#but ya that's here they're supposed to look aha

[ashwii]

Are Donnie's headphones too small for his head? Or that's just how you're supposed to wear them?

Or are those headphones at all?

So I haven't *completely and 100%* figured everything out about his headset, but the main idea is that it's is an advanced communication device, and also it can project a lil hologram (it's kind of a mini computer), as seen here

[kiwi-on-ice]

HEYY, love your posts on tt. So I got something really specific I'm looking for. Lately here I've been absolutely head over heels for Cassidy's look in volume 4 of the New Blood comics.

Could you write a fem!reader x Cassidy scenario where they go on vacation at a little cabin in the mountains during the winter (reader's idea), Cassidy shares the coat and a kiss with the reader when he notices they're a little tool cold and then brings them inside to "warm them up" 🤭 (established relationship+ tons of flirting)

Cole Cassidy x fem!reader

Summary: After pleading with Cole for a long-awaited vacation, your ill advised outfit choice means your boyfriend is tasked with warming you up.

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: 18+ smut, pretty vanilla for my usual writing lmao, no use of y/n, pussy eating, loads of petnames, also loads of ass grabbing, creampie

Notes: Hope you like it anon! Also i'm not American so typing out the word 'vacation' is kinda weird for me aha.

“Y’know, maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.”

Came the smooth voice of your boyfriend as you got out of the rental car, glancing around with a big grin painted on his features. The dark wood cabin you'd rented for a week looks striking against the crisp white blanket of snow resting on the woodland and mountaintops. Crunching footsteps reach your ears as he comes up to your side and wraps his arm around your waist, letting you relax into his side like a puzzle piece slotting into place.

You’d begged Cole to have a break for months; after Overwatch joined back together he’d been all around the world recruiting new agents, and you couldn’t be prouder of your lover for dedicating himself to protecting the world. However, you’d seen first hand how this workload has affected him, the dark circles under his eyes that seem to get deeper and deeper, the frown lines that seemed to be permanently etched into his face. Reminding him that he doesn’t need to handle the weight of the world alone, you’d suggested a vacation but was met by a dismissive tone. How he couldn’t just leave everyone, there was so much work to be done, what if null sector attacked again? What if the new recruits need his help?

Despite his resistance, you felt the adoration for him increase tenfold at his worrying; gone were the days of the lone gunslinger, caring about himself only. You can see now the positive change in him, although it doesn’t alter the fact he’d been overworking herself for months. So you kept bring it up, suggesting different places until one finally caught his eye. And here you are now, the crisp winter air chilling you as you cuddle up to him, your breath visible in the winter air. Cole however seems eager to look round, grabbing your hand and taking you up to the front of the cabin, his eyes peaking in to the windows.

“Look at this beauty.” He marvels, walking around the sides of the building without a care; no doubt his fur lined coat keeping him warm against the chill in the air but you unfortunately aren’t so lucky. You regret not bundling up, bundling up like he told you, now clinging your arms around yourself to preserve some heat as Cole analyses the cabin.

“Don’t suppose the lake will be good enough for fishin’, still I bet we’ll find some things to do. Maybe that railway we passed, assumin’ they’ve cleared the snow.” He speaks, unaware of you currently freezing to death behind him as he heads to the car to grab your things. Hurriedly you follow him, and just before he pops the trunk, he glances at you.

“Cold, pumpkin?” he asks teasingly with a chuckle, causing you to scoff softly and deflect.

“No, I’m fine. Just a little chilly.” You lie, your breath visible as you speak. Humming, he smirks and steps closer.

“Is that right? Well I’m cold, maybe I’ll take that flimsy jacket off ya’ if you don’t need it-“ he says, reaching for your jacket and causing you to react and slap his hand away.

“Don’t you dare.” You snap quickly, causing a throaty laugh to escape him.

“I knew it, why you refuse to listen t’me is beyond my comprehension angel, so damn stubborn.” He playfully reprimands you. He’d told you to grab a coat, but you didn’t think it would be this cold, so you blew him off. He instead looks down at you, wrapping his strong hands around your waist and pulling you flush against his chest. “Lemme warm you up, hm?”

Despite the temperature, you feel heat rise to your cheeks at his flirtatious, before you giggle softly. “Such a flirt.” You mumble.

“For warmin’ up my girl?” he says lowly, tickling your ear with his warm breath. “You wound me, thinkin’ so lowly of me.”

You’re really giggling now, as he undoes his coat and throws it over the both of you. This causes you to huddle further into his broad chest, feeling the heat of his body as he presses you against himself. You sigh happily, your cheek smushed against his chest and your mind clearing. Feeling his fingertips stroke up the expanse of your back makes you happy you both have taken the time to rest here.

His hands wander down to your lower back, before grabbing a handful of your ass and pulling you impossibly close, causing you to let out a squeak.

“Cole!” you say with a huff, to which he smirks into your hairline.

“What? Can you blame me? Those jeans should be criminal sugar.”

He punctuates his words with another squeeze of your ass, kneading the flesh and causing you to squirm against him. You slap his arm lightly, pretending to be annoyed but he can see right through you. He chuckles at your antics, feeling you up gently and humming in satisfaction at the way your body feels against his touch. Often he wonders what he did to be lucky enough to get a girl like you, so caring and kind to him...but also goddamn just his type. The way your ass feels in his rough hands, the way your voice sounds as you gasp or tease him, you're just perfect for the gunslinger. He hums as if in thought, before leaning in to your ear.

“Y’know…if you’re still cold, I could always help warm you up.” He whispers, letting the insinuation run up your spine like electricity. Your cheeks warm as you nod slowly, causing him to pick you up with a grunt. “What’s the magic word?”

“Please?” you say with another huff, holding on to him as he takes you inside. You giggle at the way you both look, with him carrying you bridal style into the cabin; almost like newlyweds. You both look around inside, the cabin beautifully rustic in its interior decor. The living area is open plan, with a large comfortable looking sofa facing a baroque fireplace. Kicking his boots off, he feels the fur rug under his feet as he makes his way to the sofa, plopping you down onto it and grinning down at you.

“Why don’t I light the fireplace, then we can really warm up.” He states as moves to mess with the fireplace, figuring out how to light it. Deciding to be a tease, you quickly take your top off, removing your bra and throwing them both on the floor unceremoniously. You debate taking your jeans off, but decide to keep them on after Cole's earlier teasing words, lounging back on the comfy fabric as your boyfriend curses under his breath at the task.

“Damn you, stupid th-“ he stops when the fireplace is lit, grinning in satisfaction. “There we are sugar, nice and warm.”

He turns, and his eyes widen as he takes in your current form. You swear you hear his breathing pattern change as he takes in the sudden sight. Cheeks flushed, he stares for a moment, just drinking in the image of you.

“Goddamn sweetness, look at you.” He praises, the grin still on his face as well as the flushed colour. “Such a little tease hm?”

Rising from his knees, he walks over to you leisurely. His gaze doesn’t even hide that it’s firmly set on your tits, before he leans over you.

