#but why are 7 strings so much sexier than 6??)

[thisismyobsessionnow]

Nick Johansson, Tungsten

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

A (totally unbiased) rating of instruments by me, a violin and viola player

Violin: 9/10.  Wonderful immaculate gorgeous beautiful, the most human of instruments.  HOWEVER absolutely horrifying when someone’s just starting and it tends to take over a decade to get good, so we lose a point. 

Viola 9.5/10.  Same as the violin but it’s deeper! and it was described to me once as the shyest of instruments and it is! It’s not made to ring or echo! But it’s trying it’s best! and I love an underdog so more than violin. 

Guitar: 2/10 why are the string intervals in 4ths they should be in 5ths everyone knows string intervals are in 5ths this is a personal insult and WRONG. 

Trumpet: 7/10 I am LOVING the way they literally do not care about other instruments or anything other than existing.  The confidence is off the charts.  Note changes can go wrong easily though and it’s difficult to hide it away, and also you can’t laugh at the conductor being weird while playing it so honestly what’s the point.  Also sometimes other people are important, have you considered that. 

Piano: 5/10 I am BEGGING you to have more articulation types than “slamming hands down,” “short, hard plinks,” and “impressionist vibes.”  Also you just think you’re sooooo much better than us because you can just sit down and start playing your instrument for fun at a party while the rest of us if we want to play it’s a whole thing.  Not fair. 

Voice: 4/10 “all music comes from the breath” get outta here we know you think you’re the og, the cornerstone of all music, we don’t need that energy in this house. 

Double Bass: 1304/10 I would die for you. 

Glockenspiel: 9/10 would be iconic if anyone other than percussionists knew it existed. 

Tuba: 1000/10 HECK YEAH BIG BOY CHONKY EXCELLENT VIBES

Piccolo: 1/10 pretentious.

Flute 2/10 slightly less pretentious but still pretentious.

Clarinet: 6/10 a solid instrument, the oboe’s less sexy sibling. 

Oboe: 8/10, sexy, would be sexier if oboe players didn’t get so offended by people mixing oboes and clarinets up. 

Harpsicord: 1/10 I am BEGGING you to be able to play ANY DYNAMICS please.  Plinking gives me Bach flashbacks. 

[japanessie]

Hii Shelly! Been reading your blog and it's extremely informative, so thank you for that! Anyways, i was really wondering what are your favourite songs from MFS! Thank you!

Hi there!!! 😁✌️

Hmm ….. that’s an interesting question 🤔. OK, my list changes with times I must say. There was a time when I used to listen to the album 虚言NEUROSE everyday during my daily commute to work as I liked ZERO Gravity and ROOM very much. I used to like What’s My Name? from BONEDS split album a lot too. Apart from the 1st song in the following list which is a crucial song to me, the rest are songs that I’ve noticed I tend to repeat every time I listen to them nowadays.

WARNING: I will be mentioning Taka and OOR a lot here. Read on to understand why.

1. 最終回STORY [Saishuukai STORY]

This is the most important MFS song for me because THIS is the song through which they stole my heart at the height of my “love affair” with OOR back in 2013. The one that turned me into an MFS fan. Don’t get me wrong, I still am an OOR fan. It’s just that I was also looking for something else I wasn’t getting from them. A certain kind of aggressiveness. Not necessarily had to be appealing to the commercial mass market. Something more metal yet still melodic and accessible. I was in love with the song March of Mephisto by Kamelot at the time and I wanted something that leaned more towards that. Then, I heard 最終回STORY. BAM! I found what I was looking for 😍! Different from OOR. Played it on repeat that night and it became the most played song on my phone quickly. I love everything about it and the MV, which somewhat hides the band members’ faces, is just right for it. It makes us focus on the amazing music and not their pretty faces. 

* Though I feel Hiro somewhat ruined it when he swang his mic at one point in the MV (one short second of a movement that his Onii-chan is famous for is enough to tarnish Hiro’s image for life 😖), but overall especially the angles that the video was shot, more than makes up for that “oops …” moment 😊.

2. 終焉レクイエム [Shuuen Requiem]

I do love string sections anywhere and the orchestral arrangement intensifies the song’s melancholic melody. Furthermore, I like how musically, this one leans more towards the work of older rock artists from HYDE’s generation than the younger OOR kind of crowds. It reminds me a lot of my favourite song Gekoukka by Janne da Arc from the anime Dr. Black Jack.

While I understand Hiro’s intention with BLACK RAIL, this one has a lot more depth and is far more revealing of his feelings about being cyber-bullied by some of his brother’s fans. I talked a lot more about it here.

