#but where i’m at right now. constant state of ohio is still It

[wormsdyke]

nothing like the specific pain of listening to the new record of a band you love and discovering it’s good but completely different from their past work and no longer your style

[the-witty-pen-name]

Deadbeat Pt. 7

Lee Bodecker x F!Reader

18+ ONLY

Warnings: age gap (reader is 21), fluff, angst, cursing, abandonment, toxic parent, violence, toxic siblings, infatuation, cheating/divorce, insecurity, mild housewife kink, mentions of prostitution, mentions of alcohol, corrupt official, fake relationship, jealousy

Word Count: 2.5k

Summary: You work at the bar at the edge of town, the Sheriff is going through a divorce and needs to rent a room.

A/N:

IMPORTANT UPDATE

I made a Google form to be added to my taglists, so if you want to be added, the link is in my bio. I’ll only be adding people to the list if they requested to be added by filling out the form! This way all of the requests are just in one place so I don’t miss requests! Thank you!!!

I’m sorry for this chapter being shorter than normal, but it is more of a transitional chapter to set up some new stuff! I’m trying a new writing style in this chapter and this is why the word count is shorter. I’m nervous about posting this chapter honestly, since I tried something different. The following chapters will be back up to 3.5-4k as usual! This story is not over! 

Thank you all so much for reading and sharing my work. Everyone whose reached out and told me how much they love the story really makes my day, oh my gosh!! I love you all so much, I’m so thankful.

Address mentioned is completely made up. 

This is unedited, and I missed anything I should include as a warning let me know! I hope you all enjoy!

Tags and Requests are OPEN

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six

Lee never stopped telling you how much he loved you. At first, you had thought it was a spur of the moment exclamation but you were mistaken. When you realized he meant it, you reciprocated telling him you loved him too, making him the happiest man in the world. It all happened so fast, and your relationship was evolving quickly.

Maybe living together played a factor in how quickly the relationship progressed. It’s hard to just be dating someone you already live with and can’t take out on proper dates. It made everything else happen faster. He wished he could spoil you and take you to restaurants and walk into a room with you on his arm, but he couldn’t yet.

But from that moment on, he never stopped telling you. He said the phrase probably every moment he could manage. Every time he called from his office; he wouldn’t hang up without muttering the phrase. He’d tell you that he loved you before he left the house, or he’d just announce it unprompted when you both were home together, like it was some epiphany or declaration. He’d love to whisper it to you, especially at night with you pulled tightly to his chest.

He made sure he’d tell you in nonverbal ways as well, always letting you know he was thinking about you. Somehow, you’d end up with flowers on your desk at work at least once a week as well, never with a card. He’d cook, and on his days off, he’d spend them with you or he would surprise you by fixing things on the house. Never in a million years had you ever expected Lee Bodecker to be such a romantic, and when you’d joke about it, he’d say,

“You give me a reason to be, doll.”

It was thrilling, having someone to love and to have those feelings reciprocated. The ability to just be able to give and receive love was something he was never able to manage, perhaps it was just never the right person, or perhaps he had always been too selfish.

Now for the first time in a very long time, he wasn’t thinking about himself.

You gave him purpose and something worth fighting for.

“When this whole thing is over and we’re out of this town, I’m gonna marry you,” he said rubbing your arm as you lay in bed cuddled up to his side. You lay your arm across his tummy and rest your head on his chest. You hum in agreement, resting your eyes, both of you waking up earlier than you needed and you were enjoying the peaceful moment of the morning together.

“I hate seeing you with that Russel kid,” he’ll mutter, possessively pulling you closer, you could feel the vulnerability in his voice.

The past weeks have been really hard on Lee. It bothered him more and more each day, knowing Arvin was the one who got to drive you home from work and just being out and about with you. He knew you were his, and he never didn’t trust you. But you were so blind to the boy’s obvious feelings for you. It was something that would eat at him at night.

He couldn’t even blame you, if Arvin was able to sweep you away from him. Arvin was a good kid- took care of his family, worked a decent job, went to Church, and he was your age. He was much better looking in the traditional sense than Lee as well. Plus, you had a history. The boy was your first love and no one forgets their first love.

He knew you didn’t look at Arvin the same way Arvin looked at you, but he was always worried that a shift could come. If that damned reporter wouldn’t leave town and the more time you spent with Arvin, the more you’d see how much you’d actually want to be with him instead. You always told Lee he was the one you wanted and he believed you, but he worried that you would change your mind. He was so insecure, and he felt guilt, and he knew that he didn’t deserve to be happy, that he didn’t deserve your affection.

Sometimes he couldn’t let himself relax. Scenarios of all the different reasons you could leave him for polluted his mind and he hated how it took him out of being in the moments he just wanted to enjoy. He’d see you in his mind, happy with Arvin, marrying him instead and creating all those experiences with Arvin instead of him.

“He’s just my friend,” you reiterate, probably now for the millionth time. You were patient, and it never seemed to bother you, that the two of you ending up having this same conversation over and over. He needed the constant reassurance, and he hated the fact that he did.

“I want you, Lee,” you’ll mumble affectionately, trying to shower him with compliments and praise, to lift him up when he got down like this. “I don’t want any other man,” you’d affirm.

“This town is poison,” Lee mutters, looking out the window, the blinds pulled back as the sun is steadily rising. “Everything feels like it’s tainted,” he observes.

“Except us,” you correct him. He nods, but he knows his statement especially applies to him.

“Except you,” he sighs, his fingertips tracing circles on your bare shoulder.

“You don’t think you’ve ruined me, Sheriff?” you tease, making him smile, gradually pulling him out of his state. You’d lean up and kiss him, and the sensation would help his thoughts fade away for a few minutes. The feeling of your lips and soft skin against his own just putting his mind at ease, using his other senses to just keep his mind at bay.

He’s not sure if you realize how much he means it when he talks about escaping away from the town and marrying you. He thought about it all the time and it was what he was working toward. He knew even if he managed to go straight, if when Curtis left town, if the case around your mom was resolved, the town would still eat you up. The image of you both would be sullied. Reputation was crucial for survival in a town like this. You’d already been subjected to it before your relationship started.

He knew the solution was simple. He needed to take you away from Ross County, move to a new town where no one knew you both. It would just be a Sheriff and his new bride looking for a place to settle down. No rumors, or peeping eyes, or reporters, or exes, no corruption- just the two of you. Get a house, maybe start a family if you wanted that too.

He hoped you did. He’d be content either way, but he wanted a big family. His growing up was much less than ideal and it was just him and his sister. He loved the idea of a bigger family. He loved the image of having a house that was loud in a different way than what he grew up in. He often worried if he’d be a good father, but he never once doubted how excellent of a mother you would be if you wanted.

The only thing he wanted in his future was you, and everything else would be a blissful bonus of things he also doesn’t deserve. But to him you deserved the world and he simultaneously wanted to give you everything but then at the same time he felt like he would hold you back. You were young and had so many good years ahead of you. He couldn’t imagine you’d want to waste the rest of your life or even the rest of your twenties with him.  

You could get a job doing anything you wanted and he could run for Sheriff in the new town maybe, or he could do something else. It didn’t matter to him anymore really. The time he’s been with you has really helped him see what is actually important. It was the only thing he wanted. He wanted to be able to give you that because he knew that you deserved it and more than he’d ever be able to give you.

Laying in bed with you on this lazy morning, reminded him of the last time he was there when you were still bartending. It was the first time that pesky day dream of his started. It was something a lot bigger now than it was then. He loved you, and he was relieved he could say it to you now, and he wanted to settle down. This backwards way the two of you got together was a mess but it was yours. He wouldn’t trade it for anything, but he knew he needed to make things right.

He had been so blind, for so long, and he finally started to feel like he could be someone he actually wanted to be.

All he needed was time and he could set it all straight.

***

Arrest of Pimp in Knockemstiff, Ohio Reveals Corruption of Town Sheriff

By: Henry Curtis

Sheriff of Ross County, Lee Bodecker, has been allegedly involved in the coverup of a local brothel, run by Leroy Brown. Brown and several of his associates were arrested on Wednesday night by local police for drug possession and possession of illegal firearms. As the group resisted arrest, there was a shoot out at a small bar in Meade, which was revealed to serve as a front for their operation. Seven men, including Brown, were arrested Wednesday night for questioning by the local police.

While giving his statement, Brown confessed to the charges and in hopes of a lesser sentence, cooperated with police and provided names of all involved in the underground prostitution ring. He provided the police with twelve names, including that of the local Sheriff Lee Bodecker and his sister Sandy Henderson, who has since also been apprehended by the local authorities.

Sandy Henderson was apprehended on Thursday morning, and made bail for $500 that Saturday. Henderson and her husband, both denied an opportunity to provide a statement. The pair only stated they will be promptly returning home and want to put this behind them.

Although there has been no release of his official statement as of yet regarding this alleged involvement, Bodecker was taken into custody the next morning, apprehended by his deputies from his home. Deputy Bill Thomas has since announced that the Sheriff will be subject to a trial in the near future, and for now faces an indefinite suspension from his post until his innocence has been proven. Deputy Thomas has also said that regardless of the outcome of the trial, Bodecker will be unable to run for reelection next term.

With this new development, it is also worth noting that the Sheriff is a tenant of (Y/N) (Y/L/N), the daughter of Estelle (Y/L/N)-Tucker who is currently wanted by law enforcement for embezzling thousands from her husband Harvey Tucker’s company, Tucker Brokerage, and then fleeing with her sixteen-year-old son. When police arrived at her home Thursday morning to apprehend the Sheriff, deputies on scene took an official statement from (Y/L/N), where she denied knowledge of the Sheriff’s involvement in any of the alleged criminal activities nor any knowledge regarding her mother or brother’s whereabouts.

Woman Wanted for Embezzling Funds from Tucker Brokerage Arrested in Indiana

By: Henry Curtis

Former resident of Knockemstiff, Ohio, Estelle (Y/L/N)-Tucker was arrested in South Bend, Indiana yesterday morning before dawn. Being able to identify her as a wanted person, Este and Harold Turner, owners of the Sunnyside Motel where (Y/L/N)-Tucker had been staying for about three days prior to the arrest, notified the local authorities she was staying in one of their rooms. She also was accompanied by her sixteen-year-old son.

The boy’s older sister has now become the boy’s sole guardian and he has since returned to his hometown. According to the police, the boy was completely cooperative and they believe he had no knowledge of his mother’s crimes. In a statement given the night of the arrest, the boy told police he believed they were running from his step-father, as his mother insinuated, she had been a victim of domestic abuse. There is no evidence yet as to whether her statement is true, but there will be an investigation of husband, Harvey Tucker, to discover if this claim is true.

Both children of Estelle (Y/L/N)-Tucker have not agreed to speak about their mother or the situation to anyone except police. Daughter, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), said when she arrived in Indiana to pick up her brother, seemed to only care about getting her brother home safely. Locals report she never asked to see her mother, and only focused on her brother.

As of now, (Y/L/N)-Tucker will remain in the custody of the South Bend Police until they are ready to transport her to Columbus, Ohio where she will face jail time and then eventually a trial.

Corruption in Knockemstiff High School Staff, Principal Arrested for Illegal Distilling- Sheriff Involved in Cover Up

By: Henry Curtis

Principal of local high school, Mark Cunningham, was arrested today after local police discover an illegal distillery on his residence. Police had retrieved a warrant to search Cunningham’s land after receiving an anonymous tip from a source close to the Principal.

Following his arrest, Cunningham admitted to the felony, but also claimed Ross County’s previous Sherriff, Lee Bodecker, had prior knowledge of the still, and in exchange for his silence, he demanded Cunningham offer a secretarial job at the high school to his landlord, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), who is the daughter of Estelle (Y/L/N)-Tucker, who recently was tried for embezzlement.

The vice-principal of the high school, Meredith Lively, has stepped forth as interim principal until the position can be filled, and ensured the press (Y/L/N) had been fired effective immediately, despite her claims of being unaware any such deal had conspired. Police have found no evidence to contradict (Y/L/N)’s statement, and in an official statement taken from Bodecker, he confirmed that it was part of the deal she not be made aware of the circumstances.

New Sheriff Elected to Ross County

By: Henry Curtis

Former Deputy Bill Thomas has been elected Sheriff of Ross County. Following the trial of former Sheriff Lee Bodecker, who had been found guilty of all charges, Bodecker was barred from office, and given a five-year sentence.

Deputy Thomas in an acceptance speech during a recent town hall meeting, ensured residents of Knockemstiff that “one bad apple doesn’t spoil the whole bunch” and the Sheriff’s department under new control will keep the town safe, and clean of crime and corruption. When asked by reporters how he felt about Bodecker, Thomas only described his situation as “unfortunate.”

There has been no other evidence of corruption within Ross County Sheriff’s Department although the investigation is still ongoing. When asked during his trial if he received any corroboration from any other law officials, Bodecker stated he never involved other members of the force with his wrongdoings.

REAL ESTATE  

Room Available for Rent in Knockemstiff, Ohio

$50 monthly rent (utilities included)

1 Bedroom (250 sq. ft.), furnished

Private bathroom with shower

4 Birch Street

Knockemstiff, Ohio

Please call the following number with serious offers. Price negotiable.

PART EIGHT

Taglist

@scar-is-bi @jiminlife2k18 @asylummaniac01 @rosalynshields @charmed-asylum @jamesbuchananbuckybarnes1917 @alexandrathegreat3 @hersilencedscreams @malar-region @purplerain85 @vesper852 @smilewolfdolan @softshell-taco @champagnebucky @lilacmeadows @mollygetssherlockcoffee

[wheresmynaya]

Lost in the Lights Ch.18|Brittana

A/N - Just a little something that yall might find some comfort in today so I’ve written a short epilogue. I’m not usually one for fluff, but I figured we might need it. I’ve always considered writing as something I can do to uphold Naya’s legacy because Santana is apart of that legacy and here, she’s always living her best life.

Thinking of you all today 💙

Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x) & under the cut!

Once again, Brittany finds herself standing alone in her bedroom surrounded by boxes. It’s a little weird seeing her room looking so bare, but this move doesn’t drudge up the same kind of mournful feelings the last one did. This time there’s excitement, there’s anticipation, there’s –

“Hey B,” Santana gives a little tap at Brittany’s bedroom door. “Need a hand?”

Brittany turns to find Santana giving her that same soft grin she has come to adore. She’s leaned against the door frame, clad in her jean cut-offs and a plain t-shirt, and Brittany’s never been so enamored.

“What?” Santana’s grin widens.

Brittany smirks, “Can’t I check out my hot girlfriend?”

Santana rolls her eyes although her cheeks flush, “Smooth as ever.”

“You know it,” Brittany winks before she goes to zip her suitcase. “You’ll be happy to know that I’ve finally finished packing my room. It’s been a super productive afternoon.”

Santana sputters out a laugh as she glances around Brittany’s bedroom. The walls are bare aside from a couple framed pictures Brittany couldn’t find it in herself to take down. The desk by the window is neat and tidy for once too, but what makes Santana stop are the two gold crowns hanging off of one of Brittany’s football trophies.

“Not taking these?”

Brittany turns to find Santana pulling one off and putting it on. She looks just as regal as she did on Prom night and it makes Brittany’s heart feel so full. She can’t help but reminisce at how beautiful Santana looked all done up – she really took her breath away that night.

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” Brittany teases, “Too bad Quinn will be at Yale. I’m sure she’s going to miss the constant reminder that we won instead of her and Mike.”

“I can still text her,” Santana quips as she takes off the crown and sets it down where she found it. She goes back to looking around the room again, “It doesn’t look like you in here anymore.”

“Yeah,” Brittany sighs as she looks around too. Her eyes settle on Santana and she begins to grin, “But it’ll be so much fun decorating our own place together. It’ll look like the both of us.”

“True,” Santana grins, “I can’t wait.”

“Me neither!”

“I can’t believe how fast the year went by,” Santana mentions, “It feels like just yesterday that I was jumping off swings with you.”

“You mean head-butting me?” Brittany jokes.

“That too,” Santana laughs, “And now we’re off to college…together.”

“Not just yet,” Brittany reminds her with a pat to her suitcase.

“That’s right,” Santana nods to it, “That everything?

Brittany looks down and smiles, “Yup!”

Santana eyes the lone bag warily, “You’re only bringing one?”

“We’re only going for two weeks,” Brittany replies with a giggle, “You’d be surprised how much I fit in here. Bikinis don’t take up that much space which is a plus.”

She looks to Santana again hoping to see a smile but instead she finds her worrying her bottom lip. It makes Brittany chuckle as she closes the distance between them. Once she’s close enough, her hands land on Santana’s hips.

“Don’t stress,” She tells her sweetly, “That defeats the purpose of a vacation.”

“I’m not stressed,” Santana shrugs, “I’m just wondering…if I packed a little too much now?”

Brittany only giggles before pressing a kiss to Santana’s lips.

“You’re cute,” She says.

Santana only sighs through her smile, “Can you tell I’m a little nervous?”

“A little?”

Santana pouts, “This is my first big road trip. I didn’t want to forget anything.”

Brittany wraps her arms around Santana, holding her close, “I’m sure you’ve got everything and if not we can always buy stuff. You know Florida does have a mall, right?”

Santana was a little hesitant about joining the Pierce Family on their vacation back down to Florida for Summer break because she didn’t want to intrude on their family time, she’s so considerate like that. Brittany couldn’t imagine spending two whole weeks without her though, even Pete and Whitney begged for Santana to go.

Plus, it was the perfect opportunity to show her around Brittany’s old stomping grounds and most importantly, take her to one of her favorite places. With all of that taken into consideration, Santana couldn’t find it in her to deny Brittany this. She also didn’t mind getting out of Lima for the Summer, beats tanning by the pool alone.  

“Babe, this is going to be great,” Brittany says earnestly, “It’s going to be relaxing and we’ll get to spend so much time together doing all kinds of fun things. It’ll be exactly what we need before we have to leave for Columbus, because you know once we get there it’ll be all work. I’ll have to start football training again and you’ll have cheer conditioning.”

“You’re right. Ohio State doesn’t mess around,” Santana nods as she begins smiling again, “This’ll be great. I’ve never been on vacation like this before.”

“Neither,” Brittany grins before grabbing her suitcase again. “Let’s go. We’ve got a lot of road to cover.”

\\

Brittany and Santana decide to drive Santana’s car down to Florida ahead of Whitney and Pete who are catching a flight a couple days later. They take several pit stops along the way, making sure to snap silly photos by all of the state line signs so Santana can text them to Maribel and Hector to keep them updated on their adventure so far.

It probably takes them twice as long to make the trip, but it’s well worth it when Brittany gets to watch Santana’s eyes brighten as they finally cross the Florida state line.

“It’s so much different than Lima,” Santana says as she stares out the window at all the passing palm trees, their fronds waving hello in the warm breeze as they drive by.

Brittany only glances over with this cheek-bunching grin before she’s back to concentrating on the road ahead.

\\

A while later, they pull up to the rental Whitney organized and this time Brittany’s the one who’s in awe.

“No way!” She exclaims as she triple checks the address her mom gave.

“What is it?” Santana questions.

“I used to point this house out all the time when we lived here,” Brittany tells her, “Pete and I called it the Unicorn House because of the pink shutters and the baby blue door. We always thought it was so cool, the most colorful house on the beach. I had no idea it was a rental!”

Santana smiles, “Well let’s go check it out.”

Relieved to stretch their legs and really start their vacation in the sun, Santana and Brittany make quick work of unloading the car and moving everything inside. Just like Brittany figured, the inside of the house was just as cool as the outside. All modern fixtures, colorful artwork decorating the walls, but the real attention-grabber was the view.

“Wow,” They said in unison as they approached the back sliding doors that led out onto the terrace. It was nothing but white sand and clear blue water.

“Let’s open it,” Brittany says and goes to pull open the glass door. There’s a light breeze and the scent of saltwater. Brittany smiles into it; she can’t believe how much she’s missed this.

Lima’s been great to her, it’s the place she met the most perfect girl ever, but this place will always hold a special spot in her heart too. As she glances to her side at her girlfriend, her smile grows because now she gets to share it with her too.

“What do you say we make a quick run to the shops so we can have breakfast out there?” Brittany suggest with a grin, “We can unpack and stuff later.”

“Sounds awesome,” Santana replies, “When’s your mom and Pete flying in again?”

“Tomorrow afternoon,” Brittany says as she gives a little tug at Santana’s shirt, “We’ve got the whole place to ourselves until then.”

Santana’s grin widens, “Even better.”

\\

They decide to load up on fresh fruit, because after so many hours of fast food and gas station snacks they are dying for something healthy. Together they walk the aisles hand in hand, stopping every so often to add something to the basket Brittany carries.

It’s not their first trip to the store together, but it feels different this time knowing that it’s just them. Everyone they know is back in Lima, so doing something like grocery shopping together in Florida makes them feel so grown up and independent.

For a second, Brittany wonders if this is what it’ll feel like once they move away together for college. She’s sure the novelty of it all is bound to wear off the more they do it, but for now she leans into the excitement of it. The thought makes her feel giddy inside because she can’t picture herself doing such a routine thing with anyone other than Santana.

“Should we get anything else?” Santana wonders after adding a punnet of blueberries to the basket.

Brittany looks at their haul so far and shakes her head, “Nah. We can just order take out later if we want?”

Santana nods and they make their way to the check out lane.

\\

Back at the rental, Santana’s in the kitchen getting all of their fruits washed and cut up when Brittany reappears clad in her bright pink bikini.

“Okay! Your turn,” She calls out as she makes her way into the kitchen.

Santana does a quick glance up to reply then does a double take when she sees what Brittany has on. Her jaw drops at the sight and she nearly cuts off a finger!

“Woah,” Santana says in time as her eyes rake up Brittany’s tone figure, “I was not prepared.”

“Should I put on a shirt?” Brittany jokes.

