#but whomever made that. they deserved the $1600

[raysforsunlight]

Holy.... Look at the DETAIL on that! You can see the individual lines on the molars! But not only that, it's been smoothed.

Which means someone went through and spent HOURS on making sure that each of those molars maintained that line WHILE becoming smooth.

*Fans Self*

If I only had 1600.00 to spend on pretty things.

Agate carved Smilodon

https://www.skullis.com/4-8-Premium-Brazilian-Agate-Carved-Crystal-Smilodon-SABER-TOOTHED-Tiger-Cat-Skull.html

[catsafarithewriter]

12 or 28 :D

A/N: Somebody else has actually also requested #28, so I’m going with #12 for today: “Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.” 

This prompt looked perfect for my modern vampire AU, a silly little AU where Baron is a vampire who slept for 400 years and woke up in the modern era and is now Haru’s housemate (to her reluctance). The best descriptive for Baron’s personality here is, uh, asshole cat, basically, which should give you an idea of how tongue-in-cheek this AU is.

Baron Humbert von Gikkingen (vampire) was slowly getting to grips with the modern era. 

He was still coming to terms with the fact that he would probably never fully understand how twentieth-century technology worked, but that was okay; he was fast realising that even the natives of this time didn’t either. A couple of questions about this elusive internet (not magic, apparently, although Haru couldn’t prove otherwise) had clarified that. 

And he knew how to run most household appliances now - on the most basic settings, anyway. He liked the microwave, even if Haru did prefer to cook on her gas oven, and he could just about navigate his way through the television without mishap, although trying to figure out what was fact and what was fiction was proving tricky. (He liked the so-called “soap operas” because they were needlessly dramatic and easy to identify.) 

But what he was still struggling with was the social changes. 

For a thousand-old vampire who had accidentally skipped 400 years, things had moved on, considerably, since his time. Courting, for instance, was no longer called that, unless one wanted to invite strange looks, and it was carried out far more informally than he would have dreamed of in his youth. Where was the romance, the mystery, the dogged determination to ditch the ever-present chaperone in order to sneak a fumbled kiss? Kids these days had no appreciation for playing the long game anymore.

All these were things he would have shared with his reluctant housemate except, well, she wasn’t talking to him anymore. 

And perhaps he wouldn’t have minded that so much (lies) if it was simply that she was avoiding conversation with him. Maybe. Maybe not. But it was really rubbing salt in the wound, really the cherry on top of the sarding cake, that she wasn’t just not talking to him. 

She was flat-out ignoring him. 

Like he was a bad smell she didn’t want to own up to. 

Like he was a jar of pickles in the back of the cupboard that was probably out-of-date but no one had found the time to throw out yet. 

Like days-old washing on a bedroom chair that would never see the inside of a wardrobe. 

Point was, Baron Humbert von Gikkingen, vampire, was being ignored, and he didn’t like it. 

Nobody would have dared to do such a thing 400 years ago. Kings and dukes and peasants had quivered before him - well, maybe not kings, but that was simply because he had never met one. But certainly high-ranking nobility and most of the common people had had the common sense - nay, the respect - to afford him the fear he deserved. 

Haru Yoshioka (no title), however, obviously thought otherwise. 

And all because he’d made some little comment (or several) concerning his housemate’s dating habits. Or, to be more specific, her date’s overt disinterest in serious designs. So, yes, maybe his understanding of wooing people were a little (a lot) behind the times, but he didn’t see the harm in making sure Haru’s romantic interests were of the right calibre. Especially if there was a risk that he’d have to put up with whomever she settled on. 

He hadn’t quite been able to convince Haru of that, however. 

He paused in his rummaging through the cutlery drawer, a tin of prunes put to one side. “Haru,” he called into the lounge, “where did you put the tin opener?”

Silence. 

Oh. Right. 

She still wasn’t talking to him. 

Well, two could play at that game. 

He stalked (mostly because that was his default stride setting) into the room where Haru was curled up on one sofa, and sat himself down in front of the television.This might have had significantly more impact if Haru had been watching it. As things went, she was in the middle of reading, with a book in one hand and a mug of tea in the other. 

She didn’t glance up at him. Not even a quick quirk of an eyebrow to let him know his presence was noted. 