“Like what you see?” You tease up at him.

“You know I do.” He murmurs, gently tracing down your neck. “Mighty fine sight you are.”

You go to sit up, before he pushes you back down softly and straddles you. His callous fingers trace over your waist, moving up and groping your tits.

“Thought you were cold.” He challenges, as you arch your back up to his touch.

“I am…you’re helping.” You can’t help but say, gasping softly as he pinches your nipples gently.

“That right? Guess I’ll continue.”

He massages your tits firmly, leaning down and capturing your lips in a kiss. Relaxing against him, you let him take control of the kiss as his tongue runs along your bottom lip.

“Don’t want my girl freezin' on the vacation she pestered me for.” He whispers against your lips, punctuating his words with another squeeze of your tender nipples. Your hips buck instinctively at his attention, causing his hips to pin you down on the sofa. Lips trail from your mouth to your neck, leaving sloppy kisses in their wake before he starts to bite gently, giving you a hickey.

“So sweet…” he mumbles, admiring the mark he left. It always give him a rush, marking you. Seeing the way your skin bares a reminder of the love and desire he holds for you. He kisses down to your collarbones, then downwards further before reaching your chest. With a grin he licks at your nipple and blows cool air on it, reveling as you squirm.

“Cole…” you whine, causing him to chuckle and shush you. He takes your nipple into his mouth, sucking gently. Lavishing your breast with his attention, he then moves to give the other one the same treatment, sucking softly before gently nibbling to cause that delightful gasp from you.

Your fingers thread into his hair, tugging a little as he kisses down your navel to the hem of your jeans. Licking the skin just above the denim, he shifts upwards with a soft grunt before unbuttoning your jeans.

"You sure you want these off?" He asks with a cocky grin on his face, "Don't want you catchin' more of a chill."

You nod, pushing your hips up to allow him to slip the clothing down your legs. "Need you.."

He laughs a little, callous fingertips contrasting with the smooth skin of your thighs. "My girl's always needy f'me."

Using his metal hand to rip your underwear, he takes a moment to appreciate your naked form in all its glory. You can't help but notice lately he's been...for lack of a better word admiring you more and more. The look in his eyes is something new, a new sort of excitement and contentment that never fails to steal the breath from your lungs.

Small kisses work their way up your legs, before he's eye level with your dripping cunt, beard scratching lightly at your inner thighs. "Can I?"

With your permission, he lets out a soft groan before licking a stripe up your pussy. He laps at you gently at first, savouring the taste as you gently run your gingers through his brown locks. Moving his tongue in rhythmic motions, trying to draw out every last breath and moan from your parted lips. He flicks his tongue against your clit, grinning at the higher pitched noise that escaped as he digs his fingers into your thighs. But the need for you takes over, so he dives in to his meal.

"Always taste so good...all mine." he mutters against your heat, almost like he's saying it to himself as he makes out with your cunt happily. Eyes closed, hair a mess, your thighs lightly squeezing his head; Cole Cassidy is sure he's in heaven.

As you start to rock your hips into his mouth, he lets you, laying his tongue flat and letting you take your pleasure from him. His hands gently squeeze your thighs, moaning softly at your juices on his tongue. He starts to move his head, shaking it from side to side slightly to ensure he tastes every inch. The grip you have in his hair gets tighter, the pleasure causing your thighs to start to shake.

As you look down, you notice your boyfriend's hips rocking into the soft fabric of the sofa. Cole's desperation was intense, the sweet taste of your cunt never failing to get him hard and almost leaking in his briefs as he tongue-fucks you to his hearts content. Small grunts surge from his lips, travelling through your pussy and causing you to get closer and closer to the edge.

"Nearly there..." you warn him, and you're met with a soft growl as he double down on his efforts. His tongue dances along your folds before focusing on your clit, flicking and sucking. With that final push, you cum loudly like you know he loves, as he determinedly licks up all that you give him. He pulls away a little, his beard drenched with your juices as he catches his breath.

As he glances at you, sweaty and breathing heavily, his eyes are drawn to the way your nipples have hardened. "Oh look at that darlin', you still cold? Well we can't have that..."

With surprising strength he yanks you in his arms and settles you on the fur rug in front of the fireplace on your hands and knees. Immediately you sink slightly into position, arching your back a little as he hurriedly undoes his belt.

"So good for me ain't ya? Such a sweet girl...my sweet girl." he almost rambles as he rids himself of his clothing, before pressing against you so you can feel his excitement on the back of your thigh. Gently peppering kisses to the back of your neck, he smiles against your skin as you make a content sound. "Gonna fuck ya till you're nice and warm."

With that declaration, he slowly pushes inside with a grunt. "God you're always so tight..." he gets out with a stunted breath, his hands immediately gripping your hips to keep you still. He savours the sweet sensation, before slowly pumping his hips.

The slow movements mixed with the crackling of the fire make for a divine experience, your eyes fluttering closed as you allow yourself to be present in the moment. Sighing, you feel his fingers draw small circles on the meat of your hips and love handles.

"So fuckin' good...can I go faster baby?" he asks, which results in a resounding yes from you. With your permission he starts to thrust faster, groaning at the feeling of your cunt taking him in so willingly. You keen as your back arches, never getting tired of your boyfriend railing you.

He can never resist in this position grabbing a handful of your ass, squeezing as he pulls you back into his thrusts. Moaning, he brings his hand up to give you a firm spank, causing you to jump and whine.

"H-hey..." you fake complain, although Cole didn't miss the soft whine of pleasure that escaped you.

"Awe, did that hurt pumpkin?" he coos in a teasing tone. He ends his sentence with a rough thrust, causing your breath to catch as he smirks. "Oops, guess that hurt too. And this."

He reaches round and grabs at your tits, his chest against your back almost as he pummels your g spot with shallow thrusts. Watching your reactions, he can't help but feel a rush at every noise that spills from your throat. The way your ass ripples with every snap of his hips has his dick throbbing inside of you, but after a while, he pulls out and grunts, smacking your ass.

"On the sofa again, I ain't a spring chicken no more you know? M'knees can't take it." he chuckles softly, as you giggle at his slight self-deprecation. He helps you up, before guiding you back to the sofa. Laying down, he gets comfortable as you get on top and sink yourself back on his cock. "Yeah sugar...you know this is my favourite."

"Because you don't have to do any work?" you tease with a giggle, causing him to huff and thrust upwards.

"No, ain't nothing wrong with wantin' to see my goddess of a girl bouncin' on me." he defends himself with a lazy grin, his hands stroking your thighs as you move yourself up and down. You can't help but giggle at his praise as you look down at him, his chest rising and falling rapidly with every movement you make.

Gripping his shoulders for support, you lift yourself and slam back down over and over, watching as his eyes almost glaze over in hazy satisfaction. He feels his cowboy hat slip, and with another smirk grabs it and puts it on top of your head.