“No, no,” Santana’s quick to respond, “No shirts. You can stay just like that.”

Brittany blushes as Santana continues checking her out. It makes her feel warm all over and a little confident too because usually Santana’s the one getting her worked up. It’s a nice change when the tables are turned.

“So, you want to go change and I’ll finish here?” Brittany asks.

Santana’s still staring as Brittany comes closer. She doesn’t even blink until Brittany’s tapping at the bottom of her chin with this smug grin on her face.

“Hmm?” She hums, “What?”

“Do you want to go change now?”

Santana smirks as she pulls Brittany in and pins her against the counter, “It’s not really the first thing on my mind right now.”

“Oh?” Brittany’s grin turns devilish.

Santana bites her bottom lip as she plays with the knot at Brittany’s hip. “The extra football training you’ve been doing is really paying off. Like I’ve always thought you were the hottest girl to ever walk the surface of the Earth, but damn.”

“Go change,” Brittany tells her with a giggle. “We’ll never get to the beach at this rate.”

“Fine by me,” Santana teases as she wraps her arms around Brittany’s waist and starts littering her neck with soft kisses. “Like so fine by me.”

Brittany struggles because having Santana’s lips on her is always kind of like kryptonite, but her desire to experience Santana’s first trip to the beach outweighs spending the rest of the morning wrapped up in bedsheets. Call her crazy, but they’ve got all day to mess around meanwhile the sun’s only out for so long.  

“Baby, as good as this feels,” Brittany sighs as she pulls away. She stares down at Santana lovingly, “I really want to take you to the beach first. Just you and me.”

Santana cutely pouts and it has Brittany giggling.

“Come on,” She says with a little pinch at Santana’s side, “I think it’ll be worth it.”

“I think it opens up lots of opportunities to be a tease,” Santana complains jokingly.

“Good thing we won’t be far from here then,” Brittany winks in return.

\\

Once Santana finally got changed, she met Brittany back in the kitchen where the blonde had packed a bag with their breakfast and a couple bottles of water along with their beach towels. Brittany had her sunglasses sitting atop her head, her long blonde hair free from its messy bun from earlier.

“Ready?” She asked excitedly.

Santana only grinned as she reached for Brittany’s hand to hold and together they made their way down the wooden terrace steps until their bare feet met warm sand. Brittany was already headed for the coastline, but Santana stopping held her back. She turned, wondering if Santana forgot something, when she realized it wasn’t that at all.

Santana never felt the feeling of sand between her toes before.

A smile formed on Brittany’s face as she watched Santana wiggle her toes. It was only for a moment, a little excited squeak of a giggle escaping the brunette before she looked up again – ready to go. Brittany only wrapped her arm around Santana’s shoulders, kissing the top of her head as they started to walk again.

Picking the perfect spot was always something Brittany took pretty seriously, but on this section of the beach – any spot was perfect. They were just far enough away from the popular areas so it wasn’t too crowded where they were.

“I’ve never seen water so blue,” Santana admires as she stares at the crashing waves. “Beats the lake in Lima.”

“Definitely,” Brittany chuckles.

They end up laying out their blanket a few yards away from the water so they don’t have to walk very far to get in. While Santana smooths out the blanket, Brittany sets down their bag and starts to pull out their towels and breakfast.

Together, they sit side by side and share from one bowl Santana found in the kitchen. It’s a mix of all the fruit they picked up earlier and with their feet in the sand and the sound of the waves and seagulls in the distance they’ve never felt so at peace.

“Is it true that you have to wait thirty minutes after eating before you can swim?” Brittany wonders aloud. She’s resting back on her elbows, her legs outstretched but she’s still too far away to touch the water.

Santana shrugs, “I have no idea. Probably should though just to be safe.”

“True,” Brittany grins as Santana lies back too.

She’s already starting to tan and Brittany can’t take her eyes off of her. It’s almost like this is too good to be true and she finds herself reaching out to touch just to make sure.

\\

Once their thirty minutes are up, Brittany’s on her feet trying to coax Santana into the water but who knew she’d put up such a fight?

“We didn’t come all this way to just sit in the sand,” Brittany teases as she tugs on Santana’s hand, “Come on.”

“That water is about to be cold as hell. No thank you!”

“Hell isn’t cold, Santana.”

“You know what I mean,” Santana then gets up when she finally breaks out of Brittany’s hold, “Now way I’m getting in.”

“But it’s not even cold,” Brittany replies although she’s not really sure since she hasn’t tested it for herself. “Why are you picking right now to play hard to get?”

“You haven’t seen nothing yet!” Santana jokes before taking off.  

Brittany laughs the whole time as Santana ducks and dodges her advances until Brittany’s speed finally does her in. Soon she’s got Santana cradled in her arms bridal-style, carrying her towards the water like she weighs nothing.

“Britt! Brittany! Don’t you dare!” Santana chastises between laughs, “I don’t want to get my hair wet!”

Brittany only stomps her way through the water, “Who goes to the beach and doesn’t want to get their hair wet? That’s silly, San!”

“Me, that’s who!” Santana giggles but she stops putting up a fight and just wraps her arms around Brittany’s shoulders.

Their faces are so close with the way Brittany holds her that their noses brush when the blonde suddenly looks to her. Really, she’s checking if Santana’s actually being serious because if so then she’ll happily take her back to shore but if not it’s fair game. Instead though, she gets sidetracked by the brilliant smile she wears and how beautiful she looks with her hair down.

“I won’t get you wet if that’s really what you want,” Brittany says innocently but there’s a mischievous glint in her eye too.

She’s standing still waist-deep in the water and Santana’s butt is barely touching the surface. Brittany does her best to hop so that the incoming waves don’t splash her which is pretty nice of her with all things considered. She could totally be that person and drop her without a second thought.

“Well, when you say it like that…” Santana starts to smirk.

Brittany lets out a laugh before she leans in for a kiss.

It was meant to be a distraction, but it ended up way steamier than she intended as she slowly  sank to her knee so that they both dipped below the surface. She could feel Santana’s teeth sink into her bottom lip from the initial shock of the water temperature but then it was soothed by her tongue gliding over the nip.

“See?” Brittany teases, “Not that cold.”

Santana only rolls her eyes as Brittany adjusts her hold. She goes from cradling Santana to having her straddle her lap instead. It’s a much riskier position than before, but neither of them complain.  

As they get acclimated to the water, they slowly move from kissing to playfully splashing at each other as they wade around. They go back and forth like that for awhile until they move back to the shore to get their tan on.

“I’m having slight regrets that we’ll be going to school in Ohio,” Santana mentions awhile later as they lie on their stomachs, “Must be nice living close to a beach.”

Brittany grins, “So you’re liking your first trip then?”

“Baby, I love it,” Santana replies happily and leans over to kiss her cheek, “And I love you.”

“I love you too,” Brittany coos before she gets to thinking, “If you love it that much we can always transfer down here? I’m pretty sure there’s a few schools here that would love to poach me. You too.”

“So tempting,” Santana chuckles.

\\

They lie like that for awhile longer before the sun gets to be a little much and they head back to the rental.

It’s one of Brittany’s favorite feelings, that tiredness after spending the day at the beach, and she coaxes Santana into the shower with her to get rid of all the sand and saltwater. Despite finally getting each other this close without any barriers between them, they’re both too tired to actually make any moves.

Instead, they take turns standing underneath the cool water and washing off any residual sand.

Afterwards, they slip into something loose and tumble into bed with a yawn. They don’t even bother getting under the sheets first, their sun-kissed skin still warm from the shower. The just cuddle up to one another and doze off within minutes.  

\\

Hours later, Brittany awakes to Santana tracing her finger along the bridge of her nose. She blinks away the last bit of sleepiness and looks around the room, surprised to see it drenched in hues of orange and gold from the setting sun.

“I think you might’ve gotten sunburnt,” Santana mentions softly, “Your cheeks are a little pink.”

Brittany touches them bashfully, “Yeah. They do that after I’m out too long. Doesn’t hurt though, I put on sunscreen before.”

“Okay,” Santana smiles as her hand moves to rest on Brittany’s hip.

The blonde looks to the window, “What time is it?”

“Almost eight.”

“Shit,” Brittany curses, “I didn’t meant to sleep for that long.”

“It’s okay. You were tired,” Santana replies as she starts circling Brittany’s hipbone, “Hungry?”

There’s a familiar rasp in Santana’s voice and it has Brittany leaning in ever so slightly. She knows that tone, she’s been quite familiar with it since the night she won a championship title with the Titans. It’s come to be a favorite of hers.

“Starving,” Brittany smirks.

Santana bites her lip, “Good.”

“We can order a pizza,” Brittany husks as she slips her thigh between Santana’s, “I know just the place. They’re notorious for taking way too long but the pizza manages to always be hot still.”

“Perfect,” Santana smirks before she’s closing the distance.

\\

The next day, they have a bit of a sleep in due to their…activities carrying on pretty late into the night. Free house to themselves? Of course they couldn’t pass up the opportunity, but they’re well-rested and get up to do a tidy of the house before going to pick up Pete and Whitney from the airport.

Again, Brittany feels that same feeling from the day before when she and Santana were out shopping for breakfast. She can’t help but notice how easy it is for them to fall into such a domestic routine. It makes her feel so grown up, like it was just a couple weeks ago that she was graduating and sure she’s always been pretty independent but it’s different with Santana by her side.

When they get to the airport, they’re only waiting for a little while before Pete’s excitedly waving at them with Whitney trailing behind him. There’s hugs all around when they finally meet before they make their way to baggage claim.

“Did you have fun on the plane ride over?” Santana asks Pete.

“It was okay,” Pete shrugs, “Kind of bumpy but mom let me play games on her phone.”

“Nice,” Santana grins.

“Yup! Did you have fun driving here? Wait, did you guys go to the beach already?” Pete asks as he looks to his sister, “Britt’s cheeks are pink.”

Brittany’s eyes widen, “Uh…”

“We might’ve gone for a little bit,” Santana admits and watches Pete start to frown. He was pretty adamant about them waiting for him but Santana’s quick to recover, “But that doesn’t mean we can’t go again today! You’ll have to check with your mom first.”

Pete’s face fills with a mega-watt smile, so similar to Brittany’s it’s crazy.

“She’ll totally say yes,” He tells Santana, “Mom loves the beach too!”

“Sweet,” Santana grins.

“Alright, we just need to pick up the rental car and we’re out of here,” Whitney says as Brittany follows behind with Pete’s little suitcase.

“You didn’t have to rent a car,” Santana tells her, “I told you I was okay with sharing mine.”

“You’re too kind, honey,” Whitney smiles, “But I’m sure you girls will want to explore the area too.”

Santana just nods as Brittany comes up beside her, their fingers twining so casually.

“Speaking of rentals,” Brittany mentions, “I can’t believe you got the Unicorn House! It’s so cool.”

“We’re staying at the Unicorn House?” Pete asks eagerly. Brittany nods to him and he just about combusts, “No way! That’s the coolest house on the beach!”

“Totally,” Brittany winks, “It’s even cooler inside. Just you wait and see.”

\\

They all head to the rental house and it takes everyone no time at all before they’re making their way out to the beach. Everyone except Whitney who runs to the store for snacks and something to eat for dinner because apparently they can’t have pizza two nights in a row despite Brittany and Pete’s protesting.

Again, it’s nice to just lounge in the sun and cool off in the water whenever they want. Pete’s here too while Whitney’s at the store and Santana watches adoringly as he and Brittany toss their favorite football back and forth.

“Babe! Come play with us,” Brittany calls out to her as she tosses the football to Pete in a perfect spiral.

“Yeah! Come play, Santana!” Pete chimes in.

“I’m fine getting my tan on from here,” Santana answers then starts to smirk at Brittany. The way her muscles tense whenever she throws the ball or how her arms flex, it leaves Santana’s mouth dry, “The view’s not so bad either.”

Brittany lets out a laugh as she readies for Pete to throw the ball back. She’d have to agree about the view though, hers isn’t so bad too with Santana laid out in her maroon bikini on their beach blanket, skin glistening with sweat. She swallows dryly as her thoughts start to wander to the night before.

“Britt!” Pete shouts, “Look out!”

Brittany looks up and catches the football just in time before she’s thumped in the head with it. Good thing her reflexes are as sharp as ever!

“Careful baby,” Santana smirks before she’s rolling onto her stomach to even out her tan.

Brittany only narrows her eyes playfully before she’s throwing another perfect spiral in Pete’s direction.

\\

Once Whitney joins them, Pete goes from playing with Brittany to splashing in the shallow water with their mom. Brittany sits alongside Santana where they both share a bag of chips and watch Pete’s splashes get bigger and bigger.

“You’re so cute with him,” Santana mentions.

Brittany raises her brow, “Speak for yourself.”

Santana lets out a disbelieving laugh, “Right.”

“You are,” Brittany urges with a bump to Santana’s shoulder, “He loves spending time with you. Not as much as I do, of course.”

“Of course.”

“You ever wish you had a younger sibling?” Brittany wonders.

“God, no. Never,” Santana jokes before softening, “But seeing you two kind of makes me second guess it. Then again, Pete’s cool so you’re lucky.”

“True,” Brittany giggles. There’s another pause before Brittany speaks up again in a softer tone, “Thanks for coming out on this trip with us. I know you were a little iffy at first, but it wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” Santana replies with this smitten little grin on her face. “We should totally make this an annual thing.”

“Coming back here?”

“Yeah,” Santana nods, “It’s like our reset button. No matter how busy or crazy it gets wherever we are, we can always come back here and just – reset. It would be nice.”

Brittany starts to smile. Santana mentioning doing something every year means she anticipates them being together for a really long time which duh but making plans like that in advance makes it all feel a little more real. She always thought her strong feelings might’ve been a little exaggerated since they’re young and love always feels so all-encompassing, but then Santana goes and says something like that.

This love, it’s bigger than she thought. Maybe it’s even one of those forever kinds of love and that kind of thinking makes Brittany happier than ever.

“We can totally do that,” Brittany agrees before she leans in for a chaste kiss. She can feel Santana smiling too against her lips and she’s never felt more complete.

Whatever this upcoming year plans to throw their way, whether it be on the field or in the classroom or even at home, Brittany’s totally ready for it.

Because together, well…anything is still possible.

[backslashdelta]

Glee Soundtrack Rating Project Results: fabfemmeboy

@fabfemmeboy

Favourite character: Kurt Hummel

Least favourite character: Will Schuester

Favourite season: Season 2

Least favourite season: Undecided - one of the last three

Mean song rating: 4.97

Mean song rating for favourite character's songs: 5.06

Mean song rating for favourite character's solos: 5.64

Mean song rating season 1: 5.21

Mean song rating season 2: 4.93

Mean song rating season 3: 4.85

Mean song rating season 4: 5.28

Mean song rating season 5: 4.82

Mean song rating season 6: 4.05

Songs rated: 447

[ID: A bar chart titled Number of songs assigned each rating by fabfemmeboy, illustrating the number of times each score was assigned to a song by fabfemmeboy. 10 was assigned 5 times, 9 was assigned 11 times, 8 was assigned 30 times, 7 was assigned 56 times, 6 was assigned 67 times, 5 was assigned 111 times, 4 was assigned 61 times, 3 was assigned 51 times, 2 was assigned 31 times, 1 was assigned 24 times, and 255 songs were not rated.]

About the Project | Results Masterpost

Ranking:

1. (10) - S1x01 - Don't Stop Believing (Pilot)

2. (10) - S1x15 - 4 Minutes

3. (10) - S2x06 - Teenage Dream

4. (10) - S3x06 - Rumour Has It/Someone Like You

5. (10) - S3x17 - How Will I Know

6. (9) - S1x06 - Halo/Walking On Sunshine

7. (9) - S1x12 - Jump

8. (9) - S1x18 - Rose's Turn

9. (9) - S1x20 - Beth

10. (9) - S2x06 - Stop! In the Name of Love/Free Your Mind

11. (9) - S2x12 - When I Get You Alone

12. (9) - S2x12 - Silly Love Songs

13. (9) - S2x22 - Yeah!

14. (9) - S3x07 - Constant Craving

15. (9) - S3x14 - Cough Syrup

16. (9) - S5x15 - No One Is Alone

17. (8) - S1x01 - Rehab

18. (8) - S1x08 - Sweet Caroline

19. (8) - S1x13 - Don't Rain on My Parade

20. (8) - S1x13 - You Can't Always Get What You Want

21. (8) - S1x15 - Express Yourself

22. (8) - S1x15 - Borderline/Open Your Heart

23. (8) - S1x15 - Vogue

24. (8) - S1x18 - Lady Is a Tramp

25. (8) - S1x20 - Bad Romance

26. (8) - S1x22 - Any Way You Want It/Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'

27. (8) - S2x02 - Toxic

28. (8) - S2x09 - Valerie

29. (8) - S2x12 - Fat Bottomed Girls

30. (8) - S2x16 - Raise Your Glass

31. (8) - S2x16 - Hell to the No

32. (8) - S2x16 - Trouty Mouth

33. (8) - S2x18 - Somewhere Only We Know

34. (8) - S2x18 - As If We Never Said Goodbye

35. (8) - S2x21 - Back to Black

36. (8) - S3x03 - Run the World (Girls)

37. (8) - S3x11 - Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'

38. (8) - S3x11 - Smooth Criminal

39. (8) - S3x12 - Bamboleo/Hero

40. (8) - S3x15 - Rio/Hungry Like the Wolf

41. (8) - S3x17 - I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)

42. (8) - S3x18 - Not the Boy Next Door

43. (8) - S3x18 - Shake It Out

44. (8) - S4x08 - Let's Have a Kiki/Turkey Lurkey Time

45. (8) - S4x16 - Cold Hearted

46. (8) - S5x14 - Rockstar

47. (7) - S1x01 - Respect

48. (7) - S1x02 - Push It

49. (7) - S1x03 - Bust Your Windows

50. (7) - S1x05 - Alone

51. (7) - S1x07 - Keep Holding On

52. (7) - S1x10 - Don't Stand So Close to Me/Young Girl

53. (7) - S1x13 - And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going

54. (7) - S1x15 - Like a Prayer

55. (7) - S1x17 - Run Joey Run

56. (7) - S1x20 - Shout It Out Loud

57. (7) - S1x22 - Faithfully

58. (7) - S2x01 - Empire State of Mind

59. (7) - S2x02 - Me Against the Music

60. (7) - S2x03 - I Want to Hold Your Hand

61. (7) - S2x03 - Only the Good Die Young

62. (7) - S2x04 - Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy

63. (7) - S2x04 - River Deep, Mountain High

64. (7) - S2x06 - Start Me Up/Livin' on a Prayer

65. (7) - S2x09 - Hey, Soul Sister

66. (7) - S2x10 - Baby, It's Cold Outside

67. (7) - S2x11 - Thriller/Heads Will Roll

68. (7) - S2x11 - She's Not There

69. (7) - S2x15 - Animal

70. (7) - S2x15 - Landslide

71. (7) - S2x16 - Big Ass Heart

72. (7) - S2x18 - I Feel Pretty/Unpretty

73. (7) - S2x19 - Songbird

74. (7) - S2x20 - Rolling in the Deep

75. (7) - S2x22 - My Cup

76. (7) - S3x01 - Anything Goes/Anything You Can Do

77. (7) - S3x02 - Something's Coming

78. (7) - S3x04 - Candyman

79. (7) - S3x07 - Perfect

80. (7) - S3x08 - ABC

81. (7) - S3x12 - La Isla Bonita

82. (7) - S3x17 - It's Not Right But It's Okay

83. (7) - S3x17 - So Emotional

84. (7) - S3x21 - Starships

85. (7) - S3x21 - Pinball Wizard

86. (7) - S4x02 - 3

87. (7) - S4x03 - Everybody Wants to Rule the World

88. (7) - S4x04 - Teenage Dream (Acoustic)

89. (7) - S4x04 - Don't Speak

90. (7) - S4x04 - Give Your Heart a Break

91. (7) - S4x08 - Whistle

92. (7) - S4x08 - Home/Homeward Bound

93. (7) - S4x13 - Don't Stop Me Now

94. (7) - S4x13 - Diva

95. (7) - S4x14 - Getting Married Today

96. (7) - S4x16 - Closer

97. (7) - S4x16 - The Bitch Is Back/Dress You Up

98. (7) - S5x01 - Got to Get You Into My Life

99. (7) - S5x03 - Make You Feel My Love

100. (7) - S5x04 - Marry the Night

101. (7) - S6x02 - Tightrope

102. (7) - S6x11 - Take Me to Church

103. (6) - S1x01 - Sit Down You're Rockin the Boat

104. (6) - S1x01 - Mr. Cellophane

105. (6) - S1x02 - I Say a Little Prayer

106. (6) - S1x02 - Gold Digger

107. (6) - S1x05 - Somebody to Love

108. (6) - S1x06 - It's My Life/Confessions Part II

109. (6) - S1x07 - Ride Wit Me

110. (6) - S1x09 - Dancing With Myself

111. (6) - S1x13 - My Life Would Suck Without You

112. (6) - S1x17 - Total Eclipse of the Heart

113. (6) - S1x18 - Jessie's Girl

114. (6) - S1x22 - Don't Stop Believing (Regionals)

115. (6) - S2x02 - I'm a Slave 4 U

116. (6) - S2x04 - Le Jazz Hot

117. (6) - S2x09 - The Living Years

118. (6) - S2x09 - Dog Days Are Over

119. (6) - S2x09 - (I've Had) The Time of My Life

120. (6) - S2x11 - Bills, Bills, Bills

121. (6) - S2x14 - Don't You Want Me

122. (6) - S2x16 - Misery

123. (6) - S2x16 - Blackbird

124. (6) - S2x16 - Candles

125. (6) - S2x19 - Go Your Own Way

126. (6) - S2x20 - Friday

127. (6) - S3x01 - It's Not Unusual

128. (6) - S3x01 - We Got the Beat

129. (6) - S3x07 - I'm the Only One

130. (6) - S3x09 - Let It Snow

131. (6) - S3x10 - Wedding Bell Blues (Bill)