3. 君のいない夜を越えて [Kimi no Inai Yoru o Koete]

Part of Sho’s musical works for Ochanomizu Rock. Musically, it’s safe and sweet.While it wasn’t love at first listen to me but thanks to the drama series, I got drawn more and more towards it. Upon finding out that Hiro cleverly inserted a lyric line that clearly mentions “my first story” which also seems to answer why he and big bro Taka appear detached in public, the song then totally etched itself on my heart. I wrote what I thought about that “hidden” message here. Despite the crazy accusations about him hating Taka, Hiro once again wants us to decipher all the clues he left here and there indicating how he carries his big brother in his heart very much ❤️.

4. FAKE

Surprised to see this one? This one is in a league of its own to me. I wrote my thoughts on it back in 2015 here. OK, this one represents the time when I was adjusting to the fact that Hiro was no longer a boy when I first saw the trailer. How he had blossomed into a man. I remember that day very well. My hands felt cold and my heartbeat was racing, telling myself, “He’s not a baby anymore. Accept it,” 😮. 

Just look at how he flirted with the viewers through the camera lens 😍.

He ended it with alternate wink of one eye! Oh my kokoro ❤️❤️❤️

The song also has a different and sexier groove that sets itself apart from other MFS songs. Listen to those crunchy rhythm guitars 😙!! My favourite part is when they put Hiro’s voice through that “groveling” vocal effect about 1 min into the song. Come on, how can I not find that sexy 😉? You don’t often get to hear Hiro sounding masculine, thanks to his high-pitched natural voice. So, this is where the right voice effect works very well to enhance the man side of him. I also love how schizophrenic the song arrangement is. How it twists to different turns one after another. Weird but good weird 😉. Whether you like the song or not, you have to admit that this song is only one of its kind in their repertoire as they have never made another song that sounds like FAKE again.

* Some fans compared the chorus to OOR’s Never Let It Go but still the overall feels of both songs are worlds apart. The former is an arena rock anthem with a soaring chorus. The latter is just weird but a deliciously sexy groovy kind of weird.

5. The Puzzle

The song that didn’t impress me AT ALL during the trailer. Then they released the video on STORYTELLER in full. Wow! Suddenly I knew how to appreciate it. You can feel the raw feelings and vulnerability they exuded with that video. The video was recorded at their 1st public performance after the lineup change. It was a period of MAJOR adjustment especially for the 3 youngest members Hiro, Teru and Kid’z. Hiro trying to hold back his tears mid-song, Teru still playing under Sho’s shadow and Kid’z (who was still worrying about fans’acceptance) doing his best to prove his worth by elevating the song through his own style of drumming. I almost feel like Kid’z was making his drum beats “sing” with Hiro at certain parts.

* For those just joining STORYTELLER Club, you can watch The Puzzle MV only after being a member for 90 days. Be patient, OK? It’s worth waiting to see Hiro’s raw pain when he sang the line “boku dake / only me”.

6. BOOM

I love heavy sounding bass lines which this song has in abundance. TQ Nob for your awesome work! What a pity it was not made into an MV. To me, this song is a missed opportunity for MFS to show the world especially the skeptics that they really do play a different kind of music from big brother band OOR. Where the big bro is more Good Charlotte & Yellowcard, this one has Limp Bizkit running through its veins. Different leagues. Fred Durst would be proud 😉

7. 悪戯フィクション [Itazura FICTION]

It’s dark and lyrically intense!  I wrote about what I think the lyrics are about here, here and here. Also, why I think it inspired the lyrics to LET IT DIE here. Then how to not fall head over heel over that drumming ❤️? Turned out it was the most challenging arrangement to Kid’z from that album and the one he worked the hardest on to get it right. Hmm …. does that mean I can now trust my ears to detect quality work? Hehe 😁. That sounds like bragging but, from the start, the drumming had been the part that drew me to this song 😊. A song meant to be performed in large halls/arenas.

8. 不可逆リプレース [Fukagyaku REPLACE] acoustic version

The reason? My mind likes to imagine Taka singing with Hiro on this version. Somehow I think the gentler music arrangement fits to bring the two brothers’ voices together onstage. Imagine them singing the lines “… I will follow you … follow you ….“ and “keep you close to me …. close to me ….” to each other. But, I want to see them both together onstage NOT because I think it would be an explosive collaboration. Instead, I want to see the “tears fest” that would happen on that stage. My mind also likes to make a bet who from each band would cry first watching them. My bet ….. from MFS, it’s a toss between Nob and Teru. Then from OOR, it’s Ryota. Am I sadistic or what 😮? Wanting a song to be performed just to see people cry 😄? 

