#but when its not a factor those things just. live beautifully isolated... so i wish it were explored with that pretense more!

[livelylambs]

On the topic of homoerotic rivalry I’d like to throw my hat into the ring and say that it’s cool! But what if sometimes it’s. Not homoerotic. Like, what if it’s not about the repression of attraction and how it manifests itself in the bickering and the fights and the vitriol. What if it’s exclusively the moments where, against all odds, they find themselves laughing together through the cracks of the facade. Where the mask of the rivalry crumbles and they find themselves doing something as vulnerable as enjoying themselves, without restriction, without judgment, with someone who seemed just as far away as they did. Maybe it’s about how vital it is for such intensely defined individuals, who are so unwilling to sacrifice any part of their personal freedom, to know they can be safe and soft in company when they want it. And that like, somehow, it’s the same individualism that makes them bicker that ultimately allows them to respect the other’s freedom more than anyone else. And it’s not about the attraction it’s just about the vulnerability and the trust and the independence and they wonder if they might be able to live their whole lives like this, adjacent to one another. Free, but with the capacity to let their guard down and still be welcomed in again. You ever think about that

[comicteaparty]

May 4th-May 10th, 2020 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from May 4th, 2020 to May 10th, 2020.  The chat focused on Dead City by Michelle Parker and Jey Pawlik.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Dead City by Michelle Parker and Jey Pawlik~! (http://topazcomics.com/deadcity/welcome/) You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace until May 10th, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Discussions are freeform, but we do offer discussion prompts in the pins for those who’d like to have them. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic! Whether you finish the comic or can only read a few pages, everyone is welcome to join and chat with us!

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 1

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic?

2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)?

3. Who is your favorite character?

4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most?

5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it!

6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores?

7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content?

8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I don't know how long these are in the queue, but wow, "infectious outbreak that focuses on characters coping with limited resources while self-isolating from anyone contagious" is hitting awfully close to home right now...

Miranda

1. What did you like about the beginning of the comic? I really liked how it jumped right in. It didn't feel the need to explain the outbreak, the history of it, what the symptoms are, etc. It simply showed a zombie, showed a non zombie, and the stage was set. 2. What has been your favorite moment in the comic (so far)? I think the Vending machine incident and Mikael ust straight up getting naked to take a rain shower. 3. Who is your favorite character? I like Mikael and his personality. He's just very blunt and to the point 4. Which characters do like seeing interact the most? So far there are only two, but their interaction, while simple, says a lot about their personalities and experiences with the outbreak so far. 5. What is something you like about the art? If you have a favorite illustration, please share it! Black and white is usually hard for me to read, but this one does it well. I love Mikael's freckles. 6. What is a theme you like that the comic explores? How people handle crisis 7. What do you like about the comic’s story or overall related content? It's so simple, but even with few words, you can tell a lot about the character's and where they've been and what's brought them to where they are now. 8. Overall, what do you think the comic’s strengths are? Drawing the characters to show without having to tell.(edited)

RebelVampire

@Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn) I looked out of curiosity. This was submitted January 13th. So it's a big happy coincidence.

Queenue

Oh man I love Dead City! It was nice to refresh myself on the comic since I last read. I will say, the artist handles black and white beautifully. This is such a great comic with such a limited palette (almost pure b&w with some spinkles of gray). The style reminds me of really great classic American comics, and I dig it a lot. And as an intimate character study of two guys struggling in a post-apocalyptic world, it is fantastic. JP is my fave character as I find him really relatable. Overall, I feel his and Mikael's relationship was well built up and realistic. All of those cute, quiet little moments between them really make this story. One of the major themes that I gather is that humanity endures, even in the face of the apocalypse. The end of life as we know it isn't the end of us, we can still thrive, and even fall in love when the world's falling apart. That's kind of a theme in a lot of zombie media, but Dead City really hits on this. While I kind of wish there were more zombies in the comic (lol), I understand that it's mostly a romance/character-driven story. But, it also tackles the issue of isolation in these types of situations in a really genuine way. You get the feeling that these characters are the "only two people in the world" and that they felt so profoundly alone before they found each other. That's powerful writing.

But it also knows how to use humor and light-hearted character moments to lighten the mood, which I like. I've never seen a piece of media in this genre that wasn't super dark and gritty and that's one of the things I love about this comic. And, I don't know if I can pick a favorite moment, but I do like their whole time spent in the suburban house just lazing about, drinking wine and trying on the previous owners' clothing.

RebelVampire

I like that the beginning of the comic begins kind of typical to a zombie story. Where character A meets character B but then oh no trust issues cause survival of the fittest. And then the story just completely deviates from it in a lot of ways. I really kind of like how it used the tropes to establish the setting quickly, before becoming its own thing. My favorite moment in the comic so far has probably been when Mikael froze and JP had to step up and take action against a zombie. I actually wasn't sure JP had it in him tbh, so for me that was a cool moment of just seeing another side to this character. I also liked seeing confirmation that nah, Mikael has been affected by the scenario and the whole has-it-together vibe isnt entirely accurate. My favorite character is probably JP if not for the fact I see myself in him a bit more just for the fact he never quite feels like he knows what he's doing and is just kind of winging it. Considering there's really only two characters, it's obviously JP and Mikael. Their relationship builds up in a very organic way that feels natural, so it's really enjoyable. As for the art, what I like the most is the attention to detail. Like Mikael's freckles, the fact JP's facial hair grows, etc. Those small things really just kind of give the comic that extra bit of polish that's really nice. As for a theme the comic explores, I think I enjoy most right now the human need for connection. Cause sure Mikael didn't trust JP at first (and possibly vice versa), and yet, are you really going to turn away perhaps one of the few ppl left? I think this story really captures that need for people to have someone else in their life.