132. (6) - S3x10 - We Found Love

133. (6) - S3x11 - I Want You Back

134. (6) - S3x13 - Stereo Hearts

135. (6) - S3x13 - Cherish/Cherish

136. (6) - S3x14 - Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)

137. (6) - S3x14 - Glad You Came

138. (6) - S3x18 - School's Out

139. (6) - S3x18 - The Rain in Spain

140. (6) - S3x19 - Big Girls Don't Cry

141. (6) - S3x21 - Paradise By the Dashboard Light

142. (6) - S3x22 - I'll Remember

143. (6) - S3x22 - In My Life

144. (6) - S4x01 - It's Time

145. (6) - S4x01 - Americano/Dance Again

146. (6) - S4x04 - Barely Breathing

147. (6) - S4x04 - The Scientist

148. (6) - S4x04 - Mine

149. (6) - S4x11 - Tell Him

150. (6) - S4x12 - This Is the New Year

151. (6) - S4x13 - Girl On Fire

152. (6) - S4x14 - Anything Could Happen

153. (6) - S4x15 - Come What May

154. (6) - S4x16 - I Still Believe/Super Bass

155. (6) - S4x16 - How to Be a Heartbreaker

156. (6) - S4x17 - Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)

157. (6) - S4x17 - Creep

158. (6) - S4x20 - Longest Time

159. (6) - S5x01 - All You Need Is Love

160. (6) - S5x03 - I'll Stand By You

161. (6) - S5x03 - Seasons of Love

162. (6) - S5x04 - Applause

163. (6) - S5x07 - Nasty/Rhythm Nation

164. (6) - S5x10 - Gloria

165. (6) - S5x11 - More Than a Feeling

166. (6) - S5x12 - Toxic

167. (6) - S5x17 - Lovefool

168. (6) - S6x07 - I Know Where I've Been

169. (6) - S6x11 - Chandelier

170. (5) - S1x01 - On My Own

171. (5) - S1x03 - Mercy

172. (5) - S1x04 - Taking Chances

173. (5) - S1x05 - Maybe This Time

174. (5) - S1x07 - You Keep Me Hanging On

175. (5) - S1x09 - Proud Mary

176. (5) - S1x10 - Lean On Me

177. (5) - S1x10 - Endless Love

178. (5) - S1x11 - Bootylicious

179. (5) - S1x11 - Papa Don't Preach

180. (5) - S1x12 - Smile (Charlie Chaplin)

181. (5) - S1x14 - Gives You Hell

182. (5) - S1x16 - A House Is Not a Home

183. (5) - S1x16 - Beautiful

184. (5) - S1x18 - Pink Houses

185. (5) - S1x18 - The Boy Is Mine

186. (5) - S1x19 - I Dreamed a Dream

187. (5) - S1x21 - Another One Bites the Dust

188. (5) - S1x21 - Loser

189. (5) - S1x21 - Good Vibrations

190. (5) - S1x21 - It's a Man's Man's Man's World

191. (5) - S1x22 - To Sir, With Love

192. (5) - S1x22 - Over the Rainbow

193. (5) - S2x01 - What I Did for Love

194. (5) - S2x01 - Telephone

195. (5) - S2x01 - Billionaire

196. (5) - S2x03 - Losing My Religion

197. (5) - S2x03 - One of Us

198. (5) - S2x04 - Don't Go Breaking My Heart

199. (5) - S2x04 - Lucky

200. (5) - S2x07 - Forget You

201. (5) - S2x08 - Just the Way You Are

202. (5) - S2x08 - Marry You

203. (5) - S2x08 - Ohio

204. (5) - S2x09 - Don't Cry for Me Argentina

205. (5) - S2x10 - We Need a Little Christmas

206. (5) - S2x10 - Welcome Christmas

207. (5) - S2x10 - Merry Christmas, Darling

208. (5) - S2x11 - Need You Now

209. (5) - S2x12 - P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)

210. (5) - S2x13 - Sing

211. (5) - S2x13 - Take Me or Leave Me

212. (5) - S2x13 - Baby

213. (5) - S2x19 - Dreams

214. (5) - S2x19 - Never Going Back Again

215. (5) - S2x19 - Don't Stop

216. (5) - S2x20 - I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You

217. (5) - S2x21 - Some People

218. (5) - S2x21 - My Man

219. (5) - S2x22 - For Good

220. (5) - S3x02 - I'm the Greatest Star

221. (5) - S3x03 - Fix You

222. (5) - S3x06 - Hit Me with Your Best Shot/One Way or Another

223. (5) - S3x08 - Man in the Mirror

224. (5) - S3x08 - Survivor/I Will Survive

225. (5) - S3x08 - We Are Young

226. (5) - S3x09 - Extraordinary Merry Christmas

227. (5) - S3x10 - Summer Nights

228. (5) - S3x11 - Scream

229. (5) - S3x11 - Black or White

230. (5) - S3x11 - Bad

231. (5) - S3x13 - I Will Always Love You

232. (5) - S3x14 - Fly/I Believe I Can Fly

233. (5) - S3x15 - Somebody That I Used to Know

234. (5) - S3x17 - I Have Nothing

235. (5) - S3x19 - What Makes You Beautiful

236. (5) - S3x20 - Flashdance...What a Feeling

237. (5) - S3x21 - Tongue Tied

238. (5) - S3x22 - You Get What You Give

239. (5) - S3x22 - Glory Days

240. (5) - S4x01 - Call Me Maybe

241. (5) - S4x01 - New York State of Mind

242. (5) - S4x05 - Hopelessly Devoted to You

243. (5) - S4x07 - My Dark Side

244. (5) - S4x08 - Live While We're Young

245. (5) - S4x09 - Don't Dream It's Over

246. (5) - S4x10 - White Christmas

247. (5) - S4x11 - No Scrubs

248. (5) - S4x12 - A Thousand Years

249. (5) - S4x13 - Nutbush City Limits

250. (5) - S4x14 - We've Got Tonite

251. (5) - S4x15 - Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend/Material Girl

252. (5) - S4x15 - In Your Eyes

253. (5) - S4x17 - Mamma Mia

254. (5) - S4x18 - More Than Words

255. (5) - S5x01 - You've Got to Hide Your Love Away

256. (5) - S5x01 - Yesterday

257. (5) - S5x01 - A Hard Day's Night

258. (5) - S5x01 - I Saw Her Standing There

259. (5) - S5x02 - Here Comes the Sun

260. (5) - S5x02 - Hey Jude

261. (5) - S5x03 - If I Die Young

262. (5) - S5x05 - Wrecking Ball

263. (5) - S5x05 - If I Were a Boy

264. (5) - S5x09 - My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)

265. (5) - S5x11 - Mr. Roboto/Counting Stars

266. (5) - S5x12 - Keep Holding On

267. (5) - S5x14 - Best Day of My Life

268. (5) - S5x14 - Downtown

269. (5) - S5x14 - People

270. (5) - S5x15 - Not While I'm Around

271. (5) - S5x15 - I'm Still Here

272. (5) - S5x16 - Love Is a Battlefield

273. (5) - S5x17 - I'm the Greatest Star

274. (5) - S5x17 - Pumpin Blood

275. (5) - S5x19 - Take Me Home Tonight

276. (5) - S5x20 - All of Me

277. (5) - S6x01 - Uninvited

278. (5) - S6x03 - It's Too Late

279. (5) - S6x04 - Bitch

280. (5) - S6x13 - Someday We'll Be Together

281. (4) - S1x01 - Leaving On a Jet Plane

282. (4) - S1x04 - Tonight

283. (4) - S1x08 - I Could Have Danced All Night

284. (4) - S1x10 - I'll Stand By You

285. (4) - S1x11 - True Colors

286. (4) - S1x14 - Hello, I Love You

287. (4) - S1x17 - U Can't Touch This

288. (4) - S1x17 - Physical

289. (4) - S1x19 - Safety Dance

290. (4) - S1x22 - Bohemian Rhapsody

291. (4) - S2x01 - Listen

292. (4) - S2x05 - Science Fiction Double Feature

293. (4) - S2x07 - Singing In the Rain/Umbrella

294. (4) - S2x10 - Last Christmas

295. (4) - S2x10 - You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

296. (4) - S2x12 - Firework

297. (4) - S2x15 - Kiss

298. (4) - S2x19 - I Don't Want to Know

299. (4) - S2x20 - Dancing Queen

300. (4) - S2x20 - Jar of Hearts

301. (4) - S2x20 - Isn't She Lovely

302. (4) - S2x21 - Pure Imagination

303. (4) - S2x22 - I Love New York/New York, New York

304. (4) - S2x22 - Light Up the World

305. (4) - S3x06 - I Can't Go for That/You Make My Dreams Come True

306. (4) - S3x08 - Control

307. (4) - S3x10 - Moves Like Jagger/Jumpin' Jack Flash

308. (4) - S3x12 - Sexy and I Know It

309. (4) - S3x13 - Let Me Love You

310. (4) - S3x16 - You Should Be Dancing

311. (4) - S3x19 - Take My Breath Away

312. (4) - S3x19 - Love You Like a Love Song

313. (4) - S3x20 - Mean

314. (4) - S3x21 - We Are the Champions

315. (4) - S3x22 - Roots Before Branches

316. (4) - S3x22 - Forever Young

317. (4) - S4x09 - Being Alive

318. (4) - S4x10 - Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah

319. (4) - S4x11 - I Don't Know How to Love Him

320. (4) - S4x12 - Centerfold/Hot in Herre

321. (4) - S4x12 - Love Song

322. (4) - S4x13 - Bring Him Home

323. (4) - S4x14 - Just Can't Get Enough

324. (4) - S4x15 - Old Time Rock & Roll/Danger Zone

325. (4) - S4x19 - Fight for Your Right (to Party)

326. (4) - S4x20 - Little Girls

327. (4) - S5x01 - Help!

328. (4) - S5x01 - Drive My Car

329. (4) - S5x02 - Something

330. (4) - S5x04 - Wide Awake

331. (4) - S5x09 - Brave

332. (4) - S5x12 - Happy

333. (4) - S5x12 - Defying Gravity

334. (4) - S5x12 - Valerie

335. (4) - S5x14 - Don't Sleep in the Subway

336. (4) - S5x14 - You Make Me Feel So Young

337. (4) - S5x15 - Colorblind

338. (4) - S5x20 - American Boy

339. (4) - S5x20 - Pompeii

340. (4) - S6x01 - Suddenly Seymour

341. (4) - S6x13 - Daydream Believer

342. (3) - S1x01 - You're the One That I Want (ver. 1)

343. (3) - S1x01 - I Kissed a Girl

344. (3) - S1x02 - Take a Bow

345. (3) - S1x05 - Last Name

346. (3) - S1x07 - No Air

347. (3) - S1x08 - Bust A Move

348. (3) - S1x09 - Defying Gravity

349. (3) - S1x10 - Crush

350. (3) - S1x11 - Hair/Crazy In Love

351. (3) - S1x11 - Imagine

352. (3) - S1x12 - Smile (Lily Allen)

353. (3) - S1x14 - Hello

354. (3) - S1x15 - Like a Virgin

355. (3) - S1x19 - Dream a Little Dream

356. (3) - S1x20 - Poker Face

357. (3) - S1x21 - Give Up the Funk

358. (3) - S2x03 - I Look to You

359. (3) - S2x03 - Papa, Can You Hear Me?

360. (3) - S2x07 - Nowadays/Hot Honey rag

361. (3) - S2x07 - Make 'Em Laugh

362. (3) - S2x14 - Tik Tok

363. (3) - S2x14 - My Headband

364. (3) - S2x18 - Born This Way

365. (3) - S2x22 - Bella Notte

366. (3) - S3x03 - It's All Over

367. (3) - S3x04 - Last Friday Night

368. (3) - S3x04 - Bein' Green

369. (3) - S3x06 - You and I/You and I

370. (3) - S3x07 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

371. (3) - S3x08 - Buenos Aires

372. (3) - S3x10 - Without You

373. (3) - S3x11 - Never Can Say Goodbye

374. (3) - S3x11 - Human Nature

375. (3) - S3x13 - Love Shack

376. (3) - S3x13 - You're the Top

377. (3) - S3x17 - Saving All My Love For You

378. (3) - S4x03 - The Way You Look Tonight/You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile

379. (3) - S4x09 - Something Stupid

380. (3) - S4x19 - Don't Stop Believin' (Rachel)

381. (3) - S5x02 - Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

382. (3) - S5x07 - You're My Best Friend

383. (3) - S5x12 - Raise Your Glass

384. (3) - S5x13 - Loser Like Me

385. (3) - S5x13 - Party All the Time

386. (3) - S5x13 - Don't Stop Believin' (Season Five)

387. (3) - S6x01 - Let It Go

388. (3) - S6x03 - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow/Head Over Feet

389. (3) - S6x06 - Arthur's Theme

390. (3) - S6x08 - Hey Ya!

391. (3) - S6x13 - I Lived

392. (3) - S6x13 - Teach Your Children

393. (2) - S1x16 - Home

394. (2) - S1x17 - Ice Ice Baby

395. (2) - S1x18 - One

396. (2) - S1x19 - Dream On

397. (2) - S2x02 - The Only Exception

398. (2) - S2x03 - Bridge Over Troubled Water

399. (2) - S2x04 - Sing!

400. (2) - S2x05 - There's a Light (Over at the Frankenstein Place)

401. (2) - S2x05 - Damn It, Janet

402. (2) - S2x12 - My Funny Valentine

403. (2) - S2x13 - I Know What Boys Like

404. (2) - S2x15 - Afternoon Delight

405. (2) - S2x16 - Loser Like Me

406. (2) - S2x18 - I've Gotta Be Me

407. (2) - S3x03 - Out Here On My Own

408. (2) - S3x12 - A Little Less Conversation

409. (2) - S3x15 - I'm Still Standing

410. (2) - S3x16 - Stayin' Alive

411. (2) - S3x16 - Disco Inferno

412. (2) - S3x16 - If I Can't Have You

413. (2) - S3x16 - Boogie Shoes

414. (2) - S3x16 - Night Fever

415. (2) - S3x18 - The Music of the Night

416. (2) - S3x19 - Dinosaur

417. (2) - S4x02 - Gimme More

418. (2) - S4x08 - Gangnam Style

419. (2) - S4x19 - You Have More Friends Than You Know

420. (2) - S4x20 - At the Ballet

421. (2) - S5x05 - Blurred Lines

422. (2) - S6x03 - Hand in My Pocket/I Feel the Earth Move

423. (2) - S6x07 - Same Love

424. (1) - S1x08 - Thong Song

425. (1) - S1x10 - (You're Having My Baby)

426. (1) - S1x15 - What It Feels Like for a Girl

427. (1) - S1x16 - One Less Bell to Answer/A House Is Not a Home

428. (1) - S2x04 - With You I'm Born Again

429. (1) - S2x05 - Whatever Happened to Saturday Night?

430. (1) - S2x05 - Touch a Touch a Touch a Touch Me

431. (1) - S2x05 - Sweet Transvestite

432. (1) - S2x05 - Time Warp

433. (1) - S2x05 - Planet, Schmanet, Janet

434. (1) - S2x14 - Blame It (On the Alcohol)

435. (1) - S2x14 - One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer

436. (1) - S2x16 - Jesus Is My Friend

437. (1) - S2x16 - Only Child

438. (1) - S2x16 - Get It Right

439. (1) - S3x05 - America

440. (1) - S3x07 - I Kissed a Girl

441. (1) - S3x08 - Red Solo Cup

442. (1) - S3x09 - River

443. (1) - S3x11 - Ben

444. (1) - S3x16 - More Than a Woman

445. (1) - S3x16 - How Deep Is Your Love

446. (1) - S5x07 - The Fox

447. (1) - S6x03 - You Learn/You've Got a Friend

448. (NA) - S1x01 - Can't Fight This Feeling

449. (NA) - S1x03 - I Wanna Sex You Up

450. (NA) - S1x05 - Cabaret

451. (NA) - S1x07 - Hate On Me

452. (NA) - S1x08 - What A Girl Wants

453. (NA) - S1x11 - Don't Make Me Over

454. (NA) - S1x14 - Highway to Hell

455. (NA) - S1x14 - Hello, Goodbye

456. (NA) - S1x14 - Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen, Hello Love

457. (NA) - S1x15 - Burning Up

458. (NA) - S1x16 - Fire

459. (NA) - S1x20 - Funny Girl

460. (NA) - S1x21 - Tell Me Something Good

461. (NA) - S2x01 - Every Rose Has Its Thorn

462. (NA) - S2x01 - Getting to Know You

463. (NA) - S2x02 - Stronger

464. (NA) - S2x02 - Baby One More Time

465. (NA) - S2x06 - One Love (People Get Ready)

466. (NA) - S2x07 - Conjunction Junction

467. (NA) - S2x08 - Sway

468. (NA) - S2x10 - The Most Wonderful Day of the Year

469. (NA) - S2x13 - Somebody to Love

470. (NA) - S2x13 - This Little Light of Mine

471. (NA) - S2x15 - Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)

472. (NA) - S2x17 - Turning Tables

473. (NA) - S2x17 - Ain't No Way

474. (NA) - S2x17 - All By Myself

475. (NA) - S2x17 - I Follow Rivers

476. (NA) - S2x19 - Nice to Meet You, Have I Slept with You?

477. (NA) - S2x21 - Try a Little Tenderness

478. (NA) - S2x22 - Pretending

479. (NA) - S2x22 - As Long as You're There

480. (NA) - S2x22 - Still Got Tonight

481. (NA) - S3x01 - Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead

482. (NA) - S3x01 - You Can't Stop the Beat

483. (NA) - S3x01 - Big Spender

484. (NA) - S3x02 - Somewhere

485. (NA) - S3x03 - Spotlight

486. (NA) - S3x03 - Cool

487. (NA) - S3x04 - Waiting for a Girl Like You

488. (NA) - S3x04 - Take Care of Yourself

489. (NA) - S3x05 - Tonight

490. (NA) - S3x05 - One Hand, One Heart

491. (NA) - S3x05 - A Boy Like That/I Have a Love

492. (NA) - S3x05 - Uptown Girl

493. (NA) - S3x06 - Hot for Teacher

494. (NA) - S3x07 - Jolene

495. (NA) - S3x09 - Christmas Wrapping

496. (NA) - S3x09 - All I Want for Christmas Is You

497. (NA) - S3x09 - Do They Know It's Christmas?

498. (NA) - S3x09 - Santa Claus Is Coming to Town

499. (NA) - S3x09 - My Favorite Things

500. (NA) - S3x09 - Blue Christmas

501. (NA) - S3x10 - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

502. (NA) - S3x11 - I Just Can't Stop Loving You

503. (NA) - S3x12 - Don't Wanna Lose You

504. (NA) - S3x13 - Chapel of Love

505. (NA) - S3x13 - Home

506. (NA) - S3x13 - L-O-V-E

507. (NA) - S3x14 - Here's to Us

508. (NA) - S3x14 - Stand

509. (NA) - S3x15 - Up Up Up

510. (NA) - S3x15 - Fighter

511. (NA) - S3x17 - My Love Is Your Love

512. (NA) - S3x18 - Cell Block Tango

513. (NA) - S3x18 - Cry

514. (NA) - S3x20 - I Won't Give Up

515. (NA) - S3x20 - Because You Loved Me

516. (NA) - S3x21 - It's All Coming Back to Me Now

517. (NA) - S3x21 - Edge of Glory

518. (NA) - S4x01 - Sister Christian

519. (NA) - S4x01 - Never Say Never

520. (NA) - S4x01 - Chasing Pavements

521. (NA) - S4x02 - Boys/Boyfriend

522. (NA) - S4x02 - Hold It Against Me

523. (NA) - S4x02 - Everytime

524. (NA) - S4x02 - Crazy/U Drive Me Crazy

525. (NA) - S4x02 - Oops!...I Did It Again

526. (NA) - S4x02 - Womanizer

527. (NA) - S4x03 - Celebrity Skin

528. (NA) - S4x03 - A Change Would Do You Good

529. (NA) - S4x05 - Everybody Talks

530. (NA) - S4x05 - Blow Me (One Last Kiss)

531. (NA) - S4x05 - Born to Hand Jive

532. (NA) - S4x05 - Juke Box Hero

533. (NA) - S4x06 - Beauty School Dropout

534. (NA) - S4x06 - Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee

535. (NA) - S4x06 - Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee (Reprise)

536. (NA) - S4x06 - Greased Lightning

537. (NA) - S4x06 - You're the One That I Want

538. (NA) - S4x06 - There Are Worse Things I Could Do

539. (NA) - S4x07 - Heroes

540. (NA) - S4x07 - Superman

541. (NA) - S4x07 - Holding Out for a Hero

542. (NA) - S4x07 - Some Nights

543. (NA) - S4x08 - Come See About Me

544. (NA) - S4x09 - Being Good Isn't Good Enough

545. (NA) - S4x09 - O Holy Night

546. (NA) - S4x09 - All That Jazz

547. (NA) - S4x10 - Feliz Navidad

548. (NA) - S4x10 - The First Noel

549. (NA) - S4x10 - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

550. (NA) - S4x10 - Jingle Bell Rock

551. (NA) - S4x11 - Baby Got Back

552. (NA) - S4x11 - Locked Out of Heaven

553. (NA) - S4x11 - I Only Have Eyes for You

554. (NA) - S4x12 - Let Me Love You (Until You Learn to Love Yourself)

555. (NA) - S4x12 - Torn

556. (NA) - S4x13 - Make No Mistake (She's Mine)