9. REVIVER

I love how somewhat 80′s rock and old school this song is. I talked about that in this post. Even the MV’s aspect ratio is old school! Teruki shines here 😊. Proudly wearing an Ozzy Osbourne T-shirt. Basically declaring where his musical influences came from. OK. I don’t need to repeat REVIVER because they actually made TWO equally excellent versions of it and now they added the orchestral version too. Aah …. MFS loves me 😍!

Of course, like the rest of you, I love ALONE, LET IT DIE, Missing You etc. Special mention for AWAKE which I call “the song Hiro has never screwed up Live”. An older song Warning always makes me happy too. Another special mention is If I Am which everyone else seems to find lame but I, on the other hand, think that it has an epic acoustic potential LOL. Did you all see how dead and quiet the crowd was when they performed this song in the ITSUWARI NEUROSE Tour Final DVD 😂? Yeah, I think the guys need to revive the song with a different arrangement.

Sorry this got too long 😮

[parentingguide8-blog]

2018’s Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Year!!

New Post has been published on https://parentinguideto.com/trending/2018s-funniest-parenting-tweets-of-the-year/

2018’s Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Year!!

All year long we’ve been rounding up our favorite tweets of the week from some of the funniest moms and dads on Twitter! As 2018 comes to an end, we hope you will enjoy our choices for the funniest parenting tweets of the year!! Thanks for reading and have an amazing 2019!!!

For more Twitter fun, don’t forget to join us over at @LifeofDadShow!

Sometimes my kids complain about something I tell them to do and I say “hey man, I don’t make the rules!” and then I walk away laughing under my breath because I DO make the rules.

— Brandon Andrina (@proathomedad) March 11, 2018

Sometimes as a parent there are those moments of pure joy & excitement, like when you arrive at a kids’ birthday party & the host says parents don’t have to stay.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 10, 2018

Me pretending that’s not my kid in public pic.twitter.com/iVgBEASlWk

— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) March 8, 2018

How to put on shoes like a 5-year-old:

1) Put on one shoe.

2) Ponder the mysteries of the universe.

3) What shoes?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 9, 2018

Kids today will never know the struggle of having to go around the house and change every little clock. #DaylightSavings

— Matthew Kabel (@MattKabel) March 11, 2018

Me: Let’s watch the old Mario Bros show on Netflix from when I was a kid!

Daughter: Why is it blurry?

Me: All of the shows used to be blurry.

Daughter: Why is it square?

Me: TV’s used to be square.

Daughter: Why isn’t it funny or good?

Me: YOU MADE ME WATCH CAILLOU!!

— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) March 23, 2018

Me after seeing a group of 30 something year old guys gathered to play Pokemon GO: “What a bunch of nerds”

Also me after picking up my son from school today: “CAN YOU TEACH ME TO PLAY FORTNITE RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?

— Chris Read (@CanadianDadBlog) March 19, 2018

My daughter thinks it’s hilarious when I accidentally get her math questions wrong but the joke’s on her because it’s not an accident and she’s on her own for homework for 10 more years.

— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) March 19, 2018

My style of parenting can best be described as ‘Max and Ruby’s parents.’

— Cathryn (@AngryRaccoon2) March 24, 2018

My kid just fed me what she said was a raisin. It wasn’t a raisin.

Never, I repeat never, eat anything your kid feeds you without double checking.

— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) August 10, 2018

The first time I realized my kids are spoiled was when they started complaining about not being able to skip commercials at a hotel.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) August 6, 2018

My mom: wow it’s so nice of Jeff to watch your kids for the next few days while you’re gone

Me: yes, he is very excited to continue to be a father

— sleepy mom (@lauratnelson) August 10, 2018

Store clerk: May I help you?

Me: I hope so. Sweetie go get your math homework, this nice woman is going to help us.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 13, 2018

My toddler just looked me straight in the eyes and whispered “I’m NOT crazy.” Which sounds exactly like something a crazy person would do.

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 19, 2018

Mom: [carries in womb for 10 months, breastfeeds another 12 months, quits job to stay at home and raise our daughter]

Me: [does the going downstairs behind the couch gag]

Daughter: Daddy’s my best friend!

— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) May 15, 2018

My 8yo can’t play video games today, but instead of doing something productive, he’s having his brother loudly narrate his game from the next room.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 12, 2018

Other women: Nothing is sexier than a dad holding a baby.

