfilling wraparound and a good ending for a... well, bad episode.

Conclusion

It's bad. There's no way around it. Let me break down why if it hasn't already been made clear.

The characters: Raditz the Walking Exposition, Krillin the Butt Monkey, Goku the Idiot and Piccolo, that's it. Everyone else is a non-character at this point. Piccolo, though handled in a slightly clumsy fashion, is shown to be the most diverse character here. The snark, the "fuck it" attitude, and the going joke that he's lonely. Goku's character isn't well defined beyond what he is. He's a father, a fighter, a Saiyan, Raditz's brother, but those are all things that have nothing to do with his personality. All we really get aside from "he's dumb" is that he's just a vessel for the plot to move forward. Raditz is literally pure exposition. He has no character traits aside from being a dick. Krillin is given the Milhouse treatment.

The writing: What is going on here?

The production quality: Old grainy footage, fine I can deal with that. It's how the original DBZ looks. Most people would shit on this, and KaiserNeko (the lead editor) does switch over to higher quality source footage for Season 2, but I personally won't knock it. What I will knock is the microphone quality. This is most noticable when Raditz and Piccolo meet. Contextually, I get it. It's the first episode, everyone in the main cast is like 19-20 years old at this point, maybe still live with their parents, maybe just have a default headset mic, everyone knows what that's like. Objectively, it's still terrible.

Score: 35

Passing Thoughts

MasakoX does the voice for Master Roshi very early on, before Lanipator took over the role. I’ve always imagined early Roshi as more like a teddy bear, whereas Roshi 2.0 was definitely “lecherous old man” to a P.

"Holy black on a Popo!" - Hasn't been established yet, but I like it.

[deanssweetheart23]

Another tag game (I looove these)

Rules: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours, and when you are done tag up to 10 people and also tag the person who tagged you… And most importantly, have fun!

Tagged by: the one and only @impala-dreamer Thanks for tagging me <3 

a - age: 19 going on 20 (I’m just a baby, yeah, I know.) b - biggest fear: Losing someone I love. c - current time: 5:27 pm d - drink you last had: Coffee. Always coffee. e - every day starts with:  Breakfast, though my idea of breakfast is a glass of milk and a bar of black chocolate or a muffin. Is it healthy? No. Do I love it? Yup. f - favorite song: That’s a really hard question. Mmm. “One” and “Thinking Out Loud” by Ed Sheeran. “Lost” by Michael Buble. “How To Save A Life” by The Fray. “Stand By Me” by Ben E. King, “Highway To Hell” by AC/DC, “1973″ and “Same Mistake” by James Blunt and definitely “Tennesse Whiskey” by Chris Stapleton.

g - ghosts, are they real: Hmmm. Don’t know. I mean, if I say “no” and piss one of them off I’m pretty sure they’ll come for me so...  h - hometown: Athens but not in the city center thankfully.  i - in love with: Dean Winchester. I blame him for my high standards. j - jealous of: No one really. But I do look up to a lot of people for all kinds of reasons. k - killed someone: With my sarcasm? Every day. For real though? Nope. Not yet.  l - last time you cried: last Sunday. I was re-watching “Bad Boys” from season 9 and the ending hit me right in the feels. (Yeah, I cry with TV shows. And movies. And songs. I’m all for chick-flick moments, guys.) m - middle name:  Don’t have one. Literally, no one in my family has a middle name. We’re boring people. n - number of siblings: One brother and, trust me, he sucks all the life out of me. (But I love him unfortunately) o - one wish: For me to stop worrying so much about literally everything. p - person you last called/texted: Mum (side note: it’s always mum) q - questions you’re always asked: “Can I borrow your notes so I can make photocopies?” or/and “What are you reading this week?” I’m such a nerd.

r - reasons to smile:  sunshine, puppies, flowers, good music, great books, friends, family, coffee, Dean and Sam Winchester/Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki, Haley James and Nathan Scott, chocolate.

s - song last sang: Not sure. Either “Unsteady” by X Ambassadors or “City Of Stars” from La La Land. 

t - time you woke up: 11:00 am because it’s Saturday, it’s raining and I’m sick. u - underwear color: Baby blue  v - vacation destination: Paros, Naxos and anywhere in Italy or Spain. w - worst habit: I tend to bottle a lot of things up because I don’t like complaining, burdening others and appearing vulnerable. So, yeah, Dean Winchester and I are practically soulmates.

x - x-rays you’ve had: Hmmm, not sure. Three for my hand and two for my leg for sure. Maybe more.