557. (NA) - S4x13 - Hung Up

558. (NA) - S4x14 - You're All I Need to Get By

559. (NA) - S4x15 - Shout

560. (NA) - S4x15 - You're All the World to Me

561. (NA) - S4x15 - Unchained Melody

562. (NA) - S4x15 - Footloose

563. (NA) - S4x16 - Bye Bye Bye/I Want It That Way

564. (NA) - S4x17 - Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

565. (NA) - S4x17 - Wannabe

566. (NA) - S4x17 - My Prerogative

567. (NA) - S4x17 - Copacabana

568. (NA) - S4x18 - Say

569. (NA) - S4x18 - Your Song

570. (NA) - S4x19 - Outcast

571. (NA) - S4x19 - Next to Me

572. (NA) - S4x20 - We Will Rock You

573. (NA) - S4x20 - Everybody Hurts

574. (NA) - S4x20 - You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'

575. (NA) - S4x21 - For Once in My Life

576. (NA) - S4x21 - Uptight (Everything's Alright)

577. (NA) - S4x21 - I Wish

578. (NA) - S4x21 - Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours

579. (NA) - S4x21 - You Are the Sunshine of My Life

580. (NA) - S4x21 - Higher Ground

581. (NA) - S4x21 - Superstition

582. (NA) - S4x22 - Hall of Fame

583. (NA) - S4x22 - Clarity

584. (NA) - S4x22 - Wings

585. (NA) - S4x22 - I Love It

586. (NA) - S4x22 - All or Nothing

587. (NA) - S4x22 - To Love You More

588. (NA) - S4x22 - Rainbow Connection

589. (NA) - S5x02 - Get Back

590. (NA) - S5x02 - Let It Be

591. (NA) - S5x02 - Revolution

592. (NA) - S5x03 - Fire and Rain

593. (NA) - S5x03 - No Surrender

594. (NA) - S5x04 - Roar

595. (NA) - S5x05 - On Our Way

596. (NA) - S5x05 - You Are Woman, I Am Man

597. (NA) - S5x06 - Honesty

598. (NA) - S5x06 - Piano Man

599. (NA) - S5x06 - My Life

600. (NA) - S5x06 - Just the Way You Are

601. (NA) - S5x06 - You May Be Right

602. (NA) - S5x06 - An Innocent Man

603. (NA) - S5x06 - Movin' Out (Anthony's Song)

604. (NA) - S5x07 - Into the Groove

605. (NA) - S5x07 - Cheek to Cheek

606. (NA) - S5x08 - Here Comes Santa Claus (Down Santa Claus Lane)

607. (NA) - S5x08 - The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)

608. (NA) - S5x08 - Mary's Little Boy Child

609. (NA) - S5x08 - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

610. (NA) - S5x08 - Away in a Manger

611. (NA) - S5x08 - Love Child

612. (NA) - S5x08 - O Christmas Tree

613. (NA) - S5x09 - Whenever I Call You Friend

614. (NA) - S5x09 - I Believe in a Thing Called Love

615. (NA) - S5x09 - Every Breath You Take

616. (NA) - S5x09 - Don't Rain On My Parade

617. (NA) - S5x09 - Breakaway

618. (NA) - S5x10 - The Happening

619. (NA) - S5x10 - Hold On

620. (NA) - S5x10 - Barracuda

621. (NA) - S5x10 - Jumpin' Jumpin'

622. (NA) - S5x10 - Don't You (Forget About Me)

623. (NA) - S5x10 - Danny's Song

624. (NA) - S5x11 - Vacation

625. (NA) - S5x11 - America

626. (NA) - S5x11 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

627. (NA) - S5x11 - I Love LA

628. (NA) - S5x13 - I Am Changing

629. (NA) - S5x13 - Just Give Me a Reason

630. (NA) - S5x13 - Be Okay

631. (NA) - S5x15 - You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman

632. (NA) - S5x15 - Broadway Baby

633. (NA) - S5x16 - Addicted to Love

634. (NA) - S5x16 - I Want to Know What Love Is

635. (NA) - S5x16 - Let's Wait Awhile

636. (NA) - S5x17 - Who Are You Now

637. (NA) - S5x17 - NYC

638. (NA) - S5x18 - Story of My Life

639. (NA) - S5x18 - Piece of My Heart

640. (NA) - S5x18 - Wake Me Up

641. (NA) - S5x18 - The Rose

642. (NA) - S5x18 - Doo Wop (That Thing)

643. (NA) - S5x19 - Werewolves of London

644. (NA) - S5x19 - Memory

645. (NA) - S5x19 - Lucky Star

646. (NA) - S5x19 - I Melt with You

647. (NA) - S5x20 - No Time At All

648. (NA) - S5x20 - Shakin' My Head

649. (NA) - S5x20 - Glitter in the Air

650. (NA) - S5x20 - Girls on Film

651. (NA) - S6x01 - Sing

652. (NA) - S6x01 - Dance the Night Away

653. (NA) - S6x02 - Take On Me

654. (NA) - S6x02 - Home

655. (NA) - S6x02 - Problem

656. (NA) - S6x02 - Mustang Sally

657. (NA) - S6x02 - Viva Voce

658. (NA) - S6x03 - So Far Away

659. (NA) - S6x04 - Rock Lobster

660. (NA) - S6x04 - Whip It

661. (NA) - S6x04 - Thousand Miles

662. (NA) - S6x05 - It Must Have Been Love

663. (NA) - S6x05 - All Out of Love

664. (NA) - S6x05 - Father Figure

665. (NA) - S6x05 - My Sharona

666. (NA) - S6x05 - You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)

667. (NA) - S6x06 - Wishin' And Hoping

668. (NA) - S6x06 - Baby It's You

669. (NA) - S6x06 - What the World Needs Now

670. (NA) - S6x06 - Promises, Promises

671. (NA) - S6x06 - They Long to Be Close to You

672. (NA) - S6x06 - I'll Never Fall in Love Again

673. (NA) - S6x06 - Alfie

674. (NA) - S6x07 - You Give Love a Bad Name

675. (NA) - S6x07 - Somebody Loves You

676. (NA) - S6x07 - All About That Bass

677. (NA) - S6x07 - Time After Time

678. (NA) - S6x08 - Our Day Will Come

679. (NA) - S6x08 - I'm So Excited

680. (NA) - S6x08 - At Last

681. (NA) - S6x09 - Uptown Funk

682. (NA) - S6x09 - I Want to Break Free

683. (NA) - S6x09 - Break Free

684. (NA) - S6x09 - Lose My Breath

685. (NA) - S6x09 - Cool Kids

686. (NA) - S6x09 - Friday I'm in Love

687. (NA) - S6x10 - Far From Over

688. (NA) - S6x10 - Rather Be

689. (NA) - S6x10 - Rise

690. (NA) - S6x10 - The Trolley Song

691. (NA) - S6x10 - The Final Countdown

692. (NA) - S6x11 - We Built This City

693. (NA) - S6x11 - Mickey

694. (NA) - S6x11 - Come Sail Away

695. (NA) - S6x11 - Listen to Your Heart

696. (NA) - S6x12 - Pony

697. (NA) - S6x12 - Don't Stop Believing (Pilot/2009)

698. (NA) - S6x12 - Popular

699. (NA) - S6x12 - I'm His Child

700. (NA) - S6x12 - I Kissed a Girl

701. (NA) - S6x13 - This Time

702. (NA) - S6x13 - The Winner Takes It All

[crmsfanfiction]

Second Chances-Chapter 4

Author Note: Ok this is a heavy chapter. It has trigger warnings, domestic violence and blood. There is a scene of DV towards the end of the chapter. Please don’t read if this will cause issues.

As always Feedback is appreciated and Constructive criticism is encouraged. Flames will keep the plot bunnies warm this winter.

___________________________________________________________

Chapter 4: Confrontation

Two days later Willa was back in her hometown of Columbus, Ohio. She’d gotten in the night before late and crashed at Becca and David’s house. This morning she had an appointment with the realtor at 9 and was meeting Tony for lunch at 12. She was ready for this all to be over with. Becca and David were heading to the house when Willa met with Tony for lunch. They were going to pack up as much of her stuff as they could and take it to their house. She’d be crashing there for a few days until she got a new place.

Getting ready for the day, Willa put on a pair of black skinny dress pants, a blue silk blouse and a black leather jacket. She wanted to exude confidence and power. Adding in a silver necklace and black booties she left her hair down and kept her make-up muted with natural colors. She didn’t want to overpower anyone, but she had to let Tony know he wasn’t in charge anymore. The past couple of days she had realized she was allowing him to much power over her. She was tired of crying and feeling horrible. Yes, she was still heartbroken, it had been 5 years together. However she was no longer feeling numb. Now she was feeling absolutely angry and ready to end this shit for good.

Willa’s phone rang and when she looked at it she didn’t recognize the number. Confused she answered it, “Hello?”

“Stay away from him. He doesn’t want you. He is with me now.” a female voice said with malice dripping from her tone.

“I don’t know who you are or how you got this number, but you can have him. Once a cheater always a cheater. Remember that. Also never call me again.” Willa said as she hung up and tossed her phone to the side. She shook her head and resolved to get a new phone and number. She also was going to give Tony a piece of her mind about giving her number to the women he is sleeping with. Of course he’d never have her number again after today. Checking the time Willa headed downstairs and grabbed a cup of coffee as her phone went off again with a series of text messages, all from an unknown number. They all basically said the same thing. Leave him alone. He wasn’t in love with her. He was with her now. He’d never loved her. She treated him better than Willa ever did.

Laughing at the stupid texts she showed them to Becca and David as she sipped her coffee and put a bagel in the toaster. “Who does this stupid bint think she is? I seriously don’t want his nasty cheating ass anymore. If she seriously thinks she can keep him from cheating, she is deluded.”

Grabbing her bagel, Willa slathered it with butter and cream cheese as she pushed all thoughts of Tony’s side piece getting all up in arms over her. She had more important things to think about. Like how she was going to break the news to Becca and David that she wasn’t staying in Ohio after this week. She’d talked to Uncle Bob and he told her to take off some time and come visit for awhile and then move to a different state to start over. He was hoping California, but Willa was leaning more towards New York. She had lived there a decade ago and she’d loved it, but after the incident she’d never gone again.

She missed New York. The great deli three blocks from his apartment. The cafe they would always stop and get coffee from on their way back from a run. Spending the weekend at his mom and step dads place. Willa shook her head. She had to stop thinking of him. It wasn’t doing her any favors right now. It isn’t as if she’d ever get back together with him. That ship sailed years ago, when he walked away with the worst excused she’d ever heard before. He told her he didn’t love her, but Willa knew that wasn’t true. He’d loved her then. Something or more likely someone made him walk away.

“Alright I’m off. See you guys in a few hours. I’ll be a free woman again. Be careful getting stuff out of the house. I don’t want much other than my laptop, clothes, make-up and jewelry. If you can grab the box of stuff in the garage. Becca, you know which one I’m talking about right? Black box, red roses on the lid. Everything else can be left.” Willa said as she pulled herself out of her thoughts and headed to the door and her car. She had 30 minutes to get to the realtors office. Luckily traffic was light today and she arrived with ten minutes to spare.

After a couple hours, Willa was tired and ready to be done. She had explained why she wanted to sell the house to her realtor and they had promised to get the paperwork sorted in the next week or so and give her a call as to when the inspector and appraisers would be by to see the house. Willa smiled, stood and shook their hand as she gathered her purse and headed to her car. She had just enough time to head for the phone store to get her number changed. Hopefully it wouldn’t take too long. She had been getting a constant barrage of text messages and a few voicemails from Tony’s side piece. Willa had ignored them all. Hadn’t even open them. She didn’t want to hear or read the vitriol spewing from this delusional chick’s mouth. She was ready to cut ties and start to move on with her life. It wasn’t going to a quick process, she knew that. It was 5 years that she was moving on from, but damn if she wasn’t going to do it.

45 minutes later Willa walked out with a new phone and a new phone number. She had her old phone in her purse, but turned off. She would transfer all the pics and music over another day. Right now she had to hurry to get to lunch. Getting into her car, she merged smoothly into traffic and headed for the restaurant. Pulling into the parking lot Willa noticed tony standing next to his car waiting for her. He had a confident smile on his face.

Groaning Willa got out of her car, straightened her jacket and walked over to Tony. She didn’t stop next to him, but kept walking towards the door causing Tony to curse lightly and jog to catch up. He wasn’t about to let Willa go willingly. He was confident he could sweet talk his way out of her anger and back into her good graces. He help open the door for Willa as she reached the door.

“Reservation for two under the name Malstrom.” Tony said as he smiled at the hostess. The hostess giggled lightly as she showed them back to their table. Willa just rolled her eyes at the display. She was so over it all. Tony pulled her chair out and pushed it back in as she was sitting down before sitting down himself.

“Hey baby. Thanks for having lunch with me.” Tony started, trying to lay it on so Willa would forgive him. He needed her connections in Hollywood to help get his book published.

“I wanted to do this in public to avoid a huge scene. This is over Tony. Our life together is over. I can’t forget seeing you in bed with another woman.”

“Baby that wasn’t what it looked like.” Tony was starting to feel a little nervous. He couldn’t afford to lose her and her connections. They were the only reason he’d stuck with her for so long.

“Oh? Then what was it like?” Willa asked genuinely curious as to how he was going to spin this.

“Alright, yes I was in bed with her, but she seduced me. It didn’t mean anything. I love you baby. I don’t want to argue. I refuse to allow you to break us up. We are perfect together. Everyone says so. We will get past this. After all we are getting married in two months. Now that this is settled, what do you want for lunch?” Tony said with finality. He wasn’t letting her get away from him.

Willa laughed out loud as she stood up pulling off her engagement ring and setting it on the table between them. “You’re not allowing me? I have news for you, I am breaking this off. We aren’t getting married in two months. The wedding is canceled. You are nothing more than a liar and a manipulator. I can’t believe I was blind to it all these years, but you have always done no wrong. It has always been someone else’s fault. No more. Time for you to man up and accept that you aren’t the victim in this.”

“Stop being so dramatic and sit back down. I’m not letting you go. Not like this. It was one mistake and you want to throw away 5 good years over it. Now put your ring back on and sit down. We are going to have a nice lunch and then we are going home, where I can prove I love you.” Tony said as he narrowed his eyes at Willa and purposefully stared at the chair across from him. This was getting ridiculous. She needed to relearn her place. He was definitely going to teach her once they got home.

“No. I won’t sit back down and have lunch. I am done. Done with you. Done with this situation. Done with all of it. We are done.” Willa said as she started to walk away, but tony grabbed her arm tightly and hissed, “Sit down now and have lunch. We are going to have a talk about this when we get back home and you will listen to me if you know what’s good for you.” Willa looked down at Tony and gulped. She nodded and sat down again. The look in his eyes told her that she would regret not doing as he said right now. She would follow through with lunch and then leave in her own car afterwards. Maybe by playing nice right now, she could deescalate the situation.

After an extremely tense lunch, Willa and Tony were headed for their cars. Tony had his hand wrapped around Willa’s forearm in an extremely tight grip. Willa was sure she’d have bruises by morning. Exiting the restaurant found Willa being pulled in the direction of Tony’s car and away from her own. “Tony, my car is over there. Let me go. I stayed for lunch. Time to go our separate ways.” Willa said as she tried unsuccessfully to extract her arm from his grip.

“No. You’re riding with me. I told you, I wasn’t letting you go. We are going home to talk. Once we sort everything out we can come back and get your car.” Tony said as he drug her to his car and opened door. He practically shoved her in and slammed the door shut. Willa thought about opening the door and making a run for it, but it was a fleeting thought. She knew he’d catch her and it could be worse. Sitting back Willa tried to think about how she could calm Tony down and she could walk away safely.

Tony drove them back home and once there pulled Willa out of the car and forced her into the house. Closing the door behind him, Tony threw off his jacket and started to roll up his sleeves. Willa stared at him waiting for him to speak. She was going to listen to him and then leave as soon as she could. She’d call Becca and David to come pick her up and drive her to get her car.

“Tony, look I know this is a shock and you’re upset, but acting like this isn’t the way. I am not going to stay with a cheater. You don’t get to play the victim. You don’t get to lie you way out of this. I am 1000% done with you and us.” Willa said as she crossed her arms and leveled a glare at Tony. He just turned away from her and curled his hands into fists.

______________________Trigger Warning_____________________

Willa wasn’t paying attention to him and had just closed her eyes, when the first hit landed on her left cheek. The second hit landed on her ribs knocking the wind out of her and doubling her over. The third and fourth hits were both to her face and after the fourth hit, blood started flowing from her nose. The fifth hit was to her ribs again, knocking her to the ground, where he kicked her hard twice. She was gasping for breath as Tony leaned over and grabbed her hair and dragged her to the living room. He sat on the couch and threw Willa on the floor in front of him.

“Now look what you made me do. You have always been so obedient and I’ve never had to punish you like this before, but you had to go and say horrible things about me. I won’t tolerate that kind of behavior from you again. Is that understood?” Tony said as he took in the bruises blooming around her eyes and nose. He knew if he’d lift her shirt there would be bruises to her ribs as well.

Willa nodded quickly and turned her face away from him. She was in survival mode now. She’d never thought he’d be capable of doing something like this. Never had he given any indication that he would ever physically abuse a woman. She was hoping and praying that he’d just leave her alone now and she could leave. Tony smiled and reach out to caress her hair and face as he gripped her chin and forced her to look into his eyes. “Now why don’t I go run a bath for you and then we can spend the rest of the day in bed.”

____________________End Trigger Warning____________________

“Y-Y-Yes. Th-That sounds lovely.” Willa stuttered out as she stared into those cold, brown eyes. All she could see in them was rage and hatred. She smiled through her tears and the pain trying to convey to him her submission. Nodding, Tony stood up and left the room. Willa listen as he walked up the stairs and into the bedroom closing the door behind him. He was confident that she wouldn’t leave now.

Willa struggled to her feet and softly walked to the door. She grabbed her purse from the floor and opened the door. She ran outside and down the street. Lucky for her, she was three blocks from a bus stop. Running there she was just in time to catch it. She paid and sat down. Pulling her phone out she scrolled through her phone looking for a number she had never thought to call again. She wasn’t even sure if it still was his number, but it was worth a shot. She pressed the call button and held the phone to her ear. It rang several times before his voice came through, “Hello?”

“Baz.” Willa said as she broke down sobbing on the bus.

_____________________________________________________

[citylightsrpmemes]

A Constant State of Ohio (2017) - Lincoln Lyrics Meme

[ feel free to adjust as you need to and make sure to specify on multis :) ]

Downhill

“I hope you’re okay”

“And I laughed about it all night.”

“Hey man, isn’t it poetic that the sky is what we leave behind?”

“But I hope that you know it’s the truth.”

“Some nights, I still try to find you relative to constellations.”

“I got bored of the world before I hit the ground.”

“You’d probably think I’m an evil, broken person.”

“And you would be right.”

Saint Bernard

“Tell me where I came from, what I will always be.”

“Make me love myself so that I might love you.”

“Neither of us will be missed.”

“Remind me that I am a fool.”

“And until the end, that’s how it’ll be.”

“When I am dead, I won’t join their ranks.”

“Don’t make a liar.”

Smokey Eyes

“For now you’re here with me.”

“That’s your name, isn’t it?”

“Most other people are dead ends.”

“Are you wild now or just a memory?”

“And the worst thing about me is that I’m somewhere in between.”

“You’ve had enough to drink.”

“I hope someday you learn to take your own advice.”

Banks

“Forty miles from Chicago.”

“It’s the same as it’s always been.”

“I can fuck up almost anything.”

“I don’t think that I would exactly call it love.”

“Because that would feel normal, and none of this does.”

“I wanna see you be brave.”

“And I’m just not what you want.”

“You keep doing what you can, we’ll keep doing what we must.”

“You won’t find objective truth in a final rhyming couplet.”

How I Survived Bobby Mackey’s Personal Hell

“It’s that I think too much about shit that doesn’t matter.”

“I left some holes in your clothes.”

“But one thing’s for sure: I needed you most.”

“Nothing says I hate you now like getting sweat stains on a knife.”

“I’m running out of time.”

“I’m not good at very much.”

[hillbillied]

@runnerchuckler made the mistake of tagging the Wing AU art ‘say more’ so (let’s be real I did a wing AU for BoB 3 years ago, this was inevitable.)

“There are no angels in the Marines.” is the accepted slogan until 1942.

Codification wise, it’s not a universe with literal angels (though that doesn’t stop people dicking about with that interpretation) but there are people born with wings. Seemingly at random, too. Universal traits are that wings sprout at about aged ten and the US has at least thirteen states where it is mandatory that said wings are clipped upon reveal. To prevent flight, which is justified by the fact that winged persons have excessive physical strength and durability. (Shorter lifespans, though.) Can’t have all those advantages and fly.

(Hiding wings is an option because they can retract; it’s just painful to keep them retracted. There’s also tell-tale scar-like lumps on the shoulder blades where they’re hidden so it’s not a full proof strategy.)

Sledge has wings but he’s got the money to live comfortably and stay semi-hidden. (His are red hued, elliptical ones that shine orange in the sunlight.) He can’t join the Marines because if you enlist anywhere in 1939, congratulations! You’re in an airborne unit! He’s devastated, unable to follow after Sid.

“There are no angels in the Marines” becomes a complete joke after Guadalcanal. Basilone saves the lives of his squad by unfurling his wings, feathers black as coal and barely visible in the dark night. They say they’re going to give him a medal, which is absolutely not allowed. It brings into question whether these kinds of people are needed in the pacific theatre. Because airborne units are already filled twice over, there’s more and more angels signing up. Suddenly there’s “some” angels in the marines, half of them still incognito.

Leckie has had two angels in his squad since the beginning, who managed to skirt under the radar. Runner, who has dark brown wings and claims he’s the fastest flyer in Ohio, and Hoosier, with his long, sand-coloured ones. The latter is really unphilosophical about it and hates Leckie’s constant psudo-religious discussions on the topic. The wings come out during a shelling on the ‘Canal and it’s Sid who picks up the pieces. He’s known Eugene his whole life so he sits Leckie and Chuckler down and says ‘You might think I’m some southern idiot but you need to listen.’