Me: Nothing is sexier than my husband using his thundering dad-voice to frighten our children into behaving when I’ve abandoned all hope.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 10, 2018

Me “Go play outside.”

Kids “Ugh it’s too hot!!”

Me “Go!”

Kids “Will you play with us?!”

Me “Outside? No way! It’s way too hot.”

— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) May 8, 2018

2yo: “mommy I did it!”

Me: “that’s awesome, buddy I knew you could do it!”

(I have no idea what he did)

— Melissa (@Fiveoclockmommy) May 10, 2018

My kids made me Mother’s Day cards covered in glitter, which is like the opposite of saying I love you.

— Ashnog (@adult_mom) May 14, 2017

My 5yo son just slept-walked into the kitchen, pulled down his pants and peed all over the kitchen table. Glad to hear you are pregnant with your first though.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 4, 2018

My nephews thought my not giving them Easter baskets was an April Fool’s joke, but really it’s because they’re older now.

Aging, the ultimate prank.

— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) April 1, 2018

(both kids screaming from the living room) MONSTERS DON’T SPAWN IN THIS AREA! WHERE ARE YOU? I NEED A TORCH! IF I DIE BECAUSE OF YOU I’M GONNA – JUST DIG AND HIDE! WHERE IS YOUR BASE?

It’s too early for this

— Bottlerocket (@bottlerocket) April 20, 2018

The kids have been away for a few days and I just found a pair of inside-out pants with underwear still stuck to them in my 5yo’s room and clutched it to my chest like an ex’s hoodie.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 7, 2018

My son asked what sides we were having with dinner like we haven’t had mac & cheese and microwaved green beans with every meal since he was born.

— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) July 17, 2018

https://twitter.com/ValeeGrrl/status/1018920271011557377 https://twitter.com/eff_yeah_steph/status/1017722655968059392

Me: (limits screen time)

[5 minutes later]

6: (gets a concussion) Me: That’s it! Everyone back on their tablets!

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 10, 2018

https://twitter.com/sarcasticmommy4/status/1015071841809981440

My daugjter just ruined Toy Story for ever. She said if one of the toys died Andy wouldnt know and he’d carry on playing with its corpse

— Baron Stigmund (@stiggib3) July 1, 2018

8: “Where’s Dad? I need some help” Me: “I can help you!” 8: “It’s about the TV” Me: 8: Me: “Dad’s upstairs.”

— Wendy S. (@maughammom) June 26, 2018

“Nope.”

~My two-year old, trying to justify he didn’t draw on the table with a red crayon while HOLDING A RED CRAYON.

— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 9, 2018

Life hack: If you tell the pizza delivery person “Thanks so much, you’re making our Pajama Day awesome!” when you and your toddler answer the door in pj’s, you transform from the mom who couldn’t get her shit together into the fun mom who hosts theme days.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) June 5, 2018

I didn’t realize 80% of song lyrics were inappropriate until I had to listen to them in the car with my kids.

— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) June 8, 2018

My son just said he’s going to call me “Squishy” to match my stomach and now I need to have another kid just so I can have a favorite

— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) June 3, 2018

Every single conversation I have with my kids pic.twitter.com/osbJEa8E7B

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 1, 2018

After my family finishes dinner. Me: “Anyone want ice cream?” My kids reaction. #LifeofDad pic.twitter.com/N0rZzLJkH7

— DadatWork (@ArtEddy3) August 23, 2018

Damn, looks like I brought the wrong 47 children’s books on our road trip.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 22, 2018

My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.

— Octopus/Caveman (@OctopusCaveman) August 26, 2018

BEFORE HAVING KIDS: “I am NEVER making separate meals for my children”

4 YEARS LATER: “Let me repeat your order: tri-color pasta (al dente) with butter & cheese on a bed of string cheese on a fairy plate, cup of water with star-shaped ice cubes, yogurt two ways, Cheez-Its.”

— Bret Turner (@bretjturner) August 15, 2018

*starts my own YouTube channel so my kids will listen to me.

— The Baron (@baronvonbike) August 17, 2018

8yo: Dad, can I eat on the couch? Me: Sure, as long as you’re carefu- 8yo: I spilled my drink Me: Of course

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 31, 2018

Kid: Mom, the light’s on in my closet.

Me: That’s weird. The monster must be looking for something.

— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) September 19, 2018

In case you wondered what having a boy is like. My son just came down from having a shower and smelled no different than before he went in. I asked if he used soap and he responded “not this time” as if that’s even a thing.

— Chris Read (@CanadianDadBlog) September 24, 2018

You’ll know parents by the way they are compelled to point out any and all cows to anyone who happens to be in the car with them.

— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) September 17, 2018

Kid: *3 and a half seconds after calling me the worst mom ever* Can you make me a snack?

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 14, 2018

Nothing like seeing a new dad at Disney World find out a Mickey shaped balloon with a glow stick in it is $35. Welcome to the club buddy.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 16, 2018

Sometimes I purposefully dress my toddler in mismatched pajamas just to make my wife’s head explode.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 8, 2018

7AM text from mom. Just a quick seven paragraphs.

— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 31, 2018

“How I wonder what you are?”

You literally JUST said it was a little star. Nursery rhymes are dumb.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 29, 2018

Save a ton of time by never unloading groceries again. Just throw the bags of food directly into a teenager’s open mouth.

— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) October 22, 2018

I finally posted pics of my kids at a pumpkin patch, so I get to stay on Facebook for another year

— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) October 24, 2018

A kids version of the “Saw” movie but they can only escape by eating a sandwich with the crusts on.

— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) October 16, 2018

Ahh, I love the sound of my kids’ screen time in the morning.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 21, 2018

God: You’re in charge of naming all the animals.

Dr. Seuss: That’s a Zizzer Zazzer Zuz. That’s a Phiffer Pheffer Phef. That’s-

God: Nope nope nope. Let’s bring you back later. Adam, you’re up.

— The Dadvocate (@thedadvocate01) October 10, 2018

My kids know to wait until I’m sick to ask me to upgrade all their iPad games.

Why yes, I will pay $9.99 to unlock all the Strawberry Shortcake baking tools if it means a possible 10 minutes of silence.

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) October 8, 2018

9: Where’s dad? I need his help.

Me: Anything your dad can do, I can do. What do you need?

9: When I flushed the toilet, it keeps rising.

Me: Go find your dad.

— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) September 29, 2018

One time I put the burnt side of a grilled cheese face down on my child’s plate and almost got away with it.

— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) September 24, 2018

https://twitter.com/thisiskacee/status/1065007774713577473

In hind sight “Up your butt and around the corner” was not the best phrase to add to 4’s vocabulary.

But my God, you should have seen Nana’s face when 4 told her where she could find her glasses.

Worth. It.

— Mom Jeans Please (@momjeansplease) November 20, 2018

CONFUSED SHOPPER DAD: should i buy the odorless candle or the apple-cinnamon candle?

OTHER SHOPPER DAD: apple-cinnamon. it makes more scents!

*tremendous high five attempt, but they whiff*

— TuSoon Shakur (@TuSoonShakur) November 12, 2018

Daughter: can you make me a sandwich?

Me: poof you’re a sandwich lol.

Daughter:

Me:

Daughter: MOM HE’S DOING THAT THING AGAIN.

— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) November 7, 2018

8yo: Mom, will you put ketchup on my hotdog?

Me: You’re old enough to do it yourself.

8yo: pic.twitter.com/WfXA9pepJX

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 5, 2018

Me: *reads first four words of children’s book* 2-year-old: “Why?”

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 1, 2018

We’re going to an amusement park tomorrow.

So today we’re busy threatening to not go to the amusement park tomorrow.

— Walking Outside In Slippers (@WalkingOutside) November 3, 2018

There is no one more drunk with power than a 3 year old who can finally reach the water dispenser on the refrigerator. 6 cups in 5 minutes and counting…

— Mom Jeans Please (@momjeansplease) November 1, 2018

My husband was looking at his fantasy football scoreboard and my 9yo came up and started reading the team names and said “What’s Finger Bangers?” and I think we all aged a little in that moment.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 6, 2018

mom: call your grandmother, she sent you a birthday card with $10

me: ok

[later]

me: hey grandma

grandma: hello dear

me: i need more money, this isn’t 1842

— The Hype (@TheHyyyype) December 4, 2018

Welcome to parenthood, you need to flush the toilet before you use it too.

— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) November 29, 2018

SANTA: what would you like for Christmas? *child hands Santa a note*

“Please look after Melissa. I need a couple of hours to shop and maybe get a coffee. Also, she’s lactose intolerant.”

SANTA, to elf: put her with the others

— Bison (@McGrumpenstein) December 8, 2018

Special shout out to the kid at my son’s elementary school concert who threw his arms into a cross and yelled “Wakanda Forever!” at the end of his performance.

