#but yeah I feel like she’s gonna regret doing this to midnights in retrospect

[phildumphy]

.

[demonhuntersuggestion]

((okay so..... I’ve begun to realize that Lio’s interactions with other characters lately are kinda far from the original ideas I had for his character, so... here’s some random drabbles of Lio when he’s got no one to talk to, set at random points between when he and Annie broke up and now))

Title: I Don’t Care, I Don’t Care 

---

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-

He had trouble getting home. For one, it was dead midnight. And one of the three people he trusted in the entire world just told him to fuck off and god it hurt so much, and he was too focused on holding back tears to navigate efficiently back home. 

Maybe he shouldn’t have run off immediately after they’d talked--maybe he was a bit hasty in assuming the conversation was over, maybe she had more to say to him, maybe he should have taken time to collect the things he’d left in the Realm before leaving her life forever. But now was too late, and there was no way he was going back to her after learning just how she felt now. 

It didn’t matter anyway. She split off from him and he should just accept it. 

He felt a storm of emotions rampaging in him, some volatile mix of sadness, anger, fear, regret, and confusion, all reaching out to rip his heart out of his chest.

He swallowed it and kept walking. 

---

He barely graduated with a passing GPA. He should’ve been relieved, but... What would stop him from going home now? 

As it turns out, it’s fairly easy to just not go home. Who would’ve thought? It raised plenty of questions, but he was quick-witted and distant enough that they stopped asking him, and at the very least trusted him not to get killed. Or worse, disgrace the family. 

Or whatever.

He had one or two friends who would’ve been happy to keep him company. But he knew that’d change soon enough: Wilson, he had potential, and he had dreams, and his own demons to run from. Besides, he’d be going off to college soon, and An--Aurelio would just be here, in Fairbairn. Existing. 

There goes another friend. 

The goodbye was tearful, for one of them, anyway. Wilson promised to keep in touch, but they both knew how busy he’d be once he got there. The odds he’d remember the only other queer kid in town were pretty slim.

The two of them shared a quick, awkward hug before Aurelio never saw him again. 

---

“Annie.”

It was really only a name. Just another sound in the vicious cacophony of jargon we call “several conversations happening at once. He fiddled with the fork and the dry slice of turkey. 

“Annie.”

His eyebrows furrow, and he thinks a little more into it. Was it normal to linger on this kind of bullshit for so long? How many weeks has it been? 

“Annie.”

There was no way his retrospective bullshit could be typical. He must’ve been all kinds of pathetic. He sta

“Anaïs, are you even trying to listen?”

He blinked out of his thoughts and looked at his father, who was glaring at him with the look of a man who was minorly inconvenienced for the last time. He sounded a lot louder when he snapped at Aurelio, but nobody else at the table seemed to have noticed, chattering away ignorantly. Or maybe they just didn’t care?

He blinked again, composing a simple response of “Sorry, dad, I zoned out.”

The man didn’t seem to approve. “God, you’ve been such a crybaby lately,” and then he stiffened, like he’d accidentally slipped out a swear in front of a child, and turned to the plain man sitting on his left and said “Sorry, Father.” 

The man, apparently a priest, regarded him with cool disinterest, “Don’t worry about it,” he replies, dismissing the venial sin. He seemed more concerned with the way the teen at the end of the table seemed more withdrawn than other teenagers. And how slowly she responded to her own name. 

Not that he seemed to notice. Aurelio was too lost in his thoughts to care. 

He waited until the Thanksgiving meal was over, and he slipped away almost unnoticed. 

---

I should’ve gone to art school. 

He took a step back and admired his handiwork. The culmination of several hours’ time and a few potential charges of vandalism. He chuckled, capping the can of spray paint and tossing it back into his bag, setting about to collect the others. 

“Hey!”

He took a glance in the general direction of the voice, barely catching a glimpse of police officer-blue before he was off, scrambling up a nearby wall and flying off cackling across the rooftops as the cop frustratedly yelled at him with the disappointing knowledge that there was no way he was catching that kid anymore. 

Now, he had to deal with rather obscene “street art” across the front of the local high school. 

He was definitely gonna get his ear chewed off for this.

---

He felt dizzy, giggly, really warm, and weirdly extroverted all at the same time. The other guy didn’t seem surprised. Aurelio seemed to have trouble remembering his name--Alan? Alex? Abram? 

“How d’you like it?” Abram asked, a corner of his lips curled up in an amused smile. 

“Isss...” the younger boy slurs, “Iz weird,” he states, swaying a little on his feet. 

He kind of liked the feeling. There were plenty of things he was forgetting, but he didn’t really seem to care. He just focused on a few things, like staying on his two feet, and the bottle in his hand, and how the boy in front of him laughed, at had put his hands on his shoulders now, and was holding him steady so he didn’t fall over. 

Aurelio looked the other boy in the eyes. “Hey,” he said, leaning into Alan a little bit for support.

There was a look in his eye, something that Aurelio couldn’t yet identify as loving, malicious, or just lustful.. “Yeah?”

Aurelio half-closed his eyes, and he leaned in real close, so close he could feel Aiden’s breath on his lips, and whispered: “I like girls.”

They didn’t hang out much after that.

---

The woods were really quiet. Maybe because almost everyone, even Azzy, told him to steer clear of them. He enjoyed it out there. He almost felt at home. 

Of course, that didn’t stop him from tucking his dad’s .45 into the waistband of his jeans whenever he came out here.

Just in case.