By the time Eugene lands on Pavuvu, angels are allowed in the Marines and will not be penalized for revealing themselves, but there’s nothing saying your new squad mates can’t be a dick about it. It’s okay because he’s got Bill fucking Leyden, the angriest little winged man he’s ever seen. (And Oswald, of course, who’s dad had wings, flew him over the grand canyon, in fact.) They get varied reactions. Jay doesn’t want to know. Burgie is harsh but fair. (“Do your jobs, we’ll have no problems.”) And Snafu is absolutely losing his mind over it. Drawling on about how they all gonna be targets now with these big ol’ red wings attracting fire, how he guesses he don’t have to carry the mortar no more because this big strong angel can do it for him. Sledge isn’t sure if it’s malicious or not. (Merriell’s reasoning might be related to the stitches on his shoulder blades.)

Their Captain doesn’t appear to have wings but there are rumours circulating. There is a genuine belief that Andy is an angel, because of his poise and strength. (There’s a continued association with the divine in Christians, varying wildly from esteeming winged people to outright hating them.) Andy never denies these rumours. He’s a progressive. He believes ‘angels’ are just men with added feathers.

And then there’s Eddie. Now, Eddie’s an officer. He received a battlefield commission. There’s a lot of assumptions as to why he’s so distant from his company, from other officers. (Former enlisted man, literally nicknamed “hillbilly”, just shy maybe.) Unrelatedly, Angels can’t be officers. That is universally banned across all theatres of war. It disrupts command.

You can imagine the absolute chaos that erupts when First Lieutenant Jones takes a bullet on Bloody Nose Ridge. How he falls from the stretcher carrying him, how its bearers are forced to dive behind cover. How he should die, like a normal man would, right there. Instead, he stands. Gets up on his knees, then his feet. Faces oncoming fire with his torn uniform and no helmet.

Andy watches from the ridgeline as brown wings unfurl across the battlefield. They’re huge, dirty, bloody, and frayed. For a moment, he’s speechless. (A moment later, he feels betrayed. Eddie never told him and he, politely, never asked. He knows it’s obvious why but he feels terribly hurt regardless.)

So, there are angels in the marines. There always has been.

[gray-is-neutral]

Supernatural

a fan fiction pt. 5

Dean’s POV.

Jordan and I are secretly drinking buddies. Before Cas came home, I just wanted to escape. I went to a bar to find her at the counter, getting a drink. It wasn’t very strong, but still it was a surprise to see her there.

Turns out she had her own sorrows to drown. She didn’t go into detail, but she didn’t mind getting me drunk for me to talk to her. I had ended up passing out drunk and waking up in her living room. I remembered spilling my guts to almost a complete stranger. It was such an embarrassing and weird experience that I didn’t think to ask why she was here at all. She worked in a different state a week before.

“Look, I know this looks bad,” said Jordan. “But I promise, I never mentioned it because I don’t really hunt anymore,” she said. “Why did you stop?” Sam asked. “I was never all that into it to begin with. That was more of my sisters’ thing,” she said. “Sisters?” I asked.

She glared at me. “Yes, we were the Charlie’s Angels of monster hunting,” she said. “What about angels?” Cas said. “My sisters think a- friend for mine is possessed by an angel,” she said. “I low key thought that they were fucking with me,” she said. “God, this is making my head hurt,” she said.

“Well Kelly Garrett,” I said. “How about I take you home?” I said. “You don’t have to-“ she said. “It’s no problem,” I said. “I’ll clear some more things up on the way,” I said. That was our code. It meant, I want to talk to you. She smiled. “Alright,” she said. She had this pleasantness about her. It was weird. Hell, she’s weird, but for some reason, I trust her.

“It sucks I had to meet you in such a fucked way,” she said to Cas. “Let’s hope we meet again under pleasant and not terrifying situations.” Cas looked confused at her. “See you later Sammy boy, C’mon Deany-baby, I’m tired and I need to talk to my sisters,” she said, walking towards the front door.

How did she know where it was? I pushed that thought from my mind as we went from ear shot and she said, “Clear things up for me.”

I explained to her that Cas was an angel. “Your dead crush was an angel?” she said. “He was dead, but we brought him back,” he said. “What in the actual hell?” “How we did that is too long and it isn’t important,” I said.

“Then what is?” Jordan asked. “First that you never lie to me again,” I said. “That seriously pissed me off,” he said. “Noted, continue,” she said. “And I think that there’s more to your story than you’re letting on,” I said.

Jordan is a weird person, but I’m still weirdly comfortable around her. I trust her. Maybe it’s because she’s kind of like me? “Misery loves company,” she had said one time. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything truer.

“So your sisters, are they-?” “One is a lesbian the other one is off limits. Quit trying to cover your homosexual love by hitting on my sisters. You’ve never even seen them before,” she said looking at me annoyed.

“Are you free tomorrow night?” I asked her. “I’m free now,” she said, thinking what I was thinking as we passed a liquor store.

The next thing I knew, I was drinking on her couch as she played a Bon Jovi song over the radio. “I love this song!” I said. “Hell yeah!” she yelled, taking a swig from a bottle that I couldn’t recognize. She threw a bottle of water at me.

I laughed. “You-you’ve gotta stay hydrated,” she said, drinking some water herself. “Are you sure you wanna do this? I can drink and cry without peeps here. Shouldn’t you be with the guy you raised from the dead?” she said. She was drunk, and so was I. I doubted either of us would remember this in the morning.

“I can’t,” I said. “I can’t face the guilt,” I said as she plopped next to me. “You have to-deal with the guilt before healing can happen,” she said, taking another swig from the bottle. Yes, I get my advice from an alcoholic with a doctor’s degree. Where does she get her advice from? No idea. I think she uses me to ignore her own problems, but when your drunk as Hell and in a safe environment, you tend to not care.

She made shots and said, “Let’s play a game.” “This shit is toxic, but look, it’s all bottled up! No big deal, right?” she said. “Right!” I said. “Wrong!” “You gotta take your toxic shit head on! I want you to name a toxic feeling or traight that is causing you emotions, then put that on the shot. Thus symbolically dealing with it, understand?” she said. I nodded, but to be completely honest, I don’t remember what happened after that.

...

We woke up in my room in the bunker. Apparently I wasn’t as drunk as I had thought. I was in a cold sweat. My heart was pounding. “Dean,” Cas said from the chair in front of my bed. “Cas,” I said, not startled. It was comforting for him to be here.

“You were having a nightmare,” he said quietly. “What time is it?” I asked. “Four in the morning,” he said. He sounded sad, and tired. “Dean?” he said. “Yes?” “Why haven’t you told me to get out?” he asked. “Cas, why would I tell you to get out?” I asked.

“It’s four in the morning. You have been drinking,” he said. I chuckled. “Are you still drunk?” he asked. “No,” I said. He looked at me. “Maybe a little buzzed, but not drunk,” I said. “How did I get home?” I asked. “She brought you home,” he said. “She and Sam are talking in the library,” Cas said. “How she was drunker than I was,” I said. “She said this detox helps,” he said, pointing to the large cup of green stuff on the table.

“That was, nice, what you did for her,” Cas said. “What?” I said. “She told us that she was panicking so you took her to get a drink. That you stayed with her because she was drunk and worried about her friend,” he said, convinced. “That was kind of you,” he said.

She lied let me save face. That story made her sound like a damsel in distress. “But could you call next time?” he asked. He was mad at me. I left him because I was feeling bad. Now I feel worse.

“Drink your un-drunkening liquids and go back to sleep,” Cas said. “Will you be here when I wake up?” I asked. If asked about it later, I could chalk it up to being drunk. “If you want me to,” he said. My face was warm. “Remember Dean, emotions make us human and trying to control them does more bad than good,” I remembered Jordan saying.

“Yes,” I half said, half breathed. “Then I will,” he said. He sat in his chair, but I patted the bed. For a moment I thought he had left. But then I felt pressure at the end of the bed. “This isn’t your normal behavior Dean,” he said. I pretended to be a sleep.

I wanted him to lay with me. I wanted to whisper that I loved him in his ear as he snuggled closer, but this was good for now. Maybe forever. I closed my eyes and slept until about 8:46am.

Cas was gone, but he wasn’t gone for long because the bed was warm where he had been. I got up and read a text from Jordan. “If they ask I was a crybaby last night and hella drunk. You were the kind soul who helped me. K?” I smiled. She was crazy. Stupid, but probably one of my best friends.

I walked out of my room into the kitchen. Sam quickly took out his phone and took a quick picture. “What the hell Sam?” I said. “Dean I think your pants shrunk in the wash?” said Jack. I looked down and to my horror, I was wearing a pear of black leggings that were a few sizes too small.

“So did you two swap manly stories or braid each other’s hair?” Sam asked, having a hell of a kick out of this. “I never thought my brother would be on the walk of shame,” Sam continued. “Any news on the angels that escaped the Empty?” I asked. “Jack said the ones that are a threat are handled. Those who aren’t are having a happy reunion,” said Cas.

He looked me up and down. He actually laughed. “Dean please put on your own clothes,” said Sam. “Those leggings are only so strong,” he said. “Shut up,” I said. This is embarrassing. I don’t even know how I ended up in her leggings. What happened to my clothes?

“Do you think she’ll want them back?” Sam asked. “I don’t know, they might be a little stretched out,” said Cas. They were just messing around, but this was not the best place to be in. “Back to the things that escaped the Empty,” I said. “No big bad escaped?” I asked. “Nothing we can’t or haven’t handled before,” said Sam.

I nodded, and I bent over to pick up one of my shirts when the leggings ripped. Sam started laughing his ass off, and soon, so was Cas. I didn’t find it very funny, so I left the room with my dignity in shambles in search of pants. “You might want to tell her she won’t be getting her clothes back!” called Sam. “Fuck off!” I yelled at him.

It was bad enough that Cas came to my room last night and I had asked him to stay. Now I’m in ripped leggings and I’m too embarrassed to come up with a joke or come back. Dad would roll in his grave if he knew I ended up like this. What would he do if he knew I was in love with another man?

I tried not to think about it. I try not think about Dad when I thought of the impala. I try not to think about him when I thought about Mom, or Bobby, or Sam. I don’t like to think about him. I don’t have to think about him either. I don’t have to think about the first and last time I kissed a boy. I don’t have to think about the conversation, the trouble I was in. I’m a grown man now, and Dad is dead. I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I know this is true, so why do I always feel this constant dread?

I got some real clothes on, and I walked into the kitchen. “Hey do you want to go on a hunt?” Sam asked. “A hunt? Like now?” I said. “I thought it might be good,” said Cas. “Just a small, easy hunt,” said Sam. I thought about it and said, “Where?” I asked. “Ohio,” said Sam. “People are dying from suffocation,” he said. “What makes that us?” I asked. “They’re suffocating from flowers in their lungs,” Sam said.

“We think that it’s a curse,” said Cas. “Seems worth checking out,” I said. “To Ohio boys!” I said. “Don’t forget to pack your tights!” Sam said running off to get his stuff together. I hoped I wasn’t as red as I felt and went to get my things.

[spnreactionblogging]

CARRY ON

spoilers below but I’m very late to the game

here we go!!! there's Some Woman in the thumbnail for this episode and I'm like oh boy did you fuckers turn castiel into a girl to make it Not Gay, I will riot. we're off to a dread-inducing start I'm honestly not even sure I want to watch this? I have not heard anything good but since my options are either keep SPN blacklisted forever but ultimately get spoiled anyway, or use my dwindling remaining time to see it for myself without being told what happens, may as well be on my own terms I am hearing that misha and possibly j2 were not happy with this, whatever this is (?????) yikes I don't understand how you even have another episode after the last one. that seems like a traditional ending. you either beat a dead horse or go ultra meta and it sounds like they dropped the ball, big time but let's see jack's sweet and deserved better. there's a clock but it's NOT heat of the moment playing, damn oh the dog. we love you miracle dog sam's still jogging where's eileen!!!! I like seeing sam cooking I actually enjoy watching them do domestic stuff dean sneaking food to the dog 😭 can this be the whole episode, just them doing chores I meant to catch which book sam was reading I can't tell but it looks like it's old this is extra bonus sad for knowing that they couldn't even like, have a wrap party or anything. extra isolated. :( SPECIAL GUEST STAR JIM BEAVER!!! "Are you sure you're ready for this?" "Oh, I don't have a choice." dean hasn't been this relatable to me in years, this is how I feel watching this lmao akron pie fest dean dies of complications from diabetes god I miss bakeries or restaurants or anything I do love Sad Sam Face "I"'m thinking about Cas, you know? Jack. If they could be here." thank you Sam that pain isn't going away for me either "stop being an eeyore" Sam's the Eeyore of the series, Dean, okay, and same lmao jared fucking slammed that pie into jensen's face and they just filmed it. you can see the actual glee on his face brady??? like sam's old classmate? wasn't that his name? or no some kid. is this just a regular-ass monster of the week. do sam and dean just get killed by like. regular people? are there no monsters anymore. I would actually love that. humanity is truly the worst monster of all. didn't we learn that in season 1 :') in "the benders" are these guys sam and dean? are they just murdering monster families like they did in the holiday episode? what is happening. are those dean's shoes. I could probably recognize how they walk if I really paid attention i guess not. probably. "singer and kripke, FBI" ha fucking clowns lmao poor sam they still have dad's journal, huh. THE LORE evil mimes. vamp-mimes. I guess they kill these dudes? we gonna unmask them or what there we go this guy looks like joseph gordon-levitt oh we love torture on this show this is definitely "dean who's NOT the ultimate killer" amirite "if those kids are dead he's gonna use a spoon" how very walter sullivan of you also I feel like sam would not do this anymore but hey who am I, someone who likes consistent characterization? lol we're back to creepy barns instead of wet pipe factories dean has a fucking shuriken lmao I honestly for real need a machete for the overgrown weeds I don't hate this so far? I'm tired of the constant torture but I guess this feels like early seasons, kind of. idk. lmao sam with the concussions. classic tie them to a chair. it's what we do. i will be disappointed if they are not tied to a chair jenny? cue studio killers. I do not remember whatever episiode this is but it looks very early based on sam's hair oh thanks sam. couldn't get out of this episode without beheading a woman too one of the suggestions for me typing "woman" was a high-heeled shoe emoji. thanks, predictive text...?????? true feminist oh damn he could very well get tetanus from that. that's how trinity dies, man. should've gotten your booster shot, dean. vaccines save lives this is like the plot of signs why don't you guys wear bulletproof shit. your plot armor was holding you together until now. GUYS THIS IS HOW HUNTERS GO OKAY don't ever un-impale someone, guys like "dean we are in a major city, there are ambulances" call fucking 911, someone could be there already "I've always looked up to you" because you're taller than me lmaoooo idefk what to say about this like. we all know this is how hunters die. you fucking leered at jessica is what you did, dean if sam makes it out of this I'll accept it. if sam lives I can be okay. if this is the only way sam gets free of this, I'm okay. CALL 911 AND CALL JACK "always keep fighting" aw :( they're both very good at crying, I will give them that we never think it's gonna be the day. at least you got pie. OH THE WINCHESTER FAMILY MUSIC don't do this to me dean got a way better death than castiel. this actually reminds me a liiiiittle bit of the end of season 2? with how dean holds sam's body. the writing here is overwrought though. jared and jensen do the best they can with the script they're given but like you guys just FOUGHT GOD. they're a bit too up their own ass with this. you can tell that dabb thinks he's very clever. sam... gets a dog again? at least. i guess. the pacing is bad. I don't hate this on principle but it is not executed well. I am having like no emotional response to this except maybe relief for sam in a horrid way. like, you're free! at what cost. it's like the opposite of season 5? sam survives instead of dean. and... sam marries a dog. where do they get all this fucking lumber!!! did sam chop that all himself dude if he woke up to "heat of the moment" i'd lose my shit in the best way. gabriel wins. "gotta keep you on your toes." what had to change in this because of the pandemic? at least sam has a dog to be in scenes with him. the two guns as big and little brothers is an interesting choice of a shot. god the fucking phones. "DHS" "CIA" "dean's 'other other' phone" "state patrol" what's the paperwork on his desk? (512) is an Austin area code I have this on amazon prime and the saddest thing thus far is X-Ray: Jared Padalecki as Sam Winchester, with no other actors at all. meta ways, pandemic related. "this is agent bon jovi" donna's alive??? sam just quit, babe. just quit. or take a day off at least, jesus. didn't you just drive back from ohio are you even gonna go back to the bunker DEAN IN HEAVEN!!! how'd you get here. "well at least I made it to heaven" lmao he said the same thing oh hey bobby!! I love jack god i've missed jim beaver you guys moved on to dream bubbles!!!!! RUFUS how very homestuck + narnia of you, starring sam winchester as susan pevensie so jack just like melded all of these metaphysical spaces, I'm cool with that "so the question is what are you gonna do now, dean?" get a better beer so I can drink and drive with my car that's in heaven, I'm already dead so who cares what I hit TELL ME WHERE IS BALTHAZAR FOR I MUCH DESIRE TO SPEAK WITH HIM break everyone out of the empty I do get the impression this was supposed to be a big cast reunion and the pandemic clobbered that :( oh it's the original license plate on the impala sure do love that cas and jack "helped" to give dean everything he's ever wanted. the only time "carry on my wayward son" has been diegetic I guess sam and the dog had a child I like jared in glasses are we doing a bunch of elderly makeup yeah there he is did they just spray grey temp dye on his hair or what is sam gonna drive into toluca lake!!! buddy please don't just run the engine in a garage, he took off his glasses and that makes me nervous jake gyllenhaal looking dude which cover is this must be nice to have healthcare I so appreciate that sam's wife has zero personality and is merely in the background, of no importance whatsoever compared to his kid named dean are the two impalas gonna meet in heaven????? vancouver is beautiful, or wherever this is at jared looks so cozy in that coat you can tell j2 really do love each other for real the majesty of that forest/that river got me choked up a bit, it's such a lonely thing. like. I can see what they were going for? like dean just... getting sick, falling off a ladder, getting in a car accident, etc etc would've been more potent, I think. the execution was not good. I'm not that unhappy though. it's all right. eh. it's fine. the heartfelt message from the cast (what's left of them....) and the crew was sweet. I want to know what they were intending to do? I feel like you can definitely feel the weight of COVID fucking this up which is genuinely upsetting. sam gets like 50 years of being free of dean I GUESS???? perhaps the only way to break the cycle.

at least there was no sexual assault in this episode. i have definitely watched way worse episodes of this show. it's like. twee. but I can't be mad at these guys especially with how much I know jared in particular has been struggling with the state of the world this year but jensen talked about it with rosenbaum on his show too. 2020 has been rough. like. at least they filmed it. whatever. I feel like I get what they were trying to do even if circumstances meant it wasn't really pulled off. it seems like they were supposed to have a big cast reunion and the pandemic took the wind completely out of their sails. this feels incredibly tacked on. 15x19 would've been a much better place to stop. I feel like I just read andrew dabb's notes. I get what they were trying to go for but they didn't pull it off. I thought it was gonna be a lot worse tbh in summary: EHHHHHHHHH

[bom-bombon]

Texas?

Yeehaw

Name: Sebastian Inglesias

While Texas does have a second last name because he’s Hispanic, he decided to drop it. I know many Hispanic who have either both of their parents’ names and of only their fathers’ last name with the former being more common. Those with one last name has less complications with paperwork, applications, etc., than with those with two last names. Considering all this, I think that Texas would drop the second last name to make his life more easier.

Age: 27-29

Gender: Cis male

Ethnicity/Race: Hispanic (Mestizo)

Siblings: Coahuila (perhaps Chihuahua and Nuevo Leon too but it’s still a wip)

Height: 5′11 (180.34 cm)

He’s sad that he’s not 6′0. He may be taller than some of his fellow Mexican brethren, but he gets reminded that he’s not the tallest in the Union, or at the very least, he’s not 6′0. This annoys him to no end.

Relations:

-Arizona: They’re buddies. They both share a love for guns, have similar conservative ideologies, and they love a/c. No matter how much New Mexico tries to discourage Arizona from talking to him, Arizona just doesn’t care. He thinks that Texas is cool (which fuels his already big ego)

-Arkansas: They get along. That’s it. I suppose that sometimes he does call her Ar-kansas and she don’t talk to him for a whole day after that, but they’re cool nonetheless.

-California: They don’t like each other. He finds her annoying and thinks she’s an idiot. When she was first introduced to the states, he thought that they could be together and be some sort of duo. But they thought different things and it upset him. To him, it almost felt like betrayal because he thought he knew her and she supported and admired him. So why doesn’t she support him now? Today, they just bicker and often start arguments. Both of their egos will never let it go and make up.

-Coahuila: It’s complicated. Coahuila was enraged when Texas broke away from her and even more so when the US helped. While I’m not sure their relationship was during this time period, I do know that they didn’t talked for a while. Texas believed he was doing the right thing in following his own dreams. Though that is debatable at best. Nowadays, they get along well and Coahuila sometimes invite him to parties. Sometimes…

-Louisiana: They chill with each other. Louisiana, although criticizes him on some occasions, think he’s a nice guy. He has helped her in the past and she no doubts never forgot about it, so she helps him whenever she can. They’re also dumbasses together so that’s fun too.

-Minnesota: They’re together! Minnie is like 6’2 so she calls Texas cute for being tiny and he loves and hates it!! They are both tough as nails. For example, Minnie surprised him by beating him on a mechanical bull, Virginia complained about how strong Minnesota was during the Civil War, and Montana always remarks about how Minnie was the only other state who can keep up with her in the World Wars. And Texas is Texas. They are both incredibly sweet in relationships. Minnesota is known for being nice and it’s tru. Texas in relationships is sort of like the Latin Lover, excluding the constant need for uhh bedroom stuff. They are both gentle to each other out of respect and always get each other meaningful gifts. Not to mention the daily reminders of “you’re beautiful” or “you’re my sunshine”, they’re too pURE. They both like similar hobbies such as watching and playing football, taking care of animals, and roasting the hell out of people. Texas helps Minnie into confronting problems and people

Minnie: Idk how to tell them

Texas: It’s easy, I’ll show you how

Texas: Hey New York!