"That's it baby, you my cowgirl huh? Gonna ride me?" he teases, although his pupils blow wide as he sees how stunning you look completely naked with his hat. You nod, using one hand to stabilise yourself while the other keeps the hat firmly on your head as you ride him. In that moment, Cole wishes he could take a picture and look at it every single time he's apart from you; truly you're a goddess in his eyes.

With his hips twitching, he can't help but thrust up into you, gripping your hips like you were gonna disappear if he let go. With a whimper, you feel your second orgasm of the evening build up inside you as you move.

"Cole..." you begin, but he knows your body like he knows his way around a revolver.

"I know sugar I know, gonna cum for me ain't ya?" he encourages, his hips really moving up into you now as he watches your face contort with pleasure. One hand slipping down to play with your clit, you move desperately, chasing your orgasm.

"That's it, take what you need." your boyfriend grunts out, and you do, using his cock to get yourself to the edge. You cum with a cry of his name, causing the breath to be almost punched out of his lungs at how beautiful you look. He starts to pound up into your cunt, groaning.

"Yeah that's it, just a little longer angel. Just a bit more...gonna make me...fuck...cum inside that pretty pussy."

You let him use you, and it isn't long before he makes good on his word and fills you up, moaning deeply in satisfaction. You collapse on his chest as he holds you close, running his hands up and down your sides as your breathing syncs up with each-other. He grips your hips to lift you off his cock, and you whine as the cool air hits your cunt as his release spills slowly out of you, most likely making a mess of both your boyfriend and the sofa. A bit of you almost pities the next people who stay here, knowing they'll have to sit on a sofa with Cole's cum stains on it, but your pleasure outweighs the potential guilt. After a few minutes of bliss, Cole pipes up.

"So...you suitably warmed up?" he grins, and it widens when he hears your soft laugh.

"Yeah i'm warm...maybe a little too warm."

"You're just never happy, are you?" he laments sarcastically, chucking as you lightly slap him on the arm. You snuggle into him, feeling him hold you close and tight. "M'happy you suggested this baby, gonna be a relaxin' few days here with you."

Smiling happily, you nod softly. This is all you wanted, for him to rest like he deserves. "Yeah...a nice break."

"A nice break." he repeats, before kissing you on the temple. "Just don't go out with that flimsy jacket on, y'hear me? Unless you just want me to drag your pretty ass back inside and fuck you till you're all nice and warm again."

[obeythebutler]

BSIWBWIEB I JUST SAW THE ASK OF THE ANON ASKING ABOUT THE BOIS REACTING TO OUR WORLD MC SAYING THEY'RE THEIR FAVE IN THE GAME AND YES. I HAVE ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT. The thirsty fandom thing is just what was on my mind at that moment.

But now I feel legally obligated to write this so here it is fellas, the bois reacting to mc saying they're their fave (I'm using a different format bc the other one was mostly for the memes tbh):

LUCIFER:

- He looks a little shocked at first.

- People are usually just scared of him, what-

- But once it kinda settles in a bit it's kind of an ego boost for him, though he doesn't let it show.

- "Oh, I am, am I? It is a dating simulator, yes? I see..."

- Oh man, he'll be smirking a lot. Like a lot a lot

- He's so fucking smug about it, it's honestly kind of annoying.

- And worse yet, he's only subtly smug about it

- Like, it's obvious to everyone that he's smug about, but he doesn't outright say anything like "MC likes me." It's more like small words and actions that are just kind of like, "I'm their favorite and you're not." It's so infuriating to everyone else.

MAMMON:

- Wh-

- Huh???

- He so fucking shook, he doesn't even have words for, like... A full minute.

- And when he finally does, he's a stuttery blushing mess.

- He's not crying, aha, what are you talking about? His eyes are just sweaty, really!

- "W-wait a sec I'm your favorite??? I- I mean, of course I am! I'm the GREAT Mammon! Wh- Hey, hold on, you're not just messin' with me, are ya??? Y-you're not??? Oh..."

- Definitely an ego boost.

- But unlike Luci, he ain't subtle about it. Not at all.

- His brothers teasing him? "Y-yeah, well I'M still MC's favorite!"

- He holds it over everyone's heads.

- And when MC first said it, all the other brothers were even more shook than Mammon. Are they INSANE?! What is WRONG with them?! Mammon?! Really???

LEVIATHAN:

- He's so fucking flustered even though he doesn't really believe you.

- This dumbass bitch really be thinkin you just said that to make him feel better.

- Continuously says a bunch of self-deprecating shit

- "Th-that's n-n-not true! Y-you're just s-s-saying that! There's no way anyone would l-l-like a gross, yucky otaku like me..."

- If and when you manage to convince him it's true (kudos to you if you pull it off), he'll be a million times more flustered.

- He's not the type to really get an ego boost from it, but he'll definitely go out of his way to spend more time with you.

- Many more video game sessions or anime binge sessions will occur.

- He's honestly just so shy and soft, pls give him love.

SATAN:

- Yes, finally something he can hold over Lucifer's head!

- *ahem* I mean, cool, cool, yeah, cool.

- He's kinda chill and lowkey bout it. He doesn't really make a huge deal out of it even though he's internally jumping for joy.

- "Oh is that so? I suppose that makes sense. I'm just glad Lucifer isn't your favorite."

- Only a slight ego boost.

- Holds it over Lucifer's head specifically, but will do it to the other too if they piss him off enough.

- He honestly just feels good that you picked him.

ASMODEUS:

- Of course you'd pick him, darling, who wouldn't?

- Not surprised at all.

- This pleases Asmodeus.

- "Of course I am! I'm everyone's favorite! Just look at how beautiful I am! Who wouldn't fall in love with this?”

- Mega ego boost holy hell.

- Doesn't necessarily hold it over anyone's head, but he incessantly brags about it, to his brothers' dismay.

- Gets extra touchy and handsy. He's your fave after all, so of course you'd want him touching you at all times.

- Might try to get a little frisky too ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- But don't worry, he'll back off if he makes you uncomfy.

BEELZEBUB:

- :0 Really???

- He feels so special happy.

- Pure soft boi, he's so happy.

- "Am I really your favorite, MC? That's so nice of you! It makes me feel nice. You're my favorite too!"

- Ego? What ego? He's just happy that you're happy with him.

- You will be showered with food. You have no choice.

- He will give lots of hugs and carry you on his back if you want.

- It also makes Belphie happy that Beel's your favorite.

BELPHEGOR:

- Acts like he doesn't care. He does.

- Kinda just brushes it off.

- Teases you.

- "Hehe, I'm your favorite? I mean, it's your choice I guess."

- Eh, he sort of gets an ego boost, but nothing noteworthy.

- This little shit decides to hold it over your head. Whenever you get annoyed with him, he always brings it up just to annoy you. Evil. Gremlin man.

- You can also bet he'll hold it over Lucifer head too.

- You can bet you'll be dragged off for a lot more naps.

- And you'll have sweet dreams all the time.

DIAVOLO:

- *big gasp* REALLY???