---

He felt much better about the haircut after he got it. He’d never had it cut so short before! It was revolutionary. He ran a hand through the shaved fuzz on the side of his head, marveling at how stiff it felt now. 

I should’ve done this a long time ago.

The beanie felt strange as he covered his new undercut under it. The fabric was on his ears and neck now, and he was weirdly conscious of how it felt on skin now, rather than behind a layer of hair. 

It was a necessary discomfort, of course. There was no way his family would approve of his new style. There was a large chance his father would freak out, and his mother would cry at the gross, gay hairstyle her kid wore now. 

He wondered how they’d react when he dyed it. 

---

Two little orange lights sparked to life in the night behind the convenience store, one after the other. Two people breathed in, and one of them loudly coughed as the other coolly breathed in and out without issue.

The coughing one stared disgustedly at the thing that sat between his fingers. “How the hell do you enjoy this?”

The store clerk shrugged, “You get used to it.” 

They stood there in awkward silence for a moment, Aurelio staring at the cigarette in his hand. Then he brought it back to his lips and took in a breath.

---

The new room was sparsely furnished. A simple bed, a writing desk, and an empty shelf. There was a window opposite the door, hidden behind a set of brown curtains. He rolled his suitcase into a corner and dropped his backpack on the bed. 

It was home, now. 

It’d take some getting used to.

Father Francis stood behind him, hands in his coat pockets. “Is this good enough for you?” 

Aurelio rested his hands on his hips, glancing around the room. “Isn’t this guest room for visiting priests, or something?” 

The Father chuckled. “There’s a second one, just in case. If it comes to that, I’ll explain your ‘unique situation,’ and we can decide on who sleeps on the couch.” 

The boy was still skeptical. Very much so. “Why are you letting me stay here, again?”

Francis, to his credit, was kind and patient with the antsy young man. “You needed help, so I offered it. And besides,” he glanced warily at a very specific space in the air behind Aurelio. 

“I feel like you could use someone looking out for you.”

---

“Y’know, everyone always told me ‘smoking in the forest is dangerous! Weh, weh, weh!’“ Aurelio mimicked, even throwing in some hand gestures. He speaks around the cigarette in his mouth, “I mean, I know it is, but like... Okay, okay, yeah, I’m at fault here. Whatever.” 

The injured demon didn’t seem to understand him. Aurelio sighed and took the cigarette out of his mouth, pressing the lit end against the vulnerable creature’s skin. It hissed and writhed beneath him, weakly swiping at him with its claws. 

“God, you’re not even sentient are you?” he realizes, tossing the extinguished cigarette aside. He draws Francis’ 1911 from his holster. “Still, the living ashtray thing was kind of a dick move, so... Sorry about that, I guess.”

He clicked the safety off and pointed the gun at the monster’s head.

“And, uh, this.” 

---

He looked himself in the bathroom mirror. There was red all over him, and the sink, and the floor of the shower, and a little bit on the normal floor. 

But for a first dye job, it wasn’t that bad.

A giddy little smile bubbled up in him, and he ran a hand through his still-damp,  bright red hair. 

Yeah. Not bad at all. 

[heir-of-puns]

Homestuck Volume 10, One Year Later Retrospective!

Creata, by Seth “Beatfox” Peele: A very very good track to begin the last album. It just kind of embodies everything beautiful and epic about the finale of homestuck. Its beginning section is used in Collide, which brings you right into the first moments of the final battle and then, when you’re ready for the big hit and transition into Oppa Toby Style, the full version slams you with a full-out orchestra. Another thing I really really love about this one is its use of Song of Skaia. The original theme (Skies of Skaia) is used throughout the album, which I didn’t expect to be sure, but it works perfectly. We kind of forget about how important Skaia and universe creation is to the plot/lore of homestuck (which I think may have been one of the problems with Act 7 and our reactions to it but I won’t get into that).The lyrics are gorgeous too. Definitely check out the original Song of Skaia album by Mark Hadley and Tarien Ainuvë. I guess my only gripe is that the song is pretty obviously not a live orchestra or choir. That said, Beatfox did a damn good job with it. I would love love love to see a full orchestra/choir perform it.

Train, by George Buzinkai: The transition from Creata to Train may seem a bit jarring, but if Creata went straight into Of Gods and Witches we wouldn’t have time to relax. Train is just super fun, as are all of George’s songs. Speaking of, check out a bunch more songs like Train here! Also that track art tho. Not one of the strong tracks, but it doesn’t have to be with so many heavy-hitters.

Of Gods and Witches, by Tensei: Oh man, just. Goddamn. I just love this song so much. And what a beginning. The string part slams you full force and just when you think you’re getting comfortable with Jade's Pirates of the Caribbean Quest, Tensei’s classic guitar comes in. The swashbuckling nature of this one is a surprising choice for Jade, but every Jade song is a good Jade song and she definitely deserves such an awesome track. One gripe is that Doctor is referenced which has no connection to Jade but...whatevs I’m kind of weirdly obsessive about leitmotifs for whatever reason. I think Tensei said he did it to make the song 4:13. Worth it. This is one of my favorite strife-y tracks in the music canon for sure.

Beatup, by Clark Powell and Astro Kid: Beatdown is a song with a very interesting history in homestuck, not only because of its associations with Bro and his rooftop...ahem...training of Dave, but also because it was unfinished versions of Beatdown which caused the whole Bill Bolin thing. So Beatdown being featured so heavily on the album is a fun callback to the good ol’ days. And this is such a good version. That base. Makes you want to play it as party music or something. With the track art featuring both Dave and Dirk, I like to think of it as Dave’s reclamation of Beatdown, alongside his rooftop talk with Dirk and the reclamation of his identity since Bro’s death.