As for the story's overall content, what I like the most is just how un-zombie of a zombie apocalypse this is. Sure we see them, but overall they aren't the focus. I also like that the zombies aren't treated as like this OP always have to worry about thing. One line that super sticks with me is Mikael noting the zombies got slower cause they're, ya know, dead and rotting. So I like that there is this hope that maybe it won't be a forever thing. As for the comic's strengths, again, probably the premise where it's a zombie apocalypse but that is so far from the focus it makes it really unique and stand out.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 2

9. Do you think JP and Mikael’s relationship will be able to last, or will the situation of the apocalypse get the better of them? In what unexpected ways do you think their relationship will be challenged despite the situation?

10. JP and Mikael’s backstories are both decently vague, so what sort of theories do you have surrounding them? Do you think we’re in for a shocking truth bomb that may drive a wedge between the two?

11. Given what we know about the world at the moment, do you think the apocalypse will last forever, or might things get better someday? What do you think will happen if JP and Mikael run into more survivors?

12. What story moment about the harsh realities of survival hit you the hardest? In contrast, what moment about human connection hit you the stronger? All in all, what do you think the comic says about connecting with other people, even in survival situations?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

RebelVampire

I think JP and Mikael's relationship will last. But, what I think will challenge their relationship is the idea that maybe the apocalypse won't last forever, or things won't always be super dire. Cause I think that forces them to reexamine who they were as people in the past and talk about that a lot more than they do at present. At present I get way more of an impression they're living in the now, so once the past and future can be relevant again, I think that will prompt some interesting discussions. I don't have anything concrete at the moment regarding background theories. However, I do think there's a dark edge to Mikael somewhere in there that will make JP go "I'm not sure if I like that." Given my opinions above and it being mentioned the zombies aren't as fast as they used to be, no. I actually think we're already seeing the signs that as long as humanity can whole themselves up somewhere and implement proper containment procedures, things will get better. As for more survivors, I actually don't forsee that being an issue anytime soon. And if they do meet other survivors, that is when I expect something super bad more zombie apocalypse like will happen cause humans are the most trustworthy bunch in this genre. I think the moment for harsh realities of survival that hit me the strongest was really when they realized they had to move and couldn't stay in one spot forever due to factors beyond their control. It's really hard to leave a place you feel safe, so that hurts the heart that they really didn't have a choice. As for the moment of human connection, it was when the freezing scene happened and Mikael was upset someone he knew was a zombie. Cause I didn't get the impression they were super duper close, and yet that hurt was too real. As for what the comic is saying, I think it's a message about how regardless of situation, we need to feel connected to others - even more so in survival situations.

Comic Tea Party

DISCUSSION PROMPTS – PART 3

13. What are you most looking forward to seeing in regards to the comic?

14. Any final words of encouragement for the comic?

Don’t feel inspired by the prompts? Feel free to discuss anything else that interested you!

jestershark

13: I think seeing JP and MIkael's relationship change and grow over the course of the comic has been a delight so far and I think it's going to continue to be interesting into the future. 14. I wish more people were reading it! It's definitely got all sorts of hooks...

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I've loved reading Dead City! I really like how this story feels like... progress? Like a lot of zombie survival stories are about the protagonists slowly falling apart as more of them get picked off, but this felt... hopeful. Like, the two get better at surviving as time goes on. Especially given how JP & Mikael's relationship is such a major part of the story. The fact that they can find love in the zombie apocalypse shows that there is hope for humanity after all.

RebelVampire

I am most looking forward to them dealing with more zombies actually or survivors. Unfortunately, resources are gonna become scarcer as time goes on, so I'm interested to see how they change to deal with that. My final words are that this comic is super unique in its storytelling and, to me at least, is a beautiful story about human connection and how there is always hope even when humanity is struggling

Comic Tea Party

BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Dead City this week! Please also give a special thank you to Michelle Parker and Jey Pawlik for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Dead City, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://topazcomics.com/deadcity/welcome/

Jey’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jpawlik

Topaz Comic’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/topazcomics

Topaz Comic’s Shop: https://topazcomics.com/shop/

Topaz Comic’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/topazcomics

[letamreviews]

Top of 2019

With 56 films watched and 27 favorited in 2019, I composed a list of my top. By pure happenstance, the list is almost an exact third (18) of the total films watched. Be aware that I don’t have as much to say about some of these because I took no notes after.

Because I’d be biased towards them, I don’t count the National Theatre Live plays.

Since the list is likely to be altered between now and the end of February (to accommodate for films missed), check the Lettboxd list later on to see an up to date listing, but be aware that it intentionally lacks the details provided here.

EDIT (01/04/20):

Woke up this morning religiously re-reading this and caught some grammar errors. It’s almost like staying consistently well-rested is actually beneficial. While I’m at it, Blind Rating (BR) is how worthwhile the film is watching “blind” (or knowing nothing). The scale is 1 (worth it) to 5 (you must). ‘Eh is essentially a 0.5.

1. Midsommar (USA)

Saw the original and Director's Cut in theatres and discussed them with a group immediately after both times. I’m somewhere between really liking it and loving it. Still unsure. Hell of an experience with a lot to notice, debate over, and pick up on during the second viewing. Don’t even get me started on the Christian/Dani matter. Dat tension, tho. Blind Rating: 4/5

2. Us (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I’m digging the allegories and the way (I think) it reflects on society. Dem reveals, tho. Blind Rating: 4/5

3. Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. Two things probably play a huge hand in this not being atleast 3 spots lower: my demographic and the fact that her older self constantly reminded me of my grandma and a certain middle school teacher. Regardless, it’s an entertaining, interesting, and lively documentary with its many personalities on-screen all giving their take on matters along with Ms. Morrison herself. Glad they managed to finish and release this 1.25 months before her death. Blind Rating: 0/5

4. When They See Us (USA)

Saw on Netflix over the course of a month. Y’all, this one hurt too much to watch again any time soon. Admittedly, part of the reason why it hit me so hard is because I could easily have been one of them. Dat ending, tho. Don’t forget to watch the Oprah followup When They See Us Now after. You’ll ball (again). Blind Rating: 3/5