- He is so happy, you just made his entire life.

- Seriously, he's like a little kid at the carnival.

- "Wow, really?! I'm your favorite?? Thanks MC! You just made my day!"

- Again, not really the type to get an ego boost.

- He'll invite you to have tea with him! And lunch! And dinner! And breakfast! He'll want to spend a lot more time with you!

- Random big hugs.

- And I imagine that since he's so Large™ he'd pick you up to hug you if you're smol like me.

- Honestly, he's just so lonely, please hug him.

BARBATOS:

- He already you were gonna say this, but he's flattered by it regardless.

- He's very polite in handling it.

- "You're very sweet, MC, thank you."

- Ego? What ego, he is but a humble butler.

- He was nice to you regardless, but he gives you sweets, and tea now.

- Will come clean your room for you as a surprise while you're away

SIMEON:

- He blush.

- He's very flattered and soft about it.

- He's so sweet, and soft about it a-

- "Oh, I'm your favorite? Well, that's very sweet of you, MC, thank you very much. You're my favorite too, I hope you know."

- He is an angel, he is legally not allowed to have an ego.

- Honestly, he's just so sweet and caring and gentle

- Will definitely try to spend more time with you.

Did I really just stay up till 1 AM just to write this? Yes, yes I did. Do I regret my decision? Yes, yes I do. Will I ever do it again? Probably. Sorry I left out Solomon and Luke btw. I didn't have the energy tbh

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

[deviliciousdev]

MBTI✨A Small World✨ pt. 1

(follow up to One Letters Difference)

intp (the logician)

+

intj (the architect)

best friends

(ft. intj x enfp dating/ & entp (the debater) friend)

--------------------------------

[at a whiskey bar in the city]

intp: [enters looking around for intj. texts them. intj reports they're on their way. panics for a couple seconds then proceeds to the bar. in need of liquor to deal with social situations also is friends with bartender.]

entp bartending: oh hey man, what are you doin here??

intp: hey, i'm uh waitin for intj...

entp: you sound super excited about it 😂

intp: we're supposed to meet enfp and their friends here... apparently enfp is setting me up with one of their friends 🙄

entp: *cackles* you?! a blind date?! oh my god, i'm definitely getting someone to cover for me so i can see this train wreck.

intp: thank you for your kind and helpful words in this trying time [fake smiles]🙂... ugh i know, just get me the whole bottle of vodka now...

entp: [laughs a little] one vodka sprite gotchu. [starts to make drink]

intp: [texts intj again. intj reports they're still almost there] *sighs*

entp: *hands intp their drink* oh boy, don't look, but there's a hottie headed this way.

intp: wait what [genuinely confused on what entp is trying to communicate]

entp: try and act like a normal human in three two...

intp: [crazy eyes and furrowed brow] what? do what?

entp: ... one... [walks a little ways away but still in ear shot]

mystery hottie: [comes up next to intp] [super charming and suave] tell me... what is the absolute worst pick up line you've ever heard?

intp: [shocked but relieved by the lack of standard small talk] umm... aha... worst? um- that's hard- i mean no! that wasn't a pick line i've heard! no ones ever told me "that's hard" aha um- *clears throat* i just mean i've- i've heard a lot of bad ones so it's uh difficult to choose just one [nervous laughs]

mystery hottie: [giggling at intp's awkwardness]... worst one i've heard probably has to be "do you believe in love at first sight or should i walk past you again" to which i replied, oh please walk by again, so i can stick out my foot and trip you.

intp: [genuinely laughs] 😆 i always hated the "do i know you from somewhere"? i usually like to reply to that one with something weird like yeah remember the person who was all over the news a few years ago for going crazy and ax murdering a family of six... [gets uncomfortable realizing they've probably freaked the mystery hottie out]🤦‍♀️🤦

mystery hottie: [bursts out in cackle]🤣

intp: [completely shock the mystery person thought that was funny, also likes their laugh. still unaware if this is flirting or they're just making conversation] [laughs a little too]

mystery hottie: i'm totally stealing that by the way. [sips drink]

intp: [smiles but is unsure if they should ask mystery hottie for their name or how to proceed in general] [gets a text from intj that they're here] oh um i'm sorry my um- friend who i was waiting for and has horrible timing apparently aha um is here so i have to um- sorry

mystery hottie: saved by the bell,😏 see ya around

intp: [nervous laugh] yeah totally [walking backward trying to wave casually, bumps into person behind them] oh sorry! [looks back to mystery hottie] um yeah see ya ha 👋😬

[meets intj at other end of the bar where entp is giving intj a drink]

intp: what took you so long?! someone started talking to me!

entp: ahaha yeah ya know when i said try and be a human did you hear be awkward and strange 😂 cuz that was brutal

intp: 😑🖕

intj: [laughing a little] [in a sarcastic tone] well it does sound like a true living hell but i couldn't help it there was traffic. [looking down at phone] oh enfp is here, they brought two of their friends... and got a table in the back.

intp: two?!

intj: [ignores intp.] entp, are you gonna join us or are you working all night.

entp: yes and yes [wide devious smile]

intj: oh my god how have you not been fired yet...?

entp: i know where all the bodies are burried 😈

intj: [chuckles] ok c'mon intp.

intp: two?!

[as they're walking toward the back]

intj: what?

intp: you said enfp brought TWO friends which one are they setting me up with?!

intj: setting you up with? oh, the matchmaking crap, i forgot about that. well i don't know, i'm sure enfp will tell us.

intp: [panic voice] you forgot?! i thought it was only reason i was here?!

intj: or may be they want you to have options, i don't what goes through their mind.

intp: oh great the only thing i worse at than awkward small talk conversations is decision making. oh my god entp was right this going to be a train wreck. this is why i hate set ups!

intj: oh would you relax you're so dramatic. fake smile, drink some vodka, you'll live.

[coming up to enfp & friends table]

enfp: heyyyyy guys! glad you made it! [kisses intj on the cheek. goes to hug intp]

intp: oh ok so we're hugging... that's... fine. [awkward side hug, pulls away quickly]

enfp: oh i want you guys to meet my friends, this is esfj and estp, and this is intj .... and their friend intp 😁 [looks at intp and subtly points to esfj to inform thats their set-up] 

estp: supppp guysss👋😎

esfj: [hugging intj] so nice to finally meet you! enfp has told us so much about you!

intj: like what?

[esfj and enfp glance in confusion to one another. both just start laughing]

[intj looks at intp like what the fuck, intp shrugs]

esfj: [hugs intp] nicccce to me you too!

intp: 🥴 [awkwardly hugs back]

esfj: [turns back towards group] so should we get a round of drinks? what does everyone want?! c'mon let's get this night goin!? huh?! 😃

estp: yeahhhhh!

intp: [whispers] ugh kill me.

intj: [elbows intp in the arm]

intp: [mouths] owe!