You Killed My Father (Prepare to Die), by Team Dogfight: Another one of my faves, though that doesn’t mean much because at least half this album are faves. This is pretty much number one on my list of songs I really want someone to do a full fan animation to, a la Rex Duodecim Angelus. Team Dogfight is amazing both as a group and as individual artists. Yishan Mai/Catboss (drums, mixing) has done tons of LOFAM music, including the Dance tribute songs (MeGaDanceVania, Dance-Stab-Dance, and Emissary of Dance) and so many others I can’t list them all. Listen to his solo stuff (especially Jar of Feelings), you won’t regret it. Will Ascenzo (orchestra, choir) has got to be one of my favorite musicians of all time. Her stuff is just...oh man. Check out Rust Apocalypse for more hs content, and also all of her original albums. DJ最テー (guitars) did Violet Prince and Iron Knight I believe, two tracks which have very much been growing on me lately. I just realized viaSatellite (bass) did Clockstopper (with infiniteKnife) which is my absolute favorite Dave song in the entire canon. David "Dirtiest" Dycus (synths, composition) and Ian White (trumpet) have also done tons of great LOFAM stuff. This song is just so fun and epic and cinematic. A+ yo.

Sound Judgement, by Malcolm Brown: First off, sick transition. Second, say what you want about the end of Terezi’s arc, but the fact that she got her own badass song on the final album says something about how amazing she is. Malcolm Brown is just the king of cinematic pieces, and this one is no exception. It does such a good job turning a pretty simple leitmotif (The Lemonsnout Turnabout/Terezi’s Theme) and making it super epic, which is a word I will keep using throughout this retrospective because I can’t think of another one. The main tune (hook?) of this one is also beautiful and emotional, both as the bells at the beginning and end and as the orchestra/guitar bit at the climax. Its use of Harlequin is obviously a reference to her fight with Gamzee pre-Game Over, though Harlequin is coincidentally also used in reference to John. So it fits both her pre- and post-Game Over arcs. 

Aggrievocation, by Mark Hadley: Considering how much it was used in Volume 5, I feel like we’ve forgotten about Aggrieve. Or maybe it was just me, whose intro to Rose’s music was almost all Chorale for Jaspers references. Aggrievocation was therefore another unexpected surprise, and damn I love it. It makes a nice little trilogy, too, with the original Aggrieve and Aggrievance from Vol.5. This would be my favorite badass Rose song if At the Price of Oblivion and Dance of Thorns didn’t exist

Stride, by Kalibration: I’m surprised neither official nor fan musicians have capitalized on the fact that Dave makes his own music in-canon. While we all know if he were from post-2009, he would deal exclusively in vaporwave, I like to think that Stride is the kind of thing he makes once he finally gets good. And considering the track art, I love the idea of him and Dirk making it together. This song exists in canon for all I’m concerned is what I’m saying. Also, this would make a great walk-around theme for either Dave or Dirk. This is the first of two great Moonsetter remixes on Vol.10, which is yet another happy surprise on this album. Moonsetter seems to have become a kind of hybrid Dirk/Meteor tune considering its original track art on Vol.9 and its use in Vriskagram. But we all know that Moonsetter is the official Gay theme now and I embrace that wholeheartedly. I...still have no idea where Showdown actually comes in though?

Skaian Overdrive*, by Thomas Ferkol: Ah, that good ol’ asterisk. Legend says that the music team video released in tandem with the album claimed Vol.10 included a track called Skaian Starstorm, which someone eventually realized was not the name of this track and was in fact an Astro Kid song from LOFAM 2. In correcting himself, Thomas (or whoever put it together, so probably RJ) placed the asterisk in the song title, which of course means that it is included as part of the title on the bandcamp page and on downloadeds. Who can say for sure if it was intentional or not, but I appreciate that we’ve all just accepted it as part of the title, either as a wink-wink or without knowing the backstory. Anyway, this is a great song for the Battlefield. I love Thomas’s metal stuff.

Freefall, by RJ Lake: It took me embarrassingly long to realize this was, in fact, a remix of RJ’s early version of Cascade (Beta). Cascade (Beta) itself has got to be one of my absolute favorites (which, again, doesn’t mean a whole lot) and this version is so much fun. It’s funky, epic, and I really really love those drop/clap bits. And it’s so great seeing a Cascade remix on the final hs album, harkening back to what was probably, for good or bad, homestuck’s apex.

Moonsweater, by David Ellis, Alto and Tenor Saxophone performed by Malik Refaat: My roommate is a jazz snob from New Orleans and he heard me playing this and came over to my side of the room to say it was really good and ask who it was by. Which, I think, is a major victory for homestuck music and a moment of pride for me. So apparently this is a great song even by jazz snob standards, which is sick as hell. Overall, just a fun bouncy song and another cool use of Moonsetter. And it’s nice to see the Midnight Crew featured on the album, whether they have anything to do with the song’s origins or not. Yeah the song is a bit long, but I can forgive it. Question though: is it sweater like sweat or sweater like the item of clothing? Plz advise. One is significantly weirder than the other and I assumed it was that one until recently. Another mystery which doesn’t need solving but heck if I’m not gonna try and solve it anyway, so nice work.