5. Parasite (South Korea)

Saw an advance screening in theatres and watched a live post-film Q&A. I really like it. This hit me in such a way that it’s one of three films I’m writing an essay on. Planing on watching it a second time soon so I can finish with a sense of accuracy. This isn’t one that I would recommend looking at images for. There are some that will spoil the experience of the second half. Seriously, block the “Parasite” tag from your feed if you can. Blind Rating: 3/5

6. Luce (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. This was is so~ good as a thriller and especially in regards to being Black in America. Wanted to watch it a second time but never managed to squeeze it in before it left theatres. Dem performances, tho. Dat tension, yo. Dat score, bro. Blind Rating: 1/5

7. Them That Follow (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with someone immediately after. I love it. Blind Rating: 1/5

A drama influenced thriller about a religious and somewhat self-isolating community that's effectively blanketing a realistic romance. (snip) —Letterboxd review

8. The Souvenir (United Kingdom)

Saw in theatres (partially because so many movie peeps were shitting on it). I love it, but I didn't fucking love it. Was tempted to see it again, but didn’t get the chance. Dat ending, tho. While it was a movie peep telling me the whole plot that caused me to gain so much interest in it [Cabin in the Woods (2011) all over again, amiright?], I must say that the less you know the better. It’ll make for... a more immersive experience. Blind Rating: 3/5

9. After the Wedding (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I thought I really liked it, but I love it. This was a trip down unexpected lane, le'me tell ya. The trailer is a spoilerful lie, but the Landmark's description is very accurate. People's experiences will have a heavy hand in how they react to it and feel about certain characters. The way they made this feel like a constant thriller was excellently done. Dat cinematography, tho. Go in knowing nothing more than what the previous link provides. Blind Rating: 1/5

10. Joker (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I really like it. Blind Rating: 1/5

(slight spoilers)

This was difficult to watch at times, but hella captivating throughout. Arthur's reasoning is believable, his sanity is questionable, and his life is indeed one hell of a joke. Like watching an extreme example of what happens when people on the lower end lose access to social programs. This can very easily be taken as a commentary on mental illness kept unchecked. More than that, it's a story about a guy who accepts his "crazy" and transcends poverty, circumstance, and societal bullshit... at everyone else's expense. (snip) —Letterboxd review

11. Miles Davis: Birth of the Cool (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I really like it. Captivating documentary in a very similar style to Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am, but with Mr. Davis never joining the “talking heads” (as people like to call it) and instead being heard as a constant narrator of his own biography. Regardless of how I feel about him on a personal level, this shit was a great watch and the ending hit hard. Still need to get his autobiography, though. There’s a nostalgic factor for me here since I was partially reminded of my grandpa while watching it. Blind Rating: 'eh

12. Queen & Slim (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with someone immediately after. Fuck yeah, I enjoyed this one. Dat soundtrack and cinematography, bruh? 👌🏿 The throwback soundtrack, main characters’ racial group, and fact that they went to New Orleans definitely play a hand in why this one’s not atleast 1 spot lower. Blind Rating: 1/5

13. Dwelling in the Fuchon Mountains (China)

Saw in theatres during festival and attended discussion days later. I really like it. Was long, but in a good way. Similar to Ash is Purest White (2018) in that I kept thinking "please end here," but would be glad it didn't later. It's beautifully slothy and has absurdly long tracking shots. The cinematography during walking conversations is notable. Dat trick, tho. Blind Rating: 'eh

14. A Girl Missing (Japan)

Saw in theatres during festival and discussed with a group immediately after. Bruh~, this is a hell of a personal trial. Didn’t expect it to go the places it did. Blind Rating: 1/5

15. Dutch Angle: Chas Gerretsen & Apocalypse Now (Netherlands)

Saw on MUBI on phone. I love it. This goes over his childhood (for 8 minutes), career paths, photography of 9/11/1973's Chilean coup d'etat, the 6 months he spent on-set photographing Apocalypse Now (1979), and him as a person. What I didn’t expect was how much he would get into the details of things happening during that film’s development. Along with those details are interesting photos presented excellently in a way that’s reminiscent of manga at times. I like the way the photos take center point and are treated like the foreground. It’s like the director and editor forced themselves to remain aware that the documentary was showcasing 15% of the total slides housed in the Nederlands Fotomuseum’s archives in Rotterdam and that most of his Apocalypse Now photos were never seen. Dat score, tho [Ex Machina (2014) vibes]. Blind Rating: 0/5

BTW, it had its official (Dutch national) release by EYE Filmmuseum on 12/19/19 in the Netherlands, so maybe it’ll come to the USA soon. 🤷🏿‍♂️ Forgot to mention it’s been added as a special feature to the 40th anniversary 4K blu-ray disc of Apocalypse Now: Final Cut (2019).

16. Receiver (Ireland)

Saw on MUBI on phone. I really like it. A very interesting short film in three odd segments. First was disturbing; second was about activism, protests, and politics; third was about the person I assume the film was made for. All compose what I took as a film about the importance of having reliable sound and hearing. Needs to be watched alone with good sound quality (for immersion). Blind Rating: 'eh

17. Bacurau (Brazil)

Saw in theatres during festival. I really like it. This was some Most Dangerous Game shit with a hell of an ending. The whole game is an allegory of civilized people's obsession with hunting wild animals for "sport". I really like the portrayal of history here and enjoyed the racial matters it lays bare. I can only imagine someone watching this without knowing a thing. Kinda wish I didn’t even read the description beforehand. Digging the soundtrack. Blind Rating: 1/5

18. Little Women (USA)

Saw on 35mm and discussed with others on separate occasions. I really like it. This was just warming and sad. I felt for the main characters and actually felt satisfied with the way it ended. Considering the type of film, there are handful of typical things for me to complain about. That being said, the movie earned its stars back. I mean, did you not see their attic performances? Shit was dope. Blind Rating: ‘eh

[littledreamybeth]

Surprise (Harry Styles x Reader)

A/N: This imagine especially goes for the girls who aren’t or weren’t able to meet the boys. Girls I really feel with you because neither did I met Harry or the other boys. But don’t give your hopes up! Maybe you’ll meet them one day, who knows? And to those people, who already did meet them, please share your experiences with me! I’m dying to know them! Btw, I’m so fucking excited for today! I’ve been waiting for this day since “Sign of the Times” was released and I can’t wait to see him performing again!!!  And as Harry would say, All the love and I really hope you enjoy this imagine! I appreciate feedbacks, no matter if they are positive or negative! xo B.

