#but without him all delsin has is fury and hatred and pain

[foxymuses]

---- also don’t think about delsin having nightmares for months following reggie’s death. 

don’t think about how reggie had a bad feeling about hank and advised delsin not to listen to him or trust him or believe anything he said. don’t think about how reggie told delsin that he couldn’t help him take down augustine just for two conduits because hundreds of innocent people were at risk and it was his duty as a cop to protect them. don’t think about reggie showing up to help anyway because he knows his behavior has been less than acceptable towards the conduits and fetch and eugene were people too and deserved help. don’t think about reggie forming the plan to get delsin and hank over to the concrete island, and don’t think about reggie stealing a rocket launcher because he knew things were gonna go wrong, and he essentially saved delsin’s hide from getting caught by augustine and kept him safe from a distance until delsin could reach him to get the concrete cuffs off. and don’t think about reggie taking the first shot to try and break the concrete off fetch and eugene to free them. and don’t think about the realization of how dangerous augustine is when the concrete surrounds reggie’s feet, nor the fear when the concrete holding fetch and eugene plummets towards him and delsin. don’t think about delsin barely grabbing reggie’s hand in time and reggie trying for a few brief seconds to get a better grip before he realizes this isn’t working. don’t think about him going to reach for his gun to break the concrete and his hand getting stuck in the concrete as it rapidly climbs its way up his body. don’t think of reggie looking up at his brother, time slowing down as delsin clings desperately to the platform, the only thing keeping them both alive, promising he can get them back up. don’t think about reggie know he can’t.

don’t think about the calm that washes over reggie because it has been his duty to protect delsin for so long that he’s been ignoring who delsin is as a person and that if he doesn’t let go, they’re both going to die, and he knows delsin doesn’t need him anymore, delsin can protect himself, delsin has found the purpose he needed in life and he’s ready to move on from reggie’s roof. don’t think about reggie knowing he’s leaving delsin family-less, but would rather that than letting delsin die with him. don’t think about reggie knowing, even as delsin says he can pull them both up, that delsin knows he can’t but god if reggie knows delsin will do everything he can to try even if it kills him. don’t think about reggie looking up his younger brother, filled with awe and regret and smiling and for the first time since delsin came of age, telling him how proud his is of who delsin is, how he’s always been proud, how he knows delsin will be strong enough to get through this without him. don’t think about the panic in delsin as he tries to hold on tighter to reggie and his grip is slipping and he can be a strong as he wants with his powers but his strength is still just human, and reggie is letting go and reggie is falling and even if he survived the impact, the concrete will drag him to the bottom of the bay and even if delsin let go and dove after him, he knows he can’t pull reggie up to the surface still covered in concrete and he doesn’t have the power to remove the concrete yet.

don’t think about delsin knowing that reggie won’t die immediately, that he’ll sink to the bottom of puget bay and he’ll drown slowly, being encased in concrete that will only lock the water in with him. don’t think about the fury and pain and satisfaction that leads delsin to strangling hank only feet from his waiting daughter, knowing blood is on his hands and not caring. don’t think about delsin killing augustine purely out of hatred for her causing reggie’s death, her lack of remorse reflected in his eyes as he encases her the same way she did reggie, drops her from an even higher height. don’t think about the hatred that fills him when the tribe rejects him because of his actions, his last connection to reggie torn apart, and don’t think about the rage that tells delsin if they won’t have him, they don’t deserve to live either. 

don’t think about delsin waking up sweating in the middle of the night hearing reggie calling for him from the water. don’t think about delsin’s powers going haywire when he sees reggie falling in his dreams, waking up to smoke filling his room, or neon burns across the walls, or video swords embedded into furniture. don’t think about fetch and eugene worried but afraid to ask, afraid to bring anything about reggie up. 

don’t think about the only thing that could have redeemed delsin dying because of him, and delsin never letting that memory go.