Castle, by George Buzinkai: Another fun, simple track from George. Again, check out his album of similar stuff I linked to above, and support George with your money and appreciation! The track art makes me think of this one as a song for the post-retcon Meteor Crew sneaking through Derse to save Jake and Roxy.

Skaian Happy Flight, by Seth “Beatfox” Peele: A fun remix of Skaian Ride, harkening back to the old days of Vol.5. A bit of a filler piece, but a fun one. Beatfox said he intended this one as a tribute to the music from the Never Ending Story. As such, notice the little Hussie riding Falcor in the background of the track art.

Voidlight, by Thomas Ferkol: Mmmm the more Calliope tracks the better. Thomas said this one was written as a tribute to Callie’s void bubble and her loneliness hiding in them which, yeah it works perfectly. I also like to think of this one as a theme for Alt-Calliope too, though, not only because I am starved of Alt-Callie Content, but also because those themes of loneliness Callie experiences in the void are mirrored really poignantly in Alt-Calliope’s characterization in-comic. A beautiful piece overall.

Beatdown DX, by Curt Blakeslee: As I mentioned earlier for Beatup, it’s neat seeing Beatdown come back full force on this album. Especially this one, which is a straight-up remaster of the original by its original creator. It’s awesome, especially considering that I don’t think he’s done anything else for the comic since the original Beatdowns from way back when. The original is purposefully harsh to reflect...yeah...but this one finally puts it to its full potential. The amazing track art (brought to you by the creator of Terepy herself) really drives the point home about what Beatdown represents for Dave’s character. I like to think of this one as how Bro sees the song/rooftop battles. Heroic, clean, fun, badass, classic video-game style. And we see from the art that what Bro is doing is none of those, and the original reflects Dave’s perspective on what was going on: harsh, dissonant, aggressive, violent. I do wish that this was included before Beatup on the album, since it represents the exact thing Dave reclaims with that version, as I mentioned earlier.

Solar Voyage, by Marcy Nabors: Oh man. This song. This song is such a great tribute to some of the most iconic songs in homestuck. Starts out with a pretty much one-to-one rendition of Ruins, then hits that sick-ass drop and flare beat, then that guitar. Oh man, that guitar. I wish I could make people feel the way that guitar makes me feel. And then to top it all off, another tribute to the iconic Explore. Three classics which work beautifully together. Also this one is a collaboration from pretty much everyone: Arrangement by Michael Guy Bowman, Marcy Nabors, Clark Powell, and Erik Scheele , Piano by Erik Scheele, Guitar by Tensei, Vocals by Paul Henderson and Marcy Nabors, Drums by Jamie Paige Stanley. The whole gang. And then that transition to.......

Feel (Alive), by Luke Benjamins and RJ Lake: This fucking song, I swear to god. It gets me so pumped. Every single time I listen to it I bounce along. I usually prefer songs with leitmotifs for added Emotions, but this has got to be one my top completely original pieces in the music canon. It goes so hard, it doesn’t even need a subject. The track art makes it a Meteor Crew (plus Jade) tribute, though, so I like to think of it playing as the Meteor is hurtling towards the Alpha session and their imminent doom, with everyone having lived three years of emotional turmoil and pubescence. Truly a masterpiece.

Breeze, by Erik Scheele: Yeah it’s a bit of a filler piece, but it’s a classy filler piece. I just imagine John chilling up in the clouds, free and relaxed. Maybe he packed a lunch for a little sky picnic. I don’t think it was written with John in mind but it’s called Breeze, so I dub it a John piece, so there. And then a tantalizing transition into...

Starfall, by Jeremy “Solatrus” Iamurri: I know we all thought of this one as just a little transition piece into Ascend originally, but after listening to it over the course of a year (!) I’ve grown to really love it. Solatrus has some amazing and unique stuff and out of everything he’s done, including solo albums, this is probably my favorite. I still can’t quite place exactly why I love it so much, there’s just...something about it that’s beautiful and ethereal and just really really cool. I like that the artist decided to go with a tribute to both Rose and the Reckoning for this piece, as it really works for both of them for similar reasons as above. It’s another one that transcends a subject, though, and I am a-okay with that. And then that transition into...

Ascend, by Tensei: No final album is complete without a big tribute to some of homestuck’s most classic tunes. I am such a sucker for those kind of songs and this one is just so much fun. That base drop though. That’s a good base drop. I can never help but laugh, however, at Tensei attempting to use it to make Johnradia canon which...a) is a boring ship b) the art doesn’t even suggest they’re romancey it just gives cool feelings about badass god tiers extending a hand to those who have Ascended and c) the song was, of course, used in the Credits and constitutes our current, but probably final let’s be serious Last Music in Homestuck, and the only ship we associate with it now is Rosemary getting Rosemarried which I think is a very poetic backfire for Tensei. But credit where credit is due, Tensei is still one of my favorite artists and he really delivers a super fun tribute to everything homestuck. 

Lilith in Starlight, by Malcolm Brown: Yeah, there isn’t really anything about this one that hasn’t been said a bunch of times. It’s so great having a full song dedicated to Rosemary. Including Blind Justice Investigation (I am not typing that out in Terezi’s quirk), Do You Remem8er Me, Black Rose/Green Sun, Sound Judgement, and others, it truly makes Malcolm Brown the musician king of gay homestuck ships. Yay Malcolm. But seriously, this is a beautiful piece. Gorgeous references to Rose’s and Kanaya’s themes (have I mentioned how much I love Black/Rose Green Sun? I really love Black Rose/Green Sun), and a fun, dancey rhythm which always makes me think of it as Rose and Kanaya’s wedding dance number. Imagine them spinning each other around as everyone claps and oohs and aahs. Good content.