y - your favorite food: Chicken meatloaf with fries, pasta with shrimps and tomato sauce and, last but not least, pastitsio (it’s a Greek recipe and trust me, it’s delicious)

z - zodiac sign: Taurus

I tag : @ravengirl94 @supernatural-jackles @jpadjackles @percywinchester27 and anyone else who wants to do it. Go ahead, guys! <3

[thatashame]

GroundWork; Q’n’A

ABOUT

Let me cut right to the chase, if I may. Go ahead. Ok. Just one more second... Bring it on, man. Do your worst. Show me what you got. Hey, easy on the tough guy talk. You got it. Sorry. Ok. I'm going to ask you about this Groundwork book. Shoot. What's the point? What's it meant to do? Wouldn't the world be a better place without it? Why don't I answer these one at a time, all right. Actually, now that I think about it, the first two are pretty much the same question. I guess you're right. Ok then. Groundwork is a textbook. Textbooks are supposed to teach people things. Does this one? I'm pretty sure it does. Then how come my client didn't learn a thing? Is your client by any chance a fat lazy moron with no work ethic? Yes, but that's beside the point here. See, that's where you're wrong. Explain. This is a two-way street we're talking about here. How so? Well, this book does have a lot to offer. But at the same time it asks a lot of the reader. Like what? Like that you actually read it and think about what it says and try hard to remember what you read. I see. Does it say that anywhere in the book? It's a given. My client begs to differ. Then your client shouldn't have bought the book. Well, he did. I didn't hold a gun to his head, did I? Although I wish I did now. Anyway, isn't it enough that he paid for the book? Is he expected to put in some work on top of that? Sorry to break it to you, but that's how learning generally works. I see. Listen, you sound like a reasonable person, unlike that waste of space you're representing. It's awfully nice of you to say that. The first part, I mean. So I wonder if maybe you have a recommendation? How is my client going to improve his English? He isn't. Would you mind expanding on that? Happily. It's pretty obvious that your client is a good-for-nothing slob with no ambition other than being a pain in the ass, someone who would rather make excuses for himself than buckle down, hit the books and get some work done. Wow. You really nailed it. That pretty much sums the guy up. It does, doesn't it? Yeah. Also, suing an English teacher? What kind of a dick move is that? You can say that again. Anyway, could you repeat what you just called him one more time so I can write it down? Sure. Does this mean you're dropping the lawsuit? Oh yeah, for sure. My heart was never in it anyway. I could tell. Wanna grab a beer later? Why the hell not. BY So who wrote this thing anyway? A guy. What guy? What's his name? What's he like? Does he dye his hair? Does he HAVE hair? Does he know how to replace a flat tire? Didn't he used to date my cousin? Stop already. Does any of that really matter? I mean, what difference does it make if he's getting a bald spot or he hasn't gone grocery shopping in fifteen years? It has nothing to do with what's in the book. I guess. Still, I wonder who's behind all of this. Maybe you're better off not knowing. What do you mean? What if the guy's a jerk? What if he did date your cousin, the ugly one with the lisp? What if he married her and never told you? What if he kidnaps little children and makes them read his books? Oh my God. I never thought of that. Makes you wonder, huh. Sure does. I hate that guy now. I wish he was dead. I should never have bought his book. Well, at least you learned a lesson. I guess I did. What's the lesson again? I don't really know. Don't trust anybody in their early 40s? Oh, right. © Hey, do you think this book's copyrighted? Why are you asking me that? I was thinking that maybe we could steal it. You mean like the whole thing? Like, just reprint it? Yeah. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Well, we could get sued. By who? This guy's a nobody. He wouldn't dare mess with us. Apparently not. Besides, unless he has copyright, we're off the hook. I guess. What's copyright anyway? It means there's a piece of paper that says, This here is mine, I'm the one who created this and whoever tries to cheat me out of money is gonna hear from my lawyer. Oh, I'd hate to hear from anybody's lawyer. So would I. But the thing is, getting that piece of paper is kind of expensive. Oh. Well, the guy who wrote this, he sounds kind of cheap. He sure does. I don't think he could afford a lawyer. Also, who cares? That's a good point. All this legal stuff goes way over my head anyway. Hey, don't blame me. You're the one that brought it up. Fair enough. So you're not worried that we could get in trouble? Hell no. This is a win-win situation. Not for the guy, it isn't. Right. Forgot about him. But mark my words, this book is going to make us filthy rich. What if no one buys it, though? I mean, it's a grammar textbook. It is? I haven't read it. You haven't? No. I assumed it was one of those vampire books. Whatever gave you that idea? It says Grammar right here on the cover. Oh, give me a break. I'm too busy making money to read stuff. Including the stuff that's supposed to make you all that money? Huh? You know what, forget about it. Wanna shoot some pool? Sounds great. Ok. So just to be sure, the book thing's off, right? What book thing? Never mind. Line up the balls, will you? D.O.A. Hey bro, how many of these are you thinking of printing? What do you think would be a good first run? Depends on how many readers there are out there. Let me think. Uh, right now... there... are... none. You're a real smartass, you know that? I do. What was the question again? Once the book's out, how many buyers will there be, you think? Not many. A couple dozen? A couple? Half of a couple? Oh. Well then, here's an idea. Don't print it. Just save yourself the trouble. Financially speaking, that makes total sense and I appreciate it. Except... Why do I even bother giving you advice? Look, I just can't not print it. It'd kill me. This book deserves to exist. Even if no one gives a rat's ass about it? Especially then. Seriously, man. Would anyone care if this book didn't exist? Not that I know of. Sounds like a no-brainer to me, sorry. I know. I'm still going to go through with it, though. Well, consider yourself warned. I will. Hey, can I borrow a grand? You have got to be kidding me. No, really. I'm broke. And the book wants out. You got a hell of a nerve, man. I know. I get that from Dad. Of course you do. Let me get my wallet. And that pretty much covers everything you really need to know about this book. ABOUT Tak já půjdu přímo k jádru věci, jestli to nevadí. Klidně. Ještě chvilinku... Sem s tím. Se předveďte. Ukažte, co ve vás je. Ty drsné řeči trošku omezíme, ano. Jasně. Omlouvám se. Tak. Dám vám několik dotazů ohledně knihy Groundwork. Ptejte se. Jaký má kniha smysl? Co je jejím cílem? Nebylo by bez ní na světě líp? Já na ty dotazy s dovolením odpovím postupně, ano? No, když nad tím tak přemýšlím, ty první dva jsou v podstatě shodné. To asi jo. Dobrá tedy. Groundwork je učebnice. Učebnice mají za úkol učit. A tahle učí? Podle mě určitě. Tak jak to, že můj klient se z ní nic nenaučil? Není to náhodou tak, že váš klient je líný tlustý pamprd, kterému se nechce pracovat? To sice ano, ale o to nejde. No a v tom se právě mýlíte. To mi vysvětlete. Tahle knížka totiž vyžaduje úsilí na obou stranách. V jakém smyslu? No, ona sice hodně nabízí, ale zároveň toho po čtenáři hodně chce. Co třeba? Třeba to, aby ji skutečně četl a přemýšlel nad tím co čte a snažil se něco si semtam zapamatovat. Aha. Je tohle někde v knize zmíněno? Ne. To se rozumí samo sebou. Můj klient se na to dívá jinak. Pak si váš klient tuhle knihu neměl pořizovat. Už se stalo. Stál jsem snad za ním s nabitou puškou? Nestál. A teď vidím, že je to škoda. Nestačí snad, že za tu knihu zaplatil? To se ještě předpokládá, že bude muset vynaložit nějaké úsilí? Asi to neuslyšíte rád, ale tak to při učení všeobecně chodí. Aha. Poslyšte, vy mi připadáte jako rozumná ženská, na rozdíl od toho hňupa, co ho tady zastupujete. To ráda slyším, tedy tu první část. Doporučil byste mému klientovi něco? Jak si zlepší svou angličtinu? Nezlepší si ji nijak. Mohl byste být konkrétnější? Rád. Je zcela evidentní, že váš klient je naprostý budižkničemu