New York: I’m not listening…

Texas: New York!

New York: *looks up*

Texas: I like your shirt but I don’t like you!

She teaches him about considering other’s feelings. Sometimes Texas is too caught up about himself to realize how he’s affecting others around him and she knows this. She reminds him that people that not everyone will understand him emotionally and might take offense. Slowly, Texas thinks more often. Minnesota and Texas also love having adventures together. They would go and snowboard (though Texas has fell off a mountain one time). No matter what they’re doing, they always seem to compliment each other and have fun together. 

-Montana: They’re cowboy buddies. I would imagine them talk to each other about animals, particularly horses and cows. Since Montana is also a tough person, she and Texas loves to have small competitions with lifting or who has the most power. He sees her as a buddy and likes to talk to her, which is good because Montana herself has trouble fitting in when all people know about her is just cows and nothingness.

-New Mexico: New Mexico hates him. From what I can remember, Texas tried to claim parts of New Mexico three separate times. The last attempt was the Civil War, and with the attempt to take Santa Fe, New Mexico won’t let it go. Texas doesn’t really care about him nor seem to remember that he even exist. He mostly focuses his rivalry with Oklahoma. Plus, he think New Mexico is a bad driver.

-Oklahoma: They’re rivals. The extent of this rivalry, I’m not too sure and admittedly haven’t delved into much. What I can say is that he always honk his horn at her because she’s a terrible driver. At some point she called him Baja Oklahoma and he cried

-Tennessee: They’re friends. Tennessee is gay for him. So when the Texas Revolution was starting and the US helped out, a good chunk of the people were from Tennessee. So Tennessee helped Texas out wherever he can and that was his first friend from the US. They love to go hunting and talk about guns and stuff. Tennessee really admired him and is glad that he’s consider to be close friends with the big boi of the South. They also play music together and have nice country vibes.

-Wyoming: They’re Yeehaw buddies. They also had a relationship is perhaps early 1900s but I’m not too sure yet.

Things I don’t know how to title but it exists:

-Texas has tattoos of all his state symbols on his arms and back

-They played a “special” game of Truth or Dare. In the end, Texas threw up and vowed to never go to Vegas or hang out with Nevada for 9 months.

-Texas gave some of his friends in the Midwest and South (who aren’t Hispanic mind you) the “spicy” Mexican candies and almost all of them are more cautious about Mexican candies. Plot twist: they’re not spicy at all; they’re just weak

-Yee in the streets, haw in the sheets

-He’s bisexual

Some things about her (development? idk):

Texas has this arrogance that kinda makes it unbearable to work with at times (his closest friends can attest to this). But to be fair, this arrogance would be provoked by someone either messing with his lovely state or someone who’s just curious. Besides that, he is actually pretty charismatic, confident, and charming that attracts people despite his (non intentional) brash behavior. (It’s a joke that he purposefully made Tennessee gay). He’s also intelligent as he’s musically talented, exceeds surprisingly well in mathematics and sciences, and fluent in a couple languages such as English, German, and Vietnamese. He worked hard to be where he is and he can be closed minded in some parts but that’s because he likes to stay relatively the same. He doesn’t like a lot of change; you can say he’s afraid of it and what it might bring because he doesn’t want to lose who he truly is deep down inside. (It’s kinda funny because with this new influx of Californians, he’s stressed and upset at her more than ever).

Some quotes,, things?: 

New York: I’m hot shit and that’s the only thing I’ll take away.

Texas: Didn’t you hear her? I’m also hot shit. And that’s the power of the Texan charm ;) Checkmate, liberals.

New York: Yeah well why don’t you shut up.

Texas: You shut up

–

Northern Mariana Islands: *gives everyone a glass shot of tequila*

Everyone: *downs the shot and put their shot glass on the middle of the table*

Delaware: More please!

Ohio: No more please…

Arkansas: What the fuck was that??

Utah: Ugh, that so strong what the heck-

Texas: Can we do this every night?

–

Priest: You may now read the vows you have prepared.

Texas: I think I misunderstood the assignment.

Minnesota: Just read what you wrote, dear.

Texas: Ok *deep breath* A E I O U

–

Texas, drunk: SI YA SABEN COMO ME PONGO PA QUE ME INVITAN???

–

South Dakota: But it’s couples like you that give hope to the rest of us. Minnesota, you deserve the best, and you found it.

Texas, don’t you dare hurt her.

Everyone: *laughs*

Texas: I won’t.

Michigan: Don’t laugh. She means it.

Texas: Okay, I-I won’t

.Nebraska: Seriously, don’t hurt her.

Texas: Okay, I’m not planning on hurting her.

Indiana: You better not be

Texas: I’m not!

Ohio: Hey, Texas, you best be watching yourself

Texas: Why would any of you think I would hurt Minnesota? Y’all my friends too.

Illinois: Nah

–

1945

Tejas, a los otros estados: Me das una úlcera cada vez que me despierto y tengo que venir ‘pa trabajar para ti, para ti!

–

Texas, grabbing a toy police car: Coahuila! Can you buy me this?

Coahuila: No.

Texas: You never buy me anything!

Coahuila: You’re over 300 years old!

–

Texas: Yee in the streets, haw in the sh-

Oklahoma: No.

–

Texas, drunk: You’re so pretty,, are you seeing anyone?

Minnesota: Yeah, I’m married

Texas, crying: To.. to who?

Minnesota: You, you smol idiot *kisses his forehead*

[rjzimmerman]

Excerpt from this story from The Nature Conservancy:

Nature and I have been constant companions throughout my life.

The year I was born, 1962, America was undergoing great social change. Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring was published, and it became a catalyst for the environmental movement. At the same time, the Civil Rights Movement was making great strides. James Meredith became the first African American student admitted to the then-segregated University of Mississippi.

In many ways, these separate events made it possible for me to become the conservationist I am today and to understand the mental and physical benefits of having a relationship with the natural world.

I grew up in Columbus, Ohio. My parents raised my brother, sister and I well, but had problems with alcohol. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I understood why. There were a number of issues that affected them including systemic racism in America. It made their lives extremely difficult, and alcohol became a coping mechanism. In the end, they did the best they could. When their yelling got loud, nature became a portal out of the chaos of our home. I explored the natural world for hours on end and collected fish and insects.

When I couldn’t escape the house, I’d close my bedroom door, check on my private zoo and play my favorite records—Earth, Wind and Fire, Stevie Wonder, Jean-Luc Ponty, Chick Corea and Weather Report. Nature and music helped me deal with the trauma and anger I was experiencing at the time. Those troubled times shaped me into the person I am today, and I can’t imagine who I’d be without them.

Now I live in Duluth, Minnesota, full of wild spaces where nature and I are still very close. A few years ago, my brother called and told me, “We lost dad today, I’m so sorry.” Within 30 minutes, I was on a ridge top overlooking my neighborhood. It was a cold January afternoon, and the sun laid the long shadows of trees out before me as I walked through the snow-covered forest. With camera in hand, I photographed the landscape, escaping through nature’s portal once again.

Organizations that work on conservation and the environment are too often predominantly White in their leadership, staffing and membership. The Nature Conservancy is no exception. They must realize that African Americans and other People of Color are essential to their present and future success. People of Color will increasingly be the stewards of our lands and waters. They’ll need to have that same sense of ownership of public land that White Americans enjoy today in order to get the job done. The Brookings Institute estimates that by the year 2045 White Americans will comprise less than 50% of the overall population. Even more interesting is the same study suggests Youth of Color will make up the bulk of America’s population growth over the next 42 years. It seems to me there’s an immediate need for a longterm plan to find meaningful ways to engage these fresh minds. It’s got to look like staff hires, policy changes and financial investment in people and programs to bring about this change.

[shinra33459]

Connor RK800 x Suicidal!Reader - Survivor’s Guilt

(A/N) Suicide is not a laughing matter. If you or a loved one suffers from suicidal thoughts or tendencies, do not hesitate to ask for help. Call your local suicide hotline, call the police, or talk to a close friend or family member. Suicide is never the answer, and remember that you aren't alone.

Policing is one of the hardest jobs one can undertake, especially in a large city, such as Detroit. In the span of mere months, your mental state was going down the toilet. Your downward spiral of depression only worsened as the days marched on. This all started seven months ago, when your partner initiated a traffic stop on a vehicle that was speeding. As soon as your partner walked up to the driver-side window, he was dead; a volley of bullets went right into his chest, easily passing through his Kevlar vest, killing him.

You called for backup, reporting an officer down and shots fired, and several other officers showed up to the scene. A simple traffic stop turned into a massive gunfight right in front of your very eyes. Another officer was killed. And another. And another. Until there were the bodies of six total police officers lying dead on the ground. The fight only came to an end when SWAT was able to get a sniper set up, and when the perpetrator’s head was turned into a red mist. It turned out that the perp was a red ice dealer, wanted on a federal warrant for smuggling red ice out of Michigan into Canada, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Minnesota.

Soon, while you slept, you started seeing the faces of the officers who were killed. They were people you considered allies and friends; allies and friends that YOU got killed. These nightmares plagued you, and sleep became something few and far between. Due to constant sleep deprivation, hallucinations became close to commonplace. You tried reaching out to some of your “friends” about this, and they were less than helpful. In fact, the most common responses you got were along the lines of, “Suck it up” or “You knew this sort of thing was bound to happen when you signed up to be a cop”.

At the time, there was only one person who cared about your plight, Hank Anderson. He recently lost his son, Cole, so he knew the horrors your mind will pull on you. He was also your field training officer when you were a rookie on the force a few years ago. Soon thereafter, you also had his android partner, Connor, to talk to as well. Those two were some of the only people who were nice to you, out of the DPD, hell, even the entire city of Detroit for that matter. However, you were separate from them most of the time; you were a patrol officer, while they were detectives, so they were constantly on cases, while you were out on patrol.

Truth be told, you liked Connor; he was a great listener, very helpful, and not that bad looking either. But even with him, you painted a painting of half-truths. You didn’t want to tell him about the incident, or about the horrendous amount of survivor’s guilt, hallucinations, nightmares, and severe depression; you didn’t want him to think about you differently, nor did you want to burden him with your guilt, regrets, and failure.

Soon, suicidal thoughts and tendencies began to spring up. Whenever there was a violent altercation you had to respond to, you actively tried to get yourself killed. Reports of shots fired? You would aimlessly walk around the area, not even with your gun unholstered, hoping to get shot. Armed robbery? You would rush into the situation without thinking, knowing full well that you could die from such a careless decision. Domestic disturbance? You would just waltz into the house, not even trying to get the situation under control, and would sometimes try to instigate one of the parties into violence.

As nothing happened as a result of your careless decisions in the line of duty, you decided that you needed to take matters into your own hands. You stopped showing up to work one day without a phone call, text message, email, nothing. You didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore, so you threw your phone into the Detroit River. Unbeknownst to you, a few days after throwing the phone into the river, Hank and Connor started calling you non-stop trying to figure out why you just stopped showing up to work.

You locked yourself away in your own home, drowning your own problems in hard liquor, like Hank did all too often. You didn’t eat or sleep for three days; you didn’t care anymore; you just wanted the pain to finally stop. Soon, your service pistol sitting on your bedside table started looking more and more tantalizing. You were standing in front of your bathroom mirror, peering at the disheveled mess that stared back at you. Out of all the thoughts racing through your head, there was one phrase that you heard louder than the rest, “end it”.

You walked back to your bedroom and picked the handgun up off the bedside table. You opened the drawer to the bedside table and took out the pistol’s magazine, slid the magazine into the grip, racked back the slide, and released the slide, sending a live round into the chamber. You then sat the gun down on the bed and picked up a legal pad and a pen and began to scribble out your suicide note.

“To whoever finds this, know that I am no more. My name was (F/N) (L/N) and I was an officer for the Detroit Police Department. Please give this letter to my colleagues as I don’t really have any friends or family outside of my profession. You may want to know why I went this route, so let me explain.

I finally did it; I pulled the trigger. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to turn, and almost nobody to go to. I’ve called out into the darkness, trying to get help, hoping that someone would listen, but no one would. The people I failed on that day, their faces haunt me; they haunt my dreams, they manifest in my hallucinations, and I can’t escape them.

Every resting and waking moment are a veritable hell for me. I want the pain to stop, good God, I want it to stop, even if it comes at the cost of extinguishing my own life. If there is some sort of higher power, I hope that it gives me the mercy that I desire: the sweet release of death. It’s all just too much.

There is a message I have for two people in particular, Hank Anderson and his partner Connor. Thank you for everything. Thank you for listening and thank you for caring when everyone else didn’t. I hope you both understand that I can’t go forward anymore; the pain is just too much, and I just feel so lost and broken. Thanks for being my only beacons of light in this endless sea of darkness.”

You got up from your bed and began walking throughout your house, turning off the lights and shutting the blinds. Nothing mattered anymore; there was only pain. You walked back to the bedroom and picked the handgun up off the bed as well as the suicide note. You then walked back out into your living room where empty bottles of whiskey, vodka, rum and other garbage was strewn about. You dropped to your knees at the center of the room, the impact on the laminate floor making you slightly wince. You slid some of the garbage off the coffee table and sat the suicide note down. You then lifted the gun to your right temple and began working up the courage to pull the trigger.

Hank drifted his beaten-up Caprice around a corner as he and Connor were rushing to your house. Not a word was shared between himself and his android partner. They were both worried, but Connor wouldn’t admit it; he didn’t see himself as a deviant YET. The anemic, 170 horsepower, Chevrolet V8 growled as it was pushing 70 MPH. Nearing the end of the cul-de-sac, Hank slammed on the brakes and the 3,604-pound hunk of Detroit steel came skidding to a halt, hopping the curb and eventually stopping in your yard. The driver and passenger side doors flew open and both occupants came barreling out of the vehicle.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I hope we aren’t late.” the grizzled detective muttered as he followed behind his partner who was sprinting toward your front door.

Connor spared no time in kicking the front door open to your abode to stop you from ending your life. The door flung open with the sound of a loud crack and the splintering of wood. Your eyes were struggling to adjust to the sudden brightness, but you knew who was there: Connor. The android’s eyes were able to adjust quickly, and he saw exactly what you were doing. A popup appeared in his vision that read out, “Imminent Suicide”. In a split second, Connor calculated his probability of success: 33%, not very good odds.

Hank looked over Connor’s shoulder to see you, and it tore him apart; he was no stranger to wanting to kill himself, but looking at you, the person who was the friendliest rookie he ever met, now with a gun pressed against her own head, ripped him in half. Even though it hurt him to see you like this, he still had to draw his gun; you were armed and not all there mentally, this could also turn very dangerous for him as well. He did not want this to turn into a suicide by cop situation.

“Hank, stay back, I’ve got this. (Y/N), please put the gun down, you don’t want to do this.” Connor insisted as he slowly stepped toward you, hands outstretched to seem as unintimidating as possible.

“Connor, Hank, please go away, just let me die.” you choked out, almost begging.

PROBABILITY OF SUCCESS vvv: 26%

“I’m not going anywhere. I know that you’re scared, depressed, and thinking that it’s hopeless, but suicide is never the answer.” Connor responded, his calm demeanor starting to fade.

“You don’t know what I’m going through Connor, you never will! You’ll just think that I’m weak, and a failure, just like everyone else!” you spat, insecurity dripping from your words.

PROBABILITY OF SUCCESS vvv: 11%

Connor was thinking that he failed, that you were going to pull the trigger and you were going to be gone forever, but he had one more trick up his sleeve: he already knew about the failed traffic stop, and he could use that to his advantage.

“The traffic stop, your partner’s death, the other officers who died, you aren’t to blame, (Y/N).” Connor spoke softly, but more than loud enough for you to hear.

“How… d-do you know about that?” you squeaked, looking up at Connor in utter bewilderment that he knows.

PROBABILITY OF SUCCESS ^^^: 29%

“How I know is of no importance right now, but that whole thing, you aren’t to blame: nobody could have predicted how that would’ve happened.” Connor explained to you, his words soft like butter.

You remained silent as your mind was rushing still trying to justify your self-hatred. Was this really what you wanted? Could suicide not be the answer for the problem?

PROBABILITY OF SUCCESS ^^^: 54%

“Your partner, the other officers, that’s not your fault. You couldn’t have prevented that red ice dealer from opening fire, nor could you have prevented those other officers from dying. Tell me, (Y/N), what would your partner want you to do?” Connor queried as he stepped closer to you, now within arm’s reach.

“He-he’d want me to be strong.” you whispered but were loud enough for Connor to hear. Your grip on the handgun was starting to waver.

PROBABILITY OF SUCCESS ^^^: 81%

“That’s right, he would. You’re not weak (Y/N), but you are sick. We can help you get better, you just have to put the gun down, and we can pull you out of the darkness.” Connor was now kneeling right in front of you, looking into your eyes and his hands were on your shoulders.

You dropped the handgun and let it fall, a loud thud resonated as the polymer and steel weapon connected with the floor. Connor pulled you into a protective embrace, comforting you as you devolved into sobbing. A sense of relief swept over the RK800 as you were no longer trying to end your own life.

PROBABILITY OF SUCCESS ^^^: 100%

MISSION SUCCESSFUL

Connor sat there with you in his arms as he whispered pretty little nothings into your ear, trying to calm you down. Hank excused himself to go outside, away from you and his partner, because if he stayed in that living room any longer, he would start crying as well. As Connor held you, he looked inwards, at his own feelings, they were almost undeniable now; he was becoming a deviant.

TIME SKIP: 20 MINUTES LATER

Connor called an ambulance to take you to the hospital. He couldn’t help you all by himself, but the hospital could; they could set you on the path to getting help. The ambulance arrived and the paramedics evaluated you for any signs of immediate harm. Not seeing any, they put you on a stretcher and put you in the back of the ambulance. Connor decided to ride in the ambulance with you, while Hank followed behind in his Caprice. As you were lying in the ambulance, you wondered why Connor decided to save you. Weren’t androids supposed to be unfeeling?

“Connor, I have a question for you. Why did you save me?” you inquired of the RK800. Connor’s LED turned from its usual blue to a golden yellow as he processed what to say.

“You are an invaluable asset to the Detroit Police Department, Officer (L/N). I could not allow you to harm yourself.” Connor responded politely. You smelled bullshit; that wasn’t the case at all.

“Connor, no disrespect, but you and I both know that’s complete and utter bullshit. There are a few thousand other officers in the DPD. If I’m gone, it won’t affect the department the slightest in the long run. So, tell me, why did you REALLY save me. The truth this time.” you stated to the android looking him dead in the eyes.

“Out of the entire department, you treat me differently. Instead of treating me negatively because I am an android, you treat me as an equal, a friend even. You care about me, and you would be devastated if I were destroyed. I guess that you could say that I would feel the exact same way if you died. I value your life, and if you were gone, I don’t know what I would do.” Connor explained, truthfully this time.

“Thanks, Connor, that really means something coming from you.” you stated to the android, you were going to say more, but you were interrupted by the ambulance coming to a complete stop outside of the hospital. The double doors on the back opened and you were pulled out of the ambulance. The details for another deviant incident displayed in Connor’s vision, meaning that he had to leave, even though he didn’t want to.

“I have a case that I have to go to, but don’t worry, I’ll be back. I promise.” Connor told you with a tone of care in his voice. You nodded in response, and Connor waved goodbye to you before you saw him get into Hank’s car and leave. You hoped that he would become a deviant, because he, and the rest of his people, deserve freedom.

THE AFTERMATH

You didn’t hear anything from Hank and Connor for a while and started to wonder if they got into trouble. You were already discharged from hospital and you were on a steady dose of anti-depressants, as well as going to a psychiatrist to air your problems. You were officially diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and clinical depression. For the time being, until your shrink told Fowler that you were clear to resume active duty, you were put on paid, administrative leave.

You were watching on the news that the androids had peacefully achieved their freedom and the President ordered the US Army to stand down. The president also gave her public announcement to the country regarding the situation. Just as she said that Detroit was being evacuated, you got a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” you asked, wondering who the hell was knocking on your door this late.

“I’m Sergeant Kowalski with the US Army. There is an evacuation order underway, we need you to leave-“ the soldier responded before being interrupted by you.

“I don’t care who your orders are from or any of that bullshit, but I'm not leaving my home. You want me to leave, get an eviction order from the Wayne County Circuit Court. Leave me alone.” you told the soldier in a curt manner that was really just you telling him to ‘fuck off’ without using the terse term.

“Understood, ma’am. Have a good night.” the soldier responded kindly, but he honestly thought you were an idiot for staying in a city that has effectively been taken over by androids.

You got up from your couch and went over to your fridge and got a can of beer before sitting back down and continuing to watch the news reporting on what was happening. You opened the can and took a sip; you were accustomed to the bitter taste. You took another sip every couple minutes as you watched the news. You heard another knock on the door, and you thought that the soldier didn’t get the hint.

“Listen here ‘Captain America’, I told you to fuck off already; I’m NOT leaving my home.” you curtly responded, this time telling the person to fuck off.

“It’s Connor.” you heard the android respond, sounding slightly amused.

“SHIT! Sorry, Connor, thought you were someone else.” you replied, sounding embarrassed that you told your friend to ‘fuck off’.

You sat your beer down on the coffee table, got up and went to the door to greet your guest. When you unlocked the door and opened it, you were greeted by the sight of your close friend and savior. Upon seeing that you were well, Connor let a soft smile creep onto his perfect features. He pulled you into a warm embrace which you happily returned.