Thanks for Playing, by Max Wright: Ya know, I never give this one the credit it deserves. This is a beautiful piece of music and combined with the track art, it really hammers in the emotions of the end of homestuck. There they all are, staring into the distance as the universe they’ve just created comes into being. Emotions. I really need to appreciate this song more.

Renewed Return, by Marcy Nabors: Man, who knew Warhammer of Zillyhoo could make me so emotional. This might be my current favorite on the album, though that changes monthly tbh. Especially since this is a real live orchestra and choir! I love that!!! It includes some great overlooked pieces like Calamity and Revered Return, too. Man I’m getting tired. But this is such a great song, and kind of the emotional climax of the album for me. Whether it has much to do with Jane or not, it’s just another great song for the end of homestuck and all the emotions that entails. And this has got to be one of my favorite renditions of Doctor. Rereading the lyrics, it really does seem like they were written for Jane and her resurrection powers actually. Resurrection is a theme throughout the comic in multiple forms, and paying tribute to that through Jane is so great, even regardless of her unacceptable lack of songs.

THIS Pumpkin, by Alexander Rosetti: And topping off the list of surprising returns of old songs, here we have a full-on orchestration of Pumpkin Cravings of all things. The original is such a fun little tune, and not one you would expect to work so well with an orchestra. Alexander Rosetti said the style was very much a tribute to Danny Elfman, which yeah I totally see (hear) that. It’s also great seeing a piece for Problem Sleuth on the last album for the media masterpiece it directly lead to. And finally...

Conclude, by Seth “Beatfox” Peele: It’s interesting that rather than go with a big epic finale, the album takes a softer route. It starts out as a more soothing Creata, then hits you (me) right in the emotional soft spot that is Showtime (Piano Refrain). The first track of the comic, featured in the last track of the last album. And then of course there’s no forgetting Homestuck Anthem. When not focusing on the piece, it can be a bit boring honestly. But when actually listening to it, it really is gorgeous. Kinda reminds me of John Williams’ Star Wars stuff actually, now that I think about it. An excellent finale of a finale of a finale.

There you have it, Vol.10 One Year and Several Hours Later. This took a really long time. Plz appreciate my hard work and the lack of sufficient sleep I am getting tonight.

[poklina]

for the au prompt- jimon #40

hey pal i don’t know why this is 3k words but it is lmao

thanks fr the prompt i had a Party writing it

enjoy:)))

bump in the night-3k

The bar was just like any other seedy Brooklyn bar at 1 in the morning; stale beer, a faint undercurrent of weed, and the quiet sound of long days being drowned out in shots of whiskey. It wasn't as crowded as it has been when Simon got here, and the noise level had stabilized quite nicely, leaving him alone with all of the other alcoholics and mistake-makers Brooklyn had to offer.

Home sweet home.

He sighed as he looked down into his beer, something that they had on tap that he'd been halfway drinking for the past 3 hours. He was only on his 2nd glass, considering that most of those three hours had been spent looking blankly at his phone and making forced small talk with the people that came up to try and take him home.

Simon wasn't really sure where his day had started to go so horridly wrong, but he suspected that it may have had something to do with the fact that as soon as he stepped outside this morning, it had started to rain. If that wasn't a sign of terrible things, then he didn't know what was.

The domino's just kept falling from there. First, he was late to work, then he realized that he had left one of his client's files on his counter, followed by a spectacular incident of spilling his lunch down the front of his shirt, which all culminated in him being called into his bosses office, and after a short speech about "company downsizing" and "having to keep the reputation of our clients," he'd been laid off and sent home with 6 months of severance the only thing that would keep him afloat for the coming months. He'd already started mentally applying for jobs anywhere he could find a "Now Hiring" sign in the window.

And after all of that, he'd ended up here, and hadn't left his seat since.

The worst part of this whole thing was that he couldn't even call anyone to come and join him in this pity party, because they were all either sleeping or having a grand old time with someone that actually cared about them. Clary was off on a date with Izzy, Magnus was staying at Alec's house, and Raphael...yeah. No sense in going down that path again.

"Hey, we're gonna be closing up here pretty soon. Can I call you a cab?" The bartender came over with a rag as she wiped down the counter. Her nametag read Maia. Simon would definitely be interested if it was any other night but tonight, but he just sighed and pushed the mostly full glass of lukewarm beer towards her.

"No, thanks though. I think I'm going to just walk home tonight. Clear my head."

"Are you sure? Don't want you getting mugged or anything." She looked up at him, her warm brown eyes looking straight at him, almost seeing right through him, filled with pity.

"Yea, it's okay. I only live a couple blocks away. Thanks, though. Appreciate it." Simon rubbed his hands quickly over his jeans before digging out his wallet and handing her a 10.

"Um, you've already paid for your drinks tonight, I don't-"

"It's your tip. Thanks for not kicking me out 2 hours ago." Simon smiled quickly, his heart not in it to keep it up.

"Oh. Um, thanks. I hope-well, I hope you have a good night, sir."

"You too, Maia."

He dug his hands into his pockets before shouldering the door open and walking into the cool grey of an early Brooklyn morning.