 Ever since I was a teenager, my heart was conquered by the most famous boy band in the entire world. Their music has been accompanying me through my puberty stage. They also saved my life and I would be always grateful for that. I was fourteen years old as I started to fancy them. Those times were pretty hard for me. My family was falling apart. My parents decided to divorce and their decision hit me like a brick. I was never the same after this.

So it felt good to listen to their music because it was the only thing that would soothe me during my time of loneliness. I barely talked to my parents, it hurt to see how two persons who used to love each other so dearly ignoring themselves. I needed time to regain my strength and carry on with my live.

So special thanks to One Direction. The biggest boy band in the 21st century. I was glad to get to know them. I still remember my walls being plastered with thousands of posters and pictures. I owned every album and perfume, I still do by the way. One Direction meant more to me than just a boy band. They were my heroes and perfect role models for teenagers nowadays. Also belonging to the 1D fandom was a great honor and pleasure to me and I loved being a part of them so dearly.

And still with my 22 years, I still adored them with my whole heart. Now that they were being in a break, things got strange somehow. I really missed them.  I loved all of them but one of them stole my heart from the very first moment I saw him. His wonderful green eyes and his cute dimpled smile were burnt into my head forever. Whenever I saw him in an interview, talking and interacting with the interviewer, my heart skipped a beat and a wide grin made its way up on my lips.

His transformation was fucking remarkable. I mean, you just have to look at him in his X-factor times and compare him with today’s Harry. How did he manage some sort of transformation?! He looks handsome as ever and shit, I would do anything to meet him, even for a second.

Yes, I belonged to the fans who never got the chance to see him or the other boys in real life. And that fact hurt pretty much. Every time I asked myself why I could not just meet them? When I was 15, I wanted to visit their concert but unfortunately I had no money to afford a ticket. I cried for days.

My dearest wish was to be hold by Harry, his arms being wrapped around me into a secured and protective hug, his voice telling me not to cry. But I just could dream of it.

And also with 22 years, I still hadn’t met him. Not yet.

***

“Hey (Y/N), it’s break time!” My best friend called as she entered my office, taking a seat in front of me and placing her feet on my desk. I took a look at the clock. It was exactly 2 PM. I leaned back on my chair, rubbing over my eyes with my hands. After working non-stop for six hours I became really tired. I worked for a designer company in New York and we were about to make a new collections for the summer. So I spent my whole day with drawing and drawing some ideas. And I have to say I liked the most of them.

“Would you please put down your feet from my desk?” I sighed. Then, I opened my cupboard, taking a sandwich out of it. I unwrapped the foil and bit into my delicious sandwich.

My friend and also my co-worker took a sip of her cappuccino. “So (Y/N), any plans for your birthday?” I just roll my eyes at her question. She knew I was too busy to celebrate my birthday this year however she insisted and tried to convince me to do otherwise. She’s been like this for a whole month now.

The closer my birthday came, the more suspicious my friends acted. I was aware that they planned a big surprise for me but I couldn’t tell what. Otherwise, I could always tell what they were planning but this time I was completely oblivious about it.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, babe! We’re going celebrate your birthday like every year.” My friend looked at me with a stern expression on her face.

“(Y/F/N), I’m very busy this year and you know it. I have no time for any celebrations. We have to concentrate on the new collections.”

“But baby, you already work and work without taking any break. You need to cool down a bit! Work isn’t running away.”

I sighed and surrendered because I knew, no matter how much I resist, she wouldn’t leave me alone.

“Fine!” I grumbled, earning an exited screech from her. I held my hands over my ears.

“You won’t be disappointed about your present. I promise!” She told me.

I took my water bottle and drank out of it. However, what my friend said in the next moment made me almost spill out the whole content in my mouth on my drawings.

“What did you just said?” I exclaimed.

She acted like it wasn’t anything excited. But for me it meant the whole world. She looked at me weirdly. “Calm down, babe. I just said that Harry Styles is in town.”

Immediately, my heart beat increased and I felt my cheeks getting warm.

“Woah, (Y/N), you’re trembling!” My friend remarked. “If I knew you would react this way, I wouldn’t have told you.”

“W-where do you know that?” I asked her, trying to keep my voice straight.

“You know I’m watching the news and listening to the radio. I’m not like you who locks herself up in her office and isolates herself from life.” She laughed slightly.

“I’m not isolating myself.”

“Yeah sure.”

“But I don’t think that I’ll meet him even though he’s in New York. I mean he could be anywhere,” I sighed. My friend knew about my heavy crush on Harry Styles. The whole office knew actually. They would catch me how I would talk about him constantly. When he released “Sign of the Times” I couldn’t stop but telling everyone how brilliant this song was. I practically forced them to listen to it. Yeah, since everybody knew they wouldn’t stop teasing me about it.

“You never know, babe. Don’t give your hopes up,” my friend remarked.

“You know I’m never lucky when it comes to my favorite celebrity. Everybody meets him. Everyone but me.”

“You’re thinking to negative, (Y/N). Just look forward on your birthday, okay? We’re going to have so much fun!”