“(Y/N), I need to tell you something. It isn’t anything bad, but it’s something that I should have told you a while ago.” Connor softly spoke, the smile still on his face.

“You can tell me anything, Connor.” you kindly responded to the RK800, wondering what he was going to say. You saw Connor’s demeanor shift to more of a nervous one.

“When I saw you try to end your own life, I felt something deep inside of me. I pushed it down at the time, because I didn’t want to be a deviant at that time. What I felt was sorrow, (Y/N). I couldn’t live with myself if I let you get hurt. When we were in that ambulance, I wanted to tell you this, but now is as good of a time as any. I love you, (Y/N).” Connor confessed. He was still nervously fidgeting as he was worried that you would reject him.

Those worries left his mind when you leapt forward and planted a kiss on his lips. The android was shocked for a fraction of a second before he began returning the gesture. His arms snaked around the small of your back to give him some grip. He could stay like this forever, but he knew that you couldn’t, and he should probably let you get some air. He pulled away to let you breathe, and as he did so, he lovingly gazed down at you.

“I love you too Connor.” you stated as you returned the android’s gaze.

You were happy; Connor was a deviant and exploring his humanity, and what is a more human emotion than love? You stayed in Connor’s warm embrace and rested your forehead against his. You were content to stay here with your savior, your guardian angel, but most importantly, your lover.

“I know that you would like to stay like this, but you need sleep; it’s well past 1 ‘o clock in the morning.” Connor advised you, reminding you about your sleep schedule.

“I’ll go to sleep Connor, if you’ll stay here with me.” you negotiated with the android. Connor placed a chaste kiss on your forehead before humming appreciatively.

“Okay, I’ll stay (Y/N). I wouldn’t dream of leaving.” Connor lovingly stated as you walked him into your home.

Before going to bed, he helped you clean a bit by dumping the half-empty beer down the drain and throwing the can in the trash. You brushed your teeth and put on a more comfortable set of clothes before lying down on the bed with Connor beside you, holding you in a warm and loving embrace. No words were exchanged as they were not needed. Within a mere twenty minutes, you were fast asleep with your guardian angel right there next to you.

[brittle-bone-gabe]

The Forgotten: Chapter Ten - The Old Times

Chapter One , Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight, Chapter Nine, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter Thirteen, Chapter Fourteen, Chapter Fifteen, Chapter Sixteen, Chapter Seventeen, Chapter Eighteen, Chapter Nineteen, Chapter Twenty, Epilogue

Summary: Barry Berkman couldn’t remember much of his childhood; he knew he used to live in Derry, Maine, but that was about it, besides being taken by his “Uncle Fuches” at age 16 to move to Cleveland, Ohio. Eddie Kaspbrak moved from Derry, Maine to LA, becoming a police officer, surprisingly enough. Normally things were quiet for the most part, besides the occasional drug busts, but it’s when someone named Barry Block enters his line of sight as a possible suspect for the recent string of murders he has to push the feeling of remembrance to investigate.     Pairing: Adult Reddie  (Richie x Eddie) Or, technically, Barry x Eddie Read on AO3: Here

Back at his and Fuches’ hotel room, Richie was sitting on his fold out bed, drinking heavily with the goal in mind is to get drunk so he could forget about this whole fucking day. It was goddamn awful… First, he accidentally spills his entire life and basically all the crimes he’s ever done, and second, he wanted to change his name. Yeah, that second point shouldn’t have been something Richie would regret, but it only seemed like there was one person in his corner and that was Mr. Cousineau. Richie honestly couldn’t tell if Eddie was supporting him or just trying to pile up enough evidence to get him arrested, but at this point whatever happened to Richie happened. He wasn't going to fight anymore, he was too tired and depressed to do so. Besides, it wasn’t like Fuches was going to help him, not like he could help anyways…

Richie had his head bowed, his head pounding as he was holding a vodka bottle in his hands that he didn’t even notice Fuches had walked up to him, looking extremely disappointed. Well, what else was new? The real question should be who wasn’t disappointed in him?

“What the fuck are you doing, Barry?” Fuches demanded, tapping his foot on the carpeted floor.

“‘y name’s Richie now,” Richie slurred, raising his head so he could look at him, chugging the bottle again.

“No the fuck it isn’t!” Fuches snapped, snatching the patched up glasses with tape on the bridge from Richie’s face.

“Give those back!” Richie whined, making no attempt to reach for the glasses, knowing he was getting too tipsy, so if he did he would end up falling off the bed.

“Not until you drop this Richie business!”

Richie was silent for a moment, rocking back and forth slightly as he stared at the bottle in his hand trying to think of what he wanted to say to him. There was so much he wanted to say in general, but he had nobody to talk to about anything. Sometimes he wished he could go to therapy, but Richie was sure that any therapist had to report anything he told them to the police or something. He was trapped in his own mind with no way to escape.

“Fuches… why did you make me change my name?” Richie asked, looking up at the older man with a sad look in his eyes.

At first, it seemed as though Fuches was going to spill another lie, but it took an entirely different turn of direction. He let out a sigh, taking a seat next to Richie, holding the glasses out to him.

“Because,” he started, “you were going to have a different life after I took you from Maine, right?” Richie blinked, not understanding what he was getting at, but still nodded in response. “A different life means a different name, right?”

“I guess…”

“And now that you’re in this life your name’s Barry now, right?” Richie didn’t say anything, he just stared straight ahead past Fuches like he wasn’t paying attention. Great, he was manipulating him again… not like that wasn’t new, Fuches has been manipulating him since they left Maine. “ Right, Barry?” Fuches said through his teeth, as if he was getting irritated with him.

“‘m still going by Richie…”

Fuches shook his head, rolling his eyes. “You gotta see Hank tomorrow, Barry. He’s getting impatient that Bell isn’t dead yet.”

“...Who?”

Fuches groaned, standing up from the bed, confusing Richie about what he did wrong this time. Well, he was just fucking everything up today, wasn’t he?

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” was all Fuches said as he grabbed his jacket from the hook next to the door.

“Where are you going?”

“ Out.”

Richie opened his mouth for him to elaborate, but Fuches was already on his way out, slamming the door behind him. He let out a deep sigh, suddenly feeling more depressed than he’s ever had before. Nothing was going right, his whole identity was being pulled into two different directions; Fuches and Sally were basically telling him that he was Barry and nobody else, while Mr. Cousineau and Eddie were encouraging him to be whoever Richie Tozier was. He smacked himself as hard as he could in the face for no reason other than he was drunk and frustrated. He slammed the bottle of vodka on the end table before grabbing a pillow to muffle his frustrated screams as that was the only way he could think of to release some of his anger.

He clutched the pillow tight, holding it against himself as he began to cry silently. Every wrong thing that Richie’s ever done was flooding back to him all at once and it drove him mad. The night he had to kill Chris so he wouldn’t go to the police, the person who he had considered to be his best friend; the night he practically lured Janice over to the tree where he had his gun hidden in case he needed to use it and proceeded to kill her and hid her car and body so he wouldn’t get arrested, ultimately destroying Mr. Cousineau’s life. Hell, even all the fights that Richie and Sally had came back to him and made him realize that he couldn’t even hold a relationship or connect with anyone at all, and there was nowhere he felt he could run to.

As a last resort in his drunken state of mind, Richie wiped the tears from his eyes before reaching over the side of his bed. From underneath the thin, flimsy mattress he pulled out an extra pistol he kept there for emergencies. Richie tucked his legs to his chest, rocking back and forth with the gun still clutched tightly in his hand. He felt lost, scared, alone, and extremely hopeless.

Richie didn’t want to do this anymore.

It was a struggle since he was so drunk, but Richie managed to stand up from the fold out of bed, swaying slightly as he did. He grabbed the bottle that was still on the nightstand, taking a swing of it when he noticed the piece of paper that had been sitting underneath it. Richie tilted his head to the side, replacing the bottle with the paper that had Eddie’s personal number written neatly over it in pen. Would it be worth it to even call Eddie? Would he even answer? Letting out a sigh, Richie took out his phone from his back pocket, drunkenly dialing the number as he stumbled his way over to the bathroom, as he suddenly felt anxious and needed to puke.

Richie dropped to his knees in front of the toilet, puking up his guts from the anxiety and all the alcohol he consumed. If he didn’t feel awful before he did now, his stomach and throat burning. He felt like he was going to suffocate from lack of oxygen, not being able to even suck in a little bit of air from the constant puking he was doing.

Once he was able to regain a bit of control, he wiped the tears from his eyes, hearing someone on the phone that was sitting next to him on the floor. That’s when he remembered that he had called Eddie for… for some reason that he couldn’t remember.

“Richie? Richie, are you okay?” Richie heard Eddie ask him as he pressed the phone to his ear, rubbing the back of his hand over his mouth.

“‘m so ready to kill myself,” Richie slurred into the phone, leaning against the tub that was next to him, still on the floor. Tears were still burning in his eyes, it had been a long time since he actually let out a real, breakdown cry, and Richie felt like it was something he needed, minus the breakdown part.

Eddie was honestly taken aback, he wasn’t expecting Richie to say something like that. That just… wasn’t something his Richie would ever say… Even though he had told Eddie so much of what happened from the time he left Derry to now, Eddie felt like he would not be able to truly understand what he’s been through to make him feel like this.

“What’s wrong, Richie?”

Richie couldn’t help it as he started to breathe heavily, feeling like he was going into a panic attack. He looked at the gun in his hand, squeezing it tightly.

“What’d you call me?”

“Richie. That’s what you wanted me to call you, right? I can call you Bar-”

“No! No, no, no… Don’t call me that… I’m Richie.”

“Yeah… you’re Richie.”

Eddie was trying to be as careful as possible with what words he chose, maybe it was all his time at work with the training he had for situations like this, or maybe since he knew Richie and knew he wouldn’t say anything like that without a reason that raised some flags. It was extremely obvious that he was distressed, clearly drunk from the way he was slurring his words. Hearing him throw up as soon as Eddie picked up had made him cringed.

“Hey, Richie? Do you have… anything that could hurt you?” As much as Eddie hated asking that question to anyone, it felt awkward and pushy, but if Richie did have something that could possibly be a harm to him then Eddie needed to know.

Being as drunk as he was, Richie couldn’t even phantom the idea of lying to Eddie. He was that type of drunk who spilled everything even when he wasn’t prompted, that being the reason he didn’t get too hammered while out in public, especially when out drinking with those from his acting class. Sure, they may take whatever he may have spilled out as him practicing monologue or a script or something, but there was no way Richie was risking it. “I have a gun,” he admitted, pressing the side of the weapon to his forehead, feeling the cool steel against his skin. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, rocking back and forth slightly enough for his back to bang into the tub wall.

He was conflicted, as much as Richie wanted to end his own life, he felt like talking to Eddie was helping him greatly. Like having that comfort that somebody was willing to be there for him was enough to make him rethink all of this…

“ Okay… is it-” Before Eddie could even get his question out, Richie cocked the gun he was holding, hearing it made Eddie panic, his heart now slamming against his chest. “ Where are you at, Rich? I don’t want you hurting yourself.”

Richie sniffled, rubbing his eyes. “In my hotel room…” he admitted, that’s when it hit him that he’s never actually told anyone where he lived, not even Hank knew where he and Fuches stayed. It never made sense to Richie why they didn’t just get an apartment like a normal person, it would save money if they did that, but if there was ever a reason they both needed to bail quickly the lease couldn’t backtrack to them in any way.

“Your hotel room? Okay, cool, cool… How about this?” Eddie was prepared to do anything to get to Richie, to make sure that he wasn’t going to do anything to hurt himself. He had no idea what was going on with him, but Eddie had an idea and he still didn’t want anything to happen to Richie. “I can come pick you up and we can drive around, get some fresh air. How does that sound?”

Even though Eddie couldn’t see him through the phone, Richie still nodded as if he could. To be honest, driving around and getting out of the cramped hotel room did actually sound nice. Yeah, Richie was free to basically go wherever he wanted to, but it wasn’t like he really had anywhere to go. The only time he ever left was to go to his acting classes, to get food at the small, cheap restaurant that was more or less right across the street, but that was about it. What a sad, sad life he lived… What would’ve happened if he never left Derry? If he stayed with that group of friends that Eddie reminded him of when showing Richie that photo… Maybe he would’ve gone to college, get a degree in… something. Fuck, Richie couldn’t even remember what his interests were before being forced to leave. What did he want to go to college for? He did remember that it was that time in high school where everyone in their grade kept getting pressured by almost every teacher about what they wanted to do with their lives.

What do you want to do with your life, Richie?

I dunno, kill people for money. No big deal. Don’t need to go to college for that, right?

“Please…” Richie finally squeaked, hearing Eddie let out the breath that he had been holding. Apparently Richie had been lost in his thoughts longer than he thought he had, which had made Eddie panic silently.

“No problem. Which hotel and which room? I’ll come get you.”

Richie more or less slurred in words together, but it was enough for Eddie to understand which hotel he was in at least. It wasn’t too far from his apartment, about ten minutes, maybe twenty minutes depending on the traffic.

“Jus… just let me know when you’re here-”

“How about you just stay on the phone with me?” Eddie told him as he was rummaging around his apartment for his keys that he of course couldn’t find at the last goddamn minute.

Richie didn’t say anything, he wasn’t used to somebody caring so much about him, especially not enough to come to him to make sure he was going to be okay.

“Okay…” He finally mumbles into the phone.

                                                                 -----

Eddie had raced down the flight of stairs of his apartment building, his keys held tightly in his hand, the brass keys were digging into his skin as he held the cell phone up to his ear with his shoulder as he opened the door to the parking lot. He could understand that Richie wasn’t in the mood to talk, but Eddie needed him to keep talking, so he could make sure he was doing okay. Or… at least not going through with anything. This entire situation is delicate and Eddie needed to make sure he was going to make the right choices here.

“Richie?” Eddie asked into the phone, hoping that he was still there and still doing okay. Or, as okay as Richie could be. “What are you doing right now, man?”

He could hear Richie drop a bottle on a tile floor, the sound was loud, causing Eddie to flinch. As Eddie was waiting for an answer, he put his car into drive, speeding off out of the parking lot and down the road.

“ ‘m not doin’ anything,” Richie more or less whined into the phone, his back still pressed up against the tub wall. He felt as though if he stood up to go back into his bed he would tumble over from how drunk he had gotten. He said he wouldn’t do anything, yet he was still holding the gun in his head, his brain still contemplating whether or not he should just pull the trigger and get this over with. “ I swear ‘m fine.”

“I trust you… I just need you to keep talking to me, okay?”

“ I don’t have anything to say…” Richie admitted, pulling his knees up to his chest, wrapping an arm around his knees, pulling them closer. He chuckled, it wasn’t like someone telling a joke chuckle, it was more like he was having a dark thought. “Would think you’d hear if I shot myself.”  

“Don’t think like that, you’re going to be okay, alright?”

It was silent for a good minute or two, the longest moment of silence Eddie’s been through. He had no idea what to say, it was as though all the training that Eddie has done for these exact moments flew out the window. Almost like he wasn’t even thinking like a cop right now but as a concerned friend.

As Eddie opened his mouth to speak, a faint sob came from the other end of the line. The sound broke his heart, as kids Eddie must’ve only seen Richie cry once, to this day Eddie wasn’t sure what it was about, but he knew that it was something to do with family matters. It sucked, Richie had always seemed like such a happy kid, but from piecing what Eddie could together it seemed like his home life was awful… Sure, his wasn’t the best either, but goddamn…

“Richie?”

“I’m tired.”

“I’m almost there, okay? You gotta hang on. … Richie?”

Richie took a swing from his alcohol, sniffling before answering. “ I’m here…”

Eddie turned into the hotel that Richie had been staying at for an undetermined amount of time. Thankfully there was an easy parking spot right up front by the door, Eddie would’ve been pissed off if he had to go around over and over to find a goddamn spot. Road rage was certainly one of his downfalls.

“I’m coming up, alright? I’m almost there,” he told him as he walked up to the elevator, repeatedly pressing the floor up button, hoping that somehow that would make the elevator doors open faster. As soon as he entered, Richie was trying to tell him something, but all that was coming out was static and everything was cutting due to the lost connection just from stepping inside the elevator.

Cursing under his breath, Eddie removed the phone from his ear, pressing the fourth floor button, trying to go back to his phone app to call Richie back. No matter how many times he tried calling him back it either didn’t go through, or it rang a couple of times before going straight to voicemail, which made Eddie believe that Richie was declining his calls. Fuck.

The moment the elevator stopped, Eddie slipped out the doors as they were still sliding open. He paused for a moment, getting a feel for how the room numbers were laid out. Since Richie’s room was twelve, it should theoretically be in the center of the hallway. The entire time he was looking at each door to check for door numbers he was trying to call Richie again, just to be sure he was doing okay, even though it’s been less than a minute since the call dropped.

Once he found Richie’s room, he couldn’t help but immediately try the doorknob to see if it would be, hopefully, unlocked…. But it wasn’t… Fuck, fuck, fuck… Eddie started pounding on the door, hoping that he was able to get Richie’s attention. Hoping that he didn’t do anything in that short time span. It only took a few seconds to put the gun to his head and pull the trigger. Eddie pressed his ear against the door, trying to determine if there was any movement coming from inside, but there wasn’t. Goddammit.

“Richie!” Eddie called, pressing his hands against the door. Normally he’d be concerned with people staying in the rooms around them, he would hate to disturb them, but this was important. “Richie, I swear to god, you better open this door or I’ll kick it down!”

Pressing his ear against the door again, this time, thankfully, Eddie could hear small footsteps coming towards the door. Oh, thank god.

Two locks from the otherside became undone, Richie opened the door, just standing there, staring at Eddie as he was swaying slightly side to side due to the alcohol. In fact, Eddie was sure if it weren’t for Richie holding onto the doorknob he would’ve fallen over. Richie’s eyes were red and puffy, tear stains down his cheeks and the gun still in his hand. Eddie was extremely concerned, as he was, hearing him over the phone and seeing him in person were two heavily different things.

“Put the gun down, Rich,” Eddie said in a low voice, so nobody could hear him, yet it was in a cautious tone.

Richie didn’t say anything, in fact, he turned around, leaving the door opened as he shuffled his feet through the carpet flooring on his way back to his fold out bed. Eddie let himself in, closing and locking the door behind him out of habit. Richie tossed his gun down on the bed before taking a seat, burying his face in his hands, rocking back and forth. He began sobbing again, again, seeing this in person was way worse than hearing it over the phone…

“Richie… hey…” Eddie started, moving over to him.

It was as though Richie had forgotten that Eddie was even there, that he had been on the phone with him as he was sitting on the bathroom floor, because once he heard his voice the tears instantly stopped, as though nobody was allowed to see him cry. He moved his hands away from his face, wiping the tears away. When he noticed Eddie was starting to get too close Richie instantly stood up, causing Eddie to jump, moving back as not to scare him or making him feel uncomfortable.

Richie didn’t go very far, he moved over to the mirror that was hanging up horizontal to a dresser. All he did was stand there in silence, staring at his own reflection. Everything Richie’s ever done was flashing through his eyes; killing Chris, killing Janice, the things he did while in the Marine, his time in the hospital… Why the fuck couldn’t he have a normal life like everyone else?

Eddie wasn’t sure what to do now… He felt like he should go comfort Richie, but he was worried about what was going through his mind right now, he didn’t want to risk startling him.

“Richie-”

Before Eddie could even get this sentence thought out, Richie’s face scrunched up in frustration before sending his fist against the mirror as hard as he could. Glass shards flew everywhere, startling Eddie, making it hard to wrap his head around what just happened. Blood droplets dropped to the floor, running down Richie’s arm with shards of glass stuck in his skin.  Richie was numb, he couldn’t even register what he had done, not only was he emotionally numb, but his hand and arm became numb from the shock. The entire time he didn’t stop looking at himself now through the cracked mirror. His breathing became heavy, face twisting up like he wanted to cry, once he felt hands on his shoulders he tried his best to compose himself to show that nothing was wrong when that obviously was a lie.

“Breathe,” Eddie told him as he moved Richie away from the broken mirror to sit back down on the fold out mattress, “you gotta breathe.” It was getting to the point where it sounded as though Richie was about to start hyperventilating.

Richie let out a shaky breath, burying his face in his hands as he was trying to gather his thoughts. He was drunk, the world around him was spinning and he wasn’t completely sure what was going on. When he looked up at Eddie again there was blood smeared across his face, causing the shorter man to cringe.

“Why’d you come here, Eds?” Richie asked in a still shaky voice, almost gasping for air as he was almost forgetting to breathe.

Was he serious?

“I thought you were gonna fuckin’ kill yourself!” Eddie said a little too loudly, gesturing towards Richie’s bloodied up hand, “now I gotta take you to the hospital.”

“No hospitals!” Richie said quickly, panicking as he stood up quickly, almost stumbling over. Eddie had to grab him so he wouldn’t topple over.

“Okay, okay… no hospitals…” Eddie said carefully, not sure why he was so against it, but whatever… “Do you have a first aid kit?” Richie shook his head, holding his injured hand close to his chest. “Okay, um… I have one at home. Lets, uh…” Eddie paused, looking around to find something he could use to cover up Richie’s hand until they got him patched up. He grabbed a towel that was sitting on the dresser. “Let's get this wrapped up.”

Richie plopped back down on the fold out mattress, too anxious to say anything, instead he held out his hand to Eddie, who knelt down in front of him. Richie refused to look at him as he felt the towel get tightly wrapped around his hand, causing him to flinch. Some of the glass get pushed deeper in his skin. He whimpered in pain, snatching his hand away after the towel was secured in place.

“Let’s go, Richie.” He wrapped an arm around Richie’s shoulders, helping him stand up so he wouldn’t stumble over when trying to get up. Richie tried to grab the gun that was still on the bed, bringing it for God knows why… Eddie moved him along so he couldn’t grab it, there was no reason he needed to bring it along. “You don’t need that.”