This was Simon's favorite time of day. Usually, he was asleep by now, exhausted from a day of accounting and such, but when he did find himself awake at the careful moments between midnight and the sun starting to rise, he would just stand at the one window in his tiny, shoe box apartment and breathe it in. The city noises, still alive and breathing even now, the quiet flickers of what stars he could see through the light pollution, the small line of grey just on the horizon, letting him know that there will be another day, and another, and another.

If he could live in this in between world for the rest of his life, he would gladly accept.

He was so caught up in the feeling that his eyes actually slipped shut, which of course lead him to walk straight into a brick wall.

Simon stumbled backwards, tripping over his feet and landing flat on his ass on the sidewalk, hands launching out to catch him, but only achieving scraped wrists in the process. He let out a groan internally as he scrambled to his feet again, already letting out a rapid fire apology.

"Shit, I am so sorry, I totally wasn't looking, please don't hurt me, I am-"

His words died a quick death in his throat as he looked into the blue brown eyes of the guy he just ran into.

Shit.

Of course, he thought bitterly,of fucking course this is how my day ends. I'm a good person, what on Earth did I do to deserve this?

They stood in silence for what seemed to be an eternity, when it was actually probably only about 30 seconds, before Jace cleared his throat and spoke to him for the first time in 4 years.

"Hey. It's...it's been awhile."

"Yeah, yeah. You could say that." Simon muttered, his hand nervously coming to scratch the back of his neck. Jace had broken up with him 4 years ago over text, and Simon immediately blocked his number and never looked back. In retrospect, it probably wasn't a good idea for them to get together, seeing that they were just so different, but Simon had felt that Jace...Jace was something new. Something exciting. They had been together for 2 years before it started to fall apart. However, it had taken him just as long to get over him.

Simon looked at him again and as their eyes connected, he could feel every wall that he had carefully constructed around what they once had coming down with incredible efficiency. He knew that he never really got over Jace, but seeing him here, right in front of him, just made those feelings come screeching back to he front of his mind.

"So...uh, how're you?" Jace looked at him, face twisted into something that looked like either pity or regret or sadness, Simon couldn't tell.

"I've been pretty good. I mean, up until today, but, you know. What about you?" Simon forced out between gritted teeth, cursing his brain for the lack of a filter.

"I've been better. Like, a lot better. But yea." Jace hadn't taken his eyes off of Simon this whole conversation, glittering with something that looked a lot like sadness and hell. He'd had such a shitty day, there was no one else that was going to talk to him, and he'd already made plenty of bad decisions that day, so what was one more?

"You know what's great for shitty days, seeing that we both had one? Milkshakes. Right now. I mean, if you want to join me, that's be really cool, but I know we haven't seen each other in years and I totally get it if you just wanna pretend that this never happened but you know I'm just feeling pretty lonely and you look like you are too so-" Once the floodgates had opened, the torrent of feelings almost swept  Simon off of his feet with how much there was for Jace, once again cursing himself for the lack of a filter. Jace broke in quietly, but with just enough power to make him stop talking.

"Si. I'd love to. I know a great little diner a couple blocks away, unless you had another place?" Jace trailed off as Simon felt his heart rate pick up a tiny amount just from hearing that old nickname slip out of Jace's mouth like nothing was wrong. Simon was very glad it was dark outside, because he was pretty sure that he was blushing right now, and that is not something he could easily live down.

"No, no, uh. Lead on."

As Jace turned around and started walking, Simon could've sworn that he saw a smile flash across his face.

--

Jace pulled open the door and gestured Simon through, as he laughed mirthlessly at the name.

"Happy Days Diner. Wow, what a fitting name for today." he muttered under his breath as he walked inside and waited for Jace to follow and show him where to sit. He walked all the way to the back corner and slid into the booth as if he'd done it 100 times before. Simon did the same, the vinyl protesting slightly underneath him before settling. He looked down at the table, tracing the swirls of the wood with his eyes and drumming his fingers on his leg before he heard the approaching of shoes.

"Jace! Been awhile, my friend. Who's this?"  The waiter approached their table with a giant grin on his face, and Jace mirrored him, smile breaking out.

"Hey Luke, good to see you. This is Simon, he's...he's-"

"A friend." Simon cut in, sensing that Jace was obviously struggling to pinpoint exactly what they were right now.

"Yea, he's a friend."

"Well, what can I get for you guys? Do you need a menu, or..?"

"No, we're good. Can we just get 2 milkshakes?" Jace replied, looking to Simon for confirmation, and Simon nodded back.

"Alright, 2 milkshakes coming right up." Luke scribbled on his pad before disappearing back behind the counter. The diner was mostly empty, save for one or two people scattered around, picking at their burgers and whatnot. Even though it was mostly empty and fairly dark outside, Simon still felt...comfortable here. Like he was coming home.

Maybe it was the beer.

(Maybe it's Jace, a voice whispered in his head.)

Yep. Definitely the beer.

"So, what happened to you today? No offense, but you look like shit." Jace leaned across the table and crossed his arms against his chest, leaning his forearms on the table and looking intently at Simon.

"Well, um. I got laid off today. So, there's that." Simon muttered, hand coming to tangle in his hair, watching as Jace's eyes followed the movement and stopped on his lips.

"Oh, dude. That sucks, man, I'm so sorry. Still doing the accounting thing?"

"Yeah, but maybe this is a sign that I need to, you know, not do that." Simon said bitterly, and was surprised when Jace let out a soft chuckle in response. It'd been so long since he heard that, he'd forgotten how nice it had sounded.

"That's it. The universe is sending you a sign, Lewis. Don't fuck it up."