[after they all get their first round of drinks🍹🍸🍺🍷🥃]

esfj: so intj, enfp tells me you're an architect that sounds exciting!

intp: [snorts holding in a laugh]

intj:[glances evil eye at intp]... i'm not sure exciting is the correct adjective for describing architecture. but if you're referring to my own opinion on my career field, i find it quite intriguing and... fulfilling.

esfj: 😐

enfp: 🤦😄

estp: [not paying attention chugging beer] [bleches loudly]😵🤤

intj: [looks at estp] 🤨🤢

[voice comes from behind enfp]: enfp?!

enfp: [turns quickly, sees mystery hottie] oh my god! what are you doing here! [hugs]

intp: 😳 [whispers to intj] oh my god that's the one who just started talking to me earlier.

intj: [develops evil little idea]😈

mystery hottie: [to enfp] i was just stopping in for a drink or two after work. it's funny i was actually going to text you and see what you were doing tonight.

enfp: ahaha that's so funny! [turns to group with a hand on mystery hottie's back] guys! this is my good friend entj! we went to high school together! [starts pointing at each person introducing them] entj, this is esfj and estp my besties and coworkers and this my intj 🥰 and this is their best friend intp.😁

entj: [sees intp again] well well well, this is a small world. 😏

intp: [nervous laughs]

intj: entj, you should join us.

enfp: yes! oh my god totally!

intp: 😳 [whispers to intj] i hate you.

intj: 😈

entj: [looks intp in the eyes] oh i would love to 😏

intp: 🥴

to be continued...

[creekqueen27]

Fate (Raphael x Reader)

Requested: can you do one with Raphael, she gets kidnapped and they get Raph's dna and make her pregnant, he's actually happy about it cause he already loved her, how he acts around her being pregnant. Maybe some protective or possessive Raphael with some smutt?Thx!! <3

Gotcha boo thang 💋

Requests are open.

____________________

The bright lights made it hard for you to open your eyes. You tried to move your arms, only to realize you were restrained. Memories of what happened the night before come rushing back; the break in, the fighting, the capturing of yourself and the turtles. This really looks like the end. You turn your head and see what you assume is a doctor. You swallow thickly, trying to move your legs only to realize.. they're in stirrups?! "What the fuck.." you say, gaining the attention of the doctor. He looks up from the laptop and meets your eyes. "What are you doing to me?!?" You scream. He chuckles.

"Oh, you've been unconscious for the entire procedure, miss. You're an amazing surrogate. The healthiest eggs I've ever seen, really." Is that supposed to be a compliment? "I'm really excited for the outcome of the experiment. I'm sure you're concerned, but you shouldn't be. I'm very confident that it will be just a normal pregnancy, a normal delivery. Then, if we don't get the desired outcome, we can try again." The smile never leaves his face. Your stomach suddenly feels sick.

"Pregnancy?!" You shout. "I'm pregnant?! How?!" Your head is spinning.

"One of your eggs were fertilized with the DNA sample we acquired from your friend, Raphael. We believe the outcome should greatly benefit our company, the physical talents of you both combined-" You tuned him out, you felt like your heart stopped. You couldn't breathe. There goes your chance with him..

"I'm pregnant with Raph's baby.." you lay you're head back as you feel tears filling your eyes. Are we ever getting out of here? The thought ran through your mind for the next few days until finally, at dusk, you heard glass breaking and an alarm going off. As you heard people getting beat up closer to where you were being kept, you felt hopeful.

"She's in there!!" April's voice called out. She must have gotten help. You feel like you're going to cry when she busts through the door and starts undoing your wrists. You immediately hug her, tears escaping your eyes as you sob. "Are you okay?! What'd they do to you.." she trails off, glancing at the screens around you.

"Come on!" Leo screams as you see the turtles knocking people down left and right. You stand up, grabbing the folder next to the chair you were strapped to, and ran as fast as you could while holding April's hand. Casey was holding a door for everyone while he urged everyone to hurry. The fresh air hits your face as you all make it outside and run towards the "lady killer" as Mikey calls it. You hold tight to the folder as you hop in the back with April, Donatello in the passenger seat, Leo driving, Mikey, Raphael and Casey in the back pushing buttons to get defenses up again the enemy. Once you're all in the clear, you can't help but stare at Raph. April nudges you, leaning in.

"Are you okay?" She asks. You immediately feel tears falling down your face. "It's okay, you're okay. We're all here, you're okay." She soothes, Mikey coming closer and offering reassurance as well. You shake your head.

"I'm pregnant." You choke out as you hand the folder to April.

"Pregnant?!" Mikey screams and looks at your belly. He's pulled back by Raphael harshly, who has a pained look on his face.

"Raph.." April says lowly, looking between the two of you.. "he needs to read this.." she says, looking to you. You nod your head and lean against her after she hands the folder to Raph. You stare at him as he reads. He suddenly looks up at you. His eyes go to your belly. Back up to your eyes. He doesn't look disgusted?

"Are you hurting?" He asks. You shake your head. "Are you sure this is real?" He asks, leaning towards you a bit. You nod your head. "Yer pregnant.. with.." he whispers, looking at your belly. "Your baby." You finish for him, meeting eyes.

A few weeks later.. about 8 to be exact..

The lair was finally cleaned up and restored, which is good because the morning sickness hit you hard. You just lay and rested on the couch with a bucket, miserable. Mikey tried to cheer you up, but it didn't work. You just wanted this to be over. "Here, try this." You look up at Donnie offering you a small vile of liquid. You weakly grasp it, drinking it down. It only takes a few seconds to notice a great difference.

"Oh my God, Donnie.. thank you." You say quietly. You sit up, popping your back before standing and pulling down your pj shorts. Donnie gently leads you to the table where Mikey just sat down fresh pizza. As soon as you sit, you're pulled up again. You look up and meet eyes with Raphael, giving him a confused look. He places a pillow in your seat before sitting you back down. You can't help but smile. He's actually been really sweet towards you since..

"Yessss, gimme that sweet cheesey goodness!" Mikey says while digging in the pizza box. He passes the box around while Leo sits down, grabbing a slice. When you finish your second slice, you make a move to stand but Raph quickly puts his hand on your shoulder, holding you in place.

"Ya need'a eat more." He states, grabbing another slice and sitting it in front of you. You look from the slice, back up to him.

"I'm full." You simply say, earning a look from Raph.

"Baby aint." He says. You roll your eyes at him. "Just eat the damn pizza." He sighs. You also sigh, eating the slice. Maybe you weren't as full as you thought. "Don, you finish the thing so we can see the baby yet?" Raph asks, leaning back in his seat. The nerdy turtle swallows quickly, and smiles.

"In fact, I have. And I don't mean to brag, but I believe it's much more accurate than what you would get in a doctor's office." Donnie smiles. You're still getting prenatal care from an actual baby doctor, but extra care never hurts.

"Can I see the baby today?" You ask, getting nervous but excited as well. Donnie nods, mumbling an 'of course' as Mikey bounces in his seat.

"Dude, let me see the baby too!" Mikey shouts. You giggle at him.

"You can see, Mikey."