She looked at the clock and saw that our twenty minutes break was almost over. “I’m heading back to my office. I see you around, girl. And do not make a sad face okay? I’m sure one day you’ll meet him.” She offered me a smile before she opened the door and left. Little did I feel that she knew something.

***

My birthday finally arrived. I didn’t feel very excited about that but my friends in the office freaked out for an unknown reason. I received some congrats and lovely hugs from everybody.

“You’re finally 23!” Alyssa, a very cute girl from the office told me, her voice showing a trace of joy.

“Yeah,“ I mumbled. “Finally 23.”

“Okay, girl,” My friend grabbed my shoulders, smiling at me. “You’re not allowed to enter the conference room till tonight. We’ll send somebody to get you, alright?”

“Sure,” I said. After that everybody went back to working.

Hours and hours passed by fast and as someone knocked on my door I just realized that it was already 8 PM. Wow, I really worked that much?

“(Y/N)?” It was Alyssa who opened the door and came in. She is such a lovely and wonderful girl. She is definitely one of my favorite co-workers.

“Hey, Ally!” I greeted her. She clapped her hands.

“Are you ready?”

“I think so,” I said. I was kind of nervous though. Who would know what was waiting for me in the conference room?

Alyssa came towards me and took my hand.

“I have to ask you to close your eyes and only to open them when you’re told, okay?”

I nodded my head and closed my eyes. “Alright.”

Alyssa pushed me slightly forward. “And no cheating!”

“I won’t!” I called.

Alyssa guided me securely and safe to the conference room. I heard her knocking on the hard wooden door. Someone opened it. I could perceive some whispers in the background as I was pushed further into the room. My heart felt like I would explode in my chest.

“Okay, (Y/N)!” I heard my friend. “You can open your eyes now.”

And I did. What I’ve seen took my breath away. The walls around me were decorated so beautifully and balloons were hanging everywhere. There was also a big poster and “Happy birthday to our wonderful (Y/N)” was written on it. They also have removed the desks to the side so the middle of the room could be used as a dance floor. I really wanted to cry. I had such beautiful friends and I was grateful for that.

“Do you like it?” Alyssa asked.

I shook my head in agreement. “Yes, fuck, yes I love it! Thank you so much guys!” I breathed out, struggling with my tears.

“If you already love this,” My friend said. “Then you’ll love your present even more.” I looked at her questioningly.

“Turn around, (Y/N).” She smiled softy.

And as I turned around, it felt like everything around me stopped for a second. My eyes meet with some enchanting green eyes that I longed to see in real life for so many years now. There he stood in front of me and handsome as ever, holding a beautiful red rose in his hand.

I didn’t know how to react, I was utterly shook and very surprised. I was expecting everything but this. I finally met him. My biggest celebrity crush, the king of my world, the key to my heart, the reason for my smile. Harry Styles.

He smiled at me gently and handed me over the rose. I grabbed it with my shaky hands. I tried hard to contain my tears but failed terribly. I put my hand on my mouth to muffle my heavy sobs.  I didn’t want to cry. Not in front of him. But I did. And the next thing I felt was Harry wrapping his arms around me and pressing against his chest. I clung onto him like my life was dependent on him. The whole room was filled with cheers, clapping and laughter.

Harry was rubbing my back soothingly, telling my not to cry. I nestled my face in the crook of his neck, breathing his scent in. The scent of his cologne hit my nostrils and awakened every cell and fiber in my body.

He pushed me slightly away, but so that we were still very close to each other. He put his hands on my cheeks and wiped away my falling tears.

“Don’t cry anymore, darling,” He said. “This is supposed to be your lucky day.”

I nodded, however, it was very hard to stop crying. People who already met him know what I’m talking about. Slowly, I regained myself and no more tears were flooding down my cheeks.

“Sorry for ruining your jacket,” I mumbled.

“Don’t worry about that,” He laughed. “It’s totally okay.”

As I looked back into his eyes, just to make sure this was not a dream, it hit me. “Shit, you’re fucking Harry Styles!” My voice was trembling.

“Yes,” He smiled at me. “I am fucking Harry Styles.” The room erupted into laughter.

Harry cleared his throat before he spoke again. “Happy birthday, m’love!”

I blushed slightly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you (Y/N). You’re friends couldn’t stop but talking about you non-stop in the last few months.” My eyes widened. Months? They were planning this for months?

“What?” I could only say, turning to my best friend.

“We all know that Harry is a busy man. We wanted to make sure that he was available on your birthday,” She said. I shook my head, but laughed. This all still seemed so surreal to me. How did they even manage to invite him?

“I’m glad they told me about you,” Harry said. “I’ve heard some nice stuff about you.”

The heavy wooden doors opened and my boss Lana came in. She walked towards me and Harry, hugging me first and then giving him a friendly hug. “Welcome Harry, my boy. Long time no see.”

Harry laughed shyly. “It’s good to see you again, Lana.” 

I was startled a bit. They two knew each other? My boss turned towards me. 

“Are you enjoying your birthday present?”

I nodded. “Yes, mam. Thank you so so much!” I turned and looked at the others in the room. “I still can’t believe that Harry Styles is standing next to me, but I really appreciate your effort with my whole heart. You made a dream come true. Thank you!” Everybody smiled.

“I think it’s time for your birthday cake,” Harry announced then, holding onto my hips. His close proximity let tingles run down my spine and I enjoyed every second of it.

The cake arrived and I blew out the candles. We ate the cake, which tasted heavenly, and then someone turned on the music so we could dance. Harry took my hand, dragging me towards to dance floor.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, his hands on my hips pushing me towards him.

“It’s the best birthday I’ve ever had!” I told him.

“ ‘M very glad you like it.” We danced like there was no tomorrow, but the closer the end came the more afraid I got. I knew that he had to leave soon and I didn’t want that. I enjoyed his presence so much and I refused to let him go. Unfortunately, he had to. The party was over soon. Too soon for my liking.