bez jakékoli touhy se někam posunout, který dokáže jenom otravovat a prudit a který radši hledá výmluvy, než aby zabral, sedl ke knížkám a něco se naučil. No teda. To jste ho vystihl úplně přesně. Takový on fakt je. Že jo? Jo. A žalovat učitele angličtiny, to přece může udělat jenom debil. Souhlas. Mohl byste mi prosím ještě jednou zopakovat, jak jste ho před chvílí popsal, abych si to mohla zapsat? Není problém. Takže beru to tak, že žalobu stahujete? Pochopitelně. Mě to stejně nějak nebralo. To mi bylo od začátku jasné. Co, nezajdeme spolu na jedno? Výborný nápad. BY Takže kdo to vůbec napsal, tady toto? Jakýsi borec. Jaký? Jak se jmenuje? Co je to za člověka? Barví si vlasy? Má vůbec vlasy? Umí vyměnit pneumatiku? Nechodil náhodou s mou sestřenicí? Už toho nechej. Vždyť na tom vůbec nesejde, co je zač. Hraje snad nějakou roli to, že začíná plešatět nebo že už patnáct roků nebyl na nákupu? S knížkou jako takovou to nemá nic společného. To máš asi pravdu. Ale stejně by mě zajímalo, kdo za tím stojí. Možná je lepší nic nevědět. Jak jako? Co když je to nějaký pitomec? Co když s tou tvojí sestřenicí fakt chodil, s tou škaredou, co šišlá? Co když se vzali a neřekli ti o tom? Co když unáší malé děti a nutí je číst ty svoje učebnice? Ježišmarjá, to mě vůbec nenapadlo. To jsou mi věci. Vidíš? Už o něm nechci ani slyšet. Doufám, že chcípne. A tu jeho knížku jsem si neměl kupovat. Aspoň jsi zas o něco chytřejší, že? To nejspíš ano. A o co přesně? O to, že už nebudeš důvěřovat lidem co je jim lehce přes čtyřicet. Jo, o to. © Ty, myslíš, že na tuhle knížku má někdo copyright? Proč se mě na to ptáš? Sem si říkal, že bysme ji čórli. Jakože celou? Že bysme ji prostě přetiskli? Jo. Co tak hrozného se nám může stát? Mohli by nás zažalovat. A kdo, prosímtě? Tenhle borec je úplná nula. Ten by se ničeho neodvážil. To asi ne. Navíc, pokud ten copyright nemá, tak jsme úplně z obliga. Jo. Co to vůbec je, ten copyright? To je takový papír, na kterém je něco ve smyslu, Toto je moje, to jsem vytvořil já a kdo mě bude chtít odrbat, na toho pošlu právníka. Já bych nerad, aby na mě někdo posílal právníka. Já taky. Ale jde o to, že ten papír není úplně levný. Aha. Ten týpek je podle všeho docela držgrešle. No právě. Podle mě si právníka ani nemůže dovolit. A i kdyby, tak co? To je pravda. Mě všechny tyhle právnické věci stejně úplně míjí. No, na mě se nedívej, tys s tím přišel. To uznávám. Takže ty se nebojíš, že bysme z toho mohli mít nějaké problémy? Vůbec ne. Tohle je pro všechny strany přínosné. Kromě toho druhého člověka. Jo, na toho jsem zapomněl. Ale pamatuj – tahle knížka nám vydělá hromadu peněz. Co když si ji nikdo nekoupí? Ona je to přece jenom učebnice gramatiky. Jo? Já jsem se do ní nedíval. Ty ses do ní nedíval? Ne. Já jsem předpokládal, že to je něco s těma upírama. Jak tě něco takového vůbec napadlo? Přímo tady na obale je napsáno Gramatika. Furt se do mě kruci nenavážej. Já mám tolik práce s vyděláváním peněz, že nemám čas číst. Nemáš čas číst ani to, co ti ty peníze má vydělat? Co prosím? Nic, zapomeň na to. Nedáme kulec? Supr nápad. Fajn. Takže to s tou knížkou se ruší, chápu to správně? S jakou knížkou? Žádnou. Připrav koule, jo? D.O.A. Brácho, poslyš, kolik přemýšlíš, že těch knížek vytiskneš? Co myslíš, že by byl dobrý náklad? Přijde na to, kolik máš čtenářů. Moment. Aktuálně... mám... nula čtenářů. Ty chytrolíne. No jo. Na co ses to ptal? Až ta knížka vyjde, kolik lidí si ji myslíš koupí? Málo. Pár desítek? Pár? Půlka páru? V tom případě ti poradím – nic netiskni. Ušetříš si spoustu problémů. Z finančního hlediska je to skvělá rada a díky ti za ni. Akorát že... Že já se vůbec snažím ti radit. Podívej, já to vytisknout prostě musím, jinak bych strašně trpěl. Tahle knížka si zaslouží existovat. I pokud o ni nikdo ani nezavadí? Obzvláště pokud o ni nikdo ani nezavadí. Teď vážně. Vadilo by někomu, kdyby neexistovala? O nikom takovém nevím. Tak potom není co řešit, sorry. Chápu. Já do toho ale stejně půjdu. Varoval jsem tě. Já vím. Ty, nepůjčil bys mi litr? Si snad děláš prdel. Nedělám, jsem úplně bez peněz. A ta knížka musí vyjít. Neuvěřitelná drzost, fakt. To mám po otci. To jo. Zajdu si pro peněženku. A to je tak zhruba všechno co o téhle knize potřebujete vědět.