"After me." Raphael states harshly. You look up to him, raising a brow at his tone. He looks at you out of the corner of his eye. He chews his toothpick as he follows you to Donnie's lab, Mikey still sitting and finishing off the pizza with Leo. You lay on a long desk with a pillow behind your head as Donnie fools with the machine. Raphael towers over you, staring down at your belly before taking a seat, making him a bit above eye level with you. As the machine turns on, Donnie grabs a jelly like substance and raises your shirt. You don't miss Raph clenching his jaw.

"Okay, let's see.. female organs.." Donnie mumbles to himself as he rubs the jelly around your belly and presses a wand like thing to your lower belly. "AHA!" He shouts as an image pops up on the screen. Not entirely black and white. Not fuzzy, but clear.. "As if you're actually inside the womb, I knew it would be much more detailed." He says, proud of his invention. "Very strong heart rate. Seems developmentally on schedule. Aw, what a little shell." He coos, and you stare at the image. It really is Raph's baby.

"It's so small.." Raph says in awe, smiling at screen. Are his eyes watery?

"Actually, it's measurements are a bit bigger than most at this gestational age." Donnie says casually, getting different angles of the baby. "Most likely from the father." Donnie states playfully with a glance at Raph. You've never seen him smile so big before, immediately bringing a calming feeling over you as you smiled, too.

"Does it look healthy?" You asks, biting your lip. Donnie nods, double checking the heart rate.

Raph was always there when you got an ultrasound from Donnie. He always smiled looking at the baby on the screen. He was always helpful.. except for this exact moment. You're almost 5 months pregnant, finally have a noticeable bump.

"Move." You state, looking up at the red clad turtle blocking the door. He moved all your stuff, including yourself, into his bedroom weeks ago during the worst part of the morning sickness. He would always follow you to the bathroom, holding your hair for you. (He insists on sleeping on the mattress in the floor while you take his bed.) You've been procrastinating on getting stretchier pants for a week or so, and you were going to go out and buy some now but..

"Ya aint leaving. It's not safe for you, yer vulnerable." Raph states, not even moving an inch while you're pushing him as hard as you can. "Ain't gonna getcha anywhere, shorty." You sigh.

"Raph, I need more pants. These aren't really fitting anymore!" You pout up at him. "I have to go get some! And more socks.." you say quietly as you remember.

"Call April, I'll pay 'er back for em." His rough voice is low as he looks down at you. You pout again, earning a smirk and eye roll from him.

"I need to get them myself, I can't have you buying everything for me-"

"Sure ya can, shorty." Raph cuts you off, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

"You could just dress up and go with me.." you quietly suggest as he leads you into his gym, remembering when he went out in daylight in a disguise.

"Ya can just call April and stay ya ass here and stay safe." The irritation is clear in his voice. "Get some light cardio goin'." Raphael starts with his weights as you use the treadmill lightly, trying to stay healthy during this whole thing. You give into Raphael's 'suggestion' and ask April to get you some comfy maternity pants and clothes. She really is your best friend, and has stayed so supportive. When she arrives the next day your new wardrobe (she really went all out), you were so excited. Your favorite was a dark red sweater.

After having girl time with April, and another ultrasound (which included Raph) because she hadn't seen the baby yet, you and her made a plan. "I hope they go for it." You say as you walk into the busy living area where all four turtles were playing video games.

"I swear to God yer fuckin cheatin!" Raph growls at Mikey as he cowers away from his older brother.

"Dude I'm not, you just suck!" Mikey says, running behind April and picking her up as a shield. Your giggle catches Raph's attention, but you don't see it.

"So guys! Why don't we go to the farmhouse for a few days? Give this girl some time outside." April suggests while giving you a side hug. Mikey immediately agrees, followed by Donnie. Leo is indifferent, really. He could take it or leave it. Raph seems unsure.

"Please?" You beg, walking to where he now sits at the kitchen table. You're barely above his eye level with him sitting and you standing by his side.

"Dunno if it's gonna be safe." He states, drinking his orange crush. You sigh, putting your arms around his large shoulders.

"Pleeeeeease? Everyone's gonna be there, it'll be safe." You beg. He grunts in response. You squeeze him a bit, whispering a quiet 'please' while leaning your head against his. You hear a 'come on, Raph' from Donnie. You nuzzle him lightly while Mikey tells him to 'dude, it'll be fine'. Even April throws in a 'itll be fun'. You give a final pout as he caves.

"If ya really wanna go.." he says lowly. You smile so big and kiss his cheek, thanking him before you rush to go pack. You completely miss the blush on his face, but everyone else sees it.

"You really love her, dontcha dude?" Mikey asks casually, softly. Raph grunts and nods. "You can totally tell her." He suggests.

"Look at me, Mikey. I'm a freak. She's beautiful. And she's stuck havin' my kid. She never wanted that.. ain't gonna make it worse for her." Raph sighs through his nose before going to the gym to work through his negative feelings.

______________

The

[dragneel-family]

Things Said In My Household but with Fairy Tail Pt.7

*Natsu's Birthday When he was younger** Its morning*

Gajeel: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SLUMBAG.

Gray: *tackles Natsu in his sleep* WAKE UPPP

Wendy: *appears from underneath the covers and smacks Natsu* WAKEY WAKEY.

Natsu: *wakes up and slaps Gajeel* WHAT.

Gajeel: YOU SON OF A GUN.

___

Wendy: *blindfolded* Gray, why do i have to be blindfolded?

Gray: Because you are trying to pin the tail on the donkey.

Wendy: but the pin could hurt the donkey. I might trip and get hurt.

Gray: Stop being such a baby

Wendy: I am a baby. Im 6.

Gray: Just do it.

Wendy: *pouts and walks the opposite direction of the board*

Gray: Wendy you are going the w--*sees her heading towards Gajeel* You're doing great.

Wendy: *pats Gajeels butt* I think i found it ..*pins*

Gajeel: Wha--*yelps in pain*

Gray: *on the ground laughing*

Natsu: AHAHAHA.

Wendy: *still blindfolded* did i do it?

____

Everyone: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Natsu! Happy birthday to you!

Cobra: *comes in with the cake* I have the ca-- *trips and the cake lands on Natsu*

Natsu: ...

Natsu: CAKE FIGHT! *throws cake at Erza*

Erza: You PUNK! *throws it back*

Laxus: wth**gets hit with cake*

Gajeel: FOR SPARTA.

Wendy: *is hiding underneath the table eating cake* im suppose to be the child here.

___

Natsu: im doing it..*scrolling through playlist*

Gajeel: natsu pls..

Gray: DO IT.

*plays harlem shake*

Cobra: *bursts in "dancing"*

____

*walking into school*

Natsu: If anyone has trouble with Wendy you have trouble with ME.

Gajeel: YEAH DONT MESS WITH HER

Gray: all you heartbreakers back the fuck off.

Erza: guys wendy doesnt even go here.

___

Cobra: Man it's so quiet..so peaceful

Cobra: ...