“Say hello to your mum from me,” Lana asked him, as they hugged each other goodbye. I found out that my boss and his mother were friends so that’s why they knew each other.

“I will. Again, thanks for inviting me.” His eyes fell on me and he smiled. “Otherwise I wouldn’t have known what I had missed.” I blush crept its way on my cheeks.

Harry came to me, holding my hands. “I’m glad I met you (Y/N). I really am. I’m grateful that your friends were bothering the shit out of me, telling me how wonderful you were. “

For the third time on this day, my eyes were filled with tears. He was such an angel. How can I even let him go?

“I don’t want to end it like this,” He admitted, making my heart beating faster.”I would like to get to know you better and I’m staying in New York for a while. So would you give me the honor of going on a date with me?”

Was this really happening? Or was I dreaming? He wanted to go on a date with me?

Without any hesitation, I nodded my head.

“Yes, yes yes yes yes!”

He laughed cutely and then leaned forward to press a gentle kiss on my cheek.

“Happy birthday again, (Y/N).”

[anautisticdragon-blog]

"That's Captain Andy's video, there. Not Noel's. Andy's good people."

Noel Plum -- Just Another Alt-Right Sociopath

I didn't reach this conclusion easily, I had to swallow back my nausea and force myself to sit through many of his videos and endure the anxiety, just to be sure. It's important to me to not rush to a conclusion like that. What I've noticed as a recurring factor in his videos is that he's truly a masterclass of manipulation. This isn't uncommon in sociopathy, as they are very social creatures and if they're almost entirely devoid of any level of concern, compassion, and care? Well, those social skills will be turned toward getting people to dance to their tune. That's precisely what he does. In his videos, he regularly displays a complete absence of any discernible degree of empathy or conscience. I felt inspired to speak up thanks to his beautifully bigoted video on the constipatedly convoluted construct of 'disability privilege.' A silliness that was admirably, artfully deconstructed by a fellow I'm rather fond of who goes by the moniker of Captain Andy. You can see his video embedded above and it's certainly worth a watch as it really does serve to highlight how manipulative Noel Plum actually is. In this scenario, Noel Plum was having a discussion with Captain Andy about 'disability privilege.' As the discussion went on, the ugly, I'd even say grotesque, levels of confirmation bias present in Noel's words was easily laid bare. Instead of gracefully accepting defeat, Noel rather slyly opted to put together a YouTube video on the topic, one where his alarming hate speech could have an undisturbed platform. And no, he didn't link to the discussion with Captain Andy. He's very manipulative, like I said, which means that he's actually quite clever even though he's an intolerable bag of dicks who's as stark raving crazy as a bag of spanners. Lots of things come in bags. Anyway, his argument is wrong, which he definitely knows but he wants to push it anyway. If you can't achieve a higher ground in a debate, what do you do? A well adjusted person would just admit defeat. If they were intelligent, they might also use the opportunity to be introspective so that they could learn and grow from the experience. Their empathy would give them a primetime reel of how they'd been a right bloody muppet, leading to heartfelt apologies and bridges built between people. It's really not hard to respect your fellow human being as a human being, is it? Well, not unless you're a sociopath. And if you're a sociopath, why admit defeat when you can use your manipulative talents to trick vast numbers of weak-willed sycophants and mendicants who're so unfortunately in need of attention and validation that they'd believe anything? And no, this isn't insensitive, this is concern because think about what I'm saying and then ask yourself this: How do cults happen? Not everyone is strong. In an ideal world I'd want to see everyone built up on a strong foundation so that they wouldn't need to seek attention and validation from others, this isn't a perfect world, is it? This is why, for example, illnesses such as internalised misogyny and stockholm syndrome even exist. It really is very unfortunate, and I know a lot about this myself as a disabled person who has experienced many of these things. I'm not accusing anyone of anything, here. I'm talking from experience. There was a dark period of my life where I was held prisoner. I still have yet to heal from the whole sordid affair as it lasted for years of my life. It's not something you'd wish on your worst enemy. I mentioned prior to this that I'd experienced rape and abuse, I'd been tortured. What happens when your life is nothing but that for so long you lose hope? I'm not going to expect everyone to suddenly understand how PTSD works, but I would use this opportunity to ask you to read up on it and take an opportunity to grow as a person with new knowledge of the kind of suffering I've endured and still endured. Here's an example I can give you, though: If, for example, you're being raped and you hear a train rumble by outside as it's happening? The brain just loves to make connections. I can't ride on trains any more. I used to love trains. An unfortunate factor of autism is that in certain cases of the spectrum (though not all, no aspect of it is Universal as all brains are different) one may be hyper-sensitive. This also means that the autistic mind can be sensitive to trauma, which mine is. Despite efforts made with both CBT and medication, I still can't leave my house. The last time I tried I experienced a seizure. In this sociopath's view, I shouldn't be entitled to any support despite what's happened to me. Noel Plum is telling me that if I can't work, then the government shouldn't provide me with anything. The only reason I have a roof over my head and the small amount of money on which I live is thanks to the charity of the British government and its people. Which weighs on my conscience heavily. Not that Noel would know anything about how that feels. If I could go outside, if I could be around other people enough to work, then I'd do it. I can't interact with people, though, at all. I have to live in isolation. The jobs available to me in this scenario are both simply too scarce and wouldn't provide a high enough pay grade to actually live on. So I'd end up homeless, without a doubt. I wouldn't last long, there. I could see myself having an aneurysm and that would be that. Thanks for helping confirm my fear of sociopaths, though, Noel. I can't ever be around people thanks to monsters like you, just because they're going to share the same kind of face and my mind reacts with such an overpowering, overwhelming, irresistible fear response that I just break. Thanks for confirming my traumas and empowering them. When I was younger, I was incredibly bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, an overly naive and optimistic child whose innocence and hope were stolen by sociopaths. I don't have those any more. I have very little faith in humanity in general, these days, and all I