— Heather M. Jones (@hmjoneswriter) December 14, 2018

Last Friday, my daughter’s teacher mentioned to me how nice it is to see how well my kids get along & love each while at school. Now if you’ll excuse me, my daughter just punched my son in the groin for using the pencil crayon she wasn’t even using…

— Chris Read (@CanadianDadBlog) December 17, 2018

There’s always the ‘Funniest parenting tweets of the week’ but never the ‘Funniest guy living alone in basement apartment tweets of the week’, heck this.

— Matt (@Stap_Jr) September 11, 2018

The post 2018’s Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Year!! appeared first on Life of Dad.

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2018’s Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Year!!

[eddiejpoplar]

First Drive: 2019 Audi A6

DUORO VALLEY, PORTUGAL — When I was first given the assignment to attend the Audi A6 press launch, I was feeling more than a little cynical, paradisiacal location notwithstanding. (Seriously, globetrotters, you need to put Porto, Portugal on your bucket list. It’s movie-set Europe come to life.) There was a time when the A6 was one of Audi’s best sellers, but for the last couple of years it’s been gathering cobwebs. I knew Audi had great things planned for the 2019 A6, but however good it might prove to be—and it turned out to be quite good—it would still lack the prestige of the A8, the practicality of the A4, the appeal of the A5, and the raw sexiness of the A7. The A6 would always be a large-ish luxury sedan, and in today’s market, large-ish luxury sedans are on the outs.

So my hopes for the A6 weren’t high and yet, as you can probably guess from this insufferably long setup, I found myself mysteriously won over, even if I didn’t quite understand the attraction.

Let’s back up and cover the preliminaries: The A6 is all-new for 2019, though the pattern is relatively unchanged. The new A6 is roughly the same size as the old one on the outside, but slightly larger on the inside and bears a stiffer structure. Styling-wise, there are no big surprises, except perhaps for the big ugly radar sensors that interrupt the chrome lines of the grille and the fake exhaust ports out back. (Seriously, Audi? Fake exhaust ports? You had to go there?)

On the powertrain side, the 2.0-liter turbo-four has been dropped, though Audi hints that it may return, possibly with a hybrid drivetrain. When US-market A6s go on sale this fall, all will get the familiar 3.0-liter turbocharged V-6 plus a standard “mild hybrid” system. Horsepower is unchanged at 340, but the 369 lb-ft of torque represents a noteworthy 44 lb-ft increase. A seven-speed twin-clutch automatic transmission replaces last year’s eight-speed conventional automatic, and Quattro all-wheel-drive distributes power all four corners.

The delightfully twisty and distressingly narrow roads around Portugal’s Duoro Valley proved to be a good place to test out the A6’s agility. The V-6 had no problem with the steep hills; after the obligatory pause for the turbo to wake up, the engine delivers a broad brand of largely silent thrust. Upshifts and downshifts are prompt and smooth, even at take-off—so much so that I had to double-check the spec sheet to verify that this was, indeed, a twin-clutch transmission and not a traditional torque-converter automatic.

Steering is nearly one-finger light and doesn’t get much heavier when Dynamic driving mode is selected. If I was writing this review five years ago—which, I suppose, would require a time machine—I would have dinged the A6 for that, but the older I get, the more I appreciate light steering. Feedback isn’t a strong suit, but as I tossed the A6 through the near-constant string of bends, I felt like I was in perfect control. I was also grinning like the proverbial idiot.

Audi only had German-spec cars for us to drive, though they tried their best to keep them as close to US-spec as possible. One place where they failed was the suspension: They teased us with both air- and steel-sprung cars, though the air suspension reportedly won’t make it to the US. I am a huge fan of air springs, as they provide the best possible mix of comfort and handling, but after sampling both setups on the same roads, I can honestly say we aren’t missing out on much. The air suspension did a slightly better job of damping out small bumps and seemed to transmit less road noise into the cabin, but handling was pretty darn near a toss-up.

Speaking of road noise, that’s another big change for the A6: It’s incredibly quiet on the open road. Part of that is down to the lightweight hybrid system, which allows the engine to shut down for a few minutes at a time at highway speeds. I never noticed the tach dropping to zero, but I may have been too busy marveling at the scenery with my drive partner. Still, even with the engine online, the A6 is as quiet as a Buick, thanks largely to double-pane glass and improved door seals that block out wind and road noise.

I’ve yet to touch on what may be the biggest news in A6-land: A tech package to beat the band. The 2019 A6 will (finally!) offer Audi’s Virtual Cockpit as an option. VC is a wide-screen dash panel that, among other tricks, allows you to shrink the gauges and display a full-width moving map with Google Earth imagery. This remains the coolest dashboard I have ever seen.