Cobra: HOLY SHIT WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU 5 IDIOTS.

____

*And this is the story of how Natsu met Lucy*

*School Fair*

Gajeel: DUDE LOOK. *points to a pig pen*

Gray: I DARE YOU TO GO IN AND JOIN YOUR FAMILY NATSU.

Natsu: Wow, shady. And No fucking way--*sees Lucy staring his way*

Lucy: hey you two

Gajeel&Gray: Hey Lucy

Natsu: whaa...

Lucy: Is this your brother?

Gray: Yup he's the idiot

Natsu: HEY!

Gajeel: We just dared natsu to go into the pig pen

Lucy: there's no way he's gonna do it

Natsu: ill do it.

Natsu: *jumps into pig pen* Easy there piggy

Pig: *looks pissed off*

Gray: uh natsu..i think you should..

Natsu: *starts getting chased by pig*W-OAH . HELLLPPPP ME! *runs around but trips straight into the mud*

Gajeel&Gray: *burst out laughing*

Lucy: *giggles at Natsu*

Natsu: *cheeky smile* I guess it was worth it .

___

Wendy: One

Wendy: two

Wendy: three

Wendy: ten! ready or not here i come

__

Natsu: *singing Bad by Michael Jackson* Well they say the sky's the limit!

Gajeel: *slides into the room with sunglasses on* And to me that's really true!

Gray: *appears with a hat* But my friend you have seen nothin'!

Cobra: *appears from behind couch* Just wait 'til I get through!

Everyone: Because I'm bad, I'm bad come on!!!

Cobra: You know I'm bad, I'm bad come on, you know!!

Natsu: And the whole world has to

Answer right now!!

Gray: Just to tell you once again!!

Erza: *appears from behind everyone and strikes a pose* Who's bad?

____

*doorbell*

Gray: I GOT ITT-- *opens it* HEY-- oh? Hi?

Romeo: Uh..h-hi.. is wendy home?

Natsu: *appears out of nowhere* yes, why u ask?

Gajeel: Hey who's at the do--*sees romeo* ..hmm.

Wendy: Guys leave romeo alone. *pulls him in* Dont mind them, they're stupid.

Romeo: Oh. O-okay!

Gray: *glare*

Natsu: *soft growl*

Gajeel: *cracking knuckles*

Romeo: *gulps* ^__;;;;;;;;;

___

Mira: *helping make turkey*

*stuffs hand inside the you know what*

Ahahaha, look, Im Turkey Woman *pretends to shoot with the turkey* Pew pew pew!

Laxus: *facepalm*

Erza: Turkey Woman sounds great and all, but you can never surpass, *shows hands covered in Mash potato* MASH WOMAN

Cobra: what the hell are you two doing

Erza: making turkey with a side of fuck off.

Mira: Actually it's potato.

___

: D

Pt 8 if you want?

___

Here are a Few Words from my brothers!!

Natsu: Hey

Gray: that's just one word.

Natsu: IT COUNTS.

Gajeel: honestly i thought we would scare everyone away especially how our family is.

Natsu: ^^

Gray: Who could resist someone like me?

Natsu: everyone in the universe that's who.

Gajeel: How do we end this?

Gray: do we just say bye?

Natsu: AHA. SEE YA SUCKERS.

Gray: natsu i dont think that's how you--

Gajeel: Peace.

Gray: seriously is no one gonna--

Erza: what are you idiots doing with wendy's phone

Gray: Bye!!

____

: o i got my phone back.

Here is a sneak peek at the first chapter of "If My House Were Fairy Tail."

___

It was the morning of a day I clearly don’t remember and have no intentions of trying to remember.

This day marked the day that my family and I started to question my dear brother’s sexuality. And here is why.

“Gray, STOP EATING ALL THE FUCKING POPTARTS.” Natsu yelled from downstairs. Wendy was awoken from her sleep by all the ruckus, which honestly wasnt a surprise to her at this point.

She forced herself up and began to walk down the stairs. Unfortunetly, someone had left his trousers in the middle of the way. Wendy of course didn't see it coming. Poor Wendy, if anyone had been watching her, they would think for even the slightest second that she was flying.

[fantrollology]

tekras-iszovh​:

“= ah. yeah i mean. ain’t matter t’ me, i buy shit. =“

“= i buy shit a lot. ahah. ain’t. ain’t that something. =“

He taps a foot on the stool’s leg fairly often, and looks away for a moment before returning his gaze with a look of intense thought.

“= you think you coul’ wedge a straw under th’ lil thingy with the helmet ‘n like. slurp? like. under. under th’ bottom an’ shit. crazy straw. =“

Clearly, he’s having wild ideas.

Tekras listens intently, or not intently - hard to tell.

“= so. uh. i got it all made by people i like. =“

“= well i sorta know some. some of them. i can. i c’n give y’ numbers and details. theyre versatile. i think. bit … expensive though? ahah. =“

“= have you ever. just spent? a lott’v money? caegars all round. eh fuck. anyways. =“

Tekras swivels again. Squeak. Tekras’ gloves squeak too! Iconic behavior. He’ll move some hair out of his face and back behind the horn-attached crown. Unclear how that’s supposed to be removed - seems fairly rigid on.

“= ya got… aha. ya got like. so. have y’ got. stories? i aint waitin’ for anyone an’ - hc. =“

He takes a drink. Finished up, and he sort of waves at someone. Oh, hm. It’s not a surprise looking at the outfit that he’s got a VIP pass and the priority service that comes with.

“= an’ i got time to rip up while i wait for th’ evenin’. could do somethin’ fun. here or- somewhere. haha. you want anythin’ from the guy. waiter dude. i could get ya in the vip area if i ask people. or somethin’. well it. maybe’s it’s against’a rule or two. but if i sneak ya it’s fine. =“

He makes an order for another drink. Strong stuff. Not wise to be drinking this hard, but he’s either stupid or tough. We’ll see which it is.

Both…?

"Nah with mine I'd probably have to put in a latch or something, see look!"

He tilted his chin up and made gestures towards his neck; the helmet actually curled down and over his chin like a crash helmet. Tucked into the seam of the helmet looked to be a sort of nylon turtleneck, though the hands gesturing to it seemed to be covered in the same material. To anyone looking at him, JC was practically air-tight.

"I can wedge a finger in there but..." he started to but instead let his hands fall to the table and cocked his head at Tekras. "I don't... really drink anyways."

"Oh yeah sometimes. My bros and I rent out stuff a lot and that can get pricey, but we make pretty good money from his streams. Have you ever ridden a Jetski? I basically had to tie myself to it because I can't swim but they're awesome. You can catch way more air than you'd think looking at it. It's like the motorcycle of the water! Or dirtbike, I guess?"

He lit up a bit at Tekras suggestion but man, this dude was antsy to move around! Maybe just trying to show off his sick 'fit, though? JC wouldn't blame him. He watched the clearly inebriated man order another drink.