"Well, fuck up is my middle name, so we'll see how that goes."

This time, they both laughed, and Simon felt his defenses fall down faster and harder than before. All of the things that he had so carefully tried to forget when he blocked Jace's number were coming back in full force, from the way he liked his coffee (black, no sugar because "sugar's for pussies and grandma's, Lewis."), to his favorite kind of cereal (Raisin Bran, for some godforsaken reason), to that once spot right on his collarbone that made him go completely weak in the knees-

Before he could continue down that road, he was interrupted by Luke reaching their table with the 2 milkshakes in his hands and setting them down.

"Two chocolate milkshakes, because you both look like you need some sweetness in your lives right now." Luke grinned down at them, half jokingly, half completely serious (he wasn't blind, you don't get those eye bags without going through some serious shit).

"Thank you so much, Luke." Jace answered, grabbing the one closest to him and ripping the paper off of the straw.

"Yeah, thank you."

"Anytime. Well, if you need anything, just holler." Luke said, and walked away, back behind the counter and into the small kitchen once again.

Simon watched as Jace eagerly stuck the straw into the milkshake and started drinking, cheeks hollowing out, Adam's apple bobbing with each swallow. He didn't let his train of thought go any further, for fear of what he may think if he did. Finally, Jace came up for breath, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Simon jolted out of whatever strange trance he'd just been in, returning to the current conversation.

"So, uh, what happened to you today?"

At that, Jace seemed to shut down, eyes growing darker as he remembered whatever had happened to him, visibly upset at the memory.

"Uh, well. I guess...I got fired too. And then I got in a pretty bad fight with my roommate...so he kicked me out. I didn't even grab my charger. Or any clothes. So...um. Yeah. Pretty shit day." Jace spoke in halting sentences, eyes downcast and completely focused on the patterns on the table. Simon felt his heart break a little at the sight of him, curled in on himself and looking so much smaller than the larger than life character he walked in here with. Before he could stop himself, Simon opened his mouth and made yet another probably very, very bad decision.

"You can stay with me." Jace glanced up slowly, some of the life returning to his eyes.

"Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to like, intrude or anything-" he stuttered out, hands twisting together nervously before Simon interrupted.

"No, no it's totally fine. I can sleep on the couch for a night or two."

"Simon...I-thank you. So much."

The way Jace said his name made Simon reconsider every decision he'd made in the past 4 years, starting with blocking his number. The way he was looking at him, the way he said his name, all of it filled Simon with something that he hadn't felt in 4 years, not even with the assortment of dates and relationships that had filled them. It was something that he had only ever felt around Jace. It started in his chest and expanded, cutting off his air and pressing his heart against his ribcage. It was warm and comforting and so, so good.

Simon felt a smile grow on his mouth, looking at Jace over the top of his glasses before quickly sliding back to his milkshake.

They sat there for what seemed like forever, quietly sipping and tossing jokes and bad puns back and forth. It was...nice. For the first time that whole day, Simon felt like he wasn't at risk of massively screwing anything up. Behind them, the night slipped slowly into dawn, grey light filtering through the trees, preparing for the beating sun to come back out.

Simon noticed the time around 3 am. It certainly didn't feel like they'd been there for 2 hours, but Simon...well, he wasn't complaining. Jace let out a wide yawn across from him, and he chuckled.

"I guess that's code for 'I'm exhausted, take me home, Prince Charming.'" Simon smiled from across the table and slid out of the booth, stretching his arms out above his head. Jace followed, stepping out of the booth, before digging into his pocket and pulling out his wallet. Suddenly, Luke called out from where he was cleaning the counter.

"Jace, don't worry about it. On the house tonight."

Jace smiled. "You sure Luke? It's no big deal-"

"Jesus, Wayland, take the free milkshake and go." Luke grinned back, laughing at the same time.

"Thanks, Luke. Have a great night." he said as they started walking toward the door, Simon following close behind Jace.

"Yea, you too."

Jace pushed open the door and waved Simon through, before following him into the cool Brooklyn morning.

--

They walked side by side in comfortable silence, punctuated by occasional jabs and soft laughter. Simon hadn't done anything like this is forever, and he was 100% sure he wanted to do it a thousand times more.

Finally, they reached Simon's brownstone building, and he buzzed them both up and opened the door to his apartment. He walked in and started to try and collect some of the dirty dishes scattered around, dumping them in the sink while giving a rushed apology.

"Sorry this place is such a mess, it's been a really weird week, and I wasn't expecting company-"

"Simon, it's fine. I'm just grateful that I don't have to sleep on a bench in a park somewhere."

"Nah, you're too pretty for that. Someone would've picked you up way before that."

They both laughed at that, and Jace stepped into Simon's space, barely a foot away from him. Simon felt his breath catch in his throat as he looked Jace up and down, taking in the way his hands rubbed together nervously, how his eyes glittered in the low light of the moon from the window, how his lips looked so perfect and they were just right there. They stood like that for a split second, before Jace cleared his throat, and the moment was broken.

"Well. Um, I'll take the couch. Thanks, again. For...everything."

Even though Simon wanted to argue that he could take the couch, because what kind of host lets their guest sleep on the couch, but the way he said it left no room for argument.

"Oh, um. Okay. Well, night, Jace." Simon said before turning and walking to his door, but right before he stepped in he turned around again.

"Hey. I...I had fun tonight."

Jace looked back up at him from where he was sitting on the threadbare couch and taking off his jacket to serve as a pillow, a half smile breaking on his lips.