I’m not quite so enamored of the new Multimedia Interface (MMI), also found in the 2019 A7 and 2019 A8. It uses two touch-screen monitors, a 10.1” panel up top and an 8.6” screen below for the climate controls. (Low-end A6s will get a slightly smaller screen up top.) This is Audi’s first touch-screen display, and it responds to touches with haptic feedback (a slight vibration of the screen) along with a muted click from the speakers. Basic navigation functions are no more complex than any other German car; one nifty addition is that you can write out letters or even entire words on the lower screen (say, for programming a destination), as you used to do on the Audi’s old touch-pad.

But aside from its use as a writing tablet, I’m less fond of the lower climate-control screen. I must interject that I think the new A4 and A5’s climate controls—which use dials for the temperature, metal toggle switches, and monochrome display icons that enlarges as your fingers get near the buttons—are the pinnacle of perfection. The A6’s touch panel requires a long glance away from the steering wheel to find the right spot, and while it’s supposed to let you tap or swipe to change temperature or fan speed, it’s way more finicky than it ought to be.

It also adds additional layers of complexity. Let’s say you want to fiddle with the rear A/C. First, press one of the icons on the lower screen, which brings up a menu on the upper screen. Next, press “REAR”, which brings up the rear A/C controls on the lower screen. Now you can make all the adjustments you want, but you also need to manually close the menu on the upper screen. And if you think my explanation is needlessly complex, try using it while darting down narrow, curvy roads and dodging oncoming Renault panel vans driven by young men more interested in their phones than avoiding head-on collisions.

Audi has a great system in the A4, so why make it more complex? Audi’s answer is that they expect most buyers to use their voice-response system, not just for the A/C but for all secondary controls. At one staffer’s urging, I tried pressing the voice button and saying “I’m cold”—but instead of turning up the heater as he expected, it attempted to give me directions to the nearest courthouse.

That said, the plethora of screens all go dark when the car is shut off, and the effect is exceptionally cool. This brings me to another nifty A6 feature: The ambient lighting package, which includes light-piping on the doors and center console and a backlit Quattro badge on the passenger’s side of the dash. The colors can be changed, and if you select Dynamic mode, the lights on the center console go red or blue as you turn the temperature up or down—a feature almost cool enough to make me want to use the A6’s overly-complex A/C controls.

As a guy who spent years writing for car-consumer pubs, I always liked the old A6’s value-for-money equation. Audi hasn’t announced pricing, but they did tell us that the A6 will get genuine leather upholstery as standard (as opposed to the leatherette used in entry-level Bimmers and Benzes) as well as a panoramic sunroof. It’s early days for speculation, but I’d be surprised if the A6 doesn’t undercut similarly-equipped 5s and E-Classes by a significant margin.

That said, I don’t expect the A6 to be a particularly strong seller. SUVs are where the action is, and Audi buyers seem perfectly content to spend the extra dough for the similarly-sized and significantly sexier A7. If the expected gas-price Armageddon comes to fruition, it’s likely the strong-selling Q5 and A5 Sportback will be the beneficiaries. The 2019 Audi A6 is a car whose time, in the US at least, has come and gone. Still, this new version is compelling enough to make me care about it—and considering how little I expected when I first set out on this adventure, that’s saying a lot.

2019 Audi A6 Specifications

ON SALE Fall 2018 PRICE $56,000 (est) ENGINE 3.0L turbocharged DOHC 24-valve V-6/340 hp@5,000-6,400 RPM, 368.8 lb-ft@1,370-4,500 RPM TRANSMISSION 7-speed automatic LAYOUT 4-door, 5-passenger, front-engine, AWD sedan EPA MILEAGE N/A L x W x H 194.4 x 74.2 x 57.3 in WHEELBASE 115.1 in WEIGHT 3880 lb 0-60 MPH 5.1 sec (est) TOP SPEED 155 MPH

IFTTT

[russellthornton]

Well Endowed Women: The Biggest Ups and Downs of Jiggling Jugs

Boobs, titties, breasts. Everyone loves a great rack, especially a very large one. Here are the pros and cons that befall well endowed women.

Big boobs seem like the pinnacle of success to most prepubescent women. Ah, to be one of the well endowed women you grew up around. You laugh with glee and do a private happy dance the day you started going through puberty. One the one hand, you now deal with mind-numbing cramps and blood stains in your underwear every month. On the other hand, you’re about to get boobs.

Having big boobs means luscious curves, great sweater opportunities, and plenty of attention. But, is it all it’s cracked up to be? As it turns out, wishing for big boobs and actually having them are two completely different stories. Are big boobs all they’re cracked up to be? Here are the pros and cons that face well endowed women on the daily.