know now is the cynicism I feel for the kind of creatures I know humans can be. I'm jaded, and I often wake up wondering whether it's worth actually going on. Yes. These are feelings. Do they make you feel uncomfortable? Do you want to rush off and create a YouTube video about it? Sure, you certainly could be a massive monument to human indecency, much like our wonderful role model, here. You could. Don't. It's a chance for you to actually be a decent human being and actually listen. In my aforementioned glory days, the halcyon days of my youth, as sepia tinted and nostalgic as they are? I was incredibly bright, my reading age was far beyond the average, almost a decade ahead of where it should have been. I was reading physics books when the other children around me were still preoccupied with fairy tales. I was an artist, a musician, tutors regularly told me that I was quite the talented wunderkind. Can you imagine what it's like to have all of that torn away? I'm certain I would've loved to enter into some scientific field or other, given the opportunity. I wanted that, so badly. In many ways, I still do. I don't know if you can grasp what that's like, to have your potential just ripped away so that all you can do is hide inside a house because you feel so much fear. You can't trust anyone as they look like evil demons, it's lead many to incorrectly assume that I'm a misanthrope, which is in stark opposition to how I actually feel. Yes, people scare me. Do I care about them? Yes. Do I want to try and help them avoid suffering? Yes. It's really difficult to do this. What I see though is that if I don't speak out? The people who're so very easily manipulated by sociopaths like Noel Plum are going to sleepwalk through it and spread his hate speech harmfully throughout the world as unaware proxies. It's a difficult effort for me but this simply has to be challenged so that no one else has to endure what I've had to. Do you think I should be homeless? It's a simple question. It's one I'd ask to that sociopath as well, though he'd likely find some way to worm out of it with fallacious arguments and veiled, passive-aggressive attacks as is the way of sociopaths. And, yes, the alt-right is a movement lead by sociopathic key figures who others are being manipulated by, it's a very real, very harmful problem. Take a look at boogie2988 as an example. I don't think he's a sociopath, I think he's one of the people being manipulated as he's a bit of a pushover. He's being an echo chamber for toxic viewpoints simply because he's just too afraid to challenge the sociopaths who're forcing their toxic ideologies on him. It became obvious to me when he went from saying in one video that his followers shouldn't attack Anita Sarkeesian as she really doesn't deserve the hate, to another where he claimed that Anita deserved whatever came her way. That was fast. And no one changes their tune that fast unless they're scared. The alt-right think that boogie2988 is aligned with them. He's not. He's morbidly fucking terrified of them and I really don't blame him. I bet that he's worried that if he speaks out he'll have more threats of assassination, or boxes of shit mailed to his door. He's admitted that's happened to him, which just makes me feel worse. I won't demonise him for this. I'm going to give boogie2988 the benefit of the doubt. He doesn't ping my sociopath radar at all. Of course, there is a possibility that he's simply a more talented manipulator who manages to be more subtle in his efforts. Not that I believe that, as I don't think that that level of paranoia is necessary or justified. As such, I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm open to being wrong, though, so tell me if I am. I don't think he's a manipulator, though. He's too wishy-washy. It doesn't fit. No, he's one of those I mentioned who're manipulated by the actual sociopaths out there, the YouTube faces of the alt-right. Individuals who obviously have no capacity for empathy or conscience whatsoever. You know how I feel about Noel Plum, though I'd also namedrop the comedy duo of TL;DR and Sargon as obvious candidates as well. As I keep saying: All you have to do is look for the lack of empathy and conscience. A sociopath believes their 'common sense' is the be all and end all, that they can use that to manipulate people as it make them objectively correct. They don't realise that by not having empathy and compassion, there's a lot of nuance and subtext regarding humanity they're never going to understand. So people like Noel Plum, TL;DR, and Sargon wonder why so many react negatively to them, yeah? This is why. They're sociopaths. If you don't have any capacity for empathy, compassion, concern, or care then you'll likely not be well liked, will you? I haven't seen one video where these people have shown any of those traits. Not one. Not. One. As always, I'm happy to be proven wrong. Please note that asinine attacks designed to undermine me based upon my disability aren't evidence that these people aren't sociopaths. I hate that I have to say this. I couldn't hold back the soulful sigh as I wrote those words, but I know all too well how humans can be. Especially when those humans are either sociopaths or the unaware proxies who're acting as their cult of personality. So let's ask another question: Do you think I'm able? The able person has privilege. I wish I did. I had places I used to enjoy going to when I was younger that I no longer can. I, for example, sorely miss video game arcades. There are some left in the UK and I would genuinely love to visit one, I truly would, but I wouldn't be around other people. It isn't fair to expect to have an arcade to myself, either. I am absolutely not the one per cent, nor do I wish to be. I want everyone to enjoy these things. So even if I can't, I can enjoy it vicariously without the guilt of impeding others. I still wish I could go to one, though. I'd like that. It's such a silly, simple thing, isn't it? I want to visit a video game arcade. I don't want a big house, a fast car, or any of that rot, I'd just like to visit a video game arcade as I have some... very fond memories of them from my youth. It was a happier time. I hate that I need to do this. I do. I'm just sick of being victimised by sociopaths like Noel Plum. I'm scared, I'll admit it, this is terrifying to do as I might bring down the wrath of the sociopaths and their proxies on my head. I know that. I live in fear enough and this is likely to make it worse, but I have to be strong enough to try. I have to be bull-headed and give this my all. If I don't, I'm a hypocrite. And as I do have a conscience, unlike Noel Plum, it would just drag me down and burden me further if I didn't make this effort. I am scared, yes, but it has to be done. I think people need to talk about these things. I really believe that's necessary. I'd like to go outside. I can't. I have to pay others to walk my dog for me since I can't do that myself. I thankfully have a back yard with very tall fences and I can play with him there, but I can't walk him. Anyway, I'm registered as having PTSD and autism. The government knows that I'm unable to go outside and I haven't left my house in over two decades. It's like