"Oh what! You have access to the VIP area? I thought that was just for celebrities and seadwellers. What's in there? I'm game for some sneaking."

VIP access? Expensive getup? Drink after drink?? A crown??? Who was this guy!? King material for SURE.

[deviliciousdev]

MBTI✨☃️The Great Christmas Debacle🎄pt.3

entp (the debater)

x

intp (the logician)

x

entj (the commander)

x

infp (the mediator)

best friends

+

(entp x infp couple & intp x entj couple)

-------------------------------------------

[20 mins after the christmas tree inferno🎄🔥😬]

intp: [covered in soot, on hands and knees sweeping ash and burnt ornaments into giant trash bag]

entp: [also covered in soot, coming in from the back door] ok, ok, i disconnected all the fire alarms because i didn't know what else to do and i got the tree's burnt corpse on the side of the house. it's not that bad right, i mean the fire didn't actually get anything other than the tree so it's fine and it's gonna be fine and it's all fine.

intp: [looks up, sitting on knees in a pile of ash] umm... [whole living room has ash on everything] i mean... sure... but on a more realistic level... um no... it's on all of the decorations... like every single thing infp put up... like no one survived... like-

entp: ok! thank you, i get your point. ugghhhhh ok, ok we just have to fix this before infp and entj come back from the store. we'll just figure it out. [nodding, eyes wide like a crazy person]

intp: oh yeah, we just have to get the soot and ash off of the whole living room including all the furniture, toss the decorations, get exact replicas and redecorate it exactly how infp had it, all before they get back from the store that's like seven minutes from here.... yeah... that's... totally doable...

entp: WELL WE WILL OK BECAUSE WE HAVE TO! so let's start with-

[hear a car door close]

both: *gasp*

entp: oh no! ugh! damn it they're back! oh god, oh god-

intp: 😳 what exactly are be gonna be faced with when infp walks in and see their winter wonderland as an ash covered underland?

[both cowering going into the hall to the front door]

entp: one of two options. either extreme rage in where we get stabbed to death with a christmas decoration.

intp: and the other option?

[can hear keys jingling nearing the door]

entp: heartbreak. god i really hope they stab us to death.

intp: 🤨

[front door slowly creeps open]

both: 😬

[door swings open and entj enters alone holding two brown paper bags of groceries]

both: [let out sighs of relief]

entp: [looks past entj] is it just you?

entj: [taking in intp and entp's crazy appearance] 😳🤔 oh my god what the hell happen to you two?

intp: where's infp?

entj: they- um- they forgot to get marshmallow fluff at the store so they went back to get it. what the hell are you covered in? soot? oh my god. WHAT DID YOU IDIOTS DO?!

intp: ummmm... so there was a little, tiny, wee... fire. 😬

entj: 😳😡 what?!

[all go into living room]

intp: so um the christmas tree sort of um burnt down and the ash got sort of kind of um... everywhere...

entj: 😱😐 [calmly sets grocery bags down on dinning table. walks back over in between intp and entp] YOU. TWO. [smacking both on shoulders rapidly one after another] ARE. SO. STUPID!

intp: owwww...

entp: ah! god! i know that!

entj: how the hell did this happen?!

entp: we were just checking out intp's magic kit thing and the stupid fire spark gadget thing-

intp: fire ball wrist launcher.🤓

entp: WHAT. EVER!

intp: 😶

entj: WHY WOULD YOU SHOOT SOMETHING CALLED A FIRE BALL WRIST LAUNCHER IN THE HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

entp: IT WASNT SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY SHOOT A FIRE BALL! IT WAS SUPPPPOSE TO MAKE A QUICK BURST OF SPARK AND FLAME. HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN MAGIC, ENTJ?!

entj: ugh! 🙄

entp: MAY BE if intp didn't buy a cheap defective ass magic kit!

intp: *gasp* it's not cheap! it's a $250 PROFESSIONAL magic kit! it has a picture of Chris Angel on the training DVD! and i saw him in vegas when i was twelve and he WAS AMAZING!

entp: 🙄😒

entj: [slowly turns to intp]🤨😐 you spent two HUNDRED and fifty dollars... on a magic kit?

intp: 😳 *nervous laugh* 😄 ... no...

entj: 😑

[hear car lock and beep]

entp: oh god... it's infp...

entj: ok, ok just you two stay here and i'll try and prepare them. [entj runs to front door]

[infp enters]

infp: woo can you believe i got the last jar of marshmallow fluff, i mean that could have been a disaster, ahaha.

entj: um- yeah, aha. so um little snag in the christmas plans...

infp: 😃 aha what?

entj: ok, i just need you to remain calm and breathe, ok?

infp: ummmm... okkkk??

[entj walks a confused infp into the living room. where entp and intp are standing side by side like guilty children]

entj: there was um an accident that consisted of a fire that apparently um... engulfed your... christmas tree... and there is... some ash on... everything.

infp: 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 *emits high pitch squeal*

intp: oh boy, what's happening...?

entp: [whispering] oh no, it's the second one.

entj: um...

infp: [still making high pitch squeal. sets marshmallow fluff on dining table and goes into downstairs bathroom. thuds against door and slides down still sad squealing]

[entj, and entp go over to bathroom door]

entj: infp, it's gonna be ok i mean it's not... that... bad... ish

entp: infp, i'm so sorry. so, so, so, sorry, but we'll fix it, i swear! i'm not exactly sure how right now but we'll fix it. i'll do anything, i'll risk my own life or may be just intp's

entj: [shoots entp the evil eye]😠 mmm.

intp: [in kitchen eating marshmallow fluff out of jar] wait wat?

entj: [gives intp a glare and motions to stop eating the fluff. leans closer to bathroom door] infp, everything is going to be fine, ok because i'm gonna help you clean up the living room and all the decorations and reorganize and get the winter wonderdome back up and running. and entp and intp are gonna go out right now get you a new christmas tree, a bigger, fuller, awe inspiring christmas tree.

entp: we are?

entj: yes! [starts to push entp and grabs intp by the sweater and pushes them to the front door] you two are gonna go right now and get a bigger better tree!

intp: entj, it's the day before christmas eve, we'll be lucky to find ANY christmas tree, let alone a "bigger better" christmas tree?

entj: i don't know, figure it out. go find a tree and don't come back without one! [pushing them out the door and slams door behind them]

entj: [opens door real quick] don't forget your coats, it's cold. [hands them their coats and kisses intp on cheek] NOW GO! [slams door again]

entp: challenge accepted. ok let's kick this saving christmas mission's ass.

intp: wait so we are going to kick christmas's ass?

entp: what no, we're gonna kick ass at the saving christmas mission.

intp: oh... ok...

entp: what?

intp: it was just a really complicated sentiment. i feel like the word arrangement could have been more literate.

[getting into entp's jeep]

entp: ok ya know what if you're such an expert you come up with a good tag line for saving christmas! 

intp: um ok i will because anything would better than whatever the hell you said-

entp: oh, oh really because-

[entp and intp continue to debate as car doors close]