Pros and cons for well endowed women

Well endowed women absolutely love their big breasts, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t trade them for a smaller size on certain days. Like the days where men won’t stop staring, their backs are on fire from pain, or the day where they popped yet another button on their new favorite shirt. Here are the tops and bottoms of having a huge rack.

#1 Going braless is a laughable joke. You see them. The “summer girls.” The girls who wear high waisted shorts and a flouncy summer shirt with their perky titties enjoying the breeze. These girls can go braless. You cannot. Or, at least, it’s not likely to have the same effect.

Sure, you look bangin’ in your top. But your boobs have more weight. Weight = sagging and sagging breasts = not a cute summer look. There’s also a major sweat factor to consider. [Read: The clothes make the girl: 15 tips to get you looking your best]

#2 Clothes look amazing on you. Except for any clothes with buttons. But besides those little buggers, you fill out a sweater like nobody’s business. Your breasts take the most boring little black dress and make it go va-va-voom!

There is nothing sexier than a woman with curves, and you’ve got ’em from here to eternity.

#3 Bikinis are not your friend. Are they ever, really? Hold up. You look like a sexy boss in your bikini. Your breasts look amazing, drool-worthy, and completely feminine. It’s the support that becomes a problem when you shop for a bikini.

Sure, teeny tiny nipple coverings may pass for a bikini for smaller breasted women, but you need support, mama! And support is a little hard to find when it comes to bikinis. Say goodbye to your days of wearing string bikinis because they are O.V.E.R! [Read: Tips to flaunt your plus-size body confidence this summer]

#4 Speaking of which: Going strapless is a pipe dream. If you’re looking at a beautiful strapless dress for your upcoming prom/dance/wedding, you can pretty much forget about it. Strapless tops and dresses are not in the cards for well-endowed women. Going strapless is a life sentence of pulling your top up every 15 minutes for the rest of the night. Oh, and you can forget about dancing in a strapless top, unless you’re okay with flashing about 20 strangers.

#5 Guys love ’em… Girls, too! Who doesn’t love boobs? Big, small, firm, squishy. All boobs are there to love. Especially the big ones. They make for some seriously sensual lovemaking. They also provide good pillows for masturbating your man with. [Read: Titty sex – How to make booby sex feel like a blast]

#6 Boob sweat. Your washing machine has seen more under-boob sweat than is humanly possible! Boob sweat is everywhere. Summer is your enemy. And trust us, nothing ruins an outfit like giant sweat stains cradling your breasts.

#7 Cleavage, always. This is a good thing and a bad thing all rolled up into one. You know your boobs are hot and sexy, but that doesn’t mean you want to feel like a seductress 24/7. Yet, that appears to be what your boobs want because lo and behold—no matter what type of shirt you throw on over them they don’t seem to want to stay hidden. [Read: Why men like boobs: An in-depth scientific explanation]

#8 You can use your boobs for unconventional things. Want to hold money, your jewelry, or a bottle of Pringles without using your hands? Lucky for you, you are one of the well endowed women who can get away with using your awesome boobs for unconventional uses.

#9 Staring. This is both a pro and a con. Your breasts give you a lot of attention in your life, like it or not. While it’s flattering to have someone check out your desirable assets and even leads you on a fantastic date or two, it also leads to some pretty sleazy characters following you around. No matter how much you try and cover those up they’re going to attract some unwanted attention.

Plus side: Men pay for your coffee and shower you with compliments. Down side: Creepy guy may try and follow you to your car. [Read: How to get your boobs noticed without looking trashy]

#10 Sports bras. You’re a woman who loves to work out and take care of her body! Unfortunately, you’re going to need about five sports bras strapped to your body to get the job done.

Creator of the workout routine Fit Body Girl, Anna Victoria even talks about the pitfalls of being larger chested when working out. She has said that she wears a sports bra and a jacket during her workouts to prevent her breasts from bouncing too much at the gym. [Read: Boob talk: Yes, your breasts are completely normal]

#11 Any bras, actually. Like most larger sizes of things, do you ever feel like the cutest things are never in your size? Many well endowed women find it difficult to find beautiful bras and lingerie that comes in their size without any spillage happening.

[Read: 13 legitimate ways to make your boobs bigger and perkier]

Well endowed women everywhere rejoice for their great breasts… and then the button on their shirts flies off, again. Big boobs, you can’t beat ‘em and you can’t get rid of them—so you might as well love ‘em.

The post Well Endowed Women: The Biggest Ups and Downs of Jiggling Jugs is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.