self-imposed stockholm syndrome, in a way. It's why I brought that up. As I said, I wasn't accusing anyone, just speaking from experience. One no one should ever have to have. So, am I able, Noel? Do I enjoy the same privileges as a healthy person who's able to go outdoors and enjoy that kind of life? I'm stuck in a very small house all the time. I use blackout curtains to block out the outside world, I only have one mirror as I can't stand looking at myself due to being physically disfigured. Am I as privileged as you, do you think? Of course I'm not. Noel's a nasty little man as he's fully aware that individuals such as myself exist, though he cares more about the taxes he has to pay than he does about my well being. As I said, he obviously has no capacity for conscience or empathy, he's a sociopath. As is true of every alt-right ringleader I've seen. So let's ask another question: Do you think I deserve support? Noel would say no. I don't deserve that 'privilege.' What's your opinion, though? What do you think? I wish I could go out there and earn money just as you do, that'd be lovely. I don't have that luxury. Yes, working is a luxury as it brings you far more financial stability and peace of mind than I've ever known. Sometimes I'm so strapped for cash I have to choose between electricity, Internet, and food. I would work, if I could. This is why it's important for you to realise that these alt-right ringleaders are sociopaths, and if you buy into their spiel then you've been played. Played like a fiddle, dancing to their tune, obeying their whims like extremely helpful little puppets. Think for yourself. This kind of toxicity is ruining human society, it's degrading the moral values we've all fought for. It's tearing up the fabric of community that would otherwise bind us together. Why? All to benefit the very few -- the sociopaths. I don't blame you for being a pawn, a piece on a chess board. It's easy to be taken in by these people and manipulated, after all. And sadly, there's more of these nasty individuals out there than we realise. Sociopathy is much more commonplace than you might realise. It always has the same hallmarks, though: They're manipulative, they're schemers, and they've absolutely no capacity for conscience, empathy, concern, or care. They're incredibly self-centred, only interested in their own gain, and often extremely narcissistic and overly confident as well. I'm extremely thankful to people like Captain Andy for speaking up for those like myself. And yes, sometimes we do need that. It's unfortunate, but as I said, we are scared. I'm scared. I'm terrified to do this and even as I type I'm debating with myself over whether I'll actually post it... Just look at Anita Sarkeesian, though. I know, I know how the sociopaths want you to think. Instead, take a look at her page on RationalWiki. Not one of the arguments sociopaths make against her is valid, but they're talented and compelling manipulators so they can easily hide their obvious lack of facts, citations, and information, instead opting to use fallacies and manipulative ploys to get people thinking as they want. No matter what you believe Anita Sarkeesian may be guilty of (which, if we're honest, is nothing more than defending a group of humans who've had to endure some terrible shit), the hatred she experiences is entirely disproportionate to any of the crimes she's been accused of. Why do you hate her so much? Do you know? You've been played. This is what sociopaths do, and they're bloody good at it. And what do most humans never want to admit? They don't want to admit that they were wrong. If they're wrong, they look like weak-minded fools who were played (I've been there, that's happened to me). So they will look for information to back up their lack of wrongness, they'll have this confirmation bias that'll turn into something ugly and nasty. The reason they hate Anita is because subconsciously they know. They know they've been played and manipulated by these sociopaths, they're just too ashamed to admit it, so instead they're doubling down on their attacks in the hopes that no one will actually notice. They fear the judgement baggage that'll accompany admitting they were wrong. Guess what, though? I wouldn't blame you. No one would. I think we've all experienced sociopathic manipulation at some point in our lives. There is no judgement, here. I just want people to realise that the reason they listen to people like Sargon and Noel Plum, the reason they hate women, non-whites, disabled people, and so on? It's because on a subconscious level they know they've been played and they're ashamed, so they're just doubling down on this instead of being big, brave, or confident enough to admit they were wrong. And here I am. A person with PTSD who can't leave their house. If I can find strength enough to do this, to stand up for what I believe in and talk to all of you, why can't those of you who're being proxy for this hate speech just be big enough to admit you were wrong? It's okay. We're all wrong sometimes. It happens. In fact, we're often wrong. It's how we learn. I don't see any harm in that. The only bad part is if you can't admit it to yourself, if you don't open up to the experience and learn from it so that you can grow as a person, instead of doubling down and stagnating into something entirely terrible. That's the only horrible thing, here. It's bad for me, sure, but it's also stunting you and that's not great for you. I'm talking to the people here, of course, who sing along to the tune of sociopaths like Noel Plum, TL;DR, and Sargon. This is a chance that I, as a scared, disabled individual who often feels their hate, am offering them to stand up and admit they were wrong. I forgive them. I don't blame any person for being manipulated by a talented manipulator, okay? Life is hard for me, it really is, sometimes I'll lash out just out of the sheer pain and suffering I've endured. I still don't blame those who've been manipulated and played, though. I just blame the sociopaths. They're the only ones who're truly responsible, here. I know I'm going to regret this. I know this is going to add a lot more pain, fear, sadness, and suffering to my life. I'll have people threatening to kill my dog and shit like that, because this is the kind of thing that these monsters pull. I have to do this, though. I hope you can understand. I just can't allow myself to sit by and watch this happen any more. I hope, at least, that this message is received loud and clear by boogie2988, as I genuinely believe he's a good person who's just as very scared as I am, who's been manipulated and pushed around by these sociopaths. I'm hoping he'll understand where I'm coming from. Thank you for reading. And maybe... thank you for understanding?

And thank you to Captain Andy for making that video. Really, thank you. It gave me the strength to do this. I appreciate that. You are good people.

I'm going to post this thing, now, and then go and hide under my bed because I'm a fucking coward and this was way more difficult to do than it had any right to be. I wish I didn’t have to do this, but my need to stand up, speak, and not be a hypocrite is overpowering my cowardice. Just enough to hit post...