Baron dug one razor-sharp nail into the tin. A short pffft of sound accompanied him breaking the seal. Still no reaction. He rotated the tin, driving his nail through the metal with a grating pitch that usually resulted in something being thrown his way. 

Not this time though. 

Dammit. 

His unblinking eyes focused solely on Haru, he slowly peeled the cover off the tin and sipped at the prune juice. Loudly. Annoyingly loud, and he could tell because a tiny little frown burrowed its way into her brow and her eyes passed over the same patch of page three times. There! Her gaze flickered - momentarily, almost unnoticeable, except vampires didn’t miss anything - to him. And she knew she’d been caught out. 

She bit her lip. The edge of her mouth twitched up into a smile regardless. 

“If some people insist on continuing the way they are,” Haru said eventually, her voice laboured as she struggled to keep it  neutral, “then there’s going to be trouble.” She was still looking at her book, but it was clear she wasn’t taking in any words now. “Just in case anyone wants to take that into consideration.” 

Baron sipped louder and something wet hit him between the eyes. He jolted, a hand rising to his head and finding... water? He tasted it. Tap water. Tap water on his forehead. He moved his gaze to Haru. 

The book was lowered, but a small, plastic gun had been raised instead. “I did warn you.”

“So you’re finally talking to me, I take it?”

She squirted him with the water gun. Again. “Don’t patronise me,” she said. “You were an ass back there with Machida and I’m still mad.”

“So you’re... firing water at me, because...?”

“Because you still don’t see what you did wrong and you still haven’t apologised.”

“I merely wanted to establish where the two of you stood--”

“You challenged him to a duel!” Haru snapped. “You threw your glove at him, and challenged him to a duel, and I’ll be lucky if I can ever look him in the eye again! You embarrassed me, Baron. That’s what you did.”

Baron considered this. “Oh,” he said eventually. “My intention was never to embarrass you.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that you still did.” 

“I suppose not.” He was silent again. “Miss Haru, I apologise for my behaviour. It’s simply that, in my time, such behaviour...” He trailed off and started again. “I’m sorry.”

He raised his gaze back to Haru. She looked like she was trying to decide between accepting his apology or squirting him again. After a long, dubious moment, the gun dropped down. “Yeah, well, don’t do it again,” she muttered. “Who or how I date is none of your concern.” 

“Understood. Unless, of course, they’re clotpoles.”

Haru squirted him with the water gun. “Not even if they’re... clotpoles?” She made a point of looking over her book. “Is that even a word?”

“It was 400 years ago.”

“I’m not sure it was.” 

“Who lived through the 1600s?”

“Googling it now...”

“Who are you going to believe? A millennium-old vampire, or that idiotic little messenger box?”

“Google is suggesting two-dozen fake Shakespeare insult generators and one BBC show, but nothing to suggest it was ever an actual word...”

“Well then, obviously I’m the one in the wrong then,” Baron said.

“Careful, Baron. That almost sounded like sarcasm.” She caught his eye and grinned, the first real smile she’d sent his way in over a week. “And, uh, you have a prune juice moustache.” She motioned weakly to her upper lip. 

“A what?” Baron mimicked her action and found some of the prune juice had formed a layer above his lip. “Did I apologise with prune juice on my face?”

“You kind of did.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“I’m telling you now?”

Baron cleared it off, but caught Haru trying to bite back another grin and no longer felt too bad about it. “Just for the record,” he said, “I’ll mind my own business next time you go on a date.”

Water hit his face again. 

“Hey, I was trying to be considerate!”

“Sorry,” Haru said. “It’s just so satisfying. But thank you. In return, I’ll try to limit the water gun to only the times where you actually deserve it.” 

Baron thought this over. “Deal.”

[andessence]

random question time! with all the muses or just a handful of muses that you are vibing with the most at the moment, what are some of the items on your wishlist / interactions that you are interested in?

wow thanks for this! :) i’ll give at least 1 idea for everyone but some with more muse at the moment might get several. anyone i’m especially vibing with right now is bolded!

ACHILLES: sick threads!! he’s so wrapped up in his Peak Physical Status i’d love to see him struggle with being too sick to do things and having to submit to tenderness 

ALEC: childhood friends! i get to play so little with alec’s life before maurice and i’d love to give him more backstory content!!