“But-”

“C’mon.”

Eddie guided Richie out of the hotel room, which was a big help on Richie’s end since he would be stumbling without him. Richie was trying so hard to focus on something so he wouldn’t end up throwing up all over the carpeted floor. Surely the hotel wouldn’t appreciate that. Especially with all the possible complaints that were against him and Fuches for yelling at each other all the time, ruining the carpet would most likely get them kicked out for sure.

Getting Richie to Eddie’s car was surprisingly easy, Eddie honestly was expecting for him to start fighting with him and to refuse to leave, but the whole trip to the car he was silent. Eddie opened the passenger side door for Richie, he slid in while holding his injured hand close to his chest. The adrenaline was starting to wear off, so not only was Richie starting to feel extreme pain in his hand, he was starting to feel exhausted both mentally and physically. Richie had no idea what he was doing, he had his head leaning against the passenger window, staring out of it as Eddie got into the driver's seat.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Richie noticed that they had begun to drive, pulling out of the parking lot. The movement and bumpiness of the road was starting to make Richie feel sick, he felt like he wanted to puke again, but he would have to wait until they stop. To try to help the car sickness, Richie closed his eyes tight, but it wasn’t doing much to help.

“Eddie?” Richie asked suddenly, startling Eddie who already had a tight grip on the steering wheel.

“Hm?”

Richie opened his eyes again, they were now wet as he kept on looking outside. “Am I a bad person?”

“I think…” Eddie paused, he needed to choose his words carefully while also wanting to say how he really felt, “you were just a kid who got caught up in some bad things.”

Richie lifted his head up from the window, glancing over at Eddie, who had his eyes still locked onto the road.

“I mean…” Eddie continued again, feeling Richie’s eyes on him, “you want to walk away, right?” From the corner of his eye he could see Richie nod in agreement. “Well, that’s good. I think you changing your name is a great start. Put all of that behind you.”

“I’m really trying to, Eds. It’s hard, I keep getting pulled back into it.” Richie paused, was he saying too much again? Usually he kept to himself, but around Eddie… it was almost like he forgot how to filter himself. “You’re not gonna arrest me for this, are you?”

Eddie let out a sigh, which made Richie silently panic. He truly felt as though these were going to be his last few moments of freedom. Eddie knew that he should arrest him, he’s known that since they first talked in the car across the street of the precinct, but there was a mental block preventing him to do so.

“As long as you don’t give me a reason to, alright?”

The rest of the short drive was silent, they didn’t have anything to say to each other. It was the same back and forth. Richie felt overly paranoid, now he didn’t feel like speaking to Eddie about anything. He shook his head, leaning forward in his seat with his face buried in his hands again. Richie was feeling so sick, the anxiety and paranoia was certainly not helping mixed in with the alcohol.

Everything around Richie was a blur, from what he could remember he was sitting in the car with Eddie with no sense of time, now he was sitting on a couch in an unfamiliar place. The lights were bright, making Richie’s already pounding head worse. Fuck. Everything was moving both too fast yet slow at the same time. Yeah, Richie would never be drinking this much ever again.

“Eddie?” Richie called out, looking at his wrapped up hand, he couldn’t tell if blood was soaking through or if it was old blood. Either way, it made him concerned about how injured his hand actually was.

“I’m right here,” Eddie said as he came out of the bathroom from across the room, holding a first aid kit in his hand as he made his way back over to Richie. “It’s alright.”

“What if we leave?” Richie blurted out as Eddie set the first aid kit on the coffee table, he could see Eddie’s confused face as he opened up the box and started to go through it.

“Leave?” He wondered, taking out a couple of things that Richie couldn’t make out.

“Yeah, you and me. We leave LA and never come back.”

Eddie couldn’t help but chuckle as he took a seat next to Richie on the couch. “Why would I need to leave?” He asked, taking Richie’s hand and removing the towel. Thankfully the majority of the bleeding had stopped, it didn’t look like he would need stitches, so that was a good thing.

Richie wasn’t sure what to say, hell, he had no idea why he said that. It wasn’t like they knew each other that well, or… at least anymore. There was no way Eddie would drop his entire life to leave with Richie, that would’ve been stupid. Fuck, why was Richie so stupid?

“Um…” Richie said, watching Eddie take a small alcohol pad, wiping down the small pair of tweezers in his hand. “I dunno, man.”

“You’d want me to come with you?” Eddie asked, focusing on Richie’s hand as he began to pull out the small shards of glass that remained.

Richie flinched every time Eddie dug around in his skin. “Kinda… is that weird?”

Eddie shook his head. “You have your class here, Richie. You should stay.”

“But… a guy… wants me to kill someone because he thinks he’s a rat. I don’t wanna do it.”

“Then don’t do it.” Eddie wiped down Richie’s entire hand with a couple of alcohol pads to clean the wounds and clean up the blood. “You have a choice, y’know?”

“I’m kinda on thin ice with my uncle right now.”

“Oh well.”

Richie couldn’t help but chuckle as Eddie put gauze pads on his hand. “I missed you Eddie Spaghetti.”

Eddie quickly looked up at him, remembering that stupid fucking nickname. It was clear that some of Richie’s memories were coming back to him and that was great. Maybe that would give him the extra push to leave this life behind for good.

“Shut the fuck up.” Richie couldn’t help but smile at his reaction. “I missed you too.” He finished wrapping up Richie’s hand with a self adhesive bandage down to his wrist. “You’re staying here tonight,” Eddie added as he stood up to put away the first aid kit.

That caught Richie off guard, he wasn’t expecting that. He was expecting for Eddie to patch him up then drive him back home.

“Why?”

“I don’t want you hurting yourself.”

“I won’t, I-”

“You’re staying.”

[premiumappapk]

The PROS And CONS Of Marriage In 2020

Marriage bureau Fewer and fewer men are looking to get married. These days the Pew Research Institute recently found that the number of men ages 18 to 34 saying. A successful marriage is one of the most important things that dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent since 1997. The number of young adult women saying the same thing has risen from 28 percent to 37 percent in the same time. This statistic made me wonder why so many guys out there are saying. They don't want to get married there seems to be a growing subculture of guys. Who says they'd rather avoid it altogether? I grew up thinking that marriage is just what you do when you hit a certain age now.If any want to marry then visit Pak Marriage Bureau Happy married life I'm questioning why do we get married, where did the tradition come from and what are the pros and cons. This article will aim to answer these questions and see how marriage fits into the modern-day culture. But first, let's take a quick look at the history of marriage. The first humans who lived about 5 million years ago had very little use for marriage using the behavior of bonobos is the basis for how early humans would have behaved. It is presumed that early males and females had sex with many partners. They lived in open polyamorous communities where food was exchanged for sexual favors. Couples therapy Because females could collect food fruits nuts and insects while still caring and protecting their baby’s males were not needed as protectors or providers. This meant that neither partner gained from being in a committed pair as the climate heated up the forests receded and humans ventured out into the savanna. We began walking upright hunting with tools and our brains got bigger our large brain sizes. The reason human babies are born so helplessly early and require constant care from their mothers. During the period of 1.8 million to 23,000 years ago survival was hard and the offspring that had the best chance to reach adulthood. Divorce Those that had two parents that work together to raise and protect them. This survival strategy gave birth to first marriages. These were not quite like the marriage as we imagine today couples. In this period would stay together for about three or four years. Before one or the other would wander off to start another family. Perhaps this is why divorce rates peak between three to four years and modern-day marriages relationship dynamics completely changed. When humans began to grow their own food, agriculture meant that humans were permanently tied to the land. The most productive household arrangements were ones in which men and women divided their tasks men, who were physically stronger worked the land while women stayed closer to home and cared for children. Love marriage This is the era in which marriage became a lifelong union between two people that was recognized by their community. Agriculture tied people to their land meaning that at the end of the four-year period. Neither men nor women had any inclination to wander off and find a new family. So, they stayed together and worked as a unit to feed and care for their children. The creation of marriage is a legal contract between men and women came into being over time. As communities settled and monogamous relationships became a necessity for long product life. So, the real origin of marriage came from the biological desire of both men and women to see their children survive. Marriage It was the evolutionary dominant strategy in the last few thousand years marriage became less about a survival strategy and more about a way to control power. It became a tool to strengthen alliances maintain wealth solidify social class control female sexuality and fulfill religious duties. Arranged marriages were the norm around much of the world up until the mid-20th century. So now most of us watching this live in a society filled with abundance. We're at the top of the food chain and we don't have to defend ourselves from saber-toothed Tigers. Anymore many of us are not strictly religious or rural farmers our parents aren't arranging us. New marriage We don't need to form an alliance between kingdoms like in Game of Thrones. So, you may be wondering, why are we still getting married. We no longer need the institution of marriage to ensure the survival of our species live doesn't have to be a conveyor belt of common events. Where you graduate at this age start a family at that age and retire at this age. These are ideas that many Millennials are discovering and are a primary cause of the steady decline in new marriages. Each year about 5% it's beginning to be seen by many as an outdated restricting institution that simply not worth it. People keep getting married at older ages in the 1960s. Best age to get married Over half of Americans under 30 were married the average age of marriage for a woman was about 20. The average age for men was 23. Today only 20 percent of people under 30 are married and the average age for women is 26 and a half and for men is nearly 29. So, let's take a look at some of the pros and cons of modern-day marriage. First, the pros of marriage are the ultimate showcase of commitment an unbreakable love bond through sickness and health. But there are numerous legal financial social and health advantages to getting hitched. for more details about marriage click Pak marriage bureau Marriage benefits The legal benefits a married couple is seen as a single taxable unit in the eyes of the government. In most cases, this will save money on taxes when you claim your spouse is dependent. There are estate planning benefits including inheritance rights government benefits in receiving Social Security Medicare. Disability benefits for your spouse employment benefits such as obtaining health insurance through your spouse's employer. The right to take medical leave to care for a spouse who becomes ill decision-making benefits including the right to make medical decisions. If your spouse is incapacitated consumer benefits such as family rates for health homeowners auto. Other types of insurance financial benefits financial benefits a 2005 study at Ohio State University found that after getting married people saw a sharp increase in the level of wealth. After 10 years of marriage, the couples reported an average net worth of around forty-three thousand dollars single people. At the same age had a net worth of only eleven thousand dollars. However, people who got divorced were worse off than any other group. After a divorce, the average man was left with $8,500 in assets. While the average divorced woman had only $3,400 health benefits health benefits research has continued to show that married people live longer. The stability of a long marriage can act as a support structure throughout life. When one spouse is weak the other gives care happily wedded patients. Who undergoes major surgery are more than three times as likely to still be alive 15 years later? When compared to their unmarried counterparts. There are also many perceived social benefits married people appear to be more stable committed and reliable having a long-standing marriage shows. The world that at least someone can tolerate you in the history of America. There have only been two unmarried presidents. The last one was Grover Cleveland in 1886 and he got married shortly into his first term. So, a successful marriage can certainly lead to a happy healthy long life. Divorce They're fun and we all like cake but the average wedding costs about $30,000 over a third of married couples go into debt to pay off the big day. Half of those newlyweds are still paying the tab five years later chances are by the time. You're finished paying off your wedding. There will be time to start paying for your divorce roughly half of all marriages in the US and in divorce. This is another big reason Millennials don't see the value in marriage anymore. Why start something if it's probably going to fail much of the millennial generation grew up with single or divorced parents. Their entire youth was back and forth between bickering parents overhearing never-ending conversations of legal disputes and custody battles. Another huge factor contributing to men's disinterest in marriage is the fact that marriage isn't. Late marriage What it used to be a hundred years ago having a wife meant having someone who would raise your kids, clean your house, and cook your meals. This may not be an ideal dynamic for everyone. But men used to have much to gain from getting married. Now there are more women than men in the workforce and more women than men have college degrees much like. The bonobo's many women today no longer need a man to provide for them. There seems to be a direct correlation between the liberation of women. The decline in men seeking marriage in areas where women are highly educated and career-oriented. Stable marriage The marriage rates are the lowest although marriage rates continue to decline both men and women agree. That parenting is still a high priority 52% of Millennials say that being a good parent is one of the most important things in life. While only 29% assign high importance to get married. This shows that Millennials don't think that they necessarily need to be married in order to have a family. Many are choosing to avoid the headache and create a love bond and raise kids on their own terms. There are plenty of legal alternatives to getting married like a domestic partnership civil union or creating a will. The truth is you can have just about all the benefits of marriage without actually getting married. You can have a lifelong partner who supports your goals and you can have a soulmate; you can have a family a shared home financial wealth and good health without the state mandated license. So maybe those bonobos had it right. All along do your own research to assess your own goals and list your priorities. If your goal is to travel the world and check out the tinder scene in every city. Maybe marriage isn't right for you that does not pressure yourself.

for more detail click here  Source: Pak Marriage Bureau

[kfedup]

it’s the journey, not the destination

Another public event survived. Lila’s choir performed their incredible Madrigal Dinner as part of the high school’s holiday performance lineup on Friday and Saturday. I purchased three tix to Saturday not knowing who I would bring with me and Lila accidentally told her father that I got Friday tix so he purchased for Saturday for himself and his gf. 

Part of me wishes we were sitting at the same table to just bloody well force me to interact, but they were on the other side of the room and I was with Ami and Lila’s friend Fatou. Watching Lila stop by their table to chat and then come over to mine broke my heart a dozen times. It was surreal to see them arrive together to the will call table, him resting his hand on her lower back, then pulling out her chair for her, then see them walking hand in hand to the door after the show. In my mind I wished them well and wished her dead at the same time. It’s exhausting, this living in constant contradiction.  Fa lives behind Chris, and his gf lives around the corner. They were sitting in his truck in her driveway as we passed to drop Fa back at home and I had the same sour churning gut I had when walking the dog early on a Sunday morning after he’d said he was done with us but we were still living together and his truck was in her drive and the house was dark. Jesus, it’s been four years. I’ll have had this house for four years on the 22nd. Is it ever going to not rip my stomach to shreds? 

I asked about the dissolution papers last week and he said he found some other financial stuff to disclose and had dropped it off at the lawyer’s. I just want this behind me. And I want to be here in this town grounded in myself. Confidently alone. Good with it. I’m definitely not that right now – the opposite, in fact. So much the opposite that I daily fantasize about moving to another state where there’s a new pool of people with whom to interact, to get to know before I’m too old to care. Where there might actually be the chance of meeting a man with whom I fit comfortably. Ohio is a dead zone and the best years of my life are whipping away like Milkweed puffs in a storm. I can’t remember the last time someone made hungry sounds because they were in my proximity. Or vice versa. 

Not looking for sympathy, just articulating where I’m at like a pin on a map and hopeful that next year when I trace my finger back along the path I’ll see evidence of growth and renewal. Right now I’m in burn phase. 

[middleagedangst]

Marching to the Beat of a Handmaid’s Drum

A pro-choice manifesto... by a dude

_________________________________________________________________

Freedom of choice. It’s as American as apple pie, baseball, and watered-down beer. As Americans, we get to choose what we buy, where we eat, who we love, whether or not we like someone based on their opinion of The Office… You get where I’m going. Exercising your choice is a great display of your patriotism and love for this nation.

Sometimes our freedom of choice gets ripped away from us. It can happen when the grocery store you frequent decides to stop carrying your favorite brand of powdered mashed potatoes (I’ll never forgive you, Kroger!). But sometimes, it gets ripped away by the very people who took an oath to serve you and protect all of your freedoms, even the ones that live in a gray area.

Avoiding human interaction and wasting time on my phone has never been more obnoxious. Between all the President’s shit-tweeting, to our planet being on fire, to all of the other depressing shit going on, just even trying to read the news sends my pulse into a near-fatal death spiral. It’s hard to find a good pick me up and dog videos and other real-life blooper reels can only get you so far.

But speaking of death spirals…

Let’s discuss the latest thing to fall into one, the freedom to make a different kind of choice, a woman’s right to body autonomy and abortion.

(Okay liberals, before you get all bent out of shape, I know I’m just another privileged cisgendered white man who deserves to be burnt at the stake and for that reason, you may ignore everything I write and instead sit and yell at your screen so others know you have a black belt in woke-jitsu. Trust me, same team. Kumbaya and shit.)

This whole abortion debate has me pretty fucking confused. First, wasn’t this shit settled back in ‘73? And second, I thought this was America, where we have freedoms so great terrorists hate us and the government was supposed to keep their noses out of our business? Whatever happened to “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?” The American dream? What the fuck America? Is Lady Liberty too strung out on God, guns, and OxyContin to remember the hood she came from?

Making laws that hinder a woman’s individual liberty is some shit that isn’t exclusive to state governments. The Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Boko Haram, fucking ISIS, all have laws intended to keep women subservient and powerless over their own life. At least they’re honest about their theocratic motivations. What say you, Georgia, Ohio, Alabama, Tennessee, Utah, Missouri, Mississippi, Arkansas? The dumpster fire of Ohio is even trying to take it one step further with a bill that, in a way, caters to the religious right’s push for abstinence by equating any contraceptive that prevents fertilization to abortion. Fortunately for me, the bill makes no mention of a situation sock.

I have to ask, do the politicians that are supporting these laws actually think that they’re going to really stop anything? The people that think its wrong or don’t want one are already not getting abortions. Sure, it might put a dent in overall numbers and make law-abiding citizens think twice before getting the procedure, but no law will ever stop it completely. History has shown time and time again that trying to legislate morality is futile. Prohibition, the drug war, bestiality- all failed attempts at controlling the morality of the sovereign by the political class. Abortion is no different. Women got them before Roe v. Wade, and I’ll bet that they’ll get them after these laws take effect. It might help some of these pro-lifers sleep at night knowing that they have done something to protect the life of an innocent child, but is restricting human rights worth saving the potential life of an unborn fetus?

First off, that child you’re hell-bent on protecting might just end up to be a real asshole. We all know a few. It might become a drain on society, or be a mass murderer, a drug addict, war criminal, or even worse, a Democrat. Will it be worth all your zealotry then? Will it be worth saving that life that then becomes all the other things you despise? What if the child needs your help getting by, or being fed, or getting a good public education? Are you going to be pro-life then? Or are you going to complain they aren’t a desirable example of a human being and a bad American? It seems easy to want to protect that life while still in the womb, but it’s apparently much harder to want to help that same life flourish.

That’s my main problem with pro-lifers. They say they’re all about life being born and we should do everything we can to protect the ones that can’t speak for themselves, yet when it comes to actually helping a life outside of the womb, then all attempts are deemed socialist and unamerican. Universal healthcare. Fuck that. Raising the minimum wage to a living wage, communist. Programs that would help the less fortunate and end a cycle of poverty, nope. What about the life that already exists? Shouldn’t it be important to help protect the mother from having to potentially raising a child alone or when they’re already struggling to make it? Dare I even mention that in cases of rape, the woman would always have a constant reminder of that incident, or that the rapist still has parental rights?

I’ll take a pro-lifer seriously when they openly condemn war, capital punishment, factory farming, eating meat, pollution, racism, sexism, police violence, poverty, hunger. Until then, I don’t think you can truly label yourself pro-life. All you can label yourself is pro-childbirth. Or pro-government control. Statistically speaking, most women who get abortions are already poor or misfortunate. Many of these children forced into this world will be brought up poor (Poverty affects health. Look it up.), or raised in an abusive home, have parents that neglect them or are addicted to drugs. How is that a good thing? What is so great about having to live that way?

It’s nice to want everyone to have the same values as you when you live in a nice suburb with decent schools and a healthy tax base, but when every day is a struggle and surviving isn’t that easy, your decision making and sense of what’s right changes. It shouldn’t be anybody else’s prerogative to dictate how others live their lives.

We should be moving society in a direction where abortions aren't really desired. There are ways we can do that but many of the same people that want to ban abortion don’t want to pony up some more money on their tax bill to do so but are willing to make sure they pay for extra law enforcement and jail for those that violate their will. Instead, it seems we’re totally fine with moving back to a time where women had less control over their own lives. Barefoot and pregnant seems to be the baseline for how these politicians view women.

So maybe instead of being assholes and restricting a woman’s freedom, find other ways to minimize the number of abortions in this country. How about allowing for easier access to birth control, especially in poorer neighborhoods? How about funding comprehensive sex education? Genital mutilation-free male birth control. That one’s easy, mix it straight into Viagra. Boom. Done. You’re welcome science. Invest in better public schools and higher education, more homeless shelters, addiction treatment facilities, psychiatric hospitals, and jobs programs. Expand taxpayer-funded healthcare for all. Give handjobs a better PR team. Literally, anything is better than resorting to stripping rights away. Show a little humanity.

Even though you might not agree with the practice, there are benefits to turning the other cheek. Studies have shown that access to abortion helps lower poverty and crime. Fewer people will be brought into the world at a disadvantage which means society as a whole gets better. Fewer children in foster care (which is expensive, by the way). Less money needed for social programs. Less crime, so fewer spent on prisons. This is a bottom-up problem and it is deserving of bottom-up solutions. Instead of acting like the morality police, take some time, know why these things happen, understand and act with some compassion.

I know that as a man, I don’t really have a say in what women do with their own bodies. It’s none of my fucking business, and it’s none of yours too. I'm not making an argument as to what constitutes a human life and whether or not it should be considered murder. That’s a whole other discussion. I’m making the case that as a sovereign adult citizen of the self-proclaimed “free-est country on the planet” a woman should have the actual freedom to make a decision that will serve their own best interest and do it safely.

Showing resistance to this display of power and control is needed, perhaps now more than ever. If you agree with a woman’s right to choose, if you believe in self-governance and freedom, then take to the streets, be obnoxious, vote the fuckers responsible out of office, make your voices heard in the most annoying ways possible. Act like the gun nuts. Because you never know what the dicks in Washington will try to take away next.

Having an informed and motivated populace is what the government fears. You have power. You have a voice. Use them.