"Yea, I did too. Night, Lewis."

And with that, Simon walked into his room and shut the door.

[pinkpeccary]

all of the oversharing asks? or any five, if that's too many? ^-^

(i’m basically gonna answer all the ones i feel up to rn, a lot of these require some thought and i am low spoons)

1. Who hurt you the most?my sister probably, she kinda fucked up my whole childhood. there’s no like big specific thing but yeah.

4. Who do you want out of your life the most?my sister. fortunately although i spent most of my life led to believe that i would be responsible for her well-being after my parents died, they made wills and shit recently and it’s specifically not recommended that a sibling do that so i am free.

8. Who have you harbored (any kind of!) secret feelings towards?this says “any kind” so i’m gonna say there’s a lot of people i secretly dislike but i would literally never tell them bc i’m supposed to be a nice person9. Who would the world be better off without?nazis

11. What was the worst day of your life?there’s a lot of obvious contenders (the day i tried to kill myself, the day before my 18th birthday, the night my sister pushed me down the stairs and i had to sit outside at like 2am instead of sleeping)

but like i genuinely don’t feel like that affected by any of these right now? like there’s been some pretty bad shit but i’m in a “this is fine” phase rn and this all just seems kinda normal?

12. What’s your greatest fear?i’m afraid someone i care about is gonna die and i just won’t give a shit

14. What’s your biggest regret?so about a year and a half ago DCF (department of children and families) came to my house bc there was a concern that my brother was being exposed to violence (from my sister fighting with my parents) and the guy talked to me and i told him i was pretty sure i turned out fine.

and like i think i believed that at the time, and at the very least i believed that the way it did affect me would not be the same for my brother bc he’s a very different person, but there will always be a part of me that regrets saying “i’m not okay, this fucked me up a lot” because then there’s a chance she wouldn’t have been able to come back home and that might not have had much of an effect on my brother but it might have and it definitely would have been better for me.

21. What’s the most scared you’ve ever been?i’m sitting in my brother’s room at midnight on a school night. he was asleep, but woke up from the screaming. the door is locked, my sister’s banging on it and yelling and my parents are trying to get her to stop. they’re also yelling, and as much as i try to tell him it’s okay, my brother’s sobbing and begging for the yelling and banging to stop, because he’s young and scared and half-asleep, and i don’t know how to help him. i am thirteen years old. 

27. What’s the most physical pain you’ve ever felt?not much tbh. probably muscle pains in my shoulders from stress/lack of sleep/carrying a backpack that sometimes last several days. idk tho, i’ve been pretty lucky wrt physical stuff.

29. Describe a time you felt like a hypocrite.every single time i criticize my sister, because i hate myself and she doesn’t deserve it bc she can’t help it and i’m just being a shitty person

36. What’s your relationship with your family like?well if you couldn’t tell from the rest of this, dysfunctional. i love my brother a lot, and i can say that with conviction because it’s the only familial relationship i have that doesn’t come with a big old dose of Complicated.

my parents are fine usually, i like them and we get along, but also they did neglect me as a child. and to a certain extent i need to be able to put my sister in the bad guy role and my parents are not as down for that bc they need to be there for her too, so that can be rough bc sometimes i’ll go to far and they won’t be 100% on my side and of course that means i’m a terrible person who deserves to die.

37. What’s your relationship with religion like?i had literally 0 religious education. my mom is the youngest of five, so she didn’t get much as a kid bc too much else was happening, and my dad is violently against religion bc he feels like the mormon church stole his childhood. so i was raised atheist.

in terms of how i feel about it, there is a part of me that really wishes i could believe in something, but i don’t. i understand its importance to people, and i want to know that, but at the same time i have about the same likelihood of ever believing in a religion as i do to believing harry potter is real, just because it’s something i only ever encountered later in life.

39. Talk about someone who abandoned you.so i did not keep friends until around 5th grade, by which i mean i made friends and they would leave me. in retrospect i was probably a shit friend, bc i don’t think i totally saw other people as having feelings kind of, but i also don’t remember anyone telling me why they didn’t want to hang out with me anymore. 

48. Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?when i was like 6 i accidentally pushed my sister into the doorframe of our room and she hit her forehead on the metal thing that the latch goes into that sticks out and had to get stitches

49. Have you ever done serious emotional harm to someone?i sure as hell tried to get back at my sister

50. Have you ever self-harmed?heck yeah. these are oversharing asks so imma overshare: in 8th grade i would scratch my arm with a safety pin until it bled bc it was methodical and made me feel like i was doing something. then things got better for a while; in high school i started hitting myself and biting myself bc they didn’t leave marks, and eventually that wasn’t enough and i started cutting. so far the longest i’ve been clean is 123 days, right now i’m at 42.

51. Have you ever attempted suicide?yeah, once. i’ve thought about it a heck of a lot, the one time i did i was kind of dissociating and it was a last-ditch effort to get out of going on a week-and-a-half long vacation to an island with very little wifi coverage with my dysfunctional family where i would have no escape.

52. Have you ever stolen something?yeah, a lot. i feel shitty about it, usually it’s not even stuff i need (like a candy bar or something) or that i could easily just buy. i just hate asking for things or letting people know i want them, and it’s kind of impulsive, i guess? and i try to stop myself most of the time but it doesn’t always work.

also i steal food from literally everyone i can, i always have. i feel like i don’t deserve to eat so i have to sneak it when no one’s looking.

oversharing asks