CADDY: european adventures! a lot of caddy’s adult life is spent in europe and generally traveling so i’d love to let her get a little Tacky Tourist and have an endless hot girl summer in the EU tbh

DAVID: therapy. sounds like a joke but threads that deal with him working through his pain and growing?? heck yes! also teacher david! let him be your weird soft literature prof or tutor you in french or give piano lessons!

FLEUR-DE-LYS: gay content,,,, give me,,, lesbian,,,,, i want to play more in the part of fleur’s modern or canon-divergent verses where she accepts herself and can be soft with her gf!! alternatively, give me someone chewing her out for her hatred pre-self-acceptance like she DESERVES it. be HARSH with her.

GANYMEDE: cult time cult time cult time i would LOVE to see modern hellenic gays who pray to ganymede like actually get his help & protection. he’s ur guardian gay and he’s giving masterclasses on sugar daddies.

GWYNPLAINE: cult time 2 electric boogaloo i’m NOT gonna pass up on the plot point that people turn him into an idol and his he’s performing miracles. would Love to play with that. coping with withdrawals from crimson lethe would also be angsty and fun! and any other carnival/freak show muses would be SO WELCOME to hit gwyn up!

HANS: tbh anything for hans in general i am doing so little with him rn... i love plot ideas like anna kissing him and it working but he’s Shook bc he ?? doesn’t love her, or him in banishment trying to get by, or being imprisoned!

JACK: bonding over music! or jack having to learn a new skill from your muse. post-apocalyptic threads have big appeal for jack too.

JOSIANA: bad girls club!! where the other bold, hungry, kinda rude girls at because jojo needs girlfriends!! friends with benefits or angsty pining are also delicious. it’s a joke but lowkey not that it would be fun to do a “eat he rich” timeline where the aristocracy topples and she has to struggle to live a normal fucking life. this schitt’s creek but make it punk 1600s.

MARY: girl’s nights and sleepovers! ghost/haunting plots! teaching someone asl! her time in prison! supernatural/caring for monster threads, fake dating that’s just deep pining, relationship advice either  for her or your muse just that solid “look at ur choices” kind of support talk.

MORITZ: escape to america plots where moritz still has to struggle every day to live but maybe gets some scrappy urchin friends or a kind benefactor and she just,, speaks terrible english lol. modern aus where moritz actually lives long enough to be a sexually active adult but has to work through the unhealthy fantasies she has and how it ruins her relationships. memory loss threads particularly framed as like... her death attempt fails and she survives but doesn’t remember the last few days/weeks before it and whoever the thread is with has to weigh telling her the truth or lying to protect her. more supernatural plots here too like she has canon GHOST FORM let me USE IT!

OLIVER: activist/protector oliver looking after kid muses! oliver having to grapple with being queer and sorting out that it’s not trauma or weakness or a result of a bad past and just who he is! reunion threads with any other oliver twist characters! oliver as a teen still getting used to posh living with friends his age!

ORPHEUS: time loop au oh BABY YEAH the other muse knows he’s just reliving the same traumatic period over and over and trying to snap him out of it but failing. or prophetic moments like folks can tell me things that orpheus might be able to see in their muse’s future.

PEETA: hijacked memory time babey!!!! god i want to explore the terror and confusion of his damaged memory and the “real/not real” struggle. peeta in the aftermath of the revolution, maybe as a politician. he’d be so good at it and so afraid of every move being made by the new heads of state. escaping panem au where he alone, or with katniss, or whomever, runs away from 12 and meets folks living beyond the reach of panem and the capitol.

PERCHIK: surviving siberia & maybe trying to escape with fellow political prisoners! *slaps plot idea* you could fit so much bonding in this baby.. and perchik needs more friends!

PHINEAS: fake dating to help someone out and WHOOPS we slipped and caught feelings!! messy, reckless rebounds after losing his first love, tutoring lessons that go absolutely nowhere but are such fun because finny’s upbeat attitude is so contagious

PYRRHUS: au where he never goes to troy and chooses a normal life because he learned from his dad’s mistake! pyrrhus hustling in seedy bars in the big city. or uhh any gods want to smite this boy? try to set him straight?? could be very fun.